Lords here make her but laugh when we are gone Fran. Laugh before these Lords when they are gone sir Lod. Pish I mean make her laugh heartily before we come home and before these Lords I promise thee a lease of forty Crowns per annum Fran. Can ye tell whether she be ticklish sir Lod. Oh infinitely ticklish Fran. I 'll deserve your lease then ere you come home I warrant Lod. And thou shalt ha 't y faith boy Enter Clown Clown Your horse is ready sir Lod. My Lords I think we have staid with the longest farewel Doll Crede quod habes habes gallants Pand. Our horses shall fetch it up again farewel sweet Lady Jasp Adieu sweet Mistres and whensoere I marry fortune turn up to me no worse Card then you are Clown And whensoere I marry Venus send me a Card may save fortune the labour and turn up her self Exeunt Dor. How now why loyter you behind why ride not you along with your Lord Fran. To lie with your Ladiship Dor. How Fran. In the bed upon the bed or under the bed Dor. Why how now Francis Fran. This is the plain truth on 't I would lie with ye Dor. Why Francis Fran. I know too that you will lie with me Dor. Nay but Francis Fran. Plague of Francis I am neither Frank nor Francis But a Gentleman of Millain that even there Heard of your Beauty which Report there guarded With such a Chastity the glittering'st sin Held no Artillery of power to shake it Upon which I resolv'd to try conclusions Assum'd this name and fortune sought this service And I will tell ye truly what I guess you Dor. You will not ravish me Francis Fran. No but unravel ye in two lines Experiences writ lately Extreams in Vertue are but Clouds to Vice She 'll do i' th' Dark who is i' th' Day too nice Dor. Indeed ye do not well to bely me thus Fran. Come I 'll lie with thee Wench and make all well again though your confident Lord makes use of Crede quod habes habes and holds it impossible for any to be a Cuckold can believe himself none I would have his Lady have more wit and clap them on Dor. And truly Francis some women now would do 't Fran. Who can you chuse more convenient to practise with then me whom he doats on where shall a man finde a friend but at home so you break one Proverbs pate and give the other a plainer is't a match wench Dor. VVell for once it is But and ye do any more indeed I 'll tell my Husband Fran. But when shall this once be now Dor. Now no indeed Francis It shall be soon at night when your Lord 's come home Fran. Then how is 't possible Dor. Possible women can make any of these things possible Francis now many casualties may cross us but soon at night my Lord I 'm sure will be so sleepy what with his journey and deep healths for the Dukes return that before he goes to Bed as he uses still when he has been hard a drinking he will sleep upon the bed in 's cloaths so sound Bells would not wake him rung in the chamber Fran. The Cuckold slumbers though his VVife hit him o' th' Forehead with her Heel he dreams of no such matter Dor. Now Pambo that makes him merry in his Chamber shall when the candle 's our and he asleep bring you into the Chamber Fran. But will he be secret Dor. VVill he good soul I am not to try him now Fran. 'Sfoot this is brave My kind Lords fool is my cunning Ladies knave But pray how then Dor. VVhen you are in at door on right before you you shall feel the bed give me but softly a touch I 'll rise and follow you into the next chamber but truly and you do not use me kindly I shall cry out and spoil all Fran. Use you kindly was Lady ere us'd cruelly i' th' dark do you but prepare Pambo and your maid let me alone with her Mistres about 11 I desire to be expected Dor. And till the clock strick 12 I 'll lie awake Fran. Now ye dare kiss Dor. Once with my friend or so yet you may take two Francis Fran. My cast is Ams-Ace then Dor. Deuce-Ace had got the game Fran. VVhy then you 're welcome Adieu my daintie Mistres Dor. Farwel kind Francis Exeunt Enter Lorenzo as from horse Lor. I have given them all the slip the Duke and all And am at home before them I cannot rest Philippo and my wife run in my mind so I know no cause why I should trust him more Then all the world beside I remember He told her that I bought the Bucks Head therefore Deserv'd the horns although I bid him try her Yet I did not bid him bid her with one eye Love me and with the other wink at a friend How we long to grow familiar with affliction And as many words do aptly hold concordance To make one sentence just so many causes Seem to agree when conceit makes us Cuckolds Enter Philippo and Abstemia And here comes proof apparent hand in hand too Now their palms meet that graspe begers a Bastard Phil. By your white hand I swear 't was only so Lor. Poyson of Toads betwixt ye Abst Philippo you have fully satisfied me Lor. Insatiate whore could not I satisfie ye I shall commit a murder if I stay I 'll go forge Thunder for ye Oh let me Never more marry what plague can transcend A whorish wife and a perfidious friend Exit Phil. By the unblemish'd faith then of a gentleman And by your potent goodness a great oath For you are greatly good by truth it self For still I swear by you what again hath past Was at the first but tryal of her chastity Far above time or storie as I speak truth So may I prosper Abst And came these tryals from your brest only Phil. Only from my brest and by the sweet Excellent blush of vertue there is in you Plenty of truth and goodness Abst You have nobly Appeas'd the storm o'ertook you and you are Again a good man Enter Lorenzo Pandulpho Spinoso Jaspro Jovani Lor. Trayto to truth and friendship Did not mine honour hold me I should rip out That blushing hypocrite thy heart that hath broke So strong a tie of faith but behold How much of man is in me there I cast them From this believing heart to the iron hand Of law the wrong'd mans saint Phil What means this Pand. My Lord here 's warrant for what 's done immediate from The Duke by force of which you 're early i' th' morning Before his Grace to answer to such injuries The Count Lorenzo shall alledge against you Phil. Injuries Why friend what injuries Lor. Can ye spell Stag sir 't is four letters with two horns Good gentlemen convey him from my furie For fear of greater mischief Phil. Thou yellow fool Exit Abst I would you would
deserv'd let me not take from him His merits meet confession but I was there The man the erring man that crown'd his merit With approbation and reward brought him home Prefer'd him to those graces you heap'd on him Wore him a neighbour to my heart as lovers Wear Jewls left by their dead friends I lock'd him Into my heart and double-bar'd him there With reason and opinion his extremities Fastn'd me more unto him whilst like an arch Well built by how much the more weight I bore I stand the stronger under him so lov'd him That in his absence still mine ear became A sanctuary to his injar'd name Vero. And what from hence infer you Lor. That 't was base Base in the depth of baseness for this wife So honour'd and this smooth friend so belov'd To conspire betwixt them my dishonour Vero. How Lor. To stain my sheets with lust a minutes theft To brand perpetually three faces a husbands A wives and friends Abst Oh good my Lord Cast out this devil from you Lor. Oh good my Lady Keep not the devil within you but confess Phil. Hear me great sir I will confess Lorenzo And print thee down the fool of passion Spin. Speak sir Phil. 'T is true this boasting man did thus erect me In his opinion plac'd me in his love Grac'd me with courtesies Oh the craft of jealousie As boys to take the bird about the pit Cast wheat and chaff contriving a neat train To intice her to her ruine so this friend Falser then City-oaths it is not doubted Having so far indear'd me when he came To enjoy a fair wife guest it impossible For me to share with him in all things else And not in her for fair wives oft we see Strike discord in sweet friendships harmony And having no way to insnare me so To separate our loves he seriously Woo'd me to try his wife Lor. 'T is false Phil. 'T is true By all that honest men may be believed by Three several witnesses I try'd her by him urg'd to 't Yet still my truth not started kept so constant That till this hour this Lady thus much knew not I bore her brave reproofs Oh when she spake The saints sure listen'd and at every point She got the plause of Angels now upon this This jealous Lord infers and it may be but To shun futurity that I His betray'd friend could not hold the cup But I must drink the poyson no Lorenzo An honest man is still an unmov'd rock Wash'd whiter but not shaken with the shock Whose heart conceives no sinister device Fearless he playes with flames and treads on ice Vero. Cosen did you as your friend here affirms Counsel him to these tryals Lor. I Phil. You did Lor. Philippo thou art fallen from a good man And hast ta'en leave of modestie let these my servants That incredulity should be induction To my more certain shame let these speak And relate what they saw they grew so publick My servants could discover them Pan. Speak friends be fearless And what you know even to a sillable Boldly confess 1 Slave Then know great sir as soon As ere my Lord was gone to meet your Grace Signor Philippo and my Lady privately Went up to her bed-chamber we two suspecting What afterwards we found stole softly up And through the key-hole for the door was lock'd We saw my Lady and Count Philippo there Upon the bed and in the very act As my Lord before affirm'd Abst Canst thou hear heaven And withhold thy thunder Phil. My Lords one devil ye know May possess three bodies Vero. Will you swear this sir 1 Slave I will my Lord. Spin. And you 2 Slave I will and dare sir Lor. Brave rascals Vero. Reach them the book Abst Ye poor deluded men Oh do not swear Lor. Think of the chain of pearl 1 Slave Give us the book That we affirm the truth the whole truth And nothing but the truth we swear Pan. Believe me I am sorry for the Lady Phil. How soon Two souls more pretious then a pair of worlds Are levell'd below deach Abst Oh hark did you not hear it Omn. VVhat Lady Abst This hour a pair of glorious Towers are fallen Two goodly buildings beaten with a breath Beneath the grave you all have seen this day A pair of souls both cast and kist away Spin. VVhat censure gives your Grace Vero. In that I am kinsman To the accuser that I might not appear Partial in judgement let it seem no wonder If unto your gravicies I leave The following sentence but as Lorenzo stands A kinsman to Verona so forget not Abstemia still is sister unto Venice Phil. Misery of goodness Abst Oh! Lorenzo Medico Abstemia's lover once when he did vow And when I did believe then when Abstemia Deny'd so many Princes for Lorenzo Then when you swore Oh maids how men can weep Print protestations on their brests and figh And look so truly and then weep again And then protest again and again dissemble VVhen once enjoy'd like strange fights we grow stale And find our comforts like their wonder fail Phil. Oh Lorenzo Look upon tears each one of which well valued Is worth the pity of a King but thou Art harder far then Rocks and canst not prize The pretious waters of truths injurd eyes Lor. Please your Grace proceed to censure Vero. Thus 't is decreed as these Lords have set down Against all contradiction Signor Philippo In that you have thus grosly sir dishonour'd Even our blood it self in this rude injury Lights on our kinsman his prerogative Implies death on your trespass but your merit Of more antiquity then is your trespass That death is blotted out and in the place Banishment writ perpetual banishment On pain of death if you return for ever From Verona and her signories Phil. Verona is kind Pan. Unto you Madam This censure is alotted Your high blood Takes off the danger of the law nay from Even banishment it self this Lord your husband Sues only for a legal fair divorce Which we think good to grant the Church allowing And in that the injury Chiefly reflects on him he hath free lience To marry when and whom he pleases Abst I thank ye That you are favourable unto my Love Whom yet I love and weep for Phil. Farewell Lorenzo This brest did never yet harbor a thought Of thee but man was in it honest man There 's all the words that thou art worth of your Grace I humbly thus take leave farewel my Lords And lastly farewel thou fairest of many Yet by far more unfortunate look up And see a crown held for thee win it and die Lovers martyr the sad map of injury And so remember sir your injur'd Lady Has a brother yet in Venice Exit Abst Farewell Lorenzo VVhom my soul doth love if you ere marry May you meet a good wife so good that you May not suspect her nor may she be worthy Of your suspition and if you hear hereafter
instruct me noble sir But how to understand all this Lor. Do ye see her look on her all and wonder did ye ever see so foul guilt stand underneath a look so innocent Jov. I should have pawn'd my blood upon her honour Pan. Colours not in grain Make as fair shew but are more apt to stain Abst My Lord. Lor. Ye Whore Kicks her She sowns Jasp Look to the Lady Lor. Look to her hang her let me send her now To th' devil with all her sins upon her head Spin. Bear her in gently and see her guarded Pan. You are too violent my Lord. Lor. That men should ever marry that we should lay our heads and take our hornes up out of womans laps Jov. Be patient good sir Lor. Yes and go make porguns Jasp. 'T is late and sleep would do you good my Lord. Lor. Sleep why do you think I am mad sir Jasp. Not I my Lord. Lor. Then you do lye my Lord For I am mad horn-mad I shall be acted In our Theaters of Verona Oh what poyson's Like a false friend and what plague more ruinous Then a lascivious wife they steal our joyes And fill us with afflictions they leave our names Hedg'd in with calumny in their false hearts Crocodiles breed who make grief their disguise And in betraying teares still through their eyes Oh! he that can believe he sleeps secure In a false friends oaths or in a bad wives arms Trusts Circes witchcraft and Calipsoes charms Omnes 'T is late let 's to the Court Exeunt Omnes Finis Actus Primi Actus Secundus A bed thrust out Lodovico sleeping in his cloaths Dorathea in bed Enter Clown leading in Francisco Fran SOftly sweet Pambo are we in the Chamber yet Clown Within a yard of my Lady and ye can be quiet Fran. Art sure my Lord 's asleep Clown I know not I 'll go and ask him Fran. No no no do not wake him we are undone then man Clown Ha ha ha now do I see cuckold-making is as ticklish a profession as Cunny-catching my Lord was so paid with healths at court he 's fast enough Fran. But still I pursue wonder why my Lady should prescribe this strange nay wonderous desperate way to her desires Clown Is that a question to ask now would you would groap out the bed for I sleep in my talk I am sure of that Lodovico coughs Fran. VVe are lost for ever did he not cough Clown 'T is nothing but the last cup comes up in stew'dbroath if ever you make true whore master I 'll be bound to resign my place up to my Lords page Sea-sick before you come to th' salt-water let me go in your stead Fran. No I 'll venter stood a gulph between belching up A Tempest Oh valiant lust How resolute thou go'st to acts unjust Pambo good night Desire drowns fear in presuppos'd delight Clown Turn of your left hand 't will lead you to the devil to my Lady I should say presently Exit Fran. Let me four steps on the left hand I have the bed and on this side she lies 'Sfoot there 's a beard but all 's well yet she lies on this side sure I have her 't is her hand I know the touch It melts me into passion I have much ado To contain my wild desires as the wind strains In Caverns lock'd so through my big-swolne veynes My blood cuts capers Dor. Who 's there Fran. 'T is I. Dor. Francis Fran. Fortunate Francis that was wrap'd in 's mothers smock Dor. Give me your hand Francis Fran. There 't is I melt already Dor. My Lord Count Lodovico awake Fran. I am lost for ever Madam Dor. My Lord my Lord Fran. If I pull too hard I shall pull her out o' th' bed too Dor. My Lord will ye not wake Lod. What 's the matter what 's the matter Fran. How I do dwindle Dor. Pray hear me sir I cannot sleep till you Have resolv'd me one thing Lod. VVhat is 't sweet-heart Dor. Of all your men which do you love best Lod. That 's a strange question to ask at mid-night Francisco Dor. And that same false Francisco in your absence Most leudly temped me to wrong your bed Fran. VVas ever woodcock catch'd thus Lod. Oh rogue I 'll go cut 's throat sleeping Dor. Nay I have fitted him most daintily Fran. Now now now now I am spitted Dor. I seem'd sweet-heart to confent to him Fran. A plague of seemings I were best confess and beg pardon Dor. And to make him sure for your revenge I appointed About this hour the door left ope on purpose Fran. Ah! Dor. To meet me in the garden Fran. All 's well again Dor. Now sweet-heart If thou would'st but steal down thither thou mightst catch him and snap the fool very finely Lod. Oh my sweet birds-nie what a wench have I of thee Crede quod habes habes still and I had thought it possible to have been cuckloded I had been cuckolded I 'll take my rapier as I go sirrah and the night being dark I 'll speak like thee as if thou hadst kept thy word Oh Villian nothing vexes me but that he should think I can he a cuckold and have such a Lady do thou lie still and I 'll bring thee his heart for thy Munkies break-fast Dor. And would you part unkindly and not kiss me Lod. I have no more manners then a goose farewell My chaste delitious Doll what may his life Be compar'd to that meets with such a wife Exit Enter Clown Fran. Pish Pambo Clown Here boy Fran. Go meet him in the graden and hark Clown Excellent I 'll play my Lady I warrant ye Fran. Do 't daintily Clown VVell I may hope for a Squires place my father was a Costermonger Exit Fran. VVell now I see as he who fain would know The real strain of goodness may in her read it VVho can seem chaste and can be what she seems So who would see hells craft in her may read it Who can seem too but not be what she seems In brief put him to school would cheat the de'il of 's right To a dainty smooth-fac'd female hypocrite Exit Enter Lodovico and Clown Lod. Here 's a wife Pambo Clown Now Crede quod habes habes sir Lod. Why right man let him believe he has horns and he has ' em Clown To discover upon the pinch to ye Lod. Oh! you kind loving husband's like my self What fortunes meet ye full but with such wives Clown Fortune's i' th' fashion of hay-forks Lod. Sirra Pambo thou shalt seldom see a harsh fellow have such a wife such a fortunate wedding Clown He will go to hanging as soon Lod. No no we loving souls have all the fortunes There 's Count Lorenzo for example now There 's a sweet coyle to morrow 'bout his wife He has two servants that will take their oaths They saw her dishonest with his friend Count Philippo Nay in the very act now what was 't brought her