Councel your Points gain'd Fr. But will the Court suffer that won't the Bench take notice of it Wrang No matter for that you must n't be easily snub'd if the Court give you a Check go on still and if at last they force you to desist sit down sullenly and say not a word more in the cause if it â—oes for you your Client will hug you and attribute all his success to your zeal at first if otherwise he 'l impute it to the partiality of the Judge that wou'd n't hear you out There 's Councellor Noisie is one of the best Lawyers for that that ever tir'd the Court Fr. I 've heard much of your Fame Sir for this Politick way of Practice Wrang Time has been Pupil but my Lungs are past the best they won't serve me now as they have done You 'l be of a rare Age for it when you come to 't When your Adversarie's Witnesses are call'd be sure to give 'em frequent Interruptions by Questions sly cunning Questions there 's a great deal of Art in managing an Adversarie's Witness well by neat address most of 'em may be made Evidences for you but you must ask 'em cunningly you may lead 'em whither you please and draw what answers you will from ' em But if the adverse Councel discover and countermine you to cross Purposes with 'em immediately ask 'em Questions innumerable to the Point or not 't is all one it confounds 'em confounds the Court and perplexes the Cause Fr. But how must we do to defend our own Witnesses from the same Practice o't'other side Wrang They must be prepar'd before hand a well-instructed Witness is all in all ' Twou'd make a Man mad to see what Witnesses are brought out of the Country sometimes there 's no hammering a right impression in their heads If you wou'd have a Cause go glibly forward never trouble those thick skull'd Rogues but take two or three of your own training or that you 've try'd and I 'll warrant your Cause for miscarrying Fr. But are they so easie to be had Wrang There are about this Town abundance of very pretty apt fellows that either through a natural inclination to appear in publick or their necessities are very ready to receive any Impression from Money Enter Famine Fam. Sir there 's Madam Olympia and Mr. Affidavit without and desire to speak with you Wrang Wait on 'em in Exit Famine Friend offers to go Nay you may stay Pupil we may have occasion for your Hand This Mr. Affidavit's the ablest Solicitor in England he has always his Witnesses and his Implements in such order 't wou'd do one's heart good to be of Councel for him Enter Olympia and Affidavit Wrang Madam I 'm your Ladiships most humble Servant the 10000l was paid to me yesterday according to your Order How will your Ladiship be pleas'd to have it dispos'd of Ol. That 's what I 'm come about Mr. Serjeant I 've two or three offers and am in some doubt which to take they all appear fair Affid Does your Ladiship persist in your resolution of accepting an Assignment of Squire Careless's Mortgage there can be no better Security in the World Fr. I wish she wou'd she 's a Woman of Honour and Careless may expect kindness and civil Treatment from her but I 'm afraid these Knaves will trick her I 'll watch ' em Aside Ol. If Mr. Serjeant will use me well I 'm willing enough for I don't care to break the Sum and 't is too big to lend upon any but Land-Security Wrang Madam I 'll ask nothing of you for my Bargain Pay me my Principal and Interest at seven per Cent. which is the Interest Mr. Careless shou'd have paid and 't is your Ladiships Aff. Take him at 's word Madam if I had the Money to lay down as you have I 'd not take 5000l for my Bargain as I cou'd manage it Your Ladiship may afford the Serjeant's Lady a Present of a Noble Piece of Plate Aside to Olympia Friendly over-hearing Ol. You might perhaps but I can't Whenever Mr. Careless or his Friends think fit to redeem it I shall take no advantage To Affidavit Fr. 'T is nobly answer'd and Careless shall know his Obligation to thee Asid Aff. How foolishly some People throw away these Golden Opportunities but that I know the Serjeant too well I cou'd make a shift to raise the Money But we Sharpers never play with one another Aside Ol. What 's the Sum Mr. Serjeant Wrang The Principal Madam 17000l the Interest 3500l and some odd Pounds but you shall know to a Farthing Ol. Well let the Writings be drawn that they may be perus'd by my Councel and the rest of your Money shall be ready upon Sealing Mr. Serjeant where 's your Lady I must see her why won't she visit me sometimes I almost take it ill Wrang She stirs so little abroad she 's not fit to wait upon your Ladiship Famine bid your Mistress wait upon her Ladiship immediately Exit Fam. Clashing of Swords heard without and a Shriek Wrang Ha! what Noise is that Aff. 'T is the Clashing of Swords sure keep the Door fast Friendly opens the Door enter Florella in a fright and after her Careless backwards with his Sword drâ—wn Friendly claps to the Door Fr. What 's the matter Sir y' are not hurt I hope Car. No thanks to your timely Inter 〈◊〉 Sir my worst hurt is my Regret for having been the 〈…〉 fair Lady Flo. If my Fright has 〈…〉 in the safety of a Gentleman 't is very welcome to me Car. I 'm a stranger Madam to that sweet voice yet I 'm glad to hear it sound a more pleasing Note Ol. May a Woman be so bold as to ask the occasion of this Quarrel Sir Exit Friendly Car. The Serjeant there Madam or Mr. Affidavit can better resolve that Question than I these were some of their Mirmydons I suppose they were Catchpoles Bayliffs Madam Wrang Upon my word Mr. Careless 't was n't at my Suit Aff. Nor any that I know of I do assure you Sir Car. Well then you two ha' got enough by me will you be my Bail Wrang Indeed Sir you must excuse me you know you 're a great many thousand Pounds in my debt and pay no Interest you take no care o'th at Car. Don't you take care o'th at Don't you receive my Rents Thou perplexer of Causes thou tormenter of the Law the Stomach of an Ostriege is but a Type of thy Conscience that can digest any thing tho' never so hard and bulky Canst thou swallow three thousand Pounds a year and disgorge nothing I don't owe you any thing Sir do I Enter Friendly Aff. No Sir but I 've made a solemn resolution never to Bail any Man tho' he were my Father Besides we don't know at whose Suit nor for what this Action is brought Fr. I 've enquir'd that 't is at the Suit of one Mr. Snip a Taylor for
70l Aff. Sir I 'm sorry I can't serve you in this Affair in any thing else Car. Why thou Buckram Bag-Carrier thou Bastard Son of Parchment thou Nit to the Lay thou Cur that art grown fat upon the scatterings of my Extravagance dar'st thou bark at me your Man his scarce worn out the Livery that came off your own Back and dare you insult Of all my Follies or misfortunes this is the worst that I shou'd want or expect any kindness from such Grubs such groveling Muck worms Ol. A brave spirited mettl'd Fellow Aside Car. But I 'll take care to provide such â—â—ine for you Horse leâ—ches as shall make you discharge the Goâ—â— you swell with I will ye Blood suckers I will Friendly steals privately to him and slips a Ring into his hand Fr. Aside Here take this Ring and â—awn it to him 't is worth two hundred Pound to morrow you shall redeem it Flo. Pray my Dear oblige the Gentleman 't is in your own power to repay your self Ol. Mr. Serjeant you ought not to let the Gentlâ—man suffer since you with-hold his Estate Wrang So h 'as brought the Women over to his Party already a handsome wild young Fellow â—â—'r misses their good word Aside Car. Ladies I 'm extremly oblig'd to you both for this Favour your Beauties ought to command not suâ— But to such a fordid Wretch I've a better Advocate one that 〈◊〉 and â—hinâ—s with 〈◊〉 Lustre in his greedy â—yes than all the Charms you are Mistresses of 〈…〉 the Ring Here Lawyer I know you love 〈◊〉 Security You understand these Things â—â—â—'er look a-skew Man 't is right and cost Two Hundred 〈◊〉 What dare you â—nd upon 't Wran I don't care to meddle with such things I don't know the Value of ' em Ol. Aside Lend him 200l upon 't and place it to my Account and give me the Ring and Bail him and I 'll indemnifie you Wran Well Madam if you 'll secure me it shall be done Aside To Careless Now Sir after all these Provocations and Indignities you may justly expect I shou'd insult o'er your Necessities But to let you see how little those Indecencies your Passion has made you utter have affected me I 'll lend you 200l upon your Ring which shall be yours again whenever you please to redeem it and will be your Bail to this Action Mr. Affidavit pray call in the Officer but let his Followers keep without Car. For the Money you 've a Pledge I sha'n't part with and for the rest you know how to lick your self whole Ol. Still brave and like himself He can't return Thanks for a Service he does n't think done out of Kindness Aside Fler. I shall be a Widow suddenly I hope This Generosity looks like a Lightning before Death Aside to Friendly Friend Heaven verifie the Omen Madam Aside to Florella Enter Affidavit and Officer Wran O Mr. Trappum Are you the Man Pray What Summ's this Action for What 's the Debt and at whose Suit Off. The Debt's 70l and at Mr. Snip's Suit Wran Well I 'll be thâ— Gentleman's Bail You 'll take my Word till anon and not molest him Off. An 't were for 1000l an 't please your Worship Wran Well call two or three Hours hence and the Business shall be done Off. God bless your Worship ' Servant Master Exit Officer Wran Sir I 'll fetch your Money Exit Wrangle Car. Ladies this wonderful Conversion's owing to your Charms your Eyes are the happiest Sâ—ars e'er influencâ—d my Fortune Ol. So they are if you knew all I cou'd give a more natural Solution of this Miracle if I durst Aside 'T is this Lady has wrought this Miracle she 's Lady of the Ascendant here Flor. Mine Madam have shed their Influence long since 'T is for your Ladyship to work such strange Conversions Car. I shall impute it to the happy Conjunction of Both. Had I only such bright Constellations to consult I should turn Astrologer and ne'er be out in my Predictions Enter Wrangle Wran I must break off this Parley that extravagant Fellow will sollicite my Wife before my Face else Aside Sir here 's your Money 't is all Gold except a little Silver to make the Samm even Ol. Mr. Serjeant You 'll take care to dispatch those Writings as fast as you can But don't let Mr. Careless know a Syllable Aside Wran I 'll wait upon your Ladyship with 'em in a few Hours Ol. Mr. Serjeant your Servant Madam your most humble Servant Car. Your Ladyship will permit me to wait upon you to your Coach Madam your humble Servant Gentlemen yours Exeunt Car. and Olymp. Wran Come let 's walk in Mr. Affidavit I ha' further Business with you Exeunt Wrangle Florella and Affidavit Friend For my part I can't believe this Miracle there 's some deeper laid Knavery than I can fathom the Bottom of I 'll follow'em and try what Discovery may be made I dare not yet to such Conversions trust Where Mâ—sers gen'rous prove and Knaves are just Exit ACT III. Enter Friendly and Careless Car. CAN you guess the meaning Friendly of the Lawyer 's surprizing Change If ill Language and Railing work so well with him I 'll make my self Master of all the Rhetorick of Billingsgate to pleasure him the best Breath'd loudest Scold there shall be a civil modest Person to me Friend That 's a Groundless Fancy Quarrelling's his Trade and Scolding his daily Exercise at the Bar 't is as familiar to him as Snuff to an Irish-man and he takes it as unconcernedly If you had as much Malice as a disappointed She-Saint as much Scandal as a Secret Historian with the Lungs and Front of a Scotch Field-Preacher you 'd ne'er be able to rail him out of a single Doit. There 's some Roguery a foot which I 'd fain trace Car. Why shou'd he send the Ring back without Money He knows I 'm too sensble of his Knavery for him to trust to my Honour There 's the Ring Friendly and my Thanks Gives him a Ring Friend This is none of my Ring 't is a fairer and worth more than mine Here take 't again and wear it We 're in a Labyrinth now and this may prove a Clue to guide us out again Car. What! more Miracles Nay e'en keep it till I redeem yours Sure some Qualm of Conscience has o'ertaken this harpy Serjeant some honest Devil or other has frighted him into a Fit of Repentance and he begins to refund now with the same Grace that Thieves make Restitution at the Gallows Oh for your Spiritual Pimp now to perfect this good Work of the Devil's beginning Friend â—'m apt to think the Flesh has more to do in this Matter than the Devil I fancy I'm Oedipus enough to solve this Riddle Who brought this King Car. I don't know 'T was sent to me at the Râ—se seal'd up and superscrib'd but nothing written within the Paper Before I cou'd come out of the Room the
THE Sham-Lawyer OR THE LUCKY EXTRAVAGANT As it was Damnably ACTED at the Theatre-Royal In DRURY-LANE LONDON Printed for Abel Roper at the Black Boy over against St. Dunstan's Church in Fleet-street 1697. PROLOGUE AS want of Coin did store of Banks beget So Poets swarm upon this Dearth of Wit And as those Banks when ready Cash grew scant Excus'd non-payments by the publick want Ill Poets so when you on them reflect Their proper Faults upon the Times reject Shoals of damn'd Play-wrights in our Pits are found Like Brother Bankrupts for each other bound Who sinking first themselves beneath the Test With joint Endeavour strive to damn the rest And having fail'd to satisfie the Town Turn Levellers and cry all credit down Fools French-men Players fill the crouded Pit Those sworn Confederates to write down Wit Instead of Manly sense and strong writ Plays They bring you Harlequin and Opera's They let you thus like Children have your will Knowing how fond you are of Rattles still These Practices on us have brought such Ills That half our Customers protest our Bills And our Receipts of late to less amount Than formerly by double Bank discount Our young Beginner fearing this to day Offers Security for his first Play To raise his Stock he wise provision made Of a rich Partner to support the Trade Whose visible Estate and Credit yet Make his Bills current through the Land of Wit Which upon sight if any doubt be made In specie shall in new mill'd Wit be paid For like our Mints our Scribler has made bold To make all new by melting down the Old Nor can you blame him if he has the Skill But to maintain the Ancient Standard still For what he finds in weight deficient grown He will make good with Bullion of his own Thus much he thought was to the Criticks due Next comes his Complement fair Sex to you He wou'd not raise your Blushes by his Play Nor suffer Scandal on the Stage to day On Knaves alone at present he makes War For only such are brought unto the Bar And yet the Fool did the whole City spare Like running Traders thus he does begin By courteous dealing first to draw you in If to his word this time you find him just It may encourage you to greater Trust Next time perhaps alone He 'l undertake And by your Favours in your Debts may break Dramatis Personae MEN. Careless A Witty Extravagant Gentleman that by his Negligence has almost ruin'd his Estate Mr. Cibber Friendly A Gentleman of Wit and Honour but careful of his Affairs Friend to Careless and in Love with Florella Mr. Harland Serj. Wrangle An Old Rich Knavish Covetous Jealous Lawyer Mr. Bullock Homily A Formal Affected Hypocritical Sottish Ignorant Old-fashion'd Curate of the Lawyer 's Parish Mr. Johnson Spade A Merry Drunken Beggarly Knave Sexton and Pot-Companion to Homily Mr. Hains Famine A Pleasant Hungry Half-starv'd Fellow Servant to the Serjeant and Pimp to Friendly Mr. Pinkeman Affidavit A Tricking Raskally Solicitor and Creature of the Serjeant's Swearhome Clenchiâ— Two Knights of the Post Instruments of the Serjeant and Affidavit WOMEN Olympia A Young Widow of Quality a Woman of great Honour and Fortune Mrs. Knight Florella A Woman of Wit Beauty and Honour Wife to Wrangle quondam Mistress to Friendly and yet in Love with him Mrs. Rogers Mrs. Vernish A Match-making Bawd Mrs. Powel Gentlemen Officers and Attendants to the Widow THE Sham-Lawyer OR THE LUCKY-EXTRAVAGANT ACT I. SCENE I. Enter Careless and Friendly Friend PRithee dear Careless consider a little and try to manage the last Stake I 'm no great Friend to plodding business but thy Extravagance makes me Grave I 'm asham'd to see thee thus varying thy outside continually like a Camelion a few days will reduce thee to the same Diet too Carel. Yes yes i 'm like to edifie by such a Preacher whose life 's a continu'd contradiction to his Doctrine now art thou 't is ten to one going to a Whore and a Treat and recommend'st thrift to me only to give the better relish to thy own iniquity like a Pamper'd Chaplain's preaching Abstinence and surfeiting all the time on the Luxury of his Lords's Table Friend A wise Gamster need not absolutely forswear Play but I 'm mad to see you a Bubble to your own Indiscretion and in a world so full of Sharpers thinking you play upon the Square Carel. Hang Caution 't is the Companion of Fools I tell thee Friendly that among all the numerous Follies of Mankind there 's none so ridiculous and so destructive to our ease as that which they call Discretion 't is a Bridle put into the mouths of Asses by which they are ridden and manag'd to other Mens Humours I defie it and from hence forward Wit be my Wealth and Pleasure my Business Friend Pleasure and Wit are Mistresses that must be treated high a Poor Lover can no more hope a Favour from either than from a Town-Jilt or a Courtier 't is never Flood with them when the Pocket is at low Eâ—â— If you wou'd preserve their Favour keep your Estate when that 's gone you 'l find they 'l soon desert you Carel. Does true Wealth then consist only in the number of Acres No let the dull Landed Clods manure the Dirt they sprang from and when theyâ—ve worn themselves out in the Slavery fatten it with a Dung-hill of their own Carcases I cultivate a more fruitful Soil my Brains my Estate my Wit my Plow Pleasure my Crop the whole Town my Tenants the Tavern my Store-house every Man's Purse my Exchequer thine or any Friends Wardrobe mine and your Houses when I please my Lodging Thus I 've given a Particular of my Revenue acquir'd without Purchase enjoy'd without Settlement and collected without trouble My Friends are all my Stewards for what one brave Spirit enjoys is common to all Nature and great Souls know no limits they scorn the mean distinctions of Meum Tuum Friend You 've spent your Estate to a fine Purpose and are in a fair way to make a Philosopher a Diogenes the second pray reserve a Tub for a habitation thâ—â— you may secure some retreat at last It vexes me to see you so easie and caâ—eless as to hug those that devour you No raw Squire was ever fonder of the Rooks that made a Cully of him or thought 'em civiller Gentlemen for supplying him with Money to cheat him of it again Carel. Faith He that has any such designs against me may cheat himself me he can't When I had my Estate I was plagu'd with a Nursery of Beggars call'd Footmen kept Hospitals for Curs and Kites and Muster'd Regiments of Fools and Knaves every day at my Table that surfeited on my Folly and paid with a Country Proverb God bless the Fâ—under Friend That was your Fault and is so still must you needs sacrifice to Knaves or Fools Cou'd you not avoid the Caterpillars of the Country that only devour'd
the Fruit but you must harbour worse Vermine here that will consume the Land and prey at last like Lice upon your Body Carel. 'T is Nature's fault if it be one that made me a Lover of Mirth and Pleasure not Business I find my self a Sociable Creature with natural Appetites about me those I gratifie a Prince can do no more then why shou'd I by an unnecessary solicitude disturb the quiet enjoyment of ' em Friend This you might have secur'd the continuance of by a timely Providence not suffer'd all to be shar'd thus like a wreck'd Vessel by Villains that wou'd knock your Brains out to secure their own titles to the Prize Carel. What different notions Men have of things What you call Extravagance was the height of Policy in me I examin'd all my Nature's demands and found I had no occasion for 3000l a year why then should I be encumber'd with it A Snail 's happier in 's Shell than if he had all Versailles upon his Back I resolv'd therefore to turn the Tables and make other Men my Proveditors as I had been theirs Friend Nobly resolv'd truly but you 're a little beside your Natural Philosophy for your Beasts of Pâ—ey never make good Venison you 'l ne're be able to make a Meal of ' em Besides you 've taught 'em wit at your own cost Carel. Hang 'em Locusts do you think I mean my Creditors If the World were an absolute Wilderness I wou'd starve e're I wou'd prey upon such Insects No I mean those Gentlemen my Friends that have been as free with me and are sensible of their Obligations Friend Friends that are sensible of Obligations where do those Monsters grow Has all thy Wit and thy dear bought Experience taught thee to know the World no better Don't you know that Friends are a sort of Summer-Companions that leave you at the first approach of Winter and that to oblige a Man is a sure way to make him shun you when your necessities begin to call for a return Enter Two or Three Tenants 1 st Ten. There he is let 's lay it home to him 2 d. Ten. I 'le warrant you a Paper-mill shall be silence to me to Car. Sir an 't like your Worship here be some of your poor Tenants Carel. 'T is a Lye and does n't like my Worship you 're no Tenants of mine Wou'd Yee have an abatement of your Rent for Repairs or Taxes March into the City there are those that love to be troubled with you 1 st Ten. We beseech you Sir don't be undone for your own Good Carel. Sirrah whistle to your Horses and let them edifie and trouble your empty Noddle no more with my Good 2 d. Ten. We beseech you Sir consider our hard case We shall be turn'd out of Doors pity us as we do you Say what we must do Carel. Sow Hemp and hang your selves with it Rascals or go and fawn upon your new Landlord flatter his sordid Covetousness call it thrift and rail at my Prodigality and witness his Forgeries You look like thriving Knaves he 'l find you Employment as Knights of the Post and that may prefer you to the Pillory those superfluous Lugs of yours well prun'd may yeild you as great a Crop and bring you as much Dirt since you 're so fond of it as my Farms Or if you 'd rather take a Purse and let the Gallows provide for you the shortest way your Countenances will become a Halter and a Psalm There 's advice for you No Replies but vanish Am I so low as your pity Slaves 1 st Ten. Good Sir have Compassion on Us for our Wives and poor Children's sakes Carel. Who bid you get ' em Ha'n't you Threshing Work enough but Children must be bang'd out of the Sheaf too Our Beau's with all their Strengtheners get nothing but Diseases But these Rogues Friendly upon a Clove of Garlick a piece of hard Cheese that wou'd starve the Rats and break a Saw and a little sowre Milk can mount like Stallions and expect I shou'd maintain these Tumblers Friend Whatever thou hast for the Children thou dost n't use to want Compassion for the Women pray take 'em into Consideration Carel. D' yee hear Fellows your Wives I think may be wholesome send 'em to me and I 'l teach 'em Trades they shall live by as for the Brats let the Parish that club'd to beget 'em join to maintain ' em 1 st Ten. Sir your Father's Worship wou'd ha'us'd us better Carel. My Father's Worship was an Ass for using you at all else he had ne'r left me the Plague of such an Estate which I have parted with to get rid of you 2 d. Ten. Nay an' you abuse us thus you must bear with us if we tell You your own Pray what maintain'd your Whores and supplied your riotous Extravagance Who found you Money for the Gaming-Ordinaries and paid your Tavern Taylor 's and Surgeon's Bills Our Labour sure For without it all you Father's Estate wou'd have afforded you no better Fare than your Horse has 1st Ten. Your Father rest his Soul kept a noble House and bid his Friends and Neighbours welcome to good Meat and Drink kept good Horses Hounds and Hawks and cou'd hunt a whole Summer's morning in his own Grounds and all this he thought himself beholding to our honest Industry for that brought him in good Rents Carel. Dogs do you remonstrate you sawcy Puppies You that were necessary to his Estate indeed but like the Dung that lay upon it a necessary Nusance that made it rich and nasty that were company only for his Dogs and liv'd like 'em upon the Reversions of his Table 2d Ten. Those Dogs liv'd better and at more liberty than you 'l do in a little Time in the Kings-Bench you 'l think that Dung-Civet and wish for those dirty Acres to take the Air in and these Dogs to wait upon you Carel. Rascals Villains I 'l teach you Manners Offers to beat 'em Friendly interposes Friend Begone honest Friends you 've heated him and the next time let your Zeal be more respectful 1st Ten. Yes we 'l go but it shall be like Rams to return with greater force We 'l teize him into Reason Ex. Tenants Fr. Is your Mortgage past Redemption Careless Carel. Faith I think not but 't is as bad for I 've neither Money nor Inclination to redeem it Fr. I 've both and you shall n't part with 't so Shall that Rogue insult us both get my Mistress from me first and then your Estate Carel. We may be bound to thank him for both as we may manage matters and make him keep a Mistress for you and gather Rents for me Fr. That 's my present aim which I miss if tho' the Lawyer hold the Plow the Crop ben't of my Sowing thither I 'm bound this minute Carel. 'T is a laudable Design but why in this trim Thou that usest to out-brave the Spring A green Bag wou'd become thee
New England I 've sent several Letters to you to desire a Correspondence and a continuance of our Ancient Friendship But never receiving any Answer I have doubted either your Death or Removal from London or at least the miscarriage of all my Letters For I cou'd not persuade my self that either length of Time or distance of Place cou'd discard from the Memory or Affections a Friend so early and so deeply rooted in 'em I conjure you therefore by that strict and mutual intimacy contracted in our Youth and so long continued till that necessary to my Affairs but cruel divorce forc'd me from you hither about twenty years since to take care of this Young Man my Son the Bearer and see him plac'd under the Care and instruction of some able experienc'd and sober Lawyer and in so doing you shall not only make amends for your past forgetfulness but further oblige an acknowledging as well as Your real and hearty Friend TRADEWELL Hom. New England Several Letters Ancient Friendship Tradewell A very ancient Friend sure For the Duce a Man of that Name can I remember in New or Old England Fr. You look as if you had forgot my Father Sir Hom. No I look as if I wou'd remember for I can't forget what I never knew Fr. I 've heard my Father say You were Students and Chamber-fellows together in Oxford till he Married Hom. 'T is impossible Young Man I 'm a perfect Stranger to the Name and have no more acquaintance in New England than in Catay Spad Look sharp Master this Fellow wou'd banter us out of our Wits D' ye hear Friend have you no Letters for me Fr. No Letters but I was charg'd by my Father to give his Love to honest Old Spade the merry Sexton if you be he Spad Hah have I unknown Friends too Hark ye Young Man what time o' th' Moon is 't Ha'ye been worm'd since ye came over If I know your Father or any of your Kin hang me in my own Bell-Ropes Fr. Gentlemen I thank you I was told you were the Men but it may be my Father's Friends are dead and you of the same Names succeed ' em You do honestly to undeceive me For I had a Present of 60 Pistols to deliver to them as a Token of my Father's Love but since you are n't the Men. Hom. Pray Sir have a little Patience and let me think pray stay a little and let me remember it vexes me to forget an Old Friend an intimate Friend Spad A kind Friend too that sends so lovingly Master Hom. We hard Students have very slippery Memories but we must be the Persons For he and I have been Curate and Sexton in this Parish these 35 Years I must remember sure Spad Pray remember Master such Friends are not to be forgotten Hom. Stay methinks I have him now let me see a goodly proper strait well timber'd grave Gentleman with Fr. Black Hair Hom. Very right with a goodly Beard when he was in England he liv'd next Door to the Fr. To the Sign of the Holy Lamb hard by this Place Spad Alack alack what Squire Tradewell Master Oh 't was a Noble Gentlemâ—n Fr. 〈◊〉 a-mercy Letter now it operates Aside Hom. â—â—â—ee what a Treacherous Knave this Time is how has he play'd the Wag 〈◊〉 me to make me forget my best my dearest Friend He Married let 〈…〉 Fr. 〈…〉 â—â—eâ—lthy's Daughter Hom. 〈◊〉 very same I Married 'em I remember your Mother perfectly well as if it were but Yesterday a Goodly Lady she was Oh! the Feasting the Masks the Mirth we had at that Wedding Friend How this Money rubs up their Memories For Ten Pistols more they 'd make her the Great Mogul's Daughter Aside Hom. Your Father and I had both one Soul Look Spade whose Eyes are those Look in 's Face if he ben't the very Picture of Squire Tradewell I think you was born here Fr. I was about five Years old when he carried me over with him Hom. Your Name is Fr. Samuel Hom. That was your â—ather's Name I think Well Gentleman I Baptiz'd you and a sweet Child you were then See now Time that consumes us shoots him up still sweeter Spad A wondrous sweet Child you were I 've kiss'd ye and play'd with ye and dandled ye in my Arms a hundred and a hundred times and swung ye in my Bell-Ropes ye lov'd swinging Fr. Lying Rascals now their Memories are whetted if it were for their purpose they 'd remember Adam's Grand-father Aside Hom. Well Young Gentleman You 're welcome to your Native Air. How does the Noble Gentleman your Father when will he bless his Country in his Return Fr. Very shortly Sir till which Time he entreats your care of me and desires you to accept of these fifty Pistols as a small earnest of his future Gratitude and acknowledgments of your Services Gives to him Hom. Sir I am bound ever to be his very humble Beadsman and most assiduous Orator Spad Lord Lord how Sickness decays our Intellects This is the very Gentleman that before your last long Sickness when I lay so ill at the same time too Master about two years ago we us'd constantly to remember in our private Devotions that a Fever shou'd have such influence over our Memories Hom. Well it shall be so no more I shall ever hence forward remember him Good Gentleman Fr. My Father was us'd to say that his Neighbour Spade the Sexton was a very honest but a wondrous Merry Man and a Good-fellow and therefore desir'd me to give his Love and these Ten Pistols to him Gives him Money Spad Ah! 't is my noble generous Master still and you shall see I can be merry as ever upon so joyful news as of his Health Fr. Thanks to the Gold for half the Sum more thou 'dst sing a Psalm as merrily at his Execution Aside Spad Shall 's to the Dog and Duck Master or to the Whelp and Bacon there 's a Cup of rare Stingo abroach such as you love and as good true Nantz as e're was tipt o're Tongue To Hom. Hom. No Spade My Charge has been nicely bred those Houses are too mean for his high Keeping We must have something befitting his fine Stomach Step and provide us something at the Rummer You see Sir we aren't dainty homely Places and mean Cheer serve us usually we don't pamper our selves we mortifie the Carnal Man but upon such an extraordinary Occasion to remember an old loving Friend and in respect to you Sir Fr. I humbly thank you Sir but it needs not I 'm not delicate and have at present no Appetite but to my Study which must be the Law I desire you to excuse me Spad But Sir you may be hungry you must be hungry pray do nothing rashly Study creates Appetite mainly but ben't too violent it impairs the Health Take your refreshment first 't is time and then to your Study Here 's my Master had n'er been what he is at these years
â—â—essenger was gone Friend Let 's see the Sâ—al something may be made of that perhaps What 's here A Lady throwing out a Rope to a drowning Cupid More Mystery still Do you understand Hieroglyphicks Careless Car. Not very well but I can guess at this Faith Friendly I 'm sorry to be thy Rival I suppose the Serjeant's Lady has taken a Fancy to my Person and either rob'd or wheadâ—'d her Husband out of this Ring and sent it me as an Earnest of her Inclination 'T is as unwelcome as Press-Money to me I don't like the Service for your sake Prithee keep it and serve for me Pox on 't this Clerk-like Figure thou mak'st disgusts her Friend No take it again You 're mistaken 't is one that can draw surer and deeper than Florella What think you of the Widow Olympia Car. I remember she pleaded for me to the Lawer indeed Friend I can tell you more than that she has taken your Estate into her Care and perhaps designs as much for your Person Car. If she 's any Design my Body 's at her Devotion an easie Fine shall make her Mistress of it But I don't care for making a Settlement or granting too long a Lease Friend How can a Lease be too long where the Consideration is worth more than the Inheritance Come don't trifle with your good Fortune like a foolish Cat that plays with a Mouse till she loses it Car. I 'm afraid I 'm more likely to be the Mouse if this Female Pufs shou'd get me into her Clutches you must rescue me Friendly you must be my Deliverer Friend Ne'er fear Man if she does she 'll use you like a Kitten What a faint-hearted Soldier art thou to shrink before the Enemy comes in view Car. A prudent General wou'd be cautious of bringing himself under a Necessity of Engaging where the Success is doubtful and ev'n Victory is certain Loss Friend What careful Officer wou'd not quit Quarters that lie waste and venture something to win a rich Soil with a great Crop standing and plentiful Magazins Car. But no wise Commander wou'd fight himself into a Nook tho' never so rich to be penn'd in there who 'd all the rest of the Country to forage in at liberty These Women of Honour expect such a deal of Constancy and Sincerity that I dare not venture on 'em I can't swim and therefore care no more to Love than wash out of my Depth I should be lost if I did Friend These raw Lovers are like fearful Boys that put first one Foot into the Water then t'other and so prolong their Pain when 't is but plunging boldly to be out on 't Car. Yes yes you that are in cry 't is warm to draw more Fools after you But we that are dry and warm on Shoar have no reason to trust to such shivering chattering Invitations Enter Famine Car. Here comes your starv'd Pimp ' Twou'd puzzle a nice Virtuoso to tell which weighs most he or his Shadow How now Shotten Herring Friend How is 't Famine What Wind blew thee hither Fam. Faith a brisk Wind might blow me like a Feather Sir I 've ballasted my Stomach well out of your Bounty otherwise the least Blast would have over-set me I was afraid to venture into the Sun for-fear of being drawn up among the Motes that play in the Beams Friend Well mind my Business and thou shalt fare better than my Lord Mayor's Carver thy Belly shall be all thy Care and thou shalt out-feed a Catholick Priest at Easter Fam. Shall I see good Days Days of Plenty again Then hang this penurious Master of mine let him eat his Cheese unpar'd and eat the Rhind of his Bacon himself I 'll no more of ' em If you 'll but provide for my Belly well you shall furnish his Head as you please Friend Thou shalt be fat and Iusty Siâ—rah it shall be Carnival all the Year Effect but this thou shalt be-rich too Fam. Hang Money Sir 't is mercenary Give me Meat plenty and drink in abundance Oh the delicious flavour the ravishing Haâ—tgoust of a Savoury Venison Pasty the pomp and state of a fat Turky marches up to the Table in my mind his Entry's a Nobler sight than the Venetian Embassadors Let Trave'lers praâ—e of stately Fdifices abroad to me there 's no Structure so magnificent as a lofty towring Goose-Pye the Pastry Cook 's the noblest Architect ay and Engineer too 't would do a man's heart good to storm such Out-works At a Breach in those Walls I cou'd out-charge a Mareschal of France Car. The Rogue will surfeit upon Imagination Hark ye Famine Is there no procuring a Favour of you under all these A Man might corrupt a whole Polish Dyet and influence an Election at an easier rate Fam. O Lord Sir I always make my Price according to the Commodity If you 've a Mind to deal with me you 'll find me the most reasonable Man breathing A Cod's Head or a Side of Salmon attended by a Brace of Roasted Congers slank'd with Stew'd Carps and a Train of Soles Tenches Whitings and Smelts Sauc'd with Lobsters Cray-fish and Shrimps shall fetch you a Countess Car. This is for a Lenten Sinner you Rogue But suppose my Appetite to stand more to the Flesh What Pen'worths can you afford Fam. A Jolly Pheasant with a Guard of Ducks Woodcocks Partridges Quails Snipes Plover Ruffs and a Mob of Larks about 'em shall lay any inferiour Quality as flat as a Flounder before ye Car. How if a Man shou'd design against the City Fam. A Hanch of Venison and a Pyramid of Sweet-meats shall procure you a Lady Mayoress a Couple of Capons and Sawsages and a good large Marchpane an Alderman's Consort a Shoulder of Mutton and Oysters and two or three Castle-Custards a Common-Council-Man's or Deputy's Yoke-Fellow The rest are such kind Turtles a Glass of Rhenish and Sugar and a Cheese-cake brings 'em to Billing infallibly Car. Well but I 'm ambitious of Luck at Horse-flesh What say you to the Parson 's Help-meet Fam. Oh Sir a Tythe-Pig and Plumb-Sauce does the Business Or if she be Non-con a fat Loin of Veal and a long Canting Grace brings her under Hatches effectually Car. Thou' rt the reasonablest Pimp in Christendom If you were half as able you shou'd to Court for Preferment and be made Ranger-General of all the Pettycoat-Chaces Fam. If I were in heart now I cou'd work Miracles but the Truth is my starving Allowance has somewhat enfeebl'd my Talent But with your Encouragement I shall soon recover it Friend Give me but the least Glimpse of Success and ne'er a Zealous Believing Sister in the City e'er cherish'd Precious Painful Mortifying Brother with half the Luxury that I 'll treat you Fam. My Stomach 's a tiptoes already Here comes one that looks like a dainty Bit Shall I fetch her to you Say the Word and you shall see there is n't a better Dog for a Duck in England than
just Revenge hangs heavy o're thy Head I serve my Friend and for thy Knavish Life I punish thee and in 't oblige thy Wife Exeunt Omnes ACT IV. Friendly's House A SONG IN vain Melissa we defend Our selves against your conqu'ring Eyes Since each melodious Breath you send Does thro' our Ears our Hearts surprize In you Love all his Darts employs The secret Sparks your Eyes inspire The charming Accents of their Voice Blow up into a raging Fire Thus while our Eyes and Ears are charm'd by either Sense we are betray'd For all Attempts thus doubly arm'd The Conquest 's sure when you invade So Mariners their Ruin view When two fierce Elements conspire And while the eager Flames pursue In Crowds they drown to shun the Fire Enter Friendly and Florella Friend HEre v' are welcome and must command Madam for all that I call mine must pay their Homage where I do How cou'd that Swine your Husband keep so sweet a Turtle in so filthy a Sty A Squirrel's Box is a nobler Apartment and a Fox's a sweeter Flor. 'T is the securer Retreat for Innocence unguarded Vertue is scarce safe any where The Negligence of our House frights away Temptation Pomp and Delicacy only invite Luxury and Wantonness 'T is the cleanly Sweetness of the Bees that invites Drones to their Hives Friend True Madam But there are infinitely greater Swarms of nasty Flies that infest the rankest Shambles that not only consume what they immediately prey upon but taint all they leave behind 'em too But what 's this to thee who art all Sweetness and like a flowring Tube-Rose may'st be rais'd in a homely Bed but blown shou'd be translated to the Apartments and for the Delight of Princes Flor. My Fortune 's quite the Reverse of this for I was rais'd first in an Alcove and thence transplanted to a Dung-hill but there I 've taken root and there must grow Second Removes are dangerous Friend I can't consent to leave so precioâ—s a Plant in a spent barren heartless Soil where not a wholesom Blast can have Access and nothing thrives but Sapless Avarice and rank Jealousie ' mongst heavy Damps that choak the noble Senses and poys'nous Fogs that almost suffocate the Vital Heat I must remove you or find means to open a Way for the sweet Air of Conversation to come freely at you Flor. That were a Service indeed The Plant you speak of has taken too deep root to be torn rudely up If you cou'd purge the Soil from those foul Weeds that over-run it and turn the fresh Streams of Liberty through 't But 't is in vain to attempt it 't is more than a Herculean Labour Friend Then I 'll do more than Hercules and effect it Enter Careless Car. I 'm afraid you 'll scarce do half so much in a Night as he did if you talk away your Time thus Is this a Time for Debate when you shou'd be in Action What a raw Soldier are you to be gravely consulting when you shou'd be mounted and in Arms The Enemy's just upon you Man Wrangle will be here in a Quarter of an Hour Friend Thou' rt such a Hotspur Careless thou' rt for engaging at all Adventures without considering how to bring all safe off again Car. Well for my part I think the suddenest Resolutions are always the briskliest executed and I observe that your Men of over cautious Conduct that are for securing all generally manage away their fairest Opportunities Flo. For Heaven's sake Gentlemen don't let 's be surpriz'd here by my Husband I 'm undone if we be Car. Fear nothing Madam I 've Scouts abroad to observe his motionâ— that will give us a timely alarm when he approaches he 's the Common Enemy and therefore we ought to enter into a Joint Confederacy against him Flo. You may have reason enough Mr. Careless to proclaim open War against him but what just pretence have Mr. Friendly and I Fr. Abundance more than he Madam for he has only invaded Careless's Estate which 't is ten to one but some Body else wou'd ha' done From you he has taken your Liberty and tho' he be in right but your part in Authority yet in violation of all his Articles h 'as depos'd you not only from all Power but even from the rights of a Free-born Subject and like a Tyrant insults over his Equal as his Slave Me he has injur'd yet more enormously for he has rob'd me of you a Treasure of infinitely more value than Wealth Liberty or Power a Robbery that he can never make restitution for nor I forgive Unless he cou'd call Time back again and restore those unvaluable Minutes that are past Car. 'T is a sign you know the worth of 'em you spend those few you have to so much purpose You 're like a formal old Pedant I once knew that wou'd declaim nonsensically about the Preciousness of Time and the sin of mispending a moment for several Hours together Fr. I thank you for your Correction 't is just and kind My dear Florella let 's withdraw and redeem all we can Flo. What occasion for with-drawing since Mr. Careless is enter'd into the League I declare it no Counsel without his Presence I 'll ha' no private Caballing amongst Confederates it looks suspicious Fr. No Madam if we do but agree upon the several Quota's to be contributed to the common Cause and Interest We may take our measures apart without breach of union Car. Now is he as impatient to show his zeal as a newly hir'd Irish Footman his diligence and expedition that posts away with his Errand and when he has run himself out of Breath must come back for it again Enter Famine Fam. Sir I 've endeavour'd to obey your command but I 'd as soon undertake to muster an Army by Rote upon once hearing 'em call'd over as to repeat what she said I 've heard People talk much of one Fame for a notable Gossip but if she has half the Tongue of this Scandal-spreader or half the Intelligence I 'll hang for her compar'd with her I dare swear she 'd appear a Bashful silent sober Body Car. What can you remember nothing particular Fam. Yes abundance more than perhaps you 'l have patience to hear I never took my self for a man of so much â—isdom before but I suppose you both saw it in my face Gentlemen â—lse you had n'er employ'd me in such weighty Affaâ—â—s Well Discretion is an admirable thing 't is impâ—â—sible to be a good Pimp without it Car. If you 've done admiring your own Parts give us some proof of 'em and let 's hear how like a discreet Pimp you 've manag'd for me What did you hear Fam. The Scandal of all the Town Sir and a great deal more besides the secret History of your Life and of all your Family e'er since the Conquest and long before which that Retailer of live flesh trac'd farther back than Welsh Pedigree or Hebrew Genealogy e're reach'd
and brave as like a Lion as you swagger now I shall make you hang your Ears like an Ass yet e'er we part Wrang O yes The Lawyer 's a Fool an April-Fool a Thick-skull'd Fellow fit only to be the Sport of such Triumphant Wits Within this Half Hour you shall have a Second Dish of new Debts from all your Creditors new Invitations to Whips and Halters for my loving Neighbour Spade and Excommunications Suspensions and Sequestrations for the learned Curate A Masque of all your Furies shall dance to you Car. Have a care of being taken in your own Pit-fall Do you think to catch us in a Cobweb Do you hear Purse-Gelder The First of April is n't over yet Ol. He braves it out nobly his Courage don't sink in the least I 'm resolv'd once more to redeem him whate'er comes on 't Aside Wrang If you threaten you go to Prison directly without Mercy I 've a better Guard without Do you know this Man Curate He 's an Apparitor that comes to tell you a pleasant Story of an old Whore and half a dozen Bastards you 've palm'd upon the Parish You know the Penalty Hom. Good Sir be compassionate and I 'll whispers the Serjeant in the Ear. In Verbo Sacerdotis I will Wrang No no Bribery I 'll swinge ye Thou rash inconsiderate Fool canst thou hope for Compassion And you Lenten-Chaps that lay sick and mock'd me I 'll make you sâ—ch at Heart Yes you shall die but not worth a Sheet to wind you in not so much as that you stole with the Ring from the Merchant's Grave Do you smell me now Spa. Good Sir have a little Mercy Wrang Mercy yes as much as a Halter can shew ye You smell strong of Hemp Rascal the Gallows wait for you 'T is n't a Penitential Psalm shall save you Car. What! Are you treating about a separate Peace Rogues Have a Care what you do we shall turn our Arms upon you we allow no Neutrality Enter Famine Fam. Mr. Serjeant yours Now I 'm no longer your Servant methinks I 've an Inclination to be your Friend I 've brought you some Clients They are not over-stock'd with Fees 't is true but I know you 're a charitable Man and love Business in Forma Pauperis Wrang I 'm glad to see you my Revenge had not been compleat without you Fam. I heard there was Meat in your House and came to wonder at it 't is a Miracle that ne'er happen'd in my days here The Dishes are lick'd clean I see already according to the ancient Custom of this House you suffer nothing to go from the Table Wrang You come a little of the latest however there 's a Service left for you Mr. Constable have this Fellow to Bridewell and let him be soundly lash'd thrice a Week and beat Hemp for his Diet. Fam. Sir I desire you to spare this Ceremony you treat me like a Stranger Pray give your self no Trouble since I 'm too late I can go as I came Exit Famine running Wrang To Florella and Friendly Your Punishment and yours I reserve to a further Opportunity for Reasons best known to my self Enter Servant who gives a Black Box to Olympia Flor. My Punishment I 've been too tame too submissive a Wife to your base Usage But since you dare provoke me Friend Be resolute Madam I 'll stand and fall in your Defence And he that dares to brand your Fame or taint your Vertue is a Rascal tho' your Husband Wrang How 's this Who have we here a New-England Bully Friend No but a Gentleman of Old-England One whose Relation to your Lady put him upon this Stratagem to prove her Vertue and your Barbarity and Villany both which I find far to exceed Belief Wrang I doubt he 'll prove nearer a-kin to her Issue if e'er she has any Aside Sir you 've taken upon you a troublesome Office you may repent Friend Not easily I can pronounce her Vertue fix'd as a Rock ne'er to be mov'd and unalterable as Fate But since you are so stubborn I 'll try to reclaim you by Force Friendly stamps with his Foot Enter a Tipstaff and other Officers with Affidavit Swear-home and Clench-it Friend Do you see these forging Instruments of yours They shall suffer and you too with 'em unless you come immediately to Composition upon such directionary Terms as I shall order I watch'd your Privacy and over-heard all your Villainy practis'd against this Lady and took care to lay a Trap for your Under-Vermin Affidavit A while after we came from your House we were apprehended upon a Warrant from my Lord Chief Justice for Forgery and have been e'er since in Custody Friend Let 's see the Writings of Mr. Careless's Estate In one Week's time these had been all a Blank See Madam some of the Letters are vanish'd already the Names are almost lost Car. Now Serjeant what will you give to ensure your Ears Wrang Well Gentlemen you 've over-reach'd me and I am an Ass But propose your own Conditions and I submit to ' em Friend Mr. Careless What Reparation do you think fit to demand for the Injuries he has done you Car. Only let him produce the real Writings of my Estate Wrang Here they are Takes 'em off the Side-Table and gives 'em to Car. Car. These are right Then here I pay 'em where they and more than I am worth are due Gives 'em to Olympia Fr. to Ol. Now Madam what satisfaction can he make you Ol. Let him obtain his Wife's Pardon and promise hereafter to be as subject to his Wife as she has been to him and I am satisfied Flo. I thank your Ladiship for your care of me let me but live hereafter free and unsuspected and that 's past shall be forgotten Fr. You hear Sir the Terms of your Indemnity Allow your Lady Maintenance suitable to her Quality and Liberty answerable to her Vertue and all shall be baried in silence Wrang You 've made me truly sensible of my Folly and henceforth Wife you shall be at your own discretion both in point of Liberty and Expence Fr. Since there wants a sufficient Guarantee you must be a while upon good Behaviour Spa. Gentlemen you forget your fellow Labourers must we have no reparation Fr. What do you desire Hom. Let him turn his Sham-Treat into a real One Fr. Mr. Serjeant as an easie Fine to ratifie our Articles of Reconciliation you 're condemn'd to treat this good Company to night in reality Wrang With all my heart let the Officers be discharg'd on all parts and you shall see I 'll commence my Reformation in good earnest Ol. Mr. Careless I 've found you a Man of so much Honour that here I make you a Present of your Estate again and with it of my self if you think it worth the Acceptance Car. Madam you make me blush for my own want of Merit but since your Bounty like that of Heaven out-strips my boldest wishes with Joy I receive what I durst never presume to ask Re-enter Famine Fam. Nay Gentlemen before you ratifie the Articles of Peace let me be comprehended Wrang You shall and for this once I 'll try the stretch of your Belly Fam. I thank your Worship I 've a good Stomach at your Service Fr. Mr. Serjeant you 've plaid the Jealous Ass and mistaken your Ears for Horns Let that mistake be rectified and henceforth you shall know me as a sincere Friend that shall never design either against your Lady's Vertue or your Quiet Wrang When I relapse again to Jealousie May they to real Horns converted be And may all else their their Faults as timely know And to like means the like Conversion owe. Exeunt Omnes EPILOGUE Spoken by SPADE ON Business I 'm return'd so quick this way Sent by the Author to interr his Play He waits within in mortal Expectation Of his own Sentence in his Play 's Damnation Like Malefactor at the Bar he stands And his Grand Jury's Countenances scants For as some Plants e'er the rude Hand approach Contract themselves and shun the Fatal Touch So our Young Scribler dreads the Criticks here And shrinking from their Gripe betrays his Fear I saw him shake at e'ry sowr Grimace Which multiply'd by Fear as by a Glass Each Fac ' appear'd a File of Criticks laid Against our Poet here in Ambuscade Mov'd at his Case I cou'd not well refuse This last kind Office to 's expiring Muse If he has sinn'd against this Pious Place And shew as little Wit as you do Grace His Crime 's confess'd and he hopes Absolution And craves a short Reprieve from Execution Which gain'd he now by me invites you all T' attend him to his Muse's Funeral For tho' some Precedents of late are found Without embalming Muse defunct unsound To keep her Six Days stinking above Ground Our modest Author order'd me to say He valued not the Mummy of a Play He further sent me having try'd my Skill To be his Deputy and make his Will First To the Criticks he wou'd leave his Wit If they cou'd but be reconcil'd to it Which I 'll maintain's so little and so light They need not fear spoiling their Judgments by 't Yet since this Legacy's out of their Way He leaves besides the Carcase of his Play For well he knows 'em to be Birds of Prey To you sweet Beaus he fain wou'd something leave But he has nothing that you wou'd receive His Vanity's a thing you never wanted Who boast so much of Favours never granted He 'd leave you Courage and a March to Flanders In quest of Fame and hopes to be Commanders For you can brag at hoâ— like Alexanders He told me too what stagger'd much my Faith That if you ventur'd to scare the French from Aeth Some Roguish Bullet there might take the Pains To undeceive the World and shew your Brains To the Mask'd Ladies 't is his great Mishap He can't so much as give one Civil Clap. But that 's no Rarity to them he knows For 't is their usual Present from the Beaus Last to us Players this he bid me say He gives to us the Profits of his Play But if iâ— takes he sends for it next Day FINIS