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heart_n arm_n belly_n loin_n 2,046 5 14.8889 5 false
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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A20073 The Owles almanacke prognosticating many strange accidents which shall happen to this kingdome of Great Britaine this yeere, 1618 : calculated as well for the meridian mirth of London, as any other part of Great Britaine : found in an Iuy-bush written in old characters / and now published in English by the painefull labours of Mr. Iocundary Merry-braines. Dekker, Thomas, ca. 1572-1632.; L. L.; Merry-braines, Jocundary. 1618 (1618) STC 6515.5; ESTC S1881 45,434 66

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charity cold her selfe shee knowes not how to comfort them Since the German Fencer cudgelld most of our English Fencers now about 5 moneths past Since yellow bands and saffroned Chaperoones came vp is not aboue two yeeres past but since Citizens wiues fitted their husbands with yellow hose is not within the memory of man Since close Caroches were made running bawdy-houses yesterday Since swearing and forswearing cried What doe you lacke in London no longer agoe then this very morning The beginning and ending of the Yeere as also of the World THe yeere begins with me when I haue money in my purse which with a good suite on my backe a faire gelding vnder me and a gilt Rapier by my side makes it compleat The yeere begins with some Gallants when they cry zounds Drawers yee rogues and is neere expiration when they aske in a low voice What 's to pay The yeere ends with me when my siluer is melted and my elbowes are ragged In the interim of these two extreames it is indifferent current The world begins with a young man when he new sets vp for himselfe and ends with him when his wife sets vp for her selfe The world begins with an old man when euery day his baggs fill and that he can drinke halfe a pinte of sacke off at a draught and cry Hem after it and the world ends with him when he begins to dote on a young wench English Tides HIgh water aboue London bridge when the Prentises there dwelling plucke vp buckets full to the top of the house to ferue their kitchins and low water when people goe ouer the Thames dry shod High water at London bridge when the tide is come in low water when t is gone out High water at all Hauens when their mouthes swill in so much that they cast it out againe And high water with all Riuers when bridges they meeting the bridges are glad to stand vp to the middle to saue themselues High water in schoole boyes eyes after the fearefull sentence of Take him vp and in womens when either they cry for anger or are maudlin drunke It flowes with good fellowes when their cups are full and their braines swim and it ebbs at the posterne when the physicke workes and the body purgeth backward It s high water at Westminster Hall when porters are feed by Lawyers to ride a picke-packe on them in stead of Mules and so to turne them into Asses and wonderfull low water when the streame of quicke-siluer hath his current stopt vp Computation Diurnall and Astrologicall GOlden number is any number of golden Angels or other coyne of the same metall It is this yeere with me 2. for the Golden Number next yeere I hope it will be more Epact is a comprehension of the teeth of the Moone for looke into her mouth with the watching candle of Astronomicall skill and by the soundnes of her gum-pales you shall know how old her great belly is The Circle of the Sunne is bigger than any Towne bushell yea though you allow vnto it London water-measure A sieue cannot hold it for the beames peepe out at euery litle hole The Roman Indiction this yeere is that we eat no flesh on Fridaies and that none feed vpon Saturdayes vnlesse he haue victuals The Dominicall Letter L with a dash ouer it signifies either a Lord or a pound the one sometimes being more welcome to an Almanacke-maker than the other Shroue-tuesday falls on that day on which the Prentices pluck'd downe the cock-pit and on which they did alwaies vse to rifle Madam Leakes house at the vpper end of Shoreditch Ashwednesday on a Wednesday Good Friday the Friday before Easter And this yeere Holy Thursday which I neuer wonder at will fall vpon a Thursday Easter day my Grandame sayes she neuer knew but on a Sunday and I say as much for Whitsunday And now listen to a double-ribd Distichon of an old Author Christmas as I remember Is euer in December And May day the first of the row Saint Iohn after Steuen The day after euen Beleeue me I say it so A Moone-clocke or a rule to know the houre of the night by the Moone TAke a paire of iron Tonges pitch them stradling ouer a kennell then fasten a Waggon-wheele to the diameter of the Tonges which done marke what spoake doth cast the shadow of the Moone into the sinke directly betweene the bestriders from which count the spoakes till you come right opposite to the shadow then dimidiate or part in two equall parts that number diuide it by 3. multiply it by 7. from which extract the number of the Epact and the Remanet will be the iust houre of the night To shew a platforme were idle when the precept is so plaine The Anatomy of mans body 1. ARies the Ramme gouernes the head men whose wiues haue light heeles are called Ramme-headed Cuckolds 2. Taurus the Bull gouernes the neck and throat for stiffe-necked fellowes are Roaring Boyes and dead their tooles often in Turne-Bull street 3. Gemini the Twinnes gouernes the armes and shoulders so theeues goe to the Sessions two by two arme in arme shoulder to shoulder 4. Cancer the Crab gouernes the stomacke and reason for a Crab well buttered is excellent meat 5. Leo the Lion gouernes the heart hee that hath not the heart of a Lion hath the head of an Oxe 6. Uirgo the Virgin gouernes bowels and belly and makes both cry Oh if they meddle too much with her gouernment 7. Libra the Ballance gouernes the loynes for much double dealing is done in those quarters 8. Scorpio the Scorpion gouernes the secret parts for those sting pockily 9. Sagittarius the Archer gouernes the thighes for between them is the sweetest shooting 10. Capricornus the Goat gouernes the knees for a man lecherous as a Goat is brought vpon his knees 11. Aquarius the Water-bearer gouernes the legges he hath a staffe to helpe too and all little enough sometimes when he carries drinke and water both 12. Pisces the Fishes gouernes the feet for let a man come out of any Tauerne in Fish-street drunke it is so slippery with fish water that downe he comes and lies like a heape of stinking gubbins If these 12 be not able to gouerne mans vnruly body then let the 12 Companies of London haue him to their Halls and whip him But to proue that these are strong enough to hold him you may by the verses following perceiue that the Sunne of these 12. makes himselfe a girdle in the Zodiacke The Signes of the Zodiacke The Ramme the Bull Twinnes Crab the Lion hot Virgin Scales Scorpion he which Archer hight The Goat and bearer of the Water-pot A brace of fishes with heauenly light These summe the dozen of those starres in skie Which lend bright Cynthia such varietie The first Induction of the Zodiack THe Zodiacke which begd his name
a Spittle whore hot and dangerous and therefore like the Asse in the Fable that would needes bee so lusty at legges as to lend the Lyon a brace of kickes and to play at Spurne-point with him so would the Crab haue a bout with Don-fire Drake but the Asse plaid his Iades trickes when Cor-de-Lyon lay halfe dead in his belly scarce hauing one tooth in his head because Age being his Barber had pluckt all out and so Monsieur Cancro was the more hot vpon his enemy because he had him bound to the peace Or it may be he was thus sower the rather because Prometheus looked like a fisher as hee hung with a long driueling beard who was wont to scarre such crabbed companions out of their rockie and mossie dennes or else because Fishermen by helpe of that Fellons skill in fire-workes got both Anchors to hold their Peeter-boates and little hooke to choake harmelesse fishes 〈◊〉 other Engines to destroy the poore inhabitants of the Ocean Howsoeuer or whatsoeuer it was which boyled within him but Cancer crawld vp to Prometheus his linked ribbes where he fell so to pinch his stomach that all his chamber of Melancholy I meane the Milt was in a dogged sullen scuruie puffing so that the poore Scab was as splenaticke as the Capadocian bawd in Plautus Habet musca splenē quoth Ioue Cancer can be chollericke and my little Crab crawle on his belly but he will bite his enemy Leo The Lyon BVt oh on a sudden the belly-bitten thiefe yells out roares and bandies vp curses able to cracke the cloudes a sunder yelling with loude-yawning throate like a prisoner in Ludgate or the Grate-men in the begging roome of the Kings Bench common Iayle when they doe but smell the breath of foure Flanders Mares whu●…ying neere them in a Caroch all his body grew cold with feare his shoulders shooke like an aspine and his heart quaked like an halfe dead Eele vpon an hot grediron and what was it but LEO came flinging vp the hill bearing his head as high as the last foote of Horace his first song his fierytrembling maine being proudly erected and his taile retorted on his backe as chafing his ridge-bone to prouoke his courage complaining of the mans act and the fruit of his act fire and sword the one with his flame dismaies his valour the other with his lustre terrifies his prey-coueting thoughts more than the fearefull crowing of the watchfull Chanticleere Then giuing his speech a treble plaudit with three round roares he skips to the heart of the obiect and had wholly sent it into his seldomfull or neuer satisfied throat had not Ioue sent a thunder of retreit vnto him out of hand Lofty Lion said Ioue I will thee claspe thy iawes and shut the portall of that vorant graue which makes whole Townes looke pale till the nuture of my Scepter shall haue limited thy boundles sauagenes When that thou shalt espie this pilfrers hart To stacke his motion and to rest as still Then shalt thou prey vpon that resting part Till when remaine morigerat to our will Fast vnder his left arme stands this greedy Lion expecting with wide-gaping mouth the sedency and tired motion of his liues fountaine at whose fearefull vigilancie the poore heart with very thought of the terrifying beast driues it selfe with a continuall Sistell and Diastoll like the clacke of a mill or a sunne-suckt leafe chain'd to a Spiders twine yet I haue not read that before that time it euer stirr'd Virgo the Maide BVt mee thinks fuming furie should not smoke out of Virgins entrailes when they haue so many petticoats to smother it such tendrels of Venus groue should not harbour a shadow of reuenge yea but looke here where Virgo comes pacing vp the hill as fast as an Hang man vp a Ladder at the hope of a good fuite or at least as fast as her buske will giue her leaue Well to be as briefe as an Apes taile shee had no sooner got vp the hill but she begins to chide out these causes of her direfull approach to tongue-tyed Prometheus knocking her sists as the custome of shrewes is where at length her frownes vented this foame Now thou pilde pilfering knaue thou maleficious Rascall was the mumps of thy braine swolne so big that they must needes breake out into flames and bring such a smoak into the world that has infected all our yongsters breath thou hast taught men thou captiuated cur to kindle that quenchlesse fire of Tobacco oh my bodkin I le dig out his eyes In which thou hast robb'd mee of my greatest pleasure let a fresh Bachelour in his new cloths come but towards mee with intent to draw breath at my lips why I smell my youth before I come at him and if he offer me the curtesie I turne him away with a foh you smell saue reuerence of Tobacco If I walk in the streets and chance to come downe Bucklersbury oh how the whole Orbe of aire is infected with this fume which so much alters my complexion that if I should not view my visage euery houre of the day in the glasse I durst be sworne that I should not know my selfe but the worst of all is that this Prometheus smoake melts off the complexion from our coloured cheekes as fast as we lay it on I cannot forbeare the spoile of that faculty spurs me forward and forthwith sent she a red hot spit as valorously as euer Tomyris strucke off Cyrus head into the midst of his belly that you might well say that Prometheus was no Hypocrite for you might easily see into him Ioue of pitty or rather of enuy healed the wound as strengthning the offender for farther vengeance but the skarre of the wound remaines in humane portracture which wee call the Nauell Libra The Ballanced LIbra shee that followed Uirgo as fast as her apron-strings would giue her leaue came creeping through the supporters of the presse and being almost breathlesse with taking such wide strides in short language laide open her case and courted Ioue for reuenge You know attendants all the wrongs that I haue endured since the firing of the world My mistris Equity whose Embleme I am hath hid her face since fraud set vp her banners and weeps in obscure corners to see deceipt brandish the square of vpright dealing I that before was the equall hand of Iustice am now no more Libra for skales but Libra for pounds Nay further our Trades men vse me in weighing such beastly stinking stuffe and that so vniustly that I can no longer endure it Wherefore great Ioue fasten mee to this Lubbers loynes that I may euer sticke by his ribs to put him in minde of his vnequall dealing Prometheus raines being sore affrighted at the sight of such a mishapen creature like an heartlesse hound fell a running away and had not Ioue