another because they were of different judgments and perswasions There where he saw most holiness humility and love there he let out most of his affections And he was of that holy mans mind that it were pity that the very name of division were not buried and that the time would come that we might all dearly pay for our unbrotherly nay unchristian Animosities CHAP. XVI An account of the latter part of his Life FOR the latter part of his Life he lived liked a man that was quite weary of the world and that looked upon himself as a stranger here and that lived in the constant sight of a better world He plainly declared himself but a Pilgrim that looked for a better Country a City that had foundations whose builder and maker was God His habit his language his deportment all spoke him one of another world His meditations were so intense long and frequent that they ripened him apace for Heaven but somewhat weakned his body Few Christians attain to such a holy contempt of the world and to such clear believing joyful constant apprehensions of the transcendent glories of the unseen world He made it his whole business to keep up sensible communion with God and to grow into a humble familiarity with God and to maintain it And if by reason of company or any necessary diversions this was in any measure interrupted he would complain like one out of his element till his spirit was recovered into a delightful more unmixed free intercourse with God He was never so well satisfied as when he was more immediately ingaged in what brought him nearer to God and by this he injoyed those comforts frequently which other Christians rarely meet with His graces and experiences toward his end grew to astonishment His faith got up to a full assurance his desires into a kind of injoyment and delight He was oft brought into the banqueting house and there Christs Banner over him was love and he sate down under his shadow with great delight and his Fruit was pleasant unto his tast His Eyes beheld the King in his Beauty and while he sate at his Table his spicknard did spend forth its pleasant smell he had frequent visions of Glory and this John lay in the bosom of his Master and was sure a very beloved Disciple and highly favored His Lord oft called him up to the Mount to him and let him see his excellent Glory O the sweet foretasts that he had of those pleasures that are at the right Hand of God How oft was he feasted with the feast of fat things those wines on the lees well refined and sometimes he was like a Giant refresht with new wine rejoycing to run the race that was set before him whether of doing or of suffering He was even sick of love and he could say to the poor unexperienced World O tast and see and to Christians come and I well tell you what God hath done for my Soul O what do Christians mean that they do no more labour to get their sences spiritually exercised O why do they not make Religion the very business of their lives O why is the Soul Christ and Glory thus dispised Is there nothing in communion with God Are all those comforts of Christians that follow hard after him worth nothing Is it not worth the while to make ones calling and Election sure O why do men and women jest and dally in the great matters of Eternity Little do people think what they slight when they are seldom and formal in secret duties and when they neglect that great duty of Meditation which I have through rich mercy found so sweet and refreshing O what do Christians mean that they keep at such a distance from Christ Did they but know the thousandth part of that sweetness that is in him they could not choose but follow him hard they would run and not be weary and walk and not be faint He could sensibly and experimentally commend the ways of God to the poor unexperienced world and say His ways are pleasantness and justifie wisdom and say her paths were peace He could take off those aspersions which the Devil and the atheistical frantick sots do cast upon Godliness in the power of it Here is one that could challenge all the Atheists in the world to dispute here is one could bring sensible demonstrations to prove a deity the reality and excellency of invisibles which these ignorant fools and mad men make the subject of their scorn Here is one that would not change delights with the greatest epicures living and vie pleasure with all the sensual rich gallants of the world Which of them all could in the midst of their jollity say This is the pleasure that shall last for ever Which of them can say among their Cups and Whores I can now look Death in the Face and this very Moment I can be content yea glad to leave these delights as knowing I shall injoy better And this he could do when he fared deliciously in spiritual banquets every day He could upon better reason than he did say Soul thou hast goods laid up for many years He knew full well that what he did here injoy was but a little to what he should have shortly In his presence there is fulness of joy at his right hand there are pleasures for evermore Where is the Belshazzar that would not quake in the midst of his Cups whilst he is quaffing and carouzing in bowls of the richest Wine if he should see a hand upon the Wall writing bitter things against him telling him that his joys are at an end and that this night his soul must be required of him that now he must come away and give an account of all his ungodly pleasures before the mighty God Where is the sinner that could be contented to hear the Lord roaring out of Zion whilest he is roaring in the Tavern Which of them would be glad to hear the trumpet sound and to hear that voice Arise you dead and come to judgment Which of them would rejoyce to see the Mountains quaking the Elements melting with fervent heat and the Earth consumed with flames the Lord Christ whom they despised coming in the clouds with Millions of his Saints and Angels to be avenged upon those that knew not God and obeyed not his Gospel Is not that a blessed state when a man can lift up his head with joy when others tremble with fear and sink with sorrow And this was the condition of this holy young man In the midst of all worldly comforts he longed for death the thought of the day of Judgment made all his injoyments sweeter O how did he long for the coming of Christ Whilst some have been discoursing by him of that great and terrible day of the Lord he would smile and humbly express his delight in the forethought of that approaching hour I remember once there was a great talk that one had
Greek under the care of Mr. Langly When he was about eleven years old he took a great fancy to Arithmetick and the Hebrew tongue About this time his Parents removing into a little Village called Aspoden had the opportunity of having this their Son instructed by a learned neighbour who was pleased to count it a pleasant diversion to read Mathematicks to him being then about twelve years old and he made such progress in those profound studies that he read Oughthred with understanding before he was thirteen years old A person of quality hearing of the admirable proficiency of this Boy sent for him up to London and kept him with him for some time to Read Mathematicks to him that which made him the more to be admired was that he did what he did with the greatest facility He had no small skill in Musick and other concomitants of Mathematicks In the year 1646. he was chosen by that Learned Gentleman Mr. Rous the Provost of Eton Colledge one of the foundation of that Shool being examined by provost and posiers in the Hebrew tongue which was thought was beyond president Where he gave no unsuitable returns to the high expectations that were conceived of him After a little continuance at Eton he obtained leave of his Master to go to Oxford to perfect himself in the study of Mathematicks where being owned by that great Scholar Dr. Ward one of the Professors of the University he attained to a strange exactness in that study nothing being within the reach of a man but he would undertake and grasp That great Doctor gave him great help and incouragement and looked upon him as one of the wonders of his age loved him dearly and could for some time after his death scarce mention his name without tears When he had spent about a quarter of a year with Dr. Ward at Oxford he was commanded to return again to Eton where he soon gave proof of his great improvement of his time while he was absent by making an Almanack and calculating of the Eclipses for many years before hand so that by this time he had many eyes upon him as the glory of the School That which put an accent upon his real worth was that he did not discover the least affectation or self-conceit neither did any discernable pride attend these excelencies So that every one took more notice of his parts than himself At about seventeen years old he was chosen to Kings Colledge in Camebridge at which time the Electioners did even contend for the patronage of this Scholar He was chosed first that year and an elder brother of his in the sixth place but he was very willing to change places with his elder brother letting him have the first and thankfully accepting of the sixth place Besides his great learning and many other ornaments of nature his deportment was so sweet and lovely his demeanour so courteous and obliging even when he seemed unconverted that he must be vile with a witness that did not love him Yea many of them which had little kindness for morality much less for grace could not but speak well of him His great wisdom and learning did even command respect where they did not find it he had an excellent power over his passions and was in a great measure free from the vices which usually attend such an age and place But all this while it is to be feared that he understood little of the worth of Christ and his own soul he studied indeed the heavens and knew the motion of the Sun Moon and Stars but that was his highest he thought yet but little of God which made all these things he pried but little into the motions of his own heart he did not as yet much busie himself in the serious observation of the wandring of his spirit the Creature had not yet led him to the Creator but he was still too ready to take up with meer speculation but God who from all eternity had chosen him to be one of those who should shine as the Sun in the Firmament for ever in glory did when he was about eighteen years old shine in upon his soul with power and did convince him what a poor thing it was to know so much of the heavens and never come there And that the greatest knowledge in the world without Christ was but an empty dry business He now thought Mr. Bolten had some reason on his side when he said Give me the most magnificent glorious worldling that ever trod upon earthly mould richly crowned with all the Ornaments and excellencies of nature art policy preferment or what heart can wish besides yet without the life of grace to animate and ennoble them he were to the eye of heavenly wisdom but as a rotten carcase stuck over with flowers magnified dung guilded rottenness golden damnation He began now to be of Anaxagoras's mind that his work upon earth it was to study Heaven and to get thither and that except a man might be admitted to greater preferment than this world can bestow upon her favorites it were scarce worth while to be born CHAP. II. Of his Conversion with visible proofs thereof THE great work of Conversion it was not carried on upon his soul in that dreadful manner that it is upon some that God intends to communicate much to and make great use of but the Lord was pleased sweetly to unlock his heart by the exemplary life and Heavenly and powerful discourse of a young man in the Colledge whose heart God had inflamed with love to his soul he quickly made an attempt upon this hopeful young man and the spirit of God did set home his counsels with such power that they proved effectual for his awakening being accompanied with the Preaching of these two famous worthies Dr. Hill and Dr. Arrowsmith together with the reading several parts of Mr. Baxters Saints Everlasting Rest Now a mighty alteration might easily be descerned in him he quickly looks quite like another man He is now so much taken up with things above the Moon and Stars that he had little leisure to think of these things only as they pointed higher He began now not to tast so much sweetness in those kind of studies which he did so greedily imploy himself in formerly He now began to pity them which were curious in their inquiries after every thing but that which is most needful to be known Christ and Themselves and that which sometimes was his gain he now counted loss for Christ yea doubtless he esteemed all things but as dung and dross in comparison of Christ and desired to know nothing but Christ and him crucified Not that he looked upon humane learning as useless but when fixed below Christ and not improved for Christ he looked upon wisdom as folly and learning as madness and that which would make one more like the Devil more fit for his service and put a greater accent upon their misery in another world
and sealed the pardon He hath healed my wounds and caused the bones which he had broken to rejoyce O help me to bless the Lord he hath put a new Song into my mouth O bless the Lord for his infinite goodness and rich mercy O now I can die it is nothing I bless God I can die I desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ You may well think that his Sons heart was not a little refreshed to hear such words and see such a sight and to meet the Messenger that he had sent to Heaven returned back again so speedily He counted himself a sharer with his Father in this mercy and it was upon a double account welcome as it did so wonderfully satisfie his Father and as it was so immediate and clear an Answer of his own prayers as if God had from Heaven said unto him thy tears and prayers are heard for thy Father thou hast like a Prince prevailed with God thou hast got the blessing thy fervent prayers have been effectual go down and see else Upon this this precious young man broke forth into praises and even into another extasie of joy that God should deal so familiarly with him and the Father and Son together were so full of joy light life love and praise that there was a little Heaven in the place He could not then but express himself in this manner O blessed and for ever blessed be God for his infinite grace O who would not pray unto God! verily he is a God that heareth prayers and that my soul knows right well And then he told his joyful Father how much he was affected with his former despondings and what he had been praying for just before with all the earnestness he could for his soul and how the Lord had immediately answered him His Father hearing this and perceiving that his former comforts came in in a way of prayer and his own childs prayer too was the more refreshed and was the more confirmed that it was from the Spirit of God and no delusion And immediately his Son standing by he fell into another fit of triumphing joy his weak body being almost ready to sink under that great weight of Glory that did shine in so powerfully upon his Soul He could then say now let thy servant depart in peace for mine eyes have seen thy Salvation He could now walk through the valley of the shadow of death and fear no evil O how sweet a thing is it to have ones interest in Christ cleared how comfortable to have our calling and election made sure How lovely is the sight of a smiling Jesus when one is dying How refreshing is it when heart and flesh and all are failing to have God for the strength of our heart and our portion for ever O did the foolish unexperienced world but know what these things mean did they but understand what it is to be solaced with the believing views of Glory to have their senses spiritually exercised could they but taste and see how good the Lord is it would soon cause them to disrelish their low and bruitish pleasures and look upon all worldly joys as infinitely short of one glimpse of Gods love After this his Reverent Father had a sweet calm upon his spirits and went in the strength of that provision that rich Grace laid in till he came within the Gates of the New Jerusalem having all his Graces greatly improved and shewed so much humility love to and admiring of God contempt of the World such prizing of Christ such patienee as few Christians arrive to especially his Faith by which with extraordinary confidence he cast his Widow and eleven Fatherless Children upon the care of that God who had fed them with this Manna in his Wilderness state The benefit of which Faith all his Children none of which were in his life-time provided for have since to admiration experienced And it is scarce to be imagined how helpful this his precious Son John Janeway was to his Father by his heavenly discourse humble advice and prayers After a four moneths conflict with a gainful Consumption and Hectick Fever his Honoured Father sweetly slept in Jesus CHAP. VI. His care of Mother and other Relations after his Fathers death AFter the death of his Father he did what he could to supply his absence doing the part of Husband Son Brother so that he was no small comfort to his poor Mother in her disconsolate state and all the rest of his Relations that had any sense of God upon their spirits To one of which he thus addressed himself upon the death of a sweet Child Daily observations and every mans experience gives sufficient testimony to it that afflictions of what kind soever by how much the seldomer they are the more grievous they seem We have of a long time sailed in the Rivers of Blessings which God hath plentifully poured forth among us now if we come where the Waves of affliction do but a little more than ordinarily arise we begin to have our souls almost carried down with fears and griefs yea the natural man if not counter-powred by the Spirit of God will be ready to entertain murmuring and repining thoughts against God himself Whereas if all our life had been a Pilgrimage full of sorrows and afflictions as we deserved and had but rarely been intermingled with comforts we should have been more fitted to bear afflictions Thus it is naturally but we ought to counter-work against the stream of nature by a new principle wrought in us and whatsoever Nature doth err in Grace is to rectifie And they upon whom Grace is bestowed ought to set Grace on work For wherefore is Grace bestowed unless that it should act in us It hath pleased the Lord to make a breach in your Family There where the knot is fast tyed when it is disunited the change becomes greater and the grief is the more inlarged So that herein you who are most moved are most to be excused and comforted The strength of a Mothers affections I believe none but Mothers know and greatest affections when they are disturbed breed the greatest grief But when afflictions come upon us what will be our duty Shall we then give our selves up to be carried away with the grieving passions Shall we because of one affliction cause our souls to walk in sadness all our days and drive away all the light of comfort from our eyes by causing our souls to be obscured under the shades of melancholy Shall we quarrel with our Maker and call the wise Righteous Judge to our Bar Doth he not punish us less than we deserve Is there not Mercy and Truth in all his Dispensations Shall we by continual sorrow add affliction to affliction and so become our own Tormentors Are we not rather under afflictions to see if any way we may find a glimpse of Gods love shining in towards us and so to raise up our souls nearer God Is there not
enough in God and the Holy Scriptures to bear up our spirits under any afflictions let them be never so great What do you say to that word Who is there among you that feareth the Lord and that obeyeth the voice of his servant that walketh in darkness and seeth no light let him trust in the name of the Lord and stay himself upon his God Though all earthly comforts were fled away and though you could see no light from any of these things below yet if you look upward to God in Christ there there is comfort to be found there is light to be espied yea a great and glorious light which if we can rightly discern it would put out the light of all lower comforts and cause them to be vilely accounted of But alas alas those heavenly comforts though they are in themselves so precious and if really and sensibly felt able to raise a mans Soul from Earth yea from Hell to the foretaste of Heaven it self yet for want of a spiritual sense they are by most of the world undervalued slighted and thought to be but fancies Nay let me speak freely Christians themselves and those that we have cause to hope are men of another world and truly born again yet for want of a spiritual quickness in this spiritual sight and sense these comforts are too lowly and meanly esteemed of It is a spiritual sense that inableth a Christian to behold a glorious lustre and beauty in Invisibles and raiseth the Soul up to the Gate of Heaven it self and when he is there how can he chuse but look down with a holy slighting and contempt upon the sweetest of all Earthly enjoyments How can he chuse but think all Creature-comforts but small compared with one look of love from Christ This heavenly comfort was that which David did so much desire Lord lift up the light of thy countenance upon me was the language of his soul and when this was come how was his heart inlarged Thou hast put joy and gladness in my heart more than in the time when their Corn and Wine increased He then that in afflictions would find comfort must strive to see spiritual comforts to be the greatest even that comfort which is from God in the face of Jesus Christ this this will be a cordial this will be as marrow and fatness to the soul They that have interest in Christ what need they be moved and discomfited with any worldly trouble Is not Christ better than ten children is not his loving-kindness better than life Is not all the world a shadow compared with one quarter of an hours injoyment of him even on this side of Glory in some of his own Ordinances O therefore strive to get your interest in this comfort secured and then all 's well He that hath Christ hath all things If God be reconciled to you through him then he will withhold no good thing from you We poor foolish creatures do scarce know what is good for our selves but it 's no small incouragement to the people of God that Wisdom it self takes care of them and one that loves them better than they love themselves looks after them And he hath given his promise for it that all shall work together for their good And what better foundation of comfort can there be in the whole world than this Why may you not then say with the Psasmist Why art thou cast down O my soul and why art thou disquieted within me hope in God Let not your soul sink under afflictions for what reason have you to be discomfited under them Can you gather from thence that the Lord doth not love you No surely but rather the contrary for whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth and scourgeth every Son whom he receiveth What Son is he whom the Father chasteneth not Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down and the feeble knees Let this serve as a remedy against excessive grief Get your love to God increased which if you do the love of all other things will wax cold And if you have given God your heart you will give him leave to take what he will that is yours and what he hath you will judge rather well kept than lost Remember that Scripture and let it have its due impression upon your spirit He that loves Father or Mother Brother or Sister yea or Children more than me is not worthy of me O labour to have your affections therefore more raised up to him who is most worthy of them let him have the uppermost greatest room in your heart and let your love to all other things be placed in subjection to your love of God be ruled by it and directed to it Be our earthly afflictions never so great yet let this love to God poise our Souls so that they may not be overweighed with grief on the one side or stupidness on the other side Again let our souls be awed by that glorious power and omnipotency of God who is able to do any thing and who will do whatsoever pleaseth him both in Heaven and in Earth at whose word and for whose Glory all things that are were made And what are we poor creatures that we should dare to entertain any hard thought of this God! 'T is dangerous contending with God! Let us learn that great lesson of resigning up our selves and all we have to God let us put our selves as instruments into the hands of the Lord to do what he pleaseth with us and let us remember that it was our promise and covenant with God to yield our selves up to him and to be wholly at his disposal The Soul is then in a sweet frame when it can cordially say It is the Lord let him do what seemeth good in his eyes Not my will but thine be done Again let us know that though we cannot alwaies see into the reasonableness of the ways of God for his ways are often in the thick Cloud and our weak Eyes cannot look into those depths in which he walketh yet all the ways of God are just holy and good Let us therefore have a care of so much as moving much more of entertaining any unworthy thoughts against God But let us submit willingly to the yoak which he is pleased to lay upon us lest he break us with his terrible judgments And now it hath seemed good to God to lay this stroak upon you I pray labour rightly to improve it and let this trial prepare you for greater And seeing the uncertainty of all worldy things indeavour with all your might to get your heart above them and I beseech the Lord who is the great Physitian of Souls and knows how to apply a Salve to every Sore of his to comfort you with his spiritual comforts that he would favourably shine upon you and receive you into a nearer union and communion with himself Into his hands I commit you with him I leave you praying that he would make up all in
not a little troubled at the barrenness of Christians in their discourse and their not improving their society for the quickning and warming of their hearts the expence of pretious time unaccountably the ill management of visits and the impertinency of their talk he oft reflected upon with a holy indignation It vext him to the soul to see what prizes sometimes were put into the hands of Christians and how little skill and will they had to improve them for the building up one another in the most holy faith and that they who should be incouraging of one another in the way to Zion communicating of experiences and talking of their Country and of the glory of that Kingdom which the Saints are heirs of could satisfie themselves with empty common vain stuff as if Christ Heaven and Eternity were not things of as great worth as any thing else that usually sounds in the ears and comes from the lips of professors That the folly of common discourse among Christians might appear more and that he might discover how little such language did become those that profess themselves Israelites and that say they are Jews he once sate down silent and took out his pen and ink and wrote down in short-hand the discourses that passed for some time together amongst those which pretended to more than common understanding in the things of God and after a while he took his paper and read it to them and asked them whether such talk was such as they would be willing God should record This he did that he might shame them out of that usual unobserved unlamented unprofitable communication and fruitless squandring away that inestimable Jewel Opportunity Oh to spend an hour or two together and to hear scarce a word for Christ or that speaks peoples hearts in love with holiness Is not this writing a brave rational divine discourse Fie fie Where 's our love to God and souls all this while where 's our sense of the pretiousness of time of the greatness of our account Should we talk thus if we believed that we should hear of this again at the day of judgement And do we not know that we must give an account of every idle word Is this like those that understand the language of Canaan Did Saints in former times use their tongues to no better purpose Would Enoch David or Paul have talked thus Is this the sweetest communion of Saints upon earth How shall we do to spend eternity in speaking the praises of God if we cannot find matter for an hours discourse Doth not this speak aloud our hearts to be very empty of grace and that we have little sense of those spiritual and eternal concerns upon us As the barrenness and empty converse of Christians was a sin that he greatly bewailed so the want of love amongst Christians and their divisions did cost him many tears and groans he did what he could to heal all the breaches that he could by his tender prudent and Christian advice and counsel and if prayers tears intreaties counsels would prevail cement differences they should not long be open Nay if his letters would signifie any thing to make an amicable and Christian correspondencie it should not be wanting And because the wounds of division are yet bleeding I shall insert two healing Letters of his which speak what spirit he was of Which take as follows CHAP. XV. Two Letters to Cement differences and cause Love among Christians IT cannot be expected that wounds should be healed till their cause is removed that which moveth me to write to you at present and puts me upon intentions of writing again is That I may do my utmost by mouth and pen for the removal of that which is the cause of the inward grief and trouble of my soul and I am perswaded of others also as well as mine viz. those divisions that I could not but observe to be between your self and another Christian friend I hope after my asking counsel not only of my own heart but of God also he hath directed me to that which may be to his own glory and the good of your soul and not only for the removing of grief but the rejoycing of the hearts of them upon whom former divisions had any effect I therefore desire you to entertain these following lines as the issues of deep affection to your soul and the honour of Religion and I beseech you read them not only as from me who desire your good with the strength of my soul but as from God himself of whose love your good improvement will be a token That that end which I propose to my self I cannot but perswade my self you your self design commend and desire which is Christian charity that sweet meek Gospel spirit which is so highly and frequently commended by our Saviour to the practice of his Disciples O that where there hath been any breaches there might be the nearer union and that ye might be joyned together in the same spirit might keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace And for this end that you would remove all old hindrances watch continually lest you give and be careful not to take occasion of offence The necessity usefulness sweetness of true spiritual love appears by the word of Gods frequent urging of it by the sense of Christians the uncomfortableness and deformity of the contrary Now that you may in an unintermitted constancy injoy peace within and without and rejoyce my soul I desire you to joyn your own indeavours with the consideration of those things which I shall now and hereafter send to you First Consider that it is a Christians duty to go out of himself to lay down his own ends and interests and wholly to take upon him Gods cause to do all for God and to act as under God to be Gods instruments in our souls and bodies which are Gods Thus did God create man for His own glory and not that man should seek himself And when man fell he fell out of God into himself out of that divine order and composure of mind in which God had made him into confusion from a love of God into a corrupt self-love and self-seeking Now if we do but descend into our souls observe the actings intents and contrivances of them we cannot but observe how confusedly and abominably all work together for the pampering pleasing and advancing of self We are not to think that if we do not presently discover this in our selves that it is not so with us For in some degree it is in every one even in the truly regenerate as far as they have the relicks of corruption in them so far they have in their souls this self-love Now this disorder in our minds whereby they are taken off from their right ends is that very natural corruption and depravedness which we received from Adam and it is and to a spiritual sense ought to be worse than
the Glory of anothee world realized to sense His faith grew exceedingly and his love was proportionable and his joys were equal to both O the rare attainments The high and divine expressions that dropped from his mouth I have not words to express what a strange triumphant angelical frame he was in for some considerable time together It was a very Heaven upon earth to see and hear a man admiring God at such a rate as I never heard any nor ever expect to hear or see more till I come to Heaven Those that did not see cannot well conceive what a sweet frame he was in for at least six weeks before he died His soul was almost alwaies filled with those joys unspeakable and full of glory How oft vvould he cry out O that I could but let you know what I now feel O that I could show you what I see O that I could express the thousandth part of that sweetness that I now find in Christ You would all then think it well worth the while to make it your business to be religious O my dear friends we little think what a Christ is worth upon a death-bed I would not for a world nay for millions of worlds be now without a Christ and a pardon I would not for a world be to live any longer the very thoughts of a possibility of recovery makes me even tremble When one came to visit him and told him that he hoped it might please God to raise him again and that he had seen many a weaker man restored to health and that lived many a good year after And do you think to please me said he by such discourse as this No Friend you are much mistaken in me if you think that the thoughts of life and health and the world are pleasing to me The world hath quite lost its excellency in my judgement O how poor and contemptible a thing is it in all its glory compared with the glory of that invisible world which I now live in the sight of And as for life Christ is my life health and strength and I know I shall have another kind of life when I leave this I tell you it would incomparably more please me if you should say to me You are no man of this world you cannot possibly hold out long before to morrow you will be in eternity I till you I do so long to be with Christ that I could be contented to be cut apeices to be put to the most exquisite torments so I might but die and be with Christ O how sweet is Jesus Come Lord Jesus come quickly Death do thy worst Death hath lost his terribleness Death it is nothing I say Death is nothing through grace to me I can as easily die as shut my eyes or turn my head and sleep I long to be with Christ I long to die that was still his note His Mother and Brethen standing by him he said Dear Mother I beseech you as earnestly as ever I desired any thing of you in my life that you would cheerfully give me up to Christ I beseech you do not hinder me now I am going to rest and glory I am afraid of your prayers lest they pull one way and mine another And then turning to his Brethren he spake thus to them I charge you all do not pray for my life any more you do me wrong if you do O that glory the unspeakable glory that I behold My heart is full my heart is full Christ smiles and I cannot chose but smile can you find in your heart to stop me who am now going to the compleat and eternal injoyment of Christ Would you keep me from my Crown The arms of my blessed Saviour are open to imbrace me the Angels stand ready to carry my soul into his bosom O did you but see what I see you would all cry out with me how long dear Lord come Lord Jesus come quickly O why are his Chariot-wheels so long a coming And all this while he lay like a triumphing conqueror smiling and rejoicing in spirit There was never a day towards his end but as weak as he was he did some special piece of service in for his great Master Yea almost every hour did produce fresh wonders A Reverend Judicious and holy Minister came often to visit him and discoursed with him of the excellency of Christ and the glory of the invisible world Sir said he I feel something of it my heart is as full as it can hold in this lower state I can hold no more here O that I could but let you know what I feel This holy Minister praying with him his soul was ravished with the abundant incomes of light life and love so that he could scarce bear it nor the thought of staying any longer in the world but longed to be in such a condition wherein he should have yet more grace and more comfort and be better able to bear that weight of glory some manifestations whereof did even almost sink his weak body had he not been sustained by a great power his very joys would have overwhelmed him and whilst he was in these extasies of joy and love he was wont to cry out Who am I Lord who am I that thou shouldst be mindful of me Why me Lord why me and pass by thousands look upon such a wretch as me O what shall I say unto thee O thou preserver of men O why me Lord why me O blessed and for ever blessed be free grace How is it Lord that thou shouldst manifest thy self unto me and not unto others even so Father because it seemeth good in thy eyes Thou wilt have mercy because thou wilt have mercy And if thou wilt look upon such a poor worm who can hinder Who would not love thee O blessed Father O how sweet and gratious hast thou been unto me O that he should have me in his thoughts of love before the foundations of the world And thus he went on admiring and adoring of God in a more high and heavenly manner than I can clothe with words Suppose what you can on this side Heaven and I am perswaded you might have seen it in him He was wonderfully taken with the goodness of God to him in sending that aged experienced Minister to help him in his last great work upon earth Who am I said he that God should send to me a messenger one among a thousand meaning that Minister who had been praying with him with tears of joy Though he was towards his end most commonly â—n a triumphant joyful frame yet sometimes even then he had some small intermissions in which he would cry out Hold out faith and 〈◊〉 et a little while and your work is done And when he found not his heart wound up to the highest pitch of thankfulness admiration and Love he would with great sorrow bemoan himself and cry out in this Language And vvhat 's the matter now
and desired that she might be in travail to see Christ formed in the souls of the rest of her Children and see of the travail of her soul and meet them with joy in that great day Then He charged all his Brethren and Sisters in general as they would answer it before God that they should carry it dutiful to their dear Mother As for his eldest Brother William at whose house he lay sick his prayer vvas that he might be swallowed up of Christ and Love to souls and be more and more exemplary in his life and successful in his Ministry and finish his course vvith joy His next Brothers name vvas Andrew a Citizen of London who was with him and saw him in this triumphing state but his necessary business calling him away he could not then be by yet he vvas not forgot but he was thus blessed The God of Heaven remember my poor Brother at London The Lord make him truly rich in giving him the Pearl of great price and make him a Fellow-Citizen with the Saints and of the House-hold of God the Lord deliver him from the sins of that City may the world be kept out of his heart and Christ dwell there O that he may be as his name is a strong man and that I may meet him with Joy Then he called his next Brother whose name was James whom he hoped God had made him a spiritual Father to to whom he thus addressed himself Brother James I hope the Lord hath given thee a goodly heritage the lines are fallen to thee in pleasant places the Lord is thy portion I hope the Lord hath shewed thee the worth of a Christ Hold on dear Brother Christ Heaven and Glory are worth striving for The Lord give thee more abundance of his grace Then His next Brother Abraham was called to whom he spake to this purpose The blessing of the God of Abraham rest upon thee the Lord make thee a Father of many spiritual Children His fifth Brother was Joseph whom he blessed in this manner Let him bless thee O Joseph that blessed him that was separated from his Brothren O that his everlasting Arms may take hold on thee It is enough if yet thou mayest live in his sight My heart hath been working towards thee poor Joseph and I am not without hopes that the Arms of the Almighty will mbrace thee The God of thy Father bless thee with the blessings of Heaven above The next was his Sister Mary to whom he spoke thus Poor Sister Mary thy body is weak and thy daies will be filled with bitterness thy name is Marah the Lord sweeten all with his Grace and Peace and give thee health in thy Soul Be patient and make sure of Christ and all is well Then His other Sister whose name was Sarah was called whom he thus blessed Sister Sarah thy body is strong and healthful O that thy Soul may be so too The Lord make thee first a wise Virgin and then a Mother in Israel a pattren of Modesty Humility and Holiness Then another Brother Jacob was called whom he blessed after this manner The Lord make thee an Israelite indeed in whom there in no guile O that thou maist learn to wrestle with God and like a Prince maist prevail and not go without the blessing Then he prayed for his youngest Brother Benjamin who was then but an Infant Poor little Benjamin O that the Father of the Fatherless would take care of thee poor Child that thou which never sawest thy Father upon Earth maiest see him with joy in Heaven the Lord be thy Father and Portion maist thou prove the Son of thy Mothers right Hand and the joy of her Age O that none of us all may be found amongst the unconverted in the day of Judgment O that every one of us may appear with our Honoured Father and dear Mother before Christ with joy that they may say Lord here are we and the Children which thou hast gratiously given us O that we may live to God here and live with him hereafter And now my dear Mother Brethren and Sisters Farewel I leave you for a while and I commend you to God and to the word of his grace which is able to build you up and to give you an inheritance among all them which are sanctified And now dear Lord my work is done I have finished my Course I have fought the good Fight and henceforth there remaineth for me a Crown of Righteousness Now come dear Lord Jesus come quickly Then that Godly Minister came to give him his last visit and to do the office of an inferiour Angel to help to convey this blessed soul to Glory who was now even upon Mount Pisga and had a full sight of that goodly Land at a little distance When this Minister spake to him his heart was in a mighty flame of Love and Joy which drew tears of Joy from that pretious Minister being almost amazed to hear a man just a dying talk as if he had been with Jesus and came from the immediate presence of God ` O the smiles that were then in his Face and the unspeakable Joy that was in his Heart one might have read Grace and Glory in such a mans Countenance O the praise the triumphant praises that he put up And every one must speak praise about him or else they did make some jar in his Harmony And indeed most did as well as they could help him in praise So that I never heard nor knew more praises given to God in one Room than in his Chamber A little before he died in the Prayer or rather Praises he was so wrapped up with admiration and joy that he could scarce forbear shouting for joy In the conclusion of the Duty with abundance of Faith and fervency he said aloud Amen Amen! And now his desires shall soon be satisfied He seeth Death coming apace to do his office his jaws are loosened more and more and quiver greatly his Hands and Feet are as cold as clay and a cold sweat is upon him but O how glad was he when he felt his Spirit just agoing Never was Death more welcom to any mortal I think Though the pangs of Death where strong yet that far-more-exceeding and Eternal weight of Glory made him indure those bitter paines with much patience and courage In the extremity of his pains he desired his eldest Brother to lay him a little lower and to take away one Pillow from him that he might die with the more ease His Brother replied that he durst not for a world do any thing that might hasten his Death a moment Then he was vvell satisfied and did sweetly resign himself up vvholly to Gods disposal and after a few minutes vvith a sudden motion gathering up all his strength he gave himself a little turne on one side and in the twinkling of an eye departed to the Lord sleeping in Jesus And now blessed soul thy longings are satisfied and thou