agreeable and esteemed of all These means if managed with Artifice and discretion have a certain occult power to move and dispose the mind to give faith and credit to him who serves himself of them I have said discretion because we may sometimes meet with persons of that nature though they are very rare at Court which are at such a distance from that ordinary vanity that they look with too much suspition and distrust on this kind of procedure For this reason with such persons as are free from affectation we must venture upon such complements onely in such occasions where custom renders them necessary or at least when we are moved to it in the pursuit of our discourse or affairs testifying in us rather the constancy and firm resolution of our inclinations then the violence of a vehement affection which may be suspected either of inconstancy flattery or design In the answers that we make to such Complements let us govern our selves with the same measure and temperament but particularly in our answer to the acknowledgements of obligations or benefits received from us we must extenuate them without diminishing them more then is convenient which some as vainly as imprudently do because that lessening them too much as by saying that they are but such common Courtesies as we shew to any other we accuse the judgement of him who is pleased to set another value upon them and who believes he has a pledge of our good will more then Common which we diminish in diminishing the benefit and by this means we debase him who thinks himself numbered amongst our friends equal with those who are not For this reason though indeed it was our duty alone which moved us to do him this pleasure we may show as if a particular affection contributed something provided it be always done without vanity This is all that I shall say in general of these kind of affairs which if practised with prudence serve very much to gain us credit and esteem whereas on the contrary If they be not accompanied with discretion become ridiculous and being omitted attend those who expect them of us After I have spoken so largely of Complaisance and the several parts and kinds of it in the next place I think convenient to speak something of Conversation and the several species of it CHAP. VI. Of Conversation ALL the world must acknowledge that it is Conversation which contributes to render men sociable and makes up the greatest commerce of our life so that we may say that 't is impossible to take too much care to render our discourse pleasing and profitable Memory may furnish us with matter to maintain it but it can give us nothing but what we have treasured up before so that it is necessary that we labor to inrich it with a great number of the choicest things that it may make us restitution when we have occasion for them yet how necessary soever its succours may be it alone suffices not to make us successful in Conversation since it is required that judgement be joyned with it to regulate what we have to speak and to engage us to view with circumspection what we are obliged to observe it forbids us to speak gallantries to an old and austere Doctor and to entertain young Ladies with discourses of Geometry for though a man should speak admirably of both these things yet he would not fail to be thought very tedious to those whose humours are at enmity with such conversation so that it is not onely necessary to speak excellently of things but it is also necessary that those discourses be well timed and placed for the eyes which exceed in lustre the other parts of the face would render us monstrous if they were not placed where nature design'd them It is then necessary to observe well all the Circumstances which regard those persons to whom we speak the place where they are and the subject wherewith we entertain them for when the subject should be great and elevated we must not speak with a light and wanton air and how knowing so ere we are we may happily testifie a too great concernment to make appear our knowledge on the contrary we must give to the rest of the Company time to speak their thoughts that we may not draw upon our selves the same reproach that a Lady very pleasantly made to one of her friends that friend who was a Gentleman doubtless of very great learning so deeply plung'd himself one day into a discourse of politicks speaking of the Conduct of Philip the second that forced the Lady I speak of to interrupt him after she had thus patiently heard him a very long time Why Sir said she to him will you be wise from morning night We ought always in our discourse to have regard to Truth as the ground of Conversation but to avoid involving my self in those great questions concerning truth I shall content my self to say that it is a conformity of our words with our thoughts without determining whether there ought to be a precise similitude of the thoughts we express to the thing we have in our mind This vertue is so extensive that it is of general profit upon which all the commerce of this life might be very solidly establish'd If men loved it so much as they are enemies to it The most flourishing nations have always had truth in a particular veneration the Persians according to Herodotus instructed their Children to speak it very exactly and endebted persons were onely held in such contempt amongst them because they presumed they were constrained to lie often when they convers'd with their Creditors we see by our own experience that our own nation show themselves such friends to Truth that they think nothing more offensive then when any gives another the lie Yet many persons Imagine that none can prosper in their designs at Court without a continual dissimulation and making a particular profession never to speak their true thoughts that errour is almost general yet a reasonable distinction may draw us out of it I confess that a man to whom one hath Intrusted a secret is obliged to be faithful and not to discover what is important to be conceal'd it is not necessary that a Courtier who aspires to some employment proclaim his pretentions or discover the means he intends to make use of since his Competitour may draw from thence an advantage to his prejudice but in the ordinary course of a mans life for what reason is he bound to lie perpetually and to make a vertue of so great a vice Can it be believed that a man who Caresses indifferently all the world and who promises all those who make any address to him to serve them without any such Intention can make himself many friends or establish himself in a reputation of being civil and obliging on the contrary though he blind them at present by such procedure it will not be long before they be disabused
affairs and conversations so our manner of procedure should change and answer the Inclinations of the Prince In the time of War we see a Prince Caress and endear his Captains and Men of War of whom in times of peace the necessity being pass'd he makes very little account and changeging his martial inclinations into those of pleasure he transfers favour and affection to the Ministers of his Content Tiberius was one under Augustus another during the life of Germanicus and Drusus another during the life of Livia his mother when he loved and feared Sejanus he very much differ'd from what he was when his fear was removed according to the saying of Passienus he never saw a better servant then Caligula in the times of Tiberius nor a worse master when he arrived to the Empire Plutarch speaking of the change of the manners of Marius and Sylla makes a doubt whether it was their fortune which changed their natures or which discovered that which was concealed before for certain respects Euripides makes one to reproach Agamemnon because of a humble man that he was and accostable before he was elected chief General of the Greeks he was now become an enemy of his friends difficult of access and had shut himself up in his house But the most great and most ordinary Imperfections of Princes come from presumption which oft times accompany power which renders them difficult to receive Counsel making them believe that as they are superiour in power to their subjects they are so also in sufficiency and some believe that they cannot submit to Laws and to reason without diminishing their authority and that when they cannot do all they would they are no longer Soveraigns and that it would be to abase themselves and to be no more then the Common people if they should regulate themselves according to that onely which is permitted to the Common multitude for whom they think that the rules of Piety Honour and Justice have been prepared and not for them If these tirannick opinions enter'd onely into Common Spirits it would be a less wonder but we have likewise seen the wisest men drunk with power for amongst all antiquity more have left better precepts of moderation then those who were call'd the seven wise men of Greece and yet in their times there were no tyrants more unjust and cruel then those who possess'd the power Now that I have spoken how we should demean our selves with our Soveraign let us see what we owe to another species of power which commonly is but too absolute upon our wills CHAP. XII Of Conversation with Ladies FRequenting of the company of Ladies acquire us that air of the world and that politeness which no Counsel nor Lecture can give us a warriour who is simply a man of War who hath never sweeten'd his manners in the entertainment of Ladies would rather make people afraid then give them any desire to seek his conversation his head is onely full of Armies and Assaults he speaks of nothing but of Sieges or of Battels and how terrible soever his discourse is I do not know whether it be not less then the savageness of his visage If this Brave a little too dreadful had enter'd into a Ladies Chamber when he was not obliged to remain in the Camp he had soon ceased to be a man of fire and sword to become sociable he would neither have spoken of Arms nor Combates and his modesty which would have shut his mouth upon his own valour would have opened a thousand others in his commendation A Doctor newly come from the University where he has been confined must needs be very troublesome in those companies which are constrained to receive him he proves all things by infallible Arguments and scarce can even forbear to interrupt every minute the discourse of the persons who speak to tell them their discourse observes not at all the forms of Sylogisms but for fear that Greek and Latine corrupt not in this sort a spirit which gives it self too absolutely to it and least these wise men appear not strangers in their own Countrey and finally that they may not see themselves constrained the second time to learn the language which their nurses speak would they not do well to visit the world sometime to render their Doctrine more humane and as Ladies are naturally enemies of all kind of rudeness it is hard that a man who frequents their company should continually resolve to offend the delicateness of their Spirit on the contrary he would accustome himself Insensibly to the desire to please them and to accommodate to the sweetness of their entertainment and of their manner of behaviour whatsoever he has offensive or disagreeable in his language or in his countenance Yet notwithstanding we must observe very strict rules in a commerce in which we have much more to fear then hope for certain it is we ought to regard the entertainment of Ladies onely as a pleasing amusement or a School of politeness a man who makes it his whole business renders himself contemptible even to those persons whom he visits with so much assiduity what is the object of his greatest cares but to choose well a Perriwig or a point of France and if he strive at higher conversation perhaps he gives well his judgement upon a Madrigal or some piece of the Stage provided always that he has heard some person speak of it before who knew how to judge of it better then himself But if it be a pitiful life to go from Chamber to Chamber without other design then to relate and hear trifles I think a passionate and conceited lover is not less ridiculous when instead of fixing himself to what decency requires in a great company he onely dreams on his particular engagement he is hardly placed according to his design but he begins to speak and fool with the Lady he loves as if he was not observed whilst the persons who compose the Assembly are continually casting their eyes upon him to find matter of laughter at his looks and countenance Also there is nothing to be seen more pleasant or extravagant then a man who having onely regard to his own thoughts and passions expresseth his joy and his sorrow at unseasonable times he laughs at a place where all the Company is serious or sorrowful he sighs or appears pensive when we hear the Company laugh from every side and see no marks but of rejoycing We must visit Ladies after another manner and with a different intention It is not only permitted us to pretend to a general esteem or to a place amongst their particular friends but I may say even that the design to render our selves beloved may produce very good effects to aspire to this advantage we must acquire all the qualities of a truly accomplish'd man we must have wit sweetness and complaisance we must be brave civil honest liberal and have something of free gallant and noble in our action and
and Translated into our own Tongue in which you may learn the Mode of France and are taught upon the Authours grounds to make of the usuage of our own nation a perpetual Rule I have here the occasion to speak of raillery as a part of affability which serves to season our discourse nature having given laughter to men as a release of those sad and melanchollique humours which usually attend us in our serious affairs There must be used in the practise of it great judgement and discretion for those who use it licentiously and on all occasions instead of being esteemed affable gain onely the names of Buffoons We must use it then with sobriety and intersperse it as a ray of light amidst the obscurity of a grave discourse in such a manner as may not detract from the dignity of the person or of the affair of which we treat for as a little water cast upon a great fire inflames it more which a greater quantity would extinguish so railery too frequent looses its grace and ruines the dignity of him who serves himself of it but intermixt and sprinkled with judgement it strangely revives and animates the fainting conversation so that we ought to use it as delicious sawce and not as food least in lieu of giving us pleasure by its agreeable relish it cause satiety and disgust The quality of this raillery ought to be innocent and in no part odious that is to say too tart or bitter and that it turn not into mockery slander or reproach of some truth which may bring shame or a just confusion on him with whom we discourse for this instead of gaining affection commonly provokes to contempt disdain or enmity and creates particularly in great men a long if not an immortal resentment and though it seem our due to be allowed some reply to those who attack us after the same manner yet the most prudent and modest counsel we can take is to rebate the points of such words either with a grae silence or a negligent smile rather then with a biting reply hazard the loss of our friend it is a kind of acknowledging the truth of a jest to seem stung and offended at it whereas on the contrary seeming to slight it we make others believe there is nothing in it and so it passes without leaving any ill or disadvantagious impression of us in the minds of the hearers We ought also to shun such jests as are usually observed in the mouths of persons of the vilest condition and which have in them something I know not what of servile and abject and also those which arise from equivocations and words of a double intent because they are commonly foolish constrained and ill taken but above all let us beware they be not accompanied with grimaces or a Sueton. Histrionem Philosophum nihil amplius quam urbe Italiâ—que summovit vel contemptu omnis insamioe vel ne faciendo dolorem irritaret ingenia disagreeable gestures after the manner of Players Mimicks and Buffoons I have known some gentlemen who have not wanted either wit goodness or good nature yet by their disagreeable meens and manner of expression even of what in it self has been innocent enough have unhappily gained as many enemies as new acquaintance Whensoever we have an occasion to make a facetious repartie it must not seem affected or premediated but as if it were born without pain or thought We must also avoid those which tend to our own praise or advantage or which verge upon pride or presumption nor ought our raillery bite so sharply as to engage the enmity or hate of another this would be too dear a purchase of a light and shameful satisfaction It behoves us no less to be cautious in reproaching another for the same thing for which we stand reproachable nor ought we to scoff at the miserable and unhappy as being a thing too cruel and barbarous nor at our friends or Parents as a thing unnatural full of malignity and inhumanity In short he who gives himself liberty to jest or rally must do it with great consideration of the quality of the Person place time and other Circumstances As to the several sorts of jests the number is great and various some consist in a rencounter of words which is now accounted the lowest kind others in the conception and Intent of him who speaks and some in a certain manner of answering as when we answer what is least expected from us or when we reply coldly and without emotion to a demand made with a pressing ardure and Impatience of which several kinds though I could bring many examples of the Ancients and of witty men of this age yet because they are better learned by practice and conversation I shall here omit them they being also for the most cold in the recital if the words be not animated with the grace wherewith they were at first pronounced Complements also make a part of affability we call a Complement a short expression of love a declaration or demonstration of honour and of obligation to those whom we desire to induce to a confidence and assurance that they are beloved with an extraordinary and reciprocal affection These kind of Offices as all other have their means and extremities so that to observe a mediocrity it is necessary to enter into a consideration of circumstances as of the person place time thing and of the cause because another manner of speaking is requisite to a person of an illustrious rank then to our equals or inferiours so one manner of speaking is required when 't is onely to express our good will an other when it is to manifest our obligations and respects But we ought especially to take heed that we suffer not our selves to be transported with beautiful words least we engage our selves in terms from the purpose or in replies undecent or too far constrained so amongst persons which are our familiars we must use common terms and expessions not researched or too affected briefly we ought to take care that the tongue and judgement walk together accompayning our discourse with such gestures countenances and actions as are expressive of the same will and affections giving to know in short the causes which induce us to love and honour and to think our selves obliged Amongst which we must choose such as are most proper to the subject and such as are least remote or best known to him to whom we address our Complement And if we have any pledge of his amity either from some good Office we have received from him or from expressions of his readiness to serve us we must oft show our remembrance of it attributing all to his nature full of affection and courtesie to which he will give so much more credit by how much every one is apt to be deceived with the love of himself and too easily to perswade himself that others believe he possesses those qualities which render him