Gamester Wel. Tyranizing Widdow I hope thou 'lt lose all back again and ten times as much more mai'st thou never draw for a black Dice but it may prove redder then a Country wenches cheeks maist thou never take up a Card but Traies and Sixes maist thou pay as often as I did t'other night which was ten times together L. Weal I see you love me Sir by wishing me equal to your self Wel. Love thee I wish thy body may be a widdow these fourscore years that thou maist curse the cause that made thee lose thy Maiden-â—… I hope the King will have a mark set upon the name of all widdows for men to avoid them La. Weal Be not so passionate dear servant fâ—…aith me thinks thou art a 〈◊〉 fellow at this distance I 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 good looks so well 〈…〉 Wel. And is the 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as come this year 〈◊〉 tongu'd female hold thy peace and let me in else will I 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Murder to be hang'd to make thee cry for me L. Weal I like thy way of being reveng'd therefore prethee about it 〈◊〉 Wel. Well take your pleasure farewell and be hang'd as you said you would Exeunt ACT the IV. SCENE I. Enter Comely in a Riding Garb with his servant Comely LEt my Horses be brought ready to the door for â—…'le go out of Town this Evening Exit servant Enter Welbred Well Why how now Comely booted and spur'd Comely Marry am I Wel. For how long Comely Why for this seven years for ought I know I am weary of this Town and all that 's m't as for women I am in love with none nor never shal I find I have a pretty strong defence about my heart against that folly O here comes the Ladies very opportunely for me Enter Lady VVealthy and two other Ladies To take my leave of e'm L. Weal Mr. Comely your Servant what in a Riding Garb Comely A dress fitting for a Country Journey Madam L. Weal Why can you ever leave this Town Comely That I can truely Madam within this hour L. Weal I can't believe it Comely Were 't not uncivil to get up a Horse-back before you I would convince you strait â—…ay I did think I should be wonder'd at by you all as much as an Owl is amongst Birds Very like now if I were in love with any one of you three though I were on Horse-back a kind look might dismount me again but I thank fate I ne're had that perpetration of the heart yeâ—…â—… Disease as malignant and as catching as the Plague and Reigâ—…s as the Plague does altogether in London So that for my future health I 'le retire into the Countrey for Air and there Hunt and Hawk Eat and sleep so sound that I will never dream of a woman or any part about her This resolution of mine has made me turn Poet therefore before I go you shall hear a Song called my farewell to London and women boy sing the Song The SONG 1. LAdies farewell I must retire Though I your faces all admire And think you Heavens in your kinds Some for Beauties some for Minds If I stay and fall in Love One of these Heavens Hell would prove 2. Could I know one and she not know it Perhaps I then might undergo it But if the least she guess my mind Straight in a Circle I 'me confin'd By this I see who once doth Dote Must ware a woman's Livery Coat 3. Therefore this danger to prevent And still to keep my hearts content Into the Country I 'le with speed With Hounds and Hawks my fancy feed Both safer pleasures to pursue Then staying to converse with you L. Weal Now Mr. Comely would I give the world 〈◊〉 see yoâ—… foundly in Love after this Farewell Song of yours to all Womâ—… I have heard the healthiest persons when once they fall into a â—…ver are most distemper'd Comely Lady faith you 'l never see mee so perhaps you may hear when I am in the Country that I am in love with my Hounds if they run well but as for falling in love with Woman when â—…ver I do â—…'le sell all my Estate and purchase Bedlam to have it to my self for 't will be a house fiâ—… for no other kind of Madmen 1 Lady Come Madam since the Gentleman 's in such hast let 's leave him he 'l think we are fâ—…nd of his Company and would stay him in Town L. Weal Mr. Comely I wish you a good Journey They take leave Com. Ladies your most humble Servant Exeunt Ladies Wel. You will go then it seems Com. Yes indeed will I and dear Welbred fare thee well and since thou' rt in Love I wish thee good luck with thy Widdow Wel. I find then you han't heard of my last visit to her Com. Why what 's the matter Wel. I 'le tell thee when I came to the door I was examined by her Gentlewoman who told me her Lady had given her ordeâ—… not to let me in unless I could shew an hundred pounds in Gold I could sooner have rais'd the Devil for he was in my Pocket so that I was forc'd to retreat and as I was marching off she calls to me out of the window and Jears me Comely Welbred She shews thee this trick only because ' â—…is thy humour never to make her a Visit when thou hast any mony All the Town know she loves thee therefore prethee apply thy self close and get her for thy Wife she 's a great Fortune â—…or a younger Brother One thing more I have to say to thee before I go concerning the two Sisters whom we design'd to get married â—…o Mr. Frenchlove and Mr. Vaine Make Vaine believe the cause of my leaving London is his enjoying the affection of my Mrs. and use all means for the marrying the two young women and adâ—…u and when thou art weary of the Town come live with me in the Country Exit Welbred he 's going off in haâ—… and meâ—…ts Wil a Clown and Elsbeth Pritty 〈◊〉 Welbred Farewell dear Friend Comely Now I 'le away a country life Shall be my Mistriss and my Wife William Pray Gentleman is not this the place where the King and the Queen do walk Thou art the first man Elsbeth and I have met with since we came to this huge Town that wear Boots like our Gentlemen in Wiltshire Comely And did you two come to Town only to see the King and Queen Will. No no we come about this Maiden's Vather's Will Comely And what 's this maids name Will. Wouse man one wou'd a thought thou hadst been a better Schollard then to have askt her name before mine Comely Cry mercy friend what 's thy name Will. Friend do'st call me how can'st tell I 'me thy friend before thou knowst my name I am called 〈◊〉 by all the folk that know me in Wiltshire Comely Honest William then what 's this Damsels name Will. Why her Cursen name is Elsba her next name to that I wous is Pritty
let me serve you with my Sword I 'le secure you Vaines an errant Coward French Sir I shall be the â—…orrier for 't if he fights with me but I would not for a 1000 Pistols he were otherwise aside Well Come Mr. Vaine will you go Vaine I 'me ready sir. Comely Mr. Welbred you are Mr. Vaines friend and I am Mr. Frenchloves then lead us the way and we 'l follow Exeunt Enter two Sisters walking as in Lincoln's-Inn Walk 1 Crafty I wonder I have not seen my ala-mode Servant to day 2 Crafty Nor I my new sprung Mushroom sweet-heart 1 Crafty Sister if ever we get them for our Husbands we 'l change every half hour for diversion 2 Crafty Well they have both very good Estates and therefore very fine Gentlemen take heed we don't reckon our chiken before they are hatcht 1 Crafty No no we 're reckoning our Calves when we talk of them 2 Crafty Thou art a mad wench 1 Crafty Faith not so mad as they will be if they marry us Come let 's sit under thâ—…se trees and talk of them and think of others They sit down Enter the four as to the Duel SCENE IV. French Now sir which is the house Vaine 'T is that 〈◊〉 against us French The very house my Saint inhabits Mr. Welbred not that I care to know but are you sure Vaine is not stout Well I am upon my word French Sir your owning the house makes my bloud boil within me therefore without farther examination pull off your Doublet passion and love unbuttons mine and throws it off Vaine Mr. Comely not that I 'de give two pence to know but are you sure Frenchlove is not stout Comely 'T is true believe me Vaine The same causes that pulls off your Doublet as quick shall pull off mine French Gentlemen what mean you by this delay in such a business if you 're at your prayers they are too long for this occasion Comely and Well whisper Well O Comely we are ruin'd French Why what 's the matter will ye not fight Comely Yes but this Devil must be turn'd another way Vaine As how Well We two must fight against you Gentlemen we can clear your mistakes by our own misfortunes They are two beautiful sisters lives in that house we have long been hopeless Servants too now our despairs are more increas'd by being Rival'd by you two Mr. Frenchlove you being the man that enjoy the affection of my Mistriss the eldest Comely And you Mr. Vaine the man that hath the heart of my Mistriss the youngest Indeed a friend of ours told us these sad truths this morning so Mr. Vaine go you to Mr. Frenchlove's side and then we are ready for you French By your pardon Gentlemen no man shall be my second that commends an English Cook or that ever thought â—…eef good meat 1. Crafty Sure yoâ—…der are four men with their Doubleâ—… off as if they were going to fight women spies â—…em they come up close to them 2 Crafty 'T is so let 's hasten to prevent them Gentlemen hold your hands 1 Crafty Mr. Frenchlove Heaven defend are my eyes falle or is it you 2 Crafty Bless me and Mr Vain what means this dismal sight French Madam there 's no hurt done but truely I think here had if Mr. Vaine had lov'd the French way of eating 1 Crafty How so I pray sir French Why then he 'd been my second for I have resolv'd no man ever shou'd that eats after the English way 1 Crafty A happy deliverance but what 's the quarrel French Concerning your two fair selves with these two Gentlemen 1 Crafty Who Mr. Welbred and Mr. Comely I wonder they can be so impudent to fight for us since we have always slighted them Well Will you still continue your Cruelties Ladies 1 Crafty Will we live you shou'd ask us Well O what a sad day is this 2 Crafty Sure Mr. Comely you have known few better as to us Well Come let 's be gone we shall but hear our miseries repeated we slighted Lovers are only fit companions for our selves Exeunt Com. and 〈◊〉 French To tell you truth Madam the occasion that brought us hither into the field was a mistake betwixt this noble Gentleman and my self for he was talking of going to a Lady whom he was a Servant to living in I demanded of him to shew the house which proving to be yours and not knowing you had a sister Jealousie then enâ—…am'd my love immediately we drew and to 't had gone but that the other two Gentlemen clear'd the mistake Vaine Yes indeed we were just running a tilâ—… one at another 1 Crafty No 't was running tilt one from another aside Thanks be to Heaven that you are both safe now pray Gentlemen hereafter avoid having any disputes with one another â—…wil make my sister and I unhappy since we have both concerns And truly Mr. Vaine a 〈◊〉 Meaâ—…s Cloaths Powders Essences and those kind of things cast your cap at 'em and never argue iâ—… with Mr. Frenchlove for he 's an absolute Demonstrator in such cases Vaine Madam I am perfectly Mr. Frenchlove's humble servant but I must confess I don't love to hear boil'd or rost Beef spoke against 2 Crafty I sir but extream wel-bred persons value it but as the flesh of a Beast 1 Crafty Sister we must stickle between these two Coxcombs for they 'l be falling out every day Gentlemen be pleas'd to walk in and share with us in an ill Dinner aside Exeunt SCENE V. Enter VVelbred as going to my Lady VVealthies House Well Well I find when ever my Pockets are emptiest of money I am fullest of love therefore will I go make t'other visit to my widdow and see if this windy woman sit's in so cold a corner as she did when I left her knocks at the door Porter appears Wel. Is your Lady within Porter I am not sure sir but I 'le inform you strait your patience a little sir. Wel. This fellow knows not my humour I am alwaies very patient when I have no money Enter La. Gentlewoman Well Is your Lady within Mistriss Gent. Yes sir. Wel. I am glad on 't be offers to go in Wel. Gent. Nay sir whither so faâ—… Wel. What a question that is why to your Lady Gent. Why Sir you must not see her unless you can shew 〈◊〉 a hundred pieces in Gold Wel. How 's that Gent. Nay 't is true Sir she has given me such order Wel. Pish pish Gent. Nay never pish I am not in â—…est Wel. I but your Lady is I hope Gent. No but she is not Wel. Why then the Devil take her in earnest and keep her till she 's out of this humour and so farewell to ye both 〈◊〉 he is going away L. Wea. calls him out of the window L. Weal Mr. Welbred I hope you 'l pardon me I am at Le umbre and am a great winner and then I never receive any visit from a losing
thou can'st not spare me pritty Rogue L. VVeal Oh Impudent fellow hold thy prating for I 'le n'â—…re see thy face more VVel Then thy house shall be shut up as if the Plague were in 't for I 'le besiege it this week and if e're it opens I 'le come in Comely Madam be not so angry shall I desire one thing of you I know him to be a Person of Great Worth and one that loves you and this is onely a fault and miscarriage of his youth pray follow me down and stand behind the door you shall trust your own eyes and ears and not believe me because you think I am his partial Friend L. Weal Sir I will but can't conceive to what end this is both come down Come ly enters to Welbred Comely Come away with me stay here no longer you have quite lost the widdow she calls you all the Rogues and Rascals and Cowards in the world and says the meanest slightest things of you that she 'l have you beaten by Porters therefore e'ne come along with me 't is but time lost to stay never think of recovering of her VVel No no I 'le stay here till I starve before I 'le stir I know I have committed a great fault and if she does hate me I deserve it justly but as I did ever love her truely so I do now and so I will do whilst I have breath though she slight me never so much Comely Fie Welbred this Resolution is folly now since i 'me sure thou art the onely thing of mankind she hates most and as ' have been thy Friend ever so will I show it now when thou hast most need of me Well In what Comely I have a Couzen that has twenty thousand pounds to her portion and she 's wholly at my disposal she 's handsome into bargain her shalt thou have for thy wife therefore come along with me and never stand here for an impossibility Well Noble Friend I thank ye but could I have a more beauteous woman that Nature ever yet made and had she the Indies to her portion she should not be my wife nothing but my widdow now or a Grave i 'me resolv'd Pulls Lady Wealthy from behind the door Comely Nay widdow come out and take him for ever and a day if he spoke all his life time he could say no more come come take him by the hand Thou â—…ast him by the heart already Comely Ioynes their hands Well My dear widdow and shall we bring both ends together at last L. Weal It seems Fortune will have it so We Madam I need not tell you now I Love you you heard me say so when I thought you did not Enter French love and Vaine both married to the two Crafties L. Weall Well I believe you Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen God give you all Joy Enter Page Page Mr. Comely here 's a Country wench and a Clown at the door would speak with you Comely Madam will you suffer e'm to come in and you shall see the thing I fell in Love with and the kind of Beast that is my Rival Enter Clown and Elsba Elsba Mr. Comely William and I are both bold to take leave of you we are going home the Waggon stays for us L. VVeal Well Sir I 'le leave laughing at you and say I cannot blame you for being smitten with that face 't is so very pritty I warrant she can Dance well she treads so nimbly with her feet ask her Comely Can you Dance Elsba Yes Sir our Town Jigg she Dances French Fie fie this is English Madam pray do you Dance a little and shew the difference of the French Movement Diabol you Dance like an English-woman too She Dances like an English woman too 1 Crafty Sir you may see how well I Love you since onely to gain you for my Husband I have hitherto affected the Garb and Fashion of Frenchwomen though contrary to my Nature But now I am your perfect English Loving wife Enter English and French Taylors French How am I couzen'd E. Taylor Sir one word with you you owe me 500 l. for Ware which you thought had been French because 't was sold to you by the hand of this French Taylor therefore pay me or I 'le tell it before all this Company French Peace peace come for your money to morrow morning to my Chamber Diabol sure this damn'd England has infected my eyes Vaine takes French aside Vaine Hark ye Mr. Frenchlove I believe you and I are whisk't with a couple of Wives for Mr. Welbred and Mr. Comely pretended to be in love with them and the Devil a bit there 's any such thing besides i 'me told they have been both Mistrisses to Mr. Comely and Mr. Welbred and that they are of very mean Quality French Pray Sir no more of these English Informations they are not agreeable to my ear Comely Mrs. Pritty though you can't love me I 'le give a hundred pound a year for your Life Elsba I thank you Sir and I 'le assure you I 'le love you best next to William as long as I live Comely Madam farewell Heavens send you many a happy day with my Friend Welbred i 'me glad I was the Author of Reconciling you to him L. Weal Sir I cannot give you many thanks now but hereafter if Experience tells me my Husband be worth it I 'le be out of your Debt Wel. Dear widdow doubt it not I 'le throw away my Life when ever it appears a thing unsensible to you and to shew you I le a void those things that have made me so often hazzard the loss of that kindness I 'le never touch Card or Dice again French De hear Lady I 'le carry you into France next week I see you 'l make a direct English Wife else Iack Hark ye Master take my advice and return with your Bride For by what I hear you are wiv'd to the purpose Vaine You say well Jack Comely Now will I go Travel and try if the Air of another Countrey can Cure me of the Disease I have caught in my own Hereafter if any man shall tell me he can never be in Love I 'le not believe him For by my self I find VVhilst there 's a Woman no man knows his mind FINIS