of none or very small accompt and use in a Clergy-man if there be but integrity of Life and good conversation Which I say I think is not extraordinary true For take this same Integrity thâ—…t has but little money and very few Books and give this Integrity a good Library and the knowledg thereof and an hundred pounds a year and if this Integrity be not more considerable and do more good in the world than poor naked and unlearned Integrity I never saw the like oâ—… it especially in a Clergy-man who you know Sir since miracles are ceased are supposed to come to a better knowledg of the mind of God and better able to discover the same to the people that are committed to their care by dedicating themselves and their time to that Dâ—…sign and Service It is jâ—…st to as much purpose and as much against me what the Answerer says on in the same Page viz. That very rich and very learned Clergy-men have been despised witness the Bishops in the late times Yes truly I must needs grant an old Friend of mine that taking away all their Estates the Arch-Bishops Head and putting many of them in Prison are notable Signs of their being despised and he may remember also what the same despising Raskals did to our Soveraign the King and what would he infer from thence If any thing at all it must be that Riches and Knowledg are altogether as useless and as subject to Contempt as Poverty and Ignorance If he please he may so infer but when he has done he will scarce be able to hire two in a County to believe him unless they be very special and inward Friends But of all Straâ—…agems that he makes use of to shew how vain and successeless all my endeavours were likely to be that certainly argues the most of close and thick thinking which he lucks upon p. 12. Nay says he I will venture further a little â—…o â—…ake it appear and indeed if there were ever Venture made this was one that Ignâ—…rance and Poverty are not the onlâ—… grounds of Contempt for some Clergy-men are as much slighted for their great Learning aâ—… others are for their Ignorance Now although he says in his Preface that he would not much boast of convincing the world how much I was mistaken in what I undertook yet I am confident of it that this Contrivance of his did inwardly as much rejoyce the Cockles of his heart as he phansies that what I writ did someâ—…imes much tickle my spleen But wherein I pray Sir are they slighted O says he in their Preaching a Learned Scholar-Preacher can neither keep the People awake nor make them write after him whereas a plain right down less learned Divine shall make them stare and start again so would an honest Block-River with his Beetle heartily calling at the Church-Door once in five or six Minutes as well as the most Ecclesiastical Fist powerfully exercising upon Edifying Wainscot But does he think Sir that Ignorance will out-preach Learning He is to remember that inâ—…o want oâ—… Learning I put also Discretion and want of the use of Learning and also consideration of the capacity of the Auditors and there be many other things besides Greek and Latin hard Words and some Mysterious Points which to preach to Common People you had as good give them a Lecturè about Squaring the Circle And therefore he did not hear me say that the greatest Meerâ—…Scholar is always either the most admired Preacher or really does the most good because many other Circumstances are required upon which the Fame and Success of a Preacher does sometimes depend But yet thus far I durst venture to say seeing that we are got upon the Venturing-Pin that he that understands the Holy Scriptures best and therâ—…in the Mind of God explained under which I comprehend all Learning requisite for the same he also that has the Command of true and useful Rhetorick discerning what words are most proper and intelligible and how they are so to be ordered as they shall not make either any harsh and unpleasant noise nor be difficultly understood and that has besides an audible and graceful Voice a comely and unblameable Gesture if this man thus accomplish'd be not more respected and likely to do more good in general than he that wants all or has but somâ—… few of these then it is a most rash and idle thingâ—… to wish the very meanest we have of the Clergy to have had the opportunities of any better improvement But O the sanctifiâ—…d postures the famâ—…liar and condescending Similitudes and the insinuating and 〈◊〉 Voice 〈◊〉 I hope Sir they do not râ—…solve â—…o muzzle my Clergy-man or think that I intended only 〈◊〉 mute Divine one that should only frown and forehead â—…is Pâ—…rishioners into a Godly Life instead of prudently reproving them and saying nothing to the purpose should only chear up the people with drawing up his Chaps into a pleasaâ—… Smilâ—… when the Use of Comfort is ready to come Of which Religious 〈◊〉 we had a great plenty in the late â—…ealous times thoâ—…e I mean that use to turn up the Glass and spend a quarter of it in rocking themselves into a still Fit of Prayer and then breaking out into a sudden fright of Devotion as if they were risen from the dead We are thanks be to God past those days when the Pulpiteers use to strip and truss themâ—…elves as if they wâ—…re to shew some spirituâ—…l tumbling and so having hung up their Cloaks and put back their Hair behind their Ears sometimes they were for bending backwards as if they would take up a Shilling in their Eye-lids sometimes again for stretching upon the Cushion as if they would turn over their heads and shew you the double Summetset but then if there came to be any extraordinary Shew and the Occasion did require any transcendent Feats of Activity and great Agility of Body such as a publick Thanksgiving or a Solemn day of Humiliation â—…uch a time called only for close Drawers and the Breeches were to be left at home because they were great dampers of the power of the Spirit and a vast hindrance to the efficacious carrying on the Work of the Day and the immediately succeeding Tax Then it was that Godliness chiefly consisted in the management of the Eye and he that had the least Pupil was the most righteous because most easily concealed by the rowling white Then it was that they would scarce let a round-fac'd man go to Heaven but if he had but a little Blood in his Cheeks his condition was counted very dangerous and it was almost an infallible Sign of absolute reprobation And I will assure you Sir a very honest man of a Sanguine Complexion if he chanc'd to come nigh an officious Zealot's House might be set in the Stocks only for looking fresh in a frosty morning and yet for all that these pale and world-renouncing Saints should slyly lick up all the
joy and reâ—…reshment to a Ministers own understanding to quote several Languages though no body understands them but himself That though it should be admitted that for the most part in a Countrey Village Latin might be spared yet if it be out of St. Austin it is very useful though no Creature in the Parish understands one Tittle of it because ignorant people are not to be imposed upon Lastly That those little Sentences viz. as it were if I may so say and with reverence be it spoken are very mollifying Sentences and may with as much reason be used as si ita loqui liceat or detur verbo venia These Sir as far as I can perceive are the most knocking and destroying Objections against my Book As for the rest he either most plainly and grossely mistakes me or else he tries to do it but says the same that I do only he does not know of it when he thinks he contradicts me All which will appear aftenwards in their due places for I would willingly be as careful to observe his Method as he has been industrious to mistake my Meaning The first thing wherein I am so shamefully and horribly out is that I have not sufficiently reckoned up the Grounds and Occasions of the Contempt of the Clergy For that I having referred all to Ignorance and Poverty I have says he p â—… c. most carelesly lâ—…ft out the Papists Jesuits Quakers Nonconformists and by his leave he has forgot one as well as I forgot the rest and that is the Draining of the Fens there being a near relation between Atheism and the Contempt of the Clergy But no man can think of all things at once Well and do you think Sir that our old Friend is in good earnest or does he droll Does he in his Conscience believe that the Papists do slight and undervalue our Clergy Do they lay their Plots and Stratagems to make us dayly more and more despised and does he think that they are really at the very bottom of their hearts Adversaries and Enemies to the Church of England Well suppose they be what would he have me to do in this case Must I set sail presently for Rome or dispatch a Letter forthwith to the Pope desiring him out of all love to tie up all his Priests and Jesuits and not to suffer any one of them to cross our Seas and furthermore to let his Holiness know that in good truth he does not do at all like a Gentleman to let his Agents and Emissaries ramble up and down with Swords and long Perukes and other fashionable disguises inveagling those of our Church and searching up and down in unknown habits for some of the least of our Learned Clergy puzling them with Sophismes and making their Triumphs over them Do you not think Sir that he would listen to this as he did to the Quaker that went over to convert him Surely the Answerer cannot be so ignorant of the Romish Church and Constitutions as not to see that so long as the Pope believes himself Supreme and Infallâ—…ble or which is all one endeavours to carry on the humour oâ—… being thought and believed so to be so long as the Protestants stand in their opinion for Schismaticks and they believe or at least say they do that there is no salvation out of their own Church so long as they think themselves obliged or pretend to think that they ought to use all Arts and Means to restore all again to themselves and to frustrate all the Intents of the Reformation Lastly so long as they think themselves Judges or will judge what Means are most likely to be effectual to bring about their designs shall we imagine that they will beg our leave to comb their Perukes before they come out of their Dressing Rooms or that they will take our advice what street they shall walk in about what Corner they shall ply what Company they shall keep and whom they shall dipute with Now Sir because I thought it next to Impossible to hinder altogether their contriving our contempt it being in a manner in the Body of their Religion so to do as also that there be several wise and wholsom Statutes of this Realm with all care and prudence at first made and since often renewed and now lately inforc'd by strict Proclamation to prevent their bad intentions towards us and to defeat as much as may be their plots against us if the Answerer would but have considered of these things and had he but had that same gratifying Master of his who used as he sayes so to open his understanding in the Case of Juvenal and Florus perhaps he might begin to ghess why I did not particularly insist upon the Papists as great occasions of the Contempt of our Clergy but left them and many such things to be treated of by him In doing of which although I am not apt to boast of good works I think I did very frieâ—…dlily For had I not left two or three such things untouch'd he would have been hard put to it as far as I perceive to have found Furniture for his Answer But yet for all that If I were very highly pleased with my own Model and were resolved to hale and fetch in all to my two chosen words of Ignorance and Poverty and stifly to defend the same I could then Sir for a need tell him that many have been tempted to turn Catholicks as they call them for want of preferment and many have been abused and slighted by them and brought themselves and others of their Profession into Contempt for want of Knowledge Now though I never expected that all the Clergy of England should be so subtil in Logick so cunning at untwisting a Complex Theme so experimentally skill'd in Subject and Praedicate so accurate at forming a Verb and at hunting out an Etimology to the first Original as I perceive the Answerer is by what he so earnestly recommends in several places but that here and there one in a County might possibly be worsted by a keen and pinching Jesuite yet certainly if the Clergy in general were better furnished with all sorts and advantages of Learning it would be more difficult for those diligent Enemies of ours to meet with so many frequent opportunities of Victory and Conquest and thereby you know Sir the Grounds and Occasions of the Contempt of the Clergy would be much lessen'd though not altogether removed For I hope that no body counts me so extravagantly mad and doting as to think that I should believe that it might possibly be so contriv'd that there should not be any Living Creature in Orders in the whole Land but should be so rich and Learned as that he should never tempt any man to disesteem him or that he should behave himself so worthily and discreetly that it were impossible for the vilest Raskal Varlet or Insidel in the world not to respect him and attend to his Doctrine which is a
requisite to make a Coaehman fully believe that he shall have a couple of shillings and at the same time resolve to let down the â—…oot and with a steâ—…dy mind walk softly out to a Coffee-house a little before you come at your Lodgings Again what accuracy of palate and breeding is necessary to have a clear apprehension of a mighty and lofty dish and to do reverence and strict justice to a glass of Florence Champagne Frontiniack Burdeaux Languedoc Flascon de vin vin de Bourgongne vin de Prâ—…ssoirage vin Pare vin de Parole and Taffalâ—…tte and to begin small Princes with a Loach and to end the Emperours with a neats tongue Be not deceiv'd Sir it is not Logick Metaphysicks Fathers and Councils and all the rest that ever can expâ—…ct to know or do these things or half of them besides if we consider the great rudenesses that are oft-times by Clergie-men committed in barbarous managing of hat immoral picking of teeth uncouth and unfashionable sneezing clownish pronouncing of words that should have been gracefully lifp'd and rude and flat setting both feet upon the ground when one should have stood in tittering readiness upon the toe for a conge when we consider I say these and five and fifty thousand things more we must plainly conclude that it is only for great head-pieces men of birth and education of prudence and a mighty reach to pretend to honour and reputation not for poor unobserving Book-men that go in black Then to all this must be added the vast skill that is required to the tendring a visit with approv'd and modish accuracy that it be done punctually at the critical minute neither before nor after that the servant that comes to the door be duly spoken to according to the Rule provided in that great affair that the Golâ—…shoes be left in their true and proper place that the Foot-boy be expert in observing his tutor'd distance that he gives allowance for Summer and Winter and that he never stands exactly behind but bearing a respectful point or so North or South of his Master Then having got over all these difficulties and made a suitable address there is further to be weighed whether the visit is to be a silent visit or a speaking one and if any thing is to be said whether the visitor is first to open or to expect till discourse be offered and when and in what order the health of the Family is to be inquir'd into Lack a day says one of the accomplish'd in what a lamentable condition have I seen a mortal Clergie-man when he has ask'd for a Son or a Daughter that has been dead a Month whereas he should have felt out all those things by degrees and never have run himself into the danger of a stumbling excuse for not knowing of it before how will his puling Conscience be put to it to rap out presently half a dozen swingers to get off cleaverly But still Sir there be many things behind It is no such easie matter upon my word to judge how much of the hankerchief shall haâ—…g out of the coat pocket and how to poyse it exactly with the Tortoise shell-comb on the other side and if there be Peruke to be order'd where is the man of the Church that can tell when it is to be done to Old Simon the King and when After the pangs of a desperate Lover Heavens and Stars It is such a task to be considerable and of any moment in the World that it would almost crack the brains of the most steady Clergie-man but to hear repeated all the accomplishments that are required to make up a man of worth But then suppose a Divine of extraordinary parts and quickness and that has got I know not whence so much of our modish blood in his veins as to apprehend in some low degree what makes men for ever blessed and should arrive to some set forms of being acceptable how will they make shift for Speeches and Complements Passes and Repasses Parties and Reparties Put the case Sir that a fair Lady or person of honour by some chance or other drops a glove or hankerchief Where is now say they your man in Orders that can presently snatch it up in an extasie deliver it with bonne grace and instantly say something suitable to so great and sudden occasion Nay furthermore suppose we should give them some of the grounds and elements of our being immortal and lay down before them some of those inestimable principles by which we become excellent and admirable in the eyes of men women and children and should discover to them some of our several vows to God Madam as I am a sinner Madam as I hope for mercy Madam as I beg your pardon Madam As also some of our raptures and heights as I am a sinner before God and your Ladiship as I hope to find mercy in heaven and in your Ladiships breast as I desire to commit my self to God and your Ladiship 's disposal as I desire to observe only Moses 's and your Ladiships commands Nay to all this should we throw in some of our gentile and very helpful words as intrigue harangue obligation devotion altars shrines sacrifices gustos flambos contrastos and Orlandos Ferdinandos I say suppose a tender-hearted Gallant having a little pity and compassion for the low condition and stile of the Clergy should unbosom and reveal himself after this free and open manner yet still black is black for there is so much of native gentility in the just use and nicking of these things and so much of mysterie in the right humâ—…ring of a fashionable word that there is bâ—…t vâ—…ry small hopes that any Clergie-man should be ever happy or valuable in this life But still Sir we forget the great business of mankind the writing of Letters Where is the Divine that can do it either to Mistriss or Friend as a man that knows the World the humour of the Town and that has lived upon eat and read men And suppose we should bestow upon a poor low thinking Black-coat one of our best forms such as follows it is five to one he would commit some Ecclesiastical blunder or other in setting his name too near or in the folding or making it up Most bright and transcendental Madam I Presume by the intercession of this course and erroneous Paper to arrive at your fair and infallible fingers and to pay thâ—… utmost tribute of my Devotion at the high Altar of your perfections The great concern Madam of my life now is only to sacrifice the poor remain of it to your intrigues and to make all my interests and inclinations to be observant of your Commands and to do homage at the shrine of your Vertues Nay Madam I am in some curiosity whether I be above or on this side heavens Canopy for no sooner was I beam'd upon by your shining Ladiship but I seemed presently to be altogether taken up The delicacies of
not so wonderfully over-stock'd with Ingenuity and Knowledge as utterly to despair of receiving from the Pulpit any useâ—…ul Advice or Information And I have oft-times much wonder'd that such as make so great pretences to Wit and Accomâ—…lishments should pitch upon so easie a method of being admir'd and valuable in this world whenas they see that the grounds upon which they endeavour to be so famous and illustrious are so presently apprehended that the low-born Coach-men Carmen and Porters are come to as great perfection as the loftiest of these Speakers That certainly was a pretty attentive Child who as he was lighting himself home upon a Saturday night after his Work was over was heard to say over and sort all the Oaths and Curses that he had learn'd in the whole Week from his ingenious and eloquent Masters And I cannot but approve of the Modesty of that Youngster who being highly pleas'd with that excellent Phansie viz. Son of a Whore and not happening conveniently of Tapster or Drawer to spend himself first upon was first to break his mind to an Oyster-woman and so being once enter'd the Youth soon improv'd for afterwards if the Candle burnt not clear or the Pipe had a crack in it or his Horse stumbl'd or Dog or Bitch lay in his way they were all Sons of Whores Nay if a Trial in Westminster-Hall goes not right the very Case it self was a Son of a Whore Case and that Purge that gripes or gives a Stool more than ordinary is a Son of a Whore Purge I know Sir that these Hussing Despisers of all Black-Coats think they urge very hard for the necessity of their thundering and terrifying Stile by saying that the degenerate part of the World were it not for that would grow saucy and unmanageable and the unworthy and mean-spirited Creepers would make no difference between themselves and the brave bold Commanders of the Age Curse say they the Groom or Ostler three or four times lustily just before you go to bed and your Horse will very near cast his Coat and begin to shine by the Morning and give a Drawer half a dozen Granadoes as he goes down the Stairs and if he be so irreligious as to bring up any thing but truâ—… Terse you will for certain shortly hear that he has murdered his Master and hang'd himself with his own Garters In short Sir were not people quicken'd to Duty and Observance by such brisk and remarkable Expressions the world must suddenly end and the very Gentry of the Nation would be as much neglected and disobey'd as we find the modest and cowardly Clergy now to be Indeed it is great pity but that Gentle-folks should be duly reverenâ—…'d and attended upon But I was thinking Sir supposing Swearing and Cursing to be so very necessary to the standing Government and Welfare of a Nation that a small Instrument about the stature of Puginello might possibly be so contriv'd with two Rows of Stops one for Swearing and another for Cursing that might upon all occasions express it self with as much Discretion Propriety and Elegance as the very Owner of the little tool should be able to do himself But then indeed Sir as to the extemporary and occasional Wit that is ost-times shewn in abusing the Holy Scriptures that must never be attempted by such a Gentleman of Wanscot but must be performed by humane mouth it self for there is so much of suddenness of apprehension and experimental skill in the application of Scripture that is requisite to that business that to go about to perform it by Holes Springs or Wires would be much more difficult and chargeable than Paradise or Sands's Watâ—… Works For suppose Sir a Gentleman going to Dinner to House and walking througâ—… the Narrow Ally mistakes his way then Sir what Engine upon the sudden of Wood or Pastboard but Gentleman himself could presently say Straight is the Gate and narrow is the way and few there be that find it Do you see Sir how hard it is There is not such a place again for that occasion and for that very particular Alley in all the Bible Well Sir he proceeds and coming at last to the great House he knocks at the Gate and the Porter being not just at hand then comes out that of the Psalmist Lift up your heads O ye Gates and be ye lift up ye everlasting Doors c. Upon which the Porter hearing such great Wit and Divinity at the Gate presently runs and opens the Gentleman enters and there finds a Servant sweeping then comes very properly that of the Prophet concerning the Besom of Destruction For indeed what more exactly like the Desolation of Babylon than the sweeping away a little Dirt out of a Court-yard After this he walks into the Hall where he happens upon the Butler and two Jests Good morrow Pharaoh sâ—…ys he for you know Sir Pharaoh had a Butler where 's your Master Pilate for you know also Sir that our Saâ—…iour was carried into the Common-Hall where by the way Sir you must observe that a true Wit is as good in the inside of the House as at the Gate Dinner time draws nigh and soon after the Victuals appear The Gentleman is desired to sit down No he shrugs and begs pardon having read that the first shall be last and the last shall be first and then he shrugs again However at last Sir we fall to and amongst other good things there is somewhat that requires Mustard upon that he desires his Neighbour to remove a little of the Mountain to him for if ye have Faith like a Grain of Mustard-seèd ye shall remove Mountains By and by Sir half a dozen Chickens are brought in which presently he commends for a Dish of very sat Jerusalems because of O Jerusalem Jerusalem thou that killest c. though if he had pleased he might as well have called them a Dish of Prophets or a Dish of Would-nots for you know Sir Jerusalem Prophets Chickens and would not are all in the same Verse In short Sir my Lord Mayor himself cannot provide a greater number of Dishes than this Gentleman shall have always in readiness Divine Phansies Nor less ingenious can he shew himself to be in his return if there be occasion than he was in his coming for a Child cannot drop before him in the Streets but presently Tabitha arise be it Boy or Girle nor a Porter ease himself of his Burden but Come unto me all ye that are heavy laden c. nor a Water-bearer be at a Conduit but Paul may plant and Apollos may water c. I know not Sir how many there be of this sort of people in the world who have nothing to say against a Priest but only to swear more than ordinary in his Company or to apply a few Scripture words with impudent Non. sense If there be no such at all then what I have now said belongs perhaps to those that dwell at the Moon But if there be