and_o passion_n under_o a_o constant_a watch_n and_o obedience_n to_o god_n and_o know_v first_o whether_o god_n command_v they_o and_o allow_v they_o §_o 7._o and_o this_o history_n may_v teach_v we_o that_o though_o god_n usual_o begin_v as_o be_v say_v our_o conversion_n in_o fear_n and_o penitent_a sorrow_n it_o be_v holy_a and_o heavenly_a joy_n which_o it_o tend_v to_o as_o more_o desirable_a and_o we_o shall_v chief_o seek_v and_o shall_v labour_v to_o moderate_a fear_n and_o sorrow_n and_o not_o think_v we_o can_v never_o have_v enough_o it_o be_v too_o common_a a_o error_n with_o honest_a soul_n to_o think_v that_o a_o hard_a heart_n lie_v most_o in_o want_n of_o sorrow_n and_o tear_n when_o as_o it_o lie_v most_o in_o want_n of_o a_o tractable_a compliance_n and_o yield_v to_o the_o command_n and_o will_v of_o god_n and_o in_o a_o iron_n neck_n and_o obstinate_a disobedience_n to_o god_n and_o to_o think_v that_o a_o new_a and_o tender_a heart_n be_v principal_o a_o heart_n that_o can_v weep_v and_o mourn_v when_o it_o be_v chief_o a_o heart_n that_o easy_o receive_v all_o the_o impression_n of_o god_n command_n and_o promise_n and_o threat_n and_o easy_o yield_v to_o his_o know_a will_n §_o 8._o and_o this_o may_v great_o warn_v we_o to_o fear_v and_o avoid_v self-willedness_a i_o mean_v a_o will_n of_o our_o own_o that_o run_v before_o the_o will_n of_o god_n and_o be_v too_o much_o set_v on_o any_o thing_n which_o god_n have_v not_o promise_v and_o know_v not_o how_o to_o bear_v a_o frustration_n or_o denial_n but_o say_v as_o rachel_n give_v it_o i_o or_o i_o die_v we_o must_v learn_v to_o follow_v and_o not_o to_o lead_v and_o to_o say_v the_o will_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v do_v not_o my_o lord_n but_o thou_o and_o in_o every_o estate_n to_o be_v content_a there_o be_v no_o rest_n but_o in_o god_n will_n §_o 9_o yet_o this_o tell_v we_o that_o god_n deal_v better_a with_o his_o weak_a servant_n than_o they_o deserve_v and_o turn_v that_o oft_o time_n to_o their_o good_a which_o they_o deserve_v shall_v have_v be_v their_o great_a suffering_n §_o 10._o this_o history_n and_o my_o great_a experience_n say_v that_o there_o be_v a_o friend_n that_o stick_v close_a than_o a_o brother_n prov._n 18._o 24._o and_o that_o it_o be_v god_n spirit_n that_o say_v prov._n 27._o 10._o thy_o own_o friend_n and_o thy_o father_n friend_n forsake_v not_o neither_o go_v into_o thy_o brother_n house_n in_o the_o day_n of_o thy_o calamity_n for_o better_a be_v a_o neighbour_n that_o be_v near_o than_o a_o brother_n that_o be_v far_o off_o §_o 11._o this_o history_n tell_v we_o how_o great_a a_o mercy_n it_o be_v to_o have_v a_o body_n meet_v to_o serve_v the_o soul_n and_o how_o great_a a_o affliction_n to_o have_v a_o unruly_a inclination_n from_o the_o body_n temper_n and_o what_o a_o tyrant_n excessive_a fear_n be_v and_o how_o great_a a_o blessing_n it_o be_v to_o have_v such_o a_o passion_n as_o faith_n can_v rule_v and_o easy_o quiet_a §_o 12._o it_o tell_v you_o also_o how_o manifold_a temptation_n and_o affliction_n god_n servant_n be_v liable_a to_o in_o this_o life_n §_o 13._o and_o it_o tell_v you_o that_o our_o great_a good_a or_o evil_n be_v near_a we_o next_o god_n the_o best_a be_v in_o our_o soul_n and_o there_o be_v the_o worst_a and_o next_o in_o our_o body_n and_o next_o in_o our_o near_a friend_n and_o it_o may_v teach_v all_o to_o expect_v their_o great_a sorrow_n from_o those_o or_o that_o which_o they_o most_o excessive_o love_v and_o from_o who_o they_o have_v the_o high_a expectation_n only_a god_n can_v be_v love_v more_o than_o he_o deserve_v sorrow_n begin_v in_o inordinate_a love_n and_o joy_n in_o good_a §_o 14._o and_o it_o tell_v we_o that_o god_n service_n lie_v more_o in_o deed_n than_o in_o word_n my_o dear_a wife_n be_v faulty_a indeed_o in_o talk_v so_o little_a of_o religion_n in_o company_n expect_v it_o be_v unresistible_o to_o confute_v in_o few_o word_n a_o opposer_n or_o revile_a of_o 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thus_o that_o have_v not_o constant_a apprehension_n of_o their_o evidence_n and_o who_o assurance_n be_v hinder_v by_o imperfectious_a you_o have_v hear_v the_o contrary_n but_o suppose_v that_o you_o have_v yet_o no_o saving-grace_n or_o part_n in_o christ_n why_o stand_v you_o complain_v while_o christ_n stand_v entreat_v you_o to_o accept_v his_o mercy_n ishe_v not_o in_o good_a earnest_n the_o offer_n be_v free_a it_o be_v not_o your_o purchase_n and_o merit_n but_o consent_n that_o will_v prove_v your_o title_n why_o do_v you_o complain_v and_o not_o consent_v even_o to_o the_o baptismal_a covenant_n or_o if_o you_o consent_v why_o do_v you_o complain_v as_o if_o christ_n promise_n be_v not_o true_a or_o as_o if_o consent_n be_v not_o a_o a_o proof_n of_o saving-faith_n if_o you_o confess_v that_o you_o shall_v not_o doubt_v and_o be_v deject_v on_o such_o term_n methinks_v the_o cure_n shall_v be_v half_o wrought_v dare_v you_o indulge_v it_o while_o you_o know_v it_o to_o be_v 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as_o ever_o any_o have_v while_o i_o be_o alive_a live_v on_o this_o side_n eternity_n there_o be_v hope_n the_o time_n of_o grace_n be_v yet_o continue_v if_o i_o be_v find_v in_o mercy_n way_n i_o know_v not_o but_o god_n may_v yet_o be_v gracious_a and_o give_v in_o my_o soul_n as_o he_o have_v do_v my_o life_n at_o his_o people_n prayer_n for_o i_o can_v but_o look_v on_o my_o life_n as_o a_o answer_n of_o their_o prayer_n and_o sure_o they_o desire_v my_o life_n only_o that_o i_o may_v live_v to_o god_n i_o desire_v it_o myself_o on_o no_o other_o term_n it_o be_v my_o earnest_a request_n that_o i_o may_v not_o live_v if_o not_o to_o he_o why_o then_o shall_v i_o be_v persuade_v by_o satan_n to_o think_v that_o god_n will_v not_o give_v i_o grace_n as_o well_o as_o life_n may_v i_o not_o rather_o be_v encourage_v with_o patience_n to_o wait_v for_o further_a mercy_n it_o be_v a_o mercy_n that_o i_o be_o in_o any_o measure_n sensible_a of_o my_o danger_n and_o have_v any_o desire_n to_o be_v holy_a i_o will_v therefore_o stir_v up_o my_o soul_n to_o thankfulness_n and_o be_v humble_v that_o i_o can_v be_v no_o more_o thankful_a i_o will_v acknowledge_v the_o mercy_n i_o have_v receive_v and_o the_o probability_n of_o future_a mercy_n and_o this_o by_o god_n assistance_n the_o devil_n shall_v not_o hinder_v i_o from_o do_v §_o 8._o i_o will_v add_v one_o of_o her_o paper_n contain_v her_o resolution_n after_o her_o recovery_n in_o some_o few_o particular_n decemb._n 30._o be_v my_o worst_a day_n i_o do_v not_o then_o think_v to_o be_v alive_a this_o day_n i_o ought_v not_o to_o forget_v it_o on_o jan._n 1._o new-years-day_n i_o first_o bleed_v at_o the_o nose_n large_o and_o after_o mend_v the_o four_o day_n be_v keep_v in_o humiliation_n for_o i_o april_n 10._o be_v a_o day_n of_o thanksgiving_n when_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v die_v i_o be_v more_o than_o ordinary_o sensible_a of_o my_o unprofitable_a life_n and_o have_v such_o conviction_n as_o usual_o people_n in_o my_o condition_n have_v and_o i_o then_o make_v many_o resolution_n as_o in_o such_o case_n other_o do_v i_o remember_v that_o i_o have_v hear_v much_o of_o the_o promise_n that_o many_o make_v in_o sickness_n which_o they_o never_o perform_v and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v gross_a hypocrisy_n to_o speak_v now_o of_o that_o which_o i_o be_v past_o perform_v as_o i_o think_v but_o that_o i_o be_v better_o write_v down_o my_o purpose_n and_o discover_v they_o if_o god_n recover_v i_o that_o they_o may_v be_v as_o strong_a a_o engagement_n on_o i_o as_o if_o i_o have_v speak_v they_o to_o man_n i._o i_o resolve_v that_o i_o will_v endeavour_v to_o get_v and_o keep_v a_o sense_n of_o that_o great_a mercy_n of_o god_n restore_v i_o from_o the_o peril_n of_o threaten_a death_n in_o answer_n of_o prayer_n which_o be_v the_o great_a in_o that_o god_n threaten_v to_o take_v i_o hence_o when_o i_o be_v but_o in_o the_o birth_n and_o have_v scarce_o well_o begin_v to_o live_v this_o mercy_n i_o 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do_v it_o resolute_o and_o cheerful_o and_o scorn_v to_o run_v away_o and_o turn_v your_o back_n that_o you_o may_v do_v it_o without_o censure_n where_o you_o be_v unknown_a use_v well_o the_o mean_v god_n here_o vouchsafe_v you_o and_o do_v your_o duty_n with_o a_o quiet_a mind_n and_o follow_v god_n in_o your_o remove_n §_o 8._o much_o more_o of_o such_o counsel_n she_o transcribe_v but_o i_o forbear_v recite_v more_a she_o end_v those_o paper_n with_o these_o word_n the_o best_a creature-affection_n have_v a_o mixture_n of_o creature-imperfection_n and_o therefore_o need_v some_o gall_n to_o wean_v we_o from_o the_o faulty_a part_n god_n must_v be_v know_v to_o be_v god_n our_o rest_n and_o therefore_o the_o best_a creature_n to_o be_v but_o a_o creature_n o_o miserable_a world_n how_o long_o must_v i_o continue_v in_o it_o and_o why_o be_v this_o wretched_a heart_n so_o loath_a to_o leave_v it_o where_o we_o can_v have_v no_o fire_n without_o smoke_n and_o our_o dear_a friend_n must_v be_v our_o great_a grief_n and_o when_o we_o begin_v in_o hope_n and_o love_n and_o joy_n before_o we_o be_v aware_a we_o fall_v into_o a_o answerable_a measure_n of_o distress_n learn_v by_o experience_n when_o any_o condition_n be_v inordinate_o or_o excessive_o sweet_a to_o thou_o to_o say_v from_o hence_o must_v be_v my_o sorrow_n o_o how_o true_a chap._n v._o her_o temper_n occasion_v these_o trouble_n of_o mind_n §_o 1._o the_o soul_n while_o in_o the_o body_n work_v much_o according_a to_o the_o body_n disposition_n 1._o she_o be_v of_o a_o extraordinary_a sharp_a and_o pierce_a wit._n 2._o she_o have_v a_o natural_a reservedness_n and_o secrecy_n increase_v by_o think_v it_o necessary_a prudence_n not_o to_o be_v open_a by_o which_o mean_n she_o be_v oft_o misunderstand_a by_o her_o near_a friend_n and_o consequent_o often_o cross_v and_o disappoint_v by_o those_o that_o will_v have_v please_v she_o and_o as_o she_o can_v understand_v man_n much_o by_o their_o look_n and_o hint_n so_o she_o expect_v all_o shall_v know_v her_o mind_n without_o she_o express_v it_o which_o breed_v her_o frustration_n and_o discontent_n 3._o and_o she_o have_v a_o natural_a tenderness_n and_o troubledness_n of_o mind_n upon_o the_o cross_n of_o her_o just_a desire_n too_o quick_a and_o ungovernable_a a_o sense_n of_o displease_a word_n or_o deed_n 4._o she_o have_v a_o disease_a unresistible_a fearfulness_n her_o quick_a and_o too_o sensible_a nature_n be_v over-timerous_a and_o to_o increase_v it_o she_o say_v she_o be_v four_o time_n before_o i_o know_v she_o in_o danger_n of_o death_n of_o which_o one_o be_v by_o the_o smallpox_n and_o more_o to_o increase_v it_o her_o mother_n house_n apply-castle_n near_o wellington_n be_v a_o garrison_n it_o be_v storm_v while_o she_o be_v in_o it_o and_o part_n of_o the_o house_n about_o it_o burn_v and_o man_n lay_v kill_v before_o her_o face_n and_o all_o of_o they_o threaten_v and_o strip_v of_o their_o clothing_n so_o that_o they_o be_v fain_o to_o borrow_v clothes_n 5._o and_o the_o great_a work_n upon_o her_o soul_n in_o her_o coversion_n move_v all_o her_o passion_n 6._o and_o then_o her_o dangerous_a sickness_n and_o the_o sentence_n of_o death_n to_o so_o young_a a_o convert_n must_v needs_o be_v a_o very_a awake_n thing_n and_o come_v on_o she_o before_o she_o have_v any_o assurance_n of_o her_o justification_n do_v increase_v her_o fear_n 7._o and_o in_o this_o case_n she_o live_v in_o the_o churchyard_n side_n where_o she_o see_v all_o the_o burial_n of_o the_o dead_a and_o keep_v a_o death_n head_n a_o skull_n in_o her_o closet_n still_o before_o she_o and_o other_o such_o mortify_a spectacle_n increase_v her_o sad_a disposition_n §_o 2._o and_o the_o excessive_a love_n which_o she_o have_v to_o her_o mother_n do_v much_o increase_v her_o grief_n when_o she_o expect_v death_n §_o 3._o though_o she_o call_v it_o melancholy_n that_o by_o all_o this_o she_o be_v cast_v into_o yet_o it_o rather_o seem_v a_o partly_o natural_a and_o partly_o a_o adventitious_a disease_a fearfulness_n in_o a_o tender_a over-passionate_a nature_n that_o have_v no_o power_n to_o quiet_v she_o own_o fear_n without_o any_o other_o cloud_n on_o her_o understanding_n §_o 4._o and_o all_o be_v much_o increase_v by_o her_o wisdom_n so_o stifle_v all_o the_o appearance_n of_o it_o that_o it_o all_o inward_o wrought_v and_o have_v no_o ease_n by_o vent_n §_o 5._o and_o have_v keen_a spirit_n and_o thin_a sharp_a blood_n she_o have_v a_o strong_a hemicrania_n or_o headache_a once_o a_o month_n and_o oft_o once_o a_o fortnight_n or_o more_o from_o the_o age_n of_o fifteen_o or_o sixteen_o year_n all_o these_o together_o much_o tend_v to_o hinder_v she_o from_o a_o quiet_a and_o comfortable_a temper_n §_o 6._o and_o in_o a_o word_n all_o the_o operation_n of_o her_o soul_n be_v very_o intense_a and_o strong_a strong_a wit_n and_o strong_a love_n and_o strong_a displeasure_n and_o when_o god_n show_v she_o what_o holiness_n be_v she_o think_v she_o must_v present_o have_v it_o in_o so_o great_a a_o degree_n as_o the_o ripe_a saint_n do_v here_o attain_v and_o that_o because_o she_o have_v not_o as_o much_o heavenly_a life_n and_o sense_n and_o delight_n in_o god_n as_o she_o know_v she_o shall_v have_v and_o desire_v she_o conclude_v of_o it_o that_o she_o have_v none_o that_o be_v sincere_a §_o 7._o one_o of_o the_o first_o thing_n by_o which_o her_o change_n be_v discover_v to_o her_o mother_n and_o friend_n be_v her_o fervent_a secret_a prayer_n for_o live_v in_o a_o great_a house_n of_o which_o the_o middle_a part_n be_v ruin_v in_o the_o war_n she_o choose_v a_o closet_n in_o the_o further_a end_n where_o she_o think_v none_o hear_v she_o but_o some_o that_o overhear_v she_o say_v they_o never_o hear_v so_o fervent_a prayer_n from_o any_o person_n §_o 8._o yet_o she_o desire_v i_o to_o draw_v up_o a_o form_n suit_v to_o her_o own_o condition_n which_o i_o do_v and_o find_v it_o now_o reserve_v among_o her_o paper_n but_o i_o can_v tell_v whether_o she_o ever_o use_v it_o have_v affection_n and_o freedom_n of_o expression_n without_o it_o i_o have_v think_v to_o have_v annex_v it_o for_o the_o use_n of_o afflict_a penitent_n but_o it_o will_v be_v but_o a_o digression_n in_o this_o narrative_a chap._n vi_o of_o our_o marriage_n and_o our_o habitation_n §_o 1._o the_o unsuitableness_n of_o our_o age_n and_o my_o former_a know_a purpose_n against_o marriage_n and_o against_o the_o conveniency_n of_o minister_n marriage_n who_o have_v not_o sort_n of_o necessity_n make_v our_o marriage_n the_o matter_n of_o much_o public_a talk_n and_o wonder_n and_o the_o true_a open_n of_o her_o case_n and_o i_o and_o the_o many_o strange_a occurrence_n which_o bring_v it_o to_o pass_v will_v take_v away_o the_o wonder_n of_o her_o friend_n and_o i_o that_o know_v we_o and_o the_o notice_n of_o it_o will_v much_o conduce_v to_o the_o understanding_n of_o some_o other_o passage_n of_o our_o life_n yet_o wise_a friend_n by_o who_o i_o be_o advise_v think_v it_o better_a to_o omit_v such_o personal_a particularity_n at_o least_o at_o this_o time_n both_o in_o her_o case_n and_o i_o there_o be_v much_o extraordinary_a which_o it_o do_v not_o much_o concern_v the_o world_n to_o be_v acquaint_v with_o from_o the_o first_o thought_n of_o it_o many_o change_n and_o stoppage_n intervene_v and_o long_a delay_n till_o i_o be_v silence_v and_o eject_v with_o many_o hundred_o more_o and_o so_o be_v separate_v from_o my_o old_a pastoral_n charge_n which_o be_v enough_o to_o take_v up_o all_o my_o time_n and_o labour_n some_o of_o my_o dissuade_v reason_n be_v then_o over_o and_o at_o last_o on_o septemb_n 10._o 1662._o we_o be_v marry_v in_o bennet-fink_n church_n by_o mr._n samuel_n clerk_n yet_o live_a have_v be_v before_o contract_v by_o mr._n simeon_n ash_n both_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o mr._n henry_n ashurst_n and_o mrs._n ash._n §_o 2._o she_o consent_v to_o these_o condition_n of_o our_o marriage_n 1._o that_o i_o will_v have_v nothing_o that_o before_o our_o marriage_n be_v she_o that_o i_o who_o want_v no_o outward_a supply_n may_v not_o seem_v to_o marry_v she_o for_o covetousness_n 2._o that_o she_o will_v so_o alter_v her_o affair_n that_o i_o may_v be_v entangle_v in_o no_o lawsuit_n 3._o that_o she_o will_v expect_v none_o of_o my_o time_n which_o my_o ministerial_a work_n shall_v require_v §_o 3._o when_o we_o be_v marry_v her_o sadness_n and_o melancholy_n vanish_v counsel_n do_v something_o to_o it_o and_o contentment_n something_o and_o be_v take_v up_o with_o our_o household_n affair_n do_v somewhat_o and_o we_o live_v in_o inviolated_a love_n and_o mutual_a complacency_n sensible_a of_o the_o benefit_n of_o mutual_a help_n these_o
to_o supply_v the_o notorious_a necessity_n of_o the_o people_n and_o as_o helper_n of_o the_o allow_a ministry_n the_o good_a woman_n think_v this_o have_v be_v read_v the_o common-prayer_n and_o in_o a_o letter_n which_o i_o now_o find_v accuse_v my_o wife_n with_o five_o or_o six_o vehement_a charge_n for_o tell_v she_o i_o will_v not_o read_v 〈◊〉_d common-prayer_n my_o wife_n be_v of_o my_o mind_n for_o the_o matter_n but_o great_o offend_v with_o i_o for_o seem_v to_o do_v it_o for_o the_o avoid_n of_o danger_n and_o be_v so_o far_o from_o not_o pardon_v these_o false_a smart_a accusation_n that_o she_o never_o once_o blame_v the_o good_a woman_n but_o love_v she_o tender_v she_o and_o relieve_v she_o in_o sickness_n to_o the_o death_n but_o hardly_o forgive_v i_o and_o yet_o draw_v i_o from_o all_o other_o place_n if_o the_o minister_n be_v not_o of_o my_o mind_n by_o prudent_a diversity_n much_o less_o do_v her_o suffering_n from_o the_o time_n distemper_v she_o she_o have_v blame_v i_o for_o name_v in_o print_n my_o loss_n imprisonment_n and_o other_o suffering_n by_o the_o bishop_n as_o be_v over_o selfish_a queralousness_n when_o i_o shall_v rather_o with_o wonder_n be_v thankful_a for_o the_o great_a mercy_n we_o yet_o enjoy_v though_o i_o think_v i_o never_o mention_v they_o as_o over-sensible_a of_o the_o suffering_n but_o as_o a_o necessary_a evince_a of_o the_o nature_n of_o the_o cause_n and_o as_o part_v of_o the_o necessary_a history_n or_o matter_n of_o fact_n in_o order_n to_o decide_v it_o she_z as_o much_o dislike_v the_o silence_v of_o the_o minister_n as_o any_o but_o she_o do_v not_o love_v to_o hear_v it_o much_o complain_v of_o save_v as_o the_o public_a loss_n nor_o to_o hear_v conformist_n talk_v against_o as_o a_o party_n nor_o the_o fault_n of_o the_o conscientious_a sort_n of_o they_o aggravate_v in_o a_o side_a factious_a manner_n but_o 1._o she_o be_v prone_a to_o overlove_v her_o relation_n and_o those_o good_a people_n poor_a as_o much_o as_o rich_a who_o she_o think_v most_o upright_o the_o love_n be_v good_a but_o the_o degree_n be_v too_o passionate_a 2._o she_o over-earnest_o desire_v their_o spiritual_a welfare_n if_o these_o who_o she_o overloved_n have_v not_o be_v as_o good_a and_o do_v as_o well_o as_o she_o will_v have_v they_o in_o innocent_a behaviour_n in_o piety_n and_o if_o rich_a in_o liberality_n it_o over-troubled_n she_o and_o she_o can_v not_o bear_v it_o 3._o she_o be_v apt_a when_o she_o set_v her_o mind_n and_o heart_n upon_o some_o good_a work_n which_o she_o count_v great_a or_o the_o welfare_n of_o some_o dear_a friend_n to_o be_v too_o much_o please_v in_o her_o expectation_n and_o self-made_a promise_n of_o the_o success_n and_o then_o almost_o overturn_v with_o trouble_n when_o they_o disappoint_v she_o and_o she_o too_o impatient_o bear_v unkindness_n from_o the_o friend_n that_o be_v most_o dear_a to_o she_o or_o who_o she_o have_v much_o oblige_v her_o will_n be_v set_v upon_o good_a but_o her_o weakness_n can_v not_o bear_v the_o cross_n or_o frustration_n of_o it_o §_o 12._o but_o the_o great_a infirmity_n which_o tyrannize_v over_o she_o be_v a_o disease_a fearfulness_n against_o which_o she_o have_v little_o more_o free_a will_n or_o power_n than_o a_o man_n in_o a_o ague_n or_o frost_n against_o shake_v cold_a her_o nature_n be_v prone_a to_o it_o and_o i_o say_v before_o abundance_n of_o sad_a accident_n make_v that_o and_o trouble_v of_o mind_n her_o malady_n beside_o as_o she_o say_v four_o time_n in_o danger_n of_o death_n 2._o and_o the_o storm_a of_o her_o mother_n house_n by_o soldier_n fire_v part_n kill_v plunder_v and_o threaten_v the_o rest_n 3._o the_o awakening_n of_o her_o conversion_n 4._o the_o sentence_n of_o death_n by_o sickness_n present_o before_o her_o peace_n be_v settle_v 5._o the_o fire_n next_o her_o lodging_n in_o sweetings-alley_n 6._o the_o burn_a of_o a_o merchant_n his_o wife_n and_o family_n in_o lothbury_n overagainst_a her_o brother_n vpton_n door_n 7._o the_o common_a terror_n and_o confusion_n at_o dunstan_n church_n in_o fleetstreet_n when_o they_o think_v the_o church_n be_v fall_v on_o their_o head_n while_o i_o be_v preach_v and_o the_o people_n cast_v themselves_o down_o from_o the_o gallery_n 8._o her_o mother_n death_n 9_o the_o friendless_a state_n she_o think_v she_o be_v then_o leave_v in_o 10._o the_o great_a plague_n 11._o the_o burn_v of_o london_n 12._o the_o crack_n and_o danger_n of_o her_o chamber_n in_o aldersgate_n street_n 13._o the_o crack_n and_o confusion_n at_o st._n jame_n market-house_n 14._o the_o many_o fire_n and_o talk_n of_o fire_v since_o 15._o the_o common_a rumour_n of_o murdering_n and_o massacre_n 16._o the_o death_n and_o danger_n of_o many_o of_o her_o friend_n and_o my_o own_o illness_n more_o than_o all_o these_o concur_v to_o make_v fear_n and_o aptness_n to_o be_v trouble_v to_o be_v her_o disease_n so_o that_o she_o much_o dream_v of_o fire_n and_o murderer_n and_o her_o own_o dream_n work_v half_a as_o dangerous_o on_o she_o as_o reality_n so_o that_o she_o can_v not_o bear_v the_o clap_v of_o a_o door_n or_o any_o thing_n that_o have_v suddenness_n noise_n or_o fierceness_n in_o it_o but_o all_o this_o be_v more_o the_o malady_n of_o her_o body_n than_o of_o her_o soul_n and_o i_o account_v have_v little_a moral_a guilt_n and_o i_o take_v it_o for_o a_o evidence_n of_o the_o power_n of_o grace_n that_o so_o timorous_a a_o person_n 1._o have_v overcome_v most_o of_o her_o fear_n of_o hell_n and_o god_n desertion_n 2._o and_o be_v more_o fearless_a of_o persecution_n imprisonment_n or_o loss_n and_o poverty_n thereby_o than_o i_o or_o any_o that_o i_o remember_v to_o have_v know_v §_o 13._o and_o though_o her_o spirit_n be_v so_o quick_a and_o she_o so_o apt_a to_o be_v trouble_v at_o man_n sin_n who_o she_o much_o love_v she_o great_o differ_v from_o i_o in_o her_o bear_n with_o they_o and_o carriage_n towards_o they_o my_o temper_n and_o judgement_n much_o lead_v i_o to_o use_v my_o dependent_n servant_n and_o friend_n according_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o church-discipline_n and_o if_o they_o hear_v not_o love_v private_a admonition_n once_o twice_o and_o thrice_o to_o speak_v to_o they_o more_o sharp_o and_o then_o before_o other_o and_o to_o turn_v they_o off_o if_o yet_o they_o will_v not_o amend_v but_o her_o way_n be_v to_o oblige_v they_o by_o all_o the_o love_n kindness_n and_o bounty_n that_o she_o be_v able_a and_o to_o bear_v with_o they_o year_n after_o year_n while_o there_o be_v hope_n and_o at_o last_o not_o to_o desert_v they_o but_o still_o use_v they_o so_o as_o she_o though_o be_v like_a at_o least_o to_o keep_v they_o in_o a_o state_n of_o hope_n from_o the_o badness_n which_o displicency_n may_v cause_v i_o can_v not_o have_v bear_v with_o a_o son_n i_o think_v as_o she_o can_v do_v where_o her_o kindness_n be_v at_o she_o own_o choice_n and_o yet_o she_o more_o dislike_v the_o least_o fault_n than_o i_o do_v and_o be_v more_o desirous_a of_o their_o great_a innocency_n and_o exactness_n §_o 14._o indeed_o she_o be_v so_o much_o for_o calmness_n deliberation_n and_o do_v nothing_o rash_o and_o in_o haste_n and_o my_o condition_n and_o business_n as_o well_o as_o temper_v make_v i_o do_v and_o speak_v much_o so_o sudden_o that_o she_o principal_o differ_v from_o i_o and_o blame_v i_o in_o this_o every_o considerable_a case_n and_o business_n she_o will_v have_v i_o take_v time_n to_o think_v much_o of_o before_o i_o do_v it_o or_o speak_v or_o resolve_v of_o any_o thing_n i_o know_v the_o counsel_n be_v good_a for_o one_o that_o can_v stay_v but_o not_o for_o one_o that_o must_v ride_v post_n i_o think_v still_o i_o have_v but_o a_o little_a time_n to_o live_v i_o think_v some_o considerable_a work_n still_o call_v for_o haste_n i_o have_v these_o forty_o year_n be_v sensible_a of_o the_o sin_n of_o lose_v time_n i_o can_v not_o spare_v a_o hour_n i_o think_v i_o can_v understand_v the_o matter_n in_o question_n as_o well_o at_o a_o few_o thought_n as_o in_o many_o day_n and_o yet_o she_o that_o have_v less_o work_n and_o more_o leisure_n but_o a_o far_o quick_a apprehension_n than_o i_o be_v all_o for_o stay_v to_o consider_v and_o against_o haste_n and_o eagerness_n in_o almost_o every_o thing_n and_o notwithstanding_o she_o over_o quick_a and_o feel_a temper_n be_v all_o for_o mildness_n calmness_n gentleness_n pleasingness_n and_o serenity_n §_o 15._o she_o have_v a_o earnest_a desire_n of_o the_o conversion_n and_o salvation_n of_o her_o servant_n and_o be_v great_o trouble_v that_o so_o many_o of_o they_o though_o tolerable_a in_o their_o work_n go_v away_o ignorant_a or_o strange_a to_o true_a