mere_o by_o their_o word_n that_o i_o dare_v read_v it_o no_o further_o but_o send_v it_o home_o again_o resolve_v to_o stick_v to_o my_o old_a principle_n and_o so_o resolve_v i_o be_v that_o i_o judge_v it_o my_o duty_n and_o according_o do_v praise_v the_o lord_n that_o i_o have_v escape_v that_o snare_n and_o stumble_a block_n which_o it_o be_v like_a to_o be_v to_o i_o till_o about_o half_a a_o year_n after_o these_o forementioned_a minister_n not_o be_v satisfy_v to_o speak_v against_o those_o book_n in_o private_a only_o but_o bring_v they_o into_o their_o pulpit_n read_v particular_a passage_n which_o as_o they_o read_v and_o apply_v it_o be_v contrary_a to_o the_o sense_n of_o it_o and_o sometime_o i_o think_v they_o speak_v more_o than_o be_v true_a which_o do_v occasion_v i_o to_o desire_v the_o book_n again_o for_o my_o better_a satisfaction_n but_o they_o not_o be_v allow_v to_o be_v sell_v at_o that_o time_n it_o be_v hard_a to_o get_v any_o of_o they_o but_o through_o mercy_n i_o get_v one_o and_o then_o i_o find_v they_o do_v not_o deal_v faithful_o but_o do_v wrest_v and_o draw_v false_a con_fw-mi sequence_n contrary_a to_o the_o drist_n and_o scope_n of_o it_o all_o which_o occasion_v serious_a thought_n in_o i_o remember_v when_o i_o first_o read_v it_o i_o lay_v it_o aside_o mere_o from_o a_o spirit_n of_o fear_n and_o prejudice_v occasion_v by_o their_o word_n and_o not_o that_o i_o be_v able_a to_o disprove_v it_o from_o scripture_n ground_n then_o remember_v those_o word_n of_o the_o apostle_n i_o thes_n 5._o 21._o try_v all_o thing_n and_o hold_v fast_o that_o which_o be_v good_a i_o think_v it_o my_o duty_n to_o lay_v aside_o all_o slavish_a fear_n and_o prejudice_n and_o to_o try_v it_o exact_o by_o the_o scripture_n believe_v that_o as_o it_o be_v god_n way_n to_o try_v so_o he_o will_v assist_v i_o in_o it_o which_o he_o be_v please_v to_o do_v and_o as_o i_o read_v i_o begin_v to_o be_v much_o affect_v and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v glad_a tiding_n and_o good_a news_n if_o it_o be_v true_a but_o i_o think_v it_o be_v too_o good_a to_o be_v true_a for_o i_o can_v not_o then_o believe_v that_o god_n be_v so_o free_a of_o his_o christ_n as_o to_o give_v he_o to_o any_o other_o sinner_n but_o to_o such_o as_o be_v qualify_v fit_v and_o prepare_v for_o he_o or_o that_o the_o way_n to_o glory_n be_v so_o easy_a as_o he_o seem_v to_o make_v it_o for_o if_o it_o be_v so_o than_o all_o that_o labour_n and_o travel_v which_o i_o have_v be_v a_o long_a time_n in_o be_v nothing_o which_o i_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n yield_v to_o at_o that_o time_n for_o as_o christ_n once_o say_v to_o the_o jew_n that_o publican_n and_o harlot_n enter_v into_o the_o kingdom_n before_o they_o mat._n 21._o 31._o so_o true_o i_o find_v it_o so_o hard_a to_o lay_v down_o my_o own_o legal_a righteousness_n and_o to_o submit_v to_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n by_o faith_n according_a to_o rom._n 10._o 3._o that_o i_o be_v like_a to_o stick_v here_o when_o such_o as_o be_v more_o profane_a may_v receive_v the_o truth_n soon_o but_o serious_o weigh_v these_o with_o some_o other_o such_o like_a scripture_n as_o rom._n 4._o 4._o and_o 5._o 8._o ephe._n 2._o through_o grace_n i_o be_v in_o a_o great_a measure_n convince_v and_o bring_v to_o see_v that_o i_o have_v be_v exceed_o mistake_v in_o my_o understanding_n and_o apply_v of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o whereas_o i_o think_v i_o have_v attain_v a_o good_a degree_n of_o knowledge_n i_o now_o see_v myself_o to_o be_v very_o ignorant_a and_o must_v begin_v again_o to_o learn_v the_o first_o principle_n of_o the_o oracle_n of_o god_n which_o to_o suffer_v so_o much_o loss_n be_v very_o hard_o to_o i_o at_o the_o first_o but_o god_n be_v please_v by_o degree_n to_o strip_v i_o of_o all_o and_o to_o show_v i_o such_o a_o beauty_n and_o excellency_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n above_o it_o that_o i_o be_v make_v not_o only_o willing_a but_o joyous_a to_o lay_v down_o all_o at_o his_o foot_n and_o i_o trust_v can_v true_o say_v with_o the_o apostle_n that_o what_o be_v gain_v to_o i_o i_o count_v loss_n for_o christ_n yea_o doubtless_o and_o i_o count_v all_o thing_n but_o loss_n for_o the_o excellency_n of_o the_o knowledge_n of_o christ_n jesus_n my_o lord_n for_o who_o i_o have_v suffer_v the_o loss_n of_o all_o thing_n and_o do_v count_v they_o but_o dung_n that_o i_o may_v win_v christ_n and_o be_v find_v in_o he_o etc._n etc._n phil._n 3_o 7_o 8_o 9_o etc._n etc._n and_o as_o god_n have_v exalt_v christ_n to_o be_v a_o prince_n and_o a_o saviour_n act_v 5._o 31._o and_o have_v choose_v he_o as_o the_o only_a excellent_a one_o in_o who_o he_o have_v place_v life_n and_o salvation_n for_o people_n mat._n 12._o 18._o so_o my_o soul_n do_v approve_v of_o it_o to_o be_v the_o most_o excellent_a way_n and_o i_o trust_v can_v true_o say_v with_o the_o spouse_n he_o be_v the_o chief_a of_o ten_o thousand_o you_o he_o be_v one_o and_o there_o be_v not_o another_o cant._n 5._o 10._o act._n 4._o 12._o and_o the_o more_o i_o come_v to_o apprehend_v the_o glory_n of_o the_o gospel_n in_o the_o free_a tender_n and_o invitation_n of_o christ_n to_o sinner_n the_o more_o still_o i_o be_v affect_v with_o it_o and_o do_v admire_v it_o and_o see_v the_o tender_v of_o grace_n so_o free_a and_o the_o invitation_n so_o general_a that_o whosoever_o will_v come_v may_v come_v and_o take_v of_o the_o water_n of_o life_n free_o esay_n 55._o 1._o revel_v 22._o 17._o and_o that_o whosoever_o come_v to_o christ_n he_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_n out_o john_n 6._o 37._o by_o which_o word_n come_v i_o understand_v believe_v vers_fw-la 40._o and_o then_o consider_v the_o nature_n of_o the_o covenant_n that_o it_o be_v a_o covenant_n of_o grace_n free_a and_o without_o all_o condition_n on_o the_o creature_n part_n and_o that_o the_o condition_n stand_v only_o between_o god_n and_o christ_n as_o i_o then_o understand_v by_o these_o scripture_n esay_n 53._o 10._o psal_n 89._o through_o these_o consideration_n i_o be_v not_o only_o encourage_v but_o the_o abound_a love_n of_o christ_n do_v compel_v and_o constrain_v i_o to_o cast_v myself_o upon_o he_o for_o life_n and_o salvation_n in_o a_o way_n of_o believe_v and_o not_o in_o a_o way_n of_o work_v and_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o his_o grace_n as_o i_o desire_v never_o to_o forget_v it_o i_o do_v at_o this_o time_n receive_v the_o assurance_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o believe_v the_o free_a and_o full_a pardon_n of_o all_o my_o sin_n that_o god_n have_v lay_v they_o all_o upon_o christ_n and_o behold_v the_o travel_n of_o his_o soul_n be_v satisfy_v esay_n 53._o 11._o and_o well_o please_v with_o i_o in_o he_o mat._n 3._o 17._o and_o that_o they_o be_v all_o carry_v into_o the_o wilderness_n of_o forgetfulness_n and_o bury_v in_o oblivion_n according_a to_o that_o type_n of_o christ_n levit._n 16._o 21_o 22._o and_o that_o they_o be_v wash_v away_o in_o his_o blood_n revel_v 1._o 5._o and_o that_o god_n will_v remember_v they_o no_o more_o heb._n 8._o 12._o and_o 10._o 17._o these_o scripture_n with_o some_o other_o of_o the_o like_a nature_n be_v by_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n set_v home_o so_o powerful_o upon_o my_o heart_n at_o that_o time_n that_o true_o i_o can_v express_v the_o joyfulness_n and_o sweetness_n of_o my_o condition_n not_o be_v able_a to_o contain_v myself_o from_o call_v to_o other_o to_o tell_v they_o what_o god_n have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n how_o he_o have_v bring_v i_o out_o of_o bondage_n into_o the_o glorious_a liberty_n of_o adoption_n and_o fill_v i_o with_o joy_n and_o peace_n in_o believe_v yea_o with_o joy_n unspeakable_a and_o full_a of_o glory_n rom._n 15._o 13._o 1_o pet._n 1._o 8._o and_o i_o remember_v for_o a_o long_a time_n after_o i_o do_v delight_n to_o be_v almost_o continual_o speak_v or_o meditate_v of_o the_o glory_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n in_o the_o gospel_n and_o of_o his_o bounty_n and_o goodness_n to_o poor_a sinner_n and_o to_o i_o the_o chief_a of_o sinner_n for_o i_o know_v more_o evil_a by_o myself_o than_o i_o do_v by_o any_o other_o yet_o doubtless_o i_o can_v say_v as_o it_o be_v once_o say_v of_o the_o thessalonian_o the_o gosspel_n come_v not_o to_o i_o at_o that_o time_n in_o word_n only_o but_o in_o power_n and_o much_o assurance_n and_o joy_n in_o the_o holy_a ghost_n 1_o thes_n 1._o 5._o and_o whereas_o former_o i_o think_v that_o to_o receive_v such_o a_o principle_n be_v the_o ready_a way_n to_o be_v loose_a and_o carnal_a i_o do_v
concern_v truth_n and_o why_o many_o that_o live_v a_o long_a time_n under_o much_o mean_n yet_o continue_v very_o ignorant_a it_o may_v be_v ever_o learning_n and_o never_o able_a to_o come_v to_o the_o knowledge_n of_o the_o truth_n 2_o ti._n 3._o 7._o and_o as_o the_o seed_n upon_o the_o stony_a ground_n wither_v away_o because_o it_o have_v no_o root_n so_o truth_n not_o be_v root_v in_o the_o heart_n and_o judgement_n though_o it_o spring_v up_o in_o much_o affection_n yet_o it_o come_v to_o nothing_o and_o indeed_o ignorant_a person_n many_o time_n be_v soon_o affect_v and_o do_v seem_v to_o have_v more_o affection_n than_o other_o he_o reason_n of_o that_o i_o conceive_v be_v the_o same_o also_o with_o that_o of_o the_o seed_n upon_o the_o stony_a ground_n it_o spring_v up_o sudden_o because_o it_o have_v not_o depth_n of_o earth_n so_o it_o be_v natural_a for_o ignorant_a person_n to_o spring_v forth_o in_o affection_n they_o have_v as_o it_o be_v nothing_o else_o to_o do_v but_o only_o to_o be_v affect_v their_o strength_n run_v all_o in_o one_o vein_n or_o in_o one_o channel_n they_o spend_v all_o in_o affection_n while_o other_o that_o have_v more_o understanding_n have_v many_o other_o thing_n to_o do_v all_o the_o faculty_n of_o their_o soul_n be_v exercise_v their_o strength_n be_v disperse_v into_o many_o vein_n weigh_v and_o ponder_v thing_n in_o the_o heart_n and_o judgement_n that_o it_o may_v have_v depth_n to_o root_n and_o settle_v there_o as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o mary_n she_o ponder_v those_o thing_n in_o her_o heart_n luke_n 2._o 19_o so_o they_o be_v treasure_v it_o up_o in_o their_o heart_n have_v in_o their_o treasury_n thing_n new_a and_o old_a mat._n 12._o 35._o and_o 13._o 52._o and_o a_o little_a affection_n where_o there_o be_v judgement_n be_v better_a than_o a_o great_a deal_n without_o judgement_n yet_o much_o affection_n with_o a_o sound_a judgement_n be_v best_a of_o all_o the_o second_o note_n of_o experience_n how_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o see_v myself_o in_o a_o miserable_a state_n by_o nature_n and_o convince_v of_o sin_n by_o the_o law_n and_o so_o convert_v to_o duty_n labour_v for_o life_n by_o do_v though_o at_o that_o time_n in_o my_o own_o thought_n far_o from_o own_v such_o a_o thing_n by_o providence_n hear_v a_o minister_n of_o the_o nation_n who_o be_v then_o call_v a_o puritan_n who_o though_o i_o use_v often_o to_o hear_v yet_o i_o can_v true_o say_v as_o the_o prophet_n in_o dan._n 10._o 8._o i_o hear_v but_o i_o understand_v not_o and_o as_o i_o be_v once_o hear_v of_o he_o very_o sudden_o i_o think_v i_o do_v discern_v and_o understand_v thing_n more_o clear_o and_o more_o distinct_o than_o ever_o i_o do_v before_o that_o time_n be_v much_o affect_v with_o it_o and_o do_v then_o own_o god_n in_o it_o have_v many_o such_o thought_n as_o these_o that_o as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o lydia_n act._n 16._o 14._o that_o now_o the_o lord_n have_v open_v my_o understanding_n and_o now_o i_o hope_v i_o shall_v have_v more_o knowledge_n and_o delight_v more_o in_o hear_v and_o read_v whereas_o before_o it_o be_v wearisome_a to_o i_o because_o i_o do_v not_o understand_v any_o thing_n but_o in_o a_o confuse_a manner_n after_o this_o i_o have_v a_o great_a delight_n to_o hear_v this_o man_n and_o though_o i_o think_v it_o much_o on_o any_o other_o occasion_n to_o go_v one_o mile_n on_o foot_n yet_o to_o hear_v he_o i_o can_v go_v three_o and_o back_o again_o the_o same_o day_n frequent_o and_o by_o his_o ministry_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o see_v the_o superstitious_a variety_n of_o my_o former_a zeal_n and_o lay_v it_o aside_o and_o i_o remember_v that_o at_o this_o time_n i_o have_v such_o affectionate_a heart-working_n towards_o god_n and_o godliness_n and_o such_o a_o hatred_n of_o all_o sin_n according_a to_o what_o i_o then_o know_v that_o i_o do_v many_o time_n in_o my_o serious_a thought_n choose_v rather_o to_o die_v than_o live_v mere_o upon_o that_o account_n because_o i_o will_v not_o sin_v against_o god_n know_v myself_o subject_a thereunto_o and_o though_o i_o can_v say_v that_o at_o this_o time_n i_o have_v faith_n in_o god_n so_o as_o to_o believe_v his_o love_n to_o i_o on_o gospel_n ground_n for_o i_o be_v total_o ignorant_a of_o any_o such_o thing_n many_o year_n after_o yet_o i_o have_v good_a thought_n of_o god_n from_o that_o glimmer_a light_n which_o i_o then_o have_v and_o which_o do_v produce_v in_o i_o much_o love_n to_o he_o as_o i_o can_v but_o so_o judge_v but_o no_o soon_o be_v i_o bring_v to_o this_o but_o satan_n be_v ready_a to_o assault_v i_o and_o set_v upon_o i_o with_o this_o horrid_a temptation_n to_o question_v the_o be_v of_o god_n and_o i_o remember_v it_o usual_o come_v upon_o i_o when_o i_o be_v alone_o but_o especial_o as_o i_o be_v go_v by_o myself_o to_o hear_v the_o aforesaid_a minister_n insomuch_o that_o it_o do_v exceed_o trouble_v i_o and_o i_o then_o discern_v it_o to_o be_v a_o temptation_n and_o do_v resist_v and_o labour_n against_o it_o draw_v argument_n as_o i_o go_v in_o the_o field_n from_o the_o very_a work_n of_o creation_n to_o confirm_v myself_o in_o this_o truth_n that_o there_o be_v a_o god_n that_o it_o shall_v not_o be_v in_o vain_a for_o i_o or_o any_o to_o serve_v he_o and_o earnest_o cry_v to_o god_n against_o it_o through_o grace_n i_o be_v not_o overcome_v by_o it_o but_o have_v a_o supply_n of_o strength_n until_o it_o be_v remove_v and_o i_o be_v no_o more_o trouble_v with_o it_o in_o many_o year_n after_o so_o i_o continue_v a_o constant_a hearer_n of_o this_o man_n and_o other_o such_o like_a for_o some_o year_n by_o which_o i_o come_v to_o see_v myself_o in_o a_o miserable_a state_n by_o nature_n and_o be_v convince_v of_o sin_n by_o the_o law_n but_o be_v very_o ignorant_a of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n and_o their_o doctrine_n be_v for_o the_o most_o part_n such_o as_o be_v suitable_a to_o the_o old_a covenant_n instead_o of_o go_v to_o christ_n for_o life_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o a_o great_a degree_n of_o labour_n and_o travel_v for_o life_n and_o happiness_n by_o do_v though_o at_o that_o time_n in_o my_o own_o thought_n far_o from_o own_v such_o a_o thing_n be_v as_o exact_v and_o strict_a in_o all_o my_o way_n i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v as_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o a_o poor_a creature_n to_o be_v but_o the_o more_o strict_a i_o be_v still_o look_v through_o the_o glass_n of_o the_o law_n the_o more_o my_o bondage_n be_v increase_v for_o i_o can_v see_v nothing_o but_o a_o addition_n of_o sin_n in_o all_o that_o i_o do_v the_o law_n still_o call_v for_o a_o perfect_a righteousness_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v and_o in_o a_o great_a amazement_n &_o perplexity_n of_o spirit_n fear_v i_o shall_v perish_v for_o ever_o then_o i_o have_v thought_n to_o discover_v my_o condition_n to_o some_o to_o have_v advise_v from_o they_o but_o meet_v with_o many_o discouragement_n do_v not_o but_o keep_v it_o in_o my_o own_o breast_n discover_v no_o more_o but_o what_o i_o can_v not_o hide_v which_o be_v only_o my_o outward_a appearance_n much_o differ_v from_o what_o former_o it_o be_v which_o do_v occasion_n some_o to_o say_v that_o i_o be_v near_o a_o distraction_n they_o not_o know_v what_o condition_n i_o be_v in_o and_o true_o my_o condition_n be_v so_o sad_a that_o i_o be_v afraid_a of_o a_o distraction_n myself_o for_o i_o think_v it_o impossible_a to_o continue_v long_o in_o that_o condition_n and_o not_o be_v distract_v which_o fear_n do_v occasion_v i_o to_o apply_v myself_o to_o some_o mean_n of_o comfort_n whereas_o before_o i_o be_v not_o willing_a to_o hearken_v to_o any_o thing_n that_o way_n the_o mean_v i_o use_v be_v chief_o read_v &_o prayer_n by_o which_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n i_o come_v to_o some_o dark_a apprehension_n concern_v jesus_n christ_n be_v persuade_v there_o be_v something_o of_o that_o nature_n which_o if_o i_o can_v get_v a_o right_a understanding_n of_o my_o condition_n will_v be_v much_o better_a but_o fear_v leave_v i_o shall_v sink_v under_o my_o burden_n temptation_n come_v on_o i_o like_o the_o wave_n of_o the_o sea_n i_o be_v force_v as_o i_o go_v about_o my_o occasion_n often_o to_o cry_v to_o god_n like_o the_o disciple_n in_o another_o case_n lord_n save_v i_o else_o i_o perish_v mat._n 8._o 25._o i_o think_v many_o time_n i_o be_v even_o sink_v under_o my_o burden_n and_o i_o do_v believe_v there_o be_v no_o help_n but_o only_o in_o the_o lord_n and_o that_o he_o be_v able_a to_o do_v it_o but_o whether_o he_o will_v do_v it_o or_o whether_o he_o
often_o move_v into_o several_a place_n where_o we_o find_v not_o only_o particular_a person_n but_o whole_a church_n very_o much_o corrupt_v own_v &_o practise_v strange_a thing_n though_o under_o plausible_a term_n and_o spiritual_a pretence_n by_o which_o a_o while_n after_o they_o be_v break_v and_o scatter_v leave_v the_o profession_n of_o truth_n in_o the_o practice_n of_o the_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n some_o under_o one_o notion_n and_o some_o under_o another_o so_o that_o it_o be_v hard_a to_o find_v in_o those_o part_v one_o particular_a person_n that_o have_v sound_a principle_n much_o less_o a_o whole_a church_n where_o there_o be_v a_o powerful_a ministry_n and_o a_o wise_a government_n by_o reason_n of_o which_o i_o begin_v by_o degree_n to_o be_v somewhat_o confuse_v in_o judgement_n and_o true_o when_o i_o consider_v those_o thing_n and_o what_o temptation_n i_o be_v expose_v to_o at_o that_o time_n i_o do_v not_o wonder_v i_o be_v so_o confuse_v but_o i_o rather_o wonder_v at_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n that_o i_o be_v not_o swallow_v up_o with_o confusion_n as_o many_o be_v in_o those_o day_n for_o though_o i_o be_v weak_a in_o principle_n and_o by_o those_o thing_n somewhat_o confuse_v yet_o i_o do_v not_o know_v that_o in_o two_o or_o three_o year_n time_n i_o have_v receive_v any_o corrupt_a principle_n but_o afterward_o be_v with_o a_o people_n where_o satan_n have_v transform_v himself_o into_o a_o angel_n of_o light_n i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v in_o the_o high_a degree_n under_o term_n of_o mystery_n spirit_n wait_v upon_o god_n and_o such_o like_a by_o they_o i_o be_v beguile_v and_o deceive_v in_o some_o particular_a thing_n though_o never_o in_o the_o height_n of_o that_o which_o be_v practise_v by_o they_o the_o particular_n about_o which_o i_o be_v deceive_v be_v chief_o these_o three_o or_o four_o first_o concern_v godliness_n be_v a_o mystery_n that_o it_o do_v consist_v of_o something_o within_o and_o not_o of_o something_o without_o and_o and_o that_o the_o saint_n be_v to_o expect_v life_n and_o salvation_n from_o a_o christ_n within_o and_o not_o from_o a_o christ_n without_o second_o that_o saint_n be_v not_o to_o do_v duty_n by_o or_o from_o a_o command_n without_o but_o from_o a_o command_n within_o and_o that_o the_o word_n command_v in_o scripture_n be_v not_o a_o command_n to_o they_o till_o they_o have_v a_o word_n within_o they_o three_o that_o as_o to_o the_o time_n of_o do_v duty_n they_o be_v to_o wait_v for_o the_o move_n of_o the_o spirit_n to_o carry_v they_o forth_o to_o it_o and_o this_o they_o call_v wait_v for_o a_o power_n and_o till_o they_o have_v such_o a_o power_n they_o be_v to_o do_v nothing_o but_o sit_v still_o and_o wait_v and_o this_o not_o only_o in_o private_a duty_n but_o in_o the_o church_n also_o not_o own_v any_o ministry_n by_o way_n of_o gift_n or_o office_n but_o to_o come_v together_o and_o there_o fit_a and_o wait_v till_o they_o have_v a_o power_n and_o then_o to_o speak_v whether_o man_n or_o woman_n in_o these_o particular_n which_o carriry_v such_o a_o face_n or_o show_v of_o spirituality_n i_o be_v corrupt_v but_o do_v never_o full_o own_v they_o in_o judgement_n nor_o practice_n and_o for_o such_o principle_n as_o i_o think_v do_v lead_v to_o looseness_n either_o in_o matter_n of_o conversion_n or_o in_o slight_v the_o church_n or_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n i_o do_v always_o oppose_v they_o though_o i_o believe_v such_o principle_n do_v natural_o follow_v the_o other_o but_o i_o do_v not_o then_o discern_v it_o they_o be_v cover_v over_o with_o such_o angel-like_o appearance_n and_o as_o to_o that_o principle_n of_o wait_v though_o i_o do_v own_v it_o in_o judgement_n more_o full_o than_o any_o of_o these_o other_o yet_o i_o can_v neveâ—_n come_v up_o to_o it_o in_o my_o practice_n in_o private_a duty_n but_o by_o reason_n of_o some_o conviction_n still_o remain_v in_o i_o i_o can_v not_o stay_v so_o long_o from_o duty_n till_o i_o have_v such_o a_o power_n but_o do_v frequent_o go_v to_o duty_n when_o i_o have_v it_o not_o though_o sometime_o i_o think_v i_o have_v it_o but_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o other_o i_o do_v not_o appear_v in_o duty_n but_o when_o i_o think_v i_o have_v that_o power_n though_o i_o never_o do_v so_o appear_v but_o in_o one_o place_n for_o a_o short_a season_n in_o do_v which_o i_o think_v i_o have_v communion_n with_o god_n but_o i_o do_v believe_v it_o be_v no_o such_o thing_n but_o a_o mere_a spirit_n of_o delusion_n first_o because_o i_o know_v no_o scripture-ground_n for_o such_o a_o practice_n and_o second_o from_o the_o consideration_n of_o the_o sad_a fruit_n i_o have_v by_o it_o for_o after_o a_o little_a time_n i_o begin_v to_o lose_v my_o peace_n and_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v have_v little_a or_o no_o communion_n with_o god_n nor_o scarce_o any_o thing_n to_o speak_v to_o or_o for_o god_n and_o so_o confound_v i_o be_v in_o my_o own_o spirit_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v and_o speak_v of_o it_o to_o some_o and_o those_o not_o a_o few_o they_o labour_v to_o persuade_v i_o it_o be_v a_o dispensation_n of_o god_n and_o that_o the_o saint_n after_o they_o be_v bring_v out_o of_o egypt_n must_v be_v in_o the_o wilderness_n before_o they_o come_v to_o canaan_n and_o that_o the_o end_n of_o god_n in_o bring_v they_o there_o be_v that_o he_o may_v speak_v comfortable_o to_o they_o and_o therefore_o i_o be_v not_o to_o be_v trouble_v but_o to_o be_v quiet_a fit_a still_o and_o wait_v and_o not_o to_o stir_v the_o lord_n till_o he_o please_v this_o do_v not_o at_o all_o satisfy_v i_o but_o i_o continue_v in_o a_o very_a sad_a condition_n and_o one_o thing_n more_o by_o the_o way_n i_o can_v forget_v and_o that_o be_v that_o while_o i_o be_v in_o this_o condition_n i_o never_o be_v so_o trouble_v with_o temptation_n as_o i_o be_v at_o that_o time_n one_o temptation_n which_o i_o be_v trouble_v with_o many_o year_n before_o i_o be_v keep_v from_o until_o at_o this_o time_n which_o now_o be_v more_o violent_a than_o at_o first_o as_o indeed_o those_o thing_n natural_o lead_v to_o such_o temptation_n which_o temptation_n be_v the_o same_o express_v in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o book_n page_n 25._o this_o be_v the_o sad_a fruit_n of_o my_o stray_n from_o the_o pure_a way_n of_o truth_n which_o as_o i_o desire_v ever_o to_o own_o with_o shame_n to_o myself_o so_o likewise_o consider_v the_o temptation_n i_o be_v expose_v to_o and_o the_o little_a mean_n i_o have_v to_o forewarn_v and_o keep_v i_o from_o such_o thing_n i_o desire_v for_o ever_o to_o bless_v the_o lord_n that_o i_o stray_v no_o further_o that_o though_o in_o these_o thing_n i_o have_v much_o forget_v he_o yet_o he_o be_v please_v to_o remember_v i_o and_o show_v i_o the_o evil_a and_o danger_n of_o these_o notion_n and_o restore_v i_o to_o those_o former_a joy_n that_o once_o i_o have_v in_o he_o and_o make_v that_o which_o be_v intend_v by_o satan_n to_o overthrow_v i_o to_o be_v of_o great_a advantage_n to_o i_o which_o he_o be_v please_v to_o do_v after_o this_o manner_n have_v some_o occasion_n to_o undertake_v a_o passage_n on_o the_o sea_n from_o london_n to_o newcastle_n in_o which_o condition_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o reprove_v i_o by_o the_o rage_a wave_n of_o the_o sea_n and_o tempestuous_a storm_n than_o begin_v my_o trouble_n to_o increase_v but_o not_o so_o much_o from_o that_o which_o be_v without_o as_o from_o something_o within_o the_o wave_n of_o the_o sea_n not_o beat_v so_o fast_o on_o the_o ship_n as_o the_o wave_n of_o temptation_n do_v arise_v in_o my_o heart_n be_v in_o a_o very_a much-troubled_n dissatisfy_v condition_n not_o find_v my_o heart_n willing_a to_o submit_v to_o god_n neither_o indeed_o know_v how_o to_o behave_v myself_o towards_o he_o in_o relation_n to_o the_o present_a trouble_n all_o which_o be_v occasion_v by_o those_o corrupt_a principle_n be_v at_o a_o great_a loss_n whether_o i_o shall_v now_o pray_v or_o wait_v for_o a_o power_n not_o be_v sensible_a of_o any_o other_o power_n at_o that_o time_n but_o what_o be_v from_o the_o present_a trouble_n to_o put_v i_o upon_o it_o but_o in_o this_o trial_n i_o be_v glad_a to_o betake_v myself_o to_o my_o former_a principle_n the_o lord_n bring_v to_o my_o remembrance_n that_o command_n and_o promise_n psa_n 50._o 15._o by_o which_o i_o be_v encourage_v to_o cry_v to_o god_n as_o indeed_o i_o can_v not_o nor_o dare_v not_o forbear_v for_o still_o own_v my_o interest_n in_o god_n by_o which_o i_o be_v make_v capable_a of_o prayer_n i_o can_v not_o answer_v that_o with_o such_o other_o like_o scripture_n
as_o 1_o thes_n 5._o 17._o etc._n etc._n but_o yet_o notwithstanding_o i_o be_v dissatisfy_v about_o it_o that_o notion_n of_o wait_v carry_v such_o a_o show_n of_o spirituality_n i_o can_v not_o easy_o let_v it_o go_v but_o yet_o this_o trial_n have_v so_o shake_v it_o that_o i_o do_v begin_v much_o to_o question_v it_o and_o also_o those_o other_o notion_n of_o the_o like_a nature_n than_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o bring_v we_o safe_a to_o land_n through_o which_o mercy_n i_o have_v some_o little_a communion_n with_o god_n be_v able_a to_o speak_v of_o his_o goodness_n in_o deliver_v we_o from_o that_o danger_n but_o through_o that_o dissatisfaction_n which_o still_o remain_v in_o i_o about_o these_o notion_n it_o be_v interrupt_v again_o and_o my_o beloved_a have_v withdraw_v himself_o and_o i_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v not_o know_v where_o to_o rest_v nor_o what_o to_o do_v but_o notwithstanding_o i_o do_v begin_v much_o to_o question_v those_o thing_n from_o that_o trial_n i_o have_v of_o they_o on_o the_o sea_n yet_o i_o be_v more_o incline_v to_o they_o than_o to_o truth_n for_o some_o time_n especial_o to_o that_o of_o prayer_n and_o three_o or_o four_o time_n after_o i_o remember_v in_o discourse_n with_o some_o friend_n i_o do_v a_o little_a plead_v for_o they_o which_o though_o it_o be_v my_o sin_n so_o to_o do_v i_o do_v not_o then_o know_v it_o but_o must_v needs_o say_v i_o do_v as_o simple_o and_o sincere_o aim_v at_o do_v the_o will_n of_o god_n in_o all_o those_o thing_n as_o ever_o i_o do_v in_o any_o thing_n and_o therefore_o though_o satan_n have_v so_o beguile_v i_o yet_o i_o obtain_v mercy_n because_o i_o do_v it_o ignorant_o but_o my_o trouble_n and_o want_v of_o communion_n with_o god_n do_v still_o increase_v insomuch_o that_o i_o be_v scarce_o able_a to_o bear_v my_o burden_n and_o speak_v of_o it_o to_o my_o husband_n who_o be_v at_o that_o time_n much_o in_o the_o same_o condition_n i_o remember_v among_o many_o word_n he_o speak_v some_o be_v to_o this_o purpose_n that_o see_v we_o be_v in_o such_o a_o condition_n and_o at_o such_o a_o loss_n it_o be_v best_a to_o speak_v but_o little_a that_o as_o we_o do_v but_o little_a good_a we_o may_v do_v but_o little_a harm_n which_o i_o do_v well_o approve_v of_o and_o after_o that_o i_o speak_v little_a for_o or_o against_o any_o thing_n till_o i_o be_v better_o satisfy_v then_o be_v so_o true_o in_o a_o day_n of_o adversity_n according_a to_o that_o counsel_n of_o the_o wise_a man_n in_o eccles_n 7._o 14._o i_o sit_v down_o serious_o to_o consider_v what_o may_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o be_v in_o so_o sad_a and_o strange_a a_o condition_n through_o which_o consideration_n by_o degree_n i_o come_v to_o see_v and_o conclude_v that_o certain_o there_o be_v something_o amiss_o in_o my_o judgement_n as_o to_o those_o notion_n begin_v clear_o to_o discern_v they_o do_v so_o oppose_v and_o contradict_v my_o former_a receive_a principle_n that_o they_o can_v not_o stand_v together_o but_o if_o one_o be_v true_a the_o other_o be_v false_a and_o that_o i_o must_v leave_v the_o one_o or_o the_o other_o for_o though_o i_o have_v receive_v the_o new_a i_o can_v never_o full_o quit_v the_o old_a neither_o in_o judgement_n nor_o practice_n then_o i_o be_v restless_a in_o my_o desire_n for_o three_o or_o four_o day_n to_o know_v which_o of_o the_o two_o be_v truth_n oft_o time_n earnest_o beg_v of_o god_n that_o he_o will_v decide_v the_o controversy_n and_o discover_v to_o i_o which_o be_v according_a to_o his_o mind_n and_o which_o not_o be_v full_o satisfy_v that_o but_o one_o of_o they_o can_v be_v truth_n than_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o put_v i_o upon_o a_o particular_a examination_n what_o ground_n i_o have_v in_o scripture_n and_o what_o experience_n i_o have_v of_o both_o &_o in_o read_v and_o examine_v my_o scripture-ground_n i_o begin_v to_o discern_v a_o great_a inclination_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o the_o former_a principle_n find_v i_o think_v the_o scripture_n very_o full_a and_o plain_a for_o they_o but_o nothing_o for_o the_o other_o but_o what_o be_v from_o some_o dark_a mysterious_a interpretation_n which_o be_v very_o doubtful_a and_o for_o my_o own_o experience_n i_o do_v remember_v and_o be_v constrain_v to_o acknowledge_v that_o in_o receive_v and_o keep_v close_o to_o the_o fotmer_n i_o have_v joy_n and_o peace_n and_o much_o satisfaction_n and_o communion_n with_o god_n but_o since_o i_o receive_v the_o other_o the_o lord_n have_v as_o it_o be_v hide_v his_o face_n from_o i_o and_o i_o be_v fill_v with_o confusion_n and_o distraction_n and_o the_o remembrance_n of_o that_o trial_n i_o have_v of_o they_o upon_o the_o sea_n do_v very_o much_o help_v i_o now_o to_o see_v the_o falsity_n of_o they_o that_o in_o a_o time_n of_o trial_n i_o dare_v not_o stick_v to_o they_o as_o indeed_o i_o plain_o see_v that_o i_o can_v never_o stick_v to_o they_o so_o as_o to_o answer_v they_o full_o in_o my_o practice_n unless_o i_o shall_v have_v lay_v aside_o the_o appearance_n of_o godliness_n &_o have_v be_v very_o profane_a the_o consideration_n of_o which_o with_o some_o other_o evil_a consequence_n which_o i_o see_v clear_o do_v natural_o attend_v those_o thing_n be_v another_o mean_n by_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o recover_v i_o from_o they_o and_o to_o discover_v satan_n under_o his_o veil_n to_o i_o how_o by_o these_o thing_n he_o do_v intend_v if_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o prevent_v he_o to_o have_v strip_v i_o of_o all_o my_o hope_n and_o in_o particular_a as_o to_o that_o of_o be_v save_v by_o a_o christ_n within_o and_o not_o by_o a_o christ_n without_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o that_o it_o be_v quite_o another_o thing_n differ_v from_o the_o gospel_n and_o that_o it_o be_v attend_v with_o this_o evil_a consequence_n even_o to_o overthrow_v the_o whole_a gospel_n and_o to_o deny_v the_o lord_n that_o buy_v they_o at_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o my_o soul_n do_v tremble_v and_o that_o if_o he_o shall_v have_v prevail_v here_o all_o my_o hope_n be_v go_v for_o i_o can_v not_o nor_o dare_v not_o rest_v on_o any_o thing_n in_o myself_o as_o a_o ground_n of_o hope_n for_o life_n and_o salvation_n but_o on_o the_o other_o hand_n concern_v my_o hope_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n according_a to_o the_o gospel_n i_o can_v true_o say_v of_o that_o as_o peter_n do_v john_n 6._o 68_o lord_n whither_o shall_v we_o go_v thou_o have_v the_o word_n of_o eternal_a life_n so_o whither_o shall_v i_o go_v from_o the_o gospel_n there_o be_v the_o word_n of_o eternal_a life_n there_o be_v all_o my_o rest_n and_o hope_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n through_o the_o gospel_n and_o therefore_o i_o resolve_v in_o the_o strength_n of_o christ_n to_o stick_v to_o this_o and_o leave_v the_o other_o then_o second_o as_o to_o that_o of_o wait_v for_o a_o power_n to_o pray_v and_o that_o there_o be_v no_o command_n but_o from_o within_o concern_v both_o these_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o that_o it_o be_v not_o according_a to_o his_o mind_n but_o a_o mere_a invention_n of_o satan_n by_o degree_n to_o draw_v i_o from_o my_o duty_n and_o that_o it_o be_v attend_v with_o this_o evil_a consequence_n even_o to_o slight_v the_o scripture_n and_o command_n of_o god_n and_o to_o expose_v the_o soul_n to_o satan_n deceive_n to_o walk_v by_o the_o imagination_n of_o their_o own_o heart_n instead_o of_o the_o motion_n of_o the_o spirit_n and_o also_o it_o bring_v the_o soul_n into_o great_a uncertainty_n which_o the_o truth_n never_o do_v but_o on_o the_o other_o hand_n to_o do_v duty_n in_o obedience_n to_o the_o authority_n and_o command_n of_o god_n in_o scripture_n and_o to_o pray_v at_o all_o time_n as_o we_o have_v opportunity_n have_v receive_v a_o principle_n of_o grace_n by_o which_o we_o be_v make_v capable_a of_o prayer_n i_o see_v this_o be_v a_o clear_a and_o sound_a truth_n not_o be_v attend_v with_o any_o evil_a consequence_n nor_o bring_v the_o soul_n into_o strait_n and_o uncertainty_n but_o rather_o give_v enlargement_n in_o every_o condition_n and_o therefore_o i_o desire_v likewise_o to_o keep_v close_o to_o these_o and_o leave_v the_o other_o but_o oh_o the_o joy_n and_o comfort_n that_o be_v in_o my_o soul_n at_o this_o return_n i_o can_v express_v it_o but_o this_o i_o say_v it_o be_v to_o i_o as_o life_n from_o the_o dead_a and_o as_o i_o be_v blessing_n praise_v and_o magnifi_n the_o lord_n for_o his_o unchangeable_a goodness_n to_o i_o my_o husband_n have_v be_v some_o time_n from_o i_o come_v home_o to_o who_o i_o do_v declare_v my_o