weak a wretch as I striving with many evill Angels for the avoidance of a curse come off with a maime or a scar But blessed be thy name the wounds that I receive are not mortall and when I fall it is but to my knees whence I rise with new courage and hopes of victory Thou who art the God of all power and keepest the keys of hell and death hast said Resist the Devill and he will flee from you Lord I do and will by thy merciful ayd still and ever resist make thou my faith as stedfast as my will is resolute Oh still teach thou my hands to war and my fingers to fight arme thou my soul with strength and at last according to thy gracious promise crown it with victory XXIII Oh Lord God how ambitious how covetous of knowledg is this soul of mine as the eye is not satisfied with seeing nor the eare filled with hearing no more is the mind of man with understanding yea so insatiable is my heart that the more I know the more I desire to know and the less I think I know Under heaven there can be no bounds set to this intellectuall appetite O do thou stop the mouth of my soul with thy self who are infinite Whom have I in heaven but thee and there is none upon earth that I desire besides thee Alas Lord if I could know all creatures with all their forms qualities workings if I could know as much as innocent Adam or wise Solomon Yea more if I could know all that is done in earth or heaven what were my soul the better if it have not attained the knowledg of thee Since as the Preacher hath most wisely observed In much wisdome is much grief and he that increaseth knowledg increaseth sorrow Oh then set off my heart from affecting that knowledg whose end is sorrow and fix it upon that knowledg which brings everlasting life And this is life eternal to know thee the only true God and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent XXIV O my God what miserable uncertainties there are in these worldly hopes But yesterday I made account of an eminent advantage of my estate which now ends in a deep loss How did we lately feed our selves with the hope of a firme and during peace which now shuts up in too much bloud How confidently did I relie upon the promised favour of some great friends which now leave me in the suds as the scom of a mis-called fortune In how slippery places O Lord do our feet stand If that may be said to stand which is ever sliding never fixed And not more â—â—ippery then brittle so as there is not more danger of falling then of sinking With thee O God with thee only is a constant immutability of happiness There let me seek it there let me finde it and over-looking all the fickle objects of this vain world let my soul pitch it self upon that blessed immortality which ere long it hopes to enjoy with thee XXV Lord God What a wearisome circle do I walk in here below I sleep and dress and work and eat and work again and eat again and undress and sleep again and thus wearing out my time find a satiety in all these troublesome Lord when shall I come to that state wherein I shall do nothing but injoy thee do nothing but praise thee and in that one work shall finde such infinite contentment that my glorified soul cannot wish to do any other and shall therein alone bestow a blessed eternity XXVI O God how troublesome and painful do I find this Sun of thine whose scorching beams beat upon my head and yet this excellent creature of thine is that to which under thee we are beholden for our very life and it is thy great blessing to the earth that it may enjoy these strong and forceable rayes from it Oh Who shall be able to endure the burning flames of thy wrath which thou intendest for the punishment and everlasting torment of thine enemies And if men shall blaspheme the name of thee the God of heaven for the great heat of that beneficiall creature what shall we think they will do for that fire which shall be consuming them to all eternity Lord keep my soul from those flames which shall be ever burning and never either quenched or abated XXVII Which way O Lord which way can I look and not see some sad examples of misery One wants his limbs with Mephibosheth another his sight with Bartimeus a third with Lazarus wants bread and a whole skin One is pained in his body another plundred of his estate a third troubled in minde one is pined in prison another tortured on the rack a third languisheth under the loss of a deare son or wife or husband Who am I Lord that for the present I enjoy an immunity from all these sorrows I am sure none grones under them that hath deserved them more It is thy mercy thy meer mercy O my good God that any of these calamities have faln beside me Oh make me truly thankful for thine infinite goodness and yet onely so sensible of thy gracious indulgence this way as that when any of these evils shall seize upon mee I may be no more dejected in the sense of them then I am now overjoyed with the favor of their forbearance XXVIII O blessed God what variety of gifts hast thou scattered amongst the sons of men To one thou hast given vigor of body to another agility beauty to a third to one depth of judgment to another quickness of apprehension to one readiness and rarity of invention to another tenacity of memorie to one the knowledg of liberal arts to another the exquisiteness of manuary skill to one worldly wealth to another honour to one a wise heart to another an eloquent tongue to one more then enough to another contentment with a little to one valour to another sagacity These favors O Lord thou hast promiscuously dispersed amongst both thy friends and enemies but oh how transcendent are those spiritual mercies which thou hast reserved for thine own the graces of heavenly wisdome lively faith fervent charity firme hope joy in the holy Ghost and all the rest of that divine beauye For any competency of the least of thy common blessings I desire to be thankful to thy bounty for which of them O God can I either merit or requite but oh for a soul truly and eagarly ambitious of those thy best mercies Oh let me ever long for them and ever be insatiable of them Oh do thou fill my heart with the desire of them and let that desire never finde it self filled XXIX How comfortable a style is that O God which thine Apostle gives to thine Heaven whiles he cals it the inheritance of the Saints in light None can come there but Saints the â—oomes of this lower woâ—d are taken up commonly with wicked men with beasts with Devils but into that heavenly
to the whole crop Neither didst thou O blessed Jesu rise again for thy self only but the power and vertue of thy resurrection reaches to all thine so thy chosen Vessel tels as Christ the first fruits afterwards they that are Christs at his coming So as though the resurrection be of all the dead both just and unjust yet to rise by the power of thy resurrection is so proper to thine own as that thou O Saviour hast styled it the resurrection of the just whiles the rest shall be drag'd out of their graves by the power of thy God-head to their dreadful judgment Already therefore O Jesu are we risen in thee and as sure shall rise in our own persons The Loco-motive faculty is in the head Thou who art our head art risen we who are thy members must and shall follow Say then O my dying body say boldly unto Death Rejoyce not over me O mine enemy for though I fall yet I shall rise again Yea Lord the vertue of thy first fruits diffuseth it self not to our rising only but to a blessed immortality of these bodies of ours for as thou didst rise immortall and glorious so shall we by and with thee Who shalt change these vile bodies and make them like to thy glorious body The same power that could shake off death can put on glory and Majesty Lay thee down therefore O my body quietly and cheerfully and look to rise in another hue Thou art sown in corruption thou shalt be raised in incorruption thou art sown in dishonour thou shalt be raised in glory thou art sown in weaknesse but shalt be raised in power XXXVI In this life in this death of the body O Lord I see there are no degrees though differences of time The man that dyed yesterday is as truly dead as Abel the first man that dyed in the world and Methuselah that lived nine hundred sixty nine years did not more truly live then the childe that did but salute and leave the world but in the life to come and the second death here are degrees degrees of blessedness to the glorified degrees of torments to the damned the least whereof is unspeakable unconceivable Oh thou that art the Lord of life and death keep my soul from those steps that go down to the chambers of death and once set it for higher I dare not sue to go but over the threshold of glory and blessedness XXXVII O Lord my God I am as very a Pilgrime as ever walked upon thy earth Why should I look to be in any better condition then my neighbours then my forefathers Even the best of them that were most fixed upon their inheritance were no other then strangers at home It was not in the power of the world to naturalize them much less to make them enroll themselves free-Denizons here below they knew their country which they sought was above so infinitely rich and pleasant that these earthly regions which they must pass thorough are in comparison worthy of nothing but contempt My condition is no other then theirs I wander here in a strange country What wonder is it if I meet with forrainers fare hard usage and neglect Why do I intermeddle with the affaires of a nation that is not mine Why do I clog my self in my way with the base and heavy lumber of the world Why are not my affections homeward Why do I not long to see and enjoy my fathers house O my God thou that hast put me into the state of a Pilgrim give me a Pilgrims heart set me off from this wretched world wherein I am let me hate to think of dwelling here Let it be my only care how to pass through this miserable wilderness to the promised land of a blessed eternitie XXXVIII One Talent at the least O Lord hast thou put into my hand and that sum is great to him that is not worth a dram but alas what have I done with it I confess I have not hid it in a napkin but have been laying it out to some poor advantage yet surely the gain is so unanswerable that I am afraid of an Audit I see none of the approved servants in the Gospel brought in an increase of less value then the receit I fear I shall come short of the sum O thou who justly holdest thy self wronged with the style of an austere master vouchsafe to accept of my so mean improvement and thou who valuedst the poor widows mites above the rich gifts cast into thy Treasurie be pleased to allow of those few pounds that my weak indevors could raise from thy stock and mercifully reward thy servant not according to his success but according to his true intentions of glorifying thee XXXIX What a word is this which I hear from thee O Saviour Behold I stand at the doore and knock Thou which art the Lord of life God blessed for ever to stand and knock at the door of a sinful heart Oh what a praise is this of thy mercy and long suffering What a shame to our dull neglect and graceless ingratitude For a David to say I waited patiently upon the Lord Truly my soul waiteth upon God it is but meet and comely for it is no other then the duty of the greatest Monarchs on earth yea of the highest Angels in Heaven to attend their Maker but for thee the great God of Heaven to wait at the door of us sinful dust and ashes what a condescension is this what a longanimity It were our happiness O Lord if upon our greatest suit and importunity we might have the favor to entertain thee into our hearts but that thou shouldst importune us to admit thee and shouldst wait at the posts of our doors till thine head be filled with dew and thy locks with the drops of the night it is such a mercy as there is not room enough in our souls to wonder at In the mean time what shall I say to our wretched unthankfulnes and impious negligence Thou hast graciously invited us to thee and hast said knock and it shall be opened and yet thou continuest knocking at our doors and we open not willingly delaying to let in our happiness we know how easie it were for thee to break open the brasen doors of our brests and to come in but the Kingdome of Heaven suffers not violence from thee though it should suffer it from us Thou wilt do all thy works in a sweet and gracious way as one who will not force but win love Lord I cannot open unless thou that knock'st for entrance wilt be pleased to inable me with strength to turn the key and to unbolt this unweldy bar of my soul O do thou make way for thy self by the strong motions of thy blessed Spirit into the in-most rooms of my heart and do thou powerfully incline me to mine own happiness els thou shalt be ever excluded and I shall be ever miserable XLI In
THE BREATHINGS OF THE Devout Soul LONDON Printed 1648. THE BREATHINGS OF THE Devout Soul I. BLessed Lord God thou callest me to obedience and fain would I follow thee but what good can this wretched heart of mine be capable of except thou put it there thou know'st I cannot so much as wish to think well without thee I have strong powers to offend thee my sins are my own but whence should I have any inclination to good but from thee who art only and all good Lord work me to what thou requirest and then require what thou wilt II. Lord God whither need I go to seek thee Thou art so with me as that I cannot move but in thee I look up to heaven there I know thy Majestie most manifests it self but withall I know that being here thou art never out of thy heaven for it is thy presence onely that makes heaven Oh give me to enjoy thee in this lowest region of thine heavenly habitation and as in respect of my naturall being I live and move in thee so let me not live and move spiritually but with thee and to thee III. Whither now O whither do ye rove O my thoughts Can ye hope to finde rest in any of these sublunary contentments Alas how can they yeeld any stay to you that have no settlement in themselves Is there not enough in the infinite good to take you up but that ye will be wandring after earthly varities Oh my Lord how justly mightest thou cast me off with scorn for casting any affective glances upon so base a rival Truly Lord I am ashamed of this my hatefull inconstancy but it is thou only that must remedy it O thou that art the father of mercies pity my wildnesse and weak distractions Take thou my heart to thee it is thine own keep it with thee tye it close to thee by the cords of love that it may not so much as cast down an eye upon this wretched and perishing world IIII. Lord I confesse to my shame thou art a great loser by me for besides my not improving of thy favors I have not kept even-reckonings with thee I have not justly tallied up thy inestimable benefits Thy very privative mercies are both without and beyond my account for every evill that I am free from is a new blessing from thee That I am out of bondage that I am out of pain and misery that I am out of the dominion of sin out of the tyranny of Satan out of the agonies of an afflicted soul out of the torments of hell Lord how unspeakeable mercies are these Yet when did I bless thee for any of them Thy positive bounties I can feel but with a benummed and imperfect sence Lord do thou enlarge and intenerate my heart make me truly sensible as of my good received so of my escaped evils and take thou to thy self the glory of them both V. Ah my Lord God what heats and colds do I feel in my soul Sometimes I finde my self so vigorous in grace that no thought of doubt dare shew it self and me thinks I durst challenge my hellish enemies another while I feel my self so dejected and heartlesse as if I had no interest in the God of my salvation nor never had received any certain pledges of his favour What shall I say to this various disposition Whether Lord is it my wretchednesse to suffer my self to be rob'd of thee for the time by temptation or whether is this the course of thy proceedings in the dispensation of thy graces to the sons of men that thou wilt have the breathings of thy Spirit as where so how and when thou pleasest Surely O my God if I did not know thee constant to thine everlasting mercies I should be utterly disheartened with these sad intervals now when my sense failes me I make use of my faith and am no lesse sure of thee even when I feel thee not then when I finde the clearest evidences of thy gracious presence Lord shine upon me with the light of thy countenance if it may be alwaies but when ever that is clouded strengthen thou my faith so shall I be safe even when I am comfortless VI O my God I am justly ashamed to think what favors I have received from thee and what poor returns I have made to thee Truly Lord I must needs say thou hast thought nothing either in earth or in heaven too good for me and I on the other side have grudg'd thee that weakâ— and worthless obedience which thou hast required of me Alas what pleasure could I have done to thee who art infinite if I had sacrificed my whole self to thee as thou commandest Thou art and wilt be thy self though the world were not it is I I only that could be a gainer by this happy match which in my own wrong I have unthankfully neglected I see it is not so much what we have as how we imploy it O thou that hast been so bountiful in heaping thy rich mercies upon me vouchsafe to grant me yet one gift more give me grace and power to improve all thy gifts to the glory of the giver otherwise it had been better for me to have been poor then ingrateful VII Ah Lord What strugling have I with my weak fears how do I anticipate my evils by distrust What shall I do when I am old How shall I be able to indure pain How shall I pass through the horrid gates of death Oh my God Where is my faith that I am thus surprized Had I not thee to up-hold and strengthen my soul well might I tremble and sink under these cares but now that I have the assurance of so strong an helper as commands all the powers of heaven earth and hell what a shame is it for me to give so much way to my wretched infidelity as to punish my self with the expectation of future evils Oh for the victorie that overcomes the world even our faith Thou O God art my refuge and strength a very present help in trouble therefore will I not fear though the earth be removed and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the Sea VIII Lord I made account my daies should have been but an inch but thou hast made them a span long having drawn out the length of a crazie life beyond the period of my hopes It is for something sure that thou hast thus long respited me from my grave which look't for me many years ago Here I am O my God attending thy good pleasure Thou know'st best what thou hast to do with me Dispose of me as thou wilt Only make me faithfull in all thy services resolute to trust my self with thee in all events carefull to be approved of thee in all my waies and crown my decayed age with such fruits as may be pleasing to thee and available to the good of many Lastly let me live to thee and die in thee IX How oft Lord
have I wondred to see the strange carriage of thine administration of these earthly affaires and therein to see thy marvailous wisdome power goodness in fetching good out of evill Alas we wretched men are apt enough to fetch the worst of evils out of the greatest good turning the grace of thee our God into wantonnesse but how have I seen thee of liveless stones to raise up children to Abraham of sinners to make Saints out of a desperate confusion to fetch order out of a bloudy war an happy peace out of resolutions of revenge love out of the rock water out of a persecuter an Apostle How can I be discouraged with unlikelihoods when I see thee work by contraries It is not for me O my God to examine or pre-judge thy counsailes take what waies thou wilt so thou bring me to thine own end all paths shall be direct that shall leade me to blessedness X. How many good purposes O my God have I taken up let fall to the ground again without effect how teeming hath this barren womb of my heart been of false conceptions but especially when thy hand hath been smart and heavy upon me in mine affliction how have I tasked my self with duties and revived my firme resolutions of more strict obedience which yet upon the continuance of my better condition I have slackened Lord it is from thee that I purposed well it is from my own sinfull weakness that I failed in my performances If any good come me the will and the deed must be both thine The very preparations of the heart are from thee and if I have devised my way it must be thou that directest my steps O God do thou ripen and perfect all the good motions that thou puttest into my soul and make my health but such as my sickness promised XI Every man Lord is unwilling that his name should dye we are all naturally ambitious of being thought on when we are gone those that have not living monuments to perpetuate them affect to have dead if Absolon have not a son he will yet erect a pillar yet when we have all done time eates us out at the last There is no remembrance of the wise more then of the foole for ever seeing that which now is in the daies to come shall all be forgotten O God let it be my care and ambition what ever become of my memory here below that my name may be recorded in Heaven XII Thy wise providence O God hath so ordered it that every mans minde seeks and findes contentment in some thing otherwise it could not be since we must meet with so frequent crosses in the world but that mans life would be burdensome to him one takes pleasure in his hauke or hound another in his horses and furnitures one in fair buildings another in pleasant walks and beautiful gardens one in travailing abroad another in the enjoying of the profits and pleasures of his home one in the increase of his wealth another in the titles of his honor one in a comfortable wife another in loving and dutiful children but when all is done if there be not somwhat els to uphold the heart in the evil day it must sink O God do thou possesse my soul of thee let me place all my felicity in the fruition of thine infinite goodness so I am sure the worst of the world hath not power to render me other then happy XIII O Lord God under how opposite aspects do I stand from the world how variously am I construed by men One pities my condition another praises my patience One favors mee out of the opinion of some good that he thinks he sees in mee another dislikes me for some imagined evil What are the eyes or tongues of men to mee Let me not know what they say or think of me and what am I the better or worse for them they can have no influence upon me without my own apprehension All is in what termes I stand with thee my God if thou be pleased to look upon me with the eye of thy tender mercy and compassion What care I to be unjustly brow-beaten of the world If I may be blessed with thy favour let me be made a gazing-stock to the world to Angels and to men XIV Speak Lord for thy servant heareth What is it which thou wouldst have me do that I may finde rest to my soul I am willing to exercise my self in all the acts of piety which thou requirest I am ready to fast to pray to read to hear to meditate to communicate to give alms to exhort admonish reprove comfort where thou bid'st me and if there be any other duty appertaining to devotion or mercy let me serve thee in it But alas O my God howsoever I know these works are in themselves well-pleasing unto thee yet as they fall from my wretchedness they are stained with so many imperfections that I have more reason to crave pardon for them then to put confidence in them and if I could performe them never so exquisitely yet one sin is more then enough to dash all my obedience I see then O Lord I well see there is no act that I can be capable â—o do unto thee wherein I can finde any repose it must be thine act to me which only can effect it It is thy gracious word Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest Lo this rest must be thy gift not my earning and what can be fiâ—er then gift Thou givesh it then but to those that come to thee not to those that come not To those that come to thee laden and labouring under the sense of their own wretchedness not to the proud and careless O Saviour thy sinner is sufficiently laden with the burden of his iniquities lade thou me yet more with true penitent sorrow for my sins and inable me then to come unto thee by a lively faith Take thou the praise of thine own work Give me the grace to come and give me rest in coming XV O blessed Saviour What strange variety of conceits do I finde concerning thy thousand years raign What riddles are in that prophesie which no humane tongue can aread where to fix the begining of that marvailous millenary and where the end and what manner of raign it shall be whether temporal or spiritual on earth or in heaven undergoes as many constructions as there are pens that have undertaken it and yet when all is done I see thine Apostle speaks onely of the souls of thy martyrs raigning so long with thee not of thy raigning on earth so long with those Martyrs How busie are the tongues of men how are their brains taken up with the indeterminable construction of this enigmaticall truth when in the mean time the care of thy spirituall raign in their hearts is neglected O my Saviour whiles others weary themselves with the disquisition of thy personall raign
here upon earth for a thousand years let it be the whole bent and study of my soul to make sure of my personall raign with thee in heaven to all eternity XVI Blessed be thy name O God who hast made a good use even of hell it self How many Atheous hearts have been convinced by the very operations of Devils Those which would with the stupid Saducees perswade themselves there are no spirits yet when they have sensibly found the marvellous effects wrought even by the base instruments of Satan they have been forced to confesse Doubtless there is a God that rules the world for so great powers of evill spirits must necessarily evince the greater powers of good It is of thy wise and holy dispensation that thy good Angels do not so frequently exhibite themselves and give so visible demonstrations of their presence to thy Saints as the evill Angels do to their Vassals though they are ever as present and more powerfull What need they when thou so mightily over-rulest those malignant spirits that thou forcest from them thine own glory and advantage to thy chosen Lord how much more shall all thy other creatures serve to thy praise when thy very hellish enemies shall proclaim thy justice goodness omnipotence XVII Speculation O Lord is not more easie then practice is difficult how many have we known who as it was said of the Philosophers of old know how to speak well but live ill How many have written books of Chymistry and given very confident directions for the finding out of that precious stone of the Philosophers but how many have indeed made gold Practice is that which thou O God chiefly requirest and respectest who hast said If ye know these things blessed are ye if you do them Knowledg puffeth up but love edifieth O Lord do thou enlighten mine eyes with the knowledg of thy will but above all do thou rectifie my affections guide my feet into the wayes of thy commandements apply my heart to fulfill thy statutes alway and Prosper thou the work of my hands upon me O prosper thou my handiwork XVIII How oft have I wondred O Lord at the boldness of those men who knowing they must shortly die yet dare do those things which will draw upon them eternity of torments What shall I say but The fool hath said in his heart there is no God Surely men love themselves well enough and would be loth to do that which would procure them an inevitable misery and pain Did they therefore believe there were another world and that they must be called to a strict reckoning for all their actions and be doomed to an everlasting death for their wicked deeds they durst not they could not do those acts which should make them eternally miserable Let me say to the most desperate ruffian there is poyson in this cup drink this draught and thou diest he would have the wit to keep his lips close and cast the potion to the ground were it not for their infidelity so would men do to the most plausible but deadly offers of sin O Lord since I know thy righteous judgments teach me to tremble at them restrain thou my feet from every evill way and teach me so to walk as one that looks every hour to appear before thy just and dreadfull Tribunal XIX The longer I live O my God the more do I wonder at all the works of thine hands I see such admirable artifice in the very least and most despicable of all thy creatures as doth every day more and more astonish my observation I need not look so far as Heaven for matter of marvaile though therein thou art infinitely glorious whiles I have but a spider in my window or a bee in my garden or a worm under my feet every one of these overcomes me with a just amazement yet can I see no more then their very out-sides their inward form which gives them their being and operations I cannot pierce into the less I can know O Lord the more let me wonder and the less I can satisfie my self with marvailing at thy works the more let me adore the majesty and omnipotence of thee that wroughtest them XX Alas my Lord God what poor weak imperfit services are those even at the best that I can present thee withal How leane lame and blemished sacrifices do I bring to thine altar I know thou art worthy of more then my soul is capable to perform and fain would I tender thee the best of thine own but what I would that I do not yea cannot do Surely had I not to do with an infinite mercy I might justly look to be punished for my very obedience But now Lord my impotence redounds to the praise of thy goodness for were I more answerable to thy justice the glory of thy mercy would be so much less eminent in my remission acceptance Here I am before thee to await thy good pleasure thou knowest whether it be better to give me more ability or to accept of that poor ability thou hast given me but since when thou hast given me most I shall still and ever stand in need of thy forgiveness Let my humble suit be to thee alwaies rather for pardon of my defects then for a supply of thy graces XXI O my God how do I see many profane and careless souls spend their time in jollity and pleasure The harp and the Viol the Tabret and the pipe and wine are in their feasts Whiles I that desire to walk close with thee in all conscionable obedience droop and languish under a dull heaviness and heartless dejection I am sure I have a thousand times more cause of joy and cheerfulness then the merriest of all those wilde and joviall spirits they have a world to play withall but I have a God to rejoyce in their sports are triviall and momentaâ—ie my joy is serious and everlasting One dram of my mirth is worth a pound of theirs But I confesse O Lord how much I am wanting to my self in not stirring up this holy fire of spirituall joy but suffering it to lie raked up under the dead ashes of a sad neglect O thou who art the God of hope quicken this heavenly affection in my soul and fill me with all joy and peace in believing make my heart so much more light then the worldlings by how much my estate is happier XXII What shall I do Lord I strive and tug what I may with my naturall corruptions and with the spirituall wickednesses in high places which set upon my soul but sometimes I am foyled and go halting out of the field it is thy mercy that I live being so fiercely assaulted by those principalities and powers it were more then wonder if I should escape such hands without a wound Even that holy servant of thine who strove with thine Angel for a blessing went limping away though he prevailed what mervail is it that so
Jerusalem no unholy thing can enter Neither can any Saint be excluded thence each of them have not only a share but an entire right to thy glory And how many just titles are there O Saviour to that region of blessedness It is thy Fathers gift it is thy purchase it is thy Saints inheritance theirs only in thy right by thy gracious adoption they are sons and as sons heires co-heirs with thee of that blessed Patrimony so feoffed upon them so possessed of them that they can never be disseized And Lord how glorious an inheritance it is An inheritâ—nce in light In light incomprehensible in light inaccessible Lo the most spirituall of all thy visible creatures is light and yet this light is but the effect and emanation of one of thy creatures the Sun and serves only for the illumination of this visible world but that supernal light is from the Al-glorious beams of thy Divine Majesty diffusing themselves to those blessed spirits both Angels and Souls of thy Saints who live in the joyful fruition of thee to all eternity Alas Lord we do here dwell in darkness and under an uncomfortable opacity whiles thy face is clouded from us with manifold temptations there above with thee is pure light a constant noon-tide of glory I am here under a miserable and obscure wardship Oh teach me to despise the best of earth and ravish my soul with a longing desire of being possessed of that blessed inheritance of the Saints in light XXX What outward blessing can be sweeter then civill peace What judgment more heavy then that of the sword Yet O Saviour there is a peace which thou disclaimest and there is a sword which thou challengest to bring Peace with our corruptions is warr against thee and that war in our bosomes wherein the spirit fighteth against the flesh is peace with thee O let thy good Spirit raise and foment this holy and intestine war more and more within me And as for my outward spirituall enemies how can there be a victory without war and how can I hope for a crown without victory O do thou ever gird me with strength to the battle inable thou me to resist unto bloud make me faithfull to the death that thou maist give me the crown of life XXXI O Lord God how subject is this wretched heart of mine to repining and discontentment If it may not have what it would how ready it is like a froward child to throw away what it hath I know and feel this to be out of that naturall pride which is so deep rooted in me for could I be sensible enough of my own unworthinesse I should think every thing too good every thing too much for me my very being O Lord is more then I am ever able to answer thee and how could I deserve it when I was not but that I have any helps of my wel-beeing here or hopes and means of my being glorious hereafter how far is it beyond the reach of my soul Lord let me finde my own nothingness so shall I be thankfull for a little and in my very want blesse thee XXXII Where art thou O my God whither hast thou withdrawn thy self it is not long since I found thy comfortable presence with my soul now I misse thee and mourn and languish for thee Nay rather where art thou O my soul my God is where he was neither can be any other then himself the change is in thee whose inconstant disposition varies continually and cannot finde it self fixed upon so blessed an object It will never be better with me O my God until it shall please thee to stablish my heart with thy free Spirit and to keep it close to thee that it may not be carried away with vain distractions with sinful temptations Lord my God as thou art alwaies present with me and canst no more be absent then not be thy self so let me be alwaies with thee in an humble and faithful acknowledgment of thy presence as I can never be out of thine all-seeing eye so let mine eyes be ever bent upon thee who art invisible Thou that hast given me eyes improve them to thy glorie and my happiness XXXIII My bosome O Lord is a Rebeccaes womb there are twins striving within it a Jacob and Esau the old man and the new whiles I was in the barren state of my â—nregeneration all was quiet within me now this strife is both troublesome and paineful so as nature is ready to say If it be so why am I thus But withal O my God I bless thee for this happy unquietness for I know there is just cause of comfort in these inward struglings my soul is now not unfruitful and is conceived with an holy feed which wrestles with my natural corruptions and if my Esau have got the start in the priority of time yet my Jacob shall follow him hard at the heele and happily supplant him And though I must nourish them both as mine yet I can through thy grace imitate thy choice and say with thee Jacob have I loved and Esau have I hated Blessed God make thou that word of thine good in me That the elder shall serve the younger XXXIV Alas my Lord God how small matters trouble me every petty occurrence is ready to rob me of my peace so as me thinks I am like some little cock-boat in a rough Sea which every billow topples up and down and threats to sink I can chide this weak pusillanimity in my self but it is thou that must redress it Lord work my heart to so firme a setledness upon thee that it may never be shaken no not with the violent gustâ— of temptation much lesse with the easie gales of secular misaccidents Even when I am hardest pressed in the multitude of the sorrows of my heart let thy comforts refresh my soul but for these sleight crosses oh teach me to despise them as not worthy of my notice much less of my vexation Let my heart be taken up with thee and then what care I whether the world smile or frown XXXV What a comfort it is O Saviour that thou art the first fruits of them that sleep Those that die in thee do but sleep Thou saidst so once of thy Lazarus and maist say so of him again he doth but sleep still His first sleep was but short this latter though longer is no less true out of which he shall no less surely awake at thy second call then he did before at thy first His first sleep and waking was singular this latter is the same with ours we all lie down in our bed of earth as sure to wake as ever we can be to shut our eyes In and from thee O blessed Saviour is this our assurance who art the first fruits of them that sleep The first handfull of the first fruits was not presented for it self but for the whole field wherein it grew The vertue of that oblation extended it self
what pangs couldst thou be O Asaph that so woful a word should fall from thee Hath God forgotten to be gracious Surely the temptation went so high that the next step had been blasphemie Had not that good God whom thy bold weakness questions for forgetfulness in great mercy remembred thee and brought thee speedily to remember thy self and him that which thou confessest to have been infirmity had proved a sinful despair I dare say for thee that word washed thy cheeks with many a tear and was worthy of more For O God What can be so dear to thee as the glory of thy mercy There is none of thy blessed attributes which thou desirest to set forth so much unto the sons of men and so much abhorrest to be disparaged by our detraction as thy mercy Thou canst O Lord forget thy displeasure against thy people thou canst forget our iniquities and cast our sins out of thy remembrance but thou canst no more forget to be gracious then thou â—anst cease to be thy self O my God I sin against thy justice hourly and thy mercy interposes for my remission but oh keep me from sinning against thy mercy What plea can I hope for when I have made my Advocate mine enemy XLI How happy O Lord is the man that hath thee for his God He can want nothing that is good he can be hurt by nothing that is evill his sins are pardoned his good indeavors are accepted his crosses are sanctified his prayers are heard all that he hath are blessings all that he suffers are advantages his life is holy his death comfortable his estate after death glorious Oh that I could feel thee to be my God that I could enjoy an heavenly communion with thee In vain should earth or hell labour to make me other then blessed XLII How just a motion is this of thine O thou sweet singer of Israel O love the Lord all ye his Saints Surely they can be no Saints that love not such a Lord Had he never been good to them yet that infinite goodness which is in himself would have commanded love from Saints Yet how could they have been Saints if he had wholly kept his goodness to himself In that then he hath made them Saints he hath communicated his goodness to them and challengeth all love from them and being made such how infinitely hath he obliged them with all kinds of mercies How can ye choose O ye Saints but love the Lord What have ye what are ye what can ye be but from his meer bounty They are sleight favours that he hath done you for the world in these his very enemies share with you How transcendent are his spirituall obligations Hath he not given you his Angels for your attendants himself for your Protector his Son out of his bosome for your Redeemer his Spirit for your Comforter his heaven for your inheritance If gifts can attract love O my God Who can have any interest in my heart but thy blessed self that hast been so infinitely munificent to my soul Take it to thee thou that hast made and bought it enamour it thoroughly of thy goodness make me sick of love yea let me die for love of thee who hast loved me unto death that I may fully enjoy the perfection of thy love in the height of thy glory XLIII Lord how have I seen men miscarried into those sins the premonition whereof they would have thought incredible and their yeildance thereto impossible How many Hazaels hath our very age yeilded that if a Prophet should have fore-told their acts would have said Is thy servant a dog that he should do these great things Oh my God why do not I suspect my self What hold have I of my self more then these other miserable examples of humane frailtie Lord God if thou take off thy hand from me what wickedness shall escape me I know I cannot want a tempter and that tempter cannot want either power or malice or skill or vigilance or baits or opportunities and for my self I find too well that of my self I have no strength to resist any of his temptations O for thy mercies sake uphold thou me with thy mighty hand stand close to me in all assaults shew thy self strong in my weakness Keep back thy servant from presumptuous sins Let them not have dominion over me then onely shall I be upright and shall be innocent from the great transgression XLIV It is thy title O Lord and only thine that thou givest songs in the night The night is a sad and dolorous season as the light contrarily is the image of cheerfulness like as it is in bodily pains and aches that they are still worst towards night so it is in the cares and griefs of mind then they assault us most when they are helpt on by the advantage of an uncomfortable darkness Many men can give themselves songs in the day of their prosperity who can but howl in the night of their affliction but for a Paul and Silas to sing in their prison at mid-night for an Asaph to call to remembrance his song in the night this comes onely from that Spirit of thine whose peculiar style is the Comforter And surely as musick sounds best in the night so those heavenly notes of praise which we sing to thee our God in the gloomy darkness of our adversity cannot but be most pleasing in thine ears Thine Apostle bids us which is our ordinary wont when we are merry to sing when afflicted to pray but if when we are afflicted we can sing as also when we are merriest we can pray that ditty must needs be so much more acceptable to thee as it is a more powerful effect of the joy of thy Holy Ghost O my God I am conscious of my own infirmity I know I am naturally subject to a dull and heavy dumpishness under whatsoever affliction Thou that art the God of all comfort remedy this heartless disposition in me pull this lead out of my bosome make me not patient only but cheerful under my trials fill thou my heart with joy and my mouth with songs in the night of my tribulation XLV It is a true word O Lord that thy Seer said of thee long ago The Lord seeth not as man seeth Man sees the face thou seest the heart man sees things as they seem thou seest them as they are many things are hid from the eyes of men all things lie open and displaid before thee What a madness then were it in me to come disguised into thy presence to seek to hide my counsels from thine al-seeing eyes I must be content Lord to be deluded here by fair appearances for I may not offer to look into the bosoms of men which thou hast reserved for thy self it is only the out-side that I can judg by Yea O God if I shall cast my eyes inward and look into my own brest even there