christ_n heart_n and_o see_v with_o what_o bowel_n of_o affection_n he_o speak_v how_o free_o himself_n offer_v the_o riches_n of_o mercy_n take_v why_o what_o or_o who_o shall_v we_o take_v but_o himself_o possess_v himself_o thus_o he_o stand_v call_v and_o cry_v take_v i_o love_v i_o receive_v i_o eat_v i_o drink_v i_o let_v i_o be_v you_o oh_o high_a love_n he_o do_v not_o bid_v the_o soul_n take_v wrath_n vengeance_n death_n or_o hell_n but_o take_v i_o second_o his_o command_n be_v more_o to_o pleasure_v you_o then_o himself_o why_o shall_v we_o take_v christ_n why_o this_o be_v my_o body_n that_o be_v break_v for_o you_o my_o blood_n that_o be_v shed_v for_o you_o take_v i_o for_o your_o own_o sake_n for_o you_o need_v i_o to_o refresh_v your_o heart_n therefore_o take_v i_o not_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v the_o better_a by_o it_o but_o that_o you_o may_v have_v more_o pleasure_n and_o delight_n in_o i_o that_o may_v do_v you_o all_o good_a oh_o high_a love_n three_o observe_v 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eat_v imply_v that_o no_o saint_n can_v say_v lord_z i_o have_v a_o desire_n to_o eat_v but_o here_o be_v not_o enough_o they_o can_v say_v i_o have_v sin_n and_o guilt_n but_o can_v find_v no_o pardon_n no_o christ_n bid_v you_o eat_v imply_v there_o be_v enough_o to_o feed_v on_o 2._o he_o set_v you_o no_o time_n neither_o but_o eat_v as_o long_o as_o you_o live_v yea_o until_o his_o come_n again_o o_o how_o abundant_o do_v those_o hint_n take_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o even_o swallow_v up_o my_o soul_n in_o the_o admiration_n of_o that_o love_n the_o lord_n grant_v it_o may_v abide_v upon_o my_o spirit_n for_o ever_o march_v the_o 30_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o some_o measure_n to_o give_v in_o a_o answer_n to_o that_o desire_n put_v up_o march_v 25._o for_o the_o pour_v out_o of_o his_o spirit_n upon_o the_o brethren_n through_o who_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o appear_v lively_a in_o my_o apprehension_n and_o in_o a_o spiritual_a manner_n in_o he_o who_o spirit_n seem_v to_o melt_v under_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o weight_n of_o that_o exercise_n march_v the_o 30_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v exceed_o to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o my_o mother_n who_o i_o apprehend_v to_o lie_v under_o some_o sadness_n in_o respect_n of_o the_o want_n of_o the_o clear_a sight_n of_o her_o interest_n in_o god_n beseech_v he_o that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o wean_v she_o more_o from_o the_o world_n and_o all_o thing_n here_o below_o and_o that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o manifest_v himself_o to_o she_o and_o let_v down_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n upon_o she_o and_o show_v she_o his_o face_n and_o not_o his_o back_n that_o as_o he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o shine_v upon_o my_o poor_a heart_n and_o the_o heart_n of_o other_o of_o his_o saint_n through_o prayer_n so_o that_o he_o will_v also_o be_v please_v at_o this_o time_n to_o let_v this_o request_n come_v up_o in_o remembrance_n before_o he_o and_o give_v in_o a_o 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experience_n to_o be_v a_o god_n hear_v prayer_n for_o i_o find_v he_o now_o also_o as_o i_o hope_v i_o may_v to_o his_o glory_n speak_v come_v in_o very_o much_o as_o it_o be_v fit_v i_o for_o this_o mercy_n by_o give_v in_o out_o of_o his_o own_o free_a grace_n to_o his_o poor_a unworthy_a creature_n yet_o a_o more_o full_a and_o clear_a sight_n of_o his_o work_n upon_o my_o soul_n and_o so_o of_o my_o interest_n in_o he_o by_o mean_n whereof_o i_o may_v now_o the_o more_o comfortable_o offer_v up_o myself_o into_o the_o communion_n of_o his_o people_n without_o a_o sight_n of_o which_o i_o shall_v hardly_o i_o think_v have_v presume_v to_o have_v do_v which_o work_n of_o his_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o help_v on_o by_o several_a of_o his_o servant_n in_o mr._n knight_n absence_n as_o mr._n sidrach_n simpson_n and_o mr._n rogers_n who_o he_o be_v please_v to_o make_v instrumental_a for_o my_o soul_n advantage_n and_o comfort_n at_o this_o time_n which_o the_o lord_n thus_o 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be_v much_o desire_v by_o those_o few_o person_n that_o then_o join_v and_o they_o so_o long_o interrupt_v and_o have_v put_v up_o many_o petition_n to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n concern_v it_o mr._n barker_n be_v then_o present_a and_o carry_v the_o intend_a work_n by_o prayer_n and_o counsel_n we_o join_v together_o in_o the_o fellowship_n of_o the_o gospel_n but_o this_o work_n be_v not_o perform_v in_o so_o solemn_a a_o manner_n as_o i_o for_o my_o part_n can_v have_v desire_v both_o in_o set_v more_o time_n a_o part_n to_o seek_v the_o lord_n together_o in_o it_o and_o to_o have_v endeavour_v to_o have_v give_v more_o full_a satisfaction_n to_o each_o other_o of_o the_o work_n of_o god_n in_o each_o other_o heart_n which_o lie_v as_o a_o burden_n upon_o my_o spirit_n which_o i_o often_o bewail_v before_o the_o lord_n and_o also_o move_v it_o to_o some_o of_o our_o friend_n that_o we_o may_v yet_o meet_v and_o set_v a_o part_n a_o day_n to_o this_o end_n which_o be_v not_o 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spirit_n and_o support_v it_o with_o a_o desire_n to_o wait_v to_o see_v what_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o bring_v out_o of_o it_o thus_o have_v for_o about_o 3_o month_n space_n enjoy_v the_o ordinance_n and_o the_o society_n of_o his_o servant_n and_o thereupon_o begin_v to_o examine_v my_o own_o heart_n what_o fruit_n or_o benefit_n i_o have_v find_v by_o they_o it_o lay_v somewhat_o sad_o upon_o my_o spirit_n for_o be_v able_a to_o discern_v very_o little_a then_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v by_o a_o letter_n from_o mr._n rogers_n to_o hand_n out_o something_o which_o for_o the_o present_a do_v a_o little_a support_n and_o cheer_v my_o spirit_n therein_o put_v i_o upon_o the_o consideration_n of_o this_o truth_n that_o a_o christian_a growth_n be_v not_o at_o all_o time_n sensible_a neither_o do_v the_o lord_n see_v it_o meet_v they_o shall_v always_o grow_v in_o one_o kind_n but_o that_o they_o grow_v in_o all_o part_n as_o well_o in_o humility_n and_o self_n abasement_n and_o in_o the_o sight_n of_o our_o own_o weakness_n barrenness_n and_o unprofitableness_n etc._n etc._n which_o be_v as_o true_a a_o growth_n as_o that_o of_o faith_n though_o not_o always_o so_o visible_a yet_o some_o trouble_n still_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n want_v a_o full_a and_o clear_a sight_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n which_o as_o yet_o i_o have_v only_o some_o good_a hope_n of_o but_o no_o such_o settle_a assurance_n but_o that_o i_o be_v often_o totter_v backward_o and_o forward_o the_o lord_n have_v formal_o and_o continual_o through_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n dispense_v often_o by_o mr._n knight_n and_o very_o powerful_o to_o that_o end_n and_o sometime_o also_o by_o mr._n simpson_n by_o both_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v strong_o to_o convince_v i_o of_o the_o dishonour_n that_o i_o have_v bring_v he_o by_o my_o unbeleef_n which_o be_v now_o the_o great_a burden_n of_o my_o soul_n but_o find_v much_o weakness_n of_o faith_n in_o i_o and_o a_o inability_n to_o roll_n so_o full_o upon_o god_n and_o give_v glory_n to_o he_o by_o believe_v and_o take_v he_o upon_o his_o word_n etc._n etc._n often_o fear_v that_o sin_n and_o satan_n will_v yet_o prevail_v over_o i_o but_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v about_o the_o 10_o month_n 1652._o to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n exceed_o to_o beg_v of_o he_o a_o large_a measure_n of_o faith_n even_o that_o i_o may_v be_v enable_v to_o honour_v he_o as_o much_o by_o believe_v as_o ever_o i_o have_v dishonour_v he_o through_o unbeleef_n but_o this_o same_o month_n i_o have_v this_o wicked_a thought_n or_o temptation_n throw_v with_o mighty_a force_n
magnify_v the_o name_n of_o our_o prayer-hearing_a god_n a_o god_n that_o delight_v in_o mercy_n and_o in_o the_o manifestation_n of_o it_o to_o his_o poor_a worthless_a creature_n beseech_v he_o further_a to_o increase_v my_o faith_n and_o help_v i_o to_o act_v it_o lively_a at_o this_o present_a in_o a_o plentiful_a feed_n upon_o the_o lord_n jesus_n that_o so_o my_o soul_n may_v find_v abundant_a strength_n heal_v and_o cleanse_v to_o issue_n from_o he_o in_o who_o all_o my_o hope_n and_o help_n lie_v the_o same_o ten_o of_o this_o six_o month_n the_o second_o paper_n that_o i_o put_v up_o this_o day_n be_v in_o relation_n to_o our_o communion_n which_o i_o thus_o express_v one_o of_o this_o despise_a handful_n desire_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o humble_v our_o soul_n before_o he_o that_o we_o have_v be_v guilty_a before_o he_o of_o rashness_n and_o inconsiderateness_n together_o with_o want_n of_o love_n and_o tenderness_n to_o each_o other_o which_o the_o lord_n 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before_o the_o lord_n and_o to_o spread_v the_o sad_a condition_n of_o one_o in_o near_a relation_n to_o she_o that_o conceive_v himself_o in_o a_o happy_a condition_n when_o there_o be_v ground_n enough_o to_o fear_v the_o contrary_a she_o desire_v you_o together_o with_o she_o to_o beseech_v the_o lord_n to_o discover_v it_o to_o he_o that_o so_o he_o may_v have_v no_o rest_n in_o his_o soul_n till_o he_o be_v bring_v home_o and_o build_v upon_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n that_o only_a foundation_n the_o same_o ten_o of_o this_o six_o month_n 1653._o one_o who_o be_v compass_v with_o such_o a_o body_n of_o death_n and_o corruption_n under_o which_o the_o party_n sad_o mourn_v pollute_v all_o that_o ever_o she_o put_v her_o hand_n unto_o therefore_o she_o desire_v your_o earnest_a prayer_n to_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v come_v and_o dwell_v in_o her_o soul_n and_o be_v as_o a_o refiner_n fire_n and_o as_o full_a soap_n to_o cleanse_v she_o and_o to_o burn_v up_o whatsoever_o be_v contrary_a to_o himself_o or_o any_o way_n darken_v his_o glory_n the_o 13_o of_o the_o six_o month_n the_o lord_n draw_v out_o my_o heart_n exceed_o to_o beg_v a_o increase_n of_o faith_n even_o beyond_o sight_n &_o sense_n that_o though_o i_o can_v not_o see_v corruption_n dead_a yet_o that_o i_o may_v believe_v that_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o in_o god_n time_n as_o also_o to_o beg_v for_o our_o sister_n harris_n her_o mother_n and_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o cure_v she_o of_o the_o fear_n of_o death_n who_o have_v be_v subject_a to_o this_o bondage_n and_o help_v she_o to_o commit_v her_o soul_n to_o he_o as_o a_o faithful_a creator_n and_o a_o everlasting_a love_a tender-hearted_a father_n the_o fifteen_o day_n of_o the_o six_o month_n be_v discover_v to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v often_o think_v that_o if_o i_o have_v but_o assurance_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n than_o nothing_o can_v trouble_v i_o but_o i_o shall_v be_v swallow_v up_o with_o joy_n and_o even_o overcome_v with_o it_o but_o oh_o my_o soul_n have_v it_o be_v thus_o with_o thou_o since_o the_o lord_n appear_v abundant_o in_o way_n of_o refreshment_n to_o thou_o or_o rather_o quit_v contrary_a since_o thou_o have_v be_v set_v free_a from_o from_o the_o fear_n of_o hell_n and_o wrath_n oh_o how_o sad_a to_o think_v that_o ever_o thou_o shall_v live_v to_o rebel_v against_o such_o a_o god_n a_o father_n of_o so_o much_o mercy_n about_o the_o end_n of_o the_o seven_o month_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o lay_v some_o light_a affliction_n upon_o my_o poor_a body_n thereby_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n after_o this_o manner_n to_o he_o bless_a lord_n what_o may_v thy_o end_n be_v in_o thy_o fatherly_a chastisement_n oh_o that_o thou_o will_v discover_v it_o and_o rather_o let_v this_o affliction_n abide_v continue_v yea_o be_v increase_v and_o augment_v what_o thou_o will_v rather_o than_o that_o the_o corruption_n shall_v not_o be_v discover_v and_o purge_v out_o which_o request_n be_v still_o continue_v then_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v in_o some_o measure_n in_o answer_n hereunto_o to_o discover_v those_o thing_n follow_v to_o i_o which_o i_o know_v not_o but_o that_o he_o may_v much_o aim_n at_o as_o may_v not_o the_o lord_n have_v some_o respect_n to_o thy_o want_n of_o pity_n and_o compassion_n to_o one_o in_o misery_n may_v not_o the_o lord_n lie_v his_o hand_n upon_o thou_o though_o not_o in_o that_o kind_n nay_o be_v he_o not_o righteous_a if_o he_o shall_v lay_v the_o same_o stroke_n have_v not_o thou_o deserve_v it_o as_o well_o as_o she_o may_v not_o the_o lord_n do_v it_o to_o call_v thou_o home_o and_o quicken_v thou_o from_o thy_o sloth_n deadness_n &_o dulness_n and_o the_o estrangement_n of_o heart_n that_o be_v so_o fast_o a_o grow_n between_o thy_o soul_n and_o the_o lord_n o_o bless_a father_n say_v my_o soul_n let_v my_o corruption_n be_v wrought_v out_o and_o thy_o poor_a creature_n quicken_v be_v not_o thy_o heart_n and_o affection_n exceed_o run_v out_o from_o the_o lord_n to_o the_o creature_n oh_o blened_a be_v that_o stroke_n that_o call_v thou_o back_o so_o that_o this_o work_n be_v but_o do_v by_o it_o the_o three_o day_n of_o the_o eight_o month_n be_v much_o oppress_v in_o spirit_n with_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o dishonour_n that_o will_v come_v to_o god_n and_o scandal_n to_o the_o gospel_n by_o the_o sad_a fall_n of_o one_o of_o our_o brethren_n and_o the_o fear_n that_o be_v upon_o my_o heart_n touch_v he_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n this_o evening_n to_o beg_v of_o he_o to_o discover_v to_o our_o soul_n in_o general_a and_o to_o my_o soul_n in_o particular_a what_o his_o end_n be_v in_o gather_v this_o poor_a handful_n together_o tell_v he_o i_o hope_v he_o do_v not_o do_v it_o to_o make_v we_o the_o instrument_n of_o his_o dishonour_n to_o the_o world_n and_o withal_o i_o be_v put_v upon_o it_o i_o very_o believe_v by_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n in_o that_o same_o day_n to_o reflect_v back_o upon_o my_o own_o soul_n what_o my_o end_n be_v enjoin_v in_o that_o communion_n and_o as_o i_o be_v press_v the_o lord_n to_o show_v i_o why_o or_o to_o what_o end_n he_o have_v direct_v i_o to_o join_v in_o that_o society_n tell_v he_o withal_o that_o sure_o my_o desire_n be_v to_o attend_v upon_o direction_n in_o it_o and_o that_o if_o any_o other_o thing_n what_o ever_o do_v bias_n my_o spirit_n in_o the_o act_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o discover_v it_o to_o i_o whereupon_o i_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v help_v i_o to_o examine_v my_o heart_n about_o it_o and_o that_o if_o i_o be_v bias_v by_o any_o wrong_a respect_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v convince_v i_o of_o it_o and_o humble_a my_o soul_n deep_o for_o it_o and_o pardon_v it_o in_o christ_n blood_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n deal_v impartial_o in_o this_o work_n of_o examination_n in_o this_o thing_n and_o spread_v it_o before_o he_o this_o letter_n be_v give_v to_o master_n knight_n what_o to_o seek_v the_o lord_n about_o upon_o the_o nine_o of_o this_o month_n 1653._o dear_a sir_n sathan_n have_v often_o beset_v my_o soul_n to_o endeavour_v to_o keep_v it_o from_o a_o present_a participate_v in_o this_o holy_a ordinance_n upon_o several_a pretence_n and_o have_v again_o now_o attempt_v it_o i_o dare_v no_o long_o keep_v his_o counsel_n but_o in_o the_o impart_v of_o it_o i_o crave_v that_o help_n of_o your_o prayer_n at_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o disappoint_v he_o in_o all_o his_o vice_n that_o wherein_o he_o seek_v to_o do_v i_o hurt_v
may_v prove_v the_o real_a advantage_n of_o spiritual_a good_a to_o my_o soul_n yet_o fear_v whether_o it_o do_v indeed_o come_v from_o he_o or_o no_o cause_v some_o tremble_n upon_o my_o spirit_n how_o to_o act_v if_o it_o be_v a_o plot_n of_o he_o it_o be_v a_o fair_a one_o arise_v after_o this_o manner_n have_v often_o find_v great_a appearance_n of_o god_n as_o i_o hope_v i_o may_v say_v to_o his_o praise_n i_o have_v in_o other_o of_o his_o ordinance_n but_o find_v my_o heart_n oftentimes_o very_o much_o shut_v up_o as_o it_o be_v and_o give_v over_o to_o deadness_n dulness_n and_o heaviness_n of_o spirit_n which_o be_v no_o way_n suitable_a to_o a_o spiritual_a heart_n and_o soul-quickning_a ordinance_n and_o find_v this_o very_a much_o to_o prevail_v even_o at_o this_o present_a desire_v your_o prayer_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v direct_v i_o what_o to_o do_v by_o discover_v to_o my_o soul_n whether_o indeed_o it_o do_v arise_v from_o a_o subtlety_n of_o satan_n yea_o or_o no_o or_o whether_o it_o be_v a_o lively_a alarm_n from_o heaven_n to_o my_o soul_n thus_o tremble_v in_o myself_o whether_o my_o forbearance_n may_v not_o be_v find_v a_o yield_n to_o satan_n or_o whether_o on_o the_o other_o side_n i_o may_v not_o attempt_v and_o provoke_v the_o lord_n by_o rush_v unprepared_o upon_o his_o holy_a thing_n thus_o desire_v to_o give_v up_o myself_o into_o the_o hand_n of_o the_o lord_n wait_v for_o the_o breathe_n of_o his_o spirit_n through_o the_o help_n of_o your_o prayer_n i_o beseech_v the_o lord_n alone_o to_o guide_v and_o lead_v my_o soul_n in_o all_o its_o motion_n and_o action_n in_o this_o present_a world_n until_o he_o shall_v bring_v it_o to_o a_o full_a enjoyment_n of_o himself_o in_o the_o perfection_n of_o holiness_n which_o my_o soul_n wait_v and_o long_v for_o where_o i_o shall_v full_o enjoy_v what_o now_o my_o poor_a soul_n have_v but_o a_o transient_a taste_n of_o which_o the_o lord_n accomplish_v in_o his_o own_o time_n and_o make_v i_o 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now_o at_o his_o right_a hand_n plead_v for_o i_o that_o i_o may_v not_o be_v pull_v out_o of_o his_o hand_n for_o how_o can_v the_o lord_n endure_v wickedness_n any_o lust_n or_o corruption_n to_o possess_v my_o heart_n and_o take_v the_o sceptre_n out_o of_o his_o hand_n and_o so_o to_o rule_v and_o reign_v over_o i_o nay_o can_v my_o soul_n bear_v it_o to_o be_v thus_o overpowred_n and_o to_o have_v my_o heart_n thus_o draw_v from_o christ_n and_o thus_o captivate_v by_o sin_n and_o satan_n when_o one_o word_n of_o his_o mouth_n can_v set_v my_o soul_n at_o liberty_n beseech_v the_o lord_n to_o search_v i_o and_o to_o try_v i_o for_o he_o know_v whether_o those_o desire_n and_o tear_n and_o groan_n come_v from_o my_o heart_n yea_o or_o no_o yea_o i_o know_v thou_o do_v search_v i_o and_o know_v my_o heart_n but_o lord_n discover_v also_o to_o i_o and_o if_o there_o be_v any_o hypocrisy_n in_o my_o spirit_n in_o this_o regard_n oh_o that_o thou_o will_v answer_v i_o so_o by_o fire_n to_o consume_v that_o dross_n and_o corruption_n in_o my_o soul_n yea_o whatsoever_o thyrighteous_a eyesee_v in_o i_o that_o be_v darken_v to_o thy_o glory_n and_o withal_o tell_v the_o lord_n how_o like_o a_o flood_n of_o mighty_a water_n this_o corruption_n come_v in_o upon_o i_o one_o wave_z following_z another_z that_o i_o have_v no_o power_n to_o withstand_v it_o though_o he_o have_v discover_v much_o of_o himself_o to_o my_o sonl_n and_o of_o the_o riches_n of_o his_o grace_n and_o emptiness_n of_o all_o other_o thing_n that_o yet_o my_o soul_n shall_v so_o run_v after_o vanity_n beseech_v the_o lord_n to_o give_v a_o real_a turn_n to_o all_o the_o affection_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o to_o fix_v they_o upon_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n where_o they_o shall_v be_v sure_a to_o be_v return_v this_o be_v in_o the_o morning_n of_o the_o 10._o day_n than_o do_v the_o lord_n further_o satisfy_v and_o quiet_v my_o heart_n in_o my_o evening_n sacrifice_n that_o same_o day_n his_o spirit_n breathe_v in_o my_o soul_n after_o this_o manner_n dear_a lord_n oh_o that_o thou_o will_v suppress_v this_o spirit_n of_o murmur_a under_o thy_o hand_n and_o if_o thou_o will_v have_v thy_o poor_a creature_n still_o to_o wrestle_v and_o strive_v under_o a_o body_n of_o death_n and_o corruption_n and_o temptation_n and_o snare_n and_o entanglement_n oh_o that_o thou_o will_v help_v i_o in_o this_o work_n that_o i_o may_v not_o yield_v under_o it_o but_o may_v hold_v out_o in_o a_o continual_a resistance_n and_o sigh_v and_o never_o give_v over_o or_o make_v any_o peace_n with_o sin_n and_o though_o thou_o do_v not_o see_v meet_a utter_o to_o root_v out_o sin_n yet_o oh_o lord_n give_v it_o its_o deadly_a blow_n let_v it_o be_v still_o die_v and_o wither_v and_o decay_v and_o work_v in_o my_o soul_n grow_v and_o increase_v even_o until_o thou_o have_v full_o perfect_v it_o about_o the_o ten_o of_o this_o eight_o month_n this_o experience_n be_v give_v in_o to_o my_o soul_n by_o the_o lord_n concern_v satan_n deal_n with_o my_o soul_n and_o some_o refreshment_n to_o support_v my_o spirit_n under_o it_o oh_o my_o soul_n have_v not_o satan_n deal_v with_o thou_o concern_v this_o great_a ordinance_n of_o the_o lord_n supper_n even_o as_o he_o have_v former_o do_v concern_v the_o great_a duty_n of_o prayer_n how_o often_o have_v he_o suggest_v to_o thou_o that_o it_o be_v to_o no_o end_n to_o pray_v to_o the_o lord_n reason_v thus_o with_o thou_o oftentimes_o do_v thou_o think_v there_o be_v any_o such_o god_n as_o thou_o pray_v to_o do_v he_o ever_o hear_v thou_o or_o give_v thou_o any_o token_n of_o answer_n why_o then_o do_v thou_o continual_o appeal_v to_o he_o and_o pour_v out_o thy_o soul_n before_o he_o and_o have_v he_o not_o do_v just_o thus_o about_o this_o ordinance_n of_o the_o lord_n supper_n thou_o wicked_a spirit_n how_o often_o have_v thou_o be_v prove_v a_o liar_n what_o eminent_a token_n have_v god_n give_v i_o of_o his_o hear_n prayer_n from_o time_n to_o time_n both_o concern_v myself_o and_o other_o and_o therein_o have_v prove_v thou_o a_o liar_n and_o why_o then_o oh_o my_o soul_n shall_v thou_o not_o believe_v that_o satan_n will_v also_o prove_v a_o liar_n in_o this_o be_v not_o the_o lord_n yesterday_o and_o to_o day_n and_o for_o ever_o be_v his_o arm_n shorten_v or_o his_o hand_n weaken_v that_o he_o can_v save_v and_o deliver_v and_o appear_v to_o thou_o in_o as_o glorious_a a_o manner_n as_o ever_o oh_o then_o wait_v for_o he_o and_o what_o if_o thou_o wait_v until_o thy_o dissolution_n it_o will_v be_v happiness_n more_o than_o thou_o do_v deserve_v to_o be_v find_v wait_v yet_o thou_o do_v not_o know_v how_o soon_o he_o may_v appear_v to_o thou_o about_o the_o middle_n of_o the_o eight_o month_n 1653_o o_o my_o soul_n what_o be_v thy_o continue_a fear_n be_v they_o not_o lest_o any_o thing_n shall_v withdraw_v or_o steal_v away_o thy_o heart_n from_o the_o lord_n do_v not_o thou_o daily_o beg_v of_o he_o rather_o to_o crucify_v all_o thy_o earthly_a desire_n what_o ever_o than_o any_o way_n to_o satisfy_v any_o of_o they_o a_o letter_n to_o mr._n knight_n the_o sixteenth_o of_o the_o eight_o month_n 1653._o in_o answer_n to_o the_o former_a desire_n to_o he_o the_o nine_o of_o the_o same_o month_n to_o bless_v the_o lord_n for_o the_o answer_n dear_a sir_n have_v former_o in_o the_o time_n of_o my_o sadness_n desire_v your_o remembrance_n before_o the_o lord_n who_o have_v appear_v in_o prayer_n both_o public_a and_o private_a as_o also_o many_o other_o way_n thereby_o stay_v my_o poor_a spirit_n to_o wait_v upon_o he_o
world_n to_o see_v with_o what_o countenance_n my_o lord_n look_v upon_o this_o and_o the_o other_o action_n be_v i_o hope_v desirous_a i_o be_o sure_a if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o to_o see_v the_o will_n of_o my_o god_n in_o every_o promise_n providence_n and_o administration_n 4_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v i_o faithful_a in_o that_o he_o have_v put_v into_o my_o soul_n this_o earnest_a desire_n that_o my_o end_n in_o all_o i_o do_v may_v only_o be_v to_o seek_v the_o advancement_n of_o he_o my_o lord_n who_o i_o desire_v only_o to_o serve_v daily_o beg_v of_o he_o i_o may_v no_o more_o live_v to_o myself_o as_o i_o have_v too_o much_o and_o have_v too_o long_o do_v yea_o when_o i_o find_v any_o thing_n of_o myself_o or_o self-end_n to_o appear_v or_o break_v forth_o though_o but_o in_o the_o bud_n be_v it_o not_o bitter_a to_o my_o soul_n and_o such_o as_o imbitter_v the_o best_a action_n to_o i_o though_o otherwise_o never_o so_o good_a and_o this_o desire_n of_o serve_v the_o lord_n i_o may_v upon_o experience_n say_v i_o find_v to_o differ_v not_o only_o from_o that_o slavish_a fear_n that_o be_v in_o other_o i_o will_v not_o say_v so_o though_o i_o suppose_v it_o to_o be_v true_a also_o but_o from_o that_o slavish_a fear_n that_o do_v too_o much_o predominate_v in_o my_o own_o poor_a soul_n which_o do_v in_o the_o time_n of_o my_o bondage_n cause_v i_o to_o fear_v rather_o than_o love_v he_o but_o now_o the_o lord_n have_v in_o some_o measure_n be_v screw_v up_o my_o obedience_n to_o a_o high_a note_n or_o pin_n that_o it_o be_v now_o to_o a_o lord_n and_o father_n who_o at_o last_o i_o will_v love_v and_o i_o do_v also_o lament_v before_o he_o in_o the_o sincerity_n of_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o can_v love_v he_o no_o more_o who_o have_v so_o much_o loveliness_n in_o he_o yea_o nothing_o but_o loveliness_n yea_o it_o be_v a_o service_n of_o a_o lord_n who_o will_v all_o and_o make_v the_o law_n and_o make_v it_o to_o be_v just_a because_o he_o can_v do_v no_o evil_n and_o i_o will_v i_o can_v continual_o meditate_v upon_o this_o his_o will_n but_o this_o be_v it_o i_o daily_o press_v after_o and_o mourn_v under_o the_o want_n of_o the_o clear_a sight_n of_o this_o that_o there_o shall_v be_v so_o much_o fear_n in_o my_o heart_n concern_v the_o issue_n or_o event_n of_o any_o thing_n wherein_o my_o lord_n shall_v be_v please_v at_o any_o time_n to_o declare_v his_o will_n to_o lie_v in_o further_a discovery_n of_o faithfulness_n 1._o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o the_o reality_n of_o the_o heart_n serve_v the_o lord_n with_o all_o the_o heart_n soul_n and_o strength_n and_o so_o faithfulness_n in_o prayer_n lie_v not_o in_o the_o pour_v out_o of_o word_n though_o with_o some_o affection_n but_o do_v it_o with_o all_o the_o heart_n soul_n and_o strength_n and_o a_o full_a exercise_n of_o every_o grace_n to_o the_o utmost_a in_o every_o service_n i_o do_v for_o christ_n and_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v not_o this_o that_o thou_o daily_o presse_v after_o though_o thou_o can_v not_o full_o attain_v unto_o it_o what_o else_o make_v thou_o to_o mourn_v over_o thy_o prayer_n and_o duty_n but_o that_o thou_o find_v no_o more_o of_o thy_o heart_n and_o strength_n in_o they_o be_v not_o thy_o constant_a desire_n that_o all_o thy_o soul_n and_o strength_n may_v be_v offer_v up_o to_o god_n in_o every_o service_n thou_o do_v he_o 2._o they_o be_v faithful_a servant_n of_o christ_n that_o do_v all_o they_o do_v in_o order_n to_o a_o trust_n from_o christ_n who_o intru_v they_o with_o his_o ordinance_n with_o their_o health_n wealth_n comfort_n enjoyment_n all_o i_o have_v be_v but_o a_o trust_n from_o christ_n now_o to_o be_v faithful_a be_v to_o improve_v this_o trust_n to_o god_n to_o do_v all_o the_o good_a that_o possible_a i_o can_v by_o his_o ordinance_n to_o do_v every_o service_n to_o he_o as_o they_o that_o indeed_o exercise_v a_o point_n of_o trust_n he_o entrust_v i_o with_o his_o glory_n in_o this_o world_n faithfulness_n be_v to_o make_v the_o utmost_a advantage_n to_o raise_v up_o his_o glory_n in_o this_o world_n &_o make_v he_o appear_v great_a and_o so_o faithfulness_n in_o improve_n all_o the_o grace_n that_o god_n and_o christ_n intru_v i_o with_o by_o improve_n of_o they_o to_o make_v the_o utmost_a advantage_n for_o he_o and_o so_o for_o health_n and_o all_o outward_a comfort_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n have_v not_o the_o lord_n write_v this_o in_o thy_o very_a heart_n that_o all_o that_o ever_o thou_o have_v and_o enjoy_v both_o spiritual_a and_o temporal_a whether_o ordinance_n grace_n comfort_n all_o thy_o enjoyment_n that_o thou_o have_v by_o trust_n from_o christ_n and_o must_v be_v improve_v for_o he_o and_o not_o spend_v upon_o thyself_o or_o this_o world_n and_o do_v not_o the_o thought_n of_o this_o make_v thou_o daily_o mourn_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o thou_o can_v not_o improve_v they_o better_o that_o he_o have_v so_o little_a revenue_n of_o glory_n from_o thou_o and_o by_o thou_o but_o that_o so_o much_o of_o his_o stock_n lie_v as_o it_o be_v dead_a and_o unimproved_a do_v not_o the_o sight_n of_o this_o cause_n thou_o to_o mourn_v daily_o before_o he_o that_o he_o shall_v intrust_v thou_o with_o so_o much_o and_o receive_v from_o thou_o so_o little_a now_o o_o my_o soul_n do_v not_o the_o thought_n of_o this_o make_v thou_o cry_v daily_o out_o to_o the_o lord_n beseech_v he_o to_o reveal_v his_o mind_n &_o will_n to_o thou_o how_o he_o will_v have_v thou_o improve_v this_o or_o that_o other_o mercy_n or_o trust_v commit_v to_o thou_o and_o not_o only_o teach_v thou_o his_o will_n in_o it_o but_o also_o help_v thou_o to_o improve_v it_o to_o his_o glory_n continual_o yea_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v there_o not_o a_o continue_a fear_n upon_o thy_o heart_n which_o cause_v thou_o often_o time_n to_o pour_v out_o strong_a cry_n before_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v help_v thou_o to_o give_v he_o the_o glory_n of_o all_o the_o mercy_n and_o good_a thing_n he_o betru_v thou_o with_o at_o any_o time_n as_o also_o that_o there_o may_v never_o be_v find_v in_o thou_o any_o backwardness_n or_o unwillingness_n to_o give_v up_o thy_o trust_n in_o any_o thing_n whatever_o into_o his_o own_o hand_n when_o ever_o he_o see_v meet_v to_o call_v for_o it_o which_o seem_v to_o note_v a_o further_a degree_n of_o faithfulness_n further_a discovery_n of_o faithfulness_n at_o the_o same_o time_n 1_o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o the_o generality_n of_o it_o when_o a_o man_n be_v faithful_a in_o all_o that_o he_o have_v though_o all_o that_o he_o have_v be_v but_o a_o little_a and_o true_o herein_o i_o have_v great_a cause_n to_o lament_v before_o the_o lord_n for_o in_o the_o stead_n of_o be_v faithful_a in_o all_o that_o i_o have_v there_o be_v much_o unfaithfulness_n in_o i_o that_o appear_v in_o all_o that_o the_o lord_n trust_v i_o with_o and_o yet_o o_o my_o soul_n may_v thou_o not_o also_o say_v that_o there_o be_v some_o degree_n of_o this_o faithfulness_n or_o at_o least_o a_o desire_n after_o it_o in_o thou_o and_o may_v thou_o not_o say_v by_o this_o law_n of_o thy_o lord_n as_o paul_n do_v of_o the_o law_n of_o god_n in_o general_a with_o my_o mind_n i_o even_o myself_o serve_v this_o law_n of_o god_n in_o faithfulness_n though_o in_o my_o flesh_n i_o do_v too_o often_o rebel_v against_o it_o which_o be_v my_o daily_a burden_n from_o which_o evil_a in_o thy_o own_o time_n deliver_v i_o oh_o my_o god_n and_o this_o i_o desire_v to_o wait_v for_o 2._o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o be_v faithful_a notwithstanding_o all_o difficulty_n that_o accompany_v they_o in_o their_o service_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n have_v thou_o not_o abundant_o cause_v to_o give_v glory_n to_o god_n that_o have_v be_v please_v to_o make_v thou_o thus_o faithful_a in_o any_o degree_n or_o measure_n in_o this_o respect_n who_o by_o his_o own_o hand_n &_o power_n have_v carry_v thou_o through_o many_o a_o reproach_n and_o scoff_n and_o scorn_v and_o by_o word_n make_v thou_o like_o isaac_n who_o be_v still_o persecute_v by_o ishmael_n and_o have_v not_o this_o be_v thy_o lot_n by_o some_o ever_o reproach_v thou_o scoff_v deride_v thou_o backbiting_a speak_v evil_a abundant_o of_o thou_o and_o yet_o false_o do_v their_o utmost_a to_o bring_v thou_o out_o of_o favour_n with_o those_o who_o love_n thou_o high_o prise_v and_o have_v reason_n for_o it_o and_o how_o do_v the_o lord_n make_v thou_o to_o lie_v down_o under_o this_o when_o other_o tax_v thou_o of_o hypocrisy_n and_o the_o like_a to_o search_v thy_o own_o heart_n and_o bemoan_v before_o the_o lord_n the_o
even_o for_o the_o full_a accomplishment_n of_o his_o own_o promise_n who_o have_v say_v sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o he_o that_o be_v not_o under_o the_o law_n but_o under_o grace_n as_o also_o that_o he_o will_v tread_v down_o satan_n under_o his_o people_n foot_n short_o which_o my_o soul_n desire_v to_o wait_v upon_o he_o for_o and_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n desire_v to_o bless_v his_o name_n and_o that_o you_o will_v bless_v he_o together_o with_o i_o that_o he_o be_v please_v to_o open_v any_o fountain_n of_o love_n and_o mercy_n in_o this_o vale_n of_o tear_n so_o abundant_o fulfil_v to_o my_o poor_a soul_n that_o word_n of_o he_o which_o he_o be_v please_v no_o soon_o to_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n with_o a_o persuasion_n in_o some_o measure_n that_o it_o shall_v be_v make_v good_a roll_v though_o weak_o upon_o he_o for_o it_o but_o that_o he_o be_v please_v so_o to_o do_v indeed_o that_o word_n i_o find_v isai_n 56._o 19_o when_o the_o enemy_n shall_v come_v in_o like_o a_o flood_n the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n shall_v set_v up_o a_o standard_n against_o they_o for_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o bless_v his_o name_n beseech_v he_o that_o those_o impression_n that_o he_o be_v please_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o several_a word_n of_o he_o to_o make_v upon_o my_o heart_n may_v never_o be_v forget_v by_o i_o but_o that_o they_o may_v continual_o be_v as_o support_v to_o my_o poor_a weak_a faith_n that_o it_o may_v grow_v from_o strength_n to_o strength_n even_o till_o i_o shall_v meet_v my_o god_n bless_v for_o ever_o be_v that_o god_n that_o be_v please_v to_o know_v my_o poor_a soul_n in_o this_o hour_n of_o temptation_n and_o to_o take_v this_o poor_a lame_a soul_n and_o lead_v and_o carry_v it_o of_o be_v not_o able_a to_o go_v one_o step_n in_o any_o of_o his_o way_n without_o his_o hand_n but_o that_o it_o get_v one_o knock_n or_o bruise_v or_o other_o yea_o bless_v for_o ever_o be_v that_o god_n and_o saviour_n that_o will_v not_o suffer_v his_o poor_a creature_n to_o slip_v as_o he_o do_v other_o but_o be_v please_v in_o rich_a mercy_n to_o be_v ever_o awaken_n my_o poor_a drowsy_a spirit_n by_o one_o affliction_n or_o another_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o do_v much_o refresh_v my_o spirit_n and_o seem_v at_o present_a a_o special_a token_n of_o his_o love_n for_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o bless_v he_o and_o oh_o that_o i_o can_v praise_v the_o name_n of_o that_o god_n and_o father_n who_o be_v the_o father_n of_o all_o mercy_n and_o god_n of_o all_o consolation_n for_o true_o i_o must_v needs_o say_v i_o be_o persuade_v satan_n have_v not_o now_o be_v let_v loose_a to_o buffet_v i_o thus_o have_v i_o not_o be_v so_o sleepy_a and_o drowsy_a in_o spirit_n but_o bless_v be_v that_o rod_n that_o awake_v my_o poor_a soul_n from_o the_o sleep_n of_o any_o sin_n so_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v but_o please_v to_o work_v it_o out_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o wait_v on_o god_n for_o i_o shall_v for_o some_o respect_n have_v forbear_v this_o duty_n of_o praise_n but_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v let_v in_o the_o clear_a sight_n of_o this_o mercy_n as_o also_o lest_o i_o shall_v prove_v ungrateful_a for_o so_o large_a manifestation_n of_o mercy_n though_o all_o i_o can_v do_v in_o it_o be_v a_o mere_a nothing_o the_o great_a be_v the_o goodness_n of_o god_n that_o bow_v down_o to_o accept_v such_o break_a praise_n which_o i_o have_v cause_n even_o to_o lament_v over_o have_v too_o little_a spiritual_a life_n in_o they_o when_o as_o in_o truth_n my_o whole_a soul_n and_o body_n shall_v be_v a_o holy_a and_o lively_a sacrifice_n to_o god_n which_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o do_v to_o that_o god_n whence_o all_o my_o enjoyment_n come_v in_o who_o i_o desire_v to_o rest_v your_o unworthy_a but_o in_o desire_n and_o hope_v real_a friend_n for_o my_o lord_n sake_n finis_fw-la the_o second_o book_n of_o manifold_a experiment_n of_o god_n deal_v with_o my_o soul_n in_o hear_v prayer_n and_o other_o gracious_a income_n of_o love_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o help_v i_o very_o much_o in_o this_o search_n by_o mr._n knight_n who_o speak_v from_o this_o scripture_n at_o fulham_n the_o nine_o of_o this_o nine_o month_n in_o the_o 12_o of_o luke_n 42_o 43._o from_o which_o he_o show_v we_o have_v the_o lord_n set_v out_o the_o blessedness_n of_o that_o servant_n that_o be_v faithful_a in_o the_o work_n that_o his_o lord_n intru_v he_o about_o and_o who_o his_o lord_n when_o he_o come_v find_v to_o be_v so_o do_v as_o he_o appoint_v now_o o_o my_o soul_n what_o comfortable_a hope_n can_v thou_o gather_v out_o from_o the_o serious_a examination_n of_o thy_o own_o heart_n upon_o this_o point_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v thou_o faithful_a though_o thou_o be_v poor_a weak_a and_o unworthy_a every_o way_n to_o be_v the_o servant_n of_o such_o a_o lord_n what_o can_v thou_o say_v to_o this_o have_v the_o lord_n indeed_o make_v thou_o faithful_a ans_fw-fr 1._o i_o gather_v some_o hope_n of_o it_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v i_o in_o some_o measure_n faithful_a from_o that_o sincerity_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v put_v into_o my_o heart_n to_o aim_v pure_o at_o his_o glory_n in_o all_o i_o do_v in_o this_o world_n the_o contrary_a to_o which_o cause_v much_o bitterness_n in_o my_o spirit_n yet_o through_o the_o prevalency_n of_o the_o unregenerate_a part_n in_o i_o i_o be_o many_o time_n bias_v and_o carry_v aside_o to_o aim_v at_o other_o thing_n in_o many_o of_o my_o way_n but_o the_o glory_n of_o my_o lord_n be_v my_o principal_a aim_n for_o if_o i_o know_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n through_o mercy_n i_o do_v find_v it_o set_v to_o seek_v the_o honour_n of_o christ_n and_o to_o walk_v in_o way_n well_o please_v to_o he_o though_o i_o do_v too_o often_o sad_o wander_v from_o these_o intent_n and_o desire_n which_o be_v discover_v to_o be_v the_o real_a burden_n of_o my_o life_n 2._o in_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o put_v into_o my_o soul_n i_o hope_v a_o real_a desire_n te_fw-la do_v his_o whole_a will_n and_o therein_o to_o appear_v faithful_a daily_o desire_v and_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o i_o may_v not_o at_o any_o time_n in_o any_o command_n of_o his_o be_v find_v consult_v with_o flesh_n and_o blood_n but_o that_o as_o soon_o as_o ever_o he_o discover_v his_o will_n in_o any_o thing_n whatever_o to_o i_o that_o he_o will_v also_o enable_v i_o to_o obey_v it_o ready_o find_v the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n i_o hope_v oftentimes_o breathe_v in_o my_o soul_n after_o this_o manner_n lord_n if_o thou_o will_v but_o discover_v thy_o mind_n &_o will_n to_o i_o in_o all_o my_o way_n that_o be_v it_o i_o beg_v of_o thou_o and_o though_o it_o be_v never_o so_o contrary_a to_o flesh_n and_o blood_n yea_o though_o i_o can_v see_v nothing_o but_o that_o it_o be_v lay_v out_o for_o to_o afflict_v i_o and_o to_o be_v a_o trial_n and_o exercise_v for_o i_o and_o so_o have_v nothing_o to_o induce_v i_o but_o thy_o will_n yet_o lord_n if_o thou_o will_v but_o discover_v thy_o mind_n in_o it_o to_o i_o what_o will_v i_o then_o beg_v of_o thou_o but_o only_o a_o ready_a frame_n to_o yield_v obedience_n to_o thy_o will_n and_o leave_v the_o success_n &_o sanctify_v of_o it_o to_o i_o to_o thyself_o and_o if_o on_o the_o other_o side_n i_o think_v any_o mercy_n to_o be_v never_o so_o good_a or_o for_o my_o advantage_n yet_o if_o thou_o see_v meet_v to_o discover_v to_o my_o soul_n that_o thy_o will_n be_v not_o in_o it_o will_v i_o not_o then_o if_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n beg_v above_o all_o thing_n to_o have_v my_o will_n to_o be_v whole_o swallow_v up_o into_o thou_o lord_n and_o this_o hope_n be_v ground_v in_o some_o measure_n upon_o the_o abundant_a experience_n the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o of_o his_o goodness_n and_o mercy_n and_o abundant_a kindness_n in_o his_o often_o deny_v i_o of_o my_o will_n 3_o i_o hope_v the_o lord_n have_v in_o some_o measure_n make_v i_o a_o faithful_a servant_n in_o that_o he_o have_v set_v my_o soul_n upon_o the_o watch_n to_o know_v his_o mind_n and_o will_n endeavour_v and_o desire_v to_o keep_v my_o eye_n upon_o he_o and_o he_o only_o that_o i_o may_v see_v what_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n be_v who_o have_v say_v that_o he_o will_v guide_v he_o by_o his_o eye_n which_o cause_v my_o soul_n though_o with_o much_o weakness_n not_o only_o earnest_o to_o desire_v but_o also_o to_o endeavour_v to_o reflect_v upon_o all_o my_o motion_n and_o action_n and_o thought_n and_o word_n in_o this_o