Selected quad for the lemma: glory_n
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A71133
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Some remarkable passages in the holy life and death of the late Reverend Mr. Edmund Trench most of them drawn out of his own diary.
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Trench, Edmund, 1643-1689.; Boyse, J. (Joseph), 1660-1728.
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1693
(1693)
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Wing T2109; ESTC R7785
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40,931
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132
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on his own terms to save me from my Sins to sanctisie me by his Word and Spirit to rule me by his Laws and so to justisie and save me from Guilt and Punishment for ever I have been and am greatly troubled that I did not earlier return unto God The Sins of my Youth and my Relapses since are the grief of my Soul which I would wash away if possible with my own blood It cuts my Heart that I forsook them no sooner and that my following Life hath not been more fruitful Yet I hope I have been and am sincere keeping my self through Grace from my own Iniquity and living in the practice of the contrary Duties I am heartily willing to comply with God in all things and to live in the daily practice of all those holy heavenly spiritual Duties of Heart and Life which my God requires I am very sorry that I perform them no better and yet I hope I am not defil'd with great or reigning Sin but am prevailingly his faithful Servant I long for nothing more than nothing so much as more Fixedness of Mind on God more Constanoy Chearfulness and Success in his blessed Service I unfeignedly desire and through Divine Assistance resolve to persevere and grow still better notwithstanding all Difficulties and against all Temptations to think of and act according to Matth. 10.37 38 c. and Luke 14.26 33. That whatever it cost I will so run that I may obtain the Crown forgetting those things that are behind and pressing forward towards the mark for the price of our high calling of God in Christ Jesus But thou O Lord forsake not me that I forsake not thee I am in love with that Love which our Lord set us such an Example of and made the distinguishing Character of his Disciples My Charity I think is large and extensive according to his Will but especially I have lov'd and do love all good Men as such prevailingly They are to me the Excellent of the earth in whom as to Men is all my delight The Divine Image affects and draws me where-ever I find it notwithstanding differences in little Things And my Love is real and fruitful according to my Ability My Heart and Hands are open as Objects and Occasions offer I have been and am very careful to wrong none having long since righted those I did I have soon forgiven when provok'd yea seldom very seldom retain'd any Grudge against any I have return'd Good for Evil where I deserv'd well and yet suffered much ill and where I have deliberately refus'd to comply with any it was because I thought it my Duty for their good I have been watchful Self should not prevail under shadow of being concern'd for God I have no Enemies whom I do not heartily pray for and am not ready to do good to Praised be God these Duties of Loving Giving and forgiving were not and are not difficult I have been affected and desire to be more with the Condition of the Church of God the Sufferings of so great a part thereof and especially the Sins that deserv'd them My Prayers have been and are That God would Refine and not Destroy That he would diffuse that Wisdom from above which is pure and peaceable That he would revive the power of Godliness humbling the Guilty of our Divisions and uniting in Christian Catholick Love I have conscientiously considered my Duty to the Magistrate and accordingly have been careful to obey all his Laws unless contrary to the Laws of God And I thought it became me to understand his Will not in the worst but in the best sense his Words would bear remembring that an erring Conscience will not clear me if I disobey any lawful Command I have been little inquisitive about the Magistrate's Duty but careful to know my own My enquiry was not Whether he did well to Command but whether I might lawfully Obey Though he impose unnecessary Burdens beyond his Authority which is for Publick Good yet Compliance may be my Duty from Humility Love to Peace and that I may not offend but respect God's Vicegerent I have consider'd the Veneration due to those in Authority by reason thereof however they be otherwise defective and the Subjection that must be ever continued though the Laws of God forbid Obedience and accordingly resolved never to partake in Rebellion though for the best Religion and most valuable Liberties but to be still subject not only for Wrath but for Conscience-sake I have often frequented the Publick Authoriz'd Assemblies and joyn'd in the establish'd way of Worship not to avoid Civil or Ecclesiastical Censures not for any worldly Interest but from sense of Duty and a just perswasion after many Thoughts and Prayers in which I am still more confirm'd that I was more oblig'd to do so by the Laws of God and abundantly warranted by the Example of our Saviour and his Apostles I have been still more confident as I consider'd the State and Practice of the Primitive and other Churches and look'd I think impartially into what is oppos'd by Dividers Praised be God I am still well satisfied that I am not involv'd into so much as any consent to Sin I reflect with comfort on my moderation about small or doubtful matters and on my warmth against the Antichristian Spirit of Vncharitableness Hatred Rage and Malice I admire God's Infinite goodness in the way of Salvation and am greatly troubled that I am no more affected with the amazing Mercy and Benignity of my Heavenly Father with the stupendious Charity Condescension and Sufferings of the Son and with the wonderful Patience Long-suffering and Kindnoss of the Holy Spirit I desire and long to know and love admire and praise spoak and act more and more to the utmost of my power for the Glory of the Incomprehensible Trinity which hath so condescended to Save such an abominable wretched Creature I find it most difficult to get and keep an Heavenly Frame without Distraction I am oft discompos'd by worldly Concerns vex'd by the Sins and Weaknesses of others and too easily diverted from my Studies Meditations and Prayers by vain impertinent unsuitable and unseasonable Thoughts I labour and groan under them as my great Burden and Sin and strive alas too ineffectually against them What would I give yea what would I not give do or suffer that my Soul were fix'd on God that I could serve him without Distraction That my Studies Meditations and Converse with God in his Word Prayer and Praise were more free from wandring more affectionate spiritual and heavenly Yet I 'm sure I long and desire to labour more effectually that God may sill and possess my Soul that his holy enjoying Service the perfect Happiness of Heaven may be more and more begun on Earth I value and breath after the Divine Image as the greatest good esteeming and desiring to be rid of Sin as the greatest Evil and Heaven is therefore most amiable because there I hope
with calmness of a future state and hope I shall prepare better for it and for my Afflictions that may befall me in my passage March 31. 1688. I hope I have not departed from God though I fear I have got but little nearer to him I have persevered with some painfulness in my Studies and endeavour'd to embrace Opportunities of doing good according to the Abilities I have acquir'd and as seem'd consistent with that regard that should always be had to the great Things of Christianity and the furthering thereof in the ways of Love and Peace Such has been my Aim in my frequent Thoughts and Attempts to leave this place Apr. 28. I have continu'd studying praying instructing my Family and others but with many distractions not only from our unsettled Condition but likewise from other Accidents and Circumstances which occasion trouble and threaten loss I lament that I am so much affected by 'em and that the greater concerns of Eternity the sense whereof should have been more awaken'd and strengthned by the solemn remembrance of my Lord and Saviour at his Holy Table the 15th and 22d do not more effectually divert my Thoughts and raise my Mind Lord pity pardon and help Direct yet where I may serve thee better and do more good than ever Make me especially useful to my Children as they grow capable of learning and loving their Duty that I may have more of the pleasure that I most desire see more of thy restored Image in others and feel it in my self And O remember thy Churches particularly in these Nations Guide and prosper in the ways of Holiness and Peace that walking in the fear of the Lord and in the comfort of the Holy Ghost they may be edified and multiplied Amen for c. I have been afflicted but I have been also sustain'd and I hope rais'd to a more abiding warmth and watchfulness in God's blessed Service Hitherto he hath helped me in all troubles I will still trust him and endeavour my Carriage may prove that my Trust is not presumption I have been affected with others Sufferings and our common danger May my Prayers and Labours be still more vigorous and my Praises also for all his Goodness July 2. I have endeavour'd to discern the mind of God in those Afflictions wherewith he has pleas'd to follow me I have search'd my Heart and review'd my Actions I still see cause to wish that I had more readily embrac'd all Opportunities of doing good and more effectually improv'd them My Faults towards God have been Defects in Affection and Devotion in Resignation and Dependence c. for which Yesterday I begg'd pardon when I commemorated his Death who purchas'd pardon for the Penitent and I as earnestly petitioned for those more powerful Assistances that may more effectually determine me to all my Duty and enable me to delight in it To Morrow I may see my Mother Brother c. O may our Converse be still more holy and useful that we may have stronger hopes of meeting in Glory Amen for c. July 25. Yesterday I return'd from Hackney having had a pleasant Converse with my Mother Brother and other dear Relations and Friends and our pleasure was not I hope without some profit though not so much as I hop'd Growing Wickedness and approaching Sufferings we could too easily discern and were in some measure affected with We desire and O may we strive more effectually to know and do our Duty how difficult soever and Lord pity pardon help and encrease thy People and prepare us for thy blessed Will in all things for our Lord Jesus's sake Amen Aug. 6. The 3d. my Mother came to us and we may be longer together than we are like to be again on Earth May our Discourses speak our sense hereof and further our preparation for that blessed state where parting of Friends will be no trouble Sept. 26. I Yesterday assisted at the Fast in Horsmonden and being indispos'd in Body and having too many Distractions in my Mind I fear lest I spake unadvisedly in Prayer and yet my Head is so disturb'd that I cannot recollect in what words I exprest my self I have begg'd pardon of God and the prevention or removal of offence if any were taken and resolv'd as Opportunities offer'd to be better prepar'd as God shall enable by Prayer and Meditation I am even forc'd to remove to Cranbroke from which yet I cannot but be averse particularly for fear of discord with Lord direct us not to neglect Holiness for Peace nor yet to violate Peace through mistakes about Holiness Amen for c. Octob. 11. 1688. Last Week we remov'd from Brenchley to Cranbroke Praised be God I came away desir'd at both Places I had the blessing of the Poor I left and the thanks of the publick Minister for furthering his Work and promoting Union among his People Lord make me more useful here direct in Difficulties support under Afflictions and enable in all to honour thy Majesty and effectually to promote the Salvation of others with my own Amen for c. Nov. 29. He largely relates what past between him and Mr. B. the Minister at Cranbroke to whom he offer'd to Preach once a Day gratis and read Common-Prayer in the Afternoon So desirous was he of any Opportunity of Service in the publick Churches But the Offer being refus'd on reasons there mention'd be adds I then told him I must Preach once a Day at home that I might not be useless and that I might do good to some who would not hear him or Mr. W. On the other hand he refus'd to countenance a N. C. Minister there as on other accounts so principally for his binding his People against all Communion with the est ablish'd Parish-Churches About this time as he was passing the Yard to take Horse at a Neighbour's House whom he had been to visit his Foot slipt and occasioned a slight scratch on the Skin of his Leg He was not at first apprehensive of any danger and though he rode home which was seven Miles immediately upon it and walked the next Day at least four more his Leg did not at all complain But soon after taking cold and his Body being always infirm this slight hurt was irritated and inflam'd to that degree that he was forc'd to call in the help of able Chirurgeons But alas it defeated all their Skill for it mortified so often and affected so many other parts that what with the pain it brought and the troublesom and grievous Incisions and Operations it obliged him to after it had first prostrated his strength and emaciated his Body at length it extinguish'd that life from which we might have hoped for so many great and good things if it had pleased God to continue it His patience and submission was all the while most admirable and exemplary Being almost worn out with the Miseries which the frequent Operations of the Chirurgeons put him to ☜ He wrote these