hearken all ye wiues or maidens that may bee wiues especiallie you that feare the Lord and doe take his word to be your guide Necessarie things to be knovvne for the quiet of maried persons if you doe desire the happie life of Matrimonie behold your condition know your place and station and who hath subiected you If will and desire be taken from you touching rule and gouernment what is left you to vse of your owne authoritie If therefore you will contend at law about superioritie you are bid lay down your interest for God hath disposed it vnto your husbands not so much as to desire any thing or doe any thing as of your selues but is made tributarie vnto your husbands The shrewde wife saith this is hard And from hence I take it it came Prou. 19.13 Contention properly ascribed to the vvife by Salomon that Salomon spake so much and that so bitterly about the contentions of the wife calling them as by a proper name the Contentions of the wife and her the contentious person if there be any strife betweene her and her husband Who although he spake of diuers wicked men and of diuers imperfections of men yet neuer speaking of the husband doth hee call it the husbands contention but the contention of the wife Prou. 27.15 comparing her and her contentions to the dropping of an house or gutter noting therby the poore husbands misery that is so matched with a contentious wife The poore husbands miserie as if he stoode continually vnder the dropping of an house as also noting her dishonour thereby where he saith that Hee which hideth her or would seeme to couer such infirmities hideth the winde Vers 16. that is is like him that would goe about that that were impossible and shee is saith he as the oyle in his right hand that vttereth it selfe Vers 16. which cannot bee concealed though hee would neuer so faine Heare the verie text Pro. 27.15.16 A continuall dropping in the day of raine and a contentious woman are alike Hee that hideth her hideth the wind and she is as the oyle in his right hand that vttereth it selfe In another place thus hee hath it A foolish sonne Prou. 19.13 is the calamitie of the father and the contentions of the wife are like a continuall dropping c. To this you will obiect and Obiect 1 say May not the wife contend for lawfull and good things May the wife doe nothing but the husband may denie her To these two questions thus I answere Answ I cal them two because they are diuers and distinct First vndoubtedlie The vvife may not contend by any meanes VVhat contending is she must not contend no not for good things that is vnderstanding by contending that brawling bickering and vexing disposition whereby as it were shee will seeme to wrestell and wage warre for that which is wanting through which either she constraineth his patience offendeth his loue breaketh quiet peace or resisteth his authoritie Admit you will say it bee for most necessarie duties as for good gouernmēt in the family for prayer to bee performed for restraint of euill exercises or entertainement of godly friends may shee not striue for these things I answere The wife may vse perswasion but not contention for these she may intreate for these shee may wisely speake and counsell for the reformation of these amisse shee may moue friends to perswade but to fall out to braule to lower to be sullen and fret or which is a degree worse as it is a note aboue Ela to scold and speake presumptuouslie A note aboue Ela. this is beyond her place it is intolerable contention The contrarie to which is contained vnder those wordes of the virtuous wiues expressed dutie Prou. 31.26 She openeth her mouth with wisedome and the Law of grace is in her tongue To open her mouth with wisedome is not to braule but to intreate her husband for things amisse to be redressed and how contrarie is scolding contentious words to the Law of grace But you will say what if all Obiect 2 this preuaile not may she not yet contend for answere I say Answ Admit the case to be betweene thee and thy Prince For reformation or otherwise in withholding right wilt thou trie him by vnquietnes in words or deedes beware of that Eccles 8.3 saith Salomon For he will doe euen what hee list I know the conditions are very diuers and vnequall in their different degrees yet this may be drawne out of the comparison that as there is no striuing with a Prince because of his power so there is or should be no contending with the husband for whatsoeuer cause because of that absolute soueraigntie which is in his hand hee will doe whatsoeuer hee list lawfull honest and indifferent and shee cannot hinder him So that looke how vaine a thing it is for one to striue with another that is bound hand and foote and cannot wagge a finger so vaine a thing it is for the wife who for euery thing must depend vpon her husbands will to striue and wrestle with him If therefore the things which are to bee obtained or redressed bee to bee done by him and cannot be done by her The vvife discharged by informing rather then by reforming the burthen being his and not hers she hauing done her dutie by intreatie she is discharged and he standeth guiltie he being King Priest and Prophet in his house he shall answere for it 2. Quest The other question viz. whether the wife may doe nothing but the husband may denie her must be thus considered If they be partely of the aforesaid nature things indifferent he may forbid her or things good and lawfull being extraordinarie and not common duties of religion and Gods seruice hee may restraine her but he doth euill it may bee in it which is not the question My reason of which restraint or authoritie is this Numb 30.9 where Moses saith that if a woman shall vow a vow vnto God if her husband disallow her the same in the day that hee heareth it hee shall make her vow that she hath pronounced with her lippes of no effect As touching common ordinarie duties and partes of Gods holy seruice as the hearing of his Word Prayer Sacraments such like or shall command her things vnlawfull or vncomely she is not bound to obey herein neither can he restraine her or if hee shall do it by violēce she is excused as one violently hindred from her dutie and he shall beare the sinne neither may the hazard of his displeasure wrath or offence The vvife must do some duties with hazard of her husbands displeasure be any iust excuse if violently she be not hindred touching the duties of Gods seruice which with patience she is to beare and submit her selfe vnto But in any case shee must not contend for any cause or matter The
is not so honoured as he should or might Godly householders may haue perfect gouernment yet is it free to godly housholders to enioy this gouernment for how should God want his orderly worship morning euening week-daies Lords daies blessiâ—g and praysing him with ioy and comelines in a priuate familie and in the time of the Gospell or how should there want lawes ordinances Euery godly familie and well ordered should haue penall lawes for sinne Gen. 21.9 Gen. 37.41 and statutes against profaning the Lords day swearing drunkennesse lying euill speaking quarrelling standring vnchaste speaking either for Ishmaels scoffing or Esaus threatning where the Gouernors haue the authoritie to hold the sterne and command for God except they want care and zeale for Gods causes The chief cause why families doe abound in sinne or hatred against sinne and regard onely to be serued themselues and not how God is serued worshipped or obeyed In all which consideration what a foundation of eternall happines is there laide where there is such an holy religious care to plant vertue and supplant vice to know the Lord and to haue him serued aright 1. Cor. 7.22 whose seruice is freedome and whatsoeuer freedome besides is but bondage vnto Satan Note this Verily it is a great burthen which gouernours of families doe beare and their account is great their families should be churches wherein God should be hallowed serued and daily honoured yea they should take care that not only they themselues feare God which yet is the least care of too many but their seruants also that not onely they themselues be not swearers or excessiue persons but not any of their seruants bee knowne to be such A worthie president whereof is to be found in Dauids rule Psalm 101. Psalm 101. which for his houshold gouerment hee proposed vnto himselfe vowing vnto God not onelie himselfe to walke in the midst of his house that is before all his familie with an vpright heart but that slanderers lyars A singular presideÌ„t for householders scorners and such deceitfull persons should not dwell in his house yea hee would purge his house betimes as one of the first workes that he would take in hand to thrust out all the workers of iniquitie from the citie of the Lord. And then whom would he plant about him euen such as were nere Cornelius Act. 10.7 Psalm 101.6 such as feared God euen as Dauid calleth them the faithfull of the land they should dwell with him who so walked in a perfect way hee should serue him A worthie commendation it was vnto that Roman Captaine that he feared God with all his household that is he kept none that outwardly submitted not himselfe vnto the comely order of his familie none that was to be attainted with opeÌ„ crimes such as the most mens seruants are and especially Gentlemen and great personages In greatest houses most disorder as iâ— they had bidden battaile and defiance vnto religion and religious order retaining in stead thereof and maintaining withall all ruffian and swaggering persons wanton and beastly swine such as may loathe an honest minde to come in companie withall such families are not Churches but styes for swine not congregations of Saints but kennels for snarling dogges yea euen very helhounds for any manner nourture or true godlines that is to bee found amongst them What will these doe when they shall come to account vnto God for their families Account for families which we thinke not of or doe they not beleeue that they shall account for them They that know any thing as they should know by the rule of Gods word doe account it a great burthen to take charge of a flocke and to be Pastor of a Church and is not a familie then a great charge that is called a Church Wee will say in an English prouerbe A prouerb that there belongeth more to a marriage then two payre of bare legges so we say further that there belongeth more to a family then Gouernors seruants household stuffe and prouision there must be lawes and discipline order and instruction a watchman and ouerseers that all may walke vpright that God being serued hee may serue vs and his name being daily blessed he may blesse vs againe and powre a blessing vpon our labours which wee take in hand Herehence then my worthie and worshipfull friends let mee deduce for your vse and remembrance these few and ioynt duties to you and your blessed yokefellow to practise towards the Lord. Remember the words of Dauid before rehearsed how timely hee would take in hand the religious ordering planting of his house Forget not the words of our Sauiour Christ who counselleth you and all that regard him for their Lord and Sauiour first Matth. 6.33 to seeke the kingdome of heauen and the righteousnes thereof and then as it were without your care all other things should bee ministred vnto you Let your gouernment and house first entertaine Christ Iesus who neuer commeth emptie handed Christ neuer commeth emptie handed Prou. 8.18 but furnished with all grace and riches euen durable riches as Salomon calleth it that is the knowledge the seruice and the true care of religious duties Let God be aboue all things honoured in and of your selues for example sake yea for conscience sake then of al and euery seruant men and maides the chiefest the basest see that they bee not profane persons as Esau was Heb. 12.16 who for a messe of pottage sold his birth-right that is such as more esteeme a messe of pottage or a vaine toy then the feare of the Lord or to be taught any goodnes or reproued to leaue any euill Keepe not that seruant who being attainted with any the aforesaid crimes of swearing vncleannes Mat. 18.15.16 drunkennes or riot and shall bee admonished and conuicted thereof according vnto due order of reproouing which leaueth not his sinne and feareth not to sinne through contempt of order That God who commanded Abraham to cast out Ismael for his scoffing at Isaac Gen. 21. commandeth you and all Masters to cast out the broode of Ismael that is all contemners and resisters of religion 1. Cor. 5.6.7 They are the leauen yea the very bane and poyson let me speake yet a little further a most grieuous plague and leaprosie vnto any godly and honest familie Euill seruants are euer more offensiue vnto the godlie Such doe not onely vexe the godly if any be in it but keepe away the godly that would come vnto it Let not therefore your family want necessarie Lawes and penalties for offenders whereby you may represse sinne and be the meanes if not of sauing such as otherwise would perish in sinne and ignorance of God yet at the least of lessening their torments in hel by restraining the measure of their sinne according to which shall euery soule be tormented For want of godly discipline how do serants euen
honor of Headship to alter order and direct as in wisedome hee seeth cause which glorie must still shine in his face as he liueth in his familie and not in hers in his presence he must still be seene to bee the head and husband and shee may not beare it which were most vncomely yea her very shame and dishonour if shee waigh it rightlie Now contrarie to all this one euil sicknes I haue obserued in the experience of my daies An euill obserued amongst men and their wiues to speake according to the phrase of Salomon which I find not the offenders therein carefully to preuent though it be the confusion of mariage happines namely where the husband and the wife are at oddes which of them shall first begin to performe their duty that is A law point betweene man and wife whether the husbands loue bee the foundation of the wiues obedience or the wiues obedience of the husbands loue The wife will say Let mine husband loue me as he should and I will obey him as I ought The busband he saith Let her doe her dutie and I will loue and maintaine her Thus they stand at staues end both of them agreeing in generall that ioynt dutie is to be performed of both but neither at agreement which shall begin Surely as in all duties the Apostles counsell is Rom. 12.10 that in giuing honour one should goe before another that is euery member should striue to giue each other the chiefest honour a note of true loue and singular humilitie so could I wish that it might neuer grow to question of law betweene man and wife whose is the dutie for foundation to begin the worke of household gouernment but for them rather to striue VVhat should be not vvhat is who should bee most carefull of each others good The husband in needfull seruice should not neede to say Good wife helpe me herein I meane in things euident vnto her but the wife should preuent him with Good husband let me doe it for you Neither the wife to say in like case I pray husband doe this for me but hee rather to take care to preuent her desire 1. Cor. 7.23.24 Else what meaneth the Apostle by those words which of this estate hee vttereth The wife careth for the things of the world how she may please her husband And againe The husband careth for the things of this world how hee may please his wife Thus they should not striue vnlesse it were to giue honour as was said and to doe seruice and by loue to preuent each other in that which loue should further one another in to the benefit of the whole and honour of the Lord. And surely where true loue raigneth indeede and not a counterfeit shew of loue or where in faithfull loue either of them are truely carefull of each others good they shall not neede to sue each other at the law for their right or complaine they haue wrong but as Abraham said to Lot Gen. 13.8.9 Let there bee no strife I pray thee betweene thee and me c. But if thou wilt take the left hand then I will goe to the right or if thou wilt goe to the right I will take the left so quietly would they compound nay make no question thereof But if there bee such The remedie of the foresaid euill sicknes as cannot end this controuersie without the Law as no question there bee of both vnreasonable men and women men that will rule like Lamech tyrannouslie and women that will liue contentiouslie to whom the wiues will say If my husband will loue me I will obey him and such men say If my wife will serue me I wil be beneuolent then this I must say A doome against the wife that contendeth The wrong and burthen will light vpon the womans backe By wrong I meane not iniustice but as we say in our prouerbe the wrong end of the staffe will be her parte that is it is in vaine in this case for the wife to striue with the husband which is the weaker with the stronger the horse pardon mee good wiues to vse so base a similitude the horse I say with him that hath the bridle and is able to sit fast Concerning which point if women will bring their case to the Law of Gods word which either must rule them here or else will rule and iudge them most fearefully elsewhere they shall finde Reasons vvhy the husband ought to be superiour and the vvife to obey first 1. Tim. 2.13 first the man to haue the prerogatiue by these circumstances 1. By being called the head she the bodie 2. The man to be first created and so perfect touching creation without her though in regard of fellowship and procreation as the Apostle saith Neither is the man without the woman nor the woman without the man in the Lord and therefore hee saith that the man was not made for the woman but the woman for the man The punishment of Adam and Eue for sinne 3. As the woman being the weaker vessell was deceiued by the diuell and so deceiued man so God calling them both before his iudgement seate arraigned Gen. 3. accused and condemned both of them for their fault and sinne Vers 17. The man for his loosenes of gouernment in obeying his wife was condemned not to lose his gouernment but to labour and paine to trauaile with paine for foode and maintenance The woman besides her peculiar paines ioyned with his generall 1. Tim. 2.15 wherein yet being patient shee serueth God as an excellent instrument and handmaide to store and fulfill his kingdome I say besides these ioynt or peculiar paines as to the principall instrumentall cause of Adams miserie for that she did that which Satan otherwise could not haue done without her the Lord ouer and aboue condemneth her for tribute of all obedience to her husband The vviues tribute to the husband Vers 16. saying Thy desire shall bee subiect to thine husband and hee shall rule ouer thee which words being so plaine and euident need no exposition in the world neither neede I to confirme it with many testimonies which abound in the Scriptures to this effect and purpose The sentence must needes be iust and good vvhen God is the Iudge So that the Lord not man decideth this controuersie and subiecteth the wife both in desire and will vnto her husband telling them who shall begin who shall lay the foundation and how the worke and building shall arise thereon Thus and thus saith God it shall be both desire to haue euen desire of good things and of all things and will or power to doe or vndertake ought both these saith God shall bee subiect to thine husband and hee shall rule ouer thee Hearken now my deere friend here vnto the iudgement of the Lord though I trust I shall haue little cause to speake peculiarlie vnto you yea to auoide offence
to enforce the euill of contention by discouering the cause and fault therof that by wisdome it may be preueÌ„ted or with speed remoued which being absolutelie I meane the fault of contending in the wife she must of necessitie take care to remoue it or beare the blame thereof Neither yet is it a vile estate whereunto the wife is thus subiected as partly hath bin shewed though her will and desire bee both captiued neither yet the â—ight way for her to relieue her selfe if the burthen be too heauie to contend for ease For as the husband may lawfully if he will impart his authoritie with his wife which who so doth not is not wise if his wife bee virtuous and fit to vse it so yet it behooueth her to take the best course to obtaine and winne it Now contending as hath been proued is absolutely denied her what then may compasse it Surely her subiection shall get her gouernment True subiection the right vvay to rule and her obedience rule the more subiect the greater power shall shee obtaine and the more humble in her obedieÌ„ce the more libertie shall she win If therefore there were not an euill spirit a corrupt nature to blind the wife rather with the wind to contend by force for her will then patiently with the sunne to gaine it by virtue and diligence they might much more preuaile for rule and gouernment then by the warre of contention Contention consumeth loue which consumeth loue I will giue that by intreatie which by constraint I will not and remit a debt Matth. 18.26 if the debter craue patience whereas if he be insolent he may rot in prison for it why then do not wiues consider this that virtue rather then violence submission then contention refusing then vsurping patience then stubbornnes will more preuaile for peace in their fellowship and libertie to their will then al their crossing inuentions can euince and conquere But what if no grace or virtue will preuaile to whom then are they subiect if the husband be vnreasonable is it vnto man or vnto God I say vnto God The threefold pledge 1. To loue 2. To cherish 3. To obey and vnto his ordinance to whom shee sweareth obedience in the mariage knot Now out of all this deare friend I shall neede no great exhortation vnto you to imbrace this wisedome seeing the course I prescribe is not onely the euidence of the word of God but in all sense and reason both the easiest the faithfullest and most honorable for the wife yea of both good and bad it is most commendable except some rare woman for wickednes that excelleth other For was there euer commendation giuen to Sarah aboue her obedience of whom the holie Ghost saith 1. Pet. 3.6 That shee obeyed her husband and called him Lord whose meeke and quiete spirit opposed to the contentious spirit the Apostle saith Vers 4. is a thing much set by of God Whose daughters saith hee againe yee are whiles yee do well Vers 6. not being affraid with any terror Or is there a more odious reproch vnto a wife whoredome set aside which dissolues the knot how much more then when whoredome and contention are met in one I say is there a more shamefull reproch vnto the wife then to bee Salomons contentious woman of whom wee spake before Prou. 6.33 there can be no greater that euerlasting blot excepted for that it ouerthroweth the virtue of the wife prooueth her to haue neither meeke nor quiet spirit but froward insolent and contentious Which meeknes quietnes if it be as the Apostle auouched a thing of God so much set by then needes must frowardnes and contention bee vnto him most detestable and so consequently that which is so odious to God and so offensiue to man as to stand vnder the dropping of a gutter must needes be a diuellish nature and a reprochfull qualitie Prou. 12.4 But saith Salomon the virtuous wife is a crowne to her husband shee will doe him good and not euill Prou. 31.12 and that not a day or twaine but in an vnwearied course all the daies of her life giue her therefore the fruit of her hands and let her owne workes praise her in the gates Now in all the subiection that I haue spoken of in the wife I haue meant no seruil subiectioÌ„ or dutie but dutie with a kind of equalitie and equalitie with reuerence For the dutie Obedience according to degree or word of obedience is very large and generall and must bee considered according to his degree There is the seruants dutie the sons dutie and the wiues dutie The sonnes differeth from the seruants dutie because the seruant abideth not in the house for euer whereas the sonne being heire shall inherit and abide His obedience is with loue the seruants with feare The wiues dutie or obedience also differeth from the sonnes and is by degree more excellent in that it is graced and seasoned with a kind of equalitie being fellow heires as Peter saith or heires together of the grace of God 1. Pet. 3.7 to whoÌ„ the holy Ghost there commandeth honour as to the weaker vessell that is by honour hee meaneth tender regard as not to prouoke or discourage but as a vessell so profitable for vse and as the weaker vessell so with wisedome to be gouerned And this putteth a difference also and exceedeth the sonnes obedience in boldnes in kindnes and in equalitie 1. Cor. 7.4 The husband saith the Apostle hath not power ouer himself but the wife so then the wise hath that interest in and ouer the husband the faithfull and dutifull wife I meane which neither the seruant nor son can require nor the husband impart with any other Hitherto you will say I haue wholly as it were intreated of the dutie of the wife And you will further say I haue laid loade vpon their shoulders who are the weaker vessels longing it may be to heare the dutie of the husband in like sort set forth to see what bonds he is to bee tied withall in his conuersation to his wife It is true that the further our duties are discouered vnto vs the more grieuous and tedious it doth seeme vnto vs each delighting to heare rather the others dutie then their owne and proper dutie the husband is pleased when the wiues dutie is extended to the vttermost and the wife likewise when the husbands is enlarged Jt is a good token of a good spirit to delight in the â—earing of our ovvne duties especially but this is no good signe either of a good husband or a virtuous wife The better husband the more hee delighteth to see and vnderstand both the properties of the good husband that hee may the better follow them and the qualities of the bad husband that he may auoid them The good wife likewise hath her eyes bent to the things that may be excellent that her obedience may bee perfect