my ingratitude whilst she continued in her Error It is true it would have been unpardonable if it had been voluntary but there is no choice against powerful inclination I determined upon this piece of justice and was the rest of the Afternoon preparing my self for it They went to Supper about Six of the Clock to have more time to Walk and I appeared less melancholy at Table than at Noon Egidia who had not seen me since she left me with her Sister though she had sought me with extreme impatience to ask me what pass'd in that enterview judg'd from the alteration she saw in my humor that I had betrayed her I saw her much discompos'd and that she scarce eat any thing she was so full of thoughts She had her Eyes always upon me or the Abbess to surprize our looks and see whether we were of Intelligence to deceive her She had not patience to sit so long at Table as the rest but left us upon a slight Pretext that she took and retir'd into her Chamber from whence she sent me word by one of her Friends that cunningly acquitted her self of the Commission that she desired me to come speak with her there so soon as I had Sup'd I failed not to wait on her and took so well my time when the Abbess was with two or three Ladies that came to visit her that she perceived it not I found this Lady fitting by a Table which she lean'd upon with a very sad air who told me as I entred that I had no small obligation to her for giving me occasion by quitting the place to come so well out of this affair at her cost and that she doubted not but her Sister too had made an advantage of it but that she loved me so well that she could not repent of any thing that was for my satisfaction and that when it was for my repose she would sacrifice all things even her heart But changing presently her discourse By what charm said she or rather by what ingagement hath the Abbess brought you into good humor For methinks you appear very gay this Evening Alas You were very melancholy this morning have you some pledge of her heart that gives you thus much joy Speak Monsieur conceal not any thing from me You have betray'd me and without doubt could not save your self out of my Rivals hands but on these conditions Betray'd you Madam I answered I I beg you will tell me upon what ground you have such a Suspicion Believe if you please that being far from thinking it I No no Monsieur said she interrupting me I see well you know me not I am capable of loving better than you think I cannot be satisfied with your heart by peace meal I would have it intire to my self and I confess I have lived in a doubtful hope for some time that I should obtain it as I desired to have it My Sister has given me a thousand Inquietudes and I was alarmed by the least of her looks that a continual trouble hath not left me to enjoy in quiet the pleasure there is to believe one is loved where one loves But after so many alarms I am a little perswaded I am resolved your Love shall not continue divided though I lose my share of it And you Monsieur continued she must resolve in good earnest to love the Abbess and endeavour to please her only You 'l not possibly have so much pain to do it as I wish but however I expect she should confess to owe the obligation of it to me and know that I was the first that motion'd it I avow to you pursued she making a sign to me not to interrupt her that I am not without pain for the loss of you and that what I am now doing is harder to me than death but I will conquer and if I have any power over you make you do as I say and look upon me no more but as one of your Friends As she ended these words as stream of Tears forced themselves from her fair eyes and she was so strangely overwhelmed with grief that my Heart was rack'd to see it I could not answer her suddenly but embracing her tenderly I admired the Generosity and good Nature of this Lady This tender passion which I discover'd through her Tears pierced to the very bottom of my Soul and I determin'd rather to sacrifice my Life than give her occasion to doubt my Faith to her I made her a thousand protestations of my constancy when I was able to speak and in the Estate wherein I was not being capable of any weak expression I said so many touching things to her that she was no longer willing to lose me After we had spent some time in tenderness and Transports which are not to be described I left her excusing my self with pretence of some business without telling her of my assignation with the Abbess lest she should prevent it but that I would wait on her again before I went to Bed The hour was past that I promis'd to meet the Abbess and the tears of the charming Egidia had so well disposed me to do all things for her that I dyed with desire to give her this testimony of my love after that she had given me of her tenderness I went then to the place where I found the Abbess with one of her Friends that retired so soon as ever she saw me coming She told me that she began to be weary of expecting me and if I had stayed a moment longer she would scarce have pardoned me I believ'd Madam answered I coldly enough that I should come time enough for what you had to say to me She was much surprised with that answer after the obliging Reception she had made me but she endeavoured to dissemble it and without taking notice of my unjust coldness treated me with all the sweetness in the world There was nothing that was ingaging but she made use of it nor enchantment that she served not her self of It suffices that a Woman is fair and not indifferent to one to make one find a thousand charms in her when she designs to please The resolution I had taken against this fair Abbess became by little and little unprofitable at least very weak She drew from me a thousand tendernesses I know not how and was no longer the Person I would abandon She possess'd me so much in those few moments that there was scarce room left in my Soul for the Idea of the amiable Egidia To say the truth the Abbess knew so well how to rekindle flames she had once made burn that 't was impossible to defend ones self from her One would say that she had studied nothing all her life but to charm and the most faithful of Lovers had been pardonable for every infidelity she had made him guilty of for it was not in the power of man to do his duty when she seduced him But not to detain
Lodging less incommodious than that was This Complement brought some allay to my trouble and I was in Charity with my Peasant since he procured me this honour that the Abbess did me I answered the Almoner the most civilly that was possible and desired him to tell his Lady that I had the most acknowledging Sentiments in the World for the favour she did me and that I would come my self immediately to assure her of it My Man was up and I made him give me Cloaths better than ordinary and with Gallantry enough prepared for this Visit The Peasant that served me for a Guide here conducted me thither also I was brought into the Parlour where I stayed not long for her coming I think it is best before I proceed further to give you a description of this Abbess You must imagine her to be a Lady of about twenty eight years old of an indifferent Stature but well made her Hair fair and thick her Eyes blue and sparkling her Mouth admirably well her Nose very handsome and her Teeth passable with the shape of her Face so round and charming that to say Truth it was more fit to inspire Love than Devotion She had nevertheless an Air so sweet and modest that in pleasing it imprinted a respect in us which abated our Courage her Voice even had something so particular one cannot express it I saw this Person and if I must disguise nothing from you will confess she touch't me at first fight I remembred no longer the ill night I had passed I almost forgot my self in suffering my self to be wounded by this fair Prisoner 'T is true I was not taken by Lines so strong as could not be broken or at least stretched yet not so slight neither but that there remained in me a desire to please a Person that pleased me extreamly She told me most obligingly that she wished I had passed better hours than I had done in the Inn and beseeched me to spend that day with her to repose my self after the hardships I had endured the preceedent Night Her request was very kind and as I excused it I did it so coldly that it might be easily seen that I had no mind to leave her yet but as she had a discerning and quick Wit she told me that if she had not all the power over me that was necessary to ingage me to stay she did not doubt but two or three of her Friends would be able to prevail with me as soon as I had seen them and that I had not resolution enough to resist their Prayers as I had done hers She had no sooner said so but she made the Ladies to be called of whom she spoke but I who was willing to give her the entire honour assured her that she would tempt me in vain on that side for a thing which none but she could obtain of me and that I did not believe that there was any thing in the World that had so much Power over the Spirit of a reasonable Man as she or could better make themselves to be obeyed This Complement was received of the Abbess as I desired She had modesty and virtue yet flattery always found her weak side and she could rarely defend her self from it She knew she had beauty and though she served not her self of it as a worldly person neither did she neglect it so much but that she had a certain joy in having it please The three Nuns her Friends arrived as she was going to answer and changing suddenly her Thoughts Here is said she turning towards them sufficient to make you recal your words these Ladies will perhaps teach you not to answer so easily for your self I will leave you with them for an hour about some little business and expect to find you at my return of another mind I swear to you Madam answered I softly I will remain in it for ever and if I could imagine that I should change I would depart immediately She answered only with a Smile for fear of explaining her self too much before these persons I began a very free Conversation with these three Ladies and knew presently that they affected not what was serious but with people whose Censures they apprehended In effect they seemed pleased with my freedom and seated themselves about me with much satisfaction I never in my Life conversed with Persons that had so much Wit every thing they said was spoke with much vivacity that it charmed the Ears and had not any thing in it of that Monastical Air which spoils the best things that one can say that is infected with it I believe it will not tire you if I make a description of these Ladies as well as the Abbess especially one of them which was her Sister and who has the greatest part in this History and writ me the Letter which you have read She was a Woman of an admirable stature very fair complexion'd the shape of her Face oval her Eyes fair and full of fire and if she wanted any thing 't was a little colour her Voice was very sweet and she sung divinely there was never any thing better formed and more Vermilion than her Mouth the whiteness of her Teeth answered well to this admirable Carnation and the Breath which came from this fair Mouth was so sweet that it purified the most noisome Air I must add to all these perfections that she had as much Wit as 't was possible one could have and a Wit always at command never speaking any thing that was not worthy of admiration I will go no farther with her description it will be tiresom since no longer the Mode and will only say that there was not any thing common in this Lady The two others were Persons amiable enough the one had a little more Spriteliness than the other who in exchange had more Sincerity which rendered her a particular Friend of the Abbess's Sister In entertained these three Nuns for some time with indifferent things wherein I endeavoured to discover as much Wit as I could They did Wonders on their side to maintain the Conversation particularly the Abbess's Sister This Charming Person said not any thing but what was new in so much that I believed there was not any thing in the World that had so much Wit or could make so good use of it The Abbess came at last and certainly à propos if she had the least desire to retain what she had gained upon me for to speak the truth the merit of her Sister appeared to me too great to give her less than a Heart I was upon the point of changing my first opinion as she at her departure almost divined I should and I was just going to be perjur'd if her presence had not renew'd the Flame which the first sight of her had kindled in my Soul her Sister at least hindred the progress of it and I confess that had I not seen her I should have loved the Abbess
from her I should have the greatest regret in the World if I gave her the least cause to repent of it You must however resolve upon it replyed she with a tone fierce and disdainful or pretend no more to any Kindness from me which cannot be obtained at another price I was going to answer her and should have declared my self so plainly as to give her occasion no longer to doubt of what past my Soul when she retired her self leaving me to consider what I was to do Thus you see Madam continued I speaking to Egidia what happened in this Conversation I have seen the Abbess several times since but whether she could not find me alone or that she feared to know too soon what she would rather be ignorant of she has not since spoken to me of any such thing I must confess the Truth I esteemed her fair her Charms at first surprized my tenderness and what I yet feel for her is worthy a true Friend I cannot refuse to rank her in that number though even your self should command the contrary This Charming Virgin was so pleased with the sincerity wherewith I spoke to her and to find that there had no more passed between her Sister and I that she willingly consented to our friendship and being assured as she was of the intire possession of my Love she could not reasonably do less We parted very well satisfied and more amorous than before at least it was so on my side that soft tenderness which I at first had for her had already took the form of a strong Passion which increased dayly whilst that I had for the Abbess diminished as fast almost before I perceived it The Confession of Egidia of what she felt for me appeared to me so full of Charms that it finished the Conquest of my Soul and there remained no more of it to her Sister then what was sufficient to say I did not hate her I lookt upon her no more but as a Friend and a Person to whom I was very much obliged She quickly observed it either that she perceived some alteration in my manner of acting or that she feared her Sister more since we discoursed together I observed that she took notice of all I did and that she had not that Confidence in me she was accustomed to have She affected even not to believe any thing I said to her But when with Egidia it was not the same for what jealousie soever she felt she discovered none of it to her but always spoke of me as possessing a Heart which she did not fear to lose She forced her self sometimes to rally upon what she saw Egidia do for me In so much that one day Egidia could not hide her Resentments nor suffer without impatience to see her Triumph over her when she was well satisfied that she had no reason for it and that she intimated to her in terms malicious enough I believe answered the Abbess in a fierce tone and full of scorn that my interest is so great in that Chevalier that none will dispute it with me or if any durst do it that it would be in vain Egidia failed not to answer her and this little difference proceeded so far that not being â—ble to be Judges where themselves were parties they agreed to refer it to me and ingage me to explain my self before them and that she who should be worst treated should sacrifice to the other all the inclination she had for me I imagine that this conversation had something in it very singular and that there would have been a very delightful Scene for any one that had heard it This resolution being taken Egidia who was a prudent Woman when she reflected on what she had engaged her self too chose rather to renounce the Glory which this Victory might bring her for she did not at all doubt of it then expose me to those ill Consequences which might follow this Declaration Whereupon she writ me this Letter I Am just now come from laying a Wager in which winning or losing I am furiously interressed the Abbess and my Self are coming to ask a final Declaration from You After Dinner You must Discover to which side your Heart inclines I am ready to flatter my self that you Owe it to none but me But alas How can I guess what will happen I could not refuse the Wager and it would have been too much my Rivals Glory if I had Beâ—â—â—d nevertheless to what my Generosity can carry me I consent to preâ—ent the ill Consequences that may happen that rendring me Justice in your Heart you pronounce it in Faâ—â—ur of my Eldest Sister Adieu Tell her you love her better than I but for ever love me better than hr. This Letter put me into some Confusion but since I must take the part of One I resolved without dispute what to do And as I remember this was the Answer I made to Egidia's Letter I Beg your Pardon Madam that I cannot obey You I must Declare my true Sentiments when I am obliged to speak and your Generosity must not be repayed with Baseness 't is true it would be only so in appearance yet since you are engaged every thing shall go on your side But after such a proof of my Passion will you be at least persvaded that I love you as I ought You must permit me to absent my self for some time after I have undeceived your Sister for there is no doubt but your Wager will produce ill Consequences it must be you that must sustain the burthen of them since you would intangle your self in them Adieu I gave this Answer to the Boy that brought me her Letter and bid my Man the same moment get every thing in order to go away presently if there were â—ccasion for it I past the rest of the Morning in the Garden in musing upon the question that was prepared for me I forgot to tell you at the beginning that this was one of those Convents where the Nuns enjoy a honest liberty and where Kindred and particular Friends are permitted to enter and see them in their Apartments I went to Dine with the Abbess as the place where I ordinarily eat at and was very melancholy at Table contrary to my Custom for commonly I was so happy as to divert the Company well enough which is often the best ragoust at Meals the two interessed Ladies were the first that observed it and the Abbess said several obliging things to me to put me in a better humor but seeing I did not answer her She at last ask'd me what the matter was with me that made me so serious I told her it was a desperate pain in my head that had taken me since the Morning She had not neglected any thing that day to make her self appear fair and though the Dress of all Nuns are almost alike yet I avow to you that I found something in hers so particular and agreeable that with the sweet
and obliging manner wherewith she spake to me the resolution I had taken to break with her began to give me some pain and without the presence of her Sister she had been powerful enough perhaps to have made me repent it There was always two or three other Nuns of the Abbess's Friends that used to eat with us whom she subtilly rid her self of so soon as she had dined There was no need of Witnesses to what past between the Abbess her Sister and my Self The Abbess toucht again upon the Sadness she saw in my Looks and said that she had never seen me in so ill a humour and that I would oblige her to let her know the cause of it I answered her as before that it was a great pain in my head But not satisfied with that she told me that she saw something in my Eyes that made her judge that my Distemper was something more than I seemed willing to discover and that I was unjust to conceal from my Friends who were equally concerned with my self in any misfortune that couâ—d befal me any thing wherewith I was so much affected and that I ought to give her the satisfaction at least of trusting her though perhaps it was not in her power to cure me I do not believe said her Sister to save me the trouble of answering her that there is any other cause than what he has told you One often sees continued she that people who have so much Wit as Monsieur Le Chevalier are subject to these terrible Headachs and that they pass from one extremity to the other that is from great Mirth to as great Melancholy You believe then Sister answered the Abbess coldly that you know Monsieur's distemper since you take upon you to answer for him yet I will imagine that it is not as you say but believe what he shall tell me of it And if he 'l follow my advice said Egidia he shall tell you nothing I do know it and it is so much the harder for people that know it not to judge well of it Believe me said the Abbess with a malicious Smile if I ask to know it 't is not that I am ignorant of it but to disabuse others who I see are so fond of what they fancy they enjoy that they fear to be undeceived I conjure you Ladies interrupted I all of a sudden leave me as I am Whatsoever my Disease is and whencesoever it comes I neither can nor will be cured of it if I cou'd I would only suffer less For my part said the Abbess I who pretend not to divine nor to penetrate so deep into Hearts as my Sister would willingly be told of what nature this Distemper is and perhaps insensibility not being my Vice for certain people in the World I might give 'em ease if it lay in me to sweeten their Torments There could not be any thing more Gallant nor Favourably said for me and I believe that I should have answered her as she desired had not Egidia looking suddenly upon me made me remember my promise and put me in a state of not knowing what to say This amiable Lady perceived the Confusion I was in and very opportunely put in to the discourse It is true said she there are certain ills that one must have recourse to the person that caused them for a remedy but if I be'nt mistaken this is not Monsieur's case and you are deceived if you believe that you are capable of curing his Distemper Whatever it is pursued she I am so sensible for all that concerns him that I shall not be inquisitous to hear any of his misfortunes For you Madam continued she speaking to her Sister if you have this desire you may satisfie your self but you shall permit me if you please to retire And after these Words she went away and left me alone with the Abbess who believing she had cause to triumph told me with a joy she cou'd not conceal that she saw well that my Heart was quitted to her since the place was and that it was she must cure me of the ills whereof I complained but she said She must know of my self how she was established in my Heart and how much above her Sister that she had given me time enough to consider of it and that I must resolve one way either not to hope any thing from her Tenderness or not divide a good that she desired the intire possession of That she 'd allow I should have a tender esteem for her Sister but for my Heart she would fill it wholly her self and that she had merit enough for it She was silent here to see a little what I would say but I made no answer and I believe that my silence told her enough and that she took it for a wicked Omen Some moments after seeing me ready to speak as one that had studied what to say she prevented me apprehending it is likely that I would explain my self contrary to what she desired My God! said she one has little reason to be satisfied with you to day if one were not of a humour to pardon you every thing and that one had not pity for you in this disorder Go and repose your self in your Chamber the pain in your Head requires it and I shall take care that none disturbs you I retired with this permission with so much Confusion that I scarce knew what I did but I was not got to the door when she called me back Hark ye Monsieur said she with an Air full of sweetness I will see you at eight of the Clock this Night in the Arbour of the farther Alley where I 'll expect you with one of my Friends and if you love me you 'l not fail to be there What do I say continued she hastily if you love me Though you should not love me you are too much a Gentleman to fail at a Rendezvous that I give you there not being any thing that I know that can dispence with you from it Adien fail not to be there Finishing these words she smiled and went into her Closet to conceal from me a Blush that came into her Face Behold continued Monsieur Le Chevalier how I came out of this Conversation that I had so much dreaded which was much more lucky for me than I expected having escaped a terrible Confusion that I should have been in to have declared my self before these two Ladies what choice my Heart had made But I was not without fear of my Evening assignation I saw well she would expect me and that it was the last favour I was like to receive from her But since there was no avoiding of it I was resolved not to disguise any thing by unworthy Equivocatings thinking I should do well to serve my self of this occasion that I should find her alone to disabuse her and not delay it to a longer time The honours and favours she did me augmented dayly and so did
not have been consol'd for it but by the means it gave me of acquitting my self another way of the respect I owed her 'T was in fine by writing that I resolved to bid her adieu as you shall see by this Letter I Know not Madam if it is in earnest that you are sick that I could not see you or whether you are weary of seeing me here The one or the other give me equal pain and for fear of knowing too much I inform not my self of that whereof I am glad to be ignorant and lest I be more unhappy than I am I design not to press you further to declare it to me but to depart hence to morrow If you were visible I should be glad to take leave of you in form Suffer if you please that I make use of the only means that is left for me to bid you Adieu I kiss your Hands most humbly This Letter as you see was not very gallant nor well made and I must see her to speak truth when I said any thing of tenderness She received the Letter but made me no answer Egidia who saw I would certainly leave her and that she must be expos'd to all the tempest pray'd me that before I went I would at least make some sort of peace with the Abbess and not give the Nuns occasion of discourse by such an abrupt departure She added moreover that her Sister would infallibly believe that 't was she had made me hasten my going away and that she 'd be glad of this pretence to turn all her resentments upon her For my part who feared not death more than the thoughts of this interview which represented to me all the reproaches she 'd make me and to which I could make no reply I could not tell how to resolve to see her Egidia who saw my fear and unwillingness graciously consented at last that I should depart without taking my leave of her any other way than as I had done but to absent my self but for some days expecting till the Spirit of the Abbess was a little sweetned and that I should return if it were necessary at the least notice she should send me I put all things in readiness to go away next morning to see one of my friends in the Neighbourhood and as I was just going a Horseback a Footboy brought me a Note wherein I read these words DAr'st thou depart without seeing me thou most base and ingrateful'st of all men But go for 't would be too great a favour to suffer thy Sight after thy Treasons Yet take thy choice that I may see how far thy black Ingratitude will carry thee and if thou canst even forget that thou owest me at least this civility in leaving my House Never was man so astonished as I was after the reading of this Letter I saw well that whatever it cost me I must see her and only ask'd the Boy where his Lady was who telling me she was alone in her Chamber I went thither but 't was as a Criminal that presented himself before his Judge I found the Abbess so changed and so sad that she would have touch'd the heart of a Barbarian I know not what I did then but 't is certain I was not my self and that the confusion her sight put me into cannot be exprest She look'd upon me some moments without speaking to me afterwards said she to me What come you here for I thought you had been gone already I did not believe Madam answered I that I ought to do so when I might have the honour to see you before I went I come to take my leave of you and at the same time to beg the favour to know wherein I have offended you Wherein you have offended me said she sighing Ah! Traytor you know it but too well Well Madam said I to her since you 'l have me know it tell me what I must suffer for my crime If Death be assured my Life depends upon what you please to ordain Death replyed she again alas you have but too well deserved it and that is my greatest trouble What do you expect then replyed I in a passion if there wants but a Sword to give it me take mine In saying so I presented it ready drawn to her and opened my Brest for her to pierce it but she only turned her head away and said with a louder voice Cruel thou know'st ill my heart if thou believest I can be revenged of thee that way I wish only that my Life were dear enough to thee that I might punish thee by taking away that but I should not have the satisfaction to see thee breathe one sigh at my death As she spoke these words abundance of Tears covered her Face and Sobs took away from her the use of her Speech insomuch that my heart was torn with pity I knew not what to say fearing she 'd take any thing I said to her for new infidelities but as it is no hard matter to pacifie a Person that loves and that would be loved I behaved my self so well that by degrees I vanquished her anger and left her not till I saw her in a humor to pardon me all things That which obliged her to it the sooner was that seeing me resolved to be gone she had a desire to stay me and she thought she could not prevail by treating me rudely I was not yet so indifferent to her that she could be willing to part with me altogether and perhaps she did not despair so ordinary is it for them in love to flatter themselves to carry me at last from her Sister She did not know that I designed to absent my self but three or four days but believed that I intended not to return any more and I made her to have an obligation to me for it I prayed her at least that she would suffer me to to make a little Journy thereabouts to which she consented the more willingly that none might take notice and censure my changing of my resolution and how soon she was come to her self She was glad to observe some circumstances that her weakness might not appear and that it might be believed that she recovered by time Above all she exacted of me that I should not speak to her Sister of our reconcilement and that I should not so much as see her at parting if I would not make her repent of her great indulgence to me I promised her I would not and though Egidia sent to desire me to come to speak with her I prayed her by one of her friends to dispence with me for reasons I would write to her which I was sure would satisfie her To say truth I owed thus much at least to a Person that I had so great obligations to and that had so much reason to complain of me I went away then to one of my Friends houses from whence I writ several Letters to these Ladies and received as many from them
Madam an eternal adieu The Abbess stayed him and told him a little more calmly that whatsoever reason there was to treat him yet worse it was not fit he should go away at such a time of Night Whether there be reason or no replyed Monsieur briskly I am so little accustomed to be thus receiv'd where-ever I go that I shall support very impatiently those moments that I am confin'd here I beg of you Madam pursued he endeavouring to disengage himself from her not to strive out of a formal piece of ceremony for that which would be troublesom both to your self and me But I will not have you go to night said the Abbess to him and if it be true that I have yet power enough lest to oblige you to do any thing for me you shall make me know it in this I have business with you and 't will be time enough to morrow for you to go Monsieur prayed her if she had any thing to say to him not to delay it and that in another occasion he would be ready to testifie the respect he had for her but that he could not stay now We shall see that said she and leaving him she hasten'd to the Abby to give order that his Horses should be stopp'd but those that had it in commission came a little too late for he was just going and seeing the endeavours that were used to hinder him and that he wanted time to pack up his Baggage he chose rather to leave his Servant behind him and went to lodge that Night a League from the Abby where he bid him come to him the next morning The Abbess that but a moment before would not only have been glad never to see him but to have revenged her self upon him with destruction had not now the power to bring her self to consent to his departure How weak is anger against an object that is used to charm us and how ill can a heart revenge it self of what it loves when the Lover suffers most in the sufferings of the beloved The Abbess heard of Monsieurs departure with a sensible displeasure and gave severe words to them she had sent to stop him for letting him go When they told her that his Servant was not gone she bid him be call'd to her whom by strength of Presents she drew to tell where his Master was She was eas'd of half her pain when she knew that he lay but a league from her Her passion which at that time would have made her attempt any thing put into her head a design which was not pardonable in one of her habit except we will pardon all things to love This little God uses not to inspire us so weakly as to leave it in our power to consult reason or justice and there is not any that they baulk who are possessed with him The Maid that I have already spoke to you of that was her particular confident came into her Chamber and seeing her in a profound study believed she had committed a fault and went to excuse her self for interrupting her No no my dear Companion said the Abbess to her for so 't was she called her you come more luckily than you think and I have need of you and I may say that 't is from you alone I can hope assistance in the pains that I suffer The Maid answered with much acknowledgment to the favour that the Abbess did her to consider her at that rate and assured her with a thousand protestations of her fidelity and that there was not any thing that she would not undertake to serve her The Abbess embrac'd her most tenderly sigh'd wept and touch'd so nearly the heart of her dear Confident that she was impatient to know what she was to do for her and with tears in her eyes beseech'd her to tell her for what it was that she was afflicted You are not ignorant of any thing that passes in my heart said the sad Lady to her with an Air extremely deplorable nor with what ingratitude Monsieur Le Chevalier has of late repayed the tenderness that I had for him This Traytor after all my kindnesses has been so base to go away without my consent and even without bidding me Adieu You ought to see Madam in that reply'd the Maid discreetly how unworthy he is of your favours and that he merits not any longer your esteem I am resolved to do as you say answered the Abbess and am sufficiently dispos'd to it but the pain that I suffer at present and that I cannot conquer is but to have the pleasure to ease my full heart with reproaching him with his Treasons and that he go not away perhaps in the opinion that I am not yet perswaded of his perfidiousness I would have the satisfaction of making him blush for his last fault which I have not yet acquainted thee with If thou lovest me added she with her shaming air thou wilt find some way whereby I may satisfie this desire and in fine break off intirely with the most ungrateful of all men Without that my Child I cannot promise thee to live long in the displeasure and rage I am in and thou art like to lose suddenly the best of thy Friends his Maid who in intrigues of Love was not the most skilful in the world and saw not yet into the depth of the Abbess's design proposed to her to write a Letter of reproaches to this Traytor but this satisfaction was too weak for a passionate Lover One can never express ones self well by writing said she upon a Subject of this nature To punish as we ought one that is so culpable the Person offended must with her own mouth make all the reproaches he merits that she may have the advantage of seeing his confusion Ha! said the Maid Well then Madam What will you do Stay to expect his return The innocence of this Maid almost made the Abbess laugh Can we replyed she keep anger so long against one that has once pleas'd us No no if thou wilt believe me pursued she with a blush that covered all her face we will not defer our revenge so long a time I have courage enough to execute the design if thou hast enough to follow me We will go find out this Traytor that is but a League off and thou shalt be witness with what scorn I will manage the business and if it be possible to overwhelm a man with reproaches Monsieur Le Chevalier shall be he So hardy a proposal at first strangely surpriz'd this Maid She that could scarce go in the Night thro' the Monastery without starts and fears could not but think it dangerous and terrible to expose themselves alone to those troublesom accidents they might meet with in the road But the Abbess represented the enterprize so easie and so unlikely of any troublesom rencounter in that little way they had to go and so fair a Night that at last she perswaded her and made
had been ready I do not doubt but I should have carried her away instead of her Sister I will not inlarge by telling you with what astonishment I was seiz'd to see her go back again into the Garden and shut the door after her At first I believed that she only design'd to make sport with me but as the rallery lasted a little too long for people that had no time to lose and that she did not return in spight of me I concluded this was no longer jest I thought that she had consented to follow me only to deceive me and that I had been the most abused man in the world 'T was then that shame despight and disdain excited terrible tempests in my Soul which together with the displeasure of not knowing what was become of my Horses nor what I should do with my self put me in so furious a passion that I vented a thousand complaints and reproaches against the perfidious Egidia I consider'd this as the greatest affront that a Man could receive I examin'd every particular and there was no circumstance that seemed not impossible to me In this humor I took my way to the Village that being the best course I could then think of and went to lodge at my ancient Hosts where I pass'd a much more cruel Night than the first time I had been in that House I called to mind all the cares and services I had rendred to this ingrate and all the false promises of amity that she had made me and being astonished not to have found out the lightness of her humor I accused my self of stupidity and blindness adding to my first despair an indignation against my self What extravagant discourses had I with my self that Night What numbers of unlikely designs I framed In truth one is liable to many follies when one loves extremely It was no sooner day than I call'd to my Valet for Ink and Paper to write to her but it was with so much trouble and disorder that whatever I writ I defaced it as fast Nothing pleased me sometimes I fancied I complain'd too sweetly and sometimes I feared to offend her sometimes I resolved to take leave of her for ever and a moment after I repented of that resolution But at last I writ thus to her YOu ought Madam rather not to have obliged me than repent of it so soon nor to have come to the door with me to forsake me in such a manner 'T was my ill fortune that my Horses were lost you saw 't was not my fault and you ought rather to have comforted me than treat me with that cruelty as to leave me without saying a word to me But above all why did you shut the door Or why did you flee from me Did you fear any violence from me And wherefore did you promise me so much happiness if you did not intend it I see well what I ought to conclude from all this and that I was deceived to believe you ever lov'd me The Masque is off now and without accusing you of Ingratitude or Perfidy I leave you to make your self the reproaches you merit whilst I go to to waste the remainder of my miserable life in some place more happy for me than this Adieu This Letter was given her by her Valet who an hour after brought me another from her telling me withal that she was very ill which I might easily perceive by her writing that I could scarce read and where I found these words ALl that you have writ to me terrifies me in such a manner that I believe I shall dye with it I know not what door you talk of and all I can say is that I never saw you after I parted with you in the Arbor but met a Spirit as I was coming the fright whereof will I think kill me 'T was certainly the same fantasm that you speak of and which without doubt came to you in my shape Behold l how God corrects those that are not wise I have not slept since and I always fancy I see the Spirit that pursued me I see the hand of Heaven in it that I have so long offended let us profit of its advice my dear Monsieur let 's endeavour to be wise for my part I am wholly resolved to lead a better life and if you love me you 'l do so too We were going to ruine our selves and God would preserve us let us render him the thanks we owe him for his goodness See me not of some days I will think a little of my salvation and do invite you to do the same and to look upon me no longer but as one of your friends Adieu I was exceedingly surpriz'd with the reading of this Letter but to tell you the truth if she had not been very sick I should have taken all she said for chimaera's and pretences that she made use of to excuse her inconstancy Though I never gave much faith to such foolish stories as that of the Fantasm yet when I reflected upon what she assured me that she had not seen me since she left me in the Arbor I began to be afraid to examine all that had happened to me with this pretended Spirit I remembred very well it had not said a word to me that it was come sooner than I could have expected Egidia I fancyed even that it had opened the door without a key and that it vanish'd when it left me In a word I yielded insensibly to that error which served to make me think in good earnest of my Conscience and to make my peace with God I was some days without ever going to the Convent to avoid the sight of the Abbess though she sent several times to desire me to take up my Lodgings at her house as formerly excusing my self so well as I could till I received this Letter that Egidia made one of her Friends write to me I Believe God will grant me the mercy of a longer time for repentance The Physicians have some hopes of my recovery however it happens come and see me to the end that if Death parts us I may in dying have at least this consolation of discharging my duty by telling you things that I am obliged to tell you I expect you Adieu This scene pursued Monsieur Le Chevalier will divert you but little it being all of tears I went to see her and I avow to you I was so sensibly touch'd with her condition that I was in one little better my self I could not master my self nor forbear to ease my afflicted mind by a torrent of tears All those that were present bore me company and none but the Abbess that was not moved to see me thus afflicted This poor creature who suffered with me made some efforts to say things to me the most kind and tender in the world She spoke to me as if she were to dye that day and certainly none thought she could live much longer But Heaven would
In the last I received from the Abbess she desired me to come the day after the receipt of it to the same place where I last saw her and very secretly especially not to let her Sister know any thing of it That she would be there at Nine a Clock at Night and expect me till Eleven I saw well enough by this Letter that the Abbess was calm'd I believed I could not handsomly balk the assignation but by apology of Love I thought fit to advertize her Sister of it that she might not complain of me if she came to know it as she did the other assignation I answered the Abbess that I would not fail to wait on her at Nine a Clock and this Letter I sent to her Sister IF you were in my place you would without doubt do what I am going to do this day but I assure you 't is with all the regret in the world I received a Letter yesterday from your Sister wherein she desires me to meet her at Nine a Clock in the Evening in the Garden and forbids me above all things to let you know any thing of it I believe it will not displease you that I obey her and that you would counsel me to it your self if you were here Fear not any thing my Fidelity is proof against all her charms for I am never more yours than when I am with her Adieu I gave to the Abbess's Boy my answer to her and sent this by a Servant of mine to Egidia but a little before I went away my self that it might be dark when he came to the Abby to deliver it more securely He was there at the hour I desired and got into the Parlour without any bodies taking notice of him When he was there he heard some body go but the Night hindered him from knowing who it was He ask'd at a venture if they would do him the favour to call Madam N You must know this was the Abbess who was walking in the Parlour and expecting with extreme impatience the hour of our meeting She knew at first my Mans voice and said if he would have any thing with that Lady 't was she These two Ladies voices were so like that sometimes their most familiar friends were deceiv'd My Man that knew not the danger of a mistake and believed that it was she he ask'd for gave the Letter without delay into her hands and believed he had acquitted himself very well of the Commission I had given him The Abbess after she had taken the Letter dispatcht my Man and told him it required no Answer You may easily guess at her impatience to see what I had writ to her Sister but it would be difficult to represent her trouble after she had satisfied her curiosity She was not naturally very wicked and if jealousie had not been in it she would perhaps have contented her self with reproaches But this passion does not usually rest in such weak revenge it always carries its designs to extremity a love offended is the most terrible of all furies The Abbess went immediately into her Sisters Chamber where she found her alone Confess after all my Sister said the Abbess to her after having spoke indifferently enough of me before that we are both deceived in the advantagious thoughts we have for this Gentleman who has paid with Treasons all that goodness we have show'd him For my part added she I am now sufficiently disabus'd and it is true that I am partly obliged to you for it and that without seeing the Letters in your Cabinet I should have been yet in a strange error If you please I 'll in exchange do you the same service But my poor Sister you are so prepossest to his advantage that whatever one shall say to you you will not believe that any thing is so true as what he has told you What do you mean answered Egidia coldly I see not any thing that Monsieur does that I can blame him for nor but what discovers he has much respect for me and till I have cause for the contrary I am reasonable enough not to change the Sentiments I have for him But if one makes you see said the Abbess that you deceive your self in those Sentiments that he betrays you and is the basest of all men What would you then say Perhaps replyed Egidia I should not be so acknowledging as such a Service might merit For not to lye though commonly one takes no pleasure in being deceived yet in this I must confess my weakness that I love to be in an error an evil is not so till one knows it How you are to be pitied replyed the Abbess again and yet you deserve not to be disabus'd but you are my Sister and against your will I must pity you Know then that this honest Man this faithful Friend and what else you are pleased to call him begg'd of me by a Note yesterday to have an interview with him in the Garden this Evening and conjured me as much as he cou'd that it might be secret and especially that you knew nothing of it If you will not believe me continued she seeing she was troubled and had changed colour ' twice or thrice you may but come along with me to believe your own eyes Whatever constancy of Spirit this amiable Lady had she was shaken by this discourse The infidelity was manifest and she could not doubt of it when her Rival assured her so positively of the thing and offered to bring her to the rendezvouz to be witness of it her self She agreed to the proposal gave her Arms to poniard her self and would not defer a moment to see her death since the hour of it was come THE CONTINUATION Of this HISTORY Told by a Lady of Company I Cannot tell whether Monsieur Le Chevalier's account be all true because he was acquainted with these Ladies a year before I came to the Convent but this I can say that it bears good report with what I have heard But I will warrant what I am going to tell you for a very faithful relation of all that passed in my time I was very well received in this Abby which some cross affairs obliged me to make use of for a retreat 'T was near a Month when I came there since Monsieur Le Chevalier had been absent I heard him spoke of sometimes as a very gallant man for whom the Abbess had a great esteem and from whom she received Letters often I perceived quickly that this esteem had something in it very tender and that there was something in this friendship above what we ordinarily see in that passion The Abbess who had much goodness and confidence in me said to me a thousand advantagious things of him She put him above all men and she could have wish'd that I had not only commended him to her but that I judg'd it reasonable in her As long as things seemed not to me to go far I