off by sunne-set will not fit him down or lay himself to sleep but get on horse-backe and be riding onward on his way and he that hopes to liue long will not starue himselfe but vse the best diet for preseruing his life 4. It makes me fit my selfe by holinesse for that which I hope for namely the full fruition of the glorious ous presence of the perfectly-pure and holy God in heauen according to that of the Apostle Å¿ 1 Ioh. 3.3 Euery one that hath this hope in him purifieth himselfe euen as God is pure not vnlike to one who hoping to get accesse into the presence of the King with his petition doth addresse himselfe in all sutabe manner both in apparell behauiour and speech for the presence of his Soueraigne Min. It appeares your hope is found and good euen that t Rom. 5.4 which maketh not ashamed and the God of hope fill you therewith and grant that you may abound therein through the Holy Ghost But by what other signe doe you know that you shall bee saued Con. I finde in my heart a true loue of God now I haue learned out of the word that the Lord hath promised the crowne of life to them that loue him c. I make no question but hee will bee as good as his word who neuer failed therein since the world began therefore I know that the crowne of life is mine Min. All say they loue God and professe great friendship to him neuerthelesse most flatter him with their mouth and lye vnto him with their tongues for their heart is not right with him How know you then that you loue him in truth Con. 7. Notes of true loue of God Whereas there are three things in loue affection to the thing beloued a desire of coniunction with it and a well-pleasing contentment taken in the enioying of it all these I find in some measure in mee toward my God so that I know I loue him truly which I further proue by these notes First because I prize and estimate him aboue all worldly things yea mine owne life so that I can truely say with that blessed Martyr Ignatius Eus l. 2. c. 36. I esteeme no visible thing nor yet inuisible so that I may haue Christ u Phil. 3.8 yea doubtlesse I count all things but losse in comparison of him and do count them but dung that I may winne him Neither is this a mercenarie loue hired with the wages of reward for though there were no heauen O Lord I would loue thee but seeing there is a heauen I will account of it and labour to obtaine it yet still will I loue thee for thy goodnesse sake O Lord for thou thy selfe art reward enough though there were no more Secondly I am carefull and vnfainedly desirous to please the Lord in all things euen as we see that men are loth to crosse or displease those whom they entirely loue and affect Heerupon I giue my selfe to loue that which hee loueth and to hate that which he hateth * Ps 45.7 He loueth righteousnes and hateth wickednes and so doe I though not in equality for that is impossible yet in similitude and conformity for it is required and expected as the Prophet saith * Ps 9.10 They that loue the Lord hate euill thus I endeuour my selfe y 1 Ioh. 4.17 as God is euen so to bee in this worldr Thirdly a man may knowe his loue to any thing by the zeale and heat of affection whereby he is carried to that thing which hee loueth Thus euery man is transported and as it were eaten vp with one zeale or other some with the zeale of pleasure as Esau was who for a messe of pottage sould his birth-right some with the zeale of honour as Absalom was who for to gette a kingdome sought to draw bloud of his owne father some with the zeale of money as Iudas was who for his thirty peeces sold his Lord Sauiour By my zeale I know my loue to God for tho I bee not eaten vp with zeale as z Ps 69 9. Dauid was oh I would I were so too yet I feele it burning within mee as a Ier. 20.9 Ieremiah did my heart is hot within me and the fire kindled my zeale carrieth mee to God Fourthly I loue his b Ps 119.97 Qui diligit legem diligit regem word and sacraments prayer and all other holy exercises whereby as I haue gracious intercourse and heauenly conference with the blessed Trinity so in especiall with Christ my wel-beloued who therin causeth mee to heare his sweet voyce and to see his louely countenance for which cause I also loue the house of God so that I can no lesse heartily than merrily sing the note of the Prophet Dauid O Lord I haue loued the habitation of thine house and the place where thine honour dwelleth and another of the same O Lord of Hostes how amiable are thy tabernacles my soule longeth yea euen fainteth for the Courts of the Lord my heart and my flesh cryeth out for the liuing GOD. Fiftly I loue his c Mat. 10.40 messengers and embassadors the Preachers of his word which are sent vnto mee from God to treat about conclusions of peace beseeching mee in Christs stead to bee reconciled to God O how beautifull are the feete of him that bringeth these good tidings that publisheth peace that bringeth good tidings of good that publisheth saluation to me Sixtly I long for the comming of Christ not as though I could no longer beare for impatiencie the miseries of this life which are but light in comparison of the weight of glory but that I might bee married for euer vnto Christ my Loue in perfect ioy and harts delight being now but espoused onely to him and that I might be perfectly freed from all sinne whereby I grieue both him and my selfe and alwaies praise his name in heauen How long Lord how long thou hast d Re. 22.20 said Surely I come quickly Amen Euen so come Lord Iesus Min. Thus it appears that the loue of God will warrant a man as it doth you no les than heauen but what say you now of loue to Gods people may not that bee ranked among the euidences of your saluation Conuert Yes without doubt For The tenth signe of saluation taken out of 1 Ioh 3.14 heereby we know saith S. Iohn that he haue passed from death vnto life because we loue the brethren these doe I loue that is the children of God and such as are godly and these will I loue for euer knowing that loue is such a debt as I shall be alwaies owing and yet I must and will bee euer paying I will striue to be rather a creditour than a debtor heerin and will not only returne to the Saints of God the loue of loue the same measure that I receiue from them but euen vsury and aduantage of loue and I would to God there
were as many paied vse for loue as doe in these dayes pay vse for money Then should they be no whit impouerished lesse in the vsurers books more in Gods and so would it be a better world Min. Whereas you say you loue the godly it may be that is onely because they are friendly to you or because you receiue or hope to receiue some outward kindnes and benefit from some such if your loue be no other than this it is but selfe-loue beeing grounded meerely vpon your owne priuate commoditie and this kinde of loue may bee found in an vnregenerate and carnall man Con. It is not so with me for though happily I may regard some such for some such respects as you name yet if I should not loue the child of God for his own sake and for his and my fathers sake more than I loue my worldly friend for my cōmodities sake or my kinsman for neerenesse of bloud I should bee void of any sparke of true heauenly loue therfore I chiefly loue the godly for their goodnes and godlinesse sake the ground of my loue vnto them is the image of god in them This is that diuine load-stone which drawes my affection toward them Minist How can you make it appeare that you loue them with a right affection Con. Thus 1. because I loue some such in the * In abstracto abstract euen when they are seuered and separate from all externall respects and grounds of loue to mee-ward as 4 Notes of true loue to Gods children when I heare or reade of the zeale piety constancy heauenly vertues and gracious endeauours of the worthy seruants of God such as I neuer knew nor had any dealing with yet I finde that I loue them and feele the affection of my heart spreading it selfe towards them to embrace them which cannot be for carnal respects nor worldly hopes for it may bee some of them are dead and gone and thus I loue the Saints departed which are now in heau'n sometimes also I haue knowne and loued some worthy Christians who then haue flowed with worldly prosperity but after haue fallen to a very low ebbe of great aduersity when the world hath bidde them adieu friends wealth goods haue altogether taken their leaues yet then haue I loued them as dearely as euer I did before whereby it appeared that my loue was not grounded vpon worldly regards which all forsooke them but vpon their goodnes and godlines which still continued with them Secondly I much affect the godly and delight exceedingly in their cōpanie yea of such as are nothing of kin vnto mee that e Ro. 1.12 wee may bee edified through our mutual faith whereas I care not for the company of others wanting true godlinesse though they may be perhappes of my very neere kindred So that I can truely say f Psa 16.3 As for the Saints that are in the earth and the excellent in them is all my delight but as for others I haue hated the assembly of euill doers and will not sit with the wicked and if of necessitie I bee forced to bee in their company then am I readie to wish with the Prophet O that I had wings lik a Doue then would I flie away and be at rest or if this ô will not set mee at libertie then I take vp woe to expresse my misery Woe is me that I soiourne in Mesech that I dwell in the tents of Kedar 3. I haue a fellow-feeling of the miseries of the Saints my deare Christian brethren and sisters which works in mee compassion and makes my heart euen ake and bowels yearn within me to see their grief and behold them in necessitie Whereby I perceiue that I haue the true affection of a fellow-member for if one member suffer all the members suffer with it Fourthly I finde in mee a willingnesse in some measure to impart my selfe vnto them in life and goods soule and bodie so far as I canne to affoord them helpe and succour for as it is truely said of faith that * Fides toto copulatiua it is wholly copulatiue wholly employed in coupling vs to Christ so may it as truly bee said of loue that it is * Charitas communicatius wholly communicate imployed in imparting it selfe and what it hath to others for their good Faith is as the leads and pipes to bring in and loue is as the cock of the conduit to let out Now for as much as my loue is thus communicatiue to the children of God because they are his children heereby I also see that it is of the right kinde Min. Alledge some other sure signe of your saluation For the more the better man the richer you are in the true treasure the more comfort may you haue thereby Con. The Lord hath promised to fulfill the desire of them that feare him The eleuenth sign of saluatiō taken out of Psal 145.19 that he wil heare their cry and will saue them Now I finde in some measure in mee the true feare of God and though I say not of my selfe as the Scripture saith of Obadiah that g 1 Kings 18.3 hee feared God greatly yet this I can say that I desire to feare God greatly and this I dare say in despight of the diuell that I feare GOD truely Therefore I shall be saued certainly according to Gods holy word of truth Min. St. IOHN telles vs that there is no feare in loue but that perfect loue casteth out feare Seeing then you loue God how can you bee said to feare him how can these two stand peaceably together Con. Very well for there is a two-fold feare of God the first is a slauish and seruile feare in horrour to dread his maiestie as a seuere reuenging Iudge eyther executing his iudgements or readie to take vengeance on his enemies Thus all impenitent persons and the Diuels feare him and onely thus and therefore hate him wishing there were no God And this is the meaning of Saint Iames when hee saith h Iam. 2.19 The Diuels beleeue and tremble The second is a childe-like feare in awefull reuerence and loue toward God to be carefull not to offend him now this feare is the true naturall birth of loue being bred and brought forth of it Looke then as Sarah cast out Ismael the seed of the bond-woman but would not cast out her owne deare sonne Isaac euen so the loue of GOD doth cast out of mee by degrees the seed of bondage the slauish feare but not her owne birth the awefull and holy feare of God but cherisheth and nourisheth this continually in mee and is as a nurse vnto it so that now I feare not so much that God will condemne me as that I may not offend him so good so louing a father to mee euen as a good ingenious childe feares to offend his father for very loue but feares not that his father will cut his throat or murder
I haue alledged and diuers others whereas presumption doth only suggest that conceit vnto men but proues it not so that when they are asked why they thinke they shall bee saued they are not able to alleage any sound sufficient reason for the same 3. The witnes within me speaks the same that the word of God doth without me both being the voice of the self-same spirit of God which cannot contradict it selfe but presumptuous presumption speakes contrary to Gods word for whereas the Scripture saith h Mat. 18.13 Vnlesse a man bee conuerted hee cannot enter into the kingdome of God and i 1 Cor. 6.9 the vnrighteous shall not inherit the kingdome of God and k Heb. 12.14 without holinesse no man shall see the Lord and that the Lord will take l 1 Thes 1. vengeance on them that know him not and obey not the Gospell of our Lord Iesus Christ yet presumption beares men in hanâ— they shall be saued howsoeuer and is ready to buzze into their eares â—alas good Sir pitie your selfe these things shall not bee vnto you 4. Gods spirit doth as well m Rom. 8.27 make intercession for mee as witnes to me and therefore brings mee to God making me pray earnestly and feruently to him from a sense and feeling of my manifold sinnes with groanings which cannot be vttered but presumption driues men further from God neither worketh any such feruent prayer in them 5. Gods spirit brings forth the fruits of the Spirit in mee as loue ioy peace long-suffering gentlenes goodnes c. Gal. 5.22 whereas presumption as it is of the flesh so it yeelds the fruits of the flesh as adultery fornication vncleannesse wantonnesse hatred variance wrath strife enuyings murders drunkennesse reuellings and such like Gal. 5.19 and these are the common fruits of these daies which grow more commonly in townes and houses then crabs doe in woods and hedgrowes They which bring forth such fruits as these giue heede to the witch that speakes within them the spirit of Sathan who tells them they shall bee saued as as soone as the best and they beleeue him but I will heare what God the Lord will speake for hee will speake peace vnto his people and to his Saints Yea O Lord let mee heare this thy voyce within mee speake lowder that I may heare thee better O say vnto my soule I am thy saluation Min. There may appeare as manifest a difference betweene the witnesse of Gods holy spirit and the lying suggestion of the Diuell to such as are not wilfully blinde as is betweene light and darknesse truth and falshood But lest I be burdensome to you name one signe more of your saluation and that shall suffice Con. It is no whit irkesome to the men of this world to looke on their gold and siluer their deedes and leases nay they take a meruailous pleasure and delight therein why then should it be burdensome to the children of God to view and looke ouer the markes of their saluation seeing these are much more precious then gold that perisheth But for as much as you require but one signe more I will endeauor to comprehend all vnder one In summe then I perceiue that I am one of those whom God hath faithfully promised in his word to saue The fifteenth signe of saluation for though a number of men yea the greatest number thinke to get heauen though they haue neither scrip nor scrole to shew for it yet I haue both Gods word and his writing to shew or rather his word in writing that heauen belongs to me Now the Scripture is a true copie and draught of the booke of life taken out of the court of heauen by Gods owne hand so that there can be no error in it Hereby I know that my name is written in the booke of life because I finde my selfe enroled in Gods holy scripture among those to whom he hath promised eternall life Min. Indeede If you be of that number there is no doubt but you shall be saued For n 2. Tim. 2.13 he abideth faithfull hee cannot deny himselfe but are you sure that you are such a one Con. Though all that I haue hitherto said and the signes which I haue produced drawne out of Scripture and grounded thereon doe verifie the same yet if you will giue mee leaue I will further proue it by other expresse texts of Scripture though the same for the most part in substance with that I haue already said that as you haue seene my speciall euidences truely taken out of the graund copie so now you may also see the grand copy it selfe in the volume of which book I finde it written of me and that in sundry places that I shall bee saued Min. This would I gladly see proceed then to shew it Con. God in his word hath promised that o Ps 34.8 hee will bee nigh vnto them that are of a broken heart and that hee will saue such as hee of a contrite spirit he himselfe hath vndertaken the cure of such p Psal 147 Hee healeth those that are broken in heart and bindeth vp their wounds as it is in the Psalme and a wonderfull cure indeede he will work vpon them euen then when all helps do vtterly giue them ouer hee like the good Samaritane will binde vp their wounds and poure in the oile of comfort and wine of gladnesse hee will take them in his armes and bring them q Can. 1.4 into his Chambers hee will take the care of them and worke the cure on them for none can doe it but hee none can cure throughly the heart-wound and such as are sicke thereof but onely God Such a one am I I am bruised and broken in heart and spirit and distressed in conscience for my sinfulnesse and wretchednesse hauing by my sinnes O my sins so many great and grieuous deserued no lesse then the heauy wrath of God O wretched man that I am who shall deliuer mee from sin that vnwelcome guest nay that deadly enemy I thanke my God through Christ for by him I haue deliuerance Oh still vouchsafe deere God to visite mee thy poore patient and though I be not worthy with the Centurion that thou shouldst come vnder my Roofe yet farre bee it from mee to say as Peter r Luk. 5.8 Lord depart from mee for I am a sinful man nay rather therefore come to me for I haue the more neede of thee the whole neede not the Physition but the sicke as I am thou lookest for such a Patient sweet Iesus and I lacke such a Physition as thou art Oh bee pleased to come home vnto mee poure forth some more of thy precious oyle into my wounded heart Oh spread a plaister of thine owne heart blood and apply it to my soule r Can. 2.5 Stay me with thy flagons and comfort mee with thy apples for I am sick of loue My heart is wounded within mee but seeing thou hast
the wants weakenesse of grace answered I finde in mee such a poore and weake measure of grace that at times I make question whether there bee any true grace at all in me I haue not such a feeling of faith as I desire nor of that ioy which at other times I haue felt especially at my first conuersion I am also affraide that I grieue not enough for my sinnes sure I am not so much as I would which makes me doubt whether these graces bee in me at all and whether I were euer truely conuerted Min. How do you ouercom this Diuell when hee thus grapples with you Con. Thus I encounter him I remember what I haue learned that they which see and heartily bewail in themselues the want of grace cannot possibly bee without true grace and the Lord respecteth not so much the quantity of grace as the quality thereof not how much but whether it bee of the right kinde so that if it bee truely in mee though but as a graine of mustard-seed it is accepted with him And as for feeling it is no sure rule to try my estate by faith without feeling is stronger and more precious then faith with feeling It was not so much ſ Ioh. 20.29 for Thomas to beleeue when hee saw and felt as if hee had done neither It is nothing for a childe being dandled in the lap to thinke his father loues him but when his father frownes and lowers vpon him then to bee perswaded of his loue is something indeed And I stand bound in conscience as well to beleeue when I want feeling as when I haue it for Gods commandement of beleeuing is not confined to the condition of reason experience and feeling nay he is the best scholar in Gods schoole that reasons least vpon these grounds and assents most I must not therefore beleeue according to my feeling of comfort but must beleeue better that I may feele more comfort And as for my ioy I call t Psal 77.6 Psal 143.5 to minde the comfortable experience that I haue had at times heeretofore of my conuersion and the liuely feeling of grace working in mee and that sweet consolation which I haue had in the assurance of the fauour of God in former times Heereby I relieue my selfe and gather that true grace is in mee though at the present it doth not so cleerely manifest it selfe for ioy is more perceiued of some at their first conuersion than euer after but it is because of the newnesse strangenesse and suddennesse of it which makes a deeper impression and causeth greater admiration for it may bee more after like as one that is brought out of some deepe and darke dungeon wherein hee hath been enclosed all his life before into the sun-shine more ioyes in it at his first comming forth then after when he hath been daily wonted to it and yet may enioy more cleare and lightsome daies by farre then at the first and may enioy also more constant and continuall comfort thereby and like as a begger that is aduanced to some very great and vnexpected honor ioyes more at the first therein than afterward and yet his dignities and reuenues may daily increase and grow farre greater than at the first and like as the Ghurch at their first returne out of captiuitie had their u Psal 12 6 2. mouth filled with laughter and their tongue with singing and yet inioyed more good and comfortable dayes after in the peaceable seruice and worship of God then at their first returne As touching my griefe for sinne though it makes mee hang down my head to see the largenesse of Dauids heart this way and the straightnesse of mine for hee u Psal 6. made his bed to swimme and watered his couch with his teares and I can hardly shed on teare for my fins yet in that I am afraid that I doe not grieue enough yea and therefore grieue because I can grieue no more it is heereby euident that I would faine grieue more which the Lord accepts of for if there be first a x 2 Cor. 8.12 willing minde it is accepted according to that a man hath and not according to that hee hath not and secondly though in the intention of my affection Perk. Cas Con. my sorrow for sinne seemes little and lesse then my sorrow for worldly losses yet in the estimation of my minde it is greater because I grieue for my sinne as the greatest euill of all and so in truth of iudgement doe account it and grieue for the losse of Gods fauour as for the losse of the most precious and excellent thing of all and thus I see that my weaknesse in grace is no iust cause to make mee think that I haue no grace no not in the least measure Min. I pray you proceed further to shew Satans cunning in seeking to vnsettle and subuert you Con. The multitude and greatnesse of my sinnes which Sathan sets before me doe now and then much dismay and affright me and make me almost faint I cā say with the Prophet Dauid y Ps 40.12 Innumerable euils haue compassed mee about mine iniquities haue taken hold vpon mee Doubting because of the multitude and greatnesse of sin answered so that I am not able to looke vp they are more then ths hayres of my head therefore my heart faileth mee And beside outward sinnes I am inwardly much oppressed with hardnesse of heart coldnesse of good affection dulnesse of spirit barrennesse of good thoughts motions and desires with manifold foule corruptions I perceiue also sundry imperfections in my prayers and in the best duties so that when I looke backe on the seruice which I performe to God I finde it such simple patched and broken seruice that I feare least hee should account it vs sinne vnto mee and that it should bee as abomination to him and that hee should abhorre both mee and it Min. How doe you beate backe this temptation Con. First for my sins I learn and beleeue that God is able to forgiue my greatest sins as well as the least yea all though bloody sinnes z Esa 1.16 18. as red as scarlet and though they be innumerable for his mercy far passeth my sinnes yea the sinnes of the whole world Great is the Hell of my sinnes saith one But greater is the depth of thy mercies O Lord. This bottomlesse deepe is not like a 2 Kin. 19.24 those pooles about Ierusalem which might bee dried vp with the tramplings of horse and horsemen but such as all the sinnes of a thousand worlds cannot drie vp Augustine I remember a speech of an ancient Father to this purpose who vpon those words of Cain My sinnes are greater then can bee forgiuen saith Thou lyest Caine the mercies of God are greater than the sinnes of all the world and no maruell for the mercy of God hath all dimensions It is so deepe that it brought vp Dauids soule from the
nethermost hell it is so high that b Ps 36.5 it reacheth to the heauens it is of such admirable length bredth that it c Ps 103.12 remoueth our fins as farre from vs as the East is from the West And the cause why the sinnes of all the world are not pardoned is not because Gods mercy cannot pardon them but because they cannot repent that they might bee pardoned So then I make no doubt but that God of his mercy is able to forgiue my sinnes bee they what they will bee yea and further vpon my vnfained repentance hee will forgiue them if I repent he will forgiue for wee cannot be so sinfull as hee will be mercifull if for our sinnes wee bee heartily sorrowfull For this hee hath promised and by this his promise is become indebted to vs whereas we onely by our sinnes were debtors to him so that now he is not only a mercifull creditor to vs content to release the debts of our sinnes but also by his promise become our debtor vpon our repentance to giue vs a pardon and vpon our pardon to giue vs heauen O vnspeakable mercy Well sure I am he is a true debtor and will pay what he hath vndertaken therefore I am perswaded hee will forgiue my sins for seeing when hee knew all the sinnes that euer I should commit hee would notwithstanding in loue send his sonne to be my Sauiour whereas he hath now by his death made full satisfaction for them shall I thinke the Lord will stick at the pardon of them Now as concerning the hardnes of my heart I see I neede the lesse to feare it in regard I haue a sight and sense thereof and vnfainedly bewaile the same For like as it is with a greene wound if it bleede well when it is made there is the lesse feare of rankling more good hope of curing so for as much as I feele my heart bleed in bewayling the hardnes of it I see there is the lesse dāger of festering inwardly to the destruction of my soule For my weaknes in the seruice of God though Sathan would hereby take occasion to keep me from the word prayer and Sacraments perswading mee that I doe but take the name of God in vaine and prophane his worship and increase my own condemnation yet I am resolued to try masteries with him and not to neglect Gods seruice and these holy exercises at any hand for if hee could once get mee at this bay hee would triumph indeed and I further consider to my comfort that God measureth the obedience yeelded to him rather by the * Deus magis delectatur affectu quam effectis desire and will to obey than by the large and exact performance thereof Though therefore I doe not all the good I would yet seeing in loue I desire to doe it and though I bee not wholly rid of all the euill I hate yet seing in hatred thereof I desire to be rid of it God will accept of that which I doe and will impute vnto me that which I desire Min. What is it else that doth disquiet your minde and interrupt your peace Con. Sometimes I feare that all the grace which I haue conceiued to bee in me Doubting proceeding from fear of hypocrisie answered and all that I do at any time in the seruice and worship of God and the holinesse which I make shew of is but all in hypocrisie which my conceit growes the stronger on mee because I see sometimes some who haue been accounted very rare Christians farre excelling mee in knowledge seeming-zeale forwardnesse and other gifts and yet haue fearefully fallen away from the grace of God and so fowly discouered themselues that it hath appeared euidently they neuer had the soundnes of grace in them Min. This is a slie temptation indeed for thus the Diuell transformes himselfe into an Angell of light as though hee loued sincerity and would haue men sincere whereas hee hates nothing more and therefore while hee thus goes about to condemne you of hypocrisie hee shewes himselfe a damned hypocrite but how deale you with this subtile suggestion Con. First I see I haue no warrant to take so neere to heart the fearefull examples of backsliding hypocrites as to question mine owne estate therefore for tho some earthy comets and muddie meteors are drawne aloft sometimes and make a great blaze than the true starres of light but after a short time vanish away yet the true stars must not therefore nor will not leaue their place or shining and though the wolues somtimes goe in sheeps clothing * Non debet ouis pellensuam deponere quod lupi aliquādo se ca cōtegāt Aug. yet must not the sheepe therefore forgoe their clothing and thinke themselues to bee wolues Secondly I consider that to see feare and shun hypocrisie is to bee sincere Whiles then I feare it I haue the lesser cause to feare the danger of it and am the further from it Thirdly I desire rather to be good than to seem to be so and to do good rather than to seeme to doe it therefore I am not an hypocrite for hee desires the contrary he lookes chiefly to the outside I to the inside to my heart I haue an eye to that to keepe it in good temper The good temper of the heart especially in two respects 1. Supple and soluble that is alwaies humble for else I cannot bee long in spirituall health and 2. alwaies hungry keeping in my heart an appetite vnto Christ by faith and vnto all good things in loue thereof and for the maintaining of my heart in this good temper I vse a daily good diet of the soule namely watchfulnes meditation prayer reading conference c. I am chiefly desirous and carefull to know how my estate indeed stands before God and therefore take paines to examine my selfe soundly and throughly and am very willing to bee tryed by others this working thorow-stitch the hypocrite cannot brooke 4. The hypocrite doth not vse to goe to God in d Mat. 6.5.6 secret by prayer when hee thinks none knowes sees or heares him and that in conscience being acquainted with the distresse of his owne soule and priuie to his owne corruptions to bewaile them to God and to cry for grace but this I doe neither yet would I haue once mentioned this my practice vnto you for feare of vaine-glory but that I now stand vpon my triall and must in this case produce all the witnesses I can Fiftly I finde in my selfe that I should bee full sorie that all should be but in hypocrisie in me O I would not for all the world it should be so yea I desire from my very heart that it may be in sincerity hereby I am perswaded that it is not in hypocrisie but in sincerity Min. You say well how else doe you withstand this temptation Con. I may perceiue in my greatest feare and doubting that some of the signes