perfect Drugs Plenty of Meat and Drink but nothing else Free The People are Civil and Obliging Vain Especially to Strangers Free And Hospitable Vain To a Fault Sir Free The Air is Good a temperate Climate Vain Much the same as in England Free The Soil is Rich. Vain Oh 't is too Rank Free VVhat necessaries then or what pleasures do you want You have fine Women Vain They are kind I am sure Free To you chiefly I suppose Vain Shall I make a Confession then among my Friends I do not believe ever any Man has been so successful I do not know that ever I ask'd in vain Sir Fr. I can hold no longer Why thou little worthless Contemptible Wretch Do you entertain Strangers with your aversion for your Country without being able to give one Reason for it and can you give but one Reason for liking it which if it were true would make all others abhor it The Women fond of thee Why the Common Hackneys who live by thee Contemn thee But such as he think if he is not affronted he is belov'd Vain You must know Sir to Freelove he is Jealous of me that makes him so peevish he us'd to be very fond of me Therefore I 'll tell you more of this some other time and in the mean time study all Opportunities of shewing how much I am Sir Your most Obedient humble Servant Exit Vainly Free Your Servant Sir This Spark takes leave I perceive always alike I suppose too of every Body alike and in the same Stile as he concludes his dull Insipid Billet-doux Sir Fr. Ay hang him hang him he is always dully Brisk and Impertinent But here she comes who is all perfection Enter Lady Volant Madam Your Ladyships Slave Be pleas'd to know these Two Gentlemen this is Mr. Freelove and this is Mr. Bellmine You see Madam how Communicative I am to you of every thing that is Good you shall share all my Goods Lady Vol. This is a signal Proof indeed Sir Fr. This Gentleman is in Love with my Niece and this with my Daughter VVhat say you Madam shall we be Married all together keep time odd I believe I cou'd make it a day of Revelling and a night of Loving Feast all day and Kiss all night Lady Vol. Sir Francis I have all the Respect and Friendship for you that a Man of your Excellent Parts can require with Modesty but I must desire you not to talk so loosly before me Marriage is a sacred thing Sir Francis a very sacred thing yet it is a thing Sir Francis that may be abus'd and may be perverted to raise indecent and unruly Cogitations Sir Fr. I told you how reserv'd she was To Free and Bel. Lady Vol. I presume you found Mr. Vainly here I assure you Sir Francis I left the Room because he tacitly imply'd the thing Marriage tho' on his knees and with all the Chastity and Modesty imaginable Bell. There she has given the Reason To Freelove Free Can he mistake this for Virtue I wou'd as soon take a Bully's Rant for true Courage or a Cringing Designing Courtiers low bow for true Humility This Ridiculous Cant this affected Squeamishness is as nauseous to me as open Lewdness and I am sure as certain a sign and a greater Crime for she adds Hypocrisy Bell. I am so far of your Opinion that if you will take him aside I am resolv'd to make Love to her Free VVhat at first and to what end Bell. I have just now a Project conceiv'd in my head but I have not time now to impart it Sir Fr. Son Bellmine you must try to prevail with my Lady here and as you succeed with her for me so you must expect to succeed with me for my Daughter Lady Vol. Oh for some Art to Charm him from Marina or at least delay the Match for I must dally no longer with my old Gentleman Aside Bell. This is a severe Task Madam that Sir Francis has impos'd upon me To require me to make Love to you and not for my self Lady Vol. He is very sensible Sir that his Daughter has Charms to secure you from one much more engaging Bell. Fathers are as Blind as Lovers And give me leave to think he is a much more indulgent Father than passionate Lover or he wou'd dread your greater Power wou'd make me false both to my Love and Friendship And shou'd Marina make the same Tryal of my Constancy she wou'd convince me she exceeds you as much in Vanity as she is inferiour to you in every Charm Lady Vol. Truly Sir if Sir Francis had such a Talent of Elocution I believe he might have succeeded long since And for his Daughter I conjecture I am not much inferiour to her in the superlative Charm Fortune Bell. That never was a Charm to me tho' I cou'd wish it were one to you since I can at least equal Sir Francis's Lady Vol. Sure Sir you can have no other design in this but to try with what temper I can support such Complements Bell. That is not my design I assure you Lady Vol. Is it not indeed Sir on your Veracity Bell. No on my Honour Madam nor can you suppose it is Methinks a Lady of your piercing Wit shou'd in a Moment read ones thoughts as in a Moment so much Beauty Conquers Lady Vol. 'T is as dangerous to believe one of you young Gentlemen as it is difficult to deny so fine a Person Bell. Convince me you think me the latter by allowing me a Moments Free Conversation Lady Vol. Alas Sir even to talk thus is a Liberty I never permitted to any before and I am sure you cannot in reason ask more Bell. Lovers are always thought Extravagant in their Demands by the indifferent Therefore I fear to ask what I wou'd give the World for that you wou'd let me see you this Evening in St. Stephen's Green Lady Vol. Oh me Sir what wou'd the World say or what I value more what wou'd you think Bell. The World shall never know it and for me Sir Fr. What say you Sir have you no Estate Free Not an Acre Sir Sir Fr. Nor Money Free Not a Penny Sir Fr. A strange dull Fellow this Aside And have you really now the Conscience to make Love to my Niece Can you imagine that she will throw her self away upon you in the Bloom of her Youth one of her Wit and Beauty But perhaps you think she has an Equal Stock of Money and so hope to make your Fortune by her But I can assure you she is in the same Circumstances as you are not worth a Penny Free I knew it when first I saw her yet my Love receiv'd not the least Check by that I hope she will prove as Generous Sir Fr. Generous do you call it Death you make me mad What a Pox is there no way to be thought Generous but by becoming Mad and Begging And pray Sir if I may ask you a Civil
St. Stephen's Green OR THE Generous LOVERS A COMEDY As it is Acted at The Theatre-Royal IN DUBLIN Written by WILL. PHILIPS Esq DUBLIN Printed by John Brocas in School-House-Lane And are to be Sold by the Booksellers 1700 TO THE Right Honourable THE Earl of INCHIQUIN My Lord THis Play has a double Reason for seeking Shelter under Your Lordship I Writ it and for our Irish Stage and You are the chief Friend which either has But I shou'd be Cautious in Declaring what 't is probable the World may Condemn in you since in the Humour the present Age is for a Man to own that he thinks Plays even lawful 't is almost enough to bring his Principles of Morality and Religion into Question But My Lord the Firmness of yours is so well known that I shall have no Reason to for bear saying you have an Esteem for Plays and I may with Safety to your Reputation Applaud you for it since I am Confident the greatest Zealot wou'd slacken his Fury against the Stage and join with you in Supporting it did he know how earnestly you Wish it Reform'd from the Corruption of Manners to the Encouraging Virtue and Exposing Vice and with what Decency Modesty and Good Breeding you wou'd have it Regulated You may remember you Caution'd me to observe these Things when I first acquainted you that I had a Design to Write this Comedy and I have attempted to Obey you I wish Your Lordship had given me farther Instructions then this wou'd have appear'd more Perfect and Correct to the World and an Offering more Worthy you As it is I present it to you with Courage because I know the Errors your Judgment discerns your Goodness will Excuse and what you cannot Excuse you will at least Forgive I only Wish there may be something in it which may prevent your Blushing while you Protect it and shall very readily own the Faults the Criticks find in it I have not yet heard them but without doubt there are many and therefore I think my self the more obliged to those who have been so particularly kind to this Play They have sufficiently evidenced how Inclinable they are to Encourage Wit and Poetry by being so Favourable and so Generous to my weak Attempts on both who have so little of the one and so unskill'd in the other I shou'd be extreamly pleas'd if my Success wou'd move any other who has a happier Genius to divert this Town with some Performance of this kind But it is my Satisfaction and Pride that tho' he shou'd Write better he cannot meet with more Encouragement than I have done And since I own my Weakness and yet boast of Success you may be assur'd that as I think my self Answerable for the former so I know the latter is owing to your Lordship another Proof of your accustomed Goodness and a fresh Obligation to me But this is a Subject I must not pursue for tho' the acknowledgment of Obligations is but a small Return yet I know you th◠〈…〉 and therefore tho' Silence is a Pain to the Grateful yet I choose to be uneasy to my self rather than offensive to your Modesty which I know will not Pardon my Publishing what you will not allow me even to mention when we are together Give me leave only My Lord to assure you that I have a just Sense of your Favours and that tho' I had ne're receiv'd one yet I shou'd ever have been My Lord Your Lordship 's Most Faithful and most Humble Servant Will. Philips PROLOGUE HOw hard 's the Fate which Poetry attends VVhen ev'ry Man to be its Judge Pretends Not so in other Arts Painters best tell VVhich Colour Shade or Posture does excel Doctor 's a Right to Kill or Save obtain And Lawyers only do the Law Explain But ev'ry Fool fancies induigent Heav'n And equal Share of VVit to him has giv'n And talks of Time Place Action and the Plot VVords like a Parrot he by rote has got Hither such come to Censure not to Hear And whisper dull Remarks in 's Neighbour's Ear. Chat the whole Play then Judgment give at Guess And damn the Poet for the Actor's dress Strut in the Pit Survey the Gallery In hopes to be lur'd up by some kind She. Humours still opposite to ours they have Laugh when we weep and when we laugh look grave Our Author hopes none such are here to Day For they 'll ne're relish this Dull Sober Play VVhere there 's not one Immodest VVord to move In the Box Blushes or a Laugh above But for their Comfort tho the Scene be here The Characters of Vice he takes elsewhere If any to themselves Reflections take They are to Blame who Applications make EPILOGUE Spoke by Lady Volant WHo to a Monarch humbly sues for Grace Shou'd not Consult the Merits of his Case So much as those who offer his Address 'T is by their Int'rest he must hope success Our Author thus who can no Merit Plead But the harsh Censures he deserve does dread Orders that I for Mercy Intercede He Judges right but in his Choice he 's out As he his Merit I my Int'rest doubt And well I may since 't is by different Arts I must please Men and gain the Ladies Hearts The Beaus I wou'd Oblige but that you know Is more than one poor VVoman has Pow'r to do Besides they 're all so Mercenary grown They 'll grant no Favour unless I grant one Their Answer is when we a Boon demand Meet me at Chappellizard or the Strand And that 's a Bribe I think too dear to give To let this Play their dreadful Rage survive And from the Fair what Mercy can be had I fear they 'll hate me for but seeming Bad. In hopes to please now we have done the Play I 'll throw the Nausceous Mask of Vice away And strive those Paths of Virtue to pursue So strictly kept so eminent in you Dramatis Personae Freelove A Gentleman of England Bellmine A Gentleman of Ireland Friends Sir Francis Feiguyouth Old and Amorous VVormwood Snarling and Ill-natur'd Vainly A Pert Conceited Fop. Trickwell Servant to Freelove Timothy Tellpenny Steward to Lady Volant Aemilia Niece to Sir Francis Feignyouth Marina His Daughter Lady Volant Affected and Mercinary St. Stephen's Green OR The Generous Lovers ACT I. SCENE St. Stephen's-Green Enter Aemilia and Marina Mar. WELL well Aemilia You may pretend what you please But I am sure You go to Church thus constantly only to Pray for an Easterly Wind. Aemi. Truly Marina if my Love has made me Devout yours has made you very Lazy for ever since you saw Bellmine you are grown as fond of your Bed as a young Poet is of his first Works Mar. And is not that a properer place to think of one's Lover than the Church I am as much teaz'd with your Devotion as a Rake is with Dunns or as a Mask in the Play-House is with that Rake Aemi. Love that sweetens all Tempers
which you must know I hate 'em that each thinks the Commendation of another is a wrong done to her self and that you deprive her of that Beauty you approve of in another Free I have heard there were many fine VVomen in this Town Worm It may be so But you who are a young Gentleman and I suppose would be acceptable to them must have a care of saying so Free VVhy so Worm Because you must make your Court to the present by railing at the absent Free That is a New VVay indeed Worm An infallible VVay to succeed 'T is what they practice to one another I can name you some VVomen who visit and are visited by half the Town are civilly treated and have no Merit but Impudence and Scurrility As for Example Bel. Have a care of Names Worm I 'll venture at hers My Lady Volant Bel. How my Lady Volant I never saw her but have heard abundance of her And is she in Being still why what a bottomless sink of Malice is her Breast that is not yet exhausted Worm 'T is a Corrupted one and taints every thing comes within it She hates every Body yet is the civilest Person in the whole VVorld when she wou'd dive into your Affairs Bel. Or wou'd borrow a Guinea However she is a good Manager for her Lodging and Dyet cost her Nothing she Bilks one and Spunges for t'other Worm I see you can Rail too Bel. Oh she 's a publick Pest. She has done more harm to deserving young Ladies Reputations than the Small Pox has to their Faces Free No more of her I beseech you But is there no Body Merits a Good Character Worm You that are a Stranger may think there is But those who deserve to be Laugh'd at next are that young Pert Conceited Fool Vainly who construes every Abuse a Complement and that old Lewd Fat Doting Feignyouth who are both bewitch'd by her Ladyship Bel. How Sir Francis Feignyouth Worm The same He fancies her Virtuous and Rich tho' she has so very little of either she wou'd renounce her Virtue to borrow a Crown And because she is reserv'd to him he concludes she is is so every Body else Bel. This is Incredible Is it possible he can be ignorant of her Character he has Friends enough to inform him Worm If you went about to inform him you wou'd find it a hard Matter to convince him of your Friendship For he believes whoever speaks against her has some design on her himself As for Vainly I think no Body values him enough to advise him Bel. VVhat if I shou'd advise Sir Francis he cannot believe I have a design on her Worm But he knows you have one on his Daughter Marina and he 'll imagine you advise out of Interest Bel. VVell Sir I thank you for your Information it may be of use to me VVill you please to Dine with us at the Globe and let us know more of the Affairs of the Town Come Freelove I see your Man yonder I suppose he has taken care of our Things we 'll Dine and change our Cloaths and then take another Turn here Free I suppose your Design is to meet your Masks again But have a care this unknown Face may prove Of Force to overcome your former Love You wear a brittle and an easy Chain VVho can to other Objects Passion Feign Bel. No I can Feign and yet my Heart defend Free You 're lost if on your own Strength you depend The Straragems and Force of VVomens Eyes Subdue the Strong Ensnare and Fool the VVise. Exeunt ACT II. Scene Continues Enter Wormwood Worm POx on this troublesome Coxcomb he follows me again there is no getting from him If I abuse him he thinks 't is either Raillery or like a Friend to tell him of his Faults Enter Vainly Vain I ask your Pardon Sir for staying behind you but I cou'd not help it You saw the Occasion Worm Not I Sir I did not mind it Vain No! why some Ladies stopt their Coach and desired to speak with me Worm It may be so Vain Well certainly there is not so true a Friend nor one so fit for a Confident as you are You 'll never seem to know any thing of your Friend's secrets I do not believe if you saw me in bed with one of those Ladies you wou'd take any Notice of it at least I am sure you wou'd not speak of it Worm I am sure if I did I shou'd not be believ'd Vain What! You think I soar higher No Faith a Man in this Town must sometimes stoop below Title Worm I 'll say that for thee Vainly thou hast Assurance and Pride enough to aim at an Empress Vain I vow your Complements make me blush 't is true tho' I have just Pride enough to keep the Best Company and Assurance to make use of an Opportunity Worm Mistake me not you have however Humility to dispense with a Kitchin Wench Vain Thou art the most agreeable Man upon Earth you say as obliging things to me as I cou'd to my Mistress But dear Wormwood dost thou really think that I can Suit my self so handsomly to my Company am I so very obliging so wondrous Civil Worm The Civilest Person alive for you never contradicted any Man tho' he abus'd thee nor ever made any Return to it but Thanks Vain Why cou'd any thing but so good a Friend put the Construction of Civility upon such things if I were Guilty of them Worm There is no freeing my self from him but by beating him Aside Look ye Sir I shall not be so wondrous Civil as you are therefore in short neither trouble me with your Company nor with your professions of Friendship Vain Why as you say a professing Friend is to be suspected we that are so Intimate need not tell each other that we are so VVorm We Intimate Leave abusing me Dost think I wou'd be Intimate with thee for what for that abundance of Powder in thy Perrewig or for neatly Twisting that great Slabbering Bib or for the nice Rowl of your Stockings or for your Muff-String and the Buckle Vain Better and better Why then you do think I dress well I confess all the Ladies in Town are of that Opinion VVorm Abominable Rogue Apart I tell thee thou dost nothing well thou art as dull in thy Conversation as thou art pert in thy Behaviour You set up for Dressing as if you were newly return'd from Paris but do it as awkwardly as one of our Attorneys Clerks or a young Collegian who has just thrown off his Gown Thou wou'dst be thought Brave by that Long Sword but wou'dst fly the sight of a Bodkin In short thou art in nothing what thou woud'st be thought but art in every thing what thou seem'st Vain Well such a Friend is an inestimable Jewel I now pronounce my self a happy Man in having so sincere a Friend so plain dealing an Acquaintance VVorm Again Friend abuse me so again and I 'll
spit thee with thy own Sword Vain Why thou hast as much Modesty as good Nature VVorm Death I have neither Vain Who can deal thus honestly by me and cannot hear your self commended with the Title of my Friend Worm The Title of thy Friend a Commendation why this is past all Sufferance Look ye Sir since I cannot perswade you to understand me by Words I 'll try to make you understand me by my Sword Come Draw Sir Drawing Vain Draw Sir VVorm Ay draw Sir so I say no Repetition Vain What a Plague will you Fight a Man because he calls you his Friend VVorm Friend again that word has wing'd thy Destiny as the Poets have it I see the Rogue dare not Fight I may push this matter home Vain But Good Mr. VVormwood VVorm Death Sir Draw I say I shall make you Dance to a New Tune Vain Oh Lard Sir is that all how dull was I that I did not understand you I protest dear Sir you had reason to take it ill that I shou'd be so tedious in Gratifying you I learn'd a New Minuet yesterday and tho' the place be not so proper yet to shew how earnest I am to oblige you La La La La. Sings and Dances VVorm Nay then I think I may venture to put up my Sword and beat Time with my Feet on your Buttocks thus and thus Enter Freelove and Bellmine Free What Quarrelling Gentlemen hold hold Vain Oh no Sir by no means you do not know Mr. Wormwood he 's a facetious Person and had a Mind we shou'd practice a New Dance Bel. An Antick I suppose Vain Right Sir 't is even so if we can but get a Sett you shall see what Sport we 'll make at the next Ball. Free That I hope will be difficult VVorm Gentlemen a word I wou'd not have you seen in that little thing 's Company you see he has no Sense nor Courage and it may make the Wise and Brave reflect on you Free We thank you for your Caution Sir Vain Mr. Bellmine you know I always had a value for you your Friend too seems a fine Gentleman and I suppose is of your temper wou'd be acceptable to the Ladies but nothing can be so destructive to that as being seen with that old snarling ill bred Fellow hang him despise him leave him Bell. Indeed to leave him to himself is the surest way to Plague him for ill Nature is its own Greatest Torment Vain You are most Ingenious Dear Mr. Bellmine you and I will be wondrous great Call your Friend away and come with me By your absence for some time you may be out of Acquaintance Come I 'll shew you every Body I 'll make you acquainted with the whole Town this Afternoon I have access every where You know the Ladies were always Fond of me Bell. I desire not to intermeddle between such Ladies and you therefore pray Excuse me Vain Extreamly obliging kind to the last Degree to deny your self so great a Pleasure for fear of Rivaling me But I will not suffer that so much Goodness should prejudice you Come we are hard by Sir Francis Feignyouth's I 'll carry you thither Bell. Are you acquainted there Vain Goodness that you shou'd not know that most intimately Sir Truth is they wou'd be much fonder of me but I 'am often troubled with the Spleen exceedingly troubled with the Spleen Mr. Bellmine and they poor Creatures do so Sympathize with me that I never go there but I give it to them Bell. Faith thou art enough to give any one the Spleen Vain Oh Good Sir be not concern'd I wou'd not for the world infect you 't is too much to be so nearly concern'd for me Besides there is no Danger of having it in your Ingenious Company and that is the reason I go there so often to divert it for Sir Francis's Daughter Mrs. Marina has a world of Wit and her Cousin Aemilia is nothing short of her they have both vast Sense vast Sense they have indeed and you know you may depend on my Judgment Then they Write so Charmingly Bell. Have you any of their Letters Vain Oh Goodness Sir what a Question is there Bell. A Question why dost thou dare to say it Vain Not a word you say but gives me a proof how infinitly you value me No 't is base to boast of a Ladies Favour that is the truth on 't I take your Caution extream kindly Mr. Bellmine Bell. Death and Hell dare not to think it not to hope it nay not to wish it Vain Oh Enough enough a Word to the Wise I will be more discreet for the future Bell. Discreet Insolent Wretch Death thou deservest to be beaten Free Bellmine so loud Dost thou not know that next to the Disgrace of being Beaten is that of Beating those we know will bear it Bell. For thee even to name the Woman I admire is almost enough to lessen my Good Opinion of her did I not know you both Free Away mind him not Vain Od's my Life is one of them his Mistress I thought there was something extraordinary it makes him so Cholerick he is Jealous and takes me for his Rival nothing less cou'd make him angry with me But we that are admir'd by the Women must expect to be envied by the Men. Pox take 'em I cou'd bear their Envy but I don't rellish this Quarrelling and Striking and Hurting and Fighting and Wounding and Dying and the Devil and all Where is the sense of it I am sure every Body is so fond of me that if they did but know how little I care for such things there is not one wou'd offer it to me not one I 'm confident Least these Strangers shou'd mistake my humour I 'll march off and there is a rare Opportunity a Hackney Coach coming this way with two Masks I 'll pretend they call'd me Heigh you Rascal Coach-man don't you hear the Ladies cry hold Dear Gentlemen you see the Reason of my leaving you there are some Ladies in the Coach call me therefore I hope you will pardon the abrupt Departure of your most obedient faithful Servant Exit VVorm There 's a Dog now there 's a Rogue Why wou'd you prevent my Drubbing him I wou'd have kick't him into Jelly Free If you had persever'd you had quickly made his feeling as dull as his understanding VVorm I attack'd his most sensible part Free And yet I have known some as Contemptible as he boast of their success in Intreagues nay and boast with truth too tho' one shou'd imagine that Vice alone shou'd destroy their future Success since it is as imprudent in Women to put it in such Mens power to boast as it is in the Men base to be Guilty of it Bell. There is none so Despicable but have some Quality to recommend them to some Body Nay it oft happens that a Man is admir'd by some for that very Quality for which others despise him And Vainly has one
Qualification will make many Men and most Women value him Free What is that Bell. A Good Estate Free Those who want one and imagine it to be a much greater Blessing than it is found to be by you or any who possess it VVorm For my Part I cannot help fretting that such dull Rogues as that shou'd have one 'T is a Gift of Fortune as much missapply'd as to confer swiftness on the Blind for he can make no use of it and that is all my Comfort He Squanders it all away in Sword Knots Perrewigs Essence Powder and such material Things Free Oh Sir Let every Man dispose of his Money as he pleases so he is inoffensive to others We have all different Appetites his satisfaction lies in Gay Cloaths your pleasure lies in not being pleas'd One Man loves Drinking another Intreagueing Bellmine both being a Man of an universal Genius Bell. Your Servant Good Sir you needed not have Travell'd so far for an Example But yonder I think comes my old Dad that must be who will exceed both you and I in those VVorm Yes yes 't is all about the Town already that you are to marry his Daughter But let me advise you one thing Break off the Match between Sir Francis and my Lady Volant or you will have but a slender Fortune with your Spouse Bell. But can it be possible that thou should'st give this Advice purely out of good Nature Worm No I do not mind it not 't will Gratifie my ill Nature that thou shou'dst not follow good Counsel Forward the Match and then Marry the Daughter for pure Love But if I were you I wou'd chuse to Marry his Niece Aemilia that I might be sure not to have a Groat with her Free And is not she a Fortune without Money Worm Ha! ha ha the Man 's mad Why what the Devil is Fortune but Money or what is Woman or Honour or any thing else without it Free Has she not Virtue Sense and Beauty VVorm The Woman is not ugly that 's the Truth on 't But where hast thou been Educated where hast thou spent thy time what hast thou convers't with Nothing but old Fables and Romances with your Lucretia's and Sempronia's with your Cassandra's and Clelia's and such stuff In this Age talk of Virtue and Sense why I tell thee Bell. Wormwood have a care he 's the Sex's Knight Errant VVorm Is he why then let him suffer as much as any of those fancy'd ones to get his Mistress and she prove to be a VVhore Aside but if you will not give me leave to vent plain truths I 'll go think ' em Exit Free I am much mistaken if this Fellow wou'd not stand Kick and Cuff as heroically as t'other Bell. Altogether as rank a Poltroon they only differ in the manner not in the thing But here is one will please us better Enter Sir Francis Feignyouth Sir Fr. Mr. Bellmine how I rejoyce to see you again in Ireland Well and what price bear Wine and Women now in London hah does the Mall swarm with Masks and is French VVine admitted yet Bell. Before we talk of such weighty Affairs let me desire you wou'd know my Friend here Salute Sir Fr. Mr. Bellmine Sir has given you a Character will introduce you into the good opinion of all this Town Free If it can purchase me yours 't will be the greatest Service it can ever do me Sir Fr. Oh Sir your own Merit will always give you an absolute sway over Sir your most faithful humble Servant Free My Merit Sir will make but a slender Figure in the presence of so accomplish'd a Person as Sir Francis Feignyouth Sir Fr. I protest Sir you make me blush Nay no more I beseech you my modesty will not suffer you to proceed an exceeding well-bred ingenious Person Apart Bell. So he has won his heart already Apart Sir Fr. Mr. Bellmine no one has a better taste of Man than you You have done your Country Service by bringing so fine a Gentleman to it May I crave your Name Sir Free Freelove at your Service Sir Sir Fr. I have known several of that Name in England fine Gentlemen all VVell Sir for your comfort you will find VVomen here that are not Despicable I know 't is the greatest Commendation of any place to you young Gentlemen But then Opportunities are scarce there 's no getting at ' em Bell. I hope that is no Fault to you who have a Family Sir Francis Sir Fr. No no I speak in reference to you Gentlemen I am past such things my self Free Past it Sir a Man of your Make your Health and Sanguine Constitution past it no Sir you are as Vigorous as ever Sir Fr. Think you so Mr. Freelove Do I seem very Strong very Sanguine very Vigorous hah Free As Five and Twenty Sir Sir Fr. You Flatter me I shou'd find it hard to perswade the VVomen to that Belief Free No VVoman that has Eyes in her Head will doubt it if she does you can convince her another way Sir Fr. Ods me I 'll go see my Mistress incontinently I am not so decay'd as I thought VVell Mr. Freelove I am much oblig'd to you for your Complements if you will meet me at the Coffee-House this Evening I 'll carry you to see my Mistress to receive your Sentiments of her I have a great Relyance on your Judgment so much that since you think me fit for it I am resolv'd to be Marry'd to Morrow Bell. How Sir to be Marry'd Sir Fr. Ay to be Marry'd Sir what have you to say against that Holy State you will not declaim against Marriage before me I hope Bell By no means Sir since I admire your Daughter you may be sure it is that I covet Sir Fr. Do you so then why do you not Marry if you like one another Bell. I can promise for my self and I hope there is no Aversion on her side But there is something else to be Considered Sir Fr. VVhat than Love Do you pretend to Love and Consider any thing else but Love Consider pish that word agrees as ill with Love as with one of thy age VVhy when I was a young Fellow I never consider'd any thing but how to get a Mistress and then how to get rid of her Bell. But you know Sir Francis in Matrimonial Cases we are to consider how to maintain Children and House-keeping and a VVife will expect a Coach and a fine Equipage and Gay Cloaths and Sir Fr. And the Devil and all I know it Sir I know it Bell. Now Sir tho' I have a tolerable Estate yet the better to support your Daughter's Grandeur Sir Fr. You wou'd have me starve my self Bell. No no I shall be very Moderate Sir Fr. Phoo trust to my Fatherly Love Boy trust to that If not yonder she goes look upon her and Consider if you can Bell. Is that she Sir Freelove the very Two we have been talking with this Morning
what a couple of Dull Rogues were we Aside Sir Fr. Is that she you a Lover and can't distinguish your Mistress in a Mask Yes 't is she and my fine Niece Aemilia Talk of Portions Look on 'em I say there 's a Motion there 's an Air there 's an Air See see how firm they tread hah and then see their Hips how they jut how they rowl Go get ye gone ye lazy Fellows get ye gone Ods me don't stand staring after them but follow them and try how our Ladies can talk Go get ye gone Exit Bell. Free Well Sir I 'll meet you at the Coffee-House Exit Free Sir Fr. Very well away away These young Fellows now adays are perfectly of the VVomens temper must be forc'd to do what they Languish for or they keep themselves so low they must take time to be mis'd I believe I am brisker than any of them How the Jades have fir'd me VVou'd I cou'd meet with any thing that were not my own Flesh and Blood now Any thing tho' she were in a Stuff Riding-hood VVe that have Vigour and our Stomachs keen Can eat of any Dish that 's sound and clean Exit Enter Marina followed by Bellmine Bell. Now am I resolv'd for once to give her a small proof of my unshaken Fidelity Mar. Now cannot I find in my heart to discover my self tho' I long he shou'd know me I see to Deceive is a greater Pleasure to our Sex than to Love Bell. I perceive you are a VVoman of Honour by being so punctual to your assignation but I am sorry so much Kindness as well as Justice is thrown away on a Man who is not inclinable to make use of either Mar. So indifferent Sir you talk't in another strain this Morning Bell. Then I had some Reasons Mar. Why do you not still Bell. The Cause is remov'd Mar. VVhat was that Bell. To give my Friend an Opportunity to talk to yours Mar. VVhy do you follow me now Bell. To contradict what I then said Mar. Truly Sir 't is a very needless Trouble you give your self for be assur'd I as little valu'd as I credited what you said Bell. You see however I am a Man of Conscience and cou'd not rest satisfied till I endeavour'd to convince you Mar. How little you value me Bell. That I value you as much as a prudent Man ought to do a Mask But that the Fates have otherwise dispos'd of my Heart Mar. Oh Ridiculous is the Creature in Love Bell. Ridiculous Mar. Do not you know that every particular VVoman despises a Man for Loving any thing but her dear Self and will you be contemn'd by the whole Sex to be esteem'd by one Bell. I very well know Madam Love is a Passion despis'd by all over whom it has not a present Sway not only by those who never yet Lov'd but even by those who have Lov'd But I never make other Men's sentiments a standard for my Pleasures Mar. And will you be laugh'd at by your own Sex and despis'd by ours and all perhaps for one who Loves some body else Nay 't is very likely for one of so little VVit that you will be laugh'd at more for your choice than passion Bell. Nothing can justify the Excess of my Passion but the Excellence of the Object Mar. I have known some doat even on Deformity and say the same thing have fancy'd Beauties where there was nothing but Faults But for my part I shou'd think it a scurvy Complement to have my Lover say his Passion and my Beauties were owing to his Fancy Bell. And yet the most perfect owe their Conquests to that or we shou'd all Love the same Person Mar. I doubt not but your Fancy is unrivall'd Some Nauceous thing Bell. I tell thee perverse Woman she is the most excellent of her kind she is beyond my description not only beyond your belief but imagination Mar. Fulsom. Bell. Thou dost almost provoke me to treat thee roughly but that I perceive something in thy Air and Shape not much different from hers and for which I honour you Mar. Alas poor Dissembler I thought I shou'd Discover whence this uncommon Fidelity of yours proceeded You very well knew to whom you profess'd it and to whom you address'd these Commendations I do not doubt but the old Gentleman I saw you talk to discover'd to you who your humble Servant was Unmasks Bell. Bless me Madam is it you How cou'd you have the Conscience to tempt Humane Frailty thus and wou'd you have blam'd me if I had been false to you when tempted by you Mar. As if you did not know me Bel. Know youâ— impossible Come indeed I shou'd chide you as well for trying my Faith as for concealing your self so long when you know the Business of my coming here was to see you and the Business of my Life to serve you When I am sensible of no pleasure without you and have no wish beyound you Mar. Hold hold or I shall believe you imagine I have my Mask on still when nothing will pass for good Sense that is not strain'd beyond it nor for a Complement under Profaneness nor for Love that is not ridiculously affected Bell. You must allow a little heat at first sight after so tedious an Absence Mar. That shall not excuse you if I find you knew me for I cannot endure to be undermin'd Bell. What will convince you that I did not shall I have recourse to Swearing and Mar. And Dissembling No those are too oft practis'd to gain Credit with me But come I 'll refer it to your Friend that is walking before us I hear he 's a Man of Sincerity And if you have fool'd me by talking thus when you all the time knew me expect nothing but Frowns from me these three Days Exeunt Enter Aemilia follow'd by Freelove Free I will still pretend I know her not that I may see how she will resent my Passion for another Speaks entring Aside Believe me Madam when I protest it was an affected and own it was a brutal Entertainment you receiv'd from me this Morning But I come now full of Repentance and full of Hopes you entertain the same favourable Thoughts of me you then seem'd to have Aem. There has no alteration happen'd in my Mind since but there seems to be in yours Free A Reflection on your Goodness Wit Shape and Air was able to soften a heart more hard than mine But a second View and farther Proofs have confirm'd it to you Aem. Shou'd he say this and not know me I 'm lost Aside A bad Face as perhaps mine is will soon lose my Conquest Free It must be bad indeed if so many other Charms cannot attone for it Be what it will I admire it Aem. You prove your Generosity in giving your heart to a Stranger but that makes me doubt your Constancy a Virtue in a Lover which every Woman has the Vanity to expect tho' so few deserve
and really I believe I have it to a more violent degree than anyone I swear Madam it has such an effect on me sometimes that I do not put above half a pound of Powder in my Perriwig for a whole day and Discomposes my Face so violently that I cannot bear even the sight of a Looking-Glass and I hurry abroad without the Garniture of a Patch or a Sword-knot Lady Vol. Is 't possible nay if it makes you neglect your self your Friends must expect to be serv'd so too Vain Every thing is disagreeable to me then but your Ladyship That I think was Nice Aside Lady Vol. Oh Lard Sir Vain Nay I swear 't is truth Alas Madam 't is scarce a Complement in this dull Town Lady Vol. Do you think it so too Mr. Vaînly Vain Oh Madam I cannot bear it Lady Vol. Nay solemnly Sir it was a great while before I cou'd it agreed as ill with my Constitution as it doth with my Inclinations but thank my Stars I have done tolerably well since my being Naturaliz'd How fortunate am I to have my Opinion strengthen'd by one of your Judgment 't is a horrid place and I vow as you say Mr. Vainly I do not see a pretty VVoman in it Vain Not one but your Ladyship nor is there an agreeable Man here Lady Vol. Only Mr. Vainly The Women are so affected Vain And the Men so Proud Lady Vol. So Censorious Vain And so selfish and when a parcel of 'em are met together so talkative Lady Vol. They make as much Noise as a Crowd of Apprentices at a Bonfire Vain But now we talk of such People Mr. Bellmine is Landed this Morning who is to Marry Mrs. Marina and with him there is come a Gentleman who has the same design on Aemilia Lady Vol. No doubt they 'll succeed since one is as little admir'd for her Wit and Beauty as the other is for her Fortune Vain Ha ha ha Your Ladyship has the neatest VVay of Railery I have had some Encouragements there and I do nor doubt but Mr. Freelove for that 's his Name will desist as I did when she hears he is a Beggar and when he has seen your Ladyship Lady Vol. You are so obliging But pray what sort of a Man is he he must needs be an extraordinary Person who has so particular a Fancy Vain He was very fond of me till he began to suspect me for his Rival so was Bellmine too The best I know of him is he is just come from dear England and has been lately in much dearer France The worst I know of him or indeed can know is that tho he wears fine Cloaths he has no more Money than his Mistress Lady Vol. Oh hideous Vain The best Jest is for all the Town know it already tho' they are acquainted with each other's Condition they are in Love with each other and are resolv'd to Marry Lady Vol. And Starve Oh Matrimony and Poverty join'd are Comfortable Things Sure his Head is as empty as his Pocket Vain That I suppose you will soon be convinc'd of for I saw him with Sir Francis Feiguyouth who I do not Question will bring him here this Evening Lady Vol. Alas Mr. Vainly you know I cannot be so rude to refuse a Visit or I wou'd never suffer that Ridiculous Fellow to come within my Doors but Civility often constrains us to do what we hate I think I hear some Body coming You 'll pardon me if I retire it wou'd not bear the appearance of Decency to be found Entertaining you alone I assure you my Woman wou'd not behave her self thus were any other here but you You 'll Excuse me Sir Vain Oh Dear Madam this Confidence in me is the greatest Honour that can be conferr'd on Madam your most Obedient Servant Exit Lady Volant She is fond of me to a violent Degree that 's plain the next time I come I will propose Marriage to her I fear no Rival especially that Old Fopp Enter Sir Fra. Feignyouth Freelove and Bellmine Sir Fr. Come Gentlemen come you shall see now if I han't made a Good Choice you shall Ha! how what Vainly here Pray Sir if I may be so bold what is your Business here Vain My Business Sir Sir Fr. Ay Sir your Business Sir I think I speak very plain Sir Vain Oh Dear Sir Francis Plain Dealing is a Jewel you cannot oblige me more than to deal plainly and freely by me I take it for a signal proof of your Kindness Sir Fr. Here 's a shifting young Rogue who wou'd have thought it had so much Cunning. But answer me to the purpose or I shall try how you can evade a Pass of this What is your Business here Vain The Business of all the World Sir to wait on my Lady Volant Sir Fr. Is it so And have you seen her Vain Have I seen her Oh Goodness what a Question there is Pray Sir do my Visits use to be refus'd Sir Sir Fr. There are indeed some Ladies who treat all Men alike the Impertinent with the same Regard they do the Man of Sense the Little Fidling Prating Fop like the Man of Honour and Discretion But my Lady Volant is no such she can distinguish she can Sir Vain Ay I know it Sir I know it and you will find so in a little time Sir Fr. Why ye Little Young Pert Prating Fidling Boaster do you hope to Succeed where I have Pretensions Don't you know that I can Fight ha Free Not with this Gentleman I hope Sir Francis Methinks you mistake the right use of him he is properer for your Diversion than your Anger Vain Ay Sir 't is very true I have fought Sir several times but in my Opinion Laughing and Talking is better Sport by the half Bell. Especially to one whom it becomes so well as you Vain Your most humble Servant Sir I am glad we have Gentlemen come to us now that understand Breeding and Conversation 'T is not to be had here I protest Sir I am forced to go to England once a year to refine my understanding Bell. VVhat need you put your self to that Trouble Cannot you keep a Correspondence with your Taylor Vain With my Taylor Sir Bell. Yes For all you Learn by your Journey is a New Fashion and all you understand is whither your Cloaths be well made Vain You are so obliging Sir Truly I think this Coat is very well Cut sits with a Good Air. I had it sent me by an Express from London for I cannot bear any thing but what comes from thence Oh 't is a happy Place and in a blessed Country where there are all things necessary where there are such pleasures and such Conveniencies to enjoy them Free I have been told you have all those here Vain Oh not one Sir not one Free You have good Wine Vain Yes yes that 's true I had forgot that Free Plenty of all sorts of Fish and Flesh. Vain Phoo they are
is Wit Free 'T is strange he shou'd be blind to so many Faults but you are in the right to prevent his Ruin since you hope to Marry his Daughter Do you start at the VVord Bell. The nearer the Precipice the more it dazles my sight and understanding VVhy you us'd to dislike the thing as much as I till you saw this Aemilia and remember if e're I am weary of the Bondage 't was by your Example I submitted to it Tho' I expect to be thought the more prudent Person who have my fancy for the Lady back'd with a good Fortune Free You deserv'd to be ill us'd for your suspitions and may be no greater a Gainer than I am for as the VVorld goes whatever Fortune the Lover gains by his Mistress 't is ten to one but the Husband will repay with Interest to get rid of his Wife I hope we shall succeed and shall have no reason to Repent I am impatient to know my Fate Let us lose no time your Emissary's Discourse with Sir Francis may give us an Opportunity to speak to the Ladies I see them coming let us walk on Exeunt Enter Sir Francis Feignyouth Aemilia and Marina follow'd by Trickwell Trick Sir will you be pleas'd to favour me with a Minuits Audience Sir Fr. VVhat 's thy Business Trick I wou'd wish you were alone Sir I have something to deliver to you from a fair Lady Sir Fr. Em walk on I 'll overtake you this is my Lawyers Servant about an Extraordinary Affair And what Commands pray has this same fair Lady for me Trick Commands alack alack poor Soul she has no Commands no Sir her Empire 's at an end and conferr'd on you Don Cupid has taken stand on your shoulders and with all his might has shot her thro' and thro' Sir Fr. Heark ye Friend if you wou'd have me believe you are in earnest speak sense speak sense d' ye see and don 't prate to me of Empires and Don Cupids and Darts and such stuff but tell me plainly and in short what it is you wou'd be at Trick Well then Sir since you will have it without any Decoration or Preamble you shall and truly Sir I do not wonder you are impatient to know that the prettiest Woman the sweetest Woman the wittiest Woman and till she saw you the modestest Woman even in her heart shou'd slight all the Men in Town and fall desperately in Love with you only upon seeing you Sir Fr. Do not you banter now my Friend hah do not you banter Trick To Convince you I do not Sir I will tell you where you shall see her and I will not take one Penny for my pains Sir Fr. Two of the best Proofs a Man wou'd desire But to raise my Spirits a little pray tell me what sort of a Woman is she Trick Why Sir in the first place then she is of a considerable Family Sir Fr. Phoo Pox of her Family Trick And of a most accomplish'd Education Sir Fr. A Pox of her Education too that may render all her other Beauties useless Trick I mean Sir she Sings Dances Plays on several Instruments speaks French and the like Sir Sir Fr. Ay now thou say'st something But her Person let me hear somewhat of that She is not little Trick Of middle Stature Sir Fr. That 's well I hate a Dwarf and a Maypole A little Frisking Jumping tumbling Ball and a Long Thin Scraggy ungainly Lath. Her Complexion next Trick Like her Stature between Extreams Neither White nor Brown Sanguine but no fix'd Red except upon her Lips a faint Blush seems always rising in her Face but clearest on her Cheoks Sir Fr. Admirable admirable not Lean you say Trick No Grape that 's kindly Ripe can be So Round so Plump so Soft as she You know the Song Sir Fr. I am all on Fire Deiicate Creature I have done with my Lady Volant that 's certain I do not want Money why then shou'd I be a Slave for it Now her Eyes her Eyes if they prove right Trick Of a sprightly Blew Sir Fr. That 's not so well I cou'd wish 'em Languishing and of a Glossy Black Trick See them see them Sir and dislike 'em if you can But her Temper is so Gentle so Meek Sir Fr. Oh I abhor a Termagant I hate a Mistress that a Man must go to Cuffs with I wou'd have her just such a Woman as you Describe her Soft and Compliant only her Eyes I cou'd wish her Eyes were Black Trick Ne're mind the Colour Sir 't is not the Colour makes the Eye beautiful 't is the shape of it the Lustre Sir Fr. VVell well go on with her Description Trick Her Teeth are small even white and clean smooth and look as if just polish'd Sir Fr. If she answers this Description I will make thy Fortune thou hast made me already fancy my self Happy I am in Raptures But go on go on be never silent in her praise I am sorry her Eyes a'n't Black tho' Trick 'T were endless to recount all her Perfections but to conclude Sir to prove how large a share she has of VVit and Judgment this delicate Creature with thousand other Charms all in their Bloom offers her Heart to you Sir Fr. Patience Patience I am Five and twenty again Eighteen and shall I have the riffling of all these Charms say'st thou Trick For my part I believe she will deny you nothing No one that Loves so much can In sleep she dreams of you and all her waking hours are spent in sighs and wishes for her admir'd Charming Bellmine Sir Fr. The Devil for whom Trick For her dear Lovely Bellmine Sir Fr. For the Devil Trick What mean you Sir Sir Fr. For Bellmine ah Plague is all this meant to him Trick Meant to him why are not you Mr. Bellmine did she not point you to me this very day as you walk'd here with three or four more Sir Fr. No Sir I am not Mr. Bellmine nor have I been like him these Twenty years A Curse on your mistake that has kindled all this Fuel within me for nothing I am struck cold already I fancy my self Fourscore But Sirrah I 'll be reveng'd on you for giving me these hopes to no purpose I wou'd not have been balk'd thus for a Thousand Pound Trick I am sure Sir if it be not you that she Loves I cou'd wish it were you I have a greater Inclination for your Service than for his Sir Fr. VVhat good will your Inclinations or VVishes do me Trick VVhy a great deal Sir since I have committed this mistake I will persevere in it Sir Fr. How how Trick I have already betray'd the poor Lady's Secrets and to make you amends for this Disturbance I will order matters so that you shall be the happy Man Sir Fr. I burn again Let me Embrace thee But the Way the Way the Method my dear Rogue Trick You shall meet her and act like him Sir Fr. That
see what will be the Issue of it Bell. It may be some diversion to you Ladies to be VVitness to it Aem. No that will not be so proper we shall be satisfied to receive an account of it from you Till when your Servant Free Tho' griev'd to part I ought not to Complain since you have bid me hope Exeunt Free and Bell. Mar. Prithee Aemilia why wou'd you put this Constraint upon your Inclinations I am sure you had rather he had stay'd I read it in your looks I found your Eyes had almost betray'd your Heart Aem. I found so too That made me more desirous he shou'd be gone I have Confest enough for this time Mar. Yes truly so you have since you design to Marry him For Men's Importunity and our Shyness have the same end Their subtle Sex is violent to Gain And we Deny more surely to Obtain Exeunt ACT V. Scene Continues Enter Sir Francis Feignyouth in a Cloak Sir Fr. YOnder she comes now if I can Disguise my self till I get her to a Coach she 's my own Wou'd it were a little darker however Enter Lady Volant Mask'd Lady Vol. VVho is there Mr. Bellmine Sir Fr. The same Lady Vol. You see Dear Sir what an excessive Sovereignty you have over me to compel me to meet you But you have an irresistible way with you and all the World extols you for a Man of Honour and I hope you will behave your self like one to me Sir Fr. Methinks I shou'd know that Voice Apart I I my Dear I will I 'll make your Fortune Lady Vol. Your obedient Servant Dear Sir indeed it is as uncommon to meet with a Generous Lover in this profligate Age as with a Secret or a Constant one But I Conjecture you to have all these Virtues or I had not consented to meet you at first Request Sir Fr. First Request What a Pox does she mean I 'm certain I know her voice Apart Lady Vol. Pray Heaven I be not mistaken in my Man Aside But now I have met you sure you can desire no more Sir Fr. By all that 's Virtuous my Lady Volant Is she the amorous Lady This was a lucky Discovery I 'll try her farther Aside Come my dear I am impatient till we are more private I have a Coach waiting at the end of the Green Lady Vol. I 'll wait on you immediately Oh Heavens how near was I to be ruin'd This is Sir Francis what can this mean ha I have it now A Trick of that Villain Bellmine's to prevent our Marriage but I 'll be even with him Aside Sir Fr. Come are you ready Lady Vol. Ungrateful Worthless Fellow Unmasking Not only base thy self but wou'd have me too share thy Guilt how canst thou be that Mercenary Wretch to Abuse thy Noble Friend Sir Francis Feignyouth to deceive his Virtuous Beautiful Daughter forsake and leave her when the Match is concluded on and Marry me because I am Wealthier But tho' thou woud'st be so Base think you I am so Do you imagine I wou'd be unjust to him a Man of that Worth that Honour so fine a Gentleman because you proffer'd me a larger Settlement No coud'st thou give me this Island I wou'd refuse it and rather starve with him Sir Fr. Now let me never drink Claret more if I can tell what it is you mean by all this Lady Vol. Who do I see Sir Francis It seems then you came with a Design to meet some Lewd Woman oh me unfortunate is there nothing but Treachery and Inconstancy in the Sex Have I refus'd so many great Matches and at last Consented to be yours and is this my Reward Sir Fr. Why as I take it my Good Lady you came with a Design to meet some Body too Lady Vol. If my Trouble wou'd give me leave to speak That Traytor Bellmine whom you intrusted to plead for you offer'd to forsake your Daughter and Marry me himself Sir Fr. And so you met him to that purpose Lady Vol. Han't I already told you how I resented his Baseness when I thought you were he 'T is true I consented to meet him in hopes to perswade him to a more Virtuous and Just Proceeding I wou'd have conceal'd his Crime from you being always inclin'd to do Good Sir Fr. Oh the damn'd young Rogue I 'll be so Reveng'd on him Lady Vol. And thus while I endeavour'd to do your Family Service even at the hazard of my Reputation you suspect me This is a plain Conspiracy between you both to ruin me is this like a Man of Honour this the Behaviour I hop'd for from the worthy Sir Francis I am ruin'd undone betray'd what will become of me Sir Fr. Nay hear me Good Lady do but hear me Lady Vol. No I will never hearken to Man more I will retire from the VVorld and leave my VVealth to erect Hospitals to maintain Mad men and Fools rather than enrich the iniust Sir Fr. Hear me but speak Lady Vol. That Sir Francis Feignyouth shou'd suspect me the only Person in the VVorld I ever gave the least Encouragement to I easily cou'd revenge my self by marrying Bellmine and deprive you both of my Fortune and of your Son-in-Law had I not still a zeal for your interests and an Abhorrence for his Treachery Sir Fr. Come I 'll tell you how we shall be both reveng'd on this Insinuating VVheedling Deceitful young Dog I 'll Marry you instantly and will not give him the value of a Rapparce Farthing with my Daughter Lady Vol. VVhy verily Sir Francis you speak like a Man of Honour indeed to Marry an injur'd VVoman is the only way to do her Right But I can hardly Reinstate you in my good Opinion sufficiently to Consent to that yet Sir Fr. Nay I will not delay it a moment I have a Chaplain ready at my House and we will spend the Night in Embraces and Laughing at this Impudent Cozening Knave See where he comes if I were not about taking a surer and sweeter Revenge I wou'd cut his Throat directly Lady Vol. For Virtues sake let us be gone I have that Detestation for a Cheat that I cannot brook his appearance Enter Bellmine and Freelove Bell. VVe may venture to approach them now we shall confound her more tho' I suppose he is already sufficiently convinc'd what a Virtuous Lady she is To Free. Entring Sir Fr. Your Servant your Servant Sir my Honest Faithful Plotting Undermining Dear Half witted Rival and Son-in-Law This was a rare Design of yours an admirable Design Bell. Sir Sir Fr. A curious Design a deep Design Oh these young Fellows are subtle Dogs at a Plot Bell. VVhat wou'd you be at Sir Sir Fr. VVhat wou'd you be at Sir this Lady Sir But I shall prevent you Sir for I am going to be Marry'd to her instantly Sir Bell. You are not serious sure why Sir I 'll convince you that Lady Vol. Oh I cannot bear that Traytors sight let us be gone
For Love by Action's best exprest Chorus He Believe this Kiss if not my Words For Love by Action's best exprest She That I 'll believe tho' not your Words For Love by Action's best exprest Enter Vainly and Wormwood Vain Why it is impossible Mr. Wormwood that she cou'd be false to me I will not believe she is Married Worm No if thou wert Marry'd to her you wou'd not believe your self a Cuckold tho' you saw her a Bed with another Man Sir Fr. You are welcome Gentlemen Mr. Vainly our Quarrels are at an end now Worm Then you are Marry'd Ha ha ha Sir Fr. Why that is kind to rejoyce at your Friends good Fortune Vain But Madam is it your way to receive Presents from one Man and Marry another Sir Fr. How Presents La. Vol. If one shou'd give attention to what every Fop says Worm Nay Sir Francis be not angry at that 'T were happy for you if she had receiv'd Presents enough to pay her Debts Sir Fr. Oh are you there That 's well Heark ye Slave have you not often swore to me that my Lady Volant here was worth Tim. Not one shilling Sir that I know of Sir Fr. Andam I Cheated Chous'd Fool'd Abus'd Ruin'd Confounded hah Tim. Somewhat like it truly Sir Sir Fr. I 'll have her burnt for a Witch and I 'll have you flea'd you Dog I 'll do 't my self Vain Ay 't is plain her tenderness of me wou'd not let her Ruin me Bell. Hold hold Sir you have not yet heard the worst Sir Fr. Can any thing be worse what Can any thing be worse than Poverty Bell. You shall hear Come Sirrah make me a full Confession of all the Familiarities that have pass'd between you two Tim. Alas Sir wou'd you have me so ungenerous to Betray a Lady's Secrets Worm Why this is Admirable this is better sport than I expected Bell. No delay or I 'll saw you Windpipe this moment Be quick and let me not wast Breath on thee Sir Fr. And before mine is gone Tim. Why then Sir if I must tell But really 't is not like a Man of Honour in Me. Lady Vol. 'T is no matter Timothy your Confession comes too late now to save him 'T will signify no more than a Pardon after Execution The more he knows the more he will give to be freed from me and then I 'll leave this hideous Country for ever Aside Bell. What are you already Marry'd Have you made such hast to be undone Sir Fr. Ay ay the Knot is ty'd But come go on go on with your Confession Tim. Then Sir since I may speak I have for about these three years liv'd with my Honour'd Lady there as her Steward in Publick and as her Husband in Private Sir Fr. Oh I faint I dye I dye I 'm a dead Man I 'm stone dead Sits down Tim. I think I had best sneak off before he comes to himself least I shou'd be made to verify the Proverb Confess and be Hang'd Exit Mar. Good Sir be pacify'd Sir Fr. Be pacify'd Be damn'd I 'm in a fairer way for that But I 'll do one Meritorious Act first I 'll pluck her Heart out Let me at her Lady Vol. At your Peril touch me here are Witnesses enough shou'd you offer me any Violence Vain Yes yes Madam I am bound in Conscience to be a Witness for you because you Lov'd me too well to Marry me VVorm Fear him not Madam we will stand by you Faith I Love thee better then ever for the mischief thou hast done Sir Fr. Dost thou so Tormentor I 'll have you two swing'd before I dye that you may be Laugh'd at too Here where are my Servants VVorm Come Vainly we 'll spare him the Trouble let us to the Coffee-House I burst till I publish this Vain Ay pray let us go Give ye Joy Sir Give ye Joy Exeunt Vain and VVorm Sir Fr. VVhat had I to do with a Wife what had I to do with a Wife Had I not Ease enough had I not Freedom enough had I not VVealth enough I had every thing but VVit enough Oh! I am a Jest to the VVorld a Scandal to my Name a Curse to my Family and a Hell to my self Bell. You afflict your self too much Sir Fr. Impossible Had she Virtue that were some atonement for her Poverty Or had she been a Miss to some Favorite and beg'd an Estate of Forfeited Lands that had been some Comfort But to be a Strumpet and a poor Strumpet Bell. 'T is but giving her separate Maintainance at worst Sir Fr. No no I am resolv'd on it I 'll separate my self from the VVorld I am just going just expiring Mr. Bellmine I am wondrous faint on the suddain all in a cold sweat But before I dye let me dispose of my Family here Mr. Bellmine take my Daughter and all I have you deserve it for the Good you design'd me But be sure to Plague that Viper with Law before she gets any thing Lady Vol. I despise your Malice I 'll have a share of your Fortune spite of you all Bell. I hope Madam you will not oppose Sir Francis's Design to make me the happiest of Men. Mar. Since my Father has dispos'd of me I own it is according to my Inclinations Enter Trickwell hastily to Bellmine Trick Sir Sir have you no more to do with Timothy I saw him steal away Bell. Nothing more He has Confest all he told you concerning that Lady Trick Hah VVhat do I see La Vol. Trickwell there Oh I am lost for ever seems to faint Sir Fr. A Judgment a Judgment from Heaven she dyes and I live Starting up Trick Let her alone I 'll bring her to herself again Sir Fr. VVhat are you another of her Lovers Trick No no Sir I am none of her Lovers for I am her Husband Omnes How her Husband Lady Vol. Unlucky VVretch VVhat Devil sent thee here to my Undoing Sir Fr. I think thou wert the Spark that banter'd me this Evening so smartly But no more fooling I am in no Jesting humour Trick Really Sir I am so well acquainted with her Ladyship that it is an Honour I shou'd not assume to my self if it were not Truth Lady Vol. Fool Thoughtless Sot It were for thy Interest as well as mine to conceal this now till I had got a Sum of Money to quit him For know prating Brute I have just Marry'd him Trick Oh. VVonderful Sir Fr. Oh wonderfull Deliverance Oh Blessing unthought of I find my strength return I shall live for ever I am light as Air. I am in as much danger now of running Mad for Joy as before for Grief But take her to thee go take her and much good may she do ye Trick Oh by no means Ssr after you is good manners Sir she is at your Service with all my heart and soul. Indeed Sir she is Lady Vol. Be dumb for ever Or talk his equal now thou canst do me no farther Mischief nor can I longer bear thy sight Farewel and may each of you find his Wife what you have taken such pains to prove me Exit Trick Truly I needed not have taken such pains to have known Timothy's secrets Free We need not wonder at her Rage But Trickwell is this the very Lady you Marry'd in London for a Fortune Trick The very Numerical she Sir only she has chang'd her Name Sir Fr. Thou hast made such a happy Change in my Fortune that I will make thine I will reward thee most profusely for this Free Shall I be the only Man who shall complain of Fortune To Aemilia Shall Love so pure as mine meet no Reward Aem. Disinterested Faithful Love deserves a higher Reward than I can give Free You are Reward above Man's Merit Heaven can give no greater upon Earth Aem. And will you Marry a VVoman that has nothing Free Do not torture me with such Questions I wou'd I wou'd 't is all I ask of Heaven Aem. Remember I have told you all the Inconveniencies Free None none there can be none 'T were Luxury to starve with you Pleasure and Freedom in a Goal Aem. Then take this earnest of a Heart Giving her Hand as full of Generosity as full of Love as yours Free You give me endless endless Joys Sir Fr. How how Niece will you throw your self away thus Marry a Man without a Fortune Aem. Even so Sir Nor shall I think my self thrown away on him Remember how lately you had been almost Ruin'd by Marrying for one Sir Fr. Well do what you please I shall never be angry again A pretty Present this Sir she has made you A fine Woman and to my knowledge Twenty thousand Pounds ready Money Free Had you the Indies I cou'd not Love you more but this is very surprizing Aem. It was an Uncle's Gift I had in England and I have industriously thus long conceal'd it that I might not be pester'd by Forutne-hunters and might be assur'd that he who Marry'd me had no other Motive but Love And I am happy that he prov'd so Generous I Lik'd so well Bell. Nay then Madam I think I may Discover his secret now Fate design'd you for each other He too has had the same Design you are not more alike in Tempers than in Fortune For I can assure you this Gentleman who has given himself the Repute of being worth Nothing has an Estate in England of Three thousand Pounds a Year Sir Fr. Admirable Excellent Nay I always thought he deserv'd one A most compleat Gentleman Free Let Misers be Enslav'd and Drudge for Gain Their Joys are False tho' they their Wish Obtain VVhile no base Int'rest Gen'rous Souls regard And Love and Peaceful Minds be their Reward Exeunt Omnes FINIS