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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A51168 Monsieur in a mouse-trap, or, The Parable of the shark and herring-pond by the author of The magpies. 1691 (1691) Wing M2459; ESTC R31031 4,831 3

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Monsieur in a Mouse-Trap or the Parable of the Shark and Herring-Pond By the Author of the Magpies THere is an old English Proverb that Truth must not be utter'd at all times nor to all persons and that is the reason I suppose why men of late publish their Sentiments in Masquerado We have already seen the Parables of the Bear-baiting and the Magpies now give me leave to present you with that of the Shark and the Herring Pond since after Four-footed Beasts and Birds Fish comes next in course There was a time when the Scaly Inhabitants of the Ocean were divided into several Empires Kingdoms Common-wealths and Provinces each watry Nation being subject to their respective Sovereigns even as 't is here on the Land Amongst the rest the Shark reign'd over the Gudgeons he a voracious cruel tyrannical Fish they silly tame weak despicable Animals cut out for Slavery and Contempt This Shark or King of the Gudgeons was the worst of all his Race for he won'd enter into Leagues with other Royal Fishes his Neighbours only to render them the more secure whilst he amass'd up huge Treasures by Oppression of his Subjects and rais'd great Armies with design to rush suddenly upon his Friends and Allyes to bring them into Contribution and Slavery He had one potent Neighbour who was an Emperour among the Fish and had many Princes subject to him The Shark bore a great spight to this Imperial Fish and often invaded his Territories and made great Havock and Devastation among his Subjects for he would come on the suddain as 't is the nature of that sly Fish and snap off a whole Limb or Branch of the Empire together at a Mouthfull and this at such a time as they were all at Peace and never dream'd of any such Usage And to shew that he absolutely design'd the total ruine of the Imperial Fish and all his Dependants the Shark sent Ambassadors to the Whale a mighty Fish and who had the largest Dominions the strongest Armies and richest Treasury of any Royal Fish in the Ocean A proud Fish also proud as Lucifer for disdaining all Earthly Emblems he wrote the Moon for his Crest and styl'd himself the Shadow of God To this terrible Whale I say the Shark sent Ambassadors and made private Leagues with him against the Imperial Fish perswading him to send Armies to invade the Imperial Territories Thus whilst the Imperial Fish was busie● on one side in defending himself and his Empire against the Incursions of the Whale the Shark takes the Opportunity and breaking all his Treaties of Peace leaps suddainly into the Bowels of the Empire plundering murthering and desolating all wheresoever he came Yet the Shark not content thus to ruine the Imperial Fish sets upon another King among the Scaly Nations that was a near Relation Friend and Allye of the Imperial Fish He sends Armies and invades the Territories of this King also who was called the Sea Bull lays waste his Dominions leads his Subjects into Captivity and does him all the mischief that his Malice Ambition Covetousness and Pride could prompt him to Thus the Wars continued amongst the Watry Nations for many Years great Massacres and Depopulations were committed by the Shark the Whale and their Armies so that the Sea was dyed red with Blood Whilst these things were transacting it so fell out that the Crocodile was made King over the Whitings Salmons Mayhrills and Pikes and other Fish having by various cunning Trains and wheadling Artifices perswaded that innocent sort of Fish that he was a Dolphin and no Crocodile and having made them large Promises confirming them also with an Oath that they should enjoy their ancient native Freedom and Liberty in all things So that the poor Whitings deluded by these fair Words and the insinuating Stories of the Mayhrills and over-power'd by the Salmons Pikes Sturgeons Eels and other Fish were contented that the Crocodile should reign over them But in process of Time the Crocodile began to appear in his naked Colours and not only broke his Word with the Whitings but also stretch'd forth his Tali to the Maybrills and entrenched upon their Priviledges He also made a private League with the Shark the Whale and the Allegators of the Mediterranean which gave great suspicion to his own Subjects as well as to the neighbouring Princes and States among the Fish Great were the Discontents of the Maybrills the Whitings and other Fish under the Crocodile's Dominion They found they were mistaken in their King who now prov'd a real Crocodile a Fish of Prey and daily impos'd on his Subjects such Laws and Orders as plainly tended to enslave both them and their Posterity This made them cabal and lay their heads together how to save themselves from imminent Ruin So at length it was agreed upon among the Makyrills Salmons Pikes Eles and other Fish under the Crocodile's Dominion to remonstrate their Case to the Dolphin and invite him to come and deliver them from the Crocodile's Tyranny for indeed the Dolphin had a kind of Title to the Government of the Whitings c. being descended of the Bloud of their ancient Kings So the Dolphin makes preparation to go against the Crocodile being assisted by the Common-wealth of Herrings among whom this Prince kept his Court. In a Word Upon the first Approach of the Royal Dolphin with his Army of Herrings the Crocodile's Subjects deserted him and joyned the Dolphin's Army so that the Crocodile was forc'd to swim away and take Sanctuary with the Shark The Newes of the famous Expedition of the Dolphin and the Flight of the Crocodile was quickly spread through the Scaly Nations and all rejoyc'd at the good Success of the Dolphin who was soon chosen King of the Whitings Maycrils Salmons c. Then Ambassadors were sent from all parts to congratulate his Accession to the Crocodile's Throne and to enter into League with Him against the Shark the Whale the Crocodile and the Allegators of the Mediterranean Armies were raised on all sides and many fierce Battels were fought between them The Dolphin was look'd upon as the great Protector and Deliverer of all the Confederate Fish from the cruel Oppressions and Encroachments of the Whale and the Shark But in regard the Maycrills who were chiefly instrumental in bringing the Dolphin to the Crown proved treacherous and held a private Correspondence with the Shark and the Crocodile other Measures were taken by the Imperial Fish the Dolphin the Common-wealth of Herrings the Sea-Bull and the rest of the Confederated Fish And because they could not entrust their secret Counsels to any Ambassador's Envoys or Agents without manifest danger of Discovery therefore they all resolved to meet together in person appointing the Herring-Pond to be the place of their Randezvouz In the mean while it was thought convenient for the Dolphin to send an Ambassador to the Whale in Quality of a Mediator for Peace between the Whale and the Imperial Fish
When the Shark heard of this he ordered his Ambassador at the Whale's Court to oppose the Reception of the Dolphin's Ambassador with all his might but all his Rhetorick proved ineffectual for the Dolphin's Ambassador was kindly receiv'd by the Whale and his Overtures of Peace were hearkned to which gave great Encouragement to the Confederated Fish to hope That an Accomodation might be concluded between the Imperial Fish and the Whale whereby the former would be in a better Capacity to make War upon the Shark his powerful Neighbour and old Enemy Well the Time came when the Confederated Soveraigns of the Fish were to meet together great Preparations were made to honour so Royal and Illustrious a Congress and especially to welcom the Dolphin to the Herring-Pond who was made Guarantee of this Princely League In fine they meet at the Time and Place appointed not without great danger of the Dolphin's Life and Liberty who as he was swimming to the place of Rendezvous happened to be benighted and stuck his Fins fast on a Shelf of Ice so that he could not disingage Himself in less than 18 Hours time whereby he was lyable to have been starv'd to Death with Hunger and Cold and likewise to have been kill'd or taken Prisoner by any of the Shark's Scouts who used to ly in wait in those parts But Neptune and Heaven were kinder to him and next Day he happily got rid of this Remora and arrived safe at the Herring-Pond to the inexpressible Joy and Satisfaction of all the Fish in those parts Monsieur the Shark finding all things to succeed well to the Confederated Fishes and that he himself was like to be caught in a Net they having surrounded Him with Armies on all Hands and having made a fair Step towards the concluding of a Peace with the Whale considering these things I say he sent an Ambassador to the Congress at the Herring-Pond with spacious pretences and insinuating Wheadles in order to an Accomodation This Ambassador was a Fish of no small Quality and Extraction a cunning Statesman and good Orator For the Fish do not come a whit behind the Birds and Beasts in all manner of Accomplishments He Addresses himself therefore to that August Assembly in Words to this effect Most Serene and Illustrious Princes and High and Mighty Lords c. THE Shark my Master being desirous to prevent for the future the spilling of the Bloud of any Fish from the Whale to the Millers Thumb has taken into serious consideration the Original progress and present state of the War between him and the confederated Soveraigns of the Fish and having maturely weighed all things in his impartial Gills and finding his end approaching for he was well stricken in years for the better discharging of his conscience has sent me to acknowledge in his Name that he is the first Aggressor and that the insatiable Thirst of Empire has carried him beyond the Bounds of Justice and the civil Laws of the Sea Wherefore being desirous to die in peace repose his old carcase in Quiet he has made his last VVill and Testament whereof I here present your Royal Highness and your High and Mightiness an Authentick Copy under my Masters own Signet and the publick Seal of his Kingdom A Copy of the Shark's Last Will and Testament IN the Name of Neptune and Thetis and all the Sea Gods and Goddesses c. I Lodowick Rhodomontado Shark King of the Gudgeons and other Watry People finding my Fins begin to decay and fail me my Teeth grow rotten and drop out with many other Symptoms of approaching Death being also of a great Age and my Carkass almost rotten yet in perfect sound Sense and presence of Mind have thought fit to make and do by these Presents make this my last will and Testament Imprimis I restore all the Bones of the Herrings Turbets Mullers Plaise Flounders and other Fish whom I and my Armies have massacr'd in the Dominion of the Imperial Fish the Sea-Bull or any of their Friends and Allies I say I restore these Bones to the surviving Friends and Relations of the Fishes so massacr'd to be dispos'd of at their Discretion 2. Item I bequeath to the Imperial Fish the Sea-Bull and their Friends and Allies ●●l those great or small Limbs and Brancoes which I have at several times slyly and unjustly snapt from them when they were not aware of me 3. Item I bequeath to the aforesaid Persons all the Contribution Mony that I have unjustly squeez'd from their Subjects by Fire and Sword With an Overplus of as many Millions as will compensat for the Losses sustain'd by their said Subjects in Houses Goods and Provision plunder'd and destroyed by my Armies 4. Item I bequeath my Kingdom to the Dolphin and the rest of the Confederated Fishes as they can agree about it 5. Lastly I bequeath my Carcase to the Sea-Hogs and my Skin to be stuffed and hung up for a Memorial on the Top of Mount Teneriff as a sign to all succeeding Generations And I appoint the Imperial Fish the Dolphin the Sea-Bull with the rest of their Friends and Allies to be the Executions of this my last will and Testament Provided always That they shall not molest me so long as I live but that there shall be a Cessation of Arms from this time till the Day of my Death After which it may and shall be lawful for them or any of them to enter and take Possession of my Kingdom and to put in Exectuion all the Particulars of this my Last Will and Testament Given at our Court at Shark-Castle c. Monsieur Gudgeon the Shark's Ambassador having thus delivered his Masters Last Will and Testament to the Prince and Lords of the Congress was order'd to withdraw whilst they consulted about an Answer There needed no great Deliberation In an Affair which they were all provided for wherefore after some time taken for Form's sake the Shark's Ambassador was call'd in again and the Speaker of the Congress told him in the Name of the Prince and States there assembled together That the Shark the said Ambassador's Master had so often broke his Word violuted his Promises and Oaths that they were all unanimously resolved never to treat with him again but to take those measures as should seem most expedient to themselves without giving him any further Account Reason or Answer Away swims poor Pilgarlick the Gudgeon with this short Reply to his Master the Shark who found himself caught in a Trap and knew no● which way to escape He flutter'd and flounc'd from one fide of his Trap to another like a Captive Mouse but all in vain for the Herrings the Whitings the Salmons the Flounders and innumerable other sorts of Fish had besieg'd him and hem'd him in resolving every one to have a touch at his old Jacket before long What the Issue was you shall hear as soon as I receive the Intelligence from Neptun's Currier Re-printed in the Year 1691.