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A13502 Taylors feast contayning twenty-seaven dishes of meate, without bread, drinke, meate, fruite, flesh, fish, sawce, sallats, or sweet-meats, only a good stomacke, &c. Being full of variety and witty mirth. By John Taylor. Taylor, John, 1580-1653. 1638 (1638) STC 23798; ESTC S111405 26,775 108

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flame of a Candle When Bawdy-boy had landed the Gentleman and tooke his fare which was sixe shillings hee told his fellow what hee had receiv'd and withall the Tide being an houre flood and no passengers left hee thought it best to swim up emptie-boated with the streame from Gravesend to Greenewich rather than to stay there and spend their money and that hee doubted not but to make some profitable purchase on the river before he gat home In which resolve they put off their Boate and after one houres Rowing betweene Greene-hithe and Purfleete they overtooke an Hoy or great Boate loaden with as good Kentish faggots as Christendome could yeeld the Hoy-man driving and whistling up in the calme streame and the light Moone-shine to whom Bawdy-boy call'd and ask'd him if hee would sell him one Hundred of Faggots The Hoy-man answer'd saying they are not mine to sell I am but hired to bring them to London for a Woodmonger that dwells there My Friend quoth Bawdy-boy what though they are none of thine to sell yet thou may'st let me have one Hundred of them and make thy Master beleeve they were mis-told to thee or else thou may'st mis-tell one Hundred in the delivery of them 't is twenty to one they will never bee mist amongst so many This gentle and grave counsell began to worke upon the tender conscience of the Faggot-man insomuch that the bargaine was strooke that for Five Shillings Bawdy-boy should have one Hundred of Faggots In briefe the Faggots were taken into the Wherrie and the Faggot-seller expected Five shillings to whom Bawdy-boy said Friend I doe see a Faggot with a crooked stick in it which sticke will be to me of more worth than three Faggots for a use that I would put it to I pray thee let me have it and I wil give thee one of my faggots backe againe for it the other reply'd that he would doe him that kindnesse though it were troublesome to him to remove a dozen or twenty Faggots that lay about it So whilst the fellow was busie to get the crooked-stickefaggot Bawdy-boy thrust himselfe off with his Boate and one Hundred of Faggots At the last the Hoy-man came to the Hoyes side and perceiving his Merchant to be gone hee called to him saying Hoe friend com● hither here is the Faggot with the crooked sticke To whom Bawdy-boy reply'd saying it is no matter I have better bethought my selfe I will make a shift without it the other call'd againe and said thou hast nor paid me for my Faggots I know it well quoth the other nor will I pay thee any thing thou art a Theefe and a notable Rogue and I will pay thy Master who is an honest Gentleman and hee shall know what a Rogue you are and so I leave you Courteous Reader I would intreate you to read this pleasant discourse of One hundred of Faggots before that of Great and small Oysters for so it should be placed Thus Gentlemen you have seene your Cheere and you know you are welcome I am perswaded that you could not have had so good diet as is before related at any six-penny Ordinary though it were in the North where Victuals are cheapest Heere hath beene variety without Ebriety I promis'd you at first that I would not take your stomacks from you and that you should goe away as sober as you came wherein I hope I have kept my word and so you are welcome Gentlemen Onely here is a Bill of Fare to satisfie your mindes or to bee a President fo you when you have occasion to make a Feast and how to provide for every mans Palate A Bill of Fare invented by the choisest Pallats of our time both for Worth and Wit wherein are appointed such Rare and Admirable Dishes as are not to bee had every where and may be expected dayly at the Five pound Ordinary as it came to my hands I give it you freely Gentlemen with some Addition of Dishes of mine owne FOure Phantasmaes two boil'd and two roasted One Dish of Cadulsets A stew'd Torpedo One Dish of Andovians One Phoenix in white Broath One fore-legge of a Greene Dragon bak'd Foure Pellican Chickens Two Dottrells broyl'd A Dish of Elephants Pettitoes A Rhinorsceros boyld in Allecant A Calves Head roast with a Pudding in the belly A sowst Owle A Dish of Irish Harts Horne boil'd into Jelly with a golden Horse-shooe dissolv'd in it One Lobster fry'd in steaks Nine Soales of a Goose. Three Ells of a Jackanapes taile Two Cockatrices Two dryed Sallamanders One boild Ele-pie A Dish of Quishquillions A Dish of Modicums boild with Bonum A Dish of Bounties with Sorrellsoppes A Gull pickled A Tantablin with an Onion A Sallet of Goose-grease and Chickweed-fruite A West-India Cheese One Hundred of CoakerNuts Fifty Pine-apples Twelve Palmitaes FINIS
that they will not handle a knife that hath cut it some will sweat at the sight of a messe of Musrard Mr. Anthony Munday sometimes a Writer to the City of London would run from the Table at the sight of a fore-quarter of Lambe roasted And a reverend grave Judge of this Kingdome did abhorre a Ducke as it had bin a Divell Another Gentleman did love Salt but by no meanes could indure to see it about the sides of a dish but would swound at the sight of it A Schoole-master in this Citty cannot indure to smell Apples Amongst all these I my selfe did know one Thomas Vincent that was a Book-keeper or prompter at the Globe play-house neere the Banck-end in Maid-lane As also I did know Iohn Singer who playd the Clownes part at the Fortune-play-house in Golding-Lane these two men had such strange and different humours that Vincent could not endure the sight or scent of a hot Loyne of Veale and Singer did abhorre the smell of Aquavitae But it hapned that both these were invited to Dinner by a Widdow that did not well know their dyets and as they sate at the Boord a hot Loyne of Veale was set before Vincent who presently began to change colour and looke pale and in a trembling manner hee drop'd in a swowne under the Table the Widdow being in a great amazement made haste for an Aquavitae bottle to revive him which was no sooner opened but the very scent sent Singer after Vincent in the like foolish traunce But when the Veale and Aqua vitae were taken away after a little time the men recover'd Vincent went into another Roome and dranke and Singer call'd for the Veale and din'd well with it 18. A Custard A Prating fellow that dwelt in a Citty that had in former times beene governe by Bayliffes and was newly made a Majoralty did brag that their first Majors feast was most sumptuous and in price and value beyond the Lord Majors of York or London for besides other Dishes and provision there was sent in by the Gentlemen of the Countrey Fourteene brace of Bucks I demanded of him at what time of the Yeere their Major was chosen He answer'd me that about the Twentieth of October hee tokee his Oath and kept his Feast I reply'd that I thought hee was mistaken for the Season for Buckes doth not hold or continue till the Moneth of October then hee said that if they were not Bucks they were Does To which I seemed to grant but withall I told him that if they had beene Bucks all had beene too short of our London Feast for wee were able on that day to drowne such a towne as theirs with sixteene Tunne of Custard 19. A Sturgeon like an old Colt THere is a Market-town which I will not name in Print in the roade betwixt London and Yorke which hath a pretty River or Brooke rnnnes by it up which Brooke it did chance that a Sturgeon did swim or shoote somewhat neere the Towne the which a Gentleman that dwelt neere espied and caused a small Rope to bee put through the gills of the Fish and fastened it to a stumpe of a Willow intending to take it as a wafte or stray that fell into the limits of his owne Bounds or Royalty but as hee was gone to make provision for the carriage of it and to call his servants for that purpose the newes of the Sturgeon was brought to the Towne and the Recorder told the Major that it was taken in their Liberty and that they were better to spend or give an Hundred pound than to lose or hazard the losse of so much ground as the Sturgeon was within their Liberty and Lordship and therfore it were their best course to goe speedily and fetch it away into the Towne perforce This counsell was lik'd and approv'd and so with one consent the Major with his Brethren the Recorder and Officers with the whole Drove or Heard of the Townsmen went out to bring in the Sturgeon And as they went Master Major said that he had eaten part of such a Fish many times but in all his life hee had never seene a whole Sturgeon and therfore he did not know of what shape or proportion it was to whom one of the Aldermen said Sir in my youth I did use to goe to Sea and then I did now and then see one and I can compare or liken him to nothing more than to an old ragged Colt 't is like enough to bee so quoth the Major and for any thing I know he may be like a Goose a Cocke or a Bull Thus as they walk'd and talk'd many words to small purpose they espy'd a fellow leading a young Colt with aslip from the Brooke thwart over the field which caused one of the Aldermen to say to the Major Sir yonder man be like hath had some warning of our comming and you may see he is about to prevent us for he is leading away the Sturgeon from us with that the Major called aloud saying Hallow thou fellow I charge and command thee that thou bring hither our Sturgeon before me The fellow wondring answer'd what zay Zur Marry I say Sir I charge thee bring hither our Sturgeon What doe you meane my Colt said hee Sirrah sirrah said the Major doe not you offer to put your knavish Colts tricks upon me for if you doe I 'le lay you by the Heeles Do'st thou thinke that I am such an Asse that I doe not know a Colt from a Sturgeon Yfaith quoth the fellow you are a merry Gentleman and with that hee led the Colt away Then the Major commanded men to pursue him and take away the Sturgeon Well the fellow ran the Townsmen ran the Colt slip'd his Halter and was encompast round and hunting him into the Towne was met by men women and children as a rare and admirable sight and had like to have beene kill'd and cut out into Jolles and Rands and made up into Keggs in pickle but that a knowing understanding Shooe-maker most luckily prevented it In the meane time the Gentleman that first found the Sturgeon caused it to be taken up out of the Brooke and carried Home unto his House and there it was drest as was fitting The Major perceiving his errour let the man have his Colt againe with a full determination that at the common charge with the Towne-purse to trie an Action with the Gentleman for the Sturgeon 20. A fresh Salmon THe good old and truely right Honourable Charles Earle of Nottingham Lord High Admirall of England whose renowned memory shall never bee forgotten untill his bounteous Houskeeping bee generally imitated He being at his House at Chelsey and looking upon certaine Fishermen that were fishing in the Thames with their SalmonNet his Lordship call'd to them and said My friends if you take a Salmon and bring him a shoare living that I may see it move and live I will give you your price for it The Fisherman
answer'd My good Lord I hope wee shall bee able to present your Honour with such a Fish as you desire so they drew their Net to Land and caught a very faire Salmon My Lord standing on the Land looking on them To whom the Fisherman said my Lord I have him and you shall have him straite So the poore man tooke off his leather-girdle which had fastned to it a little Pouch with ten pence in money in it and as he had put the girdle through the gill of the Salmon to hold it the faster the Fish being a strong lively fish gave a suddaine flirt or spring out of the mans armes into the River againe with the girdle in the gill and the Pouch with ten-pence which Salmon did shoote up the River the same Tide from Chelsey to Hammersmith and there it was taken by another Fisherman and the Girdle with the pouch with it which was restor'd to the right owner and the Fisherman contentedly rewarded for the same by the bounteous Nobleman afore-named 21. Sixe six penny Mutton-pyes to make up the Feast MEthinks a Feast is not well set forth if there bee no Pies or bak'd meates and instead of Deere I pray Gentlemen take in good part such Venison as Smithpenns affoord There was a Chyrurgian or corruptly a Surgeon whose name was well knowne to me and many more by Land but especially and truly by Walter and by shortning it an L by Water or briefly Wat the helpe of a Priest would declare the rest This Walters stomacke did water for a Six-penny Mutton-pye at a Cookes named T. S. at Westminster almost over against the 3. Tunnes Taverne and having eaten one Pie he lik'd the rellish so well that hee call'd for five pies more of the same price and valiantly consum'd them both crust and meate outsides and linings Which being done he heard Westminster clock strike and demanding of one of the Cookes servants what time of day it was who answer'd him that the Clocke strooke Eleaven Oh quoth he I pray you bring me a reckoning quickly or else I shall lose my Dinner at my Lord Maynards 22. A Pudding-pye AN old rich Tanner with a beggerly minde did use Hartfourd Market constantly every Weeke for the time of 28. Yeeres to buy and sell Hides in all which space hee never changed his Inne or Hosresse nor altered his price for diet or expences either for his Horse or himselfe whose Horse-meate was to be tied up to an empty Racke for which one pennie paid for his standing and another penny the Tanner spent upon himselfe in a Pinte of Beere and a halfe-penny loafe so two pence in the Totall was his constant expences every Market-day for so long a time till at last as hee passed alongst the Streete he espied a Wench that sold hot Pudding-pies and presently his chapps began to water so that his quicke Eye and liquorish Tooth made him turne prodigall so farre as to waste a pennie upon himselfe for a Pudding-pie which he put in his Handkerchiefe and carried to his Inne with a purpose to feast his carkasse So being set alone in a Roome hee call'd for a whole pot of Beere which the Maide drew and was carrying it to him but meeting her Dame or Mistris by the way shee asked her to whom that Beere was fill'd for the old Tanner said the Maide whereat the Mistris call'd her forgetfull Baggage that had forgotten his usuall Diet to bee but a pinte of Beere and a Halfe-pennie loafe The Maide reply'd that hee had bought a Pudding-pie and would make that serve instead of Bread and therefore hee would spend a whole pennie in Drinke So it was carried to the Tanner who sate repentingly looking upon his Pie the whilst the Hostesse went into another roome where there were some merry fellows drinking to whom shee told how the Tanner had altered his custome and diet and that hee was in such a Roome alone with his Pot and his Pudding-pie before him whereat one of the fellows start up and swore the old miserable Hound should have small joy of it so away went he to the Tanner who as yet had neither touch'd Pie or Pot to whom hee said by your leave Father I am bold to looke into your Roome for my selfe with some friends are basely us'd in this House for they fill us such scurvy dead drinke as a man would bee asham'd to wash his Boots with it Now you being an old Guest of the House I would taste if your Beere bee better and with that hee tooke up the Pot and dranke all off set it on the Boord againe saying I thought old man that you were in favour with mine Hostesse and I perceive it now by the goodnesse of the Liquor Oh but said the Tanner you have drunk up all then call for more said the other but who shall pay quoth the Tanner hee that 's best able quoth the fellow Thou art a sawcy fellow said the Tanner and little better than a Cheater to come into my roome and drinke up my drinke thus basely and therefore tell me thy Name The fellow told him his Name was Gurley Gurley said the Tanner there was a Rascall of thy Name that stole a Mare from me three yeere agoe that I could have hang'd him for it if I would With that the fellow clap'd his hand on the boord and said Old man that Gurley was my Cousin and hee was the most desperate Fellow that England bred and did care no more for stealing your Mare than I doe at this time for eating your Pudding-pie and with those words hee suddainly snach'd up the Old Tanners Pie and greedily knavishly devoured it at two or three mouthfulls leaving the miserable Tanner in a mad hungry and thirsty anger without either Beere or Pudding-pie for his two-pence So Gentlemen much good may it doe you with your Pudding-pie Now there remaines behind onely some light meate for the closure of the stomack which I pray fall to and welcome and that is a Foole being made like a Custard and when that is done pray give eare to the Musick 23. A Foole. TO furnish a Feast compleatly there must be Tarts Custards Flawnes Flap-jackes and by al meanes a Foole or two and at a Feast it so hapned that a Counsellour at Law or of Law being at the table amongst other dishes that stood before him hee fell to feeding most heartily upon a Foole and lovingly likeing it so well demaunded of the Mistresse of the House what good name that most excellent dish of meate had shee answered him that the name of it was a Foole. The Lawyer replied hat hee had often tasted the goodnesse of a Terme Foole but for a Table Foole hee never smatch'd one that pleas'd his pallate better and therefore hee desired her to let him have a note of the ingredients that appertained to the making of such a composition that his Wife might put it in her booke of Cookery To which request
of his the Gentle-woman condescended so after Supper was ended the Counsellors man drew his pen and inke and as the Gentle-woman directed him hee wrot Item so much clouted Creame so much Sugar so much Rose-water so many Egges such and such Spices with other Simples that are pertinent to Foole-making which I am not perfit in But after hee had written all he knew that his Mistresse would insert it into her Booke and therefore he thought it fit to give it a title or directions above it to distinguish it from other receites wherefore thus he intituled it A receite to shew my Mistresse how to make my Master a Foole. A Tale of a Foole. A Young Gentleman being a rich Heire came a woing to a proper Gentle-woman whose sharpe wit quickly found him to be a Foole by his playing the Coxcombe and by his outward gesture and so shee gave him frumps for his folly and flours for his foppery parting as wisely as they met which her mother perceiving beganne to chide her saying that shee was a squeamish proud Baggage to give no more contentfull respect to a Gentleman of his worth and rich hopes and that she had best to be more tractable to him hereafter for quoth she your Father and I and his parents are minded and agreed that hee shal be your Husband Now God blesse me said the maide for I cannot love him why canst thou not love him quoth the mother I know he is very rich rich said the maide I know hee is rich But But quoth the mother what But you idle slut you would say he is But a Foole you say true mother said she it is for that onely that I cannot affect him the mother reply'd that for his being a Foole it was her wisest part to take him for it was better for her to be married to one that is a Foole already made to her Hand then after marriage to take the paines to make him one saying further who loves theirwives better then Fooles who lets them Eate Drinke weare say or doe what they please but Fooles I tell thee that I was foure yeares married to thy Father and hee he curb'd me and restrain'd me of my will so much that hee almost broake my Heart till at the last with a great deale of cost and counsell from my good neighbours and Cossips and aboundance of care and paines taking I made him a Foole and so he happily continues since which time I have liv'd a Ladies life full of content and pleasure and therefore Huswife no more a doe but take my counsell and marry a Foole if you meane to live a merry and pleasant life 24. Cheese ONe brag'd and boasted that when he was married that he had at the least two hundred Cookes to dresse his Wedding Dinner Another answered him that hee believed him not because he knew that he had not so much as a House to put his Head in but lodged in a Garret and therefore he could not have use or roome for so many Cookes He replied that as hee with his friends came from Church they went to a drie Hedge and set it on fire every man having a piece of Cheese in his pocket and dividing themselves the one halfe halfe of them on one side of the Hedge and the other halfe on the other and so toasting their Cheese being two hundred in number they were all Cookes and drest the Wedding dinner 25. A Posset THe Kings-Head Taverne in Fleet-streete at Chancery-lane end hath a long time bin a contenting well-custom'd House and if the Travailes of some of the Drawers up and downe the staires could be measured it may be reckoned a dayly journey of Forty miles a day in a Terme-time About 30. Yeeres since there was a man that kept the said Taverne whose Name was Gent who was an honest fat man as most fat men be who being in bed about mid-night the Drawers and the Maids were up merry in the Kitchin to have a little recreation after their long dayes toyle for which purpose the Maides had made a great and a good Posset which exceeding hot and well sack'd sugar'd and spic'd was put into a broad-brim'd pewter Bason Mr. Gent being suddainly taken with an occasion to rise for the keeping of his bed cleane put on his slippers and as he was comming downe the staires his servants hearing him were in doubt they were discovered by their Master whom to prevent they put out the light and one of them took the Bason with the hot Posset and to hide it laid it upon the seat in the House of office Master Gent suspecting no harme went thither in the darke and set himselfe in the Posset which hee found so scalding that hee cried out Helpe helpe the devil 's in the Privie thus was the Servants deceiv'd the Good-man scar'd and scalded and the Posset most unluckily spoyl'd and defil'd 26. Musicke THree or foure Gentlemen being merry with drinke and discourse in a Taverne a Musitian proffer'd them Musicke which was deny'd within a little time after another ask'd the same question Gentlemen will you have any Muficke The Gentlemen began to bee angry saying they were Musick to themselves and of themselves and bad the Fidler get him gone but it was not long before the third Fidler opened their doore and peep'd into the Roome with the old note Gentlemen will you have any Musicke a new Song or a fine Lesson The Gentlemen perceiving that no deniall would satisfie their intruding importunacy said do'st thou heare fellow how many are you Wee are foure said the Musitian Can you dance said the Gentlemen Yes sir said the other tha●'s well quoth the Gentlemen so without any more bidding the Musitians entred and two of them plaid and the other two danc'd foure or five Dances in conclusion the Gentlemen call'd for a Reckoning and paid it but as they were going away one of the Fidlers said Gentlemen I pray you to remember the Musick you have given us nothing yet to whom one of the Gentlemen answer'd nor will we give you any thing for we never knew any Reason to the contrary But alwayes those that dance must pay the Musicke 27. One hundred of Faggots GEntlemen the aire is raw and cold therefore 't is not amisse to have some Faggots as well to warme you as to dresse your meate and first how the Faggots were gotten There dwelt a Water-man at Greenewitch who for his meritorious and notorious Vertues had justly purchas'd the Nicke-name of Bawdy-boy by which name hee was generally knowne and called and will thereby bee many yeeres to come had in remembrance It happened that this Fellow working with Oares had a Gentleman at London in his Boate whom hee carried to Gravesend it being in a Winter-night and Eleaven of the Clocke at the time of their landing the Moone shining in her full brightnesse and so calme and still was the winde that it would not move the smoake of a Chimney or