servant_n for_o i_o have_v not_o preach_v long_o before_o some_o begin_v to_o be_v touch_v by_o the_o word_n and_o to_o be_v great_o afflict_v in_o their_o mind_n at_o the_o apprehension_n of_o the_o greatness_n of_o their_o sin_n and_o of_o their_o need_n of_o jesus_n christ._n 226._o but_o i_o at_o first_o can_v not_o believe_v that_o god_n shall_v speak_v by_o i_o to_o the_o heart_n of_o any_o man_n still_o count_v myself_o unworthy_a yet_o those_o who_o thus_o be_v touch_v will_v love_v i_o and_o have_v a_o peculiar_a respect_n for_o i_o and_o though_o i_o do_v put_v it_o from_o i_o that_o they_o shall_v be_v awaken_v by_o i_o still_o they_o will_v confess_v it_o and_o affirm_v it_o before_o the_o saint_n of_o god_n they_o will_v also_o bless_v god_n for_o i_o unworthy_a wretch_n that_o i_o be_o aâ—d_v count_v i_o god_n instrument_n that_o show_v to_o they_o the_o way_n of_o salvation_n 227._o wherefore_o see_v they_o in_o both_o their_o word_n and_o deed_n to_o be_v so_o constant_a &_o also_o in_o their_o heart_n so_o earnest_o press_v after_o the_o knowledge_n of_o jesus_n christ_n rejoice_v that_o ever_o god_n do_v send_v i_o where_o they_o be_v then_o i_o begin_v to_o conclude_v it_o may_v be_v so_o that_o god_n have_v own_v in_o his_o work_n such_o a_o foolish_a one_o as_o i_o and_o then_o come_v that_o word_n of_o god_n to_o my_o heart_n with_o much_o sweet_a refreshment_n the_o blessing_n of_o they_o that_o be_v ready_a to_o perish_v be_v come_v upon_o i_o yea_o i_o cause_v the_o widow_n heart_n to_o sing_v for_o joy_n job_n 29.13_o 228._o at_o this_o therefore_o i_o rejoice_v yea_o the_o tear_n of_o those_o who_o god_n do_v awaken_v by_o my_o preach_n will_v be_v both_o solace_n and_o encouragement_n to_o i_o for_o i_o think_v on_o those_o say_n who_o be_v he_o that_o make_v i_o glad_a but_o the_o same_o that_o be_v make_v sorry_a by_o i_o 2_o cor._n 2.2_o and_o again_o though_o i_o be_v not_o a_o apostle_n to_o other_o yet_o doubtless_o i_o be_o unto_o you_o for_o the_o seal_n of_o my_o apostleship_n be_v you_o in_o the_o lord_n 1_o cor._n 9.2_o these_o thing_n therefore_o be_v as_o another_o argument_n unto_o i_o that_o god_n have_v call_v i_o to_o and_o stand_v by_o i_o in_o this_o work_n 229._o in_o my_o preach_n of_o the_o word_n i_o take_v special_a notice_n of_o this_o one_o thing_n namely_o that_o the_o lord_n do_v lead_v i_o to_o begin_v where_o his_o word_n begin_v with_o sinner_n that_o be_v to_o condemn_v all_o flesh_n and_o to_o open_v and_o allege_v that_o the_o curse_n of_o god_n by_o the_o law_n do_v belong_v to_o and_o lay_v hold_v on_o all_o man_n as_o they_o come_v into_o the_o world_n because_o of_o sin_n now_o this_o part_n of_o my_o work_n i_o fulfil_v with_o great_a sense_n for_o the_o terror_n of_o the_o law_n and_o guilt_n for_o my_o transgression_n lay_v heavy_a on_o my_o conscience_n i_o preach_v what_o i_o feel_v what_o i_o smart_o do_v feel_v even_o that_o under_o which_o my_o poor_a soul_n do_v groan_n and_o tremble_v to_o astonishment_n 230._o indeed_o i_o have_v be_v as_o one_o send_v to_o they_o from_o the_o dead_a i_o go_v myself_o in_o chain_n to_o preach_v to_o they_o in_o chain_n and_o carry_v that_o fire_n in_o my_o own_o conscience_n that_o i_o persuade_v they_o to_o beware_v of_o i_o can_v true_o say_v and_o that_o without_o dissemble_v that_o when_o i_o have_v be_v to_o preach_v i_o have_v go_v full_a of_o guilt_n and_o terror_n even_o to_o the_o pulpit-door_n and_o there_o it_o have_v be_v take_v off_o and_o i_o have_v be_v at_o liberty_n in_o my_o mind_n until_o i_o have_v do_v my_o work_n and_o then_o immediate_o even_o before_o i_o can_v get_v down_o the_o pulpit-stair_n have_v be_v as_o bad_a as_o i_o be_v before_o yet_o god_n carry_v i_o on_o but_o sure_o with_o a_o strong_a hand_n for_o neither_o guilt_n nor_o hell_n can_v take_v i_o off_o my_o work_n 231._o thus_o i_o go_v for_o the_o space_n of_o two_o year_n cry_v out_o against_o man_n sin_n and_o their_o fearful_a state_n because_o of_o they_o after_o which_o the_o lord_n come_v in_o upon_o my_o own_o soul_n with_o some_o stay_a peace_n and_o comfort_n through_o christ_n for_o he_o do_v give_v i_o many_o sweet_a discovery_n of_o his_o bless_a grace_n through_o he_o wherefore_o now_o i_o alter_v in_o my_o preach_n for_o still_o i_o preach_v what_o i_o see_v &_o feel_v now_o therefore_o i_o do_v much_o labour_n to_o hold_v forth_o jesus_n christ_n in_o all_o his_o office_n relation_n and_o benefit_n unto_o the_o world_n and_o do_v strive_v also_o to_o discover_v to_o condemn_v and_o remove_v those_o false_a support_n and_o prop_n on_o which_o the_o world_n do_v both_o lean_a and_o by_o they_o fall_v and_o perish_v on_o these_o thing_n also_o i_o stay_v as_o long_o as_o on_o the_o other_o 232._o after_o this_o god_n lead_v i_o into_o something_o of_o the_o mystery_n of_o union_n with_o christ_n wherefore_o that_o i_o discover_v and_o show_v to_o they_o also_o and_o when_o i_o have_v travel_v through_o these_o three_o chief_a point_n of_o the_o word_n of_o god_n about_o the_o space_n of_o five_o year_n or_o more_o i_o be_v catch_v in_o my_o present_a practice_n and_o câ—st_n into_o prison_n where_o i_o have_v lie_v as_o long_o to_o confirm_v tâ—e_v truth_n by_o way_n of_o suffer_v as_o i_o be_v before_o in_o testify_v of_o it_o according_a to_o the_o scripture_n in_o a_o way_n of_o preach_v 233._o when_o i_o have_v be_v in_o preach_v i_o thank_v god_n my_o heart_n have_v often_o all_o the_o time_n of_o this_o anâ—_n the_o other_o exercise_n with_o great_a earnestness_n cry_v to_o god_n that_o he_o will_v make_v the_o word_n effectual_a to_o the_o salvation_n of_o the_o soul_n still_o be_v grieve_v lest_o the_o enemy_n will_v take_v the_o word_n away_o from_o the_o conscience_n and_o so_o it_o shall_v become_v unfruitful_a wherefore_o i_o shall_v labour_v so_o to_o speak_v the_o word_n as_o that_o thereby_o if_o it_o be_v possible_a the_o sin_n and_o perâ—on_n guilty_a may_v be_v particularise_v by_o it_o 234._o also_o when_o i_o have_v do_v the_o exercise_n it_o have_v go_v to_o my_o heart_n to_o think_v the_o word_n shall_v now_o fall_v as_o rain_v on_o stony_a place_n still_o wish_v from_o my_o heart_n o_o thaâ—_n they_o who_o have_v hear_v i_o speak_v this_o day_n do_v but_o see_v as_o i_o do_v what_o sin_n death_n hell_n and_o the_o curse_n of_o god_n be_v and_o also_o what_o the_o grace_n and_o love_n and_o mercy_n of_o god_n be_v through_o christ_n to_o man_n in_o such_o a_o case_n as_o they_o be_v who_o be_v yet_o estrange_v from_o he_o and_o indeed_o i_o do_v often_o say_v in_o my_o heart_n before_o the_o lord_n that_o if_o to_o be_v hang_v up_o present_o before_o their_o eye_n will_v be_v a_o mean_n to_o awaken_v they_o and_o confirm_v they_o in_o the_o truth_n i_o glad_o shall_v be_v content_v 235._o for_o i_o have_v be_v in_o my_o preach_n especial_o when_o i_o have_v be_v engage_v in_o the_o doctrine_n of_o life_n by_o christ_n without_o work_n as_o if_o a_o angel_n of_o god_n have_v stand_v by_o at_o my_o back_n to_o encourage_v i_o o_o it_o have_v be_v with_o such_o poweâ—_n and_o heavenly_a evidence_n upon_o my_o own_o soul_n while_o i_o have_v be_v labour_v to_o unfold_v it_o to_o demonstrate_v it_o and_o to_o fasten_v it_o upon_o the_o conscience_n of_o other_o that_o i_o can_v not_o â—e_v content_v with_o say_v i_o believe_v and_o be_o sure_a methinks_v i_o be_v more_o than_o sure_a if_o it_o be_v lawful_a so_o to_o express_v myself_o that_o those_o thing_n which_o then_o i_o assert_v be_v true_a 236._o when_o i_o go_v first_o to_o preach_v the_o word_n abroad_o the_o doctor_n and_o priest_n of_o the_o country_n do_v open_a wide_a against_o i_o but_o i_o be_v persuade_v of_o this_o not_o to_o render_v rail_v for_o rail_v but_o to_o see_v how_o many_o of_o their_o carnal_a professor_n i_o can_v convince_v of_o their_o miserable_a state_n by_o the_o law_n and_o of_o the_o want_n and_o worth_a of_o christ_n for_o thought_n i_o this_o shall_v answer_v for_o i_o in_o time_n to_o come_v when_o they_o shall_v be_v for_o my_o hire_n before_o their_o face_n gen._n 30.33_o 237._o i_o never_o care_v to_o meddle_v with_o thing_n that_o be_v controvert_v and_o in_o dispute_n among_o the_o saint_n especial_o thing_n of_o the_o low_a nature_n yet_o it_o please_v i_o much_o to_o contend_v with_o great_a earnestness_n for_o the_o word_n of_o faith_n and_o the_o remission_n of_o sin_n by_o the_o death_n and_o suffering_n of_o jesus_n but_o i_o say_v as_o to_o other_o thing_n
grace._n abound_v to_o the_o chief_a of_o sinner_n or_o a_o brief_a and_o faithful_a relation_n of_o the_o exceed_v mercy_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n to_o his_o poor_a servant_n john_n bunyan_n wherein_o be_v particular_o show_v the_o manner_n of_o his_o conversion_n his_o sight_n and_o trouble_v for_o sin_n his_o dreadful_a temptation_n also_o how_o he_o despair_v of_o god_n mercy_n and_o how_o the_o lord_n at_o length_n through_o christ_n do_v deliver_v he_o from_o all_o the_o guilt_n and_o terror_n that_o lie_v upon_o he_o whereunto_o be_v add_v a_o brief_a relation_n of_o his_o call_n to_o the_o work_n of_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o temptation_n therein_o as_o also_o what_o he_o have_v meet_v with_o in_o prison_n all_o which_o be_v write_v by_o his_o own_o hand_n there_o and_o now_o publish_v for_o the_o support_n of_o the_o weak_a and_o tempt_v people_n of_o god_n come_v and_o hear_v all_o you_o that_o fear_v god_n and_o i_o will_v declare_v what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n psal._n 66.16_o london_n print_v by_o george_n larkin_n 1666._o a_o preface_n or_o brief_a account_n of_o the_o publish_n of_o this_o work_n write_v by_o the_o author_n thereof_o and_o dedicate_v to_o those_o who_o god_n have_v count_v he_o worthy_a to_o beget_v to_o faith_n by_o his_o ministry_n in_o the_o word_n child_n grace_n be_v with_o you_o amen_o i_o be_v take_v from_o you_o in_o presence_n and_o so_o tie_v up_o that_o i_o can_v perform_v that_o duty_n that_o from_o god_n do_v lie_v upon_o i_o to_o you-ward_o for_o your_o further_a edify_v and_o build_v up_o in_o faith_n and_o holiness_n etc._n etc._n yet_o that_o you_o may_v see_v my_o soul_n have_v fatherly_a care_n and_o desire_v after_o your_o spiritual_a and_o everlasting_a welfare_n i_o now_o once_o again_o as_o from_o the_o top_n of_o shenir_fw-fr and_o hermon_n so_o from_o the_o lion_n den_n and_o from_o the_o mountain_n of_o the_o leopard_n song_n 4.8_o do_v look_v yet_o after_o you_o all_o great_o long_v to_o see_v your_o safe_a arrival_n into_o the_o desire_a haven_n i_o thank_v god_n upon_o every_o remembrance_n of_o you_o and_o rejoice_v even_o while_o i_o stick_v between_o the_o tooth_n of_o the_o lion_n in_o the_o wilderness_n at_o the_o grace_n and_o mercy_n and_o knowledge_n of_o christ_n our_o saviour_n which_o god_n have_v bestow_v upon_o you_o with_o abundance_n of_o faith_n and_o love_n your_o hungering_n and_o thirsting_n also_o after_o further_a acquaintance_n with_o the_o father_n in_o his_o son_n your_o tenderness_n of_o heart_n your_o tremble_a at_o sin_n your_o sober_a and_o holy_a deportment_n also_o before_o both_o god_n and_o man_n be_v great_a refreshment_n to_o i_o for_o you_o be_v my_o glory_n and_o joy_n 1_o thes._n 2.20_o i_o have_v send_v you_o here_o enclose_v a_o drop_n of_o that_o honey_n that_o i_o have_v take_v out_o of_o the_o carcase_n of_o a_o lion_n judg._n 14.5_o 6_o 7_o 8._o i_o have_v eat_v thereof_o myself_o also_o and_o be_o much_o refresh_v thereby_o temptation_n when_o we_o meet_v they_o at_o first_o be_v as_o the_o lion_n that_o roar_v upon_o samson_n but_o if_o we_o overcome_v they_o the_o next_o time_n we_o see_v they_o we_o shall_v find_v a_o nest_n of_o honey_n within_o they_o the_o philistian_o understand_v i_o not_o it_o be_v a_o relation_n of_o the_o work_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o own_o soul_n even_o from_o the_o very_a first_o till_o now_o wherein_o you_o may_v perceive_v my_o casting_n down_o and_o raising_n up_o for_o he_o wound_v and_o his_o hand_n make_v whole_a it_o be_v write_v in_o the_o scripture_n isai._n 38.19_o the_o father_n to_o the_o child_n shall_v make_v know_v the_o truth_n of_o god_n yea_o it_o be_v for_o this_o reason_n i_o lay_v so_o long_o at_o sinai_n leu._n 4.10_o 11._o to_o see_v the_o fire_n and_o the_o cloud_n and_o the_o darkness_n that_o i_o may_v fear_v the_o lord_n all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o life_n upon_o earth_n and_o tell_v of_o his_o wondrous_a work_n to_o my_o child_n psal._n 78.3_o 4_o 5._o moses_n numb_a 33.1_o 2._o writ_n of_o the_o journeying_n of_o the_o child_n of_o israel_n from_o egypt_n to_o the_o land_n of_o canaan_n and_o command_v also_o that_o they_o do_v remember_v their_o forty_o year_n travel_n in_o the_o wilderness_n thou_o shall_v remem-all_a the_o way_n which_o the_o lord_n thy_o god_n lead_v thou_o these_o forty_o year_n in_o the_o wilderness_n to_o humble_v thou_o and_o to_o prove_v thou_o and_o to_o know_v what_o be_v in_o thy_o heart_n whether_o thou_o will_v keep_v his_o commandment_n or_o no_o deut._n 8.2_o 3._o wherefore_o this_o i_o have_v endeavour_v to_o do_v and_o not_o only_o so_o but_o to_o publish_v it_o also_o that_o if_o god_n will_v other_o may_v be_v put_v in_o remembrance_n of_o of_o what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o their_o soul_n by_o read_v his_o work_n upon_o i_o it_o be_v profitable_a for_o christian_n to_o be_v often_o call_v to_o mind_n the_o very_a beginning_n of_o grace_n with_o their_o soul_n it_o be_v a_o night_n to_o be_v much_o observe_v to_o the_o lord_n for_o bring_v they_o out_o from_o the_o land_n of_o egypt_n this_o be_v that_o night_n of_o the_o lord_n to_o be_v observe_v of_o all_o the_o child_n of_o israel_n in_o their_o generation_n exod._n 12.42_o my_o god_n say_v david_n psal._n 42.6_o my_o soul_n be_v cast_v down_o within_o i_o but_o i_o will_v remember_v thou_o from_o the_o land_n of_o jordan_n and_o of_o the_o hermonite_n from_o the_o hill_n mizar_n he_o remember_v also_o the_o lion_n and_o the_o bear_n when_o he_o go_v to_o fight_v with_o the_o giant_n of_o gath_n 1_o sam._n 17.36_o 37_o it_o be_v paul_n accustom_a manner_n act_v 22._o and_o that_o when_o try_v for_o his_o life_n act_v 24._o even_o to_o open_v before_o his_o judge_n the_o manner_n of_o his_o conversion_n he_o will_v think_v of_o that_o day_n and_o that_o hour_n in_o the_o which_o he_o first_o do_v meet_v with_o grace_n for_o he_o find_v it_o support_v unto_o he_o when_o god_n have_v bring_v the_o child_n of_o israel_n through_o the_o red_a sea_n far_o into_o the_o wilderness_n yet_o they_o must_v turn_v quite_o about_o thither_o again_o to_o remember_v the_o drown_n of_o their_o enemy_n there_o num._n 14.25_o for_o though_o they_o sing_v his_o praise_n before_o yet_o they_o soon_o forget_v his_o work_n psal._n 106.11_o 12._o in_o this_o discourse_n of_o i_o you_o may_v see_v much_o much_o i_o say_v of_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o i_o thank_v god_n i_o can_v count_v it_o much_o for_o it_o be_v above_o my_o sin_n and_o satan_n temptation_n too_o i_o can_v remember_v my_o fear_n and_o doubt_n and_o sad_a month_n with_o comfort_n they_o be_v as_o the_o head_n of_o goliath_n in_o my_o hand_n there_o be_v nothing_o to_o david_n like_o goliahs_n sword_n even_o that_o sword_n that_o shall_v have_v be_v sheathe_v in_o his_o bowel_n for_o the_o very_a sight_n and_o remembrance_n of_o that_o do_v preach_v forth_o god_n deliverance_n to_o he_o o_o the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o great_a sin_n of_o my_o great_a temptation_n and_o of_o my_o great_a fear_n of_o perish_v for_o ever_o they_o bring_v fresh_a into_o my_o mind_n the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o great_a help_n my_o great_a support_n from_o heaven_n and_o the_o great_a grace_n that_o god_n extend_v to_o such_o a_o wretch_n as_o i_o my_o dear_a child_n call_v to_o mind_v the_o former_a day_n the_o year_n of_o ancient_a time_n remember_v also_o your_o song_n in_o the_o night_n and_o commune_v with_o your_o own_o heart_n psal._n 73.5_o 6_o 7_o 8_o 9_o 10_o 11_o 12._o yea_o look_v diligent_o and_o leave_v no_o corner_n therein_o unsearched_a for_o there_o be_v treasure_n hide_v even_o the_o treasure_n of_o your_o first_o and_o second_o experience_n of_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n towards_o you_o remember_v i_o say_v the_o word_n that_o first_o lay_v hold_v upon_o you_o remember_v your_o terror_n of_o conscience_n and_o fear_v of_o death_n and_o hell_n remember_v also_o your_o tear_n and_o prayer_n to_o god_n yea_o how_o you_o sigh_v under_o every_o hedge_n for_o mercy_n have_v you_o never_o a_o hill_n mizar_n to_o remember_v have_v you_o forget_v the_o close_a the_o milk-house_n the_o stable_a the_o barn_n and_o the_o like_a where_o god_n do_v visit_v your_o soul_n remember_v also_o the_o word_n the_o word_n i_o say_v upon_o which_o the_o lord_n have_v cause_v you_o to_o hope_v if_o you_o have_v sin_v against_o light_n if_o you_o be_v tempt_v to_o blaspheme_v if_o you_o be_v down_o in_o despair_n if_o you_o think_v god_n fight_v against_o you_o or_o if_o heaven_n be_v hide_v from_o your_o eye_n remember_v it_o be_v thus_o with_o your_o father_n but_o out_o of_o they_o all_o the_o lord_n deliver_v
which_o frame_n he_o still_o and_o sly_o supply_v with_o such_o despair_n that_o though_o not_o much_o guilt_n attend_v the_o soul_n yet_o they_o continual_o have_v a_o secret_a conclusion_n within_o they_o thaâ—_n there_o be_v no_o hope_n for_o they_o for_o they_o have_v love_v sin_n jer._n 2.25_o &_o 18.12_o 22._o now_o therefore_o i_o go_v on_o in_o sin_n with_o greaâ—_n greediness_n of_o mind_n still_o grudge_v that_o i_o can_v noâ—_n be_v so_o satisfy_v with_o it_o as_o i_o will_v this_o do_v continuâ—_n with_o i_o about_o a_o month_n or_o more_o but_o one-daâ—_a as_o i_o be_v stand_v at_o a_o neighbour_n shop-window_n and_o there_o curse_v and_o swear_v and_o play_v thâ—_n madman_n after_o my_o wont_a manner_n there_o satâ—_n within_o the_o woman_n of_o the_o house_n and_o hear_v meâ—_n who_o though_o she_o also_o be_v a_o very_a loose_a and_o ungodly_a wretch_n yet_o protest_v that_o i_o swear_v and_o curse_a 〈◊〉_d that_o most_o fearful_a rate_n that_o she_o be_v make_v to_o trembâ—â—_n to_o heat_v i_o and_o tell_v i_o further_o that_o i_o be_v tâ—â—_n ungodly_a fellow_n for_o swear_v that_o ever_o she_o hear_v in_o 〈◊〉_d her_o life_n and_o that_o i_o by_o thus_o do_v be_v able_a to_o spoil_v all_o the_o youth_n in_o a_o whole_a town_n if_o they_o come_v but_o in_o my_o company_n 23._o at_o this_o reproof_n i_o be_v silence_v and_o put_v to_o secret_a shame_n and_o that_o too_o as_o i_o think_v before_o the_o god_n of_o heaven_n wherefore_o while_o i_o there_o stand_v and_o hang_v down_o my_o head_n i_o wish_v with_o all_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o may_v be_v a_o little_a child_n again_o that_o my_o father_n may_v learn_v i_o to_o speak_v without_o this_o wicked_a way_n of_o swear_v for_o think_v i_o i_o be_o so_o accustom_v to_o it_o that_o it_o be_v but_o in_o vain_a for_o i_o to_o think_v of_o a_o reformation_n for_o i_o think_v it_o can_v never_o be_v 24._o but_o how_o it_o come_v to_o pass_v i_o know_v not_o i_o do_v from_o this_o time_n forward_o so_o leave_v my_o swear_n that_o it_o be_v a_o great_a wonder_n to_o myself_o to_o observe_v it_o and_o whereas_o before_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o speak_v unless_o i_o put_v a_o oath_n before_o and_o another_o behind_z to_o make_v my_o word_n have_v authority_n now_o i_o can_v speak_v better_o and_o with_o more_o pleasantness_n than_o ever_o i_o can_v before_o all_o this_o while_n i_o know_v not_o jesus_n christ_n neither_o do_v i_o leave_v my_o sport_n and_o play_n 25._o but_o quick_o after_o this_o i_o fall_v in_o company_n with_o one_o poor_a man_n that_o make_v profession_n of_o religion_n who_o as_o i_o then_o think_v do_v talk_v pleasant_o of_o the_o scripture_n and_o of_o the_o matter_n of_o religion_n wherefore_o fall_v into_o some_o love_n and_o like_n to_o what_o he_o say_v i_o betake_v i_o to_o my_o bible_n and_o begin_v to_o take_v great_a pleasure_n in_o read_v but_o especial_o with_o the_o historical_a part_n thereof_o for_o as_o for_o paul_n epistle_n and_o scripture_n of_o that_o nature_n i_o can_v not_o away_o with_o they_o be_v as_o yet_o but_o ignorant_a either_o of_o the_o corruption_n of_o my_o nature_n or_o of_o the_o want_n and_o worth_a of_o jesus_n christ_n to_o save_v i_o 26._o wherefore_o i_o fall_v to_o some_o outward_a reformation_n both_o in_o my_o word_n and_o life_n and_o do_v set_v the_o commandment_n before_o i_o for_o my_o way_n to_o heaven_n which_o commandment_n i_o also_o do_v strive_v to_o keep_v and_o as_o i_o think_v do_v keep_v they_o pretty_a well_o sometime_o and_o then_o i_o shall_v have_v comfort_n yet_o now_o and_o then_o shall_v break_v one_o and_o so_o afflict_v my_o conscience_n but_o then_o i_o shall_v repent_v and_o say_v i_o be_v sorry_a for_o it_o and_o promise_n god_n to_o do_v better_a next_o time_n and_o there_o get_v help_v again_o 27._o thus_o i_o continue_v about_o a_o year_n all_o which_o time_n our_o neighbour_n do_v take_v i_o to_o be_v a_o very_a godly_a man_n a_o new_a and_o religious_a man_n and_o do_v marvel_n much_o to_o see_v such_o a_o great_a and_o famous_a alteration_n in_o my_o life_n and_o manner_n and_o indeed_o so_o it_o be_v though_o yet_o i_o know_v not_o christ_n nor_o grace_n nor_o faith_n nor_o hope_n and_o true_o as_o i_o have_v well_o see_v since_o have_v i_o then_o die_v my_o state_n have_v be_v most_o fearful_a well_o this_o i_o say_v continue_v about_o a_o twelvemonth_n or_o more_o 28._o but_o upon_o a_o day_n the_o good_a providence_n of_o god_n do_v cast_v i_o to_o bedford_n to_o work_v on_o my_o call_n and_o in_o one_o of_o the_o street_n of_o that_o town_n i_o come_v where_o there_o be_v three_o or_o four_o poor_a woman_n sit_v at_o a_o door_n in_o the_o sun_n and_o talk_v about_o the_o thing_n of_o god_n and_o be_v now_o willing_a to_o hear_v they_o discourse_n i_o draw_v near_o to_o hear_v what_o they_o say_v for_o i_o be_v now_o a_o brisk_a talker_n also_o myself_o in_o the_o matter_n of_o religion_n but_o now_o i_o may_v say_v i_o hear_v but_o i_o understand_v not_o for_o they_o be_v far_o above_o out_o of_o my_o reach_n for_o their_o talk_n be_v about_o a_o new_a birth_n the_o work_n of_o god_n on_o their_o heart_n also_o how_o they_o be_v convince_v of_o their_o miserable_a stare_n by_o nature_n they_o talk_v how_o god_n have_v visit_v their_o soul_n with_o his_o love_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n and_o with_o what_o word_n and_o promise_v they_o have_v be_v refresh_v comfort_v and_o support_v against_o the_o temptation_n of_o the_o devil_n moreover_o they_o reason_v of_o the_o suggestion_n and_o temptation_n of_o satan_n in_o particular_a and_o tell_v to_o each_o other_o by_o which_o they_o have_v be_v afflict_v and_o how_o they_o be_v bear_v up_o under_o his_o assault_n they_o also_o discourse_v of_o their_o own_o wretchedness_n of_o heart_n of_o their_o unbelief_n and_o do_v contemn_v slight_a and_o abhor_v their_o own_o righteousness_n as_o filthy_a and_o insufficient_a to_o do_v they_o any_o good_a 29._o and_o i_o think_v they_o speak_v as_o if_o joy_n do_v make_v they_o speak_v they_o speak_v with_o such_o pleasantness_n of_o scripture_n language_n and_o with_o such_o appearance_n of_o grace_n in_o all_o they_o say_v that_o they_o be_v to_o i_o as_o if_o they_o have_v find_v a_o new_a world_n as_o if_o they_o be_v people_n that_o dwell_v alone_o and_o be_v not_o to_o be_v reckon_v among_o their_o neighbour_n 30._o at_o this_o i_o feel_v my_o own_o heart_n begin_v to_o shake_v as_o mistrust_v my_o condition_n to_o be_v naught_o for_o i_o see_v that_o in_o all_o my_o thought_n about_o religion_n and_o salvation_n the_o new_a birth_n do_v never_o enter_v into_o my_o mind_n neither_o know_v i_o the_o comfort_n of_o the_o word_n and_o promise_n nor_o the_o deceitfulness_n and_o treachery_n of_o my_o own_o wicked_a heart_n as_o for_o secret_a thought_n i_o take_v no_o notice_n of_o they_o neither_o do_v i_o understand_v what_o satan_n temptation_n be_v nor_o how_o they_o be_v to_o be_v withstand_v and_o resist_v etc._n etc._n 31._o thus_o therefore_o when_o i_o have_v hear_v and_o consider_v what_o they_o say_v i_o leave_v they_o and_o go_v about_o my_o employment_n again_o but_o their_o talk_n and_o discourse_n go_v with_o i_o also_o my_o heart_n will_v tarry_v with_o they_o for_o â—_o be_v great_o affect_v with_o their_o word_n both_o because_o by_o they_o i_o be_v convince_v that_o i_o want_v the_o true_a token_n of_o a_o true_o godly_a man_n and_o also_o because_o by_o they_o i_o be_v convince_v of_o the_o happy_a and_o bless_a condition_n of_o he_o that_o be_v such_o a_o one_o 32._o therefore_o i_o shall_v often_o make_v it_o my_o business_n to_o be_v go_v again_o and_o again_o into_o the_o company_n of_o these_o poor_a people_n for_o â—_o can_v not_o stay_v away_o and_o the_o more_o i_o go_v among_o they_o the_o more_o i_o do_v question_v my_o condition_n and_o as_o still_o i_o do_v remember_v present_o i_o find_v two_o thing_n within_o i_o at_o which_o i_o do_v sometime_o marvel_n especial_o consider_v what_o a_o blind_a ignorant_a sordid_a and_o ungodly_a wretch_n but_o just_a before_o i_o be_v the_o one_o be_v a_o very_a great_a softness_n and_o tenderness_n of_o heart_n which_o cause_v i_o to_o fall_v under_o the_o conviction_n of_o what_o by_o scripture_n they_o assert_v and_o the_o other_o be_v a_o great_a bend_n in_o my_o mind_n to_o a_o continual_a meditate_v on_o they_o and_o on_o all_o other_o good_a thing_n which_o at_o any_o time_n i_o hear_v or_o read_v of_o 33._o my_o mind_n be_v now_o so_o turn_v that_o it_o lay_v like_o a_o horseleech_n at_o the_o vein_n still_o cry_v out_o give_v give_v
know_v the_o time_n will_v come_v that_o i_o shall_v be_v afflict_v with_o fear_n that_o there_o be_v no_o place_n leave_v for_o i_o in_o his_o bosom_n do_v before_o speak_v this_o word_n and_o leave_v it_o upon_o record_n that_o i_o may_v find_v help_n thereby_o against_o this_o vile_a temptation_n 57_o in_o the_o light_n and_o encouragement_n of_o this_o word_n i_o go_v a_o pretty_a while_n and_o the_o comfort_n be_v the_o more_o when_o i_o think_v that_o the_o lord_n jesus_n shall_v think_v on_o i_o so_o long_o ago_o and_o that_o he_o shall_v speak_v they_o word_n on_o purpose_n for_o my_o sake_n for_o i_o do_v then_o think_v very_o that_o he_o do_v on_o purpose_n speak_v they_o to_o encourage_v i_o withal_o 58._o after_o this_o i_o find_v by_o read_v the_o word_n that_o those_o that_o must_v be_v glorify_v with_o christ_n in_o another_o world_n must_v be_v call_v by_o he_o here_o call_v to_o the_o partake_n of_o a_o share_n in_o his_o word_n and_o righteousness_n and_o to_o the_o comfort_n &_o first-fruit_n of_o his_o spirit_n and_o to_o a_o peculiar_a interest_n in_o all_o those_o heavenly_a thing_n which_o do_v indeed_o fore-fit_a the_o soul_n for_o that_o rest_n and_o house_n of_o glory_n which_o be_v in_o heaven_n above_o 59_o here_o again_o i_o be_v at_o a_o very_a great_a stand_n not_o know_v what_o to_o do_v fear_v i_o be_v not_o call_v for_o think_v i_o if_o i_o be_v not_o call_v what_o then_o can_v do_v i_o good_a but_o oh_o how_o i_o now_o love_v those_o word_n that_o speak_v of_o a_o christian_n call_v as_o when_o the_o lord_n say_v to_o one_o follow_v i_o and_o to_o another_o come_v after_o i_o and_o oh_o think_v i_o that_o he_o will_v say_v so_o to_o i_o too_o how_o glad_o will_v i_o run_v after_o he_o 60._o i_o can_v now_o express_v with_o what_o long_n and_o break_n in_o my_o soul_n i_o cry_v to_o christ_n to_o call_v i_o thus_o i_o continue_v for_o a_o time_n all_o on_o a_o flame_n to_o be_v convert_v to_o jesus_n christ_n and_o do_v also_o see_v at_o that_o day_n such_o glory_n in_o a_o convert_a state_n that_o i_o can_v not_o be_v content_v without_o a_o share_n therein_o gold_n can_v it_o have_v be_v get_v for_o gold_n what_o can_v i_o have_v give_v for_o it_o have_v i_o have_v a_o whole_a world_n it_o have_v all_o go_v ten_o thousand_o time_n over_o for_o this_o that_o my_o soul_n may_v have_v be_v in_o a_o convert_a state_n 61._o how_o lovely_a now_o be_v every_o one_o in_o my_o eye_n that_o i_o think_v to_o be_v convert_v man_n and_o woman_n they_o shine_v they_o walk_v like_o a_o people_n that_o carry_v the_o broad_a seal_n of_o heaven_n about_o they_o oh_o i_o see_v the_o lot_n be_v fall_v to_o they_o in_o pleasant_a place_n and_o they_o have_v a_o goodly_a heritage_n but_o that_o which_o make_v i_o sick_a be_v that_o of_o christ_n in_o mark_n he_o go_v up_o into_o a_o mountain_n and_o call_v to_o he_o who_o he_o will_v and_o they_o come_v unto_o he_o mark_v 3.13_o 62._o this_o scripture_n make_v i_o saint_n and_o fear_n yet_o it_o kindle_a fire_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o which_o make_v i_o fear_n be_v this_o lest_o christ_n shall_v have_v no_o like_n to_o i_o for_o he_o call_v who_o he_o will_v but_o on_o the_o glory_n that_o i_o see_v in_o that_o condition_n do_v still_o so_o engage_v my_o heart_n that_o i_o can_v seldom_o read_v of_o any_o that_o christ_n do_v call_v but_o i_o present_o wish_v will_v i_o have_v be_v in_o their_o clothes_n will_v i_o have_v be_v bear_v peter_n will_v i_o have_v be_v bear_v john_n or_o will_v i_o have_v be_v by_o and_o have_v hear_v he_o when_o he_o call_v they_o how_o will_v i_o have_v cry_v o_o lord_n call_v i_o also_o but_o oh_o i_o fear_v he_o will_v not_o call_v i_o 63._o and_o true_o the_o lord_n let_v i_o go_v thus_o many_o month_n together_o and_o show_v i_o nothing_o either_o that_o i_o be_v already_o or_o shall_v be_v call_v hereafter_o but_o at_o last_o after_o much_o time_n spend_v and_o many_o groan_n to_o god_n that_o i_o may_v be_v make_v partaker_n of_o the_o holy_a and_o heavenly_a call_n that_o word_n come_v in_o upon_o i_o i_o will_v cleanse_v their_o blood_n that_o i_o have_v not_o cleanse_v for_o the_o lord_n dwell_v in_o zion_n joel_n 3.21_o these_o word_n i_o think_v be_v send_v to_o encourage_v i_o to_o wait_v still_o upon_o god_n and_o signify_v unto_o i_o that_o if_o i_o be_v not_o already_o yet_o time_n may_v come_v i_o may_v be_v in_o truth_n convert_v unto_o christ._n 64._o about_o this_o time_n i_o begin_v to_o break_v my_o mind_n to_o those_o poor_a people_n in_o gedford_n and_o to_o tell_v they_o my_o condition_n which_o when_o they_o have_v hear_v they_o tell_v mr._n gifford_n of_o i_o who_o himself_o also_o take_v occasion_n to_o talk_v with_o i_o and_o be_v willing_a to_o be_v persuade_v of_o i_o though_o i_o think_v but_o from_o little_a ground_n but_o he_o invite_v i_o to_o his_o house_n where_o i_o shall_v hear_v he_o confer_v with_o other_o about_o the_o deal_n of_o god_n with_o the_o soul_n from_o all_o which_o i_o still_o receive_v more_o conviction_n and_o from_o that_o time_n begin_v to_o see_v something_o of_o the_o vanity_n and_o inward_a wretchedness_n of_o my_o wicked_a heart_n for_o as_o yet_o i_o know_v no_o great_a matter_n therein_o but_o now_o it_o begin_v to_o be_v discover_v unto_o i_o and_o also_o to_o work_v at_o that_o rate_n for_o wickedness_n as_o it_o never_o do_v before_o now_o i_o evident_o find_v that_o lust_n and_o corruption_n will_v strong_o put_v forth_o themselves_o within_o i_o in_o wicked_a thought_n and_o desire_n which_o i_o do_v not_o regard_v before_o my_o desire_n also_o for_o heaven_n and_o life_n begin_v to_o fail_v i_o find_v also_o that_o whereas_o before_o my_o soul_n be_v full_a of_o longâ—ngs_n after_o god_n now_o my_o heart_n begin_v to_o hanker_v after_o every_o foolish_a vanity_n yea_o my_o heart_n will_v not_o be_v move_v to_o mind_n that_o that_o be_v good_a it_o begin_v to_o be_v careless_a both_o of_o my_o soul_n and_o heaven_n it_o will_v now_o continual_o hang_v back_o both_o to_o and_o in_o every_o duty_n and_o be_v as_o a_o clog_n on_o the_o leg_n of_o a_o bird_n to_o hinder_v she_o from_o fly_v 65._o nay_o think_v i_o now_o i_o grow_v worse_o and_o worse_o now_o be_o i_o further_o from_o conversion_n then_o ever_o i_o be_v before_o wherefore_o i_o begin_v to_o sink_v great_o in_o my_o soul_n and_o begin_v to_o entertain_v such_o discouragement_n in_o my_o heart_n as_o lay_v i_o as_o low_a as_o hell_n if_o now_o i_o shall_v have_v burn_v at_o a_o stake_n i_o can_v not_o believe_v that_o christ_n have_v love_n for_o i_o alas_o i_o can_v neither_o hear_v he_o nor_o see_v he_o nor_o feel_v he_o nor_o savour_v any_o of_o his_o thing_n i_o be_v drive_v as_o with_o a_o tempest_n my_o heart_n will_v be_v unclean_a the_o canaanite_n will_v dwell_v in_o the_o land_n 66._o sometime_o i_o will_v tell_v my_o condition_n to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n which_o when_o they_o hear_v they_o will_v pity_v i_o and_o will_v tell_v i_o of_o the_o promise_n but_o they_o have_v as_o good_a have_v tell_v i_o that_o i_o must_v reach_v the_o sun_n with_o my_o finger_n as_o have_v bid_v i_o receive_v or_o rely_v upon_o the_o promise_n and_o as_o soon_o i_o shall_v have_v do_v it_o all_o my_o sense_n and_o feeling_n be_v against_o i_o and_o i_o see_v i_o have_v a_o heart_n that_o will_v sin_n and_o lay_v under_o a_o law_n that_o will_v condemn_v 67._o these_o thing_n have_v often_o make_v i_o think_v of_o that_o child_n which_o the_o father_n bring_v to_o christ_n who_o while_o he_o be_v yet_o a_o come_n to_o he_o be_v throw_v down_o by_o the_o devil_n and_o also_o so_o rend_v and_o tear_v by_o he_o that_o he_o lay_v and_o wallow_v foam_v luke_n 9.42_o maâ—â—_n 9.20_o 68_o further_o in_o these_o day_n i_o shall_v find_v mâ—_n heart_n to_o shut_v itself_o up_o against_o the_o lord_n and_o against_o his_o holy_a word_n i_o have_v find_v my_o unbelief_n to_o set_v as_o iâ—_n be_v the_o shoulder_n to_o the_o door_n to_o keep_v he_o out_o and_o that_o too_o even_o then_o when_o i_o have_v with_o many_o 〈◊〉_d bitter_a sigh_n cry_v good_a lord_n break_v it_o open_a lord_n break_v these_o gate_n of_o brass_n and_o cut_v these_o bar_n of_o iron_n asunder_o yet_o that_o word_n will_v sometime_o create_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o peaceable_a pause_n i_o gird_v thou_o though_o thou_o have_v not_o know_v i_o 69._o but_o all_o this_o while_n as_o to_o the_o act_n of_o sin_v i_o never_o be_v more_o tender_a
than_o now_o i_o dare_v not_o take_v a_o pin_n or_o a_o stick_n though_o but_o so_o big_a as_o a_o straw_n for_o my_o conscience_n now_o be_v sore_a and_o will_v smart_v at_o every_o touch_n i_o can_v not_o now_o tell_v how_o to_o speak_v my_o word_n for_o fear_n i_o shall_v mis-place_n they_o o_o how_o gingerly_o do_v i_o then_o go_v in_o all_o i_o do_v or_o say_v i_o find_v myself_o as_o on_o a_o miry_a bog_n that_o shake_v if_o i_o do_v but_o stir_v and_o as_o there_o left_a both_o of_o god_n and_o christ_n and_o the_o spirit_n and_o all_o good_a thing_n 70._o and_o though_o i_o be_v thus_o trouble_v and_o toss_v and_o afflict_v with_o the_o sight_n and_o sense_n and_o terror_n of_o my_o own_o wickedness_n yet_o i_o be_v afraid_a to_o let_v this_o sense_n and_o sight_n go_v quite_o off_o my_o mind_n for_o i_o find_v that_o unless_o guilt_n of_o conscience_n be_v take_v off_o the_o right_a way_n that_o be_v by_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n a_o man_n grow_v rather_o worse_o for_o the_o loss_n of_o his_o trouble_n of_o mind_n than_o better_a wherefore_o if_o my_o guilt_n lie_v hard_o upon_o i_o than_o i_o shall_v cry_v that_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n may_v take_v it_o off_o and_o if_o it_o be_v go_v off_o without_o it_o for_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n will_v be_v sometime_o as_o if_o it_o will_v die_v and_o go_v quite_o away_o than_o i_o will_v also_o strive_v to_o fetch_v it_o upon_o my_o heart_n again_o by_o bring_v the_o punishment_n for_o sin_n in_o hell-fire_n upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o shall_v cry_v lord_n let_v it_o not_o go_v off_o my_o heart_n but_o the_o right_a way_n but_o by_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o by_o the_o application_n of_o thy_o mercy_n through_o he_o to_o my_o soul_n for_o that_o scripture_n lie_v much_o upon_o i_o without_o shed_v of_o blood_n there_o be_v no_o remission_n heb._n 9.22_o and_o that_o which_o make_v i_o the_o more_o afraid_a of_o this_o be_v because_o i_o have_v see_v some_o who_o tho_o when_o they_o be_v under_o wound_n of_o conscience_n than_o they_o will_v cry_v and_o pray_v but_o they_o seek_v rather_o present_a ease_n from_o their_o trouble_n then_o pardon_v foâ—_n their_o sin_n care_v not_o how_o they_o lose_v their_o guilt_n 〈◊〉_d they_o get_v it_o out_o of_o their_o mind_n and_o therefore_o have_v get_v it_o off_o the_o wrong_a way_n it_o be_v not_o sanctifieâ—_n unto_o they_o but_o they_o grow_v hard_a and_o blind_a anâ—_n more_o wicked_a after_o their_o trouble_n this_o make_v 〈◊〉_d afraid_a and_o make_v i_o cry_v to_o god_n that_o it_o may_v noâ—_n be_v so_o with_o i_o 71._o and_o now_o be_v i_o sorry_a that_o god_n have_v make_v mâ—_n a_o man_n for_o i_o fear_v i_o be_v a_o reprobate_n i_o counteâ—_n man_n as_o unconvert_v the_o most_o doleful_a of_o all_o thâ—_n creature_n thus_o be_v afflict_v and_o toss_v abouâ—_n my_o sad_a condition_n i_o count_v myself_o alone_o anâ—_n above_o the_o most_o of_o man_n unblessed_a in_o this_o condition_n i_o go_v a_o great_a while_n but_o when_o comfort_v timâ—_n be_v come_v i_o hear_v one_o preach_v a_o sermon_n upoâ—_n those_o word_n in_o the_o song_n song_n 4.1_o behold_v thou_o anâ—_n fair_a my_o love_n behold_v thou_o be_v fair_a but_o at_o that_o timâ—_n he_o make_v these_o two_o word_n my_o love_n his_o chief_a anâ—_n subject_a matter_n from_o which_o after_o he_o have_v a_o littlâ—_n open_v the_o text_n he_o observe_v these_o several_a conclusion_n 1._o that_o the_o church_n and_o so_o every_o save_v soul_n 〈◊〉_d christ_n love_n when_o loveless_a 2._o christ_n love_n without_o 〈◊〉_d cause_n 3._o christ_n love_n when_o hate_v of_o the_o world_n 4._o christ_n love_n when_o under_o temptation_n and_o under_o diâ—sertion_n 5._o christ_n love_n from_o first_o to_o last_o 72._o but_o i_o get_v nothing_o by_o what_o he_o say_v at_o present_a only_o when_o he_o come_v to_o the_o application_n of_o the_o four_o particular_a this_o be_v the_o word_n he_o say_v if_o it_o be_v so_o thâ—â—_n the_o save_v soul_n be_v christ_n love_n when_o under_o temptation_n and_o dissertion_n then_o poor_a tempt_v soul_n when_o thou_o be_v assault_v and_o afflict_v with_o temptation_n and_o the_o hiding_n 〈◊〉_d god_n face_n yet_o think_v on_o these_o two_o word_n my_o love_n still_o 73._o so_o as_o i_o be_v a_o go_v home_o these_o word_n camâ—_n again_o into_o my_o thought_n and_o i_o well_o remember_v aâ—_n they_o come_v in_o i_o say_v thus_o in_o my_o heart_n what_o shall_v i_o get_v by_o think_v on_o these_o two_o word_n this_o thought_n have_v no_o soon_o pass_v through_o my_o heart_n but_o the_o word_n begin_v thus_o to_o kindle_v in_o my_o spirit_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n twenty_o time_n together_o and_o still_o as_o they_o run_v thus_o in_o my_o mind_n they_o wax_v strong_a and_o warm_a and_o begin_v to_o make_v i_o look_v up_o but_o be_v as_o yet_o between_o hope_n and_o fear_n i_o still_o reply_v in_o my_o heart_n but_o be_v it_o true_a too_o but_o be_v it_o true_a at_o which_o that_o sentence_n fall_v in_o upon_o i_o he_o wist_v not_o that_o it_o be_v true_a which_o be_v do_v unto_o he_o of_o the_o angel_n act._n 12.9_o 74._o then_o i_o begin_v to_o give_v place_n to_o the_o word_n which_o with_o power_n do_v over_o and_o over_o make_v this_o joyful_a sound_n within_o my_o soul_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n thou_o be_v my_o love_n and_o nothing_o shall_v separate_v thou_o from_o my_o love_n and_o with_o that_o rom._n 8.39_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n now_o be_v my_o heart_n fill_v full_a of_o comfort_n and_o hope_n and_o now_o i_o can_v believe_v that_o my_o sin_n shall_v be_v forgive_v i_o wherefore_o i_o say_v in_o my_o soul_n with_o much_o gladness_n well_o i_o will_v i_o have_v a_o pen_n and_o ink_n here_o i_o will_v write_v this_o down_o before_o i_o go_v any_o further_a for_o sure_o i_o will_v not_o forget_v this_o forty_o year_n hence_o but_o alas_o within_o less_o than_o forty_o day_n i_o begin_v to_o question_v all_o again_o 75._o yet_o still_o at_o time_n i_o be_v help_v to_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v a_o true_a manifestation_n of_o grace_n unto_o my_o soul_n though_o i_o have_v lose_v much_o of_o the_o life_n and_o savour_n of_o it_o now_o about_o a_o week_n or_o fortnight_n after_o this_o i_o be_v much_o follow_v by_o this_o scripture_n simon_n simon_n behold_v satan_n have_v desire_v to_o have_v you_o luk._n 22.31_o and_o sometime_o it_o will_v sound_v so_o loud_o within_o i_o yea_o and_o as_o it_o be_v call_v so_o strong_o after_o i_o that_o once_o above_o all_o the_o rest_n i_o turn_v my_o head_n over_o my_o shoulder_n think_v very_o that_o some_o man_n have_v behind_o i_o call_v to_o i_o be_v at_o a_o great_a distance_n 76._o but_o so_o foolish_a be_v i_o and_o ignorant_a that_o i_o know_v not_o the_o reason_n of_o this_o sound_n which_o as_o i_o do_v both_o see_v and_o feel_v soon_o after_o be_v send_v from_o heaven_n as_o a_o alarm_n to_o awaken_v i_o to_o provide_v for_o what_o be_v come_v only_o it_o will_v make_v i_o muse_v and_o wonder_v in_o my_o mind_n to_o think_v what_o shall_v be_v the_o reason_n that_o this_o scripture_n and_o that_o at_o this_o rate_n so_o often_o and_o so_o loud_a shall_v still_o be_v sound_v and_o rattle_v in_o my_o ear_n but_o as_o i_o say_v before_o i_o soon_o after_o perceive_v the_o end_n of_o god_n therein_o 77._o for_o about_o the_o space_n of_o a_o month_n after_o a_o very_a great_a storm_n come_v down_o upon_o i_o which_o handle_v i_o twenty_o time_n worse_o than_o all_o i_o have_v meet_v with_o before_o it_o come_v steal_v upon_o i_o now_o by_o one_o piece_n then_o by_o another_o first_o all_o my_o comfort_n be_v take_v from_o i_o than_o darkness_n seize_v upon_o i_o after_o which_o whole_a flood_n of_o blasphemy_n both_o against_o god_n christ_n and_o the_o scripture_n be_v pour_v upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o my_o great_a confusion_n and_o astonishment_n these_o blasphemous_a thought_n be_v such_o as_o also_o stir_v up_o question_n in_o i_o against_o the_o very_a be_v of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o only_a belove_a son_n as_o whether_o there_o be_v in_o truth_n a_o god_n or_o christ_n or_o no_o and_o whether_o the_o holy_a scripture_n be_v not_o rather_o a_o fable_n and_o cunning_a story_n than_o the_o holy_a and_o pure_a word_n of_o god_n 78._o the_o tempter_n also_o will_v much_o assault_v i_o with_o this_o how_o can_v you_o tell_v but_o that_o the_o turkâ—_n have_v as_o good_a scripture_n to_o prove_v their_o mahomet_n the_o saviour_n as_o we_o have_v to_o prove_v our_o jesus_n be_v and_o can_v i_o think_v that_o so_o many_o ten_o
thousand_o in_o so_o many_o country_n and_o kingdom_n shall_v be_v without_o the_o knowledge_n of_o the_o right_a way_n to_o heaven_n if_o there_o be_v indeed_o a_o heaven_n and_o that_o we_o only_o who_o live_v but_o in_o a_o corner_n of_o the_o earth_n shall_v alone_o be_v blessed_v therewith_o every_o one_o do_v think_v his_o owâ—_n religion_n right_a both_o jew_n and_o moorâ—_n and_o pagan_n and_o how_o if_o all_o our_o faith_n and_o christ_n and_o scripture_n shall_v be_v but_o a_o think-so_a too_o 79._o sometime_o i_o have_v endeavour_v to_o argue_v against_o these_o suggestion_n and_o to_o set_v some_o of_o the_o sentence_n of_o bless_a paul_n against_o they_o but_o alas_o i_o quick_o feel_v when_o i_o thus_o do_v such_o arguing_n as_o these_o will_v return_v again_o upon_o i_o though_o we_o make_v so_o great_a a_o matter_n of_o paul_n and_o of_o his_o word_n yet_o how_o can_v i_o tell_v but_o that_o in_o very_a deed_n he_o be_v a_o subtle_a and_o cunning_a man_n may_v give_v himself_o up_o to_o deceive_v with_o strong_a delusion_n and_o also_o take_v both_o that_o pain_n and_o travel_n to_o undo_v and_o destroy_v his_o fellow_n 80._o these_o suggestion_n with_o many_o other_o which_o at_o this_o time_n i_o may_v not_o nor_o dare_v not_o utter_v neither_o by_o word_n nor_o pen_n do_v make_v such_o a_o seizure_n upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o do_v so_o over-weigh_a my_o heart_n both_o with_o their_o number_n continuance_n and_o fiery_a force_n that_o i_o feel_v as_o if_o there_o be_v nothing_o else_o but_o these_o from_o morning_n to_o night_n within_o i_o and_o as_o though_o indeed_o there_o can_v be_v room_n for_o nothing_o else_o and_o also_o conclude_v that_o god_n have_v in_o very_a wrath_n to_o my_o soul_n give_v i_o up_o unto_o they_o to_o be_v carry_v away_o with_o they_o as_o with_o a_o mighty_a whirlwind_n 81._o only_o by_o the_o distaste_n that_o they_o give_v unto_o my_o spirit_n i_o feel_v there_o be_v something_o in_o i_o that_o refuse_v to_o embrace_v they_o but_o this_o consideration_n i_o then_o only_o have_v when_o god_n give_v i_o leave_v to_o swallow_v my_o spittle_n otherwise_o the_o noise_n and_o strength_n and_o force_v of_o these_o temptation_n will_v drown_v and_o overflow_v and_o as_o it_o be_v bury_v all_o such_o thought_n or_o the_o remembrance_n of_o any_o such_o thing_n while_o i_o be_v in_o this_o temptation_n i_o shall_v find_v often_o my_o mind_n sudden_o put_v upon_o it_o to_o curse_v and_o swear_v or_o to_o speak_v some_o grievous_a thing_n of_o god_n or_o christ_n his_o son_n and_o of_o the_o scripture_n 82._o now_o i_o think_v sure_o i_o be_o possess_v of_o the_o devil_n it_o other_o time_n again_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v be_v be_v rest_n of_o my_o wit_n for_o instead_o of_o laud_v and_o magnify_v of_o god_n the_o loâ—d_n with_o other_o if_o i_o have_v but_o hear_v he_o speak_v of_o present_o some_o most_o horrible_a blasphemous_a thought_n or_o other_o will_v bolt_n out_o of_o my_o heart_n against_o he_o so_o that_o whether_o i_o do_v think_v that_o god_n be_v or_o again_o do_v think_v there_o be_v no_o such_o thing_n no_o love_n nor_o peace_n nor_o gracious_a disposition_n can_v i_o feel_v within_o i_o 83_o these_o thing_n do_v sink_v i_o into_o very_o deep_a despair_n for_o i_o conclude_v that_o such_o thing_n can_v not_o possible_o be_v sound_n among_o they_o that_o love_v god_n i_o often_o when_o these_o temptation_n have_v be_v with_o force_n upon_o i_o do_v compare_v myself_o in_o the_o case_n of_o such_o a_o child_n who_o some_o gipsy_n have_v by_o force_n take_v up_o under_o her_o apron_n and_o be_v carry_v from_o friend_n and_o country_n kick_v sometime_o i_o do_v and_o also_o scream_v and_o cry_v but_o yet_o i_o be_v as_o bind_v in_o the_o wing_n of_o the_o temptation_n and_o the_o wind_n will_v carry_v i_o away_o i_o think_v also_o of_o saul_n and_o of_o the_o evil_a spirit_n that_o do_v possess_v he_o and_o do_v great_o fear_v that_o my_o condition_n be_v the_o same_o with_o that_o of_o he_o 84._o in_o these_o day_n when_o i_o have_v hear_v other_o talk_v of_o what_o be_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n then_o will_v the_o tempter_n so_o provoke_v i_o to_o desire_v to_o sin_v that_o sin_n that_o i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o can_v not_o must_v not_o neither_o shall_v be_v quiet_a until_o i_o have_v commit_v that_o now_o no_o sin_n will_v serve_v but_o that_o if_o it_o be_v to_o be_v commit_v by_o speak_v of_o such_o a_o word_n than_o i_o have_v be_v as_o if_o my_o mouth_n will_v have_v speak_v that_o word_n whether_o i_o will_v or_o no_o and_o in_o so_o strong_a a_o measure_n be_v this_o temptation_n upon_o i_o that_o often_o i_o have_v be_v ready_a to_o clap_v my_o hand_n under_o my_o chin_n to_o hold_v my_o mouth_n from_o open_v and_o to_o that_o enâ—_n also_o i_o have_v have_v thought_n at_o other_o time_n to_o leap_v with_o my_o head_n downward_o into_o some_o muckhil-hole_n or_o other_o to_o keep_v my_o mouth_n from_o speak_v 85._o now_o i_o bless_v the_o condition_n of_o the_o doggâ—_n and_o toad_n and_o count_v the_o estate_n of_o every_o thinâ—_n that_o god_n have_v make_v far_o better_o than_o this_o dreadful_a state_n of_o i_o and_o such_o as_o my_o companion_n be_v yea_o glad_o will_v i_o have_v be_v in_o the_o condition_n of_o dog_n or_o horse_n for_o i_o know_v they_o have_v no_o soul_n to_o perish_v under_o the_o everlasting_a weight_n of_o hell_n for_o sin_n as_o i_o be_v like_a to_o do_v nay_o and_o though_o i_o see_v this_o feel_v this_o and_o be_v break_v to_o piece_n with_o it_o yet_o that_o which_o add_v to_o my_o sorrow_n be_v that_o i_o can_v not_o find_v that_o with_o all_o my_o soul_n i_o do_v desire_v deliverance_n that_o scripture_n also_o do_v tear_n and_o rend_v my_o soul_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o these_o distraction_n the_o wicked_a be_v like_o the_o trouble_a sea_n which_o can_v rest_v who_o water_n cast_v up_o mire_n and_o dirt_n there_o be_v no_o peace_n the_o wicked_a say_v my_o god_n isa._n 57.20_o 21._o 86._o while_o this_o temptation_n last_v which_o be_v about_o a_o year_n i_o can_v attend_v upon_o none_o of_o the_o ordinance_n of_o god_n but_o with_o sore_a and_o great_a affliction_n yea_o then_o be_v i_o most_o distress_a with_o blasphemy_n if_o i_o have_v be_v hear_v the_o word_n than_o uncleanness_n blasphemy_n and_o despair_n will_v hold_v i_o as_o captive_n there_o if_o i_o have_v be_v read_v then_o sometime_o i_o have_v sudden_a thought_n to_o question_v all_o i_o read_v sometime_o again_o my_o mind_n will_v be_v so_o strange_o snatch_v away_o and_o possess_v with_o other_o thing_n that_o i_o have_v neither_o know_v nor_o regard_v nor_o remember_v so_o much_o as_o the_o sentence_n that_o but_o now_o i_o have_v read_v 87._o in_o prayer_n also_o i_o have_v be_v great_o trouble_v at_o this_o time_n sometime_o i_o have_v think_v i_o shall_v see_v the_o devil_n nay_o think_v i_o have_v feel_v he_o behind_o i_o pull_v my_o clothes_n he_o will_v be_v also_o continual_o at_o i_o in_o the_o time_n of_o prayer_n to_o have_v do_v break_v off_o make_v haste_n you_o have_v pray_v enough_o and_o stay_v no_o long_o still_o draw_v my_o mind_n away_o sometime_o also_o he_o will_v cast_v in_o such_o wicked_a thought_n as_o these_o that_o i_o must_v pray_v to_o he_o or_o for_o he_o i_o have_v think_v sometime_o of_o that_o fall_v down_o or_o if_o thou_o will_v fall_v down_o and_o worship_v i_o 88_o also_o when_o because_o i_o have_v have_v wander_v thought_n in_o the_o time_n of_o this_o duty_n i_o have_v labour_v to_o compose_v my_o mind_n and_o fix_v it_o upon_o god_n then_o with_o great_a force_n have_v the_o tempter_n labour_v to_o distract_v i_o and_o confound_v i_o and_o to_o turn_v away_o my_o mind_n by_o present_v to_o my_o heart_n and_o fancy_n the_o form_n of_o a_o bush_n a_o bull_n a_o besom_n or_o the_o like_a as_o if_o i_o shall_v pray_v to_o those_o to_o these_o also_o he_o will_v at_o sometime_o especial_o so_o hold_v my_o mind_n that_o i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o can_v think_v of_o nothing_o else_o or_o pray_v to_o nothing_o else_o but_o to_o these_o or_o such_o as_o they_o 89._o yet_o at_o time_n i_o shall_v have_v some_o strong_a and_o heart-affecting_a apprehension_n of_o god_n and_o the_o reality_n of_o the_o truth_n of_o his_o gospel_n but_o oh_o how_o will_v my_o heart_n at_o such_o time_n put_v forth_o itself_o with_o unexpressable_a groan_n my_o whole_a soul_n be_v then_o in_o every_o word_n i_o shall_v cry_v with_o pang_n after_o god_n that_o he_o will_v be_v merciful_a to_o i_o but_o then_o i_o shall_v be_v daunt_v again_o
thereof_o for_o it_o do_v always_o in_o almost_o whatever_o i_o think_v intermix_v itself_o therewith_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o can_v neither_o eat_v my_o food_n stoop_v for_o a_o pin_n chap_v a_o stick_n or_o cast_v my_o eye_n to_o look_v on_o this_o or_o that_o but_o still_o the_o temptation_n will_v come_v sell_v christ_n for_o this_o or_o sell_v christ_n for_o that_o 109._o sometime_o it_o will_v run_v in_o my_o thought_n not_o so_o little_a as_o a_o hundred_o time_n together_o sell_v he_o sell_v he_o sell_v he_o against_o which_o i_o may_v say_v for_o whole_a hour_n together_o i_o have_v be_v force_v to_o stand_v as_o continual_o lean_v and_o force_v my_o spirit_n against_o it_o lest_o haply_o before_o i_o be_v aware_a some_o wicked_a thought_n may_v arise_v in_o my_o heart_n that_o may_v consent_v thereto_o and_o sometime_o also_o the_o tempter_n will_v make_v i_o believe_v i_o have_v consent_v to_o it_o than_o shall_v i_o be_v as_o torture_v on_o a_o rack_n for_o whole_a day_n together_o 110._o this_o temptation_n do_v put_v i_o to_o such_o scare_n lest_o i_o shall_v at_o some_o time_n i_o say_v consent_v thereto_o and_o be_v overcome_v therewith_o that_o by_o the_o very_a force_n of_o my_o mind_n in_o labour_v to_o gainsay_v and_o resist_v this_o wickedness_n my_o very_a body_n also_o will_v be_v put_v into_o action_n or_o motion_n by_o way_n of_o push_v or_o thrust_v still_o answer_v as_o fast_o as_o the_o destroyer_n say_v fall_v he_o i_o will_v not_o i_o will_v not_o i_o will_v not_o i_o will_v not_o no_o not_o for_o thousand_o thousand_o thousand_o of_o world_n this_o reckon_n lest_o i_o shall_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o these_o assault_n set_v too_o low_a a_o value_n of_o he_o even_o until_o i_o scarce_o well_o know_v where_o i_o be_v or_o how_o to_o be_v compose_v again_o 111._o but_o to_o be_v brief_a one_o morning_n as_o i_o do_v lie_v in_o my_o bed_n i_o be_v as_o at_o other_o time_n most_o fierce_o assault_v with_o this_o temptation_n to_o sell_v and_o part_n with_o christ_n the_o wicked_a suggestion_n still_o run_v in_o my_o mind_n sell_v he_o sell_v he_o sell_v he_o sell_v he_o as_o fast_o as_o a_o man_n can_v speak_v against_o which_o also_o in_o my_o mind_n as_o at_o other_o time_n i_o answer_v no_o no_o not_o for_o thousand_o thousand_o thousand_o at_o least_o twenty_o time_n together_o but_o at_o last_o after_o much_o strive_v even_o until_o i_o be_v almost_o out_o of_o breath_n i_o feel_v the_o thought_n pass_v through_o my_o heart_n let_v he_o go_v if_o he_o will_v and_o i_o think_v also_o that_o i_o feel_v my_o heart_n consent_v thereto_o 112._o now_o be_v the_o battle_n win_v and_o down_o felâ—_n i_o as_o a_o bird_n that_o be_v shoot_v from_o the_o top_n of_o a_o tree_n in_o to_o great_a guilt_n and_o fearful_a despair_n thus_o get_v out_o of_o my_o bed_n i_o go_v mope_v into_o the_o field_n but_o god_n know_v with_o as_o heavy_a a_o heart_n as_o mortal_a man_n i_o think_v can_v bear_v where_o for_o the_o space_n of_o two_o hour_n i_o be_v like_o a_o man_n bere_v of_o life_n and_o as_o now_o past_a all_o recovery_n and_o bind_v over_o to_o eternal_a punishment_n 113._o and_o withal_o that_o scripture_n do_v seize_v upon_o my_o soul_n or_o profane_a person_n as_o esau_n who_o for_o one_o morsel_n of_o meat_n sell_v his_o birthright_n for_o you_o know_v how_o that_o afterward_o when_o he_o will_v have_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n he_o be_v reject_v for_o he_o find_v no_o place_n of_o repentance_n though_o he_o seek_v it_o careful_o with_o tear_n heb._n 12.16_o 17._o 114._o these_o word_n be_v to_o my_o soul_n like_o fetter_n of_o brass_n to_o my_o leg_n in_o the_o continual_a sound_n of_o which_o i_o go_v for_o several_a month_n together_o but_o about_o ten_o or_o eleven_o a_o clock_n one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v walk_v under_o a_o hedge_n full_a of_o sorrow_n and_o guilt_n god_n know_v and_o bemoan_v myself_o for_o this_o hard_a hap_n that_o such_o a_o thought_n shall_v arise_v within_o i_o sudden_o this_o sentence_n bolt_v in_o upon_o i_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n remit_v all_o guilt_n at_o this_o i_o make_v a_o stand_n in_o my_o spirit_n with_o that_o this_o word_n take_v hold_v upon_o i_o the_o blood_n of_o jesus_n christ_n his_o son_n cleanse_v â—s_a from_o all_o sin_n now_o i_o begin_v to_o conceive_v peace_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o methinks_v i_o see_v as_o if_o the_o tempter_n do_v hear_v and_o steaâ—_n away_o from_o i_o as_o be_v ashamed_a of_o what_o he_o have_v do_v at_o the_o same_o time_n also_o i_o have_v my_o sin_n and_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n thus_o represent_v to_o i_o that_o my_o sin_n when_o compare_v to_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n be_v no_o more_o to_o it_o than_o this_o little_a clot_n or_o stone_n before_o i_o be_v to_o this_o vast_a and_o wide_a field_n that_o here_o i_o see_v this_o give_v i_o good_a encouragement_n for_o the_o space_n of_o too_o or_o three_o hour_n in_o which_o time_n also_o i_o think_v i_o see_v by_o faith_n the_o son_n of_o god_n as_o suffer_v for_o my_o sin_n but_o because_o it_o tarry_v not_o i_o therefore_o sink_v 〈◊〉_d my_o spirit_n under_o exceed_a guilt_n again_o 115._o sometime_o also_o i_o shall_v have_v a_o touch_n from_o â—hat_n in_o luk._n 22.31_o i_o have_v pray_v for_o thou_o that_o thy_o faith_n fail_v not_o but_o it_o will_v not_o abide_v upon_o i_o neither_o can_v i_o indeed_o when_o i_o consider_v my_o state_n find_v ground_n to_o conceive_v in_o the_o least_o that_o there_o shall_v be_v the_o root_n of_o that_o grace_n within_o i_o have_v sâ—nned_v as_o i_o have_v do_v now_o be_v i_o tear_v and_o rend_v in_o heavy_a case_n for_o many_o day_n together_o 116._o then_o begin_v i_o with_o sad_a and_o careful_a heart_n to_o consider_v of_o the_o nature_n and_o largeness_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o to_o search_v in_o the_o word_n of_o god_n if_o i_o can_v in_o any_o place_n espy_v a_o word_n of_o promise_n or_o any_o encourage_n sentence_n by_o which_o i_o may_v take_v relief_n wherefore_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v that_o three_o of_o mark_n aâ—l_o manner_n of_o sin_n and_o blasphemy_n shall_v be_v forgive_v unto_o the_o son_n of_o man_n wherewith_o soever_o they_o shall_v blaspheme_v which_o place_n i_o thought_n at_o a_o blush_n do_v contain_v a_o large_a and_o glorious_a promise_n for_o the_o pardon_n of_o high_a offence_n but_o consider_v the_o place_n more_o full_o i_o think_v it_o be_v rather_o to_o be_v understand_v as_o relate_v more_o chief_o to_o those_o who_o have_v while_o in_o a_o natural_a estate_n commit_v such_o thing_n as_o there_o mention_v but_o not_o to_o i_o who_o have_v not_o only_o receive_v light_n and_o mercy_n but_o that_o have_v both_o after_o and_o also_o contrary_a to_o that_o so_o slight_v christ_n as_o i_o have_v do_v 117._o i_o fear_v therefore_o that_o this_o wicked_a sin_n of_o i_o may_v be_v that_o sin_n unpardonable_a of_o which_o he_o there_o thus_o speak_v but_o he_o that_o shall_v blaspheme_v against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n have_v never_o forgiveness_n but_o be_v in_o danger_n of_o eternal_a damnation_n and_o i_o do_v the_o rather_o give_v credit_n to_o this_o because_o of_o that_o sentence_n in_o the_o hebrew_n for_o yâ—u_o know_v how_o that_o afterward_o when_o he_o will_v have_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n he_o be_v reject_v for_o he_o find_v no_o place_n of_o repentance_n though_o he_o seek_v it_o careful_o with_o tear_n 118._o and_o now_o begin_v i_o to_o labour_v to_o call_v again_o time_n that_o be_v past_a wish_v a_o thousand_o time_n twice_o tell_v that_o the_o day_n be_v yet_o to_o come_v when_o i_o shall_v be_v tempt_v to_o such_o a_o sin_n conclude_v with_o great_a indignation_n both_o against_o my_o heart_n and_o all_o assault_n how_o i_o will_v rather_o have_v be_v tear_v in_o piece_n than_o find_v a_o consenter_n thereto_o but_o alas_o these_o thought_n and_o wish_n and_o resolving_n be_v now_o too_o late_o to_o help_v i_o the_o thought_n have_v pass_v my_o heart_n god_n have_v let_v i_o go_v and_o i_o be_o fall_v o_o think_v i_o that_o it_o be_v with_o i_o as_o in_o month_n past_a as_o in_o the_o day_n when_o god_n preserve_v i_o job_n 29.2_o 119._o then_o again_o be_v loath_a and_o unwilling_a to_o perish_v i_o begin_v to_o compare_v my_o sin_n with_o other_o to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v find_v that_o any_o of_o those_o that_o be_v save_v have_v do_v as_o i_o have_v do_v so_o i_o consider_v david_n adultery_n and_o murder_n and_o find_v they_o most_o heinous_a crime_n and_o those_o too_o commit_v after_o light_n and_o grace_v receive_v but_o yet_o by_o consider_v i_o perceive_v that_o
transgression_n and_o as_o a_o cloud_n thy_o sin_n return_v unto_o i_o fâ—r_o i_o have_v redeem_v thou_o isa._n 44.22_o but_o i_o can_v not_o return_v but_o flee_v though_o at_o some_o time_n it_o cry_v return_v as_o if_o it_o do_v hollow_a after_o i_o for_o i_o fear_v to_o close_v in_o therewith_o lest_o it_o shall_v not_o come_v from_o god_n for_o that_o other_o be_v still_o sound_v in_o my_o conscience_n for_o you_o know_v how_o that_o afterward_o when_o he_o will_v have_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n he_o be_v reject_v etc._n etc._n 132._o all_o this_o while_n my_o life_n hang_v in_o doubt_n before_o i_o not_o know_v which_o way_n i_o shall_v tip_v only_o this_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n desire_n even_o to_o cast_v itself_o at_o the_o foot_n of_o grace_n by_o prâ—yer_n and_o supplication_n but_o o_o it_o be_v hard_a for_o i_o to_o bear_v the_o face_n to_o pray_v to_o this_o christ_n for_o mercy_n against_o who_o i_o have_v thus_o most_o vile_o sin_v yet_o i_o know_v this_o must_v be_v the_o way_n for_o mercy_n be_v no_o where_o else_o 133._o which_o when_o the_o tempteâ—_n perceive_v he_o strong_o suggest_v to_o i_o that_o i_o ought_v not_o to_o pray_v to_o god_n for_o prayer_n be_v not_o for_o any_o in_o my_o case_n neither_o can_v it_o do_v i_o good_a because_o i_o have_v â—ejected_v the_o mediator_n by_o who_o all_o prayer_n come_v with_o acceptance_n to_o god_n the_o father_n and_o without_o who_o no_o prayer_n can_v come_v into_o his_o presence_n wherefore_o now_o to_o pray_v be_v but_o to_o add_v sin_n to_o sin_n yea_o now_o to_o pray_v see_v god_n have_v cast_v you_o off_o be_v the_o next_o way_n to_o anger_n and_o offend_v he_o more_o than_o ever_o you_o do_v before_o 134._o for_o god_n say_v he_o have_v be_v weary_a of_o you_o for_o these_o several_a year_n already_o because_o you_o aâ—e_v none_o of_o he_o you_o bawl_v in_o his_o ear_n have_v be_v no_o pleasant_a voice_n to_o he_o and_o therefore_o he_o let_v you_o sin_v this_o sin_n that_o you_o may_v be_v quite_o cut_v off_o and_o will_v you_o pray_v still_o this_o the_o devil_n urge_v and_o set_v forth_o by_o that_o in_o number_n which_o moses_n say_v to_o the_o child_n of_o israel_n that_o because_o they_o will_v not_o go_v up_o to_o possess_v the_o land_n when_o god_n will_v have_v they_o therefore_o for_o ever_o after_o he_o do_v bar_v they_o out_o from_o thence_o though_o they_o pray_v they_o may_v with_o tear_n numb_a 14.36_o 37_o etc._n etc._n 135._o as_o it_o be_v say_v in_o another_o place_n exod._n 21.14_o the_o man_n that_o sin_n presumptuos_o shall_v be_v take_v from_o god_n altar_n that_o he_o may_v die_v even_o as_o joab_n be_v by_o king_n solomon_n when_o he_o think_v to_o find_v shelter_n there_o 1_o king_n 2.27_o 28_o etc._n etc._n these_o place_n do_v pinch_v i_o very_o sore_a yet_o my_o case_n be_v desperate_a i_o think_v with_o myself_o i_o can_v but_o die_v and_o if_o it_o must_v be_v so_o it_o shall_v once_o be_v say_v that_o such_o a_o one_o die_v at_o the_o foot_n of_o christ_n in_o prayer_n this_o i_o do_v but_o with_o great_a difficulty_n god_n do_v know_v for_o still_o that_o say_n about_o esau_n will_v be_v set_v at_o my_o heart_n even_o like_o a_o flame_a sword_n to_o keep_v the_o way_n of_o the_o tree_n of_o life_n lest_o i_o shall_v take_v thereof_o and_o live_v o_o who_o know_v how_o hard_o a_o thing_n i_o find_v it_o to_o come_v to_o god_n in_o prayer_n 136._o i_o do_v also_o desire_v the_o prayer_n of_o the_o people_n of_o god_n for_o i_o but_o i_o fear_v that_o god_n will_v give_v they_o no_o heart_n to_o do_v it_o yea_o i_o tremble_v in_o my_o soul_n to_o think_v that_o some_o or_o other_o of_o they_o short_o will_v tell_v i_o that_o god_n have_v say_v those_o word_n to_o â—hem_n that_o he_o once_o do_v say_v to_o the_o prophet_n concern_v the_o child_n of_o israel_n pray_v not_o for_o this_o people_n for_o i_o have_v reject_v they_o jer._n 11.14_o so_o pray_v not_o for_o he_o for_o i_o have_v reject_v he_o yea_o i_o think_v that_o he_o have_v whisper_v this_o to_o some_o of_o they_o already_o only_o they_o dare_v not_o tell_v i_o so_o neither_o dare_v i_o ask_v they_o of_o it_o for_o fear_v if_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o it_o will_v make_v i_o quite_o beside_o myself_o man_n know_v the_o beginning_n of_o sin_n say_v spira_n but_o who_o bound_v the_o issue_n be_v thereof_o 137._o now_o also_o do_v the_o tempter_n begin_v to_o mock_v i_o in_o my_o misery_n say_v that_o see_v i_o have_v thus_o part_v with_o the_o lord_n jesus_n and_o provoke_v he_o to_o displeasure_n who_o shall_v have_v stand_v between_o my_o soul_n and_o the_o flame_n of_o devour_a fire_n the_o way_n be_v now_o but_o one_o and_o that_o be_v to_o pray_v that_o god_n the_o father_n will_v be_v the_o mediator_n betwixt_o his_o son_n and_o i_o that_o we_o may_v be_v reconcile_v again_o and_o that_o i_o may_v have_v that_o bless_a benefit_n in_o he_o that_o his_o bless_a saint_n enjoy_v 138._o then_o do_v that_o scripture_n seize_v upon_o my_o soul_n he_o be_v of_o one_o mind_n and_o who_o can_v turn_v he_o oh_o i_o see_v it_o be_v as_o easy_a to_o persuade_v he_o to_o make_v a_o new_a world_n a_o new_a covenant_n or_o new_a bible_n beside_o that_o we_o have_v already_o as_o to_o pray_v for_o such_o a_o thing_n this_o be_v to_o persuade_v he_o that_o what_o he_o have_v do_v already_o be_v mere_a folly_n and_o to_o persuade_v with_o he_o to_o alter_v yea_o to_o disannul_v the_o whole_a way_n of_o salvation_n and_o then_o will_v that_o say_v rend_v my_o soul_n asunder_o neither_o be_v there_o salvation_n in_o any_o other_o for_o there_o be_v none_o other_o name_n under_o heaven_n give_v among_o man_n whereby_o we_o must_v be_v save_v act._n 4.12_o 139._o now_o the_o most_o free_a and_o full_a and_o gracious_a word_n of_o the_o gospel_n be_v the_o great_a torment_n to_o i_o yea_o nothing_o so_o afflict_v i_o as_o the_o thought_n of_o jesus_n christ_n for_o the_o remembrance_n of_o a_o saviour_n because_o i_o have_v cast_v he_o off_o bring_v both_o the_o villainy_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o my_o loss_n by_o it_o to_o mind_n o_o it_o be_v sad_a to_o be_v destroy_v by_o the_o grace_n and_o mercy_n of_o god_n to_o have_v the_o lamb_n the_o saviour_n turn_v lion_n and_o destroyer_n rev._n 6._o i_o also_o tremble_v at_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o saint_n of_o god_n especial_o at_o those_o that_o great_o love_v he_o and_o that_o make_v it_o their_o business_n to_o walk_v continual_o with_o he_o in_o this_o world_n for_o they_o do_v both_o in_o their_o word_n their_o carriage_n and_o all_o their_o expression_n of_o tenderness_n and_o fear_n to_o sin_n against_o their_o precious_a saviour_n condemn_v lay_v guilt_n upon_o and_o also_o add_v continual_a affliction_n and_o shame_n unâ—o_v my_o soul_n 140._o now_o also_o the_o tempter_n begin_v afresh_o to_o mock_v my_o soul_n say_v that_o christ_n indeed_o do_v pity_v my_o case_n and_o be_v sorry_a for_o my_o loss_n but_o for_o as_o much_o as_o i_o have_v sin_v and_o transgress_v as_o i_o have_v do_v he_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n help_v i_o nor_o save_v i_o from_o what_o i_o fear_v for_o my_o sin_n be_v not_o of_o the_o nature_n of_o they_o for_o who_o he_o bleed_v and_o die_v neither_o be_v it_o count_v with_o those_o that_o be_v lay_v to_o his_o charge_n when_o he_o hang_v on_o the_o tree_n therefore_o unless_o he_o shall_v come_v down_o from_o heaven_n and_o die_v anew_o for_o this_o sin_n though_o indeed_o he_o do_v great_o pity_v i_o yet_o i_o can_v have_v no_o benefit_n of_o he_o 141._o but_o o_o how_o this_o will_v add_v to_o my_o affliction_n to_o conceit_n that_o i_o shall_v be_v guilty_a of_o such_o a_o sin_n for_o which_o he_o do_v not_o die_v these_o thought_n will_v so_o confound_v i_o and_o imprison_v i_o and_o tie_v i_o up_o from_o faith_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v but_o oh_o thought_n i_o that_o he_o will_v come_v down_o again_o o_o that_o the_o work_n of_o man_n redemption_n be_v yet_o to_o be_v do_v by_o christ_n how_o will_v i_o pray_v he_o and_o entreat_v he_o to_o count_v and_o reckon_v this_o sin_n among_o the_o rest_n for_o which_o he_o die_v but_o that_o will_v strike_v i_o down_o christ_n be_v raise_v from_o the_o dead_a die_v no_o more_o death_n have_v no_o more_o dominion_n over_o he_o rom._n 6.9_o 142._o thus_o be_v i_o always_o sink_v whatever_o i_o do_v think_v or_o do_v so_o one_o day_n i_o walk_v to_o a_o neighbour_a town_n and_o sit_v down_o upon_o a_o settle_v in_o the_o street_n and_o fall_v into_o a_o
very_a deep_a pause_n about_o the_o most_o fearful_a state_n my_o sin_n have_v bring_v i_o to_o and_o after_o long_o muse_v i_o lift_v up_o my_o head_n but_o i_o think_v i_o see_v as_o if_o the_o sun_n that_o shine_v in_o the_o heaven_n do_v grudge_v to_o give_v i_o light_n and_o as_o if_o the_o very_a stone_n the_o street_n and_o tile_n upon_o the_o house_n do_v bend_v themselves_o against_o i_o o_o how_o happâ—_n now_o be_v every_o creature_n over_o i_o be_v for_o they_o stooâ—_n fast_o and_o keep_v their_o station_n but_o i_o be_v go_v anâ—_n lose_v 143._o then_o break_v out_o in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o my_o soul_n i_o say_v with_o a_o grievous_a sigh_n how_o can_v god_n comfort_v such_o a_o wretch_n as_o i_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o say_v it_o but_o this_o return_v upon_o i_o as_o a_o echo_n do_v answer_v a_o voice_n this_o sin_n be_v not_o unto_o death_n at_o which_o i_o be_v as_o if_o i_o have_v be_v raise_v out_o of_o a_o grave_n and_o cry_v out_o again_o lord_n how_o can_v thou_o find_v out_o such_o a_o word_n as_o this_o for_o i_o be_v fill_v with_o admiration_n at_o the_o firness_n and_o also_o at_o the_o unexpectedness_n of_o the_o sentence_n 144._o now_o i_o be_v in_o hope_n that_o my_o sin_n be_v not_o unpardonable_a but_o that_o there_o may_v be_v hope_n for_o i_o to_o obtain_v forgiveness_n but_o o_o how_o satan_n now_o diâ—_n lie_v about_o he_o for_o to_o bring_v i_o down_o again_o but_o he_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n do_v it_o neither_o this_o day_n nor_o the_o most_o part_n of_o the_o next_o for_o this_o good_a sentence_n stand_v like_o a_o mill-post_n at_o my_o back_n yet_o towards_o the_o evening_n of_o the_o next_o day_n i_o feel_v this_o word_n begin_v to_o leave_v i_o and_o to_o withdraw_v its_o supportation_n from_o i_o and_o so_o i_o return_v to_o my_o old_a fear_n again_o but_o with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o grudge_v and_o peevishness_n for_o i_o fear_v the_o sorrow_n of_o it_o 145._o but_o the_o next_o day_n at_o evening_n be_v under_o many_o fear_n i_o go_v to_o seek_v the_o lord_n and_o as_o i_o pray_v i_o cry_v to_o he_o in_o these_o word_n o_o lord_n i_o beseech_v thou_o show_v i_o that_o thou_o have_v lâ—ved_v i_o with_o a_o everlasting_a love_n jer._n 31.3_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o say_v it_o but_o with_o sweetness_n it_o return_v upon_o i_o i_o have_v love_v thou_o with_o a_o everlasting_a lâ—ve_n now_o i_o go_v to_o bed_n at_o quiet_a also_o when_o i_o awake_v the_o next_o morning_n it_o be_v fresh_a upon_o my_o soul_n 146._o but_o yet_o the_o tempter_n leave_v i_o not_o for_o it_o can_v not_o be_v so_o little_a as_o a_o hundâ—ed_o time_n that_o he_o that_o day_n do_v labour_n to_o break_v my_o peace_n o_o the_o combat_n and_o conflict_n that_o i_o do_v then_o meet_v with_o as_o i_o strive_v to_o hold_v by_o this_o word_n that_o of_o esau_n will_v fly_v in_o my_o face_n like_v to_o lightning_n i_o shall_v be_v sometime_o up_o and_o down_o twenty_o time_n in_o a_o hour_n yet_o god_n do_v bear_v i_o up_o and_o keep_v my_o heart_n upon_o this_o word_n from_o which_o i_o have_v also_o for_o several_a day_n together_o very_a much_o sweetness_n and_o comfortable_a hope_n of_o pardon_n for_o thus_o it_o be_v make_v out_o to_o i_o i_o love_v thou_o whilst_o thou_o be_v commit_v this_o sin_n i_o love_v thou_o before_o i_o love_v thou_o still_o and_o i_o will_v love_v thou_o for_o ever_o 147._o yet_o i_o see_v my_o sin_n most_o barbarous_a and_o a_o filthy_a crime_n and_o can_v not_o but_o conclude_v and_o that_o with_o great_a shame_n and_o astonishment_n that_o i_o have_v horrible_o abuse_v the_o holy_a son_n of_o god_n wherefore_o i_o feel_v my_o soul_n great_o to_o love_n and_o pity_v he_o and_o my_o bowel_n to_o yearn_v towards_o he_o for_o i_o see_v he_o be_v still_o my_o friend_n and_o do_v reward_v i_o good_a for_o evil_a yea_o the_o love_n and_o affection_n that_o then_o do_v burn_v within_o to_o my_o lord_n and_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n do_v work_v at_o this_o time_n such_o strong_a and_o hot_a desire_n of_o revengement_n upon_o myself_o for_o the_o abuse_n i_o have_v do_v unto_o he_o that_o to_o speak_v as_o then_o i_o think_v have_v i_o have_v a_o thousand_o gallon_n of_o blood_n within_o my_o vein_n i_o can_v free_o have_v spill_v it_o all_o at_o the_o command_n and_o foot_n of_o this_o my_o lord_n and_o saviour_n 148._o and_o as_o i_o be_v thus_o in_o muse_v and_o in_o my_o study_n how_o to_o love_v the_o lord_n and_o to_o express_v my_o love_n to_o he_o that_o say_v come_v in_o upon_o i_o if_o thou_o lord_n shall_v mark_v iniquity_n o_o lord_n who_o shall_v stand_v but_o there_o be_v forgiveness_n with_o thou_o that_o thou_o may_v be_v fear_v psal._n 130.4_o these_o be_v good_a word_n to_o i_o especial_o the_o latter_a part_n thereof_o to_o wit_n that_o there_o be_v forgiveness_n with_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o may_v be_v fear_v that_o be_v as_o than_o i_o understand_v it_o that_o he_o may_v be_v love_v and_o have_v in_o reverence_n for_o it_o be_v thus_o make_v out_o to_o i_o that_o the_o great_a god_n do_v setâ—_n foâ—_n high_a a_o esteem_n upon_o the_o love_n of_o his_o poor_a creature_n thâ—â—_n rather_o than_o he_o will_v go_v without_o their_o love_n he_o will_v pardon_v their_o transgression_n 149._o and_o now_o be_v that_o word_n fulfil_v on_o i_o and_o i_o be_v also_o refresh_v by_o it_o then_o shall_v they_o be_v ashamed_a and_o confound_v and_o never_o open_v their_o mouth_n any_o more_o because_o of_o their_o shame_n when_o i_o be_o pacify_v towards_o thou_o for_o all_o that_o thou_o have_v do_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n ezek._n 16.36_o thus_o be_v my_o soul_n at_o this_o time_n and_o as_o i_o then_o do_v think_v for_o ever_o set_v at_o liberty_n from_o be_v again_o afflict_v with_o my_o former_a guilt_n and_o amazement_n 150._o but_o before_o many_o week_n be_v over_o i_o begin_v to_o dispond_v again_o fear_v lest_o notwithstanding_o all_o that_o i_o have_v enjoy_v that_o yet_o i_o may_v be_v deceive_v and_o destroy_v at_o the_o last_o for_o this_o consideration_n come_v strong_a into_o my_o mind_n that_o whatever_o comfort_n and_o peace_n i_o think_v i_o may_v have_v from_o the_o word_n of_o the_o promise_n of_o life_n yet_o unless_o there_o can_v be_v find_v in_o my_o refreshment_n a_o concurrence_n and_o agreement_n in_o the_o scripture_n let_v i_o think_v what_o i_o will_v thereof_o and_o hold_v it_o never_o so_o fast_o i_o shall_v find_v no_o such_o thing_n at_o the_o end_n for_o the_o scripture_n can_v be_v break_v john_n 10.35_o 151._o now_o begin_v my_o heart_n again_o to_o take_v and_o fear_v i_o may_v meet_v with_o disappointment_n at_o the_o last_o wherefore_o i_o begin_v with_o all_o seriousness_n to_o examine_v my_o former_a comfort_n and_o to_o consider_v whether_o one_o that_o have_v sin_v as_o i_o have_v do_v may_v with_o confidence_n trust_v upon_o the_o faithfulness_n of_o god_n lay_v down_o in_o those_o word_n by_o which_o i_o have_v be_v comfort_v and_o on_o which_o i_o have_v lean_v myself_o but_o now_o be_v bring_v those_o say_n to_o my_o mind_n for_o it_o be_v impossible_a for_o those_o who_o be_v once_o enlighten_v and_o have_v taste_v the_o heavenly_a gift_n and_o be_v make_v partaker_n of_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o have_v taste_v the_o good_a word_n of_o god_n and_o the_o power_n of_o the_o world_n to_o come_v if_o they_o shall_v fall_v away_o to_o renew_v thâ—m_n again_o unto_o repentance_n heb._n 6._o for_o if_o we_o sin_v wilful_o after_o we_o have_v receive_v the_o knowledge_n of_o the_o truth_n there_o remain_v no_o more_o sacrifice_n for_o sin_n but_o a_o certain_a fearful_a look_v for_o of_o judgement_n and_o fiery_a indignation_n which_o shall_v devour_v the_o adutrsary_n heb._n 10._o even_o as_o esau_n who_o for_o one_o morsel_n of_o meat_n sell_v his_o birthright_n for_o you_o know_v how_o that_o afterward_o when_o he_o will_v have_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n he_o be_v reject_v for_o he_o find_v no_o place_n of_o repentance_n though_o he_o seek_v it_o careful_o with_o tear_n heb._n 12._o 152._o now_o be_v the_o word_n of_o the_o gospel_n force_v from_o my_o soul_n so_o that_o no_o promise_n or_o encouragement_n be_v to_o be_v find_v in_o the_o bible_n for_o i_o and_o now_o will_v that_o say_n work_n upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o afflict_v i_o rejoice_v not_o o_o israel_n for_o joy_n as_o other_o people_n hos._n 9.1_o for_o i_o see_v indeed_o there_o be_v cause_n of_o rejoice_v for_o those_o that_o hold_v to_o jesus_n but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o have_v cut_v myself_o off_o by_o my_o transgression_n and_o leave_v
myself_o neither_o foothold_a nor_o hand-hold_a among_o all_o the_o stay_v and_o prop_n in_o the_o precious_a word_n of_o life_n 153._o and_o true_o i_o do_v now_o feel_v myself_o to_o sink_v into_o a_o gulf_n as_o a_o house_n who_o foundation_n be_v destroy_v i_o do_v liken_v myself_o in_o this_o condition_n unto_o the_o case_n of_o some_o child_n that_o be_v fall_v into_o a_o millpit_n who_o though_o it_o can_v make_v some_o shift_n to_o scrable_a and_o spraul_v in_o the_o water_n yet_o because_o it_o can_v find_v neither_o hold_n for_o hand_n nor_o foot_n therefore_o at_o last_o it_o must_v die_v in_o that_o condition_n so_o soon_o as_o this_o fresh_a assault_n have_v fasten_v on_o my_o soul_n that_o scripture_n come_v into_o my_o heart_n this_o be_v for_o many_o day_n dan._n 10.14_o and_o indeed_o i_o find_v it_o be_v so_o for_o i_o can_v not_o be_v deliver_v nor_o bring_v to_o peace_n again_o until_o well-nigh_o two_o year_n and_o a_o half_a be_v complete_o finish_v wherefore_o these_o word_n though_o in_o themselves_o they_o tend_v to_o discouragement_n yet_o to_o i_o who_o fear_v this_o condition_n will_v be_v eternal_a they_o be_v at_o some_o time_n as_o a_o help_n and_o refreshment_n to_o i_o 154._o for_o think_v i_o many_o day_n be_v not_o not_o foâ—_n ever_o many_o day_n will_v have_v a_o end_n therefore_o 〈◊〉_d i_o be_v to_o be_v afflict_v not_o a_o few_o but_o many_o day_n 〈◊〉_d i_o be_v glad_a it_o be_v but_o for_o many_o day_n thus_o i_o say_v i_o can_v recall_v myself_o sometime_o and_o give_v myself_o a_o help_n for_o as_o soon_o as_o ever_o the_o word_n come_v in_o at_o first_o i_o know_v my_o trouble_n will_v be_v long_o yet_o this_o will_v be_v but_o sometime_o for_o i_o can_v not_o always_o think_v on_o this_o nor_o ever_o be_v help_v though_o i_o do_v 155._o now_o while_o these_o scripture_n lay_v before_o i_o and_o lay_v sin_n at_o my_o door_n that_o say_v in_o the_o 18_o of_o luke_n with_o other_o do_v encourage_v i_o to_o prayer_n then_o the_o tempter_n again_o lay_v at_o i_o very_o sore_a suggest_v that_o neither_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n nor_o yet_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n do_v at_o all_o concern_v i_o nor_o can_v they_o help_v i_o for_o my_o sin_n yet_o think_v i_o i_o will_v pray_v but_o say_v the_o tempter_n your_o sin_n be_v unpardonoble_a yet_o say_v i_o i_o pray_v so_o i_o go_v to_o prayer_n to_o god_n and_o while_o i_o be_v at_o prayer_n i_o utter_v word_n to_o this_o effect_n lord_n satan_n tell_v i_o that_o neither_o thy_o mercy_n nor_o christ_n blood_n be_v sufficient_a to_o save_v my_o soul_n lord_n shall_v i_o honour_v â—hee_o most_o by_o believe_v thou_o will_v and_o can_v or_o by_o believe_v â—hou_n neither_o will_v nor_o can_v lord_n i_o will_v fain_o honour_v â—hee_o by_o believe_v thou_o will_v and_o can_v 156._o and_o as_o i_o be_v thus_o before_o the_o lord_n that_o scripture_n fasten_v on_o my_o heart_n o_o man_n great_a be_v thy_o faith_n even_o as_o if_o one_o have_v clap_v i_o on_o the_o back_n as_o i_o â—ay_v on_o my_o knee_n before_o god_n yet_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o â—elieve_v this_o till_o almost_o six_o month_n after_o for_o i_o can_v not_o think_v that_o i_o have_v faith_n or_o that_o there_o shall_v be_v â—_o word_n for_o i_o to_o act_v faith_n on_o therefore_o i_o shall_v â—till_o be_v as_o stick_v in_o the_o jaw_n of_o desperation_n and_o go_v mourn_v up_o and_o down_o crying_z be_v his_o mercy_n â—lean_o go_v be_v his_o mercy_n clean_o go_v for_o ever_o and_o i_o think_v sometime_o even_o while_o i_o be_v groan_v in_o â—hese_fw-mi expression_n they_o do_v seem_v to_o make_v a_o question_n â—hether_o it_o be_v or_o no_o yet_o i_o great_o fear_v it_o be_v 157._o at_o another_o time_n i_o remember_v i_o be_v again_o â—uch_o under_o the_o question_n whether_o the_o blood_n of_o â—hrist_n be_v sufficient_a to_o save_v my_o soul_n in_o which_o doubt_n i_o continue_v from_o morning_n till_o about_o seven_o or_o eight_o at_o night_n and_o at_o last_o when_o i_o be_v as_o it_o be_v quite_o wear_v out_o with_o fear_n lest_o it_o shall_v not_o lay_v hold_n on_o i_o those_o word_n do_v sound_v sudden_o within_o i_o he_o be_v able_a but_o i_o think_v this_o word_n able_a be_v speak_v so_o loud_o unto_o i_o it_o show_v such_o a_o great_a word_n and_o give_v such_o a_o justle_n to_o my_o fear_n and_o doubt_n i_o mean_v for_o the_o time_n it_o tarry_v with_o i_o which_o be_v about_o a_o day_n as_o i_o never_o have_v from_o that_o all_o my_o life_n either_o before_o or_o after_o that_o heb._n 7.25_o 158._o but_o one_o morning_n when_o i_o be_v again_o at_o prey_n and_o tremble_v under_o the_o fear_n of_o this_o that_o no_o word_n of_o god_n can_v help_v i_o that_o piece_n of_o a_o sentence_n dart_v in_o upon_o i_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a at_o this_o i_o think_v i_o feel_v some_o stay_n as_o if_o there_o may_v be_v hope_n but_o o_o how_o good_a a_o thing_n be_v it_o for_o god_n to_o send_v his_o word_n for_o about_o a_o fortnight_n before_o i_o be_v look_v on_o this_o very_a place_n and_o then_o i_o think_v it_o can_v not_o come_v near_o my_o soul_n with_o comfort_n and_o throw_v down_o my_o book_n in_o a_o pet_n but_o now_o it_o be_v as_o if_o it_o have_v arm_n of_o grace_n so_o wide_a that_o it_o can_v not_o only_o enclose_v i_o but_o many_o more_o beside_o 159._o by_o these_o word_n i_o be_v sustain_v yet_o not_o without_o exceed_a conflict_n for_o the_o space_n of_o seven_o or_o eight_o week_n for_o my_o peace_n will_v be_v in_o and_o out_o sometime_o twenty_o time_n a_o day_n comfort_v now_o and_o trouble_v present_o peace_n now_o and_o before_o i_o can_v go_v a_o furlong_n as_o full_a of_o fear_n and_o gild_n as_o ever_o heart_n can_v hold_v and_o this_o be_v not_o only_o now_o and_o then_o but_o my_o whole_a seven_o week_n experience_n for_o this_o about_o the_o sufficiency_n of_o grace_n and_o that_o of_o esau_n part_v with_o his_o birthright_n will_v be_v like_o a_o pair_n oâ—_n scale_n within_o my_o mind_n sometime_o one_o end_n woulâ—_n be_v uppermost_a and_o sometime_o again_o the_o other_o accord_v to_o which_o will_v be_v my_o peace_n or_o trouble_n 160._o therefore_o i_o still_o do_v pray_v to_o god_n that_o 〈◊〉_d will_v come_v in_o with_o this_o scripture_n more_o full_o 〈◊〉_d my_o heart_n to_o wit_n that_o he_o will_v help_v i_o to_o apply_v the_o whole_a sentence_n for_o as_o yet_o it_o only_o help_v i_o thus_o far_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a and_o though_o it_o come_v no_o far_o it_o answer_v my_o former_a question_n to_o wit_n that_o there_o be_v hope_n yet_o because_o for_o thou_o be_v leave_v out_o i_o be_v not_o content_v but_o pray_v to_o god_n for_o that_o also_o wherefore_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v in_o a_o meeting_n of_o god_n people_n full_a of_o sadness_n and_o terror_n for_o my_o fear_n again_o be_v strong_a upon_o i_o and_o as_o i_o be_v now_o think_v my_o soul_n be_v never_o the_o better_a but_o my_o case_n most_o sad_a and_o fearful_a these_o word_n do_v with_o great_a power_n sudden_o break_v in_o upon_o i_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o three_o time_n together_o and_o o_o methought_n that_o every_o word_n be_v a_o mighty_a word_n unto_o i_o as_o my_o and_o grace_n and_o sufficient_a and_o for_o thou_o they_o be_v then_o and_o sometime_o be_v still_o far_o big_a than_o other_o be_v 162._o at_o which_o time_n my_o understanding_n be_v so_o enlighten_v that_o i_o be_v as_o though_o i_o have_v see_v the_o lord_n jesus_n look_v down_o from_o heaven_n through_o the_o tile_n upon_o i_o and_o direct_v these_o word_n unto_o i_o this_o send_v i_o mourn_v home_o it_o break_v my_o heart_n and_o fill_v i_o full_a of_o joy_n and_o lay_v i_o as_o low_a as_o the_o dust_n only_o it_o stay_v not_o long_o with_o i_o i_o mean_v in_o this_o glory_n and_o refresh_a comfort_n yet_o it_o continue_v with_o i_o for_o several_a week_n and_o do_v encourage_v i_o to_o hope_n but_o so_o soon_o as_o that_o powerful_a operation_n of_o it_o be_v take_v off_o my_o heart_n that_o other_o about_o esauâ—eturned_v â—eturned_z upon_o i_o as_o before_o so_o my_o soul_n do_v hang_v â—s_n in_o a_o pair_n of_o scale_n again_o sometime_o up_o and_o sometime_o down_o now_o in_o peace_n and_o anon_o again_o in_o terror_n 163._o thus_o i_o go_v on_o for_o many_o week_n sometimes_o comfort_v and_o sometime_o torment_v and_o special_o at_o sometime_o my_o torment_n will_v be_v very_o sore_o for_o all_o those_o
this_o sentence_n fall_v upon_o my_o soul_n thy_o righteousness_n be_v in_o heaven_n and_o methinks_v withal_o i_o see_v with_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o soul_n jesus_n christ_n at_o god_n right_a hand_n there_o i_o say_v as_o my_o righteousness_n so_o that_o wherever_o i_o be_v or_o whatever_o i_o be_v a_o do_v god_n can_v not_o say_v of_o i_o he_o want_v my_o righteousness_n for_o that_o be_v just_a before_o he_o i_o also_o see_v moreover_o that_o it_o be_v not_o my_o good_a frame_n of_o heart_n that_o make_v my_o righteousness_n better_o nor_o yet_o my_o bad_a frame_n that_o make_v my_o righteousness_n worse_o for_o my_o righteousness_n be_v jesus_n christ_n himself_o the_o same_o yesterday_o to_o day_n and_o for_o ever_o heb._n 13.8_o 184._o now_o do_v my_o chain_n fall_v off_o my_o leg_n indeed_o i_o be_v loose_v from_o my_o affliction_n and_o iron_n my_o temptation_n also_o flee_v away_o so_o that_o from_o that_o time_n those_o dreadful_a scripture_n of_o god_n leave_v off_o to_o trouble_v i_o now_o go_v i_o also_o home_n rejoice_v for_o the_o grace_n and_o love_n of_o god_n so_o when_o i_o care_v home_o i_o look_v to_o see_v if_o i_o can_v find_v that_o sentence_n thy_o righteousness_n be_v in_o heaven_n but_o can_v not_o find_v such_o a_o say_v wherefore_o my_o heart_n begin_v to_o sink_v again_o only_o that_o be_v bring_v to_o my_o remembrance_n he_o be_v make_v unto_o we_o of_o god_n wisdom_n righteousness_n sanctification_n and_o redemption_n by_o this_o word_n i_o see_v the_o other_o sentence_n true_a 185._o for_o by_o this_o scripture_n i_o see_v that_o the_o man_n christ_n jesus_n as_o he_o be_v distinct_a from_o we_o as_o touch_v his_o bodily_a presence_n so_o he_o be_v our_o righteousness_n and_o sanctification_n before_o god_n here_o therefore_o i_o live_v for_o some_o time_n very_o sweet_o at_o peace_n with_o god_n through_o christ_n o_o methinks_v christ_n christ_n there_o be_v nothing_o but_o christ_n that_o be_v before_o my_o eye_n i_o be_v not_o now_o only_o for_o look_v upon_o this_o and_o the_o other_o benefit_n of_o christ_n apart_o as_o of_o his_o blood_n burial_n or_o resurrection_n but_o consider_v he_o as_o whole_a christ_n as_o he_o in_o who_o all_o these_o and_o all_o his_o other_o virtue_n relation_n office_n and_o operation_n meet_v together_o and_o that_o on_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o god_n in_o heaven_n 186._o it_o be_v glorious_a to_o i_o to_o see_v his_o exaltation_n and_o the_o worth_n and_o prevalencie_n of_o all_o his_o benefit_n and_o that_o because_o of_o this_o now_o i_o can_v look_v from_o myself_o to_o he_o and_o shall_v reckon_v that_o all_o those_o grace_n of_o god_n that_o now_o be_v green_a in_o i_o be_v yet_o but_o like_o those_o crack'd-groat_n and_o four-pence-half-penny_n that_o rich_a man_n carry_v in_o their_o purse_n when_o their_o gold_n be_v in_o their_o trunk_n at_o home_n o_o i_o see_v my_o gold_n be_v in_o my_o trunk_n at_o home_n in_o christ_n my_o lord_n and_o saviour_n now_o christ_n be_v all_o all_o my_o wisdom_n all_o my_o righteousness_n all_o my_o sanctification_n and_o all_o my_o redemption_n 187._o further_o the_o lord_n do_v also_o lead_v i_o into_o the_o mystery_n of_o union_n with_o this_o son_n of_o god_n that_o i_o be_v join_v to_o he_o that_o i_o be_v flesh_n of_o his_o flesh_n and_o bone_n of_o his_o bone_n and_o now_o be_v that_o a_o sweet_a word_n to_o i_o in_o ephes._n 5.3_o by_o this_o also_o be_v my_o faith_n in_o he_o as_o my_o righteousness_n the_o more_o confirm_v to_o i_o for_o if_o he_o and_o i_o be_v one_o than_o his_o righteousness_n be_v i_o his_o merit_n my_o his_o victory_n also_o i_o now_o can_v i_o see_v myself_o in_o heaven_n and_o earth_n at_o once_o in_o heaven_n by_o my_o christ_n by_o my_o head_n by_o my_o righteousness_n and_o life_n though_o on_o earth_n by_o my_o body_n or_o person_n 188._o now_o i_o see_v christ_n jesus_n be_v look_v on_o of_o god_n and_o shall_v also_o be_v look_v upon_o by_o we_o as_o that_o common_a or_o public_a person_n in_o who_o all_o tâ—e_v whole_a body_n of_o his_o elect_n be_v always_o to_o be_v consider_v and_o reckon_v that_o we_o fulfil_v the_o law_n by_o he_o die_v by_o he_o rose_z from_o the_o dead_a by_o he_o get_v the_o victory_n over_o sin_n death_n the_o devil_n and_o hell_n by_o he_o when_o he_o die_v we_o die_v and_o so_o of_o his_o resurrection_n thy_o dead_a man_n shall_v live_v together_o with_o my_o dead_a body_n shall_v they_o arise_v say_v he_o isa._n 26._o and_o again_o after_o two_o day_n he_o will_v revive_v we_o and_o the_o three_o day_n we_o shall_v live_v in_o his_o sight_n hos._n 6.2_o which_o be_v now_o fulfil_v by_o the_o sit_v down_o of_o the_o son_n of_o man_n on_o the_o right_a hand_n of_o the_o majesty_n in_o the_o heaven_n according_a to_o that_o to_o the_o ephesian_n he_o have_v raise_v we_o up_o together_o and_o make_v we_o sit_v together_o in_o heavenly_a place_n in_o christ_n jesus_n ephes._n 2.6_o 189._o ah_o these_o bless_a consideration_n and_o scripture_n with_o many_o other_o of_o a_o like_a nature_n be_v in_o those_o day_n make_v to_o spangle_v in_o my_o eye_n praise_v you_o the_o lord_n god_n in_o his_o sanctuary_n praise_v he_o in_o the_o firmament_n of_o his_o power_n praise_v he_o for_o his_o mighty_a act_n praise_v he_o according_a to_o his_o excellent_a greatness_n psal._n 150.1_o 2._o 190._o have_v thus_o in_o few_o word_n giâ—en_v you_o a_o taste_n of_o the_o sorrow_n and_o affliction_n that_o my_o soul_n go_v under_o by_o the_o guilt_n and_o terror_n that_o this_o my_o wicked_a thought_n do_v lay_v i_o under_o and_o have_v give_v you_o also_o a_o touch_n of_o my_o deliverance_n therefrom_o and_o of_o the_o sweet_a and_o bless_a comfort_n that_o i_o meet_v with_o afterward_o which_o comfort_n dwell_v about_o a_o twelvemonth_n with_o my_o heart_n to_o my_o unspeakable_a admiraration_n i_o will_v now_o god_n will_v before_o i_o proceed_v any_o further_a give_v yoâ—_n in_o a_o word_n or_o two_o what_o as_o i_o conceive_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o this_o temptation_n and_o also_o after_o thaâ—_n what_o advantage_n at_o tâ—e_v last_v it_o become_v unto_o my_o soul_n 191._o for_o the_o cause_n i_o conceive_v they_o be_v principal_o two_o of_o which_o two_o also_o i_o be_v deep_o convince_v all_o the_o time_n this_o trouble_n lie_v upon_o i_o the_o first_o be_v foâ—_n that_o i_o do_v not_o when_o i_o be_v deliver_v from_o the_o temptation_n that_o go_v before_o still_o pray_v to_o god_n to_o keep_v i_o from_o temptation_n that_o be_v to_o come_v for_o though_o as_o i_o can_v say_v in_o truth_n my_o soul_n be_v much_o in_o prayer_n before_o this_o trial_n seize_v i_o yet_o than_o i_o pray_v only_o or_o at_o the_o most_o principal_o for_o the_o removal_n of_o present_a trouble_n and_o for_o fâ—esh_a discovery_n of_o love_n in_o christ_n which_o i_o see_v afterwards_o be_v not_o enough_o to_o do_v i_o also_o shall_v have_v pray_v that_o the_o great_a god_n will_v keep_v i_o from_o the_o evil_a that_o be_v to_o come_v 192._o of_o thâ—s_n i_o be_v make_v deep_o sensible_a by_o the_o prayer_n of_o holy_a david_n who_o when_o he_o be_v under_o present_a mercy_n yet_o pray_v that_o god_n will_v hold_v he_o back_o from_o sin_n and_o temptation_n to_o come_v for_o then_o say_v he_o shall_v i_o be_v upright_o and_o i_o shall_v be_v innocent_a from_o the_o great_a transgression_n psal._n 19.13_o by_o this_o very_a word_n be_v i_o gauâ—ed_v and_o condemn_v quite_o through_o this_o long_a temptation_n 193._o that_o also_o be_v another_o word_n that_o do_v much_o condemn_v i_o for_o my_o folly_n in_o the_o neglect_n of_o this_o duty_n heb._n 4.16_o let_v we_o therefore_o come_v bold_o to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n that_o we_o may_v obtain_v mercy_n and_o find_v grace_n to_o help_v in_o time_n of_o need_n this_o i_o have_v not_o do_v and_o therefore_o be_v suffer_v thus_o to_o sin_n and_o fall_v according_a to_o what_o be_v write_v pray_v that_o you_o enter_v not_o into_o temptation_n and_o tru_o this_o veâ—y_a thing_n be_v to_o this_o day_n of_o such_o weight_n and_o awe_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o dare_v not_o when_o i_o come_v before_o the_o loâ—d_n go_v off_o my_o knee_n until_o i_o entreat_v he_o for_o help_n and_o mercy_n against_o the_o â—_z that_o be_v to_o come_v and_o i_o do_v beseech_v thou_o reader_n that_o thou_o learn_v to_o beware_v of_o my_o negligence_n by_o the_o affliction_n that_o for_o this_o thing_n i_o do_v for_o day_n and_o month_n and_o year_n with_o sorrow_n undergo_v 194._o another_o cause_n of_o this_o temptation_n be_v that_o i_o have_v tempt_v god_n and_o on_o this_o manner_n do_v i_o do_v it_o upon_o a_o
time_n my_o wife_n be_v great_a with_o child_n and_o before_o her_o full_a time_n be_v come_v her_o pang_n as_o of_o a_o woman_n in_o travel_n be_v fierce_a and_o sâ—rong_a upon_o she_o even_o as_o if_o sâ—e_n will_v immediate_o have_v fall_v in_o labour_n and_o be_v deliver_v of_o a_o untimely_a birth_n now_o at_o this_o very_a time_n it_o be_v that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o strong_o tempt_v to_o question_v the_o â—eing_v of_o god_n wherefore_o as_o my_o wife_n lie_v cry_v by_o i_o i_o say_v but_o with_o all_o secrecy_n immaginable_a even_o think_v in_o my_o heart_n lord_n if_o thou_o will_v now_o remove_v this_o sad_a affliction_n from_o my_o wife_n and_o cause_n that_o she_o be_v trouble_v no_o more_o therewith_o this_o night_n and_o now_o weâ—e_v her_o pang_n just_a upon_o she_o then_o shall_v know_v that_o thou_o can_v discern_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n 195._o i_o have_v no_o soon_o say_v it_o in_o my_o â—eaâ—t_n but_o her_o pang_n be_v take_v fâ—om_v she_o and_o she_o be_v cast_v into_o a_o deep_a sleep_n and_o so_o she_o continue_v till_o morning_n at_o this_o i_o great_o marvel_v not_o know_v what_o to_o think_v but_o after_o i_o have_v be_v awake_a a_o good_a while_n and_o hear_v she_o câ—y_v no_o more_o i_o fall_v to_o sleep_v alâ—o_o so_o when_o i_o wake_v in_o the_o morning_n it_o come_v upon_o i_o again_o even_o what_o i_o have_v say_v in_o my_o heart_n the_o last_o night_n and_o how_o the_o loâ—d_n have_v sâ—ewed_v i_o that_o he_o know_v my_o secret_a thought_n which_o be_v a_o great_a astonishment_n unto_o i_o for_o several_a week_n after_o 196._o well_o about_o a_o year_n and_o a_o half_a afterward_o that_o wicked_a sinful_a thought_n of_o which_o i_o have_v speak_v before_o go_v through_o my_o wicked_a heart_n even_o this_o thought_n let_v christ_n go_v if_o he_o will_v so_o when_o i_o be_v fall_v under_o guilt_n for_o this_o the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o other_o thought_n and_o of_o the_o effect_n thereof_o will_v also_o come_v upon_o i_o with_o this_o retort_n which_o carry_v also_o rebuke_v along_o with_o it_o now_o you_o may_v see_v that_o god_n do_v know_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n now_o you_o may_v see_v that_o god_n do_v know_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n 197._o and_o with_o this_o that_o of_o the_o passage_n that_o be_v betwixt_o the_o lord_n and_o his_o servant_n gideon_n fall_v upon_o my_o spirit_n how_o because_o that_o gideon_n tempt_v god_n with_o his_o fleece_n both_o wet_n and_o dry_a when_o he_o shall_v have_v believe_v and_o venture_v upon_o his_o word_n therefore_o the_o lord_n do_v afterwards_o so_o try_v he_o as_o to_o send_v he_o against_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o enemy_n and_o that_o too_o as_o to_o outward_a appearance_n without_o any_o strength_n or_o help_n judg._n chap._n 6_o 7._o thus_o he_o seâ—ved_v i_o and_o that_o just_o for_o i_o shall_v have_v believe_v his_o word_n and_o not_o have_v put_v a_o if_o upon_o the_o all-seeingness_a of_o god_n 198._o and_o now_o to_o show_v you_o something_o of_o the_o advantage_n that_o i_o also_o gain_v by_o this_o temptation_n and_o first_o by_o this_o i_o be_v make_v continual_o to_o possess_v in_o my_o soul_n a_o very_a wondered_a sense_n both_o of_o the_o be_v and_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o belove_a son_n in_o the_o temptation_n before_o my_o soul_n be_v perplex_v with_o atheism_n but_o now_o the_o case_n be_v otherwise_o now_o be_v god_n and_o christ_n continual_o before_o my_o face_n though_o not_o in_o a_o way_n of_o comfort_n but_o in_o a_o way_n of_o exceed_a dread_n and_o terror_n the_o glory_n of_o the_o holiness_n of_o god_n do_v at_o this_o time_n break_v i_o to_o piece_n and_o the_o bowel_n and_o compassion_n of_o christ_n do_v break_v i_o as_o on_o the_o wheel_n for_o i_o coulâ—_n not_o consider_v he_o but_o as_o a_o lose_a and_o reject_v christ_n the_o remembrance_n of_o which_o be_v as_o the_o continual_a break_n of_o my_o bone_n 199._o the_o scripture_n now_o also_o be_v wonderful_a thing_n unto_o i_o i_o see_v that_o the_o truth_n and_o verity_n of_o they_o weâ—e_v the_o key_n of_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n those_o the_o scripture_n favour_n they_o must_v inherit_v bliss_n but_o those_o they_o oppose_v and_o condemn_v must_v perish_v for_o evermore_o o_o this_o word_n for_o the_o scripture_n can_v be_v break_v will_v â—end_n the_o cawl_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o so_o will_v that_o other_o who_o sin_n you_o remit_v they_o be_v remit_v but_o who_o sin_n you_o retain_v they_o be_v retain_v now_o i_o see_v the_o apostle_n to_o be_v the_o elder_n of_o the_o city_n of_o refuge_n josh._n 20.4_o those_o they_o be_v to_o receive_v in_o be_v receive_v to_o life_n but_o those_o that_o they_o shut_v out_o be_v to_o be_v slay_v by_o the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n 200._o o_o one_o sentence_n of_o the_o scripture_n do_v more_o afflict_v and_o terrify_v my_o mind_n i_o mean_v those_o sentence_n that_o stand_v against_o i_o as_o sometime_o i_o think_v they_o every_o one_o do_v more_o i_o say_v than_o a_o army_n of_o forty_o thousand_o man_n that_o may_v have_v come_v against_o i_o woe_n be_v to_o he_o against_o who_o the_o scripture_n bend_v themselves_o 201._o by_o this_o temptation_n i_o be_v make_v see_v more_o into_o the_o nature_n of_o the_o promise_n then_o ever_o i_o be_v before_o for_o i_o lie_v now_o tremble_v under_o the_o mighty_a hand_n of_o god_n continual_o tear_v and_o rend_v by_o the_o thundering_n of_o his_o justice_n this_o make_v i_o with_o careful_a heart_n and_o watchful_a eye_n with_o great_a seriousness_n to_o turn_v over_o every_o leaf_n and_o with_o much_o diligence_n mix_v with_o tremble_v to_o consider_v every_o sentence_n together_o with_o its_o natural_a force_n and_o latitude_n 202._o by_o this_o temptation_n also_o i_o be_v great_o beaâ—en_v oft_o my_o former_a foolish_a practice_n of_o put_v by_o the_o word_n of_o promise_n when_o it_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n for_o now_o though_o i_o can_v not_o suck_v that_o comfort_n and_o sweetness_n from_o the_o promise_n as_o i_o have_v do_v at_o other_o time_n yet_o like_v to_o a_o man_n a_o sink_v i_o shall_v catch_v at_o all_o i_o see_v former_o i_o think_v i_o may_v not_o meddle_v with_o the_o promise_n unless_o i_o feel_v its_o comfort_n but_o now_o it_o be_v no_o time_n thus_o to_o do_v the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n too_o hardly_o do_v pursue_v i_o 203._o now_o therefore_o i_o be_v glad_a to_o catch_v at_o that_o word_n which_o yet_o i_o fear_v i_o have_v no_o ground_n nor_o right_a to_o own_o and_o even_o to_o leap_v into_o the_o bosom_n of_o that_o promise_n that_o yet_o i_o fear_v do_v shut_v its_o heart_n against_o i_o now_o also_o i_o shall_v labour_v to_o take_v the_o woâ—d_n as_o god_n have_v lay_v it_o down_o without_o restrain_v the_o natural_a force_n of_o one_o syllable_n thereof_o o_o what_o do_v i_o now_o see_v in_o that_o bless_a six_o of_o john_n and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v with_o myself_o that_o god_n have_v a_o big_a mouth_n to_o speak_v with_o than_o i_o have_v heart_n to_o conceive_v with_o i_o think_v also_o with_o myself_o that_o he_o speak_v not_o his_o word_n in_o haste_n or_o in_o a_o unadvised_a hear_v but_o with_o infinite_a wisdom_n and_o judgement_n and_o in_o very_a truth_n and_o faithfulness_n 2_o sam._n 3.28_o 204._o i_o shall_v in_o these_o day_n often_o in_o my_o great_a agony_n even_o flounce_v towards_o the_o promise_n as_o the_o horse_n do_v towards_o sound_a ground_n that_o yet_o stick_v in_o the_o mire_n conclude_v though_o as_o one_o almost_o bereave_v of_o his_o wit_n through_o fear_n on_o this_o i_o will_v rest_v and_o stay_v and_o leave_v the_o fulfil_n of_o it_o to_o the_o god_n of_o heaven_n that_o make_v it_o o_o many_o a_o pull_n have_v my_o heart_n have_v with_o saâ—an_n for_o that_o bless_a six_o of_o john_n i_o do_v not_o now_o as_o at_o other_o time_n look_v principal_o for_o comfort_n though_o o_o how_o welcome_a will_v it_o have_v be_v unto_o i_o but_o now_o a_o word_n a_o word_n to_o lean_v a_o weary_a soul_n upon_o that_o i_o may_v not_o sink_v for_o ever_o 205._o yea_o often_o when_o i_o have_v be_v make_v to_o the_o promise_n i_o have_v see_v as_o if_o the_o lord_n will_v â—efuse_v my_o soul_n for_o ever_o i_o be_v often_o as_o if_o i_o have_v run_v upon_o the_o pike_n and_o as_o if_o the_o lord_n have_v thrust_v at_o i_o to_o keep_v i_o from_o he_o as_o with_o a_o flame_a sword_n then_o i_o shall_v think_v of_o esther_n who_o go_v to_o petition_v
i_o shall_v let_v they_o alone_o because_o i_o see_v they_o engender_v strife_n and_o because_o i_o see_v that_o they_o neither_o in_o do_v nor_o in_o leave_v undo_v do_v commend_v we_o to_o god_n to_o be_v his_o beside_o i_o see_v my_o work_n before_o i_o do_v run_v in_o another_o channel_n even_o to_o carry_v a_o awakening-word_n to_o that_o therefore_o do_v i_o stick_v and_o adhere_v 238._o i_o never_o endeavour_v to_o nor_o dare_v make_v use_n of_o other_o man_n line_n rom._n 15.18_o though_o i_o condemn_v not_o all_o that_o do_v for_o i_o very_o think_v and_o find_v by_o expeâ—ience_n that_o what_o be_v teach_v i_o by_o the_o word_n and_o spirit_n of_o christ_n can_v be_v speak_v maintain_v and_o stand_v â—o_o by_o sound_a and_o best_a establish_a conscience_n and_o though_o i_o will_v not_o now_o speak_v all_o that_o i_o know_v in_o this_o matter_n yet_o my_o experience_n have_v more_o interest_n in_o that_o text_n of_o scripture_n gal._n 1.11_o 12._o than_o many_o among_o man_n be_v aware_a 239._o if_o any_o of_o those_o who_o be_v awaken_v by_o my_o ministry_n do_v after_o that_o fall_n back_o as_o sometime_o too_o many_o do_v i_o can_v true_o say_v their_o loss_n have_v be_v more_o to_o i_o then_o if_o one_o of_o my_o own_o child_n beget_v of_o my_o body_n have_v be_v go_v to_o its_o grave_n i_o think_v very_o i_o may_v speak_v it_o without_o a_o offence_n to_o the_o lord_n nothing_o have_v go_v so_o near_o i_o as_o that_o unless_o it_o be_v the_o fear_n of_o the_o loss_n of_o the_o salvation_n of_o my_o own_o soul_n i_o have_v count_v as_o if_o i_o have_v goodly_a building_n and_o lordship_n in_o those_o place_n my_o child_n be_v bear_v my_o heart_n have_v be_v so_o wrap_v up_o in_o the_o gloâ—y_n of_o this_o excellent_a work_n that_o i_o count_v myself_o more_o bless_v and_o honour_v of_o god_n by_o this_o than_o if_o he_o have_v make_v i_o the_o emperor_n of_o the_o christian_a world_n or_o the_o lord_n of_o all_o the_o glory_n of_o earth_n without_o it_o o_o tâ—at_a woâ—d_n he_o that_o convert_v a_o sinner_n from_o the_o error_n of_o his_o way_n do_v save_o a_o soul_n from_o death_n 240._o i_o have_v observe_v that_o where_o i_o have_v have_v a_o work_n to_o do_v for_o god_n i_o have_v have_v first_o as_o it_o be_v the_o go_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o desire_v i_o may_v preach_v there_o i_o have_v also_o observe_v that_o such_o and_o such_o soul_n in_o particular_a have_v be_v strong_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o i_o stir_v up_o to_o wish_v for_o their_o salvation_n and_o that_o these_o very_a soul_n have_v after_o this_o be_v give_v in_o as_o the_o fruit_n of_o my_o ministry_n i_o have_v also_o observe_v that_o a_o word_n cast_v in_o by_o the_o by_o have_v do_v more_o execution_n in_o a_o seâ—mon_a then_o all_o that_o be_v speak_v beside_o sometimes_o also_o when_o i_o have_v think_v i_o do_v no_o good_a than_o i_o do_v most_o of_o all_o and_o at_o other_o time_n when_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v catch_v they_o i_o have_v fish_v for_o nothing_o 241._o my_o great_a desire_n in_o my_o fulfil_n my_o ministry_n be_v to_o get_v into_o the_o dark_a place_n in_o the_o country_n even_o among_o those_o people_n that_o be_v farthest_o off_o of_o profession_n yet_o not_o because_o i_o can_v not_o endure_v the_o light_n for_o i_o fear_v not_o to_o show_v my_o gospel_n to_o any_o but_o because_o i_o find_v my_o spirit_n do_v lean_a most_o after_o awaken_n and_o conveâ—ting_v work_n and_o the_o word_n that_o i_o carry_v do_v lead_v itself_o most_o that_o way_n yea_o so_o have_v i_o strive_v to_o preach_v the_o gospel_n not_o where_o christ_n be_v name_v lest_o i_o shall_v build_v upon_o another_o man_n foundation_n rom._n 15.20_o 242._o in_o my_o preach_n i_o have_v real_o be_v in_o pain_n and_o have_v as_o it_o be_v travel_v to_o bâ—ing_v forth_o child_n to_o god_n neither_o can_v i_o be_v satisfy_v unless_o some_o fruit_n do_v appear_v in_o my_o work_n if_o i_o be_v fruitless_a it_o matter_v nor_o who_o commend_v i_o but_o if_o i_o be_v fruitful_a i_o care_v not_o who_o do_v condemn_v i_o have_v think_v of_o that_o he_o that_o win_v soul_n be_v wise_a pro._n 11.30_o and_o again_o lo_o child_n be_v a_o heritage_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o the_o fruit_n of_o the_o womb_n be_v his_o reward_n as_o arrow_n in_o the_o hand_n of_o a_o mighty_a man_n so_o be_v child_n of_o the_o youth_n happy_a be_v the_o man_n that_o have_v fill_v his_o quiver_n with_o they_o they_o shall_v not_o be_v ashamed_a but_o they_o shall_v speak_v with_o the_o enemy_n in_o the_o gate_n psal._n 127.3_o 4_o 5._o 243._o but_o in_o this_o work_n as_o in_o all_o other_o i_o have_v my_o temptation_n attend_v i_o and_o that_o of_o diveâ—s_a kinâ—s_n as_o sometime_o i_o shall_v be_v assault_v with_o great_a discouragement_n therein_o fear_v that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v the_o woâ—d_n at_o all_o to_o edification_n nay_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v sense_n unto_o the_o people_n at_o which_o time_n i_o shall_v have_v such_o a_o strange_a taintness_n and_o strengthlesness_n seize_v upon_o my_o body_n that_o my_o leg_n have_v scarce_o be_v able_a to_o carry_v i_o to_o the_o place_n of_o exercise_n 244._o sometime_o again_o when_o i_o have_v be_v preach_v i_o have_v be_v violent_o assault_v with_o thought_n of_o blasphemy_n and_o strong_o tempt_v to_o speak_v they_o with_o my_o mouth_n before_o the_o congregation_n i_o have_v also_o at_o some_o time_n even_o when_o i_o have_v begin_v to_o speak_v the_o word_n with_o much_o clearness_n evidence_n and_o liberty_n of_o speech_n yet_o be_v before_o the_o end_n of_o that_o opportunity_n so_o blind_v and_o so_o estrange_v from_o the_o thing_n i_o have_v be_v speak_v and_o have_v also_o be_v so_o straighten_a in_o my_o speech_n as_o to_o utterance_n before_o the_o people_n that_o i_o have_v be_v as_o if_o have_v not_o know_v or_o remember_v what_o i_o have_v be_v about_o or_o as_o if_o my_o head_n have_v be_v in_o a_o bag_n all_o the_o time_n of_o the_o exercise_n 245._o again_o when_o at_o sometime_o i_o have_v be_v about_o to_o preah_a upon_o some_o smart_n and_o scorch_a portion_n of_o the_o word_n i_o have_v find_v the_o tempter_n suggest_v what!_o will_v you_o preach_v this_o this_o condemn_v yourself_o of_o this_o your_o own_o soul_n be_v guilty_a wherefore_o preach_v not_o of_o it_o at_o all_o or_o if_o you_o do_v yet_o so_o mince_v it_o as_o to_o make_v way_n for_o your_o own_o escape_n â—est_v instead_o of_o awaken_n other_o you_o lay_v that_o guilt_n upon_o your_o own_o soul_n as_o you_o will_v never_o get_v from_o under_z 246._o i_o have_v also_o while_o find_v in_o this_o bless_a work_n of_o christ_n be_v often_o tempt_v to_o pride_n and_o lifting_n up_o of_o heart_n and_o though_o i_o dare_v not_o say_v i_o have_v not_o be_v infect_v with_o this_o yet_o true_o the_o lord_n of_o his_o precious_a mercy_n have_v so_o carry_v it_o towards_o i_o that_o for_o the_o most_o part_n i_o have_v have_v but_o small_a joy_n to_o give_v way_n to_o such_o a_o thing_n for_o it_o have_v be_v my_o every-day_n portion_n to_o be_v let_v into_o the_o evil_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o still_o make_v to_o see_v such_o a_o multitude_n of_o corruption_n and_o infirmity_n therein_o that_o it_o have_v cause_v hang_v down_o of_o the_o head_n under_o all_o my_o gift_n and_o attainment_n i_o have_v feel_v this_o thorn_n in_o the_o flesh_n two_o cor._n 12.8_o 9_o the_o veâ—y_a mercy_n of_o god_n to_o i_o 247._o i_o have_v have_v also_o together_o with_o this_o some_o notable_a place_n or_o other_o of_o the_o word_n present_v before_o i_o which_o word_n haâ—h_v contain_v in_o it_o some_o sharp_a and_o pierce_a sentence_n concern_v the_o perish_v of_o the_o soul_n notwithstanding_o gift_n and_o part_n as_o for_o instance_n that_o have_v be_v of_o great_a use_n unto_o i_o though_o i_o speak_v with_o the_o tongue_n of_o man_n and_o angel_n and_o have_v not_o charity_n i_o be_o become_v as_o sounding-brass_n and_o a_o tinkle_a cymbal_n 1_o cor._n 13.1_o 2._o 248._o a_o tinkle_a cymbal_n be_v a_o instrument_n of_o music_n with_o which_o a_o skilful_a plaâ—er_n can_v make_v such_o melodious_a and_o heart-inflaming_a music_n that_o all_o who_o hear_v he_o play_v can_v scarce_o hold_v from_o dance_v and_o yet_o behold_v the_o cymbal_n have_v not_o life_n neither_o come_v the_o music_n fâ—om_fw-mi it_o but_o because_o of_o the_o art_n of_o he_o that_o playeâ—_n therewith_o so_o than_o the_o instrument_n at_o last_o may_v come_v to_o naught_o and_o perish_v though_o in_o time_n past_o such_o music_n
have_v be_v make_v upon_o it_o 249._o just_o thus_o i_o see_v it_o be_v and_o will_v be_v with_o they_o who_o have_v gift_n but_o want_v saving-grace_n they_o be_v in_o the_o hand_n of_o christ_n as_o the_o cymbal_n in_o the_o hand_n of_o david_n and_o as_o david_n can_v with_o the_o cymbal_n make_v that_o mirth_n in_o the_o service_n of_o god_n as_o to_o elevate_v the_o heart_n of_o the_o worshipper_n so_o christ_n can_v use_v these_o gift_a man_n as_o with_o they_o to_o affect_v the_o soul_n of_o his_o people_n in_o his_o church_n yet_o when_o he_o have_v do_v all_o hang_v they_o by_o as_o lifeless_a though_o sound_v cymbal_n 250._o this_o consideration_n therefore_o together_o with_o some_o other_o be_v for_o the_o most_o part_n as_o a_o maul_v on_o the_o head_n of_o pride_n and_o desire_n of_o vainglory_n what_o think_v i_o shall_v i_o be_v proud_a because_o i_o be_o a_o sound_a brass_n be_v it_o so_o much_o to_o be_v a_o fiddle_n have_v not_o the_o least_o creature_n that_o have_v life_n more_o of_o god_n in_o it_o than_o these_o beside_o i_o know_v it_o be_v love_n shall_v never_o die_v but_o these_o must_v cease_v and_o vanish_v so_o i_o conclude_v a_o little_a grace_n a_o little_a love_n a_o little_a of_o the_o true_a fear_n of_o god_n be_v better_a than_o all_o these_o gift_n yea_o and_o i_o be_o full_o convince_v of_o it_o that_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o a_o soul_n that_o can_v scarce_o give_v a_o man_n a_o answer_n but_o with_o great_a confusion_n as_o to_o method_n i_o say_v it_o be_v possible_a for_o they_o to_o have_v a_o thousand_o time_n more_o grace_n and_o so_o to_o be_v more_o in_o the_o love_n and_o favour_n of_o the_o lord_n than_o some_o who_o by_o virtue_n of_o the_o gift_n of_o knowledge_n can_v deliver_v themselves_o like_o angel_n a_o brief_a account_n of_o the_o author_n imprisonment_n 251._o have_v make_v profession_n of_o the_o glorious_a gospel_n of_o christ_n along_o time_n and_o have_v preach_v the_o same_o about_o five_o year_n i_o be_v apprehend_v at_o a_o meeting_n of_o good_a people_n in_o the_o country_n among_o who_o have_v they_o let_v i_o alone_o i_o shall_v â—â—ve_v preach_v that_o day_n but_o they_o take_v i_o away_o from_o among_o they_o and_o have_v i_o before_o a_o justice_n who_o after_o i_o have_v offer_v security_n for_o my_o appear_v at_o the_o next_o session_n yet_o commit_v i_o because_o my_o surety_n will_v not_o consent_v to_o be_v bind_v that_o i_o shall_v preach_v no_o more_o to_o the_o people_n 252._o at_o the_o session_n after_o i_o be_v indict_v for_o a_o upholder_n and_o maintainer_n of_o unlawful_a assembly_n and_o conventicle_n and_o for_o not_o conform_v to_o the_o national_a worship_n of_o the_o church_n of_o england_n and_o after_o some_o conference_n there_o with_o the_o justice_n be_v sentence_v to_o perpetual_a banishment_n because_o i_o refuse_v to_o conform_v so_o be_v again_o deliver_v â—p_n to_o the_o gaoler_n hand_n i_o be_v have_v home_o to_o prison_n again_o and_o there_o have_v lie_v now_o above_o five_o year_n and_o a_o quarter_n wait_v to_o see_v what_o god_n will_v suffer_v these_o mâ—n_z to_o do_v with_o i_o 253._o in_o which_o condition_n i_o have_v continue_v wiâ—h_v much_o content_n through_o grace_n but_o have_v meet_v with_o many_o tuâ—nings_n and_o going_n upon_o my_o heart_n both_o fâ—om_n the_o lord_n satan_n and_o my_o own_o corruption_n by_o all_o which_o glory_n be_v to_o jesus_n christ_n i_o have_v also_o receive_v among_o many_o thing_n much_o conviction_n instruction_n and_o understanding_n of_o which_o at_o laâ—ge_n i_o shall_v not_o here_o discourse_n only_o give_v you_o in_o a_o hint_n or_o two_o a_o word_n that_o may_v stir_v up_o the_o godly_a to_o bless_v god_n and_o to_o pray_v for_o i_o and_o also_o to_o take_v encouragement_n shall_v the_o case_n be_v their_o own_o not_o to_o fear_v what_o man_n can_v do_v unto_o they_o 254._o i_o never_o have_v in_o all_o my_o life_n so_o great_a a_o inlet_n into_o the_o word_n of_o god_n as_o now_o they_o scripture_n that_o i_o see_v nothing_o in_o before_o be_v make_v in_o this_o place_n and_o state_n to_o shine_v upon_o i_o jesus_n christ_n alâ—o_o be_v never_o more_o reâ—l_a and_o apparent_a then_o now_o here_o i_o have_v see_v he_o and_o feel_v he_o indeed_o o_o that_o word_n we_o have_v not_o preach_v unto_o you_o cunning_o devise_v fable_n 2_o pet._n 1_o 16._o and_o that_o god_n raise_v christ_n from_o the_o dead_a and_o give_v he_o glory_n that_o your_o faith_n and_o hope_n may_v be_v in_o god_n 1_o pet._n 1.20_o be_v bless_a word_n unto_o i_o in_o this_o my_o imprison_a condition_n 255._o these_o three_o or_o four_o scripture_n also_o have_v be_v great_a refreshment_n in_o this_o condition_n to_o i_o joh._n 14.1_o 2_o 3_o 4._o joh._n 16.33_o col._n 3.3_o 4._o heb._n 12.22_o 23_o 24._o so_o that_o sometime_o when_o i_o have_v be_v in_o the_o favour_n of_o they_o i_o have_v be_v able_a to_o laugh_v at_o destruction_n and_o â—o_o fear_v neiâ—her_o the_o horse_n nor_o his_o rider_n i_o have_v have_v sweet_a sight_n of_o the_o forgiveness_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o this_o place_n and_o of_o my_o be_v with_o jesus_n in_o another_o world_n o_o the_o mount_n zion_n the_o heavenly_a jerusalem_n the_o innumerable_a company_n of_o angel_n and_o god_n the_o judge_n of_o all_o and_o the_o spirit_n of_o just_a man_n make_v perfect_a and_o jesus_n have_v be_v sweet_a unto_o i_o in_o this_o place_n i_o have_v see_v that_o here_o that_o i_o be_o persuade_v i_o shall_v never_o while_o in_o this_o world_n be_v able_a to_o express_v i_o have_v see_v a_o truth_n in_o that_o scripture_n who_o have_v not_o see_v you_o love_v in_o who_o though_o now_o you_o see_v he_o not_o yet_o believe_v you_o rejoice_v with_o joy_n unspeakable_a and_o full_a of_o glory_n 1_o pet._n 1.8_o 256._o i_o never_o know_v what_o it_o be_v for_o god_n to_o stand_v by_o i_o at_o all_o turn_n and_o at_o every_o offer_n of_o satan_n etc._n etc._n as_o i_o have_v find_v he_o since_o i_o come_v in_o hither_o for_o look_v how_o fear_n have_v present_v themselves_o so_o have_v support_n and_o encouragement_n yea_o when_o i_o have_v start_v even_o as_o it_o be_v at_o nothing_o else_o but_o my_o shadow_n yet_o god_n as_o be_v very_o tender_a of_o i_o have_v not_o suffer_v i_o to_o be_v molest_v but_o will_v with_o one_o scripture_n and_o another_o strengthen_v i_o against_o all_o insomuch_o that_o i_o have_v often_o say_v be_v it_o lawful_a i_o can_v pray_v for_o great_a trouble_n for_o the_o great_a comfort_n sake_n eccles._n 7.14_o 2_o cor._n 1.5_o 257._o before_o i_o come_v to_o prison_n i_o see_v what_o be_v a_o come_n and_o have_v especial_o two_o consideration_n wâ—rm_v upon_o my_o heart_n the_o first_o be_v how_o to_o be_v able_a to_o endure_v shall_v my_o imprisonment_n be_v lonâ—_n and_o tedious_a the_o second_o be_v how_o to_o be_v able_a to_o encounter_v death_n shall_v that_o be_v here_o my_o portion_n for_o the_o first_o of_o these_o that_o scripture_n col._n 1.11_o be_v great_a information_n to_o i_o namely_o to_o pray_v to_o god_n to_o be_v strengthen_v with_o all_o might_n according_a to_o his_o glorious_a power_n unto_o all_o patience_n and_o long-suffering_a with_o joyfulness_n i_o can_v seldom_o go_v to_o prayer_n before_o i_o be_v imprison_v but_o for_o not_o so_o little_a as_o a_o year_n together_o this_o sentence_n of_o sweet_a petition_n will_v as_o it_o be_v thrust_v itself_o into_o my_o mind_n and_o persuade_v i_o that_o if_o ever_o i_o will_v go_v through_o long-suffering_a i_o must_v have_v all_o patience_n especial_o if_o i_o will_v endure_v it_o joyful_o 258._o as_o to_o the_o second_o consideration_n that_o say_v 2_o cor._n 1.9_o be_v of_o great_a use_n unto_o i_o but_o we_o have_v the_o sentence_n of_o death_n in_o ourselves_o that_o we_o may_v not_o trust_v in_o ourselves_o but_o in_o god_n that_o raise_v the_o dead_a by_o this_o scripture_n i_o be_v make_v to_o see_v that_o if_o ever_o i_o will_v suffer_v right_o i_o must_v first_o pass_v a_o sentence_n of_o death_n upon_o every_o thing_n that_o can_v proper_o be_v call_v a_o thing_n of_o this_o life_n even_o to_o reckon_v myself_o my_o wife_n my_o child_n my_o health_n my_o enjoyment_n and_o all_o as_o dead_a to_o i_o &_o myself_o as_o dead_a to_o they_o 259._o the_o second_o be_v to_o live_v upon_o god_n that_o be_v invisible_a as_o paul_n say_v in_o another_o place_n the_o way_n not_o to_o faint_v be_v to_o look_v not_o at_o the_o thing_n that_o be_v see_v but_o at_o the_o thing_n that_o be_v not_o see_v for_o the_o thing_n that_o be_v see_v be_v temporal_a but_o the_o thing_n that_o be_v not_o see_v they_o