him heere is so much money in hand and I will remaine Debter unto you for the rest who seeing him to be a man of fashionâ— and having inquir'd his name and residence did accept thereof and so for that time they parted The next day he found him out at his Lodging and demanding the Two Peeces which he left unpayd he answered that he did him great wrong to claime any such Summe for it was contrary to their bargaine I pray Sir saith the other how can you make that goodâ— Marry thus said the Gentleman Ten Peeces were the price for your Horse Eight I payd you downe in hand and promised you to bee your Debtor for the rest and so I amâ— and will remaine still for otherwise I should breake both my word and bargaine A Prophecie of the Yeere ensuing THere is like to be such a defect in the Nobility that even Rusticks if they be rich will strive to become Noble and such a penury among the Iewes that many nay too many Christians shall turne Usurers One Day shall be longer and one Night shorter than another Men shall bee more glad to receive Money than to pay it Some shall rather deâ—ire to ride than to goe on foote he that cannot compasse Wine shall be glad to drinke Ale or Beere Man and Wife shall live in quiet till they fall into quarrell Blacke Cowes shall this yeere give white Milkeâ— many shall be more glad to goe to bed late than to rise early Rich men shall dye as the poore doe and no man shall be valewed according to his Wisdome but his wealth c. Of a Flatterer A Flatterer that had extolled his Lord beyond all reason or modesty before a great company then present impatient ofsuch Adulation in regard it was so palpable could not containe himselfe butâ— rising from his seate fell upon him and gave him divers blowes who feeling the smart sayd unto him Sir why doe you beate meâ— to whom hee answered Sirrah why didst thou bite meâ—â— A witty retort of a learned Bishop A Bishop going to visit through his Diocesse was entertained at a Parsons house where hee had very greaâ— aâ—d good chear but his wine was starke naught which he â—asting said to the Parsoâ— Domine Personâ— hoc non â—st bonum vinus To whom hee replyed if iâ— please your good Lordship I thinke you speak incongruously to whoâ— he answered it is true Mâ—ster Parson I know it well but if you could tell how to mend your Wine you should quickly finde that I would mend my Latine Of Vsury ONe asking whether Usury were any way lawfull it was answered him againe that it was the other demanding how who replyed againe so that a man lendeth his money onely to such as he knowes are not able to pay backe the principall againe Of a great Prelatâ— iâ—â— Rome A Great Prelate in Rome being at a suâ—ptuous and delicate â—east where was plenty of all varietieâ— and nothing was waâ—â—ing saving Mustard looking about and spyiâ—g none said aloud O quanta patimus pro Ecclesia which a Scholler who wâ—s then at his Elbow hearing said Sir by your favour you should have said patimur to whom hee replyed what telst thou mee of patimus or patimur is it not all one for I am sure they are both of the Genitive case Of an unlearned Parson in the Country A Parson in the Country who was no scholler spying the word Epiphania in the Calendar by the red letters finding it to be a Festival day gave out in the Church that the next weeke upon such a day they were to keepe the Feast of Epiphanie but whether it were of a man or a woman hee could not resolve them for the present but howsoever he desired that they would coâ—e to the Church and keep it for an Holyday A Vintner and a Poet. A Vintner meeting 〈◊〉 Poet in the streetsâ— saluted him and desiredâ— him of better acquainâ—tance who asked him oâ— what profession hee was who told him that he was a Vintner and proceeded further and said I know you by sight and I make no question but that you know mee too To whom he replyed no indeed foâ— to my knowledge I never saw yourâ— face before I pray you where dwell you marry saith hee at the Rose by the Poultry Counter gate to whom the Poet answered againe friendâ— how horribly art thou miâ—tooke why I tell thee I never durst walke that way this seaven yeares Of a Land Poet and a Water Poet. ONe being asked what difference there was betwixt a Land Poet and a Water Poet made answer even just so much as there is betwixt a Scholleâ—and a Schuller Of a Knight which waâ— made a Master of Art WHether it be by thâ— Kings prerogativeâ— or by the courtesie of thâ— University I know not oâ— whether both couplinâ— together but so it was that a Knight a Noblâ— Gentleman being with thâ— Kings Majesty at Cambridge had so much gracâ— as to be made a Master oâ— Art to add to his formeâ— Title upon which honouâ— having drunke somewhat stiffely over night anâ— comming to tender his service to his Majesty hee knowing him to bee no Scholler asked him how much hee had profited in his learning since hee had tooke that degree who answered him againe with a protestation that since his comming to the Accademy hee had gain'd so much Latine that the last night hee had scarce one word of English to bring him to bed Of a Reader in onâ— of thâ— Innes of Court A Very eminent Gentleman who was at that time Reader having feasted the house very bountifully in his last Lecture or taking of his leave of these exercises did it in these or the like words Gentlemen I have read to you I have feasted you but if you have not profited so much by my reading as by my feasting ' I conclude thus You have beene better fed than taught Of a Goldsmith his Wife and his youngest Prâ—â—tise A Goldsmith fearing the danger of the Sicknesse was perswaded by his wife which was a pretty handsome Gentlewoman to remove out of London and take an house in the Countrey and to furnish it caused his younger Prentise to take an inâ—entory of all such household commodities as hee went to conveigh thence â—hich hee did punotually and set downe every particular thing as they were delivered but when hee came to his Mistresse Linnen and finding that for haste sake â—ome were washt and some not hee writ after this manner Item so many of my Mistris her smocks white and so many parcell guilt and so gave up his account which the young Gentlewoman reading grew into a violent rage and perswaded her husband to beate the Lad or bring him before the Chamberlaine but howsoever to have him soundly corrected to which hee answered wife by no meanes the boy suites his phrases properly to his trade for you know we have white plate parcell guilt and guilt al over
tells them all is well within demanding who had abus'd him in that kind the Author is found out and produc't who being asked why hee had done him that injury answered who would have thought but that the Cellar had beâ—ne a fire that had seene him carry in so much water as I did Of a Doctor not us'd to ride A Doctor that was seldome on horse-bak beeing to ride a Journey â—ame to take horse with no spurres upon his heeles which one that was to ride with him espying said Master Doctor doe you meane to ride without spurres who looking downe towards his feâ—te said â—Tis true indeed I have none but I had thought verily that my man had put them on Of shooting at Buts ONE that stood looking upon a Match that was shotat Buts when all hadshot very neare the last Arrow clapt into the white at which he sayd aloud He hath wone all if it were a Mile to the bottome Of taking Tobacco ONE looking upon one that used to take much Tobacco said to his frieâ—d that stood nexâ— him Doe you not observe that fellow hee takes Tobacco like a Fish Of a Pocket-musket TWo Cittizens speaking of their Armes the one having a handsome short Mâ—sket said to thâ— other I thinke I have the best Pocket-musket about the Towne at which the other laughing he reply'd againe and why not a pocket-musket as well as a pocket-dagge Of two that fell out TWo young fellowes falling out began to grow into very violent and bitter tearmes at length said the one to the other well for thy Mother I know her to bee as honest a woman as any is in England but for thine owne part thou art no better than the sonne of a Whoâ—e A harmelesse mistake A Chimny beeing on fire one meetes his man with a Musket iâ— hast and asked him whither he carried that Câ—imny marry saith he to scoure the peece Of a sudden afright ONe familiar friend spying another whose backe was towardâ— him came â—uddenly behinde him ere he was aware and shooke him so that he gave a great start and looking when hee saw it was his friend he said now I beshrew your heart you have made all the guts in my belly rise into my face Of a Iacobus peece ONe spying in the hand of his friend a very faire twenty two shillings peece desired him to let him poyse it in his hand which having done he presently returned it to him backe and said it was as faire an Harry Iacobus as ever he saw Of one that was supposed to bee in a Consumption TWo friends meeting together the oâ—e asked of the other when he saw such a man who was wel knowne to them both who made answere with a great sigh that hee could not bee loâ—g liv'd hee dâ—manding the reason he said hee could not châ—se but be in a Coâ—sumpâ—ion for his doublet was grown too short wasted Of going by Water TWo comming to take Water at Westminster stâ—ires were plyed by divers Oares the one would goe with a Waterman of his old acquaintance but the other having dependance upon the Court no â—aith he wee will goe with him that hath M. R. upon his coat for that standeth for Maria Rex A Gâ—â—sâ—-Pye ONe seeing a câ—rious fat Swan at the Poulterers Stall said to his friend that walkt along with him O what a dainty Goose-pye would that Swan make Of Colâ—urs IT being demandâ—d of one what colours hee thought was fittest for a Tradse-man to weare was answered O your Carnation blacke is the best weare for a Citizen Of a Geâ—tleman in Pluâ—h A Gentleman being very gallant and all in Plush walking along the â—treetâ— two Tradsemâ—n following him the one who knew him sâ—id to the other dost thou know â—im that is so brave no saith he what of thatâ— I 'le telâ— thee then replyed the other thou seest him now alâ— in Plush buâ— ten to onâ— within thâ—se â—ew dayes thou shalt meete him in a broune-stuffe A quarter of Lâ—â—be THree or foure good-fellowes meeâ—ing went to dine at a Cookes in Pie-corner and bespoke a quarter of Lambe which when they came to cut up they found to bee very tough insomuch that they could scarcely tugge it asunder with their teeth at length saith one of them now on my conâ—cience this Lambe is seaven yeares old at least A simple Market-maid A Silly Market wench being sent to the Butchers inquired at Saint Nicholas Shambles along for a breast of mutton with a ruâ—pe upon it Of buying a Sword TWo Gentlemen meeting the one of them had a veâ—y faire new Sword which the other observing said unto him inâ—eed you have got a very handsome Sword I pray you is it your owne or did you buy it Of two Neighbours talking TWo neighbours meeting the one having lately buâ—led his wife the other beganne to comfort him for the losse of his good wife who answered him againe that â—he was a good woman indeed but hee was sorry for nothing so much as his poore â—â—therlesse children at home A very improper Comparison ONe complained to his friend and said I am so troubled here with a Blister that is risen upon my arme as passeth and I assure you it is as sore as a Wall-nut One set upon by a Mastiffe TWo fellowes meeting the one told unto the other that hee was set upon on the way by a huge fierce Mastiffe having nothing saith hee in my hand but this cudgell which thou seest and yet for halfe an houre by the Clock I kept him in play hand to hand and in al that time he was not able to get within me Of Dancing ONe seeing a Gentleman dancing very loftily nimbly and comely withall said to another that stood next him doe you observe that man doth hee not handle his legs most daintily Of three or foure being late in a Tavernâ— THree or foure good fellows being merry at the Taverne till it was past eleven a Clocke at Night some of them having a great way to their Lodgings saith one of them to the rest Nay now Gentlemen it is even hiâ— time for us to part for I will assure you the longer that you â—tay the farther you have home Of a Message simply delivered A Widdow-woman being dead a Messenger was sent to a Gentleman a Kinsman of hers to intreate him to contribute something towards her buriall who delivered his message after this sort Sir such a woman is dead and commends her unto you desiring you to send her Forty shillings to bury her A silly protestation I Heard one speaking of the honesty of his Wife protest that in his Conscience she was as vertuous a Maide as any was in all the Parish Another like foolish prâ—testation ONe being urged to confirme a Truth having at that time a â—eaker brim'd in his hand sayd being ready to drinke That whiâ—h I have spoken is most true or else I wish this Beaker may never goe thorow me A Cow-pigge
him had formerly bore good wil to his wife and hearing she was newly married was going to her to make a revisit Vrbanus glad to see one coming towards him gave him the time of the day and beeing overjoyed to heare the birds sing so sweetly made him break out into these words O Sir I am almost ravished to heare these sweete and melodious tunes which proceed from yonder pretty birds wondring much likewise that they have so much wit to observe the time and season of the yeare it is no matter of wonder said the other to heare them so pleasant in the spring but you being a stranger in these things do well to apply your â—are so diligently to their sounds which I hope may bee so profitable unto you that your selfe may learne to sing Cuckoo in your return Of three Countrey-men being come up to London and their usage there THree Countrey-men having occasion to come up to London to the Terme when there was but a small sicknesse they were yet somewhat afraid where they should lye when they came and calling to minde a Gentleman that had beene somewhat beholding to them a little before when he was in those parts thought it not amisse if they could to get a lodging at his house this resolved on they no sooner came into the City but by chance met with him and after their salutation one of them thus began Sir the danger of the time and feare of the sicknesse makes us doubtfull where to lodge being strangers but if wee may desire so much favour of you as to helpe us to some place convenient fer our short stay wee will not onely bee thankfull iâ— words but study to deserve it in deeds The Genâ—leman hearing this yet did expect nothing tooke them home with him and entertained them with much respect at length when they had done what they could in the Court they were willing to dismisse themselves and returne homeward so taking their leave of the Gentleman nay saith he I will â—bring you to the Townes end and would gladly shew you some sights if you staied longer but now Hcan shew you none without your hinderance onely in your way I can shew you a couple of Baboones and a Jâ—ckanapes they being very desirous to sâ—e the sight whereupon he pulled out a Looking-glasse and bad each of them looke into that Of three Countrey men comming to the Royall Exchange TWo or three Country people being at London and being brought by some of their friends to see the Royall Exchange they staring up saw the Kings and Queenes round about them and woÌ„dring what they should bee asked one of their acquaintance which came along with them what those were Hee made answer and told them that they were all the Kings and Queâ—nes that had ever beene in this Land I saies the other then I doe intend to put off my hat with all speede for feare I should bee suspected of Treason being as I thinke in the Presence Chamber Of Couâ—trey men that went to see sights in London THree or foure plaine Fellowes comming to see sights desired to see the Tower one of their friends told them I will goe with you and you â—hall see the Lyons too when they entred the roome smelt very strong one of them said preâ—ently I thinke this plâ—ce be invincible why so said the other why neighbour saies he do you think that ever such creatures as these will yeeld up to the â—nemy Of a silly fellow that saw the ships lye at Anchor ONe comming to the Thames side saw manyâ—lusty ships lye at Anchor and having never seene any before wondred with himselfe what they should bee and at last asking a fellow that stood by what they were to whom hee answered that they were the Merchants Forrest or wood it may very well bee so indeed saith hee but â—e tell you Siâ— I have often mus'd what became of the great Forrest in our Countrey and now I see that our ground was too dry to nourish them and â—o belike they have set them to grow here Of two or three conferring together THree or foure Gentlemen meeting together they were discoursing busily about the Fast being a Wednesday What saies one there will bee a Sermon on Wednesday at St. Paules no â—aies another not so because it is contrary to the Proclâ—mation Tush saies another what if GoodFry day should fall upon a Wednesday should wee not then have a Sermon thinke yee nay saies the other I cannot resolve you of that point Gentlemen faith saies the third for ought I know if the Sicknesse continue wee are not like to have a Passion Sermon because the Fast is very like to bee on that day Of a Countrey-fellow selling an Horse A Countrey-fellow having an Horse to sell one came to him and did aske him how old he was and of what price the other answered that he was eight and his price was Twelve pound saith the other is he as good as you say hee is and no older Faith saith the other hee is as good an Horse as ever wore sâ—ooe of leather and I know him to bee better now than hâ—e was Nine yeerâ—s agoe Of two or three going to heare a Sermon TWo or three comming into a Pâ—rishChurch in London a Puritan being to preach to heare 〈◊〉 Sermon the one said to the other let us stay all the time foâ— hee that preaches is a worthy zealous Teacher well staying a while to heare Pâ—ayers and marking how hee minced it and did not read halfe of it away went he his friends wondring at his departure hee told them how is it possible that hee should preach so well when he can pray no better but the other told him that he did not care for the booke of Common prayer because he thought it to be Popish the other answer'd nor I for his Sermon then because I thinke it will be foolish FINIS
them stirre yet never called his motherâ— at length the Puddings skinnes burst and did swim about the which the boy perceiving cryed out mother mother come away the Puddings begin to leape for their Jerkins were off Of a jealous man and how bee served his Wife A Man being jealous of his Wife supposed that shee had made him often a Cuckold yet hee could never proove it and shee still denied it At length hee was perswaded by a friend of his to use some tricke to make her confesse it the project was invented and then he put it to tryallâ— hee told his wife by his skill and some other advice that whatsoever hee prayed for hee should obtaine that is well said she I like that with all my heart Then said hee Wife pray tell me whether you did ever make me a Cuckold yea or no never said she so he went in and made as if he kneeled downe to pray and having in his pocket little tips of Hornes clapt them upon his fore-head with a little glew and so â—ame forth and said looke wife I prayed if ever thou madest me a Cuckold that I might have a horne and you see I havâ— it she at first not knowing what to say began to cry him mercy and told him it was a great while agoe it was when they weâ—e first marriedâ— well said her Husband ne're but that time did you No indeed said she well said he I wil try once more so he went in and did as he had done before and came out with another Horne on how now wife said hee I thinke I shall finde out the truth then she began to bethinke her selfe and said she did partly remember that being at a Taverne one night and having drunke too much Wine forgot her duty and never since did it nor never would againe Then said her Husband I will try once more then hee went in againe and did as before so hee came out with a third Horne which shee seeing fell downe upon her knees and desired pardon and withall to goe in to pray no more for if he did his head would be full Of three cheating fellowes THree notable shirkâ—s went into a Taverne to dinner and had as much Wine and Meate as came to sixe shillings so the reckoning being brought up sixe shillings they swore they had but two shillings to pay the drawer swore they had sixe to pay so they called for the Master of the house and told him how is servant abused them in saying they had sixe shillings to pay and they had but two shillings so a wâ—ger was laid that they would prove before any man whatsoever that they had sixe shillings to pay and being come to try all they told him that they had but two shillings amongst them all so they wonne the wager and left the rest to pay Of a very silly fellow THere was an ignorant fellow brought before the Lords grace of Yorke for having beene in the society or company of Brownists and having nothing to say for himselfe a Warrant was making to send him to Prison which the fellow perceiving fell downe upon his knees saying Good my Lord my Lord pray your Worship good your Worship be good to me one of the Arch-Bishops men that stood next him spoke softly to him and told him he must say your Grace and not your Lordship then the fellow cryed out The eyes of all things looke up and trust in thee Another of a silly Woman IT happened that the good man of the house fell sicke of a Consumption whereupon the Doctor of the Towne was sent for to have his advice and being come he advised him to take good comfortable brothes and to drinke Asses milke and Sugar every morning and if hee could get none about the Towne to send to him and hee would helpe him to some and so the Doctor went his was now as soone as the Doctor was gone the mans Wife said Husband pray tell mee doth master Doctor give sucke A mistake of the Maior of Quinborow VPON the death of Queene Elizabeth the Maior of the towne had a Warrant sent downe from the Councell to guard and make safe the Castle hee being at a stand called for the rest of his brethren and being come into their Hal or place where they keepe Courtâ— he stood up upon a Hassocke and made this speech saying Brethren here 's an arrant hee meant a warrant come downe and therefore I thought it convenient that we should dispaire to this place and here being dissembled together wee might consult of our posterities for the Queene is dead and wee doubt we must have another King or Queene and I stand in great feare the Commons will be unrude and cause a strange Resurrection and so then will all our Monarchs hee meaning Monuments be quite undone and our Towne having beene of that lascivious government meaning civill government be turned of the other side oâ— the water and so our reâ— scarlet gownes will beâ— wet if wee bee forced tâ— swimme for my part I caâ— swimme no more than 〈◊〉 Goose Vpon a Sailer A Sayler riding between Dover and Gravesend and having got a stumbling horse which had throwne him divers times at the next Towne hee buyes a basket and fild it full of Stones and gravell and tyes it to his horses taile which his company espying asked him what he meant by thaâ—â—he answered That he did it becaâ—se his â—â—rse went too mâ—â—h a head Another of a Countrey fellow IT happened that at Christmas time a gentleman who used to keepe a bouâ—tiful hoâ—se having invited many of his friends and Tenants to dinner one one amongst the rest stayed two or three dayes because hee came a great way at his departure hee thanked his Laâ—dlord for his good cheare and weâ—t away as soone as he got home they inquired what welcome hee had O said this fellow great plenty of every thing the like hee had never seene and especially said the fellow to me hee shewed such love for hee commanded halfe aâ— Oxe to bee killed a purpose for my staying A witty one of a Iustice of Peace A Silly fellow being brought before a Justice of Peace for â—tealing of some sheepe the fellow denyed it at length witnesse came against him and justified that they saw him drive away sixe sheep O said the Justice were there no more of them no said the Witnesse the fellow still denyed them which the Justice hearing said Fellow if thou hadst come to me I could have given thee a Warrant to have stolne ten but if you steale no more than tenne it is no matterâ— no indeed said the fellow there were but foure which I had but if I had knowne before that your Worship would have given mee that liberty I would have come to you The Justice whispering his Clerke in his eare bad him make his Mittimus wel said the Justice I will give you a Warrant â—o sâ—eale ten and no more â—t a
more sent him away the second time with another Cow Iacke hasts him away to the Market and going on singing met with his old Chapman which asked him saying How now Iacke whither art thou going Iacke sayd to the Market to sell my Cow Oh sayes the old man if thou wilt let me have thy Cow I will give thee the bravest Rat that ever thou didst see and if thou dost bid her goe and bite him Rat she shall doe it presently besides shee shall shew a great many more tricks to procure laughter Iacke was very unwilling remembring how hee was served for the last fault yet seeing such pretty tricks of the Rat Iacke thought once more to veâ—ter his breech and so let the man have the Cow and home hee comes to his Mother thinking to please her with his Rats trickes the poore woman heereat was almost out of her wits not knowing how to pay her Land-lord who was a very cruell man fell about her sonne and belaboured his Jâ—cketâ— yet all this was nothing to her Rent that shâ—e must have or else be turned out of doores she had one Cow left and calling her sonne Iacke to her first rebuking him for his idlenesse alleadâ—ing her poverty and how hee and she were utterly undone Of a Countrey-fellows hoâ—esty A Young man who lived in the Countrey came up to London which was the first time of his being there and having ended his busines departed from thence and when â—e came neere home hee met with his friend telling him hee had beene at London and seene the Lord Mâ—â—or Ey but said his friend did hee take any notice of thee none at all said he onely I put off my Hat to him and he did his duty to me Of a Puritan ONe of the Tribe comming into Newgatemarket to buy a Cheese of a Cheese-monger after he had seene two or three severall Cheeses the Maâ—ter of the shop desired him to taste of them to see which hee liked best and putting the taste of the Cheeâ—e to his mouth hee put off his Hat and began a long Grace which the Cheese-monger seeing â—nâ—tched up his Cheese said Nay sir since you instead of a taste meane to make a dinner of my cheese you shall buy none of me for I did not buy it after that rate Of a Mayor of the Towne of Quinborow THe Maior of the Towne would needs one day desire his brethren to accompany him to hunt the Hare and as â—hey were at the sport one of the Huntâ—emen came to the Maior and asked him how he liked the Crie of the Hounds a poxe take the dogs saith Master Maior they make such a bawling that I cannot heare the crye Of a Fidler DIvers Gentlemen being aâ— â—sâ—ington to make merry called for the Fidleâ—sâ— it haâ—ned that one of â—he Fidlers were blind and staying so â—ewhat late at night at last they going away one amongst the rest called for the Tapster of the house to light the blinde Fidler downe the stayers to whom the fellow said Sir the Fidler is blinde thou rogue said one of the company hee hath neede of the more light Of a Sailer on Horsebacke A Sailer riding one day between Rochester and Gravesend and being not used to ride the horse being all on sweat and being to passe through a river offered to water the horse before hee ridde him in so deepe as the footlocke one of his company sâ—eing him and knowing the danger which might come to â—he horse call'd upon him â—o ride in deâ—per the oâ—her not knowing the reaâ—on made him this answer First stay til he hath drunk off all this and then I will ride him in farther where he may have his belly full A Parish Clerkes mistake AN honest man a Parish Clerke and a Free man of the City oâ— Loâ—don and by professioâ— a 〈◊〉 being biddeâ— bâ—â—hâ— Preacher before hâ— wâ—â—â— into the Pulpit 〈◊〉 hee found himselfâ— at the present not well tâ— sâ—â—g a Psalme of somâ—â—ength I will said he anâ—â—hus spake aloud I intreatâ— you good people to sinâ— the Lamentation of a Skinner Another of the like IN some parish Churches there be two Clerks and it hapned they fell both asleepe in the Sermon time the Sermon being ended one that stood by them awaked them presently one of them perceiving the Sermon done spake with a loud voyce and desired them to sing All people the other Clerke hearing him starts up and saies Hang all people sing me the hundred Psalme Of a silly Maiâ—r A Maior of a Corporation in the North-Countrey just upon the Death of Queene Elizabeth tooke an occasion to call his brâ—thren together in their Towne-hall and to make a speech what a good Queene they had lost but wished them to take comâ—ort for Pompey and Alexander were dead and all the Nine Worldlings were dead but none of all these were so good a Queene as she and moreover as Master Schoolemaster calls it where there are no Justices of peace and that no Officers have any power but Maiors Bailiffes and Constables by reason of whiâ—h many Scabal-croes and varlets take opportunities to commit divers outrages and muâ—inies hoping to scape unpunished but saith hee if all other Mâ—giâ—trates will take that striâ—t order that I purpose to doe there shal none of them all have the least hope of a resurrection Of aâ— ignorant fellow ONe having occâ—sion to ride forth into the Countrey to see some of his friends and acquaintance chanced to meete with one of his friends servants and demanded of him how his Master and Mistresse did they are both in good health said he and where hast thou beene Why quoth hee my Master hath a Sow to bee guelded and I have beene with my Coâ—zen Sâ—arpe to know when the Moone changed and hee told me to morrow at Eleven a Clocke in the after-noone at whose â—implicity the other laughed exceedingly Of an Apple-pye ONe being aâ—ongst a company of good fellows and espying a Costâ—rmonger that passed by being very desirous to play with him for his basket of Peares called him backe the Costermonger being more forward than wise and having more Dice iâ— his pockets than Crownes in his purse willingly pulled them out and after some play lost al his pears the other had not so soone won them but as willingly distributed them a friend of his being in the presence was angry with him for parting from them so slightly Why saith hee what should I have done with them what should you have done with them replyed his friend you should rather have taken them home to your wife that she might have made some Apple-pyes for youâ— Children Of yong Urbanus going into the Couâ—trey tâ— receive his Wifes Pâ—rtion YOung Vrbaâ—us being newly marryed and having never beene in the country would needs take a journy to fetch his wifes portion leaving her at home to looke to his house and servants on the way he chanced to meete with one who unknown to
thy best of them To which the yong man willingly assented as being wondrous glad of the motion When the Grasier putting his foote into the stirrop to get upon his horse said thus then I beginne my verse Nunc scandit Gualter to whom â—he young ladde suddenly â—eplyed Meus est Bos unus alter Which speedy â—nd witty answer when â—he Grasier heard hee putâ—ing his hand into his â—ouch drew out a French Crowne and cast it unto â—im and said gramerâ—â— Scholler drinke that for my sake which I freely give thee to release mee of my bargaine Of one Parkins a boone Companion in Essex who dyed of the rising of the Lights POore Parkins now percust here lieâ— Light hearted till his Lights did rise Lights of the Body are the Bellowes And hee one of the best gooâ— fellowes That Essex yeelded all weâ— knâ—w And breath'd till they did cease to blow Of a rich Batchelor who by no meanes could be perswaded to marry and hâ—s Foole. A Great rich man and of a good family who altogether affâ—cted a single life kept a foole and made him as familiar with him as if he had been his sole Mistris for hee seemed to take delight in no womans company at all yet it so happened that one of his servants whom he used to imploy in the like offices had conveighed a pretty woman privately into his Chamberâ— and so closely that none of his family took the least notice thereof these two lay very lovingly together and being in the Summertime and the weather hot tossing the clothes very carelesly fell fast asleepe towards the morning when the Foole as his custome was comming towards his masters chamber to give him an earely visit and finding the doore left onely by a negligent laâ—ch hee entred and casting his eyes towards the lower end of the bed spied foure bare legs at which being amazed and not looking so high as up to the pillowes hee ranne downe hastily and cald all the people of the house together and told them hee would shew them such a wonder as their eyes had never beheld til then they deâ—irous to understand the novelty grew very importunate to know what it was who replyed mary I will tell you my Master and yours whom we all saw goe towards bed but with two legs hath since yesternight got foure legs and withal bid them go up and see They not suspecting any thing in regard they knew him to be a Batcheler followed him vp close into the Roome to bee spectators of the prodegy to whom the Foole said looke you here my Mastersâ— and see if I lyeâ— who well perceiving what the businesse was went downe blushing and some of them whispering amongst themselves in regard the â—oore was left so careleslyâ— said they knew not wâ—ich was the greater Foole the Ideot or their Master Of an House that should fâ—ll ONe comming with a very pleasant countenance into the company where his friends were merrily drinking one of them said unto him you are very welcome and the rather because you looke so cheerefully upon us who again replyed marry I thank God I have reâ—son why what is the news â—aith he the other answered againe I married an Orphan and came but now from the Court of Aldermen and they haue promised me the next hoâ—se that falls O but said another if your case were mine I had rather they had promised to mee the next unto it that stands Of Water-mens Hall ONe would not beleeve that the society of the Water-men had any Hal to whom another who was friend unto him replyed Truely Sir they have and the better to resolve you I went this day to Westminster in a paire of Oares and the one of them told mee hee was this yeare chieâ—e Church-warden of the Company A mistake in the Sences TWo friends meeting in the streete one demanded of the other from whence he came who replyed againe From a place where I have spent my time better than you have done in any other this two dayes and where was that said hee marry saith hee in the Church where I have beene to see a Sermon Another in the like kinde ANother coming from a place where a great Tumult and clamor had beene being demanded by a friend of his from whencâ— hee then came whence said hee I protest from a place where I saw such a loud and horrible noyse which hath so deafr me that I am scarce able to heare what you now speake A Verse in Virgil thus construed Silvestrem tenni Musam meditaris avena MEditaris id est Thou well remembrestâ— teâ—ui that I once had Musam â—ilvestrem 〈◊〉 Countrey Wench avena upon an oaten sâ—eafe Another Verse as simply construed A Schoole-master in the Countrey put one of his young Schollers new â—ntred into his Grammar to construe this Verâ—e Est modus in rebus sunt certi denique fines And withal bid hiâ— to doe it suddenly The Boy taâ—es the Bookâ— in his hand and instaâ—tly made this Construction Est mâ—dus in rebus There is mudde in the Rivers sunt certi denique fines and certaine other little Fishes Of a Captaine and his Godâ—sonâ—e A Captaine who could neither write nor read amongst other of his Friends came to give a visite to one of his Gossips to whose childe hee had beene witâ—esse and found him to be a pretty Lad betwixt two and three yeereâ— of age who after he had made much of the chiâ—de asked her if she did not intend to bring him up to be a Scholler To whom she answered O yes by all meanes for shâ—e kept him aâ— Schoole and he tooke his Learning very pretily at whiâ—h the Captaine seemed to bee much pleased and so after some â—ind congraâ—ulaâ—ions parted hee promising within few daies to see her againe which hee accordingly did and brought with him a Friend oâ— his one of his Fellow-souldiers After salutation â—alling into discourse the Lad came from Schooleâ— upon which the Captaine tooke occaâ—ion to commend him to his friend and tell him what a hopefull Scholler he was like to proove Nay saith he to make my words good come hither my prety child and let me heare thee say thy Lesson which thou haâ—t learn'd to day and withall tooke him betwixt his legges and with the Fescue pointed him to the Letters in his Horne-booke and began thus What Letter is this T saith the Boy and what Letter is this H saith he and what Letter is this A saith the Child and what this T saith the Lad very good saith the Captaine and what spells THAT From saith the Boy well spell'd my â—rave Lad said the Capâ—aine if thou proov'st not 〈◊〉 Scholler indeed I 'le not â—eleeve there is a Scholler â—n Christendome Of a Iakes-farmer working in the night CErtaine oâ— those people whom for modeâ—ties sake wee call Goldfinders being empting of an house of office and their Carts with their stinking Tubs blocking the Streets some Gentlemen not
Gallant like your selfe she being then my companion begat you of your mother Of a cheating fellow and his Hostesse A Mad fellow which had no money travelling by the way call'd in at an Ale-house for a deepâ— reckoning but when it came to be payd he made â—o long a pause that his Hostesse desired to see iâ— discharged for shee had other guests to looke toâ— but hee desired her to stay and still the more shee importuned him his answerâ— was Good Hostesse stayâ— well saith shee stay me no stayes either lay me my money downe or I 'le presently goe fetch the Constable and withall stept out of the doore into the streete hee followed her close and began to takâ— him to his heeles which shee perceiving cryed after him Stay fellow stay fellow to whom looking backe hee reply'd by no meanes good Hostesseâ— thou wouldst not stay for me and now will not I stay for thee Of one Banes a Scholler in Westminster ONe Banes a witty Lad of Westminster Schoole having committed some fault or other was to be whipt now the Master whilst hâ—e stood bare to his mercy knowing him to bee ingenious lifting up his Arme with a smarting Rod in his hand said I aske the Banes of Matrimony betwixt the Rod in my hand and the bare breech before mee if any one can shew any reason why these two may not be lawfully joyned together let them speake now or never for this is the last time of their asking and withall being ready to strike the Boy cast his head backe and â—aid Marry I forbid the Banes The Schooleâ—maâ—ter reply'd but sirrah you must shew me some reason whyâ— who answer'd him Because Sir upon my knowledge the parties are not agreed for which witty answer hee was for that time pardoned Of two Neighbours travelling by water TWo Friends travelling by Water and the Windes being somewhat hie and the billowes rough though they were both very fearefull yet one of them seeming more timorous than the other his Neighbour began to cheere him up and sayd Doubt nothing Friend but bee of good comfort for God is as strong by Land as he is by Water A Question about a great or small number A Witty conceited Gentleman meeting with a plaine Countrey-fellow after some other discourse thinking to sport himselfe with his simplicity began to question with him about Arithmeticke and â—mongst other interrogaâ—ories hee asked him wheâ—her hee thought three or â—oure to bee a small numâ—er or a greatâ— to whom â—he plaine fellow replyed â—hat hee thought them to â—ee but a small number how â—aith the Gentleman â—hen I put this further queâ—tion vnto thee if thou hadst three or foure wives â—o keepe and maintaine wouldst not thou thinke â—hem to bee a great numâ—er yes truely answered â—e for to speake my conâ—cience having but one I have enough and too much of her and therefore three or foure are a great number indeed How replyed the Gentleman but say thou hadst but three or foure haires upon thy head wouldst thou not thinke them to be but a very small number at which the poore fellow grew blanke and was not able to make him any further answer Of a young Gentleman that married a crooked maid A Gentleman of good quality and 〈◊〉 propâ—â— man withall married with a Gentlewoman of a great dower but sheew as very crooked a friend of his comming to visit hiâ— and observing upon what manner of creature he had bestowed himselfe taking him aside after some other discourse demanded oâ— him why he being so handsome a Gentleman and in his prime of youth could match himselfe to a woman so mishapen who smiling replyed friend if thou hadst sent me a peece of gold out of the country and bowed it for a token it being weight should I have despised it and sent it backe againe to thee because it was somewhat bent and crookedâ— Sundry mâ—stakes spoken publickly upon tâ—e Stage IN the Play of Richard the third the Duke of Buckingham being betraid by his servant Banister a Mâ—ssenger comming hastily into the presence of the King to bring him word of the Dukes surprizall Richard asking him what newesâ— he replyed My Liege the Duke of Banister is tane And Bâ—ckingham is come for his reward A like to the formeâ— ANother in the Play of Edward the second though being often taxt of the errour yet could never deliver one line otherwise than thus Like to the harmelesse Lambe or sucking Dove A third A Third making a Proclamation in the stead of fifty foot commanded that no man upon paiâ—e of death should come within fifty Miles of the place of Execution A fourth ANother made this comparison Like to so many Cannons shot from Bullets A fift ANother bringing word from the General that the Souldiers should sinke all their boats and begon told them that they must bore their holes full of Boats and instantly march away A Man of a low stature ONe that was of a very low stature and being often jeer'd for that One time above the rest it being cast upon him hee said you talke of Dwarfes and the like but I protest I was the other day in company with three or foure of my acquaintance when no man being so high as I I was the tallest man amongst them Of a Souldiers wife in the time of Auriâ—olar Confession A Souldier having a curst â—hrew to his wife and very untractable yet pretending to be very religious used â—o goe often to Coâ—fession but still when shee kneeled before her Ghostly Father in stead of ripping up her owne sinnes she troubled his eares with telling him what a bad man she had to her husband and spared not to brand him with the worst things that either â—e could possibly doe or shee could imagine to bee done The Confessor meeting with him by chance gave him a gentle admonishment perswading a Comingall Attonement betwixt them and told him how necessary it was for his soules health to have a perfect an unfeigned reconcilement made that they might live in peace and unity and to that purpose told him how needfull it was that hee should also come oftener to Confession which hee had before so much neglected These words seemed to take great impression in him insomuch that he appointed him a certain time for that purpose and kept his word accordingly being upon his knees his Confessor having given him a serious exhortation to confesse all those sinnes whatsoever hee had committed that hee might bee absolved of them he made him answere that it was altogether needlesse and to no purposeâ— for whatsoever I have done nay more then ever I had a thought to doe my wife hath confest unto you before hand and so left him Of one that bought an Horse in Smithfield A Gentleman cheapened an Horse in Smithfield and agreed for the price which was Ten pound but comming to pay down the Money hee had but eight Pieces about him but sayd to him that sold
Of Paules TWo Gentlemen that were of familiar acquaintance meeting the one demandedâ— of the other what newes marry â—aith he strange newâ—s have you not heard it his friend being importunate to know what it was why saith hee Paules is preparing either to goe or to ride into the Country presently the other replyed what probability can there bee for that what probability answered he againe why doe you not see hee hath sent all his Trunkes away before hand Of a great Courtier and a Citizen A Citizen of good quality having businesse with a Lord of the Court as having vented upon him divers commodities thâ— Lord upon a time being merrily disposed desired to resolve him one question who told him he would if it lay in his power to doe 't then saith hee I prethee tell mee what should be the reason that so many Citizens should bee Cuckolds who answered him presently troth my Lord I know none but our foolish imitation for wee can see a fashion no sooner come up in the Court but they will never bee at qâ—iet till they have it in the City Of a Maior in the Country and a pleasant fellow riding through the Towne THe Maior of a thorow-fare Towne sitting at his doore in discourse with some of his neighbours one that tired his horse could not by any spurring make him go forward but when hee came just before the Inne doore where the Maior sate stood stone stilâ— and would not stirre one fooâ—e further at which they fell all on laughing for hee was â—nowne to them all at leâ—gth saith mistris Maior friend how farre are you to ride to night troâ—h anâ—wered he I am afraid I am at the farthest will you fell the Bâ—ast you ride on saith the Mâ—ior if I would answered he I could wish you not to buy him for one foule fault that he hath and what is that saith the other hee replyed marry because he never lookes upon any paltry Mare but as I have observed it this jadish trick comes upon him The answere of an old Foole. ONe asked an ancient Ideot what made him to look so gray my haires said hee Of one Neighbour inviting another to Dinner ONe Neighbour inviting another to dinner said unto him in these words good friend will it please you to dine with me to day and if it please you to send in Meate saving for Bread and Drinke I will put you to no other charges Of a North countrey â—â—n who told a Lye in London A Plaine Northerne fellow comming up to the City told a palpablâ—lyeâ— and added further that he bad the Divill take him if it were not true but presently re-calling himselfe said I crye God mercy what have I done one asking him the reason of his laâ—t speech and what relation it had to the former who answâ—red marry faith hee because I â—now not of what condition your Divels are heere about London but in our Countrâ—â— I might have said the Divell take mee a hundred times together and I am sure none of them all would have hurt mee A pretty mistake in the marrying of a couple A Plaine Vicar in the Country came â—o marry a yong man and a maid who were his pâ—rishoners and both well knowne to himâ— and when he came to the joyning of their hands he said to him John what is your name to whom the fellow said what need you aske me that it seems you know it as well as I doe my selfe Of the blinde man of Hoâ—â—way THe Blinde man of Holloway comming about some â—usinesse to Londonâ— and especially to speake wiâ—h a Citizen in Fryday-street with whom hee had some trading came unto his shop and asked one of the boyes if his Master were within who told him that hee was aboveâ— I pâ—ethee then tel him that I am here and desire to speake with him who presentlâ— went up and told his Master that the blinde man of Holloway wâ—s come to see him â—s hee saith his Master tell him I will come downe unto him presently for I know hee would be verâ— glad to see me Of a Quask-salver who did undertake to cure one of the Gout ONE lying long bed-rid of the Gout which by lazinesse and too much ease grew more and more upon him a Quacksalver came to him and tooke upon him to cure him but finding that hee could give him no ease at all but that the cure was above his cunning knowing that his patient had a Guelding in the Stable on which hee sometimes rode when hee was not able to goe hee watched his opportunity stole him and rode with him quite away Now the man having neither Physitian to helpe him nor Horse to â—ase him was forc't to forsake his Bed and to try his feete by which meanes he was suddenly recovered by stretching out his shrunke veines which before were contracted Those that knew it gave out that the Horse was the best Physitian of the two and that the Quacksalvers knavery had done more than his cunning Of a Maide who dyed suddenly A Kitchin-mayd who was providing a great Dinner where divers persons were invited as they expâ—cted the meate to come up sudden neweâ— was brought to them that the Cooke-maide was fâ—l-len downe dead in the Kiâ—chinâ— and was past all recovery at which all the Guests with the owner of the House and the râ—st of his Family made speed out of the house leâ—t tâ—e meate at the fire loâ—â—t up the doorâ—s and aâ—â—y they went Oâ—e reâ—aâ—iâ—g this to a â—riend o◠〈…〉 that theâ— wâ—re 〈…〉 such a â—â—are 〈…〉 no living 〈◊〉 iâ— the house saving â—hâ— mayde who lay deâ—â— in the Kitchin Of a Masse-Priest in Queen Maries dayes IN Queene Maries dayes when all the Service was in Latinâ— a simple silly Priest in the Counâ—rey for there were few other in those dayes was intreated to come to the next Parish to Christen a Childe but not having his owne Booke he was so newhat puzell'd at length hee spy'd at the foot of a leafe written Saâ—taper triâ— that is skip or turne over three leaves at once which hee mistaking and thinking it had beene the fashion of that Pâ—râ—shâ— wâ—en he came to those wâ—rdâ— to give thâ—ee 〈◊〉 about the Foâ—◠〈◊〉 wâ—lliâ—g â—o breâ—k Cuâ—tâ—â—esâ— hâ—â— preseâ—tly fetcâ—etâ— thrâ—e â—â—iskes and vagaries tumbling the Mid-wife one way the Godfather another and had almost throwne down the God-mother that held the Child at which they all thought him to be mad and layd hold on him but a Gentleman sâ—anding by who had overlookt him in his reading spying the Errour put him into the right way otherwise the Childe had beene borne thence not halfe Christened Of a 〈◊〉 aâ—d a pleasant 〈◊〉 A Mâ—â—y fâ—â—low having 〈…〉 â—o caâ—ryâ—dâ—wâ—e 〈◊〉 â—reaâ—â—uâ—ntity of waâ—er â—nâ—o 〈…〉 wâ—iâ—◠〈…〉 seeme◠〈…〉 â—o much note of câ—ye◠〈◊〉 Fire fire the neighbours comming and askiâ—g where He told them in the Vintâ—ers Câ—llar They beate against the doore up comes the Master and
ANother instead of a Sow-pigge went up and downe the Market to aske for a Cow-pigge Of one comming from a Sermon ONe that had not beene often at Church one asking him what the Preachers Text was who answered him againe I know the Text as well as the Mother that bore thee and hee tâ—oke it out of Ieronimo Of a Picture ONe looking upon his friends picture which was drawne in a very curious Table began much to commend the workemanship and said The Doubleâ— was as like him as if it had beene made for him Of a pleasant fellow his Confessor and a Gammâ—n of Bacon A Pleasant fellow comming to Confession his ghostly Father demanded what great and grievous sinne hee had lately committed since his last absolution who fetching a great sigh said that the laâ—tâ—Leâ—t hee had a goodly gammon of bacon â—ent him out of the Countrey but because of the strictnesse of the time hee had cast it downe into the house of Office The good man chidde him for it and told him that it was a great â—â—n indeede so to contemne any of Gods good creatures hâ— should rather have kept it or given it towards the reliefâ— of some poore people who stood in need thereof or saith he if none of these it had beene lesse offence in thee to have eaten it Truely Father saith hee I thought so and therefore not to dissemble with you I did eate it first and sent it downe into the house of Office after Of a fellow â—anged for stealing an Halter ONe meeting another with whom hee was well acquainted asked him for an old companion of his whom he had not seen of long O saith hee hee is gon the wrong wayâ— why what is become of him saith the other who told him againe he was hang'd the other replyed hang'd for what marry saith hee for stealing a rope a small fault saith he ey but answered he againe there was an horse tyed to the end of it Of two fellows that were tâ— ride a journey TWo crafty Knaves but one more subtile than the other were to ride a journey and to hire an Horse betwixt them and to ride by turnes now when they both had layd downe their money saith the one of them take notice of the bargaine that is betwixt us is it not thus That when I ride you shal goe on foote and when you goe on foote I shall ride 'T is right said the other of which the first taking notice got up into the Saddle and made his friend â—roâ— on foote the whole jâ—urney Things that cannot be revoked YOuth Time a word spoken and a Maids Virginity Another to the like purpose HE that at twenty yeers of age is not faire aâ— Thirty strongâ— at Forty wiâ—â— at Fifty rich it is too late for him to expâ—â—t any of these after Of one that was to fell an Hogge IT hath beene a cuâ—â—oâ—e in the Countrey that when any man kill'd an Hogge hee was to invite all his neighburs to â—ate part thereof and so they went round by turnes now one more penurious than the rest willing to save that charge asked counsell of his neighbour what he were best to doe who told him that the onely way for him to save both his purse and his credit was to give out the next day that his Hog was stolne that night who deparâ—ed from him very well satisfied and resolv'd Now it so happened that his Hogge was that night stolâ—e indeed which he missing in the Morning ran openâ—mouth'd to his Goâ—sip with a loud acclamation and told him he was quite undone for his Hog was stolne out of the Sty who smiling made answer 'T is very well Gossip yoâ—â—arry the businesse even so as I instructed you To whom hee reply'd with an Oath Ey but Gossip I tell you he is stolne indeed who answered better and better for if you remember I told you your neighbours would not beleeve you without an oath at which words being more veâ—ed he stamped and stared and rapt out Oath after Oath that what â—e said was true the other still smiling said if that passion would not carry it currant amongst his neighâ—ours sure nothing would and so he left him derided as well as deluded Foure things kill a man before his time A Sad Family immoderate â—urfeit corrupt ayre and a faire wiâ—e Of two calling for a breakfast TWo Gentlemen taking a roome in a Taverne having call'd for Wine asked the Drawer what they might have to breakefast who told them there was nothing but a peece of Beefe in the Pot â—nd that was not halfe sod â—o â—aith one of themâ— I am â—ery hungry I prethee â—hen till thy Beefe be reaâ—y let me have a slice of â—oft-meate cut from the â—pit Of three things to be bewared THree things all men ought to beware of Not to be inquisitive into other mens secrets for it may breed thee danger to â—ouch nothing in a Smiths â—hop leâ—t thou burne thy â—ingers and to taâ—te nothing when thou art at the Apothecaries leâ—t in the stead of a preservative thou lightest upon poyson Of one that came reeling from the Taverne A Gentleman that came reeling from a Taverne and indentering all the way it beiâ—g late in the night the watch came about him and began to to lay hold of him who startling at their sudden approach as new waked out of a dreame asked what was to pay They perceiving he came newly out of a Taverne told him that it was not likely that a Gentleman of his fashion would leave the house without paying the reckoning who answered them againe If the reckoning bee paid why then doe you bring mee these Bills Of one dancing upon the Ropes A Meere naturall Foole comming by chance into a place where one was dancing on the Ropes whose foote failed him and hee fell to the ground at which all the spectators fell into a great laughter one Foole put finger in the eye and wept and being demanded the reason thereof made answer Marry because they call mee a Foole that have the wit to keepe my feete upon the ground and tooke him for a wise man who dancing in the Aire is at every step he takes ready to breake his necke Of one that bought a Mare in Smithfield ONe bargaining for a Mare in Smithfield and being a man knowne paid downe halâ—e his money in hand and promised him â—to bee a deâ—tor unto him for the rest the seller some two dayes after meeting with the buyer demanded his mony who told him hee had in all things punctually kept his bargaine for saith hee if I should pay you the reâ—t of the money I am then no more you debtor An old Proverb IT hath beene an old Proverbe and for the most part true Those men undoubtedly grow rich whose wives dye and whose Bees proâ—per Things â—hat cannot bee hid LOve the Cough Fire and griefe How one saluted a Gentlewoman ONe meeting a Gentlewoman in the streetes bare
upon the ground as he went found a horse-shooe and stucke it at his girdle and so went still forwards at length a bullet came and hit him there whereupon he said a little armour will serve turne if it were put in the right place Of a couple of Tailors A Couple of Tailors working â—pon a shopâ—boord togâ—ther about nine of the clocke the maid of the â—ouse brings them an eggâ— to breakfâ—st so one â—ooke the poynt of his needle and so did the other also and began tâ— eateâ— at length onâ— thought hee did not takâ— up enough at a time turneâ— the eyâ— of the needle anâ— eates with that which thâ— other presently espyeâ— sweares a great oath whaâ— you rogue doe you eate with a malt-shovell Of three Souldiers THere were three souldiers which had not a peny of money and were very dry and could not tell what to doâ— one above the rest goes into an Ale-house and bids the other two come in with him and then he cals to the man of the house to give them three peny loaves and when they were brâ—ught one of them â—aid what do you thin eâ—ine Host that wee are Taylors give â—s three pots of Beere for them so the man brought them three Cans of Beere and when they had dranke them up they were going away the Host said who shall pay for the Beere why good man Rogue said one of them had not you three peny loaves for them yes said the Host then said his man pay for the bread why you Rascall said the other had not you the bread againe so they went their way laughing at the poore Tapster A cunning tricke of a Frier IT happened about Lent time that a cunning Frier going up and downe to preach in â—ownes and Villages and beingâ— in his SermoÌ„ he begged of the poor peoplâ— their charityâ— and told them many strange stories what hee had endured at length hee said iâ— they would give something largely in the afternoone hee would â—hew them such a Relique â—hat they never saw and â—hat should bee a â—eather of the Angell Gabriel in the afternoone all the people flocked together and offered store of moneyâ— now the Friar had got in 〈◊〉 boxe a feather of a Peacocks taile which heâ— would have perswadeâ— them to have bin the Angel Gabriels Now his Hosâ— of the house having formerly looked in the boxeâ— and saw that it was nothing but a Peacocks taile tooâ— it out and put in a handful of small cooles the Fryeâ— making haâ—te to goe tâ— Church to get the moneâ— nere looked into the boxe but put it under his Gown and went his way and being in his discourse he told them that he had brought what hee had promised so al the people fixed their eyes on him stedâ—astly then hee opened the boxe and seeing nothing but small coales told them that hee hadâ— mistaken the boxe which hee intended bnt he would shew them a greater Relique and that was some of the coales which Saint Lawrence was broyled upon so the people went away satisfied and the Host hearing this Knavery told the Fryer unlesse he would give him some of the money hee would discover it which hee did agree to and sâ— they both laugh'd at thâ— simple people for beleeving him Of a blind man and his â—oy A Poore man being strucken blind anâ— not able to live hyred 〈◊〉 Boy to lead him from onâ— friends house to another to get food and it happeneâ— at one place they gave him both rost meate and boyl'd meate the boy gave the blind man the boyl'd meate and kept the rost for himselfe at length his Master said Sirrah I smell â—st meate surely you have â—me but you cousen me â—ecause I cannot see but have a good nose said the â—oore man at length the â—oy had eaten all of it and â—s Master thâ—eatned to â—eate him for so doing â—hereupon the boy makes â—o more a doe but led â—im on a good round pace â—here in the mid-way â—ood a whipping poste â—ainst which the poore â—an hits his face a very â—re knock what sayes the â—oy can you smell rost â—eatâ— and cannot you â—ell tâ—e post An answer of a wife to a Neighbour A Couple of special friends meeting diâ— salute one another iâ— the â—â—reete and one oâ— them had his Wife with him and the other whicâ— had not his wife to accompany him sayes Friendâ— your legges grow very little me thinks in the calfe and are shrunke up hiâ— wife made answer yet heâ— hath out-growne all hâ— night-caps A witty answer of a Gentlewoman A Geâ—tlewoman comming into Pauls Church-yard among the Trunke-makers to buy a â—lose stoole and the Trunke-maker asked a â—reat price for it and she â—ound fault with the rate which he set upon it then â—aid the Trunke-maker it â—s a very strong one and â—t was better worth by two â—hillings more by reason of the Locke and spring it â—ad the Gentlewoman â—nswered there was no great need of a Key for â—hee would put nothing into it but what she cared not who stole iâ— out Of an entertainment A Cittizen riding into the Countrey to take pleasure and comming to his frieâ—ds house and finding him at home hee made him vâ—ry heartily welcome and desired him to stay all night â—or hee should bee sure to have a flock-bed stuffed full of feathers and you shall have it to your selfe and I will lye with you Of a little Boy A Gentlewoman at the time of Christmas invited to dinner divers of her neighbours and when they were all come and ready to sit downe shee called her sonne which was a little boy and bid him have a care that he did not begge at Table for if he did shee would whip him the boy waited at the Table a great while and had nothing he being very hungry and seeing the Pyes almost eaten saith pray Mother give me some Pye and I will not beg Of two Countrey fellows A Couple of Countrey-fellows going to market together began to â—ell stories one saith I did see a naked boy with his pockets full of Nuts kill a dead Sow with a Crosse-bow the other said I shal have a Fustian Doublet made of as good Holland as can be got for money then said the other I must buy some merry booke 〈◊〉 a lamentable tune when shall I see that booke said the otherâ— to morrow morning in the Afternoone said hee then said the other I will tell you a strange thing there was a woman living in our Towne which had at five births ten children and every one was a Girle and a Boy Of a Coâ—ntreyâ—boy â—â—tching Pâ—ddings A Good huâ—wiâ—e upon a time made Puddings and when she had put them into a Kettle and set them over the fire to boyle shee called a little boy which was her sonne to watch them that when they began to leape as Puddings will doe when they are sod to call herâ— the boy still looking in the Kettle saw