follies to the Church of England 7. Trouble your self with no controversies willingly but how you may best please God by a strict and severe conversation 8. If any Protestant live loosely remember that he dishonours an excellent Religion and that it may be no more laid upon the charge of our Church than the ill lives of most Christians may upon the whole Religion 9. Let no Man or Woman affright you with declamations and scaring words of Heretick and Damnation and Changeable for these words may be spoken against them that return to light as well as to those that go to darkness and that which Men of all sides can say it can be of effect to no side upon its own strength or pretension THE END POST-SCRIPT Madam IF You shall think it fit that these Papers pass further than Your own eye and Closet I desire they may be consign'd into the hands of my worthy friend Dr. Wedderburne For I do not only expose all my sickness to his cure but I submit my weaknesses to his censure being as confident to find of him charity for what is pardonable as remedy for what is curable but indeed Madam I look upon that worthy Man as an Idea of friendship and if I had no other notices of Friendship or conversation to instruct me than his it were sufficient For whatsoever I can say of Friendship I can say of his and as all that know him reckon him amongst the best Physicians so I know him worthy to be reckoned amongst the best friends The III. Letter Written to a Gentleman that was tempted to the Communion of the Romish Church SIR YOU needed not to make the Preface of an excuse for writing so friendly and so necessary a Letter of Inquiry It was your kindness to my person which directed your addresses hither and your duty which ingag'd you to inquire somewhere I do not doubt but you and very many other ingenious and conscientious persons do every day meet with the Tempters of the Roman Church who like the Pharisees compass Sea and Land to get a Proselyte at this I wonder not for as Demetrius said by this craft they get their living but I wonder that any ingenious person and such as I perceive you to be can be shaken by their weak assaults for their batteries are made up with impossible propositions and weak and violent prejudices respectively and when they talk of their own infallibility they prove it with false Mediums say we with fallible Mediums as themselves confess and when they argue us of an Uncertain faith because we pretend to no infallibility they are themselves much more Uncertain because they build their pretence of infallibility upon that which not only can but will deceive them and since they can pretend no higher for their infallibility than prudential motives they break in pieces the staff upon which they lean and with which they strike us But Sir you are pleased to ask two Questions 1. Whether the Apostles of our Blessed Lord did not Orally deliver many things necessary to Salvation which were not committed to writing To which you add this assumentum in which because you desire to be answered I suppose you meant it for another Question viz. whether in those things which the Church of Rome retains and we take no notice of She be an Innovator or a conserver of Tradition and whether any thing which she so retains was or was not esteemed necessary The answer to the first part will conclude the second I therefore answer that whatsoever the Apostles did deliver as necessary to Salvation all that was written in the Scriptures and that to them who believe the Scriptures to be the Word of God there needs no other Magazine of Divine truths but the Scripture And this the Fathers of the first and divers succeeding Ages do Unanimously affirm I will set down two or three so plain that either you must conclude them to be deceivers or that you will need no more but their testimony The words of S. Basil are these 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 c. Every word and every thing ought to be made credible or believ'd by the testimony of the Divinely-inspired Scripture both for the confirmation of good things and also for the reproof of the evil S. Cyril of Jerusalem catech 12. illuminat saith Attend not to my inventions for you may possibly be deceiv'd but trust no word unless thou dost learn it from the Divine Scriptures and in Catech. 4. illum 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 c. For it behoves us not to deliver so much as the least thing 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of the Divine and holy mysteries of Faith without the Divine Scriptures nor to be moved with probable discourses Neither give credit to me speaking unless what is spoken be demonstrated by the Holy Scriptures For that is the security of our Faith 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 which is derived not from witty inventions but from the demonstration of Divine Scriptures Omne quod loquimur debemus affirmare de Scripturis Sanctis so S. Hierom in Psal. 89. And again Hoc quia de Scripturis authoritatem non habet eadem facilitate contemnitur quâ probatur in Matth. 23. Si quid dicitur absque Scripturâ auditorum cogitatio claudicat So S. Chrysostom in Psal. 95. homil Theodoret dial 1. cap. 6. brings in the Orthodox Christian saying to Eranistes bring not to me your Logismes and Syllogismes 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 I rely only upon Scriptures I could reckon very very many more both elder and later and if there be any Universal Tradition consigned to us by the Universal Testimony of Antiquity it is this that the Scriptures are a perfect repository of all the Will of God of all the Faith of Christ and this I will engage my self to make very apparent to you and certain against any opposer Upon the supposition of which it follows that whatever the Church of Rome obtrudes as necessary to Salvation and an Article of Faith that is not in Scripture is an Innovation in matter of Faith and a Tyranny over Consciences which whosoever submits to prevaricates the rule of the Apostle commanding us that we stand fast in the liberty with which Christ hath set us free To the other Questions Whether an Ecclesiastical Tradition be of equal authority with Divine I answer Negatively And I believe I shall have no adversary in it except peradventure some of the Jesuited Bigots An Ecclesiastical Tradition viz. a positive constitution of the Church delivered from hand to hand is in the power of the Church to alter but a Divine is not Ecclesiastical Traditions in matters of Faith there are none but what are also Divine as for Rituals Ecclesiastical descending by Tradition they are confessedly alterable but till they be altered by abrogation or desuetude or contrary custome or a contrary reason or the like they do oblige by vertue of that Authority whatsoever it is that hath power
make proper to two or three Friendship is like rivers and the strand of seas and the air common to all the World but Tyrants and evil customs wars and want of love have made them proper and peculiar But when Christianity came to renew our nature and to restore our laws and to increase her priviledges and to make her aptness to become religion then it was declared that our friendships were to be as universal as our conversation that is actual to all with whom we converse and potentially extended unto those with whom we did not For he who was to treat his enemies with forgiveness and prayers and love and beneficence was indeed to have no enemies and to have all friends So that to your question how far a Dear and perfect friendship is authoriz'd by the principles of Christianity The answer is ready and easie It is warranted to extend to all Mankind and the more we love the better we are and the greater our friendships are the dearer we are to God let them be as Dear and let them be as perfect and let them be as many as you can there is no danger in it only where the restraint begins there begins our imperfection it is not ill that you entertain brave friendships and worthy societies it were well if you could love and if you could benefit all Mankind for I conceive that is the summe of all friendship I confess this is not to be expected of us in this world but as all our graces here are but imperfect that is at the best they are but tendencies to glory so our friendships are imperfect too and but beginnings of a celestial friendship by which we shall love every one as much as they can be loved But then so we must here in our proportion and indeed that is it that can make the difference we must be friends to all That is apt to do good loving them really and doing to them all the benefits which we can and which they are capable of The Friendship is equal to all the World and of it self hath no difference but is differenced only by accidents and by the capacity or incapacity of them that receive it Nature and Religion are the bands of friendships excellency and usefulness are its great indearments society and neighbourhood that is the possibilities and the circumstances of converse are the determinations and actualities of it Now when men either are unnatural or irreligious they will not be friends when they are neither excellent nor useful they are not worthy to be friends when they are strangers or unknown they cannot be friends actually and practically but yet as any man hath any thing of the good contrary to those evils so he can have and must have his share of friendship For thus the Sun is the eye of the World and he is indifferent to the Negro or the cold Russian to them that dwell under the line and them that stand near the Tropicks the scalded Indian or the poor boy that shakes at the foot of the Riphean hills but the fluxures of the heaven and the earth the conveniency of abode and the approaches to the North or South respectively charge the emanations of his beams not that they do not pass always from him but that they are not equally received below but by periods and changes by little inlets and reflections they receive what they can and some have only a dark day and a long night from him snows and white cattel a miserable life and a perpetual harvest of Catarrhes and Consumptions apoplexies and dead palsies but some have splendid fires and aromatick spices rich wines and well digested fruits great wit and great courage because they dwell in his eye and look in his face and are the Courtiers of the Sun and wait upon him in his Chambers of the East just so is it in friendships some are worthy and some are necessary some dwell hard by and are fitted for converse Nature joyns some to us and Religion combines us with others society and accidents parity of fortune and equal dispositions do actuate our friendships which of themselves and in their prime disposition are prepared for all Mankind according as any one can receive them We see this best exemplified by two instances and expressions of friendships and charity viz. Alms and Prayers Every one that needs relief is equally the object of our charity but though to all mankind in equal needs we ought to be alike in charity yet we signifie this severally and by limits and distinct measures the poor man that is near me he whom I meet he whom I love he whom I fancy he who did me benefit he who relates to my family he rather then another because my expressions being finite and narrow and cannot extend to all in equal significations must be appropriate to those whose circumstances best fit me and yet even to all I give my alms to all the World that needs them I pray for all mankind I am grieved at every sad story I hear I am troubled when I hear of a pretty Bride murdered in her bride-chamber by an ambitious and enrag'd Rival I shed a tear when I am told that a brave King was misunderstood then slandered then imprisoned and then put to death by evil men and I can never read the story of the Parisian Massacre or the Sicilian Vespers but my blood curdles and I am disorder'd by two or three affections A good man is a friend to all the World and he is not truly charitable that does not wish well and do good to all mankind in what he can but though we must pray for all men yet we say special Litanies for brave Kings and holy Prelates and the wise Guides of souls for our Brethren and Relations our Wives and Children The effect of this consideration is that the Universal friendship of which I speak must be limited because we are so In those things where we stand next to immensity and infinity as in good wishes and prayers and a readiness to benefit all mankind in these our friendships must not be limited but in other things which pass under our hand and eye our voices and our material exchanges our hands can reach no further but to our arms end and our voices can but sound till the next air be quiet and therefore they can have entercourse but within the sphere of their own activity our needs and our conversations are served by a few and they cannot reach to all where they can they must but where it is impossible it cannot be necessary It must therefore follow that our friendships to mankind may admit variety as does our conversation and as by nature we are made sociable to all so we are friendly but as all cannot actually be of our society so neither can all be admitted to a special actual friendship Of some entercourses all men are capable but not of all Men can pray for one another and
abstain from doing injuries to all the world and be desirous to do all mankind good and love all men Now this friendship we must pay to all because we can but if we can do no more to all we must shew our readiness to do more good to all by actually doing more good to all them to whom we can To some we can and therefore there are nearer friendships to some then to others according as there are natural or civil nearnesses relations and societies and as I cannot express my friendships to all in equal measures and significations that is as I cannot do benefits to all alike so neither am I tied to love all alike for although there is much reason to love every man yet there are more reasons to love some than others and if I must love because there is reason I should then I must love more where there is more reason and where there 's a special affection and a great readiness to do good and to delight in certain persons towards each other there is that special charity and indearment which Philosophy calls friendship but our Religion calls love or charity Now if the inquiry be concerning this special friendship 1. How it can be appropriate that is who to be chosen to it 2. how far it may extend that is with what expressions signified 3. how conducted The answers will depend upon such considerations which will be neither useless nor unpleasant 1. There may be a special friendship contracted for any special excellency whatsoever because friendships are nothing but love and society mixt together that is a conversing with them whom we love now for whatsoever we can love any one for that we can be his friend and since every excellency is a degree of amability every such worthiness is a just and proper motive of friendship or loving conversation But yet in these things there is an order and proportion Therefore 2. A good man is the best friend and therefore soonest to be chosen longer to be retain'd and indeed never to be parted with unless he cease to be that for which he was chosen 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Where vertue dwells there friendship make But evil neighbourhoods forsake But although vertue alone is the worthiest cause of amability and can weigh down any one consideration and therefore to a man that is vertuous every man ought to be a friend yet I do not mean the severe and philosophical excellencies of some morose persons who are indeed wise unto themselves and exemplar to others by vertue here I do not mean justice and temperance charity and devotion for these I am to love the man but friendship is something more then that Friendship is the nearest love and the nearest society of which the persons are capable Now justice is a good entercourse for Merchants â—s all men are that buy and sell and temperance makes a Man good company and helps to make a wise man but a perfect friendship requires something else these must be in him that is chosen to be my friend but for these I do not make him my privado that is my special and peculiar friend but if he be a good man then he is properly fitted to be my correlative in the noblest combination And for this we have the best warrant in the world For a just man scarcely will a man die the Syriac interpreter reads it 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 for an unjust man scarcely will a man die that is a wicked man is at no hand fit to receive the expression of the greatest friendship but all the Greek copies that ever I saw or read of read it as we do for a righteous man or a just man that is justice and righteousness is not the nearest indearment of friendship but for a good man some will even dare to die that is for a man that is sweetly disposed ready to do acts of goodness and to oblige others to do things useful and profitable for a loving man a beneficent bountiful man one who delights in doing good to his friend such a man may have the highest friendship he may have a friend that will die for him And this is the meaning of Laelius Vertue may be despised so may Learning and Nobility at una est amicitia in rebus humanis de cujus utilitate omnes consentiunt only friendship is that thing which because all know to be useful and profitable no man can despise that is 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 or 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 goodness or beneficence makes friendships For if he be a good man he will love where he is beloved and that 's the first tie of friendship 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 That was the commendation of the bravest friendship in Theocritus They lov'd each other with a love That did in all things equal prove 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 The World was under Saturn's reign When he that lov'd was lov'd again For it is impossible this nearness of friendship can be where there is not mutual love but this is secured if I choose a good man for he that is apt enough to begin alone will never be behind in the relation and correspondency and therefore I like the Gentiles Litany well 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Let God give friends to me for my reward Who shall my love with equal love regard Happy are they who when they give their heart Find such as in exchange their own impart But there is more in it than this felicity amounts to For 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the good man is a profitable useful person and that 's the band of an effective friendship For I do not think that friendships are Metaphysical nothings created for contemplation or that Men or Women should stare upon each others faces and make dialogues of news and prettinesses and look babies in one anothers eyes Friendship is the allay of our sorrows the ease of our passions the discharge of our oppressions the sanctuary to our calamities the counsellor of our doubts the clarity of our minds the emission of our thoughts the exercise and improvement of what we meditate And although I love my friend because he is worthy yet he is not worthy if he can do no good I do not speak of accidental hindrances and misfortunes by which the bravest man may become unable to help his Child but of the natural and artificial capacities of the man He only is fit to be chosen for a friend who can do those offices for which friendship is excellent For mistake not no man can be loved for himself our perfections in this World cannot reach so high it is well if we would love God at that rate and I very much fear that if God did us no good we might admire his Beauties but we should have but a small proportion of love towards him and therefore it is that God to endear the
obedience that is the love of his servants signifies what benefits he gives us what great good things he does for us I am the Lord God that brought thee out of the land of Egypt and does Job serve God for nought and he that comes to God must believe that he is and that he is a rewarder all his other greatnesses are objects of fear and wonder it is his goodness that makes him lovely and so it is in friendships He only is fit to be chosen for a friend who can give counsel or defend my cause or guide me right or relieve my need or can and will when I need it do me good only this I add into the heaps of doing good I will reckon loving me for it is a pleasure to be beloved but when his love signifies nothing but kissing my cheek or talking kindly and can go no further it is a prostitution of the bravery of friendship to spend it upon impertinent people who are it may be loads to their families but can never ease my loads but my friend is a worthy person when he can become to me instead of God a guide or a support an eye or a hand a staff or a rule There must be in friendship something to distinguish it from a Companion and a Country man from a School-fellow or a Gossip from a Sweet-heart or a Fellow-traveller Friendship may look in at any one of these doors but it stays not any where till it come to be the best thing in the world and when we consider that one man is not better than another neither towards God nor towards Man but by doing better and braver things we shall also see that that which is most beneficent is also most excellent and therefore those friendships must needs be most perfect where the friends can be most useful For men cannot be useful but by worthinesses in the several instances a fool cannot be relyed upon for counsel nor a vitious person for the advantages of vertue nor a begger for relief nor a stranger for conduct nor a tatler to keep a secret nor a pittiless person trusted with my complaint nor a covetous man with my childs fortune nor a false person without a witness nor a suspicious person with a private design nor him that I fear with the treasures of my love But he that is wise and vertuous rich and at hand close and merciful free of his money and tenacious of a secret open and ingenuous true and honest is of himself an excellent man and therefore fit to be loved and he can do good to me in all capacities where I can need him and therefore is fit to be a friend I confess we are forced in our friendships to abate some of these ingredients but full measures of friendship would have full measures of worthiness and according as any defect is in the foundation in the relation also there may be imperfection and indeed I shall not blame the friendship so it be worthy though it be not perfect not only because friendship is charity which cannot be perfect here but because there is not in the World a perfect cause of perfect friendship If you can suspect that this discourse can suppose friendship to be mercenary and to be defective in the greatest worthiness of it which is to love our friend for our friends sake I shall easily be able to defend my self because I speak of the election and reasons of choosing friends after he is chosen do as nobly as you talk and love as purely as you dream and let your conversation be as metaphysical as your discourse and proceed in this method till you be confuted by experience yet till then the case is otherwise when we speak of choosing one to be my friend He is not my friend till I have chosen him or loved him and if any man enquires whom he shall choose or whom he should love I suppose it ought not to be answered that we should love him who hath least amability that we should choose him who hath least reason to be chosen But if it be answered he is to be chosen to be my friend who is most worthy in himself not he that can do most good to me I say here is a distinction but no difference for he is most worthy in himself who can do most good and if he can love me too that is if he will do me all the good he can that I need then he is my friend and he deserves it And it is impossible from a friend to separate a will to do me good and therefore I do not choose well if I choose one that hath not power for if it may consist with the nobleness of friendship to desire that my friend be ready to do me benefit or support it is not sense to say it is ignoble to desire he should really do it when I need and if it were not for pleasure or profit we might as well be without a friend as have him Among all the pleasures and profits the sensual pleasure and the matter of money are the lowest and the least and therefore although they may sometimes be used in friendship and so not wholly excluded from the consideration of him that is to choose yet of all things they are to be the least regarded 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 When fortune frowns upon a Man A friend does more than money can For there are besides these many profits and many pleasures and because these only are sordid all the other are noble and fair and the expectations of them no disparagements to the best friendships For can any wise or good man be angry if I say I choose this man to be my friend because he is able to give me counsel to restrain my wandrings to comfort me in my sorrows he is pleasant to me in private and useful in publick he will make my joys double and divide my grief between himself and me For what else should I choose For being a fool and useless for a pretty face or a smooth chin I confess it is possible to be a friend to one that is ignorant and pitiable handsome and good for nothing that eats well and drinks deep but he cannot be a friend to me and I love him with a fondness or a pity but it cannot be a noble friendship 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 said Menander By Wine and mirth and every days delight We choose our friends to whom we think we might Our Souls intrust but fools are they that lend Their bosom to the shadow of a friend 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Plutarch calls such friendships the Idols and Images of friendship True and brave friendships are between worthy persons and there is in Mankind no degree of worthiness but is also a degree of usefulness and by every thing by which a man is excellent I may be profited and because those
are the bravest friends which can best serve the ends of friendships either we must suppose that friendships are not the greatest comforts in the World or else we must say he chooses his friend best that chooses such a one by whom he can receive the greatest comforts and assistances 3. This being the measure of all friendships they all partake of excellency according as they are fitted to this measure a friend may be counselled well enough though his friend be not the wisest man in the world and he may be pleased in his society though he be not the best natured man in the world but still it must be that something excellent is or is apprehended or else it can be no worthy friendship because the choice is imprudent and foolish Choose for your friend him that is wise and good and secret and just ingenuous and honest and in those things which have a latitude use your own liberty but in such things which consist in an indivisible point make no abatements That is you must not choose him to be your friend that is not honest and secret just and true to a tittle but if he be wise at all and useful in any degree and as good as you can have him you need not be ashamed to own your friendships though sometimes you may be ashamed of some imperfections of your friend 4. But if you yet enquire further whether fancy may be an ingredient in your choice I answer that fancy may minister to this as to all other actions in which there is a liberty and variety and we shall find that there may be peculiarities and little partialities a friendship improperly so called entring upon accounts of an innocent passion and a pleas'd fancy even our Blessed Saviour himself loved Saint John and Lazarus by a special love which was signified by special treatments and of the young man that spake well and wisely to Christ it is affirmed Jesus loved him that is he fancied the man and his soul had a certain cognation and similitude of temper and inclination For in all things where there is a latitude every faculty will endeavour to be pleased and sometimes the meanest persons in a house have a festival even sympathies and natural inclinations to some persons and a conformity of humours and proportionable loves and the beauty of the face and a witty answer may first strike the flint and kindle a spark which if it falls upon tender and compliant natures may grow into a flame but this will never be maintained at the rate of friendship unless it be fed by pure materials by worthinesses which are the food of friendship where these are not Men and Women may be pleased with one anothers company and lye under the same roof and make themselves companions of equal prosperities and humour their friend but if you call this friendship you give a sacred name to humour or fancy for there is a Platonick friendship as well as a Platonick love but they being but the Images of more noble bodies are but like tinsel dressings which will shew bravely by candle-light and do excellently in a mask but are not fit for conversation and the material entercourses of our life These are the prettinesses of prosperity and good-natured wit but when we speak of friendship which is the best thing in the World for it is love and beneficence it is charity that is fitted for society we cannot suppose a brave pile should be built up with nothing and they that build Castles in the air and look upon friendship as upon a fine Romance a thing that pleases the fancy but is good for nothing else will do well when they are asleep or when they are come to Elysium and for ought I know in the mean time may be as much in love with Mandana in the Grand Cyrus as with the Infanta of Spain or any of the most perfect beauties and real excellencies of the world and by dreaming of perfect and abstracted friendships make them so immaterial that they perish in the handling and become good for nothing But I know not whither I was going I did only mean to say that because friendship is that by which the world is most blessed and receives most good it ought to be chosen amongst the worthiest persons that is amongst those that can do greatest benefit to each other and though in equal worthiness I may chuse by my eye or ear that is into the consideration of the essential I may take in also the accidental and extrinsick worthinesses yet I ought to give every one their just value when the internal beauties are equal these shall help to weigh down the scale and I will love a worthy friend that can delight me as well as profit me rather than him who cannot delight me at all and profit me no more but yet I will not weigh the gayest flowers or the wings of butterflies against wheat but when I am to chuse wheat I may take that which looks the brightest I had rather see Thyme and Roses Marjoram and July-flowers that are fair and sweet and medicinal than the prettiest Tulips that are good for nothing And my Sheep and Kine are better servants than Race-horses and Gray-hounds And I shall rather furnish my Study with Plutarch and Cicero with Livy and Polybius than with Cassandra and Ibrahim Bassa and if I do give an hour to these for divertisement or pleasure yet I will dwell with them that can instruct me and make me wise and eloquent severe and useful to my self and others I end this with the saying of Laelius in Cicero Amicitia non debet consequi utilitatem sed amicitiam utilitas When I chuse my friend I will not stay till I have received a kindness but I will chuse such an one that can do me many if I need them But I mean such kindnesses which make me wiser and which make me better that is I will when I chuse my friend chuse him that is the bravest the worthiest and the most excellent person and then your first Question is soon answered to love such a person and to contract such friendships is just so authorized by the principles of Christianity as it is warranted to love wisdom and vertue goodness and beneficence and all the impresses of God upon the spirits of brave men 2. The next inquiry is how far it may extend That is by what expressions it may be signified I find that David and Jonathan loved at a strange rate they were both good men though it happened that Jonathan was on the obliging side but here the expressions were Jonathan watched for Davids good told him of his danger and helped him to escape took part with Davids innocence against his Fathers malice and injustice and beyond all this did it to his own prejudice and they two stood like two feet supporting one body though Jonathan knew that David would prove like the foot of a Wrestler and would
supplant him not by any unworthy or unfriendly action but it was from God and he gave him his hand to set him upon his own Throne We find his parallels in the Gentile stories young Athenodorus having divided the estate with his Brother Xenon divided it again when Xenon had spent his own share and Lucullus would not take the Consulship till his younger brother had first enjoyed it for a year but Pollux divided with Castor his immortality and you know who offer'd himself to death being pledg for his friend and his friend by performing his word rescued him as bravely and when we find in Scripture that for a good man some will even dare to die and that Aquila and Priscilla laid their necks down for S. Paul and the Galatians would have given him their very eyes that is every thing that was most dear to them and some others were near unto death for his sake and that it is a precept of Christian charity to lay down our lives for our brethren that is those who were combined in a cause of Religion who were united with the same hopes and imparted to each other ready assistances and grew dear by common sufferings we need enquire no further for the expressions of friendships Greater love than this hath no man than that he lay down his life for his friends and this we are oblig'd to do in some Cases for all Christians and therefore we may do it for those who are to us in this present and imperfect state of things that which all the good Men and Women in the World shall be in Heaven that is in the state of perfect friendships This is the biggest but then it includes and can suppose all the rest and if this may be done for all and in some cases must for any one of the multitude we need not scruple whether we may do it for those who are better than a multitude But as for the thing it self it is not easily and lightly to be done and a Man must not die for humour nor expend so great a Jewel for a trifle 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 said Philo we will hardly die when it is for nothing when no good no worthy end is served and become a Sacrifice to redeem a foot boy But we may not give our life to redeem another unless 1. The party for whom we die be a worthy and an useful person better for the publick or better for Religion and more useful to others than my self Thus Ribischius the German died bravely when he became a Sacrifice for his Master Maurice Duke of Saxony Covering his Masters body with his own that he might escape the fury of the Turkish Souldiers Succurram perituro sed ut ipse non peream nisi si futurus ero magni hominis aut magnae rei merces said Seneca I will help a dying person if I can but I will not die my self for him unless by my death I save a brave man or become the price of a great thing that is I will die for a Prince for the republick or to save an Army as David expos'd himself to combat with the Philistin for the redemption of the host of Israel and in this sense that is true Praestat ut pereat unus quam Vnitas better that one perish than a multitude 2. A man dies bravely when he gives his temporal life to save the soul of any single person in the Christian world It is a worthy exchange and the glorification of that love by which Christ gave his life for every soul. Thus he that reproves an erring Prince wisely and necessarily he that affirms a fundamental truth or stands up for the glory of the Divine attributes though he die for it becomes a worthy sacrifice 3. These are duty but it may be heroick and full of Christian bravery to give my life to rescue a noble and a brave friend though I my self be as worthy a man as he because the preference of him is an act of humility in me and of friendship towards him Humility and Charity making a pious difference where art and nature have made all equal Some have fancied other measures of treating our friends One sort of men say that we are to expect that our friends should value us as we value our selves which if it were to be admitted will require that we make no friendship with a proud man and so far indeed were well but then this proportion does exclude some humble men who are most to be valued and the rather because they undervalue themselves Others say that a friend is to value his friend as much as his friend values him but neither is this well or safe wise or sufficient for it makes friendship a meer bargain and is something like the Country weddings in some places where I have been where the bridegroom and the bride must meet in the half way and if they fail a step they retire and break the match It is not good to make a reckoning in friendship that 's merchandise or it may be gratitude but not noble friendship in which each part strives to out do the other in significations of an excellent love And amongst true friends there is no fear of losing any thing But that which amongst the old Philosophers comes nearest to the right is that we love our friends as we love our selves If they had meant it as our Blessed Saviour did of that general friendship by which we are to love all Mankind it had been perfect and well or if they had meant it of the inward affection or of outward justice but because they meant it of the most excellent friendships and of the outward significations of it it cannot be sufficient for a friend may and must sometimes do more for his friend than he would do for himself Some men will perish before they will beg or petition for themselves to some certain persons but they account it noble to do it for their friend and they will want rather than their friend shall want and they will be more earnest in praise or dispraise respectively for their friend than for themselves And indeed I account that one of the greatest demonstrations of real friendship that a friend can really endeavour to have his friend advanced in honour in reputation in the opinion of wit or learning before himself Aurum opes rura frequens donabit amicus Qui velit ingenio cedere rarus erit Sed tibi tantus inest veteris respectus amici Carior ut me sit quam tua fama tibi Lands gold and trifles many give or lend But he that stoops in fame is a rare friend In friendships orb thou art the brightest star Before thy fame mine thou preferrest far But then he pleased to think that therefore I so highly value this signification of friendship because I so highly value humility Humility and Charity are the two greatest graces in the World and these are the
greatest ingredients which constitute friendship and express it But there needs no other measures of friendship but that it may be as great as you can express it beyond death it cannot go to death it may when the cause is reasonable and just charitable and religious and yet if there be any thing greater than to suffer death and pain and shame to some are more insufferable a true and noble friendship shrinks not at the greatest trials And yet there is a limit even to friendship It must be as great as our friend fairly needs in all things where we are not tied up by a former duty to God to our selves or some pre-obliging relative When Pollux heard some body whisper a reproach against his Brother Castor he killed the slanderer with his fist that was a zeal which his friendship could not warrant Nulla est excusatio si amici causâ peccaveris said Cicero No friendship can excuse a sin And this the braver Romans instanced in the matter of duty to their Country It is not lawful to fight on our friends part against our Prince or Country and therefore when Caius Blosius of Cuma in the sedition of Gracchus appeared against his Country when he was taken he answered That he loved Tiberius Gracchus so dearly that he thought fit to follow him whithersoever he led and begg'd pardon upon that account They who were his Judges were so noble that though they knew it no fair excuse yet for the honour of friendship they did not directly reject his motion but put him to death because he did not follow but led on Gracchus and brought his friend into the snare For so they preserved the honours of friendship on either hand by neither suffering it to be sullied by a foul excuse nor yet rejected in any fair pretence A man may not be perjured for his friend I remember to have read in the History of the Low-countries that Grimston and Redhead when Bergenapzoom was besieged by the Duke of Parma acted for the interest of the Queen of Englands Forces a notable design but being suspected and put for their acquittance to take the Sacrament of the Altar they dissembled their persons and their interest their design and their religion and did for the Queens service as one wittily wrote to her give not only their bodies but their souls and so deserved a reward greater than she could pay them I cannot say this is a thing greater than a friendship can require for it is not great at all but a great villany which hath no name and no order in worthy entercourses and no obligation to a friend can reach as high as our duty to God And he that does a base thing in zeal for his friend burns the golden thred that ties their hearts together it is a conspiracy but no longer friendship And when Cato lent his Wife to Hortensius and Socrates lent his to a merry Greek they could not amongst wise persons obtain so much as the fame of being worthy friends neither could those great Names legitimate an unworthy action under the most plausible title It is certain that amongst friends their estates are common that is by whatsoever I can rescue my friend from calamity I am to serve him or not to call him friend there is a great latitude in this and it is to be restrained by no prudence but when there is on the other side a great necessity neither vicious nor avoidable A man may chuse whether he will or no and he does not sin in not doing it unless he have bound himself to it But certainly friendship is the greatest band in the world and if he have professed a great friendship he hath a very great obligation to do that and more and he can no ways be disobliged but by the care of his Natural relations I said Friendship is the greatest bond in the world and I had reason for it for it is all the bands that this world hath and there is no society and there is no relation that is worthy but it is made so by the communications of friendship and by partaking some of its excellencies For friendship is a transcendent and signifies as much as Vnity can mean and every consent and every pleasure and every benefit and every society is the Mother or the Daughter of friendship Some friendships are made by nature some by contract some by interest and some by souls And in proportion to these ways of Uniting so the friendships are greater or less vertuous or natural profitable or holy or all this together Nature makes excellent friendships of which we observe something in social parts growing better in each others neighbourhood than where they stand singly And in animals it is more notorious whose friendships extend so far as to herd and dwell together to play and feed to defend and fight for one another and to cry in absence and to rejoyce in one anothers presence But these friendships have other names less noble they are sympathy or they are instinct But if to this natural friendship there be reason superadded something will come in upon the stock of reason which will ennoble it but because no Rivers can rise higher than Fountains reason shall draw out all the dispositions which are in Nature and establish them into friendships but they cannot surmount the communications of Nature Nature can make no friendships greater than her own excellencies Nature is the way of contracting necessary friendships that is by nature such friendships are contracted without which we cannot live and be educated or be well or be at all In this scene that of Parents and Children is the greatest which indeed is begun in nature but is actuated by society and mutual endearments For Parents love their Children because they love themselves Children being but like emissions of water symbolical or indeed the same with the fountain and they in their posterity see the images and instruments of a civil immortality but if Parents and Children do not live together we see their friendships and their loves are much abated and supported only by fame and duty by customs and religion which to nature are but artificial pillars and make this friendship to be complicated and to pass from its own kind to another That of Children to their Parents is not properly friendship but gratitude and interest and religion and whatever can supervene of the nature of friendship comes in upon another account upon society and worthiness and choice This relation on either hand makes great Dearnesses But it hath special and proper significations of it and there is a special duty incumbent on each other respectively This friendship and social relation is not equal and there is too much authority on one side and too much fear on the other to make equal friendships and therefore although this is one of the kinds of friendship that is of a social and relative love and conversation yet in the more
case is thus The first beginnings of friendship serve the necessities but choice and worthiness are the excellencies of its endearment and its bravery and between a Brother that is no friend and a friend that is no Brother there is the same difference as between the disposition and the act or habit a Brother if he be worthy is the readiest and the nearest to be a friend but till he be so he is but the twi-light of the day and but the blossome to the fairest fruit of Paradise A Brother does not always make a friend but a friend ever makes a Brother and more And although nature sometimes finds the tree yet friendship engraves the Image the first relation places him in the Garden but friendship sets it in the Temple and then only it is venerable and sacred and so is Brotherhood when it hath the soul of friendship So that if it be asked which are most to be valued Brothers or friends the answer is very easie Brotherhood is or may be one of the kinds of friendship and from thence only hath its value and therefore if it be compared with a greater friendship must give place But then it is not to be asked which is to be preferred a Brother or a Friend but which is the better friend Memnon or my Brother For if my Brother says I ought to love him best then he ought to love me best valiant if he does then there is a great friendship and he possibly is to be preferred if he can be that friend which he pretends to be that is if he be equally worthy but if he says I must love him only because he is my Brother whether he loves me or no he is ridiculous and it will be a strange relation which hath no correspondent but suppose it and add this also that I am equally his Brother as he is mine and then he also must love me whether I love him or no and if he does not he says I must love him though he be my Enemy and so I must but I must not love my Enemy though he be my Brother more then I love my Friend and at last if he does love me for being his Brother I confess that this love deserves love again but then I consider that he loves me upon an incompetent reason for he that loves me only because I am his Brother loves me for that which is no worthiness and I must love him as much as that comes to and for as little reason unless this be added that he loves me first but whether choice and union of souls and worthiness of manners and greatness of understanding and usefulness of conversation and the benefits of Counsel and all those endearments which make our lives pleasant and our persons Dear are not better and greater reasons of love and Dearness than to be born of the same flesh I think amongst wise persons needs no great inquiry For fraternity is but a Cognation of bodies but friendship is an Union of souls which are confederated by more noble ligatures My Brother if he be no more shall have my hand to help him but unless he be my friend too he cannot challenge my heart and if his being my friend be the greater nearness then friend is more than Brother and I suppose no man doubts but that David lov'd Jonathan far more than he lov'd his Brother Eliah One inquiry more there may be in this affair and that is whether a friend may be more than a Husband or Wife To which I answer that it can never be reasonable or just prudent or lawful but the reason is because Marriage is the Queen of friendships in which there is a communication of all that can be communicated by friendship and it being made sacred by vows and love by bodies and souls by interest and custome by religion and by laws by common Counsels and common fortunes it is the principal in the kind of friendship and the measure of all the rest And there is no abatement to this consideration but that there may be some allay in this as in other letter friendships by the incapacity of the persons if I have not chosen my friend wisely or fortunately he cannot be the correlative in the best Union but then the friend lives as the soul does after death it is in the state of separation in which the soul strangely loves the body and longs to be reunited but the body is an useless trunk and can do no ministeries to the soul which therefore prays to have the body reformed and restored and made a brave and a fit companion so must these best friends when one is useless or unapt to the braveries of the princely friendship they must love ever and pray ever and long till the other be perfected and made fit in this case there wants only the body but the soul is still a relative and must be so for ever A Husband and a Wife are the best friends but they cannot always signifie all that to each other which their friendships would as the Sun shines not upon a Valley which sends up a thick vapour to cover his face and though his beams are eternal yet the emission is intercepted by the intervening cloud But however all friendships are but parts of this a man must leave Father and Mother and cleave to his Wife that is the dearest thing in Nature is not comparable to the dearest thing of friendship and I think this is argument sufficient to prove friendship to be the greatest band in the world Add to this that other friendships are parts of this they are marriages too less indeed than the other because they cannot must not be all that endearment which the other is yet that being the principal is the measure of the rest and are all to be honoured by like dignities and measured by the same rules and conducted by their portion of the same Laws But as friendships are Marriages of the soul and of fortunes and interests and counsels so they are brotherhoods too and I often think of the excellencies of friendships in the words of David who certainly was the best friend in the World Ecce quam bonum quam jucundum fratres habitare in unum It is good and it is pleasant that Brethren should live like friends that is they who are any ways relative and who are any ways social and confederate should also dwell in Unity and loving society for that is the meaning of the word Brother in Scripture It was my Brother Jonathan said David such Brothers contracting such friendships are the beauties of society and the pleasure of life and the festivity of minds and whatsoever can be spoken of love which is God's eldest daughter can be said of vertuous friendships and though Carneades made an eloquent Oration at Rome against justice and yet never saw a Panegyrick of malice or ever read that any man was witty against friendship Indeed it
is probable that some men finding themselves by the peculiarities of friendship excluded from the participation of those beauties of society which enamel and adorn the wise and the vertuous might suppose themselves to have reason to speak the evil words of envy and detraction I wonder not that all those unhappy souls which shall find heaven gates shut against them will think they have reason to murmur and blaspheme The similitude is apt enough for that is the region of friendship and love is the light of that glorious Countrey but so bright that it needs no Sun Here we have fine and bright rayes of that Celestial flame and though to all Mankind the light of it is in some measure to be extended like the treasures of light dwelling in the South yet a little do illustrate and beautifie the North yet some live under the line and the beams of friendship in that position are imminent and perpendicular I know but one thing more in which the Communications of friendship can be restrained and that is in Friends and Enemies Amicus amici amicus meus non est My friends friend is not always my friend nor his enemy mine for if my friend quarrel with a third person with whom he hath had no friendships upon the account of interest if that third person be my friend the nobleness of our friendships despises such a quarrel and what may be reasonable in him would be ignoble in me sometimes it may be otherwise and friends may marry one anothers loves and hatreds but it is by chance if it can be just and therefore because it is not always right it cannot be ever necessary In all things else let friendships be as high and expressive till they become an Union or that friends like the Molionidae be so the same that the flames of their dead bodies make but one Pyramis no charity can be reproved and such friendships which are more than shadows are nothing else but the rayes of that glorious grace drawn into one centre and made more active by the Union and the proper significations are well represented in the old Hieroglyphick by which the ancients depicted friendship In the beauties and strength of a young man bare-headed rudely clothed to signifie its activity and lastingness readiness of action and aptnesses to do service Upon the fringes of his garment was written Mors vita as signifying that in life and death the friendship was the same on the forehead was written Summer and Winter that is prosperous and adverse accidents and states of life the left arm and shoulder was bare and naked down to the heart to which the finger pointed and there was written longè propè by all which we know that friendship does good far and near in Summer and Winter in life and death and knows no difference of state or accident but by the variety of her services and therefore ask no more to what we can be obliged by friendship for it is every thing that can be honest and prudent useful and necessary For this is all the allay of this Universality we may do any thing or suffer any thing that is wise or necessary or greatly beneficial to my friend and that in any thing in which I am perfect master of my person and fortunes But I would not in bravery visit my friend when he is sick of the plague unless I can do him good equal at least to my danger but I will procure him Physicians and prayers all the assistances that he can receive and that he can desire if they be in my power and when he is dead I will not run into his grave and be stifled with his earth but I will mourn for him and perform his will and take care of his relatives and do for him as if he were alive and I think that is the meaning of that hard saying of a Greek Poet. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 To me though distant let thy friendship fly Though men be mortal friendships must not die Of all things else there 's great satiety Of such immortal abstracted pure friendships indeed there is no great plenty and to see brothers hate each other is not so rare as to see them love at this rate The dead and the absent have but few friends say the Spaniards but they who are the same to their friend 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 when he is in another Countrey or in another World these are they who are fit to preserve the sacred fire for eternal sacrifices and to perpetuate the memory of those exemplar friendships of the best men which have filled the World with history and wonder for in no other sense but this can it be true that friendships are pure loves regarding to do good more than to receive it He that is a friend after death hopes not for a recompense from his friend and makes no bargain either for fame or love but is rewarded with the conscience and satisfaction of doing bravely but then this is demonstration that they choose Friends best who take persons so worthy that can and will do so This is the profit and usefulness of friendship and he that contracts such a noble Union must take care that his friend be such who can and will but hopes that himself shall be first used and put to act it I will not have such a friendship that is good for nothing but I hope that I shall be on the giving and assisting part and yet if both the friends be so noble and hope and strive to do the benefit I cannot well say which ought to yield and whether that friendship were braver that could be content to be unprosperous so his friend might have the glory of assisting him or that which desires to give assistances in the greatest measures of friendship but he that chooses a worthy friend that himself in the days of sorrow and need might receive the advantage hath no excuse no pardon unless himself be as certain to do assistances when evil fortune shall require them The sum of this answer to this enquiry I give you in a pair of Greek verses 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Friends are to friends as letter Gods while they Honour and service to each other pay But when a dark cloud comes grudge not to lend Thy head thy heart thy fortune to thy friend 3. The last inquiry is how friendships are to be conducted That is what are the duties in presence and in absence whether the friend may not desire to enjoy his friend as well as his friendship The answer to which in a great measure depends upon what I have said already and if friendship be a charity in society and is not for contemplation and noise but for material comforts and noble treatments and usages this is no peradventure but that if I buy land I may eat the fruits and if I take a house I may dwell in it
and if I love a worthy person I may please my self in his society and in this there is no exception unless the friendship be between persons of a different sex for then not only the interest of their religion and the care of their honour but the worthiness of their friendship requires that their entercourse be prudent and free from suspicion and reproach and if a friend is obliged to bear a calamity so he secure the honour of his friend it will concern him to conduct his entercourse in the lines of a vertuous prudence so that he shall rather lose much of his own comfort than she any thing of her honour and in this case the noises of people are so to be regarded that next to innocence they are the principal But when by caution and prudence and severe conduct a friend hath done all that he or she can to secure fame and honourable reports after this their noises are to be despised they must not fright us from our friendships nor from her fairest entercourses I may lawfully pluck the clusters from my own Vine though he that walks by calls me thief But by the way Madam you may see how much I differ from the morosity of those Cynicks who would not admit your sex into the communities of a noble friendship I believe some Wives have been the best friends in the World and few stories can out do the nobleness and piety of that Lady that suck'd the poysonous purulent matter from the wound of our brave Prince in the holy Land when an Assasine had pierc'd him with a venom'd arrow and if it be told that Women cannot retain counsel and therefore can be no brave friends I can best confute them by the story of Porcia who being fearful of the weakness of her sex stabb'd her self into the thigh to try how she could bear pain and finding her self constant enough to that sufferance gently chid her Brutus for not daring to trust her since now she perceived that no torment could wrest that secret from her which she hoped might be intrusted to her If there were not more things to be said for your satisfaction I could have made it disputable whether have been more illustrious in their friendships Men or Women I cannot say that Women are capable of all those excellencies by which Men can oblige the World and therefore a female friend in some cases is not so good a counsellor as a wise man and cannot so well defend my honour nor dispose of reliefs and assistances if she be under the power of another but a woman can love as passionately and converse as pleasantly and retain a secret as faithfully and be useful in her proper ministeries and she can die for her friend as well as the bravest Roman Knight and we find that some persons have engag'd themselves as far as death upon a less interest than all this amounts to such were the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as the Greeks call them the Devoti of a Prince or General the Assasines amongst the Saracens the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 amongst the old Galatians they did as much as a friend could do and if the greatest services of a friend can be paid for by an ignoble price we cannot grudge to vertuous and brave women that they be partners in a noble friendship since their conversation and returns can add so many moments to the felicity of our lives and therefore though a Knife cannot enter as far as a Sword yet a Knife may be more useful to some purposes and in every thing except it be against an enemy A man is the best friend in trouble but a woman may be equal to him in the days of joy a woman can as well increase our comforts but cannot so well lessen our sorrows and therefore we do not carry women with us when we go to fight but in peaceful Cities and times vertuous women are the beauties of society and the prettinesses of friendship And when we consider that few persons in the world have all those excellencies by which friendship can be useful and illustrious we may as well allow women as men to be friends since they can have all that which can be necessary and essential to friendships and these cannot have all by which friendships can be accidentally improved in all some abatements will be made and we shall do too much honour to women if we reject them from friendships because they are not perfect for if to friendships we admit imperfect men because no man is perfect he that rejects women does find fault with them because they are not more perfect than men which either does secretly affirm that they ought and can be perfect or else it openly accuses men of injustice and partiality I hope you will pardon me that I am a little gone from my undertaking I went aside to wait upon the women and to do countenance to their tender vertues I am now return'd and if I were to do the office of a guide to uninstructed friends would add the particulars following Madam you need not read them now but when any friends come to be taught by your precept and example how to converse in the noblest conjurations you may put these into better words and tell them 1. That the first law of friendship is they must neither ask of their friend what is Undecent nor grant it if themselves be askt For it is no good office to make my friend more vicious or more a fool I will restrain his folly but not nurse it I will not make my groom the officer of my lust and vanity There are Villains who sell their souls for bread that offer sin and vanity at a price I should be unwilling my friend should know I am vicious but if he could be brought to minister to it he is not worthy to be my friend and if I could offer it to him I do not deserve to clasp hands with a vertuous person 2. Let no Man chuse him for his friend whom it shall be possible for him ever after to hate for though the society may justly be interrupted yet love is an immortal thing and I will never despise him whom I could once think worthy of my love A friend that proves not good is rather to be suffered than any enmities be entertained and there are some outer offices of friendship and little drudgeries in which the less worthy are to be imployed and it is better that he be below stairs than quite thrown out of doors 3. There are two things which a friend can never pardon a treacherous blow and the revealing of a secret because these are against the Nature of friendship they are the adulteries of it and dissolve the Union and in the matters of friendship which is the marriage of souls these are the proper causes of divorce and therefore I shall add this only that secrecy is the chastity of friendship and the publication of it is a
prostitution and direct debauchery but a secret treacherous wound is a perfect and unpardonable Apostasie I remember a pretty apologue that Bromiard tells A Fowler in a sharp frosty morning having taken many little birds for which he had long watched began to take up his Nets and nipping the birds on the head laid them down A young Thrush espying the tears trickling down his cheeks by reason of the extreme cold said to her Mother that certainly the man was very merciful and compassionate that wept so bitterly over the calamity of the poor Birds But her Mother told her more wisely that she might better judge of the man's disposition by his hand than by his eye and if the hands do strike treacherously he can never be admitted to friendship who speaks fairly and weeps pitifully Friendship is the greatest honesty and ingenuity in the World 4. Never accuse thy friend nor believe him that does if thou dost thou hast broken the skin but he that is angry with every little fault breaks the bones of friendship and when we consider that in society and the accidents of every day in which no man is constantly pleased or displeased with the same things we shall find reason to impute the change unto our selves and the emanations of the Sun are still glorious when our eyes are fore and we have no reason to be angry with an eternal light because we have a changeable and a mortal faculty But however do not think thou didst contract alliance with an Angel when thou didst take thy friend into thy bosom he may be weak as well as thou art and thou mayest need pardon as well as he and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Theog that man loves flattery more than friendship who would not only have his friend but all the contingencies of his friend to humour him 5. Give thy friend counsel wisely and charitably but leave him to his liberty whether he will follow thee or no and be not angry if thy counsel be rejected for advice is no Empire and he is not my friend that will be my Judge whether I will or no. Neoptolemus had never been honoured with the victory and spoils of Troy if he had attended to the tears and counsel of Lycomedes who being afraid to venture the young man fain would have had him sleep at home safe in his little Island He that gives advice to his friend and exacts obedience to it does not the kindness and ingenuity of a friend but the office and pertness of a School-master 6. Never be a Judge between thy friends in any matter where both set their hearts upon the victory If strangers or enemies be litigants what ever side thou favourest thou gettest a friend but when friends are the parties thou losest one 7. Never comport thy self so as that thy friend can be afraid of thee for then the state of the relation alters when a new and troublesome passion supervenes ODERVNT quos METVVNT Perfect love casteth out fear and no man is friend to a Tyrant but that friendship is Tyranny where the love is changed into fear equality into empire society into obedience for then all my kindness to him also will be no better than flattery 8. When you admonish your friend let it be without bitterness when you chide him let it be without reproach when you praise him let it be with worthy purposes and for just causes and in friendly measures too much of that is flattery too little is envy if you do it justly you teach him true measures but when others praise him rejoyce though they praise not thee and remember that if thou esteemest his praise to be thy disparagement thou art envious but neither just nor kind 9. When all things else are equal prefer an old friend before a new If thou meanest to spend thy friend and make a gain of him till he be weary thou wilt esteem him as a beast of burden the worse for his age But if thou esteemest him by noble measures he will be better to thee by thy being used to him by trial and experience by reciprocation of indearments and an habitual worthiness An old friend is like old wine which when a man hath drunk he doth not desire new because he saith the old is better But every old friend was new once and if he be worthy keep the new one till he become old 10. After all this treat thy friend nobly love to be with him do to him all the worthinesses of love and fair endearment according to thy capacity and his Bear with his infirmities till they approach towards being criminal but never dissemble with him never despise him never leave him Give him gifts and upbraid him not and refuse not his kindnesses and be sure never to despise the smalness or the impropriety of them Confirmatur amor beneficio accepto A gift saith Solomon fasteneth friendships for as an eye that dwells long upon a star must be refreshed with lesser beauties and strengthened with greens and looking-glasses lest the sight become amazed with too great a splendor so must the love of friends sometimes be refreshed with material and low Caresses lest by striving to be too divine it become less humane It must be allowed its share of both It is humane in giving pardon and fair construction and openness and ingenuity and keeping secrets it hath something that is divine because it is beneficent but much because it is eternal THE END FIVE LETTERS More To PERSONS Changed and Tempted to a Change IN THEIR RELIGION By the same Author The I. LETTER A Copy of the first Letter written to a Gentlewoman newly seduced to the Church of Rome M. B. I Was desirous of an opportunity in London to have discoursed with you concerning something of nearest concernment to you but the multitude of my little affairs hindred me and have brought upon you this trouble to read a long Letter which yet I hope you will be more willing to do because it comes from one who hath a great respect to your person and a very great charity to your soul I must confess I was on your behalf troubled when I heard you were fallen from the Communion of the Church of England and entred into a voluntary unnecessary schism and departure from the Laws of the King and the Communion of those with whom you have always lived in charity going against those Laws in the defence and profession of which your Husband died going from the Religion in which you were Baptized in which for so many years you lived piously and hoped for Heaven and all this without any sufficient reason without necessity or just scandal ministred to you and to aggravate all this you did it in a time when the Church of England was persecuted when she was marked with the Characterisms of her Lord the marks of the Cross of Jesus