Oh my heart Phil. Yea are your Conscience struck Have at you for a father then And yet Me-thinks you are more old in goodness then To be so late so wicked as to wrong A woman of her sweetness Yet I le try you Here is a long-kept Paper This is all That ere I gathered of my Mothers wrong And of my Fathers cruelty and condition It seemes this was his hand and ruthfull farewell He turn'd her off withall See if you know it More then a thousand times I have observ'd her Weep o're that Paper ever carefull though Her teares might not deface it If by chance As when those teares prevented had her sight Some soft ones did on that hard Sentence light Her Lips took off the Trespass of her Eye And her hot Sighes restor'd the Paper dry Broo. This comes so neer a Miracle that my faith I feare is staggering How got'st thou this paper Phil. I stole it from my Mother and in Troth T is all that ere I stole because she should not Weep out her eyes upon 't I do not love Although I am a beggar to lead blind folks Do you not find there that he is a Knight Though he subscribes no name He tells her there And tauntingly he knowess she is more sorry For the lost Ladyship he promis'd her Then for her Maiden-head Let me heare you read it Broo. Mine eyes are now too full indeed I cannot Phil. Are you the man then whom I must ask blessing If you bee speak I le have you to my Mother Though I dare sweare she had rather dye then you Or any of your Race or hers should see her Whilst she has breath Yet I will undertake To prattle you both good friends And you shall have my Mammy And she shall have her Nell that 's J. The man shall have his Mare againe And all shall be well How do you Broo. Prethee forbeare me good wench but a little Enter Valentine Val. I have kept my time you see and shall not faile In any Circumstance Here are two Swords Pray take your choice I have bespoke a Boat Shall land us o're the water where you please Though I Protest I yet would beg your Love Next to my Naturall Fathers Broo. This I fear'd And charg'd the plain way But 't shall not serve Val. You took my part of late against old Vermin Broo. Prethee who would not This is another case Val. Why if there be no remedy pray accept Your forty pounds The money Sir may stead you For your escape when you have ta'ne my Life Broo. Your money wou'ld hang me Sir Your life 's not worth it Val. T is your own money sent you by your Son Broo. How know I that Or that I have a Son By thee unmurther'd Val. I told you of a Letter I had mislaid Look you Do you know his hand Broo. If it be not Much chang'd and lately here is that wil match Val. Was ever given Gold so weigh'd and try'd What Lawyer Nay what Judge would be so scrupulous No want corrupts good Conscience Nor excess Allaies in bad the thirst of Cov'tousness Phil. What do you think Sir Val. I think you beg again and would be whipt Phil. I fecks I do not beg but came to offer This griev'd old man some of my infinite fortune Found in your lucky money Lucky indeed For I have found a Father by 't I vow I think my Father I' st not a fine old man I shall know more anon Val. Her money sure Has made her Mad How do you finde it Sir Broo. My wonder now is how thou canst be Son Of such a Father Thou art honest sure Here is your Sword I will accept the money Val. Then I shall live and so may want the money Will you forbeare it for a day or two Broo. Your Sword again Now I profess to you I have present need on 't And am as strict Sir for my right as I Before was to decline it Val. Pray Sir take it And give me leave to beg your charitable Construction of my Father Broo. How is that Val. Did you but know the care the cost and travell He has been at a thousand waies to finde Your injur'd Sister to make good his fault If possibly he might Broo. O fie O fie Val. Till all Opinion gave her dead and then The meanes he has sought to do you Offices Against your knowledge For he knew your Spirit Would not except of his benevolence Broo. Read that and guesse whose deed 't is Stand off Girle Phil. Yes forsooth Father I shall learn in time I le call him Father till he findes me another J know he could not shed those teares for nothing Val. But does she live to whom this was directed Broo. Speak low is that your Fathers hand Val. It is Broo. Along with me then Girle lead you the way Phil. Anan forsooth Father Broo. Shew us to your Mother Phil. Shall he go too What will the Neighbours think There 's none but Beggars all about us Ods so There 'll be a show indeed Val. No matter Will you go Phil. Sir they will hale you to peeces Val. Will you deny me Phil. How shall I answer 't to my Mother She Never saw man nor has been seen by man That J know in my life Val. No matter Will you on Broo. I le save thee blamelesse Phil. Troth I le venter Exeunt Oes ACT. V. Scene I. Frances Magdalen Jane Alice Wine on a Table Fra. TRes bien venue Madames You are very welcome Mag. Good lack And is it you Mrs. Alice I' st possible Are you come to learn Carriage too I will make bold with tother Glasse of Wine At a word J like your French Carriage the better that it allowes elder Women to drink VVine Ali. They have no other drink except water And Maids are allowed but that Ja. And young wives they say wine with their water Mag. Mingle your Glasse then Daughter This for me Your father has so sought you Mrs. Alice Ja. My Father has mist us too by this time Mag. But neither of 'em can dream French enough to direct 'em hither J warrant you And does she learn the Carriages very well Madamsilly Fra. Madamoyselle si vous plaist Mag. What do yee cal 't I shall never hit it How do you finde your Schollar Fra. O she is very good She learn very well Mag. But how much carriage hath she learnt Heark you Mrs. Alice Have you not learnt to carry a man Has not a good Husband stolne you hither I can think waggishly I tell you And an old Ape has an old eye Go to Ali. No such matter Mrs. Bumpsey Fra. VVhat is that you say Mag. I ask you how much carriage she has learnt Fra. She come but dis day And she carry both the hands already Mag. How say by that I' st possible Can she carry both her hands in one day Fra. Yes and before to morrow she shall carry the
Bumpsey Vermine Bum. Do you wonder at my bravery Look you here This is my Wife and this my Daughter sir You have lost yours you say Perhaps for want Of Husty-lusties and of Gorgets gay Ha! i st not so Ver. The World 's turn'd prodigall You do not well to mock me when I come For comfort and advise Bum. Shall I be plain w' ye My best advise is since your Daughters gone To turn your Son after her He lies not in For much above a hundred pound Pay it And let him take his course If he be not Got loose already Then observe my Counsell Spend you the rest of your Estate your selfe And save your Heires the sin It is the course I have in hand and mean to follow it You like it not it seems but thus it is VVhen men advise for nothing Had your Lawyer Now for his fee given Counsell might have damn'd you You would have thought it worth your Gold and follow'd it VVill you go with me to an Ordinary Venter five hundred or a thousand Peeces To begin a new VVorld with Ver. Mrs. Bumpsey I take it you are she Mag. An old Ape has an old eye He knowes me through all my cuts and slashes Ver. How long I pray has my good friend your Husband Been thus distracted Mag. But when I am perfect In the quaint Courtly carriages that belong Unto this habit in which I confesse I am yet but raw how will you know me then Ver. She is as mad as he Bum. How Lady-like she talkes Mag. Or now my black Bag 's on I hold a penny You do not know me Bogh-who am I now Ver. Most unrecoverably mad young Gentlewoman Nay I intreat your favour for an answer As you can pity a wrong'd mans distresse Give me what light you can of my lost Daughter You have been inward alwaies and partook The nearest of her Counsels Tell me fairely I do beseech you in this gentle way Though I professe I have a strong presumption Against your Husband and his young Associates I met to day and bore their mocks and taunts On which I have good ground for a strickt course To force 'em to examination Yet I intreat you see Ja. The VVorld is turn'd Quite upside downe Else I should wonder How you could make requests that have got all You have too much by Rapine and Oppression Ver. Do you upbraid me Bum. What 's the matter Jane Ja. The Fox here learns to sing Mag. I le fox him out o th' hole if he sing here Will no Prey serve you but new married wives Fox Ver. Why do you abuse me thus Ja. I heard you sir with too much patience Abuse my Husband with your foule Suspition Who is as cleer I know from wronging you As your own Son Ver. Your mocks are monstrous Were not he fast enough I would resolve No other friend had robb'd me Mag. Is your son a friend At a word hee 's like you Enter Sir Amphilus Servant Amp. J pray if my man aske for mee send him to me by your Masters leave By your leave Sir I made bold to follow a Father-in-Law of mine that should have been into your house here with much ado to find it Any good newes Sir yet Ha' you heard of her J cry these Ladies mercy though you may take me for a Clowne J must not forget I am a Knight and give you the curtesie of my lips Bum. In the name of Peasantry what Knight art thou If not the Knight of the Plough-share Mag. A fine spoken and a well-bred man at a word He call'd us Ladies To see what Apparell can do How long might I have trudg'd about in my old coats before J had been a Lady And then hee would do us the curtesie to kisse us Sure sure as curtesie makes a Knight so cloaths makes a Lady Amp. It seems she 's lost then All ill go with her Bum. What old youth can this be Amp. Your warrant perhaps may find her though And J tell you what J ha' sent my man to lay the Ducking Ponds for her Bum. Do you think she would drown her selfe Amp. Who knowes what toy might take her Is she not a woman as other flesh and blood is I had another occasion to one that belongs to the Ponds I tell you as a Friend I had not sent els Come Father-in-Law that should have been hang sorrow You have had but one Losse to day I have had two I le gi 't you in Rhime My Mare and my Mistresse I lost on a day T'one of 'em dyed and t'other ran away Ja. You are acquainted among the Poets it seems sir Amp. Truly but one that 's a Gamster amongst us at the ducking Pond a Cobler but the neatest Fellow at Poetry that ever was handicrafts-man no Scholler to enable him by learning to borrow of the Ancients Yet he is a Translator too And he makes the sweetest Posies for Privie-houses Ja. Ha ha ha Bum. What a youth 's this for a Knight Enter Trebasco Amp. I le tell yee Ladies O Trebasco Good newes at last I hope Tre. J can never finde you any where but jeer'd and laugh'd at and are fool'd as I have often told you to your Worships face and your Worship perceives it not Amp. To the point man How does my Whelp He is grown a tall Dog by this J hope resolve me quickly Tre. Why to put you out of your pain your Whelp 's grown a tall Dog Amp. Good Ja. You said you would tell us sir What will you tell us Tre. And a handsome Dog Amp. Good again Ja. What a Dog-trick 's is this Tre. And h 'as learnt besides the main Game all the rare tricks and qualities his Tutor could teach Amp. Excellent Ja. Will you not tell us sir about your Poet Amp. Hang him my Dogs worth 'em all in ready money Mag. I pray sir Amp. I will not give his eares for the swolnst headfull of wit among 'em Are not his Eares finely curl'd Trebasco Like his Dam Flapses Tres Yes and his Coat all over sir they told me Amp. Told thee Didst thou not see him My heart misgives me Tre. See him No indeed sir but J pray beare it as well as you may And set not your heart too much upon transportable things Amp. Ha! Tre. The Dog is gone sir Amp. How Tre. Stolne from Schoole sir and sold to a great Monsieur And Shipt away foure daies ago Amp. O my heart will break J. a Do not faint Knight Cheare up your heart with your Muse Amp. My veine is yet too dul But I will offer at it Three Losses I have had gone past all help My Mare my Mistresse And which grieves me most of all my whelp Ia. That line is long enough to reach him Amp. I would it were else o Bum. Od's pity Look you sir your Son-in-Law that should ha' been is in much passion too But you 'll be rul'd by me you say And if J lead you
money Or lay you where J found you as you threatned your Sister here Wat. Baser and baser still Are you a Knight A Knight a Post-Knight A Postillion That rides a fore-horse o're the Eares in durt Three fingers thick is not so base You Varlets Do you arrest folkes in a bawdy-house Ser. VVe do not finde it so Or if it be The place may be as honest as our Office VVill you walk Sir Wat. Stay Let me consider If now my Father as some in like cases Have done would take a fine submission I could affoard to kneele and whine me-thinks Rather then back to my old Ward again T will nere be handsome though Enter Valentine Val. The business Gentlemen Wat. My lucky friend Sir you reliev'd me lately Could you now But add another Favour it might teach One that nere learnt to pray to pray for you Do you not know me Sir T was I you sav'd Out of the Temple Sudds Val. Hast thou been shav'd since Wat. No Sir I was disguis'd Val. Disguis'd Wat. Disguis'd in villany which I recant Val. Who knowes but he may prove an honest man Pray Sir a word Ser. We do not use to wait dry-fisted nor dry throated Wat. I would you were as wet all over as I was like to have been Or as you are Catchpoles I would you had been but in those hands I escap'd from Dry. You have prevail'd Sir Val. Sergeants you shall not out of the House Here 's for halfe an houres attendance Go into that Room with your Prisoner You shall have Wine and Smoak too Be of good cheere friend if thou canst be honest I can relieve thee feare not Wat. Sir get my Father but to say as much And you shall be Co-heire with me I vow you shall have halfe Exeunt Wat Sergeants Val. VVee 'll talk anon The Youth appeares converted Dry. There was no other meanes to work it by But that I us'd to urg'd him past his Nature He was so free in 's Villany that I Giving the Spurs ran him beyond his speed Quite off his Legs and glad to be led home Val. His Father comes on fairely I have follow'd All your Instructions concerning him And my fantastick Father Law Both whom Are hard at hand with the wise western Knight He too 's content to go to the best Ordinary VVhile t is best cheap he saies VVhere are the women Dry. Your Mother-'Law after she had got As much French Carriage as might serve to furnish A petty Court is fallen into a fit To over-throw it all againe Val. The better But is the house cleare Sir of all your Riflers Dry. As I could wish And well satisfied For when they understood the honest end My Project aim'd at which by an Oration VVell charg'd with virtuous Sentences I forc'd Into the nobler Breasts they all recanted The barbarous purpose and as freely left Their money for that Charitable use To which I pre-intended it The rest Purs'd theirs again But yet I have collected In this odd uncouth way five hundred Pounds That was laid down at stake for a Virginity To make an honest stock for Franck Val. T is good I may fetch in my Guests In the mean time You may be pleas'd Sir to peruse this Baper Exit Dry. How now what 's here How might he come by this It is the scorn I sent my injur'd Love My abus'd Elynor The hand that threw Her from me O that at the price of it I could receive her Enter Oliver Ambrose Ol. Sir by your leave VVe come to sup w 'yee Does your Rifling hold Amb. VVhat you are off o' the hooks me-thinks Ol. If there be no such thing tell us the Riddle Dry. You shall know all and briefely Franck come in Enter Franck Now Gentlemen Ol. Let us salute her first Salute then whisper Dry. She does not tast of sin Faire Chastity Sits crown'd upon her Brow with an aspect May beat down Lust to Hell from whence it rose Fra. You professe Nobly sir Ol. I vow and do not lye to you If I finde Your Father so inhumane you against it VVee 'll be your Rescue if forty able sword-men VVhich we have at the signall of a finger Planted in readiness can fetch you off Do you approve Fran. Yes and admire your goodness Ol. Now we are for you sir Dry. Then heare the story which your late Impatience would not permit Amb. You speak not now In that high Phrase or tone as you did then Enter Valentine Bumpsey Vermine Amphilus Brookall Elynor Phillis Val. Stand here unseene and heare attentively Dry. I am a Gentleman that by foule misdeed Heaven Heaven I aske thee pardon once did wrong To an unfortunate Family by rejecting After affiance and her love abus'd A Gentlewoman Ol. You got with child and then deny'd her Marriage Dry. T was so Ely Ay me Val. No passion gentle Soule Phil. If this should prove my Father now Ol. Well Sir your Gentlewoman Dry. Shee on the discontent poore haplesse Soule Now foureteen Winters since though sadly burden'd Fled and no more is heard of at the first My wildnesse took no sense of this deare Losse But drew me through the wayes of carelesse pleasure By riotous expence that mine estate And Credit ran at waste and was nigh spent Untill my trespasse cry'd against my Conscience To render satisfaction but in vaine We offer to the dead My Genius therefore Prompts me to gratefull deeds unto her Blood Amb. What can this come to Dry. Shee had a Brother that lost his estate By Law Br. Means he not mee Dry. To a Corrupt Oppressor Ver. Ha! How 's that Dry. Was stript out of the very Coat he wore Had nothing left him but a Sonne Ol. What 's all this to your Daughter Dry. Even all that may be see His Sonne 's my Daughter Discover Franc. Now do you find my project Gentlemen It has at Charge of three dayes House-keeping Put halfe a thousand pounds in 's purse Besides A faire pull for his Fathers Land againe For he has by a lawfull Church-man married The Daughter of his Fathers Adversary Ol. Why here are wonders Amb. Bravely nobly done Dry. Come Mrs. Alice and justifie your Act Enter Alice Ver. My Daughter ha Amp. My sweetheart hoe Fra. Your haes and hoes can not draw her from me shee is my Wife Ver. By what witch-craft Dry. By stronger Charmes then your Art can dissolve You know me now Sir And my Project do you not Discovers himselfe Ol. Amb. Sir Humfrey Dryground Ver. I am struck dum with wonder Elin. O t is he t is hee Val. Alasse she swounes Sir cheare you up this Lady While I appease the rest A word with you Sir Amp. I will not be appeas'd Dry. My love my Elynor Bump. So cheare her up Sir Humfry To her againe Sir Humfry your Sonne and mine in Law has told me all your story and reconcil'd your Brother Brookall to you before your interview I know all the full
point and the whole substance the flat and plaine of the businesse and now I love these things againe How now Sir Amphilus Drown'd in Melancholly Amp. No But and I were at the Duckingpond I know what I know But when I drown my selfe I 'll give you leave to hang me Ali. Your pardon and your blessing I beseech you Ver. Hence Exit Valentine Broo. Was this thy Journey into France my Boy High Providence hath made it good But tell mee Was Love your chiefe Instructor to this Marriage Fran. Indeed it was equall in her and mee Ali. Pray Sir your blessing Ver. Away Broo. Turne this way for a blessing then my Daughter Bump. Shall I tell you Neighbour Law has no reliefe for you And Conscience and you have a longe time been strangers Could you be friends and embrace Conscience now all would be well And there 's the substance Is it plaine Ver. Conscience do you know where she is Enter Val. Wat. Magdalen Jane Val. Heere 's one has brought her in his true Conversion Wat. Sir If you can forgive and can obey you I now can better kneele then speak He weeps Val. Do you note those teares Sir Had you lost your Daughter My Father had in this made you amends In finding you a Son His Art converted him Ver. Sure all 's but Apparition or a dream Bump. Ha! Think you so T is your own flesh and blood And by your leave and liking may prove as honest a Man as his Father Is not this plaine now Forgive and blesse em all over and so Kisse 'em too They are your Children Mag. O my deare Bump Art thou there Thou mayst kisse and forgive me all over too for any harm or dishonesty though the place be as they say-at a word Bump Thou mayst beleive me I came but to learn Carriage of the Body nor to carry no bodies body but my owne body Bump No truely truely Bump o o that ever I did that Bump. Peace peace All 's well At least I know your Disease Mag. Think me not drunk good Bump a little fashion-sick or so Amp. Fashion-sick a fine civill word To be drunk is fashion-sick Ver. I am awak'd out of the Lethargy Of Avarice Blest may our Friendship be Dry. I will not sleep before the holy Priest Has done the Office Blessing on my Girle Val Thou hast made me young againe the best Occurrents in this Project have been thine Thy Accidents exceeded my designe Val. They do not yet cease here For see the strife Betwixt these long continued Adversaries Perfectly reconcil'd and both have given The young and hopefull married paire their Blessings Amp. To which I have given my Consent most freely For it was Nolens volens as they say Val. They are beholden to you Mr. Vermine Restores unto the Son the Fathers Land For Dowry with his Daughter And is taken So with the good you wrought upon his Son The Convertite here that if he stand firme Till the determination of your Mortgage Hee l cancell it and send it Gratis to you Wat. That 's sure enough But Sir the other businesse Dry. What 's that Val. The most to be admir'd of all He loves my Sister here and has done long But now that he perceaves her worth being yours And since you promis'd him your Daughter too He makes it his faire suit Dry. I 'll talk with his Father And Wat stand you but firme and live reform'd Winning my Daughters love you shall have mine Phil. That Fortune is not blinde that shew'd me way To Father Friends and Husband in one day Dry. This binds us all into a Brother-hood Bro. And with a Brothers Love I now salute you Dry. So may we with a generall embrace Create the Heart of Friendship not the Face Come Gentlemen your Ordinary stayes T will prove good fare I hope though no rich Feast And acceptable to each welcome Guest Epilogue NO way ambitious yet of vulgar praise The writer of these Scenes desires to know By your faire leave though he assume no Bayes Whether he pull'd faire for a leafe or no If yes then let your hands assistant be T' incourage him to climb Apollo's tree FJNJS