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ID |
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Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) |
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A67499
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The dancing-school with the adventures of the Easter holy-days.
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Ward, Edward, 1667-1731.
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1700
(1700)
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Wing W731; ESTC R18373
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14,772
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18
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At last the Door being opened to let out some-body who was or as least plaid the Hypocrite for their Ease and pretended to be Fainting In broke a Rabble of People from without of all Ages both Sexes and divers Qualities from the Inns-of-Court Clark to the Footman and the Town-Lady to the Tavern Kitchen-Wench that like so many Wheat Eares cramm'd into a Tunbridge Pye we Stew'd Cocks and Hens together till we were throughly Bak'd in our own Fat and Gravy This disorder to the great satisfaction of all those who had been long Sitters was some occasion of shortning our Pennance so that the remainder of our Fooleries was order'd first to be a Figure and a Song and then the whole Entertainment to be turn'd up in a few Country Dances that the Ladies I suppose might Couple themselves at last with Partners who at least would be so Civil to see them safe Home to their several Habitations if not make an Amour to 'em and give 'em some Hopes of a further satisfaction The Song that they Sung was I suppose in Praise of Singing and Dancing there was something in 't of Come let 's Trip it o'er the Plain And Sing and Dance a Main or such sort of stuff which I don't think worth Representing to the Reader I have given instead one of my own as applicable to the purpose which I hope will give him greater Diversion A Song upon Dancing DAncing was first a Maggot Bred In some Musicians Crazy Head When Ripe being Slip'ry as an Eel It slid from thence into his Heel And there it to this Day remains Having no further need of Brains Making 'em Skip with Nimble force As Eels i' th' Belly of a Horse Which Jockies use each Market-Day To make 'em Dance as People say Who Teach this slight of Foot in Schools Great Rev'rence pay to Single Souls And little Friendship have for those Who always deal in double Shoes Some Men by Learned Heads grow Great But they advanc'd are by their Feet The Grandure of the World Despise And ne'er above a Caper Rise And when all 's done their formal Steps and Scrapes Makes Women Lucifers and Men but Apes Their Song instead of mine being ended as scurvily out of the Key as an Epithalamium sung by a Consort of Stroling Fidlers under a Bridegrooms Chamber-Window The Word was no sooner given for Country Dances but away scour'd an Auxiliary Troop of London-Prentices cross the Room made an on-set upon the Ladies as if they had been going Vi et Armis to Commit a Rape upon the whole Female Convention And when every one had chose a Mate as Birds upon a Valentines Day Green Sleeves and Pudding-Pies was Order'd to be struck up and away they mov'd in Couples after the Master who led up the Dance like so many Hounds following the Heels of a Huntsman and shook their Breeches with as much seeming satisfaction to both Sexes concern'd as so many Faries could possibly Enjoy in a Midnight Dance upon a Lonely Plain in the Moon-shine By this time I was thoroughly tired as ever was poor God-Father at a Christening and having next to me a pretty kind of a Woman at the full Age of Maturity who look'd Modest enough as times go to refuse a Man to be a Mistress without a very close Siege long Fatigue large Expence lavish Promises and the like which I had no great Mind to be at the Trouble of but rather to Endeavour to Discover whether she had Virtue and Money enough answerable to her outward Perfections to make a Wife on Accordingly I withdrew my Eyes from the Dancers and apply'd a Succeeding Number of Affectionate Glances to my Charming Neighbour as the best Preface I thought I could use to my following Solicitations considering our Looks render our Passions as Intelligible as Words and oftentimes leave behind 'em a far deeper Impression When I had practised this sort of Ogling for a few Minutes and gave her Signal Reasons to believe my Eyes meant something which my Modesty hitherto or some other Difficiency had hinder'd my Tongue from more plainly Expressing I began to break out into such sort of Impertinence as Lovers usually Preamble with to introduce an Amour to which she gave her Attention with as Modest an Indifference as becomes a Woman of Discretion This Heighten'd the good Opinion I had conceiv'd tho' it put me to a greater puzzle to find Talk to Entertain her for the less free a Woman is the more it puts a Man upon his Guard and gives him the Trouble of Placing his Words under greater Discipline for fear he should be Laugh'd at it being Natural for Persons who say but little to observe much and take the greater Advantage of others Failings At last I proceeded to an Encomium on her Beauty which I found after the first Trembling on-set had inspir'd me with such Eloquence that my Fancy Soar'd to more Hyperbole's than ever were stuff'd into an Accademy of Compliments These I perceiv'd gave the Eares of my new unknown Mistress a little Titillation and made her begin to Talk as fast in Contradiction of my Flatteries as she term'd 'em as I could find words to Exhibit those Sentiments which the seeming Innocence of her Charms had influenc'd me to conceive of her pretty Person By this time being as much pleas'd with her Witty Conversation as I was before with her outward Appearances I began to press hard to inform me by which of these three Titles she distinguish'd herself viz. Maid Wife or Widdow considering with my self in this Ripe and forward Age she was scarce Young enough to be the former and full Old enough to be either of the latter at last after much Pains and Entreaties I extorted a Confession of her Circumstance from her Sweet and Alluring Lips which was attended with so Innocent a Blush when she told me a Maid that none could have exprest but she that deserv'd the Title Having thus far proceeded to my Satisfaction I had great hopes she would prove in reality what her Carriage as well as own report represented her to be and now chang'd the former method of my Talk into importunies of waiting on her Home to Protect her from the Accidents and Insolencies of the Night so Beautiful a Creature was liable to in the Street which after many Humble Solicitations as well as Arguments I prevail'd with her to Consent to My Happiness now began to swell in Proportion to the Favour she had granted me reflecting at the same time on her Sweet Beauty and Deportment to heighten the Obligation till I was grown as over-Joyful at these my first Successes as a Young Counsel that had carry'd a Cause or a Young Duellist that had Disarm'd his Adversary By this time the Dancers having tired their Legs as much at their Pastime as the Fidlers had their Arms in Playing to 'em the Master changing his Spanish-Leather Shooes for French-Wax and the City Beaus having buckled on their
happy in my Company as the Great Turk amidst his Seraglio and pleas'd my self with the Thoughts of having the Power to choose any one out of the Fair Number All things being now in order to begin to show Monsieur Shake-legs Faces about to his fair Company of Female Pupils whom he had brought under such Discipline that at one Word of Command they advanc'd forward from their Seats seeming all to be as ready to put themselves upon a Gallop as so many Post Horses when they had put themselves in a Ring like so many Country People going to Play at Drop-Glove very concise Orders were dispatch'd to the Listening Crowdero's to play the Brawles which being done the Cock led up the Chickens and away they scoured Round the Room after one another as if they were playing at Train-Tro at which kind of Sport they continued till they had tired the Company much worse than themselves before they chang'd into Variety and than we had as many Changes given us upon Currant Bory Minuet and Fig as could be rung upon four Bells now and then intermix'd with a Figure-Dance where they look'd like so many Girles running the Mazes in Tuttle-Fields and she that run thro' with the least faults should have a Ginger-Bread Husband for her Reward Every Dance I perceiv'd prov'd an excellent Sudorisick to the Master who now look'd as Red in the Face as if his Head had Blush'd for his Heels and that he thought in his own Conscience it was too Effeminate a Profession to raise a Man to the Dignity of Lord-Mayor or to be the Study of a Philosopher that had any Guts in his Brains to make himself Learned in the sundry Motions and Measures of the Foot I could not forbear thinking it might be properly enough said that a Dancing-Master is the only Creature in the Creation that Walks with his Heels upwards for no doubt on 't for the great Service they do him he prefers them in his own Opinion above his Head and things are to Mankind not as they really are but as we make 'em and believe ' em By this time some Brother Professors of the Step were hopp'd into his Assistance and gave him the Opportunity of retiring partly thro' Ostentation and partly for refreshment to change his Dancing Accouterments and Entertain the Eyes of the Spectators with a new piece of Prodigality making his Re-Entrance as fresh upon the Stage of his Theatre in Epitomy as a Lincolns-Inn-Field Wrastler after he has recover'd new Vigour from the Sucking of two or three China Oranges and then amongst 'em the poor Girles were so throughly Exercis'd that some of them began to hobble like a Woman just lifted off a Horse-back who has lost Leather by the Fatigue of a long Journey The Candles now began for want of Snuffing to burn as dim as if the Room had been Haunted with Evil Spirits so that there was a short Cessation of Dancing for a time and the Activity of the Foot was forc'd to give way to the Imployment of the Hands which Danc'd round the Branches with such wonderful Expedition that I could not forbear thinking the Man that Snuff'd the Candles was as great a Proficient in his way as he that had hired him for that purpose in every Interval the Quarteridges flow'd so fast into the Masters Pocket that the Money chinck'd as he Caper'd almost as loud as the Bells of a Morice-Dancer when he is hopping about the Hay and I suppose was much Pleasanter Musick to his Ears than that he Danc'd to The Tattles of the Motherly Spectators began now to swell into great Emulation every one giving her own Female Off-spring so large a Character of the sweet humour and Disposition of her Child that it is scarce to be Credited and so highly Commended the Docibility of the poor Lamb that she had not gone to School above a Fortnight but she begun and made her Father a Band of as good Point as ever was brought from Venice Ay truly I believe in my Conscience 't is one of the Tractablest Children I must say that for her that ever poor Woman brought into the World and truly as long as I and her Father are able to give it her she shall want no Education to make her a Gentlewoman for tho' we Sell Ale 't is true yet we bless God for it we get our Money as Honestly and Enjoy our selves as Comfortably as any People in our Station throughout the whole Parish Marry do we and I don't know why if we are able we should not give our Children as good Breeding as any Body Truly Neighbour says another You 're of my Mind I declare it for what ever shift I make upon my own Account my Children shall Learn their Haviours and not be Bred up Clowns like Dorothy Mopsly or Sarah Varges that hang down their Heads when they come amongst Strangers as if they were Bred in a Hogsty and look so Sheepishly as if they could not say Bo to a Goose when they meet him or had not Confidence enough to sit a minute upon a Lovers Knee that Courts 'em in the way of Civility Such sort of Talk as this fill'd up the space of every Interval the Master of the Ceremonies full of Patience and Low Bows submiting to the reproofs of some Mothers who were Jealous of his Care and Diligence to their Children ascribing their Daughters Dullness and Natural Defects to their Masters Negligence the Doting Mother being as unable to discern the Faults and Impediments of her own Progeny as the Loving Cuckold is to believe the Failings of his Wife others so Extravagantly Opinionated of their Daughters Performances that the poor Wretch must be made a Slave to the Folly of her Parent and be call'd upon every minute to Answer by a dull Repetition of her Excellencies either the Pride of her Mother or Vanity of her Master she being 't is likely in the Thoughts of both no small Credit to him that taught the pretty Dancer as well as she that bore the pretty Miss The rest of the Spectators as well as my self began now I believe to be pretty well tired with the dull Swimming and Capering of ev'ry Sweating Salatrix The whole Company being made as hot and as wet by Crowding so close and Sucking in one anothers Breaths that had a Batch of hot Rye-Bread been Anointed with Whey-Butter just under our Noses they could not have prov'd a Sourer Nosegay than what sprang out of the Pores of the Melting Assembly during the Time we were under this uneasie Confinement for there was no stirring without a general Consent People were thumping at the Door as if Distracted for admittance like so many Batchelours strugling to Enter into the State of Matrimony not at all considering the wonderful Inconveniencies the many People were under who had fallen into it already and would as gladly get out on 't could they break those Ecclesiastical Fetters which bind them to their Bargains