Mist. Touch. What should one doe is there no lawe for one that marries a womans daughter against her will howe shall we punish him Madam Gyr. As I am a Lady an 't would snowe wee 'd so peble 'hem with snowe bals as they come from Church but sirra Franck Quicksiluer Quick I Madam Gir. Dost remember since thou and I clapt what d'ye' calts in the Garrat Quick I know not what you meane Madam Gyr. His head as white as mylke All flaxen was his haire But now he is dead And laid in his Bedd And neuer will come againe God be at your labour Enter Touch Gould Mild. with Rosemary Pet. Was there euer such a Lady Quic. See Madam the Bride and Bridegrome Gyr. Gods my precious God giue you ioy Mistrisse What lacke you Now out vpon thee Baggage my sister married in a Taffeta Hat Mary hang you Westward with a waniō te' yee Nay I haue done we ye Minion the? y'faith neuer looke to haue my countnance any more nor any thing I can do for thee Thou ride in my Coach or come downe to my Castle fie vpon thee I charge thee in my Ladiships name call me Sister no more Touch. An 't please your worship this is not your Sister This is my daughter and she call me Father and so does not your Ladiship an 't please your worship Madam Mist. Touch. No nor she must not call thee Father by Heraldrie because thou mak'st thy Prentise thy Sonne as well as she Ah thou misproude Prentise dar'st thou presume to marry a Ladies Sister Gou. It pleas'd my Master forsooth to embolden me with his fauour And though I confesse my selfe farre vnworthie so worthy a wife beeing in part her seruant as I am your Prentise yet since I may say it without boasting I am borne a Gentleman and by the Trade I haue learn'd of my Master which I trust taints not my blood able with mine owne Industrie and portion to maintaine your daughter my hope is heauen will so blese our humble beginning that in the end I shal be no disgrace to the grace with which my Master hath bound me his double Prentise Touch. Master me nomore Sonne if thou think'st me worthy to be thy father Gry. Sunne Now good Lord how he shines and you marke him hee 's a gentleman Gon. I indeede Madam a Gentleman borne Pet. Neuer stand a' your Gentrye M. Bridgegrome if your legges be no better then your Armes you 'le be able to stand vpon neither shortly Touch. An 't please your good worshippe Sir there are two sorts of Gentlemen Pet. What meane you Sir Touch. Bold to put off my hat to your worshippe Pet. Nay pray forbeare Sir and then foorth with your two sorts of Gentlemen Touch. If your worship will haue it so I saye there are two sorts of Gentlemen There is a Gentleman Artificiall and a gentleman Naturall Now though your worship be a Gentleman Naturall Worke vpon that now Quick Well said olde Touchstone I am proude to heare thee enter a set speech yfaith forth I beseech thee Touch. Cry you mercie Sir your worship 's a Gentleman I doe not know if you bee one of my acquaintance y' are very much disguisde Sir Quick Go too old Quipper forth with thy speech I say Touch. What Sir my speeches were euer in vaine to your gratious worship And therefore till I speake to you gallantry in deed I will saue my breath for my broth anon Come my poore sonne and daughter Let vs hide our selues in our poore humilitie and liue safe Ambition consumes it selfe with the very show Worke vpon that now Gyr. Let him goe let him goe for Gods sake let him make his Prentise his sonne for Gods sake giue away his daughter for Gods sake and when they come a begging to vs for Gods sake let 's laugh at their good husbandry for Gods sake Fare-well sweet Knight pray thee make haste after Pet. What shall I say I would not haue thee goe Quick Now O now I must depart Parting though it absence moue This Dittie knight doe I see in thy lookes in Capitall Letters What a grief 't is to depart and leaue the slower that has my hart My sweete Ladie and alacke for wee why should we part so Tell truth Knight and shame all dissembling Louers does not your paine lye on that side Pet. If it doe canst thou tell me how I may cure it Quick Excellent easily diuide your selfe in two halfes iust by the girdlestead send one halfe with your Lady and keepe the tother your selfe or else doe as all true Louers doe part with your heart and leaue your bodie behinde I haue seen 't done a hundred times T is as easie a matter for a Louer to part without a heart from his sweete heart and he nere the worse as for a Mouse to get from a Trappe and leaue her taile behinde him See here comes the Writings Enter Securitie with a Scriuener Secu. Good morrow to my worshipfull Ladie I present your Ladishippe with this writing to which if you please to set your hand with your Knights a veluet Gowne shall attend your iourney a' my credite Gir. What Writing is it Knight Petrenell The sale sweete heart of the poore Tenement I tolde thee off onely to make a little money to sende thee downe furniture for my Castle to which my hand shall lead thee Gyr. Very well Now giue me your Pen I pray Qui. It goes downe without chewing y'faith Scriue. Your worships deliuer this as your deede Ambo Wee doe Gyr. So now Knight farewell till I see thee Pet. All farewell to my sweet heart Mistris Touch. God-boye sonne Knight Pet. Farewell my good Mother Gyr. Farewell Francke I would faine take thee downe if I could Quickesiluer I thanke your good Ladiship Farewell Mistrie Syndifie Exeunt Pet. O tedious Voyage where of there is no ende What will they thinke of me Quick Thinke what they list They long'd for a vagarie into the Countrie and now they are fitted So a woman marry to ride in a Coach she cares not if she ride to her Ruine T is the great ende of many of their mariages This is not first time a Lady has ridde a false iournie in her Coach I hope Pet. Nay t is no Matter I care little what they thinke hee that wayes mens thoughts has his handes full of nothing A man in the course of this worlde should bee like a Surgeons instrument worke in the woundes of others and feele nothing himselfe The sharper and subtler the better Quickesiluer As it falles out nowe Knight you shall not neede to deuise excuses or endure her out cryes when shee returnes wee shall now bee gone before where they can not reache vs Petronell Well my kinde Compere you haue now Th' assurance we both can make you let mee now entreate you the money wee agree'd on may bee brought to the Blewe Ancor nere to Billings-gate by Six a Clocke where I and my cheife friends
For Tradesmen well t is knowne Get with more ease then Gentrie keepes his owne Exit Securitie solus Secu. My priuie Guest lustie Quickesiluer has drunke too deepe of the Bride-boule but with a little sleepe he is much recouered And I thinke is making himselfe readie to bee drunke in a gallanter likenes My house is as t' were the Caue where the yong Out-lawe hoords the stolne vayles of his occupation And here when he will reuell it in his prodigall similitude he retires to his Trunks and I may say softly his Punks he dares trust me with the keeping of both for I am Securitie it selfe my name is Securitie the famous Vsurer Enter Quickesiluer in his Prentises Cote and Cap his gallant Breeches and Stockings gartering himselfe Securitie following Quic. Come old Securitie thou father of destruction th' indented Sheepeskinne is burn'd wherein I was wrapt and I am now loose to get more children of perdition into thy vsurous Bonds Thou feed'st my Lecherie and I thy Couetousnes Thou art Pandar to me for my wench and I to thee for thy coosenages K. mee K. thee runnes through Court and Countrey Secu. Well said my subtle Quickesiluer These K's ope the dores to all this worldes felicitie the dullest forehead sees it Let not mast Courtier thinke hee carries all the knauery on his shoulders I haue poore Hob in the countrie that has worne hob-nayles on 's shoes haue as much villanie in 's head as he that weares gold bottons in 's cap Quic. Why man t is the London high-way to thrift if vertue bee vsde t is but as a scrappe to the nette of villanie They that vse it simplie thriue simplie I warrant Waight and fashion makes Goldsmiths Cockolds Enter Syndefie with Quicke-siluers doublet Cloake Rapier and Dagger Synd. Here sir put of the other halfe of your Prentiship Quick Well sayd sweet Syn bring forth my brauerie Now let my Truncks shoote foor their silkes concealde I now am free and now will iustifie My Trunkes and Punkes Auant dull Flat-cap then Via the curtaine that shaddowed Borgia There lie thou huske of my envassail'd State I Sampson now haue burst the Philistins Bands And in thy lappe my louely Dalida I le lie and snore out my enfranchisde state When Sampson was a tall yong man His power and strength increased than He sould no more nor cup nor can But did them all dispise Old Touchstone now wright to thy friends For one to sell thy base gold ends Quickesiluer now no more attends Thee Touchstone But Dad hast thou seene my running Gelding drest to day Secu. That I haue Franck the Ostler a' th Cocke drest him for a Breakefast Quick What did he eate him Secu. No but he eate his breakefast for dressing him and so drest him for breakfast Quicksiluer O wittie Age where age is young in witte And al youths words haue gray beards full of it Hyn. But ah-las Francke how will all this bee maintain'd now Your place maintain'd it before Quickesiluer Why and I maintainde my place I le to the Court another manner of place for maintenance I hope then the silly Cittie I heard my father say I heard my mother sing an olde Song and a true Tou art a shee foole and know'st not what belongs to our male wisedome I shall bee a Marchaunt for-sooth trust my estate in a wooden Troughe as hee does What are these Shippes but Tennis Balles for the windes to play withall Tost from one waue to another Nowe vnder-line Nowe ouer the house Sometimes Bricke-wal'd against a Rocke so that the guttes flye out againe sometimes strooke vnder the wide Hazzard and farewell Mast Marchant Synnedefie Well Francke well the Seas you say are vncertaine But hee that sayles in your Court Seas shall finde 'hem tenne times fuller of hazzard wherein to see what is to bee seene is torment more then a free Spirite can indure But when you come to suffer howe many Iniuries swallowe you What care and deuotion must you vse to humour an imperious Lord proportion your lookes to his lookes smiles to his smiles fit your sayles to the winde of his breath Quick Tush hee 's no Iourney-man in his craft that can not doe that Sinnedefie But hee 's worse then a Prentise that does it not onely humouring the Lorde but euery Trencherbearer euery Groome that by indulgence and intelligence crept into his fauour and by Pandatisme into his Chamber He rules the roste And when my honourable Lorde sayes it shall bee thus my worshipfull Rascall the Groome of his close stoole sayes it shall not bee thus claps the doore after him and who dares enter A Prentise quoth you t is but to learne to liue and does that disgrace a man hee that rises hardly stands firmely but hee that rises with ease Alas falles as easily Quickesiluer A pox on you who taught you this morrallitie Securitie T is long of this wittie Age Maister Francis But indeede Mistris Synnedefie all Trades complaine of inconuenience and therefore t is best to haue none The Marchaunt hee complaines and sayes Trafficke is subiect to much vncertaintie and losse let 'hem keepe their goods on dry land with a vengeaunce and not expose other mens substances to the mercie of the windes vnder protection of a woodden wall as Maister Francis sayes and all for greedie desire to enrich themselues with vnconscionable gaine two for one or so where I and such other honest men as liue by lending money are content with moderate profite Thirtie or Fortie i' th' hundred so wee may haue it with quietnesse and out of perill of winde and weather rather then runne those daungerous courses of trading as they doe Quick I Dad thou mayst well bee called Securitie for thou takest the safest course Securitie Faith the quieter and the more contented and out of doubt the more godly For Marchants in their courses are neuer pleas'd but euer repining against Heauen One prayes for a Westerly winde to carry his shippe foorth another for an Easterly to bring his shippe home and at euery shaking of a lease hee falles into an agonie to thinke what daunger his Shippe is in on such a Coast and so foorth The Farmer hee is euer at oddes with the Weather sometimes the clowdes haue beene too barren Sometimes the Heauens forgette themselues their Haruests answere not their hopes Sometimes the Season falles out too fruitefull Corne will beare no price and so foorth Th' Artificer hee 's all for a stirring worlde if his Trade bee too full and fall short of his expectation then falles he out of ioynt Where we that trade nothing but money are free from all this wee are pleas'd with all weathers let it raine or hold vp bee calme or windy let the season be whatsoeuer let Trade goe how it will wee take all in good part een what please the heauens to send vs so the Sunne stand not still and the Moone keepe her vsuall returnes and make vp dayes moneths and yeares
of friendship betwixt vs Secur. Excellent Knight let this be a token betwixt vs of inuiolable friendship I am new marryed to this fayre Gentlewoman you know by my hope to make her fruitefull though I be something in yeares I vowe faithfully vnto you to make you Godfather though in your absence to the first childe I am blest withall and henceforth call me Gossip I beseech you if you please to accept it Petr. In the highest degree of gratitude my most worthy Gossip for confirmation of which friendly title let me entreate my faire Gossip your Wife here to accept this Diamond and keepe it as my gift to her first Childe wheresoeuer my Fortune in euent of my Voyage shall bestowe me Secur. How now my coye wedlock make you strange of so Noble a fauour take it I charge you with all affection and by way of taking your leaue present boldly your lips to our honourable Gossip Quick How ventrous he is to him and how iealous to others Pet. Long may this kinde touch of our lippes Print in our hearts al the formes of affection And now my good Gossip if the writings be ready to which my wife should seale let them be brought this morning before she takes Coache into the countrie and my kindnesse shall worke her to dispatche it Secur. The writings are ready Sir My learned counsell here Maister Bramble the Lawyer hath perusde them and within this houre I will bring the Scriuenour with them to your worshipfull Lady Petr. Good Maister Bramble I will here take my leaue of you then God send you fortunate Pleas sir and contentious Clients Bram. And you foreright windes Sir and a fortunate voyage Exit Enter a Messenger Mess. Sir Petronell here are three or foure Gentlemen desire to speake with you Pet. What are they Qui. They are your followers in this voyage Knight Captaine Seagull and his associates I met them this morning and told them you would be here Pet. Let them enter I pray you I know they long to bee gone for their stay is dangerous Enter Seagull Scapethrift and Spendall Sea God saue my honourable Collonell Pet. Welcome good Captaine Seagull and worthy Gentlemen if you will meete my friend Francke here and me at the blew Anchor Tauerne by Billinsgate this Euening we will there drinke to our happy voyage be merry and take Boate to our Ship with all expedition Spoyl Deferre it no longer I beseech you Sir but as your voyage is hetherto carried closely and in another Knights name so for your owne safetie and ours let it be continued our meeting and speedy purpose of departing knowne to as few as is possible least your Ship and goods be attacht Qui. Well aduisd Captaine our Collonell shall haue money this morning to dispatch all our departures bring those Gentlemen at night to the place appointed and with our skinnes full of vintage wee le take occasion by the vantage and away Spoyl We will not faile but be there sir Pet. Good morrow good Captaine and my worthy associates Health and all Soueraigntie to my beautifull gossip for you sir we shall see you presently with the writings Secur. With writings and crownes to my honorable gossip I do hunger and thirst to doe you good sir Exeunt Actus tertii Scena Secunda Enter a Coachman in hast in 's frock feeding Coach Heer 's a stirre when Cittizens ride out of Towne indeed as if all the house were a fire Slight they will not giue a man leaue to eat 's breakfast afore he rises Enter Hamlet a footeman in haste Ham. What Coachman my Ladyes Coach for shame her ladiship 's ready to come downe Enter Potkinn a Tankerd bearer Pot. Sfoote Hamlet are you madde whether run you now you should brushe vp my olde Mistresse Enter Syndefye Synd. What Potkinn you must put off your Tankerd and put on your blew cote and waite vpon Mistrisse Toochstone into the country Exit Pot. I will forsooth presently Exit Enter Mistresse Fond and Mistresse Gazer Fond. Come sweete Mistresse Gazer le ts watch here and see my Lady Flashe take coach Gaz. A my word heer 's a most fine place to stand in did you see the new Ship lancht last day Mistresse Fond Fond. O God and we cittizens should loose such a sight Gaz. I warrant here will be double as many people to see her take coach as there were to see it take water Fond. O shee 's married to a most fine Castle 'i th' countrey they say Gaz. But there are no Gyants in the Castle are there Fond. O no they say her Knight kild 'hem all and therefore he was knighted Gaz. Would to God her Ladiship would come away Enter Gyr. Mistris Tooch Synd. Ham Por. Fond. She comes she comes she comes Gaz. Fond Pray heauen blesse your Ladiship Gyr. Thanke you good people my coach for the loue of Heauen my coach in good truth I shall swoune else Ham. Coach coach my Ladies coach Exit Gir. As I am a Lady I thinke I am with child already I long for a coach so may one be with childe afore they are married Mother Mist. Touch. I by 'r ladie Madam a little thing does that I haue seene a little prick no bigger then a pins head swell bigger and bigger til it has come to an Ancome eene so t is in these cases Enter Ham. Ham. Your Coach is comming Madam Gyr. That 's well said Now heauen me thinks I am eene vp to the knees in preferment But a little higher but a little higher but a little higher There there there lyes Cupids fire Mist. Touch. But must this young man an 't please you Madam run by your coach all the way a foote Gyr. I by my faith I warrant him he giues no other milke as I haue an other seruant does Mist. Touch. Ahlas t is eene pittie me thinks for Gods sake Madam buy him but a Hobbie horse let the poore youth haue something betwixt his legges to ease 'hem Ahlas we must do as we would be done too Gir. Goe too hold your peace dame you talke like an olde foole I tell you Enter Petr. and Quicksiluer Pet. Wilt thou be gone sweete Honny suckle before I can goe with thee Gyr. I pray thee sweete Knight let me I do so long to dresse vp thy castle afore thou com'st But I marle howe my modest Sister occupies her selfe this morning that shee can not waite on me to my Coach as well as her mother Quick Mary Madam shee 's married by this time to Prentise Goulding your Father and some one more stole to Church with 'hem in all the haste that the cold meat lest at your wedding might serue to furnish their Nuptiall table Gyr. There 's no base fellowe my Father nowe but hee 's eene fit to Father such a Daughter he must call me daughter no more now but Madam and please you Madam and please your worship Madam indeede out vpon him marry his daughter to a base Prentise