and I cannot wait on you but I hope you 'll be so kind to Command my House however Betty see the Gentleman has every thing that 's fit to make him welcome Come Girls come here 's no business for you therefore leave the Lovers to themselves come Flo. Sir be pleas'd to leave us here and we 'll wait upon you in a moment Sir Tho. To what end forsooth Flo. Sir we have some reasons to suspect this Gentleman's pretensions to Betty and before we leave him alone with her my Cousin and I will enquire if you please a little more into the Truth Sir Tho. Humph You enquire What What would you enquire ha What wou'd you enquire What a mighty concern you have for every Morsel that goes by your own Mouth You enquire You have such an Itch to know how matters stand towards Matrimony you are for examining every body how 't is with them Pray walk in Pray do You enquire Ex Manent Bett. and Wood. Wood. Harkee Damsel you that can tell now the Coast is clear Pray let me know what 's my business here and and how am I to be employ'd to Night Bett. What your Business will be Sir I can only guess but mine is to light you to a good Bed and clean Lumen a Bed-fellow I can't promise you but shou'd you happen to find one you like I hope you 'll remember your Benefactor Wood. Aside Well hinted that I will and to assure thee I 'll keep my word there 's earnest for thee But may not I guess who this may be Bet. That you may Sir and be deceiv'd But if you hit the Nail on the Head I must not tell you Wood. Come thou shalt tell me and tell me against thy Will I 'll â—orce thee to 't Offers her Money Bett. I must not indeed Sir but if you 'll follow me I will endeavour to carry you where you shall inform your self Wood. Wilt thou that 's better still Sure at the last we shall this Clew unwind At least the Ball if not the Bottom find Exeunt ACT III. SCENE I. Enter Friendly and Robin Servant Friend I Wish I cou'd guess where my Friend is If we were in London I shou'd believe some Petticoat Companion had pick't him up but here 's no Traders and for any other Woman he has not had time to fit her for his use Robin bid that Country-fellow without come to me Rob. Yes Sir Exit Enter Hob. Friend Hob Can'st thou carry this Letter to Sir Thomas Testies House for me Hob. Yes Sir Friend Do so and give it to Madam Flora but take care no Body sees you deliver it Hob. Yes Sir But must I car it to Night 't is very dark Friend You must go immediately Hob. I hope Sir there 's no difference between you and Sir Thomas Friend Why do'st thou hope so Hob. Why truly Sir I do hear there is and if so I shan't greatly care to meddle or make between Friends that I must tell you for 't is but an unthankful Office besides you know Sir Thomas is a Man that 's very curst and if he do's but respect I concern my self between you may hap he may take the Law of me Friend Pish the Law of thee no no I 'll secure thee from any harm Hob. Very well Sir very well that 's as much as I can desire but pray don't take unkindly what I say for you know no Man is willing to bring himself into a primunire if he can help it Friend No no prithee be gone Hob. I will Sir I will for for Pray Sir be pleas'd to read the Subscription for me Friend 'Sdeath how I 'm tortur'd with this foolish Fellow and I can send no Body else without being suspected don't trouble thy self with the Superscription but deliver it as I bid thee Hob. Very good Sir very good 't is main dark Wou'd it not do as well Sir if I shou'd car it in the Morning I had rather carry it in the Morning Friend Why so Hob. Why truly Sir I 'll tell you At the lower end of Sir Thomas's Orchard one of our poor Neighbours being in a dispariging condition has gone and Hang'd himself Now there is some does say who have seen him how that he walks by Night in several shapes Friend What and so you 're afraid are you Hob. No indeed Sir I 'm not afraid I thank Providence I defie the Devil and all his Works Friend A Pox upon thee then get thee gone Hob. Tho' I must tell you I have a great conceit that he will appear to me for you must know to Morrow the Crowner's Quest do's sit upon him whereof de' e see I am to be one and who knows but he may have something upon â—is Spirits that may make him break his Mind to me and if so Let me tell you I 'm afraid it will make a bad Day for some Body For if Sir Thomas had kept his Fences whole may hap this Man had never been tempted to 'a gone into his Ground to 'a Hang'd himself But be it as it will I 'll do your Business for you therefore pray take you no care Sir Friend Prithee about it then Hob. Aye aye I 'll warrant you I 'll warrant you don't trouble your self no further Exeunt severally SCENE II. Room Table Book and Candle Enter Woodvill in a Night-Gown Wood. Adventures of this kind that look with the face of a Reward make Expectation great and uneasie but mine has been so often jilted since I 've been here I begin to wish it Morning that I might go home and laugh at my self for my damn'd impertinent Curiosity Yet methinks this Business shou'd not end so if this Virgin Wife or Widdow or what the Devil she is I know not that do's trick me shou'd suffer me to sleep to Night with a bare Pillow in my Arms may she have the Curse of always lying alone and never know the use of a Bedfellow Sees a Book on the Table How now what 's here a Book As I 'm a Whore-master an errant Pray'r-Book Let me see what Title do's it bear The Crums of Comfort A Plague of your Dyet Is that feeding for a Gentleman Now have I a good mind to read and be Converted fall a singing of Psalms and disturb the whole Family But that 's to mortifie my self now I think on 't I 'll e'en go to Bed and try to forget ' em Puts out the Candle and is going to Bed Enter Lady Testie in a Night-Gown Lady So now the Candles out I may with safety venture Sir Sir Wood. Ha! Who 's there Lady A Friend Wood. What wou'd you have Lady I 'm come for Satisfaction for a Wrong you 've done in coming hither to seduce my Mistress from me Wood. Your Mistress Who are you Lady A Gentleman Wood. Then good Gentleman go and fetch a Light and you shall have what you come for presently tho' the Devil take me if I 'm acquainted
shrewd point of Law and must be well handled Did he make a Will Clown No he dy'd detestable Hob. Why then they fall to the right Heir Male for look'ee d' ee see the Female can inherit no Breeches unless she can prove she wore them in her Husband's Days Clown But suppose he has no Heirs at all Hob. Why then they go to the chief Mourner and look'ee d' ee see that will be I I will take his Cloaths here now I begin with his Cloak there now let every one take a quarter of him and I 'll follow with doleful Lamentation Clown Why then we have done Neighbour have we Hob. Ay ay Clown How dolefully you look Neighbour Hob. Why aye 't is the fashion so to do I 'm chief Mourner I must be sad Exeunt Omnes Enter Roger and another Servant Rog. Art thou sure he 's Drunk Serv. I 'm sure I left him Dead-drunk Rog. Then I believe they take him for the Man you gave out hang'd himself in Sir Thomas's Orchard to fright the Boys from stealing the Fruit. Serv. I believe so too therefore prithee let us make haste for fear they bury him alive ACT IV. SCENE I. Enter Woodvill and Friendly Friend 'T IS strange you shou'd not see her Face but when you tell me you love her I must laugh at you what if you have enjoy'd her 't was in the dark and in the same minute your fancy painted her a Venus you might has suppos'd her a Dowdy and yet ha' been more just to her Wood. Aye but I 'm never such an Enemy to my pleasure to suppose her the last when I 'd more reason to believe her the first but â—â—unck you mistake me if you think 't is her I love no that 's impracticable after Enjoyment dear Rogue 't is the Married Woman I told thee of that has charm'd my heart and I have some reason to believe hers is not impenotrable Friend Why d'eo believe it You durst not sure tell her so Wood. Why not her Complexion promis'd me a hearing and having an opportunity as I was coming away this Morning thro' the Garden where she was walking I spoke to her and told her the seign'd Love I own'd last Night for her Servant was a Plot I had brib'd her Maid to assist me in to get an opportunity to confess the real one I had for her Friend Very good and no doubt but she beliv'd you Wood. She seem'd at first a little surpriz'd but before I left her I prevail'd so for to gain a promise to see her again and how much that may conduce to a good conclusion you may imagine Friend How do you know but this may be the same Woman you lay with last Night Wood. Prithee don't call my Judgment in question canst thou believe me so raw a Gamester not to know a Maid from a Married Woman Friend I know not what you may do but I 'm sure 't is a Secret I 'm yet to learn but come you must go along with me Flora has sent me word to day will be kept a Wake before their house and if in the Crowd she can get loose from her Father we may chance make work for the Parson Wood. I 'm sorry for 't I had rather help you to make work for the Midwife I don't care to meddle where the Church is concern'd Exeunt Enter Lady and Betty Lady Is not that he see Bet. It is Madam Lady Follow him and give him this Bet. To what end Madam you have found him false already Lady Dispute not my Commands but fly Ex. Betty He has undone me if he leaves me not which I too justly fear for he has already discover'd the Inconstancy of his Sex and what he promis'dd me unknown at Night in the Morning broke to me when he took me for another Enter Betty How now Did you give it him Bet. I did Madam and he 'll see you he says Lady Do'st not think he suspects me to he her that was with him last Night Bet. No Madam but believing me to be confident to both her and you he has brib'd me to keep you ignorant of each others Loves and assist him in your several Inâ—rigues Lady Perjur'd base Villain Why am I fated to Love and not the Infection on my Lips that when his flattery wou'd feal my ruine he there might meet his own Exeunt SCENE II. A Fair. Enter Old Hob and his Wife with Benches to set at the Door and Forms Wife Come Husband good now make haste the Town will be full of People before we shall get fitted O. Hob. Don't trouble thy self Wife every thing within Doors is ready and there is nothing wanting without but the Sign to be put up and look'ee that shall be done present Hob Hob Hob within What say you Father O. Hob. Go and Tap th'Ale quick quick Hob. Aye aye Father O. Hob. There Now he that will drink good Ale let e'n come to th' Sign oth'Potlid Come Wife let 's to our business within Exeunt Enter Friendly and Woodvill Sir Thomas Flora and Lucia at the Balcony Friend If these Disguises will let us stand unsuspected we may be able to attempt something to gain my Flora's freedom Wood. Ay and lose thy own Friend Yonder she is with her pretty friend and old Argus that sticks to 'em like Murder to a troubl'd Conscience Wood. Aside Ha! Are these the Jewels of such vertue One of them I 'm sure has none to boast of nor will the other I believe be a Martyr for her Honour Friend Now Ned tell me How do'st like my Mistress Wood. Like her Friend Ay like her Wood. Very well for a Mistress Friend A Mistress Wood. Ay why dost think I can like her for any thing else Friend I do Sir and think my self happy in my Choice Wood. I 'm glad you 'r so pleas'd Sir I can have her at a clieaper rate Friend Ha! What dice mean Wood. What do you mean Friend Not to hear any thing dishonourably spoken of her I Love tho' by my Friend Wood. Hum Aside Nor ought I indeed in honour if it was she that did me the favour last night tho' it be to my Friend Come prithee smooth thy Brow Franck thou knowest I have but a loose Opinion of all Women which but seldom will let me speak well of any tho' they deserve it Friend Good Manners shou'd correct that ill Custom in a Gentleman and for your own sake pray be perswaded to forget it Wood. Grave Sir I shall Edifie Aside in the knowledge of my Mistress I hope the next time I have her at Blindman's-Buff or she shall keep my Head in the Bag Sir Tho. Come Gentlewomen if you must see the Pastime you may have as fair a Prospect of 'em here as you can in the Crowd and with less danger to your Reputations Luci. Our Reputations In what can they suffer amongst such people as resort here Sir Tho. Why these are Men and fitter
for Womens use than Finical Fops that have only the appearance of Men meer outsides the signs of Men and such I have known a Woman fond of Luci. 'T is very hard Sir we can't be where we like best I think we are at Age to look after our selves Sir Tho. Aye if you had but Grace to take care of your selves too Flo. Women at our years know how to make their choice or if we did not we are seldom instructed by ill usage Sir Tho. Eh eh What what are you a chattering Magpye hee do you want to have your Leggs at liberty Flo. If I do I can have patience for I shan't want it long unless you cou'd confine my inclinations too Sir Tho. Let me come at her let me come at her what does she prate again to me You are one to be intrusted with your self indeed look'e here else witness this Letter I got scouting from your Lover to ye de' e see here I can't read it now for want of my Spectacles but here he says how that she has given him a new life from the last favour she was pleas'd to grant him Hark'ee Hussey what favour was that you were so pleas'd to grant him tell me for I will know what that favour was Flo. I don't know what you mean Sir Sir Tho. What not by the last favour Afore God I 'll have her search't I 'll know how far the honour of my Family was concern'd in that last favour of hers I will Gentlewomen And sure I shall find an Expedient too to keep you asunder if Locks and Bolts and Barrs can do it Odso well remember'd let me see if my Doors are all fast and then if you can shufle Love through the Key-hole withall my heart Exit Luci. Prithee see Flor if I 'm not mistaken on of those men yonder looks like your lover Friendly in disguise Flo. And the other the very sperk that lay here last night I now begin to think Friendly employ'd him about that piece of Knight Errantry to get news from our enchanted Castle or to try if thou hadst Chrams enough to engage him to yoke with his friend Luci. Why d' ee think so Flo. Because there are few men that marry in this Age but are asham'd of their fortune and wou'd therefore draw in as many of their freinds as they can to Countenance their folly as they call it Luci. I have a better opinion of your Lover Flora. Flo. He 's oblig'd to ye Madam Enter Hob with a blue Apron on Hob Ch'm coming Ch'm coming your Servant Mr. Friendly I 'm glad to see you you 'r welcome to 'th Fair. Friend I thank the Honest Hob. Hob I shou'd know that Gentleman Master Woodvill I think Wood. Aye Hob how dost do Hob O Lord Master how de' e do Faith I 'm glad to see you with all my heart Lord a mercy upon us how strangly you be grown since you have been over-Seas Come pray sit you down Master Freindly Come pray stay and drink one Pott afore you go Friend Prithee let us sit down or this fellows impertinence will make us observ'd Wood. What do'st thou do with an Apron Hob Hob A Dod I put un on but just now Father will do as Meighbours do and every one it 'h Town a most sells Ale on Fair day but now we sell several other sorts of liquor and Wine too an occasion be Wood. Wine Hob Aye all sorts of Wine Wood. Sayest a so bring us some Claret then Hob Claret Sir we 've no Claret we must not sell Claret 't is against the Law now you may have some of your Port your red Port now or your white Port or such sort of Stuff Wood. Such stuff as thou hast then Prithee bring us Hob Yes Sir is going and then turns back Now in my mind Sir what d' ee think of a little Sack a little Sack now and some of your Sugar in 't is main good Friend Pirthee bring what thou lik'st best thy self For I 'm sure 't will please no palate but thy own Exit Hob. Wood. I fear Frank your project will not answer your end for I see no way of getting at the Ladies Friend There is but little hopes indeed Ned since I see the doors shut and the old Knight in their Company fortune may do something unexpectedly to befriend us Enter Hob with two Black Potts a Trencher with Tobacca Pipes and Bread and Cheese upon it Hob Ch'm coming ch'm coming here Sir Wood. Where is the Sack Hob Sack Sir Od I don't know I thought you said you had rather have Ale Ale is indeed much wholsomer now for your English Stomaches for my Part I 'd rather have Ale now Master Woodvill bite a bit afore you drink Come and mean time I 'll put a little Sugar i' th Ale and make it as good as I can for you Come Sir against your dispose'd He drinks all Wood. Thank ye Hob this fellows kindness will poyson me before I go hence Friend Not whilst you have such a Taster for I don't see that he intends to leave you any Hob A Dod 't is main good Sir will you have tother Pott Sir Wood. No prithee drink this too and then fetch us a Couple Hob Yes Sir I will I will Drinks and Exit Enter Countrymen Sir Tho. above Come my merry Countrymen every man take his Lass and give us a Dance or two and then wee 'll have the Cudgells out Enter Hob with the Potts of Ale stares on the Dancers and Dance minds not the Gentlemen Clow. Yes an 't like your Worships we are all ready come Scratch strike up Dance Hob Aye marry Sir well done Ralph set to u'n Joane set toe'n Hob's Mother within Hob Hob. Hob Ch'm coming ch'm coming he Sings Toll â—â—ll in Mary Sides all now sides all Friend Hob Hob. Hob Ch'm coming ch'm coming Master toll loll c. O. Hob within Hob Hob. Hob Ch'm coming ch'm coming what a Plague ails my Father trow and old Fool Udsbled he makes more a noise set to now William ah rarely done in Mary O dainty Mary turn her about now John now now a murrain you 're quite out Hold hold ye are all out look Ralph shou'd a cast off and while John had turn'd Mary about Thomas shou'd a led up Nan and Joan met Ralph at Bottom again mean while John shou'd a sided with Mary and then Mary shou'd back to back with Ralph and then Thomas had come in again in his own place and so all had been right Come begin again strike up scratch Toll loll doll loll c. O. Hob within Hob Hob Where be ye Hob Ch'm coming ch'm coming what the Devil can't you be quiet a bit toll loll c. Enter Old Hob. O. Hob Hey day hey day this is rare sport I God I 'll strap you ye base Rogue you must you be danceing here and your Mother and I at work Striks him Hob Hey day what 's the
That you 'd be Merciful as you are Great Almighty Criticks you his Judges sit If you consent he shall set up a Wit He swears he wont be prouder for 't a Bit. A Country-Wake ACT I. SCENE I. Enter Friendly and Servant Serv. SIR Here 's a Letter for you Friend A Letter Let me see it Read Dear Frank I arriv'd this Day at London and to Morrow purpose for Gloucester where if after Three Years Travel I can find my Friend what I left him I cannot think my Self Vnhappy how unfortunate soever I may seem to the World Woodvill I wish Ned it were in my Power to make thee as happy as it was in thy Father 's to make thee miserable thou should'st find a better Welcome here from thy Friend then thou wilt from a Dead Sire and departed Acres Sirrah go to Sir Thomas Testies and see if â—e's at home and at leisure to receive an Hours Conversation Serv. Yes Sir Enter Woodvill Wood. Franck Friendly Friend Ned Woodvill Wood. What Acknowledgments shall I make my Stars for letting me live to see once more the Man that 's nearest to my Heart Friend There let me grow till want of Friendship makes me unworthy of the Place I was just now Reading your Letter and by that did not expect to see you these two Days How came you so soon Wood. I design'd to come in the Stage-Coach but finding no other Company but an old talkative Woman and two over-grown Boys I chose rather than be coop'd up with Old Age and Ignorance to ride Post and run the hazard of breaking my Neck upon Hackney Jades that have I think disjointed every Limb of me Friend I wish Ned after the fatigue of thy Journey I cou'd Entertain thee with something wou'd divert thy present pain and prove a Cordial for the future for the News I have to tell thee I fear will disorder thy whole Frame and make thy Mind as distemper'd as thy Body Wood. Say'st thee so prithee out with it at once for I am Arm'd against the worst that can befall me my Life which is the last and only thing Fate can now take from me I see in no Danger as for any other misfortune there can come none so great as what is past Friend I know not what you have met with abroad but the greatest you are to expect here is the News of your Father's Death who departed a Fortnight since but before he left the World took care to make you a younger Brother to his Extravagancy which has left you ne'r a Groat for he play'd the last Game with the last stake and Died leaving hardly enough to Bury him Wood. This I heard at London and expected it long before for when he sent me abroad it was only that I might not be a Curb to his Will which was as unbounded as his Lusts that t wou'd be obey'd in all those Vices his younger Years ough to have been asham'd of but the Age we live in is so perverted that Old Men pursue the Vanities of Youth taking up the Cudgels they lay down and fumble with those Debauches young Men grow weary of Friend Thou say'st true Ned but I wish thou hadst not experienc'd it so much at thy own Cost Wood. So do I Frank but since it was in my Power to prevent it it shall not now be my fault to repine at it the Old Gentleman cou'd not 'a chosen a better time to put me to my Shifts since the War gives me so Glorious an opportunity to try what Fortune has in store for me Friend Fortune Prithee what canst thou hope from Fortune with Bullets flying about thy Ears that cou'd Buffet thee so unmercifully in the time of Peace Had'st thou a Friend indeed who had Interest to get thee a Commission that had Authority in it to keep thee out of Harms way thou might'st hope as much as another Man But as thou hast nothing to prefer thee but a comely Figure of Six Foot high thou oughtst to look for nothing more then after the first Volley to chance on a clean place to measure thy Length on without spoiling thy Cloaths Wood. Prithee Frank What Commands are those that have Power to awe a Bullet for till now I never heard a Cannon made any distinction Friend True Ned if we come in their way but I 've known some Men whose Actions were above being question'd step aside when Danger fac'd 'em but if their Enemies meeting with the worst of it have been forc'd to turn their Backs have fall'n in like Lions to scramble for Honour and come home laden with as much as he that deserv'd most Wood. I must confess we have too frequent Examples of this kind however it shall not keep me from doing my best to serve my Country nor make medespair of Success Friend You do well to hope the best it doubles our misfortunes to afflict our Selves with the Apprehension of 'em which sometimes make 'em look more dreadful than they are in themselves Wood. That will never be my fault for disappointments are so frequent with me that I shou'd look for nothing else did I not believe all things must have an end one time or other Enter Servant How now Did not I send you to Sir Thomas Testies Serv. Sir I was going as you commanded me and met his Man by the way coming with a Message to you and he is now without waiting to speak with you Friend This Old Knight Ned was a Citizen of London but being weary of his Vocation and willing to keep a young Wife to himself is come to inhabit here upon an Estate which he has lately purchas'd part of it was your Fathers he has one only Daughter by a former Wife whom Nature has been very bountiful to she wants no Charm to make her Self Ador'd and hath found that way to my Heart which none of her Sex cou'd ever do before There is a Neece Ned is equally deserving and would be equally desirable did not Love to shew his Power byass my Affections Come thou shalt go with me and see them if thy Journey has not fatigu'd thee too much Wood. Never to hinder me from the Company of a pretty Woman Frank that Temptation is more prevalent with me than any other Nature can be liable to But at present I must deny my self that satisfaction I hear the Post goes hence within these Two Hours and I have Business obliges me to write by the first opportunity but let my Man go with you to acquaint my himself with the way and I will come to you as soon as I have dispatch'd Jack wait of Mr. Friendly and come back quickly Friend T is very well Your Servant Come back Exeunt severally SCENE II. A Room at Sir T. Testie's Enter Sir Thomas Testie and Lucia Sir Tho. Niece come hither Come hither I say and shut the Door Luc. Bless us What 's amiss in the State that I must be Closeted The Door is lock'd
pulls him back Lady A word with you Sir If the care of some departing Soul does not make you too much in haste Wood. Thou dear Creature have I met thee here again And art thou come to perform they last promise and let me see that beautious Face of thine Lady Why shou'd you be so curious for if it prove handsome you know the engagement you lye under Wood. What to love thee 'T is impossible my dear for me ever to love any body else Lady So What de' e do with this habit then I fear there is something to be manag'd in this disguise not of a piece with your vows Wood. This habit Child why I procur'd it a purpose to try if by it's assistance I cou'd find some way to get access to thee Lady Thou lyest thou Devil and the Curse of broken promises pursue thee for it Exit Wood. Hey day what 's the meaning of this Divinity if you bring me no better fortune you must go home and Cloak for the good Wives of your own Parish again To Levies Tribe they 'l part with any thing And thank the Saint that takes the Offering The End of the Fourth Act. ACT. V. SCENE I. Hob is brought in a Chair by some Country Fellows his Father and Mother with him Old Hob COme easie Neighbours easie set ' en down easie Mother O my poor Child how dost thou do Hob Worser and worser I find I 'm not for this Life Old Hob Then I hope you 'll take warning how oft have I said Hob says I don 't thee concern thy self what business is it of thine Let every Tub stand upon its own bottom but thou thought'st because Hob Pray now don't ye talk to me pray now don 't Don't ye vex me so 'T is a strange thing you can't let me depart in peace Enter a Parson Pars How de' e Neighbour how does your Son O. Hob. Ah Sir the poor boy I 'm afraid will dye Hob Who is that Neighbour Clown It is the Parson come to Pray with thee Hob. Hob Ha! What do'st say the Parson O Lord I hope it is not come to that is it O my heart O my poor heart will break O O Lord. Pars Come Patience Patience Neighbour have a little Patience And I hope as you have liv'd a good Christian you 'll take care to dye so Hob Aye sure Sir that I will under Mercy for if I live I will dye a good Protestant Pars That 's well said then the first thing you must do is to forget and forgive Hob. Forgive What must I forgive him that has knock't out my brains Why then may hap he 'll do so again Pars If he does you must forgive him Hob Aye why then if I must I do forgive him Moth. Hob Child here 's Mary come to see thee Enter Mary Mary How dost find thy self Hob. Hob Ah Mary I can't speak to thee Moth. Poor heart do try to speak to her child for she is thy Wife and no other Hob I know I 'm sure to her and I do own it before you all I ask't her the Question last Lammas and at Allhollows-tide we broke a piece of Money and if I had liv'd till last Sunday we had been ask'd in the Church Moth. Ha poor wretch I always thought ' en to pretty to live Mary go and kiss ' en Mary Mary goes and kisses him Hob I do desire you all present to take notice of my last Will and Testimony I have forty Shillings in a leatherpurse under my Beds-head which I do bequeath unto Mary And the ball'd-fac'd Heifer that I bought at Tukesbury Fair I do bequeath unto Mary And my new leather Breeches which I bought against Whitsontide I do bequeath unto Mary And my Bible and new Pitchfork and Tobacco-box I do bequeath unto Mary Mary come and kiss me once more Mary you may never kiss me again Enter Probe the Surgeon Probe How now what 's the matter how dost do Friend Hob Dead Sir I 'm a Dead Man Probe How Dead Thou art the first Dead Man that ever told me so let me feel thy Pulse Feels his Pulse Hob O Sir they do beat beat like any Durm Probe O your Pulse beats very temperate Hob Do they Sir Probe Aye aye you 're better than you was a great deal Hob Am I indeed Sir Probe What have you given him to eat Hob Nothing Sir I have eat no kind of thing Sir Thomas sent a Doctor here and I believe he had a mind tof amish me he gave me a sort of stuffe here made of Barly Barly Porridge I think they call it 't was no sooner in but out again it runs through a man and does no manner of good Probe You must have some thing to strengthen him what have you a mind to Hob I don't know Sir I cou'd eat something fit for a man in my Condition a little somewhat Roast what de' e think of a little Roast-beef now and a little Pepper and Vinigar to make it Savory may hap I cou'd get a bit of that down Probe O a very good thing for a sick man let him have it and give him some Sack now and then there 's half a Dozen Bottles within which Mr. Friendly sent to comfort him with Hob. Has a God bless ' en Ha! he 's a good man Mother give me a little Sack will ye pray now do Probe Well how de' e find your self now Hob Ha ha add I don't know Sir methinks I 'm pretty hoddy now as ' t were Probe That 's well why then let him drink another Cup. Hob Shall I Why so I will then Mother give me a sup or two more Hee hee hee Belches Moth. Ah much good do thy precious heart how dost do now Child Hob Ha add I 'm fine and spract now Probe Pough you 'll do very well again I 'd have you try to get up and I 'll come and see you again anon Hob Thank you Sir heartily Sir Sir pray take the Parson a long with you I don't care to see ' en here a looks unlucky methinks Probe Aye aye I will Exit with Parson Hob Mother I 'll try if I can walk a bit Moth. Do then stand up Hob Pray lend me my Breeches Father Moth. O don't be too bold good Hob. Hob Give me a little more Sack Drink It 's good Sack Mother pray lend me the O Lord. Moth. Get on thy Cloths first good Child Hob I 'm I 'm very fainty I wont venture too soon Mother Moth. Don't then sit down and let them carr thee in again Hob Aye so I will O. Hob Come help Neighbours Exeunt Omnes SCENE II. Sir Thomas in Prison Sir Tho. I have misfortunes enough to send me into the other world without a Halter I need not swing thither for a Rogue not worth the Money the Rope will cost but if I be hang'd it shall be a day of mourning for some-body Enter Wood vill habited like
a Parson Wood. Save you Sir Sir Tho. And you too Sir have you any thing to say to me Wood. Yes Sir I hear you are to be try'd for Murder and as the Fact appears to me you will suffer for it Sir Tho. Well and what then Wood. I wou'd know in what state you are in and if you are prepar'd for Death as you ought to be Sir Tho. You know What with that Face prithee get some hair on thy Chin first boy thy outside will beget no veneration in me Wood. My inside won't I 'm sure Aside Sir I expected another sort of treatment from a man in your Condition Sir Tho. Why what 's my Condition Cobble Conscience Wood. Do ye know where you are a going Sir Tho. No nor you neither Sir for all you get your living by it Wood. This way Sir won't convey you to Heaven Sir Tho. Why then I 'll go to to'ther place along with you Wood. And is this all the Preparation you intend to make for your Journey Sir Tho. Aye Sir I shall go just as I am without Boots or Spurs you may therefore spare your pains if you please Wood. What an old Reprobat have I to work upon Enters Saywell and Friendly drest like a Lawyer Say Your Servant Sir I 'am glad to see you in such good Company Sir Tho. 'T is the Company Neighbour Saywell that will bring me to the Gallows The Parson and the Hangman are the two last that take leave of us there Have you brought my Writings Say I have Sir and here 's a Gentleman recommended to me for an able Lawyer that will settle your Estate as you shall think fit Enter Jaylor Jay Sir here 's a young Lady without desires to see you Sir Tho. O 't is my Wife let her come to me Wood. I 'm afraid the help I can give you will do but little service for he 's as much averse to a black Gown as a Non-Con is to a Surplice What have you done with the Ladies Friend They 're safe at my Aunt Friendlies Wood. Do's Flora know of your Plott Friend No nor of her Fathers being here nor durst I tell her till I have effected my design for tho it is only for her sake if I do get her Fortune yet t'wou'd displease her if she knew I but attempted it Ha! Enter Flora. Flo. O shew me shew me where on my knees I may fix till my Tears have wash'd away my Offences O Sir forgive my Disobedience that has I fear been too much the cause of this most fatal accident Sir Tho. Hum get out of my sight get out of my sight Go get you gone to your Rogue that will have mehang'd go and I 'll provide for ye I 'll give you a Portion Twelve-pence and thy Fathers Curse be thine Inheritance Wood. What a Pox is the meaning of all this Flo. O do not Curse me Sir I have not deserv'd that leave me a Beggar if you please but with your Blessing and I will be contented Sir Tho. What bless thee for contriving to have me hang'd be gone begone from me quickly or I will fist thee from me Flo. Do any thing Sir so you will heat me Let me clear my Innocence and banish me your sight forever turning to Wood. O Sir I beseech you plead for me it is your Duty to Reconcile us and yours and yours turning to Mr. Saywell and Friendly And every good mans to help the distress'd Friend I 'm so amaz'd I cannot think what to do if I discover my self to her in this humour she 'll not have patience to let me undeceive her Wood. So I find our Plot is growing to an end already How like two Fools we shall look by and by if they find us out in our borrowed shapes Aside Say Come pray let me persuade you to hear her however you are never the farther from your Resolution Sir Tho. What can she say for her self am I not brought here for Murder provok't to it by their invention she and her Rogue Friendly that she ran away with did you not run away with him Huzzey Flo. I did Sir Sir Tho. Very good Come I 'll reason the matter calmly with you and have you not married him too against my express Command to the Contrary Flo. No Sir nor never will Sir Tho. Swear swear that and damn thy self Flo. By all my hopes of future Blessings he is not my Husband nor till within this half hour did I know of your imprisonment or the fatal cause Sir Tho. If this be true Flo. If it be not let misery pâ—rsue me Sir Tho. Will you promise me not to marry him when I 'm dead for hang me I suppose they will Flo. O do not name him Death wou'd be a thousand times more wellcome to me than such a Husband Friend So now I may go hang my self Aside Sir Tho. Well on condition that all you have said is true I do forgive thee rise up and Heaven bless thee Friendly Dear Ned what shall I do Wood. Why as thou saidst just now hang thy self for since thou canst not marry to cure thy passion I know no other way Say You will do well Sir Thomas for she has exprest her self a very dutiful Child Sir Tho. She has so and I will reward her for it here is a Deed of Gift of half my Estate which I did once before design for her but happening to fall in Love at that Juncture and marrying I alter'd my Resolution here Sir Say Mr. Nonsuit Sir Tho. Come and witness this the rest of my Estate I will settle upon my Wife and let the Writings be drawn as soon as you can Friendly Sir they shall be ordered immediately Sir Tho. Sir your hand too Wood. Withall my heart and heavâ—n give a blessing to 't Say Amen Sir Tho. There I deliver this as my Act and Deed. Delivers it to Floria. Friend So I 'm glad however I 've seen this done for her tho she has renounc't me for ever Aside Sir Tho. I wish I cou'd have liv'd to a seen thee married my death had been more supportable to me Flo. I wish so to Sir for I 'm young and know not how the subtilties of men may prevail when you are gone that shou'd advise me But for fear this Friendly shou'd attempt me again to make me break the promise I have made you I will this minute put it out of my power and give my self to this Gentleman Mr. Nonsuit if he 'll please to accept of me Friend Ha accept of thee Flo. Nay you don't deserve me for not letting me know your designs upon my Father am I not fit to be trusted with my own welfare think ye Sir Tho. Oons Friend Forgive me Madam and had I Flo. Nay no Apology I 'm satisfi'd that I 'm not oblidg'd to your Plot for what I have but my own Friend By all that 's sacred I will deserve thee if it be in Love to reward
this unexpected blessing tell me you Powers if there be any that knows a happiness like mine how shall I express my Joy Sir Tho. Woons what is all this Wood. O good Sir forbear swearing 't is an hollow'd sound and my ears can't bear it Sir Tho. Rot you and your ears you Canonical Pimp Confussion I 'm cheated out of my Estate too as well as my life Friend No Sir I will take care your Estate shall be dispos'd of according to your Act and Deed and you may live to now if you please and enjoy your liberty Flo. Which you had never wanted Pardon me Sir had you given me mine Sir Tho. Patience give me Patience Say In troth Neighbour 't is the best Remedy you can have e'en make use of it and let that seem your choice which is not now in your power to help Sir Tho. What wou'd you have me do Wou'd you have me give her to him Say Aye and your Blessing too or they 'll be happy without it an Estate is a good step to it and that you have given 'em already and there few Children in this Age that think their Parents can add any thing more Sir Tho. Come hither Take her and make her Wood. Any thing but a Wife or I forbid Woodvile interposes the Banes Sir Tho. You forbid the Banes Friend What 's the meaning of this Wood. Look'ee Frank while the Jest wou'd bare I was willing to carry it on But the Business grows now too much in earnest and the Welfare of my Friend obliges me to make bold with my Mistress Friend What say ye your Mistress Wood. Aye your Lady and her Companion were the two Masks that I told you I pick't up and one of 'em I thank her did me the Favour to afford me her Company that Night if it was Flora she has something very particular in her behaviour that makes her a very agreeable Bedfellow Friend Thou durst not sure say this to me in earnest Wood. But I dare Sir if it be truth as I 'm sure it is tho' perhaps you mayn't care to hear it Friend By Heav'n thou ly'st and did not her presence make this place sacred thou shoud'st pay dear for this Blasphemy Wood. Are you so hot Follow me and I 'll find you a place to allay your fury in Friend Follow thee Flor. Hold you shall not go What 's the meaning of this Enter Lucia Luc. What 's the matter As Wood. is going out Enter Lady Testie in a Mask meeting him Lady With your leave Sir Wood. Ha! Lady What are you surpriz'd to see me here Wood. Ay I'gad am I more than ever I was in my Life Lady Sir 't is hard to conceal wrongs from a Jealous Mistress Wood. And 't is harder for me to do you right whilst you conceal your self Lady Why did you not meet me as you promis'd Wood. Meet you S'bud I thought I had you here but since I find I 'm mastaken pray Madam satisfie me who you are For if you remember when you and I Bargain'd for a little Familiarity I was to be under no obligation till I had seen and lik'd you Lady That you have done already if you spoke truth but since you are so apt to forget refresh your Memory and look again What are you Dumb Pulls off her Mask Wood. I shou'd be dumb Madam if Wood. starts Lady If thou hadst nothing to say but thou hast a Tongue can never want words to excuse thy Perjury shou'd I stay to hear it farewel ungrateful Man Exit Wood. So very well what trick next Fortune is pleased to be very merry with me to day I find I have made a very pretty hand o' this matter Lost both my Mistresses wrong'd a vertuous Lady abus'd my Friend and brought a Quarrel upon me all in one quarter of an hour Hark'ee Friendly Friend Well Sir Wood. 'T is as thou say'st I do lie and prithee forgive me for it Friend 'T is very well Sir But do you think this will satisfie me Wood. At present I hope it will to Morrow thou shalt know more Friend In the mean time then pray make some amends to the Lady Wood I can only ask her pardon what else is requisite do thou do for me anon when the Curtains are drawn Woodvile goes to Flora. Friend Fear not Sir you shan't be troubl'd with any Night-work of mine Sir Tho. That I shou'd have both my Eyes and yet not see these pair of Counterfeit Knaves well 't is not the first time that Whoremongers and Adulters have been cloak't with the Law and the Gospel Enter Lady Testie My Dear art thou ventur'd hither too Lady Ay my Dear to fetch thee home hearing Hob was well and abroad I cou'd no longer bear to have you here since I have recover'd health enough to be happy with you at home Sir Tho What say'st thou Health and be happy What do'st thou mean ha Shall I have thee in my Arms And wil't thou be my Bride to Night Lady I shall be what you please to have me Sir Tho. Why then let sorrow vanish and a Fig for my Daughter Friendly take her and do what thou will 't with her Friend I thank you Sir and to deserve this Kindness if you get an Heir to Inherit your Estate you shall have it again Sir Tho. Hum Do you jeer an Old Man Well if I can't get an Heir do you I 'm contented now it shou'd be for my Grandson Friend How now Ned engaging afresh If you purchase there it must be for Life Wood. With all my heart Madam shall I have Possession upon that Condition Luc. I don't know what may be after seven Years Acquaintance Friend He 'll be worn out in half that time Madam if you don't reclaim him Lady Do you think it 's possible Sir to reclaim him Friend I hope so Madam Lady So do I tho' I doubt it Neice have a care of him Sir Tho. Let her take care of her self her Father left her at my disposal and if she Marries him I won't give her a Groat Luc. Then Sir I suppose your Courtships at an end for without that Charm my Beauty I fear will have but little force Wood. Enough Madam to make me a Convert if you dare put me to a Tryal Aside I know not whether Infected by Friendly's Example or any conceal'd Mischief in this holy Covering but I find my self of a sudden strangely enclin'd to do something to repent of as well as the foolish part of Mankind Flo. I know she loves him and if I thought he lov'd her Aside to Friendly Friend You need not doubt it if he Marries her for nothing but Love can make him do such a Violence to himself Aside to Woodvil Ned pursue your purpose if 't is honourable for such a Beauty and eight thousand Pound if we can work the old fellow to consent will be a better Fortune then any thou can'st hope for in Flanders Wood. If Love goes