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B09153 Theatre of wits ancient and modern attended with severall other ingenious pieces from the same pen [brace] viz. I. Faenestra in pectore, or, A century of familiar letters, II. Loves labyrinth: A tragi-comedy, III. Fragmenta poetica, or, Poetical diversions, IV. Virtus redivivi, a panegyrick on our late king Charles of ever blessed memory concluding with A panegyrick on His Sacred Majesties most happy return / by T.F. Forde, Thomas. 1661 (1661) Wing F1548A; ESTC R177174 187,653 418

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yielded unto was the first that repented it not knowing how or whither she should goe and besides was all rent and bruised being forced against nature to follow a member that had neither seeing nor hearing to conduct it Our factions fractions and lawless liberty render us like the poor Bactrans of whom it is said that they are Sine Fide sine Rege sine Lege But whither is my pen running Since I began with the Excise in England I will waft you over into Holland where it first began and was invented there you shall see how ill the Dutchmen at first relished this Tax upon their drink It occasioned this Libel in Dutch which you shall read in English I wish long life may him befall And not one good day therewithal And Hell-fire after this life here Who first did raise this Tax on Beer With this Postscript The Word of God and the Tax on Beer last for ever and ever But it is no wonder the Dutchman should be so angry with this charge upon his drink since you know it is said Germanorum vivere est bibere And they account the turning of water into wine the greatest Miracle that ever Christ did which miracle onely made one of them wish that Christ had lived in their Country No more now but that I am still as always Sir your Servant T. F. To Mr. T. C. Sir WE have now thanks to our Preserver lived to see those men confuted to their faces who would needs determine the end of the world before the end of the year and upon no better ground that I could hear from any of them than this because say they the old world was drowned in the year from the Creation 1657. And I find the Learned Alstedius fathering of this fancie because he found the same number of yeares in the Chronogram of Conflagratio Mundi How miserably and yet how often have the too credulous vulgar been deluded by the vain Predictions of such idle Astrologasters I remember Hollingshed tells a storie of the Prior of St. Bartholomews London who built him an house on Harrow-hill to secure himself from a supposed flood foretold by an Astrologer But at last he with the rest of his seduced company came down again as wise as they went up Such is the fate and folly of those false prophets that they often live to see themselves confuted It is a witty jeer the Cambro-Britannian Epigrammatist puts upon the Scotch Napier who more wisely had determined the end of the world at a farther distance Cor mundi finem propiorem non facis ut ne ante obitum mendax arguerere Sapis Thus as is well observed by a late and Learned Author Astrologers have told of a sad and discontented day which would weep it's eyes out in showers which when 't was born proved a Democritus and did nothing but laugh at their ignorance and folly Infinite are the Stories upon Record of the madness of those men and the vanitie and credulity of the easie multitude Strange that they should be so grossely and yet so often cheated with the same bait But I conclude with a more serious observation of Ludolphus of the two destructions of the world As the first sayes he was by water for the heat of their lust so the second shall be by fire for the coldnesse of their love In hopes that ours is not yet grown cold I subscribe my self Sir your loving Friend T. F. To Mr. E. M. Sir BOdin the Frenchman in his Method of History accounts Englishmen barbarous for their Civil Wars But his Countrymen at this time have no great reason to cast dirt in our faces till they have wash'd their own They who have hitherto set us on fire and warm'd their hands by it are now in the like flames themselves It hath been one of their Cardinal Policies to divide us lest our union should prove their ruine It was the saying of the D. of Rohan a great States-man That England was a mighty Animal and could never die unless it kill'd it self Certainly we have no worse enemies than our selves as if we had conspired our own ruine For Plutarch calls the ardent desire of the Graecians to make Civil Wars in Greece a Conspiracie against themselves But well may the winds and waves be Pilots to that ship whose inferiour Mariners have thrown their Pylot over-board Dum ille regnabat tranquillè vivebamus neminem metuebamus said the people of the Emperour Pertinax We remember the time when we lived in peace and plenty till we surfeited of our happiness and as our peace begat plenty so our plenty begat pride and pride brought forth animosities and factions and they if not prevented will be delivered of our ruine and destruction In times past sayes Cornelius Tacitus of our Countrymen they lived under a Monarchy now that they are subject to divers Masters one can see nothing but faction and divisions amongst them This was spoken of our forefathers and our Posteritie will think it meant onely of us The God of union re-unite us and out of this Chaos of confusion create an happy concord amongst us before our rents prove our ruine and our distractions our destruction This is the constant and hearty prayer of Sir your assured Servant T. F. To Mr. T. C. Sir I Must tell you you are not justly troubled at the injustice of our new Judges since they have thereby rendred those brave men Martyrs which otherwise had died as Criminals Socrates his wife exasperated her grief by this circumstance Good Lord said she how unjustly doe these bad Judges put him to death What wouldst thou rather they should execute me justly replyed he to her The injustice of the Judges sentence declare the justness of the condemned's cause It is not the being a Judge that makes his sentence just or the prisoner guilty There have been those and we have seen them who have committed murther with the Sword of Justice and executed Justice as a malefactor Nor have the friends of those happy Martyrs any cause to be ashamed of or grieved for their death or manner of it Damnari dissecari suspendi decolari piis cum impiis sunt communia sayes Erasmus Varia sunt hominum judicia Ille foelix qui judice Deo absolvitur The old Martyrs have accounted martyrdom the way to heaven on hors-back The first man that died to heaven but the first man that went to heaven died a Martyr suffered a violent death by the hands of a cruel and unmerciful brother We have lived to see that politick principle of Periander put in practice who being consulted with how to preserve a tyranny bid the messenger stand still whilest he walking in a garden topt all the highest flowers thereby signifying the cutting off and bringing low of the Nobility Yet will not this do with us it is but like Cadmus his sowing of serpents teeth which will raise up armed men to revenge the quarrel of those
that there are yet some that dare patronize the Muses when grown poor But as the scarcitie increases your honour so would it my shame if I should be so ingrateful as not to acknowledge it though I must confess my retribution will be as bad as my mind is good to erect a Pyramid to your singular example in this Age. Not that I intend any Panygerick of your praises that were fitter for the Pen of Pliny or the Mouth of Cicero Give me leave only without a blush to acknowledge my many engagements to your merit lest I should meet with the obloquie of the French who the Historian sayes remember good turns no longer than they are in doing Sir when I seriously consider your large reward of so short a desert me thinks had I Plutarchs art I could parallel it with the bounty of Artaxerxes who return'd precious gifts to poor Sinaetas for his handful of water Or if that be too small to Alexander the Great who returned doubly to Anaxarchus for a small gift he received of him Thus rich grounds yeild double flowers for single seeds Or yet if these be too low to Streton who studied to excel all other men in Liberalitie And might it not be thought flattery to praise a man to his face I would tell others that your Generous disposition is a miracle in this Age equal'd if not excel'd one of whom the Ancients boast that was readier to give than others to receive But I fear to offend your modesty will therefore silently admire what I cannot safely speak knowing there is also an eloquence in silence Yet would I not altogether have my thankfulness like men near the River Ganges without a Tongue Alas Sir what worth was there in that plain piece that should cause so rich a recompence Truly Sir besides the reverence which as a dictate to natures law I alwayes bare you your many favours but especially the last will exact from me without a complement the speech of Furnius to Caesar Efficisti●ut viverem morer ingratus Excuse the relating it in it's proper Idiom For though it be said that the Tuscane Speech sounds better in the mouth of Stranger● than of the Natives I think not so of the Latine You have so obliged me that to use the expression of a Father to his friend I owe you Et quae possum quae non possum So that did I not hope to meet with a merciful Creditor I must break without hope of compounding However though you have cast your gift into a shallow Forde yet it is so transparent that you may see it without fear of being covered with any Lethe of forgetfulness Nor have you cast your coyn on so soft a nature that you should not hear it gingle at least in an Eccho of Thanks Although when I have done all my Thankfulness must be like Timantes his Pictures wherein was more to be understood than there was exprest Thus Sir assuring you here is nothing but what is the immediate Transcript of my Heart I crave leave to boast my self Sir your solely engaged Servant T.F. To Mr. J.H. Honesty THy Letter was as welcome to me as ever was rain to the parched earth I thank thee thee infinitely but that 's no payment Well set all upon the Tally and 't is possible we may one day cross scores Excuse my shortness at this time and let this Country Newes supply the defect 'T is this That Phoebus now courts the Lady Flora as rudely as he did his Mother that bit off her ear when he should have kiss'd her That the Quadrupled Animals fare deliciously for they feed on Roast-meat every day That the Sun hath saved the Husbandmen a labour of mowing and making their Hay for it now grows Hay like him that sowed Ma●● to avoid the charge trouble of making it of Barly That the world being turn'd Round our Climate is exchang'd for Spain or some more sweating Country That we here know no reason of this unparallel'd Heat unless it be because we have now so many ruling Suns in the Sphere where there used to be but One. That if this weather hold we are like to have no raw fish but all ready boyl'd before taken and all our drink burnt-wine or vinegar That the poor Ephemer is suffer Martyrdome every day That at night when Sol is with our Antipodes we feel his heat through the cracks of the earth That this extream heat makes the Heavens sweat a little sometimes in stead of rain Item That my Ink is converted to Jet Item That there 's no more Newes For 't is none that I am Your T. F. To Mr. R. R. Sir I Dare not pretend to so much Philologie as to criticize upon your term of Infinitiores gratias your adopting by your using it is sufficient to patronize it and pass it through the guards of the strictest enquiry Here could I well cease and in stead of answering which I shall never admire at your Elegant Letter you were pleased to honour me with wherein what streams of Eloquence what flames of Love what Rhetorick what Realitie nay what not So that were all Epistles like yours I would not wonder that Learning and Letters are terms convertible I honour the presence of my friends but may it ever be supplyed by such Letters and I shall never complain of their absence Before I loved you as a friend but now I honour you as a wit But how easily doe passions exalted transport us And how willingly do we yield the cloak of our resolutions to the flatttering Sun of praise But I am too conscious of mine own unworthiness to admit those large Encomiums your flourishing pen hath adorned me with 'T is a Posie of rare beauty but I dare not accept it lest there should lie a snake of flattery under those fairer Flowers And I wish you have not shown your Wit and hazarded your Judgment When I read your neat lines really I cannot but love them for their gallantness and pitie them that they had no better a Subject Me thinks they seem like rich cloaths upon a poor man that do not sute or like the Kings Saddle upon the Millers horse Who will not suspect your eyes blindfolded with love that have made Paris choise and extoll'd a homely face for an Heavenly beauty Well since my deserts are too short to scale them I shall I 'll assure you keep it by me as too rich a cloth for my meanness and shall lay it before me as a pattern of what would I be rather than a picture of what I am Now to your Why let me return a Wherefore I have to use your expression and who can use better masked my self under the single letters of T. F. that being unknown I might more freely hear the worlds censure I remember a facetious tale of a Frenchman that had printed much concealing his own name One asking a man that brought his Copies to the press Who the