Fathers liuing which he himselfe had purchased by his good husbandrie What say you to this vnthrifte was not she put to a shrewde triall she was and it proued passing wel Wherfore then should yonger brothers be reiected or why they that haue little be vnregarded surely because the hart is couetous and mistrustfull and womens mindes are aspiring being neuer contented They so much thirste after preferment as often they ouer-leape amendement and iumpe iust into a worser predicament Many looke so long for aboundance of mucke as as they fall into a quagmire of miseries hauing siluer to looke on though wanting mony to supply many wants hauing a faire shewe and a shrewde kéeper one that hath more then enough yet will not part with any thing Honestâ—e knowes many of these and they féele more then I can tell you Who goes for the most parte worse shod then the Shoomakers childe and who hath lesse moneâ— in her pursse then she whose Husband hath most in his chest But for that I am some what straied out of my way I will return to my first widdowe before my shooes be quite worne My forenamed Bacheler that neither by himselfâ— or his fréends could speake with her to know her answer deuised this conclusion to send her a Letter by a fréend not so much for the matter there in set downe as that yâ— might be a meane to entice her to be spoken with which indéedâ— proued to some purpose For to the Messenger she came and after notice giuen from whome the Letter was sent gods Lord quoth she did not my fréend giue him his answere No replyed the Messenger for he craues no more by this Letter Surely quoth she I thanke him for his good will but I am not minded that way What way replyed he not to marry Yes saide she but not with one so yong Now you shall vnderstand her simple excuse cleanly made for in a mans iudgement it would not be thought there was much difference betwéene their ages And as it was gathered after she meant one way and the Messenger tooke it an other for she meant yong in substance though he vnderstood it for yéers as after further talk she plainely expressed What shall Honestie say more of her in sooth nothing but to pray either for the amendement of her and her companions or else that this punishment may be inflicted vpon them that is to say that they may be so haunted vntill they deale better as they may not péepe foorth of their houses without as much wondermen as the Owle hath that flieth in the day time And doo they deserue lesse that make fooles it hath béene a fustie saying Qui moccat moccabitur and vntill that proue true by practice as iâ— falles out true often vnlookte for we that are to spéed shall neuer finde better If all men will agrée to Honestie we wil keepe a Cronicle of such wenches my selfe will be speak the registreship and though it be no great office yet it may doo much good But now to a fourth kinde Which were a thrise-made not a thréed-bare Widdower and a fiue times left Widdowe both of them being so much in Fortunes bookes as they were endowed with the thousands They soone agréed vpon the matter and within a shorte time were married vnto whose house hauing heard them boast of their substance I often resorted to sée what good chéere they kept I was twise there together in Christmas time but neuer could sée hotte meate yet good store of cold by reason they had had foure daies before many guests But since the holly dayes hoping for hetter fare I found him and she set at a couple of red Herring a slice of barrel butter colde fare as I thought for a tuesday supper Alas how were the seruants dieted when they had no better I would haue thought the faulte to haue béene in her vntill she saide vnto me that she was sorrye she had no better fare for Honestie when the olde Churle replied holde thée content wife he is welcome I thanke God I haue this for him I thanke your worship saide I though I thought I beshrewe the Churles hart But there of force must I lodge too for that I had ouer farre home and he that had fedde me so hungerly had found talke enough to kéepe me with him till midnight I must confesse I lay better then I had supped lodgde in the next Chamber to themselues there being nothing but a thinne wall betwéene vs. After my first sléepe I heard them two very lowde and though I did not greatly desire to be a partaker of their secret yet I could not choose vnles I had béene either naturally or artificially deafe They were at so hotte words as he cryed out vpon thée old beggarly whore with other most shamefull tearmes she therby being forced thus to complaine Alas that euer I was borne to sée your face I was no begger when I met with â—ou for I brought with me as good as twentie thousand pounds which now being at your disposition you deale thus crabbedly with me méeting together in respect but yesterday what hope resteth to me of the end seeing the beginning is so bad you diet me with hardmeat and chéer me with crabbed vsage I can neither haue a penny in my pursse nor a good shooe to my foote I gréeue to heare my seruants repine thereat though I cannot amend it and for that I tell you of it which may redresse it thus you reuile me Holde thy peace olde whore quoth he or I will make thée if they like it not let them mend theirselues and either charme your toung or I will clapperclaw your bones with which cooling carde she was glad to be quiet as I gesse for I could beare no more of her at that time Now Honestie hauing leasure to thinke of what he had heard still harpt of yâ— twentie thousand pounds which as I thought was méeter to haue made a King then to haue pleased a churle with yâ— I condemned his cruelty and pitied her chaunce so long thinking on her hard fortune as I fell a sléepe taking vp the remnant of my mornings nap Well before I rose my olde carle was vp and before I was ready gone ahroad when suddenly comming foorth of my lodging forced to passe through his Chamber I found the good olde woman shedding teares so aboundantly as I could not but gréeue for company But séeing me she rowzed vp her selfe and would haue shadowed her discontent yet at last assured I had heard the â—arre she saide she was sorrie I had béene disquieted the which I excused saying I was more greeued for her then for my disquieting for had that béene the worst Honestie hath béene farre woorse troubled Ah good sir quoth she this is their fortune that are couetous for I had enough left me to haue liued like a woman if I could haue béen so contented but aiming at dignitie hath béen my destruction and
another time I should thinke that suing to thée for sauour thou wouldest bestowe frownes profering my seruice thou wouldst offer skornes If I sighed thou wouldst smile laughing at my teares and ioying at my griefe requiting euery kinde demande with so cruell answers as if thy bitter words could not force me to leaue my suite thy skornefull farewels should frustrate my wil offering to touch thine hand mée thought thou profereds thy foote and stouping to catch that being glad of any thing thou wouldst in a rage fling from me and leaue the doore barred against me There should I sit till my téeth chattered in my head and my heart aked in my bellie then should I shake for colde and sigh for sorrowe when thinking to knock my legges against the ground to get heate I should kick al the cloathes off me being in the end constrained to awake through colde At what time that colde fare would better content me then the former flattering cheare did please me being as glad it was false as I would haue béen glad if the other had béen true Many like to these did I endure before my acquaintance with thée not knowing any meanes how to obtaine the same of thée vntill happely finding thee in a sommers euening at the dore I presumed to enter parlie with thée offering my selfe your seruant which had béen a tweluemoneth your sworne subiect doubting of your patieÌ„ce though you séeme to be a patterne of pittie How and after what order I haue since that time besought your sauour your selfe shall be my iudge for I list not to rehearse my dayly shiftes to shewe my zeale my manyfolde conclusions to obtaine your companie my giftes to wooe the seruants and my presents to gaine your good will But to be briefe thereby to come to that I like best one whole yeare I loued thée before thou knewest me thrée more are passed since first I spake to thée yet then was I as neare as now I am and now as farre off as I was then Say therefore swéete since to stay longer yéelds but little comfort shall my suite now end with the verdit You loue me To which long preamble shut vp with so whot a conclusion she no lesse prepared herselfe to answere him then Frier Tuck vsed ceremonies before he song mattens She cast her eyes vp to Heauen as if she had béen making her praiers to loue sighing so bitterly as I thought hir placket lace would haue brokeÌ„ then to the matter thus she answered Alas gentle sir I must confesse I haue found you kinde and you haue béen at a great deale more cost then I could wish you had your suite hath béen long and my kindenes not much nor doe I hope you eâ—pect more at my hands then you haue had before my friends haue granted their good will Maidens are modest and must not bée prodigall of their courtesie children are bound and cannot consent without their parents counsell pardon mée therefore I pray you if I say I loue you not since my father knowes you not and thinke not much if I desire you to leaue to loue mée vntill my mother giue me leaue to like of you At which time assure your selfe I will bee as ready to performe your will as they shall be forward to wish me that good and thus in the meane time I hope you will rest satisfied This was a shroade bone for my passionate youth to gnawe on that being so strucken on the head as his heart aked therewith thought to ease his sorrowe with this replie Ah my swéetest swéete quoth hée Thinke not on thy fathers counsel séeing a greater friend craueth his deserte nor let me rest their leasure without pitie that hath thus long remained constant vnto thée I loue thée nor for thy fréendes sake though I loue them for thy sake nor doe thou lothe me for their pleasure that liues but at thy pleasure But swéete and soueraigne of my hart as thy thoughts be not tied to their wils so let not thy loue be linked so fast to their liking as their mislike should end my life by remouing thy loue Say my goddesse and therewithall as he was procéeding she cut off the rest with this short answere I beséech you sir to leaue off your courting vnlesse you entend some other conclusion then as yet I can gather for of my faith loue you I wil not nor consent I dare not without my fréends giue their consents first and thereupon she thrusted through the throng and poasted out of doores leauing my passionate louer to say his pater noster alone where we will leaue them What I thought I will tell you and I hope you will not doubt of the matter for that Honestie speakes it One yéeres loue without acquaintance and thrée yéeres suite to be neuer the néerer either he was a bad lawyer or she a monstrous vniust iudge but be it both a passionate Asse and a péeuish wench were well met But marke his folly and her cunning he building Castles in the aire and setting trappes in the Sunne to catch the shadowe of a coye queane was pleased by her with wagging his bawble and ringing his bell while she pickt his pocket and cut his pursse A proper péece of seruice of a passionate Souldier and a prettie sleight of a flattering Slut I would we had more of them nay why wish I that since the worlde is too full of such alreadie Yet of my honesty she was as fitte a match for such a foole as might be found in the worlde A great deale of fond fancie repaied with a sharpe shorte deniall and thrée yéeres affection rewarded with an ounce of flatterie mingled with a pound of discurtesie a good cordiall to comfort so kinde a hart Oh the subtilty of the diuell that vnder the shadow of obedience couers yâ— craft of cosonage It is hotte loue that buildes on fréendes liking and pestilent affection that relies rather on the mothers loue then on the Louers loyaltie Such as stands so curiously on their Parents good will hauing dealt so craftily without their consent are worthie by Honesties doome to stand in a Cage vntill either their fréends good will be got or her swéet harts licence obtained for her deliuerie And this is too good for that the kinde Asse wil too too soone release her I thinke this punishment would be worse welcome vnto her namely that she be bound from mariage so long as she hath kept him without his answere which will so pinche her prodigall desire as either she will forsweare honestie or neuer commit the like knauerie Oh there is a companie of minions which delight to haue many sutors that they may bragge amongst their mates of their diuersitie of louers they thinke it commendable to haue store of customers But knewe they so much as I know they were better to goe once in a fortnight to Greenes Cunnyberries then to haue such resorte to haunt their companies Honestie honours
not remain long or my misliking would come too too soone because I am not able to follow what youâ— first wife hath performed and you will be vnwilling to beare with the wants your second choice must be enriched with But peraduenture I mistake your meaning for where as I thinke you sue to haue me to your second wife you sâ—eke but to haue my good wil to liue with my fréende 〈◊〉 good sâ—r my duetie as you say must not gainsay their pleasure nor will I for that matter but with all my hart if you haue their licence for your boord haue my good will to obtaine your bed there also for their house is at their owne commaundement Then doubt I not replyed he to haue you for my bedfellow But that doubt I answered she for that I know the contrary Why dare you quoth he to disobay your Fathers commaundement No sayd she so it be for my commoditie It shall be both for your profite and prefeâ—ment Make me to beléeue that quoth she and then peraduenture it may be a bargaine Why woman said he I deserue your better Take her answered she and I will not be matched to your inferiour Why then I sée you do scant loue me I vse it not quoth she and yet I sweare I will mocke you rather then marrie with you With which being highly displeased he bestowed thrée or foure crabbed tearmes being liueries of his cholerick long toung and so departed A shame goe with him thought Honestie whatsoeuer she thought and with all such Louers louers with a halter lubbers I may better tearme them What monstrous matches are such as are shuffled vp after the selfe same order Suppose she had beene fearefull and durst not to haue resisted the receipt of what she lothed imagine she had béene foolish and could not haue iudged of affection thinke she had béene forward and would haue béene glad of any one alas poore wretch I pittie the supposition what should I haue said to the confirmation I know assuredly she should haue sighed whatsoeuer I had saide and mourning should haue béen her companion what ere had béen my communication he would haue daunst with her portion while she had drooped through want of affection he would haue loathed her company for that she was not a dayly commoditie her life should haue béen like the hacknies that are at euery mans commaundement for the hire and her ioy as momentary as the florishing gréene grasse in Iuly Pitifully should she haue liued punished by him without pitie and this is my reason of the possibilitie for that it is most likely he loued her not how well any body vse them they loue not let them speake that suspect not Now that he loued her not may be proued both by his kinde of wrong careleslye suing vnto her peremptorily vsurping her Fathers authoritie which was a band to lye her to obedience though a bad meane to obtaine her curtesie For affection is not to be limitted nor loue to be compelled but coÌ„trarily hatred followes feare and feare fore-runnes mislike and how we loue those we regarde not iudge they that woo and obtaine not But this custome is too common and ouer cruell namely a wooing of fréends and a constraint of loue I would not say compelling but for feare it shoulâ— haue been taken for compelling Were Honestie a Iustâ—â—e they should either lye in the stockes a fortnight or marry her I would match him with which should séeke a wife after this order I thinke verily he would rather stay his stint by the héeles then be bound to the other inconuenience and yet he could finde in his hart to binde another to yâ— bad bargaine This is charitie yea neuer a whit of honestie being so farre from ciuilitie as the Millers craft is from true dealing Now truely truly to deale as we would be dealt with is sent to the hedge a begging and neighbourly loue is made a hacknie being so worne to the bones with séeking a good Maister as his skinne will hang on the bush shortely I haue heard a reporte of a passing kinde man that complained of his wife at a Sessions for pissing a pot full iudging thereby she was dishonest and that same man shortly after burying his wise sued to a maide after the manner aforesaid he had obtained her fréends good will and were at a point for the Maidens loue yet on a time she was troubled with the head-ake at his being with her whereof he so misliked as in the morning he went to the Phisitions to haue their opinions to what disease it coulde turne and vpon their reporte left her I am assured I haue erred in no point vnlesse I haue mistooke the last putting the Phisitions opinion in the roome of his owne bad meaning it was no disease indéede that misliked or misled him but it was of the Fathers pursse not of the Daughters head well she was well prouided for in missing of him and if he sped any thing the better let him boast of it but Honestie can iudge no better of the remnant of his companions then his action giues the verdict of him which is as bad as may be But to another that hapned on one that had the too thanke with whom he would not matry for feare the hollownesse of her tooth should corrupt her breâ—th and so annoye his colde stomack It was colde indéede and I would such stomacks might be heated with redde hotte gold as chéerfull as scalding leade Well to a third he liked her parents wel for that they were honest godly and as well of the maiden because she séemed modest to be bréef he could find no saulte in either of them onely his feare was that the Daughter would be somewhat shrewish for that she had a long nose and thereupon gaue her ouer If her nose had béene long enough I think â—he might haue smelt a knaue but I am assured she knewâ— a churle and so let her claime him wheresoeuer she sées him Yet one more of the same stampe and so we will leaue them This was a wooer in graine who had gone so far as they were at next doore to he askt in the Church The wedding apparel was bought the day appointed yea and I may tel you many of yâ— gesse bid only there was no assurance for that he abhorred but it fortuned that before the day there dyed a rich man that left a welthie widdow to whom he made so secret loue as he wonne her good will within a fortnight after the death of his predecessour well notwithstanding to saue his couÌ„terfeit credit and preserue his hypocriticall honestie he resorted dayly to his olde swéete hart with whom vpon some smal reason he fel at ods vsing her so vnkindly in spéeches as he drew teares for sorrow Glad of this though turning his earnest into iest he called her vnto him in the presence of many of her Fathers seruants then swearing that if the
continually wounded with some misdemeanor or other he shall espie in his wife well I say no more because I am a batcheler but Honestie must speake the trueth or shame will follow him It is wisdome to looke before lepping but extreame follie to stand vpon nothing hée or shée that makes many doubtes shall neuer want care and she wil il rule a charge that cannot charme a knaue Speake the diuell faire and he will be satisfied and what woman knowes not how to flatter It is good to knowe vice that we may shun that euill and as good to trie the honestie of wooers that you may not spéede the worse You shall often finde a kings heart clad in a thred-bare coate and a senators wisdome harbored in a youthfull head vertue goes not by birth nor descretion by yeares for there are olde fooles and young councellers counterfeit knaues crabbed churles the one being clad in a lambes skinne and the other kept warme with Foxe furre Nature makes but fortune clothes a ritch knaue therefore may march in the habit of a true meaning gentleman when poore Honestie must goe as he is able bee it in a mouldie cassock I haue heard it credibly reported that there was a ritch widdowe fell here in England which had left her liuing enough to maintaine a younger brother and vnto her did resorte such an one as had not sildome flung out at a bootie nor would haue cared much if it had béen his father so he had met him in a conuenient place This young gentleman yet not verâ—â—oung for he was about fortie came vnto this widdowe to craue her good wil vsing as spéedie tearmes as he desired quicke spéede Hée tolde her his name so well knowne throughout the countrie foâ— a shifting liuer as he spake no sooner then hee was well knowne vnto hir Whome she vsed courteously answering him after this order I hope gentle sir quoth she you will giue me leaue to answer you as spéedely as you bluntly aske the question And with all my heart replied hée for that is my desire Then assure you thus much said she that if there were no more men in the world besides your selfe I would not marrie with you A short and sower answere quoth he yet let mée assure you that onely such an one naming himselfe will haue you and so tooke his leaue departing in as good order as shée had in kinde manner vsed him Shortly after at a méeting with many of his companions he craued their aide finding them as forward to performe any thing hée should require as hée would wish Vnto whome hée shewed his whole intention the rather desiring their helpes for that they had béen partners with him in as great hazards well agréed vppon the match they rode towards the widdowes house comming thither in the euening about supper-time when it was very darke whereby their companie coulde not bée descried They knockte at the gate and was answered by the porter that being asked who was within certified them according to his knowledge Him they so hampered as gagde hée was and bound being laide forth of the way which done they passed further entring the hall with their drawne swordes where they found all the seruants at Supper They had no weapons néere them but bones being vnméete instruements to resist armed men and dogges they were not to be wonne by such baites Therefore easily one by one they were bound and laide on a heape the wooer in the meane time with two of his mates being in the Parlor with the widdowe that was garded with two sutors being Gentlemen of account in that Country he vnmasked himsâ—â—fe for they had al visards and tolde the widdow he was come for her at what time one of them grewe cholerick and I thinke it was he that was likest to haue sped best for he was placed on the benche néerest to her hart and drew his poyniard the best weapon he had at that instant making as if he meant to darte the same but vpon better consideration had be put vp his Dagger and was contented to be hound with his fellowe All of them being bound they got the Widowe foorth and bound her with a towel behinde one of them hauing before their departure hid all the Saddles and turned forth the Horses out from yâ— house Ouer a long plaine they rode so through a wood where being out of greatest danger he himselfe the wooer got vp before the widdowe entreating her to consider of their estates not so much he himselfe respecting his own weale as he regarded his fréends welfare whome he had drawen into that desperate action But it was all in vaine for agré◠she would not she sware rather to dye then to consent which séemed little to remedie his affection Wel in short time they were come to a place prepared for yâ— nonce where they found a good fire with a Parson and other good company assembled together about the same matter It was a wonderfull rainie euening so that all of them were throughly wet but there she wanted nothing she could desire nor spared he kinde words to winne her good will which was so long in graunting as before the obtaining of it Hue and cry was followed into that Towne Whereof he hauing notice came to her with his last hope wâ—lling her that as she was a woman either then or neuer to consent to the sauing of all their liues When she séeing no remedy but either she must relent or they repent it will you quoth she be good to my boy Tom for she had one onely childe called Thomas To say I would replyed he in this extremitie might be saide to be but flatterie but assure thy selfe I will and much better then I will boast on vpon which agréement they were foorthwith maried Soone after he called her aside and tolde her she was now his wife whose credit was her good regarde we shal I know quoth he be brought for this before the counsel at which time vnlesse you vse yâ— matter thus cunninglye as to affirme this was your owne practise to shewe your loue and shun a bad reporte we shall notwithstanding smart for it Which she promised to doo and did indéede no lesse all them being shortly after apprehended and brought vp to answere it at the couÌ„sell Table where she tolde so good a tale for him and his fellowes to the effect aforesaide as the faulte was remitted and they discharged Now that you may vnderstand how well he requited this her kindnes she liued with him a long time and yet lesse then a dosen yéeres and dying left this good reporte of his vsage towards her namely that neuer woman liued with a more kinde man then she had found him with other such probable tokens of the certainty thereof as a Countrie can witnes the same Him selfe liued not long after her at his death leauing her sonne Thomas fiue hundred pounds by the yéere ouer and aboue his own