but if your auns were be yes I cry God mercy Sub intelegitur such a wife as mine was and then you would neuer haue accounted mee simple to leaue heauen to â—…hunne her companie because a man shall liue more quietly amongst all the diuelles of hell than it is possible for him to doo that lights on such a wife Hearing these pleasant speeches in this manner deliuered by Richard I could not choose but smile notwithstanding my cause of griefe and taking it to bee a benefit of fortune that had vouchsafed to fauour vs with the company of this merry conceited Brick-layer whereby to beguile our pensiue thoughts with his pleasant discourses in this our tedious trauell I questioned with him of his wife what shee was when hee marryed her whether a widdowe or a mayde by what meanes hee came acquainted with her and howe shee became so vnruly Richard in this sort began to discourse When I was young saide he I was as hansome a fellowe as any was in the parish where I was borne and for my valour I durst haue trauelled into any Gentlemans Buttery when all the Barrels had beene full without either sworde or dagger about me for my resolution if I had once gotten vnder a maydens Chamber windowe I would neuer haue started till they had emptied a Camber pot on my beade for my courage I duist haue gone into any baudy house and woulde haue come â—…ut agayne as honest a man as when I went first in for my credit I might haue runne on the skore for six pottes wyth any Alewife that kept house within fiue myles where I dwelt for my quallities euery manner of way I had the preheminence amongest all the youthes that were in our quarters for at May-tyde who was the ring-leader for the fetching home of a May-pole but I at Midsommer I was chosen the Sommer Lorde at euerie Bridall who must daunce with the Bryde but Ruffling Richard Thus for a pleasant life the Cunstable of the Parish liued not more merrily than I and for my reputation I was almost as much reuerenced as our Church-wardens but as the stoutest Stond of Ale at last is set a tilte and the fattest Goose comes soonest to the spitte so my former fortunes were drawne to their laiest date and my prime of pleasures concluded with mishappe but oh loue O cruell loue that wast the first frunte to my felicities But who can resist loue if it be once crept into the bottome of a mans belly O what a rumbling it makes in his guttes and howe it bethrobs him about the heart and sée nowe the sequel of my mishap I fortuned to be at a Shéepe-shearing where I met with Margery she that was my wife in a fine red petticoate with damaske vpper bodies a white apron before her vpoÌ„ her head a broad felt hat with a braue braunch of rosemary sticking in her bosom appointed amongst y e rest with a payre of sheeres to helpe sheare Shéep and I hauing brought forth a lusty young Ramme would haue laid him in her lap but she resusing to take him said vnto mée now good friend Richard if you loue mee bring mee none but poulde shéep for of al things in the world I cannot away with these horned beâ—…stes When I heard these milde words thus gently spoken howe kindly she pronounced this sentence Good friend Richard if you loue me O heauens thought I what a swéete charme is this then nothing her modesty that shee could not abide the sight of a horned beast I began to thinke with my selfe how happy might that man be accounted that could light of such a wife hauing but a little thus giueÌ„ scope to mine own affectioÌ„s Loue that had his tinder box ready to strike fire by this time had set my fansie of such a flame that not longer able to endure the heate without a cup of Sack I saide vnto her Margery your manner of phrase hath wonderfully troubled mée for in your first spéeches you call mée your good friend Richard and then you come in with a doubtfull demaund in these words if you doe loue me as though I coulde bee your good friende and yet did not loue you but Margery sith you haue popt mee such a doubfull question if you and I were alone by our selues I would poppe you such an aunswere that you should well find that I loued you and that heereafter you might leaue out your if and say Richard asse you loue me With these words pretily casting her head at one side she gaue me such a learing looke that might as well haue daunted me with dispaire as giuen mee comfort hope of grace for the one of her eyes was bleard and séemed as though she wept the other was a pretty narrowe pinckeny looking euer as though she smylde so that in her very countenance at one instant you might behold pleasure and paine pitty and rygor curtesie and crueltie loue and disdayne and then wyth a swéete voyce lyke one that were asking an almes shée sayde Richard if you loue mee as you saye your loue shall not bee lost but men are so crafty nowe a dayes before they are marryed that they will make a mayde beleeue they loue her tyll they haue gotte vppe her bellie and then they will not sticke to denye their owne children and that makes women when they be once marryed to play their husbands such a cast that they shall not knowe their own children but if your loue be no such loue Richard you shal not finde me vnkinde When I heard the wisdom of the wench it made my pulses so to beate that I had thought my codpisse point would haue fallen a sunder but for aunswere I saide Margery your sober speeches so wisely deliuered together with your sweet countenance so louely placed hath so preuayled with your good friend Richard that for the better confyrmation of my loue receiue here this token as a pledge of my good will and taking then a two peny péece which I had in my purse I bowed it and gaue it to her the which when she had receyued she said Well Richard nowe I doo account you as mine owne and at night when my Mother is gone to bed if you will come home we will there talke farther of this matter for your welcome I will bestowe of you a messe of Creame Margery saide I looke you kéepe your promise for I wil be there and because you will be at so much cost with a messe of Creame I will bring with mee a peny worth of spycecakes And although we had thus referred ouer farther spéeches till our next méeting yet during the time that wee remayned there in place O how many amorous glaunces and louing countenances there passed still too and fro betwéene vs but at night my appointed time being come thether I went and Margery was at the windowe watching for my comming who hauing once espyed mée she opened the doore where
some remorse for these be the people that I doe liue by for what shoulde I doe with my new-â—…ed trashe if there were not as lycencious Women to buy them And why should they 〈◊〉 themselues so Curtisan-like to the view of the world but to maniâ—…est their vnchast appetites that they might be the rather desired of men The woman had no sooner ended these spéeches but she as suddainly burst out into such a vehement laughter that for the time she was not able to deliuer a word but in the end with much a doe recouering the vse of her tongue shée sayd Now truely I cannot chuse but laugh to think of my husbande howe ill fauoured he will looke with such a payre of spectakles hanging ouer hys browes as thys Myller hath gotte Wée that stoode by and were more mindfull to see an end of our trauailes then disposed to prolong the time in idlenes I asked of the Miller if he did knowe where abouts the place of Purgatory was or if he could giue vs any direction which way we myght gette thither he answered thus My good Freendes what soeuer you be you shall vnderstande that thirtie yeeres and odde are already ouer passed sith I first frequented these infernall pathes in which meane space though I haue not been able to discerne mine owne footesteppes yet by the reports of sundry trauailers that hath passed these waies I haue learned thus much concerning Purgatory The persons that were the first founders of the place were not perfectly sighted but like as the Owle which cannot abide the light of the Sunne flyeth euermore in y e night so those men not able to endure that excellent brightnesse which is the onely true light to euery perfect vnderstanding framing all theyr platformes in obscuritie and darknesse amongst other idle inuentions woulde needes take vppon them the building of Purgatorie The place where they had seated it was so obscured with such fogges and filthy mystes that no man that had the perfect vse of hys wittes was euer able to find the situation The foundation wheron it was layd was lyes and foolish fantasies the rest of the 〈◊〉 buildings was dreames and doting deuises All the whole edifice was of such lyght and rotten stuffe that after they had beene two or thrée hundred yéeres patching peecing it together a poore silly Swaine naked and thred bare called Trueth blowing against the building but with a little blast of breath the gale was of such force against it that the whole matter substance together with the Founders Patrons Proctors Protectors Defenders were al blown immediatly into Hell so that who soeuer he be that séeketh for Purgatory there hee shall be sure to finde it and for these thirty yeeres that I haue wandred in these places there neuer came any to enquire after it but madde men and fooles Why then sayd I to our companion that stoode by with hys Candle I perceiue you had some reason to bring light with you when you came to séeke Purgatory sith the place is so darke and so daintie to be found But nowe you know assuredly where you may finde it your Candle will stand you in some steede to light you to Hell Hée breaking out into sundry passions some-times raging against the Myller saying that he was but an ignorant and a lying Heretique then calling to his memory the long tyme he had spent in seeking of Purgatory hee beganne as vehemently to rayle against the Pope and as bitterly to exclaime against hys Iesuites and Seminaries that had promised to instruct hym in the high way to Heauen and directlie sent him the verie next way to Hell In these angry fittes hee blewe out hys Candle and throwing it from him was contented to hold vs companie in the rest of our iourny Whilst we were wandering thus together we had not paced the distance of a furlong but we might heare the sounde of a Horne which was blowne with such shrilnesse that the â—…ho redoubled againe in the ayre and looking about vs we might perceiue a farre of where one came ryding post all in black as fast as his horse was able to fling and with his quicke speede immediatly passing by vs wee knewe him by his balde pate and his Coule hanging at hys backe that he was a fatte squaddy Monke that had beene well fedde in some Cloyster who with his great haste was suddainly out of our sights and we had not trauailed farre but we might see Hell gates standing wide open with aboundaunce of people that were flocking out of all quarters preasing in as thicke as if in the Terme time they were thronging to Westminster Hall And presently we might behold a cleere auoydance in the gates and a multitude comming foorth with Belles with Banners with Torches with Crosses and with Copes in a very solemne manner of Procession singing Salue festa dies Wee standing still in a gaze as they passed by I demanded of one of the traine what myght be the meaning Who answered mée that there was a Post newly come froÌ„ Rome with newes that the Popes Legate was hard at hand with some great Cmbassage and that solemnitie was onely to entertaine him to shew what reuerence they dyd beare to hys Maister The thronge that followed was so eâ—…ding that we were mightily shouldered to and fro amongst the company but Vâ—…luet breeches I determining to see what would follow we tooke the one the other by the hand folowing in the prease til at length this holy Legate was seene where he was coÌ„ming so that it was not long but they met The Legate y t was a chuffe-headed Cardinall with a paire of fulsome cheekes stretched out like one that were playing on a bag-pipe alighted from his palfry and presenting himselfe before Lucifer who was there in place to receiue him he fel down vpon his knées praying the Prince of darknesse to bestow his fatherly benediction vpon the Popes holines hys thiefe Uicar Uizegerent vpon earth the only man that he was especially beholding vnto who sent him from time to time whole Millions of soules for the increasing of his kingdome from whom I am sent with matters of much importance to be héere considered of and whose person in this place I dâ—… now represent Lucifer lyfting vp one of hys pawes and waging it ouer tâ—…e Legates head sayd That blessing that God gaue vnto Caine for the killing of hys Brother Abel lyght vppon thy Maister and hys successours for euer Then taking hym by the arme he sayd Stand vppe for considering whose Embassadour thou art it were an embacing to thine estate if thou shouldest shew any signe of humility or lowlines Thou dâ—…st héere represent the person of Antechrist whose pride coulde neuer yet surrender it selfe to any manner of obedience I will not therefore in this place y t any thing be imbeiseled that might derogate the least dignity from that Chayre of peâ—…ilence I meane the holy Sea of Rome
with some distressed griefe This spectacle made mee wonderfully to muse what I might think of the matter but we thrée holding still in company passed too and fro by them and they lykewise by vs we knowing none of them nor they knowing none of vs at the last méeting with one al alone by himself whose graue sober aspects argued a stayed and discréete miâ—… and leauing my company for the time I singled him out first saluting him with a courteous Conge the which he as kindly returning me agayne I began in this sort to enter parle with him Courteous Syr if a strangers boldnesse might not breed offence I would request you to satisfie mee but in this one demaund I am as you may perceiue vnacquainted in this place hauing taken a tedious and painfull trauell and being now arriued would be glad to vnderstand the successe of my iourney and I haue walked too fro héere this long hower and in all this space I could neuer see any one passe either in or out nor the gate so much as opened which seemeth strange vnto mée considering the multitude which doo frequent the place it makes me iealous that all should not be well in heauen and to growe into suspition of I know not what Truely my good friend answered this graue sir it should séeme you haue neuer bin a suter that wold looke for so quick a dispatch you haue walked vp and down you say héere this hower and there be héere in this company that haue trauelled as farre as you and haue walkt vp and downe héere this moneth peraduenture a yéere perhaps more and would bee glad if they might be dispatched yet within a wéeke a fortnight or a moneth yea if it were somwhat more they would be glad euen then to come to an end of their sutes you must Syr therefore be contented to stay your time to take your fortune and thinke you came hether in a very happy houre if you be dispatched in a quarter of a yéere Your news sir said I doth not a little make me wonder but if without offence I might but deale thus much farther with you what might be the cause I beséech you that there is no more regard to y e dispatching of poore suters that haue laboured tyred theÌ„selues many wayes in hope to haue héere a spéedy release aswel for y e redresse of their sustained wroÌ„gs as also to be rewarded as they shalbe found worthy by desart for as it is supposed this is the very place where Justice right is most duely administred therfore is accounted the only place of comfort but can there be any greater wrong than for a man to be so long deferred from his right or may there be a more discomfort than when a man shall neuer hope to haue end of his sutes My good friend answered the other againe although you haue said no more than is truth but yet something for your better satis-faction your consideration must haue some referrence to y â— time for one of y â— greatest matters that doth hinder the forwarding of sutes at this instant ouer it hath béene in times past is this in briefe to be spoken the wonderfull affayres of great importance and the continuall busines that S. Peter is dayly troubled withall What I pray sir sayd I is S. Peter more troubled with businesse now than in times past he hath béene O sir said the other you néede not doubt of that there is great reason for it that it can not otherwise be he hath so many affaires to run through that it is almost thought impossible how he should execute theÌ„ all for first he is Knight Porter héere of heauen gates a place I warrant you of no lesse charge than trouble then he is constituted the Prince of the Apostles confirmed in that authority by all the Popes for this three or foure hundreth yeâ—…re so that al the rest of the Apostles can doo nothing without his allowance and whatsoeuer he dooth they cannot recall then he is the Popes Factor hath the handling determining of all causes for him and hath lately bin more troubled with his brablements for the holding vp of S. Peters chayre than with all the Kings Princes again in Christendom fourthly he is the Master of the Requests chosen by the papists to present their prayers to God and they ply him euery day with moe pelting petiâ—…ons than his leysure will permit to looke ouer in a moneth after these so many other matters hee hath still to looke into that if he had sixe able bodies they were all too little to run through his other affayres Why saide I this is a pitteous case that hauing such infinite busines as I perceiue by your spceches that he hath not some assistants to helpe him that so many troubles should not lye all on one mans necke Well said he this is your opinion you haue gyuen your verdit but haue you not learned Quod supra nos nihil ad nos it is not for you me to say what is behoâ—…ull for Saints they knowe their times what is necessary better than you or I can instruct theÌ„ therfore not to be found fault withal in any of their dealings These spéeches ended giuing him great thankes for his curtesie I returned againe to my two Companions Veluet breeches and Cloth breeches to whom I imparted all my newes which strooke them both into a suddain dumpe but especially Cloth breeches whose trayning vppe had not béene accustomed much to giue attendance but it fell out the very same after noone that our Lady with the eleauen thousand Uirgins had béene walking in the garden to take the ayre in her comming backe fortuning to looke out at a Casement she sawe vs altogether as we were walking and calling to her Gentleman vsher shée demaunded what wee were He aunswered that we were Suters which there did giue our attendance Alas poore soules said shée I did perceiue in déede by their pittious lookes that their minds were troubled with sorrowe and griefe and without any other wordes speaking she departed and causing all other busines to be for the time set a part shee tooke order that all suters should presently be dispatched The next morning something early S. Peter came foorth to a place where he vseth to sit for the hearing of causes for that there is a custome that if any man doe but once get hys féete within heauen gates hee is neuer after thrust out and therefore hee taketh assured order that none may enter but such as shall be thought worthy for their desarts to continue the place S. Peter hauing nowe seated himselfe order was taken that euery suter shoulde successiuely bee heard he that had remayned longest to be first called and so to procéede to the second in due course accordingly I and my two companions were the latest that were there arriued and therefore the last to be dispatched
anie spirit or deuill I would thinke I were Goblyn lead I haue wandered so farre about â—…uermore hitting into daungerous high wayes that leadeth to Hell and coulde neuer finde out the path that should bring me to Purgatory Truly my freend said I if I be not deceiued the lyght which you carry in your hand wherin you repose your greatest confidence is the very meane of your mistaking hath so much dimmed your sight and dazeled your eyes that you cannot see the right way but makes you thus to run stumbling about and to wander to and fro that you your selfe knowes not whether I would wish you therefore to leaue it and you shall see so much the better howe to direct your steps What said he would you haue mee leaue my holy Candle marry God and good S. Frauncis blesse me out of that mind but if you be of that Religion I would be sorry to tarrie in your company vnlesse I might induce you by perswasion to thinke more reuerently of holy things Truely sayde I a lyttle inducement shal suffise to perswade me to any reasonable matter and good counsell is euermore to be embraced but especially at this instant my case being now as it is Why then said he I will tell you a true tale wherein you shall percâ—…ue the wonderfull effect that Holy water hath in working against the deuill and this it is There was not not long since a very proper young woman that was possessed of a fiend who did so torment vexe her that althouâ—…h she would not goe to any Sermons nor would euer receiue the Communion yet she would sometimes goe to Church and say her Pater noster in English and now and then eate flesh on Fridaies and would commit many other heresies which thys deuill tempted and led her to doe But you shall sée now there was a good honest holy Priest that was a Seminarie who beeing in place where thys Woman was and lyking her very well did begin to pitty her case and of meere deuotion prickt forward by a sanâ—…ified loue he deuised with himselfe how he might fully reclaime her to the holie Church and hauing attempted many practises in vaine and finding that neyther perswasion charme nor any manner of coniuration was able to remooue the wicked spyrite from her his last helpe was hee gaue her a glister of holie Water the which hee had no sooner put vp into her bodie but the deuil immediatly forsooke her that she after became a most Catholique vessell and was able to reason so profoundly in that Keligion that but with a little blast of her back side she wold haue made the proudest Protestant that stoode next her to stop his nose An other like miracle I am able to protest of mine owne knowledge and this is it There was a Gentleman that is liuing at this present houre whose name and dwelling place if I list I coulde deliuer thys Gentleman had beene married full out tenne yeeres during which space he neuer had issue although both himselfe and his wife were very desirous to haue chyldren But it fell out that a holy Father a Iesuite was priuily harboured in thys Gentlemans house who seeing the Gentlewoman to be a lusty and well lyking wench to beare chyldren did minister vnto her the holy sacrament of extreme vnction anoyling her partes of generation with holy oyle and laying the signe of the crosse ouer her as she lay on her bed and thys Gentlewoman for three yeeres together that thys holy father lay in her house had euery yeere a childe and therfore most happy may those people thinke themselues that doth retaine and foster such holie guestes nowe in these dangerous tymes if it were but to haue theyr Wiues hallowed and to be made holy vessels But if I shoulde heere enlarge further what miracles hath beene wrought by Holie Water Holy Candles Holy Ashes Holy Oyles Holie Lambes and many other holy Keliques I knowe I shoulde minister so much contentment to your conceite as the pleasure would make you hartily to laugh Syr sayde I your myracles are strange and they may be true but yet I am of opinion that for the casting out of diuelles the name of God is of groater authoritie than a whole tubbe full of holy water and for a woman to be made fruitefull in children is likewise the blessing of God and I doo thinke that for the attaynment of any thing that is good it is rather to be requested in the name of the Creator then otherwise to be sought for by the meanes of the creature The other aunswered againe but men that bee of your Religion are not able to looke into theyr owne errors for if they were not wilfully blinde they should finde it in common experience that hee that will looke to preuaile in hys sutes shall sooner bee dispatched by the mediation of the Saincts than if he presumed to preferre his cause to GOD himselfe and should finde more grace by the meanes of the creature then if he requested in the name of the Creator and because I would bee glad to confirme you the better I will â—…ewe you you an example Admitte nowe that your selfe were in a Princes Court and had some sute that might not onely concerne your own but that it stretcheth so farre as to the aduauncement of Gods glory the profite of the Prince and the generall benefite of the whole Countrey You are nowe to preferre thys sute what will you goe to the Prince himselfe who in this place representeth God why you shall attende a longe while before you shall come to his presence and then although he be milde affable gracious and full of clemencie and in déede with as many royall vertues as appertayneth to a godly Prince yet he will turne you of to some one graue Counsailer or some other great personage that is about him to looke into your cause and to consider of it who in this place dooth represent the holy Saincts which must bee your â—…diator Now this Counsayler is so troubled with so many other affayres and such busines of great importance that he hath no leysure in the world to remember you then must you ply his Secretary or some other that is néere about him and you come to him whith your cappe in your hand and 〈◊〉 courtesie and say I beséech you Syr remember my sute to your Maister I haue lyen long heere and I haue spent all that I am able to make and I pray you Syr euen for Christes â—…ke and for the tâ—…er mercy of God get me an aunswâ—…re héere you come in the name of the Creator Nowe sir I will for example sake make my selfe an aduerse against you and I will come to the same partie and say vnto him Syr I vnderstand that such a one meaning you hath presented such a sute and I beseech you Syr euen as you loue an hundreth Angels I come heere in the name of the creature procure me your
song If this be trewe as true it is Ladie Ladie God send her life may mend the misse Most deere Ladie This suddaine iest brought the whole company into such a vehement laughter that not able agayne to make them kéepe silence for that present tyâ—…e they were faine to breake vppe and as Veluet breeches and I were walking arme in arme through the prease wee fortuned to méete with Commens one that some fewe yéeres agoe had béene a Sargeant in London who no sooner espyed Veluet breeches but hee got vp a fire-brand wherewith he gaue hym such a stroake ouer the shoulders that the coales flewe all about the place Veluet breeches againe vppe with his fist and gaue hym such a blowe vnder the eare that had lyke to haue stryken him ouer with this they closed and beganne to pommell one an other as fast as theyr fists coulde walke the company that stoode by beganne to cry Clubbes Clubbes Clubbes and immediatly they came rushing in about vs wyth â—…lesh-hookes with Coale rakes wyth Fyre-forckes and with such other furniture as a man would haue thought were all come out of a Kytchin and wyth some little a-doe they parted the fray and the partyes were presently by the Officers brought before Lucifer and I beeing a straunger in the place was lykewise carryed with them for company where Commens beâ—…ing charged to bee the first Authour of the broyle in his owne excuse rendred this reason I was sayde hée sometimes an Officer vnder the Sheriffes of London and beeing féede by a Towns man to arrest Veluet breeches I was brought vnto him where hée was in a Barbers shoppe sitting with a Bason before hym full of sopie water wherewith the Barber was rubbing hys chéekes and dashing of hym about the lippes and I seeing hym thus in trymming thought of curtesie to forbeare the dooing of myne offyce tyll the Barbar had ended his businesse and setting my selfe downe without any worde speaking Veluet breeches by chaunce espying my Mace vnder my Gowne suspecting a-ryght the cause of my comming suddaynelie before I was a-ware of hym threwe all the water so directly in my face that the Sope getting into myne eyes did so smart and grieue mee that for my life I was not able to holde them open But whilst I stoode starke blinde for the tyme wyping and rubbing of myne eyes Veluet breeches packt himselfe out of the doores that I could neuer after come where hee was tyll thys present and I vowed then to bee reuenged of him the next time that euer I sawe him and I am now to craue the priuiledge of the place for it is directly against our auncient custome that there should be any quarrels or controuersies taken vp héere or that there should be found any peace-makers in hell with this the whole multitude began to growe into an vprore and they fell immediaâ—…lie to taking of parts and first there stood vp in Commens behalfe a great number of cruell creditors crafty Lawyers Merchants Retaylers Sâ—…ners Broakers and a most shamefull and filthy company of vsurers Veluet breeches on the other side he wanted no friends for there were a great many that knew him and those that tooke hys part were swashers swearers whore-maisters théeues robbers ruffyans roysters and coosoners As they were growing into this commotion amongst themselues there were gathered together an infinite number of Cony-catchers which came to take part with Veluet breeches who séeing me to stand by they beganne to growe into confused exclamations against mée some saide let vs teare the villaine in péeces that hath written so many bookes against vs other sayde let vs fley of his skinne and cut the the 〈◊〉 from his bones in small gobbets that hath so manifested the secrets of our trade and profession to the world some other sayde let vs cut the tongue out of his head and put out both his eyes that hath béene an enemie to the arte of Cony-catching and hath so shamefully inueyed against the practises Then came there foorth an infinite number of women Cony-catchers and they sware they would geld me for marring theyr Market and hindering them of theyr taking Thus was I threatned on all sides euery man stoode wondering at mée no man to take my part But Lucifer perceiuing the cause of their griefes by the manner of their clamors willing to appease their passions with any punishment commaunded mee presently to bee thrust foorth of hell gates and charging me so to remaine a restlesse spirite wandering through the world and neuer after to make any returne agayne to that place Thus for the writing of bookes I was first banished froÌ„ Heauen for my ouer much parciallitie and nowe exiled from hell for my too much plainnesse I remayne now as I haue tolde you a walking spyrite restlesse and remedilesse to wander through the world I woulde therefore wish my friends to beware howe they walke late a nights for I will bee the maddest Gobline that euer vsed to walke in the Moone-shine For I will sometimes bee a spirite of the Buttery and I will so intoxicate their heades that doo frequent the places of my haunt that at night they shall not be able to find the way to their beds tyll they haue taken their first sleepe on the flore Sometimes I will bee Robin Goodfellowe and will méete with a wanton wench in a darke corner and let her blesse and crosse her selfe as well as she can I will put her in such a bodily feare that for fortie wéekes after shee shall thinke that young bugges are crawling in her belly Sometimes I will shew such dreames vysiâ—…ns to women whilst they be sleeping that they shall make theyr Husbands Cuâ—…ds when they are waking Sometimes I will trans-forme my selfe into diuers shapes and will walke through all trades all 〈◊〉 and all occupations and some I will infect with the spirite of Auarice some with miserie some with deceipt and all manner of subtiltie that they shall leaue no practise vnsought for whereby to rake and gather pelfe to leaue to theyr heyres that the olde Prouerbe might bee verified Happy are those children whose Fathers goe to the deuill In the Tearme time I will be in Westminster hall amongst the Lawyers whome I will make so capable in the quyllityes of the Lawe that they shall coosen twentie Clyents of theyr coyne before they will bring one to an ende of hys cause and will not sticke nowe and than to get me vp to the bench amongst the Iudges themselues to let them tast a little of the swéetnesse of corruption You may easily thinke that I meane to frequent the Court where I will oppose my selfe a professed enemiâ—… against Good desart and let him come thether and plâ—…e his many yéeres seruice in the warres let him shew his 〈◊〉 and maymes gotten in his Countreys defence let 〈◊〉 signifie his time and patrâ—…ony spent in his Princes quarrell to maintayne himselfe and to reléeue such as were about him or let him pretend many other indeuours in the seruice of hys Soueraigne that might worthily mooue a fauourable conâ—…eration if there shall bee founde one that will affoorde him a fauourable looke or a comfortable spâ—…ch there shall be two for that one to requite him with disdainfull countenance and churlish checkes I will not tell all howe grieuous I will be to Largesse and Lyberallitie nor how miserable I will shew my selfe in shutting vp of the Prinâ—… bountie Let this suffice hée that shall become a Suter at the Court without golde in his purse to â—…ée a brybing Groome let him looke for small grace in his sutes for I will strike such a deafenesse into the eares of the Clarkes and Secretaries appertayning to great men that when a penylesse Suter comes vnto them with cap and curtesie they shal not vnderstand what the â—…oole meaneth nor be able to heare one worde that he speaketh without a bribe I might marre all if I should tell all how I ment to be stirre my selfe amongst the Courtiers of all sorts but they say Enough is as good as a Feast The Cleargy must not thinke to escape me scotfrée for I must néedes be acquainted with these double beneficed men and wil many times conuerse with such as be Non residents and sometimes I will get vp into the Pulpit and preach but you may easily discerne mée for my text shall be Doo as I say but not as I doo My conclusion is Good friends take heede how you come in those places where I walke for you may perceiue I am bent vpon mischiefe I can but therefore wish you to looke to your selues and so fare you well FINIS