Selected quad for the lemma: friend_n
Text snippets containing the quad
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ID |
Title |
Author |
Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) |
STC |
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Pages |
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A25900
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The Art of cuckoldom, or, The intrigues of the city-wives
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1697
(1697)
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Wing A3790; ESTC R10574
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49,098
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100
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laid under the Bolster it was the Maids Post to be watchful in the Morning when the Husband rose for he was always an early Man that he should not go in there for fear of waking her Mistress But there was no danger of that for the first thing he did was to go down into his back Shop and there in a small Closet or Counting-house to settle his Shop-books At this Opportunity the young Gallant made hast to rise and was led down by the Maid The Master happening then to be in the Fore-Shop very hastily askt her who she had got there To which the Maid dropping a low Courtesy made answer only a Corn-cutter Sir When came he hither reply'd the old Spark I brought him in Sir answered the Wench when you went first into your Counting-house for some occasion I had for him A Corn-cutter Replied the old Spark you are come in good time Friend I shall use you my self I have a troublesome Corn on my left foot and a Toe-nail that grows into the Flesh But take him up again Hussey and give him a Glass of our Drink till I finish my Accounts and come up to him Ay and thank you noble Master replied the Spark in Quirpo I was Prentice to old Stephens and I thank Heave am as able to serve you with a whip and a flash at a Foot 's End as neatly as any Man in Towne And so the Maid carried him up Stairs As soon as he got up again he was under some present Consternation how to behave himself for he fancied himself but a damnable awkward Corn-cutter and as bad provided with Tools for it However a sudden thought came into his Head to carry it off very heroically and therefore he desired the Maid to get him a Penknife for one of his Corn-cutting Tools But above all to help him to a piece of Plastering which the House at that time not furnishing she presently be thought her of two large Velvet Temple Patches that she wore for the Head ach for which the Gentleman immediately dismantled a large Snush-box of half an ounce of Spanish and clapping in the two Plaisters was intirely accommodated with a Salvatory and indifferently well set up for the Manual Management Our young Corn-cutter was no sooner equipt with his necessary Implements but up came the old Gentleman and sitting down in an Elbow-chair as he pull'd of his Shoe and Stocking he began to ask him some Questions Well Friend says he what Country-man art thou Northwest Sir answers our Corn-cutter Northwest Friends Corn. Ay Sir I was born at Pancrass Old Gen. Pancrass From Cheapside Troth I think that 's Northwest indeed But Friend thou say'st thou wert Stephens's Prentice does thy Occupation take Prentices Prentices Sir replied the Corn-cutter ay and all the reason in the World Lord Sir we intend to petition the King for a Charter build a Hall and set up a Corporation of the Right Worshipful Corn-cutters Nay Friend answers the Don I believe thou art Stephens's Prentice indeed he was just such another joking Wag as thou art Ay Sir says he my Master before me was an ingenious Dog and I am a true Whelp of his own Breeding Old Gent. But Friend are you Master of his Art too Corn. Never fear Sir my Master was too good a Commonwealths-man to let his Talent dye with him And tho' I say 't as should not say 't I scorn to turn my Back to the best manual Operator in the whole Mystery Old Gent. Most learnedly spoken then you are sure you are very dextrous at Corn-cutting Corn. Dextrous at it Ay Sir I 'll cut your Corns and pare you Horns with the best Master of the Art in Kent or Christendom Old Gent. My Horns Friend Corn. Your Nails Sir your Nails Horns and Nails are of the same natural homogeneal Growth as the famous Paracelsus the great Doctor of our Chair has very learnedly observed in his Treatise of Anatomy Why this Fellow replies the Lady that stood by talks like a Philosopher Corn. Ay Madam I have Read Aristotle's Problems If your Ladyship never saw it I 'll lend it you Lady Nay troth this is a merry Fellow indeed Corn. Merry Madam why 't is the best Tool of my Trade my Master got half his Estate by it Estate reply'd the Mercer I thoguht he had dy'd in Sutton's Hospital Corn. Ay Sir no matter for that he had good Lands and Livings to my Knowledge Old Gent. Lands and Livings prethee in what part of the World Corn. Why in Gypsey Land We Corn-cutters are mungril Gypsies Our Lands and our Livings Are of other Folks givings And so rubs the World away Lady Troth my Dear I like this Fellow well I care not if I come under his Hands Corn. Truly Madam I shall use you very gently for I have a very neat Hand at Womens Work Lady Now I think on 't I have a kind of a soft Corn on the inside of one of my great Toes that dos so pain me Corn. A Pain between your two great Toes You are not the first fair Lady that has been troubled with that Malady But Madam if I don 't presently ease you Lady Sayst thou so then call some Morning towards the end of the Week and I 'll take a Cast of your Office By this time the old Gentleman was ready for the manual Operation and had shew'd where his Grievance lay Well Sir says the Corn-cutter shall I go through stitch with you and take out your Corn Root and Branch or shall I leave some few strings of it behind me to have your Custom another time Nay Friend replies the Don if you have an Art to take it off Root and Branch that it will never grow again pray use your best Skill though I pay you double Fees for 't Corn. Why then I 'll tell you I have a Plaister here in my Box that will so ripen it in one 24 Hours that by to morrow Morning when I shall come again I 'll make such clever Work on 't that I 'll lay my Life to a half penny worth of Butter-milk you shall never hear more on 't Old Gent. Sayst thou so Then prithee lay on thy Plaister But what a Velvet Plaister Corn. Ay Sir I always suit my Surgery to my Customers Your Worship has past your Brass Chain and your plush Jerkin and your rich Batchelorship and may live to be an Alderman And so a Velvet patch to a Velvet jump is all secundum artem Having reserved the Corn-Cure for the Morrow the old Gentleman however desired the other part of his Office viz. The paring of his Nails but our Corn-cutter to shorten the Story excused that too till to morrow Morning for want of an extraordinary Tool that he said he had at the Grinders which he would bring with him and which shou'd do it much more easily than any of his present Implements he had about him And so the old Spark stealing a Shilling