Passengers that had like to have been cast away at Sea p. 208 Let. LXXIII From a Lady in the Country to another in Town about the Fashions p. 210 Let. LXXIV From a vain-glorious Man boasting of some of his good Actions p. 212 Let. LXXV From a Gentleman giving an account of the Enmity and Disagreement of Poets and Authors with one another p. 214 Let. LXXVI Giving an Account of a Funeral p. 216 Let. LXXVII From a young Student about an Apparition p. 217 Let. LXXVIII From a Gentleman to a Fop that desired to know how he should Salute and Complement his Mistress p. 222 Let. LXXIX From a Husband to his Wife against absence p. 224 Let. LXXX In answer to a Letter of Praise Directed to Mr. Brook one of the Gentlemen concern'd in robbing the Post. p. 226 Let. LXXXI From a Chymist that had ruin'd himself by it to a Gentleman to perswade him to Chymistry p. 228 Let. LXXXII From one that had stolen a Marriage giving an Account of Honey-moon c. p. 230 Let. LXXXIII From an Hermophrodite to a Female Lover p. 232 Let. LXXXIV From a Lady to know the meaning of a Prophesie she had found in a Parchment p. 234 Let. LXXXV From a Bawd to a Iustice's Clerk p. 235 Let. LXXXVI To a Maid that was to manage an Intreague with the Mistress p. 237 Let. LXXXVII From a poor Scholar in answer to one that invited him to London complaining of the small regard that 's had to Learning there p. 239 Let. LXXXVIII From an old Maid Directed to Mr. Nicols at the Sign of the Sugar-Loaf in Tower-street London p. 242 Let. LXXXIX From a Doctor of Trinity-Colledge Cambridge to a Gentleman to perswade him to neglect the vulgar Sollicitudes to a busie Life to raise to himself a Name hereafter p. 244 Let. XC Of Consolation to one that grieved very much for the Death of his Wife p. 246 Let. XCI From a Gentleman justifying his much praising his Friends 'T was directed to Mr. Chappel another of the Gentlemen concerned in robbing of the Post. p. 248 Let. XCII From a young Lady to her Gallant to whom she had yielded and who was still Constant. p. 250 Let. XCIII Of Recommendation Directed to Captain Naâ—eby to be left for him at Tom Urwin's Coffee-house in Russel-street near Covent-Garden London p. 251 Let. XCIV From a French Dancing-Master to one of his Scholars Directed to Mr. Croftsman to be left at his Chamber in the Temple p. 253 Let. XCV To a Friend in Town who had promised to come and eat some of his Country Fare at a certain time p. 255 Let. XCVI Advising his Friend to turn Quack 'T was directed to Mr. Stone 's to be left for him at the Pye Coffee-house in Drury-Lane London p. 257 Let. XCVII From a Gentleman in Town to his Friend in the Country complaining of the Spungers that thrust themselves into his Company p. 259 Let. XCVIII From a Country Parson to his Friend in London that desir'd him to write an Elegy for Nothing upon the Death of one of his Relations that died and left him a good Estate p. 261 Let. XCIX From a Lover to his Mistress in absence 'T was directed to Madam Winton at Mr. Glassrock's in St. Mary Ax London p. 266 Let. C. From a Robber to his Comrade that had wrong'd him of part of his Share 'T was directed to Mr. N to be left for him at the C. TA c. p. 270 Let. CI. From one Friend to another in Answer to a Letter that upbraided him with a Service done in Bailing him for Debt which he had not discharg'd p. 270 Let. CII From a Gentleman who confessing the Unconstancy of his Temper desires to know how he may attain a Stability of his Wishes p. 273 Let. CIII To a Member of the Athenian Society Directed to Mr. S to be left for him at Smith's Coffee-house in the Stocks-Market London p. 275 The whole Company concern'd in the Frolick Retire to Dinner p. 276 BOOK II. AFter Dinner was ended some of the Company steal away to the Summer-house to proceed in their Enquiries being impatient of Diversion from it leaving behind 'em the rest of their Comrades carousing of it with some of Summer's Acquaintance that came to visit him p. 277 Let. CIII From a Bawd that desires a Habitation for the Exercise of her Profession This was the first Letter they lighted on after they were reseated p. 278 Let. CIV From a Iesuit who confesses the Errors of his own Order 'T was directed to Father P 's at his Lodgings in Abbleville 280 Let. CV Against the Nuns 'T was direected to Mr. Geber at his House in Finch Lane London 284 Let. CVI. Against the Vices of the French Court p. 290 Let. CVII Giving an Account of an amorous Intreague at Luca. p. 296 Let. CIX From a Conceited Scrivener 'T was directed to my L S in Sohoe-Square 299 Let. CX From a morose Gentleman exposing the Frailties of Women p. 301 Let. CXI Containing Instructions for the Choice of a Mistress p. 309 Let. CXII In Defence of Cuckolds 'T was directed to Mr. Remford at his House in Dover With Speed p. 316 Let. CXIII From a Lady that disswades her Friend from the Love of Men. 'T was directed to Madam Emet at her House in Chelsea p. 321 Let. CXIV Relating the Qualities of the Venetian Curtesans p. 325 Let. CXV Of Impertinencies to the purpose 'T was directed to Mr. Kaford Merchant in London p. 329 Let. CXVI Being an amorous Letter of a Lady 'T was directed to Mr. Parmed at his House in Queen-street p. 334 Let. CXVII Of a Mother that gives Documents to her Daughter 'T was directed to Mrs. T at the Crown Coffee-house near the Blew Cross in Venice p. 337 Let. CXVIII Being an amorous Letter to a Lady 'T was directed to Madam Reddridge at her House in Clerken-well-green p. 343 Let. CXIX Being a Letter in Burlesque 'T was directed to Mr. Paford at 〈◊〉 Three Pidgeons in Thames-street p. 34â— Let. CXX Containing Instructions how to drive a good Trade p. 348 Let. CXXI Containing Instructions for the bringing up young Boys 'T was directed to Mr. Whitchurch at his House in Clement's Lane p. 353 Let. CXXII Containing several Accidents which happen'd to a young Man in Rome p. 357 Let. CXXIII From a Thief in Paris 'T was directed to Thomas Rybert to be left for him at the Post-house in Harwich till call'd for 368 Temple Church Fountain and Winter c. having parted with Summer's Friends return to their old Comrades in the Garden p. 369 Let. CXXIV Of amorous Accidents 'T was directed to the most Illustrious Knight Sir Henry at his House near Abbots Action in Bucks p. 371 Let. CXXV Upon the Custom of paying Harlots 'T was directed to Mr. Ralfe Banford at his House in Uxbridge 377 Let. CXXVI From an Advocate to his Friend 'T was directed to Mr. Sliford at his House in Canterbury p. 381
his Armour or spoiling his Plume Mr. Church was of the same opinion adding That nothing was more agreeable to the doing of Justice than Fair Weather Mr. Gravâ— waving all these Jocular Reflections was for considering what use might be made of this Discovery for the present advantage of the Company which he back'd with this Observation That the World being a Masquerade where borrow'd Vizors so disguised e'ry one that none knew ev'n his own acquaintance if not privy to his dress Letters were the pulling off the Mask in a corner of the Room to shew one another their Faces Very well observed said Mr. Fountain for we are apt to write that in a Letter to a Friend which we would not have all the World know of either our Concerns or Inclinations Thus said Mr. River we find Cicero that in publick had extoll'd Caesar above all the great men before his time making him not only the Father but the Soul of his Counâ—ry without which it cou'd no longer live yet in his Epistles to his Friend Atticus not only rails at him but declares that his Royalty as he enviously phras'd it wou'd not be of half a years continuance We need not go so far as Old Rome for a proof of this pursu'd Mr. Brook for 't is obvious enough to any man that has convers'd in the world and given himself the trouble of diving into Affairs of this nature as my Friend here Hold interrupted Mr. Summer if my Transgressions must be known I had better generously declare 'em my self you must therefore Gentlemen know that dining at the Mitre about a Week ago with some grave Relations who love to get drunk by Day-light I had got my load by four in the Afternoon that is as much as I car'd to drink or cou'd carry off with Honour and without a Foil I gave the Old Gentlemen the slip and leaving them to Politicks and Vsury steer'd my course to seek out one of you going down St. Martins-lane there justles me a blundring Fellow in great haste I unable then to put up such an Insolence with my trusty stick laid my Gentleman o're the Pate who being stunn'd let fall his â—acquet of Letters for you must know it was the Post-man a sudden Revenge inspir'd me I cap'd hold of as many as I cou'd whipt into the next Coach and made him drive away as if the Devil were in him to Iack Brooks Lodging whom I found in his Study reading of Voiture of the second Edition I mean the Gentleman of six Foot high as he ingeniously intimates to a glorious Vizor-mask Prythee Iack said I cast aside this new Paradoxical Dogmatist and here let us peruse Nature and having here in its proper place I inform'd him of this Adventure then in comes Ned Winter and puts me to the fatigue of repeating it again which done we apply'd our selves to our business and upon occular demonstration found five of the six Letters to be of some of our Acquaintance But such a Discovery we made that it surpriz'd us with several effects of Passion one laugh'd the nother swore and the third preach'd There were she Saints that had the Word of God in their mouths mornings and evenings most religious frequenters of Pews and wearers out of Hassocks found to be back-sliding Sisters and that they had the Devil in their Tails There was this protesting Friend found a damn'd Rascal that sought nothing but his own advantage with the Wife of him he hug'd in his Arms only caressing him that he might embrace her For my part Gentlemen said I 't is not fair you shou'd only enjoy the Pleasure your selves you ought either to produce your Letters for the good of the Company or be particular in your Names and account of the matter No 'faith return'd Winter I made the Rogues have that Justice to write a Line of Advice under each Letter and sealing 'em up send 'em by the Penny Post to the place directed I know not pursu'd Temple whether you 'l approve of my Thought or no but I think we cannot have a more agreeable Entertainment than such another Frolick the Posts are now on the Road let each man to his Horse and two in a company go upon the Adventure and having got our purchase meet all at the Bull-head and divert our selves with the Scene of Hypocrisy uncas'd Gentlemen for my part said Winter I am not extreamly fond of the Pillory Gallows or a swinging Fine Nor do I think the pleasure this Adventure may afford us will recompense the hazard we run to obtain it especially since we are not us'd to the Pad I am of your side pursu'd Grave for tho I shou'd not be much displeas'd with the perusal of them yet I am not for giving more for pleasure than 't is worth or for laughing for an hour at the expence of an Age of Sorrow But these two Opposers were fain to acquiesce in the Judgment of the Company and thoâ— perhaps I might encline to the Opinion of the few yet having a great Veneration for the Clergy I chose to imitate them in siding with the strongest side Things being thus concluded in the Affirmative we immediately adjourn'd and in the order above-mentioned took Horse perform'd our work and met at the place appointed River and my self were the first that entred and had not toss'd off our sober Pint but Brook and Winter came in all over-bespattered with dirt Thus by degrees we found our Company complete tho' Summer and Temple and Church and Chappel stay'd some time after the rest We gave order for our Horses to be immediately rub'd down and cloath'd and thought it wou'd be safer to retreat to our several Lodgings and new dress before we proceeded to our Examination or an account of our Adventure all the Pacquets being convey'd to my Chamber and there to be put into a great Box or two that we might convey 'em â—p the Water to Summer's Country-house where with the greater liberty and security we might peruse them and make our several Remarks By that time we were all ready his Barge was waiting for us and in it with our purchase we row'd for Putney against Tide which however turn'd for us by that time we got to Chelsey And now we began to have time to run over each his several Fortune But the greatest part of us met with nothing worth taking notice of having done our work as decently as if we had serv'd a long Apprentiship to the Road. But poor Winter and Brook having a little awkardly perform'd and left the Post-boy his Horse were â—ain to make more speed than they desir'd and so through thick and thin were most neatly bedabl'd And Temple and Summer not contenting themselves with the Mail that was coming in resolv'd to wait for that which was outward-bound and had like to have spoil'd all for their Works of Supererogation for the first Post-boy being according to Art dismounted aside of Illford in
XCIX From a Robber to his Comrade that had wrong'd him of part of his Share 'T was directed to Mr. N to be left for him at the C. Ta c. NED I Have been inform'd you have play'd the Villain in sinking some of our last Prizes and wrong'd both me and your other Brothers of our Due and Share If you clear not your self of this you deserve to be shot the next time you attempt the Road for a man without any Principles of Honour or Justice R. D. That men said Grave who live by the breach of the Laws of Nations and Nature should expect any secure Tye of Iustice betwixt each other O yes return'd River for the Bonds of Vice are stronger than those of Virtue Necessity pursu'd Chappel forces them to an observation of them to each other since else they could not subsist Besides said Brook the Laws of Right are as much transgressed by Armies as by private Robbers That was the Opinion indeed replied Temple of the Pyrate that was brought before Alexander the Great But I believe pursu'd Summer that the Laws of Morality were not made for the regulation of public but only private affairs if at least we may judge by the practice of the World True continu'd Church for the Teachers of those â—aws the Clergy have in all Ages justified the greatest â—reaches of them when successful By that said Winter you would make the Sword the only Arbiter of Right betwixt Nation and Nation They would â—ake it no more replied Fountain than 't is for the success of that gives Equity to the Cause The Victor â—eing never in the wrong concluded I and the Vanquish'd never in the right LETTER C. From one Friend to another in answer to a Letter that upbraided him with a Service done in bayling him for Debt which he had not discharged 'T was directed to Mr. Roley to be left for him at the Jamaica Coffeehouse in Cornhil London SIR YOU tell me you found what you expected but I answer that I have found what I did not expect and I know not what you call Civily putting me in mind for I always took them for Dunns they were not indeed noisy and might therefore be termed civil Dunns But your hectoring Letter rouz'd me to say what I did nor am I asham'd of the Testimony you can bring but can and will justifie it before any equitable Judge for all men know that doing a Kindness one minute and cutting ones Throat the next is not very cordial and any one that knows the least in the Laws of Morality knows that such Proceedings abundantly cancel the highest Obligations You accuse me of want of Justice in not giving you a Counter-Security you might have had it when you would it was your fault in not asking for I was always ready to give you all reasonable satisfaction If I could get the Mony to morrow I would pay it You say these things always end in Quarrels if so 't is because the obliger thinks much of what he has done and requires Impossibilities But Sir what need all this heat If I could do this I would but it is not in my power had you been troubled for this Mony nay paid it you could do no more than you have I can say no more but that if you can make any reasonable Proposition for your satisfaction and theirs I will make it my utmost endeavors to comply with it but I can do no more than I can if you write till Dooms-day and I 'll do what I 'm able if you write never a word If you persist to desire any more I think I 'm the injured Friend not you I can say no more having said enough to satisfie any reasonable man especially one that stiles himself a Friend as I do also Your Friend and Servant Godâ— Carvel From Suretiship said Summer good Lord desiver us Right pursu'd Church for if thou art Surety for any one take care to pay the Debt You would then said I destroy the greatest Act of Friendship who have condemn'd the World for neglecting the Offices of a Friend and of deserting the dearest Friend in distress Nay to advance that Maxim continu'd Temple were to destroy the chief hinge of Trade Credit True assum'd River for that supplies the place of a great many millions of Mony The very yearly Revenue of England having been esteemed fourscore millions to pay which there 's not as has been computed above eleven millions of Cash all the rest turning upon Credit which must be wanted before such a small Sum can circulate to so many Offices If my Friend said Chappel wanted Mony I 'd give him what I could possibly spare but I 'd neither lend him Mony nor be bound for him True assum'd Brook for though you are a Friend when you lend or are bound yet when the day of Payment comes and you eâ—pect a Return on his side you are an Enemy as may appear from this Letter We alwaies said Grave prize a Favour more before we obtain it than after we have receiv'd the benefit of it On the other hand replied Winter there are a great many men who over-value their Services and think because they did a Friend a Kindness once in distress that his whole Life and all his Endeavours are not sufficient to make a tolerable return especially in this case as this Letter expresses if the Friend oblig'd be not in â— capacity to take off his Security he is more inveteraâ—e than the Creditor Which shews concluded Fountain that â—e did not that kindness by the Dictates of Friendship since upon his Friend 's greater Distress he 's unwilling to run the least hazard for him LETTER CI. From a Gentleman who confessing the inconstancy of his Temper desires to know how he may attain a stability of his Wishes 'T was directed to Dr. M ly to be left for him at the King's-head-Tavern in Kings-street near Guildhall London Honour'd Doctor YOU know 't is not long since I left the Town with all the earnest longing in the World for the Country and yet I find my self quite tir'd with this irksom Retirement already I want my Bottle and 〈◊〉 Friend and all the pleasing Thoughts of â—â—nocence and peaceful Quiet of a Country Life that ingag'd me to seek it seem now but ignorant Brutaâ—â—ty and a dead and unactive Sloth Prithee dear Doctor prescribe me some Medicine for this â—â—easie Distemper of the Mind for I know you as well skill'd in that as in the Body Has Philosophy to cure for this troublesome Inconstancy of my Temper Is there no way of making me happy in Stability and rendring that a Pleasure to me to morrow which I thought so yesterday I have some hopes there may because I can persevere in my esteem of you and hope I shall always be able to write my self Your real Friend and humble Servant T. Kemish This Distemper said Grave is of a larger extent than this Gentleman Right
not really sent to the persons to whom directed because there is so few Letters of Business amongst 'em 't is answer'd those were not thought so diverting as others and therefore this Club took Copies chiefly of those that they thought were proper to entertain the Age but if it were either safe or convenient they could send such â—eubters to many of the persons that receiv'd these Letters by the Post since they copied them for all the Letters which they found which had an honest end in the speed they took care to seâ—d as directeâ— Seventhly As it must not be imputed to the Company as a Fault that there are several Letters that may seem to the more solid Readers a little too gay and airy because 't was their business to expose Matters as they found them and not to model 'em according to their own Rules so I for the same reason ought to undergo no Censure for printing them as they came to my Hâ—ads both regarding the Truth of Matter of Fact and the exposing the secret Villanies of Mankind as they were than to change them to what we desired they should be And upon this Condition only was the Copy deliver'd to me that I should leave out none of those Letters that the Company thought fit to publish This Reader is enough to satisfie ev'ry Unprejudic'd person and as for others he neither values nor fears their Censures who subscribes himself Thy Friend and Sâ—rvant John Dunton THE Pacquet Broke OPEN In a LETTER to a Friend Volume I. SIR I Know very well that you have often advis'd me against the Hurry and Extravagance of the Town and I know that your Advice was the result of not only your Friendship for me but also of your real Sentiments that is of Reason Nay I am extreamly sensible how often you have silenc'd me when I have ventur'd to engage with you on this Subject and that you prov'd beyond Controversy That the preference ought to be given to a sedate and thoughtful Life Yet when I am absent from you I know not how it comes to pass Whether by my forgetfulness of your Arguments or my inclinations to converse and company the force and vigour of your Reasons vanish for The words in which they were couch'd I 'm sure I still retain which makes me flatter my desires that it was rather the Awe of him that spoke than the matter of the Discourse that perverted for so â—ow I call it my Opinion Back'd with these Considerations methinks I may own that I am relaps'd from those Resolutions you left me and that I fancy I have some Difficulties in Dispute which you have not yet decided this makes me begin to imagine that you are in the wrong to despise Conversation so much since without doubt it polishes that imperfect Model of a fine Gentleman which Books but begin and generally leave very rough and unfinished Conversation does not only give us a better taste in Reading but also improves our Thoughts to a good Practicable Habit and our Words and Discourse to a greater Elegance than all the stiff and laborious Trifles of the plodding Academics and I must tell you Friend that you your self wou'd never have been master of all that fineness of Sense if you had not in your Youth been much conversant with the better part of Mankind Nay I must proceed farther and own that the lighter Sallys of Youth appear not so criminal to me as your nicer Reason represents them 't is true I have not forgot what you us'd to urge against them viz. That however diverting they might seem to those engag'd in a fond Attachment to 'em yet that their apparent Folly render'd them not only ridiculous but odious to the more considering part of the World and that it was impossible they cou'd give real Satisfaction and Pleasure to a reasonable Man being commonly the effect of a hot-headed Rashness begot by the prevailing Fumes of the Bottle when Reason has bid 'em good night and thought less Accident assum'd the direction of all their Actions Yet my Friend you must pardon me if I tell you That as Fables of Cocks and Bulls c. seem but an odd sort of Divinity or Philosophy to employ the Thoughts of a man of sense which yet have always had such a valuation with the Learned for their Morals that it has given a Life to Aesop almost thrice as long as that of Methusaleh so â—tho the Extravagances of Witty Youth may seem but odd Lessons of Wisdom yet I am sure there is not one without its excellent Moral if that be but improved by a judicious Reflection by this you 'll find I include not the Adventures of e'ry noisy Fop or Bully but of the Youths of true Witt of which Sir I can say with some assurance my conversation is composed whose worst Extravagancies come not short of the practical Precepts of your old Friends the Lacedemonians in making their Slaves drunk for the instruction of their Youth who by that sight cou'd gain but one half of the Knowledge that was requir'd to make them understand all the inconveniences of Drunkenness they saw indeed what a ridiculous Figure the poor intoxicated Wretches made but they knew not but that it gave them a sufficient pleasure to recompence that appearance of Folly which was often put upon the Noblest of Actions of the Wisest of Men they might have heard that the Abderites thought Democritus mad when he was imployed in the search of Nature in the â—issection of Animals till Hyppocrates convinc'd them by the Authority of his Word of the contrary besides many a man wou'd run the risque of looking like a Fool for an hour or two to enjoy a Pleasure for twice the time especially an unexperienc'd pleasure which is always magnify'd by Imagination But if they had been permitted to be drunk themselves the Pain and Sickness that attended it would have instructed them that it was none of the most desirable of Pleasures the other punishments that are the consequences of this Vice which wou'd have deter'd them from it were wanting that is the spending of Estate which brings the boon Companion to contempt and Infamy for the Slaves of Sparta were made drunk at the publick Charge But not to dwell too much upon the Vindication of the worst of our Crimes and which we our selves condemn and are very seldom guilty of I will by sending you a Relation of one of our Frolicks convince you that we make a better use of our extravagances than you do imagine and that they proceed from choice not accident For while your Virtuosâ— are poring over the unaccountable Secrets of Dame Nature we are busy in searching into full as intricate a Subject The Humours and Nature of Men while they are conversing with Labour and Study with the Mineral Vegetable and Animal Kingdoms our pleasure leads us in chase of the Secrets of the Rational World Their Studies may have the Face
laughter till the Congregation mistake the Church for a Bartlemew Booth and the Parson for a Iack Pudding therefore if thou hast not a mind to be Endited as the beauâ— feu of the Parish return to good Christian drinking a Bottle and a Balmy Harlot take my word â—or't will never make thee loose the way to Heaven for a Man is never on higher Ropes than when elevated with the juice of the Grape and the Embraces of a pretty smooth Darling obedient Wench I always thought thee hadst too much reason to be bubbl'd out of the certain Sweets of this Life for the uncertain airy visionary whims of the next Nature shou'd be the best guide it was once so I am sure according to these devotes and that directs us to pleasure and self preservation I know not why that shou'd be of less Authority with us than with the Patriarchs of old Noah was not condemned for dâ—inking nor Iuda for Whoring nor can I understand that this improvement of our Nature by obligeing us to â—e what we are not made has at all increased the number of the Pious it has only added to the Kindom of Hypocrisie How canst thee with patience hear the Parson declaim with a thundring Voice on a Sunday morning against Drunkenness when he has scarce recovered the Saturday Nights Deboâ—h of half a dozen Bottles for his share or against Usury and Oppression when he has squabl'd with his poor Parishioner the under Ale-Draper of the Village for the Tithe Pigg nay and tenth Egg too Against Whoring and incontinency when he came seeking from his Amorous Spouse or perchance from his Neighbours Wife that hears all he says against Adultery as if it were an Alegory to me there seems no greater Argument of the Imposture of Religion than to see those that teâ—ch it us use God on the Sundays with so familar a Câ—mpellation when they have acted against all his Precepts the whole Week about for if they believed any thing of him certainly they never durst presume to banter him so in the face of a full Assembly the greatest part of which perhaps knows their Life and Conversation Pox you know I hate such a long Letter but I hate moâ—e to loose the acquaiâ—tance of an honest fellow that knows the relish of Vice as well as any Man alive Iâ—ll tell thee one or two things which I hope will engage thy Curiosity to come to Toâ—n there is latelâ— a Prize of French Wine taken which I know where to carry thee to the drinking of and next Mrs. Britain has got a sâ—t of new Faceâ— Plump Beautiful and fresh as a Rose in Iune as soon as the Sun has kiâ—s'd the Dew from it therefore if thou intendest to hâ—ve thy share of either take Post leave thy ill shap'd gravity behind thee and aâ—â—ume thâ— old Jovial Humour and then fly to thy Friend and Humble Servant R. Wilson We all confest there was something glittâ—ring and takeing in this Letter that it was writ with a free air and some Sparkles of a good Genius but said Mr. Grave I am of opinion that Wit consists no more in rediculing the Clergy and laughing at Religion thus Religion does in a starch'd Face a forc'd Gogle at Church a Tone through the Nose and perpetual â—â—â—zing of every Company with the Mysteries of Faith or a Map of the Kindom of the Devil Methinks persued Mr. Winter if he had been a Man of true Reason that had writ it he would not have inclined to the weaker side ev'n according to the stress of his own Argument for all his Letter seems to aim at the establishing the uncertainty of Religious affairs but takes it for granted there is a greater certainty in the course he Follows tho' without Proof therefore for all he has said what he prefers is fully as uncertain as the other and Reason obliges her followers in things equally uncertain to lean to the safer side now 't is agree'd even by them that if this which Religion commands and teaches should be true they â—re in none of the most pleasant conditions if not they can only say ' tâ—s an Error of less fatal consequence and that is the loss of such Pleasures which have generally a pain Repentance and Punishment that attends them An Atheist I mean such as pass for such said Fountain is so far from being a Man of Sense that he is a meer Idiot for either he believes a God or he does not if he do he must be something more than foolish to imagin that God has no Worship and if he have a Worship it may be that which he Ridicules for all that he knows and therefore not to be ridiculed by him without the highest madness in the World for if running against the Mouth of a Cannon when 't is let off merit that Name much more does that of giving fire to the wrath of God which must be pointed against his own Bosom with greater certainty of Death and less probability of Escape than the other But if he believe there is no God he is still more out of his Wits for by what means does he imagine this World he loves and enjoys came to be made If by another Being that must be God if from it self it must be Eternal which is impossible for that which is subject to change will in time decay and that which has Generation must have Corruption If by chance What is this chance Is it a Spirit a body or nothing but an empty Word or Notion If it be a Spirit it must have the Attributes of a Dâ—ity and consequently the Worship If a Body they would do well to shew us the place of its â—bode and its dimensions which 〈◊〉 capable of working such a gâ—â—at Work iâ— nothing out of nothing nothing is made and by nothing nothing can be made but it would be endless to run through all that might be said on this Subject especially since I am convinc'd there is no Man living that does not really believe a Deity Theodorus one of the first that set uâ— for an 〈◊〉 convinc'd us at his death he had only endeavour'd not to believe one and the same may be said of 〈◊〉 others of that Principle they will once betray themselves to have been the most foâ—â—ish of Hypocrites in pretending to be greater Devotes to the Devil than they really were Nay said River he is not a Man of Honour for he turns the Sword that is presented him on the breast of him that gave it and that only for the benefit received we call him a Rascal that speaks ill of his Beneâ—actor behind his Back but he is something more that shall affront him to his face and that without any cause More than that pursued Brook he is a Coward too and the most foolish of Cowards who ' knows he dare not justify his Actions and yet shall when he thinks himself secure abuse the Being he trembles at the thought
facimus mittamus Carmina tantum Hic Chorus ante Alios aptus amare sumus In vain the Tyrian Queen resigns her life For the bright Glory of a spotless Wife Here ignorant Ovid uses no threats nor Examples that may intimate that Poets are Lyars a strong Argument that the fair ought to love them he only tells how many have got a name by loving of Poets Nos â—acimus placitae late praeconia formae Nomen habet Nemesis Cynthia nomen â—abet Vesper Eoae novere Lycorida terrae Et multi quae sit nostra Corinna rogant That is in honest Prose we celebrate the fair and spread their fame witness Nemesis Cynthia Lycoris and Corinna Ovid stops not here but â—rges another Argument why the Sex should rather love a Poet than an other Adde quod insidiae sacris à vatibus absunt c. That is Add that the sacred Poets are free from base Designs c. and thence proceeds to prove that they are best qualifyed for Lovers whose desires are not divided like other Mens betwixt Ambition and Covetousness He urges too as a proof of this the Constancy of a Man of Sense or Poet which this Author in one of his Letters condemns Sed facile haeremus Validoque perurimur igne Et nimium certa scimus amare fide That is we are soon wounded with a beauteous Face and our Flames are more violent and lasting than those of other Men and after this he passes to the other forces of Verse but here we have a great many Verses and little to the purpose LETTER V. From a Gentleman of the Vniversity to his Friend in Town to know whether he ought according to the Rules of Honour fight a Man for a certain Affront receiv'd It was directed thus To Mr. River to be left at the Widdows Coffee-house without Temple-Bar deliver with care and speed London HOw to me said River and would have snatch'd away the Letter hold there sweet Sir said Temple putting him by none of us must not be exempt from the Law we have imposed upon the rest of the Nation all that 's here is publick prize and all secrets must out Gad for all that I know I may have two or three here my self so that I oblige you to no other Rule than what I 'll submit to I 'll not be the only exception said River and smil'd to so general a Rule Dear RIVER Chr. Oxon Iune 1692. OUr mutual Friendship makes me trouble thee with the least Accidents of my Life else methinks I shou'd wrong you in robbing you of the share you challenge in all I do or suffer this has made me acquaint you with an Adventure I met with to'ther day at my Uncles where I found a certain Man of the Blade of London with whom falling into dispute about King Charles the First being pretty well vers'd in Rushworth's Collections he presum'd to tell me I was Impertinent I resented the Affront then but the Company appeas'd me and indeed I thought my Uncles House no proper place to quarrel with his Acquaintance in I therefore defer'd it till I met him at Oxford whither I understood he design'd in a few days I desire you therefore who I know are perfectly skill'd in all the points of Honour and in e'ry thing that is the Duty of a Gentleman to send me your Opinion whether I ought to fight him or let it die I know you wou'd not have me engage in a ridiculous Quarrel nor suffer any thing that may injure my Reputation You have the Authority of a Father or what 's more of a Friend over me I therefore desire your immediate Answer who am Your real faithful Friend C. RICHARDSON Had I receiv'd this in private I shou'd have communicated it to you said River for 't is from a pretty ingenuous Youth I value and esteem as he indeed deserves and whom I desire shou'd have as tender a value as he ought for his Reputation without a ridiculous Niceness and as he says I wou'd have him avoid the Extreams of Cowardize and Bullying But I 'll first have your opinions before I write an Answer To me said Temple upon a serious Reflection the whole business seems very ridiculous to put ones self upon an equal nay perhaps a much greater hazard with the man that has injur'd me whereas in reason I ought to punish his Offence with hazard to him alone that was guilty else I only add an Injury to my self to that I have receiv'd from another and in this I think the Spaniard and Italian more rational for a rascally Offence and such is e'ry design'd Affront as much below a man of honour to give as to take ought to be punisht by a Rascal not a Gentleman that pretends to any thing above a Hang man For this Custom and Notion of Honour sets up a private Tribunal of Life and Death in ev'ry man's Bosom who when he 's satisfy'd of anothers Offence as he has been the judge will be the Executioner and that as if fond of Ignominy with the risque of his own Life But how can that said I be the Arbitration of Courage for so is Tilting esteem'd where a Coward that is perfect in his Sword shall ten to one kill the stoutest Hero or an arbitration of the Justice of a Cause where the decision lyes upon the skill of the parties Engag'd and where the Injur'd may fall and the Injurer triumph in a second Offence of a far higher nature than the first and that with the consent of the party wrong'd If your Friend said Winter be not expert at his Weapon a Colledge improving a man in Books not Swords 't is not courage but madness tho' he receiv'd the Affront to venture a Tilt with him whose Trade it has been that being to run upon certain Death without any prospect of Advantage contributing more to his enemies than his own satisfaction In such a case said Chappel I think a man had better imitate a Doctor of Physick of my Acquaintance who meeting one that had a Pique against him on the Back-stairs at White-hall with a great deal of patience let him give him the Lye a Lord that follow'd him ask'd him why he took the Lye No my Lord said he he wou'd indeed have fasten'd it upon me but I wou'd not take it The Doctor said Summer was in the right on 't I think being better skill'd doubtless in Recipes than Ters and Quart for a man in those Circumstances may with as much Honour if Honour be not repugnant to Reason and common Sense refuse the Combate as avoid engaging with half a dozen men at a time the odds in this being greater If I have a right Notion of Honour said Church it consists as much in not offering as not suffering a base Action But drawing upon a naked man is the meanest and basest of Actions and to draw on him that is not skill'd in a Sword which then can be no defence
to him is to draw upon one unarm'd Nay more than that said Brook a man of Honour ought not only to be free â—rom Villany but also from the suspition of it which he can never be if he takes those measures for the satisfaction of his Honour by which in reality he may deserve rather the name of a Bravo than that of a Hero for engaging with a man less skill'd than my self is not a jot better than assassinating him which I take to be the Office of a Coward and a Ruffian not of a man of Honour and Courage And yet this is unavoidable in Duelling so that I think 't is far from being a proper Umpire of Honour or Courage Come come said Fountain you may talk as you please of the Reason of the thing but I 'm sure custom will over-weigh all your Reasons and decide the business against you 'T is true faith said Grave Custom that senseless Refuge of non-plus'd Fools will carry it and the men of Reason must either be born down the Tide of that or be piss'd on by â—e'ry Jackanâ—pes but if there were but half so many men oâ— sense as there are Fools there wou'd be no such wretched Plea for the most irrational of our Actions for as Knaves have the greatest share of managing if not making Laws so have Fools in forming Customs But methinks now Tilting is become the Practice of Players and Citts upon their scandalous Quarrels 't is time for Gentlemen to leave it off as the Ladies formerly left of Mants because e'ry Chamber-maid got into them But as for your Friend River I think the first occasion being over and the cause of Quarrelling so trifling his skill in fencing I suppose not extraordinary he maye'n drown the memory of it in the Ocean of Aristotle or the World of Descartes or the Morals of Plutarch or Seneca let him give himself to thinking whilst he may and he 'll meet with occasions enough to shew his courage when he comes to share in the thoughtless Broils of this Town Upon the whole Gentlemen concluded River I find my Friend must keep his Dudgeon still in its Case and I agree with you tho I have known one Dear Caressing Drinking Friend cut anothers throat upon as slight a matter LETTER VI. From an Author to his Friend that had condemn'd some of his performances it was directed to Mr. Roberts at the Sign of the three Tobacco-pipes in Drury Lane Dear Iack Tunbridge Iune 1692. I Must confess I wonder'd at your late strangeness in not coming to see me when I waâ— nearer the Town but I could nor think it the consequence of your guilt as I am now apt to believe it was being inform'd that you are very free in your Censures of my last Play I can scarce imagine you can betray your Folly so much as to condemn that which I am sure merits your praise I think without vanity I may say so since the Town by the success of my attempts that way has allowed my judgment in writing My Reputation is too well setled for the malice of my Enemies to destroy I know some are not a little disquieted at the same I have got but I value not their Efforts I would have you keep me your Friend as I yet am tho Injured W. M. This is but a concise product of Vanity said Chappel the epidemic distemper of Authors most of whose happiness consists in having a good esteem of their own performances from the Laureat to Penny Chronicler I know the hand and the Author too pursued Fountain and can assure you his Discourse always agrees with this Letter especially since some success he has met with in a Dialogue of his Writing hath nothing but Affectation and Vanity I must say this said Winter in his Vindication for his hand and stile must discover him to all this company I 'm sure that his Vanity is excusable since he meets with so many Flatterers that it is hard for him to think he has not a great deal of desert True said Church the modestest man in the World cannot be so good proof against Self-esteem as not to entertain a favourable Opinion of himself when the World applauds his performance Nay I know a Gentleman said Temple that pretends to and has I beliâ—ve as much modesty as any Author who tho he will never speak in commendation of himself shall yet with no little ardour and disturbance undertake a Defence of what he writes if any one in his company chance to cavil at it Vanity said Brook is so general a failing that I am of opinion 't is essential to our nature every man being infected with it as well as Authors only some have the advantage of hiding it better than others I confess said I we seem ev'n in our condemnation of this Author to discover our selves tainted with the same we accuse in him and that without the Temptation of the deference the Town shews to his Parts We discover no more pursued Summer than the Conversation of the World does tolerate which always makes bold with the absent the Follies of all men except those of the present company afford wonder and laughter but those are plac'd too nigh to be distinguish'd They that can only see their own Defects said River I fancy not unlike the pur-blind that can only read when the Book almost touches the Eye I 'm very confident concluded Grave we shew no great Arrogance or Self-esteem in venturing to censure what is obvious to common sense as the intollerable vanity of this Letter is the overlooking such gross Follies in my opinion gives a greater proof of our ignorance than good Nature or Wisdom LETTER VII From a Country Fellow giving an account of London to his Cousin in the Country It was directed to Thomas Stiles at Master Tomson's House near Taunton in Somerset-shire Cousin TOM Lond. Iune 1692. HOping you are all well as c ham at this present Writing thanks be to God these are to let you know that c ham got zafe to London Zitty where the Volk up and down e'ry day thicker than at Taunton Vair every door is a Zhop zo that one wou'd strange that they cou'd live by one another and yet they all go viner than the Justices Zon and their Wiles and Daughters than the Daughters of the last Mayor of Wells the Streets are all hung as thick as e're they can thwack with Zigns the worst ov'e 'em viner than Master Kilderins at the George a Horse-back Then there 's zuch a din night and day that the Noise Iohn Tabour the Drummer of the Train'd-Bonds made when he beat a point of War last Whitzund-ale at Gonmer Zoules's was nothing to 't You may zooner hear zoftly Dick the Miller make love to Ioan Black Arâ— just by the binn Voor all the Clapper than hear one another speak here tho we stoud close together nay by all the vlesh o've of my Bones if Zimon the Cleark
But alass you neither will nor can be sensible of this unless you lov'd to that degree as does your Vnhappy Slave C. Smithson Alas poor Damon said Temple there is too much submission and respect in this Letter to prevail if thy Mistress be of the common mould of her Sex And too much sense too pursued Church for most Women love their like and hate a Man that can â—ither write English or spell True said Brook that makes so many senseless Irish Men and other Foreigners prevail tho the refuse of their own Country What Man of sense then pursued I would doâ—e on such a trifle as that Sex which tho it damn'd Mankind for the sake of tasting of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil can yet no better distiâ—guish betwixt them For my part answer'd Winter I am of Opinion that we are pretty equal with them for our Love ending in our own satisfaction we as little consult the merit of the Party belov'd 〈◊〉 they do Prithee Love's but a specious name reply'd â—iver a Chymera we build up and no more in nature than the Monster in the Tempests both Cubs of the Poets Brain True said Summer and we carry on the humour or character of it in our Billet deux and addresses only to gain our ends I 'm of opinion answer'd Fountain that this Letter is the result of his real Sentiments and that he is some raw young Spark newly come from the Vniversity full of the Poetical Notions of the Ioys of Lovâ— And has never found interrupted Chappel by experience how much the Practice falls short of the Theory and frâ—ition of Expectation Which makes it evident concluded Grave that the Soul is capable of framing greater Ioys in the imagination than any Nature has been capable of providing for the Body LETTER IX From a Whore to a young Spark that was forsaking her on pretence of living soberly with one inclos'd to the same written to him by a grave Philosopher which he lost in a Bawdy House It was thus directed to Mr. Tims to be left for him at the Post-House in Colchester in Essex with care 〈…〉 Mr. Littlelet Lond. Iune 1692. I Hope tho' I have not heard of you that your cruel Resolution of leaving me for ever continues not still whatever motive you may pâ—eâ—end I 'm sure it must want the quality of good since it persuades you to an ingratitude in forsaking her that loves thee above all thy Sex Your scruples of Conscience might have been salv'd without deseâ—ting her you have sworn constancy to for if the guilt of our Passion was no longer to be digested by you the sin of our Embraces might have been taken away by Marriage my Dear Dear Dear Dicky you know I love you so I should 〈◊〉 the faithfullest Wife in the World But I suspect the Hypocrite that is the persuader of the breach of your vows to me who as the enclosed will discover chooses the Evil in a much worse degree than he wou'd draw you from 'T was given me by Mrs. Martha who says it was dropt at Silences being directed to you I send it with this short Comment viz. that the Resolution form'd by the influence of Hyprocrisie and tending to ingratitude can never be less criminal than the Passion by it you forsake with her who is 'till death your Faithful E. Iohnson This is a good sensible Wench said Chappel those of her Character being generally as ill furnished with Wit and Language as with integrity I 'm therâ—fore of opinion pursued Temple that this Lâ—tter is not of the Whores Inditing but of some Male Friend who has an equal loss in the â—ully for your kept Miss has always ' her secret drain for her affections as well as money whilst the kind Keeper is pleased with the Fools Paradise of her forc'd Embraces and a well acted dissimulation is all he purchases with the ruin of his Purse aâ—â— Râ—putation There is nothing added Grave that is desirable in a Woman which is not perverted by keeping Her Youth and Beauty are employed to get new Adorers being secure of her old her Wit to manage her Intrigues and Cully She 's â—ither blind her self said Church or supposes her sweet dear to be so when she betrays the standard of her Faith to him by the correspondence she keeps with Silence the Bawd Which in my mind continued River was a very iâ—prudent memento when she design'd to cajole 〈◊〉 Cully into Matrimony which by the way aâ—ded Brook is the last Card a Whore playâ— being a sure sign that her Charms grow ineffectâ—al by the commonness of her Face And 〈◊〉 pursued Summer there is such a kind 〈◊〉 in the Keepers that if the Whore do but motion it they seldom have the Power to deny her As kind and good Natur'd as they are to then Iilting Mistresses answer'd Fountain I have observed they have seldom much wit more rareâ— any honour and scarce ever any generosity to any one else No Faith said Fountain thosâ— sparks have seldom so large a stock of Sense as would be necessary to set up Mountebank or Fortuneteller For my part said I I look upon the humour of keeping to be a punishment due to and proper for the vicious Inclinations and sordid Principles they are generally guilty off True concluded Winter for the Fool and the Knave are equally punished in it by Diseases and Poverty But let 's see with what powerful Reasons the Philosopher furnishes his Friend against what he cannot resist himself LETTER X. This was directed as the other Dear Friend YOU tell me you find your fits of fondness return so often and with that violence that you fear 't will be past the power of all my Philosophy to make an absolute cure upon you I confess indeed as there is no greater help to a Medicinal Operation than a good Faith in the Prescriber so the contrary often obstructs the Skill of the Physician yet I persuade my self my endeavours will not be entirely â—ruitless since you are so sensible of your Error as to desire a Reformation Methinks a generous Indignation should break so hated a Chain since 't is so preposterous and base to make the Sov'raign of the mind Reason the Slave to every motion of the most inconsiderable part of our Body I know you a great stickler for Liberty and Property but you ought first to pull down the domestick Tyranny before you set up for a Patriot free your Soul from that senseless dotage on so unclean an Animal as a Woman and raise it to contemplation The Order and Courses of the Heavenly Bodies the Oeconomy and Wonders of Nature afford a far more generous and satisfactory pleasure to the Mind Certainty is the Essence of happiness but the Love of a Whore is more uncertain than the Feast of Damocles for you are not only ignorant how soon you may lose the Blessing but you are not so much as sure you at all possess it
and are not deluded with a shadow instead of a reality like the Antifeasts of the Romans 't is to your money she Sacrifices the enjoyment of her Person which cannot purchase her real Affection But suppose which I can never graâ—t you were possessed of the Love as well as Person of a Whore how can you imagine to secure them When all her acquaintance is with such whose Interests and Employment it is to alienate her Affections and persuade her to prostitution Fair words are no proof of fidelity and she that protests the most to your Face as soon 〈◊〉 your back is turn'd shall laugh at you in the Arms of another for a credâ—lous Coxcomb 'T is true as you are a slave to her so is she to your Money but what Man of sense would buy that satisfaction at the Price of being known to be a Fool. But perhaps you Fancy you may debauch so secretly that you may avoid the Scandal It must be then in a Cabalistical Way with some Aerial Demon for 't is impossible with a Woman her own vanity and antipathy to Secrecy shall soon divulge your Disgrace Forsake therefore the false Hypocritical Sex which if you give your self to hard Study you will not very much require Poets by the usual Hyperboles of their Art have to an extravagance beyond reality magnifi'd the pleasures of Love you must not therefore read them for they will not extinguish but add Fuel to that fire which finds but too much Matter within us Philosophy both Natural and Moral will afford you more substantial satisfaction which if you stick close to will banish all these Chymera's which now disturb your repose and make you laugh with your Friend at the Fool that next falls into your Jilting Sylvii's Snare I am yours to command THEO PHIL. This Leter said Winter shews us That the cunning Jade had some reason to wheedle her Cully since it inform'd her his Love for her was still alive and strugling in his Bosom and in short only wanted her Letter to gain the field for if we once admit a Parley in such a case 't is only to yield upon the first appearance of Recruits on the enemies side Nay pursu'd Chappel her Letter convinces she 's no Novice in her Trade but understands the Art of Wheedling as well as any of them But cou'd one imagine interrupted Temple this man so well read in the Folly and who can so well advise shou'd not be able to save his own stake So much easier 't is to be wise in the Theory than the Practice I know the man pursu'd Summer and he has the reputation of a Cinic and Woman hater which makes me apt to think this some sham upon him That 's not at all likely returned Grave for how should a Whore forge his Hand so well as to deceive him who doubtless is well acquainted with it without a â—amiliarity with him which still gains the point The World may more easily be deceiv'd than this proof continued Fountain For that Judges by appearances and therefore most commonly erroneously But he added Church that builds his Wit Honesty or Courage on the opinion of the World may really be a Fool Knave or Coward True said Brook for 't is not the opinion of the World that can make that Lady a Whore because she has a free Conversation or that Whore an honest Woman because she borrows the face of one to enjoy the pleasure of Sin without the Infamy Nor can the opinion of the World make this man Rich because he makes a splendid Figure at the expence of his Credit and other mens Purses nor that Usurer poor because all the Cloaths on his back are not worth a Guinny Right pursued I nor can the opinion of the World make this man a Coward because he is not for flinging away his life as often as any of his company wants either sense or manners Nor that Bully a man of Courage because he 'll Damn and Tilt on e'ry word that 's misunderstood The first may be brave in the Field in his Countreys Cause in the visible face of Death and Destruction whilst the other skulks behind a hedge for fear of a Cannon Ball or stays at home to gain the Reputation of a Stout Man upon easier terms since his skill in his weapon affords him a greater security than in the proof of his Body against a Bullet To come a little nearer our purpose concluded Rivâ—r the opinion of the World can't make this man a Philosopher or Lover of Wisdom who has only the Language but not the Life of one or at least I can say this that Philosophers are like Physitians Giants for relief of others but Pigmies in their own distress And so much for the Philosopher And now let 's call a New Cause LETTER XI From one that design'd to supplanâ— his Relation to his Friend and Confident 'T was directed thus To Mr. Jawl at his Chambers iâ— Clifford's-Inn London with care and speed Dear DICK Surry Iune 1692. MY Nephew designs for Town very suddenly he seems to stagger in his resolutions as if he suspected my intentions The writings I hope are ready and drawn as I directed unless he seals part with never a a Farthing get what you can of him that you may be the easier to thy faithful Friend OB. SWEEPSTAKES A short and pithy piece of Villany this said Brook nature and honesty made truckle to Interest without much formality 'T is the sum of the general practice answered Chappel Mony being Health Beauty Courage Vertue and every thing else nothing being a Crime that fills the Purse and nothing a Vertue that empâ—ies it Yet ev'n Villany is alleviated reply'd River by circumstances for to break the Laws of just and right for a trivial matter is unpardonable and discovers a love evâ—n of the guilt but a mighty prospect of advantage might be suppos'd to make us only forget it True pursued Temple we hear Caesar with pleasure rather than anger repeating the Verse of Eâ—ripides which was to this sense If Right may be violated it may for Empire But in all things else be a lover of Vertue For at that time the Roman Empire presented a Noble Motive to his Ambition but to see such contendings for it when torn to pieces by the inundations of Barbarians in the time of Valentinian raises our indignation when we read ' em Right added Church for whatever the Antient might deserve I 'm sure those wretched Remains of the Majesty of Rome cou'd not merit so many Treasons and Murders to purchase them Less still said Fountain does such a trifle as a poor Country Estate deserve Damnation both here and hereafter And this Estate pursued Winter perhaps is not above forty or fifty pound a year which costs so many Bribes Lyes Forgeries and Perjuries 'T is not the Quantity but the Quality said I that allures us we naturally covet what is not our due the Fool is pleas'd to
London Iune 1092. I Am very much dissatisfy'd with my Master he never gives me any time to go abroad to recreate myself all the Week I must be in the Shop and on Sundays I must be at Church and from thence home again to read in the Bible or some other Book I am fobb'd off with any thing there 's ne're a Prentice in the Street but goes better dress'd than I and has more liberty I dine with the Maids and that not till the Victuals are cold and then I must tend one of my Master's Brats all the while if I commit the least oversight I am thrash'd without mercy in short 't is a Hell upon Earth and if you don't take care to have me turn'd over I 'm resolv'd to run away to Sea or any whether Pray dear Mother send me a little Mony for my Master takes away all my vails I am Your Dutiful Son Jonathan Tomsons This younâ—ster said I is sick of the Mother for which answer'd Brook the Gallows is generally the Cure the Observation pursu'd Grave is too true for the Indulgence of the Parent makes all the Methods of honest living uneasie to the Child so that he only learns to spend continu'd Winter in his Prenticeship and to steal when he comes for himself No wonder said Church we seldom observe the Golden mean in our Lives when our Parents are so unequal in our Education True added Summer for the exteams of seuerity and fondness prescribe blind measures to them Of the two said Temple Severity is the less dangerous I am of the same mind said Fountain as well as your Friend Horace who is for using Youth to Labour and Hardship That indeed said Chappel is the Mother of Vertues whilst ease enervates the Soul and Body too It renders all Conditions uneasie concluded Brook and makes this Lad like too many of his Station complain of that regularity of Life they ought to be kept to that Vertue with their Years might grow habitual for a Habit in Vertue or Vice is more durable than Precepts of right or wrong LETTER XIX From a barren Woman to a Doctor to desire his Advice what to do to Conceive 'T was directed to Dr. Ch. at his Lodgings in Old near Charing-Cross London This was inclos'd in another to Mrs. Bush with Orders to give the Doctor his Fees Honoured Dr. BY my Cousin I have sent you a Fee I desire your Advice what Method to take that I may bear a Child to my Husband who seems much dissatisfy'd that I am Barren and that I fear alienates his Heart from me he having a good Estate and no kindness for him that will next inherit it if he die issueless I am apt to think 't is his fault tho' having had the same Fate with a formeâ— Wife tho' he 's as Promising a Man as one shall see I am therefore resolv'd to try all means possible to gratifie him and my self too in having a dear Babe and being a Mother Your Skill in these Affairs has made me address my self to you who am Sir Your unknown Servant E. B. Alas poor Lady said Brook the Skill of the Doctor is often nonplus'd in this Case The truth out is said River her case is something desperate and her Fee as good as thrown away Ladies that have try'd Remedies for this said I have generally found the change of Bed-fellows more beneficial than the Bath or Wells This Lady answer'd Summer seems to be much of that opinion Handsomly hinting added Temple that the defect lies in her Husband and by consâ—quence said Fountain that she hop'd she might improve under an abâ—er Husbandman She has furnish'd herself said Chappel with a good Plea for Cuckolding her Husband that is the consulting his desire to wrong the next Heir of the Estate If a Woman said Winter have a mind to a thing she 'll soon â—â—ad a Reason to justifie it as well as a oppertunity to effect it But supposing the best saâ—d Church all that I can observe is that she has a wondrous mind to be a Mother because she is not so 'T is our Nature concluded Grave to slight the present and covet the absent Blessing and so in a perpâ—tual Circle LETTER XX. From a younger Brother to his Mistress in Town that had sent him word she was with Child by him to advise her to lay it to another 'T was directed to Mrs. Sarah Ruthland a Semptress at the Sign of the ... in the Strand London With Care and Speed Dear Flesh and Blood YOu send me word you are afraid you are with Child you foolish Chit cou'd you not play with more discretion but since 't is so if you love me or your self provide for the worst you know or might know all my subsistance is upon an old Aunt that is so plaguily Religious that she would cashier me quite if she shou'd know me guilty of this little Venial slip her allowance is short enough already as you know to your cost Therefore admit of the Addresses of the old Hypocrite that has made such Broad-sides to you by that means you 'll provide both for the Child and its Mother too Be not over squemish what tho' he has not been able to get a Child since the days of our Forefathers he 's rich and has a mind to be nibling defer his Appetite no longer but take my advice who am thy ever faithful Loving R. Robinson Here 's good Husbandry in whoring said Temple Ay and good Contrivance too replied Chappel his Mistress finds him Linnen doubtless and he you see pursu'd Summer supplies her with a good Father to a Child of his own begetting How Prudence and Gratitude said Brook march hand in hand 'T is a common practice said Fountain for Ladies of her Station to have two Fathers to their Off-spring a natural and adopted Inverting the Roman custom said I for here the Child adops the Father The holy Fornicacor said River in the mean while is like to pay saâ—ce for the Back-sâ—iding 'T is sit Hypocrisie said Church shou'd purchase the Vanity it gains in the Esteem of the World at the expence of its private Idol Mammon They are such intimate Friends pursu'd Winter that methinks they shou'd rejoice to support one another onâ—y the Friendship of Iniquity is not very cordial Thus e'ry Vicâ— and Folly concluded Grave has a train of secret Punishments linck'd fast to it LETTER XXI From a Iealous Wife to her Husband in Town 'T was directed to Mr. Smith to be left for him at the Sun Coffee-house in the Strand London With Care Mr. Smith I Wonder what detains you in London thus long I 'm very sure the business you went about might have been finish'd in one quarter of the time but I suppose you delay your return to be the longer out of my hated company with your Harlots Well well Mr. Smith you must pretend no more to the name of a Gentleman when you came a wooing to
answer'd Fountain thoughtful as their Dreams will convince But interrupted Chappel their Knaveries are so natural that there is no necessity to suppose them capable of a rational Thought any more than a Cat that watches and feigns her self asleep to catch her Mice For my part concluded Summer I think if Morality be justly observ'd there will 〈◊〉 Man of what Religion so ever be Damn'd for controverted doubtful Points LETTER XXXIX From a Gentleman of some Quality to a Creditor of his 'T was directed to Mr. Woodford at his House in Maiden Lane near the Strand London SIR Wilts Iune 1692. I Am sorry I must still put you off since you have pressed me with so much earnestness for your Mony I have retir'd from Town on purpose to retrench my Expences that I may be able to discharge all my Debts but as yet I am not able to spare so much as your Bill amounts to tho I hope it will not be long before I shall send to you to your satisfaction As for what you desir'd me to buy you I have sent it by the Carrier but you must pardon me if I refuse to put it to account I freely present you with it who am Sir your Friend and Servant J. Bowlestre The Writer of this Letter said Chappel is no less than a Baronet born to Two thousand a year And writes such a servile Letter pursu'd Temple to a Taylor for such is this Woodford I know him said Brook by the experience of his plaguâ— Bills This shews said Grave that by being in debt one makes 〈◊〉 self the Slave of the Creditor Debt pursued Winter makes a Mechanic familiar and sawcy with Quality But Quality answer'd Church has a Receipt of humbling that Sawâ—iness by never paying And yet pursu'd â—iver some of the Mechanics had rather have the honor of working for Quality thaâ— the Mony of the meaner sort I knew a Dutch Shoemaker added Fountain of that humor and for his Work he talk'd Politics with them at the Coffee-house Their Pride continu'd Summer makes way for the others wronging 'em of their due But concluded Winter their Quality is not much honor'd is sharping on the Vices of their Inferiors LETTER XL. From an old Woman in love with a young Man 'T was directed to Mr. Scuthborough to be 〈◊〉 for him at Hypolito's in Bridget-street near the Theatre Royal London Dear Mr. Scuthborough Oxfordshire Iune 1692. YOur repeated Letters to my Daughter tho she has assured you of her Pre-engagement convince me that you are not inâ—ensible of Love but I have often told you of your fruitless Endeavours there and how much you were her Aversion I have also told you there was another Lady in the World who would receive your Address with a more favourable Ear and said enough I thought to make you understand whom I meant if my Eyes had not been sufficient to have betray'd the Secret to you I am unwilling to think my Age or Fortune so contemptible as to be slighted by you and therefore I hope this confession of my Love will be look'd upon as a modest assurance in my own Deserts and not an overfondness of you tho ingranting I love you I grant you worthy of that Fondness I hope you are a man of Honor to make no use of this to my Prejudice Remember that Youth is the Seat of Deceit and fickle Inconstancy its wishes and desires are rambling no more to be bounded than a Torrent and Inundatiâ—n but Age I mean Maturity past which I presume you can't suppose me is more fixt as well as more violent in Love continues pleas'd with its choice and neither desires nor thinks of any change If Youth has more of the sparkling gaudiness of Beauty it has also the less care as well as skill to please And I think without vanity my Face has not lost all its charms when my Heart admits of new Fires In short pray let us see you here as soon as your occasions will permit I intend for the Town in the Winter who am Your humble Servant Eugenia Allson This Letter is writ said Chappel with the Soul of a Woman in which Passion and Pride are so mingled that it discovers not a little Cunning. Cunning said Winter in Folly Yes return'd I there may be a great deal of Cunning us'd in compassing that which perhaps may be a Folly True pursu'd Temple for 't is no better than Folly for a woman that is old to think to divert a passion from a young Lady to her self And yet you see she aims at it in this Letter interrupted River with a great deal of Art Right continu'd Summer by first presenting him with despair of the desired Object And then added Fountain presenting with an Object of Interest which is commonly taking with a man that is disappointed of his Love And lastly said Church by proposing the difference betwixt the two with the Advantage to the latter Woman concluded Graâ—e is exorbitant and irregular in her Lusts and Desires but regular and skilful to gratifie them LETTER XLI From an Irish-man to his Creditor Directed to Mr. Russel a Peruque-maker in Drury-lane London Dear Ioy Tunbridge June 1692. BY my Shoulwasion Ee was in hopes before nu indeed to have pleas'd thee sweet Faash of thee bee St. Patric with some Mony for the two last Perriwigs but bee Chreest and St Patric Ee was indeed disappointed of mee Bills of Exchange from mee Steward in Ereland dear Joy but bee mee Shoulwasion Ee will turn him out of his Plaash indeed when Ee return home Mee good Lady your Weef indeed can tell you the truth of these for Ee have shew'd her a Letter of it which came bee me veree good Friend indeed Teague Mack Allon that was Mashor-General bee mee Shoul washion when Ee was Under-Marshal of France and bee Chreest mee good Friend he is a very good Paymaster if thee canst but get him to bee thee Customer Chreest bless thee sweet Faush indeed commend me to thee sweet Spouse she is a very good Woman bee mee Shoulwasion dear Joy Thee maist direct to me at a Housh bee Chreest about the meedle of a Street in Tunbridge mee Landlord's Daughter bee Chreest and St. Patric married the Miller's Son of a Village within a mile of this place his great Grandmother was a Gentlewoman bee mee Shoulwasion and sold Wine at the Wells and his Grandfather bee the Mothers â—ide was call'd Honest Dic and wore Leather-Breeks indeed and Ee remember when Ee was in Ereland dear Joy Ee was us'd to reede a hunting in Leather-Breeches and Leather-Boots too Ee am bee mee Shoulwasion Thee veree humble Servant Teague O Donnel Bee Chreest and St. Patric Ee had forget the best thing for your cold is Bonniclabar and the best thing in the World for the Gout is Bonniclabar and indeed dear Joy Bonniclabar is good for e'ery thing I love not National Reflections said Temple But the dulness pursu'd Winter of this
near it it will do full as well especially if it be current with the Vogue of the People 'T is true I can enlarge upon it my self and therefore as to the nicest matter I should desire the best account because I know who to gratifie with the one and who with the other but your additional Comment from Report will save me a great deal of labour for whatever goes down with you I 'm sure can't â—ail here our People being fully as desirous of News As to the business of Dauphine I wish it were magnified more than really 't is but as for News against us that also sometimes ought to be set off in the most dreadful characters it gives the better relish to the good News that follows it I am yours to command R. Luist These News-mongers said I in my opinion are the most dangerous Vermin of the State And ought I think pursu'd Winter to be us'd like such They spread false News continu'd Temple to serve their own Interest And live added Chappel like the Devil by Lyes They gratifie Factions said Summer And keep up Animosities pursu'd Brook stir up Fear and Iealousies continu'd Fountain Or hush us too much in Security added Church The very Design of them said River seems to affront the Government supposing that daâ—es not or can't publish all that is fit and necessary to be known in the Gazet. In short concluded Grave Man in general is covetous of News and the English most voracious that makes e'ery thing go down where they hope to find it LETTER XLVIII From a Relation that was angry with another to a Gentleman that interceded for him 'T was directed to Mr. Claypool at Mr. Buck's near Dowgate London SIR Suffolk June 1692. I Wonder after so many Denyals you still urge so ungrateful a Subject as the reconciliation with my Cousin whom you may assure from me that whatever Civility I may in any company for my own sake shew him I will never have any thing to do with him more nor assist him if perishing let him know what it is to disoblige a Friend His Afflictions shall furnish me with Pleasure for there is nothing in Nature I hate and abominate more than I do him nay and all such as pretend to espouse his Interest so far as to speak to me in his behalf Obadiah Alstone Anger said I is an ill Dissembler But Hate pursu'd Winter is worse Right added Temple Hate is the Opposite to Love and can't be conceal'd Words and Actions will discover it I have observed said Grave that your greatest pretenders to Godliness are generally the hardest to be reconcil'd And the easiest offended added Church They are so taken 〈◊〉 with the Name of God pursu'd Summer that they forget his Nature Mercy and Iustice Neither if which continu'd River is the measure of their Iâ—dignation Nay assum'd Brook they forget his Precepts too of Forgive your Enemies do good to them that have done ill to you They either never say the Lord's Prayer said Temple or always skip forgive us our Trespasses c. Their Passion 's their God reply'd Fountain and the Gratification of that is their Zeal True concluded Chappel that 's the only God the Angry and Envious sacrifice to using the Face of Religion as a Pimp to their Vices LETTER XLIX From a proud man to his Friend 'T was directed to Mr. Walters near the Blew Ball in Airs-street in Picadilly London Honour'd Sir York June 1692. I Hope I have better deserv'd from you than for you to think I keep such mechanic Company as you write about a man of my Quality who hâ—s had an Education answerable ought to be allow'd to know his Distances to keep with all the inferior sort I look upon a Gentleman to be as good as a Lord or indeed better since the King may give Nobility but not Gentility Favour may gain Tâ—tles but Merit and Virtue only that of a Gentleman And as Virtue gains the Name of a Gentleman so methinks little mechanic Conversation ought to loose it Here abundance of the sordid Gentâ—â— shall â—it check by â—owl over a Glass of Stout with Farmers Assure thy self I know my Quality better than to yield in the least Nicety I advise you to avoid the Bouncing Captain he 's certainly one of the Vainest Proudest Men under the Copes of Heaven fiâ—ical and phantastical to boot preserve thy Friendship unsully'd for him only that deserves it H. Marshal This Gentleman said Summer like old Rome will suffer none to be Proud but himself Right said Winter for the Learned and Ingenious Cicero himself glories in the destruction of Carthage and Corinth those proud Cities Tho' much infâ—rior added Church to Rome in that qualification The Niceties of Birth and Quality methinks said Grave might be numbred among the Vulgar Errors True said River there is no more real Excellence due to them than there is to a Player that acts a King on the Stage but is no better than the rest within the Scenes So the Grave when 〈◊〉 withdraw after the Farce of this life will equal all men So that 't is a Folly added Fountain to be proud of that which lasts but so short a time But as it is absolutely necessary answer'd Temple that the other Players should shew him that respect on the Stage as if â—e were really more excellent than them So assum'd Brook on the Stage of the World 't is as necessary for the Order and Oeconomy of the Vniverse that there should be a difference observ'd of Quality and Dignity Nay pursu'd Chappel I 'm of opinion that there is a real distinction here as well as above in Heav'n I must confess concluded I it seems not irrational that there is a difference of Excellence of Souls but I very much question that of Quality LETTER L. From a severe Melancholy Philosopher to his jovial Friend Directed to Mr. Hooke to be left for him at the Nags-head-Tavern in Newgate street London SIR I Received your rallying Letter but wonder what pleasure you can find in that Mirth all your Words and Actions abound with Laughing methinks is such an 〈◊〉 Quality that Men of Sense should be asham'd of too great a use of it left they should be thought to border too much upon the Nature of that Beast I can never think 〈◊〉 a wise Man that had so ill a Notion of the Affairs of this World to think they merited nothing but a foolish Laughter which was only to 〈◊〉 one Folly with another Heraclitus certainly had a much better Idea of the desperate condition of humane life when he gave himself over to Tears for the daily Miseries 't was subject to Christ himself was often seen to Cry but never to Laugh What a melancholy Prospect does each part of this World afford the Elements the Seasons of the Year are subject to strange viciâ—â—itudes the Affairs of Man much more The strongest and best design'd Policies can scarce produce a
few Years public Peace or Success to any Nation We find that the Roman Empire which was of such strength as to subdue the greatest and most formidable Empires of the Earth is now no more but an empty Name less than the Ghost of the departed Power In the time of Galienus when it seem'd to feel the greatest Convulsions Sapores King of â—ersia having taken the Emperor Valerianus Prisoner Bellosuâ— who stil'd himself King of Kings writing to Sapores upon his Victory says that if he thought the Roman Empire could be overcome he should reioice in his Success firmly believing it should be eternal as the rest of this Letter testifies but we have lived to see it no more thought of as a Terror but a Prey to all Nations so fading is the Glory of the World I tell thee Friend thou art a stranger to thought thou couldst not laugh else whilst Death was besieging thy brittle Careass on every side with the irresistible Artillery of a thousand Accidents Oh leave that lewd thoughtless Town and come and join Sorrows with thy Friend figh out the remainder of thy days for the many trifling Merriments thou hast lost thy self in Believe me this is not only a Duty but a Pleasure Sorrow is natural to a Man he has a taste of it when he first springs from his Mother's Womb and is therefore more agrâ—eeble to his Constitution the Soul seems to be at ease when 't is cloth'd in its Native 〈◊〉 of Tears and Sadness and is not weary as 't is when it has been entertain'd with Mirth and Laughter How can you be so much pleas'd in the Tempest of the World where Sickness Poverty Disgrace and Death toss thy little Bark with such impetuous Fury 't is ten to one if one or all of 'em do not prevail retire therefore to me and to this sad Contemplation sorrow 's our Portion and our Satisfaction I wish thee therefore not like the Friends of this World Joy but multiplicity of Sorrow who am thy real Friend Dâ— Holton Here 's a dismal Letter indeed said Chappel enough to make a Man fall asleep to read it He would have us pursu'd Temple all like the Son of the Emperor Philip that succeeded Gordianus who was never seen to smile He 's one of our moderâ— Cinics added Brook who thinks Wisdom and Devotion lies in Ill-nature and Pale-faces 'T is true said Summer 't is visible that all Humane things are subject to change but for that reason must I vex and cry to no purpose But added River he obliges us to a Certainty and Constancy of sorrow whilst every thing else is upon the swift Whirle of Fate and alters every moment Right pursu'd Fountain the Vicissitude of Things methinks should rather perswade us to a vicissitude of Temper and to mix seriousness and mirth in our Lives According to the Advice of Solomon said Church and the Practice of the Italians He is like the rest of the World spight of his Philosophy pursu'd Winter so unreasonable as to censure all that are not of his mind which proceeds added Grave from the defect of his Constitution and Complexion True concluded I because that enclines him to Melancholy he would have Nature inverted that all Contraries might meet in his Humour LETTER LI. From a poor Gentleman to his rich old Friend that is sick Directed to Mr. Loid at his House in Graves-End in Kent Honour'd Sir London Iune 1662. WE have once been very intimate Friends till Fortune was pleas'd to divide us you she mounted up to the topmost spoke of her revolving Wheel and Death I find has a mind to saveâ— you from falling from it me she cast down to the bottom and no wonder therefore that we could not hear and converse with one another at such a distance But now Death is going to lay you a degree lower than Fortune has me I hope since you can no longer use the benefits of Fortune you 'll part with a small pittance to him you once profess'd to Love I shall value that more than your Heir shall all you 'll leave him Therefore since Wealth cannot be convey'd to the next Life but by Bills of Exchange 't is best to take the surest way and send by God I mean his Friends the Poor and not by the Devil leaving more to them who have too much already This Advice will be profitable to both of us to you hereafter and to me at present who am Your Friend and Servant C. G. The Maxim of Periander said I to thy Friends be the same in Prosperity and Adversity is of very little force in our days whatever it was then It had then answer'd Grave the fate of all good Precepts a great many Admirers but few Observors True pursu'd Winter the Example of Timâ—â— may prove that Nay I was always of Opinion said Church that it was only a vulgar Error that Vices were more numerous now than in days of old The loâ—â—er Writers of those Ages assum'd River as Catullus Petronius Arbiter c. Evince the truth of that nay that if there be any difference pursu'd Fountain the advantage is on our side Our Writer of this Letter said Temple would have found Fortune could 〈◊〉 divided him from his Friend in the days of the Philosophers and Prophets as well as now He deserves relief the replied Chappel from him since he was so civil as never to ask it of him till he found his Friend could have no farther use of it himself but it is ten to one answer'd Brook whether 〈◊〉 gains it or no. True concluded Summer for they that misuse their Wealth in their Lives seldom menâ— their Management at their Death custom having perswaded them of the Wisdom Iustice and Generosity of their Actions tho contrary to all thâ—es LETTER LII From a young Lady who resolved ever to continue a Maid with her Reasons for it Directed to Mrs. Dorothy Wood at Mr. Tompsons near Holbourn bars London Dear Madam Cheshire Iune 1692. YOU send me word that you now begin to think of Marriage leâ—t you should be look'd on as an old Maid that is the Reason I 'll never marry because I would be one of those few wiâ—e 〈◊〉 that merit that Name who have never been polluted with the Embraces of Mankind I sean the 〈◊〉 of Virgins will not be very numerous in the next World any more than in this Chastity is so rare a Giâ—t among us that we think it a greater Scandal than Prostitution and the Daughter of Iephtha deplor'd not that state more heartily than the Women of this Age would in the same Circumstances I love the Vertue that is not common and would be one of the Heroines of my Sex which I can never be in the vulgar way of Wife my Temper is too impatient of controul and I had rather be a slave to my own will than to that of another Besides I have a fancy that there is a real Preference of a
said Summâ—r might be thought to be that innocent Race Meâ—â—morphos'd that they might soar above that Earth they excell'd and nearer that Heaven they serv'd I know not what to make of this your new Systâ—â— concluded Grave but I 'm sure the Argument frâ—â— Reason which the Philosopher makes use of to proâ—â— the Immortality of Birds and Beasts will never hold more for them than for e'ry Leaf of Grass or 〈◊〉 of the Sea which are equally the Work of an eteâ—nal Being LETTER LV. From a little Parson that had seen the Queen and falls in Love with her and desires his Friends Advice what to do in the Case Directed to Mr. Hockley aâ— Chelmsford Essex I Find that my little Body is capable of greaâ— and nobâ—e Fâ—res I was to see the Queen at Dinner but I found her the Queen of Beauty as well as the Queen of England and I must own I sâ—ek'd in a Poyson from her Eyes which I know not how to find an Antidoâ—e for The boldness of â—y Passion is grown to that extravagance to wish â—â—ould make her know her new Adorer thinking love like its Brother plague infectious and because I love so much she must love so too perhaps you may think me mad but if I am 't is glorious-Raving and I desire not to be sober in your humble Sense let me love a Quâ—en tho my Love cost me my Life a Prince would be glad to die her Martyr my Pen I use in her Cause with the greater Ardor and when I preach I turn the Gospel into an Enoâ—mium upon her I desire dear Sir your Advice what I shall do in this case how to manage a Love of this nature to the Satisfaction of Sir Your most humble Servant Thomas Spicer As Pedro says in the Spanish Fryar said Temple I think if I never was to die till my Flesh and Blood rebelâ—'d against our Sovereign Lady that way I should be free from Tybourn this many a fair Year In the midst of our Miâ—th at the Extravagance of this Letter we heard a verâ— great Knocking at thâ— Court-yard-gate and upon the opening of it a great noise in the House which did not a little surprize us for fear it had been some in pursuit of us having goâ— intelligence either from our Ian whither they mighâ— have dogg'd us or from the Water-men who might have overheard some of our Discourse in the Boat which made us presently to send Summer out to 〈◊〉 what the matter was and to gain us time to dispoâ—â— of our Letters into a more secret part of the Summer house which we did with all the speed imaginable shuffling them all into our Box and placing that among the Gardiners Tools and Vtensils under 〈◊〉 Summer-house after which placing the Bottle aâ—â— Glasses regularly in the midst of us we were resolvâ—â— to expect our Fate as Epicure did Death that 〈◊〉 each Man with his Glass in his hand We had not drank above two rounds wheâ— Summer sent his Valet to us to inform us that it was my Lord come to pay him a Visit and a little â—fter hâ— gaâ—â— his Lordship the slip and came to us to let us knoâ— he was afraid he should not get rid of his Lordship till after dinner unlâ—ss Grave came into his rescuâ— with his starch'd and surly Morals to which his Honour was a mortal Foe Grave therefore by commâ—â— consent was deputed for the delivery of Summer from the obsession of Quality and restore us to our pleasant Enquiries he obey'd and we in the mean time fetch'd up our Cargo and began to sort 'em again seperating those we had read from those we had â—ot and by that time we had done that and taken 〈◊〉 Glass apiece Summer and Grave came to us having dispatch'd his Lordship to Dinner to some of his Brother Peers We were all desirous to know the Adventure before â—e proceeded which Summer gave us in these few words My Lord you know Gentlemen is one that values himself so much upon his Quality and Wit that he can bear no disrespect to either and he esteems it a disrespect to his Quality if your whole behaviâ—â—â— be not as solemn and ceremonious as an Audience â—f an Ambassador or an interview of two Princes and to his Wit if you oppose the absurdest thing he says this being his Honors genius Grave here whose Face would perswade one he were a Surly or Manly perâ—â—ates a rough uneasie Temper contradicts all my Lord said scarce aloud him a Bow never laugh'd at his Iest nor admir'd his Dress or Liveries My Lord grew presently uneasie and tho' he at first preâ—â—â—ded to dine with me made his excuse that he was â—â—lig'd to dine with my Lord and like Sir â—opling cries Hey Page my Coach wither with a great deal of Ceremony I attend him whilst Grave â—akes a stop at the Parlor door and bids his Lordship plainly good buy his Lordship return'd him â—o answer but asked me what ill bred Clown I kept Company with I told him a Country Cousin that was not yet polish'd enough for his Lordship's Conversation and so with an hundred sensless Bows and Cringes we parted my Lord into his Coach and I to my Friend Grave here and having given order for delaying of Dinner till two or three a Clock We came you see Gentlemen to this honourable Bâ—nch let us therefore proceed Happy â—e the Omen said Chappel the first I light on is the Hand of one of the fair Sex â—nd having broken it open which is a wonder concise I 'll read it if I can for the ill spelling with an audible Voice LETTER LVI From a fair Lady being a Profession of Constancy in Friendship 'T was directed to Mr. Englith to be left at the Raven in the Poultrey till call'd for Dear Sir London Iune 1692. I Receiv'd a Letter and Copy of Verses from you and shall at present answer you only in your own words viz. to assure you distance of Place change of Air or Fortunes or length of time shall never alter that real respect I have for you who am Your true and real Friend Parmenia Here is a great deal in a little said Grave a great Miracle of the Sex both in Constancy added Winter Wit and Brevity Pliny said Temple says Nature is ever greatest in her least Productions and so is Wit for then 't is improv'd by Iudgment a rare Qualification in a Woman Nature said Summer is sometimes as prodigal of her Favours to one as she is nigardly of them to another and here I assure you said I she has been lavish to Youth giving the Iudgment of Age to Beauty the Wit of the Vgly to a Woman the Constancy and Stability of Man Nay there interrupted River you injure her for the Constancy of Man extends no farther than prosperity as his Friendship reaches no farther than Words or Self-interest Right pursu'd Church but â—ers not only in profession but reality was not
〈◊〉 to Times Places or any accident of Fortune 〈◊〉 continu'd Winter were these Professions made iâ— the Sun-shine of a happy State but when the Man 〈◊〉 actually under a Cloud The only time added Brook that words of that nature are meant as they 〈◊〉 spoke May she therefore concluded Chappel always meet with Sincerity in her Friends Constancy 〈◊〉 her Lovers and Success in her Wishes and Desires May she be always beautiful and young and witty is she now is For sure nature may work Miracles for such a Miracle in nature LETTER LVII From a Relation giving advice to another 'T was directed to Mr. Long at his Lodgings at the twisted Posts in Sulfolk-street London Cousin Norfolk Iune 1692. I Am sorry to hear you so much pervert your Father's Indulgence as to throw away both your time and mony in pursuit of Women If you don't reform some malicious or officious Person or other may chance to acquaint your Father with it and you know your Mother-in-Law would be glad of a pretence to alienate his Affections from you Take my Advice who really love you and wean your self from ill Company who love your Money not you as you 'll find too late if you still pursue the thoughtless Dictates of Vice and Youth I wish you health of Mind and Body that you may know your false Friends from your true ones as is your loving Cousin Isa. Richards Tho' this Letter said Winter shew a great deal of reality yet I dare say 't will afford much more of disguist than pleasure to him 't is sent to Because answer'd Church Youth drown'd in Wine and the pursuit of Pleasures hates the cautious Admonitions of Wisdom No no said Brook because unask'd advice thâ— never so good is always suspected of Self-interest I can see no cause for that Suspicion here return'd Summer where the Benefit accrues wholly to him that is advis'd Ah said I are you so ignorant in Man as not to know that the Prejudices of Passion and Pre-engagement never consider Reason or at least added Grave forge Reasons out of Air and Imagination to flatter the Folly they are bound to Small indeed is the number of those said River who are capable of giving a disintress'd Advice and vastly less pursu'd Temple of those that will take it Self-esteem said Fountain is the cause of the last and Self-interest of the first I am of opinion concluded Chappel that our Passions set things in so false a Light that we easily misjudge of them that are not extreamly self-evident and Advice depending generally on Events is seldom so LETTER LVIII Of Entreaty desiring a Favour of a Friend Directed to Mr. Goff at his House in Duck-Lane London Dear Friend Plimouth Iune 92. I Am sorry that the first time you hear from me must inform you of the Misfortune of your Friend We set Sail on the Monday after I left you from Weymouth and had a good fresh Gale which bore us over nearer the French Coasts thâ—n we desir'd and 〈◊〉 next day about seven in the Evening a Vessel made up to us which upon our making away gave us Chace with all the Sails she could and fir'd two or three Guns at us and being within shot brought our Main-mast by the Board In short we were took but the Night coming on my Cousin Iohn and I and two more of the 〈◊〉 crew got the Boat over-board and so stole into it and cutting the Cable put off to Sea and ply'd ouâ— little Sail and Oars with such success that tho' they fir'd at us we before day got out of sight and by next Morning came near a Man of War of our own whom we inform'd of the Privateer and having had from us as good directions as we could give sending us asâ—oar to Plimouth went after the 〈◊〉 I am now in a strange place and without Money I desire therefore you would send me five Pounds which I promise to repay you as soon as God enables me you may remember when I did you a far greater Kindness and in less likely Circumstances of being ever able to return it which makes me think I shall not write in vain to you in this Exigence whom am Your unfortunate Friend R. Isaacs I dare engage said Chappel this Man receives not so obliging a Letter in his distress as that of the Charming PARMENIA Pity replied Grave is the Vice of the Nature of that Sex Prethee Grave said I remember thy Mother was a Woman and have a little more tenderness for them and not pervert that which is an Excellence in the Sex Right pursu'd Temple for 't is the Vertue not the Vice of their Nature But said Winter this Man has taken a wrong method to prevail in putting him in mind of a greater Favour receiv'd formerly For pursu'd Brook we tâ—â—e no pleasure in prosperity in a grateful Remembrance of a past Obligation Especially added Church if we are put in mind of it by the â—ecessity of our Benefactor As if said Summer his misfortunes had cancell'd our Duty 'T is true said Fountain we are not pleas'd to be told of an Obligation by him that oblig'd us because it seems to lessen our Gratitude in returning it by making that a Duty which we would have thought the effect of our Generosity No no concluded River we are only angry at the unpleasant Memento because it stares us in the face and tells us we are Monsters if we 〈◊〉 and so leaves us no place for excuse LETTER LIX A Complement from a fair Lady to a Gentleman that had sent her some Verses 'T was directed to Mr. Abbot in Cornhill SIR I Should begin my Letter with those Encomâ—â—â—s your Wit justly merits should I follow my own Inclinations and fill this Letter with your Praises but that for fear your Modesty would make you look on those Commendations really due to your Wit as Complements But alas were that reason remov'd I know not where to begin nor where to end for your Verse has this advantage beyond all others that it is not only above Flattery but above Praise You have by that discover'd your self so great a Critic that the fear of being too justly counted a Fool forces me unwillingly tho sincerely to subscribe my self SIR Your affectionate Friend and Servant Cleona These Letters of Complement said Grave are but Essays to see how a man can bear an Abuse under a title of Civility 'T is true added Winter 't is but a general way of lying and therefore very natural and proper for a Woman But who said I would not be proud of being flatter'd by the Sister of Parmenia for so is this Lady that wrote this Letter Right pursu'd Chappel to be esteemed worthy the Thought of the fair Cleona so much as to make her take the pains ev'n to abuse one if her Praise can be call'd so Which added Brook like that of Kings confers Merit where 't is not If Cleona said Temple be the
Madam how happy are we in so pure and undefil'd a Love by which Souls mingle e'ery minute in the highest extafie of Union without the impeding help if I may use that seeming contradiction of our Bodies Immortal must our Flame be since the immortal part of us is only interested in it The cause of Inconstancy in Common Love is the Body which being of so changeable a nature 't is impossible it should retain any thing long which has the least dependance upon it But the Soul that is still the same must still persevere in the affection it has once made choice of Wonder not at the Expression Madam for our Loves are the effects of Choice not Fancy Virtue and Wit engage us but Beauty and Vice them both frail and fading as the Joys they bring But ours Madam is the Love of Angels sacred Sympathy unites our Souls and mutual Virtues cement our holy Vows not only till Death but even to the next Life of Glory for it being a Native of Heav'n it cannot lose its Being by returning thither but rather improve it to a greater degree than it could attain here oppos'd by the cloggs of gross material bodies for like Fruits transplanted from a warm to a colder Climate 't is less perfect here tho it still retain its form tast and other Excellencies of its Heav'â—â—â— Nature tho not in so exalted a degree Uninterrupted Joy is the Product of our Passion if it merit so gross a Name without any mixture of Paâ—n 't is like the Vestal Fire burning without material Fuel whereas the other dyes and is soon extinguish'd if depriv'd of its Fuel Beauty and the auxiliary Bellows of Strifes and petty Squabbles so small and so unhappy is their Pleasure that they can't arrive at or relish it unless they first and often tast of Pain Satiety attends their Success and Quarrels serve for Exercise to gain them a fresh Appetite 'T would be endless to run through all the Advantages we have above them and impertinent to you who are so sensible of them Nor need I caution you how to preserve the Empire you have obtain'd over your Body since you know the Body is a true Coward where it has the mastery being a Tyrant but where 't is overpower'd easily kept in servâ—le awe I shall therefore only now subscribe my self Madam Your Admirer and zealous Lover A. James My Life on 't said Chappel this is some antiquated Batchelor whose Sins of his Youth have made him abominate Matrimony Or rather interrupted Brook disabled him from Matrimonial Performances and therefore prudently pursu'd Temple hides his bodily defect under the Mask of Platonic Love And she some super animated Matron said River that has been neglected in a carnal way even by her own Coachman Right assum'd Grave a Woman never forgets the Flesh till her Skin 's turn'd into Buckram by Age. Nor then neither added Winter if she can â—ake it subtile and smooth to some younger Brother by her Fortune This Lady therefore said Summer must be poor as well as old she would never else take up with empty Alms of Passion meer words 'T is well said I she can make a Virtue of Necessity and fly to the Spirit when she can't make use of the Flesh. Platonic Love said Church if we may judge by the Founder's words is not without its secret Heautâ—â—ust of the Flesh I 'm sure Plato seems to relish the Kiss of Agatho with all the fire of the most amorous Debauchee Right concluded Fountain 't is only a demure Bawd to secret whoring they being the greatest Friends to the Flesh in a Corner who espouse the Spirit so much in the face of the World LETTER LXIV From one beyond Sea expressing his desire of returning to his own native Country 'T was directed to Mr. Gregory at his House in Charles-street Westminster London Honour'd Master Hague June 1692. THE Obligations I have to you engage me to return my Thanks as often as I may without being too chargeable or too troublesome to you I am asham'd to let you know on how ill-deserviâ—â— a Subject you have plac'd all your Favours for must confess I had rather be confin'd to my natiâ—â— low condition in my own Country than have thâ— Place of Preferment you were so generously pleaâ—â— to obtain for me The Splendor of the Court wheâ— 't is here nor the Civilities of the Natives or mâ— own Countrymen nay scarce the Advantages â— Interest can make amends for the loss of old Eâ—gland the hopes of seeing which after the Camâ—â—pagn is over keeps me alive With my Respectâ— and Duty to my Mistriss and your self I subscribâ— my self SIR Your ever oblig'd humble and faithful Servant John Robinson Here 's one said Grave eaten up with the Epidemic Distemper of Mankind The doting addeâ— Brook on ones own Country Which is better reply'd Temple in my mind than that Contempt 〈◊〉 men shew for the place of their birth The love of one native Country pursu'd Riverâ— has such a swâ—â— ascendant over us that it will not let us forget it 〈◊〉 the greatest plenty nor in the remotest parts of the World True continu'd Fountain and we measure the fulness of our Happiness by the distance or nearâ—ness it sets us in from thence The Pleasures an Grandeur of old Rome were scarce Bribes enough saiâ—â— Church to win the Captives from a desire of theâ— own barren Country There 's no greater Proof of thiâ— added Summer than the Inhabitants of some of thâ— most Northern parts of Norway where one would woâ—◠〈◊〉 any of human race should endure to live the insoâ—â—nce of the winds being there so great that it blows way the tops of Houses and Trees up by the Roots at the People chuse rather to live there in Caves like â—easts than to seek some more Hospitable abode Espeâ—â—ally said Chappel since the World is so wide and â— much of the finest Country in the World uninhabited â— some parts of America But pursu'd I this is â—ot so terrible as to live near the Mountains Vesaâ—ius or Aetna the very reading of the account Pliny 〈◊〉 younger gives of the fiery Inundation in his twenâ—â—eth Letter of his sixth Book to Cornelius Tacitus â—ould make a man have a care of coming within some â—agues of it But this â—ondness of the Country we are â—orn in concluded Winter seems to me a piece of â—igottry since it goes so far beyond what Reasin reâ—uires and since the whole World is the Country of a â—ise man LETTER LXV From a Coward to his intimate Friend to assist him to gain the Reputation of a man of Courage by parting him in a Duel be must be engag'd in 'T was directed to Mr. at Mr. Herd's near Tunbridge-wells in Kent With care and Speed Dear NED London June 1692. THE confidence I put in you when you read this Letter which is to desire your immediate return to London for I happen'd to be in company last night
advises his Friend to Dissimulation in all his Actions 'T was directed to Mr. Johnson at his Lodging at Mr. Moudy's in Thredneedle-street London SIR Rutland June 1692. YOU send me Letter on Letter of complaint of the Perfidiousness of your Friends and the Villany of Men who still deceive you and I must tell you Sir you may thank your self for it You are for Plain-dealing you love not to say one thing and think another and you reap the Fruit of what you love that is Ruin and Contempt in the end All that I can do is only to advise you to alter your methods and live as other men do that is never be what you seem to be If you would injure a man profess a great deal of Friendship for him and so he 'l not be upon his Guard and you may strike home If you 'd seem honest talk much of Religion but observe but little Morality And so in all your actions put on another Face than what they tend to and by that means you may chance to rub through the sharping World As my Advice is the best Service I can do you so is this the best Advice I can give you who am Yours to command S. Grimault This Gentleman said Winter is learn'd in Mankind True pursu'd Church for Dissimulation is so general that 't is become necessary Right added Temple for he that knows not how to dissemble knows not how to live If you can't live temperately said Summer sin at least with caution so that if you are not free from Vice you may at least be so from the scandal and punishment of it Once failing to dissemble said Brook cost Claudius's Life as well as the good Emperor Probus 'T would be endless to run through all that History presents us with added River it gave occasion to Nero to exercise his Cruelty on his nearest Relations And pursu'd Fountain to Jugurtha to destroy the Son of him that had made him Co-heir in the Kingdom of Numidia It seems not only necessary said I for life but ev'n to afford a pleasure too For we shall observe it practis'd very often without any need Right added Chappel for why else should this Foâ— come a mile out of his way to see me only to tell me a Lye that he loves and admires me when before he has turn'd his back he ridicules e'ery word and action I said or did in his company and so on Well therefore concluded Grave may all the world be said to perform the part of an Actor since e'ery body represents another not himself LETTER LXIX To a Friend that advised him to overcome a Passion where he had so little Hopes giving an account of the present state of his Love and his Resolves to endeavour at a Complyance with his Friend's Wishes 'T was directed to Mr. Ed. James at his House near Harwich Essex My Friend I Received your Letter last night in which indeed you discover the Zeal of a Friend but little Consideration for the Frailties of a Lover Hast thou never been in Love thy self that thou shouldst think Advice of any force with those that are so I confess indeed the Arguments you have us'd carry enough of Truth to prevail with my Reason to banish this fatal Passion from my Heart if it was in the power of Reason to do so but alas it has taken Reason captive and domineers o'er e'ery Faculty of my Soul and therefore to little purpose you tell me there are three Obstacles that obstruct my Happiness in the Embraces of the divine BELVIDERA Marriage Modesty and Poverty You urge that being marry'd I can't make her my Wife that being modest and diffident in my self I can't suppose I can prevail on any other Terms since 't is Assurance and Impudence that gain the Sex in that way and lastly that being Poor I ought never to think of Hope since no Advantage can be reap'd from an Intrigue with me Mony you add may gain the fairest noblest most religious and most chast of all the Sex but that Woman seldom commits a Crime without some prospect of Interest Ah my Friend I wish you had in these enumerated all the Difficulties I find I should then have hopes of success For I might presume she being a Lady of incomparable Sence and Judgment and no Bigott would be perswaded of this Truth That one Wife was no more than Custom and national Law and not of force enough to make the Embraces of a married man criminal in the face of Heaven whose Laws are not subservient to those of Men besides a Thousand Arguments more to that purpose As for my Modesty I confess 't is a great fault in Love but BELVIDERA strikes such an Awe into me that I love her with such a profound Veneraâ—ion that I fear it approaches too near Idolatry But yet I have often heard the charming Angel condemn the forward confidence of one that admir'd her for ah there 's none that sees her but must do so wheree'er she passes the dazled Throng stand still and gaze as if she were something more than mortal and when I have told her Impudence was the way to gain the Pair she has my Friend she has declar'd that ne'r should take with her Lastly Poverty would never harm my dear Pretence for she 's not made of vulgar Mould her Soul is charming as her Body BELVIDERA has Wit my Friend but not the flashy noise tattling Wit of Coquets which dwells on Sounds and Words no she has solid Parts knows Nature knows Reason and builds not her Judgment of things on vulgar Notions or common Practices like the rest of the Sex her Soul 's above the contagion of a mercenary Thought so that if a poor Lover had but Merit she would ne'r oppose the guilt of Fortune to his Happiness Had I therefore Merit to plead I should not despair but alas I have none but Love and ah that every one that sees her may plead without a Lye My Friend you are mistaken in calling her Yielding a Crime kind Heaven makes her yield to convince the erring World that 't is not so for she can do no ill and her Example would be the strongest Argument Prithee if thou wouldst leave Bigottry leave it for good and all and rail not at it in this or that and caress it in another thing It was no Crime when natural Religion rul'd the World till State-Politics and Priest-Craft made it so Thus you see Love has destroy'd all the Difficulties your Friendship rais'd You ask me whether I have ever told her of my Passion I answer No unless my tell-tale Eyes or Sighs have betray'd the Secret for when I 've sate wrap'd up in contemplation of her she has ask'd me what was the cause of my Melancholy I dâ—rst not tell the Truth my Friend but ly'd even to my own Prejudice and hence arises one of the Difficulties greater than you propos'd BELVIDERA has declared she 'l ne'r
confess it tho she lov'd with all the Extreams of Passion nor dare I discover mine tho I love to raving I go once or twice a week for I can't refrain her sight and steal a thousand Looks run ore her wondrous Beauties with my Eye and â—udge of those unseen by what obliging custom lays open to our view Nay in my fond Imagination I commit a pleasing Rape upon her and ah methinks my Friend methinks I am dying on her Snowy panting Bosom till from my sacred Dream her Tongue awakes me Her Voice is Harmony fair BELVIDERA speaks soft as the melting Sighs of Lovers But I am lost in the ravishing Thoughts of her till my Paper denies me to tell thee the greater Obstacle which yet remains and I am glad my Friend I cannot do it lest if my Love should cast my Honour thou shouldst be able to upbraid me I had once done a thing I should not But I will try the common Medicine of unhappy Lovers Absence I have not seen her these many Ages called a fortnight and if 't is possible will not above this fortnight longer These are my present Thoughts but oh I fear the next minute will condemn my Resolution as a Falseness and make me forswear all Thoughts of Cure I am my Friend at least all of me I can call my own Thy poor unfortunate Friend C. G. Whoâ—ver reads this Letter said Winter may easily grant the Writer of it in love Then I 'll declare him a Fool replied Grave that can make so serious â— matter of such a Trifle as woman Ah you know â—ot BELVIDERA said I else with all your Cinic nature you 'd mollifie into that Fool you laugh â—t Right pursu'd Chappel for she is Beauty in all its awful Majesty Features added Brook form'd by the considering hand of Providence And express pursu'd Temple the affability of her nature the severity of her Principles the Iudgment and Charms of her Mind 'T is with regret indeed said Fountain I see Beauty possess'd by a Fool and Wit by a Knave Such a form said Summer would Truth or Wisdom take if they would make themselves visible to human Eyes I know concluded River the writer of this Letter thinks her all this and much more loving her to the extravagance of Romance I know him too constant by Nature secret humble and modest and no Fool. May she not thereby be wedded so much to mistaken Virtue as to prefer a national Chastity unvalu'd in reality by e'ry one to the secret Relief of the most faithful secret and loving of Men. LETTER LXX From a Debauchee that had a mind to lead a penitent Life Directed to Dr. W to be left for him with Mr. T Bookseller at Grays-Inn-Gate London Reverend Dr. Buckingham Iune 1692. I Have follow'd your Advice and now begin to find the benefit of it and to see that ev'n an inveterate habit in Vice is not such an insuperable difficulty but that it may be overcome by Resolution and Prayer My Whoredoms my Adulteries my Drunkenness Swearing and â—ther Vices in which woeful Complication my poor Soul was a long time bury'd carry now another face Those that once seem'd Gallantries and venial Peccadillo's of Youth seem now heinous Sins against the most high God Such wonderful effects have your pious Exhortations had upon the greatest of Sinners I confess indeed with shame and contrition of Heart that I have fall'n back sometimes to my Vomit but never without plentiful Repentance after it was over and firm Resolutions never to be guilty of the like again which I hope I shall now keep and for which I ardently pray to the Lord both day and night and for which I earnestly desire the Concurrence of your good Prayers too who am Your penitent Child in the Lord T. B. I must confess said Chappel I am something incredulous of these wondrous Conversions From that said Brook which nature pleads were not such heiâ—ous Crimes I plead not for Adultery Drunkenness nor swearing But interrupted Temple for a little delicious Fornication I must needs say pursu'd River I can't conceive how that which was once no ill in its self should ever be so afterward I wish said Church he had put his Name at length that I might have seen this Miracle of our Age for so you think assum'd Summer a repenting Debauchee with such an entire flinging off the old Man answer'd Fountain as this Gentleman â—xpresses True pursu'd Winter for Naturam expellas furca licet uâ—que recurret Nature will return tho' you force it back Especially continu'd Grave when back'd with such inveterate Custom This you find concluded I our penitent confesses he found true but the help of such a Guide as his will do Miracles that Doctor is an extraordinary Man he preaches Charity and acts more than he preaches and I can scarce perswade my self to think that Man can be guilty of an ill thing who makes that Virtue his â—arling LETTER LXXI Giving an account of the Resolutions of the Passengers that had like to have been cast away at Sea 'T was directed to Mr. Thomas at his House in Eagle-street near Red-Lion-Square London Dear NED AFter a hard Passage we are arriv'd safe at Harlaem whence I fear I shall never be able to get your Cousin Iack to return again for England not for the love of the place but the fear of the Sea We were so near casting away that all prepar'd themselves for certain Death The Master and Ships-crew giving us for gone the Vessel being leaky the Tempest strong and the Pump broke the general Resolutions of all to lead better Lives were very loud and extraordinary but none was so vehement in their Repentance as Iack and I think none sooner forgot his Resolutions when on shore After we had in rumminging about found a new Sucker for the Pump and by the carefulness of the Sea-men had hopes of Life but not out of fear of Death we all agreed to go to Churchâ— and give thanks to God for our deliverance as soon as we came on shoar tho' instead of the Church the whole Company run to the Tavern to wash their insides as the Sea had their out from whence Iack was soon in pursuit of a Dutch Bona roâ—â— and none remember'd their Resolutions but to laugh at them as the effects of Bigotry and Fear I intend for London again in a Month if I dispatch my business with Min heer Van Stoopsdare I am dear Ned Thy loving Friend Sam. Mercy This shews said Grave how fickle the Converts made by fear are And how extream some Men are added Winter in all their Actions Right pursu'd Church extravagant in their Vows and Resolutions when in danger as well as iâ— their breach of them when safe Because they promise Impossibilities continu'd Summer they perform nothing The old Proverb has a general Truth in 't said Temple when the Devil was sick c. Well may we be said Brook unsincere to Men
Sex is punctually â—â—rning of the Nuns This may also serve for a 〈◊〉 to your self whose Infelicity I would â—â—â—llingly prevent by the example of my own misâ—â—uâ—eâ— as being willing you should meet with 〈◊〉 Content you can wish for at my expences â—hich I desire may be your good hap and so I â—â—nclude remaining c. If the Nuns quoth Chappel were instituted in â—â—tation of the Vestal Virgins it cannot be gainsaid â—ight to keep the Lamp full and to entice ye to the 〈◊〉 either with their Fingers or with any thing 〈◊〉 The Light never to be extinguish'd quoth 〈◊〉 which was preserv'd by them seems appropriated 〈◊〉 these Nuns in their unsatiable desires that are 〈◊〉 to be quenched They ought then to be buried 〈◊〉 replied I like the fornicating Vestals and 〈◊〉 little enough to take away the stench with which 〈◊〉 foul Incontinencies nauseate the present Age. â—nhappy is the Earth quoth Grave where-ever they â—â—uld be enforced to reside so that if they should be 〈◊〉 under ground their insatiable Voraciousness â—ould devour whatever could spring or boâ—rge up from 〈◊〉 They would have proceeded in the due Reproaches and Reproofs of â—omen who in a Profession of Holiness contaminate the Order and the Place when Chappel signified that the Impertinencies of the Fathers were more to be blam'd who by main sorce buried these Virgins in Cloysters Whence it comes to pass that they being coopt up and enflamed with the fire of youthful Lust lay those Contrivances at the scandal of which both past and present Ages stand aghast and which strangely destroy the Reputation both of Families and Nunneries While they were blaming therefore these sort of Violences from which tho' sometimes a good effect may proceed 〈◊〉 rarely becomes durable they ceased to reprove the Women who usually corrupting apparent Goodness through want of discretion most impâ—dently turn the worst of Creatures Vpon this they forbore any farther to aggravate this Misfortune deplorable in the most glorious of Cities where such a Cloyster of Nuns is more to be abhor'd than the ancient Brothel houses and commâ—â— Stews among the ancient Romans ☜ For the three foregoing Letters of this Second Book mark'd LETTER I II III. read LETTER CIII CIV CV LETTER CVI. Against the Vices of the French Court 'T was directed to Mr. Richard Bordfield 〈◊〉 the Three Blackbirds in Fanchurch-street Kind Sir 'T IS necessary to have a Friend to whomâ— man may disclose his own Passion for 〈◊〉 asswaging of his Sorrows so much the more 〈◊〉 by how much the more they lye coopt up in the Breast Which enforces me to trouble your Worship with this Letter to evaporate the Huâ—ors of this Wound wherein my paâ—ns are met by making a relation of 'em to him who will at least be so favourable to me as to have some fellow-feeling of my Sufferings I am at the French Court and that 's sufficient to let you understand the Hell that entertains me and the Devils that torment me I am within those narrow Enclosures where the most doleful Vexations triumph protected by the Authority of great persons who there support 'em to the cost of those unfortunate Persons that serve ' em Good God! when I reflect upon my being in a place where Gold hanging down from the magnificent Ceilings threatens death with the Fall of it I well perceive after what manner more splendid Grandeurs are the Landmarks of miserable Precipices That Splendor of which another fond believes he has found a Sun is a Lamp that terrifies denoting the nearness of approaching Thunder In short all that which otherwise contributes to the pomp of an extraordinary Felicity being enchanted within the circle of Figur'd Majesty is transform'd into the essential cause of all Misfortunes Unhappy he who is misled into the Society of Men who are enforc'd by Necessity to employ themselves in Wickedness imbrew'd with every other the most malignant Qualities to corrupt all People that live near them It may be said that he enters into a School of Frauds and Treachery which they the rather learn because they see 'em in part more lamentably practis'd upon their own Fortunes Perfidious Obligation which too severely tyrannizes over a rational mind compell'd to act against Humanity unless it would be worse us'd by Brutes A Truth too much to be deplor'd yet which a multitude of Examples preserves from being condemn'd for a Falshood while persons sublime in Virtue or in Merit are seen ready to starve and evil entreated at this Court where Beasts are cramm'd with plentiful Tables and environ'd with numerous Attendants Buffoons Flatterers and other vicious Persons worse than Beasts are treated after such a manner that their Prosperity is envied whereas otherwise their Torments might occasion Terrouâ— How deservedly is this Court resembled to a 〈◊〉 and craggy Mountain to the top of which there is no ascending but by narrow windings and by-ways while private Villanies are the only Path which leads men to the desired station of Great mens â—â—vour Both the crooked Turnings of various Chaâ—ces and Revolutions of Fortune made smooth and level by Adulation Men make it their business 〈◊〉 to comply with anothers Will more especially if they find they must be forc'd to lay aside their pitiful Cringes and sordid Condescentions whiâ—h are easily avoided by those that see themselves traâ—pled under foot by too much contempt Sometimes the necessity of screwing a mans self into the Affection of a private person who being a greâ—â— Prince's Favurite with a disdainful loftiness stands so stifly upright that you may sooner reach thâ— Sky with your Fingers 〈◊〉 obtain a courteâ—â—â— glance from his disdainful Worship and indeed unless you will condescend to lick their Feet 't is impossible to avoid the being trampled under 〈◊〉 by the most sordid here A Courtier may think his Exaltation may resemble the ascent of 〈◊〉 which is easily blown away but on the other side accompanied with the necessary consequence of Fire which burns and consumes How many hardships must a poor Creature undergo who â—â—solves to attempt the raising of his Fortunes by 〈◊〉 Parasice Fidler Lame and sometimes Baboon or Mongrel Curr He must of necessity stand like a Statue all the day long in an Antichamber or move in the Train like an Ox under the Yoke which draggs the Chariot where the Pride of the Grandee sits complemented on every side He must be the Butt of the Affronts of him that â—eeps him down or of the Buffooneries of him that pretends to make his Lord merry with the Scoffs and Frumps which he puts upon him In short the life of a Courtier in France requires a Soul without rational Spirits a Heart depriv'd of Sence or at least feigning to have no feeling of the Stings of malicious Revilers and taunting Scuâ—rility of Busâ—oons and of the slaughter which envious Mallgners make of the Reputation of Men if it step there If a man's applying himself to such an Exercise
me approach'd at what time the â—ady being become the Prey of Sheep the good Man came down without his Doublet but laden with Arms to counterpoize the Weight of his Fear He obey'd my Orders by repairing to the place appointed with a promise not to budge till I came to relieve him No sooner was he gone to his â—'ost buâ— away went I with a dark Lanthorn in my hand enter'd the Chamber and so pass'd into the Bed where his Lady was and robb'd him of all that could enrich me with content not caring whither Fidelity were injur'd or Frieâ—dship violated In the height of Enjoyments transported beyond my self I let slip an Ay me an expressive Note of extraordinary pleasure that discover'd my Thievery The Lady was soon sensible of the difference of my Voice which I conceal'd before either by my silence or falsifying the Tone of it in short Accents Which now being let loose to their natural Tone discover'd that I was not her Husband at first she began to cry out as if she had been betray'd making a heavy Stir according to the Custom of her Sex not able to satisfy their Anger or Revenge by force I leapt out of the Bed and putting my self full in the Light I offer'd my Life to attone her fury I held the Lanthorn in one hand and my Dagger in the other with the point turn'd upon my breast showing my resolution to strike if she refus'd me her Compassion For certain said I this Dagger shall pierce my Heart if my Death will be a greater satisfaction to ye than my Love Then Lady make use of your Prudence and make it noâ— your glory to publish your Failings in your Revenge of my Affection The House is full of my own Souldiers from whose fury you must expect the Slaughter of all that oppose my escape which I value not however as being content to fall a Victim to your Divinity if you think your self injur'd by him that adores you So saying I made as if I would give my self the fatal Stab when she stretching forth her hand Hold said she dear Friend since it behoves me not to carry it to height of Cruelty the Dissimulation of that Anger which we Women pretend against those that enjoy us by steaâ—â—h The Lady by means of these so kind and winning Tendernesses being become more dear to me then before I embrac'd her with an excess of Kindness and to satisfie her Curiosity I related to her the whole manner of my contrivance and gave her an accompt of the Stratagem that I had practic'd at my Country-house Our further Discourses were interrupted by a Noise occasion'd by the Motion of armed Men. For that certain Persons coming to the little Door in the Garden suppos'd to be Thieves put the Guard in an uproar And this gave credit to all my Fictims while the Husband thought them to have been the Thieves that were come to rob him of his Perian Wealth And I forsook my Beatitude to hasten to his assistance of which there was no need for that the Thieves being frighted at the noise of People stirring ran away of themselves Thus ended the Comedy with this Advantage for me that being become the Good Man's Confident my Conversation was free from all suspicion On the other side the prudent Wife found out a thousand Excuses for opportunities to make me happy in her Company This was the Issue of my Amours of which I willing to give your Worship an Account to gratifie that common Itch of Lovers who are never so well pleas'd with their Thieveries as when they are publickly known Ascribe to my Passion the Tediousness of the Letter and in exchange of Kindness honour me with a proportionable share of your Commands which you will find obey'd with all imaginable Compliance Behold said Fountain the end of Friendship in our Age wherein our most familiar Acquaintance are they alone that chiefly betray our Reputation I oâ—serve said Chappel that the Heart is the Symbol of true Friendship in regard those Creatures mutually assist each other in their swimming over the River whereby is express'd the necessary Condition of true Friends which obligâ—s 'em to reciprocal Assistance of each other in the greatest Dangers But as Coâ—ly well observes There 's fewer Friends on Earth than Kings and so saâ—ing he read the following Letter LETTER CXXIV Upon the Custom of paying Harlots 'T was directed to Mr. Ralf Banford at his House in Uxbridge With Care and Speed Honour'd Sir I Cannot but enlarge upon a Custom which is chiefly observ'd among the great Men of this World This is the Custom I know not by whom Introduc'd of paying Harlots so much to the prejudice of Man and the Superiority of the Masculine Sex constrain'd to pay for that which Woman as his Inferior is oblig'd to give him freely as a Debt due to his Contentments For to what end was Woman made if not to be subservient to our Pleasures Shall he then suffer a Monster to live in the World under his own shape that shall render Manhood contemptible and his chiefest Glories despicable by acting contrary to Reason and Judgment Shall he endure the Insolencies of his Slave to the forming of whom while he gave a Rib he bound her with a Chain of Bondage as being bought with his own Flesh Shall he bend under so great a Misfortune as to have enliven'd Inâ—elicity a living Tyranny and Hell in Epitom all combin'd together in a walking Frame And when he thinks to enjoy those Pleasures in the use of her for which alone she was born must he be forc'd to pay through the Nose for ' em Must a Man be forc'd to humble himself with a paltry Servâ—lâ—ty even to Adoration to be subject to Multâ—plicity of Cares to weary his Mind in the Government of his Passions and turmoil his Body with amorous Fatigues and instead of a Reward for all this shall he forc'd to purchase his Refreshments Good God! how blind is this World and how bewitch'd are unhappy Mortals who are faiâ— to buy their own Misâ—ries and the worst of Curses which they incur in common by conversing with Harlots wasting the choicest of their Substance and consuming their Wealth This was certainly an Aâ—â—ifice of the Devil the deadly Enemy of the Contentments of our Sex among which those of our Lasciviousness being the most desirable he would embitter 'em with the Expence of that which is to us more necessary and grateful Can Men in reason envy the Condition of Brutes and desire that Authority which advances the Masculine Sex above the Female in every individual Creature that whenever his Appetite excites him has the Gratification of it without bargaining to pay for his Pleasures A poor Lover shall be worst us'd than a Dog and if he have no Money shall be depriv'd of those Pleasures that are not refus'd to a Beast Acâ—uâ—sâ—d Custom in Conformity to which the amorous Dance is regulated and govern'd by the