Coffee-house in Exchange-alley A place of late to Epick Muse well known Perhaps that 't was compos'd in 's Coach he 'd own But that alas poor Devil he has none For Muse is serv'd by Modern Bard as Whore By Modern Beau at Choâ—olate-house door Where swinging Hack with simpathetick motion Bows to the sacrificing Sparks Devotion Then secondly to lease both Wise and Fâ—ols Here they say Whimsey's reconcilâ—d to Rules But what wise Woman in the month of May Does not prefer the gallant strong and gay Who ruffles her in wilds and th' open face of day Before the precise 〈◊〉 who 〈◊〉 delight To lawful Sheets and the dull decent night As for my own part Lord what Drabs I towze Rather than take just pastime with my Spouse Now tho this Play perhaps may show no brains Yet spare this Prologue which was writ by Hains Writ Where In Coach No When got drunke with Sherry Among the Putney Pikes and wondrous merry In Chelsea reach I writ it in a Wherry The PERSONS Bull s. A Banker Father to Bull j. and Unkle to Mr Belvil and Guardian to Belv. and Sylvia Mr. Dogget Bull j. His Son just arriv'd from France Mr. Cibber Belvil Nephew and Pupil to Bull s. and in Love with Sylvia Mr. Harland Baldernoe A Player in Disguise Mr. Penkethman Rumour A News-mâ—nger Mr. Hains Macfleer A Bully Mr. Lee. A very young Beau. Miss Allison Greg. Servant to Bull s. Brush Servant to 〈◊〉 Sylvia A young Lady Ward to Bull s. and design'd for his Son by him but engag'd to Belvil Mrs. Rogers Frowzy A Campaigning Bâ—wd just arriv'd from Flanders Mr. Bullock Friskit Her Daughter Mrs. Kent Servants Sham Officers Fiddlers Dancing Masters c. Scene â—ovent Garden ACT I. SCENE A Garden Enter Belvil and Baldernoe disguis'd Bald. DOes my Disguise become me Hah Belv. Every Disguise becomes thee Thou hast a comprehensive genius for Roguery Bald. Nay I thank my Stars I have made a shift to make my self a sort of a name Belv. An immortal one Thy merit is so extraordinary that Fame cannot do thy actions too much right and Fortune can do thy designs no wrong but that which is most to be valu'd in thee is that thou art the only Rogue alive who never pretended to be honest other Rascals owe their success to Virtue Thou alone hast a genius to go through thy business without the help of Hypocrisie Bald. No ' sbud I never pretended to Honesty I set up for Religion once Belv. Why ay there 's it so sudden a setting up for Religion in so vicious a Dog as thou art was to renounce Morality by a publick act Bald. But for what reason Mr. Belvil have I Baldernoe by vocation Player Dancing-master Mountebank and Sollicitor Pimp Poet and Fortune-teller for what reason have I quitted all these to turn Lacquay to Mr. Belvil Belv. Why you must But look you you had need be very dexterous and very well assur'd for you are to pass for an important person upon Bald. Very dexterous and very well assur'd Ha ha ha look in my face and give me that counsel Do you know what this modest Gentleman has done with in these three days ' Sbud I baffled an impudent Irish Chancery-man in his own blundering way I put Eikon Basilike out of conceit with himself and damnably out of countenance I caldes'd a Judge while he was taking my Depositions and I banter'd a Bishop while I was asking him blessing Beâ—v Veâ—y well Bald. And then for passing for an important person do you know Sir that in France once I palmâ—d this Identical person of mine for Quality upon my Friend Lewis Do you know this hah And that at Rome I topp'd Signior Giusippe wicked Signior Giusippe Pagan Signior Giusippe for a Saint upon old Infallibility But what is it I must do for you Belv. The Garden in which we are walking you must know belongs to my Unkle You have heard of the famous Mr. Bull Bald. What the great Banker who is every Spring and Fall regularly clapt up for a Plot Belv. The same And who first gave his Brethren the noble example of refusing their own Bills Bald He who has Collonel Medley's five thousand pounds in his hands Belv. Yes and refuses to pay his old friend and one of the warmest of his own party one poor hundred pounds tho he has all his fortune by him This Unkle you must know has not only the right of Guardianship over me but the disposal of me in Marriage and if I refuse the Wife that he provides for me then the one half of my Estate to descend to my younger Brother Bald. And remain in your Unkle's hands till your Brother comes of Age Belv. This Unkle is Guardian at the same time to a Lady whose name is Sylvia who is at present in the house and is just come to Town by his own order He has over her much the same advantage which he has over me But see he comes Enter Old Bull looking on his Watch. Bull sen. Let me see 'T is now turn'd of four Oh Nephew you are punctual But hey day whom have we here Belv. 'T is my new Servant Sir Bull s. Faith and troth I have seen that face somewhere Zounds what a Leeâ— was thereâ— In that single cast was the villany of twenty Stook-jobbers Bald. I can't help my face Sir but I was never accusâ—d of doing any thing against my Conscience Bull s. Here 's a Rogue Here 's an impudent Dog Perhaps Sirrah you 'a no Conscience Bald. Not so much I must confess as your Worship My Conscience is noâ— so large but that I can carry it about me Bull s. The very modesty of this fellow is impudence Bald. But I can hardly be said to want Conscience because like your Worshipâ— I am contented with what I have Bull s. What horrible Rogue is this Gadsbud I am amaz'd Sirrah I say you do want Conscience Belv. Why faith old Gentlaman if he did want Conscience 't were a hard case to despise any single person for poverty at a time when there is no body rich You know Conscience at years of discretion is become a notion and nothing else as very a Chimâ—ra as is a Maidenhead at years of discretion they both pass away in contemplation as soon as we come to know what they are Bull s. Say you so Sir A very hopeful young Dog I have to deal with But come Sir are you resolv'd to do what I expect you shall do to morrow Belv. To morrow Sir Marry to morrow Bull s. To morrow Sir Marry to morrow Ay ay to morrow to morrow Hey day what a Devis here to do why pray Sir who am I Ay come Sirrah I say who am I Belv. Who are you Sir Bull s. Ay Sir I say who am I Belv. Why don't you know old Gentleman Bull s. It may be not Sir Belv. Faith it may be so too Sir For if thou didst but know thy self never so
you to conceal it from Friskit Belv. Because at their return I promise my self very good sport from their ignorance About what time do you expect my Unkle back Bald. Much about this time After that I Justice Baldernoe had examin'd your Unkle and Frowzy at my friend Mr. Palmer's house and had commanded my Clerk to draw up their Mittimus I told your Unkle that to shew him what favour I could he should have the priviledge of going in a Chair and that Frowzy and his Guards should follow at a distance so I ordered the Chairmen before they brought him hither to trot twice round the Garden with him dismist the Myrmidons threw off my disguise and brought Frowzy along with me Belv. Are the Chairmen to be depended on Bald. They are my Sub-pimps and pick up a penny under me But can you think to succeed in your attempt of making your Unkle's house pass upon him for Newgate Belv. Are you sure you ordered the Chairmen to bring him up to this very Chamber Bald. I did And trusty Joe who acts the Jaylor is planted at the door with instructions to receive and guide them Belv. This Chamber you must know is dignify'd by the name of the Devil's Apartment It has been nail'd up these twenty years upon the belief of its being haunted And besides I have caus'd it to be disguis'd with as much art as so short a warning would let me But is my Unkle sufficiently scar'd Bald. Yes damnably and to terrifie him more there happen'd the luckiest accident in the world For just as the Chairmen were carrying him along the Hawkers roar'd out a Proclamation just publish'd for the apprehension of Conspirators who are just now discover'd and I gave one of the Hawkers half a Crown to bellow out your Unkle's name so that when he came to be examin'd he never so much as look'd once up upon me I never saw a more patibulary phyz I 'll tell you exactly for all the world how he look'd Belv. How prithee Bald. Did you never observe a fellow who while the house has been all on fire beneath him has been measuring with his Eyes the leap from the Garret-window Did you never observe such a one Hah Belv. Why Faith no Bald. Why then you never had the best diversion in the world That would have given you an exact image of your Unkle Belv. Nay at this rate we may make him believe what we please But heark he comes let us step in quickly Ex. Enter Bull s. in a Chair and Joe with a bunch of Keys in his hand Bull s. gets out of the Chair and the Chairmen take away the Chair Bull s. Pray Mr Keeper let the Lady who follows me be well us'd Ioe She shall have all the favour I can shew her â—ull s. Have you never a better Room than this Mr. Keeper Ioe Why what ails the Room A great many very good men have been hang'd out of this Room Bull s. Gads bud what â— commendation there was Well! This is the only Jayl in Town that I have not yet been in But I dont like coming to this Newgate a jot As I came out of the Justices door to take Chair I stumbled at the threshold and fell flat on my face That was boding Immediately my Nose burst out a bleeding Another devilish omen And to confirm both news was immediately brought me that my Lord Marquis was taken in his Constables habit Pray Mr Jaylor let me have Pen Ink and Paper Ioe Do you design to impeach any one Bull s. Sir I design to write my Narrative and pray don't be troublesom My Narative Good Narrative Bull This morning I had some little stock of reputation left in the world And now before night I am turning Author and Evidence Two very pretty creditable businesses Ioe May I ask whom you design to accuse Sir Bull s. Perhaps you Sir Pray friend don't be troublesom Ioe Me Sir I desie you I am innocent Sir Bull s. Innocent Sir Well Sir And I am an Evidence Sir Look you friend I must produce Traytors to save my self and Gadsbud I 'll take the first persons I can light of Iâ—ll give my self as little trouble as I can Ioe Hark you Sir If it were not for the Duty I owe Mr. Belvil and the obligations I have to him I would load you with Irons till you roar'd for this Bull s. Why do you know my Nephew Belvil friend Ioe Know him I think I have reason Sir He help'd me to the employment which I am in Bull s. How Ioe He is one of those who stands bound to the Gentlemen who lent the Money which purchas'd it He has just now sent to me that in case you were committed Enter a Boy Boy Sir is this Prisoner nam'd Mr. Bull Bull s. Friend it is Boy A Gentleman without desires to speak with you Ioe Sir before he can be admitted I must go search and examine him Exeunt Boy Ioe Bull s. I am glad to hear that my Nephew has so much influence upon this fellow Instead of Evidence I shall now turn Suborner and do what I can to corrupt the Jaylor I 'll send for my Nephew immediately and to engage him closely in my interest release my right of Guardianship which by his Fathers Will was to continue till Marriage What if I should likewise bestow his Mistress upon him Humph! I 'll do 't For sylvâ—â— refuses to marry my Son and Batt will be better provided for Enter Rumour Ah! my little Intelligencer Rum Ah Mr. Bull my heart bleeds to see this sight Bull s. Nay prithee little Rumour don't talk thus Thou bringst the tears into my eyes Prethee now what News my Boy Rum Ah! Mr. Bull. Shakes his head Bull s. Nay Gadsbud speak to me Rum Mr. Bull I come from the Council-Chamber Bull s. Well! Rum That damn'd Marquis That damn'd Marquis Shrugs and lifts up his eyes Bull s. Thou shrugst as much as if thou wert Dean of the Colledge Rum That damn'd Marquis Bull s. What of him Rum Has produc'd a Table-book Bull s. Gadsbud I am a dead man aside Rum You tremble and look pale Mr. Bull. So glorious a Cause and want resolution What afraid Mr. Bull Bull s. No no afraid I am not afraid But the noisome smell of the Jayl raises the Vapours and will certainly suffocate me Rum Why then I bring you comfort comfort Mr. Bull. Can you have patience till Friday Bull s. Why what of Friday little Rumour Rum Nay all that you hear me say is Can you have patience till Friday Bull s. Nay but my dear Bully give me some satisfaction Rum Before Friday night you 'll be out Bull s. How dost thou know Rum Why they design to have you try'd to morrow and hang'd before Friday noon Have a little patience till Friday Our friends Mr. Bull have great expectations from you great expectations Bull s. What expectations Rum Why that you will go off bluff
and hang with such an air with such a grace that the Monthly Spectators at Hide-Park Corner may say unanimously we were never so weâ—l pleas'd in our lives here Bull s. A pox please them Dost thou hear any news of my son Batt Rum Your Son and the Countesses Daughter are both in the Proclamation The Messengers are searching all over the Town for them They have set a thousand pound a Head upon them Enter Belvil and Sylvia Bull s. Oh Nephew Belv. Ah Sir I am throughly afflicted at this sight Bull s. Are you here too Madam Sylv. Can you wonder at that Sir Bull s. Nephew Thou wouldst be the most welcome man in the world to me if I were not conscious to my self that I have us'd thee so like a Rogue that I am asham'd to look upon thee Canst thou forgive me Belv. Can you be so good as to ask it Sir Bull s. Nephew to shew you that I design to be a kind Unkle for the future I here before this Gentleman release my right of Guardianship both to you and to this Lady and she may now dispose of her person and fortune as she her self thinks fit Belv. Sir you oblige me in the most sensible part of me And before I have slept I shall endeavour to deserve this kindness sylvia It was but this afternoon Sir that you designed me for yoâ—â— Son This is a very sudden alteration Bull s. 'T is true Madâ—m But other people now have a design upon 〈…〉 Poor Baâ—â— is like to 〈…〉 Belv. Now Madam may I presume to claim the performance of your promise What no answer But what answer could be so favourable to me as silence Bull s. Nephew Consider that the Halter is now about your Unkle's Neck Some other time for Courtship good Nephew The Jaylor gives me to understand that you have some influence over him Belv. Otherwise he were a very ungrateful Rogue I have been just speaking to him in your behalf and have with much ado prevailâ—d upon him Heark you Sir a word in your ear Who is that Gentleman Bull s. A very honest fellow Belv. Is he to be trusted Bull s. With any thing in the world â— that he can't pawn The Dog will entertain folks rather with his own invention than with his friends secrets Belv. Why then Sir with much ado I have prevail'd upon the Keeper to let you make your escape But it must be upon his own terms Bull s. Upon any terms Gadsbud upon any terms Belv. You must know then that so many who were committed for Treason â—having lately got out of this Prison he lies under a strong suspition and consequently must be oblig'd to make his escape with you and to leave his employment Bull s. Very good Belv. This employment cost him three thousand pound which is still a debt and must be discharg'n before he goes off Bull s. It shall be paid to night Belv. And then two thousand pound will be the very least penny that can make compensation for his abandoning all and provide for his subsistence in a foreign Country Do you consent to the payment of that too Bull s. Gadsbud 't is a great deal of Money Belv. Look you Sir you have but a moment to resolve For your Tryal comes on to morrow and consequently your escape must be made to night And if you determine to pay the Money you must give your orders immediately Bull s. No abatement Belv. None Bull s. 'T is very hard but I must submit I have Notes for the money in my Pocket which will be paid at sight He gives him the Notes Belv. 'T is very well I will go and give all necessary orders and attend you agen Madam I wait upon you Exeunt Belv. Sylvia Rum Mr. Rull your most humble Servant Exit Bull s. This is a melancholy business in troth a very melancholy business but here comes Batt and the young Lady Enter Bull j. and Friskit Bull j. Hey day What a Devil makes him in this Room which has been nail'd up for these twenty years Yesterday he was afraid to pass by the very door Mr Bull your Servant Bull s. Mr Dorant your humble Servant Madam your most humble Servant Are you two prisoners Bull j. Prisoners Ay prisioners for life old boy Bull s. Perhaps not so neither Bull j. How not so neither Bull s. Madam Frisk Sir Bull s. Bear up don't be dejected Frisk I am always contented with my present condition Sir Bull s. Spoken Gadsbud like a wise woman Bull j. And for my part I am both glad and proud of my captivity Bull s. This was always a vain Rogue and always will be Glad and proud of his being in Newgate Senseless puppy aside Who secur'd you Bull j. Who secur'd you How every old impertinent Fop can be satyrical upon a new married couple Why if you call it securing us Parson Gogle secur'd us Bull s. Did he so He may be asham'd of the office Bull s. aside What will this World come too When a Parson is esteemâ—d the most contemptible Pandar and marrying folks is thought the most scandalous sort of pimping nay and by such Reverend Grey-bearded Rogues too Bull s. Who do you think did my business and the Countesses Bull j. Why are you too in Limbo to carry on the Allegory Bull s. In Limbo Why what the Devil do you think I do here Bull j. aside In Limbo Why what the Devil do you think I do here A very odd answer Very absurd let me perish Yet why should I wonder at that When this was always an impertinent fellow But who was it did you the blessed office Bull s. Why that treacherous Rogue my Neighbour Bungy the Constable Bull j. My Neighbour Bungy Bull s. Ay Mr Dorant â—ull j. Bungy the Constable Bull s. The very same Bull j. That married you and the Countess Ha ha ha Bull s. Marry'd Is that the cant word for sending a Man and a Woman together to this place Bull j. The Cant word for sending a Man and a Woman together to this place aside Light headed by all that 's good Well! But if you and the Countess are link'd I wish you joy much joy of you Petters Mr Bull. Bull s. Look you Mr Dorrant don't rally your friends in adversity for that may breed ill blood I give you fair warning Bull j. aside So marriage has so far lost its credit that it is christened adversity and now adays if you wiâ—h a married man joy he immediately thinks you rally him Bull s. Madam this is a sad place for friends to meet in I hope you 'll excuse Bull j. Prithee honest Mr Bull no Apologies for she and I had as live see thee here as in any place in Christendom Bull s. Let me tell you the Press-yard is but a sad place to see a friend in Bull j. The Press-yard Why who has any friend in the Press-yard Bull â— Why is there no body in the
little thou wouldst never talk at so damn'd a rate Marry to morrow why dost thou not know old Gentleman that Marriage and Death are two things of which a wise man will consider all his life time and wou'd you provide me a Matrimonial noose with as little ceremony as a Grand Signior sends a Bassa a Bow-string S'death let me executed at least like an English-man let me have fair warning time to prepare for another world to take leave of my friends and so be trussâ—d up with decency Bull s. Sirrah hast thou no way to show thou art no Blockhead but by railing at Matrimony the vilest Common-place of the most abandon'd Fop that ever set up for a Wit Belv. But pray Sir what sort of Woman have you provided for me perhaps I can't love her Bull s. Why you impudent Dog do you take me for a Pimp Zounds not love her quoth a why who the Devil at this time of day ever so much as thinks of love the day that he hears of Matrimony however she whom I have provided for you is no Scare-crow Sir but one who has Wit and Beauty Sir and is absolutely the finest bred Gentlewoman in all Cumberland Belv. Nay then she must needs be a glorious Creature and her name is Enter Rumour hastily Rum Mr. Bull I have something of importance to impart to you and must desire your ear immediately Bull s. With all my heart old Boy Little Rumour of the world my dapper Intelligencer 't were a hard case if a man should not have one ear at his service who has so often ventur'd both for his friends Nephew I 'll be for you immediately Bull and Rumour whisper on one side of the Stage Bald. to Belv. S'bud I shall be infallibly discover'd Rumour will certainly know me Belv. Peace he does know thee and is here by my appointment to prepare the way for you But what do you think of my Unkle you have now had time to observe him Bald. What do I think of him why before Rumour came in I took him for a whimsical hair-brain'd Coxcomb but now he is come to his politicks sâ—bud he looks very wisely and very circumspectly And if this is the man I have to deal with let me tell you I shall have a hard Belv. Thou art an Ass a man who looks sometimes very wisely is certainly sometimes a very Coxcomb and never so much a Coxcomb as when he looks very wisely he who is truly wise is equal and appears for the most part alike Bald. Nay Mr. Belvil your Unkle is not the only fool of our acquaintance who sometimes looks grave and wise Belv. No not by a hundred a Gown and Gravity frequently disguise a Blockhead Folly has its Hypocrisie as well as Vice and it is as common a thing to see a Sot grave as a Villain devout Bald. Or a Drab squeamish Belv. As if Wisdom maliciously sat on his outside on purpose to inform the world that he is an Ass within like a Spy that repairs to the enemies frontiers purposely in order to make discoveries and to convey back Intelligence For my Unkle thou shalt attack him to chuse in the midst of his gravity and of his politicks and when he most depends on his own sufficiency thou shalt dextrously make that self-conceit an accessory in his Trepan Bull s. aside On the other side of the Stage A pox of this Intelligencer He stinks worse then Baldernoe my Nephew's Footman It is not the least inconveniency that attends us great Statesmen that we are forc'd to stand buff against all the various whiffs that come puffing from our politick Whisperers This morning I was attackt by two at once one whispered in my right Ear a French invasion at the same time that the other communicated a Scotch Rebellion to my left The one of which had swaâ—low'd Garlick and the other at that very instant Gadsbud was chewing Tobacco Rum For godsake what is the maâ—ter with you Mr. Bull Bull s. Horribly attackt with Vapours on the sudden Rum Once more your Ear Mr Bull. Bull. Prithee my dapper Intelligencer since we are out of that Rogue my Nephews hearing speak a little louder Rum We Politicians Mr. Bull hold that even Walls have ears Bull s. Gadsooks let them As long as they have no Tongues I warrant they keep a secret Rum Once more your ear Mr. Bull. Bull s. A pox on thee take it then They whisper Already landed In the Ear. Rum I say already landed In the Ear. Bull s. Collonel Macruby and Brigadier Bloody-bones and the Countess and her Daughter whom Fame reports so beautiful Rum All landed I say In the Ear. Bull s. And a French Marquis come over to be the chief Agent Rum The famous Marquâ—s De Mascarille Bull s. Oh blessed news oh joyful hearing Well for this my little Rumour we will â—up together to night for thou my Bully getst thy living like Fame and art nourish'd by Intelligence But at present I must desire thy absence for I have business with my Nephew Exit Rumour To Belv. Well Sir what say you to the business Belv. Why pray who is the business Sir Bull s. Who is the business Sir Why the business is Justice Dowdy's Daughter Sir Belv. S'death and would you have me link'd to that Northern Monster Bull s. Sirrah by the contempt you show for her I should swear you were already link'd to her but that I know she is hardly yet come to Town But I expect her with her Father by eight And my will and pleasure is that you wait upon her as soon as she comes for you are to be marryâ—d to morrow to her Belv. But perhaps my affections are engag'd Bul s. Yes to Sylvia we know your engagements Sir But I chaâ—ge you see her no more till to morrow when she and my Son Batt are to be dispatchâ—d by the same Black-coat who is to do your business Belv. Why he has not been three days in England yet nor she five in Town She never saw him yet and when she does see him she will certainly laugh at him Bull s. You are very sawcy methinks Sir But if she thinks him a Fool she â—ll marry him to chuse for a Fool is the fittest thing for a Woman Belv. The fittest ay for some Women indeed Bull s. For all sirrah for all Do we not see that they are all fond of Fools and do you think Nature has not given them affections for what is convenient for them as well as she has given the rest of the Animals Belv. Was there ever such an old Beast aside But let me tell you Sir there is such a thing as a wise Woman And Sylvia Bull. s. But let me tell you Sir a wise Woman is still a Woman We see by experience that a wise Woman will chuse a fellow indeed that has sense for her Parlour but a Fool you Dog for her Bed-chamber Belv. Then it is not their
folly it seems that makes Women fond of Fools Bull. s. Their folly no 't is their prudence Sir and the genius which they have for business Much contemplation hinders business Sirrah and they know it well Why should nature that can as easily make a wise man as a fool make a hundred fools for one wise man if she did not know the fools to be most proper for the carrying on her grand design Belv. Nay at this rate indeed your Son Bull s. I tell you Sirrah when Sylvia sees Batt she 'l like him for Batts a lusty Dog let me tell you a confounded fellow on occasion Gadsbud if he is not he is no Bull Sirrah Gaâ—sbud if he is not he is a Bastard on both sides His Mother was a Hummer in her time and the Jade would kick between sleeping and waking like an unback'd Filly Enter Boy Boy Sir one from Collonel Medley would speak with you Bull s. Sirrah conduct him in Belv. Aside am glad this Bully is come for my patience is quite at an end I suppose Sir to Bull. s. I may be gone Bull. s Sirrah I tell you you must not I have not done with you yet Enter Macfleer Macf. Sir the importance of my business will excuse my want of ceremony Collonel Medley sends you this with his service While Bull s. opens the Letter Belvil retires with Baldernoe to the other side of the Stage Bald. Sbud The very Bully that was with the Collonel and us at the Rose but now Is the part that I taught him thereâ— to be acted here Belv. It is In the mean-while step into the house and deliver this as dexterously as you can to Sylvia Ex. Bald. Bull. s. Reads the Letter Some persons come lately from France are just arrived in Town I desire that you would provide Lodgings only for to night at your own House for a French Marquis an English Countess and her Daughter For with you I am confident they may be safe You must not resuse me this if you love me or the Cause The Bearer of this is one of their Company and though at present somewhat rough is a man of Merit and has suffered He will conduct you to me where I desire to speak with you instantly Bull s. After having read the Letter Gadsooks Sir you are welcom and I am proud to embrace a man that has suffered Macf. Faith Sir I have both done and suffered My name is Macfleer I had formerly the honour to be Captain General of all the Rapparees in Ireland where in cutting above five thousand Throats I received above fifty Wounds besides that I was twice hang'd in the Woods of Tiperary but reliev'd both times by our own party and cut down in the nick Bull. s. Twice hang'd Sir Macf. Twice Sir Bull. s. Gadsbud Sir I honour you Five thousand Throats cut aside and twice hang'd Well! This is in our modern English a perfect honest man How do all your friends abroad Sir Macf. Faith lusty all and longing to be with you Hark you Your Ear Mr. Bull. whispers Bull. s. All embark'd say you Forty thousand Macf. Before I came away I tell you and only expecting whispers again Bull. s. Gadsooks I will be very drunk to night Macf. The next news you are to expect is that your Ships are burnt in their Harbours your Towns consum'd to ashes Bull. La Lol Dera Lol Dera Capers Macf. Then will you behold this City flowing with human gore your Virgins ravished your Matrons violated and your Widows well diverted But time calls upon us and the Collonel stays Bull. s. Sir take but one turn and Iâ—le be with you in a moment I have but two words with an idle Rascal here Macfleer walks Belv. Well! Come Sir to the Premisses what say you to the Justices Daughter Belv. What do I say Sir why that you are a fine facetious old Gentleman and rally very agreeably Enter Baldernoe Bull s. Oh Lord Oh Lord Here 's a Rogue Here 's a Villain A fine facetious old Gentleman and rally very agreeably Why thou young Dog art thou resolved to bring my grey Hairs with sorrow to the Grave Have I livâ—d to a good old Age without infamy and must I be dubb'd a Wit at threescore The first of the Family of the Bulls that ever incurr'd that ignomy The Bulls have been always gave Bald. Blockheads aside Bull. s. And politick Bald. Rascals aside Bull. s. But no Wits Sirrah 'T is well known that I am so far from a Wit that a Songster who frequents Will 's Coffee House threatned to bring an Action of scandal against me for commending his Madrigals But come to the point Will you comply with me or not or are you resolved to be an Ass Belv. I shall be no Ass Sir for I shanâ—t marry Could you in Conscience marry me to one whom I contemn and detest Bull s. Humph! Could I in conscience There I must confess thou hast touchâ—d me Nephew For the uniâ—ersal World I would not do a thing against Conscience Marry one whom I contemn and derest Humph Other people contemn and detest after Marâ—iage but here 's a Rogue detests and contemns before Marriage Why t is but detesting and contemning a month before the usual time and for that very reason thou shalt have her old Boy that thou mayst not be tax'd with inconstancy Well remember what I have said to you and think of your fathers last Will and tremble Sirrah But come Teddy thou wilt be a good Boy Go get you gone and furbish you little young Dog But hold take a little advice with you first He who is in pursuit of a Country Lady must do as if he were stalking for Wild Fowl hide the Man behind the Beast for the more Fool there appears the less shy will your Game be Come To Macfleer Now Sir I am for you Exeunt Bull s. and Macfleer Bald. Well Mr. Belvil did the Bully manage his tackle tightly Belv. Rarely and the old Jack greedily struck at the Bait. Bald. ' Sbud But that any thing like this should pass upon one who has common sense If we Players should show any thing like this on the Stage it would be certainly damn'd as improbable Belv. Not by those who had Judgment to weigh it For is not this seen every day in the world Are not more discerning people than my Unkle drawn daily into the grossâ—st snares upon the like occasions The showing which would therefore be just and instructive Satyr upon Mankind in general and would plainly show us how the clearest sighted are blinded by affection how easily we believe what we eagerly desire and what a constant Cully reason is to Passion whereas the exposing the credulity of an errant Ass could never shew us any thing Besides I have taken so many precautions that every part of this design is theÌ„ likeliest in the world to succeed There are some Gentlemen of my Unkleâ—s party in whom he perfectly
Press-yard whom you esteem your friend and for whom you are concâ—rnâ—d Bull s. Look you between you and me 〈◊〉 Bull I hope to see all the friends I have in the Press-yard very faiâ—y hangâ—d Bull s. aside Damnâ—d unnatural Rogue Heark you A word in your ear Sir Are not you a Dog to insult over your poor Father in affliction In the Ear Bull j. In affliction Bull s. aside Ay Sirrah when you too are in the same condition and youâ— don't know what may become of you Bull j. Become of me Bull s. Ay Sirrah As soon as I get out of this place I shall remember this behaviour with a vengeance 'T is true indeed I am now in a Jayl and bound to my good behaviour Bull j. Ha! His Scull's crack'd by Heavens aside Bull s. But I shall not be always in Newgate Bull j. Stark staring mad let me perish aside Ha! I must humour his frenzy For when he was sober he would use me like a Football if at any time I contradicted him What will he do now he 's mad aside Bull s. I tell you Sirrah I shall have my liberty sooner than you may imagine Bull s. Alas I know it very well Sir The Keeper inform'd me of it as I came in but now Bull s. And how durst you say then that you hop'd all would be hang'd that were in the Press-yard Bull j. Lord Sir I thought the Press-yard had been on the other side Newgate Bull s. Oh! Did you so Did the Keeper tell you how much I gave him Bull j. He said nothing of that Bull s. Five thousand pound you Dog A swinging summ But mum you Rogue Gadsbud not a Syllable Heark you the Keeper makes his escape with me But upon your life not a word In the ear Bull j. This is very strange He was well enough within this half hour he talk'd as sensible as I my self can do But these things will happen Bull s. Madam Frisk Sir Bull s. Don't be dismay'd don't be dejected Bull j. Heark you my dear in your Ear. Stark staring mad by Heavens Humour him a little him in his Frenzy while I go fetch some to take care of him Exit Bull. j. Bull s. Look you Madam you shall not be in Newgate three days longer assure your self Friskit In Newgate Sir Lord How wildly he looks Bull s. No for if some people make good their promise to me you may assure your self that the first thing I shall do after I have my liberty shall be to take care of yours Frisk I expect the appointed time Sir Bull s. As for my own part I design for Flanders but if I have any friends or interest in the world I shall leave those behind me who shall sollicit your business powerfully Frisk Well! this is very wild and yet something consistent too How do you find your self Sir Bull s. Why faith Madam pretty well in Body but grievously troubled in Mind A troubled Spirit is a grievous burden Madam I am afraid I behave my self after a mad rate But you 'll have the goodness to excuse all Frisk He seems something sensible of his condition a sign that his case is not desperate Enter Belvil Bull j. Baldernoe and Frowzy Bull j. To the rest who stop just by the Door Look you say as I do and Iâ—ll observe what you say For as you say Ned it is necessary that we should make him sensible of his condition and cure him of this conceit of his being in Newgate Belv. You must For if as you say the fear of hanging has seiz'd so strongly upon him as long as that continues he 'll grow worse Bull j. But then Ned for fear as you say that as soon as he is convinc'd that he is not in Newgate he should grow unruly and refuse to undergo the Remedies which may be proper for him we must eâ—en make him believe that he is in Salva Custodia in another place Belv. And that his friends who studied his welfare made use of the Address of making him believe he was sent to Newgate only that they might convey him gently to that other place Bull s. Ay ay as Bedlam for example but be sure you say as I do They go forward Bull s. spying them Oh Nephew where have you left your Mistress Belv. In a place where she has engagingly chang'd that name for a kinder Bull s. to Frowzy Madam I am sorry to see you here I hope the Jaylor uses you kindly Bull j. Jaylor What Jaylor Here 's no Jaylor Bull s. Where 's no Jaylor Bull j. Why not within a mile of this place Bull s. Hey day What! I warrant there 's no Jaylor to Newgate Bull j. Newgate Why there we have it again Newgate What Newgate Rot me here 's no Newgate Bull s. This fool ought to be shut up in Bedlam Bull j. Why there 's it the fool is already shut up in Bedlam Bull s. What does the Fop mean Bull j. Why the Fop has no meaning at all and therefore he was sent hither Look you old Gentleman I will touch this matter as gently as I can to you Your friends taking notice that you were grown something foolish whimsical absurd and soforth thought fit to have you sent to the Colledge here that you might go through a course of Philosophy and be cudgeli'd and firk'd into a little Wisdom by the surly professors of this place Bull s. What can this Dog mean Bull j. But considering that you were always an obstinate Scoundrel they thought it might be convenient to make use of a little Address with you So taking you up for a sham Plot they had you before a sham Magistrate and instead of carrying you to Newgate convey'd you to the Southside of Moorfields here Bull s. Was ever such a hellish Rascal heard of Bull j. Why look you would any one but a Cit who was out of his Sences call a person of my quality Rascal to my face Bull s. A person of your quality you Rogue Sirrah What do I say or do like a mad man that you dare to talk at this impudent rate to me Bull j. Every thing thoâ— sayst or doest let me perish Will you put it to the judgment of the Company If thou canst give but so much as a reasonable answer to any thing if thou either knowest what thou art or where thou art or with whom thou art then will I be contented to be thought mad and dieted and flogg'd in thy stead Bull s. Say you so Come on Sir I take you at your word Bull s. Come then old Bully answer to thy Catechism What and where art thou Bull s. Sirrah to answer both in a breath if I were not in Newgate I would quickly prove to thee by very weighty arguments that I am thy own natural Father Bull j. Exceedingly foolish let me perish Come come judgment judgment the judgment of the Company Is this old fellow in Newgate or in Bedlam Omn.