In wiveing and thriveing take counsayl of all the world and so men had need But in this busines affection so far over-rules reason in the most as they could willingly make their choyse without the counsayl of their nearest and wisest freinds Herein therefore freinds should be officious and forth putting and that both in love of their freinds and for their own sakes also who so oft as their freind marryes make an adventure and the same full of danger whether they shall not wholly or in a great measure loose their freind which is oftens seen Herein parents specially must both preserv the right which God and nature hath given them and do the dutie which the one and other hath layd upon them as accounting their children theirs most of all other things Whom if they this way bestow conveniently and in due time they provide well both for them and themselvs For them in preventing two dangerous evils uncleannes and unfit matching For themselvs according to the saying of Democritus that he who gets a good husband to his daughter findes another son as he looseth his daughter that gets an ill one The vertue of the wife is the housbands ornament so is the housbands the wives much more And therefore Philons wife being demanded why she alone went so plainly apparreled made answer that her housbands vertues were ornament sufficient for her If her practise were a rule and that housbands vertues were to be measured by their wives homelynes in atâ—yre eyther fewer housbands would be thought vertuous then are or more wives â—ound soberly apparreled then are After goodnes fitnes in maryage is most to be regarded that so much that as for a pare of gloves or yoak of oxen two alike though meaner both of them are fitter and better for use then if the one were more excellent So in this maryage pare and yoak the woman best qualifyed is not alwayes the best wife for every man nor every man the best qualifyed the fittest housband for every woman but two more alike though both meaner sort better usually And according to this Pittacus being demanded by a freind what kinde of wife he should marry answered one fit for him Fitnes of years is requisite that an old head be not set upon young shoulders nor the contrarie which is worse Fitnes in estate lest the excelling person despise the other or draw him to a course above his reach Fitnes for course of life and disposition unto it the dislike whereof in either by other breeds many discontentments Lastly agreement of affection and inclination what may be to all good persons and things Onely it is good if the one be too fierie-hoat and suddeynly moved that the other can cast on the more cold water of forbearance But now seeing there is seldom or never found such conformitie betweene man and wife but that differences will arise and be seen and so the one must give way and apply unto the other this God and nature layeth upon the woman rayther then upon the man although the man should not to much look for it nor use all his authoritie ordinarily at least which none but fools will doe As the glasse sayth one though never so rich of gold and pearl if it represent not the face of him that looks into it is not to be regarded so neyther is the wife how well endowed soever otherwise except she frame and compose her self what may be unto her housband in conformitie of manners Many common graces and good things are requisite both for housband and wife But more specially the Lord requires in the man love and wisdom and in the woman subjection The love of the housband to his wife must be like Christs to his church holy for qualitie and great for quantitie both intensively and extensively Her person and whatsoever is good in her he must love fervently mending or bearing if not intollerable what is amisse by the former of which two he makes her the better and himself by the latter And if her faylings and faults be great he by being inured to bear them patiently is the fitter to converse quietly and patiently with other perverse persons abroad as Socrates sayd he was by bearing the dayly home-brawlings of Zantippe Neyther sufficeth it that the housband walk with his wife as a man of love but before her also as a man of understanding which God hath therefore affoarded him and means of obteyning it above the woman that he might guide and goe before her as a fellow heyr of eternall life with him It is monstrous if the head stand where the feet should be and double pittie when a Naball and Abigail are matched together Yea experience teacheth how inconvenient it is if the woman have but a litle more understanding though he be not wholly without then her housband hath In the wife is specially required a reverend subjection in all lawfull things to her housband Lawfull I mean for her to obey in yea though not lawfull for him to require of her He ought to give honour to the wife as to the weaker vessell But now if he passe the bounds of wisdom and kindenes Yet must not she shake of the bond of submission but must bear patiently the burden which God hath layd upon the daughters of Eve The woman in innocency was to be subject to the man but this should have been without all wrong on his part or greif on hers But she being first in transgression hath brought her self under an other subjection and the same to her grevious in regard of her housband oftens unjust but in regard of God alwayes most just who hath ordeyned that her desire should be subject to her housband who by her seduction became subject to sin And albeit many proud women think it a matter of scorn and disgrace thus to humble themselvs to God and their housbands and even glory in the contrarie yet therein they but glory in their shame and in their housbands shame also and whilst they refuse a crosse chuse a sin of rebellion both against God and their housbands Which shall not escape unpunished from God though many fond housbands nourish them therein and by pampering and puffing them up by delicate fare costly apparrell and idlenes teach them to despise both them themselvs and all others Mariage hath divers ends that make it convenient and one that makes it necessarie for the most which is the preventing of that most foul and filthy sin of adulterie And this brand it deservs in speciall manner seeing he who coupleth himself with an harlot becomes one body with her which cannot be sayd of him that consorts with a theif or murderer or drunkard in their sins as also for that such a one sins against his own body Not that he sins not against his own soul too or that all others sinning sin not against both body and soul but in regard of
whom they have trusted and not without cause it being as vile as common to deccav him whom we could not have deceaved if he had not trusted us But if all things be rightly weighed the most have most cause to complain of themselvs for makeing no better choyse He is but right served in all mens judgments that hath his broath running out which he puts into a riven dish And first God is love and no marvayl then if there be no firmnes in that love which is not founded in God and goodnes As on the other side if a man be deceaved by such a freind as he trusts upon the shew of pietie and goodnes which he makes he hath comfort with God unto whom he had respect in trusting him Men that trust others upon the testimonie and commendation of any and are deceaved by them use to complayn to them for whose cause they trusted them He that looks in his league of freindship to the appearance of godlynes and vertue which the other makes takes his friend after a sort upon Gods word and testimony and if he happen to be deceaved by him may complayn and moan himself to God as David complayned of Achitophell the traytour with whom he had taken sweet counsayl and walked into the house of God as a freind But on the contrarie he that leagues himself with a vayn and godles person especially with respect and liking to any vanity or leaud quality in him if he be deceaved by him afterwards as like enough he will be may go to the divell to complayn upon whose word in effect he took him Some do discover their pryde and ambition by affecting acquaintance and societie with their superiours thereby eyther to become or to seem greater then they are So do others not a litle if not more bewray their pride by affected sorting with much meaner persons then themselvs that they may have honour and respect from them and domineer amongst them which in truth though under an appearance of humilitie shews the prouder minde It was swelling pride in Caesar that he rayther desired to be the first in the least village of Italie then the second in Rome it self He that will throughly reform and correct his faults had need eyther of singular circumspection and jealousy over himself and his wayes for the finding out of his own faylings or of faythfull freinds who will seriously admonish him in which dutie christian freindship is specially differenced from all other or els of bitter enemyes who will not spare nor fayl to cast his faults in his teeth that so he may make a medicine of their mallice as physitions make triacle of venemous serpents And as Iason had his impostume opened and so healed by his enemies sword in the wars which his freinds the physitions could not cure so we receav sometimes that good by our enemyes reproaches which our freinds eyther cannot or will not affoard us by their loving and faythfull advertisements A wise man makes better use of his enemies then a fool of his freinds To him that knows the use of true freindship no earthly thing is more delightfull then the sweet societie of wise and honest freinds whether for recreation after studie or labour or communication in a prosperous state or comfort in an afflicted He that so esteems not this benefit is unworthy of it Yet for my self though I have ever thus valued truly loving freinds notwithstanding considering unto how many dangers and calamities mine afflicted state hath been exposed I have counted it a benefit that I have not had many such as were in danger to take excessive sorrow for my miserie that hath or could befall me Some freinds in this respect have a very ill and unfreindly fashion If any good come to them they conceal it from their freinds if any hurt they hasten to fill their ears with that to the utmost Such are more perversly chyldish then children For as they will streight complayn to their mothers of any hurt that befals them so on the other side if any good come to them though it be but an apple or nut they will as readily run and acquaynt them with it also Such persons are commonly lovers of themselvs envious and unthankfull We on the contrarie should rayther hasten and desire to manifest to our freinds matter of gladnes when good befals us then of sorrow in our crosses and shew therein both our love towards them in procuring their rejoycing with us and also our wisdom and strength of fayth and patience in the silent swallowing of our sorrows without greiving our freinds more then needs must So we read of the woman that had lost her peice she lighted the candle swept the house and sought it diligently and all this she did alone but when she had found it then she called in her freinds and neighbours to rejoyce with her It is best mourning alone and best rejoycing with companie Some freinds are rayther to be used then trusted namely such as are more able then entire or free-hearted Some agayn are rayther to be trusted then used saue in case of necessitie and then also sparingly and those are such as whos 's truly loving affections exceed their abilitie And in these considerations the proverb oft times fitteth Rich mens purses and poore mens hearts Wealth maketh many freinds and povertie tryeth them as the winde shews which clouds have rayn in them and which not And so though the rich have the more freinds yet the poores better appear to be faythfull in giving testimony that they love their freinds for God and the persons themselvs which to know is not a small priveledg that poore men have above others who can hardly discern whether their persons or riches be loved A freind sayth the wise man loveth at all times and a brother is born for adversity He sayth not A freind is born for prosperitie though it be one end of freindship that we might have with whom to communicate and rejoyce in a prosperous state of things but for adversity this being the more principall end specially in our sinfull and sorrowfull state for which God hath linked men together in all societies which the wiser sort of the heathen have seen by the dim light of nature and that it apperteyns specially to the office of a true freind to ease his freinds greif by speach to affoard him counsayl in doubtfull cases to drive away sadnes by his chearfulnes and to refresh him with his very presence And for such persons in societies as in effect make account that they are onely for other mens prosperitie and not for their afflicted state and that others are for their help and benefit and they for their own these are the verie moths and caterpillers of family church and common wealth and so far from deserving the fellowship of men as they are scarse worthy of the flocks and heards of beasts of which divers
giveing therein an ensample to all how far they ought to put from them a secure and impudent heart countenance And though that monster of men Caligula accounted it the most commendable thing in his nature that he was ashamed of nothing yet doth both nature and grace teach it to be a most odious thing for a man to have a dogs face as the proverb is or as the prophet speaks a whâ—res forehead that refuses to be ashamed It is piâ—ttie any should speed so well by mere boldnes without reason or other defect as many do who become thereby of audacious impudent having once broken the bounds of modestie specially to their advantage Towards men of such foreheads the proverb must be put in practise A bold begger must have a bold nay-sayer It was the unrighteous judg that did that for the widows importunitie which conscience would have had him done for the goodnes of her cause and povertie of her person Though to speak as the thing is to be overcome by importunitie argues noâ— so properly injustice in what case soever as impotency of minde to resist Peter and Iohn with the other Apostles prayed to the Lord for boldnes in the speaking of his word Many others also pray for boldnes as they did but forget that they are not Apostles nor infallibly directed as they were Who if they knew themselvs aright and how prone they are to speak their own word in stead of Gods would rayther pray for modestie and advisednes that they rush not upon the rock of errour Besides they so prayed in regard of the threatnings of unbeleevers with whom they had to do But amongst brethren and christians let us rayther affect the lambs bleat then the Lions roar CHAP. LIX Of Mariage GOD hath ordeyned maryage amongst other good means for the benefit of mans naturall and spirituall life in an individual societie as the Lawjers speak between one man and one woman and hath blessed it alone with this prerogative that by it in lawfull order our kinde should be preserved and posteritie propagated And though the Lord have sometimes suffered that almost unreproved by the prophets other bodily conjunctions then between the proper husband and wife and altogether unpunished by the magistrate and withall shewed the effect of his powerfull providence as still he doth so far as for the procreateing of children in that disorder yet did he never approve of any other or exempt the same from guilt of sin in the court of conscience and seldom from manifest signes of his displeasure as experience and the scriptures teach Not onely heathen poets which were more tolerable but also wanton Christians have nick-named women necessarie evils But with as much shame to men as wrong to women to Gods singular ordinance withall When the Lord amongst all the good creatures which he had made could finde none fit and good enough for the man he made the woman of a rib of him and for a help unto him neyther is she since the creation more degenerated then he from the primative goodnes Besides if the woman be a necessarie evill how evill is the man for whom she is necessarie Some have sayd and that in their own and others judgment both wittily and devoutly that Mariage fils the earth and virginitie heaven But others have better answered How should heaven be full if the earth were empty I ad that because Christ hath sayd that the children of the regeneration neyther marry wives nor are marryed but are like the angels in heaven many whilst they would by preposterous imitation become like the angels in heaven have in truth become liker the divels in hell for they also neyther marry wives nor are marryed But this is indeed the very drâ—gs of poperie to place speciall pietie in things eyther evill or indifferent at the best as is abstinence from mariage and the mariage bed which is no more a vertue then abstinence from wine or other pleasing naturall things Both maryage and wine are of God and good in themselvs eyther of them may in their abuse prejudice the naturall or spirituall life neyther of them is unlawfull no not for them which simply need them noâ— which also not to need argues bodily strength in the one but a kinde of weaknes in the other The ancient heathen used to place Mercurie by Venus to shew what need the affections of mariage have of the rule of reason and wisdom to order them Neyther in truth is there any thing wherein persons more need lesse use reason and true discretion then in their maryage choyse in which the most are unreasonably transported by one affection or other And if he moralized well who made this a reason why God cast Adam into a heavie sleep whilst he prepared and made him a wife of one of his ribs that the affections ought to sleep about this work the reason to wâ—kâ— how do they misse whose manner is to have their affections onely wakeing or working in this busines whilst their reason and conscience also is fast asleep I have alwayes thought that good men crossed with ill wives or good wives with ill husbands are ordinarily least to be pittyed of any others in misery considering how wilfully and presumptuously for the most part they tempt God in their choyse I ad herewithall that there is no one particular in which men and women bewray whether their hearts be set upon worldly riches and honours or sensual pleasures on the one side or on the other side upon the nourishing and promoteing of vertue and godlynes both in themselvs and their posteritie then in their choyse this way When the sons of God take for wives the daughters of men Gyants are born and all monstrous confusion followeth first in the family and after in church and common wealth But when the sons of God take the daughters of God to wives and the daughters of God are taken by the sons of God there is an equall yoak for the persons themselvs to draw in with comfort and a right course taken for the leaving of an holy seed behinde them Some marry by their eye as did those sons of God formerly mentioned and therein follow favour which is deceipâ—full and beauty which is a vain thing others by their fingers as mynding what the woman is worth in the worlds sense Others by the ear as specially respecting their wives title and high birth and so many times get themselvs so many Lords and maysters over them as she hath freinds But they that specially respect vertue and godlynes which being attended by the other handmayds as Hester by her seaven mayds is the more beautifull and desireable they marry not onely the daughters of such or such men but the daughters of God himself A woman that feareth the Lord she shall so be praysed and the man so blessed that marryâ—th her We say