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A49308
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A modest vindication of the hermite of the Sounding Island in requital for the modest vindication of the Salamanca doctor from perjury by Bartholomew Lane ...
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Lane, Bartholomew.
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1683
(1683)
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Wing L329; ESTC R1663
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23,915
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21
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of Marmora The Souldiers seeing the Lion presently let sly one of the great Guns from the Fort so exactly at him that the Bullet shav'd off his head as if it had been done with a Razor All this while no harm to the Hermite only a little close Imprisonment The Souldiers seeing the Lion fall came first for his Skin so that when they came to to rip open the Lion's Belly up started the Hermite and besought the Souldiers to take pity of a Christian newly escap'd out of the hands of the Moores A Christian quo the Souldiers never was there such a shitten stinking Christian seen quo they However as thou art a Christian we are bound to pity thee Christians and Money are scarce in this Country bettâ—â— have 'em in a shitten clout than not at all With that the Souldiers convey'd the Hermite in a Wheel-barrow to Marmora where after they had well wash'd and cleans'd him they carry'd him to the Governour to whom the Hermite related the lamentable Story of his Mis-fortunes who presently thereupon caus'd four and twenty Sheep to be presently kill'd and the Cauls of them to be plaister'd all over his body For you must understand that though the holes of the Larding Needle remain'd yet the Lard if self was all melted away in the Lion's belly And indeed he may thank his kind Stars for the accident of the Lion for nothing could have prov'd so soveraign to him as the natural warmth of the Lion after an unnatural Roasting as Caesar Borgia wrapt himself in the bellies of new kill'd Sheep after he had drank the fatal Poison prepar'd for his kind friend Only the Lard indeed left a scurvey salt scorbutick humour behind which will never be remov'd by all the Pharmacopoea's in Christendom And thus the Hermite made a clever ingenious and miraculous Escape CHAP. 9. How the Jew had his Head fix'd upon his shoulders and was restor'd to life again VVHen it came to be known that the Hermite had cut off the Jew's Head and and was escap'd there was a great Hubbub in the City for that the Jew was a Person of note and greatly belov'd When they came to his House they found Lucas Hamet for so was the Jew's name walking about the Room and looking for his Head By the Belly of Mahomet cry'd one there 's hope as long as there 's life Thereupon they sent away Post immediately for the Grandchild's Grandchild's Son 's Son's Grandchild of Avenroes one of the most famous Artists in all Africa who presently came and finding the Head warm caus'd a Moresca Damsel to clap it to her warmer Belly while he wash'd the Jews Neck with a sine Spunge dipt in Syracuse Wine then he took the Head and wash'd the wounded part of that and sinapiz'd the opposite part with a Powder of Pilgrim's Salve ointing them after with Oil of St. John's wort Which done he plac'd the Head upon the Neck vein against vein nerve against nerve joynt against joynt bone against bone and then set three or four Stitches in the Skin to keep it fast and lastly anointed the seam round with another Ointment of which he would never tell the name Presently the Jew began to breath then to open his Eyes then to colour then to sneeze and lastly to break wind backward which he did so sonorously that all men judg'd it a Thorough Cure However they thought it not amiss to give him as a Cordial a Rummer of Syracuse Wine with Nutmeg and Sugar to fortifie his Spirits And thus was Lucas Hamet miraculously brought to Life again After he had drank he called for his Bard to pursue the Hermite But they told him the shogging of the Horse would endanger the wrying of his Neck if not the shaking it quite off again Well then quo he since it must be so Farewel the Devil and six thousand pieces of Eight You 'l say this Story seems somewhat improbable Oh Sir so do the Fables of the Poets and the Apologues of Esope seem to be improbable Stories but the Sense and Morals of them are true However you may assure your self this Story is as true and as much to be believ'd as the vain Comment and idle and malicious Reflexions which the Hermite makes upon the Salamanca Doctor 'T is true the ground of this Story which has so much oblig'd the World and the occasion of all the Noise which the Hermite has made is only because he would not be accompted either a Mahometan or a Jesuite or Circumcised Why 't is Cock-Pit Lay that he is neither the one nor the other But yet there are thousands in the Nation will sooner believe all Three of Him and upon juster grounds than they will unbelieve the Truth of the Popish Plot or the Verity of the Salamanca Doctor 's Discovery and Evidence For that the belief of the former is not of equal weight with the belief of the latter For it is of publick concernment to the whole Nation whether there were or be still a Popish Plot or no but it is not a Straw matter to the whole Nation whether the Hermite be This or That For my part I believe he is neither however in friendly manner it may be thought he has more embroil'd his own Credit than the Salamanca Doctor 's Reputation which they only strive to blast who too unwarily cute not what becomes of Prince of Country FINIS
for a poor Devil upon a good occasion And you know if this Poor Devil do 'em a kindness they can make him a Rich Saint when they please And one Poor Devil sometimes may do 'em more good than twenty Rich Saints There 's one Mounsieur Gas-teare is the Devil of a Saint Nay the Devil of a Devil but if the Papishes can but fix him he 'l make a hard shift but he 'l do 'em a kindness Mounsieur Gas-teare Who 's he I never heard of him Why Sir he 's a Grecian by Birth but the most incomparable fellow under the Sky He it was that invented all the Arts and Sciences in the World He taught the famous Crow that saluted all The Roman Senators by their Names as they entred the Senate House He taught the fellow that would take ye all the Grains out of an Ear of Wheat then setting the Ear upright in a piece of soft Wax would toss the particular Grains into their particular places again at four yards distance He taught great Panurgus before he came to be a Cardinal those pretty Inventions of carrying about him your little short Knives as sharp as Furriers Needles to cut Purses of blowing Lice in the Lade Necks at Church fastening the men and the women together with small Hooks as they kneeled at Mass so that the next thing they did was to tear one anothers Silks and Sattins when 〈◊〉 departed All which he did as being in fee with the Taylors The same Master it was that instructed this towardly Disciple of his to provide himself with fine Handkerchiefs strew'd with Powder of Raphorbium and then to clap them to the Lady's Noses to make 'em sneeze four hours together Elephants Lions Rhinocerosse's Bears Horses Spaniels sight shoot off Pistols tell money dance fetch carry ill at his command He invented those wicked Arts of Printing and Guns and He it was this Mounsieur Gas-teare that taught our Modest Vindicator or write a Modest Ran-dan or a Tantivy Essay to prove the Salamanca Doctor forsworn The Modest Vindicator d' ye call him you may give him the Title rather of Don Bragghibus the Hermite of the Sounding Island When you come into his Introduction you would think you were in the Ancient Magical Heptaphonus loud-resounding noise rebounding Ear-confounding Jone out-thundring Portico in Olimpia Dodona's Brazen Caldron when the Devil and the Wind Rung all in to receive the Answers of the Oracle never made such a Din. Never did the two Statues erected upon Memnom Tomb in Egyptian Thebes keep such a roaring or Perillous ever bellow so loud in Phalaris's Bull. So in the Sunny Spring when Swarms of Bees In Clusters hang upon th' adjoyning Trees The Country Swains their Brazen Mettal bang And Copper Corybantick Basons twang Till high Olympus with the sound amaz'd Hold Sir The Inference is easie and it I mistake not too true for an Ecclesiastico And yot Sir I must needs say this for the Gentleman that the Popish Plot is like the Cretan Jove which the Saturns of the Age would fain devour Now who knows but this same Corybant had a design to Ring it out of their Reach as the Cretans couzen'd Saturn No no Sir you mistake his design he would have the Saturns devour it and therefore he beats up his Drums in the Valley of Gehinnom that the pitiful Cries of the poor Plot weltring in the fiery Arms of its own Molechs should not be Heard For alas the Popish Plot would fain live only there is at present a necessity to Sacrifice it to a better Opportunity This Plot Sir came at first from the Devil and the Papishes are sending it as fast as they can to the Devil again knowing that no body will keep it so well as he can or more willingly restore it them when they have occasion And therefore this same Eecclesiustico does like a true Conjurer to raise Storms and Tempests and Hurricanes Thunder and Lightning for the Devil 's more noble Conveyance for the Devil alwaies Coaches it in foul Weather Pray do but peep through the Modest Essayers Introduction and tell me whether you do not see the Popish Plot posting away in an Egg-shell upon a Broom-stick I must confess the Introduction is very whirlwindy flustring blustring violent virulent ranting taunting flaunting and surely he destroy'd a World of Nettles with his hot Urine before he could finish that stingy piece of Divinity Had this Mounsieur Bragghibus but considered that pious Sermon which Gusman makes upon the vanity of Honour he would never have been so testy for a small Rent in the Cassock of his petty Reputation A thing so small that had not he sent us his own Magnifying Glass we could no more have discerned it than the Muscles in a Flea's Leg or the Stepstately's of a Mete in a Cheese But your Divers into Nature's Secrets called Natural Philosophers relate that there is not a more angry or more hussie creature in the World than a Louse Do but handle him a little roughly in the Microscope you shall see him set up his bristles and swell at least sour Inches by the Cloth-yard mensure And therefore a Don Bragghibus should have considered that for a man to be made a Cuckold is an abuse and yet 't is the general Opinion of the World that Cuckolds had better carry their Horns in their Pockets than upon their Foreheads That 's something you say Sir But I must tell ye he has not only labour'd but he has labour'd besides the Cushion he has stray'd from his Text like a lost Sheep from the rest of the Herd And all at the Instigation of Mounsieur Gas-teare So that although he has no more Charity for the Salamanca Doctor than a Hobnail yet the Salamanca Doctor has so much Charity for him as to believe that 't was not a Priest of the Church of England but Mounsieur Gas-teare that wrote the Modest Vindication For look ye Sir have you ever heard of a certain Country Shrove-Tuesday Sport called Thrashing the Cock Why Sir they put this Cock in the Ground and lay a Turf over him which done he that can hit him blindfold at such a price shall have him Presently in steps Mounsieur Gas-teare and tempts one or other to undertake the Adventure I say Mounsieur Gas-teare because 't is pour la Trippe in hopes of the Cock's Fleshiat Night Thereupon the fellow is swath'd about the Eyes with the same impartiality that Love or Justice are said to be Hoodwinkt then a Flail is put into his hand and being turn'd three or four times round about he is left to the conduct of his merciful Fortune And now he thrashes on in the dark whatever lies before him feels his fury he uses no Complements nor By your Leaves No If his Sweet-heart stood in his way she might receive as unmerciful a Palt as another Yet all this while whatever he belabours his aim is still at the Cock. Even so it