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A71133
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Some remarkable passages in the holy life and death of the late Reverend Mr. Edmund Trench most of them drawn out of his own diary.
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Trench, Edmund, 1643-1689.; Boyse, J. (Joseph), 1660-1728.
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1693
(1693)
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Wing T2109; ESTC R7785
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40,931
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132
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to be wholly freed from Sin and to serve and enjoy my God and Saviour in sinless Holiness O Lord help me to do as I profess promise and bind my self That my Conversation may be more in Heaven That thy Will may be more done by me on Earth as 't is in Heaven That I may more comfortably hope and long to be in Heaven And O remember thy Churches and Children and the whole World Let my concern for them all be more according to thy Will more pure and intense for thy Glory Amen for our Lord Jesus sake My worldly Circumstances are not without Difficulties and Temptations considerable Losses I have had yet continued giving largely to the Poor My Children dying I did not think it my Duty to encrease my Estate I have now Two likely to live and may have more so that my Charge rises when what should maintain it falls I resolve to cast my Care on God in well-doing to exercise my self more than ever to keep a Conscience void of offence impartially to study and do my Duty and pray continually Brenchley Octob. 23. 1685. My Practice hath in some measure answer'd my renewed Resolutions I have employed my time better pray'd harder and endeavoured when call'd abroad to do some good by good Discourse when I thought it seasonable and by making peace God hath comforted me in the kindness of Friends His Spirit I hope is with me May I more abundantly find it as I am call'd to do or suffer for my Jesus's sake Brenchley Feb. 25. 168â— I hope I continue in God's Service though alas with many Failings till I was hasted to London and Hackney the 5th where I had an happy issue of an Affair which evidently threatned much trouble and loss I could not but give somewhat considerable to some that were indeed great Losers My God I trust will remember me for good and capacitate me to give more Thursday the 18th Mr. Samuel Barton Fellow of Corp. Christi Colledge in Oxford married my Sister Sarah O may they be faithful to God and one another according to their Duty May he find a comfortable Opportunity for Publick Service of which alas I still continue uncapable I have been lately urg'd and again consider'd my Scruples as to the terms of Conformity but cannot yet see my way If I labour under involuntary mistakes God will I hope pardon and remove them Brenchley May 1. 1686. April 26. Our younger Child Thomas died at the end of a Convulsion-Fit about an Hour long c. May we more practically believe we must also die and not cease preparing for it till we come to desire it and live in the constant joyful expectation of Eternity We are many ways shamefully faulty that we do not Pardon and help us for thy Mercies sake Amen Brenchley May 29. 1686. On the 23d I solemnly remembred my Saviour's Passion and renewed my Covenant with God thorow him My Prayors and Vows were principally for encrease of Holiness in Heart and life God graciously made use of a mean Affliction as others count it to quicken both the Day following so that the past Week my Watch hath been more constant my Recollections more frequent at least every Evening And I sind to my comfort my Converse both with God and Man hath been in some good measure if I mistake not according to the Gospel I have had many Refiections on God's manifold Goodness many Abhorrings of my own sinful Vileness I desire my Actions and as God pleaseth my Sufferings may be answerable that I may glorifie him more on Earth and help others to do so and become very ready and willing to serve him better in Heaven Amen for my Saviour's sake I praise God I have liv'd this Week also as the former My Soul hath been daily first and last with God My Thoughts have very frequently return'd unto him and my Time hath been improv'd with some diligence for his Glory My Converse with others in my own family hath in some measure exprest the sense of those great Things that ought always above all to be minded My Prayers and Resolves have been and are for constancy and progress Amen for my Lord Jesus sake June 12. I hope I am still getting nearer Heaven I have continued my Converse with God and endeavoured to quicken others with my self to his blessed Service Afflictions are much abated but not my Fervor O may Love be an abiding Principle thereof acting me with Vigour and Constancy for the Glory of God and the good of all with whom I have to do Amen for my Lord Jesus's sake June 19. 1686. Praised be God I have endeavoured another Week to speak and think and act for him His Mercies further engage me daily Jyly 3. I have thought oft daily of God and Heaven and oft pray'd that I might please him better and be more sit to be with him there But I have not been so serious and warm and earnestly desirous of getting and doing good as I was before and yet I was last Lord's-day at the Sacrament I hope God knows that I desire nothing in comparison with Holiness that I may be at a greater distance from the Desilements of Sin and have deeper and more abiding Impressions of his purifying Light and Love and be more constant and successful in communicating thereof to others I proceeded not so successfully in my Studies as I would and I think sometimes have I hope to pray and strive that I may be and do better Impertinent Discourses the too common bane of Converse have been my trouble May I be able to oppose them with Christian Prudence and to perfume every Place and Company with somewhat truly good for his sake who purchas'd and pleads for Grace to help in time of need July 10. An indisposed Body and several incumbring Diversions have hindred me from serving God as I would yet I hope my main design has not been wholly neglected I was faithful to two Persons in dealing plainly with them about some matters that had occasion'd several to speak evil of 'em But I was so with abundance of tenderness and therefere cannot but think one of them blame-worthy for the bad return he made My Conscience bears me witness I did what I did meerly from sense of Duty having great reluctances which only fear of God and the love he commands to my Fellow-servants overcame July 17. I endeavoured to serve my good God of whose kindness I have still more experience but alas I have wanted that warmth and pleasure I have sometimes had I long and desire to labour for it more than ever July 31. I want the Aids of the Holy Spirit because I doubt I do not seek and labour for and with them as I ought I walk heavily yet I hope in the right way O for more Grace or rather for better improvement of what I have that I may have more for Jesus's sake Aug. 7. 14. To the like purpose My Watch
of Integrity and Plain-heartedness of Content and Rejoycing under heavy Afflictions of affectionate Faithfulness in all his Relations and of conscientious Diligence in his particular Calling and he was an encouraging Instance of a Divine Blessing on such as seek first the Kingdom of God and his Righteousness and cast their Care on him in well-doing his Estate having been preserv'd and encreas'd though great hazard and losses without worldly Policy Both led and engag'd to Earliness and Constancy in God's Service secret private and publick to a faithful discharge of every Office of Love to all they had to do with to a sober righteous and godly Life in hope of a future satisfying everlasting Felicity From such I entred on my earthly Pilgrimage Octob. 6. 1643. about 5 in the Evening after my Mother had been 3 Days in painful dangerous Travail I was born with a great Wound in my Head suppos'd by a blow of a great boss'd Bible as my Mother came out of Church That was heal'd and afterwards many Diseases and hurt in my Childhood both Thigh-bones dislocated together Afterwards an Arm broken well set no harm remaining During my tender years I was my Parent 's immediate Care in London and Hackney from whom and my good Grandfather whose Diversion I often was I wanted not Instruction Example and Encouragement and so far I seem'd to answer their Endeavours that they delighted much in me But I well remember and thou O Lord much more abundance of Wickedness I was guilty of Disobedience to Parents indulging my Appetite to excess taking or stealing what was not allow'd quarrelling especially with my next Brother Samuel whom I shou'd have born with considering his woful Affliction by the King 's Evil Pride in Apparel or what Abilities and Acquirements I had Envy mispence of Time in Romances Plays idle Stories c. too much play and lying All aggravated by so many and great Mercies and Means such singular Love and Light that I have often thought my Sins more hainous than theirs that I have seen going to Execution They were never so engag'd never enjoy'd such helps as I. Have mercy upon me O Lord according to thy great goodness and blot out my Transgressions for my Saviour's sake Towards the end of my 15th Year I was sent to Cambridge with Mr. Samuel Jacomb and by him plac'd in Queen's Colledge under the Tuition of Mr. Andrew Paschall There I got the Love and good Report of my Tutor and others but was far from deserving it I made a shift to do the Exercises required but wofully neglected my Studies sadly addicted to Tennis Cards and other expensive forbidden Sports to reading Romances Plays and smutry Poets and at length more entangled with had Company especially in the absence of my studious and loving Chamber-fellow afterwards Sir J. K. an eminent Lawyer of the Inner-Temple taken off when rising in Riches and Honour By them I was drawn once and again to Gluttony and Drunkenness Swearing and Cursing and at last to making as they call'd it indeed to stealing of Hankerchiefs Knives Books or what else we cou'd lay our hands on This was a common shameless practice and suffering thereby from others I thought I might right my self It was God's goodness that I went no farther having been tempted to go with 'em to naughty Women which my Inclination consider'd I wonder I never did Blessed be God who still restrained me till my Chamber-fellow leaving the Colledge and some other Obstacles being happily remov'd when I was most in danger My Father who suspected nothing but thought too well of me thought sit for other Reasons I should remove to Oxford Thither I went towards the end of 1660 to Magdalen-Hall Before that Year expired I proceeded Batcheler which to Doctors Sons at least the eldest was then permitted at 12 years standing Performing the usual Exercises on that occasion I was unexpectedly engag'd among some who were too excessively debauch'd for me they stirr'd in me some abhorrence as bad as I was and drove me to better Acquaintance and God cast me on such as were not only of a better temper but really Pious for whom I think my Parent 's tincture had in some measure prepar'd me I thought such Company wou'd please them and praised be God it soon grew pleasant to my self also By their Converse especially and reading good Books though I also heard the best Ministers those good Principles were awaken'd which my Parents had sown and they soon became vigorously active for Repentance and sruitful Obedience I reslected on my Sins with shame and sorrow I oft confess'd and bewail'd 'em before God with bitter Anguish and detestation They soon turn'd my langhing into weeping my usual cheansulness into a very sorrowful medancholy and fill'd me with Self-abhorrence Dread and Horrour In such a Condition I continued though mercifully supported a long time getting by degrees more gleams of light and intervals of Hope and Comfort The Sin that was most troublesom to undo was my taking as before several Things from others I thought Restitution my Duty though I thought I might take as I did to right my self St. Auslin's saying Non remittitur peccatum nisi restituatur ablatum struck me like Tlmnder and I had no rest till I parted with all even with what I had from them that had wrong'd me But shame and inconsideration betray'd me to a course that afterwards encreas'd my trouble I wrote to one too guilty himself and that had made me worse He profess'd Repentance and readiness to assist and imitate me in Restitution and upon his repeated Engagements I sent him all I cou'd think of not my own in kind or value and then was quiet as to that matter How his Friend serv'd him you 'll hear anon As to other Faults my way was plain I left off every course of Sin and Folly those defended Games which had so wasted my time sine and fashionable Clothes and all bad and vain Company I grew constant in secret and publick Duties of Religion and convers'd with and imitated those I thought most strictly good God's Service was my Design doing good my Work and in order thereto I grew more and more inclin'd to the study of Divinity and had more delight in the beginning thereof Many Favours I received from God among which a lignal Deliverance of my Chamber-fellow Mr Foley and my self ought not to be forgotten Washing in the River hâ— who cou'd not swim desir'd me to hold him by the Hair which while did swimming with my other Arm we were gotten out of our depths so that at length seeking for ground we both sunk under water my escape seem'd easie but then I lost him therefore I clasp'd as I cou'd his middle with my right Arm and so made a shift to reach the Shallows God gave me strength and kept him tho his Head was under water from laying hold or struggling which might have destroyed us both To thee O Lord the