men but were extremity vsed and the statute put in the highest degrée in practise you would haue as few eares on your heads as the collier Last to you Tom tapster that tap your small cannes of beare to the poore and yet fill them halfe full of froth that card your beare if you see your guests begin to be drunke halfe small and halfe strong you cannot bee content to pinch with your small pottes and your Ostrie faggots but you haue your trugges to draw men on to villanie and to bring customers to your house where you sell a ioint of meat for xii pence that cost you scarse six and if any chaunce to go on the skore you skore him when he is a sléepe and set vp a grote a daye more than he hath to find you drinking pots with your companions to be short thou art a knaue and I like not of any of the rest the way lies before you and therefore you maye be gone for you shall be none of the quest I smilde to see Clothbreeches so peremptory when I saw fiue fat fellowes all in damaske cotes and gowns welted with Veluet very braue and in great consultation as if they were to determine of some waighty matter drawing neere I sawe they were welthy citizens so I went reuerently saluted them and told them how we needed their aid about the appeasing of a controuersie shewing them where the knighte esquier and other staid til we might find men to fil vp the iury they were contented but veluetbreeches excepted againste foure of them and sayd they wer none of his friends that was the marchant goldsmith mercer and draper his allegations were these that they were al feathered of one wing to fetch in yong gentlemen by commodities vnder the colour of lending of monie for the merchant he deliuered the yron tin lead hops sugars spices oiles browne paper or whatsoeuer else from six months to six mōths which when the pore gentleman came to sell againe he could not make thréescore and ten in the hundred beside the vsurie The mercer he followeth the yoong vpstart gentleman that hath no gouernement of himselfe and he feedeth his humor to go braue hée shall not want silkes sattins veluets to prank◠abroade in his pomp but with this prouiso that he must bind ouer his land in a statute marchant or staple and so at last forfeit al vnto the mercilesse mercer and leaue himselfe neuer a foot of ground in England which is the reason that for a fewe remnaunts of veluets and silkes the Mercer créepeth into whole lordships The Goldsmith is not behinde for most of them deale with Vsurie and let yoong gentlemen haue commodities of plate for ten in the hundred but they must loose the fasion in selling it agayne which cuts them sore beside they are most of them skild in alcumie and can temper mettals shrewdly with no little profite to themselues and disaduauntage to the buier beside puffe ringes and quaint conceits which I omit And so for you Draper hée fetcheth them off for liuery cloth and cloth for six months and six and yet hath he more knacks in his budget for hee hath so darke a shop that no man can well choose a peece of cloth it so shadowes the die and the thread a man shall bee deceiued in the wooll and the nappe they cause the Clothworker so to presse them besides he imposeth this charge to the Clothworker that he draw his cloth and pull it passing hard when he sets it vpon the tenters that he maye haue it full breadth and length till thread and all teare and rent a péeces what care they for that haue they not a drawer to serue their turne to drawe and seame vp the holes so cunningly that it shall neuer be espied my selfe haue seene in one broad cloth eightéene score holes torne rackt and pulde by the Clothworker only to please the draper and deceyue the commonwealth To be short the Clothworker what with rowing and setting in a fine nap with powdering it pressing it with shering the wooll to the proofe of the thread deale so cunningly that they proue themselues the drapers minister to execute his subtilties therefore if he chaunce to come let him be remembred Now sir for the vintner hée is an honest substantiall man a friend to al good fellowes and truly my friend for my mony and worthy to be of the iurie Why no qd clothbreeches I am of another mind for I hold him as deceitfull as any of the rest what the vintner why he is a kind of Negromancer for at midnight when al men are in bed then he forsooth fals to his charmes and spels so that he tumbles one hogshead into another and can make a cup of claret that hath lost his colour looke high with a dash of red wine at his pleasure if hee hath a strong Gascoigne wine for feare it should make his guests to soone drunke hee can allaye it with a small Rochell wine hee can cherish vp white wine with sacke and perhaps if you bidde him wash the pot cleane when he goes to draw you a quart of wine he will leaue a litle water in the bottome and then draw it vp full of wine and what and if he do t is no harm wine and water is good against the heate of the liuer It were infinite to rehearse the iugling of Vintners the disorder of their houses espetially of the persons that frequent them and therefore sith Veluetbreeches hath put by the merchant goldsmith mercer draper the vintner shal goe with thē for company As these were going away in a snuff for being thus plainly taunted wee might see a mad merrie crue come leping ouer the field as frolikly as if they ought not all the world two pence and drawing nearer we might perceiue that either bottle-ale or béere had made a fraye with them for the lifting of their féet shewed the lightnesse of their heads the formost was a plaine country sir Iohn or vickar that proclaimed by the rednes of his nose he did oftner go into the alehouse than the pulpit him I asked what they were and whether they were going what are you qd the priest that stand by the high way to examin me and my friends here 's none in my company but are able to answer for thēselues I séeing they were al set on a merry pin tolde him the cause how the controuersie grew betwixt Clothbréeches veluetbreeches that we needed them to be of the quest Mary qd sir Iohn a good motion know the sealare my parishioners and we haue bin drinking with a poore man and spending our monie with him a neighbor of ours that hath lost a cow now for our names our trades this is a smith the second a weauer the third a millar the fourth a cooke the fift a carpentar the sixt a glouer the vij a pedlar the eight a tinkar the ix a waterbearer the
tenth a husbādman the xi a diar and the xii a saylor and I their vickar how could you sir haue a fitter iurie than me and my parishioners you are a little too breefe qd clothbreeches are you not some puritan M. parson or some fellow that rayseth vp new scismes and heresies amongst your people A plague on them all qd sir Iohn for the world was neuer in quiet deuotion neighbourhood nor hospitalitie neuer flourished in this land since such vpstart boies and shittle witted fooles becam of the ministerie such I mean as Greenwood Martin Barrow Wigginton and such rakehels I cannot tell they preach fayth fayth and say that doing of almes is papistrie but they haue taught so long Fides solam iustificat that they haue preached good works quite out of our parish a poore man shall as soone breake his necke as his fast at a rich mans dore for my friend I am in deed none of the best scholars yet I can read an homilie euery sundaye and holiday and I kéepe company with my neighbours and go to the alehouse with them and if they be fallen out spende my monie to make them friends and on sundaies somtime if goodfellowship call me away I say both morning euening praier at once and so let them haue a whole afternoon to play in This is my life I spend with liuing with my parishioners I séeke to do al good I offer no man harm Wel qd clothbreeches I warrant thou art an honest vickar and therfore stand by thou shalt be one of the quest and for you smith I sée no great fault in you you earn your liuing with the sweat of your browes there can be no great knauerie in you only I would haue you mende your life for drinking sith you are neuer at quiet vnles the pot be stil at your nose But you Weauer the Prouerbe puts you downe for a craftie Knaue you canne filche and steale almost as ill as the Taylor your woofe and warpe is so cunningly drawn out that you plague the poore Countrey huswines for theyr yarne and dawbed on so much dregges that you make it séeme both well wrought and to beare waight when it is slenderly wouen and you haue stolne a quarter of it from the poore wife Away be packing for you shal be cashierd What Miller shake hands with your brother the Weauer for knauery You can take toll twise and haue false hoppers to conuey awaye the poore mans meale Be gone I loue not your dusty lookes and for companie goodmanne Cooke goe you with them for you coosen the poore men and Countrey Tearmers with your filthy meate you wil buy of the worst and cheapest when it is bad enough for dogs and yet so powder it and perboile it that you will sell it to some honest poore men and that vnreasonably to If you leaue any meate ouer night you make a shift to heate it againe the next day Nay if on the Thursday at night there be any left you make pies of it on sunday morninges and almost with your slouenlie knauerie poison the poore people To be short I brooke you not and therefore be walking For the Carpenter Glouer and Waterbearer the Husbandman Dier and Sailor sith you trades haue but petty sleights stand you with Mai. Vicar you are like to helpe to giue in the verdict but for the pedler and the Tinker they are two notable knaues both of a haire and both cosen Germaines to the Deuill For the Tinker why he is a drowsie bawdy drunken companion that walkes vppe and downe with a trug after him and in stopping one hole makes three and if in conuenient place he méetes with one alone perhaps risle him or hir of all that euer they haue A base knaue without feare of God or loue to any one but to his whore and to himselfe The Pedler as bad or rather worse walketh the Countrey with his docksey at the least if he haue not two his mortes dels and Autem mortes he passeth commonly through euery paire of stocks either for his drunkennesse or his lecherie And beside it is reported you can lift or nip a bounge like a guire Coue if you want pence and that you carrie your packe but for a coulour to shadow your other villanies Well howesoeuer you are both knaues and so be iogging Well quoth I suppose the Iurie is almost full I beleeue we want not aboue three or foure persons Looke you where they come to make vppe the number and they should be men of good disposition for they seeme to be all of the Countrey Assoone as they came to vs I met them and told them the matter and they wer content The one said he was a Grasier the other a Farmer the other shepheard to them both What thinke you of these three quoth I Marry saith Veluet breeches twoe of them are honest men but the other is a base knaue but t is no matter shuffle him in amongest the rest Naye by your leaue qd Cloth breeches I wil shuffle out these two for they are the very Cormorants of the Countrey and deuoure the poore people with their monsterous exactions And first I alledge against the Grasier that he forestalleth pastures and medow grounds for the feeding of his cattell and wringeth leases of them out of poore mens handes and in his buyeng of cattell he committeth great vsurie for if it proue a wet yeare then hee maketh hauocke and selleth deere if it be a drie yeare then hee buyeth cheape and yet hauing pasture keepes them till he may come to his owne prise he knoweth as well as the Butcher by the feede of a bullocke how much Tallow he will yeelde what his quarters will amount vnto what the Tanner wil giue for the Hide Nay what the sowse wiues were able to make of the inwards so that he sels it so déere to the Butcher that he can scarse liue of it and therfore what subtlety the butcher vseth commeth from the Grasier so that I exempt him from the quest as a bad member and an ill friend to Cloth breeches And for you mass Farmer you knowe how thorough you couetise Landelordes raise their rentes for if a poore man haue but a plough land if you see his pastures beare good grasse and his earable ground good corne and that he prospereth and goeth forwarde on it and prouideth and maintaineth his wife and seruants honestly then Inuidus alterius rebus macressit opimis vicinumque pecus grandius vber habet Then straight enuie pricks the farmer forward and he bids the Landelord farre more then the poore man paies yearelie for it so that if he be a Tenant at will he puts him out to begge in the street or when his lease comes out he ouerloades him in the fine and thus bloudsucketh he the poore for his owne priuate profit Besides the base chuffe if hee sées a forward yeare and that corne is like to be plenty then
slipt at the first Well Peter quoth he it cannot be recald the first wish must stand and heereof by saint Peters boone it grew that all of the Gentle craft are such good fellowes spendthriftes But howsoeuer none of those thrée neyther shoomaker Tanner nor Currier shall be accepted to be of the Iury. As they went away with fleas in their eares beeing thus taunted by Cloth bréeches we might see where there came a troupe of antient Gentlemen with their seruingemen attending vpon them The foremost was a great old man with a white bearde all in russet and a faire blacke cloke on his backe and attending on him hee had some fiue men there cognisance as I remember was a Peacocke without a tayle the other two that accompanied him seemed meaner then himselfe But yet Gentlemen of good worship Wherevppon I went towards them and saluted them and was so bould as to question what they were and of their businesse The most antientest answered hee was a Knight and those two his neighbours the one an Esquire the other a Gentleman and that they haue no vrgent affaires but only to walke abroad to take the fresh ayre Then did I shew them both Cloth breeches and Veluet breeches and tolde them the controuersie and desired their ayde to be vpon the Iurie They smiling answered They were content and so did Cloth breeches seeme to reioice that suche honest antient English Gentlemen should be tryers of his Tytle But Veluet breeches storming stept in and made challeng to them all I demanded the reason why he shoulde refuse Gentlemen of so good calling And he made me this aunswere Why you may gesse the inward mind by the outward apparel and see how he is adicted by the homly robes he is suted in Why this knight is mortal enimy to pride so to me he regardeth hospitality and aimeth at honor with releeuing the poore you may see although his landes and reuenewes be great and he able to maintaine himselfe in great brauerie yet he is content with homespun cloth and scorneth the pride that is vsed nowadaies amongest yoong vpstartes he houldeth not the worth of his Gentrie to bee and consist in Veluet breeches but valeweth true fame by the report of the common sort whoe praise him for his vertue Iustice liberality housekeeping and almesdeedes Vox populi vox dei his tennants and Farmers woulde if it might be possible make him immortall with their prayers and praises He raiseth no rent racketh no landes taketh no incumbs imposeth no mercilesse fines enuies not an other buyeth no house ouer his neighbours head but respecteth his country and the commodity thereof as deere as his life He regardeth more to haue the needy fedde to haue his boorde garnished with full platters then to famous himselfe with excessiue furniture in apparell Since then he scorneth pride he must of force proclaime himselfe mine enimie and therefore he shall be none of my Iurie and such as himselfe I gesse the Squire and the gentleman and therefore I challenge them al thrée Why quoth I this is strange that a man should be drawne from a quest for his godlinesse If men for vertue be challenged whome shall we haue vppon the Iury Your obiection helpes not maister Veluet bréeches For if he be a man of so godlye a disposition he will neither speake for feare or fauour hee will regard neither the riches of the one nor the plaine pouertie of the other Wherevpon sith you haue made mee trier I allowe them all thrée to bee of the Iurie and so I requested them to sit downe till our Iury was full which they courteously did although veluet bréeches frouned at it When I looking for more saw where there came a troope of men in apparell séeming poore honest Citizens in all they were eight I demaunded of them what they were and whither they were going One of them that séemed the welthiest who was in a furred Iacket made answere that they were all friends going to the burial of a neighbor of theirs that yester night died and if would doo mee anye pleasure to heare their names they were not so daintie but that they would tell them and so then he began to tell mee that by his Art he was a Skinner the second said hee was a Ioyner the thirde was a Sadler the fourth a waterman the fifte was a Cutler the sixt was a Bellows mender the seuenth a plaisterer and the eight a Printer In good time quoth I it is commendable when neighbours loue so well together but if your spéed be not ouermuch I must request you to be of a iurie so I discourst vnto them the controuersie betwéen Clothbréeches and Veluetbréeches and to what issue it must grow by a verdict they séemed all content and I turned to the plaintiffe and defendant and asked if they would make challenge to any of these I skorne qd Veluetbréeches to make any great obiection agaynst them sith they be mecanical men and I almost hold them indifferent for this I know they get as much and more by me than by him the skinner I vse for furres whereas this base clothbréeches hath scarse a gowne faced once in his life the sadler for costly imbroidered saddles the ioyner for séeling my house the cutler for gylt rapyers the waterman I vse continually ten times for his once and so likewise the plaisterer for the bellowsmender alas poore snake I knowe him not for the Printer by our Lady I think I am some tenne pounds in his debt for bookes so that for my part let them all passe And for me to qd Clothbréeches but yet a little to put them in remembrance of their folies let me haue about with them all and first with you maisser skinner to whom I can say little but only this that whereas you should only put the backs of skins into facing you taw the wombs and so deceiue the buier beside if you haue some fantastike skin brought you not woorth two pence with some strange spots though it be of a libbet you will sweare t is a most pretious skin and came from Musco or the furthest parts of Calabria The Sadler he stuffes his pannels with straw or hay and ouerglaseth them with haire and makes the lether of them of morts or tand shéeps skinnes The ioyner though an honest man yet he maketh his ioynts weake and putteth in sappe in the morteses which should be the hart of the trée and all to make his stuffe slender And you cutler you are patron of ruffions and swashbucklers and wil sel them a blade that may be thrust into a bushell but if a poore man that cannot skill of it you sell him a swoorde or rapier newe ouerglased and sweare the blade came either from Turkie or Toledo Now maister Waterman you will say there is no subtiltie in you for there is none so simple but that knowes your fares and what is due betwéene Greenwiche and London and
he murmureth against God and sweareth and protesteth he shall be vndoone respecting more the filling of his owne coffers by a dearth then the profit of his countrey by a generall plenty Besides sir may it please you when newe corne comes into the market who bringes in to relieue the state Not your maistership but the poore husbandman that wants pence For you kéepe it to the backe end of the yeare nay you haue your Garners which haue corne of two or thrée yeare old vpon hope still of a deare yeare rather letting the Weasels eate it then the poore should haue it at any reasonable price So that I conclude you are a Cormorant of the common wealth and a wretch that liues of the spoile of the néedie and so I leaue you to iet with the Grasier Marry for the shepheard vnlesse it be that he killeth a Lambe now and then and saies the Fox stole him I know little craft in his budget therefore let him be among the honest men of the Iurie Well Cloth breeches quoth I you are very peremptory in your challenges what say you here comes 3. or 4. Cityzens wil any of these serue turne I cannot tel qd he till I know their names and conditions With that I stept afore the company and inquired what they were The eldest of them being a graue Citizen said he was a Grocer the rest his good and honest neighbors a Chandler a Haberdasher a Clothworker and two strangers one a Wallon the other a Dutchman How like you of these quoth I to Veluet bréeches well enough quoth he for I am little acquainted with them yet I know they fauour me bicause I haue on a sunday séene them all in their silkes I marry quoth cloth bréeches but they neuer get that brauery with honestie For the cloth worker his faultes were laide open Before when we had the Draper in question and therefore let him bee packing For you Chandler I like not of your tricks you are to conuersant with the kitchen stuffe wiues you after your weeke or snaft is stiffened you dip it in filthy drosse and after giue him a coat of good tallowe which makes the Candles drop and wast away to the great hindrance of the poore workeman that watcheth in the night Beside you pinch in your waights and haue false mesures and many other knaueries that I omit but this be sure you shall not meddle in my matter neyther the Haberdasher For he trims vppe olde felts and makes them verye fayre to the eie and faceth and edgeth them neatly and then hee turnes them away to such a simple man as I am and so abuseth vs with his coosenage Beside you buy gumd taffata wherewith you line hats that will straight assunder as soone as it comes to the heate of a mans head To be breefe I am not well skild in your knaueries but indéed you are to subtle for poore Cloth bréeches and therefore you shal be none of the Iurie Marrye the Grocer seemes an honest man and I am content to admit of him only take this as a caueat by the way that you buy of the Garbellers of spices the refuse that they sifte from the marchant and that you mix againe and sell it to your customers Besides in your beaten spices as in pepper you put in Bay berries and such drosse and so wring the poore but these are sleight causes and so I ouerpasse them and vouchsafe you to be of the quest But I pray you what be those two honest men qd the Grocer The one a Dutchman and a shoomaker the other a Frenchman and a Myllaner in saint Martins and sels shirts bandes bracelets Iewels and such pretty toies for Gentlewomen oh they be of veluet bréeches acquaintāce vpstarts as well as he that haue brought with them pride and abuses into England and first to the Millainer What toies deuiseth he to feed the humor of the vpstart Gentleman withall and of fond Gentlewomen such fannes such ouches such brooches such bracelets such graundcies such periwigs such paintings such ruffes and cufs as hath almost made England as full of proud fopperies as Tyre and Sydon were There is no Seamster can make a bande or a shirt so well as his wife and why forsooth bicause the filthy queane weare a craunce and is a Frenchwoman forsooth Where as our English women of the Exchange are both better workwomen wil affoord a better peniworth And so for the drunken Dutchman this shoomaker he and such as he is abuseth the Common wealth and the poore mechanicall men and handicrafts men of London for our new vpstart fooles of Veluet breeches fraternity liketh nothing but that the outlandish Asse maketh They like no shoo so well as the Dutchman maketh when our Englishe men passe them farre And so for Chandlers and all other occupations they are wronged by the Dutch and French And therefore sith the Commons hates them they cannot be my friends and therefore let them be launching to Flushing for they shall be no triers of my controuersie Well quoth I now I suppose the Iury is ful and we see no more comming let vs call them and see how many we haue So they appeared to their names as followeth The Names of the Iury to be empanelled 1 Knight 2 Esquire 3 Gentleman 4 Priest 5 Printer 6 Grocer 7 Skinner 8 Dier 9 Pewterer 10 Sadler 11 Ioyner 12 Bricklaier 13 Cutler 14 Plaisterer 15 Saylor 16 Ropemaker 17 Smith 18 Glouer 19 Husbandman 20 Shepheard 21 Waterman 22 Waterbearer 23 Bellowsmender What is it not possible quoth I to haue one more to make vp the foure and twenty As I was thus speaking I espied a far off a certeine kind of an ouerworne Gentleman attired in Veluet and sattyn but it was somewhat dropped and greasie and bootes on his legges whose soles waxed thin seemed to complaine of their Maister which treading thrift vnder his féet had brought them vnto that consumption he walked not as other men in the Common beaten waye but came compassing Circum circa as if we had béene Deuils and he woulde drawe a Circle about vs and at euery third steppe he looked backe as if hee were afrayde of a Bayly or a sergeant After him followed two pert Applesquires The one had a Murrey Cloth gowne on faced downe before with gray Cunnie and laid thick on the sleeues with lace which he quaintly bare vppe to shew his white Taffata hose and blacke silke stockings a huge ruffe about his necke wrapt in his great head like a wicker Cage a little hatte with brimmes like the wings of a doublet wherein hee wore a Iewell of glasse as broad as the Chancery seale after him followed two boies in clokes like butter flies carrieng one of them his cutting sword of choller the other his daunsing rapier of delight His Camerard that bare him company was a iollie light timberd Iacke a Napes in a sute of watchet Taffata cut to the skinne with a