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A57041 The third book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick containing the heroick deeds of Pantagruel the son of Gargantua / now faithfully translated into English by the unimitable pen of Sir Thomas Urwhart.; Pantagruel. English. 1693 Rabelais, François, ca. 1490-1553?; Urquhart, Thomas, Sir, 1611-1660. 1693 (1693) Wing R110; ESTC R26911 173,631 446

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dangerous Conspiration than that which Esope exposed in his Apologue Such a World will perish undoubtedly and not only perish but perish very quickly Were it Asculapius himself his Body would immediately rot and the chasing Soul full of Indignation take its Flight to all the Devils of Hell after my Money CHAP. IV. Panurge continueth his Discourse in the praise of Borrowers and Lenders ON the contrary be pleased to represent unto your Fancy another World wherein every one lendeth and every one oweth all are Debtors and all Creditors O how great will that Harmony be which shall thereby result from the regular Motions of the Heavens Me thinks I hear it every whit as well as ever Plato did What Sympathy will there be amongst the Elements O how delectable then unto Nature will be our own Works and Productions Whilst Ceres appeareth loaden with Corn Bacchus with Wines Flora with Flowers Pomona with Fruits and Iuno fair in a clear Air wholsom and pleasant I lose my self in this high Contemplation Then will among the Race of Mankind Peace Love Benevolence Fidelity Tranquility Rest Banquets Feastings Joy Gladness Gold Silver single Money Chains Rings with other Ware and Chaffer of that nature be found to trot from hand to hand no Suits at Law no Wars no Strife Debate nor wrangling none will be there an Usurer none will be there a Pinch-penny a Scrape-good Wretch or churlish hard-hearted Refuser Good God! Will not this be the Golden Age in the Reign of Saturn The true Idea of the Olympick Regions wherein all Vertues cease Charity alone ruleth governeth domineereth and triumpheth All will be fair and goodly People there all just and vertuous O happy World O People of that World most happy Yea thrice and four times blessed is that People I think in very deed that I am amongst them and swear to you by my good Forsooth that if this glorious aforesaid World had a Pope abounding with Cardinals that so he might have the Association of a Sacred Colledge in the space of very few years you should be sure to see the Sancts much thicker in the Roll more numerous wonder-working and mirifick more Services more Vows more Staves and Wax-Candles than are all those in the Nine Bishopricks of Britany St. Yves only excepted Consider Sir I pray you how the noble Patelin having a mind to Deity and extol even to the Third Heavens the Father of William Iosseaume said no more but this And he did lend his Goods to those who were desirous of them O the fine Saying Now let our Microcosm be fancied conform to this Model in all its Members lending borrowing and owing that is to say according to its own Nature For Nature hath not to any other end created Man but to owe borrow and lend no greater is the Harmony amongst the Heavenly Spheres than that which shall be found in its well-ordered Policy The Intention of the Founder of this Microcosm is to have a Soul therein to be entertained which ●● lodged there as a Guest with its Host it may live there for a while Life consisteth in Blood Blood is the Seat of the Soul therefore the chiefest Work of the Microcosm is to be making Blood continually At this Forge are exercised all the Members of the Body none is exempted from Labour each operates apart and doth its proper Office And such is their Hierarchy that perpetually the one borrows from the other the one lends the other and the one is the others Debtor The stuff and matter convenient which Nature giveth to be turned into Blood is Bread and Wine All kind of nourishing Victuals is understood to be comprehended in these two and from hence in the Gothish Tongue is called Companage To find out this Meat and Drink to prepare and boil it the Hands are put to Work the Feet do walk and bear up the whole Bulk of the Corporal Mass the Eyes guide and conduct all the Appetite in the Orifice of the Stomach by means of little sowrish black Humour called Melancholy which is transmitted thereto from the Milt giveth warning to shut in the Food The Tongue doth make the first Essay and tastes it the Teeth do chaw it and the Stomach doth receive digest and chylifie it the Mesaraick Veins suck out of it what is good and fit leaving behind the Excrements which are through special Conduits for that purpose voided by an expulsive Faculty thereafter it is carried to the Liver where it being changed again it by the vertue of that new Transmutation becomes Blood What Joy conjecture you will then be found amongst those Officers when they see this Rivolet of Gold which is their sole Restorative No greater is the Joy of Alchimists when after long Travel Toil and Expence they see in their Furnaces the Transmutation Then is it that every Member doth prepare it self and strive a-new to purifie and to refine this Treasure The Kidneys through the emulgent Veins draw that Aquosity from thence which you call Urine and there send it away through the Ureters to be slipt downwards where in a lower Recepticle and proper for it to wit the Bladder it is kept and stayeth there until an opportunity to void it out in his due time The Spleen draweth from the Blood its Terrestrial part viz. The Grounds Lees or thick Substance setled in the bottom thereof which you term Melancholy The Bottle of the Gall substracts from thence all the superfluous Choler whence it is brought to another Shop or Work-house to be yet better purified and fined that is the Heart which by its agitation of Diastolick and Systolick Motions so neatly subtilizeth and inflames it that in the right side Ventricle it is brought to perfection and through the Veins is sent to all the Members each parcel of the Body draws it then unto its self and after its own fashion is cherished and alimented by it Feet Hands Thighs Arms Eyes Ears Back Breast yea all and then it is that who before were Lender● now become Debtors The Heart doth in its left side Ventricle so thinnifie the Blood that it thereby obtains the Name of Spiritual which being sent through the Arteries to all the Members of the Body serveth to warm and winnow the other Blood which runneth through the Veins The Lights never cease with its Lappets and Bellows to cool and refresh it in acknowledgment of which good the Heart through the Arterial Vein imparts unto it the choicest of its Blood At last it is made so fine and subtle within the Rete Mirabilis that thereafter those Animal Spirits are framed and composed of it by means whereof the Imagination Discourse Judgment Resolution Deliberation Ratrocination and Memory have their Rise Actings and Operations Cops body I sink I drown I perish I wander astray and quite fly out of my self when I enter into the Consideration of the profound Abyss of this World thus lending thus owing Believe me it is a Divine thing
evident Let it not here be thought strange that I should call it an Animal seeing therein I do no otherwise than follow and adhere to the Doctrine of the Academick and Peripatetick Philosophers For if a proper Motion be a certain mark and infallible token of the Life and Animation of the Mover as Aristotle writeth and that any such thing as moveth of its self ought to be held Animated and of a Living Nature then assuredly Plato with very good reason did give it the Denomination of an Animal for that he perceived and observed in it the proper and self-stirring motions of Suffocation Precipitation Corrugation and of Indignation so extreamly violent that oftentimes by them is taken and removed from the Women all other sense and moving whatsoever as if she were in a swounding Lipothymy benumming Sincop Epileptick Apoplectick Palsey and true resemblance of a pale-faced Death Furthermore in the said Member there is a manifest discerning Faculty of Scents and Odours very perceptible to Women who feel it fly from what is rank and unsavoury and follow fragrant and Aromatick Smells It is not unknown to me how Cl. Gallen striveth with might and main to prove that these are not proper and particular Notions proceeding intrinsically from the thing it self but accidentally and by chance Nor hath it escaped my notice how others of that Sect have laboured hardly yea to the utmost of their Abilities to demonstrate that it is not a sensitive discerning or perception in it of the difference of Wafts and Smells but meerly a various manner of Vertue and Efficacy passing forth and flowing from the diversity of odoriferous Substances applied near unto it Nevertheless if you will studiously examine and seriously ponder and weigh in Critolaus's Balance the strength of their Reasons and Arguments you shall find that they not only in this but in several other matters also of the like nature have spoken at random and rather out of an ambitious Envy to check and reprehend their Betters than for any design to make enquiry into the solid Truth I will not launch my little Skif any further into the wide Ocean of this Dispute only will I tell you that the Praise and Commendation is not mean and slender which is due to those honest and good Women who living chastly and without blame have had the power and vertue to curb range and subdue that unbridled heady and wild Animal to an obedient submissive and obsequious yielding unto Reason Therefore here will I make an end of my Discourse thereon when I shall have told you that the said Animal being once satiated if it be possible that it can be contented or satisfied by that Aliment which Nature hath provided for it out of the Epididymal Store-house of Man all its former and irregular and disordered Motions are at an end laid and asswaged all its vehement and unruly Longings lulled pacified and quieted and all the furious and raging Lusts Appetites and Desires thereof appeased suppressed calmed and extinguished For this cause let it seem nothing strange unto you if we be in a perpetual Danger of being Cuckolds that is to say such of us as have not wherewithal fully to satisfie the Appetite and Expectation of that vo●acious Animal Ods Fish quoth Panurge have you no preventive Cure in all your Medicinal Art for hindring ones Head to be Horny-graffed at home whilst his Feet are plodding abroad Yes that I have my gallant Friend answered Rondibilis and that which is a Sovereign Remedy whereof I frequently make use my self and that you may the better relish it is set down and written in the Book of a most famous Author whose Renown is of a standing of two thousand Years Hearken and take good heed You are quoth Panurge by Cocks-Hobby a right honest Man and I love you with all my heart eat a little of this Quince-Pye it is very proper and convenient for the shutting up of the Orifice of the Ventricle of the Stomach because of a kind of astringent Stypticity which is in that sort of Fruit and is helpful to the first Concoction But what I think I speak Latin before Clerks Stay fill I give you somewhat to drink out of this Nestorian Goblet Will you have another Draught of white Hippocras Be not afraid of the Squinzy No There is neither Squinant Ginger nor Grains in it only a little choice Cinnamon and some of the best refined Sugar with the delicious White-wine of the Growth of that Vine which was set in the Slips of the great Sorbaple above the Wallnut-tree CHAP. XXXIII Rondibilis the Physician 's Cure of Cuckoldry AT that time quoth Randibilis when Iupitur took a view of the state of his Olympick House and Family and that he had made the Calender of all the Gods and Goddesses appointing unto the Festival of every one of them its proper day and season establishing certain fixed places and stations for the pronouncing of Oracles and relief of travelling Pilgrims and ordaining Victims Immolations and Sacrifices suitable and correspondent to the Dignity and Nature of the worshipped and adored Deity Did not he do asked Panurge therein as Tintouille the Bishop of Auxerre is said once to have done This Noble Prelate loved entirely the pure Liquor of the Grape as every honest and judicious Man doth therefore was it that he had an especial care and regard to the Bud of the Vine-tree as to the great Grandfather of Bacchus But so it is that for sundry Years together he saw a most pitiful Havock Desolation and Destruction made amongst the Sprouts Shootings Buds Blossoms and Sciens of the Vines by hoary Frosts Dank-fogs hot Mists unseasonable Colds chill Blasts thick Hail and other calamitous Chances of foul Weather happening as he thought by the dismal inauspiciousness of the Holy Days of St. George St. Mary St. Paul St. Eutrope Holy Rood the Aseension and other Festivals in that time when the Sun passeth under the Sign of Taurus and thereupon harboured in his Mind this Opinion that the afore-named Saints were Saint Hail-flingers Saint Frost-senders Saint Fogmongers and Saint Spoilers of the Vine-buds for which cause be went about to have transmitted their Feasts from the Spring to the Winter to be Celebrated between Christmas and Epiphany so the Mother of the three Kings called it allowing them with all Honour and Reverence the liberty then to freeze hail and rain as much as they would for that he knew that at such a time Frost was rather profitable than hurtful to the Vine-buds and in their steads to have placed the Festivals of St. Christopher St. Iohn the Baptist St. Magdalene St. Ann St. Domingo and St. Lawrence yea and to have gone so far as to collocate and transpose the middle of August in and to the beginning of May because during the whole Space of their Solemnity there was so little danger of hoary Frosts and cold Mists that no Artificers are then held in greater Request
business so dubious and intricate that he knew not what to determin therein nor which of the Parties to incline to On the one hand it was an execrable Crime to cut off at once both her Second Husband and her Son On the other hand the Cause of the Murther seemed to be so natural as to be grounded upon the Law of Nations and the rational Instinct of all the People of the World seeing they two together had feloniously and murtherously destroyed her first Son Not that they had been in any manner of way wronged outraged or injured by him but out of an ava●icious Intent to possess his Inheritance In this doubtful Quandary and Uncertainty what to pitch upon he sent to the Areopagites then sitting at Athens to learn and obtain their Advice and Judgment That Judicious Senate very sagely perpending the Reasons of his Perplexity sent him word to summon her personally to compear before him a precise Hundred Years thereafter to answer to some Interrogatories touching certain Points which were not contained in the Verbal Defence Which Resolution of theirs did import that it was in their Opinion a so difficult and inextricable a matter that they knew not what to say or judge therein Who had decided that Plea by the Chance and Fortune of the Dice could not have erred nor awarded amiss on which side soever he had past his casting and condemnatory Sentence If against the Woman she deserved Punishment for usurping Sovereign Authority by taking that Vengeance at her own hand the inflicting whereof was only competent to the Supream Power to administer Justice in Criminal Cases If for her the just Resentment of a so atrocious Injury done unto her in murthering her innocent Son did fully excuse and vindicate her of any Trespass or Offence about that particular committed by her But this continuation of Bridlegoose for so many years still hitting the Nail o● the Head never missing the Mark and always judging aright by the meer throwing of the Dice and the Chance thereof is that which most astonisheth and amazeth me To answer quoth Epistemon categorically to that which you wonder at I must ingen●ously confess and avow that I cannot yet conjecturally to guess at the reason of it I would refer the Cause of that marvelously long continued happy Success in the Judiciary Results of his Definitive Sentences to the favourable Aspect of the Heavens and Benignity of the Intelligences who out of their love to Goodness after having contemplated the pure Simplicity and sincere Unfeignedness of Judge Bridlegoose in the acknowledgment of his Inabilities did regulate that for him by Chance which by the profoundest Act of his maturest Deliberation he was not able to reach unto That likeways which possibly made him to diffide in his own Skill and Capacity notwithstanding his being an expert and understanding Lawyer for any thing that I know to the contrary was the Knowledge and Experience which he had of the Antenomies Contrarieties Antilogies Contradictions Traversings and Thwartings of Laws Customs Edicts Statutes Orders and Ordinances in which dangerous Opposition Equity and Justice being structured and founded on either of the opposite Terms and a Gap being thereby opened for the ushering in of Injustice and Iniquity through the various Interpretations of Self ended Lawyers being assuredly perswaded that the Infernal Calumniator who frequently transformeth himself into the likeness of a Messenger or Angel of Light maketh use of these cross Glosses and Expositions in the Mouths and Pens of his Ministers and Servants the perverse Advocates bribing Judges Law-monging Attorneys prevaricating Counsellors and other such like Law-wrestling Members of a Court of Justice to turn by those means Black to White Green to Grey and what is Streight to a Crooked ply for the more expedient doing whereof these Diabolical Ministers make both the Pleading Parties believe that their Cause is just and righteous for it is well known that there is no Cause how bad soever which doth not find an Advocate to patrocinate and defend it else would there be no Process in the World no Suits at Law nor Pleadings at the Bar. He did in these Extremities as I conceive most humbly recommend the Direction of his Judicial Proceedings to the upright Judge of Judges God Almighty did submit himself to the Conduct and Guideship of the blessed Spirit in the Hazard and Perplexity of the Definitive Sentence and by this Aleatory Lot did as it were implore and explore the Divine Decree of his Good Will and Pleasure in stead of that which we call the Final Iudgment of a Court. To this effect to the better attaining to his purpose which was to judge righteously he did in my Opinion throw and turn the Dice to the end that by the Providence aforesaid the best Chance might fall to him whose Action was uprightest and backed with greatest Reason in doing whereof he did not stray from the Sence of Talmudists who say that there is so little harm in that manner of searching the Truth that in the Anxiety and Perplexedness of Humane Wits God oftentimes manifesteth the Secret Pleasure of his Divine Will Furthermore I will neither think nor say nor can I believe that the unstreightness is so irregular or the Corruption so evident of those of the Parliament of Mirlingois in Mirlingues before whom Bridlegoose was Arraigned for Prevarication that they will maintain it to be a wors● Practice to have the Decision of a Suit at Law referred to the Chance and Hazard of a Throw of the Dice hab nab or luck as it will than to have it remitted to and past by the Determination of those whose Hands are full of Blood and Hearts of wry Affections Besides that their principal Direction in all Law-matters comes to their Hands from one Tribonian a wicked miscreant barbarous faithless and perfidious Knave so pernicious injust avaricious and perverse in his ways that it was his ordinary custom to sell Laws Edicts Declarations Constitutions and Ordinances as at an Outroop or Putsale to him who offered most for them Thus did he shape Measures for the Pleaders and cut their Morsels to them by and out of these little Parcels Fragments Bits Scantlings and Shreds of the Law now in use altogether concealing suppressing disannulling and abolishing the remainder which did make for the total Law fearing that if the whole Law were made manifest and laid open to the knowledge of such as are interessed in it and the Learned Books of the Ancient Doctors of the Law upon the Exposition of the Twelve Tables and Praetorian Edicts his villanous Pranks Naughtiness and vile Impiety should come to the publick notice of the World Therefore were it better in my Conceit that is to say less inconvenient that Parties at Variance in any Juridicial Case should in the dark march upon Caltropes then to submit the Determination of what is their Right to such unhallowed Sentences and horrible Decrees As Cato in his time wished and advised