answer'd Fountain thoughtful as their Dreams will convince But interrupted Chappel their Knaveries are so natural that there is no necessity to suppose them capable of a rational Thought any more than a Cat that watches and feigns her self asleep to catch her Mice For my part concluded Summer I think if Morality be justly observ'd there will 〈◊〉 Man of what Religion so ever be Damn'd for controverted doubtful Points LETTER XXXIX From a Gentleman of some Quality to a Creditor of his 'T was directed to Mr. Woodford at his House in Maiden Lane near the Strand London SIR Wilts Iune 1692. I Am sorry I must still put you off since you have pressed me with so much earnestness for your Mony I have retir'd from Town on purpose to retrench my Expences that I may be able to discharge all my Debts but as yet I am not able to spare so much as your Bill amounts to tho I hope it will not be long before I shall send to you to your satisfaction As for what you desir'd me to buy you I have sent it by the Carrier but you must pardon me if I refuse to put it to account I freely present you with it who am Sir your Friend and Servant J. Bowlestre The Writer of this Letter said Chappel is no less than a Baronet born to Two thousand a year And writes such a servile Letter pursu'd Temple to a Taylor for such is this Woodford I know him said Brook by the experience of his plaguâ— Bills This shews said Grave that by being in debt one makes 〈◊〉 self the Slave of the Creditor Debt pursued Winter makes a Mechanic familiar and sawcy with Quality But Quality answer'd Church has a Receipt of humbling that Sawâ—iness by never paying And yet pursu'd â—iver some of the Mechanics had rather have the honor of working for Quality thaâ— the Mony of the meaner sort I knew a Dutch Shoemaker added Fountain of that humor and for his Work he talk'd Politics with them at the Coffee-house Their Pride continu'd Summer makes way for the others wronging 'em of their due But concluded Winter their Quality is not much honor'd is sharping on the Vices of their Inferiors LETTER XL. From an old Woman in love with a young Man 'T was directed to Mr. Scuthborough to be 〈◊〉 for him at Hypolito's in Bridget-street near the Theatre Royal London Dear Mr. Scuthborough Oxfordshire Iune 1692. YOur repeated Letters to my Daughter tho she has assured you of her Pre-engagement convince me that you are not inâ—ensible of Love but I have often told you of your fruitless Endeavours there and how much you were her Aversion I have also told you there was another Lady in the World who would receive your Address with a more favourable Ear and said enough I thought to make you understand whom I meant if my Eyes had not been sufficient to have betray'd the Secret to you I am unwilling to think my Age or Fortune so contemptible as to be slighted by you and therefore I hope this confession of my Love will be look'd upon as a modest assurance in my own Deserts and not an overfondness of you tho ingranting I love you I grant you worthy of that Fondness I hope you are a man of Honor to make no use of this to my Prejudice Remember that Youth is the Seat of Deceit and fickle Inconstancy its wishes and desires are rambling no more to be bounded than a Torrent and Inundatiâ—n but Age I mean Maturity past which I presume you can't suppose me is more fixt as well as more violent in Love continues pleas'd with its choice and neither desires nor thinks of any change If Youth has more of the sparkling gaudiness of Beauty it has also the less care as well as skill to please And I think without vanity my Face has not lost all its charms when my Heart admits of new Fires In short pray let us see you here as soon as your occasions will permit I intend for the Town in the Winter who am Your humble Servant Eugenia Allson This Letter is writ said Chappel with the Soul of a Woman in which Passion and Pride are so mingled that it discovers not a little Cunning. Cunning said Winter in Folly Yes return'd I there may be a great deal of Cunning us'd in compassing that which perhaps may be a Folly True pursu'd Temple for 't is no better than Folly for a woman that is old to think to divert a passion from a young Lady to her self And yet you see she aims at it in this Letter interrupted River with a great deal of Art Right continu'd Summer by first presenting him with despair of the desired Object And then added Fountain presenting with an Object of Interest which is commonly taking with a man that is disappointed of his Love And lastly said Church by proposing the difference betwixt the two with the Advantage to the latter Woman concluded Graâ—e is exorbitant and irregular in her Lusts and Desires but regular and skilful to gratifie them LETTER XLI From an Irish-man to his Creditor Directed to Mr. Russel a Peruque-maker in Drury-lane London Dear Ioy Tunbridge June 1692. BY my Shoulwasion Ee was in hopes before nu indeed to have pleas'd thee sweet Faash of thee bee St. Patric with some Mony for the two last Perriwigs but bee Chreest and St Patric Ee was indeed disappointed of mee Bills of Exchange from mee Steward in Ereland dear Joy but bee mee Shoulwasion Ee will turn him out of his Plaash indeed when Ee return home Mee good Lady your Weef indeed can tell you the truth of these for Ee have shew'd her a Letter of it which came bee me veree good Friend indeed Teague Mack Allon that was Mashor-General bee mee Shoul washion when Ee was Under-Marshal of France and bee Chreest mee good Friend he is a very good Paymaster if thee canst but get him to bee thee Customer Chreest bless thee sweet Faush indeed commend me to thee sweet Spouse she is a very good Woman bee mee Shoulwasion dear Joy Thee maist direct to me at a Housh bee Chreest about the meedle of a Street in Tunbridge mee Landlord's Daughter bee Chreest and St. Patric married the Miller's Son of a Village within a mile of this place his great Grandmother was a Gentlewoman bee mee Shoulwasion and sold Wine at the Wells and his Grandfather bee the Mothers â—ide was call'd Honest Dic and wore Leather-Breeks indeed and Ee remember when Ee was in Ereland dear Joy Ee was us'd to reede a hunting in Leather-Breeches and Leather-Boots too Ee am bee mee Shoulwasion Thee veree humble Servant Teague O Donnel Bee Chreest and St. Patric Ee had forget the best thing for your cold is Bonniclabar and the best thing in the World for the Gout is Bonniclabar and indeed dear Joy Bonniclabar is good for e'ery thing I love not National Reflections said Temple But the dulness pursu'd Winter of this
his Armour or spoiling his Plume Mr. Church was of the same opinion adding That nothing was more agreeable to the doing of Justice than Fair Weather Mr. Gravâ— waving all these Jocular Reflections was for considering what use might be made of this Discovery for the present advantage of the Company which he back'd with this Observation That the World being a Masquerade where borrow'd Vizors so disguised e'ry one that none knew ev'n his own acquaintance if not privy to his dress Letters were the pulling off the Mask in a corner of the Room to shew one another their Faces Very well observed said Mr. Fountain for we are apt to write that in a Letter to a Friend which we would not have all the World know of either our Concerns or Inclinations Thus said Mr. River we find Cicero that in publick had extoll'd Caesar above all the great men before his time making him not only the Father but the Soul of his Counâ—ry without which it cou'd no longer live yet in his Epistles to his Friend Atticus not only rails at him but declares that his Royalty as he enviously phras'd it wou'd not be of half a years continuance We need not go so far as Old Rome for a proof of this pursu'd Mr. Brook for 't is obvious enough to any man that has convers'd in the world and given himself the trouble of diving into Affairs of this nature as my Friend here Hold interrupted Mr. Summer if my Transgressions must be known I had better generously declare 'em my self you must therefore Gentlemen know that dining at the Mitre about a Week ago with some grave Relations who love to get drunk by Day-light I had got my load by four in the Afternoon that is as much as I car'd to drink or cou'd carry off with Honour and without a Foil I gave the Old Gentlemen the slip and leaving them to Politicks and Vsury steer'd my course to seek out one of you going down St. Martins-lane there justles me a blundring Fellow in great haste I unable then to put up such an Insolence with my trusty stick laid my Gentleman o're the Pate who being stunn'd let fall his â—acquet of Letters for you must know it was the Post-man a sudden Revenge inspir'd me I cap'd hold of as many as I cou'd whipt into the next Coach and made him drive away as if the Devil were in him to Iack Brooks Lodging whom I found in his Study reading of Voiture of the second Edition I mean the Gentleman of six Foot high as he ingeniously intimates to a glorious Vizor-mask Prythee Iack said I cast aside this new Paradoxical Dogmatist and here let us peruse Nature and having here in its proper place I inform'd him of this Adventure then in comes Ned Winter and puts me to the fatigue of repeating it again which done we apply'd our selves to our business and upon occular demonstration found five of the six Letters to be of some of our Acquaintance But such a Discovery we made that it surpriz'd us with several effects of Passion one laugh'd the nother swore and the third preach'd There were she Saints that had the Word of God in their mouths mornings and evenings most religious frequenters of Pews and wearers out of Hassocks found to be back-sliding Sisters and that they had the Devil in their Tails There was this protesting Friend found a damn'd Rascal that sought nothing but his own advantage with the Wife of him he hug'd in his Arms only caressing him that he might embrace her For my part Gentlemen said I 't is not fair you shou'd only enjoy the Pleasure your selves you ought either to produce your Letters for the good of the Company or be particular in your Names and account of the matter No 'faith return'd Winter I made the Rogues have that Justice to write a Line of Advice under each Letter and sealing 'em up send 'em by the Penny Post to the place directed I know not pursu'd Temple whether you 'l approve of my Thought or no but I think we cannot have a more agreeable Entertainment than such another Frolick the Posts are now on the Road let each man to his Horse and two in a company go upon the Adventure and having got our purchase meet all at the Bull-head and divert our selves with the Scene of Hypocrisy uncas'd Gentlemen for my part said Winter I am not extreamly fond of the Pillory Gallows or a swinging Fine Nor do I think the pleasure this Adventure may afford us will recompense the hazard we run to obtain it especially since we are not us'd to the Pad I am of your side pursu'd Grave for tho I shou'd not be much displeas'd with the perusal of them yet I am not for giving more for pleasure than 't is worth or for laughing for an hour at the expence of an Age of Sorrow But these two Opposers were fain to acquiesce in the Judgment of the Company and thoâ— perhaps I might encline to the Opinion of the few yet having a great Veneration for the Clergy I chose to imitate them in siding with the strongest side Things being thus concluded in the Affirmative we immediately adjourn'd and in the order above-mentioned took Horse perform'd our work and met at the place appointed River and my self were the first that entred and had not toss'd off our sober Pint but Brook and Winter came in all over-bespattered with dirt Thus by degrees we found our Company complete tho' Summer and Temple and Church and Chappel stay'd some time after the rest We gave order for our Horses to be immediately rub'd down and cloath'd and thought it wou'd be safer to retreat to our several Lodgings and new dress before we proceeded to our Examination or an account of our Adventure all the Pacquets being convey'd to my Chamber and there to be put into a great Box or two that we might convey 'em â—p the Water to Summer's Country-house where with the greater liberty and security we might peruse them and make our several Remarks By that time we were all ready his Barge was waiting for us and in it with our purchase we row'd for Putney against Tide which however turn'd for us by that time we got to Chelsey And now we began to have time to run over each his several Fortune But the greatest part of us met with nothing worth taking notice of having done our work as decently as if we had serv'd a long Apprentiship to the Road. But poor Winter and Brook having a little awkardly perform'd and left the Post-boy his Horse were â—ain to make more speed than they desir'd and so through thick and thin were most neatly bedabl'd And Temple and Summer not contenting themselves with the Mail that was coming in resolv'd to wait for that which was outward-bound and had like to have spoil'd all for their Works of Supererogation for the first Post-boy being according to Art dismounted aside of Illford in
sick I desire to succeed in that Important Preferment Nor could I promise my self the hopes of obtaining my desires by the Sollicitations of any other Person then your Worship whose Power and Authority I know to be more then sufficient to Honour me with this Promotion and the wonted Effects of whose Generosity are still the same as ever I shall expect this Honour as great as it is as one that will be always most ready to exchange Favour for Favour with this reserve that it be within the reach of my Ability and so with reverence concluding I kiss your Hands Had he written said Church with this reserve that it be within the Verge of my Profession it had been a genteel Promise to hang his Friend upon the first Opportunity What a happy Conclusion is this quoth they laughing altogether for they were now at last to discover the Trafficquing of such a noble Ambition Never wonder at it said I for such Dignities as these find many Competitors in every Country Some years ago I was in Milan when a Vacancy of this nature fell I understood that there were presented to the Senate no less then eighteen Petitions of Pretenders to the Place LETTER CXXIX Sent with the Picture of a Lady 'T was directed to Mr. Wansfort Merchant in Bristol This deliver with Care and Speed Honour'd Sir I Send you the Picture of the Lady who gain'd that Authority over ye as to be the absolute Mistress of your Affections while you staid in London Thus you see the performance of your Commands which you laid upon me at your departure I know not whither you will be so faithfully serv'd by the Limner as I have endeavour'd to serve you my self The Art deserves to be excus'd if it mistook in drawing into a small Compass a Face wherein Nature her self had epitomiz'd all Perfection Those Beauties cannot be contain'd in a small piece of Brass for which the whole Compass of the Sun's Sphere is too narrow That Heaven can never be describ'd without a necessity of adding the Motto of Heaven it self Pulchriora Latent since no Pencil can express that Beauty by which the possibility of any greater Beauty is quite extinguish'd In Pictures the Shadows give Life to the Colours but how can Shadows here appear in the Face of the Sun There can be no proper Air provided for this Likeness for that being Angelical it enjoys no other Sun but that of Paradise Let your Worship but consider the transcendent Value of her Heart and your Will she could not be drawn more artfully since a divine Object ill suits with the Workmanship of a terrestrial Hand Pity the Painter who could not outdo himself muchless surpass Nature and Heaven Accept of my good Will in solliciting the fiâ—lshing of the Piece and gratifying your Desires I shall ever approve my self to be Your hearty humble Servant Jonathan Holligood While this was reading Temple who was the youngest in the Company and consequently the most enclin'd to Love curious or rather desirous to behold this Celebrated Portraiture in great hast untied the Bundle and had lit upon and open'd the Box by that time they had done reading the Letter and there was a necessity for him to impart to the Company a sight of the Picture of which he was almost become Iealous and sain would have appropriated to himself Their Encomiums were the Hyperboles of Lovers since all other Expressions were below the Commendations which the Face deserv'd They were also short in regard the Lady who in the Picture seem'd alive and actually to speak commanded the rest to hold their Tongues And therefore they stood all like stupid Admirers I know not whither out of a deluded Belief that she was alive and therefore thinking themselves oblig'd to a modest Reverence and a reverent Silence or whither bâ—sied in a Tacit Devotion to thank that good Fortune which had granted 'em the Favour to behold hold a Beauty so transcendant that tho' in Painting only deserv'd no lâ—ss then the Adoration of all Eyes All the Company stood as immoveable as if they had been stroâ—k with Thunder more especially Church and Winter who was older then the rest staring and gaping with Amazement upon the Picture till they had star'd so long that they could not see to read any more which as it was one reason why the Company broke up so there was a second because they were weary and the late Hour of the Night call'd them to Bed And now I think 't is proper to give you a breathing time and reserve our farther Account till the next Opportunity by these you 'll find as I told you that our Extravagancies are not without their Morals I am Dear SIR Your very humble Servant C. G. The End of the First Volume THE CONTENTS OF THE Several LETTERS c. Comprehended in this First Uolume 1. THE End propos'd in robbing the Post From pag. 1. to p. 6 2. An account of the persons Names concerned in this Frolick p. 6 They take Horse and pursue their Design p. 11 A Relation of their several Adventures p. 12 13 14 They convey all the Pacquets up the water to Summer's Country-house one of the Gentlemen concern'd with 'em that with the greater security they might peruse 'em and make their several Remarks p. 12 They retreat into the Summer-house in the middle of the Garden and there enclosing themselves begin to open their several Pacquets according to agreement and for their better diversion mix 'em all together on a large Stone-Table p. 14 The Letters they met with were as follows A Letter deliver'd to Mr. Chappel one of the persons concern'd in this Frolick by a Mistake as the Contents discover'd it being sent to another of the same Name who often frequenting the same Coffee-house gave occasion to the deceiving of the Porter p. 14 Let. I. From an Atheist or modern Wit laughing at all Religion p. 17 Let. II. From a surly Fellow who speaks ill of all Mankind and of every thing with a Letter enclosed to Mrs. Widal whom he attempts secretly to debauch p. 23 25 Let. III. From a mighty affecter of Similes to his Mistriss p. 29 Let. IV. From a young Son of the Muses at the University with Verses of his own Production Directed to the Ingenious Author of the Gentleman's Journal p. 32 Let. V. From a Gentleman of the University to his Friend in Town to know whether he ought according 〈…〉 Rules of Honour fight a man 〈…〉 â—ffront received p. 43 Let. VI. From 〈…〉 to his Friend that had condemn'◠〈◊〉 of his Performances p. 48 Let. VII From a Country Fellow giving an account of London to his Cousin in the West Country p. 51 Let. VIII From a Lover to a Lady who had fled from his Addresses into the Country p. 56 Let. IX From a Whore to a young Spark that was forsaking her on pretence of living soberly p. 58 Let. X. Being one enclosed to the
of I know not said Summer but I confess I think it more Wit and Reason not to be sawâ—y with Divinity since 't is worse than jesting with edge Tools The Wit indeed pursued Mr. Church is like that of a Lampooner of Kings or the ingenuity of a Clipper and Coiner Pillory and Death are all their Rewards I love not an unprofitable danger nor do I believe in other Matters Courage consists in Picking of Quarrels or being in e'ry â—roil to convince the Town I 'm so great a Coxcomb I care not a fig for my Life tho' I know not the Consequence of my Death that is in plain English that I am an inconsidering thoughtless Animal Nay 't is a greater madness continu'd Mr. Temple for here the best Swords Man will make little advantage of his Art since he fences with an Almighty whose word is death and Life His Fâ—ncing might preserve him said Mr. Chappel in his causeless Rancounters but a Clap of Thunder will drown all his Bullying Oaths and crush him in a moment For my part concluded I I am of opinion if thâ—se sort of Prophanâ—sses are indications of Wit every â—ool may be so at the expence of God Almighty and I think this Letter like the rest of the Discourses of this Nature is beholding to a little pert jingle of Words flashy and positive Assertions with a rambâ—ing kind of Mirth to make the insipidness and sterility of the Reason pass in this Letter he seems to aim at Self Preservation and yet takes the sure Path to destruction in Body Soul and Estate LETTER II. From a surely Misanthrope who speaks ill of all Mankind and of every thing 't was directed thus To Mr. Hawks at Mr. Smith's House near Rye Kent DICK I Writ to thee last Post to get all things in order against my coming down that I might have some ease at home who have met with none here in this damn'd Town which is so thwack'd with Follies that 't is enough to make one out of love with Mankind I can't stir along the Streets but I meet with a hundred things that give me a great deal of disturbance here one recommends this Book to me to read tho' the Sott never read farther then the Title Page praising it upon trust because a Block-head of his own acquaintance is the Author another will needs have me divert my self with that Play tho' he never understood the difference betwixt Ben. Iohnson and Fiecknoe a third to appear a Schollar prefers this System of Phylosophy to my study tho' the Ignorant Booby never read one syllable of â—ogie I meet with one and he pulls his Hat off to me to the ground tho' I never saw â—im but once in a Coffee-house and then he only 〈◊〉 me what it was a Clock another Cries he 's 〈◊〉 humble Servant when I 'm sure the Rogue 〈◊〉 not lend me six pence a third wou'd needs borrow a Guinea of me as if I had been his Friend or he mine One asks me to go to this Tavern and swears there 's incomparable Wine tho' he knows my Palate no more than my Religion another wou'd hawl me to that Farce tho' he knows noâ— whether I have mirth enough to endure a good Comedy a third wou'd drag me into this Bawdy-house tho' one can't lodge out of one in London and vows there 's the prettyest Rogue in the World when she 's a damn'd rotten pockify'd â—hoâ—e with a Tauney face daub'd over thicker with Paint than her skeleton Careâ—â—ss with Flesh with a flat African Nose a Wide Mouth a Piggs Eye and a stinking Breath This old gouty Fellow will needs have me to this Church because such a Doctor holds forth without consulting my Opinion or the preâ—ent state of my Devotion which for all that he knows is not enough to keep me awake till prayer's done and from Sâ—oring in the face and to the Scandal of the whole Congregation Thus I 'm plagu'd if I stir out and at my Lodging I have nothing to do but to Eat Sleep and Read the first I want Stomack to because I want my Country Recreation to divert me and to prepare my Appetite the second the ratling and perpetual hurry of the Town deny me and the third is almost as bad for I 'm oblig'd to read nothing but Latin so that if I were to stay here long I shou'd forget my Mother Tongue in which there is nothing writ now but Farces Mercuries Iournals Observators and Gazets except the Plain dealer and that Play I donâ—t like because Manly's such a Fool to believe any Man his Friend for I trust no man nor believe any one but such as I know will sin against their Interest to lie or betray me I make none my Friends but such as thee who have a dependance on me and who lose their lively-hoods by being Fools and Rascals being thus therefore Fatigu'd abroad and tir'd at home I 'm resolv'd for the Country by the next Week Deliver the inclosed to Mrs. Widall with all the privacy you can Your kind Master J. SMITH The Inclosed Madam I Met your Husband in Town yesterday with whom I drank two Bottles of Wine and made him drunk in his Liquor he was wondrous kind as indeed he is always to me and told me he intended to stay this month here this has made me resolve to hasten my Journy to you that we may all that while enjoy an uninterrupted course of Love and Joys which you can best give and I receive who am Madam your humble Servant I. SMITH I find said Temple tho he be so severe upon the Men he has a Fellow-feeling for the Fair Sex â—y for one of the Country said Winter for you find he abhors a Town-Whore that 's because 't is a simple sin here pursued Chappel and he 's for dealing in Adultery his Neighbours Wife has more Charms in her awkard Garb and her thousand Impertinencâ—es meerly for that cause than a young Well-bred and well dress'd Forâ—icatress here in Town He sets up I find for a hater of the Follies of the World continued Grave like a great many others and discovers himself guilty of the greatest first of ignorance of himself else he might find so much of Fool within not to be so severe on the rest of the World which is fâ—lly as Ridiculous as the Boy in the Fable that laugh'd at the decrepidness of Old Age without considering himself must come to the same if he liv'd to be old 't is but a mark of unaccountable Ill-nature to condemn those Fooleries whose generality gives one reason to imagine that there is something of necessity in them The wisest Men of this World abound with Follies enough he therefore that is learned in himself will have but little reason to laugh at another Besides this Gentleman has the least reason to dislike the rest of the World of any Man because he is so plentifully furnished himself First he ought not to
of the mind of the Council of Chalcedon held under the Emperor Martian which decreed no Priests should have two Benefices There are two great Oversights methinks in that Author said Summer one where he says That because there are a greater number of Inhabitants in a London-Parish than in four or five in the Country that therefore a Country Incumbent might have more Benefices than one Whereas he should have shewn that the Cases were alike which are very different these Numbers being together and near the Church where the Minister is present to teach 'em all together but those in the Country so divided that it can't be so I don't think one quarter in the year sufficient to apply himself to their Instruction And next he should have shew'dâ— that Five hundred Souls were not enough to employ the time of one man to conduct them well to Heaven The other Oversight is That he will not allow Sixscorâ— pound a year enough to furnish Books to a Minister to qualifie him sufficiently for his Office when there 's scarce an Hundred Curates in England that have 〈◊〉 so much for maintaining their Families and all and yet he says great part of them arâ—-better qualified that the Incumbents Well Gentlemen concluded Grave I must profesâ— my value is such for learned men that I think the Author of that Book has maintain'd a good Cause with excellent Wit and Reason the Authority of which all you have said has not at all shook with 〈◊〉 and therefore let us adjourn our Discourse to the â—â—xt Cause LETTER XV. From a young Lady to her She-Friend disclosing her whole Breast as to Marriage Cloaths and Characters of such and such pretty Gentlemen who have discover'd some tender Affection for her Directed to Madam Isabella Bright at Maidston in Kent My Dear Lond. June 1962. I Have been so fatigu'd with the impertinent Ad-Addresses of the Men that I could not find time to write to thee my Love last Post. I wonder whether thee art of the same mind thee wert â—hen thee wrote thy last Letter my Dear such a â—â—ghty Friend to Marriage 'T is true I would â—â—rry my self but not yet 't is time enough when I come to be a stale Maid here to retire into the â—ountry and there take up with some grave Counâ—â—y Justice where I may rule the Family and the 〈◊〉 too I shall grow weary of the Town I fanâ—y in five or six years time but as yet the Gaieâ—y 〈◊〉 Gallantries of Love are my Dear very taking You counsel me against the danger of losing my Reputation by those Freedoms I grant but you are mistaken my Love for the only way to lose that is to be too sollicitous about it Scandals in the Country are pieces of innocent Divertisement here and one may as well pretend to live without Fine Cloaths as without an Intrigue I have half a score on my hands at this time and I love 'em all alike keep 'em in suspence and daâ—ly and play with them give one a favourable Look and another a Smile a third my Hand to kiss but then to keep them at their due distance the next time I see them I frown on the first rail at the next and wonder at the Sawciness of the third if he presume to attempt the same Freedom again Ah my Dear â—ou know not how pleasant a sight 't is to see this Beau cringe and screw his Body into an hundred forms in hopes to appear amiable to you that Spark look with a languishing dying Air In hopes to make you sigh by simpathy that Wit cracking his Brain to write taking Billet Deux to you or Anagrams on your Name beside Elegies after the new mode of Sir Courtly Voiture but Wits are the most dangerous company a Woman can keep they are commonly vain-glorious and bragg of more than they obtain That that vexes me most my Mother is so covetous she will let me have 〈◊〉 Cloaths but twice a year so that I am plagu'd to turn and twine them that I may not be known by them Fine cloaths have a wonderful charm with the Men and one had as good â—e ugly as ill dress'd But my Dear I 'll give you a Catalogue of my â—overs I have a young Doctor of Physick that make honourable Addresses to me for Matrimony but â— think not that an equal Maâ—ch unless I could poâ—â—son him as easily as he can me On the same pretence I have a young Counsellor of the Temple furnished with more Law than Sence and would I believe make a good Cuckold but I 'm not dispos'd that way as yet besides he may have Quirks enough in Law to chouse me out of my Jointure I have also a young Doctor of Divinity that seems to have a months mind to me and tells me he thinks me fairer than a new System or a good Benefice but I had rather have the whole Bible Apocryphal than that he should explain the Text so as to make me a spiritual Madam I have a young Merchant too new set up for himself finer than a Covent-Garden Beau and more demure than your Chamber maid he courts me not by Billet Deux but Bills of Exchange and Custom-house but I have no mind to venture my self on Bottom aree So much for my Matrimonial Pretenders I have of another sort who are all for Love and abominate the Pagan Confinement of Wedlock as a device of the Priests to get Money and destroy the free-born Joys of Love Among these is a young Lord newly arriv'd to his Honour and Estate and wants another Qualification of keeping a Mistriss with greater Grandeur than ever he will his Wise I receive his Lordship with the Air of Quality seem pleas'd with his No-Jest and blush at his Addresses but never give him any encouragement of a favourable reception on so scandalous a motion but he 's obstinate and to say Truth he is not better â—â—ock'd with Estate and Folly than with Beauty â—e's very handsom dresses well dances with an â—dmirable Grace and I should like his company at 〈◊〉 Ball in a Box in the Playhouse in the Mall or Hide Park if it were not for fear of being taâ—en for his Miss for he really makes a good figure But after all my Dear my Lord is really my Aversion he 's not at all fit for an Intrigue Next I have a Beau of Tom Vrwin's Coffeehouse a man of War he swears much fights little prays less and is an irreconcileable Enemy to Sence and Matrimony I never admit him unless when I have no other company he 's a very nauseous Fop. Next I have a Courtier fully as finical but he 's monstrously in love and protests if 't were not for the Scandal he loves me so much he could marry me he 's damn'd a thousand fathom if there be any one of the Maids of Honour comparable to me Among the rest I have an ingenious younger Brother to a certain Knight of your
'll be most tractable and besâ— form'd into a gentile Habit and Air. Your Friend Brittaign Subscrib'd said Church like a Bawd of Quality As indeâ—d she is pursu'd Temple for it cost her no less in Intelligence of this nature all over the Nation than Four hundred Pounds a Year At her House continu'd River you need never want fresh Faces as long as you have Money nor fresh Lasses neither said Winter at this rate But e'ry good thing when 't is perverted to a Trade said Brook is soon corrupted and so is this for the same Woman shall be sold to twenty Lords Knights and Squires for a Maid Each paying said Summer the price of her Virginity Ev'n so answer'd Fountain Cheats in all Traffic you know Summer Nay to say truth on 't said Chappel this Lady by the assistance of the Indian Women can help a Man to Beauty and Quality nor is any Man's Wife safe said I that is handsome so many shapes do her Agents take to insinuate â—â—to their Companies and delude 'em into Opportunities and as Almahide says opportunity half of our Sex are undone by thee Bawds I think concluded Grave deserve Death more than any Animal beside they are the Corruption of Families and rob a Man not â—nly of his Wives and Daughters Affections but Vertue Honour and Reputation LETTER XXXIV From a City Wife to her Prentice enviting him to Epsom upon his Master's absence 'T was directed to Mr. Young to be left at the Hand and Pen in Billeter-Lane London My dear Boy YOur Master designs next Week for the West and therefore I expect you once a Week at farthest with me you need not let any know whether you go come out of Town on Saturday Evenings so that you may get to Epsom by night I 'll remove my Lodging to the place I was at last Year do not fail and there we 'll enjoy one another without Interruption A. M. Here is a Lady said I that can be lewd without the expence of a Bawd One of the City-strain pursu'd River that had rather embrace her smooth young Prentice than the Old doting Alderman I know not said Grave but the Women will always have some pretencâ— for their Lewdness Right said Winter if her Husband be old he 's impotent and morose If young continu'd Chappel he 's wild and spends all his Stock abroad and so to the end of the Chapter This way of taking up with the Prentice said Fountain is very frugal I confess True pursu'd Brook and very convenient And therefore added Church very common Which is commonly said Summer the ease and ruine of the Prentice And 〈◊〉 concluded Temple they can't resist the Temptation if the Mistress be handsome as thy Story may 〈◊〉 you There was one of these City Wives catcht iâ— this manner by the Husband who civilly repreâ—â—nding the Prentice charg'd him it should be so is more but finding that Admoniâ—ion of little force 〈◊〉 sent for the Parson of the Parish to preach up 〈◊〉 â—einousness of the Offence to him which made 〈◊〉 young Sinner in his own Vindication say his Mistress envited him to do it But you should imiâ—ate Joseph answer'd the Man of God who ran 〈◊〉 his Mistress and left his Garment in her hands 〈◊〉 was the wonder of that replied the Prentice 〈◊〉 from the Embraces of an ugly Gypsie but he 〈◊〉 have been hang'd before he would have left 〈◊〉 pretty a Mistress as mine Which answer conâ—â—â—'d the Parson that 't was in vain to preach Reâ—â—tance to Youth who peâ—veâ—ted ev'n the Scripture 〈◊〉 â—atter its failings LETTER XXXV From a young Heir newly come to a great Estate to one of his Comrades here iâ— Town 'T was directed to Mr. Snow to be left for him at Richard's Coffee House near Temple-Bar Dear Iack MY old Dad has thought good to quit 〈◊〉 world in search of a better tho' 't were 〈◊〉 long while first 'T is a folly to grieve sor't 〈◊〉 an hypocrisie since he was a morose Gentlemâ—â— while he liv'd and kept his Money as if 't were 〈◊〉 to be touch'd but dying left it all to me near Twâ—â—â—ty thousand Pounds Iack the shining Dirt I 〈◊〉 would not keep him alive that lov'd it so well 〈◊〉 Faith I am resolv'd not to be so fond of that 〈…〉 good Wine an honest Fellow and an obedieâ—â— balmy Girl As soon as the ceremonious Formalâ—ties of the Funeral are over and Affairs settled 〈◊〉 a good Posture I 'm for delicious London where intend to wound the Ladies tender in my Glaâ—â— Chariot and carouse and frolic with my Friendâ—â— whilst Youth lasts Old Age or Death I find wiâ—â— overtake us in time 't is therefore good to makâ— sure of the present Joys the Possession of 〈◊〉 Friendship is not the least of them to thy Friend Du. Charleton Here 's one of the Race of Fools said Grave who thinks Happiness consists in drinking and whoâ—ing And so he will think pursu'd Winter till the Pox and Poverty convince him he 's in an as great an Error as his parcimonious Father was in liâ—ing miserable pursu'd I to leave such a Blockâ—â—ad an Estate We are of such an odd Composure said Temple that we can't perswade our selves to observe a Moderation in either Plenty or Want Right â—nd most Men are Phâ—â—gians added Church never wise till it be too late to reap any benefit of their Wisâ—â—â— 'T is the Fate of Misers I think said Summer â—â—ways to have Sons that hate them and spend that 〈◊〉 profuseness in Vice which they got by Oppression 〈◊〉 and Niggardliness And I 'm out in my 〈◊〉 added Fountain if this â—ovial Spark 〈◊〉 live to do penance for his undutifulness to his 〈◊〉 So goes on the Circle of things said 〈◊〉 Sin begets Sin and Sin produces 〈◊〉 And the son of a Knave pursu'd 〈◊〉 is commonly rainâ—d by Fools and Knaves 〈◊〉 shews Iustice in Providence concluded 〈◊〉 to punish the Offence by the means 't was 〈◊〉 LETTER XXXVI From a Father on the Death of his Son to his Friend 'T was directed to Mr. Moore Woollen-Draper at his House in Wattling-street London Mr. Moore Abington 1692. I Write to you upon a more doleful Subject than the last time for poor Ned dy'd yesterday of a Feaver 'T was the best natur'd and most dutiful Child ever unhappy Father lost but I hope I shall not long survive him he was my delight and my safe-guard he manag'd all my Affairs with 〈◊〉 care and faithfulness that he was the Love and Admiration of all that knew him he was temperate and studious never loving Idleness nor any Vice 'T is true he was too good for this wicked World and for me his unhappy Father I had just built him a pretty Appartment against his Wedding-day which as I sent you word would be soon but alas he is wedded to his Grave but my comfort is a happy Eternity will celebrate his Nuptials Dear Sir send me Fourscore Yards of
〈◊〉 to Times Places or any accident of Fortune 〈◊〉 continu'd Winter were these Professions made iâ— the Sun-shine of a happy State but when the Man 〈◊〉 actually under a Cloud The only time added Brook that words of that nature are meant as they 〈◊〉 spoke May she therefore concluded Chappel always meet with Sincerity in her Friends Constancy 〈◊〉 her Lovers and Success in her Wishes and Desires May she be always beautiful and young and witty is she now is For sure nature may work Miracles for such a Miracle in nature LETTER LVII From a Relation giving advice to another 'T was directed to Mr. Long at his Lodgings at the twisted Posts in Sulfolk-street London Cousin Norfolk Iune 1692. I Am sorry to hear you so much pervert your Father's Indulgence as to throw away both your time and mony in pursuit of Women If you don't reform some malicious or officious Person or other may chance to acquaint your Father with it and you know your Mother-in-Law would be glad of a pretence to alienate his Affections from you Take my Advice who really love you and wean your self from ill Company who love your Money not you as you 'll find too late if you still pursue the thoughtless Dictates of Vice and Youth I wish you health of Mind and Body that you may know your false Friends from your true ones as is your loving Cousin Isa. Richards Tho' this Letter said Winter shew a great deal of reality yet I dare say 't will afford much more of disguist than pleasure to him 't is sent to Because answer'd Church Youth drown'd in Wine and the pursuit of Pleasures hates the cautious Admonitions of Wisdom No no said Brook because unask'd advice thâ— never so good is always suspected of Self-interest I can see no cause for that Suspicion here return'd Summer where the Benefit accrues wholly to him that is advis'd Ah said I are you so ignorant in Man as not to know that the Prejudices of Passion and Pre-engagement never consider Reason or at least added Grave forge Reasons out of Air and Imagination to flatter the Folly they are bound to Small indeed is the number of those said River who are capable of giving a disintress'd Advice and vastly less pursu'd Temple of those that will take it Self-esteem said Fountain is the cause of the last and Self-interest of the first I am of opinion concluded Chappel that our Passions set things in so false a Light that we easily misjudge of them that are not extreamly self-evident and Advice depending generally on Events is seldom so LETTER LVIII Of Entreaty desiring a Favour of a Friend Directed to Mr. Goff at his House in Duck-Lane London Dear Friend Plimouth Iune 92. I Am sorry that the first time you hear from me must inform you of the Misfortune of your Friend We set Sail on the Monday after I left you from Weymouth and had a good fresh Gale which bore us over nearer the French Coasts thâ—n we desir'd and 〈◊〉 next day about seven in the Evening a Vessel made up to us which upon our making away gave us Chace with all the Sails she could and fir'd two or three Guns at us and being within shot brought our Main-mast by the Board In short we were took but the Night coming on my Cousin Iohn and I and two more of the 〈◊〉 crew got the Boat over-board and so stole into it and cutting the Cable put off to Sea and ply'd ouâ— little Sail and Oars with such success that tho' they fir'd at us we before day got out of sight and by next Morning came near a Man of War of our own whom we inform'd of the Privateer and having had from us as good directions as we could give sending us asâ—oar to Plimouth went after the 〈◊〉 I am now in a strange place and without Money I desire therefore you would send me five Pounds which I promise to repay you as soon as God enables me you may remember when I did you a far greater Kindness and in less likely Circumstances of being ever able to return it which makes me think I shall not write in vain to you in this Exigence whom am Your unfortunate Friend R. Isaacs I dare engage said Chappel this Man receives not so obliging a Letter in his distress as that of the Charming PARMENIA Pity replied Grave is the Vice of the Nature of that Sex Prethee Grave said I remember thy Mother was a Woman and have a little more tenderness for them and not pervert that which is an Excellence in the Sex Right pursu'd Temple for 't is the Vertue not the Vice of their Nature But said Winter this Man has taken a wrong method to prevail in putting him in mind of a greater Favour receiv'd formerly For pursu'd Brook we tâ—â—e no pleasure in prosperity in a grateful Remembrance of a past Obligation Especially added Church if we are put in mind of it by the â—ecessity of our Benefactor As if said Summer his misfortunes had cancell'd our Duty 'T is true said Fountain we are not pleas'd to be told of an Obligation by him that oblig'd us because it seems to lessen our Gratitude in returning it by making that a Duty which we would have thought the effect of our Generosity No no concluded River we are only angry at the unpleasant Memento because it stares us in the face and tells us we are Monsters if we 〈◊〉 and so leaves us no place for excuse LETTER LIX A Complement from a fair Lady to a Gentleman that had sent her some Verses 'T was directed to Mr. Abbot in Cornhill SIR I Should begin my Letter with those Encomâ—â—â—s your Wit justly merits should I follow my own Inclinations and fill this Letter with your Praises but that for fear your Modesty would make you look on those Commendations really due to your Wit as Complements But alas were that reason remov'd I know not where to begin nor where to end for your Verse has this advantage beyond all others that it is not only above Flattery but above Praise You have by that discover'd your self so great a Critic that the fear of being too justly counted a Fool forces me unwillingly tho sincerely to subscribe my self SIR Your affectionate Friend and Servant Cleona These Letters of Complement said Grave are but Essays to see how a man can bear an Abuse under a title of Civility 'T is true added Winter 't is but a general way of lying and therefore very natural and proper for a Woman But who said I would not be proud of being flatter'd by the Sister of Parmenia for so is this Lady that wrote this Letter Right pursu'd Chappel to be esteemed worthy the Thought of the fair Cleona so much as to make her take the pains ev'n to abuse one if her Praise can be call'd so Which added Brook like that of Kings confers Merit where 't is not If Cleona said Temple be the
when assum'd River we can dissemble with Heaven Heaven said I is a distant unknown place and we soon lose the thoughts of it in present visible Objects Right added Chappel most Men are for a Bird in the Hand and suit their Devotion according to the present Circumstance There are concluded Fountain a great many of that Man's mind who had rather trust God with their Souls than Man with their Interests LETTER LXXII From a Lady in the Country to another in Town about the Fashions 'T was directed to Mrs. Dugdale at the Sign of the Myrtle-Tree in the inner Walk of the New Exchange in the Strand London Mrs. Dugdale Northampton Iune 1692. I Desire you would send me down all the new Fashions and to let me know whether they wear all Passes this Summer and in what manner they dress their Commodes for I 'm loath to be at the charge of new if the Fashion don 't very much vary from what it was last Summer pray send me an account how many Knots they wear and in what manner plac'd I would not for the World but you should be exact in this Let me know whether they wear Tippets this Summer very much and whether Lace or Feather-tippets and what Alterations have been made in the Mantua's that my Taylor may not fob me off with an old Fashion for a new one and if you can get any Patterns of Silk to send me by all means I would have you send me some of your best Ribbons of the newest and most gay that I may consult which will best agree with my Face I had almost forgot Shoes and Fans pray buy me two Pair of the best Shoes you can get for twelve Shillings a Pair I would have you change your Shoe-maker for methinks the last I had were made by a meer bungler Dear Mrs Dugdale be exact in all that is here desir'd of you by Your Friend to Command Ephelia Ross. Here 's one said Grave of the true Stamp of Woman kind More concern'd added Winter for the having her Dress Alamodâ— than her mind improv'd with the least Reason Thence perhaps said Church some Men have thought Women have had no Souls Because assum'd Fountain their whole thoughts and time are employ'd on the Body How great a part of Mankind said I might come under that censure if that were a sufficient Reason Right pursu'd Summer for there is not one in a hundred of us that dedicate any time to the Improvement or Pleasures of the Mind The Beau added Chappel is more busify'd with Dress than a Woman The Drunkard continu'd River has no other regard to his Mind than the Elevating his Spirits as he phrases it with a chirping Bottle The Trades-man said Temple the States-man the Soldier nay and the great part of the Divines too are wholly intent on the Exaltation of the Body for Riches and Honours terminate there Well then concluded Brook may we allow Women a little more than ordinary share in this so Epidemic a Distemper especially since their care contributes to the satisfaction of some by the setting off their Beauty LETTER LXXIII From a vain-glorious Man boasting of some of his good Actions 'T was directed to Mr. Phillips at Mr. Newmeâ—s in the old Palace-yard Westminster London SIR Dorâ—et Iune 1692 I Receiv'd your Letter and you have chosen well when you address'd to me to speak in your behalf for I make it my business to do good to Mankind especially my Friends I will therefore speak to the worthy Squire in your behalf if he be deaf I 'll do something for you my self for I set apart so much of my Estate to good uses e'ry Year the whole Country knows my way and I seldom want those that make use of my generous Temper I am SIR Yours to Command H. Mould The vain-glorious Man said Grave will never want Flatterers Nor Spungers neither pursu'd Temple 't is the most pardonable of faults said Fountain what assum'd Church because it brings advantage to a great many Right added Brook for a vain glorious Man will attempt all the good he can for the sake of his own Reputation That is interrupted Winter if his vain glory lie that way True pursu'd River for there are a sort of Men that are penurious in action and yet take a great deal of pains not to be thought so Others added I are only vain-glorious of their Wit which has no benefit continu'd Chappel to recompence the nauseousness of the Fault There is a lawful assuming concluded Summer due to merit in what kind soever the Great Men have express'd it in their Writings without fear of censure as Cicero Ovid Pliny the younger c. and I never blame Cicero for pleasing himself so much in the delivering his Country from Ruine it shews a noble Soul that 's pleas'd in doing great Actions and I think a Man ought to take pleasure and discover it too in Actions which contribute to the good of the Publick or of others private Capacities it shews one is sensible he is not born for himself alone LETTER LXXIV From a Gentleman giving an account of the Enmity and Disagreement of Poets and Authors with one another 'T was directed to Mr. Beedle at his Hous near Brentwood in Essex Dear Brother London Iune 1692. I Supp'd last Night with Mr. Chappel at the blew Posts and there happen'd to be one of the new celebrated Authors in our Company But certainly whatever his Writings were his Conversation was the worst I ever met with there was no discourse to be admitted but of Plays and that of his only and no other of his Brother 's of Parnassus were permitted to have one good word allow'd 'em but this Self-esteem and Enmity at the rest I find is not his fault alone but generally all theirs who set up for Wits and Authors They are so full of themselves they are angry all the World are not as much taken up with them I sent my Man to Mr. Sawbridge's for one of Sir Roger's Aesops who is not of this Humour I assure you I 'll send it to you by the Brentwood-Coach to Morrow My Love to my Sister and all my little Cousins I am Your Loving Brother Nic. Beedle Fame is the Mistress said Winter of these Scriblers as they pretend and they squabble about her like Bullies for a Whore And like Bullies pursu'd Summer rail at one another behind their backs each thinking said I by the villiâ—ying another to enhance his own Reputation I have observ'd said Grave that in the chase of Fame our young Authors have found a short road to Reputation that is to condemn or attaque some great Man of establish'd â—it True added Chappel for the World is pleas'd with detraction and hugs Scandal closer than Wit and Merit And they are secure from him they abuse continu'd Fountain since a Man of Sense ought not to turn at e'ry little Cur that barks at him Right assum'd River their happiness
I could never obtain She came out of her Father's House to me with her trusty Maid after Ten at night when all the orderly Family was a-bed and by the help of a Canonical man we were joyn'd at an uncanonical hour We revel'd in each others Arms most part of the night before day she left me blesâ— with the sweetest Joys in Nature and return'd to her own Bed And thus by stealth she comes each night to her longing Arms more beautiful gay and loving by Enjoyment I wanton in my Happiness all night and borrow of the day for Rest. Two months are already past in these lawful Thefts of Love and now she begins to find her self with Child she 's infinitely fonder than ever Her Father will therefore suddenly be acquainted with it by some common Friends to both and that with success I hope at least it will not be in his power to hinder me from being one of the happiest men alive in a Wife which Blessing I confess I deserved not having so often condemn'd and ridicul'd a married life but to attone by imparting the Pleasures of it I 'll make a thousand Converts of such as thee dear Sam. I am in hast it being now near Ten Thy fortunate Friend Jo. Man A happy Man said Grave content with his preâ—â—t Fortune And yet perhaps before the revolving year comes about pursu'd Winter he may sing another Tune True added Church for now it bears so much the Face of Whoring that it makes him pleas'd with it as if 't would always be so They had 〈◊〉 yet said Fountain known the Contradictions of 〈◊〉 anothers Humors Nor had he yet added Temple known the insipidness of one Object continually day and night to dwell on We are all violent in the first Transports said Summer of a new-married life But after a little time Satiety comes on added Chappel and then you find no relish of your best pleasures No Novelty pursu'd Brook in her 〈◊〉 no new Charms in her Face all familiar and 〈◊〉 But it discovers want of Iudgment said I to 〈◊〉 changeable in our Affections And concluded River to imagin the absent Pleasure greater than the present LETTER LXXII From an Hermaphrodite to a Female Lover 'T was directed to Mrs. Kates at her Lodging at the white Posts in Panton-street near Leicester-fields London My lovely Amoret CErtainly Jealousie is the Child of Love for I 'm sure I love thee with all the extravagance in Nature and yet I 'm afraid lest in my absence some deluding man should alienate thy dear Affections but have a care my Amoret for that Sex is false and entirely compos'd of Ingratitude Men seek nothing at the expence of a thousand Perjuries and the ruin of the fair ones they swear they love 〈◊〉 a minute's satisfaction to their Curiosity not Lust or Love they only aim at the vanity of bâ—agging they have lain with this or that Lady without any farther regard to them Believe me my Amoret to whom Nature has given a share in both Sexes for I can best judge of their faults that part of me that is divine Woman softens and improves the other which would else engage me in a thousand Villanies but I have the Love and Fondness of a Woman and the Vigor of a Man by which I bring thee the pleasure of Love and Enjoyment without any hazard to thy Reputation tho an hundred should see me in bed with thee but the coâ—â—agion of a man's Embrace brings certain Ruin and Pain to her that yields You have a Happiness in me that is not common Nature has made us scarce like all extraordinary Beings intended only for a Blessing for such of her Darlings as thee art my Dear my Amoret my Angel my Goddess for so thou'lt be till polluted by the infamous touch of Man which I 'll cease to fear lest that Fear should make me cease to be happy as to subscribe my self thy faithful loving doting More I can't conceive said Chappel the nature of these â—mphibious Creatures Nor before now pursu'd Temple 〈◊〉 I believe there were any such They are not the effect of Nature answer'd Winter but Accident Right added Grave for they are not born so according to the account Montaigu gives us True pursued Church for I never heard of any of them that were so much men as to get a Child I must confess my Ignorance in the matter said I but if I may believe those that have better Skill they are distinctly Man and Woman All that I can say of the business said Fountain is That if all are like this 't is an Animal of a very amorous nature It ought answer'd Brook since it has both Sexes to have the Lust of â—â—th True added Summer and therefore Nature has furnish'd it with the means of satisfying both 'T is the Emblem of the Hypocritical World concluded River the visible appearance of Woman deceives the Eye and makes one imagin the Petticoat hides no more than it does for the rest of that Sex which renders its dalliances indeed very secure and unsuspected LETTER LXXXIII From a Lady to know the meaning of a Prophecy she had found in old Parchment Directed to Dr. Wet n of Chri near Foster-lane London Reverend Sir RAking out a secret hole in my House t'other day I found an old Worm-eaten tatter'd piece of Parchment which upon my Son's perusal prov'd to be a Catalogue of Prophecies but none of them legible but this The number 8 is wondrous in all its parts and wondrous Events shall happen when 't is doubled Changes of Kingdoms Ruins of Families Power broken and Woes and Desolations shall reign but Peaâ—e and Plenty â—ollow when the Wolf 's caught in the Coâ—k's Ginn and the Lion trembles 〈◊〉 more at the neighbouring Cock's Crow I desire Sir your Judgment of this which will oblige Your humble Servant E. Wausel Now by my Soul said Grave I could never attribute the silencing of Oracles to the Excellence of our Religion because assum'd Summer in the place of that of Delphos and two or three more e'ery Nation is now fill'd with them E'ery Almanac-maker said Winter with his Prognostics usurps the Office of the Devil of Delphos Nay and e'ery zealous Enthusiast pursu'd I sets 〈◊〉 the Ravings of his distemper'd Brain for Prophecies And all the old Matrons and ignorant Plebeians have more Faith in 'em said Church than in the Word of God Ay and have a greater Veneration for 'em added Brook than for the Bible Particularly those of Nostradamus pursu'd Fountain which have the Honour to be plac'd in the Studies of some that ought to have more wit They are continu'd River the plague of a Common-wealth They put the People in mind said Chappel of Novelties And tho they have no other ground concluded Temple but fancy set them a madding after them LETTER LXXXIV From a Baud to a Iustice's Clerk Directed to Mr. Thomas Jacques to be left at the Barber's-Shop at Epsom
Grave yet she may in good time Gentlemen for she 's already added Winter got within the Verge of the greatest of their Follies Love Which degenerating into Lust pursu'd Church leads her into their Crimes with ease and speed I 'm sure 't is pity said Fountain she shou'd ever be less happy because she has so much wit assum'd I to plead so well for her Love Her wit concluded River is that which will pervert her Constancy and certainly destroys her Happiness LETTER XCII Of Recommendation Directed to Captain Nasbey to be left for him at Tom Urwin's Coffee-house in Russel near Covent 〈◊〉 London Honour'd Captain Portsmouth Iune 1692. I Have a particular Kindness for my Cousin Tom beside the Obligation of Nature and shall do all that I can for him my self but I think I can in nothing contribute more to his good than by recommending him to your charge when you set Sail I question not but he 'll so behave himself so as to merit your Esteem if I had not sent this to engage you before hand by the interest I have in you I know him of a grateful and generous Nature and will always remember a Favour receiv'd In short there is nothing you can oblige me more in than in a kind Reception of him I am SIR Your Friend and Servant G. Rooksby This Gentleman said I is a Miracle Trâ—â— assum'd Summer a Relation and a Friend A Recommendation indeed said Temple is as hard to be got from Relations as Money 'T is a greater test of Love answer'd Grave Right pursu'd Winter for by this you venture your Interest in 〈◊〉 you esteem and that can oblige you and in your Money added Church you hazard but a little solitary Cash without any Appendix of worser consequences if a Recommendation be such a test of Love said Brook the accepting of it is as great True continu'd Fountain for he runs a double hazard having two to please in one Let us dispatch this said Chappel that we may not hinder a good Office They are so few concluded River 't is pitty it should be with any Obstacle from parties unconcern'd LETTER XCIII From a French Dancing master to one of his Scholars Directed to Mr. Croftsman at his Chambers in the Temple Ma deer Monsieur Croftsman Epsom Iune 1692. ME vow'd no have you neglect a your dancing vâ—â—stt mee be in de Country vor me hava left one of de varie rare Artists in de â—noble Mysterie who vil make you de varie perfect accomplish'd Gautlehomma begar ofe all de Englis Nation Here be de one two tree of devary curious Dammoisels begar Pray dear Mestre Croftsman give prettee Mestress Iâ—nny one two tree kisses foor me and begar ive you vill ven mee coma to Town again me vill give her one two tree hundred kisses vor you and one tousand someting else begar ive she 'll letta me Me be Monsieur begar in a varie great deal ove hast and me therefoore subscribe mee selve Your humble Esclage and Vassal Jacque de Baordeaux Sure said Grave we are the Bubles of the World And that added Winter is the Sâ—um of all Nations as if an English-man could not have a gracâ—eful Motion without a French Dancing-master for my part said Church I could never understand the use of Dancing or at least assum'd Brook how it can be so necessary a Qualification of a Gentleman 'T was among the Romans said Temple the business of Players and that added Fountain 't is a fâ—r more excellent Nature Right pursu'd River for in the time of Nero a Dancer represented so many things by meer silent motion and that in measure that an Asian King there present begg'd him of the Emperor to be his Enterpreter to the several Nations he rul'd or had to do with so naturally he represented e'ry thing that he seem'd to have found out an universal Language without speaking dancing intâ—lligible Words to all Nations But our dancing said Chappel consists only in a Caper and a few insignificative turns of the Feet or Body And then pursu'd Summer Pluâ—arch mentions the Samian Dancers by way of Contempt and as the most infamous of Whores I must confess concluded I I think Câ—stom is the 〈◊〉 Plea for the 〈◊〉 of 〈◊〉 present Dancing LETTER XCIV To a Friend in Town who had promis'd to come and eat some of his Country fare at a certain time 'T was directed to Mr. Mathews at his Lodgings at the Star and Garter in York buildings in the Strand London Dear NED Surrey Iune 1692. YOu promis'd to come to dinner to me last Tuesday accordingly I prepar'd some Country fare Beef â—â—d Pudding Sallades and what else unsophisticated Nature yields without the corruption of your French Cooks You are like to pay your shot for staying away unless you redeem your Transgression by coming next Tuesday you have a Horse so that nothing but the Will was wanting But perhaps you were engag'd at Lockets the Blew Posts or Pontacs with more exquisite Dishes True you might have a more modish Entertainment but never a more hearty Therefore put not me off with Excuses unless you intend to excuse me from writing myself what I am Your Friend and Servant S. Willis Here 's a Feast said Grave in my mind better than all that of Trimalicon in Peâ—â—onlus Arbiter Gluttony said Temple is the most unmanly of Vices True pursu'd Brook to live only or chiefly to Eat is the Life of a Hog It clogs the Vnderstanding said Winter and hinders the Operation of the Faculties of the Mind In which added Church we chiefly differ from meer Bruits So that we sin against our noblest part continu'd River by being devotes to Eating He therefore said I that wish'd himself the Neck of a Crane for the prolongation of the pleasure of taste merited to be turned into a Beast for his brutal as well as ignorant Wish Nature's best satisfied said Summer with a little but is oppress'd with a great deal And generates Distempers pursu'd Chappel and so puts an end to the infamous Pleasure and Life too Thus as well as other faults concluded Fountain it bâ—gets its own punishments LETTER XCV Advising his Friend to turn Quack 'T was directed to Mr. Stones to be left for him at the Pye-Coffeehouse in Parker's Lane in Drury-lane London IM sorry to hear of thy poor condition and have to my ability comply'd with your desire and sent you a Guinea by the Coachman You have a pregnant Wit and have been bred a Scholar methinks you might find some way of living without these Necessities you complain of How many â—â—ockheads set up for Physicians and Divines 〈◊〉 turn Quack in one or the other capacity Tho' the first I think more proper to thy Genius 〈◊〉 well as more gainful there being more Foo's â—â—an Devotees and e'ry Fool will take more care of his Body than Soul and bleed freelier to the Doctor than the Parson 'T is but getting two
XCIX From a Robber to his Comrade that had wrong'd him of part of his Share 'T was directed to Mr. N to be left for him at the C. Ta c. NED I Have been inform'd you have play'd the Villain in sinking some of our last Prizes and wrong'd both me and your other Brothers of our Due and Share If you clear not your self of this you deserve to be shot the next time you attempt the Road for a man without any Principles of Honour or Justice R. D. That men said Grave who live by the breach of the Laws of Nations and Nature should expect any secure Tye of Iustice betwixt each other O yes return'd River for the Bonds of Vice are stronger than those of Virtue Necessity pursu'd Chappel forces them to an observation of them to each other since else they could not subsist Besides said Brook the Laws of Right are as much transgressed by Armies as by private Robbers That was the Opinion indeed replied Temple of the Pyrate that was brought before Alexander the Great But I believe pursu'd Summer that the Laws of Morality were not made for the regulation of public but only private affairs if at least we may judge by the practice of the World True continu'd Church for the Teachers of those â—aws the Clergy have in all Ages justified the greatest â—reaches of them when successful By that said Winter you would make the Sword the only Arbiter of Right betwixt Nation and Nation They would â—ake it no more replied Fountain than 't is for the success of that gives Equity to the Cause The Victor â—eing never in the wrong concluded I and the Vanquish'd never in the right LETTER C. From one Friend to another in answer to a Letter that upbraided him with a Service done in bayling him for Debt which he had not discharged 'T was directed to Mr. Roley to be left for him at the Jamaica Coffeehouse in Cornhil London SIR YOU tell me you found what you expected but I answer that I have found what I did not expect and I know not what you call Civily putting me in mind for I always took them for Dunns they were not indeed noisy and might therefore be termed civil Dunns But your hectoring Letter rouz'd me to say what I did nor am I asham'd of the Testimony you can bring but can and will justifie it before any equitable Judge for all men know that doing a Kindness one minute and cutting ones Throat the next is not very cordial and any one that knows the least in the Laws of Morality knows that such Proceedings abundantly cancel the highest Obligations You accuse me of want of Justice in not giving you a Counter-Security you might have had it when you would it was your fault in not asking for I was always ready to give you all reasonable satisfaction If I could get the Mony to morrow I would pay it You say these things always end in Quarrels if so 't is because the obliger thinks much of what he has done and requires Impossibilities But Sir what need all this heat If I could do this I would but it is not in my power had you been troubled for this Mony nay paid it you could do no more than you have I can say no more but that if you can make any reasonable Proposition for your satisfaction and theirs I will make it my utmost endeavors to comply with it but I can do no more than I can if you write till Dooms-day and I 'll do what I 'm able if you write never a word If you persist to desire any more I think I 'm the injured Friend not you I can say no more having said enough to satisfie any reasonable man especially one that stiles himself a Friend as I do also Your Friend and Servant Godâ— Carvel From Suretiship said Summer good Lord desiver us Right pursu'd Church for if thou art Surety for any one take care to pay the Debt You would then said I destroy the greatest Act of Friendship who have condemn'd the World for neglecting the Offices of a Friend and of deserting the dearest Friend in distress Nay to advance that Maxim continu'd Temple were to destroy the chief hinge of Trade Credit True assum'd River for that supplies the place of a great many millions of Mony The very yearly Revenue of England having been esteemed fourscore millions to pay which there 's not as has been computed above eleven millions of Cash all the rest turning upon Credit which must be wanted before such a small Sum can circulate to so many Offices If my Friend said Chappel wanted Mony I 'd give him what I could possibly spare but I 'd neither lend him Mony nor be bound for him True assum'd Brook for though you are a Friend when you lend or are bound yet when the day of Payment comes and you eâ—pect a Return on his side you are an Enemy as may appear from this Letter We alwaies said Grave prize a Favour more before we obtain it than after we have receiv'd the benefit of it On the other hand replied Winter there are a great many men who over-value their Services and think because they did a Friend a Kindness once in distress that his whole Life and all his Endeavours are not sufficient to make a tolerable return especially in this case as this Letter expresses if the Friend oblig'd be not in â— capacity to take off his Security he is more inveteraâ—e than the Creditor Which shews concluded Fountain that â—e did not that kindness by the Dictates of Friendship since upon his Friend 's greater Distress he 's unwilling to run the least hazard for him LETTER CI. From a Gentleman who confessing the inconstancy of his Temper desires to know how he may attain a stability of his Wishes 'T was directed to Dr. M ly to be left for him at the King's-head-Tavern in Kings-street near Guildhall London Honour'd Doctor YOU know 't is not long since I left the Town with all the earnest longing in the World for the Country and yet I find my self quite tir'd with this irksom Retirement already I want my Bottle and 〈◊〉 Friend and all the pleasing Thoughts of â—â—nocence and peaceful Quiet of a Country Life that ingag'd me to seek it seem now but ignorant Brutaâ—â—ty and a dead and unactive Sloth Prithee dear Doctor prescribe me some Medicine for this â—â—easie Distemper of the Mind for I know you as well skill'd in that as in the Body Has Philosophy to cure for this troublesome Inconstancy of my Temper Is there no way of making me happy in Stability and rendring that a Pleasure to me to morrow which I thought so yesterday I have some hopes there may because I can persevere in my esteem of you and hope I shall always be able to write my self Your real Friend and humble Servant T. Kemish This Distemper said Grave is of a larger extent than this Gentleman Right
aforesaid person written to him by a grave Philosopher which he dropt in a Bawdy-house p. 61 Let. XI From one that design'd to supplant his Relation to his Friend and Confident p. 66 Let. XII From a married man to a young Lady to perswade her to yield her self up to his Embraces directed under a false Cover p. 69 Let. XIII Containing an old man's Addresses to a young Lady in her Husband's absence p. 73 Let. XIV From a Pluralist to his Patron being a flatt'ring Insinuation to gain the Advouson of a third Living in his Gift p. 75 Let. XV. From a young Lady to her she-Friend disclosing her whole Breast as to Marriage Clothes and Characters of several pretty Gentlemen who had discovered some tender affection for her p. 79 Let. XVI From a conceited Fellow that affects fine Language p. 83 Let. XVII From Joan to Ralph accusing him of Perfidiousness and breach of Promise in staying so long from her p. 85 Let. XVIII From an Apprentice complaining to his Mother of the Hardship he meets with in his Apprentiship p. 87 Let. XIX From a barren Woman to a Dr. to desire his Advice what to do to conceive This was enclosed in another to Mrs. Bush with Orders to give the Dr. his Fee p. 89 Let. XX. From a younger Brother to his Mistriss in Town that had sent him word she was with Child by him to advise her to lay it to another p. 91 Let. XXI From a jealous Wife to her Husband p. 93 Let. XXII From a Dwarf to a tall Lady with whom he was in Love p. 95 Let. XXIII From a young Lady that had been betray'd by Love to the Embraces of a young Gallant who had got her with Child desiring him to send her something that may cause Abortion p. 98 Let. XXIV From a Lady who consents to a Debauch on condition that her Hasband agree to it p. 100 Let. XXV From a poor Sine-cure to a young Heir newly come to his Estate for a little present Relief and also for a Benefice p. 102 Let. XXVI From a Citizen to one in the Country who had his Bastard to maintain p. 104 Let. XXVII From a Lawyer to his Knight of the Post about a Cause he was to swear in with Instructions in the case This Letter was writ in Characters but the Company at last decipher'd it p. 106 Let. XXVIII From a Lady in the Country to another in London giving an account of a Dream she had p. 108 Let. XXIX This Letter the Company could not decipher but I hope by that time the next Volume is printed we may find it out 'T was directed to Mrs. Fox near Bow in Essex p. 110 Let. XXX From a Prisoner almost starv'd to his cruel Creditor p. 111 Let. XXXI From a superstitious old Gentleman about disposing of some Estate to a pious use p. 113 Let. XXXII From an Usurer to his Son to take care of getting in the Interest of his Monies c. p. 116 Let. XXXIII A Courtship from a Quaker Directed to Tabitha the Daughter of William Goyl at his House near Chelmsford in Essex p. 118 Let. XXXIV From Mrs. Brittaign to her Correspondent in the Country p. 120 Let. XXXV From a City Wife to her Prentice inviting him to Epsom in his Master's absence p. 122 Let. XXXVI From a young Heir newly come to a great Estate to one of his Comrades here in Town p. 124 Let. XXXVII From a Father on the death of his Son to a Friend p. 126 Let. XXXVIII From a pleasant Gentleman to his Mistriss to satisfie her he loved her p. 127 Let. XXXIX From a Iew to a Christian recriminating upon him p. 129 Let. XL. From a Gentleman of Quality to a Creditor of his p. 132 Let. XLI From an old Woman in love with a young man p. 133 Let. XLII From an Irish-man to his Creditor p. 135 Let. XLIII From a Widow to a Lady who advised her against a second Marriage p. 138 Let. XLIV From a Gentleman to his Wifes Mother-in-Law who had been a true Step-mother to her p. 140 Let. XLV From a Gentleman to his Friend relating what great things his Mony had effected for him p. 144 Let. XLVI From a Black to a fair Woman with whom he is in Love p. 147 Let. XLVII From a young Spark discovering the Debaucheries of the Town p. 149 Let. XLVIII From a great News-monger to his Correspondent in Holland p. 151 Let. XLIX From a Relation that was angry with another to a Gentleman that interceded for him p. 152 Let. L. From a proud man to his Friend p. 154 Let. LI. From a severe melancholy Philosopher to his jovial Friend p. 156 Let. LII From a poor Gentleman to his rich old Friend that is sick p. 159 Let. LIII From a young Lady who resolv'd ever to continue a Maid with her Reasons for it p. 161 Let. LIV. From a Poetaster that would foolishly rhime on every thing to his Friend in Town Directed to the Maecenas of the Age Mr. Tho. Patshal p. 164 Let. LV. From a Philosopher broaching new Notions That Birds and Beasts may be more excellent Creatures than Man p. 169 Let. LVI From a little Parson that had seen the Queen and falls in love with her and desires his Friend's Advice what to do in the case p. 173 Let. LVII From a fair Lady being a profession of Constancy in Friendship 'T was directed to Mr. Jugleth to be left at the Raven in the Poultry till call'd for p. 176 Let. LVIII From a Relation giving Advice to another p. 178 Let. LIX Of Entreaty desiring a Favour of a Friend p. 180 Let. LX. A Complement from a fair Lady to a Gentleman that had sent her some Verses p. 182 Let. LXI From a Friend proffering his Service p. 184 Let. LXII To a falfe Friend p. 185 Let. LXIII From an Author to his Book-seller haggling for more Copy-money p. 187 Let. LXIV From an Admirer of Platonic Love p. 188 Let. LXV From one beyond Sea expressing his desire of returning to his own native Country p. 191 Let. LXVI From a Coward to his intimate Friend of assist him to gain the Reputation of a Man of Courage by parting him in a Duel he must be engaged in p. 194 Let. LXVII From a Servant giving an account to his Mistriss of all his Master's Failings in his absence from her p. 196 Let. LXVIII From a great Wagerer Directed to Mr. Brown at the Nags-Head-Inn near Cripple-gate London p. 198 Let. LXIX From one that advis'd his Friend to Dissimulation in all his actions p. 200 Let. LXX To a Friend that advised him to overcome a Passion where he had so little Hopes giving an account of the present state of his Love and his Resolves to endeavour at a compliance with his Friends Wishes p. 202 Let. LXXI From a Debauchee that had a mind to lead a penitent life p. 206 Let. LXXII Giving an account of the Resolutions of the