my Misfortune I beseeeh you answer'd he or ridiculing my Person but go down with me and I will give you such a Bowl that shall convince you if thou art not an Infidel that our Living and present Appearance may Compensate with a Gaudy Suit and an abandon'd Pocket Upon which he carry'd me to his Cabbin which we found bedeck'd with a Jovial Crew surrounding an Inundation of Celestial Liquor where without Ceremoney we took our Seats and were Conformable to our Company and straight a Health was propos'd to the Royal Britannia and prosperity to fair Albion and no sooner was it mentioned but Orders were given to Furle her Sails let fly her proud Streamers Sound her Instruments of War and discharge her thundering Gods bidding defiance to the insulting Billows and Quaft our jolly Cups to the immortal Bacchus But as ill Luck would have it in the midst of our Carrousing my Friend was taken with a sudden Qualm but whether the Fatigue of his Wooden Castle or the Noble Spirit of our Liquor occasion'd this Disaster I know not but calling me aside desir'd me to withdraw with him and take a Walk to St. Paul's For said he I believe the Walk and Diversion we shall find there will Divert my Indisposition Bless me Cry'd I I am afraid your are worse than you think for and that your Malady has seiz'd on your Brain for certainly none but a Madman would offer to leave such good Company where nothing but Friendship flows and Bumpers Crown our Joys for an Ogle of some Damn'd Amorous Jilt offering up her Orisons for good success to her Letcherous Tail or some old Insatiate Whore whose desires are no more to be Quench'd then the Sulphurous Flames of Aetna No no my Friend Sit down keep your Temper be Easie and Injoy your Friends and I do not question but in a short time you 'll see your Errour But alas all the Rhetorick I was Master of could not perswade him for the Flesh and St. Paul's were predominant You see my Friend cry'd he we have had hot Service already and 't is like to continue which at this time I would willingly avoid by reason I can impute my present Indisposition to nothing but the Fumes of the Bowl and a Natural Inclination of seeing some of my Old Acquaintance which my long Absence hath almost blotted from my Memory and likewise an Itch of Curiosity to see that noble Fabrick of whom Fame speaks so Loud Then Embracing me with a damn'd insinuating Hugg let 's haste to our Mother Church and see what Female Saints adores her Shrine Yes Faith cry'd I the Petty-coat I find Comprehends your chiefest Devotion and is the only Saint you want to Adore and since that neither your Absence or Foreign Climates have had any Operation on your Fleshly Constitution which in part to gratifie and also to satisfie your Curiosity since thou art so Obstinately bent I will comply with your Request tho' I must Confess 't is with no small Reluctancy to leave these brave Bacchanalians Enlivening their Noble Souls to Board perhaps a Fireship No sooner resolv'd on but perform'd we took Leave of our Company but on my part with much regret so Strowl'd down Fleet-street and up Ludgate-hill but as soon as we approach'd the Gate my Friend made a Stop Bless me ye Powers cry'd he What Venerable old Antiquary hath new Rigg'd Queen Bess By my Soul she looks as Amorous as if she was Seated on her Throne with her Unhappy Favorite by her side Sir answer'd a Fellow that over heard him the same Bountiful Hand hath done no less for Old king Ludd and his two Sons and notwithstanding our wise Ancestors Converted his Palace to a Prison it now makes as great a Figure as any of our Inns of Court and I verily believe its Students are as great Proficients in the Law Upon which I told him by his Nice Description and impartial Account of it he must 〈◊〉 have the Practical part Yes Sir that I have said he I have been a Student no less then five Years in Lud's Colledge and have Commenc'd all the Dâ—grees in it My Name is B but the Vulgar term me a Bull-dog by reason I have my Liberty and my Dependance on the Students by guarding their Persons when they are dispos'd to go abroad Will you be pleas'd to see it Gentlemen If you please I 'll wait on you and show you the whole House which is Allow'd to be the best of Prisons The best it self is bad enough answer'd my Friend by reason of Confinement For he whose Fortune 't is to be Confin'd Doth always bear his Liberty in Mind Well then said I let 's see this Cave of Captivitie and who knows but we may light on some old Rakish Acquaintance there bury'd in oblivion With all my Heart said he and let 's refer our Intrigues at St. Pauls to some other opportunity I am certain cry'd I 't will be more acceptable to Visit poor Prisoners and bestow some Charity on them than to fall on our knees at St. Pauls with a seeming Devotion and our Lew'd Thoughts roving after vain Chimera's Come then since thou art resolv'd we 'll see this famous Seminary whose lofty Structure derives it Original from the Ruies of Heroick Ludd Upon which the Fellow was mighty officious and presently had us to the Porch which was throng'd with several of his Function as we understood waiting like so many Porters at a Bench for Employment and no sooner were we up the Steps but our Guide with an Audible Voice cry'd Doctor Doctor upon which the Doctor quitted his Kennel muttering at the Fellow for making such a hideous Noise telling him he believ'd by his Yelping he thought he was at his old Rendezvouze the Bear-Garden No Old Swag-belly Answered Touzer the Bear-Garden is of more repute than a Prison Therefore no Comparisons I beseech you for there is Liberty and Confinement is the Devil Besides what 's more Scandalous than a Jayl With that replyed the Turn-key thou little sorry Fellow to complain of the Scandal of a Goal when Thou thy self art the chiefest ingredient that Scandal is compounded of which by tracing thy Pedigree but three degrees backwards will be evident proof as first a Devil to a Printing-house from thence advanced to a Butcher and now art arriv'd to a degree worse than both a Bull-Dog the three only Qualifications I know of that Center in that word Scandal and well may our Studients Condition be desperate who are continually plagu'd with such a Number of Spunging Sharping Scandalous Whelps as you and your Brethren Our Guide finding his Antagonist too hard for him slunk in his Ears which if he had had but his desert would have been separated from his Calves-head some years ago and return'd him no Answer but desir'd him to open the Hatch which accordingly he did and in we went And our Conductor bid us to follow him which very cautiously we did and
Harridan this Old piece of Mortality who hath never a Tooth in her Head will hold a Discourse for five Hours by the Clock on Concupisence and Swear she 'll not trust to her Age At which the Old Countess began to Exercise her Tongue and likewise her Hands letting fly a Chamber-Pot at his Head Muttering Why so Old why so Old you beggarly Bastard In which Ingagement we left them And turning about I Spy'd a Fellow reading some Lines that was Writ on the Wall with Small-Cole Swearing he was of the same Opinion the Words as near as I can Remember was to this Effect This is a Place of no Disgrace Tho' Fools do Censure so But I do you tell and mark it well You must Pay before you go And yet by G d t is very Odd To be Confined here And were it not for Pipe and Pot Z ds 't would be too severe I thereupon ask'd my Guide what he was that seem'd to be so contented with his Confinement but the Fellow over-hearing me made answer That he was a Man of Carriage And Confin'd here for the Vprightness of it I suppose said my Friend That you may Censure as you please Sir said he but I am Contented with my Condition Why Faith said I Patience per-force is a Medicine for a Mad-dog but down he went singing Providence provides for me and I am well Content And we ascended the Leads where we found several jolly Lads some diverting themselves at Nine-pins others Viewing the Adjacent Villages and walking in immagination to Highgate Swearing tho' the Body was confin'd thoughts were free But at the further-end next the Thames was on Old Vertuoso with two or three more of the same Kidney puzzling his Numb-Skull for Brains he had none on the Ebbing of the Tide telling them divers Opinions but could give no Substantial Reason for what he alledg'd but concluded that without doubt the Moon had an influence over it with that replied a Spark that had heard him with great deal of Patience Prethee old Duke follow Aristotle's Example What 's that said he If you will promise to imitate his Example I 'll tell you That 's at my own Choice cry'd he for I suppose Aristotle's was a Voluntary Act and not by Compulsion Yes Faith was it said he and thine would be a very Obliging one and so great Vse to the Publick and to hold you no longer in suspence I 'll tell you how it was Aristotle by reason he could not comprehend the Mystery of the Flux and Reflux of the Tide said that should Comprehend him so plung'd himself into the Ocean and ended his Days The President is very Authentick and my Advice Cordial by which means your Family will be rid of a constant Charge and this House of a troublesome Fool. O thank-ye Sir thank-ye said he putting his hand in his Pocket and if you please to accept of it I 'll give you a retaining Fee for your Advice O Sir I beg your Pardon answer'd the Spark I am no Counsellour but give my advice Free and Candid as a Friend but withall give me leave to assure you 't is in respect to your Family the performance of which I am certain would Conduce much for their Interest For my Daughters at least I presume Sir cry'd he for whose sake I suppose you give me this Advice thinking if I had but once made my Exit which I find is very indifferent to you in what manner and you at Liberty you would have but little difficulty to board her No No Sir said he I would have you look back and reflect on your past Transactions and consider what brought you hither Take an Old Mans Counsel Lust not after the Flesh-Pots of Egypt nor harbour any more thoughts of a Petticoat Why so Old a Sinner reply'd he My Ardencies I 'd lib'rally beslow Like Fruitful Nile whose generous Streams do flow Without Controul nor dull Confinement know I have answer'd the Ends of my Creation and you deny it your Daughter but I hope she 'll have more Grace than to mind you and to save Charges you care not if she makes two Meals a Day on Chalk and Oat-meal and Faith I pity her with all my Soul And since thou art so perverse and obstinate may this Fate attend you May you Live no longer than till every one 's a weary of you and then I am confident we shall be rid of you in very short time However I am not so much thy Enemy but if you will go with me in the Cellar I will give you a Pot of the best it affords and your Daughters Health shall end our present difference With all my heart said he but let us take a turn or two more and then I 'll wait on you which accordingly they did But Viewing of him pretty narrowly I thought I was no Stranger to his Face tho' at present I could not call him to mind and my Friend was of the same Opinion and asking a Gentleman that stood by us his Name his Name Sir said he is M and is confin'd here for his Faults not Misfortunes and no soo ner had we ask'd the Question but he came up to us Gentlemen cry'd he may I be so bold as to Crave your Names Sir said we we have just got the start of you in making an enquiry of yours and are very glad it hath answer'd our Expectations for we partly remembred your Physiognomy tho' time and absence hath almost Bury'd our Acquaintance then calling himself to mind who we were embrac'd us both Cry'd By my Soul my old Friends and Acquaintance I am heartily glad to see you tho' 't is my Mis-fortune to be in a Goal The occasion I suppose said I is the same that made Honest Harry here Turn Tar and I for this three Years lead as recluse a Life as a Nun and wholly devoted my self to Rural Pleasures and Faith 't was by meer accident we dropt in here but before we came in I prognosticated we should light of some Old Friend and are heartily sorry it should be your Fate Come prithee hesitate no more on it the worse Luck now the better another time answered he and since 't is to Chance alone we can impute this happiness let 's enjoy our selves Therefore I beg the Favour of you to honour me so far as to go to my Apartment whereby we may renew our Acquaintance and divert our selves in Discoursing on our former Intrigues and tho' I cannot Promise you such Entertainment as we Us'd to have yet I believe you will not find it so despiseable as the place may represent it to be for we have several Gentlmen notwithstanding their Confinement can dispence with a Bottle or two and are extraordinary good Company Sir said we Let us beg the Favour of you to Permit us to see the House since we have already made such a Progress and after we shall be at your Service Well old Acquaintance I 'll
not dispute it with you since you have a Mind to see this Cave of iniquity but Acquiesce with your desires and wish it may answer your Curiosity and I 'll have the Honour to wait on you my self say'd he With that we tipt Towzer a Hog and dismist him and told our Friend we had seen the Common-side already and gave him our Sentiments on it O Cry'd he the the chiefest Scene is the Cellar which I can compare to nothing but Sodom there we have Tragy-Comedies Acted every Night but before I carry you there I will shew you our side which is something more regular than the Wards for we have Chambers to our selves but as there is no Palace without some Webs so it cannot be expected this should be without some inconveniences which may well be dispenc'd with considering those many the Wards are subject to Then taking us by a narrow pair of Stairs on the Right hand told us the first he should present us with was call'd Puppies-Parlour a Room that any Prisoner at any time may have free Access to provided 't is not in Use to finish their intrigues of Love and is the only Room in the House for Procreation and seldom a Night passes but its made use of by the Publick the Opposite Room is known by the Name of Clap-Arse-Hall but for what Reason I know not Then down we went to the next Floor where the Chambers were pretty tollerable bating the Sash-windows but found nothing worth our observation but an old Hermit in a Room that on my Conscience I believe hath not been wash'd since the Gate hath been re-built what 's the reason said I to my Friend this Old man keeps his Chamber in no better Order But answer was made me He was the very Quintessence of a Sloven and abhors any thing that 's Cleanly and so wedded in his Opinion that he holds it a Crime to destroy his Vermine but will decently brush them off to seek for fresh Quarters Nay alters the very Course of Nature and abominates humane Society the Night which was ordain'd for Rest he turns to Day and the Day which was design'd for Labour converts he to Night nor can you put a greater Affront on him than to ask him why he does not Endeavour to get out or tell him his Chamber wants to be Clean'd and had rather hear of the Plague Pestilence or Famine than a Mop or a Broom But come says my Friend I will keep you here no longer least we should increase our Company So down we went to the next Floor where we found the â—est Rooms in the House their Chambers were clean and descent and some had 〈…〉 Furniture which was handsome and genteel the Men for the most part of a 〈…〉 Aspect and made an indifferent Figure and were more Civiliz'd in their Conversation there we found quart Pots with Lids to them and Dishes that bore 'em Company which was an Evident proof that good living was no Stranger there And as we were going to leave that Floor we were stopt by a Crow'd list'ning to the Ringing of a Bell at the passage Door which was no sooner ceas'd but the Cryer made Proclamation after this Manner O Yes O Yes Any Man or Woman Prisoner or not a Prisoner Boy or Girl that can give any Tale or Tydings of a Man Child about sixty Years of Age and may be known by these following Marks He is too little for a Man and too big for a Monkey wears a narrow Brim'd Hat walks like a Cropper Pidgeon wears a Piss-burnt Wigg and hath a very old Fashioned Phiz and is known by the Name of he hath been missing from his Nightly Habitation ever since Yesterday five a Clock in the Afternoon and whosoever hath the good Fortune to find him may take him for their Pains and shall receive the Thanks of the whole House provided they discharge him from the Prison The Crowd being dispers'd our Friend told us there remain'd nothing now but our Descent into Sodom where we will take a Pot or two of the best Liquor it affords In the doing of which I do not question but you will find Diversion enough But going down Stairs my Friend show'd us a little Room which had escap'd our Notice Here said the Is the old Trade of Basket-making going forward Yes and Bastard making too Sir said the Man that was at work for and was catch'd a hussling here not long ago That may be answer'd he For when Puppies Parlor is taken up this is made use of for the same Purpose tho' it bath not the same Convenience but no Opportunity must be Lost. Now being come to the Descent into Sodom I was mightily surpriz'd hearing the Noise below and beholding the steep and narrow Entrance to it Bless me Cry'd I to my Friend this Descent seems to Contradict the Holy Scripture which affirms that the way to Destruction is Easy and broad is the Path thereof but here the Descent is narrow and almost Perpendicular Omne in praecipiti Vitium Stetit answer'd our Confin'd Friend but here we are in a Medium Well down the Precipice we went which put me in Mind of Quevedo's Descent into Hell But as soon as we were down our Hostess Conducted us into the Bar asking us What we would be pleas'd to Drink The best you have said we The motion I found pleas'd her well for dropping a formal Curt'siye and Screw'd her Chops into a forc'd Smile said indeed 't was very good she was sure Z ds said our Friend that 's always your Apology by G d set down the Liquor and your Absence I beseech you sweet Lady and give us leave to Praise it that are to Drink it with that she left us shaking her Head saying You are a sad Man But asking him why he us'd his Landlady thus S'BI d what I do is in my own Defence reply'd he and if I had not begun with her first she would have had the Impudence to have Dun'd me before your Faces Now being settled and the Cellar full of Company we began to make a Scrutiny into their several Stations and Observe their Motions and the first that was worth our Observation was an old Weather-beaten Fellow in a Gown that hung by Geometry and a Face as Fiery as the Sun who being Elevated with the Spirit of Malt in a most Lamentable Tone Belch'd forth this Song in Praise of King Lud Cruelty of the Creditors and Miserable Condition of the Prisoners who gave great Attention and was as followeth Noble King Lud long time hast thou stood Not fram'd of Wood but of Stone And since sure thou art like a Creditors Heart That Cares not a Figg for our Moan While we in this Gate do Beg thro' a Grate Lamenting our State in this City Yet our Yawling and Bawling and Calling Moves not a Creditors Heart unto Pity In a poor thread bear Coat we tear our Throat With a Pitiful Moan for Relief
Good Sir we Cry the Box hanging by Here 's a hundred and more full of Grief But Gallants they Ride on and never think upon The Sorrowful Moan that we make But with Rumbling and Iumbling their Coaches The Stones in the Street they do shake Others pass by and hearing our Cry Will cast up an Eye of Disdain Saying that if we were once but set free We soon would come hither again And no sooner had he ended his Song but one of the Company wrapt out an Oath that 't was matter of Fact and Caution'd him to take Warning having now the Liberty of the Hatch Why reply'd he Thou little Illiterate Coxcomb and Spawn of a Knight of the Post who the Devil made you a Solicitor that could not keep your self out of Goal And have the Impudence to pretend to teach me I that have born all Offices of the House and am the Senior of my Ward Nay from the Stocks have been Exalted on Mens shoulders to my lofty Apartment I that have out Witted W t the Officer and put the day of the Month on his Moveables To be Taught by such a little Narrow Soul'd Fellow as thou No be it known unto you I Scorn to take your Counsel or mind your Musty Morals and taking his Glass of Ale Here said he thou Superanuated Block-head here is defiance to them all and thou that stiles thy self a Solicitor and hast not the Sense of a Bum-Bayliff Why so much at a time Mr. said a stander by to him Look there now reply'd he there 's an Animal when he first came hither look'd like one of Pharoahs Lean Kine but now thanks to my Lord-Mayors Basket is as Fat as a Whipping-Post and sets up for an Assistant you shall be an Assistant with a Pox to ye If I was answer'd he I 'd tame your Tongue That 's more than you can your Wifes or Tail either answer'd he thou dull insip'd Rascal Sirrah I 'l have thee Hang'd out at the Gate to bring a Trade to the House thou sordid Mercenary Blockhead that for three Halfpence would betray thy own Father and Pimp for thy own Wife At last the Fellow being in a Passion told him When he first came he had not a Rag to his Arse That 's a Lye said he and I 'll prove it for 't is well known I had nothing else but however Relation to convince you I bear no Malice or am in the least Angry I here Create thee Sole Heir and Executor to the Gown on my Back and all that it harbours He than sat down charg'd his Gun and gave the Word for the other Pot. No sooner was this Fray over but another fell a Rating at his Hostess telling her she had not fill'd the Pot and yet thought much of Scoring and behang'd to her with that said her Husband Fill it Wife fill it I desire no otherwise for what I get is only by Strangers but for Scoring I will no more nor is it reasonable But his Wife being vext at her second Journey for one Pot pull'd him away by the Sleeve crying Come Husband come But harkye said one Do you say you get nothing but by Strangers What the Devil do you mean Do you think I was born Yesterday You must tell them so that knows no better what 's your Hot-Pots your Stout Brandy Nick'd Measure Tobacco and double Scoring Doth this consist with Reason when you can afford to take a Guniea for thirty five Shillings Is not all this Evident proof S'B d I can prove you have got four Shillings and a Meal for you and your Husband by an Apple-Pye that stood you but in two and yet all this is nothing At which they could make no reply but he slunk away Lolling out his Tongue and she look'd as the Devil over Lincoln and 't is thought by the Learned that her Countenance did the Dairy-Woman on the other side the Gate ten Shillings worth of Dammage Well Gentlemen say'd our Friend How do you like your Diversion Why as well as a Play answered we and protest 't is as Comical But look there is two a Fighting and Sodom is in an Uproar and Fair Play is the Word Yes Faith said he but seldom made use of but the occasion of this Quarrel which you see is already over happened as I am inform'd last Night and is thus He with the Bloody-Nose made an Agreement with her in the red Top-knot by the Fire-side to meet last Night at Twelve a Clock on the Stair-case by Puppies-Parlour to take a Game of Ar e together which Bloody-Nose over-heard went at the Hour appointed and found her alone for her Lover with whom she had made the agreement over-slept himself and being pretty Dark he makes use of the opportunity and goes to her she thinking it had been him which she expected without any reluctancy yielded to his Embraces and no Question but they made good Use of their time but having enjoy'd her he discovers himself to her telling her he was mightily oblig'd to her for her Civility but more to the Obscurity of the Night also that stollen Love was sweet and Silence very commendable At which she was 〈…〉 surpriz'd and desir'd him to conceal it which he promis'd to do and so 〈…〉 But he continued there expecting his Rival and 't was not long before he came crying as softly as possible he could My Dear my Dear Upon which he made a little Noise to signifie he was there for answer he could not least he should be betray'd by his Voice which he hearing did not doubt but 't was she and cry'd aloud I was afraid I had out-stay'd my time but I 'll make thee amends That 's more than you can do by G d answered he aloud for I have waited here this hour at least to tell you your Mistress was so impatient that I was forc'd to supply your place for which I do expect a reward Yes I 'll give you Satisfaction and be damn'd to you answer'd he and falls aboard on him like a Fury and had he not had timely Assistance his sweet Meat would have had but sower Sauce but being heard they were soon parted and sent to their several Beds but to day the disappointed Lover hearing his Rival had divulg'd last Nights intrigues bent his thoughts on nothing but Revenge for Jealousie is a Green-Ey'd Monster and gives him a Challenge into the White-Room but he having obtain'd his desires thought it not worth his while to hazard a Battle for what he had already enjoy'd and so declin'd it and laugh'd at him But the Intrigue and Scuffle being blaz'd over all the House and his Mistress also ridicul'd he was resolved to fall aboard him the first opportunity and was well satisfied the Error she had committed was through Ignorance He hearing he was in the Cellar could no longer Bridle his Passion but comes down in a Rage and falls on him and has given him a Bloody Nose and he in return for his Civility hath presented him with a Black-Eye which I suppose will end the difference and a Pot or two will make 'em as good Friends as ever Prethee said I what is she Why Faith no Angel That I presume cry'd I unless it be a dark one but be she what she will she carrys it off with Courage Yes Faith answer'd my Friend she has Stock enough for a Corner-Shop and is one of the first rank in Sodom her Name is Lay-Cock But Prethee observe these two at the Upper-end of the Table the one is a self conceited Coxcomb and looks like a Devil out-Law'd a Quill-driver by Vocation and by his plausible Discourse thinks he merits every ones Attention by which he exposes his Weakness and becomes a Jest to the whole House The other is a poor ignorant Fellow that 's Confin'd here by his Wife by reason he could not perform Family Duty and goes by the Name of Semper Idem No sooner had he done Speaking but the Word was given for Strangers below to depart the House Strangers above depart the House and the Table was put in Order for the Nocturnal Club Upon which we discharg'd our shot and told our Confin'd Friend we would in a short time renew our Visit and since time will not permit us now we will refer Discoursing on our own Affairs till the next opportunity 'T is a general Maxim said he Out of Sight out of Mind and Prison Promises are no more to be Regarded then Madmens Oaths not that I think you will derogate from your word in the least but only give you the Vulgar Opinion for I hope the Conversation and Friendship that have formerly past between us will oblige you to perform It is upon honour answer'd we and that shall be in a day or two at farthest and if it lies in our Power to serve you by that Sacred Tye of Friendship that has past between us and shall still continue you may Command us No my dear Friends answer'd he you can lay no greater Obligation on me than what you have already Contracted in the continuance of our Friendship and the promise of another Visit then we will take a Bottle or two of our old Liquor and Injoy our selves as formerly Compare Notes and see how the Park Temple Grays Inn and Play-house-Ladies stand affected what new Comets and Blazing-stars have appear'd Why I find thou art the same in Confinement as when at Liberty cry'd I Why not said he There will be a day of Redemption and I hope mine draws near But as Othello says Who can controul his Fate Then having a second Summons to depart we quitted the Bar and dispers'd some loose Corns to the Prisoners to drink our Healths and likewise one to the Reverend Doctor took leave of our Friend and departed well satisfied with the Sight and Intrigues of Ludgate which I shall conclude with a saying of Hamlet Prince of Denmark Then let the stricken Deer go Weep The Hart Vngall'd go Play For some must Watch while some do Sleep Thus runs the World away FINIS
a hot Debate about the Allowance of some Pensioner in which dispute we left them and went up Stairs into a large Room on the Right Hand Which Towzer told us was called the White Room In this Room said he we make our Election and if any Difference happen to arise that cannot be decided among our selves we send for the Right Honourable the Lord Mayor or Sheriffs and entertain them in this Room and are Oblig'd to leave it to their Descision after which there is to be no dispute Likewise at this Table assembles our Senate in a full Body upon any of the House Concerns the Door being kept by the Gentleman Vsher of the Nut-crackers who sometimes hath the Honour to have some of our Reverend Divan in his Custody for if they Commit any Misdemeanours they ought no more by 〈…〉 of the House to be Exempted than any Inferiour Prisoner But what said Simon Kissing goes by Favour In this Window hangs our Orders and also lyes the Gazette and Votes for the Vse of the Publick In this Room is also a Fire kept for the Vse of Charity-men by reason they have no Chimney in their Ward where a Sundays they boyl their Kettle-Pot of Chumps a certain Allowance they have on Sabbath days to the great Destruction of Neck-Beef of which they make Broth in abundance and deliver it gratis at the Door which is commonly beset like a Noble-mans Gate and if I might speak my Sentiments I think they Verify the old Proverb God sends Meat but the Devil Cooks And Faith 't is well they have no Sir Courtly-Nice to Diet. This place is also commonly chosen for to decide any Quarrels in trying who is the best at handy Cuffs but very seldom made use of for the best of them had rather Eat than Fight In a Word 't is the most necessary Room in the whole House At this Table we make a Dividend of my Lords Baskets and other Gifts of that Nature acccording to Art But being tyr'd with this long Harangue on this spacious Room we desir'd him to with-draw into some other Apartment O Gentlemen says he I must beg your Patience a little longer for I had like to have Omitted one of the greatest Concerns that is manag'd in this Room for the Night before our Choice Day here is a General Assembly of the whole Conclave in the Nature of a Club in order to the Election the succeeding Morning by which 't is guess'd which of the Candidates will bear the Bell who carry it by the Majority of Votes Nor was there ever greater heats and animosities at Guild-Hall in making of Parties for the Election of a Lord Mayor than there is in this Puny-Colledge in the choice of a Box-man at which time if the Devil were to cast a Net he would have a hopeful Fry for I dare avouch without any Ostentation that in an Assembly of any Twenty of them you shall find a Score of Knaves Now Gentlemen I have done here and will shew you the the next Apartment Withall begging your Pardons for being so tedious and Promise you in shewing you the remainder to Vse all the proxility I can This Gentlemen is called the Lower-Ward and is kept the most decent of all the Wards in the House you see 't is very sweet and Clean and their Beds are in very good Order likewise a good Convenience for dressing of their Diet and have a more regular Order than the rest of the Wards But seeing of a poor Ignorant Fellow in a black Cap walking about I ask'd what he was Upon which answer was made me That he had been a Wholesale Patten-Maker Methinks said my Friend he resembles an old heathen Philosopher for I can see his Arse thro' his Pocket-holes Misfortunes Sir said one that stood by will dismantle a Christian Stoick and were you but to hear how he has been dealt by in his Dealings you would Commiserate his Condition For his Shop-Books will make it appear that he never gave Credit above Six-pence or was Debtor 50 Shillings 'T is discours'd his Creditors are a going to take out a Statute of Bankrupt against him which will be very hard considering his Circumstances but rather than deliver up his Accompts we advise him to turn himself over to the Fleet that he may gain his Liberty and Travel with his Effects before 't is too late and not to spend the Residue of his Stock in a Prison But we find he is rather inclin'd to continue here and in short Time expects to be chose Steward he was put up for Church-Warden last Election and is in a fair way for Preferment he is very Critical in his Discourse has an Excellent Voice and good Iudgment but we could not prevail with him to oblige us with a Song but left us upon our request of it What our Guide told us concernâ—â—â— this Ward was very Evident and I was inform'd had the be 〈…〉 of all the Wards in the Prison by a very Worthy Gentleman who lately has been a great Benefactor to the House to his Honour be it spoke Our Guide taking us up another Pair of Stairs in the Ascending of which I perceiv'd a dark Entry and a lesser Stair-Case which occasion'd me to ask where that went For you must know I was very inquisitive as you will find by the sequel he told us It led to the Masters-side and that he wou'd bring us down that way when he had show'd us all the Common In order to which he proceeded And had us into another Room telling us it was call'd the Chappel-Ward which made my Friend Laugh asking him if they Exercis'd any Religious Worship there or were of the Tribe of Levi for I have heard Ministers and their Widows have the Priviledge of this Colledge That is true Sir said one of them But I assure you we are none of that Function as you suspect nor does our Ward derive its Name from any Devotion that 's used here and to be plain with you we rather make good the Old Proverb The nearer the Church the further from God and am certain here is some that lye within four Yards of the Pulpit have not seen the inside of the Chappel this five Months No Sir 't is call'd the Chappel-Ward by reason the Chappel is on the same Floor will you please to see it Gentlemen No said we 't is Needless but the Church-Warden being by open'd the Door so we could do no less than go in and found it very Decent and Handsome beyond our Expectation so 〈…〉 Church-Warden a piece of Money the hopes of which I suppose 〈◊〉 the only occasion of his Invitation out we came and Ascended another Floor and went into a Room which our Conductor told us was call'd the Charity-Ward belonging to the Men that begg'd at the Grates and Faith said I 't is fit for none but Beggars methoughts the last smelt strong but this is worse Sir said our Guide The higher you go