THE PVRSVIT OF THE HISTORIE OF LAZARILLO DE TORMEZ GATHERED OVT of the Ancient Chronicles of Toledo By IEAN DE LVNA a Castilian And now done into English and set forth by the same Author LONDON Printed by Bernard Alsop for Thomas Walkley and are to be sold at his shop at the Eagle and Child in Britaines Burse 1622. TO THE RIGHT HONORABLE IAMES Lord STRANGE Mr ROBERT STANLEY And The Lady ANNE CARRE The Hopefull Issue of the Truly Noble William Earle of Darby and his vertuous Countesse Elizabeth a fruitfull Branch of the Ancient and Illustrious House of OXFORD T. W. in humble acknowledgement of his Duty and Seruice to their Parents themselues and both the Families from whence they are deriued Dedicateth this strangely recouered Continuation of the pleasant Historie of LAZARILLO DE TORMEZ CARTA DEDICATORIA AL ILLVSTRISSIMO y excellentissimo Sen̄or Don Roberto Car de Ancram Cauallero titulado y de la Camara Priuada gran Tesorero de cosas extra ordinarias de su Alteça el Principe de Galles Illustrissimo y excelentissimo Sen̄or DOs cosas me han mouido a dedicar a vu Senoria esta obra la vna y mas principal es para mostrar en algo la voluntad que tengo de seruir a quien por tantos titulos lo merece y a quien estoy tan obligado La otra para arrimar al pobre Lazaro a la sombra y amparo de quien con su autoridad le defienda con su virtud lo adorne y con su sauiduria lo califique Las verdades desnudas y sin reboço que este libro dize le han hecho pasar por el fuego para que acrisolado llegasse a las manos de vu Sen̄oria He lo hecho traducir en Ingles fiel y literalmente para que se manifieste su inocencia y vea que en el no ay cosa que pase los limites de vna honesta licita y loable recreacion antes es vna centinela que descubre de lexos los enemigos y muestra los tropieços y barrancos en que los inorantes por falta de aduertēcia caen y tropieçan Suplico a vu Sen̄oria le reciua con su clemencia y bondad acostumbrada no echando a atreuimiento lo que ha nacido del deseo que tengo de emplear mi vida y fuerças en seruicio de quien soy el mas humilde y obediente de sus criados I. DE LVNA THE AVTHOR to the Reader THe occasion gentle Reader of Printing the Second Part of Lazarillo de Tormes hath beene that there came to my hands a little Pamphlet which treats of his Life without any likelyhood of truth The greatest part of it is stufft with telling how Lazaro fell into the Sea where he was turned into a Fish called a Tunny and liued there many yeeres marrying with a shee Tunny by whom he had Children as much Fishes as the Father and Mother It relateth also the Warres that the Tunnies made Lazaro being their Captaine and many other Tales as ridiculous as false and as ill grounded as foolish And questionlesse the Author of it had a mind to vtter some foolish Dreame or some dreamed folly That Booke I say hath been the first motiue that hath moued me to bring to light this second Part word for word without adding or diminishing as I haue seen it written in certain Scroules kept in the Treasurie of Records of the Beggars of Toledo and as I haue heard it a hundred times told by my Grandmother and Aunts by the Fires side in the Winter nights and with the which my Nurse hath weaned me For the better confirmation I remember how they and others of our neighbours would dispute How it could be possible that Lazaro could be so long vnder water as is said in this second Part without drowning Some held pro and the others con The first quoted Lazaro himselfe who said That the Water could not get into him by reason that he was filled and crammed vp to the very mouth A good old man well skild in swimming to proue that to be an easie matter interposed his authoritie affirming That hee had seene a man who going to swimme in the riuer Tagus diued vnder Water and remained in certaine Caues from Sunne-set vntill next morning that by the Sun-shine he did find the way out and when as his Parents and Friends were wearie of bewayling and seeking his Body to giue it buriall he came forth safe and sound The other difficultie that they found in his life was That no body did take Lazaro for a man and that as many as saw him should take him for Fish To this answered a good Canon who by reason that he was very old did commonly sit in the Sunne among the Distaffe-Spinsters That it was most likely of all as agreeing with the opinion of many ancient and moderne Writers as among others Pliny Aelian Aristotle Albertus Magnus who affirme That there are certaine Fishes in the Sea the Males they call Titons the Females Nereids and all of them Sea-men who from the Girdle upward haue the shape of perfect Men and from thence downeward of Fishes And I say that although that opinion had not beene defended by so well approued Authors yet the Licence that the Fishermen had from the Lords Inquisitors might suffice to excuse the Spanish ignorance seeing it had been a case of Inquisition to haue doubted of a matter which their Lordships had consented should be showne for such And to this purpose though out of my compasse I wil relate an accident that befell a labouring man of my Countrey which was That one of the Inquisitors hauing sent for him to begge some of his Peares of him which hee had heard were excellent the poore Clowne not knowing why his Lordship should send for him was so skared that hee fell sicke vpon it till that by the meanes of a friend of his hee vnderstood the businesse And then presently starting from his Bed he ranne into his Garden pluckt vp the Tree by the roote and presently sent it with the Fruit saying hee would not keepe in his house an occasion for their Lordships to send for him another time so great is the feare that not onely labouring men and the baser sort of people but euen the Lords and Grands haue of them All of them tremble when they heare these words Inquisitor and Inquisition more then the Leaues vpon the Tree with the gentle Zephirus This is that which I haue beene willing to warne the Reader of that he may be the readier to answer when such Questions shall be propounded in his presence If hee accept this Second Part let him expect the Third with the Death and Testament of Lazarillo which is the best of all If not hee may at least receiue my good will Farewell THE PVRSVIT OF THE HISTORIE OF LAZARILLODE TORMES Gathered out of the ancient Chronicles of Toledo CHAP. I.
I to my selfe vnlesse some Conjurer now should persecute me transforming me into what hee listed The Iudges commanded him to be silent Then came in the reuerend Arch-Priest who seeing me so bleake and wrimpled like an old Wiues belly said That he neyther knew me by my face nor shape I then remembred him of some old passages and many secrets that had passed betweene vs particularly I bad him remember the Night that he came naked vnto my bed saying that he was afraid of a Hob-goblin that haunted his chamber and laid himselfe betweene my Wife me He for feare I should haue proceeded any farther in tokens confessed it to be true that I was Lazaro his good friend and seruant The Suit ended with the testimonie of the Captaine that had carried me from Toledo and was one of those that escaped the Tempest in the Cock-boat who acknowledged that I was in person Lazaro his seruant and all this did agree with the relation of the time place where the fishermen said they had caught me They condemned euery one of thē to two hundred stripes and their goods confiscated the one part to the King the other to the Prisoners and the third to Lazaro They were found to haue two thousand Fiftie pounds Ryals two Mules and a Cart of the which all duties and charges payd there fell to my share twentie A Duckat is fiue shillings six pence of our money duckats The Saylers remained bare and comfortlesse and I rich content for in all my life before I had not seen my selfe Master of so much money at once I went to the house of one of my Friends where after I had poured downe my Throat some Gallons of Wine to wash away the euill sauour of the Water put my selfe into good Clothes I began to walke like an Earle faring like a King honoured of my Friends feared of mine Enemies and welcome to all The miseries I had passed seemed to mee a Dreame the present happinesse a Hauen of rest and the future hopes a Paradise of pleasure Aduersitie doth humble and prosperitie puffe vp the minde All the time that the twentie duckats lasted if the King had called me Cousin I had taken it for an affront When wee Spaniards can but get a Ryall wee are Princes and though wee doe want it wee doe not want presumption If you aske but a shake-ragge who hee is hee will answere that at the least hee is descended from the Gothes that his bad fortune hath thus deiected him being the propertie of the foolish World to eleuate the base and debase the worthy and yet such as he is he would not yeeld to any nor esteeme himselfe lesse then the greatest and would rather sterue then put himselfe to any Trade or if hee doth it is with such contempt distaste that either he will not worke at all or if he doth it is so ill that hardly in all Spaine shall one finde a good workeman of a Spaniard I remember that there was a Cobler in Salamanca who when one did bring him any thing to mend would make a long discourse to himselfe complayning of his euill fortune that had reduced him to the necessitie of working in so base a Trade being descended from such a house and from such parents who for their worth were knowne ouer all Spaine I asked one day a neighbor of his of what Kindred that Bragadocio was Hee told mee that his father was a treader of Grapes in Vintage time and a Hogge-killer In Spaine and other Countries to make their Wines they put their grapes into great Tubs into the which men goe bare legged and sometimes naked to tread the grapes for to expresse the juice in Winter and his mother a Tripe-washer I meane a Tripe-wife's maid I had bought a Sute of old peeld Veluet and a long thredbare Cloake of Segouia Serge I wore my Sword so long that the Chape vnpaued the stones of the streetes as I walked When I came out of Prison I would not goe see my Wife to giue her a greater desire to see mee and to bee reuenged of the scorne that shee had made of me I beleeued vndoubtedly that seeing me so well apparrelled shee would repent her selfe and receiue me with open armes but obstinate shee was and obstinate shee remained I found her in Child-bed and newly married When she saw me shee cryed out as if shee had beene mad Take from before me that ill watered Fish that Face of a new-pluckt Goose or by the blessednesse of my dead Fathers Soule if I rise I will scratch out his eyes I with a great deale of flegme answered her Faire and softly good Mistris Wagtaile if you know me not for your Husband nor I you for my Wife let mee haue my daughter and as good friends as euer before for I haue got wherewith to marry her very honourably Me thought those twentie duckats should haue beene like little Iohn of God's fiue Twelue Blanckes make an English penny Blanckes who as soone as hee had spent them found fiue other still in his Purse but with mee as I was Lazarillo of the Deuill it fell out otherwise as shall appeare in the next Chapter The Arch-Priest opposed himselfe against my demand saying That she was not mine and for proofe thereof hee shewed mee the Church Booke for Christnings which compared with the Register of Marriages it appeared that the Girle was borne foure moneths after that I first carnally knew my Wife My man Thomas fell downe who till then had beene on horsebacke and I perceiued the error in the which I had liued vntill that time beleeuing her to bee my daughter that was not so I shaked vpon them the dust of my shoes washed my hands in token of innocencie of parting for euer so I turned my back vnto them with as much cōfort as if I had neuer known them I went to seeke some of my friends to whō I related the whole matter they comforted me which was a thing very easie for thē to do I would not returne to the Office of common Cryer for my Veluet had rooted out such petty thoghts Going toward the Gate cald de Vilagra as I passed through that of S. Iohn of the Kings I met with an old acquaintance of mine who after she had saluted me told me how that my Wife was growne more gentle since she had vnderstood that I had money particularly that that Gabacho had as good as new dressed her from top to toe I desired her to let me vnderstand the businesse she did it saying that Master Arch-Priest and my Wife had entred one day into consultation whether it were best to take me home again to them turne out that Gabacho bringing reasons of the one side and of the other This their consulting was not so secret but that the new Husband heard of it who dissembling the next morning went out to work at the
grant it said I to my selfe All that night I ballanced betweene hope and feare Ieast those Women should deceiue me although it seemed vnpossible vnto me that a false heart should lurke vnder so good a face for as the Biskey said If thy face be good thy actions wil be answerable That night was a yeere to me It was yet scarce day whē as locking vp my Hermitage I went to be married as if that had bin but a slight matter not remembring that Eluira was my wife I came to the house at their rising where they receiued me with such ioy that I accounted my self a happy man all feare layd aside I began to ordaine and command as in my owne house Wee made such good cheare with such content that I thought I was in a Paradise We wanted not company for they had inuited fiue or six Women of their friends After Dinner we fel to dancing and though I was altogether ignorant therein they forced me to doe the like It was the best sport in the world to see me hobble vp downe in my Hermits attire But night being come after a good Supper better drinking they carried me into a faire chamber where there was a good Bed and bad me make my selfe vnready go to bed first whilst my Bride was vndressing I did so though cōtrary to the fashion of my coūtry where the woman hath that prerogatine A maid was left to helpe me off with my Stockings who told me that I must put off my Shirt for it was requisit that for some Ceremonies that were yet to be performed I should be starke naked I obeyed her but I was no sooner in the Bed but all the Women and my Bride among them rushed into the Chamber and the first thing they did two of them tooke me by the feet two by the armes tied instantly foure cords about them wherewith they bound me to the foure Bed-Posts leauing me stretched like a S. Andrew vpon a Crosse whereupon they all fell a laughing like mad folkes I aroaring like a Bull. But they told me vnlesse I held my peace that I was a dead man Then they tooke a great Basin of hot Water wherein they popped my head I burned my self which was worse if I thought to cry out they so belaced me with stripes that I was constrained to let thē do their pleasure They scalded off my Beard haire eye-browes and eye-lids saying A little more patience the Ceremonies will be ended you shall enioy your desire I entreated them to let me goe for my itch of marrying was now cooled But one of the boldest of them drawing out a Knife said to the others Hold him fast and I will gold him a little that his mortified flesh may not another time be tempted to copulation The holy Hermite beleeued I thinke that all wee told him had beene Gospel but y faith it was not nor Epistle neyther Hee would trust to women he shall see now what will come on 't When I saw my precious stones in such danger I strugled in such manner as I brake one of the Cords withall one of the Bed-Posts being animated by a desire that I had to keepe my Bells for a Morris-dance They seeing what I had done for feare lest I should breake all the Bed vnbound me putting me in a Sheet they tossed me so long that they left me for dead These are sayd they Sir the ceremonies wherwith our Wedding begins if it please you to come againe to morrow we will make an end of the rest with that foure of them took me vp and carryed me a good way from their house and layd me in the midst of the Street where the Day found me and the Boyes began to run after me and doe me a great deale of mischiefe so that to auoyd them I ran into a Church close to the High Altar where they were at Masse When the Priests saw such a sight which questionlesse resembled the Deuill that Painters vse to lay vnder S. Michaels feet they all ran away I among them to free my selfe from the misdemeanors of those Deuils incarnate The people that was in the Church cryed out some Take heed of the Deuill others Beware of the Mad-man I cryed out as well as they that I was neyther Deuill nor Mad-man but onely a poore fellow whom God for my sinnes had visited with that miserie When they perceiued that I was not what they took me to be they all were quieted the Priests returned backe againe to make an end of their Masse and the Sexton gaue me the Cloth of a Tombe to wrap my selfe in I went into a corner where I cōsidered the crosses of Fortune how on euery side man is beset with miserie and therfore I determined to abide in that church there end my dayes which in regard of my former woes could not be very long and saue the Priests a labor of fetching me elswhere after my death This is in summe courteous Reader the second Part of the Life of Lazarillo without either adding or diminishing but euen as I haue heard my great Grandmother tell it If thou doest like it expect the third Part which shall no lesse delight thee FINIS
In the which Lazaro telleth how he parted from Toledo to goe to the Warres of Argiers WHo hath the best worst doth loue must not be grieu'd if worst hee proue I speake it to this purpose that I neither could nor would containe my selfe in that good course which Fortune had offered me Change being in me as an inseparable accident that accompanied me as well in my best and plenteous as in my worst and disastrous fortunes enioying then the happiest life that euer Patriarch did eating like an inuited Fryer drinking more then at a Gossipping better clothed then a Iesuite and with two round dozens of Ryals in my Purse surer then any Huckster of Madrid my House full as a Bee-hiue a daughter got in Capricorne and an Office which the Dog-whipper of the Cathedrall Church of Toledo might well haue enuyed Newes came of the Expedition for Argiers which disquieted me very much made me determine as a good sonne to follow the steps and tracke of my good father Thomas Gonzales whō God absolue with a desire to leaue to poster ages a patterne example not to leade a crafty blind man pick the Loafe of a couetous Priest serue a needy thredbare Squire and lastly to proclaime the faults of other men but to open the eyes of Mores blinded with errors to sinke and batter the bold and Pyraticall Nauie to serue a valiant Captaine of the Order of S. Iohn with whom I placed my selfe Butler vpon this cōdition That whatsoeuer I should get in warre should be mine owne as it was and lastly the patterne and example that I meant to leaue was to encourage animate in crying S. Iames and Stand to it Spaine I tooke leaue of my welbeloued wife and of my deare daughter The one entreated me not to forget to bring her a little Blackamore the other desired me to be mindfull to send her by the first Carrier a Slaue to wait vpon her some Barbary Cecchines with which she might comfort her selfe in my absence I asked leaue of the Arch-Priest my Master to whose care and custodie I committed both my Wife and Daughter who promised mee to deale with them in no worse manner then if they had beene his owne I parted from Toledo iouiall stately and content as all are that goe to the Warres puft vp with glorious hopes accompanied with a great number of friends and neighbors that went the same Voyage carried with a desire of bettering their fortune Wee came to Murcia with intention to goe shippe our selues at Cartagena where there befell me that which I little wished to make me know that Fortune who had set me on the toppe of her vnconstant Wheele and aduanced me to the highest degree of earthly felicitie began alreadie in her swift course to hurle me downe headlong to the lowest The chaunce was that comming to our Lodgings I saw a semy-man who seemed rather a hee Goat by reason of his ragged and tottered Garments his Hat was pulled downe ouer his eyes so that I could by no meanes see his face hee leaned his cheeke vpon his hand and had his legge crosse ouer his Sword which he wore in a halfe Scabbard made of Lists his Hat right Beggars Blocke had no crowne the better to euaporate the humours of his head his Doublet was of the French fashion so cut and slasht with wearing as there was not a piece left bigge ynough to wrap vp halfe a frathing worth of Cummin Seed in his Shirt was of flesh which might be seene through the Grate of his Garment his Breeches were sutable his Stockings the one red the other greene came scarce to his Anckles his Shooes without Soles were as good to be drawne as carried By a Cocks Fether which hee wore in his Hat I thought hee should be a Souldier With this imagination I asked him from whence he was and whither hee went Hee casting vp his eyes to see who hee was that questioned him straight knew me and likewise I him it was the Squire whom I had serued in Toledo I was astonished to see him in such a pickle Hee obseruing my amazement said to me I maruell not friend Lazaro if thou doest wonder to see me in this Equipage but anon thou shalt leaue wondring when I haue told thee what hath happened vnto me since the time that I left thee in Toledo vntill now Returning to my Lodging with the change of my Pistolet to discharge my Creditors I met with a Woman close wrapt vp in her Veyle who pulling mee by the Cloake with teares and sighes mingled with sobs entreated mee earnestly to be fauourable vnto her in an vrgent necessitie I bad her speake her griefe which she should be longer in telling then I in helping Shee continuing her weeping with a maidenly shamefastnesse said That the courtesie which I was to doe her and whereof shee was to request me was to accompanie her vnto Madrid where shee was told that a Gentleman was who not content to haue dishonoured her had also robbed her of all her Iewels without any regard to the promise of Marriage which hee had giuen her and that if I would doe this for her shee would doe for mee what a thankfull woman is obliged to doe I comforted her after the best manner that I could giuing her this hope that if her enemie were to be found in the World shee might hold her selfe alreadie reuenged To conclude without any delay we set forward towards the Court whitherto I bare all the charges The good Damsell that knew well whither she went carried me to a Band of Souldiers who receiued her with all chearefulnesse and brought her before the Captaine to haue her enrolled for one of their Cockatrices Then turning her selfe towards me with a shamelesse and brazen countenance shee said Farewell Master Lubber I haue now no more need of you I seeing my selfe thus gull'd began to rage and foame at my mouth telling her that if shee had beene a man as well as shee was a woman I would haue pulled her Soule vp by the roots out of her Body A petty Souldier among the rest rose vp to me and laying his hand vpon my face made me aduance a Baboones Snowt not daring to giue me a boxe on the eare which if hee had his Graue might haue beene digged in the same place When I saw the matter grow worse and worse Mum sayd I and went my way a little faster then ordinarie to trie if some tall fellow or other durst haue followed mee that wee might haue cut one anothers throat for had I encountred with any of the baser stampe and had killed him as without doubt I had what honour or what credite had I gotten But if the Captaine had come forth or some Swash-buckler I would haue giuen him more slashes then there is Sand in the Sea When I perceiued that none durst follow me I went away very well pleased After that I sought for a Seruice
Oliue trees whither his Wife mine at noone did goe to carry him his dinner He then bound her fast to a Tree and hauing stripped her starke-naked gaue her there aboue a hundred stripes and not content with that made a bundle of all her Cloathes pulling her Rings off her fingers ranne away with all leauing her bound naked and in a pittifull case where without doubt she had died if the Arch-Priest had not sent to seeke her She went on saying that she beleeued without all peraduenture that if I sent but any one to entreat them they would receiue me to them as before for shee had heard my Eluira say Wretched that I am why did I not admit my good Lazaro who was euē as good as the good Bread not hard to please nor scrupulous who suffered mee to doe whatsoeuer I would That was a touch which turned me topsie-turuie and made me resolue to follow the counsell of the good old Woman Neuerthelesse I thought good first to conferre of it with my friends CHAP. VIII How Lazaro pleaded against his Wife WE men are somewhat a kin to laying Hens for if we mind to do any good wee presently proclaime and kackle it abroad but if euil we will not that any one know it least they should disswade vs from that from the which it were good wee should be diuerted I went to see one of my friends I found three together for since I had mony they were multiplied as flies in the Fruit season I told them my intention and desire which was to goe liue againe with my Wife and shun the slandering speeches of maleuolent tongues a knowne euill being better then an vnknowne good But they made the deed so haynous and odious vnto me telling me that I was a man without either blacke in my eyes or braines in my head that I would goe to dwell with a Punke a Cockatrice a Catamountaine lastly the Deuils Hackney for so in Toledo doe they call Priests Wenches They said such and so many things to me and so perswaded me that I determined neither to intreat her nor to seeke to her These my good friends I would the Deuill had had thē seeing that their counsell and perswasions had wrought with me proceeded farther saying That they counselled me because I was so deare vnto thē to take away the spots and cleanse the staines of my reputation to sticke close to it and not let it fall to the ground And therefore that I should exhibit a Complaint in Law against the Arch-Priest and my Wife for all should cost me neyther penny nor farthing they being as they were Officers of Iustice The one who was an Atturney for lost Suites offered me a hundred duckats for my gettings The other as better experimented being a Sollicitor for Traders told me That if hee were in my Coat he would not giue my gaines for two hundred The third assured me That as he did well know being as he was a Sergeant hee had seene other Cases not so plaine and a great deale doubtfuller then this that had beene worth to the vndertakers an innumerable summe although he beleeued that vpon the first Writ the good Domine Bacchalaure would fill my hands and grease theirs that wee might giue ouer the Suit desiring that I would returne againe to my Wife which would be much more honorable and profitable for mee then if I had made meanes vnto her They so highly commended this businesse vnto mee alluring mee with faire and great hopes that they brought mee to what they would not knowing how to answere their sophisticall arguments howbeit I know that it was better to forgiue and humble my selfe then to prosecute things to the extremities fulfilling that most difficult commandement of God To loue our enemies And then my Wife did neuer behaue her selfe like an enemie towards me contrariwise by her I began to grow into credit and to bee knowne of many who would point at mee with their finger saying There goes patient Lazaro by her I began to haue an Office and Benefice If the daughter which the Arch-Priest said was none of mine were so or no God who searcheth the reines best knowes and it may be that as I may haue beene mistaken hee likewise may haue beene deceiued As it may happen that some one who reading this simplicitie of mine will burst out into such laughter as hee may chance to moisten the Linings of his Breeches doth maintaine the children of some reuerend Frier and doth labour sweat and moyle to leaue them rich that begger him of his reputation beleeuing for certaine that if there bee one honest Woman in the World it is his And moreouer it may be that the Pedigree whereof thou doest boast gentle Reader as deriued from Mars is deducted from Vulcan But leauing euery one in his good opinion all these good considerations did not withstand but that I formed a complaint against the Arch-Priest and against my Wife and hauing ready money within foure and twentie houres they put them into Prison him into the Arch-Bishops and her into the common Iayle The Lawyers did bid mee not to regard the Money that I did lay out for that businesse by reason that I should recouer it all againe of the Domine So that for to doe him more harme and that the charges might be so much the greater I gaue them whatsoeuer they did aske me And because they smelt my Cash as Bees doe Honey they were so carefull and diligent to runne too and fro not making one idle steppe that in lesse then eight dayes the Cause was very forward and my Purse very backward The Euidences were produced with great facilitie by reason that the Sergeants that had arrested them had taken them napping euen as they were in their shirts had caried them to Prison The witnesses were many and their depositions true But my honest Atturney Counsellor and Register perceiuing my Purse to be at an ebbe began to grow so carelesse and lazie that to haue made them aduance one step they had needed more spurring thē any Hackney Iade When the Arch-Priest and his friends vnderstood our great neglect they began to crow vp and grow peart greasing the hands and feet of their Agents being like the weights of a Clock which doe mount proportionally as the others goe downe They took such a course that within a fortnight after they came out of Prison vpon Bayle and within lesse then a weeke more by meanes of false witnesses they made poore Lazaro be condemned to aske pardon pay all charges and to bee banisht for euer out of Toledo I demanded pardon as it was most iust hee should who with twentie crownes had vndertaken to plead against him that measured them by Pecks I gaue all to my very shirt to helpe to pay the charges going out with my bare skin to my banishment I saw my selfe in one instant rich at Law with one of the Powers of
cloath The other fiue were a Sergeants widdow a Gardners wife the bare footed Nunnes Chaplaines Neece for so she stiled her selfe a wench for any thing and a Tripe-wife whom I did best affect because that when shee did pay me her Quarto shee would alwaies bid me to some of her Tripe-broath of the which before I went out of her house I would send some three or foure Porrengers ful into my guts so that I liued so well that I pray God I may neuer liue worse The last was a deuout woman called a Beata with whom I had more to doe then with all the rest for she neuer visited any but Monkes and Friers with whom when she was alone she was in her kingdome her house was like a Bee-Hiue some went out and other came in but all of them with their great sleeues stored with one thing or other They gaue me that I might be secret some peeces of meate which they saued in their sleeues out of their allowance in the Conuet I neuer saw in all my life a better hypocrite then this my Mistresse was when she went through the street shee neuer lifted her eyes from the ground and her beades were neuer out of her hands wherewith shee still mumbled her prayers Al such as knew her would desire her to pray to God for them for without doubt her prayers were very acceptable vnto him Shee would answer them that shee was a great sinner wherein shee lyed not but cousened them with the naked truth Now had euery one of these my Mistresses their set houres when one had told mee that she would not stirre foorth I went to another till I had ended my taske But especially I was and that without faile to go find them againe at my appointed time for if by mischance I missed neuer so little then would my Mistresse before all the company that she visited scold and rayle me out of my skinne threaten me that if I continued in this carelesnesse negligence she would seeke out another Gentleman-Vsher that should be more diligent obseruant and punctual So that to heare her brawle threaten with such arrogancy a mā would haue thought she had giuen me euery day 2. Ryals for my diet onely and 30 Duckets a yeere standing Wages When they went abroad one would haue taken them for the wiues of some Presidents of Castilla at the least of some Councellours It fortuned one day that the Chaplaines Neece and the Sergeants wife met together in a Church and being both of them to returne home at the same time there arose a great controuersie betweene them which of the two I was to accompany making a noyse as if they had bin in a Faire They pulled and tugged me one of this side another of that side with such rage and fury that at length they tore my cloake in pieces leauing me starke naked for the diuell any other cloathes had I vnder it but a ragged shirt that looked like a fishermans net Those that through the casements thereof did cast their eyes vpon the nuditie of my flesh did burst out into extreame laughter Some would mocke poore Lazaro others gaue eare to the two women who pulled their grandfathers out of their graues The haste I had to gather vp againe the pieces of my cloake which for being somwhat too ripe were fallē to the ground would not permit me to heare what they said one to another onely I heard the widdow say Where hath this Baggage I wonder gotten all this pride but yesterday shee was a Tankard-wench to day she ruffles it in her silkes at the cost of the soules in Purgatory The other replyed But you Mistresse Wag-taile do mince it in your Stammell earned of those who with a Deo gratias and a God reward you do pay for whatsoeuer they possesse and if I yesterday carried the water Tankard you beare to day the wine Bottle The company that stood by parted them for they had already one another fast by the haire Hauing gathered vp the dismēbred member of my poore cloake I asked a couple of pinnes of a mumbler of Pater-nosters that was there wherwith I mended it as well as I could to hide my nakednesse and leauing them brawling I went me to my Mistresse the Taylors wife who had warned me to come and fetch her at eleuen a clocke because shee was to goe to dinner at a friends house when she saw mee in this pickle she began to fal a scoulding at me saying What do you thinke to earne my money by waiting on me thus like a Roague with farre lesse wages then I giue you I could haue a Gentleman-Vsher with handsome Trouses a neat Doublet a good Cloake and a comely Bonnet and you doe nothing but Tipple vp all I giue you What Tippling sayd I to my selfe with seuen poore quartos that I earne a day when I earne the most for many passed that my Mistresses for feare of paying mee my quarto would not goe abroade She made the peeces of my Cloake to bee stitched one to another and for very haste they put them vpside downewards in which manner I waited on her CHAP. XIIII Lazaro rehersed what happened at a Banquet WE posted like a Frier inuited to a feast for the good Lady feared there should not be enough for her We came to her friends house where we found other women that were likewise inuited who asked my Mistresse Whether I was sufficient to keepe the doore shee answered them Yes Then they sayd to me Stand here brother to day you shall fare royally There came in many gallants euery one pulling out of his pocket this man a Partridge and that man a Henne one brought forth a Rabbet another a paire of Pigeons this a peece of Mutton that a chine of Porke some drew out Sawsiges or Chitterlings and such a one there was that pulled out a Pie of a Ryall wrapped vp in his Handkercher They deliuered all to the Cooke and whilest dinner was in preparing they sported with the Gentlewomen What passed there betweene them is neither lawfull for me to reherse nor for the Reader to contemplate But the Play being ended meate was serued in and all sate downe the Gentlewomen plying the dishes soundly and the Gallants taking their Cups roundly What remained vpon the table the women put it vp in their pockets The Gentlemen returning to their hādkerchiefs drew forth their last course One broght out apples another Cheese another Oliues one of them who was the chiefe and stitched the Tailers wife drew out halfe a pound of Comfits This manner of carrying meate so neere at hand for any necessity did please me wondrous well and therefore from thence forwards I purposed to make three or foure pockets in the first breeches that God should send me for at that time I had not any and one of them should be of such leather as blacke Iackes are made of very well sowne to put