He will in his good time God grant Thus he took his last farewell Although vve depart from our friends in the way yet vve shall meet at the end One told Master Dod that he had uttered such words Now the Lord hath made me a spectacle Whereupon he counselled one that attended on him to be sparing in admitting commers in or speakers left his brain should be too much heated A friend of his comming to him asked him Dare your murmure and repine against God Why should I so God be blessed It is a signe of grace But I have no meanes You have had them offered But not given with effect They shall I doubt not God grant but I doe not feel it He received a letter from a friend very respective and much respected of them both wherein were written these very words I heard I know not hovv true that our dear Christian friend Mr Peacock is in great danger which hath much greived and afflicted my heart and vvrung from me very bitter teares If his extremities be such his tentations are very like to be fore Tell him from me as one vvho did ever with dearest intimatenes knovv and converse with him that I can assure him in the word of life and truth frō a most just and holy God whose Minister I am That he is undoubtedly one of his Saints designed for immortality and those endles joyes in another world When it was read to him at those words I can assure him c. he said Oh take heed take heed doe you think he vvould or durst assure you unles he knew on what grounds I did deceive my self now God hath revealed more Another time one requested him that he would make his friends partakers of the least comfort that the Lord bestovved upon him as they had been partakers of his grief If I had it I would willingly communicate it Search and take notice of the least How should I have any since God denyeth the means doe you think sense is a fruit of faith Yes at this season although the husbandman hath sown much yet he seeth nothing above ground Applications doe not prove hold your peace my heart is broken Then the promise is yours I would gladly ask you one thing Now you will ask twenty Doe you seek for grace in your heart I cannot How then can you know whether it be there or no It is dead The Lord in whose hand the disposing thereof is dispose it for your good and his glory I thank you What doe you think of that place Whose sins you remit they are remitted c. You know how farre they may goe Howsoever Sir the bargain is not now to be made between God and you Shortly after came one whom he much esteemed Oh I love said he your company for the graces in you and much more to the same purpose Suddainly he brake out into this ejaculation Oh God reconcile me unto thee that I may taste one dramme of thy grace by which my miserable soul may receive comfort One secretly willed that man to desire him to repeat it again Doe not trouble me with repetitions There being a sermon he bade them about him goe thither After he called one and asked him whether the preacher being acquainted with his course of preaching did use his accustomed divisions He told one Satan had borne him in hand and had deluded him to whō the other answered I hope that God will restore you as before to glorify him here No No Yea if you were weaker I would hope notwithstanding I desire nothing more God be thanked you have laboured carefully for his glory I would labour after another fashion In the night he prayed and repeated his belief And after resting a while he called these that watched with him Bear witnesse I said not I believe but in generall and as desiring that I might believe One comming to visit him asked him How is it with you My minde was grievously puzzled with sundry distractions this night but now I feel my burthen more light I thank God He was put in minde of that place Isa. 54.8 11 12 c. Oh thou afflicted and tossed with tempests and not comforted behold I will lay thy stones with faire colours and thy foundations with Saphyrs And I will make thy windowes of Agates and thy gates of Carbuncles and all thy borders of pleasant stones c. For a little while I hid my self from thee but with everlasting kindnes will I have mercy on thee He lifted up his eyes thereupon being asked what the Lord did say to his soul that had long refused comfort Take heed be not too bold look to the foundation And then prayed Lord grant me the comfort of thy deliverance and forgive me my foolishnes that I may praise thy name Then he complained of his idle speeches Upon the Sabbath day one came to him willing him to put his hand to a note of certain debts This is not a day for that We will goe to Sermon God speed you Now you cannot goe to Church to serve the Lord I pray him to come to you Amen He hardly suffered any to stay with him At evening one did read something to him in Master Downams warfare and asked him doe you think it to be true Yes Therefore you must not trust your sense What not such as mine are But I will not now dispute When they were helping him up and putting on his cloathes upon some occasion one said to him to this effect A childe will not much grieve at the laying aside of an old coat when he hath a new made Whē you shall put on that there shall be no longer nakednes the resurrection will amend all To those that die in the Lord No doubt you will dye in him having lived in him I have answered you before But I would not believe you in that case The next day a friend of his being to goe forth of town asked him whether he would have any thing with him for he was to leave him and knew not whether ever he should see him again here Look to your calling that it be as well inward as outward He counselled another To be stirring for the glory of God To one standing by he said I am thinking What On a form to get grace Put your trust in God So I doe I omit how and tell you that with great patience he continually submitted himself to advise in any means for his good In putting his temporall estate in order he dealt mercifully with his poorest debtors yea with some which might well pay it His worthy patron for so he often called him whom for honours sake I name Sir Robert Harley sent his man to him with some aurum potabile together with a book which a Doctour had made in the praise thereof Comming to him and asking him how he did Oh said he if it would please God that I might live with him Anon after he said to one
And assoon as ever the comforts of grace shine upon it those former tremblings of heart for grief are presently changed into leapings for joy just as the same wrinkles of the face which serve for crying when the heart is grieved serve for laughter when it is filled with joy This was the case of Mr Peacock in this manner he grieved in this manner he rejoyced and this happy issue God made of his bitter afflictions So that amidst the numerous and various afflictions of Gods dear Saints and Children this conclusion of the Prophet David remaines sure and firm Mark the upright man and behold the just for the end of that man is peace So I rest Thine in the Lord E.B. Mr PEACOKS Visitation MAster Peacock the servant of God in the beginning of his visitation for the space of two weeks and foure dayes was full of most Heavenly consolations shewing by sweet meditations and gracious ejaculations the entertainment he found with his God in his sicknes with whom he so much desired to be acquainted in his health We are saith one comming to visit him miserable comforters Nay saith he Ye are good for this is the priviledge even of Gods children that their very presence affords comfort Sometimes he craved pardon for his actions for the circumstances by them badly observed otherwhile he desired to have some matter given him to meditate upon Finally he said his hope was firmly setled on the rock Christ Iesus He hoped that the Lord would give him a place though it were in the lowest room of his Saints And he thanked God he had no trouble of conscience the Lord did not suffer Satan to vex him In so much that some seeing his great comfort feared left he would be overtaken with sorrow before his death he much rejoyced that the Lord had so disposed of him that he had seen his friēds in the Countrey Here first was his yeelding unto death suspected and his hoped recovery doubted Calling some of his friends aside I thought saith he I had been in a good estate but I see it now farre otherwise For these things my conscience layes against me First I brought up my scholars in Gluttony letting thē eat their fill of meat when they mealed with me This some endeavoured to pull out by putting into his minde 1. The preventing of many inconveniencies 2. His well known moderation 3. The great care he took for good conference when they were at table with him But saith he while I was talking they did undoe themselves And further I did unadvisedly expound places of Scripture at the table many times and for these I feel now a Hell in my conscience Again I have procured my own death by often eating like a beast when I came jostling up and down to my friends in the Countrey And now I see before my face those dishes of meat wherewith I clogged my stomack Well saith one to him If all the things you accuse your self of were undone would you doe them again Nay why then doubt not but a Reprobate would desire to be saved if a desire would serve the turne indeed he may have a desire but of bare willingnes not with an intent and purpose in using of the means Another time a worthy friend of his asking him how he did he cryed out Sinne Sinne Sinne What doth any lye on your conscience Yea. What My unconsideratenes I did eat too much of such meat to breakfast such a morning my self being an eye-witnes of his great abstinence could not choose but admire the tendernes of his self-accusing conscience Well said he God be thanked there is no greater As we must not extenuate our sinnes so neither must we too much aggravate our sinne Let drunkards and gluttons have those terrible horrours I thank God I never continued in any known sinne against my conscience He was willing that he should pray with him kneeling down he said he was then uncapable of prayers Afterward he kneeled down of his own accord shortly after he broke out into such speeches A damnable wretched c. these are nor your words saith one you cannot deny but you have had good experience of Gods mercies I cannot Then be comforted for whom he loveth once he loveth to the end Yet Satan took such advantage of his infirmities that though he could finde some comfort yet no particular assurance You have lived profitably said one I have endeavoured You are now humbled and the Lord looks that you should ask mercy M. Dod was sent for who being come they were private awhile afterwards we comming in to them M. Dod put him in minde of Gods kindenes whereof he shewed to him foure parts 1. To take small things in good part 2. To passe by infirmities 3. To be easily intreated 4. To be intreated for the greatest Sir there is now in you the image of the old Adam sin and sorrow there shall be in you the image of the new holines and happinesse The life to come may be set out by three things 1. The estate of itself happines holines and glory 2. By the the company every one shall love you better then any one even the best can love you here 3. The place There are three differences between the afflictions of the good and of the bad 1. In the cause for they come to the good for Gods love 2. In the measure as farre as they need and are able to bear 3. In the end for their good Of those former doubts we afterwards heard not a word from him Upon the Sabbath-day he desired to be alone after noon he was fearfully troubled In his countenance appeared evident tokens of a sorrowfull minde born up with a weak body his spirit was wounded Satan had foiled him Those his terrible wrestlings with tentations gripes of conscience and restles terrours none can understand much lesse expresse but he which felt them Satan had winnowed him and shewed him nothing but chaffe His tender conscience was goared with the fiery darts of the Devil pointed with the edge of sinne and sense of Gods heavy wrath As through a false glasse the dazled eye of his astonished and amazed soul could see nothing but hideously appearing sinne and the terrible image of death and damnation He had drunk deeply of the cup of the dreggs of Hell His adversary had represented unto him his once most gracious God now as a most severe Judge displeased angry and chiding with him yea yeelding him up into his clawes that so by this deadly stratagem he might take from him all hope of help that way and so not onely stop the sensible flowing of Gods grace and cut the chains of Gods love whereby he had tyed him and would draw him after him but finally break his Christian heart Oh that you had seen or that we that were present had had eyes to have seen his seeming forlone soul What with barkings of conscience and with the too heavy burthen of
sinne vvaves of fearfull thoughts blustering blasts and surging storms of Gods heavy displeasure he vvas tossed turmoyled dashed against the rocks of despaire and more then in danger of his souls shipwrack happy were we if neither through frowardnes nor blindenes of judgement we did inconsiderately passe by or prophanely deride Gods judgements by thinking that they either happen casually or by forgetting of them suddenly If we could but rightly discerne it we should finde nothing more profitable then to have the Image of this gracious though now afflicted soul in our hearts Hereby we may see that the righteous being scarcely saved there is no place for the wicked and ungodly to appeare And truly we may think that God sent it even for our sake that we with whom it is too usuall to dally with the Lord might know that it is a fearfull thing to fall into his hands Our faith is then tryed in earnest when as the Lord hideth his face from us For if we love God above all things it cannot be but upon the losse of the relish of his favour or taste of his displeasure our souls should be in bitternes pricked tormented wounded thrust thorow yea and swallowed up with desolation It is a wonder of the world how we carefully will seek physick use dyet by any means to avoid a bodily pang and how careles we are of the unsupportable fits of the souls mortall sicknes It is not in our power to apprehend grace when we will and a harder matter is it then we can conceive to lift up a poor soul cast down with the sense of Gods wrath If a violent passion may so farre transport the minde what may we think of this restles trembling when the soul after long tossings seeth it self drowned and wholly overwhelmed with the deluge of sorrow proceeding from the everlasting threats and shame and confusion of face in the presence of the Almighty Consider the body loaden with a burthen neither portable nor evitable and thence gather the stranglings of an overladen soul Consider a man ready to fall from an high Tower unto the Earth and thence gather the estate of another falling from Heaven to Hell with a spirituall ruine Consider a childe when the mother hideth her face from it and terrifieth it with a Bugboe and herein take view of the estate of a poor Christian whose chiefest happines having therein consisted to wit in being joyned and united to his Heavenly Father having now lost his presence or being affrighted with the Devil as if he were ready to lay hands on him Consider the estate of a debtor cast off by his best Creditours and gather that of a Christian being banker-out with his God Consider the estate of a man once in favour afterwards adjudged to death by a Prince without hope of pardon or repriving and gather that of a Christian who after his citation and arraignment at the Tribunal seat of God stands condemned and is wholly deprived of obtaining pardon and delivered into the hands of the Devil The Lord needs not to seek wilde beasts to punish us or such like cruell executioners of his wrath to torment us he may finde enough within us all the furyes and Devils cannot invent a more greivous torment One by it apprehended needeth not more accusers or tormentours His many never-thoughts of sinne as if he stirred a nest of wasps come buzzing about his eares and as a man indebted once laid hold of make him faster daily his loving friends may stand by the prison and call him but he being fast fettered cannot stirre forth You shall see him now in his purgatory not that papisticall sinne-satisfying fiction the Popes jayle but that hot fiery furnace wherein the Lord trieth his metall whether it be good or reprobate And suppose that he had died at the worst as in the Lords justice he might to the hardening of those that will not be softened As no man should rather judge him by the inch of his death then the length of his life so I for my part neither did in him nor doe in my self so much feare his death as I did and doe desire his life You may observe the courses which God taketh in visiting his children to be divers some are comfortable and without any great admixture of discomfort others heavy but without horrour others horrible yet all of them are in the issue gracious But to leave any further digression and to come again to the matter in hand When one came unto him he brake out into these words Oh how wofull and miserable is my estate that thus must converse with hel-hounds He being with these words strangely moved went to call some of his best able friends to comfort him To them he complayned that the Lord had cursed him Being demanded how he knew it he answered Why the event sheweth it It being replyed Then such and such were cursed he answered I have no grace How doe those then they once had none I was a foolish glorious Hypocrite It is against the course of Gods proceeding to save me he hath otherwise decreed he cannot Put your trust in God I cannot no more then an horse Doe you desire to beleive No more theèn a post then an horsshoe I know you cannot deny but that you have sought Gods glory Not sincerely There is a secret mixture of pride and hypocrisy even in the best I have no more sense of grace then these curtains then a goose then that block Let the testimony of your life past comfort you especially in the calling of a Tutour I did the businesse thereof perfunctorily when I handled hard Authours I came often unprepared and read shamefully Be of good courage and the Lord will comfort your heart ' It is ended there is no such matter Why doe you think so You shall see the event God will yet bring it to passe Tush tush trifles What doe you think of your former Doctrine Very good Let it comfort you It cannot You desire it could. If it might There is nothing unpossible to God Which stands with his decree Oh oh miserable and wofull the burthen of my sinne lyeth heavy upon me I doubt it will break my heart Behold your comforts Nothing to me I pray you hold your peace doe not trouble your self idly you vex me your words are as daggers to my heart Another time some of the younger sort said to him Remember Sir the good counsels that you have given us heretofore Those were ordinary You may see many others in the like estate Not such as mine See David What doe you speak to me of David Good Sir endeavour to settle your minde Yes to play with hell-hounds Will you pray I cannot You were wont heretofore Yes by a custom and vain glory Suffer us to pray for you Take not the name of God in vain by praying for a Reprobate Here you may see the glory of God preferred before his own salvation rather willing to
have the means of his salvation neglected then the Lord dishonoured Suffer us to pray for our selves Look to it you would now shew your faculty in praying Can you say Amen No but in a certain gerall fashion One prayed and in the mean time he rested most quietly I pray you saith he when prayer was ended Goe hence to bed doe not trouble your selves in vain Let not the Devil delude you abusing your minde and tongue I know you speak not these words I wonder that intelligent Scholars should speak thus We are perswaded you are in as good estate as our selves Look how it is with your selves in truth One that watched with him asked him Sir how can you discern this change by the absence of God if you never enjoyed his presence I thought I had it once but now I see it is farre otherwise But God deals with you as he dealt with the Church Isa. 54.7 He forsook it a while and hid his face from it but he returned to it again and so no doubt the case stands with you Never add not affliction to the afflicted Oh me wretch groaning pitifully Hope no worse of your self then we doe of you All of us have seen cleerly which way your carriage was still sent after the spirit and we are assured that you will come to the spirit howsoever you seem to have lost your way To all particulars he would answer I desire grace generally I did good outwardly all hypocritically One asked him Doe you love such an one his most dear and worthy to be dear friend Yes Why For his goodnes Why then you are Gods childe for by this we know we are translated from death to life because we own the brethren Many like forcible proofs he would shift off with his former evasions and afterwards became more wary against himself either loth to grant any thing or granting it staggeringly or what then fearing lest he should be pressed he wished that some were put in minde 1. Of their great care for building and too small care for Scholars in them 2. Their giving so long leave of absence from the Colledge and desired amendment After noon came a worthy Governour of a Colledge in our University and requested him to be of good comfort and to pluck up his spirit I cannot Why can you not Because I have no grace no more then a Backstock Why doe you think so By this affliction Doe you desire grace I cannot He spake most strongly I can as well leap over the Church But are you not sorry that you cannot desire it I cannot Would you not be in Heaven I would not One standing by said The Devil himself would if he could. By the way you shall have the opinion of a much respected Minister apposite hereto which he gave in private A proud man saith he will scorne to seek any good from his enemy so the Devils pride will not let him think himself beholding to God for Heaven if he might get it You have said one the testimony of faith you love the Brethren I did not Doe not you love us No * The Devil now seeth he should be cast into straits if you should grant this what is it that doth most trouble you I undertook too much upon me foolishly I had gotten a little Logick and Greek and meanly instructed in the rules did set my self to read to Scholars and afterwards undertook other busines which distracted my minde and body from them I have destroyed a thousand souls You may see the falsehood of him that suggesteth this unto you you never had a thousand he puts a false glasse before you The good effects of your pains appears in many of your Scholars Oh they were of themselves capable Name one in whom they doe not There is one pointing at a Master of Arts there present He justified his care of him and gave thanks to God that ever he came to him It is not so I did foolishly You confesse you did foolishly therefore not of malice Again cōsider what would have become of many of them if you had not taken them Better farre better All in the Colledge know the contrary But I feel it It is false believe not the Devil It is too true When vvill you make amends God will give you your hearts desire Never Are you sorry that he vvill not No there is no grace in my heart it is dead Such was Davids case What doe you compare me with him Behold Christ himself Nothing to me God can make his death available He cannot He is omnipotent In me he cannnot because it stands with his purpose Whom God loveth once he loveth to the end But he did never love me You have tasted of his love I deceived my self in a certain vain-glory I exposed my head to many things outwardly all You could say the Lords Prayer and therein call him Father Hypocritically I was wont to enquire of Master Mason what was meant by Abba-father rather in curiosity then truly to be edified God will give a good issue Never I have no sense We will pray with you Doe not dishonour God It is well that you will not have God dishonoured here he sticked saying I pray trouble me not with distinctions After came one who with vehement action of body pressed and urged him to trust in God I cannot said he I cannot he will not have me saved his sentence is passed Doe you desire to be saved No. Do you desire to desire No Would you be damned No. Look at the sinnes of other men as great as yours and yet they are saved They were good and godly they found grace here is the difference my sinnes are horrible he repeated that towards his Scholars All of us know you took pains Outwardly you did your best No. I see novv what it is you strictly look back to your own actions as a Justiciary who will none of Gods mercy and now he hath justly met with you your judgement is just These words affected him strangely another willed him to look to it it seemed neer Popery Doe you hope to be justified by your merits I fear to be damned for my sinnes The other asked whether he could say Amen No. Have you no tongue What is that to the purpose Name Jesus I cannot If I had your tongue in my hand I would make you speak Turning his speech to a friend present Oh saith he if you did but feel my greif but an houre you would have compassion The other replyed If you were in the fire you would wish to get out I had rather be in the fire then here I will pray for you Sinne not Let the fault be mine Although my purpose was barely to relate the passages of this gracious mans visitation and to referre to your spirituall eye what you could tracke and finde therein yet let your gentle construction withhold from me the deserved censure of bold blindnes in that now and then I
point at some things which your quick sight may sooner or better apprehend The Devils malicious policy was great toward him in that he assaulted him most strongly in that which might and ought to have been his greatest comfort Again I saw that the opinion of the Physician helps somewhat in bodily maladies or diseases whereas in that his estate his soul remained as it were uncapable of comfort from the souls Physician He much respected some few He dolefully poured out his soul in the bosome of a well willer on this manner I took upon me too proudly many things and being negligent performed nothing cursed be the day when I took Scholars If I had not taken them I had been happy with a great flourish I was stirring many wayes and in the mean space left the essence of my calling teaching Scholars What saith the other what shall I now doe when I see you thus tossed Well for I was an Hypocrite and now therefore there is no hope of comfort for me in Gods presence I have no sense of it The sunne is in the firmament though it may be hid in a cloud This comparison agreeth not to me What then would you counsell me to doe Abide within the bounds of your calling take not too much on you and the Lord will blesse you Will it avail me to hear sermons Yes if you mean to be saved What good shall I reap thence Nothing from the bare hearing Oh this heavy lumpish fear hath oft-times shaken me and now it hath broken out Another said you know the poor in spirit are blessed I am not such You see you are empty of all good you feel your burthen I pray you goe your wayes He turned his head aside and stopped his eares what though you have done but little good if you have but given a cup of cold water c. He thrusted him away with his foot either as some thought being troubled with his shrill voice or as he replyed through the Devils subtilty That evening he was grievously afflicted Suddenly he brake out Oh if God! The standers by endeavoured to cherish this good motion and said to him He will give you grace I doubt it Then presently after he uttered this prayer Oh God give me a spark of grace and enlarge my heart that it may apprehend it He asked a friend how he might give satisfaction for some speeches Mr Dod although he departed on Saturday and had then an unseasonable journey yet being requested by letters returned on Tuesday following He at the first sight started up as desirous to meet him Oh Mr Dod and in friendly sort complained I have no grace I will not saith Mr Dod beleive every one that saith he hath grace nor every one that saith he hath none Answer the Devil as Christ did A man must not alwaies be led by sense Let us enquire by the effects and it may suffice if we can finde but one yea the least it is enough You forgive your enemies and love them and would doe them no hurt if you could Yes Then your sinnes are forgiven An Hypocrite may give alms and fast but this he cannot That is a small matter I think it to be a great one yea such an one that I had need to pray for That is put for a reason in the Lords Prayer and if Christ had thought any more forcible he would have given it Sir that is true but in those that are elected Doe not you put an exception where God hath not I would not handle you as I doe but that I know your estate I come hither to cherish you you love your good friends I cannot Had you rather that bad or good men should be with you Good Yet you say you doe not love them A sow will be with swine There is no fellowship between light and darknes Would you believe your self or the Physician touching the estate of your body The Physician Believe not your self then now you are sick yet shall be restored It is impossible Why so If you had sinned so much as you could you could not have sinned so much as Adam yet he is in Heaven It repented him Doth it not you No Doth your sicknes or sinne more trouble you or had you rather have grace or health Grace Well then But it cannot be God will wash you I have no water God will bring it with him He hath denyed it He hath offered it by his Ministers which are as the buckets to draw and pour it You must not look now that God should come to you himself Doe you think it a small favour of God that so many good friends come to you God did send none to comfort Cain or Ahithophel Think of that saying of Manoahs wife If the Lord would kill us he would not have shewed us all these things Iudg. 13.23 Behold the properties of Christs sheep They are 1. Weak 2. Sick 3. Broken 4. Driven away 5. Lost Ezek. 34.4 You are such see therefore your comfort he will 1. strengthen 2. heal 3. binde up 4. bring again and 5. seek you You finde your self a great debtor the Lord hath pardoned onely he looks that you should come to him for an acquittance This fight is not yours but the Lords 2 Chron. 20.20 put your trust in him If you ask me how may I it followeth Beleive his Prophets and you shall prosper You may remember that Christ did pray for Peter that his faith might not fail but it failed afterwards How came that to passe That failing did rather strengthen it For whereas he gloried that if al should deny Christ yet he would not had he been asked Doest thou promise this by thine own strength or by mine he must have answered Mine for otherwise he would have requested his help making him hereby to seek to Christ for the strengthening of his faith This happeneth to you because you credit the suggestion of carnall reason and not the word rather Oh the cunning of the adversary deal not with him by cunning but hold him to the Word seek for strength in God to resist him You may see the Apostles in the tempest it was from their weaknes that they distrusted yet of God that they prayed I cannot pray Here what St Iames saith Is any man sick c. afflictions further prayer but most sicknesses hinder wherefore behold your friends whose mindes as the Lord hath stirred up to pray for you so will he also stirre up himself to hear them Their prayers are yours yea you have the prayers of many which never knew you And as God said to Cain sinne lyeth at the door ready as it were to doe him an ill turne so his promised blessing doth as it were expect you If your salvation were now in your own hands it is likely you would yeild up all but your name is written in the heart of Christ Sir let me watch with you this night No Why because it would hurt you