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to_o be_v restore_v to_o my_o health_n that_o i_o may_v procure_v to_o serve_v thou_o so_o much_o the_o better_o whereas_o yet_o in_o very_a deed_n it_o be_v the_o occasion_n of_o all_o my_o misery_n but_o now_o when_o i_o find_v myself_o so_o lame_a and_o even_o such_o a_o cripple_n and_o that_o whilst_o i_o be_v yet_o so_o very_o young_a and_o how_o the_o physician_n of_o this_o world_n have_v dress_v i_o and_o to_o what_o state_n they_o have_v bring_v i_o i_o resolve_v that_o i_o will_v apply_v myself_o to_o those_o of_o the_o other_o to_o the_o end_n that_o they_o may_v cure_v i_o for_o
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may_v first_o understand_v well_o how_o little_a we_o be_v worth_a for_o the_o favour_n which_o sometime_o he_o impart_v afterward_o be_v of_o so_o great_a dignity_n that_o he_o will_v first_o have_v we_o see_v our_o misery_n by_o experience_n before_o he_o impart_v those_o great_a favour_n to_o we_o lest_o otherwise_o that_o shall_v happen_v to_o we_o which_o do_v to_o lucifer_n but_o what_o be_v it_o o_o my_o lord_n which_o thou_o be_v do_v be_v answer_v it_o not_o better_o for_o the_o good_a of_o that_o soul_n which_o thou_o know_v to_o be_v already_o thou_o and_o which_o put_v itself_o into_o thy_o hand_n to_o follow_v thou_o whithersoever_o thou_o will_v go_v though_o it_o be_v even_o to_o the_o very_a death_n of_o the_o cross_n and_o to_o resolve_v to_o help_v thou_o to_o carry_v it_o and_o never_o to_o leave_v thou_o alone_o under_o that_o burden_n no_o for_o whosoever_o find_v this_o resolution_n in_o himself_o have_v nothing_o leave_v for_o he_o to_o fear_v spiritual_a 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of_o it_o by_o experience_n that_o the_o soul_n which_o begin_v to_o walk_v in_o this_o way_n of_o mental_a prayer_n with_o firm_a purpose_n &_o can_v bring_v herself_o once_o to_o a_o final_a resolution_n neither_o to_o be_v comfort_v nor_o discomfort_a great_o because_o our_o lord_n do_v either_o give_v or_o not_o give_v these_o spiritual_a gust_n or_o tenderness_n of_o devotion_n have_v already_o pass_v through_o a_o very_a great_a part_n of_o his_o way_n and_o let_v he_o not_o once_o think_v of_o turn_v back_o how_o much_o soever_o he_o may_v falter_v or_o stumble_v for_o his_o building_n be_v lay_v and_o ground_v upon_o
in_o this_o diamond_n it_o be_v such_o as_o that_o all_o thing_n be_v shutup_a in_o it_o because_o there_o be_v nothing_o which_o can_v get_v out_o of_o that_o greatness_n it_o be_v a_o thing_n extreme_o to_o amaze_v i_o to_o be_v able_a to_o see_v in_o so_o very_o short_a a_o time_n so_o many_o thing_n together_o in_o this_o bright_a diamond_n and_o so_o be_v it_o also_o matter_n of_o extreme_a compassion_n and_o grief_n for_o i_o every_o time_n that_o i_o remember_v myself_o to_o have_v see_v that_o thing_n so_o very_o ugly_a and_o foul_a as_o my_o sin_n be_v shall_v be_v represent_v and_o show_v in_o that_o so_o clearness_n of_o light_n and_o the_o truth_n be_v that_o whensoever_o i_o remember_v it_o i_o know_v not_o how_o it_o come_v to_o be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o endure_v it_o and_o i_o do_v real_o then_o remain_v so_o extreme_o out_o of_o countenance_n and_o ashamed_a that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v not_o tell_v where_o to_o hide_v my_o head_n o_o vision_n that_o some_o 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this_o order_n shall_v flourish_v and_o have_v many_o martyr_n another_o time_n be_v at_o matin_n in_o the_o choir_n six_o or_o seven_o person_n be_v represent_v and_o set_v before_o i_o and_o i_o hold_v they_o to_o be_v of_o the_o same_o order_n and_o they_o have_v sword_n in_o their_o hand_n and_o i_o conceive_v that_o i_o be_v give_v thereby_o to_o understand_v that_o they_o shall_v defend_v the_o faith_n for_o be_v in_o prayer_n another_o time_n and_o rapt_v in_o spirit_n i_o think_v i_o be_v in_o a_o very_a spavous_a field_n where_o many_o be_v who_o fight_v and_o they_o of_o this_o order_n do_v also_o fight_v with_o great_a fervour_n they_o have_v their_o face_n beautiful_a and_o much_o inflame_v and_o they_o beat_v multitude_n of_o man_n down_o to_o the_o ground_n and_o killed_z other_o this_o battle_n seem_v to_o be_v give_v against_o heretic_n &_o i_o have_v see_v this_o glorious_a saint_n diverse_a time_n and_o he_o have_v tell_v i_o some_o thing_n and_o give_v i_o thanks_n for_o the_o prayer_n which_o i_o make_v for_o his_o order_n and_o he_o have_v promise_v that_o he_o will_v recommend_v i_o to_o our_o bless_a lord_n i_o specifye_v not_o the_o several_a order_n here_o lest_o some_o shall_v be_v offend_v at_o it_o and_o if_o our_o lord_n shall_v think_v it_o convenient_a he_o may_v declare_v they_o but_o every_o order_n shall_v procure_v and_o so_o shall_v every_o particular_a man_n of_o every_o order_n that_o in_o so_o great_a a_o necessity_n as_o that_o wherein_o the_o church_n be_v at_o this_o time_n they_o may_v be_v able_a to_o serve_v she_o for_o happy_a be_v those_o life_n which_o may_v come_v to_o loose_v themselves_o upon_o this_o occasion_n a_o certain_a person_n desire_v i_o once_o to_o beg_v of_o almighty_a god_n that_o i_o may_v understand_v whether_o or_o no_o it_o will_v be_v for_o the_o service_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o he_o shall_v take_v a_o bishopric_n i_o do_v so_o and_o our_o lord_n make_v i_o this_o answer_n after_o 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the_o flame_v hart_n or_o the_o life_n of_o the_o glorious_a s._n teresa_n foundress_n of_o the_o reformation_n of_o the_o order_n of_o the_o all-immaculate_a virgin-mother_n our_o b._n lady_n of_o mount-carmel_n this_o history_n of_o her_o life_n be_v write_v by_o the_o saint_n herself_o in_o spanish_a and_o be_v new_o now_o translate_v into_o english_a in_o the_o year_n of_o our_o lord_n god_n 1642._o aut_fw-la mori_fw-la aut_fw-la pati_fw-la either_o to_o die_v or_o else_o to_o suffer_v chap._n 40._o antwerp_n print_v by_o johannes_n meursius_n anno_fw-la m._n dc_o xlii_o to_o the_o incomparable_a sovereign_a princess_n henrietta-maria_a of_o france_z qveen_n of_o great_a britain_n france_n and_o irland_n madam_n i_o presume_v not_o now_o to_o approach_v to_o your_o majesty_n presence_n with_o design_n to_o beg_v your_o favour_n though_o this_o use_v to_o be_v the_o case_n of_o every_o creature_n but_o to_o pay_v your_o majesty_n a_o service_n and_o that_o a_o great_a one_o for_o 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of_o discourse_v with_o my_o understanding_n nor_o to_o help_v myself_o by_o the_o use_n of_o my_o imagination_n which_o i_o have_v so_o heavy_a and_o gross_a that_o even_o to_o think_v and_o represent_v within_o myself_o so_o much_o as_o the_o humanity_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n which_o i_o endeavour_v to_o do_v be_v yet_o more_o than_o i_o can_v possible_o perform_v and_o howsoever_o by_o this_o way_n of_o not_o be_v able_a to_o employ_v and_o set_v the_o understanding_n on_o work_n in_o the_o way_n of_o discourse_n man_n may_v soon_o arrive_v to_o contemplation_n if_o they_o persevere_v therein_o yet_o be_v it_o very_o troublesome_a and_o painful_a because_o if_o the_o employment_n of_o the_o will_n do_v fail_v so_o far_o of_o obtain_v the_o true_a end_n as_o that_o their_o love_n find_v no_o present_a object_n to_o embrace_v the_o soul_n be_v leave_v as_o it_o be_v without_o any_o exercise_n and_o rest_n at_o all_o and_o that_o kind_a of_o solitude_n and_o dryness_n give_v much_o 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in_o this_o particular_a and_o to_o publish_v my_o own_o ingratitude_n and_o wickedness_n since_o he_o have_v forget_v it_o all_o let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o ever_o who_o have_v endure_v so_o much_o at_o my_o hand_n amen_o the_o five_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v the_o relation_n of_o the_o great_a infirmity_n which_o she_o have_v and_o of_o the_o patience_n which_o our_o lord_n give_v she_o in_o they_o and_o how_o benefit_n be_v draw_v out_o of_o mischief_n as_o will_v be_v see_v by_o a_o certain_a particular_a which_o happen_v to_o she_o in_o the_o place_n whither_o she_o go_v to_o be_v cure_v i_o forget_v to_o relate_v how_o in_o the_o year_n of_o my_o novitiate_a i_o suffer_v much_o disquiet_n about_o some_o thing_n which_o in_o themselves_o be_v of_o little_a importance_n but_o i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v blame_v many_o time_n without_o my_o have_v make_v any_o fault_n and_o this_o i_o take_v with_o trouble_n and_o imperfection_n enough_o though_o yet_o i_o endure_v it_o all_o through_o the_o contentment_n which_o i_o have_v to_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n when_o they_o observe_v i_o to_o love_v solitude_n so_o well_o and_o see_v i_o shed_v tear_n sometime_o which_o yet_o indeed_o be_v for_o my_o sin_n they_o think_v yea_o and_o they_o say_v that_o it_o grow_v but_o from_o some_o inward_a melancholy_n and_o disgust_v for_o my_o part_n i_o have_v a_o good_a inclination_n to_o all_o the_o observance_n of_o a_o religious_a life_n save_v only_o that_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o endure_v any_o thing_n which_o may_v carry_v so_o much_o as_o a_o appearance_n of_o contempt_n with_o it_o for_o i_o delight_v in_o be_v esteem_v
also_o with_o have_v begin_v so_o to_o use_v prayer_n as_o that_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o carry_v my_o pain_n with_o much_o conformity_n to_o his_o holy_a will_n the_o conversation_n of_o my_o hart_n be_v whole_o with_o he_o and_o i_o carry_v these_o word_n of_o job_n very_o usual_o both_o in_o my_o thought_n and_o in_o my_o mouth_n since_o we_o have_v receive_v blessing_n and_o benefit_n at_o the_o hand_n of_o our_o lord_n why_o shall_v we_o not_o also_o suffer_v affliction_n and_o i_o conceive_v that_o this_o help_v to_o give_v i_o courage_n at_o length_n come_v the_o feast_n of_o our_o b._n lady_n in_o august_n for_o till_o then_o from_o the_o april_n before_o have_v my_o torment_n continue_v though_o yet_o it_o have_v be_v great_a in_o the_o three_o last_o month_n i_o than_o make_v haste_n to_o go_v to_o confession_n for_o i_o ever_o take_v much_o contentment_n to_o confess_v often_o my_o friend_n think_v that_o it_o be_v fear_n of_o death_n which_o invite_v i_o to_o be_v so_o devout_a and_o so_o to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v put_v into_o apprehension_n my_o father_n will_v not_o let_v i_o confess_v o_o inordinate_a and_o irregular_a love_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n since_o though_o i_o have_v so_o catholic_n a_o father_n and_o so_o full_a of_o prudence_n and_o consideration_n in_o all_o his_o action_n which_o even_o abound_v in_o he_o for_o this_o can_v not_o be_v a_o effect_n of_o ignorance_n yet_o he_o may_v have_v do_v i_o hurt_n enough_o by_o this_o mean_n that_o night_n i_o fall_v into_o such_o a_o trance_n as_o continue_v to_o keep_v i_o near_o four_o day_n without_o the_o use_n almost_o of_o any_o of_o my_o sense_n and_o short_o they_o come_v to_o give_v i_o the_o sacrament_n of_o extreme_a unction_n and_o every_o hour_n or_o rather_o every_o moment_n it_o be_v expect_v when_o i_o shall_v expire_v they_o be_v as_o diligent_a in_o say_v the_o creed_n devil_n in_o my_o hear_n as_o if_o i_o have_v understand_v they_o yea_o sometime_o they_o hold_v i_o for_o so_o certain_o to_o be_v dead_a that_o afterward_o i_o find_v the_o drop_n of_o the_o holy_a candle_n wax-candle_n about_o my_o eye_n the_o affliction_n of_o my_o father_n be_v great_a for_o his_o not_o have_v permit_v i_o to_o go_v to_o confession_n many_o outcry_n and_o many_o prayer_n be_v make_v to_o almighty_a god_n for_o i_o and_o bless_v be_v he_o who_o be_v please_v to_o hear_v they_o for_o the_o grave_n remain_v open_a in_o the_o church_n of_o my_o monastery_n a_o day_n and_o a_o half_a where_o my_o body_n be_v expect_v to_o be_v inter_v and_o my_o funeral_n have_v be_v already_o celebrate_v by_o the_o religious_a man_n of_o our_o order_n in_o another_o town_n where_o it_o be_v conceive_v that_o i_o be_v dead_a our_o lord_n be_v yet_o please_v at_o length_n that_o i_o shall_v teturne_v to_o myself_o and_o so_o instant_o i_o will_v needs_o go_v to_o confession_n i_o receive_v also_o the_o b._n sacrament_n with_o many_o tear_n though_o yet_o in_o my_o opinion_n they_o be_v not_o shed_v with_o that_o sense_n and_o grief_n for_o only_o my_o have_v offend_v almighty_a god_n which_o may_v have_v serve_v to_o save_v my_o soul_n if_o the_o error_n into_o which_o i_o be_v bring_v by_o they_o who_o have_v tell_v i_o that_o they_o be_v not_o matter_n of_o mortal_a sin_n which_o afterward_o i_o see_v plain_o that_o they_o be_v may_v not_o serve_v my_o turn_n for_o the_o torment_n wherewith_o i_o remain_v be_v intolerable_a and_o my_o understanding_n not_o very_o sharp_a but_o rather_o dull_a though_o yet_o as_o i_o conceive_v my_o confession_n be_v entire_a of_o all_o thing_n whereby_o i_o may_v think_v that_o i_o have_v offend_v god_n for_o this_o mercy_n do_v his_o divine_a majesty_n vouchsafe_v to_o allow_v i_o among_o other_o that_o after_o i_o have_v once_o begin_v to_o receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n i_o never_o omit_v to_o confess_v any_o thing_n which_o i_o conceive_v to_o be_v a_o sin_n though_o it_o be_v but_o venial_a though_o yet_o still_o i_o think_v that_o without_o doubt_n my_o soul_n may_v have_v run_v hazard_n not_o to_o be_v save_v if_o i_o have_v die_v then_o in_o regard_n that_o on_o the_o one_o side_n my_o ghostly_a father_n have_v be_v so_o mean_o learn_v and_o on_o the_o other_o side_n and_o indeed_o on_o many_o side_n in_o regard_n that_o in_o myself_o i_o be_v so_o wicked_a but_o this_o be_v always_o a_o most_o certain_a truth_n that_o when_o i_o return_v to_o a_o thought_n of_o this_o passage_n and_o consider_v how_o it_o seem_v as_o if_o our_o lord_n have_v raise_v i_o again_o from_o death_n to_o life_n i_o be_o fill_v with_o so_o huge_a a_o amazement_n that_o i_o remain_v even_o as_o it_o be_v all_o quake_a within_o myself_o and_o now_o i_o think_v it_o be_v well_o o_o my_o soul_n that_o thou_o will_v gather_v this_o just_a resolution_n from_o that_o great_a danger_n out_o of_o which_o it_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o deliver_v thou_o that_o although_o thou_o will_v not_o fly_v from_o offend_v his_o divine_a majesty_n for_o love_n yet_o at_o least_o thou_o shall_v forbear_v to_o do_v it_o for_o fear_n for_o he_o may_v have_v take_v thy_o life_n from_o thou_o a_o thousand_o time_n when_o thou_o be_v in_o a_o more_o dangerous_a state_n and_o i_o think_v that_o i_o shall_v not_o say_v too_o much_o if_o i_o do_v speak_v of_o a_o thousand_o time_n more_o though_o he_o perhaps_o may_v chide_v i_o who_o command_v i_o to_o use_v moderation_n in_o the_o recital_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o yet_o i_o doubt_v that_o i_o have_v paint_v they_o out_o too_o favourable_o and_o fair_a but_o i_o beg_v of_o he_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v not_o once_o think_v of_o make_v i_o diminish_v my_o fault_n because_o the_o magnificence_n of_o almighty_a god_n be_v to_o be_v discern_v thereby_o and_o how_o much_o he_o be_v please_v to_o suffer_v and_o endure_v from_o a_o soul_n let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o ever_o and_o let_v it_o also_o please_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o he_o may_v rather_o consume_v i_o quite_o then_o that_o i_o shall_v ever_o leave_v to_o love_v he_o more_o the_o six_o chapter_n she_o treat_v of_o how_o much_o she_o owe_v our_o b._n lord_n for_o his_o give_v she_o conformity_n to_o his_o holy_a will_n in_o so_o great_a affliction_n and_o how_o she_o take_v the_o glorious_a s._n joseph_n for_o her_o intercessor_n and_o how_o advantageous_a that_o devotion_n prove_v to_o be_v i_o remain_v during_o those_o four_o day_n of_o agony_n or_o trance_n in_o such_o state_n that_o only_o our_o b._n lord_n be_v able_a to_o know_v the_o unsufferable_a torment_n which_o i_o feel_v in_o myself_o my_o tongue_n be_v deep_o bite_v by_o i_o in_o many_o place_n my_o throat_n with_o have_v take_v nothing_o and_o by_o reason_n also_o of_o my_o very_a great_a weakness_n can_v not_o swallow_v so_o much_o as_o a_o drop_n of_o water_n without_o choke_v i_o thought_n i_o be_v total_o disjoint_v and_o my_o head_n in_o extreme_a disorder_n i_o be_v also_o as_o it_o be_v all_o roll_a up_o and_o contract_v as_o if_o i_o have_v be_v a_o bottom_n of_o packthridd_n for_o in_o this_o do_v the_o torment_n of_o those_o day_n fix_v themselves_o without_o my_o be_v able_a once_o to_o stir_v either_o hand_n or_o foot_n arm_n or_o head_n unless_o they_o move_v i_o any_o more_o then_o as_o if_o i_o have_v be_v dead_a only_o i_o think_v i_o be_v able_a to_o wag_n one_o single_v finger_fw-la of_o my_o right_a hand_n now_o for_o any_o body_n to_o touch_v i_o in_o any_o kind_n there_o be_v no_o mean_n at_o all_o for_o my_o whole_a person_n be_v so_o affect_v and_o afflict_a as_o that_o there_o be_v no_o endure_v to_o have_v it_o touch_v in_o a_o sheet_n they_o will_v be_v remove_v i_o now_o and_o then_o according_a to_o the_o occasion_n with_o one_o at_o one_o end_n thereof_o &_o another_o at_o the_o other_o and_o this_o last_v till_o easter_n only_o this_o i_o have_v by_o way_n of_o ease_n that_o if_o i_o be_v not_o approach_v and_o touch_v these_o torment_n will_v be_v cease_v many_o time_n and_o then_o upon_o the_o account_n of_o my_o be_v in_o less_o pain_n i_o be_v content_a to_o affirm_v myself_o to_o be_v well_o but_o indeed_o i_o be_v much_o afraid_a lest_o my_o patience_n shall_v begin_v to_o fail_v i_o and_o therefore_o i_o be_v not_o a_o little_a please_v to_o find_v myself_o without_o those_o sharp_a and_o continual_a torment_n though_o yet_o i_o have_v they_o after_o a_o unsupportable_a manner_n together_o with_o a_o very_a great_a detestation_n of_o food_n whilst_o i_o have_v those_o fierce_a cold_n which_o indeed_o
which_o they_o who_o be_v good_a may_v well_o enjoy_v without_o any_o disadvantage_n to_o their_o goodness_n because_o they_o owe_v no_o more_o since_o they_o do_v not_o promise_n clausure_n but_o as_o for_o i_o who_o be_o wicked_v it_o will_v certain_o have_v carry_v i_o down_o to_o hell_n unless_o our_o lord_n have_v draw_v i_o out_o of_o this_o danger_n by_o very_a many_o remedy_n and_o mean_n and_o most_o particular_a favour_n and_o so_o i_o think_v a_o monastery_n of_o woman_n with_o liberty_n expose_v they_o to_o very_o great_a hazard_n and_o rather_o appear_v in_o my_o eye_n as_o a_o way_n whereby_o they_o who_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o be_v wicked_a may_v walk_v on_o towards_o hell_n then_o as_o a_o remedy_n for_o their_o weakness_n i_o mean_v not_o this_o by_o my_o monastery_n for_o therein_o be_v so_o many_o who_o serve_v our_o lord_n so_o much_o in_o earnest_n and_o with_o so_o great_a perfection_n that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n through_o his_o goodness_n can_v fail_v of_o do_v they_o favour_n neither_o be_v this_o monastery_n also_o of_o the_o most_o open_a and_o dis-enclosed_n and_o beside_o all_o good_a religious_a order_n be_v observe_v in_o it_o but_o i_o speak_v what_o i_o be_v speak_v of_o other_o which_o i_o know_v and_o have_v see_v i_o say_v therefore_o that_o those_o other_o give_v i_o cause_n to_o have_v great_a compassion_n of_o they_o for_o they_o have_v need_n of_o particular_a motion_n and_o call_v from_o our_o lord_n and_o not_o once_o but_o very_o often_o that_o so_o they_o may_v be_v save_v consider_v how_o much_o the_o honour_n and_o recreation_n of_o the_o world_n be_v now_o grow_v to_o be_v authorize_v and_o how_o little_a such_o as_o they_o be_v understand_v the_o very_a much_o to_o which_o they_o be_v oblige_v so_o that_o i_o beseech_v god_n they_o hold_v not_o that_o sometime_o for_o virtue_n which_o be_v sin_n as_o myself_o do_v often_o yea_o and_o there_o be_v so_o great_a difficulty_n in_o make_v this_o be_v well_o understand_v that_o there_o be_v need_n of_o no_o less_o then_o that_o our_o bless_a lord_n himself_o shall_v serious_o put_v his_o hand_n to_o the_o work_n if_o father_n will_v take_v my_o counsel_n since_o they_o will_v not_o procure_v to_o put_v their_o daughter_n where_o they_o may_v walk_v in_o the_o way_n of_o salvation_n but_o rather_o be_v in_o more_o danger_n than_o they_o shall_v perhaps_o have_v meet_v with_o in_o the_o world_n i_o will_v advise_v they_o at_o least_o to_o consider_v their_o own_o honour_n and_o rather_o to_o marry_v they_o very_o mean_o then_o to_o put_v they_o into_o such_o monastery_n as_o those_o unless_o they_o be_v very_o virtuous_o incline_v yea_o and_o i_o pray_v god_n that_o even_o this_o may_v serve_v the_o turn_n yea_o or_o else_o let_v they_o rather_o continue_v they_o in_o their_o own_o house_n for_o if_o they_o will_v needs_o be_v wicked_a it_o can_v be_v there_o keep_v private_a but_o for_o a_o very_a short_a time_n but_o here_o it_o may_v be_v long_o conceal_v though_o yet_o in_o the_o end_n our_o lord_n be_v ever_o wont_a to_o discover_v it_o and_o then_o they_o do_v not_o only_o hurt_v themselves_o but_o also_o the_o rest_n and_o sometime_o those_o poor_a creature_n have_v the_o less_o fault_n because_o they_o do_v but_o that_o which_o they_o find_v in_o use_n but_o still_o it_o be_v matter_n of_o much_o compassion_n to_o see_v many_o who_o have_v real_o a_o mind_n to_o forsake_v all_o and_o conceive_v that_o they_o go_v to_o serve_v our_o lord_n and_o to_o fly_v from_o the_o danger_n of_o this_o world_n do_v yet_o by_o this_o mean_n grow_v to_o embark_v themselves_o in_o ten_o world_n all_o together_o where_o they_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v or_o how_o to_o help_v themselves_o for_o youth_n and_o sensuality_n and_o in_o fine_a the_o devil_n both_o invite_v they_o and_o incline_v they_o to_o follow_v something_n which_o do_v altogether_o belong_v to_o a_o world_n and_o so_o in_o effect_n they_o come_v to_o hold_v 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improve_v so_o much_o the_o more_o as_o also_o because_o by_o this_o time_n she_o be_v grow_v to_o approach_v near_o to_o that_o virtue_n and_o power_n from_o whence_o all_o virtue_n proceed_v which_o be_v almighty_a god_n because_o his_o divine_a majesty_n do_v not_o only_o then_o communicate_v himself_o to_o that_o soul_n but_o he_o be_v also_o please_v that_o she_o shall_v find_v in_o what_o sort_n it_o be_v that_o he_o communicate_v himself_o to_o she_o in_o arrive_v once_o to_o this_o place_n she_o instant_o begin_v to_o loose_v the_o appetite_n of_o all_o thing_n concern_v this_o world_n and_o i_o can_v blame_v she_o for_o already_o she_o see_v very_o clear_o that_o one_o moment_n of_o that_o gust_n be_v not_o to_o be_v purchase_v here_o and_o that_o no_o riches_n nor_o dominion_n nor_o all_o the_o honour_n nor_o delight_n of_o this_o world_n be_v able_a to_o give_v such_o contentment_n and_o satisfaction_n as_o this_o though_o it_o be_v but_o for_o the_o twinkle_n of_o a_o eye_n 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yet_o will_v it_o all_o serve_v to_o very_o little_a purpose_n unless_o our_o lord_n vouchsafe_v to_o impart_v it_o but_o almighty_a god_n be_v please_v here_o for_o his_o own_o greatness_n that_o this_o soul_n shall_v now_o understand_v that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n vouchsafe_v to_o be_v so_o near_o she_o that_o now_o there_o be_v no_o need_n of_o send_v any_o messenger_n to_o she_o but_o only_o that_o she_o herself_o may_v speak_v with_o he_o though_o yet_o not_o by_o word_n of_o mouth_n because_o then_o he_o be_v already_o so_o near_o she_o that_o he_o understand_v she_o as_o a_o man_n may_v say_v even_o by_o the_o very_a lest_o stir_v of_o her_o lip_n but_o now_o it_o may_v chance_n seem_v to_o some_o to_o be_v impertinent_a for_o i_o to_o talk_v after_o this_o manner_n in_o regard_n the_o world_n know_v well_o enough_o that_o our_o lord_n do_v ever_o hear_v we_o &_o be_v ever_o present_a with_o we_o and_o there_o can_v be_v no_o doubt_n at_o all_o but_o that_o this_o be_v true_a 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find_v all_o good_a thing_n together_o and_o she_o do_v not_o very_o well_o know_v even_o what_o she_o have_v find_v nor_o yet_o can_v i_o tell_v how_o to_o give_v it_o to_o be_v understand_v for_o there_o will_v here_o be_v need_n of_o learning_n for_o many_o purpose_n and_o here_o will_v it_o come_v very_o well_o in_o to_o give_v to_o understand_v the_o difference_n betwixt_o general_n and_o particular_a help_n or_o succour_n of_o grace_n whereof_o many_o be_v ignorant_a and_o our_o lord_n in_o this_o prayer_n be_v please_v that_o our_o soul_n shall_v see_v this_o particular_a succour_n as_o it_o be_v with_o her_o very_a eye_n and_o many_o other_o thing_n also_o which_o may_v perhaps_o be_v ill_o declare_v here_o by_o i_o but_o since_o understand_v person_n be_v to_o see_v what_o i_o write_v and_o who_o will_v know_v if_o it_o have_v any_o error_n in_o it_o wherein_o i_o may_v easy_o be_v find_v faulty_a enough_o through_o want_n both_o of_o learning_n &_o spirit_n i_o be_o in_o the_o less_o pain_n and_o care_n consider_v that_o this_o go_v into_o the_o hand_n of_o such_o as_o will_v both_o understand_v it_o &_o will_v blot_n also_o any_o such_o thing_n out_o as_o may_v have_v be_v ill_o say_v yet_o i_o will_v fain_o give_v this_o to_o be_v understand_v because_o these_o be_v the_o beginning_n and_o when_o our_o lord_n dispose_v himself_o first_o to_o do_v these_o favour_n the_o soul_n herself_o do_v not_o understand_v they_o nor_o do_v she_o know_v what_o to_o do_v with_o herself_o for_o if_o almighty_a god_n conduct_v and_o guide_v she_o by_o the_o way_n of_o fear_n as_o he_o do_v i_o the_o trouble_n be_v very_o great_a unless_o there_o be_v some_o at_o hand_n who_o can_v understand_v she_o but_o then_o it_o be_v a_o great_a gust_n for_o she_o to_o see_v herself_o well_o describe_v by_o they_o for_o then_o she_o evident_o find_v herself_o to_o be_v in_o that_o way_n and_o it_o be_v also_o of_o great_a benefit_n to_o know_v what_o one_o have_v to_o do_v in_o any_o of_o these_o state_n or_o degree_n that_o so_o they_o may_v go_v profit_v on_o for_o my_o part_n i_o endure_v much_o and_o lose_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o time_n because_o i_o do_v not_o know_v how_o to_o carry_v myself_o and_o therefore_o i_o have_v very_o great_a compassion_n of_o those_o soul_n which_o find_v themselves_o alone_o when_o they_o be_v come_v thus_o far_o for_o though_o i_o have_v read_v many_o spiritual_a book_n and_o though_o they_o touch_v upon_o that_o which_o be_v to_o the_o purpose_n yet_o fall_v they_o very_o short_a in_o declare_v themselves_o and_o unless_o the_o soul_n be_v very_o well_o exercise_v in_o prayer_n she_o shall_v have_v enough_o to_o do_v to_o understand_v they_o though_o they_o seek_v to_o express_v themselves_o at_o large_a i_o can_v very_o much_o desire_n that_o our_o lord_n will_v do_v i_o the_o favour_n that_o i_o may_v know_v how_o to_o set_v down_o the_o effect_n which_o these_o thing_n that_o grow_v already_o to_o be_v supernatural_a use_v to_o work_v in_o the_o soul_n to_o the_o end_n that_o it_o may_v be_v understand_v by_o they_o when_o it_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n i_o say_v that_o it_o may_v be_v understand_v according_a to_o what_o we_o can_v think_v we_o understand_v in_o this_o world_n though_o it_o will_v always_o be_v very_o well_o do_v to_o go_v on_o with_o circumspection_n and_o fear_n for_o though_o it_o be_v indeed_o of_o god_n yet_o the_o devil_n can_v tell_v how_o to_o transform_v himself_o sometime_o into_o a_o angel_n of_o light_n and_o if_o a_o soul_n be_v not_o well_o exercise_v in_o prayer_n she_o will_v not_o understand_v it_o well_o and_o indeed_o to_o be_v exercise_v well_o enough_o to_o understand_v this_o point_n as_o it_o deserve_v the_o soul_n must_v be_v arrive_v to_o the_o high_a degree_n of_o prayer_n the_o little_a time_n i_o have_v will_v allow_v i_o no_o great_a help_n for_o what_o i_o be_o designe_v and_o therefore_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v need_n to_o do_v it_o himself_o for_o i_o must_v be_v stir_v up_o and_o down_o in_o the_o community_n &_o have_v many_o other_o business_n to_o do_v since_o i_o be_o at_o this_o present_a in_o a_o house_n which_o be_v but_o beginning_n now_o as_o i_o shall_v show_v afterward_o and_o therefore_o i_o be_o write_v this_o without_o any_o such_o rest_n and_o quiet_a kind_n of_o be_v as_o be_v convenient_a so_o that_o i_o must_v do_v it_o by_o little_a and_o little_a and_o by_o fit_n but_o i_o can_v wish_v i_o be_v now_o at_o more_o leisure_n for_o when_o our_o lord_n give_v a_o spirit_n to_o do_v a_o thing_n it_o be_v easy_o and_o much_o
better_o set_v down_o and_o it_o seem_v to_o be_v as_o when_o one_o have_v a_o original_a before_o he_o and_o then_o he_o may_v easy_o take-out_a the_o copy_n but_o if_o the_o spirit_n be_v want_v there_o be_v no_o more_o power_n and_o mean_n to_o make_v one_o word_n of_o this_o language_n suit_n well_o with_o a_o other_o then_o if_o as_o we_o may_v say_v we_o will_v suit_n spanish_n and_o turkish_a together_o even_o though_o we_o shall_v have_v exercise_v ourselves_o many_o year_n in_o prayer_n and_o therefore_o i_o think_v it_o be_v of_o very_o great_a advantage_n when_o i_o write_v if_o i_o be_v then_o in_o state_n of_o prayer_n for_o i_o see_v clear_o that_o it_o be_v not_o i_o who_o declare_v it_o nor_o who_o do_v either_o order_n it_o then_o with_o my_o understanding_n nor_o yet_o know_v afterward_o how_o i_o declare_v it_o before_o and_o this_o happen_v to_o i_o very_o often_o but_o now_o let_v we_o goe-back_a to_o our_o orchard_n or_o garden_n and_o see_v how_o these_o tree_n begin_v to_o button_n and_o budd-out_a towards_o flower_a that_o they_o may_v afterward_o yield_v fruit_n and_o how_o these_o gillie-flower_n and_o other_o odoriferous_a plant_n dispose_v themselves_o to_o give_v delight_n full_o send_v to_o the_o owner_n i_o confess_v that_o this_o comparison_n regales_fw-la and_o please_v i_o much_o for_o many_o time_n in_o my_o beginning_n and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v our_o lord_n that_o even_o yet_o i_o may_v have_v be_v a_o beginner_n to_o serve_v his_o divine_a majesty_n i_o say_v in_o those_o beginning_n of_o that_o which_o i_o shall_v say_v afterward_o of_o my_o life_n it_o be_v of_o much_o delight_n to_o i_o to_o consider_v that_o my_o soul_n be_v a_o garden_n and_o that_o our_o lord_n walk_v in_o it_o up_o and_o down_o and_o i_o humble_o pray_v he_o to_o increase_v the_o odour_n of_o those_o little_a young_a flower_n of_o virtue_n which_o show_v in_o all_o appearance_n that_o they_o will_v be_v glad_a to_o find_v mean_n to_o sprout_v and_o that_o also_o they_o may_v serve_v for_o his_o glory_n and_o that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o sustain_v they_o since_o i_o desire_v nothing_o for_o myself_o and_o that_o he_o will_v also_o dress_v and_o prune_v as_o many_o of_o they_o as_o he_o please_v for_o already_o i_o know_v well_o enough_o that_o they_o will_v thrive_v and_o grow_v the_o better_a afterward_o i_o say_v that_o he_o will_v cut_v and_o prune_v they_o in_o regard_n that_o some_o such_o time_n arrive_v now_o and_o then_o to_o the_o soul_n as_o wherein_o there_o be_v no_o appearance_n leave_v of_o this_o garden_n at_o all_o but_o then_o all_o seem_v to_o be_v wither_v and_o dry_a and_o that_o there_o never_o will_v come_v more_o water_n to_o sustain_v it_o yea_o and_o that_o there_o also_o seem_v to_o have_v never_o be_v any_o virtue_n in_o that_o soul_n in_o this_o case_n it_o undergo_v great_a affliction_n because_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v that_o the_o poor_a gardner_n may_v conceive_v that_o all_o that_o care_n be_v lose_v which_o he_o have_v former_o employ_v upon_o sustain_v and_o improve_v his_o garden_n but_o then_o comes-in_a the_o time_n of_o true_a plucking-up_a and_o rooting-out_a all_o those_o little_a paltry_a herb_n which_o till_o then_o have_v remain_v there_o how_o little_a soever_o they_o may_v be_v with_o make_v we_o also_o know_v that_o no_o diligence_n of_o we_o will_v serve_v if_o almighty_a god_n take_v the_o water_n of_o his_o grace_n from_o we_o that_o so_o in_o fine_a we_o may_v come_v to_o hold_v this_o poor_a miserable_a nothing_o of_o we_o in_o no_o manner_n of_o account_n yea_o and_o if_o the_o thing_n be_v possible_a even_o for_o less_o than_o nothing_o for_o here_o great_a humility_n make_v we_o the_o gainer_n since_o the_o flower_n will_v thus_o grow_v to_o reflourish_v o_o thou_o my_o lord_n and_o my_o god_n for_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o say_v this_o without_o tear_n and_o without_o a_o great_a regalo_n to_o this_o poor_a soul_n of_o i_o be_v it_o possible_a o_o my_o lord_n that_o thou_o be_v please_v to_o be_v thus_o among_o we_o yea_o and_o thou_o remain_v in_o the_o b._n sacrament_n which_o may_v well_o be_v with_o all_o truth_n believe_v because_o so_o it_o be_v and_o we_o may_v with_o much_o truth_n make_v this_o comparison_n and_o if_o it_o be_v not_o through_o our_o own_o fault_n we_o may_v enjoy_v ourselves_o together_o with_o thou_o yea_o and_o thou_o do_v also_o rejoice_v to_o be_v with_o we_o since_o thou_o declare_v that_o it_o be_v thy_o delight_n to_o be_v with_o the_o child_n of_o man_n o_o my_o lord_n what_o be_v this_o for_o whensoever_o i_o hear_v but_o this_o word_n it_o be_v to_o i_o of_o great_a consolation_n yea_o and_o be_v so_o when_o i_o find_v myself_o in_o the_o worst_a condition_n but_o be_v it_o possible_a after_o this_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n that_o there_o shall_v be_v in_o the_o whole_a world_n any_o one_o soul_n which_o arrive_v to_o receive_v such_o favour_n and_o regalo_n at_o thy_o hand_n and_o understanding_n that_o thou_o reioyc_a so_o high_o in_o she_o shall_v yet_o return_v to_o offend_v thou_o after_o the_o receive_n of_o so_o many_o favour_n and_o so_o great_a demonstration_n of_o the_o love_n thou_o bear_v she_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o they_o can_v possible_o be_v doubt_v since_o the_o effect_n do_v so_o manifest_o declare_v it_o yes_o yes_o it_o be_v most_o certain_a that_o there_o be_v such_o a_o soul_n in_o the_o world_n which_o have_v offend_v thou_o and_o that_o not_o once_o but_o often_o yea_o and_o i_o be_o this_o very_a soul_n and_o i_o beseech_v thy_o divine_a goodness_n o_o my_o lord_n that_o i_o may_v have_v be_v the_o only_o creature_n who_o ever_o commit_v so_o high_a a_o wickedness_n and_o who_o have_v be_v guilty_a of_o such_o a_o excessive_a ingratitude_n against_o thou_o though_o yet_o already_o even_o from_o this_o very_a misery_n of_o i_o thy_o infinite_a goodness_n have_v be_v able_a to_o draw_v some_o advantage_n yea_o and_o even_o by_o how_o much_o the_o ill_n have_v be_v great_a the_o great_a benignity_n of_o thy_o mercy_n have_v shine_v so_o much_o the_o more_o but_o now_o with_o how_o much_o reason_n may_v i_o resolve_v to_o celebrate_v they_o for_o all_o eternity_n i_o most_o humble_o beseech_v thou_o o_o my_o god_n that_o it_o may_v be_v so_o and_o that_o i_o may_v sing_v praise_n to_o thou_o for_o ever_o since_o now_o thou_o have_v vouchsafe_v to_o show_v thy_o goodness_n so_o high_o and_o so_o great_o to_o i_o that_o such_o as_o see_v it_o be_v amaze_v and_o as_o for_o i_o they_o carry_v i_o very_o often_o even_o out_o of_o myself_o and_o if_o i_o shall_v once_o find_v that_o i_o be_v deprive_v of_o thou_o i_o can_v be_v fit_a o_o my_o lord_n for_o nothing_o but_o to_o return_v to_o be_v such_o a_o kind_n of_o garden_n as_o that_o the_o flower_n be_v plucked-up_a yet_o once_o again_o this_o miserable_a earth_n of_o i_o will_v return_v to_o be_v a_o direct_a dunghill_n as_o it_o be_v before_o to_o the_o end_n therefore_o that_o i_o may_v praise_v thou_o the_o better_a permit_v not_o i_o beseech_v thou_o o_o my_o lord_n that_o this_o soul_n may_v ever_o grow_v to_o be_v lose_v which_o thou_o have_v buy_v with_o so_o many_o affliction_n of_o thy_o own_o and_o which_o thou_o have_v so_o often_o repurchase_v again_o and_o again_o and_o take_v from_o out_o of_o the_o very_a tooth_n of_o that_o hideous_a dragon_n of_o hell_n i_o beseech_v your_o reverence_n excuse_v i_o for_o speak_v thus_o from_o the_o purpose_n and_o do_v not_o wonder_v at_o it_o since_o it_o be_v at_o least_o to_o my_o own_o purpose_n to_o speak_v as_o i_o do_v for_o it_o happen_v according_a to_o those_o apprehension_n and_o reflection_n which_o the_o soul_n chance_v to_o make_v when_o one_o write_v and_o sometime_o it_o falls-out_a to_o be_v hard_o enough_o to_o forbear_v to_o celebrate_v the_o praise_n of_o almighty_a god_n when_o it_o happen_v that_o the_o pen_n represent_v such_o thing_n as_o express_v the_o high_a obligation_n which_o we_o have_v to_o his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o i_o believe_v that_o this_o will_v be_v no_o way_n displease_v to_o your_o reverence_n for_o i_o be_o of_o opinion_n that_o we_o may_v both_o of_o we_o do_v very_o well_o to_o sing_v one_o song_n though_o yet_o after_o a_o different_a manner_n because_o it_o be_v much_o more_o which_o i_o owe_v to_o almighty_a god_n than_o you_o in_o regard_n that_o he_o have_v pardon_v i_o more_o sin_n as_o your_o reverence_n know_v very_o well_o the_o fifteen_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v her_o discourse_n of_o the_o same_o matter_n and_o give_v some_o advice_n how_o person_n be_v to_o carry_v themselves_o in_o this_o kind_n
which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n give_v to_o that_o soul_n to_o show_v that_o he_o choose_v she_o out_o for_o great_a thing_n if_o she_o will_v make_v herself_o fit_a to_o receive_v they_o i_o say_v this_o be_v a_o mighty_a gift_n yea_o and_o far_o great_a than_o i_o be_o any_o way_n able_a to_o express_v and_o it_o be_v matter_n of_o much_o grief_n to_o i_o that_o as_o i_o be_v say_v i_o know_v many_o soul_n which_o arrive_v thus_o far_o and_o that_o yet_o there_o be_v so_o very_a few_o which_o pass_v further_a at_o least_o as_o they_o ought_v to_o pass_v that_o i_o be_o even_o ashamed_a to_o confess_v it_o i_o say_v not_o that_o there_o be_v so_o very_a few_o who_o pass_v on_o for_o it_o may_v very_o well_o be_v that_o there_o be_v many_o for_o god_n do_v not_o sustain_v we_o for_o nothing_o but_o i_o only_o speak_v of_o such_o as_o i_o have_v see_v for_o my_o part_n i_o will_v earnest_o wish_v they_o not_o to_o hide_v their_o talon_n since_o it_o seem_v almighty_a god_n choose_v they_o out_o for_o the_o profit_n of_o many_o other_o and_o especial_o in_o these_o time_n when_o it_o be_v so_o necessary_a that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n shall_v have_v strong_a friend_n to_o support_v and_o uphold_v such_o as_o be_v weak_a and_o let_v they_o all_o who_o find_v that_o they_o have_v receive_v this_o great_a favour_n at_o our_o lord_n hand_n esteem_v themselves_o for_o strong_a if_o they_o know_v how_o to_o correspond_v well_o with_o the_o law_n which_o a_o firm_a and_o fast_o friendship_n even_o of_o this_o very_a world_n require_v and_o if_o they_o will_v not_o let_v they_o apprehend_v very_o much_o and_o fear_v that_o they_o shall_v do_v themselves_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o hurt_n yea_o and_o i_o pray_v god_n that_o it_o may_v be_v to_o none_o but_o themselves_o that_o prayer_n which_o the_o soul_n be_v to_o do_v in_o these_o time_n of_o enjoy_v this_o quiet_a be_v but_o only_o note_n that_o with_o suavitie_n and_o without_o noise_n she_o employ_v the_o will_n to_o understand_v with_o much_o calmness_n and_o discretion_n that_o the_o soul_n be_v not_o to_o negotiate_v with_o almighty_a god_n by_o the_o strength_n of_o the_o arme._n i_o call_v it_o noise_n if_o the_o understanding_n go_v seekingout_n many_o word_n and_o consideration_n to_o give_v thanks_o for_o this_o benefit_n and_o to_o make_v up_o a_o mighty_a heap_n of_o her_o defect_n and_o sin_n to_o show_v that_o she_o deserve_v not_o this_o favour_n for_o all_o be_v in_o motion_n now_o and_o the_o understanding_n represent_v many_o thing_n to_o we_o and_o the_o memory_n be_v boil_v up_o and_o real_o these_o power_n of_o the_o mind_n be_v wont_a to_o give_v i_o trouble_v enough_o at_o time_n and_o in_o regard_n that_o i_o have_v but_o a_o weak_a memory_n i_o can_v in_o these_o case_n subdue_v they_o but_o those_o other_o consideration_n and_o mental_a discourse_n be_v indeed_o no_o better_o then_o as_o so_o many_o great_a log_n of_o wood_n which_o be_v lay_v with_o small_a discretion_n upon_o that_o little_a spark_n of_o fire_n to_o quench_v it_o and_o therefore_o let_v she_o know_v and_o say_v with_o great_a humility_n o_o lord_n what_o be_o i_o able_a to_o do_v here_o what_o have_v this_o servant_n or_o slave_n to_o do_v with_o the_o lord_n of_o heaven_n and_o earth_n or_o else_o she_o may_v use_v such_o other_o word_n as_o shall_v present_v themselves_o then_o in_o the_o way_n of_o love._n but_o note_v here_o that_o she_o must_v be_v very_o very_o well_o ground_v upon_o know_v that_o to_o be_v true_a which_o she_o say_v now_o as_o for_o that_o which_o concern_v the_o understanding_n let_v the_o soul_n consider_v it_o no_o otherwise_o then_o mere_o as_o if_o it_o be_v a_o miller_n and_o if_o she_o will_v needs_o give_v it_o part_n of_o that_o which_o she_o enjoy_v or_o shall_v labour_v to_o recollect_v it_o also_o to_o herself_o she_o will_v find_v that_o it_o be_v not_o to_o prove_v well_o with_o she_o for_o many_o time_n it_o be_v see_v that_o during_o this_o 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but_o let_v the_o will_n stirr-up_a herself_o by_o some_o reason_n which_o will_v easy_o represent_v themselves_o to_o she_o then_o when_o she_o find_v herself_o to_o be_v so_o very_a much_o improve_v to_o quicken-up_a her_o love_n and_o to_o make_v she_o perform_v certain_a amorous_a act_n of_o how_o great_a thing_n she_o will_v be_v glad_a to_o do_v for_o one_o to_o who_o she_o owe_v so_o very_a much_o without_o admit_v and_o permit_v as_o i_o say_v that_o the_o understanding_n part_n shall_v make_v a_o noise_n in_o the_o search_n and_o pretence_n of_o do_v high_a and_o mighty_a matter_n for_o here_o any_o few_o little_a poor_a straw_n present_v and_o offered-up_a with_o humility_n and_o they_o may_v be_v sure_a enough_o to_o be_v straw_n if_o we_o bring_v they_o will_v make_v a_o great_a deal_n more_o to_o the_o purpose_n and_o will_v help_v to_o kindle_v a_o good_a fire_n more_o quick_o than_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o big_a log_n of_o wood_n will_v be_v able_a to_o do_v i_o mean_v reason_n which_o in_o our_o opinion_n shall_v be_v very_o sure_a to_o quench_v and_o putout_a the_o fire_n even_o in_o the_o turn_n of_o a_o hand_n this_o be_v good_a for_o learned_a man_n who_o command_v i_o to_o write_v all_o this_o for_o through_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n it_o may_v be_v hope_v that_o all_o of_o they_o arrive_v hither_o and_o it_o may_v perhaps_o so_o happen_v among_o they_o that_o this_o time_n will_v pass_v away_o in_o apply_v some_o place_n of_o scripture_n but_o though_o that_o kind_n of_o knowledge_n can_v not_o fail_v to_o be_v useful_a to_o they_o both_o before_o such_o occasion_n as_o these_o and_o also_o after_o yet_o at_o these_o very_a time_n of_o prayer_n there_o will_v be_v little_a occasion_n to_o use_v it_o in_o my_o opinion_n unless_o they_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o cool_v the_o feruorous_a employment_n of_o the_o will._n for_o the_o understanding_n find_v itself_o then_o to_o possess_v such_o a_o excessive_a kind_n of_o claritie_n by_o be_v so_o near_o to_o light_v itself_o that_o even_o i_o with_o be_v so_o poor_a and_o miserable_a as_o i_o be_o seem_v to_o be_v another_o kind_n of_o creature_n and_o it_o be_v most_o certain_o true_a that_o it_o have_v happen_v to_o i_o be_v in_o this_o kind_n of_o quiet_a and_o without_o understanding_n in_o effect_n any_o thing_n of_o the_o prayer_n which_o be_v recite_v in_o latin_a and_o especial_o of_o the_o psalter_n that_o not_o only_o i_o understand_v the_o verse_n in_o spanish_a but_o i_o pass_v also_o yet_o further_o on_o and_o delight_v myself_o high_o in_o consider_v what_o the_o meaning_n of_o that_o spanish_a be_v i_o speak_v not_o
need_n also_o of_o such_o consideration_n as_o these_o and_o there_o be_v time_n when_o almighty_a god_n will_v try_v they_o nay_o it_o will_v seem_v as_o if_o this_o divine_a majesty_n will_v forsake_v they_o for_o as_o i_o have_v say_v already_o and_o i_o will_v fain_o not_o have_v it_o be_v forget_v the_o soul_n in_o this_o life_n which_o we_o live_v increase_v not_o as_o the_o body_n do_v though_o yet_o we_o say_v it_o do_v and_o real_o it_o do_v increase_v but_o yet_o a_o child_n after_o he_o be_v grow_v and_o become_v tall_a and_o prove_v to_o be_v already_o a_o man_n return_v not_o to_o decrease_v again_o and_o to_o have_v a_o little_a body_n yet_o now_o in_o the_o point_n of_o a_o soul_n our_o lord_n will_v have_v it_o be_v otherwise_o by_o what_o i_o have_v see_v of_o myself_o for_o i_o know_v it_o not_o in_o respect_n of_o other_o and_o it_o ought_v to_o humble_v we_o for_o our_o own_o great_a good_a and_o to_o the_o end_n also_o that_o we_o may_v not_o be_v negligent_a as_o long_o as_o we_o shall_v be_v in_o this_o bannishment_n since_o he_o who_o be_v high_a in_o virtue_n shall_v do_v well_o to_o fear_v himself_o most_o and_o to_o trust_v himself_o lest_o the_o time_n perhaps_o may_v come_v when_o even_o they_o who_o have_v their_o will_n so_o conform_v to_o the_o holy_a will_n of_o almighty_a god_n that_o they_o will_v rather_o be_v torment_v and_o endure_v a_o thousand_o death_n then_o swerve_v from_o it_o shall_v do_v well_o to_o be_v in_o doubt_n that_o even_o they_o may_v grow_v to_o fall_v into_o some_o great_a offence_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o so_o there_o be_v certain_a time_n when_o they_o shall_v see_v themselves_o so_o assault_v by_o temptation_n and_o persecution_n that_o to_o the_o end_n they_o may_v not_o commit_v gross_a sin_n they_o will_v have_v need_n to_o serve_v themselves_o of_o the_o first_o defensive_a weapon_n of_o prayer_n and_o return_v to_o remember_v and_o consider_v that_o all_o the_o world_n be_v final_o to_o 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have_v no_o hand_n therein_o and_o though_o they_o shall_v even_o return_v to_o fall_v again_o there_o will_v yet_o remain_v one_o sign_n that_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v there_o which_o be_v that_o they_o will_v quick_o rise_v again_o beside_o these_o other_o which_o i_o shall_v now_o declare_v when_o it_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o almighty_a god_n there_o will_v be_v no_o need_n at_o all_o to_o go_v in_o quest_n and_o send_v after_o certain_a reason_n to_o draw_v humility_n and_o confusion_n from_o thence_o for_o our_o bless_a lord_n himself_o be_v wont_a to_o impart_v it_o in_o those_o case_n after_o a_o very_a different_a manner_n from_o that_o which_o ourselves_o can_v procure_v by_o any_o pretty_a little_a consideration_n of_o our_o own_o all_o which_o be_v nothing_o in_o comparison_n of_o a_o certain_a true_a prayer_n humility_n that_o come_v along_o with_o a_o light_n which_o our_o lord_n instruct_v we_o in_o here_o and_o which_o breed_v such_o a_o real_a confusion_n in_o we_o as_o even_o do_v entire_o defeat_v us._n and_o the_o knowledge_n which_o almighty_a god_n be_v wont_a to_o give_v we_o to_o the_o end_n that_o we_o may_v perfect_o understand_v that_o we_o have_v no_o good_a at_o all_o of_o ourselves_o be_v a_o thing_n very_o sufficient_o perceive_v and_o still_o so_o much_o the_o more_o as_o we_o receive_v the_o high_a favour_n from_o his_o hand_n it_o also_o impart_v to_o a_o man_n a_o very_a great_a desire_n to_o proceed_v in_o prayer_n and_o he_o will_v not_o give_v it_o over_o for_o any_o trouble_n which_o may_v possible_o succeed_v to_o he_o he_o offer_v himself_o and_o be_v ready_a to_o endure_v all_o thing_n he_o have_v also_o a_o kind_n of_o assure_a hope_n that_o he_o shall_v be_v save_v though_o yet_o still_o not_o without_o humility_n and_o fear_n by_o this_o time_n he_o also_o instant_o forsake_v all_o kind_n of_o servile_a fear_n of_o his_o soul_n and_o it_o give_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o growth_n to_o a_o filial_a fear_n in_o stead_n thereof_o he_o see_v that_o now_o he_o begin_v to_o bear_v a_o certain_a love_n towards_o almighty_a god_n which_o be_v far_o from_o any_o interest_n of_o his_o own_o &_o he_o covet_v to_o get_v time_n for_o solitude_n that_o so_o he_o may_v have_v the_o better_a opportunity_n to_o enjoy_v that_o good_a in_o fine_a that_o i_o may_v not_o weary_v myself_o too_o much_o this_o be_v a_o direct_a beginning_n of_o all_o good_a thing_n a_o state_n wherein_o the_o flower_n be_v now_o upon_o the_o very_a point_n to_o blossom_n and_o all_o this_o the_o soul_n see_v very_o clear_o and_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n at_o that_o time_n conceive_v but_o that_o god_n be_v and_o will_v be_v with_o she_o till_o such_o time_n as_o she_o shall_v return_v to_o find_v herself_o guilty_a of_o fayling_n and_o imperfection_n towards_o he_o for_o in_o that_o case_n she_o fear_v all_o thing_n and_o it_o be_v fit_a that_o she_o do_v so_o though_o yet_o there_o be_v mind_n soul_n in_o the_o world_n to_o which_o it_o prove_v more_o useful_a to_o believe_v for_o a_o most_o certain_a truth_n that_o they_o be_v well_o with_o almighty_a god_n then_o all_o the_o fear_n of_o the_o world_n be_v able_a to_o give_v they_o for_o if_o the_o soul_n in_o herself_o be_v apt_a to_o be_v enamour_v and_o grateful_a the_o memory_n of_o that_o great_a favour_n which_o god_n do_v she_o will_v be_v of_o more_o power_n to_o make_v her_o return_n to_o his_o divine_a majesty_n than_o all_o the_o torment_n of_o hell_n which_o they_o can_v possible_o be_v ever_o able_a to_o represent_v at_o least_o as_o wicked_a as_o i_o be_o it_o happen_v after_o this_o manner_n to_o i_o now_o as_o for_o the_o sign_n of_o a_o good_a spirit_n i_o will_v speak_v of_o they_o hereafter_o more_o at_o large_a for_o now_o i_o can_v do_v it_o since_o it_o cost_v i_o so_o much_o trouble_v of_o many_o kind_n to_o get_v they_o write_v our_o fair_a and_o i_o believe_v that_o with_o the_o favour_n of_o our_o lord_n i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o hit_v right_a in_o this_o kind_n for_o beside_o the_o experience_n which_o i_o have_v whereby_o i_o come_v to_o understand_v many_o thing_n i_o know_v somewhat_o by_o mean_n of_o some_o learned_a man_n who_o indeed_o be_v very_o learned_a and_o of_o some_o person_n be_v also_o who_o be_v very_o holy_a to_o who_o it_o be_v great_a reason_n to_o give_v beleif_n and_o therefore_o let_v not_o other_o soul_n be_v so_o very_a much_o afflict_v and_o vex_v as_o i_o have_v be_v when_o once_o through_o the_o goodness_n of_o almighty_a god_n they_o shall_v be_v come_v on_o so_o far_o as_o to_o find_v themselves_o in_o this_o state_n the_o sixteen_o chapter_n she_o treat_v of_o the_o three_o degree_n of_o prayer_n and_o go_v declare_v some_o very_a high_a point_n and_o what_o a_o soul_n which_o arrive_v thus_o far_o may_v be_v able_a to_o do_v and_o what_o effect_n these_o so_o great_a favour_n of_o our_o lord_n be_v accustom_v to_o work_n the_o sense_n hereof_o be_v very_o fit_a to_o raise_v the_o spirit_n high_a in_o the_o praise_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o it_o be_v also_o of_o great_a consolation_n for_o the_o soul_n which_o arrive_v to_o this_o state_n let_v we_o now_o come_v to_o speak_v of_o the_o three_o water_n wherewith_o this_o garden_n be_v water_v for_o this_o be_v a_o run_a water_n of_o a_o river_n or_o spring_n and_o it_o water_v it_o with_o much_o less_o labour_n though_o yet_o the_o distribution_n thereof_o cause_v some_o our_o lord_n will_v here_o so_o help_v the_o gardener_n that_o in_o some_o sort_n he_o will_v be_v as_o it_o be_v the_o gardener_n himself_o and_o in_o effect_n the_o doer_n of_o all_o this_o be_v
a_o sweet_a repose_n or_o sleep_v of_o all_o the_o power_n which_o be_v yet_o neither_o total_o lose_v nor_o yet_o do_v they_o know_v how_o they_o work_v this_o gust_n and_o delight_n and_o suavitie_n be_v great_a beyond_o all_o comparison_n than_o the_o former_a for_o the_o water_n of_o this_o grace_n gets-up_a to_o the_o very_a throat_n of_o the_o soul_n in_o such_o sort_n that_o now_o it_o can_v go_v forward_o nor_o know_v how_o to_o do_v it_o nor_o yet_o will_v by_o any_o mean_n return_v backward_o but_o enjoy_v a_o excessive_a kind_n of_o glory_n it_o be_v as_o when_o a_o man_n be_v already_o with_o the_o holy_a die_v candle_n in_o his_o hand_n so_o that_o now_o there_o want_v very_o little_a of_o die_v but_o it_o be_v of_o that_o very_a death_n which_o be_v desire_v for_o she_o be_v enjoy_v the_o great_a delight_n that_o can_v be_v imagine_v in_o that_o agony_n of_o she_o and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v no_o other_o thing_n then_o even_o to_o die_v as_o it_o be_v entire_o to_o all_o 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have_v already_o show_v that_o there_o be_v then_o no_o power_n at_o all_o to_o do_v any_o thing_n that_o i_o express_v myself_o to_o his_o divine_a majesty_n much_o after_o this_o manner_n o_o lord_n consider_v well_o what_o thou_o do_v forget_v not_o my_o so_o very_a grievous_a sin_n so_o very_o soon_o and_o though_o thou_o have_v forget_v they_o so_o far_o as_o to_o vouchsafe_v to_o forgive_v they_o yet_o remember_v they_o also_o i_o humble_o beseech_v thou_o so_o far_o as_o to_o make_v thou_o put_v some_o limit_n upon_o those_o favour_n which_o thou_o be_v please_v to_o bestow_v upon_o i_o pour_v not_o o_o my_o creator_n so_o precious_a a_o liquor_n as_o that_o into_o so_o break_v a_o vessel_n as_o this_o since_o already_o thou_o have_v see_v how_o often_o i_o have_v scatter_v and_o spill_v it_o o_o lodge_v not_o and_o trust_v not_o such_o a_o treasure_n as_o this_o where_o the_o appetite_n and_o affection_n to_o all_o the_o consolation_n of_o this_o life_n be_v not_o yet_o so_o 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the_o grace_n and_o effect_n prayer_n which_o remain_v by_o this_o prayer_n in_o the_o soul_n and_o what_o that_o be_v which_o she_o may_v be_v able_a to_o do_v of_o herself_o and_o if_o she_o may_v any_o way_n conduce_v towards_o the_o bring_n herself_o to_o this_o high_a state_n it_o happen_v that_o this_o elevation_n of_o the_o spirit_n or_o union_n come_v both_o of_o they_o with_o a_o celestial_a kind_n of_o love._n for_o according_a to_o my_o way_n of_o understanding_n this_o union_n union_n be_v a_o different_a thing_n from_o elevation_n though_o yet_o the_o soul_n be_v elevate_v in_o this_o very_a union_n whosoever_o have_v not_o try_v and_o feel_v this_o last_o will_v be_v of_o a_o different_a conceit_n but_o yet_o in_o my_o opinion_n though_o even_o it_o shall_v be_v all_o one_o yet_o our_o lord_n work_v therein_o after_o a_o different_a manner_n and_o by_o the_o increase_n which_o the_o soul_n have_v of_o be_v able_a to_o untie_v herself_o from_o the_o love_n of_o all_o 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be_v in_o rapt_v will_v understand_v i_o well_o but_o such_o as_o have_v have_v no_o experience_n therein_o will_v hold_v all_o that_o to_o be_v impertinent_a which_o i_o have_v say_v perhaps_o also_o it_o be_v so_o indeed_o and_o so_o as_o he_o will_v have_v have_v reason_n who_o believe_v it_o for_o how_o shall_v such_o a_o thing_n as_o i_o presume_v to_o speak_v of_o such_o a_o thing_n as_o this_o and_o to_o give_v some_o part_n of_o that_o to_o be_v understand_v which_o it_o seem_v impossible_a even_o to_o begin_v to_o declare_v with_o any_o word_n so_o that_o it_o be_v not_o strange_a a_o whitt_n if_o i_o talk_v idle_o but_o yet_o i_o believe_v this_o of_o our_o bless_a lord_n because_o his_o divine_a majesty_n know_v that_o next_o to_o this_o act_n of_o obedience_n my_o intention_n be_v no_o other_o then_o to_o make_v soul_n even_o as_o it_o be_v gluttonous_a after_o the_o obtain_n of_o so_o high_a a_o good_a that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o assist_v i_o herein_o and_o i_o 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he_o will_v also_o here_o declare_v what_o i_o neither_o can_v nor_o know_v how_o to_o express_v but_o that_o which_o now_o i_o say_v be_v a_o most_o literal_a truth_n and_o so_o that_o which_o shall_v be_v good_a be_v his_o instruction_n and_o doctrine_n and_o whatsoever_o falls-out_a to_o be_v ill_a it_o be_v clear_a that_o it_o proceed_v and_o flow_v from_o this_o deep_a sea_n of_o mischief_n and_o sin_n which_o be_v myself_o and_o therefore_o i_o here_o affirm_v that_o if_o any_o have_v arrive_v to_o these_o point_n and_o particular_n of_o prayer_n wherein_o our_o lord_n have_v do_v so_o great_a favour_n
soul_n do_v at_o that_o time_n and_o our_o lord_n say_v this_o to_o i_o in_o these_o word_n it_o do_v my_o daughter_n dissolve_v and_o defeat_v itself_o to_o be_v so_o the_o more_o ingulfed_a in_o i_o for_o now_o it_o be_v no_o long_o she_o who_o live_v but_o i_o and_o since_o she_o can_v comprehend_v that_o which_o she_o understand_v her_o very_a understanding_n it_o after_o a_o kind_n of_o moral_a way_n which_o she_o do_v be_v real_o a_o not_o understand_v it_o after_o a_o strict_a &_o comprehensive_a way_n which_o she_o be_v not_o able_a to_o do_v he_o who_o shall_v have_v have_v trial_n of_o this_o by_o experience_n will_v be_v able_a to_o arrive_v to_o the_o expression_n of_o some_o part_n thereof_o but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o can_v deliver_v that_o more_o clear_o which_o pass_v here_o since_o it_o be_v so_o very_o obscure_a i_o can_v only_o say_v that_o in_o this_o case_n their_o be_v then_o so_o close_o to_o almighty_a god_n be_v represent_v to_o they_o and_o there_o remain_v 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i_o be_v in_o this_o part_n of_o this_o prayer_n to_o be_v so_o prayer_n whole_o out_o of_o myself_o as_o that_o i_o know_v not_o whether_o i_o be_v awake_a or_o asleep_o or_o whither_o in_o very_a deed_n i_o have_v be_v in_o that_o glory_n which_o i_o feel_v and_o whether_o it_o be_v true_a that_o i_o be_v indeed_o so_o all_o bathe_v in_o water_n which_o distil_v with_o such_o force_n and_o speed_n from_o my_o eye_n that_o it_o seem_v as_o if_o a_o very_a cloud_n of_o heaven_n have_v rain_v it_o down_o but_o in_o fine_a i_o find_v that_o it_o be_v no_o dream_n this_o happen_v to_o be_v in_o the_o beginning_n of_o this_o prayer_n and_o it_o pass_v quick_o over_o but_o the_o soul_n remain_v so_o courageous_a thereby_o that_o if_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o she_o to_o be_v cut_v into_o a_o thousand_o piece_n for_o god_n sake_n it_o will_v be_v of_o extreme_a consolation_n to_o she_o and_o now_o here_o come_v in_o all_o her_o promise_n her_o heroical_a resolution_n the_o livelie_a efficacy_n of_o her_o desire_n her_o beginning_n to_o abhor_v the_o world_n her_o clear_o discern_v she_o own_o vanity_n and_o all_o this_o much_o more_o perfect_o and_o more_o high_o than_o it_o happen_v in_o any_o of_o her_o former_a prayer_n her_o humility_n be_v also_o grow_v much_o strong_a for_o now_o she_o very_o clear_o discern_v that_o no_o diligence_n at_o all_o of_o her_o own_o be_v any_o piece_n of_o a_o cause_n for_o bring_v she_o that_o excessive_a and_o incomparable_a favour_n nor_o for_o make_v she_o enjoy_v the_o same_o she_o see_v now_o clear_o that_o she_o be_v a_o most_o unworthy_a creature_n for_o in_o any_o room_n where_o there_o enter_v a_o strong_a and_o clear_a sunbeam_n there_o be_v not_o the_o least_o and_o thin_a cobweb_n which_o can_v lie_v hide_v she_o now_o look_v very_o clear_o upon_o her_o own_o misery_n and_o now_o she_o be_v so_o very_o free_a from_o vainglory_n that_o it_o seem_v a_o kind_n of_o impossible_a thing_n for_o she_o to_o have_v any_o because_o now_o already_o she_o have_v it_o even_o in_o her_o very_a eye_n how_o little_a she_o be_v able_a to_o perform_v or_o rather_o in_o very_a deed_n that_o it_o be_v just_o nothing_o at_o all_o and_o that_o in_o this_o case_n there_o be_v hardly_o so_o much_o as_o any_o consent_n of_o she_o but_o that_o it_o seem_v that_o even_o whether_o she_o will_v or_o no_o they_o shut_v the_o gate_n of_o all_o her_o sense_n up_o to_o the_o end_n that_o she_o may_v so_o the_o better_a enjoy_v her_o lord_n and_o that_o now_o since_o she_o remain_v all_o alone_a with_o he_o what_o can_v she_o have_v to_o do_v but_o to_o love_v he_o she_o neither_o can_v see_v nor_o hear_v unless_o she_o be_v make_v to_o do_v so_o as_o it_o be_v by_o very_o strong_a hand_n and_o therefore_o there_o be_v little_a for_o which_o to_o thank_v she_o her_o former_a life_n grow_v then_o to_o be_v represent_v to_o she_o with_o perfect_a truth_n together_o with_o the_o great_a mercy_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o all_o 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she_o do_v not_o well_o consider_v that_o she_o have_v not_o yet_o mew_v all_o her_o own_o sick-feather_n she_o may_v well_o step_n out_o of_o her_o nest_n yea_o and_o almighty_a god_n himself_o will_n perhaps_o take_v she_o now_o and_o then_o out_o from_o thence_o but_o she_o be_v not_o yet_o fit_a for_o a_o flight_n because_o her_o virtue_n be_v not_o yet_o grow_v to_o be_v of_o full_a strength_n nor_o have_v she_o yet_o experience_n for_o the_o knowledge_n of_o danger_n nor_o do_v she_o yet_o understand_v the_o mischief_n which_o grow_v by_o put_v too_o much_o trust_v in_o her_o own_o force_n and_o now_o this_o be_v that_o which_o destroy_v i_o and_o both_o for_o this_o and_o for_o all_o thing_n there_o will_v be_v great_a necessity_n of_o a_o director_n and_o of_o conversation_n with_o person_n who_o be_v spiritual_a indeed_o it_o be_v true_a i_o be_o full_o persuade_v that_o when_o almighty_a god_n do_v once_o bring_v a_o soul_n to_o this_o state_n he_o will_v not_o leave_v to_o 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which_o he_o have_v do_v we_o as_o to_o make_v we_o be_v punish_v for_o they_o but_o that_o rather_o they_o will_v help_v to_o obtain_v pardon_n for_o we_o so_o much_o the_o soon_o as_o for_o person_n who_o have_v belong_v to_o his_o house_n and_o have_v have_v the_o honour_n to_o eat_v as_o man_n use_v to_o say_v of_o his_o bread_n let_v they_o remember_v his_o word_n and_o consider_v how_o he_o have_v proceed_v with_o i_o who_o even_o weary_v myself_o with_o offend_v his_o divine_a majesty_n before_o he_o will_v forbear_v or_o fail_v to_o pardon_v i_o for_o he_o never_o grow_v unwilling_a to_o give_v nor_o be_v it_o ever_o possible_a to_o draw_v his_o mercy_n dry_a and_o so_o let_v not_o we_o be_v weary_a of_o ever_o receive_v favour_n at_o his_o hand_n let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o ever_o amen_n and_o let_v all_o creature_n praise_v he_o the_o twenty_o chapter_n wherein_o she_o treat_v of_o the_o difference_n between_a union_n and_o rapt_v and_o declare_v what_o kind_n of_o thing_n 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the_o middle_n and_o in_o the_o end_n and_o it_o be_v always_o in_o the_o interior_a part_n but_o now_o as_o rapt_n be_v visitation_n of_o the_o soul_n which_o use_v to_o be_v of_o a_o high_a strain_n they_o be_v wont_n to_o produce_v their_o effect_n not_o only_o interiorly_a but_o exterior_o also_o i_o humble_o beseech_v our_o bless_a lord_n that_o as_o he_o have_v vouchsafe_v to_o declare_v the_o rest_n so_o he_o will_v also_o vouchsafe_v to_o do_v this_o for_o certain_o if_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v not_o be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o to_o understand_v by_o what_o mean_n &_o in_o what_o manner_n it_o may_v be_v do_v i_o shall_v not_o possible_o have_v know_v which_o way_n to_o turn_v my_o hand_n let_v we_o therefore_o now_o consider_v that_o this_o last_o water_n whereof_o we_o have_v speak_v be_v so_o very_o plentiful_a and_o abundant_a that_o if_o it_o be_v not_o because_o the_o soil_n of_o the_o garden_n can_v consent_v to_o receive_v it_o we_o may_v believe_v that_o 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this_o cloud_n to_o raise_v itself_o instant_o up_o or_o rather_o that_o this_o strong_a eagle_n take_v you_o and_o carry_v you_o quite_o away_o between_o her_o wing_n and_o i_o say_v it_o be_v understand_v and_o you_o find_v yourself_o to_o be_v carry_v away_o though_o you_o know_v not_o whither_o for_o howsoever_o the_o thing_n happen_v to_o be_v with_o delight_n yet_o so_o great_a be_v the_o weakness_n of_o our_o natural_a condition_n that_o it_o put_v we_o into_o some_o fear_n in_o the_o beginning_n and_o therefore_o it_o will_v be_v necessary_a in_o this_o case_n for_o the_o soul_n to_o be_v much_o more_o courageous_a and_o resolute_a then_o for_o all_o those_o occasion_n which_o be_v precedent_n for_o here_o she_o must_v be_v content_a to_o hazard_v all_o and_o to_o leave_v herself_o whole_o in_o the_o hand_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o to_o go_v whithersoever_o she_o shall_v be_v carry_v and_o this_o with_o a_o very_a good_a will_n for_o in_o fine_a they_o will_v be_v sure_a to_o carry_v she_o whether_o she_o will_v or_o no_o and_o that_o with_o so_o great_a extremity_n of_o strength_n and_o speed_n that_o howsoever_o i_o have_v a_o mind_n very_o very_o often_o to_o resist_v it_o yea_o and_o that_o i_o employ_v all_o the_o strength_n i_o have_v to_o that_o purpose_n and_o especial_o at_o some_o particular_a time_n when_o thing_n fall_v out_o to_o happen_v in_o public_a yea_o and_o at_o many_o other_o time_n also_o when_o they_o be_v private_a for_o i_o be_v then_o in_o doubt_n and_o fear_v lest_o i_o may_v be_v abuse_v and_o deceive_v it_o be_v yet_o but_o seldom_o that_o i_o be_v able_a to_o prevail_v to_o some_o small_a proportion_n but_o it_o cost_v
which_o i_o feel_v to_o be_v so_o very_o great_a yea_o and_o that_o many_o time_n it_o be_v such_o that_o i_o can_v not_o avoid_v it_o though_o yet_o withal_o on_o the_o other_o side_n i_o see_v cause_n of_o very_o great_a security_n that_o it_o be_v god_n especial_o when_o i_o be_v in_o prayer_n and_o i_o find_v also_o that_o i_o be_v much_o better_v by_o it_o and_o still_o remain_v with_o more_o strength_n of_o mind_n towards_o virtue_n but_o yet_o whensoever_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v a_o little_a divert_v i_o return_v again_o to_o fear_n whether_o the_o devil_n may_v not_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o make_v i_o conceive_v that_o it_o be_v good_a for_o i_o to_o suspend_v the_o use_n of_o my_o understanding_n and_o so_o deprive_v myself_o of_o the_o exercise_n of_o mental_a prayer_n and_o that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v able_a to_o think_v upon_o the_o passion_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n nor_o to_o serve_v myself_o as_o i_o be_v say_v of_o my_o understanding_n part_n which_o seem_v to_o i_o a_o very_a great_a inconvenience_n but_o now_o when_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v already_o to_o give_v i_o light_n to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v offend_v he_o no_o more_o and_o may_v also_o grow_v able_a to_o know_v how_o much_o i_o owe_v he_o for_o this_o goodness_n this_o fear_n come_v now_o to_o increase_v in_o such_o sort_n that_o it_o put_v i_o upon_o a_o diligent_a director_n search_n after_o some_o person_n of_o spirit_n with_o who_o i_o may_v communicate_v my_o affair_n and_o already_o i_o have_v get_v notice_n of_o some_o for_o by_o this_o time_n they_o of_o the_o society_n of_o jesus_n be_v come_v hither_o to_o which_o order_n though_o i_o yet_o know_v no_o one_o of_o they_o i_o be_v very_o affectionate_a upon_o the_o only_o reason_n of_o my_o understanding_n what_o kind_n of_o life_n they_o lead_v and_o what_o prayer_n they_o use_v but_o i_o find_v not_o myself_o worthy_a enough_o to_o speak_v with_o they_o nor_o constant_a and_o strong_a enough_o to_o obey_v they_o and_o this_o give_v i_o yet_o great_a fear_n for_o in_o fine_a to_o treat_v with_o they_o and_o yet_o to_o continue_v still_o what_o i_o be_v represent_v itself_o to_o i_o as_o a_o odd_a and_o ill-favoured_a business_n in_o these_o cogitation_n of_o i_o do_v i_o pass_v some_o time_n till_o now_o by_o the_o much_o battery_n which_o i_o make_v upon_o myself_o and_o through_o the_o fear_n to_o which_o still_o i_o be_v subject_a i_o resolve_v to_o treat_v with_o one_o who_o be_v a_o spiritual_a person_n and_o to_o ask_v he_o what_o kind_n of_o prayer_n that_o be_v which_o i_o use_v and_o to_o desire_v he_o to_o give_v i_o light_n if_o he_o find_v i_o to_o be_v in_o error_n and_o i_o resolve_v to_o use_v all_o possible_a diligence_n not_o to_o offend_v almighty_a god_n for_o the_o want_n which_o i_o find_v in_o myself_o of_o courage_n do_v continue_v i_o still_o in_o my_o fear_n o_o my_o dear_a god_n &_o how_o great_a a_o deceit_n and_o error_n be_v this_o in_o i_o to_o separate_v myself_o from_o good_a that_o so_o i_o may_v grow_v to_o be_v good_a the_o devil_n it_o seem_v be_v willing_a to_o labour_n much_o upon_o this_o point_n in_o the_o begin_n of_o our_o aspire_n to_o virtue_n for_o i_o can_v not_o in_o fine_a conquer_v myself_o herein_o he_o well_o know_v that_o the_o mean_n of_o do_v good_a to_o a_o soul_n consist_v in_o that_o she_o resolve_v to_o confer_v in_o particular_a manner_n with_o such_o as_o be_v the_o friend_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o therefore_o i_o will_v never_o set_v any_o time_n to_o resolve_v upon_o this_o i_o expect_v to_o reform_v myself_o first_o as_o i_o have_v also_o do_v before_o when_o i_o leave_v my_o prayer_n and_o perhaps_o i_o shall_v never_o have_v go_v through_o with_o it_o for_o i_o be_v already_o decline_v so_o low_a towards_o certain_a little_a thing_n of_o ill_a custom_n and_o consequence_n which_o yet_o in_o fine_a i_o will_v not_o conclude_v to_o be_v ill_a that_o i_o be_v in_o need_n to_o be_v assist_v by_o some_o other_o who_o may_v reach_v i_o out_o his_o hand_n to_o raise_v i_o up_o and_o now_o bless_a be_v our_o lord_n for_o in_o fine_a his_o own_o be_v the_o first_o when_o now_o i_o see_v that_o my_o fear_n came-on_a so_o far_o for_o i_o proceed_v and_o increase_v in_o prayer_n i_o concean_v that_o there_o be_v either_o some_o great_a good_a or_o else_o some_o excessive_a mischief_n involue_v in_o it_o for_o already_o i_o understand_v very_o well_o that_o it_o be_v a_o supernatural_a advantage_n which_o i_o have_v since_o sometime_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o resist_v it_o and_o to_o obtain_v it_o also_o when_o i_o will_v can_v not_o possible_o be_v do_v upon_o this_o i_o grow_v to_o resolve_v that_o there_o will_v be_v no_o remedy_n for_o i_o if_o i_o course_n procure_v nor_o to_o have_v great_a purity_n of_o conscience_n and_o if_o i_o quit_v not_o all_o occasion_n of_o ill_a though_o it_o be_v but_o of_o venial_a sin_n for_o if_o my_o exercise_n of_o prayer_n be_v of_o the_o spirit_n of_o almighty_a god_n the_o benefit_n do_v very_o evident_o appear_v &_o if_o it_o be_v of_o the_o devil_n yet_o he_o can_v do_v i_o no_o hurt_n at_o all_o but_o rather_o will_v be_v put_v to_o sit_v down_o with_o loss_n if_o i_o shall_v procure_v to_o please_v almighty_a god_n and_o not_o offend_v he_o at_o all_o and_o now_o have_v resolve_v upon_o this_o and_o ever_o humble_o pray_v our_o bless_a lord_n that_o he_o will_v assist_v i_o and_o take_v the_o same_o course_n several_a day_n i_o yet_o find_v that_o my_o soul_n have_v not_o strength_n enough_o all_o alone_a to_o go_v through_o with_o the_o obtain_n so_o great_a perfection_n in_o regard_n of_o some_o inclination_n and_o like_v which_o i_o carry_v to_o certain_a thing_n which_o howsoever_o they_o be_v not_o very_o ill_a of_o themselves_o yet_o they_o serve_v the_o turn_n to_o spoil_v all_o they_o tell_v i_o then_o of_o a_o certain_a priest_n in_o this_o place_n who_o be_v a_o learned_a man_n and_o who_o virtue_n and_o good_a life_n our_o lord_n begin_v to_o discover_v to_o the_o world_n and_o i_o procure_v by_o mean_n of_o a_o holy_a saint_n cavallier_n dwell_v in_o the_o same_o place_n to_o acquaint_v myself_o with_o he_o this_o cavalier_n be_v a_o marry_a man_n but_o yet_o lead_v a_o life_n so_o very_o full_a of_o example_n and_o virtue_n and_o he_o be_v of_o so_o great_a prayer_n and_o charity_n that_o his_o perfection_n shine_v bright_o in_o the_o eye_n of_o all_o man_n and_o with_o much_o reason_n in_o regard_n of_o the_o great_a good_a which_o be_v grow_v to_o many_o soul_n by_o his_o mean_n as_o also_o by_o his_o great_a talent_n and_o though_o he_o be_v not_o forward_v a_o whitt_n by_o any_o plenty_n in_o his_o fortune_n yet_o he_o can_v choose_v but_o employ_v the_o mean_n he_o have_v that_o way_n he_o be_v of_o great_a understanding_n and_o of_o a_o excellent_a nature_n his_o conversation_n be_v no_o way_n troublesome_a but_o so_o agreeable_a and_o delight_v full_a together_o with_o his_o be_v just_a and_o holy_a that_o it_o give_v gust_n to_o all_o such_o as_o treat_v with_o he_o he_o ordain_v and_o govern_v all_o thing_n for_o the_o great_a good_a of_o such_o soul_n as_o he_o converse_v with_o and_o seem_v indeed_o to_o have_v no_o other_o endeavour_n or_o aim_n then_o to_o do_v good_a to_o all_o they_o who_o he_o find_v to_o be_v any_o way_n capable_a thereof_o and_o final_o to_o give_v contentment_n to_o all_o now_o this_o holy_a and_o bless_a man_n do_v i_o esteem_v to_o have_v by_o his_o industry_n and_o charity_n lay_v the_o foundation_n for_o the_o salvation_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o i_o be_o confund_v to_o think_v of_o his_o humility_n in_o that_o he_o will_v be_v content_a to_o see_v i_o for_o there_o be_v as_o i_o conceive_v little_o less_o than_o forty_o year_n wherein_o he_o have_v exercise_v mental_a prayer_n they_o may_v perhaps_o be_v few_o by_o two_o or_o three_o year_n and_o he_o lead_v his_o life_n with_o all_o that_o perfection_n which_o his_o condition_n and_o state_n may_v seem_v to_o permit_v he_o have_v a_o wife_n who_o be_v so_o great_a a_o servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o a_o woman_n so_o full_a of_o charity_n that_o he_o lose_v nothing_o at_o all_o by_o possess_v she_o in_o a_o word_n he_o choose_v she_o for_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o wife_n as_o who_o almighty_a god_n know_v to_o be_v fit_a for_o so_o great_a a_o servant_n of_o he_o some_o of_o his_o kindred_n be_v marry_v to_o some_o kinswoeman_n of_o i_o and_o beside_o i_o be_v also_o acquaint_v with_o another_o great_a servant_n of_o god_n who_o be_v
not_o be_v able_a to_o think_v of_o any_o thing_n for_o this_o be_v that_o of_o which_o i_o speak_v most_o that_o namely_o i_o can_v not_o think_v of_o any_o thing_n in_o distinct_a manner_n when_o i_o have_v that_o prayer_n and_o i_o mark_v and_o note_v those_o place_n with_o certain_a line_n wherein_o that_o passage_n be_v contain_v and_o then_o i_o deliver_v he_o the_o book_n to_o the_o end_n that_o both_o himself_o and_o that_o holy_a priest_n and_o servant_n of_o god_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v before_o may_v consider_v it_o and_o make_v i_o know_v what_o i_o be_v to_o do_v and_o whither_o perhaps_o they_o may_v be_v of_o opinion_n that_o i_o be_v to_o give-ove_a my_o prayer_n altogether_o for_o in_o fine_a to_o what_o purpose_n be_v i_o to_o thrust_v myself_o into_o those_o danger_n if_o now_o after_o i_o have_v use_v this_o prayer_n for_o almost_o twenty_o year_n together_o i_o have_v make_v no_o other_o benefit_n thereof_o but_o to_o be_v subject_a to_o the_o deceit_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o that_o therefore_o it_o be_v better_o for_o i_o not_o to_o use_v this_o prayer_n at_o all_o though_o yet_o it_o be_v also_o true_a that_o this_o show_v itself_o as_o a_o very_a sad_a and_o hard_a case_n to_o i_o since_o already_o i_o have_v find_v by_o experience_n how_o ill_o it_o go_v with_o my_o soul_n without_o the_o exercise_n of_o prayer_n so_o that_o now_o i_o can_v see_v nothing_o but_o misery_n on_o all_o side_n like_o one_o who_o be_v cast_v into_o a_o river_n and_o to_o which_o side_n soever_o he_o shall_v go_v he_o may_v still_o have_v the_o more_o danger_n to_o fear_v and_o be_v so_o come_v to_o the_o very_a point_n as_o it_o be_v of_o drown_v this_o be_v a_o very_a mighty_a affliction_n and_o of_o this_o kind_n i_o have_v endure_v many_o as_o i_o shall_v declare_v afterward_o for_o though_o perhaps_o it_o may_v seem_v not_o to_o import_v yet_o peradventure_o it_o may_v indeed_o prove_v to_o be_v of_o use_n towards_o the_o understanding_n of_o how_o a_o spirit_n be_v to_o be_v try_v for_o certain_o the_o affliction_n which_o use_v to_o be_v endure_v in_o these_o case_n be_v very_o great_a and_o there_o be_v need_n of_o a_o nice_a hand_n and_o of_o a_o warye_a foot_n especial_o when_o man_n treat_v with_o woman_n for_o our_o weakness_n be_v very_o great_a and_o much_o mischief_n may_v chance_v to_o arrive_v by_o tell_v we_o that_o such_o or_o such_o a_o thing_n be_v certain_o the_o devil_n without_o consider_v it_o first_o very_o well_o and_o remove_v we_o from_o those_o danger_n which_o may_v occur_v and_o advise_v we_o to_o keep_v thing_n very_o private_a and_o that_o they_o also_o be_v careful_a thereof_o themselves_o for_o this_o be_v fit_a and_o herein_o it_o be_v i_o who_o speak_v as_o one_o who_o have_v endure_v affliction_n enough_o for_o not_o have_v have_v fit_a person_n with_o who_o i_o may_v confer_v about_o my_o prayer_n but_o by_o ask_v first_o one_o and_o then_o another_o what_o may_v do_v i_o good_a which_o have_v do_v i_o hurt_n enough_o for_o now_o diverse_a thing_n have_v grow_v to_o be_v public_a which_o may_v well_o have_v remain_v very_o private_a since_o they_o be_v not_o for_o every_o body_n be_v understand_v and_o beside_o it_o may_v have_v seem_v as_o if_o they_o have_v be_v diwlge_v by_o i_o i_o well_o believe_v that_o those_o other_o do_v it_o without_o any_o fault_n in_o they_o but_o that_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o permit_v it_o to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v suffer_v by_o it_o i_o be_o far_o from_o say_v yea_o or_o so_o much_o as_o think_v as_o if_o any_o of_o they_o relate_v any_o such_o particular_a as_o have_v pass_v from_o i_o to_o they_o in_o confession_n for_o there_o be_v no_o such_o matter_n but_o yet_o in_o regard_n it_o come_v from_o i_o to_o such_o person_n as_o to_o who_o in_o the_o way_n of_o conference_n i_o give_v account_n of_o my_o fear_n to_o the_o end_n that_o they_o may_v assist_v i_o with_o give_v i_o light_n i_o think_v they_o may_v have_v keep_v my_o counsel_n but_o how_o soever_o i_o dare_v never_o conceal_v any_o thing_n from_o such_o person_n in_o such_o occasion_n as_o those_o i_o say_v therefore_o that_o such_o as_o i_o be_v then_o must_v be_v counsel_v with_o much_o discretion_n and_o animate_v and_o time_n must_v be_v expect_v for_o our_o bless_a lord_n will_v help_v they_o as_o he_o do_v i_o which_o if_o he_o have_v not_o do_v the_o prejudice_n which_o i_o shall_v have_v suffer_v will_v have_v be_v extreme_a by_o reason_n of_o my_o be_v so_o full_a of_o apprehension_n and_o fear_n and_o especial_o consider_v to_o how_o great_a palpitation_n of_o hart_n i_o be_v subject_a i_o wonder_v how_o this_o other_o accident_n do_v i_o not_o more_o hurt_n when_o therefore_o i_o have_v deliver_v this_o book_n and_o make_v a_o relation_n of_o my_o life_n and_o of_o my_o sin_n the_o best_a i_o can_v though_o yet_o in_o gross_a for_o i_o do_v it_o not_o in_o the_o way_n of_o confession_n in_o regard_n he_o be_v a_o secular_a person_n though_o yet_o still_o i_o make_v he_o understand_v how_o wicked_a i_o be_v those_o two_o servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n consider_v with_o great_a charity_n and_o love_n what_o may_v be_v convenient_a for_o i_o to_o do_v now_o the_o answer_n be_v ready_a which_o i_o expect_v with_o fear_n enough_o and_o i_o have_v recommend_v myself_o at_o that_o time_n to_o many_o person_n that_o they_o may_v recommend_v i_o over_o to_o almighty_a god_n and_o myself_o also_o have_v be_v much_o in_o prayer_n with_o affliction_n enough_o of_o hart_n to_o myself_o the_o cavallier_n come_v to_o i_o at_o length_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o in_o the_o opinion_n both_o of_o himself_o and_o of_o the_o other_o it_o be_v the_o devil_n and_o that_o the_o thing_n which_o will_v be_v fit_a for_o i_o to_o do_v be_v to_o treat_v about_o this_o business_n with_o a_o certain_a father_n of_o the_o society_n of_o jesus_n who_o if_o i_o will_v call_v he_o to_o i_o &_o declare_v that_o i_o be_v in_o necessity_n of_o his_o help_n will_v not_o fail_v to_o come_v and_o that_o i_o shall_v give_v he_o a_o account_n of_o my_o whole_a life_n by_o way_n of_o make_v a_o general_n confession_n as_o also_o otherwise_o of_o my_o condition_n and_o that_o i_o must_v proceed_v in_o all_o thing_n with_o much_o clearness_n and_o that_o then_o in_o virtue_n of_o the_o sacrament_n of_o confession_n almighty_a god_n will_v give_v he_o more_o light_a where_o with_o to_o direct_v i_o and_o that_o they_o be_v man_n of_o great_a experience_n in_o matter_n of_o spirit_n but_o that_o i_o shall_v do_v well_o to_o be_v very_o careful_a not_o to_o swerve_v a_o whitt_n from_o what_o he_o say_v for_o that_o i_o will_v find_v myself_o in_o much_o danger_n if_o i_o want_v one_o to_o govern_v and_o direct_v my_o soul_n as_o for_o i_o he_o put_v i_o now_o into_o so_o great_a fear_n and_o pain_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v with_o myself_o and_o now_o there_o be_v nothing_o with_o i_o but_o weep_v and_o be_v one_o day_n very_o much_o afflict_v in_o a_o oratory_n i_o fall_v upon_o read_v a_o certain_a book_n which_o it_o seem_v our_o lord_n bring_v to_o my_o hand_n and_o s._n paul_n be_v cite_v there_o say_v that_o god_n be_v very_o faithful_a and_o that_o he_o never_o suffer_v they_o who_o love_v he_o to_o be_v tempt_v above_o their_o strength_n this_o comfort_v i_o very_o much_o and_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v about_o make_v my_o general_n confession_n and_o to_o work_n put_v in_o writing_n all_o the_o sin_n and_o blessing_n with_o the_o course_n and_o proceed_v of_o my_o whole_a life_n the_o most_o clear_o that_o i_o understand_v and_o know_v how_o to_o do_v without_o leave_v any_o little_a thing_n out_o and_o i_o remember_v that_o when_o i_o read_v over_o what_o i_o have_v write_v and_o see_v so_o many_o sin_n to_o have_v be_v commit_v by_o i_o and_o in_o effect_n no_o good_a at_o all_o to_o have_v be_v do_v it_o give_v i_o a_o extreme_a affliction_n and_o sorrow_n of_o hart_n it_o also_o put_v i_o to_o some_o trouble_n that_o they_o of_o the_o house_n shall_v see_v i_o treat_v and_o converse_v with_o so_o holy_a people_n as_o they_o of_o the_o society_n of_o jesus_n be_v for_o i_o be_v afraid_a of_o my_o own_o wickedness_n and_o i_o thought_n i_o shall_v be_v oblige_v by_o that_o mean_n to_o be_v wicked_a no_o more_o and_o to_o give-ove_a my_o entertainment_n and_o pass-time_n and_o that_o if_o i_o do_v not_o this_o it_o will_v be_v worse_o with_o i_o so_o that_o i_o procure_v both_o with_o the_o portresse_n and_o with_o the_o sacristin_n that_o
great_o feel_v every_o offence_n which_o i_o may_v commit_v against_o almighty_a god_n how_o light_n or_o small_a soever_o the_o same_o may_v be_v in_o such_o sort_n and_o to_o so_o high_a a_o proportion_n as_o that_o if_o i_o do_v but_o wear_v any_o one_o little_a superfluous_a thing_n about_o i_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o recollect_v myself_o till_o i_o have_v put_v it_o off_o i_o make_v much_o prayer_n to_o our_o bless_a lord_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o protect_v i_o still_o and_o that_o since_o i_o converse_v and_o treat_v the_o business_n of_o my_o soul_n with_o his_o servant_n he_o will_v never_o permit_v that_o i_o shall_v return_v back_o again_o for_o i_o conceive_v that_o that_o will_v be_v a_o strange_a offence_n in_o i_o yea_o and_o that_o even_o they_o will_v grow_v to_o loose_a credit_n by_o it_o upon_o my_o occasion_n at_o this_o time_n come_v to_o this_o place_n father_n francis_n borgia_n who_o have_v be_v duke_n of_o gandia_n and_o who_o already_o some_o year_n before_o have_v leave_v all_o and_o have_v enter_v into_o the_o society_n of_o jesus_n and_o now_o my_o ghostly_a father_n as_o also_o the_o cavalier_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v before_o come_v to_o i_o with_o desire_n that_o i_o will_v speak_v with_o father_n borgia_n and_o that_o i_o will_v also_o give_v he_o account_v of_o the_o prayer_n i_o hold_v for_o they_o know_v that_o the_o say_a father_n borgia_n be_v a_o person_n sake_n far_o advance_v in_o be_v much_o favour_v and_o regale_v by_o almighty_a god_n and_o that_o as_o one_o who_o have_v leave_v very_o much_o in_o this_o world_n for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n he_o be_v resolve_v to_o pay_v he_o for_o it_o even_o here_o when_o father_n borgia_n have_v hear_v i_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o it_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o that_o he_o be_v of_o opinion_n that_o now_o it_o be_v fit_a no_o long_o to_o resist_v his_o favour_n though_o yet_o till_o then_o he_o think_v it_o to_o have_v be_v well_o do_v but_o that_o i_o shall_v always_o begin_v my_o prayer_n with_o the_o consideration_n of_o some_o passage_n of_o the_o passion_n and_o if_o afterward_o our_o bless_a lord_n will_v elevate_v the_o spirit_n i_o shall_v not_o resist_v it_o but_o suffer_v his_o divine_a majesty_n to_o carry_v it_o away_o provide_v always_o that_o myself_o shall_v not_o have_v any_o hand_n in_o procure_v it_o but_o he_o in_o fine_a as_o be_v a_o man_n who_o have_v travail_v far_o already_o in_o that_o way_n do_v give_v i_o both_o counsel_n and_o physic_n for_o experience_n be_v a_o great_a matter_n in_o these_o affair_n and_o he_o say_v it_o be_v a_o error_n to_o resist_v the_o favour_n of_o almighty_a god_n now_o any_o long_o myself_o be_v great_o comfort_v by_o this_o and_o so_o also_o be_v the_o cavalier_n and_o he_o rejoice_v much_o to_o hear_v father_n borgia_n say_v that_o it_o be_v of_o almighty_a god_n and_o he_o also_o advise_v and_o assist_v i_o in_o what_o he_o can_v which_o be_v very_o much_o about_o this_o time_n they_o change_v my_o ghostly_a father_n from_o that_o place_n to_o another_o which_o i_o resent_v extreme_o for_o i_o think_v i_o be_v to_o turn_v wicked_a again_o as_o also_o i_o conceive_v that_o it_o will_v not_o be_v possible_a that_o ever_o i_o shall_v find_v another_o like_v he_o my_o soul_n be_v full_a of_o discomfort_n and_o fear_n even_o as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v plant_v in_o a_o kind_n of_o desert_n nor_o do_v i_o know_v in_o fine_a what_o to_o do_v with_o myself_o a_o certain_a kinswoeman_n of_o i_o procure_v then_o to_o carry_v i_o along_o with_o she_o to_o her_o house_n and_o i_o procure_v also_o to_o go_v the_o rather_o that_o so_o i_o may_v get_v another_o confessarius_fw-la of_o the_o society_n of_o jesus_n our_o lord_n be_v also_o please_v then_o that_o i_o shall_v make_v friendship_n with_o a_o certain_a lady_n a_o widow_n who_o be_v both_o of_o much_o quality_n and_o of_o great_a prayer_n and_o she_o converse_v very_o much_o with_o the_o father_n of_o the_o say_a society_n and_o she_o draw_v i_o also_o to_o confess_v to_o her_o confessarius_fw-la i_o remain_v a_o good_a while_n in_o her_o house_n for_o she_o live_v near_o i_o and_o i_o be_v glad_a to_o treat_v much_o with_o those_o father_n for_o even_o by_o the_o only_a understanding_n which_o i_o come_v to_o have_v of_o the_o sanctity_n of_o their_o conversation_n and_o way_n of_o proceed_v the_o profit_n which_o my_o soul_n find_v and_o feel_v be_v great_a this_o father_n begin_v to_o address_v i_o and_o engage_v i_o upon_o way_n of_o more_o perfection_n he_o tell_v i_o that_o for_o the_o give_v almighty_a god_n entire_a contentment_n and_o gust_n there_o be_v nothing_o to_o be_v lest_o undo_v but_o this_o man_n he_o say_v with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o prudence_n and_o sweetness_n for_o my_o soul_n be_v not_o yet_o any_o thing_n strong_a but_o green_a and_o tender_a especial_o in_o the_o point_n of_o giving-ove_a certain_a freindships_n which_o i_o maintain_v at_o that_o time_n for_o though_o i_o offend_v not_o almighty_a god_n thereby_o yet_o the_o affection_n which_o i_o bear_v they_o be_v very_o great_a and_o i_o hold_v it_o to_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o ingratitude_n to_o give_v they_o over_o and_o so_o i_o also_o tell_v he_o that_o since_o almighty_a god_n be_v not_o offend_v by_o it_o what_o reason_n can_v there_o be_v why_o i_o shall_v become_v ungrateful_a he_o say_v i_o shall_v do_v well_o to_o recommend_v it_o to_o almighty_a god_n for_o some_o day_n and_o to_o recite_v the_o hymn_n of_o veni_fw-la creator_n spiritus_fw-la &c_n &c_n that_o so_o the_o holie-ghost_n may_v give_v i_o light_n to_o do_v that_o which_o be_v best_a have_v therefore_o be_v one_o day_n much_o in_o prayer_n and_o humble_o beseech_v our_o bless_a lord_n that_o he_o will_v assist_v i_o to_o please_v he_o in_o all_o thing_n i_o begin_v the_o hymn_n and_o whilst_o i_o be_v say_v it_o there_o come_v a_o rapt_v upon_o i_o so_o instant_o and_o so_o sudden_o that_o it_o take_v i_o as_o it_o be_v out_o of_o myself_o and_o of_o this_o i_o can_v not_o doubt_v for_o it_o be_v very_o evident_a and_o it_o be_v also_o the_o very_a first_o time_n that_o our_o lord_n show_v i_o the_o favour_n of_o rapt_n and_o then_o i_o hear_v these_o far_o word_n from_o he_o i_o will_v not_o have_v thou_o now_o hold_v conversation_n with_o man_n but_o with_o angel_n this_o give_v i_o a_o great_a amazement_n for_o the_o commotion_n of_o the_o soul_n be_v great_a and_o those_o word_n be_v speak_v to_o i_o in_o the_o very_a interior_a part_n of_o the_o spirit_n so_o that_o they_o make_v i_o afraid_a though_o yet_o on_o the_o other_o side_n they_o give_v i_o also_o great_a consolation_n which_o upon_o the_o very_a flight_n of_o that_o fear_n which_o have_v in_o my_o opinion_n cause_v that_o strange_a novelty_n do_v still_o remain_v with_o i_o the_o truth_n be_v that_o this_o speech_n of_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v very_o well_o accomplish_v and_o perform_v for_o never_o have_v i_o be_v even_o able_a any_o more_o to_o establish_v any_o friendship_n at_o all_o nor_o to_o feel_v any_o consolation_n nor_o entertain_v any_o particular_a love_n towards_o any_o other_o person_n than_o such_o as_o i_o understand_v and_o know_v to_o love_v almighty_a god_n and_o to_o procure_v to_o serve_v he_o nor_o be_v it_o now_o any_o long_a in_o my_o hand_n or_o power_n nor_o serve_v it_o a_o whitt_n to_o the_o purpose_n whether_o any_o of_o they_o be_v kindred_n or_o friend_n or_o no_o for_o if_o i_o understand_v not_o that_o he_o be_v the_o servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n or_o a_o person_n addict_v to_o prayer_n it_o be_v no_o less_o than_o a_o heavy_a cross_n for_o i_o to_o converse_v much_o with_o any_o creature_n and_o this_o be_v certain_o true_a to_o the_o uttermost_a of_o what_o i_o can_v judge_v of_o myself_o from_o that_o day_n forward_o i_o have_v remain_v full_a of_o courage_n and_o resolution_n to_o leave_v the_o whole_a world_n for_o almighty_a god_n in_o regard_n he_o have_v be_v please_v in_o that_o very_a moment_n for_o it_o seem_v no_o more_o to_o i_o than_o a_o very_a moment_n to_o make_v this_o servant_n of_o he_o become_v whole_o another_o creature_n than_o what_o she_o have_v be_v so_o that_o now_o there_o be_v no_o long_a need_n that_o they_o shall_v command_v i_o in_o that_o particular_a any_o more_o for_o when_o my_o ghostly_a father_n have_v find_v i_o to_o be_v so_o fix_v upon_o this_o point_n he_o have_v not_o yet_o adventure_v to_o will_v i_o express_o to_o do_v it_o for_o he_o do_v without_o all_o doubt_n expect_v that_o our_o lord_n shall_v be_v please_v to_o
this_o end_n some_o little_a poor_a good_a work_n which_o i_o do_v if_o i_o do_v any_o i_o become_v devote_a to_o some_o saint_n to_o the_o end_n that_o by_o their_o mean_n i_o may_v be_v deliver_v from_o the_o devil_n i_o perform_v the_o devotion_n of_o nine_o day_n i_o recommend_v myself_o to_o saint_n hilarion_n and_o to_o s._n michael_n also_o the_o archangel_n for_o i_o have_v late_o apply_v myself_o to_o he_o for_o this_o purpose_n and_o i_o importune_v also_o mame_v other_o saint_n that_o our_o lord_n may_v be_v please_v by_o their_o intercession_n to_o conduct_v i_o in_o the_o way_n of_o truth_n i_o say_v that_o they_o will_v find_v some_o mean_n to_o perfect_v this_o business_n of_o i_o with_o his_o divine_a majesty_n in_o fine_a after_o the_o end_n of_o two_o year_n which_o both_o i_o and_o other_o person_n have_v whole_o employ_v with_o all_o their_o prayer_n and_o i_o in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n that_o our_o lord_n may_v be_v please_v either_o to_o conduct_v my_o soul_n by_o some_o other_o way_n or_o else_o vouchsafe_v to_o declare_v that_o this_o way_n wherein_o i_o go_v be_v right_a for_o now_o those_o word_n and_o speech_n which_o i_o have_v relate_v that_o our_o lord_n will_v be_v utter_v to_o i_o sometime_o be_v grow_v very_o ordinary_a &_o even_o continual_a that_o chance_v and_o occur_v to_o i_o which_o i_o will_v now_o declare_v as_o i_o be_v in_o prayer_n one_o day_n and_o it_o be_v upon_o the_o festivitie_n of_o the_o glorious_a s._n peter_n i_o see_v stand_v very_o near_o i_o or_o rather_o to_o say_v better_o i_o think_v i_o feel_v for_o indeed_o i_o see_v nothing_o at_o all_o with_o the_o eye_n either_o of_o my_o body_n or_o of_o my_o mind_n that_o christ_n our_o lord_n be_v close_o by_o i_o and_o i_o find_v in_o fine_a that_o it_o be_v he_o in_o my_o opinion_n who_o be_v speak_v to_o i_o but_o now_o i_o who_o be_v extreme_o ignorant_a till_o then_o that_o there_o may_v be_v any_o such_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n as_o such_o a_o vision_n fall_v at_o the_o first_o into_o a_o mighty_a fear_n and_o i_o can_v do_v nothing_o but_o weep_v though_o yet_o through_o his_o give_v i_o assurance_n by_o his_o speak_v but_o one_o only_o word_n i_o find_v myself_o as_o i_o have_v former_o be_v not_o only_o without_o fear_n and_o very_o quiet_a but_o even_o with_o regalo_n and_o delight_n i_o thought_n that_o christ_n jesus_n our_o lord_n go_v ever_o close_o to_o i_o on_o one_o side_n but_o the_o vision_n not_o be_v imaginary_a or_o represent_v in_o any_o form_n i_o perceive_v not_o in_o what_o shape_n he_o be_v but_o as_o for_o his_o be_v ever_o on_o my_o right_a side_n i_o find_v and_o feel_v that_o very_o clear_o and_o that_o he_o be_v the_o witness_n of_o whatsoever_o i_o do_v and_o that_o i_o can_v not_o be_v recollect_v though_o it_o be_v never_o so_o little_a or_o rather_o indeed_o unless_o i_o be_v much_o divert_v or_o distract_v but_o i_o must_v needs_o in_o fine_a understand_v that_o he_o be_v very_o near_o i_o i_o than_o go_v immediate_o to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n be_v sufficient_o vex_v and_o grieved_a that_o i_o must_v let_v he_o know_v it_o he_o ask_v i_o what_o form_n or_o figure_n he_o have_v when_o i_o see_v he_o and_o i_o tell_v he_o that_o i_o have_v not_o see_v he_o upon_o this_o he_o inquire_v then_o how_o i_o know_v that_o it_o be_v christ_n our_o lord_n to_o this_o i_o answer_v that_o i_o know_v no_o more_o but_o that_o i_o can_v not_o possible_o fail_v or_o forbear_v to_o understand_v and_o know_v that_o he_o be_v close_o to_o i_o and_o that_o i_o find_v and_o feel_v it_o plain_o and_o that_o now_o the_o recollection_n of_o my_o soul_n in_o prayer_n of_o quiet_a be_v far_o great_a and_o more_o continual_a &_o that_o the_o effect_n be_v very_o different_a from_o those_o other_o which_o i_o have_v former_o find_v and_o that_o the_o thing_n be_v very_o certain_a and_o clear_a for_o my_o part_n i_o can_v do_v no_o more_o but_o bring_v diverse_a comparison_n whereby_o to_o give_v myself_o 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the_o remedy_n of_o her_o misery_n at_o the_o hand_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n though_o yet_o for_o her_o part_n she_o know_v not_o how_o to_o find_v any_o at_o all_o but_o only_o in_o death_n for_o by_o that_o mean_n she_o hope_v entire_o to_o enjoy_v her_o sovereign_n good_n at_o other_o time_n this_o pain_n fall_v upon_o a_o soul_n so_o fierce_o that_o neither_o this_o nor_o any_o thing_n else_o can_v be_v do_v for_o it_o peirce_v the_o whole_a body_n through_o and_o through_o and_o neither_o can_v the_o hand_n or_o foot_n be_v stir_v nay_o if_o we_o chance_v to_o be_v on_o foot_n and_o may_v happen_v sometime_o to_o sit_v down_o we_o do_v it_o like_o a_o kind_n of_o transport_v creature_n nor_o can_v the_o soul_n so_o much_o as_o breath_n but_o only_o utter_v certain_a profound_a lament_v sigh_n which_o yet_o be_v not_o great_a in_o show_n because_o she_o be_v not_o able_a to_o express_v they_o though_o yet_o they_o be_v very_o great_a in_o themselves_o it_o please_v our_o bless_a 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or_o rank_n yet_o howsoever_o i_o see_v thereby_o that_o there_o be_v so_o great_a a_o difference_n in_o heaven_n between_o one_o angel_n and_o another_o as_o i_o be_o no_o way_n able_a to_o express_v i_o see_v that_o he_o have_v a_o long_a dart_n of_o gold_n in_o his_o hand_n and_o at_o the_o end_n of_o the_o iron_n below_o i_o think_v there_o be_v a_o little_a fire_n and_o i_o conceive_v that_o he_o thrust_v it_o some_o several_a time_n through_o my_o very_a hart_n after_o such_o a_o manner_n as_o that_o it_o pass_v the_o very_a inward_o of_o my_o bowel_n and_o when_o he_o draw_v it_o back_o i_o think_v it_o carry_v
away_o as_o much_o as_o it_o have_v touch_v within_o i_o and_o leave_v all_o that_o which_o remain_v whole_o inflame_v with_o a_o great_a love_n of_o almighty_a god_n the_o pain_n of_o it_o be_v so_o excessive_a that_o it_o force_v i_o to_o utter_v those_o groan_n and_o the_o suavitie_n which_o that_o extremity_n of_o pain_n give_v be_v also_o so_o very_o excessive_a that_o there_o be_v no_o desire_v at_o all_o to_o be_v ride_v of_o it_o nor_o can_v the_o soul_n then_o receive_v any_o contentment_n at_o all_o in_o less_o than_o god_n almighty_a himself_o this_o be_v no_o corporal_n but_o a_o spiritual_a pain_n though_o yet_o the_o body_n do_v not_o fail_v to_o participate_v some_o part_n thereof_o yea_o and_o that_o not_o a_o little_a and_o it_o be_v such_o a_o dear_a delightful_a kind_n of_o intercourse_n which_o pass_v here_o between_o the_o soul_n and_o almighty_a god_n as_o i_o beseech_v he_o of_o his_o infinite_a goodness_n that_o he_o will_v give_v some_o touch_n or_o taste_v of_o it_o to_o whosoever_o shall_v believe_v that_o i_o lie_v during_o the_o time_n when_o i_o be_v in_o this_o state_n i_o go_v up_o and_o down_o that_o world_n like_o a_o odd_a kind_n of_o transport_a fool_n neither_o care_v i_o either_o to_o see_v any_o thing_n or_o to_o speak_v but_o content_v myself_o to_o consume_v with_o burning-up_a in_o my_o pain_n which_o be_v to_o be_v the_o great_a glory_n for_o i_o that_o this_o whole_a world_n can_v afford_v in_o this_o state_n be_v i_o now_o and_o then_o when_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v that_o these_o so_o very_o great_a rapt_n shall_v come_v upon_o i_o which_o i_o be_v not_o able_a sometime_o to_o resist_v even_o when_o i_o be_v in_o presence_n of_o secular_a people_n and_o so_o they_o grow_v to_o be_v public_a and_o this_o give_v i_o a_o very_a great_a deal_n of_o trouble_n but_o since_o the_o time_n that_o i_o be_o grow_v to_o have_v these_o rapt_n i_o feel_v not_o this_o pain_n so_o much_o as_o that_o other_o whereof_o i_o 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glorious_a s._n francis_n to_o the_o place_n where_o she_o be_v and_o she_o declare_v the_o great_a temptation_n and_o inward_a trouble_n which_o sometime_o she_o endure_v but_o now_o when_o i_o come_v to_o observe_v the_o little_a or_o nothing_o which_o i_o be_v able_a to_o effect_v towards_o the_o endure_a of_o those_o so_o great_a impulse_n or_o impetuosity_n whereof_o i_o be_v speak_v i_o grow_v to_o be_v in_o great_a fear_n of_o have_v they_o for_o it_o be_v pass_v any_o power_n of_o i_o to_o understand_v how_o pain_n and_o joy_n may_v be_v possible_o able_a to_o consist_v together_o that_o corporal_a pain_n and_o spiritual_a joy_n can_v be_v compatible_a i_o know_v well_o may_v be_v possible_a enough_o but_o that_o so_o excessive_a a_o spiritual_a pain_n shall_v be_v compatible_a with_o so_o excessive_a a_o spiritual_a gust_n do_v put_v i_o half_o as_o it_o be_v out_o of_o my_o wit_n and_o still_o i_o do_v not_o give-ove_a to_o procure_v to_o resist_v the_o arrival_n thereof_o though_o yet_o i_o have_v so_o little_a power_n that_o way_n that_o sometime_o i_o grow_v weary_a even_o of_o the_o endeavour_n i_o defend_v myself_o by_o the_o cross_n and_o so_o procure_v to_o help_v myself_o by_o that_o mean_n from_o he_o who_o give_v we_o all_o defence_n and_o succour_n by_o the_o same_o cross_n i_o see_v that_o no_o creature_n understand_v i_o and_o this_o i_o understand_v very_o clear_o though_o yet_o i_o dare_v not_o say_v so_o to_o any_o body_n but_o my_o ghostly_a father_n for_o that_o indeed_o may_v have_v authorise_v they_o to_o say_v true_o that_o i_o want_v humility_n but_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v to_o recover_v i_o from_o a_o great_a part_n of_o my_o trouble_n yea_o and_o even_o at_o that_o time_n from_o it_o all_o by_o bring_v that_o bless_a man_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n thither_o of_o who_o i_o make_v mention_v before_o when_o i_o speak_v somewhat_o of_o his_o great_a penance_n and_o now_o i_o also_o remember_v that_o among_o other_o thing_n i_o have_v be_v inform_v that_o for_o twenty_o year_n together_o he_o have_v wear_v upon_o his_o bare_a body_n a_o certain_a garment_n of_o latin_a in_o form_n of_o a_o hair_n cloth_n this_o man_n be_v the_o author_n of_o certain_a little_a treatise_n concern_v prayer_n write_v in_o spanish_a and_o they_o be_v now_o in_o the_o hand_n of_o many_o for_o he_o as_o be_v a_o person_n who_o have_v accustom_v himself_o much_o to_o that_o holy_a exercise_n write_v very_o profitable_o thereof_o for_o they_o who_o live_v in_o the_o observance_n of_o the_o first_o rule_n of_o the_o bless_a s._n francis_n according_a to_o the_o full_a rigour_n of_o the_o same_o when_o therefore_o a_o certain_a widow_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v else_o where_o who_o be_v a_o great_a servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o a_o particular_a friend_n of_o i_o come_v to_o know_v that_o so_o great_a a_o man_n be_v there_o with_o i_o and_o know_v also_o the_o great_a necessity_n wherein_o i_o be_v as_o have_v be_v the_o witness_n of_o my_o affliction_n and_o have_v comfort_v i_o in_o several_a occasion_n for_o her_o faith_n be_v ever_o so_o great_a that_o she_o can_v never_o in_o fine_a believe_v but_o that_o it_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o almighty_a god_n which_o all_o the_o rest_n will_v needs_o have_v to_o be_v the_o devil_n and_o consider_v also_o that_o she_o be_v a_o person_n of_o very_a good_a understanding_n and_o of_o great_a secrecy_n withal_o and_o one_o to_o who_o our_o lord_n vouchsafe_v to_o do_v great_a favour_n in_o prayer_n his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v to_o give_v her_o knowledge_n of_o those_o thing_n whereof_o they_o who_o be_v learned_a be_v whole_o ignorant_a my_o ghostly_a father_n than_o give_v i_o leave_v that_o i_o may_v ease_v myself_o in_o some_o thing_n with_o she_o for_o she_o be_v capable_a many_o way_n to_o understand_v they_o for_o sometime_o it_o have_v come_v to_o her_o turn_n to_o enjoy_v even_o some_o of_o those_o very_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v also_o vouchsafe_v to_o afford_v i_o together_o with_o certain_a advertisment_n which_o he_o have_v also_o give_v she_o for_o the_o good_a of_o her_o soul_n but_o now_o as_o soon_o as_o fray_n pedro_n come_v to_o know_v of_o my_o design_n he_o do_v without_o say_v any_o thing_n to_o i_o desire_v and_o get_v leave_v of_o my_o provincial_n that_o i_o may_v remain_v with_o she_o in_o her_o house_n for_o a_o matter_n of_o some_o eight_o day_n and_o so_o both_o there_o and_o in_o several_a church_n i_o speak_v with_o he_o diverse_a time_n in_o that_o first_o occasion_n of_o my_o be_v there_o for_o i_o communicate_v my_o affair_n with_o he_o also_o afterward_o in_o sundry_a occasion_n at_o which_o time_n i_o give_v he_o likewise_o account_v of_o my_o life_n though_o yet_o but_o in_o a_o summarie_a way_n and_o of_o the_o manner_n of_o my_o proceed_n in_o prayer_n and_o this_o with_o the_o great_a claritie_n which_o i_o can_v possible_o use_v for_o this_o property_n i_o ever_o have_v to_o treat_v with_o all_o claritie_n and_o truth_n with_o they_o to_o who_o i_o impart_v my_o soul_n yea_o and_o i_o still_o desire_v that_o even_o the_o first_o motion_n of_o my_o hart_n may_v be_v make_v know_v to_o they_o and_o as_o for_o such_o thing_n as_o may_v be_v subject_a any_o way_n to_o suspicion_n or_o doubt_v i_o still_o be_v wont_a to_o argue_v they_o proceed_v against_o myself_o with_o the_o strong_a reason_n that_o i_o can_v bring_v so_o that_o i_o impart_v my_o soul_n to_o this_o father_n without_o any_o manner_n of_o duplicitie_n or_o disguise_n at_o all_o and_o i_o find_v that_o he_o understand_v i_o almost_o even_o at_o
be_v never_o so_o much_o alone_o though_o yet_o i_o feel_v still_o that_o i_o know_v there_o be_v a_o god_n and_o i_o find_v also_o that_o it_o be_v my_o imagination_n and_o my_o understanding_n which_o do_v i_o so_o much_o hurt_v in_o these_o occasion_n and_o cafe_v for_o as_o for_o my_o will_n i_o think_v it_o stand_v right_a in_o i_o and_o that_o it_o be_v dispose_v to_o all_o goodness_n but_o this_o understanding_n of_o i_o be_v so_o entire_o lose_v that_o it_o seem_v to_o be_v no_o other_o thing_n than_o some_o furious_a and_o mad_a kind_n of_o fool_n who_o no_o body_n be_v able_a to_o bind_v nor_o be_o i_o so_o far_a mistress_n thereof_o as_o that_o i_o can_v make_v it_o quiet_a for_o one_o credo_fw-la sometime_o i_o fall_v on_o laugh_v and_o yet_o then_o do_v i_o know_v my_o misery_n and_o stand_v look_v upon_o my_o soul_n and_o permit_v she_o to_o do_v what_o she_o will_v and_o yet_o our_o lord_n be_v thank_v she_o never_o by_o any_o mean_n apply_v herself_o to_o any_o thing_n 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may_v hope_v from_o those_o terrible_a and_o perpetual_a torment_n since_o that_o time_n as_o i_o be_v say_v there_o be_v nothing_o which_o seem_v not_o easy_a to_o i_o in_o comparison_n of_o one_o moment_n of_o that_o which_o be_v to_o be_v suffer_v there_o and_o i_o be_v in_o a_o very_a great_a wonder_n that_o have_v so_o often_o read_v diverse_a book_n which_o give_v i_o some_o notice_n of_o a_o part_n of_o the_o torment_n of_o hell_n i_o fear_v they_o so_o little_a and_o hold_v they_o in_o so_o small_a account_n consider_v in_o what_o case_n i_o be_v then_o and_o how_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o receive_v contentment_n in_o any_o such_o thing_n as_o final_o be_v to_o carry_v i_o on_o to_o so_o wretched_a a_o place_n as_o that_o be_v be_v thou_o eternal_o bless_v o_o my_o god_n for_o how_o well_o have_v thou_o make_v it_o appear_v that_o thou_o love_v i_o incomparable_o better_a than_o i_o do_v myself_o how_o often_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n have_v thou_o deliver_v i_o from_o that_o dark_a and_o horrible_a dungeon_n and_o how_o often_o have_v i_o return_v to_o cast_v myself_o in_o thither_o again_o even_o against_o thy_o will_n from_o hence_o also_o i_o get_v a_o facility_n to_o be_v in_o very_o great_a pain_n for_o the_o many_o soul_n of_o these_o lutheran_n which_o be_v condemn_v to_o hell_n and_o especial_o because_o they_o have_v once_o be_v member_n of_o the_o holy_a catholic_a church_n by_o their_o baptism_n i_o gain_v also_o great_a impulse_n to_o do_v good_a to_o soul_n and_o real_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o to_o be_v very_o certain_a that_o for_o the_o save_n of_o any_o of_o they_o from_o so_o grievous_a and_o everlasting_a torment_n i_o can_v suffer_v many_o death_n with_o a_o very_a good_a will_n for_o i_o consider_v that_o if_o we_o see_v a_o person_n in_o this_o world_n who_o we_o love_v undergo_v any_o great_a affliction_n or_o pain_n it_o seem_v that_o even_o our_o natural_a disposition_n invite_v we_o to_o have_v compassion_n of_o the_o case_n and_o so_o much_o as_o that_o pain_n be_v great_a so_o much_o the_o more_o and_o therefore_o now_o to_o see_v a_o soul_n which_o be_v for_o ever_o to_o be_v enchain_v to_o the_o endure_v of_o that_o supreme_a affliction_n and_o misery_n of_o all_o misery_n who_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o bear_v it_o and_o what_o hart_n can_v ever_o brook_v it_o without_o strange_a trouble_n and_o since_o we_o be_v move_v here_o to_o so_o much_o compassion_n of_o man_n who_o misery_n have_v yet_o a_o term_n prefix_v and_o at_o the_o further_a they_o be_v to_o end_v with_o their_o life_n how_o shall_v we_o be_v able_a to_o get_v patience_n for_o think_v of_o the_o infinite_a torment_n of_o those_o other_o consider_v what_o a_o huge_a number_n of_o soul_n the_o devil_n be_v daily_o carry_v into_o hell_n this_o consideration_n also_o make_v i_o desire_v that_o in_o a_o business_n of_o so_o mighty_a importance_n we_o may_v not_o be_v satisfy_v with_o less_o than_o the_o do_v of_o the_o very_a uttermost_a 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thereof_o for_o our_o lord_n will_v help_v we_o all_o as_o he_o have_v do_v i_o and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n not_o to_o give_v over_o to_o hold_v i_o fast_o in_o his_o hand_n least_z if_o he_o do_v i_o return_v to_o fall_v for_o in_o that_o case_n i_o see_v already_o what_o be_v to_o become_v of_o i_o for_o ever_o but_o i_o beseech_v our_o b._n lord_n again_o not_o to_o suffer_v it_o even_o for_o his_o own_o mercy_n sake_n amen_n but_o now_o after_o my_o see_v all_o this_o as_o also_o many_o other_o great_a thing_n and_o secret_n which_o our_o lord_n through_o his_o own_o mercy_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o concern_v the_o glory_n which_o be_v design_v in_o the_o next_o life_n for_o the_o good_a and_o the_o torment_n for_o the_o wicked_a and_o i_o procure_v now_o to_o light_v upon_o some_o way_n or_o mean_n whereby_o i_o may_v do_v penance_n for_o so_o much_o ill_a as_o i_o have_v commit_v and_o may_v be_v able_a also_o to_o do_v somewhat_o towards_o the_o obtain_n of_o so_o great_a a_o good_a i_o desire_v even_o to_o fly_v out_o of_o the_o sight_n of_o mankind_n and_o now_o at_o length_n once_o for_o all_o to_o divide_v myself_o from_o the_o world_n and_o to_o part_v from_o it_o and_o my_o hart_n will_v now_o be_v quiet_a no_o long_o but_o yet_o be_v not_o that_o disquiet_n of_o i_o any_o troublesome_a kind_n of_o thing_n but_o rather_o of_o contentment_n and_o gust_n and_o it_o be_v evident_a that_o it_o come_v from_o almighty_a god_n and_o that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v give_v heat_n enough_o to_o this_o soul_n of_o i_o for_o the_o digest_v of_o other_o and_o strong_a meat_n than_o she_o have_v former_o take_v cause_n and_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v what_o i_o may_v possible_o he_o able_a to_o do_v for_o almighty_a god_n and_o the_o first_o thing_n i_o think_v be_v to_o follow_v that_o first_o call_v which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v give_v i_o to_o lead_v a_o religious_a life_n and_o that_o by_o the_o observance_n of_o my_o rule_n with_o the_o great_a perfection_n that_o i_o can_v practice_v and_o though_o there_o be_v in_o the_o monastery_n wherein_o i_o find_v myself_o at_o that_o time_n many_o servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n by_o who_o he_o be_v very_o much_o serve_v in_o that_o place_n yet_o in_o regard_n they_o want_v temporal_a mean_n many_o of_o the_o religious_a woman_n be_v cast_v into_o a_o kind_n of_o necessity_n to_o go_v abroad_o sometime_o for_o relief_n of_o the_o house_n but_o yet_o they_o do_v it_o so_o as_o to_o pass_v with_o all_o kind_n of_o chastity_n and_o piety_n and_o beside_o that_o house_n be_v not_o found_v according_a to_o the_o first_o rigour_n of_o the_o rule_n but_o only_o the_o same_o rule_n be_v observe_v in_o conformity_n with_o all_o the_o rest_n of_o the_o order_n according_a to_o the_o bull_n of_o relaxation_n and_o dispensation_n there_o be_v also_o some_o other_o inconvenience_n and_o beside_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o the_o place_n be_v of_o much_o regalo_n in_o regard_n that_o it_o be_v both_o large_a and_o pleasant_a but_o especial_o the_o inconvenience_n of_o go_v sometime_o out_o of_o the_o monastery_n be_v grow_v to_o be_v a_o very_a great_a one_o for_o i_o though_o former_o i_o have_v be_v one_o who_o make_v most_o familiar_a use_n of_o it_o myself_o in_o regard_n that_o sometime_o some_o person_n who_o the_o superior_n be_v importune_v can_v not_o well_o refuse_v take_v contentment_n that_o i_o shall_v accompany_v they_o who_o go_v abroad_o and_o by_o this_o mean_n according_a to_o the_o use_n which_o be_v hold_v i_o may_v grow_v by_o degree_n to_o remain_v very_o
find_v so_o many_o inconvenience_n in_o it_o that_o they_o be_v earnest_a in_o persuade_v i_o not_o to_o proceed_v therein_o but_o now_o i_o tell_v they_o heerupon_o that_o if_o they_o change_v their_o opinion_n so_o soon_o i_o will_v hold_v myself_o fast_o to_o the_o first_o at_o this_o time_n upon_o my_o entreaty_n and_o because_o this_o lady_n have_v never_o see_v that_o holy_a man_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n our_o lord_n be_v please_v that_o he_o shall_v come_v to_o her_o house_n and_o he_o be_v so_o great_a a_o lover_n of_o poverty_n and_o have_v observe_v and_o practise_v it_o so_o many_o year_n be_v not_o ignorant_a of_o the_o riches_n which_o it_o contain_v and_o so_o he_o assist_v i_o much_o and_o command_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v by_o no_o mean_n forbear_v to_o carrie-on_a my_o desire_n and_o now_o through_o his_o opinion_n and_o help_v he_o be_v a_o person_n who_o can_v best_o give_v counsel_n in_o it_o as_o understand_v the_o matter_n in_o hand_n by_o long_a experience_n i_o resolve_v that_o i_o will_v go_v seek_v no_o further_o and_o be_v one_o day_n recommend_v the_o matter_n earnest_o to_o christ_n our_o lord_n it_o please_v he_o to_o tell_v i_o express_o that_o i_o shall_v by_o no_o mean_n forbear_v to_o make_v the_o monastery_n poor_a that_o this_o be_v both_o his_o father_n will_n and_o his_o and_o that_o he_o will_v help_v i_o in_o it_o now_o there_o be_v so_o great_a effect_n hereof_o in_o a_o rapt_v which_o i_o have_v that_o i_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n doubt_n but_o that_o it_o be_v of_o almighty_a god_n another_o time_n he_o tell_v i_o that_o there_o be_v confusion_n in_o have_v revenue_n and_o he_o say_v also_o other_o thing_n in_o praise_n of_o poverty_n assure_v i_o that_o no_o such_o thing_n as_o be_v necessary_a for_o the_o life_n of_o man_n shall_v ever_o be_v want_v to_o such_o as_o serve_v he_o of_o which_o want_n as_o i_o be_v say_v i_o never_o be_v in_o fear_n for_o my_o part_n our_o lord_n do_v also_o turn_v the_o hart_n of_o the_o religious_a man_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n of_o who_o i_o say_v that_o he_o write_v to_o forbid_v i_o to_o make_v the_o monastery_n without_o revenue_n and_o now_o i_o be_v very_o well_o please_v upon_o the_o understanding_n of_o this_o and_o upon_o have_v also_o get_v some_o other_o vote_n i_o think_v i_o possess_v all_o the_o riches_n in_o the_o world_n by_o resolve_v to_o live_v on_o alm_n for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n about_o this_o time_n do_v my_o provincial_n discharge_v his_o commandment_n under_o obedience_n which_o he_o have_v impose_v upon_o i_o for_o stay_v there_o and_o leave_v it_o in_o my_o own_o choice_n either_o to_o return_v or_o else_o to_o stay_v for_o a_o certain_a time_n but_o there_o be_v now_o a_o election_n of_o a_o prioress_n to_o be_v make_v in_o our_o monastery_n and_o they_o advertise_v i_o that_o there_o be_v many_o who_o desire_v to_o impose_v that_o charge_n upon_o i_o whereof_o the_o only_o think_v be_v of_o so_o great_a 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and_o that_o since_o i_o desire_v a_o cross_n there_o be_v now_o a_o good_a great_a one_o provide_v for_o i_o and_o that_o i_o must_v not_o throw_v it_o away_o but_o go_v on_o with_o resolution_n and_o courage_n and_o that_o he_o will_v help_v i_o and_o therefore_o that_o i_o must_v instant_o go_v at_o this_o i_o be_v mighty_o trouble_v and_o do_v nothing_o but_o weep_v for_o i_o think_v it_o have_v be_v the_o cross_n of_o be_v superior_a and_o as_o i_o be_v say_v before_o i_o can_v not_o persuade_v myself_o that_o this_o can_v possible_o be_v good_a for_o my_o soul_n in_o any_o kind_n nor_o can_v i_o find_v any_o reason_n at_o all_o to_o induce_v i_o to_o it_o i_o relate_v all_o this_o story_n to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n and_o he_o command_v i_o to_o be_v go_v for_o it_o be_v evident_o of_o more_o perfection_n to_o do_v so_o but_o only_o because_o the_o heat_n be_v great_a i_o may_v yet_o stay_v where_o i_o be_v some_o few_o day_n for_o fear_n lest_o else_o the_o journey_n may_v do_v i_o harm_n and_o that_o in_o substance_n it_o will_v suffice_v if_o i_o be_v there_o when_o the_o election_n shall_v be_v make_v but_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v order_v thing_n otherwise_o the_o business_n of_o my_o journey_n be_v instant_o to_o be_v dispatch_v and_o do_v for_o the_o restlessness_n which_o i_o have_v in_o myself_o be_v very_o great_a together_o with_o my_o even_o want_v power_n to_o make_v my_o prayer_n and_o it_o seem_v also_o to_o i_o withal_o that_o i_o fall_v short_a in_o the_o performance_n of_o what_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v express_o command_v i_o and_o the_o while_n i_o do_v but_o pass_v my_o time_n there_o in_o ease_n and_o pleasure_n that_o it_o may_v seem_v as_o if_o i_o have_v no_o mind_n at_o all_o to_o labour_v and_o suffer_v and_o that_o all_o be_v upon_o the_o matter_n but_o talk_v whensoever_o there_o grow_v to_o be_v question_n of_o serve_v almighty_a god_n for_o else_o i_o be_v able_a to_o be_v where_o it_o be_v more_o perfection_n for_o i_o to_o find_v myself_o why_o do_v i_o forbear_v to_o effect_v it_o and_o if_o i_o shall_v die_v by_o the_o way_n in_o god_n name_n let_v i_o die_v but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n beside_o all_o the_o rest_n i_o find_v myself_o with_o a_o great_a press_v upon_o my_o very_a hart_n and_o our_o lord_n have_v whole_o deprive_v i_o of_o all_o kind_n of_o gust_n in_o my_o prayer_n in_o a_o word_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o such_o a_o condition_n as_o that_o now_o i_o be_v in_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o torment_n and_o i_o humble_o pray_v the_o lady_n where_o i_o be_v that_o she_o will_v allow_v i_o her_o leave_n to_o be_v go_v for_o already_o my_o ghostly_a father_n when_o he_o find_v i_o to_o be_v in_o that_o case_n will_v i_o also_o to_o begin_v my_o journey_n and_o our_o lord_n have_v also_o move_v he_o as_o well_o as_o i_o but_o the_o ladic_n have_v so_o great_a a_o sense_n of_o trouble_n for_o my_o departure_n that_o the_o same_o grow_v also_o to_o be_v another_o torment_n to_o i_o for_o she_o speak_v of_o how_o much_o trouble_v it_o have_v cost_v she_o to_o obtain_v this_o favour_n of_o leave_n at_o the_o hand_n of_o the_o provincial_n by_o mean_n of_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o importunity_n and_o real_o i_o hold_v it_o for_o a_o kind_n of_o very_o strange_a thing_n that_o she_o will_v be_v content_a to_o give_v way_n herein_o consider_v how_o very_o much_o she_o be_v trouble_v at_o it_o save_v only_o that_o i_o consider_v she_o as_o a_o very_a great_a servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o so_o i_o tell_v she_o once_o that_o my_o go_n import_v his_o service_n much_o with_o many_o other_o thing_n of_o that_o kind_n and_o let_v she_o also_o know_v that_o it_o be_v possible_a that_o i_o may_v return_v to_o see_v she_o again_o she_o grow_v with_o trouble_n enough_o to_o be_v yet_o content_a at_o last_o that_o i_o shall_v go_v but_o now_o i_o for_o my_o own_o part_n have_v no_o difficulty_n at_o all_o in_o do_v it_o for_o when_o once_o i_o come_v to_o understand_v that_o the_o thing_n be_v of_o more_o perfection_n and_o that_o it_o more_o import_v the_o service_n of_o almighty_a god_n that_o i_o shall_v go_v then_o stay_v i_o do_v by_o the_o contentment_n which_o it_o give_v i_o to_o content_v he_o pass_v easy_o over_o the_o pain_n of_o leave_v that_o lady_n who_o i_o see_v so_o much_o trouble_v at_o my_o journey_n as_o many_o other_o person_n also_o be_v to_o who_o i_o be_v oblige_v there_o very_o much_o and_o especial_o to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n who_o be_v of_o the_o
almighty_a god_n who_o have_v assist_v i_o always_o and_o be_v a_o great_a friend_n and_o favourer_n of_o all_o perfection_n go_v to_o the_o court_n to_o follow_v the_o business_n and_o labour_v in_o it_o very_o much_o and_o so_o also_o that_o holy_a cavalier_n of_o who_o i_o make_v mention_v before_o do_v very_o much_o therein_o and_o show_v it_o favour_n in_o all_o kind_n he_o endure_v also_o great_a trouble_n and_o persecution_n for_o it_o otherwise_o and_o i_o find_v he_o ever_o like_o a_o father_n to_o it_o and_o so_o i_o do_v also_o to_o this_o day_n and_o our_o lord_n do_v still_o inspire_v they_o who_o be_v our_o friend_n with_o such_o a_o deal_n of_o fervour_n that_o every_o one_o of_o they_o take_v our_o business_n to_o hart_n as_o much_o as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v proper_o his_o own_o and_o as_o if_o his_o whole_a honour_n and_o life_n have_v be_v concern_v in_o it_o though_o yet_o they_o have_v indeed_o no_o other_o interest_n then_o only_o in_o regard_n that_o they_o 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the_o man_n who_o give_v the_o habit_n to_o the_o religious_a and_o set-up_a the_o b._n sacrament_n there_o and_o he_o be_v subject_a to_o persecution_n enough_o for_o his_o labour_n this_o battery_n continue_v about_o half_a a_o year_n and_o to_o relate_v in_o particular_a manner_n the_o great_a trouble_n which_o pass_v in_o all_o that_o time_n will_v be_v along_o business_n for_o my_o part_n i_o wonder_v extreme_o at_o what_o a_o coil_n the_o devil_n keep_v against_o a_o few_o poor_a woman_n and_o how_o every_o body_n can_v understand_v that_o forsooth_o twelve_o religious_a and_o a_o prioress_n for_o they_o be_v no_o more_o can_v be_v think_v to_o be_v of_o such_o mischief_n to_o a_o whole_a city_n i_o mean_v such_o mischief_n to_o they_o who_o oppose_v it_o but_o as_o for_o the_o religious_a they_o be_v indeed_o of_o so_o austere_a life_n that_o if_o any_o hurt_n or_o error_n be_v to_o grow_v by_o that_o design_n it_o must_v be_v only_o to_o they_o and_o as_o for_o be_v of_o 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and_o wicked_a begin_v to_o think_v that_o perhaps_o our_o lord_n will_v not_o mislike_v that_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o since_o we_o can_v not_o obtain_v our_o end_n otherwise_o and_o therefore_o i_o be_v already_o grow_v to_o consent_v to_o this_o accord_n but_o be_v in_o prayer_n the_o night_n before_o the_o final_a conclusion_n thereof_o when_o the_o accord_n be_v even_o already_o begin_v our_o lord_n command_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v consent_v to_o no_o such_o thing_n as_o they_o intend_v and_o that_o if_o we_o begin_v to_o take_v revenue_n they_o will_v never_o give_v we_o leave_v to_o forgo_v it_o and_o diverse_a other_o thing_n he_o also_o tell_v i_o the_o self_n same_o night_n that_o holy_a creature_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n appear_v to_o i_o for_o than_o he_o be_v dead_a and_o before_o also_o he_o die_v he_o write_v to_o i_o and_o take_v notice_n of_o the_o great_a opposition_n &_o persecution_n which_o be_v raise_v against_o we_o he_o say_v he_o be_v hearty_o glad_a that_o this_o foundation_n be_v make_v with_o so_o great_a contradiction_n and_o how_o that_o serve_v he_o for_o a_o sign_n that_o our_o lord_n will_v grow_v to_o be_v great_o serve_v in_o this_o monastery_n since_o the_o devil_n take_v such_o pain_n to_o hinder_v it_o but_o yet_o he_o persuade_v we_o still_o that_o we_o shall_v by_o no_o mean_n accept_v of_o live_v upon_o revenue_n yea_o and_o he_o press_v this_o point_n in_o two_o or_o three_o several_a part_n of_o the_o same_o letter_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o if_o we_o persist_v therein_o we_o shall_v grow_v to_o effect_v the_o business_n according_a to_o our_o own_o desire_n i_o have_v already_o see_v he_o at_o two_o other_o several_a time_n after_o his_o death_n and_o i_o behold_v the_o much_o glory_n wherein_o he_o be_v and_o he_o give_v i_o no_o apprehension_n of_o fear_n at_o all_o but_o rather_o joy_v i_o much_o for_o he_o never_o appear_v to_o i_o but_o in_o the_o quality_n of_o a_o glorified_a body_n yea_o and_o full_a of_o excessive_a glory_n and_o so_o according_o he_o give_v i_o great_a joy_n to_o see_v he_o save_v that_o he_o partly_o show_v himself_o with_o a_o kind_n of_o severity_n or_o rigour_n when_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o in_o no_o case_n i_o shall_v accept_v of_o revenue_n and_o why_o will_v i_o not_o follow_v his_o counsel_n and_o so_o he_o instant_o vanish_v and_o i_o remain_v amaze_v i_o go_v therefore_o the_o next_o day_n to_o that_o cavalier_n he_o be_v the_o person_n to_o who_o we_o still_o carry_v all_o the_o business_n as_o to_o one_o who_o assist_v we_o most_o therein_o and_o i_o tell_v he_o what_o have_v pass_v and_o that_o he_o shall_v by_o no_o mean_n agree_v to_o take_v any_o revenue_n but_o rather_o to_o let_v the_o suit_n go_v on_o now_o he_o be_v even_o much_o more_o earnest_o of_o the_o same_o mind_n than_o i_o be_v myself_o and_o be_v very_o glad_a to_o find_v i_o of_o he_o and_o afterward_o tell_v i_o also_o how_o unwilling_o he_o ever_o speak_v about_o make_v any_o agreement_n or_o composition_n but_o a_o certain_a other_o person_n begin_v again_o ere_o long_o to_o declare_v himself_o against_o we_o and_o true_o she_o be_v a_o good_a servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n but_o yet_o she_o wish_v though_o she_o may_v have_v good_a intention_n therein_o that_o since_o the_o business_n be_v in_o so_o good_a state_n they_o may_v do_v well_o to_o put_v it_o into_o the_o hand_n of_o lawyer_n upon_o this_o i_o have_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o disquiet_n for_o some_o of_o they_o who_o assist_v megrew_n also_o to_o be_v of_o that_o opinion_n though_o yet_o indeed_o it_o be_v a_o very_a trick_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o perhaps_o it_o be_v a_o morsel_n of_o the_o hard_a desgestion_n of_o all_o the_o rest_n but_o our_o lord_n assist_v i_o in_o all_o for_o that_o be_v the_o sum_n of_o the_o business_n and_o it_o be_v no_o easy_a thing_n to_o give_v all_o that_o to_o be_v well_o understand_v which_o pass_v between_o the_o beginning_n and_o finish_v of_o this_o 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this_o light_n nor_o yet_o of_o any_o other_o thing_n at_o all_o which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o to_o understand_v and_o that_o with_o such_o a_o sovereign_a kind_n of_o delight_n as_o can_v possible_o be_v declare_v for_o all_o our_o sense_n enjoy_v such_o a_o superior_a degree_n of_o sweetness_n that_o it_o can_v no_o way_n be_v full_o express_v and_o therefore_o i_o think_v it_o will_v be_v best_a to_o say_v no_o more_o i_o have_v once_o be_v above_o a_o hour_n in_o this_o condition_n when_o our_o lord_n show_v i_o admirable_a thing_n and_o seem_v not_o to_o depart_v from_o be_v near_o i_o he_o speak_v these_o very_a word_n to_o i_o see_v here_o my_o daughter_n what_o they_o lose_v who_o be_v against_o i_o &_o do_v not_o thou_o forbear_v to_o let_v they_o know_v it_o but_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n what_o good_a will_v my_o say_n it_o do_v to_o they_o who_o their_o own_o action_n blind_a so_o deep_o if_o thy_o divine_a majesty_n do_v not_o give_v they_o light_v some_o there_o be_v to_o who_o thou_o have_v give_v it_o and_o they_o have_v profit_v much_o by_o know_v those_o greatness_n of_o thou_o but_o yet_o o_o my_o lord_n they_o see_v in_o such_o sort_n withal_o that_o they_o be_v show_v to_o such_o a_o wretched_a and_o miserable_a thing_n as_o myself_o that_o i_o can_v but_o esteem_v it_o a_o strange_a thing_n to_o find_v that_o any_o creature_n shall_v believe_v i_o bless_a be_v thy_o name_n and_o thy_o mercy_n for_o at_o least_o i_o have_v plain_o see_v a_o evident_a amendment_n in_o my_o own_o soul_n and_o i_o will_v be_v glad_a if_o i_o may_v still_o remain_v there_o and_o not_o come_v back_o to_o live_v here_o any_o more_o for_o the_o contempt_n wherein_o i_o hold_v this_o whole_a world_n be_v very_o great_a and_o it_o seem_v to_o be_v no_o better_o than_o even_o dung_n to_o i_o and_o now_o i_o find_v how_o base_o we_o be_v employ_v who_o be_v detain_v therein_o whilst_o i_o remain_v with_o that_o lady_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v before_o 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to_o make_v little_a account_n of_o that_o and_o they_o also_o who_o love_n god_n in_o good_a earnest_n and_o have_v shake_v hand_n with_o all_o the_o contentment_n of_o this_o life_n be_v certain_o wont_a to_o die_v with_o more_o sweetness_n it_o also_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o these_o favour_n do_v i_o very_o much_o good_a towards_o the_o bring_v i_o into_o a_o knowledge_n of_o our_o true_a country_n and_o to_o see_v that_o we_o be_v mere_a pilgrim_n here_o and_o it_o be_v a_o precious_a kind_n of_o thing_n to_o find_v what_o pass_v there_o above_o and_o to_o understand_v where_o in_o fine_a we_o be_v to_o live_v for_o ever_o and_o whensoever_o one_o go_v to_o settle_v and_o stay_v for_o good_a and_o all_o in_o any_o country_n it_o give_v a_o great_a assistance_n towards_o the_o endure_a all_o the_o incommodity_n of_o the_o journey_n when_o we_o know_v that_o the_o end_n of_o it_o be_v to_o be_v such_o as_o that_o we_o may_v in_o fine_a be_v in_o great_a repose_n and_o happiness_n 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impulse_n or_o impetuosity_n in_o myself_o the_o whole_a world_n seem_v to_o be_v but_o a_o very_a dream_n and_o all_o the_o object_n of_o these_o corporeal_a eye_n of_o i_o a_o mere_a jest_n and_o toy_n but_o that_o which_o already_o i_o have_v see_v with_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o say_v be_v the_o thing_n which_o she_o desire_v and_o because_o she_o find_v herself_o to_o be_v yet_o far_o off_o from_o thence_o this_o be_v that_o which_o be_v no_o less_o than_o even_o death_n itself_o to_o my_o soul_n in_o fine_a the_o favour_n be_v excessive_o great_a which_o our_o lord_n vouchsafe_v to_o that_o soul_n to_o who_o he_o give_v such_o vision_n as_o these_o for_o they_o help_v she_o much_o in_o all_o thing_n and_o particular_o to_o the_o carry_v of_o a_o certain_a heavy_a cross_n which_o lie_v upon_o she_o for_o nothing_o can_v satisfy_v she_o now_o but_o every_o thing_n disgust_n and_o check_v she_o and_o if_o our_o bless_a lord_n do_v not_o give_v way_n that_o we_o may_v forget_v it_o sometime_o though_o yet_o we_o remember_v it_o again_o afterward_o i_o know_v not_o how_o we_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o live_v let_v he_o be_v bless_v and_o praise_v for_o all_o eternity_n and_o i_o humble_o beg_v of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n even_o by_o that_o very_a precious_a blood_n which_o his_o own_o son_n shed_v for_o i_o that_o since_o he_o have_v vouchsafe_v that_o i_o shall_v understand_v somewhat_o of_o these_o benefit_n and_o blessing_n and_o that_o i_o shall_v begin_v to_o enjoy_v they_o also_o in_o some_o kind_n even_o in_o this_o life_n it_o
the_o rectour_n of_o the_o society_n of_o jesus_n who_o i_o mention_v before_o i_o have_v see_v some_o thing_n concern_v great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n do_v he_o but_o i_o will_v not_o insert_v they_o here_o for_o fear_v of_o be_v too_o long_o there_o happen_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o he_o once_o for_o he_o be_v persecute_v and_o find_v himself_o great_o afflict_v and_o i_o hear_v mass_n one_o day_n see_v christ_n our_o lord_n upon_o the_o cross_n just_a then_o when_o the_o priest_n elevate_v the_o sacred_a host_n and_o he_o speak_v certain_a word_n to_o i_o wherewith_o i_o be_v to_o acquaint_v he_o for_o his_o comfort_n and_o other_o also_o he_o speak_v by_o way_n of_o prevention_n of_o some_o future_a inconvenience_n which_o may_v arrive_v and_o he_o represent_v also_o to_o he_o how_o much_o himself_o have_v suffer_v for_o his_o sake_n and_o that_o therefore_o he_o shall_v prepare_v himself_o to_o suffer_v and_o this_o give_v he_o both_o much_o comfort_n and_o much_o courage_n and_o all_o happen_v to_o he_o just_a so_o as_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v foretell_v of_o the_o religious_a of_o a_o certain_a order_n yea_o and_o of_o that_o whole_a order_n together_o i_o have_v see_v great_a thing_n for_o i_o have_v see_v they_o sometime_o in_o heaven_n with_o white_a banner_n in_o their_o hand_n &_o i_o have_v see_v as_o i_o be_v say_v other_o thing_n of_o great_a admiration_n and_o according_o i_o have_v this_o order_n in_o much_o veneration_n for_o i_o have_v treat_v and_o communicate_v with_o they_o much_o and_o i_o see_v that_o their_o life_n be_v agreeable_a to_o that_o which_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v give_v i_o to_o understand_v concern_v they_o i_o be_v one_o night_n in_o prayer_n our_o lord_n begin_v to_o utter_v some_o word_n to_o i_o which_o bring_v i_o to_o remember_v how_o wicked_a my_o life_n have_v be_v and_o they_o give_v i_o confusion_n and_o pain_n enough_o for_o although_o they_o import_v not_o any_o rigour_n yet_o they_o endue_v i_o with_o such_o a_o tender_a kind_n of_o feeling_n and_o grief_n that_o the_o soul_n be_v even_o dissolve_v by_o it_o and_o we_o use_v in_o such_o case_n to_o find_v more_o benefit_n in_o the_o way_n of_o know_v out_o self_n by_o some_o one_o such_o word_n as_o these_o than_o we_o be_v able_a to_o acquire_v in_o many_o day_n by_o our_o own_o consideration_n of_o our_o misery_n for_o it_o bring_v such_o a_o truth_n to_o be_v even_o engrave_v in_o our_o soul_n as_o we_o can_v possible_o deny_v he_o represent_v to_o i_o also_o those_o inclination_n of_o i_o which_o i_o have_v former_o entertain_v towards_o creature_n with_o so_o much_o vanity_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o be_v to_o put_v a_o great_a value_n upon_o the_o desire_n which_o he_o have_v that_o i_o will_v lodge_v all_o my_o affection_n upon_o he_o which_o former_o i_o have_v employ_v so_o ill_o since_o he_o will_v accept_v thereof_o at_o other_o time_n he_o bid_v i_o remember_v that_o former_o i_o have_v sometime_o esteem_v it_o for_o a_o point_n of_o honour_n in_o i_o to_o go_v against_o his_o honour_n and_o yet_o at_o other_o time_n that_o i_o shall_v remember_v how_o much_o i_o owe_v he_o for_o that_o i_o use_v to_o commit_v the_o great_a offence_n against_o he_o whilst_o he_o use_v to_o be_v do_v i_o favour_n if_o i_o have_v any_o fault_n which_o be_v not_o few_o our_o lord_n give_v they_o so_o to_o be_v understand_v by_o i_o at_o those_o time_n that_o it_o make_v i_o even_o as_o it_o be_v annihilate_v myself_o and_o because_o i_o have_v many_o fault_n he_o use_v i_o so_o many_o time_n it_o happen_v to_o i_o once_o that_o a_o ghostile_a father_n reprehend_v i_o and_o when_o i_o think_v to_o comfort_v myself_o in_o prayer_n it_o be_v there_o that_o i_o find_v indeed_o my_o true_a reprehension_n but_o now_o to_o return_v to_o that_o which_o i_o be_v say_v when_o our_o lord_n begin_v to_o bring_v my_o wicked_a life_n to_o my_o remembrance_n which_o cost_v i_o a_o world_n of_o tear_n and_o when_o i_o also_o consider_v that_o i_o have_v do_v no_o good_a thing_n late_o which_o may_v even_o in_o my_o opinion_n deserve_v his_o favour_n i_o begin_v to_o consider_v a_o while_n whether_o he_o may_v not_o perhaps_o intend_v some_o new_a expression_n of_o goodness_n to_o i_o because_o whensoever_o i_o find_v myself_o receive_v any_o particular_a favour_n from_o our_o lord_n it_o be_v ordinary_o after_o i_o have_v even_o defeat_v and_o annihilate_v myself_o and_o i_o conceive_v that_o our_o lord_n proceed_v thus_o with_o i_o to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v see_v the_o more_o clear_o how_o far_o i_o be_o out_o of_o the_o way_n of_o deserue_v his_o favour_n short_o after_o this_o my_o spirit_n be_v so_o absorb_v and_o snatch_v away_o that_o in_o effect_n it_o seem_v to_o be_v absolute_o out_o of_o my_o body_n at_o least_o it_o be_v not_o understand_v that_o it_o live_v in_o it_o and_o then_o i_o see_v the_o most_o sacred_a humanity_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n in_o much_o more_o excessive_a glory_n than_o ever_o i_o have_v discern_v before_o now_o this_o be_v represent_v to_o i_o by_o a_o certain_a admirable_a and_o clear_a notice_n of_o his_o be_v place_v in_o the_o very_a bosom_n of_o his_o father_n nor_o yet_o do_v i_o know_v what_o to_o say_v of_o how_o this_o be_v for_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o i_o see_v myself_o present_a before_o that_o very_a divinity_n and_o yet_o without_o see_v myself_o and_o i_o remain_v so_o amaze_v and_o every_o way_n indeed_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o think_v there_o pass_v some_o day_n before_o i_o be_v able_a to_o return_v to_o myself_o for_o still_o i_o be_v conceave_a that_o i_o have_v the_o majesty_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n present_a with_o i_o though_o it_o be_v not_o yet_o like_o the_o former_a for_o this_o i_o understand_v well_o enough_o but_o how_o soever_o it_o remain_v so_o engrave_v in_o my_o imagination_n that_o i_o can_v be_v ride_v of_o it_o how_o short_a soever_o the_o time_n be_v wherein_o it_o be_v represent_v to_o i_o and_o this_o be_v matter_n both_o of_o great_a comfort_n and_o of_o great_a benefit_n to_o my_o soul_n now_o i_o have_v see_v this_o very_a vision_n at_o three_o other_o time_n and_o this_o in_o my_o opinion_n be_v absolute_o the_o most_o sublime_a vision_n which_o ever_o our_o bless_a lord_n give_v i_o and_o it_o bring_v the_o great_a improvement_n and_o profit_n with_o it_o for_o it_o seem_v that_o the_o soul_n be_v great_o purify_v by_o it_o and_o that_o it_o do_v utter_o take_v away_o all_o strength_n from_o the_o sensuality_n of_o our_o self-love_n it_o be_v a_o vehement_a flame_n which_o seem_v to_o burn_v up_o and_o even_o annihilate_v all_o the_o desire_n of_o this_o life_n and_o since_o god_n be_v bless_v for_o it_o i_o have_v already_o no_o inclination_n to_o idle_a and_o impertinent_a thing_n it_o be_v here_o declare_v to_o i_o in_o distinct_a manner_n that_o all_o be_v vanity_n and_o in_o particular_a how_o vain_a all_o the_o superiority_n and_o signory_n of_o this_o world_n be_v and_o it_o fall_v out_o also_o to_o be_v of_o mighty_a instruction_n for_o the_o raising-up_a of_o our_o desire_n to_o be_v lodge_v upon_o the_o purity_n of_o truth_n and_o there_o remain_v a_o high_a kind_n of_o adoration_n and_o reverence_n of_o god_n imprint_v after_o a_o certain_a manner_n which_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o describe_v but_o it_o be_v of_o a_o very_a different_a kind_n from_o whatsoever_o we_o can_v acquire_v in_o this_o world_n it_o create_v also_o a_o huge_a amazement_n in_o the_o soul_n to_o consider_v how_o she_o ever_o dare_v or_o how_o any_o creature_n can_v presume_v so_o far_o as_o to_o think_v of_o offend_v such_o a_o supreme_a majesty_n of_o almighty_a god_n i_o have_v declare_v sometime_o heretofore_o the_o effect_n of_o vision_n and_o such_o other_o thing_n but_o i_o have_v also_o say_v already_o that_o a_o soul_n receave_v more_o or_o less_o profit_n according_a to_o the_o proportion_n and_o manner_n of_o the_o vision_n as_o the_o same_o may_v be_v either_o more_o or_o less_o but_o in_o this_o it_o be_v extraordinary_o great_a when_o i_o come_v to_o receive_v the_o bless_a sacrament_n and_o i_o do_v then_o record_v to_o myself_o that_o incomparable_a majesty_n which_o i_o have_v see_v and_o understand_v to_o be_v the_o very_a same_o which_o be_v in_o this_o most_o holy_a sacrament_n and_o many_o time_n our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o let_v i_o see_v he_o in_o the_o sacred_a host_n where_o upon_o the_o very_a hair_n of_o my_o head_n will_v stand_v on_o end_n and_o i_o thought_n i_o be_v even_o annihilate_v outtight_n o_o my_o dear_a lord_n and_o if_o thou_o do_v
not_o overshadow_v and_o even_o hide_v thy_o greatness_n who_o will_v ever_o presume_v to_o approach_v so_o often_o as_o we_o do_v towards_o the_o join_n of_o such_o wretched_a and_o filthy_a thing_n as_o we_o be_v to_o so_o high_a a_o majesty_n as_o thou_o but_o bless_a be_v thou_o for_o ever_o my_o dear_a lord_n and_o let_v the_o angel_n vea_o and_o all_o creature_n praise_n and_o glorifye_v thy_o holy_a name_n who_o do_v so_o measure_v and_o weigh_v thing_n out_o together_o with_o our_o great_a weakness_n as_o that_o we_o may_v be_v able_a to_o enjoy_v those_o sovereign_a favour_n of_o thou_o without_o be_v fright_v by_o thy_o infinite_a power_n though_o yet_o we_o be_v so_o miserable_a and_o unworthy_a creature_n i_o think_v it_o may_v happen_v to_o we_o here_o as_o once_o it_o do_v to_o another_o and_o this_o i_o know_v to_o be_v true_a a_o certain_a labouring-man_n find_v a_o treasure_n and_o the_o same_o fall_v out_o to_o be_v great_a than_o can_v get_v room_n in_o his_o straight_a and_o narrow-hart_n he_o come_v to_o have_v this_o treasure_n in_o his_o power_n grow_v withal_o to_o have_v such_o a_o melancholy_n in_o his_o mind_n that_o he_o come_v by_o little_a and_o little_a to_o die_v by_o the_o very_a care_n and_o affliction_n of_o his_o thought_n for_o not_o know_v what_o he_o be_v best_a to_o do_v with_o his_o treasure_n whereas_o if_o he_o have_v not_o find_v it_o all_o together_o but_o that_o some_o one_o have_v give_v it_o he_o by_o little_a and_o little_a accommodate_v he_o and_o sustain_v he_o by_o degree_n the_o poor_a man_n will_v have_v live_v content_v and_o it_o will_v never_o have_v cost_v he_o his_o life_n o_o thou_o who_o be_v the_o riches_n of_o the_o poor_a and_o how_o admirable_o do_v thou_o know_v how_o to_o sustain_v soul_n and_o how_o careful_a be_v thou_o to_o show_v they_o treasure_n by_o little_a and_o little_a and_o that_o they_o may_v not_o see_v too_o much_o at_o once_o when_o i_o see_v so_o great_a a_o majesty_n as_o thou_o dissemble_v as_o it_o be_v and_o disguised_z in_o so_o small_a a_o thing_n as_o the_o sacred_a host_n it_o be_v true_a that_o in_o these_o latter_a time_n and_o since_o i_o have_v be_v partaker_n of_o these_o vision_n i_o be_o even_o in_o admiration_n at_o so_o great_a a_o wisdom_n nor_o do_v i_o know_v how_o our_o lord_n give_v i_o strength_n and_o courage_n to_o approach_v it_o but_o if_o he_o who_o have_v do_v i_o and_o do_v i_o still_o so_o great_a favour_n do_v not_o govern_v i_o also_o herein_o it_o be_v not_o possible_a that_o i_o can_v dissemble_v the_o matter_n any_o long_o but_o must_v cry_v out_o and_o that_o aloud_o at_o the_o sight_n of_o so_o great_a wonder_n as_o these_o and_o what_o now_o be_v it_o then_o that_o so_o miserable_a a_o creature_n and_o so_o load_v with_o abomination_n as_o i_o be_o and_o who_o have_v spend_v my_o whole_a life_n in_o so_o little_a fear_n of_o almighty_a god_n aught_o to_o find_v with_o all_o reason_n in_o herself_o to_o see_v that_o she_o approach_v so_o great_a a_o majesty_n even_o when_o he_o be_v please_v that_o my_o soul_n shall_v behold_v he_o with_o her_o very_a eye_n how_o shall_v this_o mouth_n of_o i_o which_o have_v utter_v so_o many_o word_n against_o the_o service_n of_o that_o very_a lord_n himself_o presume_v to_o touch_v that_o most_o glorious_a body_n of_o he_o so_o full_a of_o piety_n and_o purity_n since_o the_o love_n which_o that_o divine_a countenance_n of_o so_o much_o beauty_n suavitie_n and_o affability_n discover_v to_o we_o do_v more_o afflict_v and_o wound_v the_o soul_n then_o do_v even_o that_o fear_n and_o terror_n which_o be_v breed_v in_o we_o by_o the_o consideration_n of_o his_o high_a majesty_n but_o what_o then_o shall_v i_o feel_v in_o myself_o who_o have_v see_v all_o this_o whereof_o i_o speak_v two_o several_a time_n i_o be_o real_o about_o to_o say_v o_o thou_o my_o dear_a lord_n and_o the_o very_a glory_n of_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o have_v in_o some_o kind_n do_v thou_o service_n by_o the_o great_a affliction_n which_o my_o soul_n have_v feel_v in_o herself_o and_o yet_o alas_o alas_o i_o can_v hardly_o tell_v even_o what_o i_o say_v who_o be_o in_o effect_n write_v this_o without_o know_v almost_o what_o i_o do_v for_o i_o find_v that_o i_o be_o all_o trouble_a yea_o and_o half_a beside_o myself_o when_o i_o go_v back_o to_o bring_v these_o thing_n to_o my_o remembrance_n though_o i_o may_v seem_v to_o have_v some_o little_a reason_n for_o what_o i_o say_v and_o that_o i_o have_v do_v some_o little_a thing_n for_o thy_o service_n o_o my_o lord_n &_o my_o god_n but_o since_o i_o be_o not_o the_o owner_n of_o so_o much_o as_o one_o good_a thought_n if_o thou_o impart_v it_o not_o to_o i_o there_o be_v nothing_o for_o which_o i_o can_v pretend_v to_o be_v thank_v but_o i_o be_o still_o the_o debtor_n o_o my_o lord_n and_o still_o thou_o be_v the_o party_n offend_v go_v one_o day_n to_o receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n i_o see_v two_o divelis_n with_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o soul_n more_o clear_o then_o if_o i_o have_v see_v they_o with_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o body_n in_o a_o most_o abominable_a figure_n and_o i_o think_v their_o horn_n do_v encompass_v the_o very_a throat_n of_o a_o certain_a poor_a priest_n and_o i_o see_v also_o my_o lord_n with_o that_o great_a majesty_n whereof_o i_o have_v speak_v place_v in_o those_o hand_n of_o that_o priest_n which_o he_o be_v go_v to_o minister_v to_o i_o with_o the_o same_o sinful_a hand_n of_o he_o for_o i_o understand_v that_o soul_n to_o be_v then_o in_o the_o state_n of_o mortal_a sinne._n but_o now_o what_o kind_n of_o object_n must_v it_o be_v to_o see_v thy_o beauty_n o_o my_o lord_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o so_o abominable_a figure_n those_o devil_n be_v as_o all_o amaze_a and_o fright_v in_o thy_o presence_n and_o willing_o enough_o will_v have_v be_v go_v from_o thence_o if_o they_o can_v have_v get_v thy_o leave_n this_o give_v i_o such_o a_o excessive_a trouble_n that_o i_o know_v not_o how_o i_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o communicate_v through_o the_o great_a fear_n wherein_o i_o be_v as_o conceave_a that_o if_o it_o have_v be_v a_o true_a vision_n his_o divine_a majesty_n will_v never_o have_v permit_v that_o i_o shall_v discern_v the_o misery_n wherein_o that_o poor_a soul_n remain_v the_o same_o dear_a lord_n of_o i_o command_v i_o to_o pray_v for_o that_o soul_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o he_o have_v suffer_v what_o i_o have_v see_v to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v know_v of_o how_o great_a power_n and_o force_n the_o word_n of_o consecration_n be_v and_o that_o almighty_a god_n will_v not_o be_v keep_v from_o thence_o how_o wicked_a soever_o that_o priest_n shall_v be_v who_o pronounce_v they_o and_o to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v also_o discern_v his_o great_a goodness_n in_o not_o forbear_v to_o put_v himself_o into_o the_o hand_n even_o of_o his_o great_a enemy_n for_o the_o good_a both_o of_o i_o and_o of_o all_o man_n and_o i_o also_o understand_v thereby_o how_o much_o more_o priest_n be_v oblige_v to_o be_v virtuous_a and_o good_a than_o other_o man_n and_o how_o terrible_a a_o thing_n it_o be_v to_o take_v the_o b._n sacrament_n unworthy_o and_o how_o absolute_a a_o lord_n the_o devil_n be_v of_o any_o soul_n which_o be_v in_o mortal_a sinne._n in_o fine_a this_o passage_n do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o good_a and_o give_v i_o a_o most_o particular_a knowledge_n of_o the_o very_a great_a obligation_n wherein_o i_o be_v to_o almighty_a god_n and_o let_v he_o be_v bless_v and_o praise_v for_o all_o eternity_n amen_n another_o time_n i_o happen_v to_o see_v another_o thing_n which_o amaze_v i_o extreme_o i_o be_v in_o a_o certain_a place_n where_o a_o certain_a person_n die_v who_o have_v live_v very_o ill_a and_o that_o many_o year_n but_o during_o two_o of_o they_o he_o have_v be_v sick_a and_o in_o some_o thing_n he_o also_o seem_v to_o be_v reform_v this_o man_n die_v without_o confession_n but_o still_o it_o 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beg_v his_o health_n of_o our_o lord_n after_o a_o very_a importunate_a manner_n and_o in_o this_o i_o see_v clear_o by_o the_o very_a uttermost_a of_o what_o i_o be_o able_a to_o imagine_v how_o much_o favour_n our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v i_o therein_o for_o instant_o upon_o the_o very_a next_o day_n he_o be_v absolute_o well_o i_o be_v once_o in_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o trouble_n because_o i_o come_v to_o know_v that_o a_o certain_a person_n to_o who_o i_o be_v much_o oblige_v be_v resolve_v to_o do_v a_o thing_n which_o be_v great_o against_o the_o honour_n both_o of_o almighty_a god_n and_o himself_o and_o yet_o he_o be_v very_o much_o bend_v to_o do_v the_o thing_n now_o my_o trouble_n for_o this_o be_v so_o great_a that_o i_o know_v not_o which_o way_n to_o find_v remedy_n and_o mean_n to_o make_v he_o leave_v it_o and_o indeed_o it_o rather_o seem_v that_o there_o be_v none_o but_o then_o i_o beseech_v almighty_a god_n and_o that_o with_o my_o whole_a hart_n that_o he_o will_v help_v we_o and_o till_o i_o can_v find_v it_o do_v i_o shall_v be_v in_o pain_n be_v therefore_o now_o in_o this_o case_n i_o go_v to_o a_o certain_a oratory_n a_o little_a remore_n from_o where_o i_o be_v for_o there_o be_v diverse_a such_o in_o this_o monastery_n and_o find_v a_o picture_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n as_o he_o be_v bind_v to_o the_o pillar_n i_o humble_o beg_v of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n to_o do_v i_o that_o favour_n and_o present_o i_o hear_v one_o speak_v to_o i_o in_o a_o most_o sweet_a voice_n but_o it_o be_v frame_v as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v in_o the_o manner_n of_o whistle_v for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v all_o in_o a_o fright_n and_o the_o very_a hair_n of_o my_o head_n stand_v a_o end_n and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a desire_n to_o hear_v what_o it_o say_v to_o i_o but_o when_o once_o my_o fear_n be_v go_v which_o be_v also_o quick_o i_o remain_v with_o rest_n and_o joy_n and_o so_o great_a a_o interior_a kind_n of_o delight_n that_o it_o amaze_v i_o how_o the_o only_o hear_v of_o a_o voice_n and_o that_o with_o the_o only_o ear_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n yea_o and_o without_o the_o articulation_n or_o frame_v of_o any_o one_o word_n be_v able_a to_o produce_v so_o powerful_a a_o operation_n in_o the_o soul_n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o find_v even_o thereby_o that_o the_o thing_n which_o i_o have_v desire_v shall_v be_v do_v and_o so_o it_o be_v and_o the_o pain_n wherein_o i_o find_v myself_o concern_v it_o be_v utter_o remove_v in_o a_o thing_n which_o be_v not_o yet_o as_o if_o i_o have_v find_v it_o to_o be_v certain_o grant_v as_o it_o happen_v to_o be_v afterward_o and_o i_o relate_v the_o whole_a accident_n to_o my_o confessor_n who_o at_o that_o time_n be_v two_o and_o they_o both_o be_v very_o learned_a man_n and_o the_o servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n i_o know_v also_o of_o a_o certain_a person_n who_o have_v resolve_v to_o serve_v his_o divine_a majesty_n in_o very_o good_a earnest_n and_o he_o have_v use_v 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and_o i_o believe_v it_o have_v be_v more_o than_o a_o month_n wherein_o i_o do_v almost_o nothing_o else_o but_o beg_v of_o almighty_a god_n that_o he_o will_v bring_v this_o soul_n back_o to_o himself_o and_o be_v in_o prayer_n one_o day_n i_o see_v a_o devil_n hard_a by_o i_o with_o certain_a paper_n in_o his_o hand_n which_o he_o be_v tear_v and_o he_o seem_v to_o be_v in_o a_o very_a great_a rage_n but_o this_o put_v i_o into_o much_o comfort_n because_o i_o conceive_v thereby_o that_o my_o suit_n be_v grant_v and_o so_o it_o be_v as_o i_o come_v to_o know_v afterward_o for_o the_o party_n have_v be_v at_o confession_n and_o have_v do_v it_o with_o great_a contrition_n and_o he_o return_v in_o so_o very_o good_a earnest_n to_o almighty_a god_n that_o i_o hope_v in_o his_o divine_a majesty_n he_o will_v ever_o go_v advance_v in_o his_o service_n and_o let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o ever_o amen_n in_o this_o particular_a of_o procure_v our_o bless_a lord_n to_o bring_v soul_n out_o 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i_o see_v i_o be_o able_a to_o beg_v often_o and_o that_o with_o great_a importunity_n and_o though_o i_o carry_v not_o the_o particular_a care_n of_o they_o about_o i_o yet_o i_o think_v they_o come_v before_o i_o of_o themselves_o so_o that_o the_o difference_n between_o these_o two_o way_n of_o ask_v be_v so_o very_o great_a as_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o declare_v for_o though_o i_o ask_v in_o one_o of_o these_o kind_n of_o thing_n wherein_o i_o forbear_v not_o to_o urge_v myself_o to_o beg_v they_o of_o our_o lord_n howsoever_o i_o feel_v not_o that_o kind_n of_o fervour_n in_o myself_o which_o i_o do_v in_o those_o other_o and_o though_o they_o chance_v to_o import_v my_o own_o particular_a very_o much_o yet_o be_v it_o in_o effect_n but_o as_o when_o a_o man_n chance_v to_o be_v toung-tyed_n who_o although_o he_o will_v fain_o speak_v yet_o he_o can_v do_v it_o and_o if_o he_o speak_v it_o be_v but_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o he_o see_v it_o can_v be_v understand_v whereas_o the_o other_o be_v as_o when_o a_o man_n speak_v clear_a and_o plain_a to_o a_o man_n who_o he_o find_v very_o willing_a to_o hear_v he_o or_o else_o let_v we_o say_v that_o one_o of_o those_o favour_n be_v beg_v as_o by_o a_o vocal_a prayer_n and_o the_o other_o as_o in_o a_o way_n of_o contemplation_n which_o be_v so_o very_o sublime_a that_o our_o lord_n represent_v himself_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o we_o understand_v that_o he_o understand_v we_o and_o that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v joy_v to_o see_v that_o we_o beg_v any_o thing_n of_o he_o that_o so_o he_o may_v do_v we_o favour_n bless_a be_v he_o for_o ever_o who_o give_v we_o so_o much_o and_o to_o who_o i_o give_v so_o little_a for_o what_o o_o my_o lord_n do_v any_o man_n who_o do_v not_o even_o defeat_v himself_o whole_o for_o thou_o and_o yet_o how_o much_o how_o much_o how_o much_o and_o a_o thousand_o time_n more_o i_o may_v say_v how_o much_o be_o i_o want_v herein_o and_o now_o upon_o this_o 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and_o that_o there_o be_v to_o be_v no_o security_n at_o all_o as_o long_o as_o we_o shall_v continue_v in_o this_o world_n i_o be_v also_o give_v to_o understand_v how_o well_o our_o labour_n be_v employ_v in_o this_o strife_n and_o war_n since_o it_o will_v not_o fail_v to_o be_v follow_v with_o so_o high_a a_o reward_n and_o i_o think_v our_o bless_a lord_n have_v compassion_n of_o they_o who_o live_v in_o this_o world_n but_o that_o i_o must_v not_o think_v that_o he_o have_v forget_v i_o yea_o and_o that_o he_o will_v never_o leave_v i_o but_o yet_o so_o as_o that_o still_o i_o must_v also_o do_v my_o part_n in_o help_v myself_o and_o this_o do_v our_o bless_a lord_n declare_v to_o i_o with_o a_o kind_n of_o tender_a compassion_n and_o regalo_n accompany_v with_o certain_a word_n whereby_o so_o high_a favour_n be_v do_v i_o as_o i_o need_v not_o stand_v here_o to_o relate_v and_o these_o other_o which_o follow_v here_o now_o his_o divine_a majesty_n say_v also_o often_o to_o i_o 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