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A54795 Sportive vvit the muses merriment, a new spring of lusty drollery, joviall fancies, and a la mode lamponnes, on some heroic persons of these late times, never before exposed to the publick view / collected for the publick good by a club of sparkling wits, viz. C.J., B.J., L.M., W.T., cum multis alsis---- Phillips, John, 1631-1706. 1656 (1656) Wing P2113; ESTC R36677 62,402 221

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please my minde It doth so ●ase behinde For to wipe For to wipe my ●ewel Tobacco 's my delight So 't is mine to sh Oh fine smack Oh brave ●ack my jewel 2. Tobacco onely can draw the vapours down from my troubled brain And from the bashful Pan vapours rise 'twixt my thighs to my nose again Five Pipes I have devour'd Five Pans I have deflowr'd full of fume Full of fume down flurting And yet I would have more And yet I have great store 3. Tobacco is a dish for an Earl for a Lord for a Knight for a Squire Than shiting who can wish greater if you please or occasion require Tobacco 's a fine thing But shiting 's for a King for the brains For the pains of the belly Tobacco who despise Then shiting who denies None I think Though I stink I tell ye 4. When I puff it through my nose I do make Fly such flakes I do mock the clouds When my arse to close-stool goes mark how I rap thunder-claps aloud My smoak doth dark the sun My raps out-roar a gun Oh that fart how it rattles This Pipe more I 'll pull This Pan I 'll shite more full So good-night We will shite out the battle 5. My nose mine arse doth blew doth throw Firy puffs counter-buff from my jaw My nose mine arse or doth blow or doth throw Firy puffs counter-buffs from my maw My nose hath made an end Mine arse and he are friends He 'll not j●st He 'll be kist but in spite not My ●ose will no more puff Mine arse hath shit enough Give ' some drink we shall P●nk if we wipe not A Lampoun HEre 's a Health to good Queen Mary we 'll have it ere we part And to King Charles her husband I 'll pledg't with all my heart Here 's a Health to my Lady Mary for whom I 'll spend my heart And to the Prince her brother and to the Duke of York Here 's a Health to my Lady Dutchess that loves red hair so well And to my Lord her husband that made her belly swell Here 's a Health to my Lady Dorset that rules the Royal twig And to my Lord her husband and his great Periwig Here 's a Health to my Lady Caernarvan that 's a pearl in each mans eye And to my Lord her husband that can both swear and lye Here 's a Health to my Lady Rich that looks so like a Witch And to my Lord her husband that can't endure the switch Here 's a Health to my Lady Kent that hath a bounsing C And to my Lord her husband that tickl'd my Lady Hunt Here 's a Health to my Lady of Newport that can both sing and dance And to my Lord her husband that 's run away to France Here 's a Health to my Lady Denby as sweet as Sugar-candy And to my Lord her husband that little Jack-a-dandy Here 's a Health to my Lady Wimbleton but fifteen years of age And to my Lord her husband that 's jealous of his Page Here 's a Health to my Lady Holland of all women the best And to my Lord her husband that goes so neatly drest Here 's a Health to my Lady Goring whose lies a cooling And to my Lord her husband that got his means by fooling Here 's a Health to my Lady Pembrook And so I 'll end my Song And to my Lord her husband that never did man wrong On a precise Woman ONe came to Court a wench she was precise And by the spirit did the flesh despise One mov'd a secret Match betwixt them two But she in sooth and sadness would not do He did reply So sweet and fair as she Made of the stuff all other women be Ought by the law of woman to be kinde And shew her self to bear a woman's minde Well Sir quoth she you men do so prevail With cunning speeches and a pleasant tale 'T is but a folly to be over-nice You shall but twenty shillings is my price If you a brace of Angels will bestow Come such a time and I am for you So He took leave then and with her husband met Told him by Law he was to pay a debt Intreating him to do so good a deed As lend him twenty shillings at his need Which very readily he did extend And th' other willing on his wife to spend So taking leave of him he went his ways Meeting his Creditor within few days And told him Sir I was at home to pay The twenty shillings which you lent last day And with your wife because you were not there I left it pray you with my boldness bear 'T is well quoth he I 'm glad I did you pleasure So coming home questions his wife at leasure I pray Sweet-heart was such a man with thee To pay two Angels which he had of me She blush'd and said he had been there indeed But you did ill to lend husband take heed It is not good to trust before you try Pray lend no more for it may breed some strife To have such knaves come home to pay your wife The Drunkard's Song WHen I go to revel in the night The Brewers dogs my brains do bite My head is too heavie and my heels are too light And I like my humour well well And I like my humour well With ipse he I line my head My Hostess 's Cellar is my bed The world 's our own when the devil 's dead And I like my humour well well c. Then I fall to talking of the Court Or about the taking of some Fort And I swear a lye for a true report And I like my humour well well c Now from the Wars I came I swear How I made a fellow die for fear How many I kill'd that I ne'er came near And I like my humour well well c. If my Hostess bids me pay the Score I 'll stand if I can and call her Whore Or stumble and reel out of the door And I like my humour well well c. The cape of my Cloak hangs all a one side My hat band 's lost and my hose are untide My heels on the ground begin for to slide And I like my humour well well c. Then justle with every post I meet I kick the dunghills about the street I trample the kennels under my feet And I like my humour well well c. The Constable then I curse and ban He bids me stand if I be a man And I tell him he bids me do more then I can And I like my humour well well c. If I fall to the ground the Watch-men see They ask me if I foxed be I tell them 't is my humility And I like my humour well well c. If I chance to justle with a Taylors stall My nose to the ground doth catch a fall We kiss and be friends and so we part all And I like my humour well well c. When I come home my wife will
Round about horned Lucina they swarmed And her informed how minded they were Each God and Goddesse To take humane bodies As Lords and Ladies to follow the Hare 3. Chast Diana applauded the motion And pale Proserpina sat in her place Which guides the Welkin governs the Ocean Till she conducts her Nephews in chace Till by her example Their Father to trample The old and ample earth leave them the aire Neptune the water And wine liber pater And Mars the slaughter to follow the Hare 4. Young god Cupid mounted on Pegasus Beloved of Nymphs with kisses and praise Strong Alcides upon cloudy Caucasus Mounts a Centaur which proudly him bare Postillian of the sky Swift-footed Mercury Makes his Courser fly fleet as the aire Yellow Apollo The Kennell doth follow With whip and hollow after the Hare 5. Young Amintas thought the Gods came to breathe After their battel themselves on the ground Thirsts did think the Gods came to dwell here beneathe And that hereafter the world would go round Coridon aged With Phillis engaged Was much enraged with jealous despaire But fury was vaded And he was perswaded When he they applauded the hunting the Hare 6. Deep Melampus and cunning Iramboti Neap and Tiger and Harpi the skies Rents with roaring whilst hunter-like Hercules Windes his plentifull horn to their cries Till with varieties To solace their Deities Their weary pieties refreshed were We sheepherds were seated The whilst we repeated How we conceited the hunting the Hare 7. Stars but shadowes were joyes are but sorrowes Were there no motion nor had they delight Joyes are joviall delights are the marrowes Of li●e and motion the axell of might Pleasure depends Upon no other friends But freely lends to each vertue a share Onely is pleasure The measure of treasure Of pleasure the treasure is hunting the Hare 8. Drowned Narcissus from his Metamorphosis Rowzed by Eccho new man-hood did take Snoring Somnus up-started from Caemeris The which this thousand years was not awake To see club footed Old Mulciber booted And Pan promoted on Coridon's mare Proud Pallas pouted And AEolus shouted And Momus flouted yet follow'd the Hare 9. Hymen ushers the Lady Astraea The jest takes hold of Minerva the old Ceres the brown with bright Caeth●ria With Thetis the wanton Bellona the bold Shamefac'd Aurora With witty Pandora And Maia with Flora did company bear But Iuno was stated Too high to be mated Although she hated not hunting the Hare 10. Three broad boles to the Olympicall Rector The Troy-born Eagle pres●nts on his knee Iove to Phoebus carouses in Nectar And Phoebus to Hermes and Hermes to mee Wherewith infused I piped and mused In tongues unused their sports to declare Till that the house of Iove Round as the Spheares do move Health to all those that love hunting the Hare A SONG NAy prethee don't fly me But sit thee down by me I cannot endure The Lad that 's demure A pox on your Worships and Sirs Your Congies and Trips With your Legs and your Lips Your Madams and Lords And such finicall words And the Complement you bring That doth spell nothing You may keep for the Change and the Furres For at the beg●nning was neither Peasant nor Prince And who the devil made the distinction since Those Titles and Honours Do remain in the Donours And not in the King To which they do cling If his soul be too narrow that weares um No delight can I see In the thing call'd degree Honest Dick sounds as well As a name with an L. That with Titles doth swell And thunder l●ke a Spell To affright mortal eares that do hear um He that wears a brave soul dares honestly do Is a Herauld to himself and a Godfather too Why should we then dote on One with a Foole's coat on VVhose Coffers are cramm'd But yet he 'l be damn'd Ere he 'l do a good act or a wise one What reason hath he To be ruler ore me Who is Lord ore his Chest But his Head and her Breast Are both empty and bare And puffe up with aire And can neither assist nor advise one Honour but air and proud flesh but dust is 'T is we Commons make Lords as the Clerks make the Justice But since we must be Of a different degree 'Cause most do aspire To be greater and higher Than the rest of their fellowes brothers He that hath such a spirit Let him gain by his merit Spend his wealth brains and blood For his Country's good And make himself fit By his valour and wit For things above the reach of all others Honor 's a prize and who wins it may wear it If not 't is a badge and a burthen to bear it For my part let me be But quiet and free I le drink Sack and obey Let the great ones sway That spend their whole time in thinking I le nere busie my pate With secrets of State The Newes books I le burn all And with the Diurnall Light Tobacco and admit They are so far fit As they serve for good company and drinking All the name I desire is an honest good fellow And that man has no worth that won't sometimes be mellow Bow Goose 1. THe best of Poets write of Hogs And of Vlysses barking Dogs Others of Sparrows Flies and Frogs In former ages sang Some of the silver Swan of Bow Although mine was no Swan what tho It was a Goose was brought from Bow To Algate 2. A● harmlesse and as innocent She was as those that with her went Nor do not think the watchmen meant More sillier than she Who rested onely on a stall And gave them not one word at all And yet these Caniballs did fall About her 3. In silence then my Goose sat still Till she perceiving each mans bill Praying they would not use her ill That lookt so like them all Yet they disdaining did begin About us for to cast a gin And then the Constable came in And took us 4. To whom they did relate our case And swore each man would quit his place If we were suffered to disgrace The Kings Lieutenant so And then my G●nders eminence My Goose and I commanded thence And were made graduats to commence I' th' Counter 5. We thither went and then my Goose That pinion'd was before got loose For having us within their noose They had no cause to fear Then into every ward we went And here and there our money spent Untill the Constable had sent Next morning 6. Who summon'd us for to appear Before an Alderman I le swear That might have been that present year Made Lord Mayor for his wit Who took my Gooses cause in hand And things with such judgment scann'd That having done I scarce could stand For laughing 7. He did not onely reprehend Our follies but did much commend The Constable his honest friend For this good service done How happy is thie City blest With Officers among the rest That I may adde unto
their Crest My Bow Goose 8. But to my grief I le tell you what My Goose which was before so fat She might have been accepted at A Mayor or Sheriffs table Grew wan and lean and that so ill That from her wing she dropt a quill Desiring me to write her Will Which I did 9. And thus my Goose's will began Unto the reverend Alderman I do bequeath my brain-sick pan With all therein contained And Mr. Constable to you My empty head which is your due My bill unto the damned crew The Watchmen 10. And furthermore it is my will The City Clerks should have a quill To write such learned speeches still As his brave Lordship utters And unto Mr. Alderman I give my taile to make a fan My legs unto the Gentleman Her usher 11. I do bequeath my body's trunk Unto good fellowes for the rump Desiring that there may be drunk Both Claret and Canary I pray you discharge your company All such as shall Recusants be To drink a health in memory Of my Bow Goose 12. My body to the city Cook That lives not far from Pasty-nook That he into my corps may look And coffin them in past My guts for th' Marshall's red face save To wear about his neck so brave That honest Palfrey the proud slave May swagger 13. As for my fellow pris'ners all That live in debt and ever shall I do bequeath perpetuall My sad and heavy heart My clawes and pinions I do give Unto the Serjants and the Sheriff That they may punish those that live Indebted 14. One thing more I do perceive Almost forgot I do bequeath My tongue which tatling cannot leave Unto the City Counsel That they may meditate a truce Between the City and me their Goose For me to be their constant muse For ever 15. That in their Liveries they may call The boyes from every Hospitall To sing my solemn funerall With Dirge● to my grave And when my Goose had uttered this Then did my Goose begin to pisse And sighing with a harmlesse hisse Departed The Libertine 1. PErswade me not I vow I le love no more My heart has now tane quarter My fetters I le no more adore Nor madly run as heretofore To break my freedome's Charter He that once failes may try again But whoso often fool'd has been And still attempts commits a triple sin He 's his own humor 's Martyr I le use my liberty to ●u● Abroad and still be chusing Who would consine himself to one That has power of refusing 2. The unconfined B●e we see his power To kisse and feele each Flower Nor are his pleasures limited To the ruines of one Maiden-head Nor ty●d to one's embraces But having 's will of one he 'l flye T'another and there load his thigh Why shou●d he have more privilege than I Since both are amarous cases D●ffer in this alone his thighes When he abroad doth roame Laden with spoyls return but mine Come weak and empty home 3. The self-same beauty that I 've often sworn Dwelt onely in my Dearest I see by other Ladyes worn Whom the same graces do adorn I like that face that 's nearest This I salute and walk with that With this I sing with th' other chat I 've none to catechise me where or what Nor will be ty'd t' a Quaerist Thus out of all Pigmalion-like My fancy limns a woman To her I freely sacrifice And rivall am by no man A Maidens Deniall NAy pish nay phew nay faith and will you A Gentleman and use thus I le cry Nay Gods body what means this nay fie for fie shame Nay faith away nay fie you are too blame Heark some body comes hands off I pray I le pinch I le scratch I le spurn I le run away Nay faith you strive in vain you shall not speed You ma● my Ruff you hurt my Back I bleed Look how the door stands ope somebody ●ees Your buttons scratch in faith you hurt my knees What will men say Lord what a coyle is here You make me sweat yfaith here 's goodly geer Nay faith let me intreat you if you lift You mar my clothes you tear my smock but had I wift So much before I would have shut you out Is it a proper thing you go about I did not think you would have us'd me this But now I see I took my aime amisse A little thing would make me not be friends You 've us'd me well I hope you 'l make amends Hold still I le wip● your face you sweat amain You have got a goodly thing with all your pain Alas how hot am I what will you drink If you go sweating down what will men think Remember Sir how you hav● us'd me now Doubtlesse ere long I will be meet with you If any man but you had us'd me so Would I have put it up in faith Sir no Nay go not yet stay here and sup with me And then at cards we better shall agree The Companion 1. WHat need we take care for Platoni●k rules Or the Precepts of Aristotle They that think to find learning in Books are but fools True Philosophy lyes in the Bottle And a minde That 's confin'd To the mode of the Schooles Nere arrives at the height of a pottle Let the Sages Of our ages Keep a talking O● our walking Demurely while we that are wiser Do abhor all That 's mortall In Plato And Cato And Seneca talks like a S●zer Chorus Then let full Bowles on Bowles be hurl'd That our Iollity may be compleat For Man though he be but a very little world Must be drowned as well as a great 2. We 'll drink till our cheek●s be as starr'd as the skies Let the pale colour'd Students flout us And our noses like Comets set fire on our eyes Till we beare the Horizon about us And if all Make us fall Then our heeles shall devise What the Stars are a doing without us Let Lilly Go tell y● Of wonders And thunders Let Astrologers all divine And let Booker Be a looker Of our natures In our features He 'll find nothing but Claret in Wine Chorus Then let full Bowles c. On CANARY 1. OF all the rare juices That Bacchus or Phaebus produces There 's none that I can or dare I Compare with the princely Canary For this is the thing That a fancy infuses The first got a King The next the Nine Muses 'T was this made old Poets so sprightly to sing And fill all the world with the glory fame on 't They Helicon call'd it and the Thespian spring But this was the drink though they knew not the name on 't 2. Our Cyder and Perry May make a man mad but not merry It makes people wind-mill pated And with Crotchets suffisticated And your hops yest and malt VVhen they 're mingled together Make our fancies to halt Or reele any whither It stuffs up our brains with froth and with yest That if one would write