belieue it As nought vnto a thing of nought I giue it Thus with your begging you but get a mock And yet with begging little mend your stock Leaue begging Lynus for such poore rewards Else some will begge thee in the Court of Wards 11 Of liberality in giuing nothing I Heare some say and some belieue it too That craft is found eu'n in the clouted shoo Sure I haue found it with the losse of pence My Tenants haue both craft and eloquence For when one hath a suite before he aske it His Orator pleades for him in a basket Well Tenant well he was your friend that taught you This learn'd Exordium Master here cha brought you For with one courtesie and two Capons giuing Thou sauest ten pounds in buying of thy liuing Which makes me say that haue obseru'd this quality In poore men not to giue is niggerality 12 Of learning nothing at a Lecture vpon occasion of Dâ— Reynolds at Oxford afore my Lord of Essex and diuers Ladies and Courtiers at the Queenes last beeing there on these words I do him nihil est An Idol is nothing WHile I at Oxford stay'd some few months since To see and serue our deare Soueraigne Prince Where graciously her Grace did see and show The choisest fruits that learning could bestow I went one day to heare a learned Lecture Read as some said by Bellarmines correcter And sundry Courtiers more then present were That vnderstood it well saue here and there Among the rest one whom it least concerned Askt me what I had at the Lecture learned I that his ignorance might soone be guile Did say I learned nothing all the while Yet did the Reader teach with much facilitie And I was wont to learne with some docilitie What learn'd you Sir quoth he in swearing moode I nothing learn'd for nought I vnderstood I thanke my Parents they when I was yong Barr'd me to learne this Popish Romane tong And yet it seemes to me if you say true â— without learning learn'd the same that you Most true said I yet few dare call vs Fooles That this day learned nothing at the Schooles 13 A Paradox of Doomes day SOme Doctors deeme the day of Doome drawes neere But I can proue the contrary most cleere For at that day our Lord and Sauiour saith That he on earth shall scant finde any faith But in these daies it cannot be denyde All boast of onely faith and nought beside But if you seeke the fruit thereof by workes You shall finde many better with the Turkes 14 Against a foolish Satyrist called Lynus HElpe friends I feele my credit lyes a bleeding For Lynus who to me beares hate exceeding I heare against me is eu'n now a breeding A bitter Satyr all of Gall proceeding Now sweet Apollos Iudge to be his speeding For what he writes I take no care nor heeding For none of worth wil think them worth the reeding So my friend Paulus censures them who sweares That Lynus verse fuits best with Mydas eares 15 Of a faire woman translated out of Casaneus his Catalogus gloriae mundi THese thirty things that Hellens fame did raise A Dame should haue that seeks for beuties praise Three bright three blacke three red 3. short 3. tall Three thick three thin three close 3. wide 3. small Her skin and teeth must be cleare bright and neat Her browes eyes priuy parts as blacke as Ieat Her cheekes lips nayles must haue Vermillian hiew Her haÌ„ds hayre height must haue ful length to view Her teeth foote eares all short no length allowes Large brests large hips large space betweene the browes A narrow mouth small waste streight Her fingers hayre and lips but thin and slender Thighs belly neck should be full smooth and round Nose head and teats the least that can be found Sith few or none perfection such attaine But few or none are fayre the case is plaine 16 Of a Hous-hold fray friendly ended A Man wife stroue earst who should be master and hauing chang'd between theÌ„ hous-hold speeches The maÌ„ in wrath broght forth a pair of wasters swore those 2. shuld proue who ware the breeches She that could break his head yet giue him plasters Accepts the challenge yet withall beseeches â—â—at she as weakest then might strike the first â—nd let him ward and after doe his worst â—e swore that should be so as God should blesse him â—nd close he lay him to the sured locke â—e flourishing as though she would not misse him â—â—id downe her cudgell and with witty mocke â—he told him for his kindnes she would kisse him â—hat now was sworne to giue her neuer knocke â—ou sware said she I should the first blow giue â—nd I sweare I 'le neuer strike you while I liue â—n flattring slut said he thou dar'st not fight â— am no Larke quoth she man doe not dare me â—et me point time and place as 't is my right By Law of challenge and then neuer spare me Agreed said he Then rest quoth she to night To morrow at Cuckolds hauen I 'le prepare me Peace wife said he wee 'le cease all rage and rancor Ere in that Harbor I will ride at Ancor 17 Of Blessing without a crosse A Priest that earst was riding on the way Not knowing better how to passe the day Was singing with himselfe Geneua Psalmes A blind man hearing him straight beg'd an almes Man said the Priest from coyne I cannot part But I pray God blesse thee with all my heart O said the man the poore may liue with losse Now Priests haue learn'd to Blesse without a crosse 18 Of writing with a Double meaning A Certaine man was to a Iudge complaining How one had written with a Double meaning Foole said the Iudge no man deserueth trouble For Double meaning so he deale not Double 19 Against Cosmus a great Briber THis wicked age of ours complaines of Bribing The want of iustice most to that ascribing When Iudges who should heare both with equalitie By one side brib'd to that shew partialitie But Cosmus in this case doth well prouide For euer he takes Bribes of euery side Wherefore on him complaine can no man rightly But that he still may sentence giue vprightly I first would chuse one that all Bribes doth loath I next could vse him that takes bribes of both 20 Of a Precise Tayler A Tayler a man of an vpright dealing True but for lying honest but for stealing Did fall one day extremely sicke by chance And on the sudden was in wondrous trance The Friends of hell mustring in fearfull manner Of sundry coloured silke display'd a banner â—hich he had stolne and wish't as they did tell â—â—at one day he might finde it all in hell â—he man affrighted at this apparision â—pon recouerie grew a great Precision â—â—e bought a Bible of the new translation â—nd in his life he shew'd great reformation â—e walked mannerly and talked meekely â—e heard three Lectures and two Sermons weekely â—e
vs follow still the Apostles lore Apostata's thou follow'st euermore They bid refresh the poore with Almes-deedes Thou rauish dost the poore with all misdeedes They promist ioyes eternall neuer wasting You merit noyes infernall euerlasting 18 Of Sheepe turned Wolues WHen hearts obdurate make of sin an habitâ— High frowning Nemesis was wont to senâ— Beares Lions Wolues and Serpents to this end To spoyle the coasts whereso good folke inhabite Now since this age in habite and in act Excels the sinnes of euery former age No maruaile Nemesis in her iust rage Doth like or greater punishment exact And for this cause a cruell beast is sent Not only that deuoures and spoyles the people But spares not house nor village Church nor Steeplâ— And makes poore widdowes mourn Orphants lameÌ„â— You muse perhaps what beasts they be that keep Such beastly rule as seld was seene before T is neither Beare nor Lyon Bull nor Bore But Beasts then al these beasts more harmeful sheâ—â— Loe then the mystery from whence the name Of Cotsold Lyons first to England came 19 Of Lynus borrowing WHen Lynus meets me after salutations Courtsies and complements and gratulations He presseth me euen to the third deniall â—o lend him twenty shillings or a royall But of his purpose of his curtsie fayling He goes behind my backe cursing and rayling Foole thy kind speeches cost not thee a penâ—y And more foole I if they should cost me any 20 Of one Master Carelesse WHere dwels Mr. Carelesse Iesters haue no dwelling Where lies he in his tongue by most mens telling Where bords he there where feasts are fouÌ„d by smelling Where bites he all behind with all men yelling Where bides the man oh sir I mist your spelling â—ow I will read yet well I doe not wot â—ut if that I to him shall point his lot In Shot-ouer at Dogs-head in the pot For in that signe his head oft ouer-shot 21 Against Momus in praise of his dogge Bungey BEcause a witty Writer of this time Doth make some mention in a pleasant rime Of Lepidus and of his famous dogge Thou Momus that dost loue to scoffe and cogge Prat'st amongst base companions and giue'st out That vnto me herein is meant aflout Hate makes thee blinde Momus I dare be sworne He meant to me his loue to thee his scorne Put on thy enuious spectacles and see Whom doth he scorne therein the dogge or mee The Dogge is grac't compared with great Bankes Both beasts right famous for their pretty prankes Although in this I grant the dogge was worse He onely fed my pleasure not my purse Yet that same Dogge I may say this and boast it He found my purse with gold when I haue lost it Now for my selfe some fooles like thee may iudge That at the name of Lepidus I grudge No sure so farre I thinke it from disgrace I wisht it cleare to me and to my race Lepus or Lepos I in both haue part That in my name I beare this in mine heart But Momus I perswade my selfe that no man Will deigne thee such a name English or Roman I le wage a But of Sack the best in Bristo Who calles me Lepid I will call him Tristo 22 Of Faustus NOw Faustus saith long Epigrams are dull Lowt Larks are lothsom wheÌ„ ones panch is fulâ— Yet whom the short doe please the long not weary I wish them neuer weary euer merry 23 Of summum bonum WHile I of summum bonum was disputing Propounding some positioÌ„s som confuting â—ld Sextus sayes that we were all deluded â—nd that not one of vs aright concluded â—nowledge sayth he is only true felicity â—traightwayes a stranger askt me in simplicity â— Sextus learned no quoth I by this light â—hen without light how iudgeth he so right He doth but ayme as poore men vallew wealth The feeble value strength the sicke man health 24 To Mall to comfort her for the losse of her Children â—Hen at the window thou thy doues art feeding Then thinke I shortly my Doue will be breeding â—â—ke will loue like and so my liking like thee 〈◊〉 I to doues in many things can like thee â—oth of you loue your lodgings dry and warme â—oth of you doe your neighbours little harme â—oth loue to feede vpon the firmest graine â—oth for your liuings take but little paine Both murmur kindly both are often billing Yet both to Venus sports will seeme vnwilling Both doe delight to looke your selues in Glasses You both loue your own houses as it passes Both fruitfull are but yet the Doue is wiser For though she haue no friend that can aduise her She patiently can take her young ones losse Thou too impatiently doost beare such crosse 25 Of the excuse of Symony CLerus I heare doth some excuse alledge Of his and other fellowes sacriledge As namely that to some against their wills That men are bound to take the lesse of ills That they had rather no man need to doubt Take Liuings whole then such as his without And therefore we must lay this haynous crime Not vnto them forsooth but to the time Alas a fault confest were halfe amended But sinne is doubled that is thus defended I know a right wise man sings and beleeues Where no Receiuers are there be no Theeues 26 In commendation of Master Lewkeners sixt description of Venice Dedicated to Lady Warwick 1595. LO here 's describ'd though but in little roome Faire Venice like a Spouse in Neptunes armes For freedome emulous to ancient Rome Famous for counsell much and much for Armes Whose stories earst written with Tuscan quill Lay to our English wits as halfe conceal'd Till Lewkners learned trauaile and his skill In well grac'd stile and phrase hath it reueald Venice be proud that thus augments thy fame England be kind enricht with such a Booke Both giue due honor to that noble Dame For whom this taske the Writer vnder-tooke 27 Of one that gaue a Benefice A Squire of good account affirm'd he went A learned man a Liuing to present But yet that Squire in this did breake no square He purposed thereof to keepe a share â—o set two sonnes to schoole to make them Clarks He doth reserue each yeere an hundred markes Ah said the Priest this card is too too cooling I set your sonnes nay they set me to schooling 28 Of Faustus fishing WIth siluer hooke Faustus for flesh was fishing But that game byting not vnto his wishing He said he did being thus shrewdly matcht Fish for a Roach but had a Gudgen catcht Faustus it seemes thy luck therein was great For sure the Gudgen is the better meat Now bayt againe that game is set so sharpe That to that Gudgen thou mayst catch a Carpe 29 To his friend Of his Booke of Aiax YOu muse to find in me such alteration That I that may denly to write was wont Would now set to a Booke so desperate front As I might scant defend by incitation My Muse that time did need a strong
After long silence thus to them he said I waile not that I thinke my fact so vicious Nor am I in despaire no neuer doubt it But feeling female flesh is so delicious I waile to thinke I liu'd so long without it 86 Of a picture with a Ferriman rowing in a tempest with two Ladies in his boate whereof he loued one but she disdained him and the other loued him but he not her now a voice came to his eare that to saue his boate from beeing cast away hee must drowne one of the Ladies in which perplexitie hee speaketh these passions IN troublous seas of loue my tender bote By Fates decree is still tost vp and downe Ready to sinke and may no longer flote Except of these two Damsels one I drowne I would saue both but ah that may not be I loue the tone the tother loueth me Heere the vast waues are ready me to swallow There danger is to strike vpon the shelfe Doubtfull I swim betweene the deepe and shallow To saue th'vngrate and be vngrate my selfe Thus seeme I by the eares to hold a wolfe While faine I would eschue this gaping gulfe But since loues actions guided are by passion And quenching doth augment her burning fuell Adieu thou Nimph deseruing most compassion To merit mercy I must shew me cruell Aske you me why oh question out of season Loue neuer leisure hath to render reason 87 The old mans choice LEt soueraigne Reason sitting at the sterne And farre remouing all eye-blinding passion Censure the due desert with iudgement cleere And say The cruell merit no compassion Liue then kind Nimph and ioy we two together Farewell th' vnkind and all vnkind goe with her 88 In Philautum YOur verses please your Reader oft you vaunt it If you your selfe doe reade them oft I grant it 89 To an old Batchelor YOu praise all women well let you alone Who speakes so well of all thinks well of none 90 Of two that were married and vndone A Fond yong couple making haste to marry Without their parents will or friends consent After one month their marriage did repent And su'd vnto the Bishops Ordinary That this their act so vndiscreetly done Might by his more discretion be vndone Vpon which motion he awhile did pause At length he for their comforts to them said It had beene better friends that you had staid But now you are so hampered in the Lawes That I this knot may not vntye my sonne Yet I will grant you both shall be vndone 91 In commendation of a straw written at the request of a great Lady that ware a straw Hat at the Court. I Vowd to write of none but matters serious And lawfull vowes to breake a great offence But yet faire Ladies hests are so imperious That with all Vowes all Lawes they can dispence Then yeelding to that all-commanding Law My Muse must tell some honour of a straw Not of Iack Straw with his rebellious crew That set King Realme and Lawes at hab or nab Whom Londons worthy Maior so brauely slew With dudgeon daggers honorable stab That his successors for that seruice loyall Haue yet reward with blow of weapon royall Nor will I praise that fruitlesse straw or stubble Which built vpon most precious stones foundation When fiery tryalls come the builders trouble Though some great builders build of such a fashion To learned Androes that much better can I leaue that stubble fire and straw to scan Now lift I with Philosophers to range In searching out though I admire the reason How simpathising properties most strange Keepe contraries in straw so long a season Yee snow fruits fish moist things dry warme Are long preseru'd in straw with little harme But let all Poets my remembrance wipe From out their bookes of Fame for euer during If I forget to praise our Oaten pipe Such Musicke to the Muses all procuring That some learn'd eares preferr'd it haue before Both Orpharyon Violl Lute Bandore Now if we lift more curiously examine To search in straw some profitable points Bread hath beene made of straw in time of famine In cutting off the tender knotted ioynts But yet remaines one praise of straw to tell Which all the other praise doth farre excell That straw which men beasts fowles haue scorned Hath beene by curious Art and hand industrious So wrought that it hath shadowed yea adorned A head and face of beauty and birth illustrious Now praise I No I enuy now thy blisse Ambitious straw that so high placed is What Architect this worke so strangely matcht An yuory house dores rubies windowes touch A gilded roofe with straw all ouerthatcht Where shall pearle bide when place of straw is such Now could I wish alas I wish too much I might be straw-drawne to that liuely Tuch. But herein we may learne a good example That vertuous Industry their worth can raise Whom slanderous tongs tread vnder foot trample This told my Muse and straight she went her waies Which Lady if you seriously allow It is no toy nor haue I broke my vow 92 In Romam HAte and debate Rome through the world hath Yet Roma Amor is if backward read Then is 't not strange Rome hate should foster No spread For out of backward loue all hate doth grow FINIS