béere to the poore yet fil them halfe ful of froth that carde your hâ—…re if you see your guests begin to be drunke halfe smal halfe strong you cannot bee content to pinch with your small pots your 〈◊〉 faggots but haue your truggs to drawe men on to villany and to bring customers to your house where you sell a ioint of meate for 〈◊〉 peuce that cost you scarse siâ—… if any chance to go on the skore you skore him when hee is a sleepe set vp a groat a day more then he hath to finde you drinking pots with your companions to be short thou art a knaue I like not of any of the rest the way lies before you and therefore you may bee gon for you shall bee none of the quest I 〈◊〉 to sâ—…e Clothbreeches so peremptory when I sawe fiue fat fellows all in damaske cotes goâ—…nes welted with Ueluet very braue in great consultation as if they were to determine of some weighty matter drawing néere I saw they were welthy Citizens so I went reuerently saluted them told them how wee néeded their aide about the appeasing of a controuerfie shewing them where the knight esquire and other staied tell we might finde men to fill vp the Iury they were contented but veluetbréeches excepted against 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of them and said they were none of his friends that was the marchant goldsmith mercer Draper his allegations were these that they were all fethered of one winge to fetch in young Gentlemen by commodities vnder the colour of lending of mony for the Marchant deliuered the yron â—…in Lead hops Sugars Spices Oiles browne paper or whatsoeuer else from six monâ—…ths to six moneths which when the poore Gentleman came to sell againe hee could not make thréescore ten in the hundred beside the vsury The Mercer he followeth the vpstart Gentleman that hath no gouernemet of himselfe he feedeth his humor to go braue he shall not want silkes Sattins Ueluets to praâ—…ck abroad in his pomp but with this prouision that he must bind ouer his land in a statute marchant or staple so at last forfeit all vnto the mercilesse mercer leane himselfe neuer a foot of ground in England which is the reason that for a fewe remnaunts of veluets and silks the Mercer 〈◊〉 into whole Lordships The Goldsmith is not behinde for most of them deale with vsury and let young Gentlemen haue commodities of plate for ten in the hundred but they must loose the fashion in selling it againe which cuts them sore beside they are most of them sâ—…ild in alcumy rantemper mettales shrewdly with no little profit to themselues disaduaÌ„tage to the buier beside puffe rings quaint conceits which I omit And so for you Draper he fetcheth them off for liuery cloth and cloth for six moneths siâ—… yet hath he more knacks in his budget for he hath so darke a shop that no man can wel choose a peece of cloth it so shadows the dye the threed a man shal be deceiued in the wooll and the nap they cause the cloth worker so to presse them beside hee imposeth this charge to the Cloth worker that he drawe his cloth and pul it passing hard wheÌ„ he sets it vpon the tenters that he may haue it ful breadth and length till threed and all teare and rent in péeces what care they for that haue they not a drawer to serue their turne to drawe and seame by the holes so cunningly that it shall neuer bee espide my self haue séene in one broad cloth eightéene score holes torne rackt and puld by the Clothworker only to please the Draper and deceiue the commonwealth To be short the Clathworker what with rowing setting in a fine nap with powdering it pressing it with shering the wooll to the proofe of the threed deale so cunningly that they proue themselues the Drapers minister to execute his subtilties therefore if he chance to come let him be remembred Now sir for the Uintner he is an honest substantial man a friend to all goodfellows truly my friend for my mony worthy to bee of the iury Why no qd Clothbreeches I am of another mind for I hold him as deceâ—…tfull as any of the rest what the vintner why hee is a kinde of Negromancer for at midnight when all men are in bed then he for sooth fals to his charmes spels so that he tumbles one hog shead into another and can make a cup of claret that hath lost his colour looke high with a dash of red wine at his pleasure if hee hath a strong gascoigne wine for feare it should make his guests to soone dronke hee can allay it with a small Rochel wine he can cherish vp white wine with sack perhaps if you bid him wash the pot cleane when hee goes to draw you a quart of wine hee will leaue a little water in the bottome and then draw it ful of wine what and if he do t is no harme wine water is good against the heat of the liuer It were infinit to rehearse the iugling of Uintuers the disorder of their houses especially of the persons that frequent them therefore sith Ueluetbreeches hath put by the Marchant goldsmith mercer draper the vintner shall go with them for company As these were going away in a snuf for being thus plainely tauÌ„ted we might se a mad merry crue come leaping ouer the field as frolickly as if they ought not al the world two pence drawing nearer we might perceiue that either bottle-ale or beere bad made a fraie with them for the lifting of their feete shewed the lightnesse of their heads the formost was plaine country sir John or vicar that proclaimed by y â— râ—…dnesse of his nose he did go oftner into the alehouse than the Pulpit and him I asked what they were and whether they were going what are you qd the prist that standeth by the high way to examine me my friends heere 's none in my company but are able to answere for themselues I seeing they were all set on a merry pin sold the cause and how the controuersie grewe betwixt Clothbreeches and Ueluet-breeches and that wee needed them to bee â—…f the quest Marry quoth Sir John a good motion know these all are my parsâ—…ioners we haue béene drinking with a poore man and spending our mony with him a neighbour of ours that hath lost a cow now for our names and our trades this is a smith the second a weauer the third a nuller the fourth a cooke the fift a carpenter the sixt a glouer y e seauenth a pedler y e eight a tinker the ninth a waterberer the tenth a husbandman the eleuenth a diar and the twelfth a saâ—…lor 〈◊〉 I their Uicker how could you sir haue a fitter Iury than me and my parishioners you are a litle to breefe qd Cloth-breeches are you not
some puritane M. parson or some fellow that raiseth vp new scismeÌ„s and herisies amongst your people A plague on them al quoth I sir for the world was neuer in quiet deuotion neighbourhoode nor hospitality neuer flourished in this land since such vp start boies shittle witted fooles became of the ministry I cannot tel they preach faith faith and say that doing of almes is papistry but they haue taught so long Fides solem iustificat that they haue preached good workes quite out of our Parish a poore man shal as soone breake his neck as his fast at a rich mans doore for my friend I am indeede none of the best scholers yet I can read an Homely euery Sunday holyday and héepe company with my neighbours and go to the alehouse with them and if they be fallen out spende my mony to make them friendes on the Sundaies somtime if goofellowship cal me away I say both morning euening praier at once so let them haue a whole afternoone to play in This is my life I spende my liuing with my parishioners I seek to do al good and I offer no man harm Well qd Cloth bréeches I warrant thou art an honest Uicar and therefore stand by thou shalt be one of the quest and for you Smith I see no great fault in you you yerne your liuing with the sweat of your browes there can bee no great knauery in you only I would haue you to mend your life for drinking sith you are neuer at quiet vnles the pot be still at your nose But you weauer the Prouerbe puts you down for a crafty knaue you can filtch and steale almost as ill as the Tailor your woofe and warpe is so cunningly drawne out that you plague the poore countrey Huswiues for their yarne and dawbed on so much dregs that you make it seeme both wel wrought and to beare weight when it is slenderly wouen and you haue stolne a quarter of it from the poore wife Away be packing for you shall be cashierd What Miller shake handes with your brother the Weauer for knauery You can take toll twise and haue false hoppers to conuey away the poore mans meale Be gone I loue not your dusty lookes and for company goodman Cooke go you with them for you cousen the poore men and country Tearmers with your filthy meate you will buy of the worst cheapest when it is bad enough for dogs and yet so powder it parboile it that you will sell it to some honest poore men anâ—… that vnreasonably to If you leaue any meate ouer night you make a shift to heat it againe the next day Nay if on the thursday at night there be any left you make pies of it on sunday mornings and almost with your slouenly knauery poison the poore people To be short I brooke you not and therefore be walking For the Carpenter Glouer and Waterbearer the Husbandmen Dier Sailor sith your trades haue but petty slights stand you w t Maister Uicar you are like to helpe to giue in the verdict but for the pedler and the Tinker they are two notable knaues both of an haire 〈◊〉 both cosen Germaines to y t Diuell For the tinker why he is a drowsie bawdy drunken companion that walkes vp down with a trug after him and in stopping 〈◊〉 makes three if in conuenient place he meetes with one alone perhaps â—…ifle him or her of all that euer they haue A base knaue without feare of God or loâ—…e to any one but to his whore and himselfe The Pedler as bad or rather worse walketh the country with his docksey at the least if hee haue not two his mortes dels and Autem mortis hee passeth commonly through euery paire of stocks either for his drunkennesse or his lechery And beside it is reported you can lift or nip a bounge like a guâ—…re Coue if you want pence that you carry your pack but for a colour to shadow your other villanies well howsoeuer you are both knaues and â—…o belogging Wel qd I suppose the iury be almost ful I beléeue we want not aboue three or four persons looke you wherâ—… they come to make vp the number and they should be men of good disposition for they seeme to be all of the country Assoone as they came to vs I met them and told them the matter and they were content The one said hee was a Grasier the other a Farmer the other a shephard to them both What thinke you of these three qd I marry saith Ueluetbreeches two of them are honest men but the other is a base knaue but 〈◊〉 no matter shuffle him in amongst the rest Nay by your leane quoth Cloth-bréeches I will shuffle out these two for they are very Cormorants of the Country and deuoure the poore people with their monsterous exaction And first I alledge against the â—…rasier that he 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and medow grounds for the faeding of his cattell and wringeth leases of them out of poore mens hands and in his 〈◊〉 of cattel he committeth great 〈◊〉 for if it proue a wet yeare then hee maketh hauock and selleth deare if it be a 〈◊〉 yeare then he 〈◊〉 cheape and yet hauing pasture keepes them till he may come to his owne prise he knoweth as well as the 〈◊〉 by the séede of a Bullock how much Tallow he will yéelde what his quarters will amount vnto what the Tanner will giue for the Hide nay what the sowse wiues are able to make of the inwards so that 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 it so deare to the Butcher that he can scarce liue of it and therefore what subtilty the Butcher vseth commeth from the Grasier so that I exempt him from the quest as a bad member and an ill friend to Clothbréeches And for you masse Farmer you know how through you couetous Land-lords raise their rents for if a poore man haue but a plough land if you sée his pastures beare good grasse and his earable 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 corne and that he prospereth and goeth forward 〈◊〉 it and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and maintaineth his wife and seruants honestly then Inuidusaltenus rebus marcessit opinis viciounique pecus grandins vber habet Then straight 〈◊〉 pricks the Farmer forward and hee bids the Landlord far more then the poore man 〈◊〉 yearely for it so that if hee bee a Tenant at will hee puts him out to beg in the streat or when his lease comes out bee oâ—…er loades him in the fine and thus bloud sucketh hee the poore for his owne priuate profite Besides the base châ—…e if he sees a forward yeare that corne is like to be plenty then he murmereth against God and swereth and protesteth he shall be vndone respeâ—…ing more the filling of his owne coffers by a dearth then the profit of his country by a generall plenty Beside sir may it please you whennew corne coÌ„es into the market who brings it in to relieue the state Not your mastership but
by Mercuris boone it grew that all of the gentle craft are such good fellowes spendethriftes But howsoeuer none of those thrée neither Shoomaker Lanner nor Currier shal be accepted to be of the Iury. As they went away with fleas in their eares beeing thus taunted by Clothbreeches we might sée where there came a troupe of ancient Gentlemen with their seruingmen attending vpon them The foremost was a great old man with a white beard al in russet and a fair black cloake on his back attending on him hee had some fine men their cognisance as I remember was a Peacock without a taile the other two that accompanied him séemed meaner then himselfe But yet Gentlemen of good worship whereupon I went towards them saluted them was so bould as to question what they were and of their busâ—…nes The most ancientest answered hee was a knight and those two his neighbors the one anesquire the other a gentlemaÌ„ and that they haue no vrgent affaiers but only to walke abroad to take the fresh aire Then did I shew them both Clothbreeches and veluet bréeches told them the controuersy desired their aide to be vpon the Iury. They smiling answered they were content so did Clâ—…thbreeches séem to reioice that such honest ancient English gentlemen should be triers of his title But veluetbreeches storming slept in made challenge to them al. I demanded the reason why he should refuse Gentlemen of so good calling And he made me this answere Why you may gesse the inward minde by the outward apparrell see how he is adicted by the homely robes he is suted in Why this knight is mortall enemy to pride so to me he regardeth hospitality aimeth at honor with releeuing the poore you may see although his landes reuenewes be great he able to maintaine himselfe in great brauery yet he is content with home spun cloth scorneth the pride that is vsed now a dates amongst young vpstarts he holdeth not the worth of his Gentry to be consiâ—…t in veluet-breeches but valeweth true â—…ame by the report of the common sort who praise him for his vertue Iustice liberality housekéeping almesdéedes Vox populi vox Dei his tennants farmers would if it might bee possible make him immortall with their praiers praises Be raiseth no rent racketh no lands taketh no incombs imposeth no mercilesse fines enuies not an other buyeth no house ouer his neighbours head but respecteth his country the commodity thereof as deere as his life Hee regardeth more to haue the needy fed to haue his boord garnished with full platters theÌ„ to famous himself w t excessine furniture in apparel Since then he scorneth pride he must of force proclaime himself mine enemy and therefore he shall bée none of my Iury such as himselfe I gesse the Squire and the Gentleman therefore I challenge them all thrée Why quoth I this is strange that a man should be drawne from a quest for his goodnesse If meÌ„ for vertue be challenged whome shall we haue vpon the Iury your obâ—…ection helpes not maister veluetbréeches for if hee be a man of so godly a disposition he will neither speake for feare or fauour hee will regard neither the riches of the one nor the plaine pouerty of the other whereupon sith you haue made mee trier I allow them all three to bee of the Iury and so I requested them to sit down till our Iury was ful which they courteously did although veluetbréeches fround at it When I looking for more saw where there came a troop of men in apparell seâ—…ming poore honest Citizens in all they were eight I demanded of them what they were whether they were going One of them that seemed the welthiest who was in a furred Jacket made answere that they were al friends going to y â— burial of a neighbour of theirs that yester night died and if it would do mee any pleasure to heare their names they were not so dainty but that they would tell them and so then hee began to tell me that by his art hee was a Skinner the second said hee was a Joiner the third was a Sadler the fourth a Waterman the fift was a Cutler the sixt was a Bellows mender the seuenth a Plaisterer and the right a Printer In good time quoth I it is conâ—…nendable when neighbours loue so wel together but if your spéede bee not ouermuch I must request you to bee of a Jury so I discourst vnto them the controuersy betwene Clothbréeches Ueluetbréeches and to what issue it must grow by a verdict they seemed al content and I turned to the plaintiffe and defendant and asked if they would make challenge to any of these I scorne qd Ueluetbréeches to make any great obiection against them sith they bee mecannical men and I almost hold them indifferent for this I know they get as much more by me than by him the Skinner I vse for furres whereas this base Cloth-bréeches hath scarse a gowne faced once in his life the Sadler for costly imbroidered saddis the ioiner for seeling my house the cutler for gilt rapiers the Waterman I vse continually ten times for his once and so likewise the Plaisterer for the Belloweâ—…ender alas poore snake I knowe him not for the Printer by our Lady I thinke I am some tenne pounds in his debt for bookes so that for my part let them all passe And for mee too qd Clothbreeches but yet a little to put them in remembrance of their follies let mee haue about with them all and first with you maister Skinner to whome I can say little but only this that whereas you should only put the backs of skinnes into facing you taw the wombs and so deceiue the buier besides if you haue some fant aslike skin brought you not worth two pence with seme straunge spots though it bee of a libbet you will sweare t is a most precious skin and came from Musco or the furthest parts of Calabria The Sadler he stuffes his pannels with straw or hay and ouer glafeth them with haire and makes the leather of them of morts or tand sheeps skins The ioyner though an honest man yet hee maketh his ioints weake and putteth in sap in the morteses which should be the hart of the trée and all to make his â—…uffe slender And you Cutler you are patron of ruffions and swashbuckiers and will sell them a blade that may be thrust into â—… bushel but if a poore man come that cannot sâ—…il of it you sel him a swoord or rapier newauerglased and sweare the blade came either â—…oÌ„ Turkie or Toledo Now maister waterman you wil say there is no subtillty in you for there is none so simple but that knows your fares what is 〈◊〉 betweene Green wiche and London how you earnâ—… your mony painfully with the sweat of your browes all this is true but let meâ—… whisper one
the poore husbandman that wants pence For you kéepe it till the back end of the yeare nay you haue your Garners which haue corne of two or three yeares old vpon hope still of a deare yeare rather letting the weasels eate it theÌ„ the poore should haue it at any reasonable price So that I conclude you are a Cormorant of the common wealth and a wretch that liues of the spoile of the 〈◊〉 and so I leaue you to 〈◊〉 with the GrasierMarry for the Sepsheard vnlesse it be that he killeth a Lambe now and theÌ„ and saies the fox stole him I know little craft in his budget therefore let him be amongst the honest men of the Iury. Well Clothbreeches qd I you are very peremptory in your challenges what say you heere comes thrée or four Citizens will any of these serue turne I cannot tell qd hee till I know their names conditions with that I slept afore the company and inquired what they were the eldest of theÌ„ being a graue Citizen said hee was a Grocer the rest his good honest neighbours a Chandler a Haberdasher a Clothworker and two strangers one a Wallon the other a Duchman How like you of these qd I to veluetbréeches wel enough quoth he for I am a little acquainted with them yet I know they fauour me because I haue on a sunday seene them all in there silkes I marry quoth Clothbreeches but they neuer get that brauery with honesty for the Clothworker his saults were laid open before when wee had the Draper in question and therefore let him bee packing For you chandler I like not of your tricks you are to coÌ„uersant with the kitchenstuff wiues you after your weeke or snaffe is stiffened you dip it 〈◊〉 dros after giue him a coat of good tallowe which makes the Candles drop and wast away to the great hinderance of the poore workemen that watcheth in the night Beside you pinch in your waights and haue false measures and many other knaueries that I omit but this be sure you shal not meddle in my matter neyther the Haberdasher for hee trimes vp old felts and makes them very faire to the 〈◊〉 and faceth edgeth them neatly then hee turnes them away to such a simple man as I am and so abuseth vs with his coosenage Beside you buy gumd Tafata where with you line Hats that will straight assunder as sone as it comes to the heat of a mans head To be briefe I am not well skild in your knaueries But indeede you are to subtill for poore Clothbréeches and therefore you shall bee none of the Iury. Marry the Grocer seemes an honest man and I am content to admit of him only take this as a caueat by the way that you buy of the Garbellers of spices the refuse that they slâ—…t from the marchant and that you mix againe and sell it to your customers Besides in your beaten spices as inpeper you put in bay berries such drosse and so wring the poore but these are sleight causes and so I ouerpasse them and vouchsafe you to be of the quest But I pray you what bee those two honest men quoth the Grocer the one a Dutchman and a Shoomaker the other a Frenchman 〈◊〉 Millainer in Sant Martins and sels Shirts Bands Bracelets Iewels and such prety toies for Gentle women oh they be of Ueluetâ—…réeches acquaintance vpstaris as well as hee that haue brought with them pride and abuses into England and first to the Millainer What toies deuiseth he to féede the humor of the vpstart Gentleman withall and of fond Gentlewomen such fans such ouches such brooches such bracelets such grauÌ„dcies such periwigs such paintings such ruffes and cuffs as hath almost made England as full of proud foppries as Tire Sydon were There is no Seamster can make a band or a shirt so well as his wife and why forsooth because the filthy queane weares a craunce and is a French woman forsooth Where as our English women of the Erchange are both better workwomen and will affoord a better peniworth And so for the drunken Dutchman this shoomaker hee and such as he is abuseth the common wealth and the poore mechanical men and handicrafts men of London for our new vpstart fooles of 〈◊〉 fraternity liketh nothing but that the outlandish Asse maketh They like no shoo so well as the Dutchman maketh when our English men passe them far and so for chandlers and all other occupatious they are wronged by the Dutch and French And therefore sith the Commons hates them they cannot be my friends and therefore let them be launching to Flushing for they shall be no triers of my controuersie Well quoth I now I suppose the Jury is full and we sée no more comming let vs call them and see how many we haue So they appeared to ther names as followeth The Names of the Iury to bee empanelled 1 Knight 2 Esquire 3 Gentleman 4 Priest 5 Printer 6 Grocer 7 Skinner 8 Dier 9 Pewterer 10 Sadler 11 Ioyner 12 Bricklaier 13 Cutler 14 Plaisterer 15 Saylor 16 Ropemaker 17 Smith 18 Glouer 19 Husbandman 20 Shepheard 21 Waterman 22 Waterbearer 23 Bellowsmender What is it not possible quoth I to haue one more to make vp the four and twenty as I was thus speaking I espied 〈◊〉 oss a certain kind of an ouerworne Gentleman atâ—…red in Ueluet and Sattin but it was some what dropped and greasse and bootes on his legges whose soles wered thin seemed to coÌ„plaine of their Maiâ—…er which treading thrift vnder his feete had brought them vnto that consumption be walked not as other men in the common beaten way but came compassing Circum circa as if wee had beene Diuells and hee would draw a Circle about vs and at euery third sâ—…p he looked back as if he were afraide of a Baily or Serieant After him followed two pert Applesquires the one had a Murrty cloth gowne on faced downe before with gray Conny and laid thick on the sleeues with lace which he quaintly bare vp to shew his white Laffata hose and black silke stockings a huge ruf about his neck wrapt in his great head like a wicker Cage a little Hat with 〈◊〉 like the wings of a doublet wherein hee wore a Jewell of Glasse as broad as a chancery seale after him followed two boies in cloaâ—…es like butter flies carrying one of them his cutting sword of choller the other his daunsing papier of delight His Comerade that bare hun company was a iolly light timberd Jack a Napes in a sute of Watchet Laffata cut to the skin with a cloake all to bee dawbed with colourd lace both he and my gowned brother seemed by their pase as if they had some sutes to Mounsieur Boots At length coÌ„ming neere I might deserne the first to bee a Poet the second a Piaier the third a Musition alias the Usher of a daunsing Schoole Well met Maisâ—…er Poet quoth I and welcome you