Book call'd the Academy of Complements where it was usual to bring in the Men bleeding fainting or dying under the Wounds their Cruel Mistresses had given them as if our tender simple Sex said she carried Darts in our Eyes or some secret Venom about us that kill'd and destroy'd people at a distance For my share I cannot apprehend the meaning of such Imputations and unless you inform me shall be at a loss to understand the intent of them This Railery put Friend out of heart to pursue his design that way but fetching a deep sigh said to her I may take some convenient time to satisfie thee as to that matter and so the Discourse and Entertainment ended at that time my Friends Kinswoman having been disappointed of the designed Trick she had merrily intended to put upon him We took our leaves but Friend would by no means part with us until he had obtained a promise of my Kinsman and self to meet him at Eight that night at an appointed Tavern so having fixed upon the Number we parted very well satisfied that our next Meeting would give us some clearer Detection of Friend's Temper and Designs The hour being come we repaired to the Tavern where we found the Number at the Bar and were Conducted into the Room where Friend was just come before us having in his Company two persons that seemed to be Gentlemen one of them about Twenty years of Age the other seemed somewhat less they were both in Garbs very gentiel and handsome and it happened we were not much out in our Calculation concerning them for one of them was of one of the Inns of Court the other Lodged about Pall-mall and much inclined to the practice of Musick in which he had acquired a considerable Excellence Friend made somewhat of an Excuse for having taken Strangers into his Company having before made us an Assignation but withal told us they were Gentlemen of his acquaintance whom he met just in the Street as he was coming into the Tavern We gave him the assurance That any that had the Honour to be of his Acquaintance could not fail of being very welcome to us and that we ought to acknowledge it as an Additional favour that he did us the kindness to admit us into the acquaintance of his Friends We then took half a dozen Glasses round and Friend could not forbear putting the Younger of the two Gentlemen upon a Song particularly one above the rest which Friend said he much admired for one of the wittiest Pieces of Poetry which he had ever heard The young Gentleman in complyance with Friend's desire sung the ensuing Song which I think may be found in A. Brome's Poems SONG TVsh never tell me I 'm too young For loving or too green She stays at least sev'n Years too long That 's wedded at Fourteen Age and Discretion fit Grave Matrons whose Desires and Youths are past Love needs not nor has Wit They in whose Youthful Breasts dwells nought but Frost Can only mourn the Days and Joys they 've lost Lambs bring forth Lambs and Doves bring Doves As soon as they 're begotten Then why should Ladies linger Loves As if not ripe till Rotten 'T is envious Age perswades This tedious Heresie for Men to Wooe Stale Nymphs and Vest al Maids Whilst they in Modesty must answer No Late Love like late Repentance seldom 's true Gray hairs are fitter for the Grave Than for the Bridal Bed What pleasure can a Lover have In a Wither'd Maidenhead Dry Bones and rotten Limbs Turn Hymen's Temple to a Hospital Age all our Beauty dimns Tho' Lands may not till One and twenty fall The Law to Love prescribes no time at all Nature 's Exalted in our time And what our Grandams then Aâ— four and twenty scarce could climb We can arrive at Ten. Youth of it self doth bring us Provocatives within and we do scorn Love-Powders and Eringoes Cupid himself 's a Child and 't will be sworn Lovers like Poets are not made but born The Song ended Friend ask'd our Opinions of it we could not but acknowledge the Words to be very witty and that the Gentleman had expressed very much Art in Singing it but withal we could not but conclude within our selves that Friend was certainly in his Amorous Moods and Tenses and that the time was come that he could no longer suppress his Inclinations but it was pleasant to observe in what sort of Forth they discovered themselves for 't was not one Song nor ten that satisfied the Importunity of Friend's desires though the young Gentleman easily complyed with whatsoever he asked in that kind and not one of the Songs but was well Liquor'd or else some of them were gross enough to have risen upon the stomach of a Bawd. But the fatter they were the better they slipt down till at length Friend was for putting round not only a Glass but a Kiss in memory of his Coy Friend as he called her so that Love was now become so blind it could hardly distinguish Sexes By this it appeared to us that Friend had much of the Neopolitan in his Veins And that as it is said of Diogenes that another Philosopher saw his Pride look through the Raggs of his Garment So might it be said of Friend's Levity that it shewed it self through the formal Cover and disguise of his grave and self-denying Habit. Nor may it be improper in this place to recollect a little how in Clusters the Vanity of weak and unmortified Tempers shew themselves for Friend was not content to expose the folly of his Inclinations on the one hand but he must be discovering the pride of his Mind on the other hand being not able to contain the Ostentation of that splendid Treat which but that day he had entertain'd us withal but must divulge to the two young Gentlemen the Extravagance of his Banquet until they seemed to be Teazed with his unwelcome Repetitions So much doth an ostentatious Affectation and an uncurbed Passion divest a Man of that Esteem which a reserved and tenacious Temper still maintains Now was Friend wholly for making a Night on 't and giving the Body-natural a little relaxation we were for complying with the humour and the two young Gentlemen discovered no Inclination to refuse joining in the design More Wine was called for a piece of Sturgeon and some Anchovies which delicately helped on the Ferment So about one of the Clock in the Morning a Coach took us up at the door and we being all at Friend's disposal rumbled through the Watches until we alighted not far from K bridge where we were received into a very fine House the Rooms modishly furnished and shining with many Lights every thing appeared very gay and Friend told us the Gentlewoman for now he was able to speak that Language was a remote Kinswoman of his That she was a brisk Woman and had several pretty Neices that would be very good Company for us The Bottle of
get into bed when the weight of his burthen on the top of the Cloths was very troublesome to me besides the snoring and grunting noise which kept me waking the rest of the Night Just in the Morning as I began to move to get out of bed a flood of reddish Liquor gushed out of his Mouth which stained not only the Sheets but my Shirt also and washed me all over which I was forced to wear wet about me the greatest part of the following day Now I am doubtful that Humphrey may frequently be brought home in like condition which would be very troublesome to me these cold Winter-nights for he hath frequent contendings with that unlucky French Creature and notwithstanding he is often cast down by â—t Yet will not the courage of his Old man suffer him to keep out of the way or give over the Contest There is likewise another thing which very much sticks with me and that is this Our Neighbour's Prentices and sometimes Stranâ—â—rs as they go along the Streets are apt to cast abuses at me and reflections with respect to our Trade What says one thee art cutting up thy Father's head to make a Comb of or thee art cutting up thy Master's horns the Citizens Wives will have somewhat to say to thee for Sawing up their Husbands Brow-Antlers and the like It were endless to reckon up the Scoffs I endure upon that account So that it hath been much upon my Spirit to know thy Opinion concerning this thing and whether thee may'st not think it convenient to provide some other Habitation and Calling for me where I may be free from such continual Flouts But if thee takest no care as to this matter it is like I may be free to get off into some one of our Friend's Plantations where it may be I may meet with none of these troubles Thus signifying my Love to thee and thy Wife and minding Friendly Salutations to thy Family having great desire to hear from thee I remain Thine according to the Flesh Henry the Younger The 5th Day of the Month called Maggot in the Year of Horn-Fair Some Metre upon Occasion of the Wet Quaker FRiends he 's not Drunk they who say so are Sots Doth not his Laundress scowre and wash the Spots Of his foul Vestments Tell me why he may Not wash himself that 's far more foul than they For to be Drunk with Friends were great forgetting â—ut it is like Friend may have â—ain a-wetting The Carnal Swine in Mire are always Wallowing But Friends like Sheep drop in the Ditch by following And they through Bry'rs will follow one another So one Friend falls i' th' Pit by following t'other A Letter from a Friend to the Keeper of a Prison-House Friend FOR though I may not call thee by that name properly and as thou art an Alien to the Light yet I have thought meet to give thee that Title as I have no enmity to thy Person Thou knowest thou hast in thy Keeping the outward Man of divers Friends who are put into the Custody of thy Cage of Captivity but withal it were not amiss for thee to consider that though Friends are put into a Cage yet they are no Birds for they have no Wings neither do they whistle nor sing as the feathered sowl do but they are placed with thee for divers Considerations moving the Men of Authority so to do and thee wilt find it much to thy advantage to use Moderation towards them during the time of their Captivity for verily that will sound much to thy Commendation Dost thou not see with what tenderness the Creatures that are kept in Cages about the Town are used they have their Prisons cleansed every day and are supplied with fresh water and food for the support of their Tabernacles sometimes they have green boughs and leaves put about them for their refreshment which makes them rejoice in the kindness of their Keepers Yea verily they do greatly rejoice and testifie their thankfulness by their merry chirping and hopping from one pearch to another Now as I was a saying though Friends cannot chirp and sing thy Commendation yet they have ways of expressing their gratitude in such a manner as I am apt to think may be more acceptable to thee For if there come into thy House a Hamper of Wine a piece of Venison or a piece of Plate verily I may say these are very acceptable things and yet such as Friends can part withal upon good terms But if thee beest sowre and rugged to them thou wilt find it far otherwise those acceptable returns will be strangers to thy house and it will be a hard matter for thee to get thy Fees for their restraint they will rather die in bonds than that thou shalt be one farthing gainer by them I have set this matter before thee that herein thou might'st consult thy own benefit for it hath come unto my Ears that thee hast been very hard and cruel to Friends in thy keeping and that thou hast not only denied them the refreshment of She-friends company but hast laid violent hands upon some of them and hast sore bruised their outward Vessels to their no small discomfort I do therefore appeal to thee whether such usage would be welcom to thee wert thou in their state and condition or whether thee would'st not take it unkindly to have thy outward Tabernacle batter'd and mortify'd after such unkind yea barbarous manner Therefore let me advise thee if thou wilt not allow them the kindness which birds receive that thou wilt at least afford them that which is not denied to beasts that is That they may have Meat Drink and fresh Straw So resteth Thine in the Shinings within T. L. The first Day of Noddy-Month Another Epistle by way of Enthusiasm written to Penelope the Daughter of Geffery Friend Penelope IT being now about the time which the World calls Midsummer-moon which time will always be famous amongst Friends upon the account of the extraordinary Enthusiasms great Revelations and strange Appearances which have penetrated the Crancums of their Microcosms about that season And it being about the time that the Men called Doctors Exercise more than Common Severity towards our brethren which are under their discipline in the Long-house on the South-side of Moorfields where they Scarrisie Cupp Plaster and Syringe the Brain-pans of Friends till they hardly know whereabouts the Seat of their Sensitive faculty is or what is become of that humour which used to reflect the Idea's of the Imagination upon the 〈◊〉 and discover unto Friends Castles in the Air Monsters in the Sky and Constellations on the Earth I say this is the time when our poor Friends who are in the Custody and under the Cure of those Cruel wretches are masserated and mangled that they have not the benefit of seeing and discovering those things which we who are yet out of their wicked hands have freedom to do And therefore O Penelope I will declare
Word and the Thing by the World called Complement The Sence of the Friends concerning it HUMH Humh Humh Friends It may not be amiss when a Friend undertaketh to speak as touching a Thing the Nicity of the Thing the Subject of the Thing the Nature of the Thing the Matter of the Thing the Consequence of the Thing how far the Thing may be according to the Light and how far not according to the Light which is the main Thing in Question The Thing that we are now upon is concerning the Word or the Thing called Complement or Courtship which is all one in that which the Carnal call the Original For though Friends do not think fit to set forth their own Original before the Wicked ones yet they do and may think it lawful to declare their Thoughts as concerning the rise and first derivation of the Words and Fashions used by the Wicked Humh As for concerning and touching the word Complement it is of a base filthy polluted and carnal Original it being found in the Language of the Beast or the Roman Language which few Friends are acquainted withal as thus they teach the poor deluded Youth in their carnal Schools Complement Complementior Complementissimus which soundeth so filthily as is enough to turn the Stomach especially of a She Friend for what can tissimus and issimus signifie unless they have a prophane meaning So again they derive it from Complementare Complementiri and Complete-mentiri which the Carnal Ones themselves say signifies no other than a downright Lye so again the Vain Ones say I must pay a Complement to such a Lady as they call 'em or such a Person as if Lying were a Debt which they owed and must pay to one another So again says one of them I received a Complement from such a Lord or Gentleman as they call one another which is as much as to say I received a Lye a Sham an Vntruth or the like Whereas Friends make no use of such Words as look one way and mean quite another but leave them to the carnal Ones For the Language of Friends is after this sort I have heard from Thomas or so or I have received a Message from Abigal which commonly carries ten to one more in it than their vain puff-past Airy Words can pretend to So they say in their Teachings Second-Lye Third-Lye and Fourth-Lye wherein many times they speak much according to Truth but therefore Friends say Again in the second place If a Friend out of pure Simplicity and Tenderness should go to one of these young Whipper-snappers and taking him by the Hand and twinkling his Eyes should speak unto him after this manner Friend I have great Yearnings for thee and wish I could prevail with thee to lay by thy overgrown Perriwig of Harlots Hair thy carnal Sword thy painted Habit and become a Friend of the Light it is pity such a well-featur'd Youth and one for whom Nature hath done so much should cast himself away by following the evil Manners of the Wicked for if thou didst but know the sweet Enjoyments that are to be had amongst Friends I dare say thou wouldst find them much safer and more suitable to thy Inclinations than this profuse and open way of Gallantry as thou callest it for I am greatly moved towards thee and could wish thou wouldst leave that frothy carnal Way of the World called Complement and become as one of us What reply may we think would be returned to such a courteous sweet and friendly Invitation Alas alas let me see whether I can for once set my Mouth in such a Beastly Figure why look thee thus it would come out for I have seen it so 'Slid what doth this Impudent Quakering Caâ—ting Fellow mean by all this damn'd Harangue What doth he think to make the World in Love with Yea's and Nay's with crop'd Ears antick Grimmases nonsensical Whinings and ridiculous unbred Impudence Heark thee Friend I would advise thee to remove thy nauceous Address to some 〈◊〉 place for if thou doest again abuse my Ears with thy absurd Declamations I shall go near to lay the weight of my Cane over your unsanctified Loggerhead you bâ—se uncourtly Coxcomb This or much to like purpose would be the ungrateful return of one of these poor deluded Youths Which brings me to the Third Thing which was just-now hinted in the Word Vn-courtly for it is from this Fountain that all the other Mischiefs do slow as our Right trusty Friend James Naylor heretofore Witnessed and it may appear from considering the Word nakedly in it self and figuratively as they call it that is to say clothed with such a Sence as they please to put upon it The naked word Court hath been consider'd by Friends to have been applied unto many Things There were two Courts in the Temple of Solomon the Outer Court and the Inner but the Houses of worldly Princes were â—ot then called Courts but Houses or Palaces But afterwards when they had large places of Entrance walled in before them with Gates for prophane Coaches and Chairs to enter they were Yâ—leaped Courts Our Friends have not said much upon this Subject they having had little Business in such Places unless it were to complain of Grievances and sometimes in friendly manner to Upbraid and Raile at their Governors and to denounce certain Woes against such as have opposed what Friends call the Light and therefore I shall not meddle much with that Matter There are likewise Courts in Westminster-Hall where Friends have the benefit of Sueing and Impleading the Men of the World that would Deceive and Defraud them of the things belonging to their outward Tabernacles and the Men of Law that belong to those Places will upon the appearance of Friends Angels say as much and fill the Hall with as much noise on behalf of Friends as on behalf of the Wicked To this Court it is not only lawful but expedient for Friends to Travel as I said for securing the Advantages of their outward Man. And Friends are often observed to be great Followers of these Courts drudging after the Green Bags the Gowns and Coifs and bringing as great a Harvest to the Men of the Robe as other of their carnal Clients It is easie for any that have the Light to observe from hence the Original of the word Courtly as if I should say Court-Lye and though it be allowable upon the account of Friends yet ought the Wicked by no means to take Advantage thereof This word Courtly is in such great request among the carnal World that some of their heathenish Poets have made a Play thereof and have insolently dubb'd it with the vain glorious Title of Sir Courtly Nice which is one of the most Paganish Inventions that ever blasted the Eyes of Friends For as Friend holding forth at Bull-and-Mouth oftentimes extends his Voice distends his Lungs casts up his Eyes distorts his Mouth erects his Ears and puts himself forth in such
that are useless and rejected for only the Friends are the useful the valuable Creatures amongst Men for if it were not for Friends how should so many thousand poor Families be kept on work for the Weaving and making of Ribbons Laces Flower'd Silks Fans Feathers Vizors Bulls Beads Nose Jewels Farthingals Pickadiles and the like Jewellers Tailors Lace-men Embroiderers Sword-Cutlers Armourers Guilders Picture-drawers Fringe-makers Dancing-masters Singing-masters Instrument-makers Fencing-masters and in short half the Town and half the People therein might go hang themselves did not Friends support their Trades and lay out their Stocks for the Maintenance of their Families So endeth the Second Chapter CHAP. III. Certain Examples of friendly Greetings towards Great Men. ABOUT the Year 1667 certain she-She-Friends took an occasion to pass a Complement on the then Pope Alexander the Seventh They followed the Light or the Will-with-a-Wisp that I told thee of until they came to the City of Rome In their Passage they travelled through the French Army then on the Borders of Flanders though I cannot remember that they left any sign of their Light behind them but they pursued their Course through divers Regions and Principalities until they arrived at the Apostolical See there after many days Seeking and Attendance having declared unto divers that they had a particular Message to the Man called the Pope at length they were admitted into the Palace whereupon like true Friends they began to open saluting his Holiness by the Names of the Man of Sin Whore of Babylon The Scarlet Whore sitting on a Beast with Seven Heads with many other Apocalyptick Greetings which the Holy Father thought very improperly applied to him at length the good Father demanded of them What Profession they were of They told him that they were Friends of the Light whom the Carnal abusiveely called Quakers and that they had come from far on purpose to pass those Complements and to pour their Vials on the Seat of the Beast with abundance more of their quaking Rhetorick and figurative Nonsence At length the good Man began to apprehend they might be troubled with some sort of Hypocondriack Distemper much like that which haunts Oliver's Porter and his Housemates on the South-side of Moorefields whereof the Witty Hudibrass Sings As Wind in th' Hypocondria pent Is but a F t if downward sent But if it upward chance to fly Turns to New Light and Prophesy So they were compassionately delivered over to the care of divers able Physicians who having prescribed them frequent Bleedings and a mortifying Diet for a considerable time our Females at last begun to feel an Inclination to return to their Native Country whither they were dismiss'd having left much of their Disease behind them but bringing back much more Light than they carried out for they returned not only with light Heads light Purses light Bodies but not a little Light-hearted that they had escaped the Discipline of the Doctors Where are there now amongst any other sort of People but we of the Yea-and-Nay Tribe any whose Civility shall lead them through so many hazards and dangers of losing their Light to pass a Complement upon a Stranger Where are there I say amongst the Wicked and Carnal any that are buoy'd up to such a height of Courage and seared with such a friendly hardness to carry them through such an Adventure as this Nay nay it is not to be expected that their Lights should last them half the way especially meeting with so many puffs and countâ—e-puffs as Friends met withal But you must know that all this while Friends carried their Light in a dark Lanthorn with the Box so close shut upon it that none could possibly discern it and was not this a Politick as well as a Courtly trick of the She-Friends Judge thee Another Relation touching the Courtship of Friends In the Days of Oliver when preferment went by Merit and Friends were made Just-Asses and the Brethren of the Light enstrusted with the Staff of Authority when Friends of the Enthusiastick Order saw Plots in the Air by way of Vision and the Revelation of a Conspiracy was enough to Chop off the Heads of all the Loyal Party About that time an Order was Issued out to Robert Tichbourne called Lord Mayor to double the Watches of the City for that it was feared the Lyons would run away with the Tower of London on their backs Tichbourne sent out his Warrants to the Constables in pursuance of the said Order Amongst the which one came to the hand of one of our Friends of the Wind-mill who was then called Constable of Smithfield he was charged thereby to apprehend all Persons that passed in his Rounds betwixt the hours of Nine at Night and Six in the Morning unless they gave a very satisfactory Account of their Business Accordingly Friend with his carnal Beadle and Watchmen took their Post at the time appointed and about One in the Morning a Party of Oliver's Horse-guards who had Orders to have an Eye on that side came athwart Friend's Rounds Whereupon Friend demanded of them what they were and they replied they were of the Guard but it being the depth of the Night Friends Light happened to fail him for Friends Light doth not always serve them in the Dark though they can discern in the Dark as well as without Light so that Friend supposing they might be Enemies of the wicked Cavalier Party put them into Custody until the next morning the Captain of the Guards having notice of it sent a Party for them and complained thereof unto him they called the Supreme whereupon Oliver sent for Friend-Constable and having demanded of him the reason why that affront was put upon his Guards Friend in most Courtly Phrase returned this or the like Answer Since thou hast sent for me O Oliver upon this Occasion I shall acquaint thee with the best of my Knowledge concerning it according to the measure of Light that is within me Therefore thou maist understand O Oliver that thy Servant Robert Tichbourne sent unto me saying Take unto thee a Band of Men and get thee into one of the high Places of the City namely Smithfield and there keep thee diligent Watch and Ward from the hour of Nine in the Evening until the Sixth hour the next Morning seizing on such as give not account of themselves And accordingly I took unto me a Band of Men and went into the high Place of the City namely Smithfield and behold about the Second Watch there appeared unto us as it were some of the Sons of Men Armed and riding upon Horses and I said unto them Who are ye and they answered and said We are the Guard And I answered and said unto them Nay buâ— we are the Guard. Whereupon a dispute arising touching that matter I smote them Hip and Thigh and laid them in Bands Now if there be any fault in this matter thou canst not take it to be in me who received the Order
am apt to think thy Wife's Sister Elizabeth may be in Condition to cure these wild Inclinations All the while I was at the Holding-forth in Lombard-street she carried away my affections so far from what was said that not a Word of that precious Friend could sink into my Memory yea I must acknowledge to thee that my Desires went a wandring and Margaret was as much out of my Thoughts as if I had never known her Indeed Margaret hath told me that thee wast a very good Natur'd Man and didst very well understand the very Symptoms of friendly Inclinations therefore it may be thou knowest the better how to advise thy Friend in like Condition so that if thou thinkest it convenient I may take her home to me to lie in my Bosom Verily Friend this seems to be very agreeable to me and I am apt to think thy Sister-in-Law Elizabeth may have some well-wishings to me for to be plain with thee she permitted me all the time of the Meeting to use a Familiarity with her It is said That the Heathen Philosopher called Aristotle recommended it as the fittest time for Males to Marry at Thirty Years of Age and the Females at Fifteen and I am of the mind it may be very suitable if Friends may take a Heathens advice for though my Name was never entered on the Church-Book as they call it yet by computation I am about Four and thirty Years of Age and as I have been told she may be about Sixteen which suites so exactly with the advice of that Philosopher who they say was a great Midwife And I remember Margaret read much in a Book said to be hâ—â— that it might not be unsuitable if we did Join together for the Propagation of another Race of Friends If this will not be hearkned unto I am afraid I may some time or other requite thy kindness to my Margaret upon thy Abigail so that if it may be proper for thee to advise Elizabeth concerning this matter I would not have it be long before thee send me an Answer for if I be not the sooner Accommodated I shall go near to be in the State of the Wicked Thus I have thought fit to set before thee the whole of my Condition and to crave thy Assistance in this matter especially I having by Industry obtained somewhat of the outward things of the World and being sensible that Elizabeth will bring with her somewhat that may add to the fulness of the Creature and to the Desires of Thine in the Light J. N. An Answer of Friend unto the foregoing Letter Friend John THine of the Eleventh Day of this Fifth Month by the World called July came safe to my Hand and as touching and concerning what thou writest about Elizabeth it is very likely I may be free to act for thee according to thy desires Thee writest of the need thy outward Man standeth of a Meet-helper it is very probable that having been accustomed to use of a Yoke-Fellow thee mayst have some Yearnings after Creature-Refreshment If thee didst thy self reveal the matter to Elizabeth and shew her how the Case standeth it is very likely thee mayst find her Inclinable it being now about the Age of Desires with her and I doubt not but she may prove a Help-meet for thee upon both accounts being possess'd not only of Youth enough to set an Elder agog but having besides a considerable Stock of what the World calls Fortune besides what she expects from Pensylvania I shall give her such a Character of thee as shall not leave her insensible of thy Inclination and Ability as to the Affair in Question and herein thou shalt not fail of the best performances of Thy Friend as to the Light D. F. From the South-side of Moorefields this 19. day of the aforesaid fifth Month. A Dialogue between John and Elizabeth Elizabeth NAY John but thee mayst not think to take such freedom with me unless thee and I had been better Acquainted for to deal plainly with thee thy Carriage is no less boisterous than that of the loose carnal Ones amongst the Wicked Didst thou ever see any one so tumbled and tossed unless it were one of the Light-housewifes in their sinful Houses and dost thee think to serve me after that manner John. Yea but Elizabeth heark thee unto me I say were it one of the worldly Youths that should handle thee after this manner thee mightest have some cause to complain I say if one of the carnal Ones should press so upon thee but for me who am as thee knowest a Brother of the first Head and have divers times held forth at Meetings of Friends I say this looks as if thee wert not acquainted with that Freedom which we of the Light may use within and amongst one the other Alack if I should have come and made such a brisk Attempt upon thee in presence of the loose Ones of the World then thee mightest have had some Reason to Complain but how is it possible that thee canst have any Fellow-feeling of my Condition or I of thine unless we come close to the Business to know how things are Eliz. There may be something in what thee sayst for ought I know but I have not been much accustomed to things of this Nature and I did expect thou shouldst have come in a more Courtly manner John. What then it is possible thee expectest I should come to thee after the Formal and Idolatrous Manner that the Phantastical Fellows of the Times come to them they call their Ladies and their Misses which is much after the same manner that the Pagans do to their vile Abominations that is to say Cringing and Scraping and Bowing and Uncovering my Head saying a Thousand such abominable Lyes and Vntruths as Madam I am your most humble Servant Madam I am glad of the Honour to kiss your Fair Hands with abundance more of such frothy ceremonial useless nonsensical canting Balderdash which signifies no more than a Tale of a Tub when even themselves and aâ—â— the wiser sort of Men cannot but know that to squeeze the Question in a few honest well-meant words to the purpose and a good round warm Application to the Business in hand hath been ever found to be more available and successful as I said even amongst themselves For after all their Congees and Trips their Legs and their Lips and the Complement they bring which can Spell no Thing they must at last come close to the Matter or all the Fat 's in the Fire and their noisey blustering Complements vanish in Dust and Smoak But what signifies all this Bustle and Clutter amongst Friends Eliz. Nay I never was against that honest natural Freedom that allows every Creature to make use of their own Gifts and Talents with all the Freedom thee canst imagine but how I or mine came to be Entail'd to thee I do not yet see for I am apt to think there may be two words to a
Bargain and that thee oughtest not to lay any Claim to me without shewing any warrantable Pretence for it and before we go any farther I am willing to be satisfied as to this matter John. Yea and that thou quickly mayst for I would have thee to understand that I am Sound from Top to Toe and every way as well qualified as another Man. But if this be not sufficient I am Free that thee shouldst have any further satisfaction that thee shalt desire Eliz. Nay John if thee art of the mind that this be such an undeniable demonstration of thy right to use me as thee pleasest I shall be free to declare to thee that I would have thee to consider this looks in thee like Extravagant Motion which when thou shalt come to consult the Light will appear otherwise than now thou dost imagine and what will the Wicked say when they shall understand after what manner thou hast been making out thy Title John. First I would not have thee trouble thy mind at what the Discourses of such may be because it cannot in any ways affect us because we are not of them and besides all that they can say will imply no more than this That they deny that Freedom to us which themselves take when they think fit For if only the Carnal Ones should take the Liberty to Encrease and Multiply what must become of our Yea-and-Nay Tribe Must the Family of the Light be Extinct for want of Issue This indeed were the ready way that Paganism should again cover the Face of the Earth But Elizabeth since I find that thou art come to the Age of Maturity it may be needful for thee to receive thy measure of Creature-Comfort rather from the Hands of a Friend than an Alien and from one of the Light rather than from the Men of the World. Eliz. As for what thee wert speaking touching Maturity I can say little to it because as thee knowest we are denied the use of Books which are by Friends thought to be the Effects only of humane Learning and by consequence very hurtful to the Light though to be free with thee I am of Opinion they may in some Cases be very useful for it happened that once a Book called the Academy of Complements came to my Hands and really John thee canst hardly think after what manner it wrought with me for the Readings filled me with such warm and sweet Motions and such inward Inclinations as I think very suitable to my Years John. Yea Elizabeth and I would have thee consider how very sweet the Comâ—â—â—ts of Matrimony must be if those little Motions that stir up an Inclination to Love be so transporting Eliz. Yea John I will be plain with thee for I saw thy Letter to Daniel concerning me and he did in friendly manner open the matter on thy behalf but I must needs say neither one nor other drew forth my Inclinations towards thee as the Enlargement thou hast made on the Account which hath abundantly convinced me that it may be convenient for thee to hold forth in a State of Marriage for I have a good Opinion of thee in respect of natural Endowments and am free to tell thee That it is not the Thing called Fortune shall separate us for thou knowest I have enough of that to bid Friends welcome withal and since thou seemest to be a Man of good Parts and of good Condition I am willing to comply with thy Desires John. Elizabeth thou hast quite Captivated my outward Man and hast quite melted down the Light within me Eliz. Farewel John I shall be in pain untill I see thee again John. Farewel Elizabeth and whilst the Sons and Daughters of the Wicked are tied up by the Pagan Priests for better for worse for term of Life thou and I will be our own Priests according to the Primitive Invention of conjugal Cohabitation till death us do part Eliz. Fare thee well John. Farewel CHAP. VI. Containing divers Letters from Friends upon several Occasions A Letter from a Friend to an Attorney in London to Arrest one that owed him Monies Friend I Herewithal send unto thee the Copy of an Accompt as it was stated between J. W. of London and my self on the Seventh Month of the last Year as thee mayst see by the Writing it is a part of my outward Portion which I cannot well want And since the Jews our Predecessors are allowed to Implead and recover Debts due to them I know not why Friends may not be free to secure their part of the Worldly Mammon Therefore I would have thee to employ a carnal Officer called a Serjeant to seize upon his outward Tabernacle and lay him in Custody until such time that the Monies be paid down or some one or other known to be considerable in the Goods of this World put his Fist of Wickedness to a further Security so that I may not be defrauded of my outward Subsistence However I would have thee use all convenient moderation towards the Creature and for thy trouble herein thou shalt be satisfied by Thine in the Light W. R. Utopia this 17th of the 5th Month 81. Another Letter from Friend A. to the Parson of N. Wicked Priest THou Hireling thou Priest of Baal nay thou Member of the Beast that sittest in thy Steeple-house and there thou pretendest to be acted by the Infallible Spirit which thou receivedst when thy Predecessors of the Order of the Mag-py laid their wicked bloody and unclean Hands upon thy filthy Noddle when alas there is no Light no not so much as the least glimmering of Light in thee for thou art compassed and covered with thick darkness yea with Egyptian darkness which leadeth thy People into that State which Spiritually is called Sodom and Egypt Though thou takest upon thee to be their Pastor thou rather appearest to be an Impostor for thou strippest and starvest and sellest thy Flock for filthy Lucre If thou beest not a Jew how darest thee demand and sue for the Tenths that were given under the Law to the Tribe of Levi Art thee a Priest of that Tribe And is thy Separation to thy Office such as theirs was How darest thou hold Friends in filthy Prison-houses and starve their Families under a pretence that the Tenth of their Labour is thy due unless I say thou wert of the Seed of Abraham and the Tribe of Levi Thinkest thou that Six or Seven Years studying the Language of the Beast at one of the two Infamous Vniversities and having thy Crown scratch'd in an Ember-week gives thee a Title to the Care of the Souls in the Parish of N. I say unto thee Nay nay nay for all the while thou art in the Gall of Bitterness and Bond of Iniquity therefore I declare unto thee in the Power of the Light and in Trembling and great Assurance that a horrible Tempest will overtake thee even such as will blow up the Foundations of thy False Church and discover
the rotten bottom thereof For the Cries of Friends are mightily against thee and will not fail to pull a horrible Vengeance upon thy Head. Therefore I advise thee to set at Liberty the Bodies of William and Tobet and Humphrey whom thou hast most wickedly and like a Member of the False Prophet kept in Bonds for filthy Hire so that they may be at Liberty to act in their Callings for the Support of their Families For thee mayst be well assured that if thou keep them there till Dooms-day Friends will not bow their Knee to thee nor to thy Baal whom thou after a most Idolatrous manner settest up Nay I say unto thee thou wilt find Friends rather willing to bear their Testimony unto the Death than to submit to thy Lewd and Idolatrous Impositions This was upon my mind to Declare unto thee to join my Testimony as a further Witness against thy carnal persecuting Spirit and hereunto I have set my Hand J. W. The 17th day of the 2d Month by the World called April and in the Year of Friends Captivity A Letter from a Friend in Noddy-Land Friend Thomas I Have often had thoughts of giving thee an Account of our Arrival in this Place of its Situation Temper and what we underwent as well in our Passage hither as since our Arrival and when this comes to thy Hand thou mayst see that I have taken the present Opportunity to dispatch unto thee by the Wind-mill Frigot Patrick Maggot Master being the same that brought us hither And it seems not amiss if I begin to relate unto thee what happened to us in our Passage which as thou knowest we began the 34th Day of the Month of Fancies When we came on Board at Gravesend there was very little material happened unto us until we passed the Downs saving that divers Friends came to take their Leaves of us not without promises that when we had planted the Light in those far Parts and Converted the Wolves and Natives of the Country to the Naylorian Faith they would come and seek out a Habitation amongst us and in the mean time would not fail to send over to us as many as they could of the Families of the Fickle-heads Paper-sculls Humourists and Stiff-necks besides some of the Order of Thomas Muggleton to Settle and Improve us in Bull-and-Mouth Faith. Having given us these assurances they recommended us to the Protection of the Waves leaving some vollies of Sighs to fill the Sails and a great many Farewels and goggling Glances to accompany us in the Voyage We took in divers Passengers as we passed down the Channel some of which I shall name unto thee because they may be of great use unto us in this place there was let me see Humh Thomas Giddybrains Arthur Holderforth Geofery Crackwit Marmaduke Featherpate and Humphrey Shakenoddle besides some She-Friends that freely offered themselves with much chearfulness to accompany the Brethren into any Region whatsoever for the sake of Propagating the Bull-and-Mouth Strain Amongst them was Elizabeth Stickfast Margery Tiplecan with some others who may be of great Refreshing when need shall require But I shall now speak no more of that matter but pursue my Design in acquainting thee with what we observed in our Voyage The first memorable Place we came to was that which they call the Bay of Biscay belonging to the Coast of Spain and our Wind-mill was here put very hard to it for the Winds were loud and contrary the Waters rough and mountainous so that it was well that we of the Ships Crew were of such Light Principles and make that we had no apprehensions of Sinking or else we might have been in danger of having our Lights quenched in the Bay by the Impetuosity of the Waters as some Friends have had theirs Extinguished on that Shore by the Violence of an Hurricane they call the Inquisition We continued two Nights and almost three Days in this boisterous Place before we got off and then the Sea calm'd and the Winds became gentle all of a sudden which seemed as if we had left all our troubles behind on the Shores of Europe and that we had now past the Storms of Adversity and were going to enjoy Peace Light and Tranquillity amongst the better natured Inhabitants of the Forests of Noddy-Land for though at our first Landing we might find them somewhat rough and barbarous yet we had no reason to dispair but the constant Temper of Friends and the Resemblance and Proportion they maintained in their Understandings with those of that New-found Country would soon beget a mutual Amity amongst us and reconcile them to so agreeable Conversation We continued our Course through a vast unbounded Ocean abounding with divers Sorts of strange Fishes some whereof had Wings and flew above the Waters these we thought might resemble Friends for that which occaâ—ioned these Fishes to fly was to avoid the devouring Jaws of certain great Fishes that hunted after them upon the face of the Waters and then they would of a sudden spring up and conveigh themselves in the Air to a far distant place and by that means were preserved We also saw divers of the great Fishes called Porpoises who with great and indefatigable Eagerness were still in pursuit of their Prey and these seemed unto us to represent our Adversaries the Informers Apparitors and Proctors who often suck in whole Shoals of Friends stowing them in the nasty Maws of their Prison-houses unless like the flying Fishes Friends get on Wing to avoid their greedy Chase One Night in our Passage Susanna dream'd That the Whore of Babylon had put her self in the Disguise of a Friend and was going over Incognito to mix her Tares and Chaff amongst the precious Seed that Friends were about to Plant in this to be reformed Climate and that she had on Board many Bushels of such detestable Weeds whereby she intended to choak the good Corn. We were very much troubled at this Vision of Susanna's and could not think it to be any think short of a Revelation wherefore we were as diligent as possible to find out if any such person was amongst us and began to enquire amongst our selves where every ones place of Birth and Abode had been At last it seems there was one who had been bred in Italy but upon further Examination of the Matter you could no more have imagined her to be the Whore of Babylon than the Cam of Tartary for it was not possible you could discern any difference betwixt her and the rest of the Sisters nor was there any sign that she had ever used Patching or Painting nor could we find so much as one Bull or Necklace amongst all her Cloaths besides her Looks were so Innocent her Demeanour so Humble and her general Conversation so sweet and obliging having such a particular kindness for Friends that we concluded Susanna's Dream must needs mean somewhat else that we could not conceive at that time and therefore we e'en
troubled our Heads no more about it A Day or two after we met with a small Storm which was very black and troublesom for sometime but it continued not long not above the space of four or five Hours The Captain told us we were then about the Isle of Poines and that there were a sort of Evil Spirits that haunted those Parts and always shewed some distaste or other when Friends passed by perhaps fearing least at some time or other Friends may take occasion to Plant the Light amongst them which doubtless would be the ruine of their State. At length we arrived after all difficulties and came safe on the Shore of a Land in all Respects so like our selves as if it had been cut out on purpose for nothing but an universal Confusion appeared nothing was Regular nothing in Order There were no Exchanges for Pride and Vanity no gilt Coaches nor painted Women no Steeple-houses nor Hireling-Priests no wicked Vniversities for the Corrupting of Youth with humane Learning no Inns of Court to set one Neighbour against the other And some are of Opinion it will be safer for the Publick to have no Laws at all amongst us for whilst we come not to a determination of what shall be Law every body hopes that his Opinion or Inclination may be gratified but when once the thing is concluded upon one side or other will certainly be disgusted Therefore the more Prudent conclude this way of suspending any positive determination as to that matter to be of more universal satisfaction than it were possible to be were it once resolved upon So that to me it seems much better not to be troubled with tedious Volumes of humane Laws which have always been such a burthen as neither Friends nor our Brethren of the Dissention have been able to bear And since there is no Transgression where there is no Law it would look as if we made Laws on purpose to make Transgressor but every Friend may be a Law unto himself and then of consequence there will be no room for vexatious Sutes carnal Officers wicked Prosecutions nor cruel Prison-houses And as for Steeple-houses we intend to Build none and that will be an Infallible way to keep out unclean Church-men for they will find little Comfort to Inhabit where they have no resting Place And we are out of hopes of bringing over the Natives to us in some short time by inviting them to a Promiscuous Cohabitation with us so that the Issue at first will be Enlightned on one side and in the next Generation there need be no doubt but they may be Transparent all through Our greatest fear is least at some time or other the Whales might Conspire against us and bring Doctors-Commons over Sea into this our illuminated Plantation but as long as London-bridge standeth in the old place it will be a hard matter for them to do it and we hope our Friends yet behind will take care to secure that Post For if that Nest of Plagues should once come to be Transplanted into this our Region it would soon render it Vnhabitable not only to us of Bull-and-Mouth Order but even the Old Inhabitants Bears Wolves and Tygers would find a troublesom Neighbourhood For the Security of our Territories I may without Vanity freely tell thee that we think our selves Head-strong enough to Guard them without the help of carnal Swords and Guns and for Powder we have an utter aversion because it is said to be the Invention of a Friar and smells rank of Superstition Thus I have as briefly as I could summ'd up unto thee what I have to say and was upon my mind to write unto thee concerning what I spoke of in the beginning of the Letter I would advise thee not to let it come into the Hands of the Wicked And so I rest Thine as touching the Light B. K. From the Yea-and-Nay Plantation in the Province of Noddyland this 7th Day of the 9th Month and in the 1st Year of Its Inhabitation CHAP. VII Some Questions and Answers by way of Discourse between a Yea-and-Nay Friend and a Man of the World. Man. O Friend John how is 't How goes Trade at the Wind-mill Tavern What thee still sellest Wine and Sin at 12 d. the Quart I warrant Friend Heark thee Cornet it is like I have sold thee many a Bottle of Wine and I have some reason to remember it but for the Sin thee speakest of I never contracted with thee for any Commodity of that Nature but it is to be feared thee mayst have dealt with the evil One for that I buy my Wines of Friend F who I am apt to believe thee thinkest to be an honest Man and would not sell me a drop of Sin in a Butt of Wine if he were aware of it Man. But John thee knowest Wine is a good Creature or else why dost thee deal in it And good Creatures do not put bad Things into Peoples Heads but I have sometimes drunk of Wine at thy House that hath put a Thousand ill Things into my Noddle and am therefore apt to think there might be something of the Old Man mixed with it for I could seldom come out of thy Doors but I must presently get into some Sinning-house or other and what canst they say to that Friend I say it is probable there might be somewhat too much of the Young Man in that for I can tell thee by Experience that when I was about thy Years it would have a much like Operation with me so that sometimes in an Evening I have had extravagant Thoughts that way but since I am come to write Old Man I find a great abatement of that ruffling Vigour which if it were in the Wine would still continue and therefore I am apt to think it is more in the Nature of the Man than in the Wine Man. John I commend thee thou art not like one of those Skew-mouth'd Sowrefac'd Ill-look'd Fellows that shall stand groaning and turning up their Eyes when they see a fair Lady though the Devil be not like them in a Corner but thou like a generous Man ownest thy Inclinations and this Frankness of thine is a Thousand times better than all their Mimicking Cant. Friend Yea though I am free to say so much to thee it might be much to my prejudice if Friends should come to hear of it For though as thee wert saying many of ' em are old Dog at it in a Corner they shall be the first to throw a Stone at a frail Brother Man. Well John I think after thee and I have so often been drunk together there is no need thou shouldst doubt my Secresie But 'prethee how does Jenny doe that 's a pretty Rogue Friend Nay thee wilt hardly imagine how Scurvily that Baggage hath served me almost enough to make me renounce Female Correspondence Man. A good modest word for it I vow but 'prethee Friend John how was it Friend Why after thee wentest
braver Plant And hath stood out many a Shower So Friend though Flutterments he want Makes Fop his Top sails lower Nor is it unto Friends alone Th' Advantage doth arise For half the People in the Town Can see through our Disguise And all by help of that same Light I told thee of long since That a Friend hath now no more benefit by 't Than hath a Son of Ignorance For plainly they the Cheat discern Through all our feigned Dresses And pass their Flouts with Scoff and Scorn At our Midnight Carresses That Friends are mark'd and pointed at By Porters Dray-men Bakers Tinkers and Coblers and what not There 's one of the Wet-Quakers But why 't should be a Sight so rare To see a Friend has Paddled I fansy 't is more common far Than to find Egg that 's Addled Yet Egg is Egg although it smell And be a little Noisom So Friend is Friend and will be still Though he be somewhat Toisom Besides 't is but Friends Outward Man That hath been laid a Soaking And when but little Fire hath been There has been mighty Smoaking So frequently by carnal Ones Friends have like Bulls been Baited When all the while the Inner Man Is uncontaminated Thus I have prov'd Friends have the Light And their Advantage by it And think I 'm so far in the Right That thou canst not deny it If that the Metre do not Chyme In Consort for to please thee Know Friends are not much used to Rhyme And there 's an end John Easie There is no doubt but by this time thee mayst be satisfied that much may be said to the advantage of Friends in Rhyme as well as to the Commendation of other People and since the Heathen Poets have writ great Volumes in Praise of some Men that they have thought deserving it may be a Task not unworthy the Attempt of some brave Pen to oblige the World by some heroick Endeavours singing aloud the Prowess and high Atchievements of Friends CHAP. VIII A further Illustration of Yea-and-Nay Morals by way of Vision THE subsequent Story hath been so strongly Imprinted on my Thoughts whether purely by the force of Imagination or some other Circumstances that it hath obtained sometimes the Credit of a reality However in this place it is like to pass for a Vision It was in the charming Season of the Year when Nature was clothed in all her Fragrances and the tender Blossoms of the cultivated Fields lent their Aromaticks to the wanton Air which toss'd the Spicknard into the neighbouring Roads which gave a powerful Invitation to be on Horse-back that a dear Friend of mine came to my Bed-side acquainting me That he had urgent Business that Term to London and would be glad of my Company For hang it Jack said he why shall we still confine our selves to the Solitudes of a Melancholy Retirement from the Conversation of Mankind I have a little Inclination to divert my self with observing the Modes and Tricks of the Town and to spend some Guineas to see the Scenes of that great Theatre the City The Invitation was as agreable as could be and I immediately complied but we were forced to take Coach to accompany a Lady that was related to my Friend When we came to go into the Coach there happened to be in the Company a pretty ancient Gentleman who was of a singular pleasant Temper and a very good Scholar besides a brisk jocond sort of a Yea-and-Nay Man who seemed to be about Thirty Years of Age of an Air and Garb less starch'd than usual amongst People of his Profession We spent the first day after the manner of Strangers in a kind of reserved Observance of one anothers Humours and Inclinations only the old Gentleman Entertained us with divers Relations of what he had observed in his Travels which were very Pleasant and received great advantage by his manner of delivering them The second day we became more Sociable and took a greater freedom to Discourse by turn of several Matters Pleasant and Divertive upon the Road amongst the rest the Yea-and-Nay Man told us one that seemed somewhat reflective upon his own Profession which gave us occasion to think him not of the number of those streight-lac'd ones who presume none to be honest but those of the Denomination but that he entertained at least a possibility that they might fall under the same Topick with other Men and that they might make use of a knack in their way of dealing not inferiour to some that have been looked on as Sharpers by the rest of the World. The Story was this One day a certain Friend of ours went to Smithfield Market to dispose of a Horse he had which had the misfortune to be blind but so advantageously that he must be a good Jockey that could discern it Many look'd upon the Horse and bid Money for him but came not up to the Price Friend intended to make of him At length a Citizen liked him it may be the rather because he was in a Friends keeping and came so near the Price that Friend thought it no part of Prudence not to put him off notwithstanding the Citizen having tryed the Paces enquired into the Age and liked the Height and Colour of the Horse at length demanded of Friend What faults the Horse had Nay says Friend I know of no Faults that he hath meaning he had but that one so the Citizen paid him down the Money and having received the Horse into his Custody said Truly I see no Fault in him to which Friend replied Neither doth he see any in thee Which the Citizen not minding took in good part and Friend imagined a blind Horse to be suitable for one that was without Light. This Story satisfied the Company much the more coming from the mouth of one of the Fraternity and put my Friend in mind of one he had heard of another kind but of the same sort of People which he related after this manner It happened once on a time that a certain Judge sate upon the Bench at a Country Assize who took the Freedom in the Afternoon to joak and droll upon Mens Names and there happened to be one Indicted for a Murther whose Name was Willman but one of a very odd sort of Aspect whether his Guilt might contribute to it or no it matters not The Judge having heard the Indictment read speaks after this manner to the Prisoner at the Bar Sirrah you are here Indicted for a Murther and your Name is Willman put away W and put to Sp and it is Spill-man put away Sp and put to K and it is Kill-man thou hast an Ill-name and an Ill-look and wilt certainly be hanged One that sate there as a Justice of the Peace who was a Brother of the Yea-and-Nay People apprehending this rhiming sort of Justice to be a singular new method and that which would pass for current in all Cases entered it down in his Pocket Book for a
good Precedent and resolved to steer by it It happened that in a short time after a certain Fellow was Convicted before him for stealing of some Bacon and after the Witness had upon Oath declared their knowledge Oh Oh quoth the Yea-and-Nay Justice you are a dangerous Fellow indeed your name is Willman Sir replied the Fellow your Worship is mistaken my name is Fowler Sirrah Sirrah quoth the Justice that is all one how dare you interrupt Justice I say thy name is Willman and I am sure I have a good Precedent for it put away W But here the Justice was at a loss and could go no further so that taking out his Pocket Book Look you Sirrah quoth the Justice here is your destiny and I am sure it is good Law and then reads on put away W and put to Sp and it is Spill-man put away Sp and put to K and it is Kill-man thou hast an Ill-name and a very Ill-look and wilt certainly be hang'd Clerk make him his Mittimus and send him to Gaol to answer the next Assize and then let the Judge tell him whether it be Law or no. This last Sentence was delivered with great Vehemence because the Prisoner had Interrupted him in his Execution of Justice The Yea-and-Nay Passenger Laughed as heartily as any of the rest at the Ignorance of the Quaking Justice and no debate at all arose about the truth or probability of the Story for all agreed that things very Ridiculous and Absurd might be Imposed upon the Ignorant which was all the use the Company made of it In the Evening the Coach brought us to Coventry where after we had very well Supped together our Friend Traveller was very importunate to take my Kinsman and my self abroad to see the Town which we willingly consented to being weary of two days sitting in a Box. After we had walked for some time and observed what he had a mind to Friend was free to ask us if we would not drink a Glass of Wine before we returned to our Quarters adding He was acquainted at a Tavern where he could Command the best in that Town We willingly accepted the Motion and went to the M where the Claret and Rhenish were very good but that which pleased us most of all was another Friend of our Fellow Travellers whom he had sent for to make up a mess drinking went round very briskly and the Discourse was agreeable to it for Bacchus as soon warms a Yea-and-Nay Man as any other sort of Flesh and Blood. The Old Man had taken such freedom amongst Friends that the Young one began to be Rampant there was a Motion made by Friends to go to a House of Convenience but we prevailed with them to put off that because of the Season of the Night which was pretty late and doubting we might be Indisposed for the Mornings Travel we had a hard tug to over-power the Importunity of Friends upon that account they giving us all imaginable assurances that nothing could be objected either against the Youth and Beauty of the Ladies for so in their Wine they called them nor the Accommodation of the House which they affirmed to be very gentile and such as could not be bettered upon the Road Besides Friend offered to be at all the Expences of the Treat if we would accept of it It cost the other half a dozen Bottles before the heat of this Inclination could be Extinguished at length it was resolved that drinking a Bumper to each Females Health should suffice at that time So discharging the Reckoning we endeavoured to find the way Home to our Lodging about Twelve at Night The Old Gentleman and the Lady I spoke of were taking their repose some hours before All the way home to our Lodging Friend gave us all the Assurances of a most passionate respect and determined when we came to London to give a demonstration of that Kindness he had conceived for us to which we returned all the acknowledgements the Season would permit and we thought proper on that occasion but could by no means prevail to go to our Lodging until every Man had called for his Bottle in our Quarters so uneasie did Friend appear to be that he must leave our Company that Night We were fain to promise him to spend as much of our time with him as our Occasions would permit when we came to London and we resolved to let no Opportunity slip that might give us the truest Prospect of Friend's Morals for that we began now to be convinced somewhat of Flesh and Blood might Inhabit under that seemingly abstemious and mortified Outside and that much of the Goat lay lurking under the Sheeps Skin so that now there wanted nothing but a fit Opportunity for our new Friend to give a thorough Prospect and Detection of his Morals and our seeming compliance with his Inclinations gave him occasion to imagine that our desires were the same and that we favoured those loose Passions with no less Indulgence than himself and that Bait which perhaps was intended to betray us into a discovery of our Resentments gave him the greatest provocation to expose his own or else it might be purely the violence of his Appetite that might hurry him upon those unwary Attempts and that in the presence of Strangers at least he must be supposed to much to credit his own Opinion of our Complexions not regarding that no determination ought to be made of any Man's Inside by the appearance of his exterior Mien and Figure whereof himself was a sufficient Instance It is not to be forgot that going to see the Cathedral of the Diocess which was in that City Friend who was a great Despiser of Ceremonies kept on his Hat in detestation of the Idol Tombs and Monuments and made many Sage and Declamatory Remarks upon those stinking Abominations as he thought fit to call them and entertained them with an Harangue on that Occasion which I think not proper in this place to omit Friends said he I would have ye to consider that our Paganish Forefathers did little think of the ill Consequences they should bring upon their Posterity by Erecting such Places of Worship they were of one Mind when they did it and dream'd not of the Animosity and Contention that should arise amongst their unwary Successors by reason of the Dissentions and Differences in Opinion that should afterwards be fomented and carried on by the Priests attending upon these Places How many sorts of Opinions have been broached and vended from yonder pratling Box which ye call a Pulpit but it might very properly be called a Pull-pit because by the Doctrines taught in many of them People are pulled halled and dragged into the Pit not only the horrid black Pit in the other World but into dark and dismal Pits and Holes even in this Is it not from the Cushion-smiters of that place that Friends are Fulminated Excommunicated Condemn'd and Delivered over to the Devil of the
Orange-water was produced and the Servants were as busie as if it had been Noon-day two Spits of Fowl were set to the Fire and after sometime there dropt into the Room five young Damosels which passed for the Cousins they were all very formally saluted and took their places with us round the Table divers Songs kept us awake until Supper or rather Breakfast was brought in for these sort of Animals can cram and devour at all hours and amongst the rest a Pastoral Dialogue was excellently Sung in parts by the young Gentleman before mentioned and one of the new She-Cousins who acquitted her self admirably well in the performance of it which moved Friend 's outward Man to take acquaintance with her Cheek and Breasts which after served him instead of a Guittar to play his part on The Fowl was brought in â—aten and well wash'd in Wine Madona the supposed Aunt sitting in a great Chair and for a Conclusion to the Table-work began a Health to the best Woman in Christendom which went round and Friend took it very Devoutly so that Ceremony being over we were Conducted to as many several Lodging-rooms the Damosels being of courteous Function bringing Caps and Neck-cloaths into the Chamber and asking whether we would not have a Dram of Rosa-solis or Orange-water or any thing else to compose us to sleep my Friend and self desired to be in one Bed pretending an Infirmity which is often the â—ffect of Lodging in such places which with some little seeming difficulty was â—dmitted how the other Gentlemen disposed of themselves I know not but â—â—ppose Friend forgot not to take his Fiddle â—o Bed with him It must be imagined it was near Day â—hen we went to Bed and therefore could â—ot be expected we should get out a Huntâ—â—g at five or six in the Morning but â—â—ough the Bed had so much of our time â—till ten or eleven and I must acknowâ—â—dge my Head to have been soundly heatâ—â— yet could not I obtain one hours sleep such unusual and â—rouding Thoughts usurpâ— upon me Sometimes I considered in what â—igure Friend would appear to himself when he began to recollect in the Morning and then I apprehended that we might present much after the same form having complyed for ought he might know in all the parts of the Extravagance Again what account could he imagine we should give of him to the young Lady unless he might suppose her to be of the humour that some say the Scots Women are of Not to have any value for a Man unless he hath set up the credit of his Abilities by having had two or three before-hand These I say and many more were the Considerations which took up my thoughts but I perceived Friend had no such Cogitations to disturb him having it's probable concluded within himself that all Mankind were alike and though they wore different Habits and were of different Opinions in other matters yet all unanimously agreed to prosecute their Bestial Inclinations and give themselves up to their Sensual Appetites And I am the more apt to believe this Opinion might much prevail with him for a reason that you will find in the next Chapter when we come to speak of his Associates Besides that as soon as we were got up he came very briskly into our Room and enquired of us how we had liked our Lodging and our Company we answered him that both were very agreeable because both were very pleasant at which he embrac'd us and buss'd our Cheeks by which we perceived the Damsels had not given him notice that we had had none of their Company probably they kept that Secret to themselves lest the others should come to the knowledge of it and they might be derided and exposed for having been so slighted by their supposed Gallants A great deal of Chocolet was consumed as soon as we were drest and we used our endeavours to get Friend home into the City with us but he could by no means part with his Aunt and Cousins be-Dinner we were not permitted to understand of any thing that was to pay but were told it would look ill if we question'd it No doubt Friend sufficiently gratified his Aunt for the Entertainment and we gave somewhat to the Servants took our Leaves having with much contesting obtained that Point only our Change-business would not permit us to stay so we got to the Water side and came by Boat to the Temple Stairs leaving the Yea and-Nay Cully with his Friends to the further Management of the Aunt and Nieces CHAP. X. A Continuation of some more Visionary Observations relating to Friend IT will not be amiss now to acquaint you that yesterday which was the day of Friend's Treating his supposed She-friend he appeared in a fine light Broad-cloth Suit lined with Sattin of the same colour and the brims of his Beaver were somewhat larger than the day before this was the Garb he came to the House of Pleasure in but the Morning before we parted he came into our Room in a Peachâ— colour'd Sattin Gown Flower'd with Gold and Silver having Cap and Slippers suitable in this Dress very Amiable and whether it might be his own kept at that House for his wearing when he came to take the Air or whether Aunt kept such Perquisites for the accommodating persons of his Quality I cannot determine This I am satisfied in that Friend considered himself as much in that Garb as a Peacock doth when he erects his Plumes We saw Friend no more until two or three days after accidentally meeting him upon the Exchange we found him upon the East-country Walk with divers grave Merchants some whereof were distinguishable by their little Neck-cloths Friend was now become a Yea-and-Nay Man again and giving us the formal Bow the fleering Smile with the Hand a little extended out of the Cloak to give us the Friendly gripe we were saluted with a How is it with thee Robert how is it with thee Thomas I would willingly drink a Dish of Coffee with â—e at the A. Coffee-house to which we replied He might find us there in a quarter of an hour We observed two or three Friends came in with him and pressed him very earnestly to dispose of two or three Thousand pound for them in his Country Goods he seemed not much inclined to it until seemingly conquer'd by over-perswasion we heard him express himself to them after this manner If I am not mistaken in my own Heart with Eyes lifted up I can freely say that I am willing to do my utmost for promotion of Friend's Interest but ye very well know what pains I take to manage my own little business my Returns have been but small this Year and we are under such discouragements that unless Friends be Assisting to one another the Wicked will carry away all Trade sheer from us Now I say if ye desire me to lay out such a Summe for ye to the best advantage it is fit we come to a
and large-Ear'd Brethren pass in before me I had the curiosity to enter into a Room where there were a great Throng Assembled in midst of whom was Friend Exalted on a Form sometimes dilating his Palms sometimes thumping his Breast and Vociferating till he made the Auditory groan again I was a little surprized to find him Holding-forth after that manner not thinking his Age had called him to that Classis but it seems he was acknowledged a Gifted Brother from his Youth A little after he espied me he put a period to his discourse and having sate down a-while came to me and desired me to call at his Lodgings which I did in a day or two after with intention to tell him my thoughts of his lewd and abominable Hypocrisie But he was gone into the Country where in a short time he drew down several Thousands of pounds out of Friend's hands on pretence of a Factory for them a little while after having made himself too publick and got what he desired into his hands he slipt over into Ireland and so gave Friends the slip with a considerable Stock wherewith he purchased an Estate there and threw off the disguise of a Quaker We have been since told that he had a Wife and divers Children in the Country when he pretended that Address to the young Lady and that since he hath been settled in Ireland he hath carried it very abusively to his Wife who is look'd upon as a sober Woman keeping Strumpets in his House besides what he frequents abroad where he continues to keep company with the Neighbouring Youth and infect them with his contagious Debaucheries The End of the Vision Friends I 'd not have you take it in Derision For Yea-and-Nay this is a down-right Vision CHAP. XI Certain Rhymes made into Metre whereby to set forth the Love of Friend William to his Friend Abigail BUT hear me Friend before ever we speak a word of Verse prethee tell me soberly and to the Text Did not Friend John Complement neighbour Ninny the Kirk-man after a delicate sort See what these huffing Jacks are when Friend le ts loose but a little of the Old Man upon 'em And then for fear his Cowardice should be betray'd it was a drunken Serjeant that did the Murther O Wit wit a rare excuse to blind and conceal the Heroick Prowess of Friend John that the World might not know Kirk-man was kick'd by a Q But no matter for that it is no difficult thing for the Light that is in Friend to vanquish the obscurity of such Jugling pretences and vindicate the just Power and Superiority which the Old Man ought to have over such Whipper-snappers Now for the Verses Friends 1. O Love whose mighty Power Is stronger far than Claret Send down of Wit a shower That I may speak like Parrot 2. Transfund my crazy Noddle That 's crack't enough in Conscience That so my Brains may Coddle In Raptures of high Nonsence 3. Let Abigail's fair Skin As bright as scowred Pewter Shine like the Light within On her Admiring Suiter 4. Yea let her red Complexion As fair as any Brick-bat So work on my Affection That I may nothing stick at 5. And make me frisk and vapour In Verse of high Inspiring And that my Wit may Caper To Abigail's Admiring 6. Her Eyes are like two Oranges With Cloves stuck round about-a Her Mouth is like a Porrenger When that the Broth is out-a 7. Her Nose like a Pack-Saddle strides From one Cheek to the other No Damsel in the World besides Was e'er so like her Mother 8. Her Butt â—ks and her Shoulders Strive for the upper-hand so 'T is hard for the Beholders To say which highest stands ho. 9. When she to silent Meeting comes With Apron green before her She simpers so like Mussle-Plum 'T would make a Jew Adore her 10. When she doth groan ' midst Croud of Friends Full oft 't hath caus'd me wonder Whether from Top or nether End Hath burst the Peal of Thunder 11. Thee may'st the Balmy moisture see About her Lips to settle Just like to drops of Furmitee Vpon the brim o' th' Kettle 12. It makes my Blood in Veins to dance And puts me in Condition Much like to Friend when in a Trance When I behold the Vision 13. O Abigail thy Love transcends The rest of the Creation As much as we who are called Friends Excel the rest o' th' Nation 14. Great are the Triumphs Poets sings That mighty Love hath made Subduing all both Queens and Kings The Distaff and the Spade 15. Some have to Bedlam gone for Love And there Love-Songs are bawling Some over Walls and House-tops move Like Puss at Catterwawling 16. Men too for strange Flesh have been mad And shifted Sex like Hares And in th' Transporting heat were glad Misses to make of Mares 17. At which the Men of Colchester Were very much Offended And for that Cause on Gibbet there Was Brother Grene Suspended 18. So that the very Rage and Power Of this most Rav'nous Passion Poor William's Entrails will devour Without Commiseration 19. Therefore to thee Friend Abigail This Metre is directed That the Love which is on thee Entail'd May never be rejected 20. And I with Poets yea the best Will sing thy Praises certain And in hopes of thy Good-will I rest Thine in the Light W. Martin CHAP. XII Certain Enthusiasms by way of Direction concerning the Choice of a Woman and the Manner of Friends Celebrating the thing called Matrimony AND now having given thee a touch of Friend's Attainments in Rhyme whereby thee may'st plainly discern that â—f Friends would comply so far as to inâ—truct the World in their Numbers they do not a little exceed the Performances of others For even as a Harry Groat Grown gray is worth four single Pence So Friend deserves a Cap and Coat For his Exceeding Rhyme and Sence I am now free to go on with thee and set before thee some Directions for Youth to govern themselves by as touching their Chusing and manner of Courting a Female Creature and after what manner Friends have thought fit to tye the Matrimonial Noose As to the first thing thee may'st have it curiously drawn to thy hand according to the Directions of a Friend well Skilled in the business or affair of Entercourse betwixt that which they call the Masculine Gender and the Feminine and that shall be plainly set before thee in Writing and is that which followeth The DIRECTIONS First when thee findest thy Inclinations draw forth thy Love towards the Female kind I say thou oughtest to consider whether thy Appetite and thy Ability be proportionable one to the other for if thee desirest to have every day a Dish of Poach'â— Eggs at thy Table and thee hast neither 〈◊〉 to lay thee any nor Money to buy 〈◊〉 why then Yea-and-Nay Friend thou art like to go without Even so if thee hast desires after a Woman and she will not come to thee neither art