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A18070 The life, confession, and heartie repentance of Francis Cartwright, Gentleman for his bloudie sinne in killing of one Master Storr, Master of Arts, and minister of Market Rason in Lincolnshire. Written with his owne hand. Cartwright, Francis. 1621 (1621) STC 4704; ESTC S118632 17,967 37

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Church of England should vtterly refuse me forsake and cast mee off yet will I still holde this opinion and thus reuerently esteeme thinke and speake of this Church and Religion and will choose rather to liue in concontinuall penury then to be of another minde For I am sure this Religion is that which is taught in Gods holy Word and therefore I must needs beleeue it As for the doctrine of the Church of Rome I could neuer find comfort in it only in that which they deny to Lay-men that is the reading of the Scriptures do I find true ground of cōsolation True it is that simple and vnstable men may abuse their reading of the Scriptures vnto errour and by Gods gracious promises therein recorded may take occasion to presume and trust too much to their own Faith and Gods Mercies But this ought not to make vs disclayme or to neglect the daily reading of Gods sacred Word for there is no meanes like to this so powerfull to keepe men from committing of sinne nor after sinne committed to vphold them from falling into finall Desperation For my part I haue desired as much as any Sinner that euer was the content of this Worlds base sinfull Pleasures Ryot Vain-glory Reuenge Excesse in Prodigalitie and the like But these crosses and calamities befalling me The reading of the Scriptures accompanied with the sweet Conference and Comfortable Letters of mercifull learned men who haue dealt with me those wayes in England and by writing to me into the Low Countries among whom I cannot omit to name with reuerence and thankfull acknowledgement Master Trigg Master Buddle Master Crashaw and of late at Lambith Master Doctor Goad and Master Doctor Featly c. vnto whom I haue sued as the woman did to Christ euen for Crummes falling from our Sauiours Table haue most powerfully opened mine eyes and enlightened myne heart and soule to see seele and taste Gods Iudgements and Mercies myne owne sinnes and transgressions the peace of conscience the difference of Sinners penitent and impenitent Cain Saul Achitophel and Iudas their despayre and the confession and repentance of Dauid Peter and the rest of Gods Saints Seeing Dauid that great anointed King and all the renowned Seruants of God haue confessed their bloud guiltinesse and other foule sinnes and haue repented of them and openly exclaymed against them Shall I a wretch not worthy to be named among the meanest of all deiected Sinners thinke it a shame to me and blush to confesse my sinnes and openly to publish my griefe and repentance Especially seeing now all the World Learned Men Gods Messengers Friends Enemies the Troubles and Miseries which I haue sustayned the peace and torment of Conscience which I haue felt doe prouoke mee teach mee driue me to confesse my sinnes and offences offending and transgressing the Lawes of God I here therefore in bitternesse of soule confesse my faults and cry out against all my sinnes committed from my birth to this present from Master Storr his bloud to euery hurt and wrong which I haue done to any in deed word or thought not onely for my crueltie and reuenge done to men but for that I haue since also thought it lawfull to defend my selfe with Sword contrary to the Lawes of God when I might perhaps better haue done it by other meanes It wounds me to think of my blasphemous oaths vttered in passion and distemper My disobedience to my Parents my excesse my drinking of healthes my prodigalitie yea my eating and drinking of more then to suffice nature and my feeding of Horses and Dogges with mans food such as many good Christians wanted expecting of the blessing for my faith without workes and for beleeuing without liuing of a sanctified life or truly following of a lawfull calling my open and secret sinnes my many motions to sinne and too much yeelding to Satans subtilties and mine owne imperfections vaine and light disposition pronenesse to Anger Pleasure Distrust Despayre my presumption when God shewed any miraculous deliuerance or any mercie to my soule bodie or estate All these are as a terrible Armie of so many deadly foes and like so many Swords and Speares entring into my heart and soule When I consider with my selfe mine owne vncertaine condition how when I haue thought my selfe safe and sure I haue found immediately that I haue beene most vncertaine and in greatest danger and when in greatest danger by Gods helpe and power most secure how in euery pleasure and calamitie I haue found a baite and in euery baite an hooke and that though for the space of ten yeares last I haue had a resolution not to sinne with purpose but rater to dye yet by myne owne weaknesse and wilfulnesse in passion I haue fallen into so innumerable and so abominable sins and haue as it were trampled vnder foote the bloud of the Son of God and returned like the Dogge to his vomit and like the Swine to the myre by my continuall falling repenting from the bottome of my heart for all and euery sinne which I haue committed from my birth to this moment And vpon the knees of my heart doe with such humble desire and affection as the difference requireth betweene the Mightie and Almightie Commander of Heauen Earth and Sea and mee one of the greatest Sinners in the World a wretched vile worme of no reputation yea with as seruent and vehement importunitie as euer any Thiefe did craue pardon or childe mercy and forgiuenesse do I begge and sue for pardon of God the Father of our Lord Iesus Christ the seer of the secrets of all hearts for his mercies sake whose mercies are ouer all his workes whose mercie preuayleth and reioyceth against his iustice and whose louing kindnesse lasteth for euer Vpon his promises made vnto vs in his holy word doe I build all my hope and confidence euen such as these following viz. That though our sinnes bee as Crimson or Scarlet he will make them white as Snow or Wooll That at what time soeuer a Sinner doth repent he will put out all his iniquites that if they would turn from their wickednesse and do righteousnesse they shall not dye but liue That he hath Balme of Gilead to heale the weake and sicke Also vpon these promises of our Lord Iesus God equall with his Father who saith Come vnto me all ye that trauell and bee heauie laden and I will ease you c. His disgraces reproches troubles teares sighes grones thornes skornes whipping spitting vpon beating stripes sweating nayling hanging wounding bleeding out his heart-bloud Passion Death Resurrection and Ascension are so many Salues and Medicines to cure my bleeding soule His bloud speaketh better things then the bloud of ABEL and the cry thereof ouercommeth the voice of Master Stors bloud and of all other my loud crying sinnes which call to Heauen for vengeance And therefore with this his bloud which hath satisfied for all temporall and eternall punishments doe I come sprinkled before God