mee yet when I discover the abuse of it some despaire others curse and all despise mee Now Childe if thou wilt see the World come with me I will carry thee into the chiefe Street where all things are beheld in open view and shew thee how it is in its Interior parts for thou seest nothing here but the shell and appearance What is that principall Streets name said I whither you will carry me It is called said hee Hypocrisie 't is the Street where the World both beginnes and ends and very great for there is not any one whatsoever but hath either an house or chamber at least in it Some being constant dwellers and others termers there being divers kindes of Hypocrites See you that Fellow that stands there he was a ploughmans Sonne now a Gentleman Would you take that man for a Tailour yet hee is one though cloathed like a Knight and Hypocrisie is so generall an infirmity that it is found amongst all trades The Cobler will be a Translator the Cooper cals himselfe Bacchus Tailour because hee makes cloathing for Wine and the Horse-coursers stile is Squire of the Field the Alehouse is called an Academy the Hangman a member of Justice a Mountebancke an able man the Dicernimble a Taverne a Banke the Vintner a Banker or Master of Accounts Stewes houses of Commerce Whores Curtezans Bawdes devout Women Cuckolds patient men lust friendship Usury Oeconomy Deceit Gallantery lying dexterity and malice gentlenesse of spirit cowardise peace rashnesse valour a Page a Childe of Honour a Lacky a Gentleman on foot a Pickethanke a Courtier blacke browne and an Asse is calld a Doctour But there is nothing here that appeares in its owne forme or that hath the proper name but all the World is full of lyes in what part soever you examine it And if you note it well you shall see that wrath gluttony pride covetousnesse luxury sloath murder and a thousand others sinnes proceed onely out of simulation and that of all sinners there is none so presumptuous as the Hypocrite in as much as other bad livers sinne onely against God but hee sinnes against God and with God also since hee makes him an instrument of his sinne and for this cause our Saviour willing to shew how amongst all others they were hatefull to him after hee had given many affirmative precepts to his Disciples he gave them one negative saying Bee not sad like Hypocrites and as he taught them by many Parables and Comparisons what they should bee now lights now salt sometimes like Guests sometimes as the talent so also he instructs them what they should not bee Bee not like unto Hypocrites to certifie unto them that not being Hypocrites they should not bee wicked for the Hypocrite is wicked in all things Upon this discourse wee came into the great Street where wee tooke an eminent place to register all that passed The first remarkable thing was a funerall Convoy composed of a large retinue of Kindred and Friends that followed the grief and heavines of a Widower in close mourning whose head hung downe and gate was of that slownesse as if he had not had strength sufficient to carry him to Church without a supporter which compassionating O happy Woman said I that hast found a husband whose love and faithfulnesse went hand in hand with thee in thy life time and now followes thee to thy Grave And happy man who hast found so many Friends that accompany not onely thy sadnesse but seeme to exceed it Good Sir consider a little their anguish O that there is nothing but vanity answered hee all that thou seest is not done but by constraint though those exterior outsides seeme to gainsay it Seest thou those waxe lights torches and the rest of the hearse who would not say but that they light and accompany something and that it is for something that all this funerall pompe is made but know that that which is within the coffin is nothing for the body was nothing in its life time Death hath lessened that nothing and all the honours that are given unto it serve for nothing but this is done because the dead have their vanities and State as well as the living There is nothing within but Earth not able so much as to produce fruit and more filthy to looke on than the dirt on which thou treadest that deserves no honour and on which the share and plough have no predominance and that dolefulnesse which thou thinkest to have noted in these Friends is nothing but anger and madnesse that they are not ranked according to their degree and ambition The Widower also is not so afflicted for his Wives death as thou imaginest but 't is the expence that vexes him seeing hee might have performed the ceremony with more ease and lesse cost He mutters within himselfe that she hath wrong'd him in that seeing shee was to die shee did not die suddenly without putting him to such charge in Physicians Chirurgians and Apothecaries who by their bils dispose his goods into parts hee hath buried two with this and takes such delight in being a Widower that hee is upon a treaty already with one whom hee was a wel-willer unto during his old Wives sicknesse Thou shalt see him shortly risen from those deadly habiliments which interre him I was wonder-strooke at these speeches Ah! that the things of this World said I are farre different from what wee see them hereafter I will bee more reserved in spending my judgement and those things I shall clearest behold will most doubt of This buriall vanished so soone from our eyes as if wee had not seene it or beene likely to have made the same journey and as if the deceased had not shewed us the way speaking in a silent language I goe before to stay for you whilest you keepe the rest company as I have heretofore done with as much neglect and lesse devotion Wee were hindred from thinking on this by a noise which we heard in an house behinde us where wee were no sooner entred but the assembled beganne a lowd cry accompanying the sobs and grones of a woman newly become a Widow Their sorrowes were very lively yet availed not the dead every minute they wrung their hands and sent forth sighes that seemed to proceed from the center of their hearts The chambers of the house were disrobed of their ordinary furniture and the poore afflicted was laid on a bed in a roome hung with blacke One of heâ— Comforters said Alas all your teares are to no end and I am unable to comfort you being more grieved at your sorrow than if it were mine owne another you ought not so much to macerate your selfe because your husbands good life assures you that hee is in blisse and another that shee must bee patient and conforme her selfe to the will of Heaven which words made her double her complaints and with greater vehemency to afflict her selfe saying O God! Why doe I live after the
that fellow draw nigh that stands there pointing to my Gentleman for hee is of the occupation At this the Company presently cast their eyes upon him whereat hee was so ashamed that turning his backe and plucking his hat over his eyes hee slunke away leaving the by-standers astonished and me revenged And when the tumult was appeased the Divell continuing said Is my Champion absent I care not greatly if I supply his place Understand then that the Monopolies they would now finde out and the Imposts they would impose and set forward are upon jewels rings plate and precious stones upon lace handkerchers dressings gorgets and the nice attire of women upon coaches that serve for no other purpose but to hurry men to Tavernes Theaters and the assignations of love Upon excesse of apparell feasts and stately moveables Upon Play-houses the schooles of blasphemy and obscenesse And generally upon all other things whatsoever that serve to enhance the pride of the world and encrease our Empire which will become utterly desolate unlesse some good Magistrate and our Friend oppose himselfe against them Not so I persisted by way of interruption In this mee thinkes they are very reasonable seeing that the toleration of such things serve onely to pervert good manners corrupt chastity stirre up riot and prodigality and utterly ruinate modesty and vertue But concerning Magistrates of whom thou beginnest to speake Can it bee possible that there are any Judges in Hell A fine question replied the Divell Friend a wicked Judge is the seed that fructifies most for us 't is a Graine from which we every yeare receive a thousand Doctours ten thousand Proctours Advocates and Lawyers and more than twenty thousand Marshals and Pettifoggers so that many times when the yeares are fruitfull in cheating and deceit wee have not Garners enough to containe the fruit that comes unto us by the meanes of corrupt Judges Wilt thou then inferre that there is no Justice upon Earth Yes said hee if the story of Astrea bee true didst thou ever heare it No Hearken then said the Fiend and I will tell it Truth and Justice on a time came together to inhabite the Earth but found none to entertaine them because one which was Truth was naked and the other severe In the end after they had wandered up and downe like vagabonds without shelter Truth was enforced to dwell with one that was dumbe and Justice seeing her selfe unregarded and that her name was usurped by Tyrants resolved to returne yet that shee might leave no way unessayed shee retired from Courts Palaces and Cities and travelled into the Countrey where in Cottages and Villages shee rested a while under the simplicity and integrity of the poore inhabitants from whence Envy that never left to persecute her remov'd her also Then went she to Gentlemens houses but being never bred up to lie when they demanded who shee was answering I am Iustice they drove her from them too saying we know not what that is So that being generally refused shee fled or rather flew up to Heaven scarce leaving behind so much as the trace of her footsteps Since when men remembring her name attribute that kind of Scepter or Mace unto her which hath a crosse at the top which although it have got the title yet sometimes burnes the Basis because that many times through the abuse of it it helpeth better to steale than the hookes false keyes and ladders of Theeves For humane covetousnesse is growne to that height that all have converted the faculties of their mindes and senses into instruments to commit theft The Lover doth hee not steale a Virgins honour with her owne consent The Lawyer doth he not steale his Clients goods with his knowledge when hee perverts the sense of the Law The Comedian doth he not steal his Spectators heart when hearkning unto the Verses hee hath conn'd hee looses time The Amorous doth hee not steale with his eyes The Eloquent with his tongue The powerfull with his armes The valiant with his hands The Musician with his voyce and fingers The Dancer with his feet The Physician with death The Apothecary with health and sickenesse The Chirurgion with blood The Astrologer with Heaven and there is no man but steales one way or other but most of all the Sergeant who contrary to all these steales away both his Soule and body by wilfull relinquishment for hee forsakes them with his eyes flies from them with his feet and disavowes them with his tongue And they are most of them so wicked that wee say of them as you of the Pestilence Good Lord deliver us I wonder said I to the Intruder that thou hast not reckoned Women among Theeves knowing they are of the same mystery Alas Speake not of Women let them alone I pray you said hee for wee are so pestered weary and troubled with them that wee desire not their remembrance but to speake truth if there were not so many in Hell that would bee none of the worst habitation especially for Winter Oh how much they would give to bee Widowes Since the death of that Witch Mâ—dusa they doe nothing but invent snares labyrinths ambuscadoes and I doubt not but in time will wage warre with us for supremacy of knowledge All the good that is in them is that in our conversations they aske no toyes and new fangles as they doe of you for they know wee deale not in small wares Of what sort have you most of beautifull or deformed Wee have tenne times more of fowle said hee For though the faire meet easily with Gallants that satisfie their burning desires yet it sometimes happens that by continuance of sin they become sated and repent but the fowle wanting this libidinous felicity unlesse they can purchase it and maligning others enter so lanke and dried up that they affright us for the most part of them are all old and die grunting like Sowes mad that the young ones survive them I became packehorse the other day to one of threescore and ten that I tooke doing a certaine exercise against obstructions whom when I had unloden shee beganne to complaine of the toothach to infuse conjecture there were some yet left that shee might appeare lesse odious All my demands are untwisted but this I pray you tell mee if there bee any poore in Hell What doe you meane by poore said the Devill I call him poore that possesseth nothing How understandest thou that said he How Wouldst thou have him condemned that holds nothing of the World when none are damned but such as covet and enjoy it Those men that thou speakest of are not enrolled in our bookes And wonder not at it for all things are wanting to them yea the Divels themselves You are rather Divels one towards another than Divels are Divels to you For can there bee a more notorious Divell than a Flatterer an envious man a false friend a bad Companion an unmercifull Creditour or a sonne brother or kinsman that wishes
losse of so deare and loving a Companion O! that I am unhappy in being borne Woe is me Whither shall I goe Who is there now that will take into his protection a poore woman a desolate Widow and helpe her in distresse At this pause all the rest of the Quire with instrumentall discord of their noses and handkerchers deafened the house and then I found that in such occasions women purge by their eyes and noses some part of their bad humours notwithstanding I could not bridle my selfe from participating some part of their griefe and to turne towards my Conductour with these words Pity said I is very well bestowed on a Widow because shee is forsaken of the world the holy Scripture cals them mutes and tonguelesse for so the Hebrew word signifies there is none that speakes for her and though she take so much courage as to speake for her selfe yet none will heare her so that that imports as much also as if shee were dumbe Give mee leave therefore I pray you to commiserate the like misfortune and to mixe my teares with these womens and wherefore said hee To what purpose is it that thou knowest many things if thou dost not make a right use of them Observe a little and thou shalt see how this Widow that seemes externally to have her body made of Hosanna's and her soule of Allelujahs hath a sable shrowd but greene heart Seest thou the obscurity of this Chamber and those vailes that cover their faces these are to disguise their teares which are nought but dissembling Wilt thou comfort them let them alone they will revell as soone as they see no body by them that may serve as a subject to exercise their hypocrisie And then will the Gossips beginne their game Come come will one say bee comforted you have an advantage you dreame not of your husband hath left you young and there are brave men enow who will seeke after and make very much of you You know partly already the intentions of such a Gentleman I am confident that if he once obtaine you he will be so kinde that you will quickly forget the dead Faith if I were in your place sayes another I would not bee long pleasing my selfe for one lost there is ten found I would practice the counsell my partner gives you But I thinke you are much obliged to him that visited you yesterday What say you Is hee not an handsome man yes truly and loves you extreamly Alacke alacke will the Widow then answer winking with her eyes and drawing her lips together T is not time yet to speake of that all depends on Gods providence and he will ordaine it so if hee finde it necessary yet your counsell is not to bee neglected Dost thou marke what extreame griefe shee suffers her husband is but newly dead and shee already wel-nigh married Consider therefore with thy selfe how vaine and unprofitable these exclamations are which thou hast made Hee had hardly ended when wee heard in the Street a great hurly burly of people and going forth saw a Sergeant bleeding and out of breath crying out Assist the Kings Officers and running after a Debtour that fled from him The Common-wealth is much beholding to this Fellow and ought very well to reward him said I seeing he thrusts his body into so great hazard to save their lives and goods See how hee is torne and bloudy in having employed his strength and power for the good and rest of it Soft and faire said the aged man if I stop not your course you will never leave Sonne assure thy selfe that he that is fled is one of the Sergeants friends with whom hee often carrous'd who for not having made him partaker of a late booty hee had taken the Marshall in spight would arrest and cast into prison but after he had broke from him and soundly beat him hee is escaped as you see and had need to have good legges seeing hee runnes against those that are swifter than race-horses where they thinke to bee well paid But note that it is not the least thought of the Weale publique that puts him on this action but his private particular and malice in being made a Novice For I assure you that if his owne interest had not excited him to it and that hee had not sought after him in way of revenge the Thiefe is too much his Friend and their combination is too great for the Law to take place And though such as are decayed and in debt are their chiefest gaine yet their revenues proceed from whips the rope and the gibbet Therefore I wonder why the World that hates them so much doth not resolve to forsake vice and practice vertue though but for a yeare or two to bee aveng'd and starve them T is a cursed office since their wages are paid by Belzebub Hee had spoken more if hee had not beene deterred by the great noise and ratteling of a Coach in which was a Courtier so swelled with pride that he seemed to bee heavier than the foure horses which drew him hee sate as upright as if he had been a statue and was very greedy in his lookes but so disdainfull that every one offended him his attendants on foot were many Lackies and in the Coach a Jeaster and a Flatterer who in obscene jeasts and itching talke past away the time Happy art thou said I as soone as I saw him without doubt the World is not made but for thee seeing thou livest in pleasure and greatnesse Surely thy riches are well employed seeing thou maintainest so great a trainâ— All that thou thinkest and speakest said my Moderatour is nothing but surmise yet hast thou truly said that the World was made for him since it is nought but vanity and folly with which hee is puffed up I beleeve if thou dive into his retinue thou wilt see more Creditours than Servants for his food and livelyhood proceed onely from loane credit hope and faire promises and if the secrets of his Conscience were ript the inventions that hee uses to maintaine life would bee found more irkesome than if hee got his bread by delving Seest thou that Buffoone and Sycophant they are subtler than himselfe for they deride yet live upon him Can there then bee a more miserable man than such an one who buyes flattery at so deare a rate and thrusts himselfe into engagements to get nothing but false reports Foolish Lord hee is ravisht with the adulation of these two who perhaps have told him that there is no Courtier his equall that the Ladies have no object more pleasing nor conversation more enticesive when they doe it onely to soothe and impoverish him Last of all a Lady passed by us whose gesture and behaviour was so gracefull that shee attracted all the beholders Shee went with an artfull carelesnesse hiding her face from those thâ—t had already beheld her and shewing it to such as tooke no notice of it her visage was snow and roses
abroad added hee thou needest not doubt but Hell is well throngd with the amorous There are of divers sorts Some that are Lovers of themselves others of their money others of their speeches others of their workes and some of their wives and of that kinde there are very few because women are of such malignant natures that by their disloyalty imperfections and searching wits they give every day new subject to their Husbands to repent of their conjunction and alliance with them All Lovers are delightfull to see and full of mirth if there may bee said to bee any in Hell Some you would take for a Millaners shop they are so deckt with points knots and ribbens of all sorts which they call favours Others for a periwigge makers stall they are so hung with bracelets amulets and lockes of all haires and all colours You would take some for Messengers to a great City laden with packets and Epistles to and from their Mistresses which they call Love-letters but we Inflamers because they serve to inflame and burne the bearers And others for Jesters the posture of their wooing is so ridiculous who once loved but never obtained These are condemned for short shooting yet wonne the game and those for kisses that never betrayed Under them in a dirty and stifling hole carpeted with beasts hornes were those that you call Cuckolds Creatures that at the first beganne to bustle with us objecting a double injury if they should now againe bee punisht that in the world had already received disgrace sufficient the Horne grafted upon their forehead being first taken from the Devils owne brow who in the shape of a man made the first Cuckold But when wee told them that the Divell never wore Hornes but that they were derived from the Goat and Ramme emblems of mans libidinousnesse and the name of Cuckold from the Cuckoe a bird that having plundered the issue of an innocent maketh her hatch her viperous brood or else from mens owne indulgence and womens impudence they became the most peaceable of all our pensionaries and are armed with incomparable patience for having beene heeretofore strengthened and fortified in the unfaithfull dealings of their wicked wives they are never angry at any thing that is done unto them In which respect and our owne pity wee have advanced them into one of our fairest upper lodgings and in their Dungeon have placed such as are lovers of age and old women who are strongly chained for Divels themselves doe not hold their honour safe amongst people whose taste is so depraved But having satisfied your curiosity I must tell you that wee Divels are much offended in that you mortals so slovenly besmeare and disfigure us Sometimes painting us with clawes and tallons yet are wee neither Eagles nor Griffins Then gluing tailes to our posteriours as if wee needed flie-flappes or the world should mistake us for Hernes And then parching on our chinnes wenny and welky beards to metamorphose us into Turky-cocks and Cocks combs yet there bee Divels amongst us that may well bee taken for Scholars and Philosophers But you had best mend this if you covet a good fire when you come to visit us Wee asked the other day that Painter whom you call Michael Angelo though improperly why he presented us in his judgement with so many beasts hooves deformed bodies wry neckes and crabbed faces His answer was That having never seene any of our Tribe and not crediting there were any he had made that piece after his owne fancy and not out of any ends of malice But ignorance did not excuse his sinne for hee now findes the reality of that hee would not before beleeve We complaine also that in your familiar discourse one with another you give us unnecessary presents Behold sayes one how this Divell Tailor hath abused mee How hee makes mee wait How he hath stolne from me Would hee were in Hell You doe us a great deale of wrong to wish them there or to make such comparisons For wee never suffer them to come nigh us but with a great deale of intreaty because they doe already alleage the name of inheritance in that Custome is a second Law And having taken possession of Theft oftner keeping Stuffes demanded of them than Sabbaths commanded they enter grumbling and muttering when we doe not open the backedoore and thereby acknowledge them legitimate Children The Divell take it and thee sayes another to him and those things that displease him keepe your gifts at home for of this kinde there come more than wee fetch neither doe wee take all that are given for wee make a conscience of some things and would not accept of the forward Letcher when he sayes I would I might be damned to lie with such a Beauty but that hee does enforce us You bestow likewise on the Divell every roguish Page and Foot-boy but hee will have none of them for know that for the most part they are more wicked than Divels themselves Also you give to the Divell an Italian but the Devill thankes you with all his heart yet loves not to bee undermined An Englishman but hee will have none of their new fashions A Spaniard but hee that knowes the tyranny they use in making themselves masters of Townes when once they are permitted entrance detests their cruelty And a Frenchman but the Divels stomacke will not serve him because they are already parboyld and therefore intreats you to send them to the Great Tâ—rkâ— to season and make Eunuchs Here the Spirit became silent when hearing a noise behinde mee made by one who had crept in and was thrusting to get foremost I turned about to see who durst bee so uncivill in a place so sacred And perceived it to bee a certaine Informer that had been the cause of the undoing of one of my deare associates Therefore that I might a little vindicate my Friend I againe questioned the possessour Seeing so many men of divers conditions inhabit your clime Are there none there of those Horse-leeches those plagues to Kingdomes Projectours c You are cunning said hee Know you not that these Vermin are the naturall heires to damnation and have their patrimony assigned in perpetuall darkenesse yet know also that wee are upon the point to discard them for they are growne unthankfull beginne to scuffle with us and would willingly lay a Tribute upon the wayes to Hell but because the charge encreases dayly and wee beleeve that in processe of time the taxe will mount so high that our Agents on Earth will be constrained to forsake their Commerce a thing very prejudiciall to our Common-wealth wee will from henceforth shut our Gates and utterly exclude them In doing so you may be injurious said I for then they will aime at Heaven Never feare that proceeded hee for that is a traffique they never delighted in But I pray you on whom will they raise these new impositions If you labour to know all the circumstances answered hee bid
read the inditement Doe you demand composition Then 't is a signe your game is naught This they understanding and that no offers would be accepted tooke the way of the Fencer because they had beene as good men of their hands as hee and better They being gone Loe an unfortunate pastry Cooke whose adverse party beganne to accuse him which hee seeing and finding by proofe that hee had put more kindes of meate into his pies and pasties than there were beasts in Noahs Arke there being neither Rats Mice nor Flies turned his backe and leaving the word in the Devils mouth went to see if the place were hot Then came Philosophers who made syllogismes against their salvation And Poets who would have perswaded the omnipotent that hee was that Iupiter whom they had so often nominated in their workes Virgil alleaged his Sicelides Musae saying that it was the figure of the Nativity and Orpheus as the most ancient Poet stood up to speake for all but a Divell accusing him for having instructed the way of making love to mankinde hee was commanded to enter once more into Hell to try if hee could get out againe and obeying served as a Guide to his Companions A rich Usurer knocked and being asked what hee would have was told that the ten Commandements kept the Doore and that hee had never kept them In that which concernes keeping said hee it is impossible I have swerved the first Commandement saith Thou shalt have none other gods but me and I think I have observed it for I have kept Gold the worldlings god so secret that neither others nor my selfe might make it the object of their veneration The second Thou shalt not make to thy selfe any graven Image and I have kept ingots and wedges these many yeares that there might neither stampe nor image come upon them The third Thou shalt not take the Name of the Lord thy God in vaine and I have never sworne in vaine but alwayes for some great interest The fourth Remember that thou keepe holy the Sabbath day and I have all the weeke long provided hiding places for my treasure that on that day it might not molest my rest Honour thy Father and thy Mother I have alwayes greatly reverenced them in that I have given them the preheminence especially in all bad actions Thou shalt doe no murder and I did never scarce eate because that to feed is to kill hunger Thou shalt not commit adultery I never did it for women in that way are not tractable without money but if you will let mee come in said he who beganne to be weary with so many interrogatories let us not loose time for hee was so great an enemy to losse that hee would husband time it selfe but saying this he was led where he deserved Divers Theeves followed some of them so active that they saved themselves in leaping from the ladder Lawyers coveted the like good fortune but they were set to goe through the eye of a needle Scriveners denied their name saying they were Secretaries but Proctours stood to it saying they were the procurers of others good but there was no defence for either of them One Devill seeing a Physician an Apothecary a Surgeon and a Barber comming gave them thankes for most of the Company senâ— thither by their meanes and commanded some of his vassals to usher them downe that they might assay if they could cure the burning Feaver Another perceiving one to peere out of an hole where hee had hid himselfe asked what hee was who replied an Empericke What! Saltinbanke Mountebanke and my Friend said the Devill It were better for thee to bee upon some scaffold at some corner of a Street to passe away the time with idler persons but since thou art come thou shalt not want preferment goe thy wayes into that quarter and see if thy balsame bee efficacious against scalding so he went on his Friends word The plea of Taverne-keepers was that they had quenched the thirst of many poore persons and of Tailours that they had cloathed many but this hindred their dispatch Then Bankers demanded treaty but their Sentence was pronounced and bils of exchange were given them to bee paid out of Pluto's Coffers where there is no bottome And afterwards place was given to Women who approached with pleasing and smiling countenances endeavouring by those meanes to prevaile but as soone as they saw the horrid aspects of Divels they beganne to shrike out and antedate their condemnation Bailiffes Sergeants Marshals and many more were yet to bee judged who being called said they would willingly suffer without any further triall The last was an Astrologer crying out that they were mistaken in the calculation of yeares and that it yet could not bee the Day of Iudgement because the Heaven of Saturne and the moving Heaven had not finished their course but the Devill rebuking him said I wonder that among so many Heavens which you have made in your life-time you were never so provident as to erect one for your selfe for which default you must now bee transported into Hell which was accordingly executed Upon this the Iudgement ended the Throne was taken up the shadowes fled to their place the Aire was filled with milde Zephirs the Earth was enamelled with flowers and the Heavens were cleare and translucent and I was in my bed more joyfull than sorrowfull that I was not yet dead therefore that I might make use of my Dreame I undertooke a constant resolve to keepe a strict watch over my Conscience that I may have a defensive armour when there are no more delayes to hope for and the soveraigne Judge shall call me before himselfe VISIONS The fourth Vision OR The Foole Amorous VPon a Winter-January morning about foâ— a clocke when cold and sloth kept mee buried under my rugge better at ease than on a biere consulting with my pillow upon an amorous fancy that came in my minde I found my selfe quite strayed from my former meditations beheld the spirit of Fallacy which presented to my imagination Loves inconstancy verily thinking I heard this Verse Alaâ— Coridon what folly possesses thee Afterward not knowing which way I was led I came into a meddow a thousand times more pleasant than those which are ordinarily mentioned in the inventions of Poets where looking about I espied two delightfull Rivers that in their labyrinthian Meanders water'd it The waters of the one were bitter of the other sweet yet they mingled together with so peaceable a purling murmur that they charmed the eares of those that heard them and qualified affections anxiety These in their sportive motion directed mee to a goodly faire Palace of admirable structure seated in the midst of the Field The portals were of Dorian worke richly inlaid and on the pedestall bases pillars cornishes chapters architraves frizes and other adjuncts there were engraved all the trophies and triumphs of that great yet little God which with many other devices added radiancy of
which contrary to the order of nature united themselves her lips vilified Corall her teeth Pearle and her hands Jessamine and in briefe she was the Epitome of earthly beatitude and I my selfe was more inflamed with a desire to follow her than any other object I had seene but at the very first step my Guide stayed mee yet not without my expression of discontent in these termes hee must bee infinitely barbarous that is insensible of the delicacy of so excellent a beauty as this is how fortunate is he who meets with so favourable an opportunity and how worthy that shall injoy her what unknowne pleasures is hee master of that in all liberty possesses a faire wife who had not beene made but for the love of man what lightenings and thunder shot from her eyes what enchantments and fetters for a free Soule was ever Ebony so blacke as her eye-browes Chrystall cannot brag of so much clearnesse as her front Certainly this is the master-peece of nature and the haven of all desired wishes Till this present said my aged Friend I thought thee onely blinde but I see thou art both blinde and foolish Did I not tell thee that the eyes were made to see but that it is for the understaâ—ding to make election Know that this woman who seemes so really perfect slept yester-night very ugly and now is nothing but prime and plaister the haire shee weares came from the Tire-women for her owne was blowne away with an ill winde that came from France and if any remaines shee dares not shew it least it should accuse her of the time past her eyes have no other browes than those which a pensill makes nor her haire any other colour neither doth her pulchritude proceed from any other nature than Alembicke waters essences and painting Kisse her and shee is oile embrace her pastboord and bed her an Anatomy Upon what then is thy judgement founded that thou thinkest her so accomplisht Thine eyes have they not betraid thee Admire then thine ignorance and understand not to trouble my selfe with this womans imperfections that most of the Sexe are Hypocrites and that the wise mans saying can never bee contradicted One man among a thousand have I found but a woman among all those have I not found So I awaked To the REader Reader I here present thee with a Vision of Hell as a proviso whereby to amend thy life Therefore if thou intendest from this houre to beginne bee not culpable of thine owne vice in calling me Detractor or evill speaker seeing that none can calumniate the Damned If Hell seeme to bee too great take what portion thou wilt and be silent Is it not a curtesie when thou hast as much or as litle pain given thee as thou pleasest And bee not amazed if thou finde nothing but horrour and obscurity for thou maist well thinke that neither the Sunne nor joy inhabit there I need not begge any ingenuous mans approbation nor feare any envious mans censure If my Booke please thee thou maist drive away thy idlenesse with it or otherwise bring it to light upon thy chimny hearth At which I will not bee offended since I have given thee counsell so to doe nor the Bookseller neither if thou hast paid him for it VISIONS The sixth Vision OR Hell T Was Autumne a time that invited many to their countrey houses to receive the fruits of the Earth and participate the second Spring a Season of retirement that called me also though to no mansion of mine owne yet to a receptacle of my Friends where I found the refreshment as healthy and the artlesse Groves to yield as pleasant a solitude as the artificiall Wildernesses of the great In so much as it quite altered my wonted study from the dangerous shelves that many are split on to the harmelesse Mountaines of Innocency and Labour and from corrupted riches and delicious fare to low feeding and elated Soules On which dreaming under my meane Canopy I was transported through the neighbour Wood into a place farre from home of no more night and to one of the most delicate prospects that could bee presented where the serenity and temperature of the Aire did in their gentlenesse fanne the heat and ravish the Senses On one side the Rivers of liquid Chrystall prattled with the gravell and flinty borders on another the Trees conversed with their Aspin murmur and in the midst of these the Birds sung I know not whether in emulation of Plants and Fountaines or by way of parallell to give them musique for musique but for as much as our desires are vagabond and dulled with the much enjoyment of any one thing solitude beganne now to be troblesome and I was impatient for association when at the same instant a marvelous thing I saw two wayes whose birth came from one place which separated themselves by little and little till they were past a separable distance That on the right hand was so narrow that comparison can hardly be made and for being but litle frequented was so full of brambles thornes stones and ruggednesse that it was a mighty toile to enter or goe upon it yet were there some signes of divers persons that had passed though with infinite discommodity for they were faine to leave both their money and their flesh behinde them And of some passing but their faces were wanne and meager and they walked without ever looking backe to say that one might ride upon it is a Fable for having asked that question a Traveller told me that Saint Paul was faine to alight and indeed I saw not any tracke or footing of Beasts rut of Coach or Cart-wheele nor print of Litter or Sedan nor was it ever remembred that there had been any At which wondering I applied my selfe to a poore man that rested to take breath and asked if there were no Innes nor places of retreat to lodge in No you must alwayes goe said he there is no staying neither Inne nor Taverne for this is the way of vertue and but few passe through it Know you not that in the race of life to be borne is to set forth to live to pilgrim it that the Inne is the world and in going out of it there are not many steppes to enter either into paine or glory Saying this he went on God be with you said hee hee that goes in the path of Vertue looses time when hee staies and besides there is danger in answering those that informe themselves onely through conceitednesse and not to be instructed He proceeded stumbling often against the stones and breathing at every step and the teares which distilled from his eyes in mine apprehension were able to have softened Flints to be more pliable to his feet Upon what spleen was this way made said I It is very rude and laborious and to make it more distastfull the parties that goe in it are untractable and uncivill This agrees not with mine humour therefore I left it and turning on
the left hand got into the other where I saw much Company many Gallants and many Coaches full of humane Beauties whose eyes seemed to contend with the Sunne some singing others laughing and others eating so that I tooke it to be some great Festivall And then remembring this sentence Tell mee with whom thou conversest and I will tell thee what thou art that I might not be reproved for frequenting bad Company I endeavoured to follow this that seemed to be so good and hardly had set forward but like to him that glides upon ice I found my selfe in the midst of the rout amongst Ladies Masques Comedies Playes Banquets very consonant to mine inclination This was not like the other tracke where for want of Tailours people went naked there were to spare here as well as of Merchants Skinners Millaners Upholsters and all Trades besides that serve to advance humane pride as Embroiderers Perfumers Sadlers Shoomakers Sempsters Periwig-makers Haberdashers c. And for Inne-keepers and â—Vintners there wanted not abundance with whom I had not long beene when I perceived some of both wayes to change and shift from one to the other by very strait by-pathes at whom wee all jeasted but chiefely at those that went from us calling them Dissemblers precise wretched and the refuse of the world at which some of them stopped their eares and passed by some staid to heare us others were deafened with our cries and others flattered with our perswasions revived I saw also another middle way where many went afarre off seeming to bee vertuous but nearer hand were of our side One told me they were Church-hypocrites and were but onely vailed and disguised to us for they had no Maskes nor false Visards for the Eyes eternall They went alone and were held to bee lesse subtle than Moores and more brute than lawlesse Barbarians because that they are contented to enjoy the happines of the present life not knowing any other but these that can tell what temporall and eternall life is are so accursed that they neither freely enjoy the present nor hope for that to come So that the saying is to good purpose that They gaine Hell with a great deale of desert that is with much paines taking Here the Rich followed riches and the obstinate went apart for they would not bee governed by the more advised but ranne with all their might and got alwayes to be first Magistrates drew after them all litigious Negociators Passion and Covetousnes allured bad Judges And Kings trained whole Common-wealths neither wanted there Ecclesiasticall men of all sorts and whole Regiments of Souldiers who had beene truly glorious if they had set forth the Name of God in fighting as they had done in swearing Some generous Spirits of the number of those who were on the right hand seeing these wretches carrying yet pasports and petitions for reward of their service cried unto them moved with charity and as if they had gone to some battle To mee Souldiers to me What mean you Is it an action of valour to forsake this way for feare of the dangers that are in it Come on boldly for wee are assured that those that fight lawfully shall be crowned let not vaine hopes of reward entice you a worthy man ought to seeke for nought but vertue and shee is the reward of her selfe if you rely upon her turne therefore and take part with us and you shall bee happy The Souldiers heard very attentively all these perswasions and ashamed of reproofe and cowardise forsooke their Station and hanging downe their heads cast themselves into a Taverne After this I saw a great Lady without either Coach or Litter on foot and alone and sought out a Scrivener to record it being no ordinary accident but finding none I verily beleeved that I was not mistaken yet calling to minde that I had heard that the way to Paradise was full of crosses austerity and repentance and considering that I saw not any about mee but such as discoursed of wantonnesse and delight I beganne to question and misdoubt but I was drawne from this incertainty by a multitude of married men who led their wives by their hands that people might take notice of their affection nevertheles some of them were their husbands fast since he dicted himselfe that shee might feed on dainties and others his nakednesse since hee grudged his owne apparell to maintaine her in her Coach and to buy toyes gownes and superfluous trifles for her by which I learnt that a man ill married may boast that hee possesses in the person of his wife all necessary qualities to bee put in the list of Martyrs and seeing their troublesome life confirmed my first faith that I was in the good way but that opinion had no long durance because I heard a voyce behinde me crying Make way there for Apparatours O God! said I Are there Apparitours here Without doubt wee are going to Hell and it was true for at the same instant wee were got in by a little Doore made like a Mousetrap easie to enter but impossible to get out I was greatly astonished in that in all the way no man remembred whither hee was going and yet when wee were entred every one agast beganne to looke upon his Companion saying it is infallible we are in Hell At which mine heart beganne to quiver and with teares in mine eyes I beganne to bewaile those I had left behinde mee in the World as my Kindred Friends and acquaintance but turning my face towards the way by which wee came I saw most of them comming whose arrivall did a little comfort mee beleeving that they would bee some consolation in so sad an abode if perhaps I should stay there long Notwithstanding I pursued my journey and noted the Gate to bee guarded by seaven Divels who kept account of all that entered They asked my name and quality and knowing my designe let mee passe but demanding of the throng behinde mee the same question and being informed Tailours one of the Divels answered What a strange thing is this I thinke that all the Tailours in the World beleeve that Hell is made for none but them they come in such clusters How many are there said another Divell There are an hundred said the former Deceive not your selfe said his Companion It is impossible if they be Tailours there should bee so few for the least band that comes dayly of them is not lesse than a thousand or twelve hundred and we have already so many that we know not where to pile them neither know I whether we ought to receive them or no the poore Smell-feasts were much frighted at these words beleeving they would thrust them out but at last they found favour and got in I may well say thought I then that these people are very wicked since the refusall of entrance into Hell is so rigorous a threatning to them Hereupon behold a Divell of the Blacke Guard who stackt them up in a place
bee said I that mercy should condemne since that condemnation is an action of Justice You talke like a Divell And you said the Divell like a Foole since you know not that halfe of those that are here are adjudged by Gods mercy But to make you understand the Riddle Consider how many Sinners there are who when they are admonished of their evill doings leave not for all that to continue and increase them more and more in answering to their Reprovers God is mercifull hee regards not so small a thing his mercy is so great and thus whilest they hope in God persevering in their wicked wayes wee never distrust them After your reckoning said I none may rely on the Mercy of God You are dull said hee you must trust in it 't is that that helpes forward good desires and rewards good actions but it is denied to those that are obstinate in their wicked wayes for it is to play with Grace to beleeve that it serves to cover guilt and to thinke that a man may receive it just when hee hath need of it without ever endeavoring to get it Gods mercy is infinite for his Saints and repentant Sinners who struggle to become worthy and those that have the greatest share are such as are most fearfull but hee that knowes how great it is makes himselfe unworthy the effects when he turnes it into the liberty of evill doing and not into spirituall profit Can it be said I overwhelmed with marvell that so good a lesson should proceed from the mouth of so mischievous a Doctour Which spoken the Divell shewed mee a flaming partition wherein as one of the Tortured told me were those that were afflicted with suddaine deaths You lye in reverence bee it spoken to the Gentleman that heares mee said the Fiend no man dies suddainly Death uses no surprize There wants never warning How is it that you complaine of dying suddenly when since your very birth since you beganne the course of your life Death was alwayes with you What is more ordinarily seene in the World than dying and buriall What is spoken of more in the Pulpit or read of more in good Bookes than the frailty of life and certainty of Death First of all the body growes it not every day nearer and nearer to its Tombe Cloathes weare they not Houses decay they not Your owne Diseases and those of others knocke they not at all houres at the Gates of your Soules remembring them that they must dislodge Sleepe represents it not to the life the death of living man and life is it not maintain'd by the death of beasts And for all this you are so impudent as to say that you dyed suddenly No no change language say hereafter that you are unbeleevers dead without ever thinking that you should dye and learne besides that Death takes as soone the youngest stripling as the agedst decrepite and according to what they have done be it good or ill she proves either a Mother or a Stepdame He shewed me also a vast Cauldron savouring of many oily sents wherein were preserved Apothecaries Comfit-makers Chirurgions Distillers Barbers and Mountebankes with many more for feare of rottennesse saying these are the true Alchimists and not Geber Ruspicella with the rest because they onely writ of what metals Gold might bee made but made it not or if they did none ever since could penetrate into the depth of their secrets But these out of puddle water stickes Flies dung Vipers Toads simples sugar and excrements can make Gold of better substance than all those could that ever medled in the art because that theirs is ready coined for use In which respect wee are carefull to preserve them least our treasure should decrease Hereupon another Divell made signes that I should come unto him without noise which having done hee set mee against an open casement saying looke in there and see the ordinary exercise of fowle Women I did as I was commanded and beheld a very great number some whereof were putting blacke patches on their faces others pluckt up the haire on their eyebrowes and others that had none made use of blacke Lead some put on fore-tops of counterfeit haire some placed Ivory teeth in their gummes in stead of those of Ebony which were fallen out This eate Ambergreece Comfits to purifie her breath and those held boxes of painting with which they daubed their faces and by this meanes became infinitely shining without being either Starres or Sunnes Well said the Divell would you have beleeved that Women had been so inventive and ingenious to perdition I knew not what to answer but turned away and saw a man sitting on a Chaire all alone without either fire ice Divell or racke about him who neverthelesse cried out with the fearfullest cries that ever I yet heard his heart tâ—ickled drop by drop from his eyes and he tore his breâ—st and gnawed his armes in so furious a manner that I thought he had been mad O Lord said I with what despaire is this poore man transported no body to my thinking doth him any harme Friend my Friend What Fury bewitches you For what doe you complaine being here alone free from all manner of Torture Alas said hee with a terrible voice I feele in my selfe all the pangs of Hell together You see not the Hangmen that are linkt to my Soule you see them not said hee reiterating his cry and turning about as distracted but hee sees them whose severe and implacable Justice can measure offences with torments without measure O Memory thou art to mee a cruell Divell memory of the good I might have done memory of those wholesome counsels I have despised and the evils I have committed Ah! that thou dost afflict me And to heape up my misfortunes when thou leavest me my Reason beginnes her course and the imagination of that glory I might have had and that others possesse without having bought it so deare as I have done the paines I suffer O understanding What cruelty dost thoâ— use towards mee in setting before me Heaven and Paradise so full of beauty joy content and delight and yet drownest mee more and more in despaire Some release I pray thee And thou my Will Is it possible that thou refusest to make a truce for one poore moment You that are a Pilgrim of the other World who aske what torments mee Know they are the three powers of my Soule converted into invisible flames and into three Executioners who without hand or Element burne and teare my Entrals And if by chance they cease to wracke mee the Worme of Conscience gnawes my Soule as the perpetuall food of insatiable hunger Ending this word he cast forth a deepe groane and turning from me Mortail said he Consider that those of the World who were illuminated with the Gospell and endowed with celestiall Graces and have not employed them to their owne Salvation carry their Hell in themselves and are tormented with the like misery as I am