do that thou maist hold out the longer The loss and hindrance I have been to my family she meant by reason of her long sickness the Lord will make it up to thee and thy Children do but trust in him c. The Lord will direct thee what to do do not trouble thy self beforehand he will make thy way plain before thee She spake to those about her as followeth Make Religion your business walk with God get a Covenant-interest in Christ do not neglect secret prayer I have found much comfort in it prize the Word by which you may be saved hear it as often as possibly you can and hear it and do it Live comfortably and contentedly together It is good to store up Cordials and make provision against times of affliction To give all diligence to make our calling and election sure and we had need in times of health to provide for sickness and death and all little enough It is one thing to talk of death and another thing to be willing to dye c. I would have you all bless God when I am gone that I shall sin no more sorrow no more c. She said to one of her Grandchildren about four years old poor Child the Lord give thee a Covenant-interest in himself If I live I purpose to do my endeavour to teach thee to know God and love God and Jesus Christ but if I dye Sirs do you take care and let him not play on Sabbath-days let all his play-things behind c. To her Daughters Maid she said be instructing these poor Children learn them good things c. the Lord has a blessing in store for my Children and the little ones One of her Daughters being out of the Town and supposing she should see her no more Tell her says she I hope God will carry on the work he has begun and give her grace to fear him c. I would have her labour to get that good work finished and to eye God in all his dealings and to do his will to ask counsel of God for body and soul for temporal and spiritual affairs and let her trust in God Take heed c. God expects we should follow some employment here and not to fall upon business causes to grow melancholly and discontented there are many snares in living out of a calling An idle life is pleasing to the flesh to take no care nor pains but it will be sad afterward c. my dear Husband my dear Children but I can't speak now c. She prayed earnestly for her Husband Children little ones and for Gods Ministers c. I pray all the blessings of Heaven may be upon thee upon soul and body and that he would make up the want of all Relations by himself The Lord bless thee the Lord bless thee out of Sion and recompence all thy love to me a thousand-fold with his tender compassions The Lord prosper thee in the work of thy Ministry that thou maist win many souls to him The Lord make my Children truly gracious and comforts to thee The Lord give them grace and the shinings of his face and that will be better than the life of a Mother The Lord carry my Daughter Shayter who was then near her time through her great work and bless thee my Son and make my Daughter a blessing to thee and the Lord bless the little one and make it an Heir of Heaven one of Christs Lambs I leave my blessing and prayers for the little ones and you all One of her Grandchildren coming to her she said to him Farwell my Lamb my dear Lamb farwell farwell the Lord make thee a comfort to thy Mother And one of her Daughters being near her she prayed the Lord bless thee out of Sion and give thee an everlasting Covenant-interest in himself c. She prayed for Gods Ministers That he would spare their lives incourage them and bless their labours c. More particularly for Dr. Jacomb That God would bless him and his ministry and recompence all the good he had done her she much desired to see him once again who coming to her and praying with her his praiers and presence were very refreshing to her Towards her end she grew somewhat light-headed but still had excellent expressions and spake sensibly of God and the things of God she often cryed O my God O my God pity me O my God help me for thy mercies and compassious sake Remember me O my God how long yet O my God have mercy on me c. The day of my redemption draws nigh and I am now near home my God help me help faith c. The fear of death is taken away blessed be God and the Lord does comfort me and I am comforted within and am glad I am going home c. She spake a great deal more but we could not now well understand what she said Now the doors began to be shut in the streets as Solomon speaks how good is it to open them to purpose whiles we may and the daughters of musick to be brought low and those that look out of the windows to be darkned because she was near to her long home but blessed be God not an everlasting home December 13. she was under great pains and groan'd much and spake little neither could what she spake be understood but she often fixed her eyes stedfastly towards Heaven for some time together Afterward going to prayer by her and begging of God if he saw it good to release her c. she lift up her eyes and one of her hands toward Heaven and the other hand being in one of her Daughters hands she pluck'd it out and lift up that also both eyes and hands with great earnestness and intenseness unto Heaven where her soul was now near entring I was with her that night till about twelve or one of the Clock and not knowing how to bear it to stay with her any longer I then went with a sad heart away from her not expecting to see her here any more alive but blessed be God I enjoyed her so long so truly pious prudent loving tender careful saithful and dearly affectionate Wife but though I departed from her I left her with him whose Angels were now waiting ready to transport her soul into the bosom of her blessed Redeemer But one of her Daughters remained still with her to the last which was not long after I was gone away her Daughter could not get her spirit willing at first to promise to bless God if he would take her to himself But when God had once brought her to be willing she soon after about two a Clock in the morning December 14 1678 expired and went triumphingly to Heaven an entrance being ministred to her abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of her dear Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ And thus she is now entred into peace and is taken away and secured from the evil to come she is passed from
greater blessing to my Relations and to get clearer evidences for Heaven c. So tender was she of the honour of God that when says she carnal people come to see me though I am ill and weak yet I strive all I can then to bear up and to be cheerful for why should they think the God of Israel is not a good God c I am willing to live if I may honour my God more and do him better service and receive more good then I desire he would spare me c. but if he please not to prolong my life I desire to submit to his Will I am afraid lest I should dishonour him by thinking my time long c. Where she lived before there being an Ale-house at next door where God was much dishonoured and his Name blasphemed it was a very great trouble and affliction to her and when she was removed though by reason of her great weakness and illness it was not without much danger and difficulty she very much rejoyced that now she should not dye among swearers and blasphemers O says she that we could more and more depend upon our good God and honour him more in a way of believing who hath manifested himself a God so ready to help and deliver his poor Servants in the time of their streights O that I could more and more honour him and it is the grief of my soul when any distrustful thoughts do arise and my great fear is lest I should dishonour God either by distrust or impatiency When thou art absent I want thy company but yet am contented may it be for Gods Glory and then it will be for our mutual good c. 6. As concerning her thankfulness and her being much in blessing and praising God ALways when I awake the first word I say is Blessed be God if I be at ease I bless him and if in pain I bless him it is no worse and I find much comfort in blessing of God and trusting in him And if God sees it good I should yet live I would live to praise him and speak good of his name I bless God he helps me to bear what he lays upon me I bless God my pains are not so great to day as they have been now my strength is less Dost not thou see God is making my passage ea sie I bless God Blessed be the Lord for ever that he will take such pains with such a poor worm to fit me for Heaven He is a God at hand and not a far off neither hath been as a stranger he hath given me much patience and quiet submission to his Will all along to him be the glory thereof When I am in great extremity and never a part free yet blessed be God he lays no more on me then he inables me to bear I bless God I find much comfort in my soul which does much support me Fearing she might too much waste her spirits with speaking I desired her to forbear but I cannot said she but speak good of my God whiles I can speak When I am gone though God should bring further affliction upon thee and thy family yet be thankful whatever you do be thankful Being one night under grievous pains she quietly resign'd her self up to God saying if he please to give me rest I will thank him if not I will submit to him That night prov'd a comfortable night to her c. She would often have that expression I desire to bless our good God and to be very thankful to our good God that word good God she often had and what do I do complaining when I have enjoyed so much health c. But it was not much she ever injoyed but a little is much to a truly thankful heart who looks upon it self as never deserving the good it receives but more than deserving the evil it suffers and he also turning that unto good Thus that which is her whole work now in Heaven was much her work here on Earth to be blessing and praising and giving thanks to God and that in every thing even when God was sharply afflicting her She had her Psalms of praise in the wilderness her songs in the night What then has she now in that inheritance of the Saints in light She glorified God in the fires Isa 25.15 That is in and under great afflictions What does she now in that place of refreshings Those Angels and heavenly Heroes about the Throne whom she is now praising and singing Hallelujah's with in Heaven she much conformed to even here on Earth here below and now she is wholly taken up with that blessed delightful work above where it is Hallelujah and again Hallelujah Blessing honour glory and power be unto him that sitteth upon the throne and unto the Lamb for ever and ever Amen Rev. 5.13 7. As concerning her weanedness from the World I am leaving this pitiful poor world this low valley the Lord hath weaned me from the things here below I could not say what it was I delighted in here but my delight was in God and in his sweet Word c. When I lived in the Countrey the Casement being one day open I was â—ooking into the Garden and I thought thus with my self Many they much delight in Gardens and Flowers c. but methinks I have no delight in these nor in any outward thing though the most I have had in any outward thing hath been in Gardens and to walk in the Fields Trouble me no more with these things I am now leaving all here below let me only mind now how to get to that heavenly Sion above c. I am seeking a City to come an habitation with God in whose presence is fulness of joy and at whose right band are pleasures for evermore Psal 16.11 Thus her way was above and she was still looking not at the things which are seen which are temporal but at the things which are not seen which are eternal 2 Cor. 4.18 By faith she overcame the world and was carried after higher and better things even those things hoped for and not seen which Faith is the substance and evidence of Heb. 11.1 These things were poor mean low vile things to her better being discovered even spiritual heavenly and eternal the things within the vail She was cloth'd with the Sun had true faith in Christ the Sun of righteousness with which she was adorn'd and now the Moon the World and all the mutable things thereof are under her feet and she treads on the worlds trash c. 8. As concerning her Humility Meekness Lowly-mindedness Charity c. I Am a dry stick a worm a poor worm a poor worthless worm I have nothing but in Christ I have all And his yoke she had taken upon her Matt. 11.29 and learn'd of him the lesson of meekness and lowly-mindedness There is says she a little Gold and a great deal of Dross Hearing how ill another was what am
meet again Resign thy will up to Gods Will be willing to part with me that is the way still to have me c. I am in a streight this was many years since willing to leave a world of sin and a body of sin and willing to be in Heaven where I may sin no more nor sorrow no more but sorrow no more that 's the least where I may serve God without distraction and always be in his presence and among the spirits of just men made perfect O it is sweet being there and yet I am willing to stay knowing the need my dear Husband and Children will have of me c. Indeed I have been able to do little for them but my earnest prayers have been for them and my tender affections towards them especially for their eternal wellfare and happiness and though I have not done so much as I would have done and desired to do yet this is my comsort I did what I could yea more many times than this poor carcass could well indure and this is my comfort I bless God Before ever I first came to thee I sought God to direct me and desired it might not be if it was not for his glory and both our comforts and that which made me willing to enter into that condition it was because God would have it so otherwise I considered what might have discouraged me from it as hindrances in the service of God losses and crosses care to bring up Children and then grief to part with them c. The first time I went to speak with her I found she was at prayer as to that great concern to that God who makes all meetings and relations happy by the enjoyment of himself The Lord will provide for thee and will not leave thee nor forsake thee in nothing be careful with any distracting care faith leaves Christian nothing to do but to pray and give thanks if I leave thee God will not leave thee but visit thee with his loving-kindness if he take away a crazy broken Cistern he will be a fountain of living waters Fear not but God will tread down thy spiritual enemies and therefore cease not to wrestle and strive and watch and pray O that we could always remember we are born Soldiers the good Lord help us to fight the good fight of faith that we may lay hold on eternal life c. God hath blessed thy ministry to me and what thou didst Preach as concerning the loving-kindness of God as being better than life it was very sweet in the Preaching of it and it is so now in my own experience and it was not in vain that God put thee also upon that subject Psal 73.26 My flesh and my heart faileth but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever For when is a time to make use of God as our portion but in a time of affliction then to trust in his all sufficiency to submit to his will c I love thee dearly I love thy soul and pray for the good of it as much as my own I can say more than my own God is thy God and will be thy God and the God of thy seed I trust my dear Children and Husband with him he will take care of them and provide for them I am going home going home to my Fathers house I must go c. Where are my dear Children will they not follow after me to Heaven Wait on God God is good to them that wait for him c. he is a God at hand c. he will make thy Children blessings to thee labour to bear up thy spirits the Lord help thee so to do and cast thy self and thy affairs upon the Lord. c. The Lord counsel comfort support and direct thee in all thy ways The Lord do thee and thine good and multiply on you his blessings spiritual and temporal and give thee to submit to his will The Lord help thee in thy work and make it prosperous and successful and prepare us for the doing and suffering of his most holy will whatever it be The Lord prepare thee to part with me and me to resign my self up to him as into the hand of a faithful Creator The Lord make our souls prosperous the outward man is but for a little while Lord keep my dear Husband by thy power c. and my dear Children that they may walk uprightly before thee and do thy pleasure and submit to thy will and whatever they do here Heaven will be enough hereafter The Lord recompence all thy labour of love to me c. The good Lord bless you and keep you and cause his face to shine upon you and give you inward joy and peace the light of his countenance which is better than any thing here c. And Lord keep thy Ministers hold them fast in thy hand and tread their enemies down as mire preserve the Gospel O the Gospel for my poor Childrens sake that though I go that may continue still to mine c. O that we may be kept by the mighty power of God through faith unto salvation The good Lord still follow thee with loving-kindness and tender mercies all thy days c. 20. Some of her Speeches and Prayers very lately and a little before her Death MY Dear I have but a few days now to be with thee and when by reason of thy being abroad I cannot see thee nor injoy thy Company so much as I would I comfort my self with this I shall one day injoy thee again and we shall ever be together I must declare this That thou hast been a dear loving faithful Husband to me and I have received much comfort by thy Preaching Praying and what thou hast spoken to me and God hath a blessing in store for thee for many are blessing God for thee c. And I bless God for thee but can't speak much now the Lord hath made thy ministry abundantly comfortable to me abundantly abundantly and I have come home full of joy and I have told thee one shove more would have put me into Heaven c. But since I came to London and could not have the opportunity to hear thee as formerly God hath made others ministry especially Dr. Jacombs very comfortable to me Why art thou so sad thou shouldest rejoyce count it all joy when ye fall into diverse temptations cast thy care upon God and in nothing be troubled he will provide he will not leave thee c. wouldest have me continue still in this misery and pain We came together to part and therefore let us part comfortably we shall meet again where we shall never part I go a little before thou lovest me and wilt thou not let me go to my first Husband I have another Husband and if he send a Messenger for me I must go though I leave never such dear Relations here Do as much work as thou canst for God but do not over
I she replied better than she I am a poor worthless worm She said of her Silk-Gown it was but the work of a worm to cloath a worm c. As she lived privately she desired to be buried privately When Servants proved bad she would reflect upon her self and say I have not my self been to God so good a Servant as I should and ought to have been c. When others sin I am willing to reflect on my self and look back into mine own heart and there to see the same sin And speaking of Mercies and Blesings she would often say if my sins do not hinder I was willing to do good to the poor and such as stood in need I often thought I might spare this and that and the other that so I might distribute to such c. Indeed her expressions carriages behaviours and converses were still such as savoured of humility and abundantly evidenced the same and that she was not only humble but clothed with humility as the Apostle Peter exhorts 1 Pet. 5.5 she was humility all over it was her wear her garment and her great ornament too Oh! what low thoughts had she of her self and what vilifying and abasing expressions would she have of her self when she shone brightest in the eyes and aspect of others She was dark and obscure as to her self truly poor in spirit preferring others before her self but the more despicable she was in her own eyes the more precious no doubt she was in Gods eyes there being no grace which more recommends us to God than humility as there is no vice more abominable than pride God had richly adorn'd her with the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit which is in the sight of God of so great price 1 Pet 3.4 9. As concerning her firm trust and affâ—ance in God in her affliction SHE having a very sick night when she was in greatest extremity she said Though he kill me yet will I trust in him and this she often said And the Lord hath helped me and will help me my God hath and will strengthen me Though I walk through the shadow of death I will fear no evil c. There is a dark Entry to go through Death but God shall carry me through it And God will send his Angels to conveigh my soul to Heaven And I know my Redeemer liveth and that I shall live with him there where he now intercedes at Gods right hand for poor creatures for me also c. The Lord has does and will comfort me he is an Almighty Alsufficient and Unchangeable God he once said so to me when I was ready to despair c. He is my rock my fortress my high tower c. I am like a Ship sometimes under the waves but it appears again I would cast all my cares and burdens upon the Lord and I would that all that fear him would do so and if not they will bear the shame and reproach thereof My time seems to tarry and when in extremity I am ready to say how â—ong but the time appointed for deliverance and times of refreshing will come c. Waiting on God truly it is that which I earnestly desire to be always doâ—ng and that with delight Oh! that we could look up to him and wait on him and make him our heaven and happiness who is the heaven and happiness of his people The Lord delighteth in those that fear him in those that hope in his mercy Psal 147.11 10. As concerning her whole reliance on Jesus Christ alone for Life and Salvation I Rest and rely wholly and only on Jesus Christ my dear sweet Saviour Advocate and Mediator I see nothing in my self to trust in but I bless God I have good hope through Jesus Christ I have indeavoured in times of health to build on that Rock that when storms came I might be born up My Redeemer hath perfected my peace in Heaven and is now in Heaven making intercession for me I am a poor worm I have nothing but in Christ I have all justification by his merit sanctification by his spirit and he hath purchased for me eternal Life and Salvation Asking her if she did not find much comfort within she answered I do blessed be God in and through Jesus Christ who gave himself a ransom for me About him I will clasp and will not let go Having once been speaking to me of Gods gracious dealings with her and what God had wrought in her and what comfortable evidences she had for Heaven after all I said to her My Dear dost rest in these Rest No no I rest only on Jesus Christ and if I perish I 'le perish in his arms I 'le lye at his feet at his feet But I speak of these as some poor weak evidences but though weak yet true I dare not belye my own soul I could not speak of these to others but only to thee my Dear my Heart my Self and I speak of them not as boasting but I desire thy approbation and I hope God will not cast me off but gather me to himself and come life come death it shall be well with me Being asked what she would have She answered Jesus Christ and him alone And indeed affliction sanctified makes to see emptiness in every thing but in Jesus Christ in the enjoyment of whom is full satisfaction and who is a Christians all and in all and in whom alone he is compleat Col. 3.11 2.10 11. As concerning her earnest desires of the good of the souls of her Children I Would willingly live to bring up my Children and if I could but see Christ form'd in them then I could say Lord now lettest thou thy poor servant depart in peace I travel in birth again as it were of my Children till Christ be formed in them I exceedingly desire the good of their souls and I am almost impatient of delay as I go up and down I say Lord when shall it once be and how shall I see the destruction of their souls and bodies both When shall I have real cause of joy She formerly weeping over one of her little ones was asked why she wept she answered because I would fain live to bring it up in the fear of the Lord c. One of her Daughters formerly being very sick and weak oh how sollicitous was she of her eternal welfare how earnestly did she breathe out her desires for her that the good Lord would have pity and compassion on her and that he would please to fit her for himself and that if he took her out of this miserable sinful world he would take her to himself in whose presence is fulness of joy c. and oh that when ever he takes her out of my poor bosom he would take her into his own The good Lord help me to discharge my duty to all my relations She thus once declar'd her self to one of her daughters I would have you labour to be very good be