jerusalem_n amen_n february_n 10._o 1637._o to_o give_v in_o some_o sort_n a_o taste_n and_o glimpse_n what_o kind_n of_o spirit_n possess_v i_o in_o my_o first_o youth_n and_o melancholy_n take_v these_o few_o fragment_n which_o with_o many_o other_o than_o i_o coin_a but_o have_v now_o lose_v and_o forget_v for_o inscription_n never_o employ_v fond_a passion_n be_v opinion_n but_o a_o fool_n god_n nature_n reason_n be_v the_o wiseman_n school_n delight_n good_a servant_n but_o bad_a master_n be_v mind_n cordial_a medicine_n use_v without_o fond_a passion_n fit_v age_n call_v mean_n degree_n and_o fashion_n useless_a but_o for_o our_o recreation_n dote_v on_o turn_v disease_n our_o soul_n snare_n you_o will_v say_v they_o be_v toy_n the_o fit_a be_v they_o then_o for_o such_o vain_a bubble_n fantome_n as_o be_v man_n they_o profit_v nought_o and_o wiseman_n you_o will_v say_v pleasure_n foundation_n on_o profit_n lie_v to_o they_o that_o want_v not_o to_o give_v nature_n right_a profit_n itself_o in_o truth_n be_v but_o delight_n it_o be_v not_o affectation_n make_v i_o write_v but_o honest_a heart_n ever_o affect_v the_o light_n thus_o do_v melancholy_a and_o retiredness_n work_v upon_o i_o my_o melancholy_n wrought_v my_o retiredness_n and_o that_o by_o remove_v i_o from_o the_o common_a delight_n and_o course_n of_o young_a man_n my_o far_a melancholy_a removens_fw-la prohibens_fw-la go_v for_o a_o cause_n i_o affect_v the_o tree_n of_o knowledge_n taste_v of_o the_o unnatural_a fruit_n and_o lose_v my_o earthly_a paradise_n though_o labour_n toil_n and_o affliction_n have_v be_v my_o portion_n in_o such_o loss_n yet_o christ_n have_v prove_v unto_o i_o infinite_a advantage_n he_o be_v the_o christian_n eternal_a paradise_n in_o he_o we_o find_v a_o new_a earth_n new_a heaven_n peace_n and_o joy_n incomparable_o more_o complete_a without_o he_o all_o be_v vanity_n and_o vexation_n of_o spirit_n happy_a the_o fall_n which_o meet_v with_o he_o to_o raise_v we_o happy_a the_o loss_n which_o find_v he_o to_o guide_v we_o since_o the_o first_o fall_v man_n discern_v his_o nakedness_n of_o himself_o have_v seek_v figge-leaves_a for_o cover_v and_o advantage_n a_o partial_a clothing_n in_o humane_a policy_n art_n and_o invention_n which_o all_o but_o make_v we_o feel_v the_o more_o the_o weather_n and_o our_o want_n nature_n be_v lose_v in_o artificial_a affectation_n and_o our_o false-acquired_n knowledge_n prove_v our_o true_a and_o real_a misery_n thus_o plunge_v in_o vain_a deceive_a delight_n and_o wretched_a perplexity_n no_o exemption_n no_o redemption_n remain_v but_o in_o and_o through_o christ_n and_o the_o true_a knowledge_n of_o he_o by_o he_o we_o turn_v our_o first_o nakedness_n and_o rag_n into_o a_o full_a and_o glorious_a garment_n by_o he_o our_o darkness_n and_o confusion_n become_v a_o perfect_a illumination_n and_o in_o he_o our_o vain_a pleasure_n and_o frail_a trouble_n become_v a_o solid_a continual_a feast_n of_o joy_n peace_n and_o contentment_n that_o sun_n of_o righteousness_n be_v the_o only_a true_a sun_n that_o light_v every_o man_n to_o true_a happiness_n the_o sun_n be_v the_o life_n of_o flower_n and_o many_o of_o they_o open_v themselves_o and_o turn_v towards_o it_o let_v we_o learn_v from_o they_o to_o open_v our_o heart_n and_o turn_v to_o god_n he_o alone_o can_v disperse_v in_o we_o the_o cloud_n of_o ignorance_n and_o light_a vanity_n in_o he_o alone_o be_v that_o tranquillity_n and_o true_a joy_n to_o be_v find_v which_o by_o our_o disobedience_n and_o foolish_a affectation_n we_o have_v lose_v all_o our_o other_o curiosity_n all_o our_o sensuality_n do_v but_o more_o wild_a we_o and_o set_v we_o further_a to_o seek_v the_o wise_a sort_n of_o man_n in_o a_o humane_a way_n have_v seek_v for_o immortality_n to_o piece_n out_o their_o frailty_n but_o in_o christ_n alone_o it_o be_v to_o be_v find_v and_o without_o he_o it_o be_v better_a to_o want_v it_o poor_a creature_n that_o we_o be_v poor_a happiness_n that_o we_o seek_v without_o he_o who_o say_v seek_v and_o you_o shall_v find_v but_o do_v not_o such_o appear_v to_o doubt_v too_o much_o of_o the_o soul_n immortality_n who_o will_v rather_o deny_v it_o to_o become_v infect_v with_o original_a sin_n by_o way_n of_o propagation_n in_o a_o probable_a analogy_n to_o faith_n and_o god_n justice_n then_o acknowledge_v a_o natural_a way_n of_o one_o eternal_a soul_n to_o beget_v another_o eternity_n be_v the_o only_a gift_n of_o god_n and_o as_o easy_o and_o more_o reasonable_o flow_v from_o he_o the_o one_o way_n then_o the_o other_o be_v not_o this_o leave_v a_o fair_a natural_a rational_a and_o religious_a way_n a_o kind_n of_o teach_v to_o doubt_n and_o misbelief_n why_o stick_v they_o at_o that_o which_o be_v most_o reasonable_a teach_v nevertheless_o faith_n beyond_o reason_n such_o as_o deny_v the_o earth_n to_o move_v and_o turn_v towards_o the_o sun_n for_o its_o own_o advantage_n upon_o pretence_n of_o text_n of_o scripture_n for_o the_o earth_n stability_n which_o as_o a_o thousand_o other_o they_o may_v as_o well_o and_o with_o far_o less_o strain_v interpret_v in_o a_o way_n of_o common_a caviar_n appear_v if_o now_o upon_o real_a demonstration_n and_o reason_n the_o earth_n be_v prove_v to_o move_v do_v they_o not_o wrong_v both_o the_o scripture_n and_o our_o religion_n miserable_a lameness_n miserable_a blindness_n of_o humane_a divinity_n help_v oh_o god_n or_o we_o be_v confound_v we_o be_v lose_v true_a knowledge_n thrift_n or_o joy_n be_v annex_v to_o no_o person_n place_n or_o condition_n but_o thy_o grace_n and_o blessing_n give_v they_o assist_v we_o all_o assist_v i_o therein_o and_o i_o have_v find_v more_o than_o ever_o i_o lose_v february_n 10._o 1637._o howsoever_o these_o write_n may_v in_o some_o respect_n be_v as_o unfit_a as_o troublesome_a in_o my_o condition_n yet_o herein_o they_o have_v prove_v my_o great_a advantage_n and_o satisfaction_n that_o they_o have_v take_v i_o off_o from_o other_o importunate_a discontent_n and_o impression_n and_o have_v tie_v i_o fast_o and_o fast_o to_o god_n they_o have_v turn_v the_o sight_n and_o sense_n of_o my_o misery_n into_o joy_n and_o comfort_n upon_o the_o discern_a and_o participation_n of_o his_o mercy_n unto_o i_o they_o have_v enter_v and_o entertain_v i_o in_o to_o sweet_a a_o contemplation_n of_o his_o glory_n and_o goodness_n as_o i_o hope_v shall_v never_o languish_v and_o die_v in_o i_o and_o i_o have_v i_o thank_v god_n gather_v such_o strength_n upon_o they_o that_o i_o conceive_v much_o better_a of_o myself_o and_o the_o vigour_n of_o my_o spirit_n to_o the_o discharge_n of_o any_o ordinary_a performance_n this_o my_o good_a god_n have_v do_v for_o i_o and_o it_o be_v wonderful_a even_o in_o my_o own_o eye_n may_v it_o please_v he_o to_o endue_v i_o with_o all_o humble_a thankfulness_n amen_o amen_n february_n 12._o 1637._o my_o good_a friend_n you_o have_v oblige_v i_o in_o the_o read_n and_o peruse_v of_o these_o my_o confuse_a crudity_n and_o you_o have_v in_o your_o indulgence_n to_o they_o and_o i_o and_o their_o innocent_a spirit_n of_o ingenuity_n commend_v some_o thing_n in_o they_o far_o beyond_o their_o worth_n and_o wish_v some_o more_o labour_n of_o i_o to_o be_v employ_v in_o their_o more_o orderly_a and_o perfect_a digestion_n and_o a_o far_a communication_n but_o i_o be_o over-weak_a and_o lazy_a and_o they_o too_o incorrigible_a they_o be_v mishapen_a lump_n of_o a_o imperfect_a conception_n which_o howsoever_o it_o may_v be_v fit_a for_o i_o to_o be_v deliver_v of_o yet_o be_v they_o most_o unfit_a for_o other_o than_o a_o friendly_a view_n and_o judgement_n i_o put_v they_o into_o your_o hand_n but_o be_o far_o from_o wish_v any_o your_o far_a patience_n or_o labour_n upon_o they_o they_o be_v such_o bear_n whelp_n that_o if_o they_o be_v capable_a of_o any_o good_a shape_n yet_o be_v it_o most_o unfit_a that_o any_o but_o their_o natural_a parent_n shall_v lick_v they_o into_o it_o notwithstanding_o if_o out_o of_o your_o good_a affection_n to_o any_o part_n of_o they_o and_o the_o propagation_n of_o goodness_n you_o conceive_v a_o tolerable_a mercury_n may_v be_v frame_v of_o they_o for_o the_o view_n of_o a_o more_o remote_a well-affected_a friend_n i_o submit_v they_o to_o you_o hew_v off_o and_o fashion_v they_o at_o your_o pleasure_n if_o you_o shall_v prove_v so_o idle_a as_o to_o make_v such_o a_o undertake_n i_o fear_v you_o will_v find_v so_o shake_v a_o piece_n of_o timber_n as_o be_v nothing_o but_o chip_n beforehand_o i_o thank_v god_n i_o have_v ever_o superlative_o love_v goodness_n and_o nothing_o better_a then_o to_o be_v a_o instrument_n of_o do_v good_a but_o my_o fortune_n and_o opportunity_n have_v not_o answer_v my_o affection_n nor_o can_v i_o now_o either_o so_o flatter_v myself_o
more_o it_o plunge_v itself_o to_o encumbrance_n and_o disease_n how_o easy_a be_v conveniency_n to_o be_v find_v how_o hard_o it_o be_v to_o find_v they_o how_o easy_a it_o seem_v to_o please_v ourselves_o how_o hard_o to_o please_v god_n and_o ourselves_o how_o often_o have_v i_o oppose_v my_o fancy_n and_o affection_n by_o a_o way_n of_o abstinence_n and_o frugality_n which_o yet_o have_v prove_v most_o improsperous_a unto_o i_o how_o often_o have_v i_o by_o god_n grace_n prefer_v he_o before_o all_o worldly_a delight_n and_o yet_o want_v the_o grace_n of_o constancy_n what_o shall_v i_o say_v if_o ever_o man_n play_v a_o long_a heavy_a unhappy_a part_n upon_o the_o stage_n of_o this_o world_n it_o be_v myself_o etc._n etc._n august_n 21._o 1637._o no_o care_n be_v more_o natural_a or_o necessary_a then_o for_o parent_n to_o enter_v their_o young_a one_o into_o a_o proportionable_a fortune_n and_o fair_a course_n to_o be_v able_a to_o live_v in_o the_o world_n the_o direction_n of_o a_o father_n to_o his_o child_n therein_o be_v of_o main_a importance_n i_o be_v leave_v young_a and_o great_o want_v it_o have_v i_o be_v leave_v single_a young_a as_o i_o be_v i_o be_v resolve_v never_o to_o have_v marry_v but_o so_o as_o to_o have_v set_v myself_o at_o ease_n for_o housekeep_v and_o other_o charge_n which_o attend_v it_o according_a to_o my_o quality_n my_o mind_n be_v not_o so_o loose_a but_o that_o i_o can_v have_v contain_v myself_o in_o expense_n for_o till_o i_o be_v lose_v in_o my_o disease_n i_o give_v many_o year_n proof_n thereof_o that_o error_n have_v be_v verify_v upon_o i_o which_o be_v say_v of_o fool_n that_o they_o ever_o begin_v to_o live_v time_n and_o necessity_n the_o great_a rectifier_n of_o our_o course_n have_v make_v i_o see_v my_o fault_n and_o accommodate_v that_o which_o i_o think_v impossible_a august_n 22._o 1637._o miserable_a condition_n of_o my_o fortune_n and_o the_o melancholy_a humour_n how_o one_o while_n for_o a_o evasion_n it_o divert_v itself_o by_o a_o work_a imagination_n how_o there_o may_v be_v a_o better_n other-while_n it_o aggravate_v itself_o upon_o consideration_n how_o incur_v misfortune_n may_v have_v be_v avoid_v both_o fruitless_a and_o perplex_v september_n 26._o 1637._o there_o be_v little_a commiseration_n due_a to_o such_o as_o enter_v upon_o a_o fair_a and_o full_a accommodation_n of_o house_n and_o fortune_n wasteful_o consume_v and_o abuse_v it_o with_o i_o it_o be_v far_o otherwise_o yet_o young_a as_o i_o be_v have_v i_o be_v leave_v with_o money_n in_o my_o hand_n or_o have_v raise_v money_n to_o myself_o by_o what_o i_o have_v i_o be_v not_o so_o loose_v finger_v as_o not_o to_o have_v keep_v or_o employ_v it_o to_o my_o advantage_n i_o be_o confident_a that_o many_o a_o heir_n ruin_v his_o fortune_n who_o do_v he_o enter_v upon_o monies_n as_o well_o as_o land_n will_v thrive_v and_o do_v well_o to_o a_o nature_n not_o foolish_o dissolute_a and_o prodigal_a money_n set_v rather_o a_o edge_n of_o increase_n then_o dissipation_n ignoti_fw-la nulla_fw-la cupido_fw-la it_o be_v a_o rational_a way_n to_o reclaim_v that_o prodigal_a which_o be_v record_v by_o show_v he_o those_o massy_a heap_n that_o be_v to_o go_v to_o discharge_v his_o wasteful_a debt_n the_o eye_n make_v the_o most_o effectual_a impression_n i_o have_v know_v a_o prince_n who_o be_v insensible_a of_o give_v great_a sum_n by_o word_n yet_o be_v tenacious_a of_o what_o once_o come_v into_o his_o hand_n as_o the_o hand_n natural_o so_o money_n political_o be_v the_o instrument_n of_o instrument_n without_o it_o like_o ship_n without_o water_n the_o wise_a and_o most_o active_a can_v make_v little_a use_n of_o themselves_o god_n blessing_n i_o ever_o imply_v for_o without_o that_o the_o builder_n build_v and_o watchman_n watch_v but_o in_o vain_a how_o unhappy_a be_v the_o condition_n of_o a_o unquiet_a mind_n and_o how_o hard_o it_o be_v for_o a_o spirit_n sharp_a sight_v and_o sensible_a to_o inconvenience_n and_o advantage_n to_o maintain_v a_o tranquillity_n amid_o the_o unsound_a and_o humorous_a incident_n of_o this_o life_n so_o little_o be_v the_o reality_n and_o so_o various_a the_o apparition_n of_o humane_a contentment_n fortune_n be_v to_o some_o a_o mother_n to_o other_o a_o stepdame_n some_o she_o humour_n some_o she_o cross_v from_o their_o infancy_n and_o whatsoever_o be_v say_v of_o every_o man_n forgeing_n his_o own_o fortune_n he_o know_v little_a who_o find_v not_o great_a ability_n miscarry_v when_o inferior_a succeed_v we_o make_v not_o ourselves_o nor_o the_o time_n and_o other_o circumstance_n we_o live_v in_o who_o correspondency_n shall_v in_o despite_n of_o we_o import_v we_o good_a mariner_n be_v often_o sink_v at_o sea_n when_o ill_o one_o arrive_v at_o good_a harbour_n for_o i_o i_o acknowledge_v in_o myself_o through_o my_o whole_a course_n many_o error_n yet_o have_v i_o find_v such_o a_o unhappy_a constellation_n of_o fatality_n over-rule_v i_o that_o what_o course_n soever_o i_o have_v take_v i_o can_v hardly_o persuade_v myself_o i_o can_v have_v have_v any_o better_a issue_n moderation_n sobriety_n care_n religion_n itself_o preservative_n to_o other_o have_v be_v to_o my_o fortune_n body_n and_o mind_n flail_n and_o rock_n yet_o all_o conducible_a and_o necessary_a to_o a_o better_a life_n etc._n etc._n i_o thank_v god_n for_o all_o and_o desire_v no_o more_o but_o his_o grace_n in_o grant_v i_o either_o patience_n or_o a_o fair_a deliverance_n from_o this_o world_n misery_n and_o corruption_n i_o have_v long_o hate_v and_o despise_v the_o world_n and_o all_o the_o frail_a vanity_n that_o other_o dote_v upon_o i_o find_v every_o day_n more_o and_o more_o the_o nullity_n the_o wickedness_n of_o its_o pleasure_n etc._n etc._n september_n 27._o 1637._o have_v i_o my_o full_a strength_n and_o clearness_n of_o spirit_n have_v i_o much_o more_o knowledge_n and_o will_v and_o can_v convenient_o bestow_v much_o more_o time_n in_o work_v these_o overflowing_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o brain_n yet_o such_o be_v the_o obscure_a confusion_n of_o this_o sophisticated_a world_n and_o my_o natural_a curiosity_n by_o melancholy_a much_o more_o hard_a to_o please_v that_o i_o shall_v never_o satisfy_v myself_o in_o write_v what_o belong_v to_o this_o or_o any_o other_o subject_a i_o will_v willing_o by_o these_o evaporation_n impart_v with_o ease_n to_o myself_o some_o impression_n to_o my_o friend_n how_o there_o have_v go_v as_o much_o fate_n as_o fault_n to_o effect_v my_o misery_n and_o to_o occasion_v they_o to_o resent_v and_o compassionate_v the_o wretchedness_n of_o humane_a condition_n by_o represent_v myself_o none_o of_o the_o worst-endowed_n with_o part_n of_o body_n mind_n and_o estate_n thrifty_o and_o temperate_o affect_v become_v nevertheless_o most_o tedious_o miserable_a in_o they_o all_o such_o have_v be_v god_n will_n and_o such_o in_o despite_n of_o nature_n and_o reason_n shall_v be_v his_o condition_n who_o accident_n and_o circumstance_n conspire_v to_o afflict_v a_o doctor_n of_o physic_n tell_v i_o long_o since_o that_o i_o have_v too_o much_o mind_n for_o my_o body_n but_o never_o advise_v i_o the_o moderation_n of_o the_o one_o and_o natural_a improvement_n of_o the_o other_o i_o thank_v god_n towards_o he_o who_o be_v the_o chief_a good_a it_o be_v the_o better_a for_o i_o and_o good_a for_o i_o that_o i_o have_v be_v trouble_v i_o confess_v i_o have_v natural_o a_o strong_a active_a and_o sensible_a mind_n yet_o not_o such_o but_o if_o i_o have_v escape_v accidental_a melancholy_n i_o may_v well_o have_v temper_v it_o but_o when_o that_o seize_v upon_o we_o thing_n otherwise_o easy_o to_o be_v pass_v over_o become_v full_a of_o scruple_n and_o perplexity_n my_o world_n over_o use_v of_o treacle_n hot_a and_o dry_a in_o my_o youth_n first_o breed_v the_o alteration_n in_o my_o body_n and_o mind_n i_o know_v not_o what_o i_o ail_v nor_o whence_o it_o proceed_v but_o enforce_o yield_v to_o melancholy_a effect_n such_o as_o retiredness_n over-reading_a and_o over-thinking_a little_a as_o then_o conceive_v how_o the_o body_n shall_v become_v oppress_v by_o so_o abstract_v a_o thing_n as_o the_o mind_n my_o first_o study_n in_o the_o way_n of_o morality_n and_o scepticism_n take_v off_o my_o edge_n from_o worldly_a delight_n god_n good_a spirit_n afterward_o be_v a_o check_n to_o i_o against_o they_o by_o who_o mercy_n i_o be_v never_o free_a from_o perplexity_n till_o of_o late_a i_o will_v by_o his_o grace_n fix_v myself_o upon_o he_o and_o leave_v off_o to_o ruminate_v upon_o much_o more_o to_o enumerate_v my_o infinite_a past_a misgovernment_n and_o misfortune_n god_n be_v praise_v my_o son_n beginning_n be_v as_o well_o if_o not_o better_o than_o ever_o yet_o be_v any_o of_o our_o family_n cross_a tide_n they_o say_v make_v
especial_o of_o nature_n course_n and_o proceed_n their_o true_a and_o real_a motive_n spring_n and_o way_n be_v in_o most_o important_a effect_n secret_a conceal_v and_o disguise_v ordinary_o hide_v in_o their_o original_n even_o from_o ourselves_o that_o act_n we_o may_v take_v copy_n of_o other_o face_n but_o not_o of_o their_o heart_n with_o any_o assurance_n it_o have_v be_v a_o honest_a advice_n to_o keep_v a_o corner_n of_o our_o heart_n to_o ourselves_o and_o if_o a_o honest_a heart_n ought_v not_o in_o point_n of_o discretion_n to_o expose_v itself_o what_o truth_n be_v to_o be_v expect_v from_o hypocrisy_n and_o dissimulation_n one_o absurdity_n admit_v a_o thousand_o follow_v and_o to_o the_o foundation_n of_o my_o disease_n lay_v in_o the_o excess_n of_o treacle_n infinite_a have_v be_v the_o effect_n and_o my_o suffering_n which_o have_v fly_v from_o that_o and_o other_o concur_v circumstance_n i_o have_v at_o the_o entrance_n of_o my_o alteration_n be_v ready_a to_o sink_v at_o the_o table_n i_o have_v many_o year_n since_o travail_v and_o sleep_v with_o cordial_n at_o hand_n to_o keep_v i_o alive_a nor_o leave_v i_o they_o till_o a_o hearty_a friend_n tell_v i_o the_o heart_n must_v comfort_v the_o heart_n which_o yet_o be_v lame_a and_o ineffectual_a in_o my_o strong_a resolution_n till_o i_o have_v recourse_n to_o god_n the_o only_a true_a spirit_n of_o courage_n and_o resolution_n to_o a_o curious_a and_o well-affected_a mind_n and_o a_o weather-beaten_a soul_n there_o be_v no_o other_o refuge_n or_o harbour_n of_o safety_n satisfaction_n and_o tranquillity_n there_o be_v climate_n where_o it_o seldom_o or_o never_o rain_v other_o which_o cloud_n malusque_fw-la jupiter_n urgent_a in_o one_o and_o the_o same_o country_n where_o the_o earth_n and_o heaven_n in_o their_o constant_a season_n shall_v be_v as_o constant_o dispose_v yet_o do_v the_o same_o time_n of_o the_o year_n prove_v sometime_o cold_a and_o wet_a sometime_o hot_a and_o dry_a the_o material_n and_o circumstance_n appear_v the_o same_o this_o must_v rise_v from_o secret_a spring_n and_o combination_n above_o the_o reach_n of_o our_o discourse_n the_o same_o diversity_n and_o contrariety_n of_o effect_n befall_v man_n in_o their_o fortune_n howsoever_o in_o appearance_n equal_o constitute_v god_n be_v the_o cause_n of_o cause_n he_o have_v in_o all_o time_n and_o country_n provide_v wonder_n above_o the_o ordinary_a course_n of_o nature_n to_o humble_a and_o convince_v our_o humane_a presumption_n i_o have_v a_o body_n and_o a_o mind_n so_o strong_o build_v that_o have_v not_o my_o spiritual_a and_o intellectual_a part_n predominate_v in_o i_o to_o withdraw_v i_o from_o a_o base_a vulgar_a abandon_v myself_o to_o sensuality_n no_o man_n in_o probability_n can_v better_o have_v subsist_v and_o maintain_v himself_o against_o ordinary_a course_n of_o dissolution_n and_o debauch_n i_o have_v a_o spirit_n natural_o temper_v to_o contain_v and_o contract_v itself_o above_o all_o excess_n but_o it_o be_v own_o and_o even_o that_o as_o well_o as_o another_o it_o may_v have_v bridle_v have_v not_o melancholy_a and_o other_o adverse_a condition_n surprise_v and_o master_v it_o betray_v unto_o they_o under_o colour_n of_o friendship_n the_o blood_n be_v say_v to_o be_v the_o bridle_n of_o all_o humour_n that_o i_o lose_v and_o much_o of_o my_o good_a â—_z with_o it_o in_o the_o conflict_n but_o god_n have_v prove_v a_o better_a bridle_n a_o better_a spirit_n unto_o i_o innocent_a and_o groundless_a blush_n proceed_v from_o the_o tenuity_n and_o waste_n of_o my_o blood_n and_o spirit_n have_v be_v none_o of_o my_o least_o importune_a and_o prejudicial_a symptom_n such_o weakness_n join_v with_o a_o strong_a fancy_n have_v make_v i_o subject_a to_o blush_v not_o only_o to_o myself_o alone_o but_o upon_o any_o surprise_n of_o mention_n and_o conceit_n not_o only_o upon_o any_o real_a occasion_n but_o upon_o what_o there_o may_v be_v so_o much_o as_o a_o possibility_n of_o in_o the_o apprehension_n of_o another_o i_o have_v take_v myself_o blush_v at_o the_o appear_a or_o name_n of_o a_o woman_n who_o have_v she_o be_v eve_n and_o i_o adam_n the_o humane_a race_n will_v have_v be_v in_o great_a danger_n of_o fail_v at_o length_n custom_n and_o comply_v with_o a_o conceit_a expectation_n of_o other_o produce_v it_o etc._n etc._n god_n have_v by_o his_o extraordinary_a grace_n upon_o my_o humiliation_n furnish_v i_o with_o as_o strange_a mean_n to_o subsist_v as_o i_o at_o the_o first_o find_v extravagant_a mean_n to_o keep_v low_a and_o oppress_v myself_o in_o the_o depth_n of_o melancholy_a i_o have_v not_o find_v so_o much_o as_o a_o melancholy_a dream_n my_o spirit_n have_v take_v root_n from_o above_o and_o have_v grow_v upon_o it_o long_o since_o after_o a_o great_a disease_n i_o have_v such_o a_o tenderness_n of_o spirit_n and_o humour_n that_o a_o thick_a cloud_n can_v not_o pass_v over_o i_o but_o i_o feel_v a_o alteration_n upon_o it_o it_o be_v strange_a how_o a_o transient_a thought_n will_v work_v and_o give_v a_o sudden_a stroke_n to_o a_o remote_a and_o ill-affected_a weaken_a part_n of_o the_o body_n the_o mind_n work_v not_o alone_o by_o the_o heart_n and_o brain_n as_o be_v vulgar_o conceive_v but_o the_o praecordia_fw-la and_o all_o part_n more_o or_o less_o contribute_v and_o be_v affect_v therein_o and_o god_n have_v bless_v i_o with_o a_o mind_n so_o strong_a that_o it_o ever_o discharge_v itself_o in_o its_o passion_n and_o error_n more_o in_o my_o body_n then_o its_o own_o suffering_n but_o they_o be_v still_o hypocrates_n his_o twin_n and_o must_v weep_v or_o laugh_v together_o i_o have_v now_o disburden_v myself_o of_o all_o trouble_n but_o this_o of_o writing_n i_o be_o too_o inexhaustible_a therein_o weary_a i_o it_o do_v satisfy_v i_o it_o can_v i_o will_v change_v the_o scene_n and_o see_v i_o find_v myself_o so_o ill_a a_o companion_n i_o will_v seek_v better_a company_n i_o have_v ever_o be_v overhard_a to_o please_v in_o conversation_n my_o present_a affection_n and_o habit_n make_v i_o now_o more_o dainty_a what_o shall_v i_o do_v i_o have_v by_o god_n great_a grace_n recover_v in_o great_a part_n those_o jewel_n of_o peace_n and_o health_n which_o i_o have_v long_o lose_v therefore_o i_o will_v no_o long_o rake_v in_o this_o puddle_n nor_o abuse_v his_o grace_n in_o overbold_a and_o indiscreet_a presumption_n like_o the_o stranger_n belong_v to_o another_o country_n i_o will_v transitory_o please_v myself_o and_o converse_v with_o the_o common_a passion_n and_o interest_n of_o this_o world_n i_o will_v spend_v my_o time_n in_o search_n of_o goodness_n and_o will_v make_v much_o of_o it_o where_o i_o find_v it_o i_o will_v wash_v my_o hand_n in_o innocency_n my_o soul_n in_o my_o saviour_n blood_n and_o wrap_v myself_o in_o my_o own_o virtue_n and_o his_o merit_n rely_v on_o his_o neverfailing_a mercy_n amen_n amen_n march_n 1._o 1637._o though_o friend_n be_v absent_a conversation_n lose_v my_o bating_n soul_n oft_o labour_v in_o itself_o by_o wind_n and_o fortune_n on_o the_o black_a sea_n toss_v thou_o present_v lord_n i_o fear_v nor_o wave_n nor_o shelf_n thou_o father_n brother_n art_n and_o friend_n to_o i_o be_v the_o world_n who_o it_o list_v so_o thou_o be_v i_o they_o never_o miscarry_v who_o rely_v on_o thou_o grace_n storm_n dispell_n more_o strong_a than_o they_o combine_v all_o thrive_v where_o thou_o the_o prune_a gardener_n be_v to_o thy_o plant_n blast_n frugal_a blessing_n prove_v though_o summer_n height_n and_o flourish_a impart_v winter_n give_v strength_n and_o timber_n to_o the_o grove_n to_o thou_o all_o suffering_n end_v in_o joy_n and_o rest_n and_o the_o absence_n of_o a_o wicked_a world_n be_v best_a force_a delight_n and_o contentment_n be_v no_o delight_n or_o contentment_n dispose_v oh_o lord_n my_o affection_n and_o i_o be_o happy_a until_o i_o have_v digest_v the_o tough_a morsel_n and_o crudity_n of_o this_o world_n i_o can_v never_o have_v have_v peace_n and_o quiet_a jockey_n and_o his_o horse_n be_v by_o their_o master_n send_v to_o honour_v he_o in_o hunt_v run_z and_o race_n to_o put_v in_o for_o the_o bell_n and_o take_v content_a in_o honest_a sort_n fit_v fair_a time_n and_o place_n in_o pride_n of_o nature_n fit_a for_o any_o sport_n jolly_a and_o lusty_a both_o at_o first_o they_o be_v but_o short_o after_o both_o of_o they_o fall_v short_a what_o by_o mischance_n by_o ill-advise_a and_o care_n soon_o he_o become_v engage_v to_o a_o match_n which_o cost_v he_o dear_a both_o on_o the_o by_o and_o main_a he_o think_v himself_o no_o easy_a piece_n to_o catch_v but_o know_v not_o to_o resist_v so_o strong_a a_o train_n he_o now_o conject_v he_o can_v not_o hope_v to_o win_v except_o his_o horse_n be_v straight_o diet_v such_o course_n