Selected quad for the lemma: friend_n
Text snippets containing the quad
|
ID |
Title |
Author |
Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) |
STC |
Words |
Pages |
|
B08961
|
Reflections on Mr. Dunton's leaving his wife. In a letter to himself.
|
Dunton, John, 1659-1733.
|
1700
(1700)
|
Wing D2632B; ESTC R223175
|
5,167
|
5
|
Conclusion as spar'd the trouble of a further Answer than that her Mother had made her take a Wicked Oath and she held her self bound to keep it You might well Divine what a Reception you was like to meet with yet 't was Generously done to go your self and own to their Faces your real sense of their Behaviour and what it had forc'd you to resolve upon since they had neither by Words nor Actions given you the least Temptation to Trespass upon your Friends for their sakes and as you were treated with Passion on their side what need of Apology Sure if ever there 's occasion for it 't is when all the Laws of Conjugal Affection are broke and by the Instigation of a Mother that had hier'd her Daughter with deceitful Promises to ahandon her Husband's Interest And who it is that governs the Mother may be guest at by her Actions To have made a plausible Excuse for denying a Kindness of that Necessity to one so nearly related had been inhumane enough but such a Violent Asseveration of being Torn Limb from Limb rather then to assist you that had Marry'd her Danghter and to whom she was indebted by Promise at her Death a far greater sum this Uncharitable Mind to say the least of it plainly shews whose she is and whom she serves and who has blinded her to all that was capable of moving her to any thing that would be thought humane And however they may represent your Passion the Christian and Charitable Leave you took of 'em speaks you free from all Rancour and Malice and whatever Passion you shew'd it must proceed from a Violent Transport to reform their Errours which they were so tenacious of notwithstanding they look'd so Monstrous in your Eyes Especially your Wife's Crime was much greater than her Mothers whose Influence and Authority can no way excuse her for had her Design in Marrying you been only for a Ioynture which is plain enough yet who would reject the Opportunity of Living happy till her Ioynture falls which you offer her upon such easie terms And how ridiculous she makes her self in the Condition she chuses and prefers before a Cohabitation with her Husband and all for the sake of a Ioynture that would not be much hurt by what you Propose and perhaps may never fall to her But you have done the part of a good and true Christian by studying all you could to live Peaceably even with those that were Enemies to Peace and couragiously resoved to run through all Difficulties with a steady Mind And could you have dispenced with the Paying of your Debts your Proposals had never come to raise such a Storm But 't is a most Stupendious Wickedness as your Wife and Mother thinks honestly to seek the means of Paying ones Debts Their carriage in this occasion might incline one to think could you have brought 'em such a Sum by never so Unjust or Unlawful Means it would not have disturb'd their Quiet For 't is the same thing to keep ones Money Vnjustly as to get it so And truly Sir as I desire to maintain an inviolable Friendship with you to the end of my Life I am in no danger of losing it upon the account of blaming you for Publishing your Case You say well you have tried all other ways This may do some good when well apply'd to 'em by that Reverend Divine to whom you have sent it he being a Person they respect and if it succeed you promise to suppress the further Publishing of it If not the World must know a great deal more of their Life and Actions for why should you be felo-de-se upon your own Reputation to save a Phantom For I believe they have None to lose nor have not had a great while And now I cann't for bear remembering you what a high Esteem you ever had of Wedlock that I cou'd never sway you to my Opinion of it which you look'd upon as a kind of Cowardise in me but I assure you the World is now aware of Widows that love Money tho' perhaps it is not come to the knowledge of such honest well meaning Men as your self that suspects no more deceit in others than you find in your own Breast But now you see what work they make with such a one when in their Power But there are but few of those and they may set their Snares long enough ere they get any other and it won't be long before the World will be over-stock'd with Rich Widows Sir I heartily wish a speedy end of your Trouble and as of all Men you deserve a good Wife because you know how to Value her so since it is your Fortune I hope you will find the way of making the best use of a Bad One. But as you well observe had you the best cause in the World you must expect that Men of a narrow Soul will be raising of Lyes and saying that which when you appear they 'll be asham'd to own All Men adore the Rising Sun but few have any great respect for his Setting except in your Case which is so Just and Honourable that there 's good Reason to doubt the Honesty of that Man that does not become your Friend whatever he might be before upon reading your Case If any are your Enemies 't will be only those whom you have obliged beyond any possibility of Requital As to those you have been so often bound for or for their Relations which is the same thing the very stones in the Streets wou'd cry Shame on 'em shou'd they speak against you But 't is well known they are Persons of a more Noble Temper then to act such a mean part neither is there any possibility they shou'd For that part of your Case relating to Mr. John White tho' but briefly hinted in your Letter to Mr. Larkin is largely proved in the Letter you afterwards sent to his Widow which Letter I have seen and were it Printed it wou'd convince the World as it did me that you have said too little and been very kind upon that Head Thus have I sent you my Thoughts on your Printed Case But this Solemn time of Devotion took up so much of it I had very little to spare for these Reflections But because I look'd upon it as a Work of Charity I did make bold to borrow more then I wou'd have done on any ordinary occasion and I think I have said something to every Point at least the most Considerable How Serviceable it may prove I know not nor what to wish for you I pity you which way soever it happens I see no pleasant Prospect on either side unless they can muster up some good Qualities for which you can find in your heart to dote upon 'em for I am sure they have Bad Ones enough to vex your Patience And were it Lawful to part from a Wife for any cause except Adultery or fear of ones Life and in such a Covetous Woman that loves only her Ioynture there is some cause for that suspicion otherwise I know not how lawful it is but cou'd I satsifie my Conscience of that Obligation I shou'd far prefer any shift I cou'd make of paying my Debts before living with her Pray God Grant you Patience if that must be your Lot and direct you for the best Be so kind to let me know your success for I Impatiently wait the Issue I cann't be Unconcern'd in what so nearly relates to your Repose who am Your Faithful Friend And Humble Servant
REFLECTIONS on Mr. DVNTON's Leaving his WIFE In a Letter to Himself SIR I Received your Letter with your Printed Case inclos'd I am heartily sorry you should have so sad a Case to impart were it only to your Friends but to be necessitated to make the World your Judges and thereby furnish matter for the Insults of your Enemies is the Excess of Vnhappiness Tho' I dare avouch upon a fair Examination of your Case for your gaining to your side the greatest Party as rashly as the World is apt to Judge They must needs condemn such a Senseless Obstinacy as your Wife shews All her deep Policy in adhering to her Mother against her Husband is but the heighth of Extravagance She values Riches and fears Poverty so much that she Embraces the readiest way to procure what she Fears and never to enjoy what she Prizes she builds her Fortune upon her Husbands Ruin and sees not how heavy it falls upon her self This she may be sensible of when 't is past Remedy which will be the more Deplorable as it might have been so easily prevented But no Woman that had Lov'd her Husband at half the rate she pretends would have ever slipt such an opportunity of kindly obliging a Man of so Grateful a Temper that he Studies to requite the least Courtesie from meer Strangers but would make it the business of his whole Life to requite a Kindness that came kindly from his Wife Your Proposals were so open fair and candid after the Charitable Arts you us'd to change her Carriage hoping to have caught her with Guile 2 Cor. 12. 16. that 't is the greatest Wonder to see a Design so well laid so perversly lost nor had it been possible had you been to deal with People of Common Sense But what Treatment must an Honest Sober Man expect at the hands of a meer Woman that has not Wit enough to distinguish a Husband's Necessities from his Extravagance and thinks it Wisdom to tie the hands of a Husband tho' t is to the Ruin of his Credit and her own The Methods us'd by you were so Wise and Cautious there 's nothing left for Excuse on their parts Mr. Larkin Acted like a Friend-between you both and gave 'em a fair Occasion to see and consider the Mischiefs they were like to be involv'd in and must inevitably fall upon themselves for the sinking of a Husband's Credit seldom brings much Honour to a Wife But be she as indifferent as she Pleases to that Point a little thinking might awaken her Fears least these ways of proceeding may prove the means of forcing you to such Measures for Paying your Debts which in the end may prove of no great Advantage to her with respect to meer Interest seting aside those of preserving Peace and Charity nay the Shame of the World and Speech of People which perhaps she better understands unless with the help of her Mother she thinks to bring the World to her side by those Objections with which they satisfie themselves but 't is plain there 's nothing in 'em t is only a pretence to save their Bags For if there 's no possibility of proving you a Vicious Man what cause is there of saying there will be no end of paying your Debts But if they will not Trust Providence but will have you give over your Trade for for fear of losing by it you offer 'em fair let 'em put you in a way of Living without it and use you like a Friend and you 'll soon take off all Objections they shall bring against you And as you have not spared your self but made the World acquainted with what they pretended to object against you so you do very well to justifie your fair dealing as in your Reflections you make it appear that you gave 'em full satisfaction of the whole Circumstance of your Fortune which obliges them to a Performance of what ever was Promis'd on the other part both in Honour and Conscience if they have either But some Passages in their Conduct make 'em both a little doubtful As to your Wife what Honour is in prefering her Mothers Bags before the Credit and Quiet of her Husband And as little Conscience in Swearing before her Marriage she would never suffer her Husband to take up a Peny upon her Jointure in case of the greatest Necessity quiet opposite to a Vow she was going so Solemnly to make in the presence of God and this by her Mothers Command which shews they are both of a Stamp She might as well have made her Swear to hate her Husband and do him all the Mischief she could it would have been as Lawful and as consistent with her Matrimonial Vow But that which gives the Sanction to this Oath and inspires her with a Zeal to Burn rather than Violate her Vow is that her Mother will not give her a Farthing if she does Thus you see Money is the God they love and honour and deny themselves Credit and Reputation Peace and Quietness and all Earthly Comforts for the sake of this Idol It had been but just and fair to have told you what Religion she was of that you might have chose whether you would have Married an Idolater with which I am certain had you known it you would never have ventured to contaminate your self and Posterity there 's little Honour in deceiving a Husband Therefore both in Conscience and Honour she was bound to have acquainted you with what her Mother made her Swear that so you might have secured your self of some means to be Just pay your Debts But that 's the least of her Care for if she owns that you and she are all one and yet denies her assistance to pay your Debts it plainly shews she would not pay 'em if they were soley hers and none of yours I cann't blame you for not desiring Increase from such a Stock unless you can mend it there 's small Comfort in having Children Nursed up in Rebelion Wickedness were that all But you have another Reason more prevalent with you very much becoming a Just and Honest Man which makes you content to leave neither Heir nor Estate behind you and suffer any thing rather then do the least Injustice or that any one should suffer upon your account This is a Vertue so out of their way they cann't in the least comprehend it nor truly Act any thing else that is at all allyed to Vertue and this is sufficiently seen in their unanimously rejecting such Condescending Proposals as those you made 'em and shews the strength of all Combinations of Wickedness that can prevail to the making a sacrifice of their True Interest and Happyness to their Senseless and Obstinate Passions otherwise the Letter you sent her by Mr. Larkin would have made some impression upon a Wife that had the least Spark of Love to her Husband or Sense of her Duty But she had so far imbib'd her Mother's Principles of holding the